Twilight,

I know you’re probably still angry. And if you are, I don’t blame you. I would be also if I was in your shoes. You’ve been given every right to be. I wouldn’t even blame you if you had already stopped reading by this point-

Cadance looked at the note and took strokes against it, pulling back on the previous sentence. It wasn’t right, too much self-pity. She needed to rectify this and be more honest, if only in the right way.

I hope that, even if you still are angry, that you’ll find it in you to read this and see my apology. Not because of my need to send it, but because I truly wish for you to know that I mean every word. Separation from you has helped clear my mind: I am genuinely, truly sorry for every transgression I made against you, and I wish there were a way for me to take it back. I really do.

My feelings would not be hurt if I don’t hear from you in response to this. It would certainly be understandable. If that is the case, then I hope you and your mother are doing well, and that my actions against both of you have not caused any irreparable damage. May you be well.

Love, Cadance

She stared at the most minute of all the sentences she could have written and pondered if it was the right one to place. Would Twilight believe her after all the abuse she had been put through? Would it be disregarded like yesterday’s trash? It probably deserved to be.

Was it even true? That much Cadance was certain of, so she let it stay, even if the words would be considered reprehensible. She would not be called a liar after all that had been done, even if it meant further damnation upon her. She would come out of this standing tall.

So she pressed Send.

The idea had been bouncing around in the empty portions of her mind for nearly a week now, and this was not the first time she had sat down to write out something to say. The very night she’d finally unraveled it all was her first, but had found the thing too much of a sob-story for it to possibly be taken seriously. Ever since then, it had been a series of attempts that fizzled out before she went far, or one that she knew didn’t fit what needed to be said. Even this one, at last sent off and out of her control, wasn’t one she was fully satisfied with. But it was close enough, and likely as close as she’d get. From here on out, it would be in the hands of Twilight. Cadance hoped her nerves were enough to take whatever response came next, whether it be reasonable, furious, or simple absence of anything at all.

One day passed, and Cadance prepared for the school year soon to come. One week away wasn’t much time to finalize everything, but she had the skills to see it done. Another day passed, and still no word came. Cadance met with her staff, making sure they had everything they needed to start off strong. She knew no answer was likely what had come to pass, and she felt a quiet displeasure, mixed with finality, take hold. It was the best thing, probably, she reasoned. My name popping up likely wasn’t something she wanted to see, or maybe she blocked me that day on the lake. I wouldn’t blame her. It wasn’t what she had secretly hoped for, but it was at least over. Time to start moving forward to the next thing- and figure out what the next thing would actually be, and what kind of person she’d have to be to get there.

The third day, and silence came with little fanfare. Cadance threw her staff a small party as encouragement for what would likely be another long school year, encouraging family to participate and enjoy themselves alongside them. She enjoyed herself in the mix, a first feeling in some time that she was happy to have. Saying little and listening much was her best option, and Cadance did it well.

Her nighttime decline into slumber took its time; a small snack before bed, a lengthy shower so as to let her thoughts melt away. Simple care and effort that she needed to give to have any semblance of normal, sometimes forced and done against her weary will, but still necessary. As she turned to fall on her bed and take some time to read before shutting off the light, she made for her phone to mull over tomorrow’s schedule and saw she had received a text from Twilight while in the shower-

“Wait-” Cadance dropped everything, her heart immediately turning to pound madly in her chest, a cold thrill coursing through her flawless body. She saw the name, knew exactly who it was. But with it right there, the contents unknown, she could hardly bear to actually open it and read the message. It could go extremely poorly- after all, she had sent her opening text three days ago. There were a million reasons that this could be a bad idea, especially when she didn’t even know if she should have said anything in the first place. “Heaven help me,” she sighed, a solitary finger flitting upwards to open the contents.

A short, simple message: If you have the time, meet up with me at Breadwinner’s at 11 tomorrow.

It was better, and worse, than what she had hoped for. Cadance didn’t know what she should say in response. No? Yes? Anything?

Sure, I’ll be there. “Oh, jeez,” Cadance whispered. “What am I going to do?”

She hardly slept, her catastrophe of nerves forbidding any semblance of rest. An early morning awakening and she struggled to get herself ready for the day. She’d have to head to work before anything else, but how would she even be able to focus? A quick glance at the clock: 6:38am. It would be a long way to go.

There was no rhythm to be found. Simple tasks were a struggle. Focus was non-existent. Time felt slowed. Cadance continuously tapped her foot as she worked, could hardly keep her hand away from her phone. To do what, she couldn’t say; cancelling the meetup or checking the time again were a constant battle. The moment was coming soon. It would be time to leave, maybe be there a little early. Twilight was fairly punctual.

Breadwinner’s, a secluded café in an older section of town, had yet to become truly busy for the lunchtime rush and only a few late-risers here and there were present as they ate and drank. Thinking it a wise move, Cadance took to a small table further in the back and hopefully away from prying eyes. She was actually here, actually waiting. There would be no backing out now. Did she even need coffee, if she was already this wide awake and anxious? Her mouth felt terribly dry, and a small part of her mind that still gave credence to appearance and presentation was letting her know that she likely looked like an anxious wreck. How could she manage a conversation if she had no self-control at all? This was a disaster in the making, and her chest was throbbing from the pain of her heart beating like a steel drum-

“Hey.” Twilight. Standing there just a few feet away from the table, looking down at a fretting Cadance with a wary expression, yet eyes that still spoke to a small measure of concern.

At first, Cadance struggled to respond. “Hi,” she finally managed to spit out. “Want to sit down?”

“Yeah.” Twilight was dressed casually, a simple striped shirt with a relaxed skirt and hair done up in her usual ponytail. Pretty as always, but no special effort had been made for herself, or for anyone. That time was over.

The two women stared at one another, and then tried to do anything but. How was this supposed to start, what could possibly be said? It was strained, difficult to bear. “How have you been?” Cadance asked at last, wondering if that could have been the worst thing to say.

“I’ve been… alright, I guess,” Twilight answered. “Been getting ready for moving into the dorms, so a lot of packing. I’ll be leaving in two days.”

“Good for you. It’ll be an adventure,” Cadance said, and wondered if she should say anything next at all. “How’s- how’s your mother?”

Twilight’s expression clouded. “She’s, well… she left. For a while,” she said. “She and I talked it over, she’ll be going to, um… a rehab center just outside of town for a few months. Since I’ll be gone, and she thinks an empty nest would make it worse- might be the best time to try.”

“Good for her taking the initiative.” Cadance meant it. “She’ll be stronger for it.”

“Yeah, I think so, too.” Twilight hesitated. “Cadance… I need to know.”

“Sure. Know what?” She braced for the inevitable.

Twilight took a breath and forced herself to look Cadance in the eye. “When I was as Crystal Prep, did- were you really grooming me? Or was what happened just an accident?”

“No. I at least don’t think so,” Cadance said. “I kept away and tried not to push any boundaries or do anything. If I ended up doing something before you were- with me, or really anything before that moment, I didn’t do it on purpose. I promise.”

“I thought so. Just wanted to make sure.”

“I understand. I’d ask too, if I were you.”

Twilight struggled to hold her gaze now, muttering, “I’m sorry for what I said. It was a mean thing to accuse you of.”

“Sorry?” Cadance was stunned. “Twilight, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about, not one single thing at all! You have no reason to feel bad about anything, you were innocent through all of it! I should apologize- Twilight, I am truly, truly sorry for what I did.” Cadance felt a lump in her throat and she forced herself to hold things together. “I shouldn’t have encouraged you, I shouldn’t have done anything with you at all. You’d be happier, safer, better, and none of this would’ve happened. I was selfish, manipulative, and just plain awful- Twilight I am so sorry for everything.”

“I know.” Twilight looked at Cadance with those sweet, soft eyes and a world of sorrow could be found in the midst of her glow. “Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do forgive you for it.”

“But- why?”

Twilight shrugged. “I don’t know. I just- don’t want to be mad at you, and just hold onto it. It just feels so icky. And it makes me remember when I’d rather just leave it behind.” She gave a small breath, and a single fat tear rolled down her cheek. “I loved you, Cadance,” she whispered. “I still love you, but I just don’t know why you didn’t feel the same.”

“Twilight…” Cadance’s heart broke at the sight of that gentle-hearted girl struggling to make sense of a personal atrocity. “Twilight, look at me: there was nothing wrong with you. At all. It was not because of looks or attitude or experience or- or anything. I- I love you, too. I promise I do.”

Twilight actually looked offended at those last words, and her indignation was justified. “But- then why-”

“Because I loved myself more, Twilight. Too much, really,” Cadance admitted. “Or maybe too little to be able to love you like you wanted me to. You wanted something good and real, and I- I just wanted whatever I could get out of it.”

Silence pervaded between the two, Twilight letting her head hang- the sight so miserable to see that Cadance had to wipe away the tears as soon as they began to form. Can’t go back to Crystal Prep with ruined makeup.

“Why’d you do any of it, Cadance?” Twilight asked, her voice a wet croak. “I just don’t understand.”

It would be an unpleasant explanation. “Because I’m getting old, Twilight.”

Twilight looked even more confused than before. “But- but you’re beautiful! Perfect, honestly! You’re not old, you’re… the most beautiful person in the world- at least on the outside.”

A well-earned sting. “I won’t always be, Twilight,” Cadance replied. “And I was afraid that someday I’d wake up, look in the mirror and see… sags and wrinkles, gray hair, split ends… I won’t be pretty forever. And I was so afraid of that day coming that I…” It was brute force now, admission of older times that had once been held as fond memory rather than a source of embarrassment. “When I was your age, Twilight, I was a wild girl. I liked it, loved it even. Everyone I was with was a lot of the same, so maybe it didn’t matter that we were hurting each other. But you came along, and I remembered all the things I’d done before- so I tried to relive them again.”

“Through me,” Twilight guessed.

“Through you. And I was too selfish to care that it wasn’t what you wanted at all. So I… hurt you.”

More silence, though this time few tears were there to take up the absence. Poison had been drawn from the wound, the worst now over and leaving two young souls quivering from the pain of a prolonged, far-too-delayed extraction.

“Cadance, I,” Twilight paused, breathing out a hissing sigh. “I know, but… I still don’t understand.”

“Because you’re a good person, Twilight,” Cadance said, glad she could at last say something truthful and so free of hurt. “So of course you can’t understand it, it’s not part of you.”

“And you think that you’re not a good person?”

“I know I’m not,” Cadance said, a wry smile crossing her lips. “A good person doesn’t behave like that, do they?”

“I guess not.” The young girl dared a glance. “You don’t have to be a bad person, you know. You can get better.”

“Do you think I can?”

“I know you can. But I still love you,” Twilight said with a small smile of her own, “So maybe that makes me stupid, too.”

Cadance gave a slow, quiet laugh as she shook her head, happy disbelief in response to the gentle words. “You still love me,” she remarked. “Even after all that.”

“Ever since I was little,” Twilight said, her smile disappearing as she took a long breath before the next plunge. “So that’s why I know I need to stay away- and you from me.”

It had been expected, but the words hurt nonetheless. Cadance nodded assent, saying, “I’d just keep hurting you.”

“I think we’d- just hurt each other,” Twilight admitted. “I’m not mature enough, and I don’t think you are either. We might never be. So…”

“So let it be done and over with. I agree.” Cadance looked over at Twilight, a girl still so very young, yet far older than she had been when they had first begun only a few months ago. “You’ll have a good time in college, you know. It’ll be an adventure.”

“I’ll try to make it one,” Twilight said. “Cadance?”

“Mhm?”

“Take care of yourself,” Twilight said, the concern in her words etched across her face. “You don’t have to just be hurt and all alone, or afraid. Promise me that you’ll try to actually get some help.”

“For you? I promise.”

Twilight smiled. “How about for yourself?”

“Then I’ll promise that, too.”

Small talk was unnecessary, everything that needed to be said spoken aloud and no longer dwelling within either of them. Cadance felt a small, weary regret that she had not loved the wonderful young girl across from her enough before it was too late, and spared her all the pain that had come instead. At least now she felt certain that Twilight would be alright before too long. The scar would fade- someday.

“I probably need to start heading back to Crystal Prep,” Cadance said, rising to her feet.

“I won’t keep you. Honestly, I probably have some things I forgot to pack.”

The two walked away from their unused table and through the now-growing company of people within the small café and out into the summer sun, with the moment of separation now coming to its conclusion.

“Thank you, Twilight,” Cadance said before departing, pausing beside the young girl to gaze down into her soft eyes. “I needed that.”

“Glad I could help. I- I love you,” Twilight said, “even still.”

“Love you, too.” It was not the time or the place, not the occasion; a million reasons why she shouldn’t say the words on the very tip of her tongue that she so desperately wanted to ask: “One last kiss before you go?”

Twilight rolled her eyes at the request, an exasperated smile on her lips, yet she put her arms around Cadance in response. “One last kiss,” she relented, and leaned in ever so close. Her lips were still soft, and still so warm. It was that gentle pressure that felt like the sunlight of a spring morning, encased in gentle flesh and now pressed upon her lips with all the comfort and joy of a daydream- and then gone, slowly departing and leaving a longing that one could never possibly forget. “Goodbye, Cadance,” Twilight whispered.

A small breath. And when Cadance opened her eyes at last, Twilight was gone.

Author's Note

Well that was quick.

Epilogue... soon-ish? I dunno.