Fallout Equestria: Desperados

Fallout Equestria: Desperados

Wasteland, Part 1

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"I asked Slowtrot about how things ended up the way things are now. What led up to the wasteland? He said that everypony could not stop, simple as that. Nopony wanted to listen, nor did they want to talk. Those that suffered from the stress of the long war were seen as ill, or working with the enemy. So, if you wanted the war to be over, you just stayed quiet and out of the way.

A one minded goal to destruction. Seeing what their world had become, I can believe it." ~ Azure Dice

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“So ya really fought with Live and Dead through that fucking raiders nest, Slowtrot? Ya don’t look like pony who can do that!” The Desperado mare, Transmission, again pointed out as she drank her beer.

I had somehow found myself in the Ruffled Feathers with four Desperado mares. Live and Dead Axle looked annoyed as their friends chatted away.

“As I said, even I’m surprised I’m alive. Never been shot at so much before,” I again explained.

“Clearly with how soft ya are,” Transmission said with a laugh. She was a rather rough-looking unicorn mare with a gray coat and black mane. She also had several scars over her body.

“So what was the second most time ya got shot at then, softy?” The second mare asked. Suspension was another earth pony mare with a durty brown curly mane and tan coat. She, too, had several scars, but they looked more like burn marks that peppered one side of her body.

Both mares were clearly older than the twins, maybe in their early to mid-twenties, if I had to guess. It was hard to tell with mares sometimes. Also wise to never ask.

“Last time I got shot at nearly that much?” I thought about it for a moment, and remembered when I had gone with the Stable-Tec security team down to the bottom lab, Labs D. where Thorns troops were waiting. On top of that, the whole security team was wiped out by a griffin mercenary in a kind of power armor.

To say I got lucky is beyond an understatement. If the griffin’s helmet had not already been cracked open from another fight, I would be dead. But, thanks to Chekhov's Promise, I was able to get the gun to fire into the small hole in the helmet. Now that I think about it, he had nearly killed me before at the stable door where the navy and Stable-Tec security were in a full-on gunfight.

Sighing, I began recounting the fight I had far in the past. “Got lucky with a griffin, twice. It’s hard to remember everything, but the navy had a griffin mercenary decked out in power armor and a gatling gun tearing everything up. Thanks to my pipbuck I was able to do anything at the time.” I lifted the pipbuck to show them it. “Used a battle rifle to crack the griffin’s helmet to get him to stop shooting at a friend of mine.”

As I spoke, I remembered. Underbrush had her back leg shot off by the minigun. I was desperate to save her life before the griffon could finish her off. I owed her my life and I was not going to let her just die.

“I think I was able to get him to fall back, but got shot myself before he vanished.” That part was all a blur.

“Then we fought again soon after. The ponies I was with were not so lucky that time. I think he wanted to kill me up close. I’m a bit fuzzy on the details, but I was able to use my gun in between the cracks of his helmet to kill him.”

It was the second creature I had killed in my life, but was unfortunately not the last.

Transmission leaned in a bit too close to me. “What gun did you use?”

Sipping on my beer, I figured that it couldn't hurt. I pulled out Chekhov's Promise from my bag. The gun was kept unloaded, so I didn’t worry about misfiring the thing.

“Oh, doesn’t Elder Papa have a gun like that?” Suspension said, also getting a bit too close.

Transmission nodded as she picked up my gun. “Ya. His old army pistol from the great war. Elder Papa uses it to show the youngers how to properly clean and oil their guns.”

A chuckle came from Dead Axle. “Really now, you expect us to believe ya fought and killed a pussy cock? I heard softies doing it by accident, but that’s only a fluke.”

I shrugged. “Can't argue with that. He was the biggest griffon I had ever seen, though I’d die right there. Lucky I had advanced S.A.T.S. It let me target the hole in the griffin’s helmet. That’s all.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Don’t they already do that shit?”

“Well, I think a pipbuck only does more general targeting. Nothing super precise or complex. My pipbuck also lets me choose body movements, so I can doge before shooting, or simply dash off real fast.” I explained.

Dead shrugged herself. “So the damn pussy cat got too close and ate lead all because of a targeting spell. Eh, I can see that. They are too damn arrogant for their own good.”

Transmission passed my gun over to Suspension for her to look at before giving me a nudge. “So a fight with a griffin and a raiders nest? You're not as soft as you appear now, aren't you? Stick with us and you might get a nice scar or two.” She looked over at Live Axle, who was quietly drinking her mixed drink. “Maybe ya should pop her cherry while at it.”

Live merely spit up her drink, then glared at Transmission. “Shut ya cuntflaps Missy, and stop telling every stallion I meet ta fuck me!”

Transmission laughed. “Ya are already nineteen years old, almost twenty. Ya going to need to cross that line sometime, Livy.” She nudged me again. “Say Slowtrot, what do ya think? She is a fine virgin mare.”

“Ahh…” My face flushed a little, unsure what to do or say.

Dead Axle huffed loudly. “Maybe ya should fix your own relationship before trying to set my sister into one. Didn’t your stallion leave you for another stallion?”

Transmission glared back at Dead and slammed back her drink. “Fuck you, bitch! I’ll rope myself a new stallion in no time, so fuck off with that shit!”

A giggle came from Suspension. “Well, I could always-”

“I’m not going to fuck you, Susy!” Live quickly cut the mare off.

Suspension looked a bit dejected before bouncing back. She jabbed me in the arm. “How cruel! None of the mares want me when I want them. Such a lucky stallion to get our Livy’s attention.”

“I’m not into him like that!” Live shouted.

Pulling me in close, Suspension was practically hanging off me. “I’m not into stallions, but I don’t mind getting roughed around by one. Care to show me how not soft you are?”

Dead Axle slapped Suspension on the side of the head. “No you don’t, you freak.” Suspension smiled at Dead, causing Dead to shiver a little. “Fucking shit, Susy. Can you put a damn lid on your kinks for at least a day?”

Suspension let me go then hung onto Dead, nuzzling her. “Oh, but then I wouldn't be me. Say, maybe you should join me tonight? I’ll bring another friend.”

Pushing her off, Dead looked a bit disgusted. “Last thing I need is to have a threesome with my dipshit brother, so can it!”

I looked over at Transmission, a bit confused. “Is she right in the head?”

“Suspension? Naw. She was born that way,” Transmission explained. “Her father thought it was a brilliant idea to fuck a raider mare. Turns out the mare was a raider for a good reason. Full-on batshit crazy. Her daughter got some of that crazy too.”

“That’s… sad,” I said, feeling a bit sorry for the mare.

Transmission laughed. “Don’t be. Susy is just fine the way she is, though for a mare who says she’s only into mares, she fucks stallions more than most of the herd. That masochist is already on the third foal and driving her marefriend up the wall.”

Now I cocked an eyebrow. “How does that even work?”

Transmission shrugged. “Fuck me if I know. I think the two just enjoy hurting each other. Better these two at each other's necks than ruining other ponies’ lives, I say.”

“So that means you're not all crazy then?” I asked jokingly.

A smile formed on Transmission’s face. “Hard to tell. Ya got to be a little crazy to live in the wasteland. Life’s hard and we don’t got the luxury to be all safe and soft. Sometimes crazy is how we survive. Like the old saying goes; No risk, no reward.”

She finished off her beer. “Talking about crazy, whatcha think about Live Axle there? She’d make a fine wife if ya crazy enough to tame the bitch.”

Live quickly responded by shoving her hoof in Transmission’s face. Her own face was flushed. “Stop asking that, damnit! You’re not a fucking matchmaker!”

“Oh come on, Livy. Just pick a stallion and go for it. At least your sister got the balls to go for it,” Transmission said with a smile.

Live backed off, pouting. “I’m perfectly happy as I am, anyways. I don’t need to get laid to be an adult.”

“I agree!” Star Charter spoke up as she placed a few drinks on the table. “It’s only immature mares that think sex makes them grown up.”

Live pointed at Star. “Ya. She gets it.”

Star grinned widely. “It’s becoming a mother that makes you all grown up!”

The color from Live's face drained as Star got close to her. She placed a hoof under the younger mare’s chin. “Want me to share all the details to help get you started?”

Another laugh came from Suspension as she leaned over me, “That mare gets it. I got three foals, making me three times the mare as all of you!”

Rolling her eyes, Transmission pushed the overly excitable nympho back to her seat. “She said being a mother, not a broodmare. Anyways, I got my own foal, so don’t pull that crap with me.”

She looked back at me. “So, whatcha answer?”

Agin put on the spot, and now without the other mares pushing me around, all I could think of was the other mare I had met in my life. So many were aggressive or withdrawn. The war had taken its toll on everypony at the time. The mares that seemed really nice I only met for a fleeting moment, or had interests elsewhere. Live Axle was no different. She was clearly aggressive because she needed to be, not because she wanted to be, I guess.

“She’s… A mare that doesn't need taming. Just a partner who can let her be herself. I’m sure she will find a nice strong stallion who can do that for her. Somepony better than me. I’m just a nobody who is over his head. I mean, I should have died over two hundred years ago.”

Transmission frowned, giving me a jab on the shoulder. “When a mare asks if you’d fuck her, or her friend, ya say yes, not some sappy shit. Ain't that right, Livy?”

Live Axle had shot down another mixed drink as Star cheered her on. Her face was now even redder.

*Hic* “what?” Live replied, her gaze now unfocused. “Ya, big strong stallion to take me away.” *Hic* “To a nice house with a white picket fence and a dog.” *Hic*

Dead Axle totted over and sniffed Lives drink before cringing. “Fuck ya gave her? This shit burns my nose.”

Star sniffed it too then also cringed. “Ohhh… sorry. Must have been a mixup. This clearly has Lunashine in it. Stuffs hundred fifty proof and flammable.”

“MORE!” Live demanded.

“No, it’s time ya go home, sis,” Dead countered before looking at Transmission. “And you take her home with Suspension. I expect you won’t do any stupid shit with my sis!”

A sigh came from Transmission. “Ya, ya. It was starting to get boring anyways.” She glanced at me. “This pussy isn’t any fun. No real backbone.”

We watched as Transmission started to lead Live Axle out of the tavern with Suspension following. Star Charter made sure the more wild mare of the three didn’t cause any trouble on their way out. Live attempted to struggle, but she was too uncoordinated to really do much to resist getting pushed around by the bigger mare.

Dead Axle sat next to me, taking a beer and slamming it back. Drinking it all in one go. “Sorry about that. We Desperados respect bluntness over more namby pandy ways to talk. Too many ponies who spoke that way had done us wrong in our history. Pops said that's why we fought Redeye over joining him. The fucker talked too smoothly to be trusted.”

“I guess you were proven right from what I know about this Redeye,” I commented.

She nodded. “Redeye was a bad bet in the end. A lot of merc clans suffered from working with him. It’s why most of them now work for the NCR, as no pony is willing to deal with ‘em because of their time with Redeye. The Desperados, on the other hoof, despite so many ponies calling us raiders, they can’t say we ever worked with that asshole. It’s why the NCR tolerates us. Redeye would have expanded his slaver network much faster if he had access to route 50.”

I tried to sip on my beer, but I found it empty, so I grabbed another. My thoughts moved to the Equestria of old and how every atrocity the Zebras caused only solidified the hate. “Remember Littlehorn?” I said as I slammed down the beer as well.

Dead raised an eyebrow. “Littlehorn? Ya talking about the Zebra attack, right? The one that caused Luna to take the throne?”

I nodded. “I was only a teenager when it happened, but I remembered that it dashed any attempts at peace talks.” Everypony was so shocked and angered by it. A school full of foals were gassed by the Zebras in a place so far from the fighting. Then Celestia stepped down and everypony only got even angrier. “I think the mares who would become the ministry mares were attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with the Zebras. I mean, the war had gone on for ten years at the time. Ponies were getting sick of all the fighting.”

It was all a blur. Luna taking over, the Ministries being formed, a change in flags, and everypony ranting nonstop about how the Zebras must pay. “The war was so close to ending from how I remember. So close. But the attack on Littlehorn proved all the Zebra haters right, or so how they thought. Anypony who still wanted the fighting to stop just got shouted down. Traitors and Zebraphile were common words used back then then.”

Looking at Dead Axle in the eyes, I felt the weight of hatred bear down on me from those ten years of the war. What it created was the world she grew up in. “Took me years to understand that, once vindicated, there was no way to change a ponies mind… I just gave up trying.”

“Let me guess, ya got your ass kicked over it?” she said chuckling, but somehow it felt… understanding.

I shook my head. “Worse, I was alienated. I wasn't even arguing against them, just saying that maybe the fighting should stop so that both sides can find out what actually happened. Somepony needed to pay, but that didn’t mean we should just start killing as many Zebras as possible.”

Dead Axle sat back, letting her body relax. “Once vindicated… ya I can see that. Not that it does my clan any good. They're just going to keep hitting their head against the wall until it breaks because they know it’s a way to get through. All while they ignore the door next to them, all because the way they do it eventually works.”

She tipped her beer bottle at me while smirking. “Ya know the whole reason those two idiots want Live to get laid is all because they got laid around that same time, likely younger. They think it toughens up a mare. Makes ‘em grow up and stop acting like a filly.”

I took my beer bottle and tapped it with hers. “But sex is just a fun thing you can do with another pony. You're still the same pony you were before.”

Dead smiled. “Damn straight. After my first time, I was like; oh that was kind of fun. Then I went on with my life. Those idiots then started treating me differently, like I had gone through some great change. Become some mare that was better than I was before, but I was still the same idiot I had always been.

“How about you? Was it the same?”

“It was… a thing,” I responded. The memory of it was now distant and a bit hazy. “It was fun while it lasted, but once the mare moved on, I realized I had been obsessing over something that was not that important. Probably because the mare didn’t care about me. I think I actually just wanted a real relationship. Not to say I’m not interested in it, I just don't mind going without.”

She playfully dug her elbow into my side. “I get that! Pissed me off when the stallion I fucked just moved onto another mare. I was just a fun thing for him to do, but in the end, it was the same to me. Still cried and shit, but I got over it.”

Dead sipped on her beer again, now looking a bit more solemn. “My sis is not as smart as I am, so she’s going to buy into all that bramanshit. If she gets drunk and knocked up, it will tear her apart inside. If she is convinced to fuck a stallion, it will break her heart when that stallion moves on. That's just who she is… So thanks for actually thinking about her feelings and shit.”

I smiled at Dead and bumped her shoulder with my own. “She is lucky to have an older sister that loves her so much. Maybe you should stop teasing her so much.”

A chuckle came out of Dead Axle, spitting up a bit of her beer. “Fuck that. If I didn’t keep her on her hooftips, she’ll start letting her guard down. Like ya said, she needs a big strong stallion to help let her be herself. Ya know, to beat all the other idiots away.”

With a flop, Star Charter joined us again, a big smile on her face. “I’m good at keeping idiots away.”

Dead cuddled up to Star. “I bet you are, but to be rude, ya got too much baggage ya aunty.”

Star narrowed her glance at Dead, clearly annoyed. “I’m not fucking old enough for you to call me Aunty. You're not even cute enough to get away with it.”

Laughing, Dead got off Star and took another sip of her beer. “Hay, while we’re already on the topic, what was your first time having sex like?”

“My first time? So that's what you two are on about,” Star said as she flipped back her mane and puffed up her chest. “Well, Skipper and I had managed to get some cheap booze from a ghoul we knew and got drunk. We eventually thought it would be fun to do and fucked. It was sloppy and clumsy, if I remember right. Was drunk at the time so it’s all blurry, to tell the truth.”

“And recently, a mare like you has got to get around?” Dead asked bluntly.

Star huffed at the gangger. “One, I’m not that kind of mare. There's no birth control around here unless you’re willing to spend a lot of caps. One filly is enough for me. I don’t need anymore.”

“And two?” Dead added, poking Star as a reminder.

Star paused for a moment, clearly thinking about something before shrugging. “Well, I did get into this whole… thing, earlier today. A bit fucked up with how I didn’t have a choice and the stallion has odd tastes. All complicated, so don’t ask. The sex was great, if a bit wired, though I’m a bit worried that I might be a masochist with how much I enjoyed it.”

Both Dead and I looked at each other before saying to Star. “WHAT?!”

She blushed a little as she leaned back and avoided eye contact with us. “Well you know, when you have a small amount of noble blood in ya, it comes with some responsibilities. Some other bigshot wants me to fuck her son and give her a grandfoal. Not that I’m going to do it, but you know how powerful some ponies can be.”

Again Dead and I glanced at each other before saying to Star simultaneously. “No, we don’t know.”

A long sigh came from Star as she let herself flop onto the table, looking a bit dejected. “Okay. You don’t know and I don’t feel like explaining it all right now. I much rather think about the fun parts, like the rope and whip, and how big his-”

“Ya, I don’t want to know either!” I quickly cut her off.

Star smiled. “Oh come on! It’s a fun little side story.”

“No! But we can talk about that other stuff later, okay?” I offered, on the edge of pleading.

Star pushed herself up and got out of the booth, eyeing the empty beer bottles. “Later it is, then. You two want more beer to drink?”

“Fuck ya!” Dead said excitedly.

I shrugged. “One more can't hurt. I should have enough caps for that.”

Emptying out my cap bag, I just about had enough for two more drinks, leaving me with a small hoof full.

With a wink, Star trotted off as we finished off our own drinks.

“She’s got some fucked up shit going on,” Dead said as she put her empty bottle down.

“Everypony seems to have some fucked up shit going on,” I mentioned as I put my empty beer bottle down.

Cracking my neck and taking a deep breath to relax, I couldn't help but then think about my problem with Qucktrot Fragment. “At least her problems probably don't make her sound like a lunatic.”

“Ya mean that whole time thing and the former boss lady being a ghost?” Dead asked.

I nodded. “I’m half expecting to just wake up in the Stable-Tec infirmary to find out this was all a dream.”

“So, how's the whole breakup with Blue Skies going?” I asked Dead.

She rolled her eyes. “Acting like assholes. Can’t leave the area or make a new contract until after that fucking festival. It’s something about keeping us from fucking around, I think. All Braminshit, I say, but Elder Papa has agreed to the deal, so we’re going to sit around till then.”

“A non compete clause, I think it’s called. But why force you to stay? That’s odd.” I pondered. “Maybe I should talk with Fragment?”

Dead cocked an eyebrow “About what?”

“A few things actually. Though I’m sure I’m not going to like the answers,” I guessed.

Star trotted by, dropping off two beers for us and winked. “I’d love to sit and chat, but I’m going on stage soon.”

We watched as she trotted her way to the backstage.

Taking my beer, I then sighed. “I’m not sure I want to see Star straddle a pole again… it’s a bit weird for me.”

“Ya. Last time I saw her on stage, I tried to get up there. She made a fool of me,” Dead added.

“Drink on the go?” I offered.

“Let’s,” she agreed.

Putting Chekhov's Promise back into my bag, we stumbled a little as we got out of our booth, taking the beers with us a we trotted out.

Despite how hot it had been, the night air of New Appaloosa was nice and cool. The breeze gently flowing through our manes.

“So, other than that war thing, what's the Desperados plan for the future? I mean, it sounds like things aren’t going well for you all right now.” I asked curiously.

Dead groaned, then took the bottle into her mouth and tilted her head back, guzzling the beer down. Tossing the empty bottle aside, she kicked the dirt. “Fucking same shit they always do! Everyponies been playing the empire game lately, like whenever we get a runner to stop by, they tell us some new group has popped up and calling themselves this, that, or the other. New territorial lines are being made, and fighters are all getting organized. I even got to go to an NCR town once. Those troopers got new guns and armor. They even get real combat training.”

She spat on the ground. “The NCR is just fucking with us. They can knock us over whenever they want. They’re just building themselves up first by getting rid of their other easier problems while we're still keeping ourselves scattered, so certain we will survive whatever comes for us.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “So you're saying that the Desperados needs to start acting more like the NCR?”

Grabbing my beer, she forced it into my mouth and made me drink it all, causing some of it to shoot out my nose. “Fuck no!”

She let me go, the mostly empty bottle to fall to the ground. “The NCR is acting like old Equestria. I’m just thinking we should too, but not in the same way as the NCR… I just don’t know how.”

Coughing up some of the beer and wheezing, I trotted in front of Dead Axle. It taking a moment before I could properly speak. “Well I’ll say acting like Old Equestria is a mistake. Trust me, I was there. They were so sure that they were right that they never thought about us normal ponies who just wanted the peaceful Equestria back. You should just tell your elder that. It can't hurt asking.”

“Right. Like they ever listen to me,” Dead scoffed.

“Have you ever tried?” I pushed.

She looked away, avoiding eye contact, much like Star had earlier. “Well... no,” she eventually admitted.

Totting around to be right next to her, I gave her a little bump. “Then do it. You’re a smart mare. Smarter than me, at least. I’m sure you can at least explain why the Desperados need to change.”

She bumped me back. “Maybe, but I got a shit ton of rituals and braminshit to get through before an elder would hear me out.”

A mischievous smile formed on her face. “Ya know, if you keep talking me up like that, I might start thinking you're flirting with me.”

I smiled back. The alcohol made me feel a bit fuzzy in a good way. “Maybe I am. You're not a bad looking mare despite being rough around the edges.”

Dead chuckled as she trotted ahead of me, stopping to wiggle her flank. “Does this look rough around the edges to you?”

“Not at all.” I gained a silly idea. “But it looks like you're asking for a quickie in the back alley again.”

She froze, looking a bit taken aback, but then narrowed her eyes at me. “What if I am? Gunna chicken out again?” Dead emphasized her dare with a shake of her hip.

Not wanting to get buffed again, I decided to tease her back.

Trotting up to her, I slapped Dead’s flank. She became stiff from the hit. “It’s just you and me, so why not?”

I laughed.

“Well… alright…” Dead said timidly.

I froze.

I looked at her, her face flushed as she gave me a shy look.

“What?” was all I could say.

Grabbing me by the collar, Dead Axle pulled me into a kiss.

After a moment she broke it off and began pulling me to a nearby ally. “We’re just doing this once, so don’t get a big head about it.”

I just followed, confused and aroused.

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-Slowtrots relationship status-

Dead Axle = ????