The lost boy

"Sir Fear, I have what you requested."
"Thanks. Will you also get me an extra strong laser pointer and a bacon cheeseburger?"
"Of course sir." Taking my new airforce Texan out of his hands I look down the scope.

https://youtu.be/VsSYngXbCc0
(Had to look this up. :-P)

Just as I feared, they are making plans. There are guards keeping a look out on top of some roofs. There are some undercover guards sitting at nearby stores. There's even five guards behind me. Those idiots didn't even check the rest of the roof. Well to be fair I'm hiding behind the big sign in front of it.

"Here you go sir."
"Thanks, just stay here for now."

Yeah and if you couldn't tell I'm an American. Wait, isn't that the chaos guy? Yup that's him unless everyone can casually walk into paintings and I'm just missing out. Taking the safety off I contemplate if I could hit one of them from this distance. Patience Alex. Patience.

So I'm facing an army worth of soldiers, a god of chaos, six girls, and with any luck Joe will be there too. What I have is me, my breifcase, and my human intellect. Doesn't sound fair to me but . . . But . . Uhmm. Fuck it. I'm screwed so I might as well get comfortable.

"First can you assassinate the people above me and then get a voice changer?"
"I can get you the voice changer sir, but please pardon my failure, the people up there are too heavily guarded."
"Just give me the knife."

Exaggeratedly I take the buck knife from him and start to scale the side of the store using the skills I learned playing the video games. Climbing through the vent system I see two guards. One was right in front of me while the other was sitting on a box a small distance away from me. Before he gets a chance to realise what's happening, I make my move. Charging in swinging, I manage to cut his throat. Grabbing him I go behind the vents.

I army crawl my way to the second guy. I stab him in the neck and drag him back at the same time. Having started a pile of my victims I make my way forward. There are three more getting equipment ready. They were all unicorns and wearing dark clothes with a sun on the back. Honestly I'm a little disappointed since the moment they turn around I would have seen them from miles away.

Taking my suitcase I slowly make my way to the closest guards and prepare to do a swift kidnapping. I head towards the two that are right next to each other. I put one of them in the breifcase and slit the other guards throat. But of course the last one saw me. Before he made too much noise, I tackle him and stab him repeatedly. A voice came through the intercom asking if everything was alright. As expected somebody heard the ruckus, but I used the voice changer to assure the questioner that all was well.

Putting the last corpse on the pile, I wipe the sweat off my brow.
"Can you dispose of the bodies Mister Deeds and that will be all."
"Of course sir." With everyone gone I decide to explore my breifcase. Putting it on the floor, I open it and dive in headfirst. The good news was I fell into the breifcase but the bad news was there was a floor further into the breifcase. That little stunt knocked me out for awhile.

When I came to Alchemy was hovering over me holding lipstick. When he hid it from me I knew he had done something. Looking to my right my mask was just laying there. Putting the mask on I glanced around. Pipes. That was all I saw around me. But why is a house made of pipes? Looking out an opening where a window should have been I see that it wasn't just this house. It was the main building material used in all the houses.

"Where the hell am I?"
"Right now you're in Unlondon where the main gate is located. There's no drop but it was still amusing seeing you enter.
"Hardy har har and fuck you!"
"Anyways, I believe you are going to see the hostages."
"Actually I had some free time so I decided to check this place out. Plus with the current situation I was wondering if I could upgrade things."

"Well that was a while ago you have about . . . Two hours.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP!"
"I was busy trying to humiliate you. Did it work?
"At least your honest"

Jumping out the "window" I land on my feet this time. Walking in a random direction I let myself wonder. My body felt like it knew where it was going. But I need to focus on upgrades or some other shit.

Looking down I see that my suit is pristine. But looking at my hand I see something carved into the back of it. "Once crossed into the real world, it will cost you." Then to my amazement it started to change. When it was finished with its display it just showed two zeros.

Amplifying my voice I yell "Wake up the hostages!" With my amplified voice someone must have heard. Skipping with glee I make my way to where I thought they would be. If only there was some sort of guide -
"HELLO CITIZEN!" Turning around I see some sort of . . Officer? Probably some sort of security.

Following him he brings me to what looks like the center of this place. Let me tell you this place is heavily guarded and weird. I couldn't focus on anything. A house that looks like it is made from sand draws my attention. Pushing a wall makes a hidden door swing open.

Walking in there is nothing but desert as far as the eye can see. But looking closer there are two figures in the distance. Taking my first step towards them the world shifts and I'm right behind them. They haven't noticed me yet. They seemed to have been awake for quite awhile. Maybe they couldn't stay asleep? Or maybe the mini me's were having their fun.

Before they see me I try to hide behind one of them but I trip. Before I hit the ground something latched onto my neck and pulled. Surprisingly it didn't hurt although it was a hangman's noose . That got their attention. Not what I planned for, but that's life. Worst of all I was panicking and my mouth went rogue. I couldn't stop without looking weird. I said something like. . .

"Two precious birdies away from their nest.

The kittens put through the unfair test.

My precious jewels that were laid to rest.

But here comes the devil's pest.

Set out on his personal quest.

This is where your paths collide.

A rock against the deadly tide."

When I was finished with my impromptu poem they seemed terrified. Then the coward fell over and the winds slowly covered her with sand. But the other one made a mad dash away from me. Looking at my wrist a watch appears that reads "almost late" and nothing else.

Looking at the running zebra I wave my right hand at her. Luckily it worked since she was looking back at me or I would have looked like an idiot. With her sinking into the sand I swing my body before the rope looses tension and land feet first (no matter what anyone else says). Anyways if this works right this should be an exit.