How The Hell?!

I slowly opened my eyes and decided to look around. Where was my dog? My phone was gone, and I was covered in dust. I quickly jumped up and tried to take notice of my surroundings. I noticed I was up on a hill in a patch of dirt next to an apple tree. This can’t be it. I thought. I looked around some more, and, lo and behold, there was Ponyville. “P-Ponyville?! What the fuck?!” I shouted to nobody— nopony but myself. When I looked down, I had realized I was hovering... somehow. Before I could inspect the situation any further, I fell. “Ouch!” I exclaimed. “Wings. Okay.” I stood up again and decided I’d try and see what... other features I had acquired. Then, I started chasing my tail. “Fucking... come... on!” I fell again. “FUCK!” I shouted.

“A-A changeling?!” A familiar voice shouted. “I’ve gotta warn somepony!” I looked up to see a scaly purple tail disappearing into the distance. From curiosity, I galloped after him, or so, I tried. A few hoofsteps after him, and I fell. Again.

“Fuck! C-Come back! I need help!” As he turned around, I quickly realized what he said. A changeling? I stood up.

“So... you’re not evil?” He took a step toward me.

“No. Why the hell would you think that?” I tilted my head, looking at him curiously.

“You’re an unreformed changeling. I thought we would need to try and get you to reform, or... something.” He paused. “You also curse a lot.”

“Wait a second...” I realized something. “You're Spike!” My wings started to buzz as I ascended in an excitement induced hover. “Hold on—“ I dropped to the ground once again. “So, lemme get this straight... you’re saying I’m a changeling?” I opened my mouth and flicked my tongue a little in attempt to taste his emotions like they’d always talk about in the fanfics. I was sent straight into a coughing fit soon after. My mouth was instantly sent into a wave of new flavors I’d never tasted before. Or had been prepared to taste. I propelled myself back with my wings; Something new I hadn’t learned to do before. “Agh!” I sputtered.

“What?”

“Dude!” I hissed. “You’re either confused, or just have some serious fuckin’ issues!” Spike stepped back in even more confusion singed by some offense taken by my half insult.

“Okay,” He rolled his eyes. “If you’re confused, I could probably show you around if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh, I know my way around here. Trust me.”

“Alright, look, man.” I started. “I’m something that’s called a Brony.” I explained as we walked. We were on our way to the school of Friendship, which was the location where the “tour” was going to end.

“A Brony?”

“Yep. And you know what? You’re in luck.”

“Why?”

“Because, to everyone else, you’re utterly useless, but—“

“Hey! Wait- I just met you. How in Equestria do you know about—“

“Season four, episode six.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” I replied. We entered the school, which was empty, surprisingly. I wondered for a while why, but I just gave up and assumed that the School of Friendship wasn't always running as regularly as it was displayed on the show. I stopped for a moment and raised my hoof for suggestion that we should probably just skip the tour, but before I could speak, a much more familiar voice called from afar.

"Spike!" She called, trotting over. The very usual lavender alicorn stood in front of us, apparently not noticing an unreformed changeling right in front of her. "Why'd you leave without telling me? I needed some help teaching the students and-" She stopped to stare at me. "Spike, who is this? Are they like Thorax, or more like Pharynx?" She proceeded to look me up and down in inspection.

"I'm can tell you I'm a lot like..." I paused. "I'm nice." I offered out my hoof in attempt to shake hers. "I'm..." Maybe I should use my account name instead? "I'm Nitro. Nitro Shake."

"Nitro Shake? Is that a changeling name?" She tilted her head and put a hoof to her chin. We were both silent. This one had to have been Twilight, I thought.

"Well, for me it is. Listen, I've got a lot of explaining to do. Remember how you got trapped in the human world?"

"Ye- Wait, how do you know about that?" She gasped. "D-Did you sneak in after me!?"

"No! Nonononono! I just..." I sighed. "It's the other way around, actually. I- " I stopped for a second to clear my thoughts. "You know what? Never mind." Twilight continued to look at me confusedly.

"I swear, he knows everything. It's like he's been stalking us." Spike deadpanned, rolling his eyes. I looked around nervously and tried to disregard the fact that's basically what I've been doing for nine years. Eight years. I guessed they weren't at that plot point yet.

"Okay. I'm not so sure about that last part, 'Nitro,'" I was a little offended when she used her hooves as air quotation marks, but, if I were really an unreformed changeling, I couldn't blame her. "But, no worries. I'm sure you're as pleasant as you say you are, but I at least think you should enroll in this school first to see if you can reform. we don't want all the love here driving you nuts over the years."

I take it back. When I post this story, I'm exposing Twilight. She's canceled. "Weeeell, uh, I think I should be go--" I turned around quickly, but Twilight already caught me with her stupid magical aura. Boy, this is gonna be a fun ride.

Later on, I was settled in my dorm. Nice and cozy. I whispered to myself. I was hunkered down in the comfort of my bed reading a book. After signing all of my paperwork, there was just one more thing I wanted to do in this school; meet the Young Six. I turned a page in my book with my magic. It took me a while to get a hang of that. Either way, I knew I was going to have to check in on my ‘chirren.’ After all, I couldn’t spend all my time watching the pirated episodes just to see them. I began to wonder to myself. I wonder if Smolder and Ocellus show any intimacy toward each other? After all, they don’t get a lot of moments in the show.

I continued to read, the chitin on my body being slowly grazed by the wind emitting from an open window. Wait, so, if I were a changeling, what did I look like? I jumped up from my bed and proceeded to frantically search for a mirror. When I stumbled upon one on the wall, I started to take a look. My chitin was black, and I had mint green eyes. My ‘mane’ was a deep shade of green, and my transparent wings were green, also. My tail was green as well, and as for my hair, I had sort of a buzz cut with spiky fins protruding from my horn to the start of my neck. That was new. I was wearing a green hoodie with the words "SAB" printed on it in magenta. A black shirt was underneath, and I could see a fraction of a small orange ball with a little star on it. I wondered if they had any mangas in this world. After all, I couldn't look at my favorite ships here. No phones.

I stopped for a second. A shit-eating grin suddenly emerged on my face as I sat down and rubbed my hooves together. "Wait. Ships." So what, I couldn't get a third person view on my favorite ships? I had a front row seat! Now, the only thing left to do was slowly nudge them in the right direction. "Uh..." No love potions! I thought. Although, that would make a pretty interesting episode.