"No", shouted Rainbow Dash, "you can not get rid of poop!! It's not fair."

Spike glared at Starlight Glimmer. He knew exactly what she was doing. Spike would play hardball and see what happens. He could live without pooping if it meant being with Rarity.

"Hmm", said Spike thoughtfully, "maybe what Starlight is proposing isn't so bad after all. I don't mind not being able to poop to be honest. In fact, if we could eliminate the poop in our bodies like Starlight - perhaps it's more efficient."

"It's not about efficiency", argued Rainbow Dash, "it's the pleasures of knowing that everything that is consumed ends in the same brown stool that we call poop. It all goes through the same digestive process just to end up as poop. And plus the smell is amazing."

Fluttershy nodded in agreement.

"Starlight Glimmer, please I am begging you", implored Rainbow, "you can't get rid of our poop. I feel so bad that you cannot poop yourself but you shouldn't take it away from others."

"I know", said Starlight despondently, "but poop has only caused me problems my whole life. I hate it! And you know very well I can end poop as we know it."

"Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it", said Spike.

"There is one thing I can think of which will stop me from destroying shit."

"Anything", said Rainbow anxiously, "anything - we'll do anything."

"It's up to Spike", said Starlight with a smile.

"Goddamn it", groaned Spike, "I just want to go back to Rarity.. but ugh.. Starlight Glimmer, will you promise to not destroy poop if I help you find Twilight Sparkle?"

"Certainly!"

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy both looked at Spike waiting for his answer. Damn.. those two really loved their shit.

"Fine, Starlight, I will help find Twilight."

"Great! Rainbow Dash, no need to fear. I shall live life knowing that I can't poop and be okay with it."

"But you have no need to fear", said Rainbow, "I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to cure your disability. And then you will finally be able to excrete fecal matter yourself."

"Oh goodness, I hope not - but I won't stop you. C'mon Spike. Let's go to the Everfree Forest."

Spike gulped but he needed to keep his promise. Or he would probably be killed by Rainbow and Fluttershy.

Spike and Starlight Glimmer approached the Everfree Forest. What a dark and scary place it was!

"Um", said Spike, "I don't know if you know this about me but.."

"You're a wimp", finished Starlight, "yes, I know. Look, I was thinking. Maybe we don't need to go into the Everfree Forest."

"Oh, good...... Wait, why?"

"All of that talk about poop got me to think about what might have happened. What is the worst thing that Twilight makes us do?"

"Those naked sponge baths", responded Spike with a shudder.

"I've managed to avoid that duty thankfully - but after that."

"Eating her out?"

"I don't think that's so bad but..I can see why you don't like it. One more guess?"

"Well if we're on the subject of poop - I guess it's the toilet cleaning."

"Third time's the charm! So, I am guessing that every pony has slightly different poop. That's why Rainbow Dash collects poop from each individual pony. Maybe the imposter Twilight has different poop than the real Twilight."

"I like the way you think", said Spike, "well - the poop stuff is nasty but I guess we might avoid a trip to Everfree Forest because the one pony who can help us is..."

"Rainbow Dash", finished Starlight.

"Yes - this could solve the mystery! And we can find out that Twilight isn't an imposter and I can go home."

"There's always the possibility that the imposter could have duplicated Twilight's poop as well but I don't think this fake Twilight is particularly smart."

"You think every pony is stupid."

"True. If you want to go home, I will just do a little cleaning and.."

"Fine! Let's go examine some poop."

Thanks to Starlight's spell, Spike and Starlight were able to make it to Rainbow's house pretty easily.

"Rainbow Dash", said Starlight while knocking on the door, "we could use your assistance!"

"Is this about Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yeah."

"Come on in!"

They opened the door to find Rainbow Dash sporting a lab coat and wearing glasses. She said, "Thank Celestia, you're both here. Can you help me identify exactly how magic can stop poop from fully forming?"

"Maybe another time", said Starlight, "but wow, you have really been working hard on this."

"I always look out for my friends."

"So, you consider me a friend?"

Rainbow twitched slightly and said, "If you're not going to destroy the poop - then yes."

Spike whispered to Starlight, "I think she was talking about Fluttershy and the other poop freaks."

"Fluttershy too", whispered Starlight.

"Yeah - she goes gaga over the animal poop - including mine. That's something you can't tell other ponies."

"I understand."

"So what do you guys need from me", asked Rainbow.

"We need a poop analysis stat", said Spike, "do you have a sample of Twilight's poop from over a year ago and one more recent."

"Of course", responded Rainbow Dash, "I sort it chronological order so it should be easy to sort."

Starlight Glimmer shuddered - she hoped that Rainbow never figured out how to make her poop.

Rainbow Dash sprinted towards her collection and found two jars of Twilight's poop. She opened the older jar and gave it a long sniff. Rainbow gave a pleasurable moan and said, "Oh yeah, this is the good stuff. Looks to be from a successful and incredibly magical pony friend of mine - maybe one who figured out how to shit despite any disabilities."

"Ugh, Twilight studies a lot but she is no where as good as me", said Starlight with a snarl.

"Relax", giggled Rainbow, "I was just kidding around with you. I know Twilight poops like normal ponies. Okay - now let's examine the second one."

She opened up the jar and began to cough.

"Not bad but wasn't what I was expecting."

"Huh?"

"You see. This specimen isn't quite as accomplished as the first one. It is just so bland. It doesn't make me think of Twilight Sparkle at all. Hmmm - let me take both of the poops out."

Rainbow took each poop out of its respective jar and examined each one under a microscope.

"Curious - curious."

Spike and Starlight were both impressed that Rainbow was doing anything studious/academic - seemed it took shit to turn Rainbow into a scientist.

"Fascinating. These specimens are so different. I do not think the second one comes from Twilight Sparkle at all. In fact, I doubt it originated from an unicorn. Seems more like a pegasus poop to me - this is odd for sure."

"So you're saying that pony who has been treating us like shit may not actually be Twilight Sparkle."

"Based on this poop, I can say conclusively that bitch in the castle is not Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"C'mon Spike", said Starlight, "let's go beat the shit out of that imposter!"

"Can't wait, hate that bitch!"

Author's Note

The proof is in the poop. Can Spike and Starlight defeat the imposter and find the real Twilight Sparkle?