You don't sleep, you just dream.

And they are... Unpleasant dreams.

Dying over and over and over again is a foul experience, especially when it felt so real. You remember being shot by lasers; you remember being chopped apart by savages, you remember jumping off cliffs and even once or twice dying of old age. You awake at night, the rain splattering against the window in your room in that hospital, and as always, as tired as when you went to sleep.

You stand shakingly looking out into the courtyard of the -Sigh-Horsepital.
Why it is raining during high summer you could not say. Then again, the weather in this place was hardly natural. Perhaps it was merely scheduled that tonight, it would rain. Perhaps the plants needed water, perhaps they just thought it would be nice. Who could say?

You stare into the night, towards the unblemished moon. It was so large, it was as if it had not merely risen, but swallowed the sun entirely.

The sound of a creaking door snaps you from the moment and your thoughts, and you turn towards the soft light streaming in from the hallway outside your room. In that same doorway stands her.

You can recognise her by just her silhouette. Short, but with both a wing and horn, her head looking down ever so slightly in apparent contrition, or perhaps to charge you.

“Are you here to finish the job?” You ask sarcastically, turning to offer up your chest as target practice to the Mare who, not weeks before, had imprisoned you and had, apparently, a thousand years ago successfully killed you. For once at least, you are dressed, if only in a hospital gown that seems to purposefully not cover your chest.

Luna waits in the doorway.
”I...” She mumbles. She's nervous. She's Afraid.

Of you? You weren't sure.

“Shall I take that as a no?” You ask, more bored than actually curious.

She nods her head and trots inside, closing the door behind her. Once again, the room was now only lit by the light of the moon. For nearly a minute, neither of you say a word, the tension thick enough to tear apart with your bare hands.

“I'd offer a cup of tea or something, but they were afraid I'd pour hot water down my cast,” You joke, mostly to break the silence.

”We do not need tea," She says, finally finding her voice as she moves ever so slightly closer.

“We? Should I expect more of you? I haven't seen your sister for a while, would be nice to check up on how she's..." You ramble, moving back towards the window while never taking your eyes off of her. Your tone might have been sarcastic, blase and jovial, but inside you were ever so slightly terrified of the tiny alicorn.

”We is just me,” She explains, in the moonlight you can see her huff and roll her eyes as she is forced to do so.

“Confusing.”

She stammers briefly, before continuing,
”Her lack of presence is why we have come now," She explains bluntly.

“That's an exceptionally painful way of saying that whole sentence," you point out almost childishly.

She shakes her head, her mane flowing with her.
”First... We're sorry for kicking you. And for the black eye. And for the scar," She gestures to her own face, her hoof moving across her cheek to mirror the scar on your own.

“Time heals all wounds. It's nothing," You reply pointedly.

She doesn't want to accept that answer. You can read it just about on her moonlit face.

You sigh quietly to yourself.
“I mean, thank you. Apology accepted. Sorry for...”

”You have nothing to apologise for," she interrupts.

“Didn't I help trap you on the moon for a thousand years?” You ask somewhat sarcastically, trying to hide your own curiosity and quiet dread at the answer.

”Did you? That is why we are here,” She replies sternly, taking a few steps towards you.

This piques your interest. You move to get closer to her, wincing slightly at the raw bone in your chest. You nearly stumble to the floor, but she rushes forth and lets you use her as a something to lean on for a moment.

A genuine smile plays on your face as you scratch behind her ears and stand on your own.

“Thanks.”

She seems to shiver for a moment before continuing.
”You're... I am here to get you out of here.”

I am?
Also, get me out of here?

“Really?” You ask as you push up slightly and stand up straight, leaving a wobbling hand on her back for support.

She's all business now, her previous expression of contentment gone in a moment.
”We asked our sister how it was that the same beast, the only one of its kind, was here both a thousand years prior and now, and she was unwilling or unable to tell us. This question has been plaguing us since we... Returned. And we've no doubt it has been plaguing you too?”

“That's an understatement," You mumble before speaking up, trying to be cool and collected, non-chalant about it despite your racing heartbeat. "So you're breaking me out of here?”

”Breaking out is a coltish exaggeration, Anonymous," She replies with a roll of her eyes that you cannot see in the darkness. "We shall merely be walking out.”

You shake your head and grin.
“Why hadn't I tried that. Lead the way.”

You gesture towards the door, and the diminutive alicorn nods, trotting towards it.
Trying to follow after her, you cannot help but notice your legs are weak from weeks of bed rest.
You fall forwards, and once again the Princess and Goddess of the moon and night sky rushes beneath you to support your weight.You pat her side as you try to stand up again.
“I may need some help here.”

The two of you walk out of the...
Last time I promise
Sigh
Horsepital

You're leaning pretty heavily on the midnight mare, your feet shuffling against the earth, The stars shine above as you leave through the front door, onto the cobblestone streets of Canterlot.

The rain hasn't stopped though, washing your hair far better than the nurses in the horsepital did. As soothing as the soft sound of rain against stone is, you want something else to hear.
“You know... You don't look like you did in that memory. I mean before you became Nightmare Moon.”

The alicorn you're leaning for support seems to shiver upon hearing that.
”We... We are weak and unready from a thousand years of being trapped within our own head.”

“Trapped within your own head?" You ask. "Are you saying that Nightmare Moon wasn't you?”

”I..." She shakes her head. "We... We were consumed by hatred. By envy.”

“But it was you. It was you that did those things,” You retort carefully, not angrily, but firmly nonetheless.

”No," She states even more firmly. "It was Nightmare Moon.”

“Who is you. Like or not, it was you that tried to bring about Eternal night," You insist.

”Celestia told me, once we came back, that we were possessed by some malevolent presence. While some of its initial actions may have been our fault, it was the beast that took it too far," She replies almost offhandedly. As if her being a malevolent goddess wanting eternal night was merely a slipup, like hitting on a friend's girlfriend while drunk.

You shake your head, thoroughly unconvinced by her, and Celestia's, explanation.

The two of you continue the long walk towards the castle in near silence. The guards at the gate take one look at the two of you and allow you to pass, to enter the great castle.
“How's it been. You know. Adapting to all of this?" You ask, nodding to the guards you passed and then signalling to the grand opulence of the castle foyer.

”It's about as difficult as it must surely be for thee,” She points out.

“Hmm...”

The two of you slowly climb the grand staircase.
”Are thee able to get to your own room?” She ask, her horsey body language making it clear she wishes to end this conversation and return to solitude.

You sigh and shake your head.
“I'm pretty sure I'm going to collapse. I also barely know where it is. Usually, another Butler or maid just leads me to it at the end of the day. This place is a labyrinth.”

”That it is," She says, before It's her turn to sigh. ”Come on then. We hope you can sleep at the foot of a bed.”

“I don't...”

”Don't start," She interrupts with a glare, before nodding to the right of grand staircase.

You shake your head in quiet bemusement and grin as you allow yourself to be dragged through the castle.
“Imagine the gossip if you are seen. What will the papers say?”

”We would imagine congratulations on securing a new mate," She replies drolly with a nonchalant shrug. "Don't get any ideas, I prefer my colts with a fair bit more fur than you.”

Your eyes bulge out, and you try desperately to appear nonchalant.
“The furthest thing from my mind. And believe me, I've got plenty of fur beneath this."

"Yes, I can see your legs," She replies with an almost grin.

Eventually the two of you come across a navy blue door with a moon painted upon it. ”The interior decorators of this castle are fast," She says, gesturing the moon themed wallpaper, furniture and general Feng Shui.

“Yeah, they are. I had a room my size ready for me day one,” You reply offhandedly. She looks at your confused for a moment as you stretch and stop leaning on her, stumbling slightly to your full height. “So. We both want to know how exactly I was there a thousand years ago. How are we to find out?”

You sit down on a chair that is a few sizes too small for you as the alicorn shakes her head clear and readies herself to jump into bed.

”Celestia knows. We both know that. She will not tell either of us, however. She will see thee tomorrow no doubt, and when she is distracted by your presence and return, we will sneak into her room and try and find anything she has written down on the matter.”

“We both will? I can't be in two places at once?” You tease.

She scrunches her nose.
”I. I will break-in. Is that better?”

“It's certainly more clear. But surely anything she has written on that Other me is a thousand years old and even the paper it is written on has decayed to dust. I doubt she is keeping that lying around," You point out.

”That isn't what we are looking for. No doubt your return here and now, after a thousand years, has brought up memories for her. Her current diary or journal should suffice. If she is honest with herself,” She explains, mumbling that last part.

“If she's anything like thou, perhaps we shouldn't hold our breath. And I meant we. Plural.”

”Are thee still annoyed we kicked you? We apologised," She whines.

“You also paralysed and killed me. Future me? Other me? I don't know," You grunt, angrier than you expected.

”Well. As you said Anonymous. That wasn't you.”
Finally, a smile appears on her melancholic face, and you cannot help but return it.

“And as you said. None of that was you. Apparently.”

”There we go,” She whispers.

You raise a crooked eyebrow.
“There we go," You whisper in return, smiling a tired, sad smile in return.

Groaning, you lean back into the small chair, clicking your back as you did so. And you prepare for another night of uncomfortable, dream-filled sleep.

You can barely keep your eyes opened as you sip carefully on camomile tea and nibble on biscuits. Dark rings stay beneath your eyes, and occasionally you have to shake your head to stay awake. For the first time someone else had to dress you, the castle staff now aware you were back, and Celestia eager to catch up for tea in her personal tea room.

”I'm sorry I didn't visit you in horsepital Anonymous. I was quite busy with Luna. But I kept up with your condition,” She explains, offering a look of apology. "I am glad to hear you have recovered well, and see it in the flesh." She nods to your chest, covered in a fine white waistcoat as opposed to your hospital gown.

You shake yourself out of your thoughts and smile softly.
“Don't worry. It was very minor, really. Not even any internal bleeding. I've had worse.”

She flinches ever so slightly with those last words, and your eyes narrow slightly in suspicion.
“How is your sister? After all that unpleasantness?” You ask casually after a sip of tea.

Celestia raises an eyebrow at you.
”I had rather thought you would know. You came back here with her last night?”

Far from pleasant, her tone was almost accusatory. Almost jealous, of all things. This didn't quite sit well with you.
“She just took me back from the hospital. More of a taxi service and apology than a deep conversation between two peers," You explain, trying to look unconcerned while studying her face behind your teacup.

Celestia nods to herself and levitates a small slice of coffee cake, and begins to nibble on it.It was almost cute, but you weren't to be distracted. If Luna was getting information by thievery, you shall by interrogation.

Questioning.
Sure...

You cough to clear your throat and shoot the goddess of the Sun a hopefully charming look, just after scratching the bruise on your chest beneath your shirt and waistcoat.
“You know. Nightmare Moon mentioned something interesting. When she wasn't madly ranting about the stars and all that.”

Celestia gulps, but smiles softly, turning to stare you right in the eyes.
”Did she? The creature that possessed my sister was a mad thing of malice and envy. I doubt you should take anything it might say as fact.”

Nice cover.

“Oh. No doubt.,” You say, gesturing with a slice of devil's food cake before taking a bite of it. It's good stuff. If you weren't dead tired and intensely focused on this conversation you might have said so out loud.You hold up your hand to cover your mouth and begin to speak.
“However. It was weird it bothered to kidnap me. Said it remembered me.”

Celestia glances to her left and right, her expression worried before she sits up slightly straighter and smiles. ”That is strange. Maybe it was watching you from the Moon?”

You smile slightly. An unpleasant smile, which you quickly remove.
“Maybe. But then, and here's the weird thing, she started ranting about it was partly my fault she was up there. I told her that was impossible, that I had only been here three weeks. But she wouldn't hear it.”

Celestia leans forwards and keeps that soft smile on her face, even as you slightly furrow your brow. She lifts her two front hooves up, placing her... Elbows? Whatever, placing her knees on the table.
”Perhaps she was merely confused?" She offers up, sounding as if she was trying to work out the answer to this very question herself, as if she was trying to divine a solution to this curious question. And not, as if she was trying to cover it up. I knew better. "A strange male. You know..."

She pauses. She almost laughs to herself, a sad bitter laugh of some ancient pain. She looks up into your eyes, and as green meets violet, you can read her. There's a certain... Dread in her expression. But also... She wants to speak. Has something she desperately wants to say. "There was a Minotaur back then.”

Now we are getting somewhere.

“A Minotaur?” You ask, trying to sound genuinely confused, but leaning forwards slightly and carefully placing the cake down to listen to her.

”Yes. He was one of the three joint Kings of Labyrinthia, but due to some problems with the inheritance he found himself the ambassador to Equestria at the time," She replies.

“Did he? Well. What did he do?”

Celestia swallows.
”He... At the time, distracted Nightmare Moon long enough for me to use the elements of harmony to banish her to the moon.”

You pick up and eat another bit of cake to hide your grin.
“And thaen?” You ask with your mouth full.

Celestia, surprisingly, doesn't leap at the chance to stop the conversation to tell you off for talking with your mouth full and actually answers the question.

”He... Died. I didn't notice at first. I should have done more. Should have gotten him to a healer. I thought... He asked me to raise the sun. I thought simply because he wanted to see it again. But I know it was so I wouldn't watch him die. Shaking. Cold..." She pauses and looks down. "Alone."

She sounds close to genuine tears, and all thought of grilling the Princess for the truth leaves you as you drop the cake, stand up and move to kneel beside her, patting the Alicorn on the back.

”Thousands of miles from home. He shouldn't have even been there. I could have done it myself," She quietly whispers.

You rub her mane, unable to speak as she pours her heart out to you.

”I heard his last words, even though he tried to hide them," She sniffles. "He said he was afraid. I never forgave myself for putting you there.”

Your eyes bulge as you hear those last words. As Celestia begins to cry softly, your mind repeats those words over and over again. Putting you there. She doesn't seem to have noticed she said that.
“What was his name?” You ask carefully as you continue to pat her back, your hands ever so slightly shaking.

Will she break and admit Anonymous?

"Nergüi. Nergüi the clever they call him now.”

No. She won't.

Had she manipulated historical records to make sure your name was never recorded? That the fact you were no Minotaur, but a man, would never be known?

“And Luna... Nightmare Moon, sorry, thought this Minotaur was me?” You ask.

Celestia looks up. Her eyes are ever so slightly bloodshot. She sniffles after taking a good look at your face.
”She... Must have been confused. There is no resemblance between you and the dead Minotaur on that roof a thousand years ago.”

Strangely, you get the sense she is telling the truth. You sit back down opposite her after a final pat and rub on the back.
“Sorry. For bringing it up I mean.”

Celestia looks torn, wanting to say one thing but forced to say another. You can see the regal mask she wears for her subjects crumbling, but she's desperately trying to hold it together.

You smile wryly, then wince and sigh to yourself.
“We all have to go at some point. As terrified as he may have been to go, he did it to help save the world. That's a better death than most can ask for. I could...”

Stop right there. Do not say 'I could only hope for that kind of death' you fucking moron.

Celestia looks up at you, desperately. Perhaps hopefully.

Fuck it. Speech.

“We're all afraid, you know? Constantly. Every moment of our lives we live in fear of the end. Some can ignore it. For others, it's constant. But in that last moment... There's an unmistakable relief," You explain. You're not quite sure where this is coming from, but you can hardly stop now. “That you've done all you can on this earth. That it's up to others to carry the burden of life and legacy now. That at last, and for the very first time, you are free. And you can just... Let go.”

You place your elbow upon the table and hold your hand up to gesture.
“No more struggle. No more pain. You've done what you can, you gave it your best shot. For good or ill, it's over. The war was lost. The treaty signed. You can go home.”

You reach over and take her hoof into your hand, rubbing it to console her.
“We're all afraid. But so long as we leave something behind. Someone to remember what we were and what we did, we can go into the long dark content. Not happy, nor sad. But content enough.”

For a moment, neither of you say anything.

And you can see, in her expression. Something broke.

”Thank you, Anon.”

It took nearly three hours to get back to Luna's room. Once the floodgates opened Celestia wanted to talk about the people she had lost over the years. Brightsmile, Farseer, Nergüi, so many others you can barely remember. But at last, duty called for the Monarch, and she had to go and be that monarch.

You opened the dark blue door, and sure enough, sitting there on the bed, reading from a book, was the Princess of the Night and Moon.

“Successful raid?” You ask.

She snaps to you, and drags you in by her telekinesis, also shutting the door behind you.
”Anon... I found her journal.”

You smile, barely noticing how she referred to herself.
“Well, that's good. Does it have anything on that Other me from a thousand years ago?”

Luna cautiously and slowly shakes her head no.

“Well? Are you just reading her personal thoughts for the thrill of it?” You ask, a little annoyed if that were the case.

”Anon... What do you know of Brightsmile?” She asks carefully, studying your expression.

The question confuses you.
“That old Butler of Celestia's? Died a few weeks ago? Not much. Why?”

Luna levitates the journal that was previously sat upon her bed.
”Perhaps it's just best you read this. Anonymous... Just prepare yourself.”

That wasn't ominous at all. You don't take the book from her magic grip just yet.

“I need to know what I am in for before I take that. If this is...”

She interrupts you.
”Start on June the First. A month before 'Brightsmile' died. Read up till Yesterday's entry.”

You do not quite understand, nor like, why she said Brightsmile's name like that. But you gingerly take the book from her.

She looks away from you for a moment, chewing on what to say, before turning back to face you.
”Good luck Anonymous. And we are sorry.”

None of this was helping you abate the fear this private journal was causing you.
“Perhaps I shouldn't read the personal diary of one of the Monarchs of the country I'm staying in. That might constitute treason, and she is my boss," you rattle off, lowering the book down.

Luna shakes her head.
”You need to know. If you shall not read it, I shall read it for you.”

You do not want to be chained up on a wall again. Not by her again.
“Fine. I shall see you later. Once I've read this harmless book you will return it to where you found it and that shall be the end of this.”

The Princess of the night did not respond. Merely looking at you sympathetically. The fact that you were getting that look from a mare that had spent one thousand years conscious on the Moon unable to move was unnerving.

You carefully limp out of the room, book beneath your shirt to hide it from any guards, and made your way back to your own room to read it. For good or ill.

You settle into your room, the rain picking up outside. For the last two hours, you had been pacing back and forth, trying to gather the strength to read a simple book.

You tell yourself this is because you know you are breaching someone else's privacy. That your worry is born of the fact you might betray someone's trust.

But you know yourself a bit better than that, at least. You're afraid. Afraid of what the book might entail.
But as you sit at the end of your bed and place your head in your hands, you know that you have no choice. You have to know. There is something larger at work here than merely waking up in a strange fantasy world, and that terrifies you.
Gingerly, you open the book and flick, almost as if guided to it, to the first date of the previous month.

And you begin.

The word of Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, Regent of the Moon, Monarch of Equestria.
Why do you start every month in your diary like that Celly? You hate your titles.
Oh wow, now we are writing to ourselves as well. Great.
Well, perhaps we ought to start.

Today's date is June the First, 1000 PLB
A thousand years since you banished her. A thousand years of regret. But a thousand years to plan for her return and redemption. The pieces are in place. You merely have to wait, and you shall have your sister back!
Right, perhaps we should talk about today's events.

Shining Armor noticed Brightsmile coughing intensely today. While the Stallion merely waved it off, I need to know. He's getting on in years, and... Well, this is the longest time that Brightsmile has ever lived for, at least as far as you know.
Farseer died in his forties hitting that Iceberg.
I had to kill the Beast in the Long Grass in his thirties.
The Wanderer of the Badlands...died in his fifties.
And Nergui died in his mid-forties.
It seems that Brightsmile's do not like to settle down.
Of course, maybe there were Brightsmile's out there that lived long, happy lives. But if there were, you didn't know of them. Anyway, you will try and get a doctor to covertly look at Brightsmile, or maybe he has gone himself.

3rd June
Brightsmile has not gone to the Horsepital. Far from it. He hasn't gone in years. Those pills were merely brought off the black market. He's ditched the sleeping pills he used to need, but still... When he was entertaining his Griffon Ambassador friend you had one of your guards check his room. There was unwashed blood in the basin.
Brightsmile is sick. He needs help.

5th June
Twilight is moving very far in her studies. It will soon be time ~~to kick her out of the nest.~~ Gently push her. That's definitely what I meant. Good dinner today. One of my servants went out for doughnuts and had offered us one.
Brightsmile used to smuggle in snacks during long days at court. He's too old for that now. Hasn't left his room today.

15th June
Sorry I haven't been updating you, diary. My duties, usually suffocating enough, have only increased the closer we get to the summer Sun celebration.
I've had to keep tabs on the other five Harmony candidates. Rarity was planning on making a trip to Manehatten, but I had the train covertly delayed long enough to stop that. She probably wouldn't have missed the celebration itself, but I cannot take any chances.

Speaking of duty, Sunspot spoke up again today. She wants the right to the title of Head of household. Not just the pay, the responsibilities and being the de-facto head anyway.
Not while Brightsmile lives.

You can understand her view though. Brightsmile has not left his room for several days now. From those bringing him food, you do know he is at least getting out of bed and washing himself, but he will apparently spend hours staring across Equestria from that balcony in his room.
Moonbeam even said that he likes to lean a bit too far forward on it.
This has happened before. Brightsmiles' have always heard the call of the abyss. The Wanderer killed himself after all. And The Beast in the Long Grass just did that in a roundabout, awful way.

21st of June
The planning for Brightsmile's eightieth are complete. Invitations have been sent out. He might say that most of his friends are long gone by now, there were several very fast returns to the invites.
Hopefully Brightsmile will appreciate them coming to see him.

The word of Princess Celestia, Princess of the Sun, regent of the Moon, Monarch of Equestria.
Anon is dead.
I know this because when I asked if anyone had seen Anon after our chat in front of Farseer's portrait they looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about.
And of course, the banner was changed to “Brightsmile's 80th!”
Shining Armor found his body on that balcony he always loved. I've seen him tonight. He looked... Content. Perhaps there was no better way for him...

I miss him.

I already do.
Even my own diary, the very words I have written, have changed Anon to Brightsmile. Any mention of the man or human to Stallion. Hands to hooves. Fifty years of writing changed in a moment. What cruel spell is he under, for it to deny even my musings? My only honest words changed.

I shall doubt I will see Anon for a long time. He appeared in Manehatten fifty years ago. He could be anywhere in the wide world now, and while I desperately wish to find him, I have my damned duties. I have to wear this damned crown, I have to rule these...

I should not write angry. It is not good for either of us, is it diary?

Oh. I seemed to have dropped some water on you. Sorry.

My last words to him were “I suppose it's too late for that.”
Damn it.
There was so much I should have told him.
That I knew what he was doing. Where he was going. That we had met before, and hopefully we shall meet again. He was at the end of his life, surely knowing that he will return will not result in another Beast in the Long Grass?

I should have told him I... That I...
Well. If I cannot even admit it to you, diary, what hope have I with him? Even after all this time. Perhaps it has always been too late for it. Like the future's behind us. Like it's always been behind us.

His funeral is next week. But we bury a stranger, not Anon.

July 7th
I cannot believe it. All my woes from the funeral of “Brightsmile” are gone! Twilight, that wonderful Unicorn, found him. Right in her study. Of all the places he could have appeared, it was right back here. Canterlot.

I saw him. It was strange, as it always has been, to see him so young again. Though this has been the greatest difference. Eighty years old Anon and Twenty three. He looks... Confused.

Good, but confused. He mentioned that he fears, or perhaps hopes, this is merely a hallucination.

...I will not tell him the truth. It has only gone wrong in the past for him. The Beast in the Long Grass is proof enough of that. But there are greater worries. Luna will come back to me soon. Soon I shall have my Sister back.

But she may well remember Anon. After all, her last conversation on this earth was with him.
I believe this is the earliest I have met Anon. After all, usually, he is out there in the wider world before his name becomes known enough for me to track him down.

There is a great melancholy around him. A sadness. Hopefully, he shall get over it, as he has before.
He will hopefully settle into his new job fine. And...

Well. Perhaps we can be friends again.
He isn't Brightsmile. He is his own person. They may share a past, but they do not share a future. But it would be nice to talk to him again.

Your hands shake as you close the diary and hold it close to your chest in a death grip. For a few moments, you sit there in complete silence, unable to move, unable to talk. Even to blink.

The rains from yesterday have returned, you blankly notice as you look out of the window of your room, onto the balcony outside.

Brightsmile's room.

You realise that now. You had been given back your own room.

What foul...
Breathe.
Breathe.

You have only just discovered you have been trapped in this place for a thousand years, doomed to die over and over again, to be forgotten by almost everyone. To have all your accomplishments and failings pushed onto someone else.
You've only learnt that there is no way out. Not even death is freedom from this place. You would only return to this place.

Why would you be having a panic attack from that? Why would that piercing sound be ringing in your ear? Why are you crying? Why is your heart beating so fast? Just stop. Throw yourself out and...

No.

You take a deep breathe, centre yourself and try and collect your thoughts, take your mind away from the dark path it was treading down.
You won't give in to the dark. There has to be something you are missing. Something that isn't written here. Hell, Luna might have been fucking with you. Revenge for some version of you...

Someone who only happened to look, act and feel like you.

Sending her to the Moon.

Yes. That must be it.

But to know for sure, you have to learn from the Horse's mouth. As a bolt of lightning splits the sky outside, you stand. Diary in hand.

You run a hand through your hair, steel yourself for the conversation you were going to have with the God Queen of this country, with the woman who knows the answer, the truth, to perhaps your existence.

With that existentially terrifying thought in mind, you stand up, straighten your clothes, and leave your room.

Author's Note

So much for earlier chapters. Caught Covid, so that was fun. But I'm back. Got the last part of Part 1 next, which is going through a pretty big rewrite, then we're onto part 2. Can't wait. Thanks for favouriting this fic while I was ill, it inspired me to pick it up and get back to it.