The awakening was the worst part of it. A horrid sourness in the stomach that refused to relent in its intensity for even a moment, each heartbeat in her chest somehow finding the strength to worm its way up to her brain and pulse with all the fury of a hurricane. Cadance didn’t even want to open her eyes, lest she somehow make the foulness that held upon her bones somehow gain strength and fester like an open wound.

The light coming in from the window was strong. Painful, even, and she held a hand to her eyes to shield herself from the burning brightness. As she returned to the world of the waking things, her senses slowly came to join in and give their usual reports- with little positivity to be found: the body hurt, the room smelled of something foul and definitely human, a vicious weight held to her perfect frame and she didn’t want to bring herself up from wherever she was. In fact, where even was she?

A hand reached out and pressed down. “Dammit, it is the floor,” she muttered, her hand continuing on in its explorations. A pause- something liquid came in contact with the tactile surface of her skin and she brought it back for examination. To say she gagged at the wretched stench would be an understatement, all the reactions she had at the smell begged her to add to the awfulness. Just what had happened last night?

“Sex.” One word and it described everything. Lots and lots and lots of it. Filthy, wonderful, uninhibited, unrelenting, voracious sexuality between her, Twilight, and Velvet. She’d gotten her revenge, alright. Cadance just hadn’t meant to drink that much wine and lose control as she had. It was supposed to be a much more subdued affair, not the magnificent disaster Velvet had endured. It was supposed to be mere humiliation, little else. The whole thing had worked out better than she had hoped.

Sound now reached her injured ears and Cadance winced at the strength in which it came. To rise from the floor was tortuous but necessary, and she set to her feet so as to leave the filthy bedroom in which she had awoken, heading down to the sound or wretched human misery and finding Velvet still in the bathroom, vomiting into a toilet with the ferocity of a waterfall.

“Having fun?” Cadance asked, trying to sound pleasant and confident despite her own personal agonies. She relished the sight of Velvet, the one who had tried to drunkenly molest her, now dwelling in suffering.

Velvet heaved more vomit and knelt there gasping at the end of the toilet, spittle falling down into the bowl as she lay gaping. “Oh for the love of God,” she muttered, “shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up.”

Cadance gave one single, snorting sound of laughter. “I’ll bet you won’t try that on me again, will you?” she crowed, finding enjoyment in Velvet’s suffering. “And don’t you ever try to threaten me again, do you hear?”

Velvet stared at her, eyes wide. Was it disbelief, horror, or confusion that she read so clearly upon her face? Cadance did not have the mental fortitude to tell, nor did the expression last, for Velvet soon gave another wretching gag and turned back to the porcelain bowl, delving deep into its contents for further coating.

“Now where’s Twilight,” Cadance muttered, slowly shuffling through the house with what air of strength she could manage to present. She would not be so foolish as to display weakness, so long as she were still sentient. A small sliver of an emotion she could not name came into play the longer she searched, wondering just what it was that she was feeling. “I think she passed out on the bed last night, so where the hell is she? She’s no veteran to hangovers.”

A thorough examination of the miniscule cabin was enough to show that Twilight was nowhere to be found within its depths, so Cadance went to the door and made her way outside, trying to ignore the putrid heat that permeated the air. Why in heaven’s name would Twilight be out here with the world around her being so miserable to endure?

A figure out on the dock, and one glance was all it took for Cadance to know it was Twilight. A petite frame in the depths of an oversized hoodie as she stared out at the lake, stiff and unmoving like a statue in repose. Cadance decided to make her way down to the young girl and assess her condition. A sense of… something, now. Foreboding? Misgiving?

“Twi?”

Twilight turned around- very, very slowly. Each crane of the neck gave the appearance of pain and her eyes were sunken in a face normally so sweet and demure that now sat hollow and fearful. When she set her gaze on Cadance, the might of her emotions only grew in power. “Hey.” One word, so chock-full of uncertainty.

Cadance wondered if she should be more careful, or more concerning. “Are you OK?”

“I feel awful.” Twilight’s gaze was baleful. “What did I do last night?”

Uh-oh. “We got drunk, Twilight. What do you mean?”

“Did I really have sex with you and my Mom last night? Answer me.”

Shit. This was not going to be a pleasant conversation. “People do stupid shit when they’re drunk. Twilight,” Cadance said in the hopes of being soothing. “Don’t worry about it, no one will remember.”

“Mom remembers. You remember- don’t you?” Twilight challenged. “Oh my god, what is wrong with me? I had sex with my Mom…” Twilight’s memories now confirmed, the young girl looked horrified. “What in the- why would I do that, what would make me want to do that? That’s not normal, even for drunk people, that’s really weird, what did I do..?”

“Twilight, people get drunk and do stuff that they regret-”

“Why do I remember your voice?” Twilight asked, suddenly turning loud. “I remember you saying things about my Mom. You encouraged me to be near her all night long. Did you- oh my god…”

Cadance was now in the realm of the defensive, a place she had no intention of keeping herself. “Twilight, don’t be ridiculous, that’s your imagination playing tricks. You know what you remember.”

“But I don’t!” the young girl cried, only falling further into her own pit of humiliation. “Cadance, did you mean for me to actually have sex with my own Mom?!”

“Oh for God’s sake, Twilight, just because your Mom tried to fuck me doesn’t mean-”

Inhibition of common sense still remained. Foolishness reigned supreme. And the moment the words slipped from her foul lips, Cadance wanted to bite them back and hide them away forever.

Twilight’s face was now pale, white as a sheet. “My Mom… did what?” she whispered.

“Oh shit…” Cadance gave a sigh. “Look, Twilight, your Mom knew about us and blackmailed me the other night, I had to get back at her somehow. It’s not a big deal.” Oh for the love of fuck, shut the hell up!

“You what?” Twilight’s shrieking was enough to split the rocks, now looking at Cadance with eyes unclouded. “You cheated on me and had sex with my Mom and this was your way of getting back at her for it? By making me have sex with MY MOM? Cadance!”

“Twilight, weirder things have happened, some people do it on purpose-”

“CADANCE!” Twilight was now incensed, tears streaming down her face as though the world around her was truly ending. “Cadance, what the fuck?! I love you, how is that the way you treat someone you love? We’re supposed to look out for one another and take care of one another, so we can- you know, later on-”

Cadance snorted. “I never said I loved you, Twilight. I don’t know why you ever thought that was where this was going. It’s been a sex thing through and through, even Rarity knew that, it’s why she’s been calling me for weeks now.”

Another bombshell, this one brought down aware and full of callousness. Cadance felt a shriveling pleasure at the sight of Twilight’s expression, horror delving into feelings and thoughts and passions which held no name but only all the intensity and misery and fullness the world could give them.

“Oh my God- oh my God,” Twilight cried, looking though as she wanted to vomit. “You groomed me, didn’t you? Since I came to Crystal Prep, you’ve been manipulating- that’s what you’ve been doing…”

“Twilight, don’t say stupid shit-”

“SHUT UP!” Twilight cried, rushing forward and giving Cadance such a shove that the older woman was nearly toppled off her feet from the force of the blow. “Get away from me! Go, just go! I don’t ever want to see you again, do you hear me? Go! GO!”

The forcefulness of the young girl’s words were so fierce that Cadance obeyed without hesitation, running back towards the cabin and heading to the car- only to remember she had left her keys inside. A quick stumbling rush through a crashing door and she took whatever she could put her hands on, rushing out to the awaiting vehicle and rushing away from the source of all the madness that she so desperately wanted to leave behind, knowing full well a part of it- or perhaps all of it- would be following with her.

Well, I did mean for us to break up, Cadance thought to herself. Maybe just under better circumstances would have been nice. It could have gone more smoothly.

It was an endless loop of similar thoughts and remarks in her mind for as long as the drive went on, a drifting sensation trying to take place in the absence whenever she let the stream stop its flow. It was almost as though it were an argument to convince rather than a means in which to deal with a sudden end to a relationship that she had actually wanted to end.

The sex was nice, but let’s face it. Twilight wanted something controlled and exclusive, you just wanted a fuck buddy and someone to have fun with. Neither of us really did anything wrong.

An image of Twilight pressed hard against her mother burned bright against the back of her eyes and Cadance gave a small grimace. OK, maybe a little went wrong. But it’s not my fault, I just meant for Velvet to do- I dunno, something stupid and make a fool of herself. I didn’t think she’d actually have sex with her own daughter. Crazy bitch.

The drive through empty country soon became populated by small, clean neighborhoods full of freshly built houses, the sites of expansion and growth of humanity. Small became large, clusters grew to small boroughs and towns and onwards Cadance went until she came at last to her home, drudgingly pushing through the door and tossing her bag onto the floor near the stairwell. A scent, sweet and fresh like spring rain, came to greet her and she took a moment to be filled by its friendly welcome. Twilight’s scented candle she brought here last week. I remember now.

Was it time yet for something to eat? It had been hours since she’d awoken but Cadance had yet to feel the pangs of hunger. Resigning to it, she poured a small glass of wine and turned to her bedroom, polishing off the small drink before turning to a much-needed shower that seemed to soothe at least the physical aches that remained from last night’s maelstrom of emotions and actions. She at first wasn’t certain what made the whole thing feel so unusual, running water against perfect skin helping to fill the void. It was not until she finished and turned instead to the empty bedroom that she realized what strangeness was afflicting her mind: “It’s so quiet.”

She was used to someone being here. Twilight had been an almost daily experience now, whether it be in the form of physical comfort (and that declined the past few weeks) or her simple presence and conversation (half of what she spoke about I never got, honestly) had made Cadance’s home feel like… a home. A place of actual comfort, not just a simple dwelling space.

Cadance pulled a face. She’d spent years like that here, fully alone and still able to think of this place as comfortable. What had changed? Frustrated, she turned to her things and began to unpack- only turning to pause as she saw her phone light up with a notification: a text from Rarity, continuing their conversation. I’m free now. Why not ask her to come over for some fun?

Cadance pondered it before deciding to turn back to her things. She’d respond later. Let things settle for a bit before trying to move forward, right? She could deal with being alone again.

The day came and went, Cadance subscribing all her discomfort to the hangover rather than anything else. After all, it was the easiest solution- and most likely. It was quite easy to have a morose attitude if one’s body was suffering. She would be right as rain come morning, and more than capable of getting back into the swing of things. After all, the school year was swiftly creeping on the horizon. A little more than a month before things would back to normal.

She slept fitfully. Every few hours or so she’d find herself awake in fullness and looking around for something amiss, but unable to find it and would struggle to return to some measure of slumber. It was not until early morning that she found some level of consistency, but all too soon the screeching sound of an alarm clock came into focus and made certain that her poor mood was quite ready to continue. The aches and fatigue, the pulsing in her brain all had evaporated, yet the discomposure remained. Cadance could not quite figure it.

She had an empty day today. It could be used wisely, if she knew how to. After all, she hadn’t originally planned to come back home until Saturday, and here it was only Wednesday. Maybe some exercise would lift her out of the doldrums and get herself some rhythm into a new normality. The gym would be a fine place to be right now.

But even as she tried to get herself into some workout clothes, the enthusiasm for the idea was about as deep as a freshly made puddle. The effort just to change was monumental, only intensifying all the more as she got into her car to travel on. Just looking at the entrance was draining. I don’t want to do this. But she knew it would likely help, so Cadance tried anyway.

At first, all she considered was a walk, a light activity to get her juices flowing. The moment she stepped onto the treadmill was enough to let her mind know that it would not be enough. Something strenuous to really push her was critically needed, make her feel something rather than- than this. It would have to be difficult.

One step. Then another, followed by thousands more as Cadance came to a crawling halt some thirty minutes later, covered in sweat and gasping for air from the exertion. She needed a chance to cool down, both physically and emotionally- for some reason, she thought she might cry. The sweat was thick on her brow, and her usual sleek hair was soaked through. I need a towel. But a quick glance towards the desk and she saw none available, maybe a visit to the bathrooms-

“You- you’re looking for a towel, right?” the voice came through and a small, white hand towel appeared before her on an oustretched hand which was attached to a young man with dark hair and blue eyes, his expression apprehensive.

Cadance looked at the towel, then at the one who offered it. Something familiar, but I don’t know why. “Huh?”

“Oh-! It’s not been, y’know, used or anything. I was about to get started and saw you looking for one, so…”

Now she remembered, though it felt as though ages ago. This young man had disastrously tried to flirt with her in this gym some months back, and had instead finished with an insult. He looked a bit smaller this time around. “What do you want?” she asked, her tone unkind.

“OK, you remember- look, I’m sorry- for what I said, I guess,” he said, more tense than before as he tried to press on with his flustered words. “So I talked about what happened to some of my friends and they said I’d really screwed up and it took a while for me to realize they were right. So- umm, I just wanted to say sorry for what I’d said. It was messed up. So… peace offering?”

Cadance had wanted a towel, her face in need of a good cleaning. Yet what lay offered before he was unattainable, and she refused to put a hand on it. “Keep it,” she said flatly.

“Alright, you’re still mad, I get it,” the young man replied, backing off. “I completely get it, it’s all good. You’ve got the right to be, I’ll just go…”

Cadance turned her back on the apologetic figure before stalking off to the gym entrance and outside into the vicious heat that made the inside of her car broil. Her attitude was stewed, exhaustion and effort having done nothing to help soothe the sensation. She needed something better to rectify this. After a shower, I think.

Even after the warm caress of the water on her skin, she did not change her mind. One quick swipe through the phone to where a bevy of texts, both benign and explicit, had been shared between her and a young fashionista who had been oh so patient in waiting for further pleasure. Cadance felt like the wait had been long enough, and she took to an invitation: I have some free time tonight. You should come join in.

Patience may have been her virtue, for it took some time for a response to come through: Yes, that sounds lovely, darling! I’ll bring my best! Cadance held a small flicker of a smile for only a briefest moment before returning to a more sober expression. It would be a long wait until night came.

Cadance did what she could to keep herself occupied through the rest of the day. Distractions were as best as she could hope to achieve, and more than one check of the time was made- again, and again, and again. The evening sun fell low on the horizon, and a pink and orange sky turned dark with the cover of nightfall. And still Cadance waited.

As the deep of the night began to creep in, a knock on the door came and Cadance quickly rushed to the door to find Rarity awaiting entrance, the beautiful young woman comfortably dressed in a revealing skirt and top. “Evening, darling Cadance,” she said lightly, though her eyes spoke to a hunger that had sat unsated for far too long. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

“Come on in, please,” Cadance said, welcoming her lovely companion into her abode. “I hope it wasn’t too long a wait.”

“Oh, nonsense darling, a lady knows to wait for the proper time!” Rarity said. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever actually come around- all those lovely things I sent, and you never seemed to say much in response.”

“I could only keep myself away for so long,” Cadance said, putting her arms around Rarity’s trim waist and pulling her in close. “Now how about we get down to business?”

“Mm, I couldn’t agree more, darling,” Rarity said, arms wrapping about Cadance’s neck as the two women embraced in a kiss.

One kiss wasn’t enough; one thousand kisses was not enough. The two women were passionate, forceful, Rarity rapturous and Cadance insatiable. The two swiftly moved to the bedroom and the older woman wasted no time, the night of potential romance becoming an intense display of hunger, the sex relentless. Rarity was left giggling delightedly after the first foray, but it was not enough to sate her partner. Cadance could not have enough, and it was not Rarity’s fault for such things. It had to go further.

“Goodness, darling!” Rarity cried after a second, then third, round of lovemaking had come about. “If I’d ever known you’d had such passions in you, why I’d… Twilight certainly hid you too well!”

“Twilight liked the privacy.” Cadance’s voice still remained flat as before. “I never had as much a problem being more open about relationships.”

“Speaking of Twilight,” Rarity said, her eyes glowing, “I do hope she’ll be able to join us sometime soon. The thought of you both with me in such throes of passion would be exquisite.”

“She won’t be coming over. We broke up.”

Rarity’s expression, as well as the light in her gaze, fell to cloud and darkness almost instantly as she realized what role she was now playing. “Is that so,” she remarked, a voice thin as a filament of string.

The night’s sensuous events did not resurface again, silence instead coming to fill the void as the two women began to clean themselves up in relative solitude. Rarity had little to say, and Cadance was of the same mind. It surprised the older woman little that her desirable partner made ready to leave, simply giving a small goodbye and heading to the door- leaving Cadance laying there on her mess of bedsheets and wondering what was really wrong with her.

The hook-up did little to quell her. Cadance couldn’t find satisfaction with her own self as maestro of the act. A quick call to Dazzle wasn’t enough. Cadance went to every outlet she could think of, even making a discreet visit to a very ‘welcoming’ dancer she had once known.

None of it was enough. And still she couldn’t figure out what was wrong. “But I might know someone who might,” she murmured, pulling into the parking lot at Canterlot High and seeing that she would not be alone. She had called Celestia the day before, asking for a quick meeting- “Just as friends,” she had made sure to say. “No need for formality.”

How long had it been since she herself had been here as a student? It was hard to believe that over a decade had passed since Cadance had once walked through the halls. She felt different, in more ways than she was sure she’d really know. It wasn’t just age, the most obvious one to be seen. It was something else entirely, and she was hoping her being here would be what would help solve it.

“Cadance!” The call of welcome was warm and genuine, Celestia’s smile as graceful and pleasant to see as it had been when Cadance had first met her. “Hello, come on in! It’s been too long, I hope summer’s been treating you well.”

“It was for most of it,” Cadance replied, taking a seat across from one of her oldest friends. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

“No, no! Not at all, I’ve got the time. I’m more surprised that you do, actually. Crystal Prep must keep you busy.”

“I’ve been trying my best,” Cadance said. “Just had some things on my mind, I was hoping you might be able to help me out. I’m not really sure where else to turn.”

“Well, I’m all ears. What’s on your mind?” Celestia was the picture of inviting and attentive.

The exact sort of thing that made Cadance feel hesitant about what she was going to say next. “Umm, I’m- I’m a bit unsure of how to ask you this.”

“Well it wouldn’t be the first awkward thing said in this room,” Celestia replied. “Take your shot.”

Cadance mulled it over before finally accepting that there would be no gentle way to say her spiel. “Do you remember,” she said, hesitating, “Uh- do you remember that night? With me, and Luna? And you?”

Cadance knew it wouldn’t be something the older woman would consider a cherished memory, and she watched Celestia’s expression fade from warmth to a stark, cold dread of horrendous recollection. “Oh no…”

“I’m not trying to bring it up to make you feel bad or anything!” Cadance said bracingly. “I- look, I wanted to know if- if you two were still, you know- or how did you manage it?”

“Cadance, stop.” Celestia suddenly looked forceful and the younger woman was struck silent. “Oh my gosh, I… Cadance, Luna and I have really, really tried not to remember any of that. At all. It’s something she and I both don’t like to think about, and we never say anything of it. Our relationship is fixed, it’s a normal and healthy one. We both had our… our issues from the past, and from when we were kids together. It’s something we dealt with.”

“So it’s not something you both-”

“No! Cadance- no, never,” Celestia said, looking at her friend and clearly displeased about the direction of the conversation. “When you dated Luna for those few months, there was a reason you never saw me again. It was just too awkward for us, we were adults and we’d done…” Celestia buried her face in her hands and tried to block the abhorrent memory from the forefront of her mind. “Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? That was over twelve years ago, Cadance.”

“I know, I know, I just…” Now the question she had come to ask in the first place would be even more awkward.

Celestia was more uncomfortable than ever in the wake of Cadance’s silence. “What do you want?”

“Nothing, nothing! Just advice, I swear! So I- I, umm… I started dating a girl a while back. Right before start of summer vacation.” She’s gonna figure this out.

“… OK?” Celestia replied, confused by the sudden statement. “I’m not sure why you’d- ohmygod, I know this person, don’t I? I know it’s not any of my staff, and Luna’s getting married next month-” Celestia’s efforts of deduction continued on until she hit the first major kernel of truth and she looked at Cadance with an expression of utter horror. “Cadance- was this girl one of my students?”

It sounded worse out loud than she had thought it would. “… Yes?”

Celestia looked at Cadance with all the might of gazing upon a ghost, her body slack from the shock of the revelation. “Cadance, are you out of your mind?” she cried, looking back and forth with eyes darting to the door in case anyone was nearby. “Cadance, a student- was she underage-”

“No! No, I swear, she was eighteen when we first hooked up-”

“Oh my god, Cadance- what in heaven, earth, or hell made you think that anything about it was a good idea? And she was still a student?!” Celestia cried. “You slept with a high school student, did it not occur to you that doing such a thing wasn’t a good idea solely on principle? And you work AT A SCHOOL!”

“She wanted me too, it wasn’t some blackmail or anything.”

“Cadance, how are you not getting this?” Celestia asked, utterly flabbergasted. “It doesn’t matter whether or not both of you ‘wanted it,’ if anyone- anyone had known about it, you could easily have lost your job, been branded as- something! Why are you telling me this, what are you both doing now?”

“Nothing, we broke up,” Cadance said hurriedly, “I messed something up and it made me think of you and Luna and-”

“What did you- you know what, the less I know, the less likely I am to report this to somebody,” Celestia said, aghast. “Cadance, I do not know what to tell you. I want to tell you to leave- who was it? That’s the last thing I want to know.”

“… Twilight.”

“Cadance, you thoroughgoing idiot!” Celestia said. “Sweet little Twilight? She adored you- for years, you were her babysitter in college, for God’s sake! How could you take advantage of her like that? Of course she wanted you like that, she thought you were literally perfect!”

“I know! And we’re over, but I’ve just been- I don’t know, dealing with it, I suppose! For like a week now, and it’s driving me crazy,” Cadance said. “I’ve been on edge or something for a while and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to deal with it.”

“Oh, you want my advice? Apologize- and then leave her alone,” Celestia said. “You, out of all people in this world, had the absolute best ability to crush her spirit, and you took that opportunity in the single worst way possible! I cannot believe you right now.”

“It was just a fling! Nothing special, it’s over now. She knew that-”

“And you’re sure about that?” Celestia said, her gaze so wild and piercing that Cadance felt it spear through her and hold her to where she sat. “I didn’t have Twilight for long, but I knew her well. And I thought I knew you.” Her eyes strayed from Cadance’s and drifted slightly upward. “That’s a lot of makeup, Cadance. You must feel like you need it.”

The remark was too close to home, and Cadance made to leave. “So much for help,” she said, the bitterness at the disregard of her old friend leaving her furious.

“I gave you the help you needed- I don’t care about what you wanted. You know what you did- and why,” Celestia said. “And frankly? Unless you- Ugh…” The regal principal gave one last sigh and shook her head. “Cadance, unless you can admit to yourself what you’ve done- really admit it, deep down where it’ll hurt and feel like it’s piercing your soul, and then actually apologize to Twilight in the same… quite frankly, I don’t want to see you again. Am I clear?”

Cadance said nothing and left, burning within as her mind churned from a thousand things of what she could say or do in response.

At first, Cadance was too angry, too betrayed to make a real judgement on the wisdom she had been given. The rest of her day was clouded by the emotions she had felt in response to it, rather than reflecting on the wisdom of it with fair measure. Time had to pass for denial to finally ebb away and some semblance of common sense take its place.

Her first initial thought was little better than her denial: So I let things get out of hand. I got Twilight and Velvet too drunk and they made fools of themselves. I should have eased up or just thought of a different plan.

It seemed satisfactory for a while. Cadance’s mind settled on it with firmness for most of the day and felt little need to explore further. Yet the discomfort remained, a further confession sitting on the tip of her tongue. There was more to be said, and the opening portion of it was wedged in her throat like shards of glass, each word tearing and slicing away so that each minute portion would be all the more painful to expel from her soul.

Ignoring it was her first defense. She continued about her day. Work for the school year was necessary now, and Cadance had allowed herself too much time away from it. Catch-up kept her occupied until at last she went home and was confronted by the emptiness and silence that she had so deeply come to loathe. The shower alone; a small dinner in an empty kitchen. Something to watch with no conversation to add to the fun. The whole thing felt very hollow.

She tried to avoid it, but knew the time was now. Maybe it would be better to say it aloud. “I messed up,” Cadance said at last, and oh so slowly. “I never should have tried to get even with Velvet. She was drunk and wasn’t in her right mind when it had happened. She even apologized. I don’t know what I should have done- but what I did was the wrong thing.”

Close, but still not enough. There was more to be said. “I- I didn’t even mean for them to- I just wanted Velvet to make a fool of herself in front of Twilight or something, I don’t know what I was really thinking! And now Twilight can’t stand me, and I might have ruined her relationship with her mother. And destroyed both of them, and…”

The shame of it had been unbottled, words holding back unwanted feelings burst like a dam breaking and the waterfall began to flow again. The self-denial and arrogance was fading away, allowing the hurt and weakness to be uncovered. She had to continue on, go further and further, even though each new confession would only be worse than the one before it. Cadance couldn’t stop now.

“It wasn’t just that night out at the cabin, was it?” Cadance asked of herself. “Twilight wanted so much more. She’d said time and time again she wanted this to be exclusive, and every time she wanted to bring things back to normal, what had you done? Some wine, some suggestion, and Rarity. A week of pressure, and an escort that made her panic. But so long as you were fine with it…” The whole thing was getting worse. Why had she even done it in the first place? Just like her incident with Velvet, her actions had been a reaction, but to what?

“Because Twilight loved me.” The shame was worse than mere shame. Twilight had actually, genuinely, truly loved her- maybe for years. A love that had been admiration and friendliness had deepened into something else entirely, and Cadance had taken that love and used it for her own benefit. At first, Twilight was enough satisfy her. As soon as she wasn’t? Another person. When Twilight called for exclusivity? A push for an open relationship that would satisfy Cadance’s desires. And when someone had actually figured Cadance out, she’d used Twilight as a weapon of revenge, because any exposure of who she actually was couldn’t be handled.

Each hug, each kiss, each night together had deepened Twilight’s love for her- and not once had Cadance bothered to care. She’d known it was happening, how many times had Twilight told her, “I love you,” to her face? It hadn’t been a secret. And yet she’d used action after action to deepen that affection and keep Twilight almost under a spell. Cadance had wanted something casual for fun. To Twilight? It had never been anything close to casual.

She wasn’t a sociopath. Cadance did care about other people’s feelings… Well, some of the time. She certainly hadn’t here. This wasn’t just guilt, it was something else: regret. Why did she want to take this back so badly? She didn’t want this sort of thing on her shoulders, she wanted a genuine embrace full of warmth and intention, a gentle kiss from soft, demure lips, to look into that sweet face and see the eyes of someone who had actually loved her, and someone she had- had-

“Oh hell,” Cadance whispered. Pain in her eyes and her vision turned cloudy. A stinging sensation from burning humiliation and an emotion she didn’t have the words to name, weight like the strength of an ocean pushing her down to the depths where she couldn’t escape it. Somehow, against her will, despite all her efforts to avoid it, even if it was only a small piece of her… Cadance had actually loved Twilight, too. She’d loved that sweet, lovely girl; innocent, gentle-hearted, so willing to care about someone’s needs and wants in deference to her own. Of course she’d fallen in love with such a person.

Cadance had wanted something casual, and gotten something far deeper in return. Twilight had wanted real love, and had instead been slapped across the face again and again with manipulation and abuse until not even she could do anything to deny it. Cadance had loved Twilight, but… “Obviously not enough. I should have stopped before she’d gone so far, or just- just done something, anything! Anything but what I did. Broke it off early and made it easier, or tried to actually be what she wanted…” Cadance’s tears were truly flowing as the heaviness on her body turned to iron, her limbs weighed down and pulled back from the crushing grip.

And still, with all of the words she had said and pondered, there was still more to say. She needed to know why she had done any of it at all.

It was torture to get off the couch. To leave a place of comfort, to stop weeping for just a few seconds and look with eyes unclouded. On unsteady feet Cadance made her way upstairs, taking to her bedroom and tossing her clothes aside until all she had was her own nakedness to gaze upon in the bathroom mirror, makeup that had been so unnecessary now stained and smeared across her face. She was still beautiful. Few flaws could be found across her smooth skin, a face that glowed naturally. Silken hair, jewels for eyes, a flattering figure and breasts that so perfectly retained their form. She was still young, still beautiful. But she had been afraid, and of what? Of one day waking up in a body that looked so different and finding out that she really had grown old. That all her wild desires and joys and pleasures and passions would be unattainable. A fear of something that, now faced with reality, was something so far away and could easily be dealt with dignity- a fear of a fear, and nothing more.

And she had broken a young girl’s heart to run away from it.

Cadance’s vision blurred yet again and this time the outpouring would not be hindered, she falling to the ground and feeling the cold, unwelcome floor beneath her, with tears running down her face in deference for one who was more worthy of tears than she was.

Author's Note

Well, there it is.

One more chapter, then an epilogue. Not much left to say.