How The Hell?!

I sat in front of Ocellus in the booth, tearing down the fifteenth burger I had that first thirty minutes. The ponies that came and took my order were a little frightened that I asked for beef, probably never hearing of a carnivorous changeling before. Ocellus, giving off the same type of uneasiness just sat there, looking at me as I ripped through the layered beef sandwich.

"Wow, you, um.... seem really hungry," She said, giggling a little. I could tell she was clearly trying to break the ice, mostly because each bite I took, I had to breathe in super intensely. Her nervousness tasted sweet, yet, weird at the same time. I never liked that taste. It was like... sour blueberries. "-So I see you and Smolder get along well. I actually think you're the only one that could get her to read something." She continued in a genuine laugh. I looked up at her, the ground beef's seasoning staining the area around my mouth.

Ocellus giggled once more, levitating a napkin and wiping the spices off my snout. My face reddened a little, and so did hers, but I could tell she wasn't as uneasy around me now as she was earlier. Maybe seeing me dork around food like that made her feel a little more comfortable around me. I put down the burger. "Uh- You mean mangas? Those are-- well, I suppose I could just explain it," I started, sporting my usual goofy ass smile and looking in the other direction. Ocellus giggled once more at my dumb antics, letting her head rest in her hooves as I proceeded to explain how geeky I was for anime.

Little did I know, then and there, someone was sitting across the table from us; Smolder and Gallus. Smolder was sporting a not-so-subtle pair of binoculars, angrily stalking me from afar. Did I know this was gonna end up like this? Not really. I mean, I wanted her to get angry, but like; in a good way. Turns out, she was just flat out stalking us as we talked. I mean, that sounds like a standard love story to me, I look good in any form of dynamic character. In this case, I guess I was the antagonist. Like, when shit hits the fan in shows and there's a new, charming character that makes a possible love interest to the protagonist's crush. That's a good shipper story, if I've ever really analyzed it up close.

Anyway, I'm writing this in the aftermath of what happened, but I'll wait till the end and let you guess if things went alright between the two. Firstly, yeah, Smolder was stalking me from the other table with Gallus trying to negotiate with her and talk her out of the shit storm she was about to start.

"Wait, isn't this kid your friend," he asked, waving a curious claw around in emphasis. Smolder shot a glare at him the first time she looked back. Yep. Gallus was no match for her right now.

"He was, until he did something to me." Gallus was now beyond confused. By now he was probably wondering what I did to her, scrunching up his face in confusion. Smolder was quick to clear up that part before things got weird. Real fast.
"Just to be clear, he did not fuck me. I'm not that kind of gal." She smiled, putting a claw on her chest with smug elegance, something that made Gallus almost barf in his mouth as he rolled his eyes. Smolder frowned. "Can it."

"Okay, so, is this the thing where you stalk a dude because he's hanging out with another girl?"

"Gallus," Smolder deadpanned, taking the binoculars from her eyes.

"What?"

"That's exactly what this is."

"Are you doing this for Ocellus, or against her?"

"For her. There's something going on between us that you wouldn't understand." Smolder continued, getting annoyed with Gallus' short ended interrogation. The cat-birb pressed on. At this point here, I was beyond gushing about technology now, and Ocellus was halfway interested. She would've been wholly interested, of course, had she known what actual non Equestrian technology looked like. Smolder growled as she saw me keep on. "So, we've made out a couple times before because he was all hungry and shit, so, I shared a little love with him. Just like I do with Ocellus in case she gets hungry."

Gallus' ears perked up as he then turned to Smolder, eyes wider than my mouth when I took a bite out of two stacked burgers. No, for real, Ocellus watched me while I rambled. "Wait, you and Ocellus made out before?!" He almost shouted. Smolder quickly slapped a had over his beak, Gallus, in turn, slapping his claws over her hands, which covered his beak.

Me, in the middle of my lecture, heard Gallus and his shouting, and, smirked with a smug grin.

"Gastro? You stopped. Is something wrong?" I turned to Ocellus, who had her head, which was still in her hooves, cocked, and a brow arched. I simply smiled and said,

"Yeah. I gotta go get some fresh air. I need to walk all this beef off, honestly." I stood up from the booth, and Ocellus smiled.

"Alright, you. Don't get too warmed up; I actually wanna walk when we leave here," She giggled, waving at me as I proceeded to trot on out of sight and earshot.

As I began to stroll over to their table, Smolder looked at me with wide, angry eyes. I stopped walking as she came into view, frowning worriedly (for my own health) at her expression.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing,” she started, getting up from the table and storming toward me. I quickly panicked internally, trying to find a way to force a response from my throat. Too bad that would only result in me losing my voice. Smolder sure fired up quickly, though. "You know I like Ocellus, so what the fuck!?"

"I-I panicked!" I was currently trying to ignore the fact that Smolder was trying to strangle me. Too bad my fat ass neck was too big for her to grab. I guess.

"You didn't look like you were panicking! All I saw there was a big sack of cocks talking his way into a date with Ocellus!"

"Okay, firstly," I heard a griffin voice himself from behind Smolder. "Turn down the curse boner. There're kids here. Secondly; what? you have a crush on Ocellus? And thirdly of all; how do you know he was trying to do what you're accusing him of?" I looked at him with a grateful smile, but he just glared at me and turn to look at Smolder. The corners of my mouth turned down at that action, and, I felt pretty bad. I know, it was a pretty dick move to try and hook up with Ocellus, but it was for the better. Right?

My stomach rumbled.

"Ah, shit." I lamented, rubbing my stomach. I wasn't paying attention as Gallus was trying to hold Smolder back from completely and utterly demolishing me; if she weren't being held in place my griffin claws and wings. I sighed.

"Yeah, your fat ass would probably just soak up all the love with her and be done." Smolder sneered, causing me to look up.

"Okay, rude. And stop putting extra emphasis on all the words you use. I'm running out of spaces to put the italics!"

That caused Smolder to look confused. “Okay, Gallus. You’re right. Gastro, even though you’re being a massive tool right now, I can’t exactly blame ya.” She smiled warmly at me, and that’s when Gallus finally let her go. My forehead was still hot, and I was a sponge still in those few moments, but I could tell she was starting to warm up to me. Again. Smolder turned to Gallus and tried to explain my actions for me, apparently.

“He’s a hopeless romantic. Like Rarity, but... fatter, and marshmallow... eir.” She deadpanned, looking straight back at me. I scoffed in offense and disbelief, feeling around my waist and chest.

“I-I’m not that fat! I-I’m.... big boned.”

“He’s fat.” Smolder continued as if I hadn’t said anything. I simply rolled my eyes and looked over to Gallus, who had simply blown his bangs from his eyes and walked over to me. My eyes slightly sparked in that one moment. I loved seeing him do that.

Gallus just looked deeply into my eyes, scanning over them like a hawk. Or... an eagle. Quick fun fact; my mom never liked cats, and, I never knew why. I really didn’t. Gallus was the best half-cat I’d ever seen, and, I never thought I’d be saying that before, yet here we are. Here I am.

And, Smolder was right, I was being a huge tool right now, because my mouth hung gaped open as he gazed into my eyes. I shook my head when he smiled at how dopey I looked in the moment, probably no longer questioning if he could trust me or not.

I smiled sheepishly and proceeded to hold out a shaky hoof for him to... shake. I’m so fucking awkward. He simply chuckled at me and shook my hoof, and I practically melted inside at his touch. I knew in that one moment.

I need his love.

Smolder simply chuckled at how hard I was falling for her griffin friend, waving a claw at me from behind. She proceeded to fall about when I didn’t reply or even look in her direction. I was too busy staring into the eyes of my new husba— friend.

Dammit, Gallus!!!

“Gastro? I thought you were outside?”

“Aaaaah!” I let out a girly scream and proceeded to transform into the best inanimate object I could think of. A floor tile, which lay loosely on the floor, clearly not blending in with all the others.
I heard a few giggles and chuckles right before I saw three figures staring down at me.

“Hey, fuck you guys,” I cursed, shapeshifting back into my ‘regular’ changeling self. “And Ocellus?” I asked immediately after as I whipped around to my light blue changeling friend. She jumped back, her wings buzzing and allowing her to basically drift onto the ground. I digressed.

“Let me know before you wanna sneak up on me. I spent all this fucking time trying to get you and Smolder together, and I’m just so stressed I can’t think straight!” Smolder desperately tried to hush me up before Ocellus could realize what I’ve been saying. I still continued despite her clear displays of frantically induced claw waving.

“Based on all this shit I had to pay for?! Don’t even get me started on the huge fucking ship boner I have for you two! And don’t you dare mention this little dragon cunt yelling at me because I was trying to date you to get her jealous,” I scoffed, turning my back to Ocellus, plopping my rump down on the floor and crossing my arms. Smolder gave up, face planting on the floor in front of Ocellus. Gallus gave her a supportive back-pat, but Ocellus just stood there, dumbfounded and red-faced. I still continued.

“And when she told me she had a crush on you from the get go, I thought this’d be pretty easy, but, nooooooooooo! I had to eat fifteen burgers and try and impress you for Smolder to finally do something! My god, these characters are so dense.”

Ocellus blinked. So did I.

Shiiiiiiiiit. Fuck me. Sideways with a fucking paddle.

“S-Smolder...? Y-You have a crush on me?” Ocellus asked. Smolder’s face was buried in the tile, but I could already tell she was blanching. The color nearly drained from her entire body when her name was first mentioned. Ocellus tapped her.

“She does.” I said matter-of-factly. Both her and Gallus glared at me in annoyance, so I just shut my big mouth and watched, tapping my hooves together with glee.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Shut up. Go away.”

“We’re still here, Smolder,” Ocellus said in a light chuckle.

“No you’re not. None of you are. At some point I’m gonna realize this is all a dream and I’m gonna wake up.” All of us except Smolder seemed to all raise a brow collectively. She lifted her head up. “...Right?” I couldn’t help but laugh internally.

“It’s not a dream. You better confess to her now or else you’ll wish it all was a dream.” Gallus’ comment prompted Smolder to stand up with a small frown. She looked at Gallus, and then to Ocellus, where she sighed. Ocellus smiled, her cheeks reddening slightly. I smiled as well, holding myself back from just saying ‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!’ The whole time.

“B-Be my girlfriend.”

“Smoooooooolder~? Use your words,” Gallus sneered, causing Smolder to huff.

“W-Will you be my girlfriend...?”

Aaaaaand, things went pretty smoothly from there. I’ll fill you in on all this fluff tomorrow, where I have enough energy to make any Smocellus fluff. Next, I think I’m gonna take on Gallus *grumbles* and Sandbar.