Gray Rock 2

Gray Rock 2 - Part 4
Journal Entry - 1A+57

I've been recalled to Canterlot. This may be my final entry, as I'm locking up the book and will be accompanying the large guard detachment I saw leaving Canterlot. Yes, I could see it leaving there with the naked eye. I am sorry that Applejack and I never finished what we started. I've got my will complete and a few, last minute messages for people I care about, that I don't want to detail here, although I will detail the question that Twilight received the answer for, what is 6 times 9?

I sit in the air chariot, alone. Balustrade and Clear Brook are within the formation somewhere, whether as guards or not-quite prisoners is a question that hasn't been definitively answered. 'Gray Rock is within the cordon', to prevent me from doing something foolish, or someone else from cheating the ax-pony of her rightful task I don't know.

The guards flying close escort have no words for me after those were spoken. They seemed approving that I sat rather than stood peering over the edge of the chariot rubbernecking, but have no effort or interest in me beyond that.

All I feel is tired, I think, I know I haven't been the googly-eyed brony that people who come to Equestria are supposed to be, but I thought I was escaping.

"You can't run away from yourself," Nightmare explains, "All you can do is stand and face yourself, struggle and come out a better person on the other side."

Yeah, well if I'm going down, I'm going down as me and I'm not taking anypony else, I think as the chariot descends towards a landing pad. Among the huge force of soldiers are Princess Luna and Prince, not Guard Captain, Shining Armor. A smattering of the Wonderbolts Academy trainees are with the Princess, Rainbow among them. None are in Wonderbolt colors, the Wonderbolts themselves are in the armor and regalia of their military branch.

None of them look happy.

Rainbow won't even look at me, I think as Rainbow looks everywhere but at me as the pair of pegasi grease the chariot in, and two others, Spitfire and a unicorn, both in full armor, step up to the exit of the chariot.

In all those fics someone is supposed to say something clever at this point, I consider and feel only emptiness, I can't think of a single thing. Even 'I'm sorry' seems better reserved for when I'm in court.

They walk beside me as Luna leads and a few Guards take up the rear. Rainbow's up with a few more pegasi guards, all grim business and no jokes. I don't see Lightning Dust anywhere, I'm hoping that's part of Rainbow's taciturn change of heart.

I'm familiar with the cell, and can guess why the security is at movie Secret Service levels of paranoia and triple-checking. No one to get me, and no chance I'll off myself early.

Two guards are posted inside the cell, big, hulking Earth Ponies who look like they haven't found anything remotely funny in eons. Outside are two unicorns who give the vibe that while Twilight is stronger, she would never fight as dirty as they. There are at least a dozen other guards as far as I can see. Luna retires without a word as soon as the door closes.

There's being alone, there's being alone in a crowd of people you don't know, and there's being alone with a crowd who know you, and are looking for the tiniest excuse to commit violence. I'll take either of the other two for $500, I think as I settle on the bunk.

"Well, Gray Rock, when you drop a turd in the punchbowl," I say to hear some noise at all, "You don't mess around."

A derisive snort is all I hear from one of my two cellmates.

Morning brings a light breakfast, vegetarian: toast, jam, a cup of sliced fruit and a glass of berry juice. The number of guards on the food nearly exceeds the guards Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have screening their sojourns in the exterior, combined.

Somebody wants me dead, I think as I accept the breakfast and eat it, with the stoic guards staring at me the entire time.

"Go ahead and thank them," Nightmare suggests, "Even though none of them will talk to you, they will relay that to ponies who might appreciate it."

I do as she suggested when I return the tray to the guards who brought it. They don't so much as nod. It's about half an hour before more guards arrive.

"We're taking you before the Royal Court," the guard says, he/she is either a slightly built male or a bulky female, even the jawline doesn't give a clue.

"Are Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook going to be there as well?" I ask, hoping I can apologize to them for getting them into this.

"They'll be joining us," the guard says, as much to the detachment as to me.

We're out of the prison complex when the other two pegasi are added to our cordon, after a few moment of consultation, all three of us are put together with the mobile elements reinforced to range out and above.

"Sorry about the jail cell lad," Balustrade says, "And all of this."

"If we'd known . . . " Clear Brook says and looks ashamed.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing," I say, "If I'd known a little joke would lead to you getting roped in to this." I sigh. "Sorry, sometimes I just do things without thinking about the immediate effects."

"Well, this one was a doozy," Balustrade says, which makes me feel even worse. "Lad, you do and be who you have to be. But a word, go in with your chin up, their Highnesses like it when you stand tall."

So they can hammer you straight in with one shot, I think, and get no witty riposte from Nightmare.

There is one thing I'm going to do, and nopony's going to talk me out of it. I do as Balustrade suggested, head up, eyes front, and ready for whatever punishment shall befall me.

The great doors open, and we are ushered in. Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence are there, as is Prince-Consort Shining Armor and the entire senior diplomatic corps. Discord looks at me, smiles and gives me six thumbs-up in one hand, four in the other and one from his tongue. I honestly don't know if that's good or bad. The herald begins announcing us, and the moment he finishes, I'll have my say.

"Princesses, Prince-Consort, and your Excellencies of the Diplomatic Corps, I take full blame and responsibility for any and all harm my actions have caused. Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook merely acted as exemplary members of the Equestrian military and Equestrian government," I say and ignore the shocked expressions of both my allies, the Herald, and the guard detachment, "Even Nightmare is blameless in this. If there is punishment to be meted out, I beg you, let it fall on me alone."

Princess Celestia looks at me in her most imperiousness, Princess Luna tries but it is no contest. "So, the blame and punishment are yours alone? What of anything else?" she asks.

"I depend on the wisdom and mercy of the Diarchy," I say.

I'm sweating bullets at this point, Princess Celestia is beyond pissed all the way into serene, Princess Luna looks like she is working up as unchallenged champion of the All-Equestria Nail-Eating contest. Even Empress Cadence looks aggrieved, throwing a glance at Princess Celestia as if she had some special torture mandated by my action, and it's implementation had just been thwarted. Even Discord is just staring at me.

I just hope it gets Balustrade and Clear Brook out of the boiling water I just jumped into. Sorry Nightmare, I think, I don't know if they can slice me and not cut you.

"You offered more than any before, even when I could simply take," Nightmare says back, "I will die well, as will you."

It's not something that should make me feel better, but it does.

Journal Entry - 1A+58 (entry delayed)

Fuck my life. I can't even die with dignity correctly. After Celestia started laughing so hard she literally fell off her throne, the guard captain stammered I was being rewarded, not punished. Of course by that time everybody in the throne room except Discord and Luna were laughing their plots off. Discord was too busy crying as if he'd had a religious experience he couldn't explain, and Luna was lamenting the loss of the Diarchs' dignity.

It never occurred to her that Celestia setting me up to unintentionally prank the entire diplomatic corps sends a better message about Equestria's power than being stoic all the time. I'd also entered that in my public journal on the day.

Princess Luna was making the address, as she and I were the only ones not having the occasional giggle bubble up out of nowhere, uncontrolled and unstoppable.

Princess Luna stood at the podium, stern and regal. "In honor of his stellar service to the crown -"

GUFFAW! from several members of the corps, and Shining Armor, broke her train of thought.

Princess Luna glanced at her cue cards and valiantly soldiered on. "For discovering an incredible new means of uncovering changelings."

"Uncovering!" a senior bureaucrat doubled over with laughter. Those around him tittered or howled themselves.

Princess Luna screwed up her expression, set about half the cards aside and continued, "In recognition of his cleverness." She gestured and the drapes over the stained-glass window were pulled aside.

"Now we throw him through it, right?" a griffon general asked, a tear rolling down his cheek, then others laughed at the joke, including me.

Princess Luna looked on the verge of chewing through the lectern when I rescued her by applauding, it was quickly picked up by even the half-sober members of the crowd, including the other Princesses.

Luna took the escape offered. Then shoved me at the lectern.

Okay Luna, payback's a bitch and so are you, I thought, then put on a smile to face the crowd.

"I'd like to say that my actions were calculated, planned and meticulously carried out to exacting standards," I said, "But even I couldn't pull that lie off."

"Pull something else off!" one of the zebras called.

"It's not that kind of show," I said, and the crowd howled.

"The credit goes to your people, who took advantage of the opening I provided. I am glad that the window shows their diligence in capitalizing on that opening."

The stained glass showed me singing and various races confronting surprised changelings. Evidently the weird effect that Blood Upon the Risers had on most of Equestrians' emotional make up sent changelings into fits, making the few that had escaped the post-Wedding sweep, or had snuck back in afterwards, easy pickings. And it had shown up how heavily infiltrated other nations' cities were as the equine minorities sang the songs and revealed the changelings.

Nightmare continued to find my assumption that I was to be punished for what I'd done gut-bustingly hilarious. So did Celestia, Cadence and Shining Armor. Princess Luna and Discord were both appalled in their own way and for their own reasons. Not the least of which was all Celestia had to do was look at me and she'd get a case of the giggles.

Journal Entry - 1A+59 (entry delayed)

I got to spend the night with Celestia. Except she kept laughing. I even threatened to take advantage of her while she slept. Her reaction was to grab me in a bone-crushing hug, with my face between her breasts, and told me 'Do.'

Frankly, I don't know whether doing or not doing would be better so I just wrapped myself around her and slept. Neither one of us let go, and awakening to her bevy of maids who looked like they were staring at a bucket of kittens was extremely disturbing.

Breakfast soured the experience for me, somewhat. PRINCESS Luna was in rare form, and there are times I just have to stick a pin in certain egos.

"Jealous?" I ask.

Princess Luna turns to Twilight's color scheme as she stares at me.

"I bet Celestia would love to snuggle with Luna. If only she could get past Princess Luna," I say, "So she settles for second best and makes the most of it."

The only sound is Celestia munching her toast, then the sound of another piece of toast, Princess Luna's, hitting the table.

"This is my fault?" Princess Luna asks, a soft voice presaging the explosion.

"It's - Princess - Luna's fault," I say, "Ditch that broad and hang out with your sister, like we talked about, remember? Tell her she's got an appointment to get measured for a new stick up her ass while you go have fun. With your sister. Maybe she can teach you how to remove the chains you've forged for yourself. Nightmare ate the last batch, but I bet there are more."

The disinterested toast-munching fills the silence as Princess Luna stares at me with a hopeless fury. It's been more than enough time and she hasn't fulfilled her bargain. So even sending m to Tartarus would be a net loss.

"You do realize you've given Celestia the opportunity to eat your entire breakfast?" I ask.

Luna's head whips around to view her empty plate and the last piece of bacon, set on a piece of toast, disappearing between Celestia's lips.

Celestia glances over at Luna. "I wasn't going to let it go to waste," Celestia says.

"It's still going to waist and poke her in the belly," I whisper to Luna.

Poor girl looks so torn, and Celestia sitting there with a grin that makes me want to do it.

When instead Luna stares into her own lap, both Celestia and I sigh.

"Your loss," Celestia says as she gets up and pokes Luna in the side eliciting a squeak. Then she picks me up around the waist and slings me over her shoulder. "Going to waist, I'll spank you for that."

"Okay," I say happily, but do notice we're taking the servants' corridors back to Celestia's room. There's a modicum of restraint still there, or she wants to give the servants some good gossip, a valuable currency that the servants have that the nobles will pay other valuables for.

It turns out she has a rigorous workout schedule after breakfast, as she's up before sunrise and most nobles crawl out of bed at 9 AM. Spotting for her and bracing her for sit-ups and other exercises is fun, watching her move in her workout routine is also fun and intimate. She's not self-conscious about appearing less than queenly perfect as she's doing the exercises perfectly. She's making herself look good, and be healthy, because it makes her feel good. I guess that's part of why I like her, she doesn't get hung up on being a sparkly princess afraid to not be eternally perfect. She can be a person who can grunt, get sweaty, dirty and not get all bent out of shape. She's also letting me know she knows all about my perversion, and likely Luna's encounter with Nightmare's nightmare.

One of the reasons I hate fashion is that more often than not it's an example of 'look how little I have to work'. Bound feet, long fingernails, and so on make manual labor difficult. Work used to mean outside, so pale skin was prized. Now that work is inside, tanned skin is a sign of beauty. Both indicators that 'I don't have to work', but Celestia does work and I've got a feeling she'd love to work on the Apples' farm, or in a foundry or somewhere. She has no problem being a worker, earning her bread (cake), and doesn't get squeamish about getting dirty.

The aside aside, all that cake goes into muscle. As much as she 'sits' around, she's probably stronger than most of her troopers. And her work out, and the bath afterward were intimate, getting to see her in a different light, more vulnerable and more human.

Journal Entry - 1A+60

Today, or soon, Twilight becomes a Princess. How do I know? I get off the train to a sky that looks like Discord wanted a checkerboard, everypony in town is vaguely pissed off, and Applejack was making a hash of trying to make clothes.

Yep, the Mane 6 got their cutie marks switched, and while Mao Tse Pony had the idea that cutie marks are evil, ignoring muscle memory because your cutie mark says so is just as stupid. I jotted these notes down, and now I'm off to try to rescue the Mane Six before they all commit suicide/destroy somepony else's life's work through ineptitude.

"It isn't really my thing," Rarity says as I practically drag her into the boutique where Applejack is making a hash of designing or even making dresses.

"That cutie mark is a lightning bolt and a rainbow, your sense of style isn't in question, just your application," I reply, as Rarity winces at the mess Applejack in a few hours has generated.

"Yo, Gray Rock, little help?" Applejack says. She isn't bleeding, so she hasn't sewn herself into the costume, but she is trapped inside by her stitching.

"Oh . . . deeeeaar," Rarity says.

"Think of the play of color, think how it'll strike like a thunderbolt," I say, as Rarity almost idly snips one thread, instantly freeing Applejack. "I could've searched for a week and not seen that connection."

"It was obvious to me," Rarity says, and looks around sheepishly, "May I?" She gestures at the store.

"Yes, Applejack and I have to go save Pinkie Pie," I say, and point to Applejack's three diamonds cutie mark, "Despite being a former rock farmer, I bet those apple trees are getting the better of her."

The better part of the day was spent convincing the Mane 5 that their cutie marks could be used to their former employment. Admittedly, Pinkie was the hardest, how does a cut apple translate into jokes? I have no idea, Fluttershy whispered something to Pinkie Pie, who instantly brightened up and started into a comedy routine. Fluttershy and I rescued Rainbow from Angel, who like any non-Pony couldn't understand why a butt tattoo overshadows natural talent.

Finally, I went to consult with that paragon of unintended consequences, Twilight Sparkle.

"Call her Gleaming Shield," Nightmare suggests, "And act like she's Shining Armor, while his sister, Dusk Shine is the Captain of the Royal Guard."

There's always fun to be had around Nightmare, but I had a better plan. Involving a ribbon with an incorrect math formula written on it.

"DISCORD!" I shout as we enter the library, Sparkle nearly hit the roof, which lets me slap the ribbon on her forehead, "I drive you out, I abjure you this container! I order you to abandon this host and proceed forthwith to the nearest convenient parallel dimension!"

Discord appears. "It's not me," he says, "This is all in such bad taste, how could you think I had hand in it?" he says, sniffles and begins bawling. Bawling umbrellas.

I pick up two and use them to shield Sparkle and myself from the rest of the brolley barrage. "So you could distract us while you put your real plan into place," I reply.

The cascade stops, Discord glares at me and vanishes with a snap.

From behind comes, "Like I'd have a plan!" And Discord is gone again.

I look at the collection of the Elements arrayed in library's main room, then at Twilight, who has found the mistake in the formula and wants to correct it. "You did some critical experiment in here, didn't you?" I ask.

Twilight goes from confused, to smug, to horrified faster than I can write this.

"Star Swirl's spell!" Twilight exclaims.

"I really need to get you an expert on lab safety," I say, "At least it explains why guns don't exist in this word."

"Guns?" Twilight asks.

"Standing on the edge of a crater that spans half way to Canterlot, there being a plaque that reads, 'In the former town of Ponyville, here is where Twilight Sparkle, beloved student of Princess Celestia developed gunpowder, her last communication with her beloved mentor was, 'Dear Princess Celestia, I'm so excited!' the message ended at that point and the subsequent blast killed everything for 20 miles in all directions. The basin was flooded in a vain attempt to control the fires which can still be seen at the bottom of the deepest lake in Equestria to this day.'"

"I'm not that bad," Twilight grumpily said.

"To keep that true, I'm not telling you about gunpowder," I say, "How soon will you be ready with the counterspell and should I round up the others?"

"A couple of hours, so bring them by after lunch," Twilight says.

"Will do," I say as Twilight starts looking at the scroll, and a number of books. "TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" I bark, causing her to jump and nearly hit her head on the ceiling. "Get those things out of here first!" I say and point to the Elements.

She grins sheepishly and collects the Elements' display cases and moves them out of the main room.

Yes, Twilight managed to undo her Cutie Mark exchanging spell, yes she got dimension blasted into nothingness, and yes she will return as an alicorn.

"We blew her up!" Rainbow screams as she sifts through the scorched bits on the floor, "We blew her up! We were trying to help and we just blew her up! Why? Why? Did we have to kill her to get our Cutie Marks back?"

"Much as I'd love to see this hysteria play out," Nightmare says, "There's a dimensional anomaly at the center of that space."

"Rainbow pull back, there's a hole to another dimension at the center of that!" I shout over the wailing pegasus, "Fluttershy NO!" Before I can catch any of them, they all leap into the hole and vanish.

I frown as the realization forms. "You two do realize we're going to have at least one new alicorn, possible six," I say.

"How did you know I was here?" Discord asks.

"When you said you had no plan," I say as I confront Discord, "I knew you had a plan, and tripling the number of Alicorns would be just your game. And Nightmare quit gloating, I knew you had a hand in this as well."

"I intended for you to leap through and become an Alicorn," Nightmare says, "Then you'd have the power you need to adjust things."

"I'm adjusting things just fine without that," I say, figuring Discord can hear Nightmare, "And being almost immune to magic is a bigger power than flashy world-altering stuff I wouldn't be able to control."

"So, Twilight, or all of them?" Discord says as he rotates the blackboard that hadn't been there a moment ago and displays the odds. One-to-one for just Twilight, 6-to-1 for the entire Mane Six, 10e68-to-1 for Twilight and Gray Rock.

I walk over to Star Swirl's spell on Friendship. "I wonder if I'm as immune to magic as I think."

And I'm alone in the library, until Spike wanders in and facepalms. "I'll get the floor polisher," he says and wanders off.

"Must be nice to have that much faith," Nightmare comments.

"Can you imagine the crap he's been through to not freak out from an explosion of that size?" I ask, "Besides I have a commemorative plaque to design."

Suffice it to say that Celestia received the 'horrifying news' and the request for the plaque with mirth and some seriously sinister trolling of yours truly. Although the latter fell flat because I already knew the score. But I kept up appearances. Somehow the message got to Spike as he didn't freak out at the news of his comrade's untimely demise at the paws of Discord. No one will tell me how he figured it out, but he got it immediately as was soon egging me on.

I don't know if Alicorn Applejack is a thing, or if she'll even return. Who knows what she saw and experienced on transition. Twilight went through alone, the other five squeezed through a smaller hole all at the same time. They're all all right, or Celestia wouldn't have been trolling me, but I don't know her current state.

Journal Entry - 1A+61

Okay, nobody came back, and it is time to get some revenge on Discord and Princess Celestia for the little game they are playing. The Aztecs did so many 'interesting' things, especially their cosmology. It's time to ask a few innocent questions about the sun and the moon of Equestria. Bwahaha!

Yes, this plan is Nightmare approved, to wit, she's in a corner, rocking on her heels, mumbling to herself and singing a little lullaby.

"What have you done!" Princess Luna asks as Discord sits in the corner counting the hairs at the tip of his tail.

Princess Celestia is sitting on her throne staring off into the middle distance, either catatonic or deep in thought. The rest of the court are quietly discussing with each other.

"Bringing ponies together across class and occupation divides," I reply as I indicate several mixed groups clinging to their personal archetypes rather than their societally directed roles. A collection of nobles, guards, servants, foreign dignitaries and suppliants discussing the scholarly aspect. Another group of mixed Equestrians comforting those who'd completely broken down. A third seeing to the needs of those who'd completely shut down, i.e., getting them out of the usual traffic patterns, providing ice packs or smelling salts as required, and generally being care-givers. And the requisite group united in their utter outrage of the Aztec Five Suns question I'd asked Celestia and Discord in front of the entire court.

"You know showing that divisions are illusions and that everyBODY works together when a crisis or problem occurs," I tell Princess Luna.

"If you think you're getting another stained glass window for this, you're hopelessly wrong," Princess Luna says, low enough it was to me and me alone.

"I'll settle for an answer, is the Equestrian sun the first or was there a series of experiments," I ask Princess Luna.

I know intellectually that Princess Celestia can teleport, I'd just never seen it. She is beside Luna and has clamped her hands over Luna's ears before either of us could say more. "It's the first, there's never been another," Princess Celestia says, "Thank you Gray Rock for that wonderful intellectual enterprise, you may go now."

I bow and take the hint to take my leave, with a number of the 'kill him before he comes again' party following me out. Once the doors to the throne room are closed I ask my pursuers, "Have you heard about the tragedy of Darth Sidious?"

The two palace guards at the door might as well have been statues, and the rest of the group have decamped in various ways. All of them exceptionally expeditious. I shrug and leave singing Waltzing Godzilla.

Journal Entry - 1A+62

Yes, ponies have hate sex. I'm back in Canterlot. I'll say no more, cause I can barely move.

Journal Entry - 1A+63

I should clarify the above, Luna is still a virgin, and wanted a complete rundown on the Aztec Five Suns. She then hugged me, apologized and ran off. She cried in her room for two hours before firmly, not sternly, not angrily, firmly telling me that Equestria was not, never was and never would be like that. If the Elements of Harmony didn't see to it, she'd make common cause with Discord and Nightmare Moon to see to it.

Note, she'd almost said 'Tree of Harmony', but caught herself.

Second note, no Twilight, or any of the other Mane 6. I am starting to become concerned.

Journal Entry - 1A+64

Still no Mane 6 alicorned or not.

"Fuck!" I say as I look around at all the trolls wrapped in Plunder Vines. "Oh, fuck my life!" I say as I see Fizzle Berrypop, still hornless, trying to escape, but basically mummified in the vines. Her idiot assistant has his mouth wrapped shut and numerous toothmarks all over the vines holding her.

"Troll me will you?" Discord says from behind me.

"This battle would have been EPIC!" I shout at him as he buffs his claws against his chest.

"Yeah, and if you'd woken up, you could have watched, or taken part," Discord says, still grinning and examining his claws, "Too bad none of the sound reached you. Had to keep you safe for dear Celestia." Discord breathes on his claws and gives them another buff.

"You are evil," I say and get a grin in return, he sticks it in my pocket, "Are Celestia and Luna okay?"

He gestures down the hall that still has plunder vines all through it, some stand sentinel, others had wrapped up invaders and held them until the guards could deal with them. I head in that direction at a fast jog, dignity be damned I am checking on someone important.

The pounce from the ruler of Equestria is welcome, her happy chatter dissolves the moment I hug her back and snuggle against her.

"Discord said you were safe, but we hardly believed him," Luna says as she approaches, looking grim. She's bruised and smudged but she seems happy about it. "Discord's little trick blunted their attack, but there was hard fighting nonetheless. 'Let's us prance around feeling heroic'," Luna says and rolls her eyes.

Celestia finally says something intelligible, "I'm glad you're all right."

"Where are the Element Bearers?" I ask, "Are they back, or were they fighting elsewhere?"

Celestia tries to look innocent, but Luna blurts out, "They are learning the vagaries of alicorn status from one who was not born an alicorn. And no, only Twilight Sparkle ascended."

"I'm just glad you're all okay," I say, "Alicorn Applejack not withstanding, if she's an earth pony too, I'm glad she and Pinkie are there to teach her what earth ponies can really do."

Neither Diarch looks happy about that.

"I'm sure Twilight can't learn Pinkie's special talents," I say, "Well, relatively sure. Cadence probably could keep a lid on that, I think."

Celestia's mane doesn't quite do the unravel that Twilight's does, but it's a near thing.

"Oh dear," Luna says and chuckles into her hand.

"You!" Celestia says and hugs me again, lifting me off the ground in the process. I'm not complaining.

Journal Entry - 1A+65

Celestia, or maybe Royalty, is weird. After all the chaos and exertion of the day, which I only arrived to the aftermath of, when Celestia completed her day, she asked to give me a bath and massage. When I asked whether she wanted one herself she responded instantly 'NO!', then apologized. I acceded and while getting a wonderful massage, and a very lazy bath afterwards, she explained she never was allowed to do this, she could never serve others in this way. She could fight, or think, but never wash someone, cuddle them or massage them. Even Luna was afraid for their dignity and the rumor mill, but since I didn't care about those, I could just accept.

I corrected her that I did care, but knew the regular folk would think it wonderful, and the chattering class would want her to be as disconnected and heartless as they. They were afraid of her making them look bad.

I'd never gotten a handjob from a woman bawling her eyes out and trying to wrap herself around me like a constrictor snake. I heartily recommend it in the future. While I was elated at the time, as I sit here I have to wonder just how screwed up Celestia's life is that an alien under sentence of death, from her, is one of the few beings who she can emotionally and physically unload towards. Not her sister, not her student, and not her peers, nobody, just me. I'm beginning to get the feeling our trappings were very different, but the resulting brokenness is the same.

Journal Entry - 1A+67

I slept in yesterday, sue me. If you can't figure out why go fuck yourself I ain't explaining it. And for you grammar Nazis am not is properly contracted to 'ain't', so it was correct, albeit archaic usage, so you can go fuck yourself too.

Okay, after I wrote the above, I took a couple hours and calmed down. Hearing what Celestia was put through in the early days, and during various periods of her life pissed me off. Not just from the similarity, but from the differences. I was the low man on the totem pole with no way to fight back except noninteraction. She was the top and that didn't stop the carping from entitled bastards who she had the right and the means to throw into a volcano for their words and deeds. I found out that while Blueblood is not terribly bright, and often clueless, he often hears about outrageous demands, takes them to their logical extremes, with help from his butler and valet, and proposes them to Celestia in open court.

When the whole court laughs him and his idea out of town, that diffuses the energy. Yes diffuses not defuses, the scheming is still there, but it has to coalesce into a new plan and a new coalition. Blueblood know he's the face of his two schemers, all three are staunch Celestia-partisans, and they let me in on the process. Blueblood is let in at the ending stages because they need an easily-manipulated figurehead who is next in line after the alicorns, but Blueblood really doesn't want the job. So he accidentally blows the whole thing wide open. Equestrian politics. Hell, politics of any sort. They all think they are so clever and the idea will never twist in their hands.

Journal Entry - 1A+68

Applejack and the others returned, Enlightened but unalicorned. Only Twilight is an alicorn, so I collected my 50 bits and continued.

But Applejack took me out to the farthest corner of the farm and asked about my household. She brought Rarity with, so something serious is going on. I told them, the complete and unvarnished truth, and neither of them burst into tears or screamed denials or anything else. I am vaguely suspicious that they looked in on my past when they were in the alicorning chamber, and were verifying both what they saw, and my veracity in communicating it.

They were both pretty shaken and Rarity said she was going to have Spike send the letter to Princess Luna. Considering I never mentioned that to Rarity, and I doubt Applejack did, I think the Enlightenment gave them that information and Rarity wasn't going to say they knew, but wanted me to suspect it.

I have never seen Applejack so nervous and withdrawn.

"Hey," I say softly and watch Applejack flinch, "What's wrong?"

"After all of that, how can you not hate me?" Applejack asks.

"You didn't do it to me, your species didn't do it to me," I explain as I take her hand, "And you, Celestia and Nightmare have helped me deal with it. I'm never going home, not back to them, they are dead to me, but I'm not going to take revenge over something you Equestrians had nothing to do with. And the three of you are immensely different from the people who tortured me for their own amusement."

"So?" she asks as she puts her arms around my shoulders, "Wanna look at clouds?" She pull me atop her as she lays on the grass.

"Just want to enjoy you're back," I tell her as I wrap my arms around her waist.

"How about my front," she says and pulls me up so I pillowing my head on her breasts. She then does a good impression of a Venus Fly Trap as her arms and legs close in.

I settle in to enjoy the feeling. I think I hear Nightmare taking notes, or Twilight, pen scratching on paper sounds the same. I enjoy the sound of her heartbeat and the happy little noises she makes.

I found out later that while Twilight was getting alicorned, the others decided to look into my past, just for informational purposes, not to see what kind of girls I liked. Fluttershy got violently ill, Rainbow got violent, Pinkie started crying, and Applejack reported that Rarity got the scariest, calm expression she'd ever seen. Rarity revealed that she would have been frightened of Applejack's expression if it hadn't mirrored her own. The pair decided to do something about that, beyond rescuing me from Nightmare, as they realized Nightmare was a rescue compared to my previous life.

While it promises to be interesting, I'm actually worried about what Pinkie will do. Her preRainboom trauma was boredom, not abuse like Fluttershy, Rainbow and to a lesser extent Rarity. People tend to assume people are like them, and that's rarely the case. Despite sexual dimorphism among ponies being similar to that among humans, ponies reverse it as mares being the expendable gender. Men had wars and adventures because losing 90% of a village's men would only affect social mores for a generation or two, the same number of kids would be born. Lose 90% of the females and you're looking at a possible extinction. But ponies send out females to more dangerous places than males. Now Celestia and Luna may set the trend, making female heroism a social construct, but they are both extremely long-lived, durable and may be out of their fertile window, so they have nothing genetically to add to the species. The Shining Path was not defeated by the government troops, it was defeated by arming every grandmother in the villages they preyed upon for support. Women with no direct genetic contribution, but a real stake in preserving their genetic legacy, their grandkids. Do not underestimate the power of gun-toting grandmothers who know the terrain. Or the stories of the fates of the tough, young men who fall into their clutches. Read reports of the AmerInds, it wasn't fear of the braves, it was fear of the old squaws that set the experienced mountain men's, traders' and missionaries' hair on end.

I've got to put something like that in the other journal and watch Clear Brook ricochet off the walls of her office. I'm not completely domesticated.

Journal Entry - 1A+69

Applejack evidently shared, an expurgated version I hope, a tale of my previous life. Mac and Bloom are wavering between wary and sympathetic. Granny looks like if she ever caught my household, there'd be a wailing and gnashing of teeth. Me, I had a simpler way to deal with it.

"Now you know why I never mentioned it," I told them as we got the pre-breakfast chores underway, "And why I was happy to be in such an alien land."

"Did they really . . . ?" Bloom started and couldn't finish.

"I don't know, and I don't think you should think about it too much," I told her as I squatted so we were face-to-face, "You've been bullied, now you know you can tell me about it and I'll know how you feel. As for the rest, maybe you can understand why I planned to leave and never look back."

There was an uncomfortable silence among them as they sought words to fill the void.

"Don't change who you are because of this," I told them, "It's over, they can't reach me. I chose to be here, and then you chose to let me stay. What happened made me who I was, but coming here made me who I am. I have had plenty of opportunities to walk away, but I like you, I like the work, and I want to continue."

Granny smiled and urged everyone back to work. We got breakfast served, Applebloom off to school and the tools laid out for the day's work.

There were a few more revelations that day, that the Bearers had let a few people in on the secret history of Gray Rock. Fortunately, Celestia was not among them. She already knew or accepted she couldn't fix it was not the point, she understood I had to heal at my own rate.

I rather hope that none of this revelation comes as a complete surprise to Dr. Clear Brook, or I'll lose a lot of faith in her. In fact I should just ask her point blank, 'is this a surprise or just confirmation of your suspicions'. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Let's just say there was one revelation that shocked and surprised me. One I struggled not to throw back in the petitionary's face. Maybe I have grown up a little.

I was glad neither Mac nor Applejack were there when Luna flew in and landed. I gave her a bow, but 'not on bended knee' was my policy. "Your Highness."

"I fear there has been a misunderstanding between us," Luna said, as she removed her crown and placed it in the bag she was carrying.

"I think we understood each other," I replied, "I just think you didn't know my history. I know the human philosopher who said 'The struggle of forgiving those around you for having your own worst traits.'"

"Hippodomenes, 'The Enlightenment is forgiving others of what you despise in yourself'," Luna said, "I discounted that your anger was in any way justified. But I am not here to spar with you. But I want to know, how do you do it? Keep your anger in check?"

I reined in my first three replies, and managed to keep my tone civil as I answered her question, as she actually wanted to know. "As I've said earlier, ditch that stupid chunk of metal and all the bogus claims to it and about it, and be your sister's sister. Go have fun together, have a friendly contest, heck have a pillow fight or a splash contest in the bath. And if someone raises a stink about your 'dignity', if they work for you cashier them, if they're in the chattering class kick them out of the press briefings and parties, and if they're someone you used to respect apologize."

"Apologize?" she asked.

"I'm sorry your parents failed to raise you right, I'm sorry your congenital stupidity and selfishness precludes you from being able to have fun, and I'm sorry I can't swiftly put you out of your misery," I said, "It's the thought that counts."

Luna started laughing, really laughing, then as quickly as it started, it stopped. "There's another reason I hate you, and it isn't just that Celestia loves you so much, I'm green-eyed about that, but it's a small thing," Luna said, "It's not fair to you and her that I'm so jealous, but I am. I'm jealous that a stripling like you made common cause with Nightmare, and she overwhelmed me in a trice."

"Luna, Nightmare did not exist before your influence, you faced the Nightmare Forces. I had a sentient being to cajole and make common cause with," I told her, "You did far more that you know. You couldn't save yourself, but you saved her, Nightmare. Celestia couldn't save you, but The Element Bearers could. Now you are going to have to save Princess Luna from her darkness, but you're going to have to let Celestia lead the way."

Luna sniffled. "Excuse me, I know you hate to see women cry."

"I hate it when it doesn't mean anything," I said, "And I can tell the difference between happy tears and crocodile tears."

Luna sobbed her heart out on my shoulder. I could tell this wasn't faked or manipulative. I might be harsh, but I was trying to help her, and she'd let everyone else control her interaction with her sister, even in private.

I did tell her to get Discord involved, and Blueblood, after all an insurrection has to have a scapegoat.

Journal Entry - 1A+70

The feather pillow battle of Canterlot has commenced. Luna's guards against Celestia's. The Mane 5 with Luna, Twilight with Celestia. Until at a critical moment they turned on their 'leaders' and took the throne.

Officially it was a freeform wargame, with Princess Cadence and Shining Armor as refs and getting their guards trained. Blueblood was in rare form, chewing scenery, making outlandish threats, leading hopeless charges, and dying honorably defending Princess Celestia from her traitorous student. The guy deserves an award.

What was I doing? Working the popcorn concession with Discord. I wasn't going to take sides.

Note, once Fluttershy realized it was all a game where nopony was supposed to get hurt, she went from Private Pansy to Commander Hurricane Squared. When some soldiers wanted to go home to deal with domestic emergencies, she actually ordered a decimation, that is dividing the army into circles of 10, every 10 soldiers pulled lots, the one losing was killed by the other nine. Of course the dead got to go home to deal with things, so the picking was rigged, but suggesting then insisting on it still shocked everypo -everybody, even Discord.

"Thus be it to traitors to the Lunar Crown!" Fluttershy shouted, then laughed maniacally as everypony who'd needed to go home early trooped off.

Shining Armor's jaw hung open, Discord's eyes were wide while his pupils were tiny. Celestia turned to her own captain and suggested the same, her captain replied quietly that they should just be shot.

Fluttershy laughed maniacally again, "Your weakness shows why you will lose, but you will survive, if it's all right with me." Cue more maniacal laughter. She even managed on ominous thunderclap.

The sound of Discord hitting the floor a piece at a time couldn't quite overshadow the laughter of Commander Fluttershy. Nightmare was in love, I could feel it.

"Oh noes! It's Nightmare Shudder-Fly!" I shrieked.

My answer was more maniacal laughter.

The afterwar debrief had Fluttershy back to normal, but I honestly think that girl reminded everypony that she's so nice, because she chooses to be, not because she has to. The outright fear in the eyes of some of the movers and shakers in Canterlot over this bumpkin cat-lady brought a swiftly hidden grin to the Princesses' faces.

Of course Blueblood took her aside to learn how to do that laugh properly, then kissed her hand. Completely different outcome than his date with Rarity at the Gala. Of course he whispered something to Fluttershy, who giggled and galloped off to share it with Rarity. Whatever it was, it had them in stitches in moments.

Blueblood walked through the hall and out into the garden, practicing the laugh. The soldiers looked on with wry amusement, the hangers on clearly thought he'd finally flipped, and Princess Celestia looked like one poke and she'd burst into a cloud of laughter.

All in all, a good couple days' work. It did point out a few flaws in Canterlot Security, and it introduced me to a new member of my security detail.

"I'm sorry to see you go," I said as I shook Captain Balustrade's hand.

"I'm not 'going' anywhere," the pegasus said, "I'm retiring to Ponyville and setting up a woodworking shop. It's just that I won't be in the official chain of command."

I leaned close. "And Celestia needs a spy to keep an eye on Twilight," I whispered.

The old stallion grinned. "I can neither confirm, nor deny."

"Bingo!" Nightmare said.

Glad to have you back, I thought, After Fluttershy went all Bison-y, I thought you'd be buying Fluttershy pillows and rubbing yourself raw.

"My love for her is a higher, purer thing," Nightmare said and sniffed disdainfully.

Ah, a new host, I thought, and ignored Nightmare's angry muttering, Rarity will be so put out.

"Can't I have both?" Nightmare asked and filled my mind's eye with the image of chibi-Nightmare with big liquid eyes.

The approaching unicorn snapped me back to the here and now. "Soldier Berrypop," I said, "I see I was right about Discord returning horns."

"I didn't fight you, during the, ah . . . " she asked, no longer the aggressive military leader, which was a bit of a shame, I liked that about her.

"No, Discord kept me out of it," I said, "If you'd waited until the plunder vine were cleared, you might have done better."

"Maybe," she said with a touch of the old fire back, "But who knew about them?"

I shrugged.

"I was dreading rooming with Fluttershy," Berrypop said, "Now I think I've got my work cut out for me."

"Penal detail?" I asked.

"Don't you have the Princess and Applejack?" Berrypop asked and smiled.

"Careful, Nightmare may add you to her list of potential hosts," I warned and smiled.

The restored unicorn laughed.

Journal Entry - 1A+71

Advantage with having a math obsessed - colleague. Twilig Snickersnack did the calculation and even barring geranium time, I'm legal. Booze you cretins, booze.

"Negative eight hundred and thirty-seven and a half bottles of beer on the wall negative eight hundred and thirty-seven and a half bottles of beer," I sang, and yes I am very drunk.

"Take one down, pass it around, negative eight hundred and thirty-eight and a half bottles of beer on the wall!" Applejack sang as Celestia, who'd only had a half-bottle since she'd be working in a few hours, guided/carried us through the corridors.

"Negative eight hundred and thirty-eight and a half bottles of beer on the wall negative eight hundred and thirty-eight and a half bottles of beer," I sang, and noted it didn't exactly go tripping off the tongue.

"Take one down, pass it around, negative eight hundred and thirty-nine and a half bottles of beer on the wall!" Applejack sang.

"Wouldn't a negative beer plus a positive beer make an explosion?" Nightmare asked.

"Heresy!" I cried, "Positive beer is all the beer should be, bubbly, sparkly and beer! Neigh - gative beer on the other hoof, is that skunky, warm stuff that, that, that is - "

"The beer you wish you didn't have!" Applejack supplied, "You talkin' outloud to Neighmare, ha ha ha, I see whatcha did there, makes ponies think you're crazy."

"Ha, I am crazy!? I'll have you know that - " I said and staggered up to my foe, "I have the love of the three most desireabable mares on the planet, and the abject hatred of the third which makes foursomes a possibility."

"Three plus one, plus you makes five," Celestia said.

"Which is why you run the entire kingsom, and I run my love life," I explained sagely, "Five of you would kill me."

"You'd die happy though," Applejack said and leaned heavily against Celestia, "And aren't there two of you, I never could see both of you before." She rubbed against Celestia. "Snuggly."

"You know, I just realize realized," I said as I stopped and stood, sageness rolling off of me in waves, "Nightmare isn't your sister, not generically, not spiricully, not actually, not morally, not in any way-ly."

" 'Course Nightmare isn't my sister," Applejack said, "If'n she was, I'd staked her out fer the Timberwolves. No manner which, we'd win."

"Which what?" Celestia asked as she collected me so we could keep walking, because as badly as the floor was rocking I wasn't going to walk across it unaided.

"Which what who?" Applejack asked.

"Which what who why?" I asked.

A swat on the butt to both of us preceded, "Enough of that," Princess Celestia said, "Staking Nightmare for the Timberwolves, 'no manner which'."

"Sometime you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you," Applejack said.

"In Soviet Russia the eat bears you," I replied, "Isn't that how Athena came around?"

"Who's Athena, your grandmother?" Applejack asked.

"Figure out of legend," I said.

"With a legendary figure?" Celestia asked.

"That's Steven Hawkings," I replied, "Or Albert Einstein. One of them figured it all out."

We proceeded through the doorway to Celestia's chambers with Celestia's chuckles accompanying us.

"Bed!" Applejack announced before tackling it and holding it still so I could flop down, beside it

Applejack you had one job, I thought.

" 'S not as snugly as Celestia, why'zaty?" Applejack said, tried to raise off the bed, but it had too tight a grip on her.

A hoof, approximately Applejack-colored appeared and I seized it, carrying out my master plan.

"NO!" Applejack howled as I ran my finger over the center. She pulled the hoof back and me into the bed.

I released her hoof. "Ha, my plan worked!" I exulted, then Applejack tackled me.

"Still not as snugly as Celestia," Applejack, said, "Am I ruined for snuggles forever? Woe is me."

"Very well," Celestia said as she lay down beside us. Applejack abandoned me, but I got my revenge by snuggling Celestia.

"The best revenge is living well," I announced, answered by Applejack's snoring.