Lost Soul

Celestia and I walked through the corridor leading into the Hearing Room for my first session. Said corridor seemed a bit fancier than the rest of the halls I’d been traversing up till this point, being decorated with a bit more gold and it looked far more spacious, so I assumed it was really only meant for Royalty or someone with a closely related status. While on the way, she decided to strike up a conversation.

“Truthfully, I am a bit surprised you’re so willing to go along with this, Franco. I expected far more resistance to the notion that you’d be helping the public, given your peculiarities.”

Ah, so this was a test about my facade. Why would she even want to know that? What does she gain from that information?

“Do I even have a right to refuse, given that I’m not a citizen and presumably subject to deportation at any time?” Deflection, especially deflection to other valid points, is probably the best way to tackle this. I can’t just let her control every single conversation we have.

“Come now, Franco. Surely you’ve pieced together that I don’t have any intention of deporting you by now. I cannot.” A strange frown I’d not seen from her before adorned her face. It was like… frustration, I think? It’s extremely difficult to read her, even when she’s displaying the appropriate tells.

She… can’t? What? I knew she didn’t have any intention of deporting me, but she should have more than enough ability to do so at any given moment, so... “Why not?” This was a bad question, looking back. To this day, I’m still really not sure why I even asked it. Any amount of extra thought would have told me why, but I just didn’t see it at the time. Even if I didn’t see the answer, the implication of asking such a question in the first place isn’t good no matter how you spin it.

“Because,” her voice was scathing, and an uncharacteristic scowl replaced her previous frown. “Given your current mental state, the only thing preventing your nightmares from corrupting you into a monster or breaking out of your head and running amok is your inability to use magic. Should you suddenly gain this ability, what would happen?”

“Uh…” I was speechless. I had yet to see her angry, and I would wager that she probably doesn’t get angry often, if at all with the way I’ve seen other ponies practically worship her. Even I started to get a little nervous after this display.

“Utter chaos at best. At worst, it becomes a threat to this nation. My nation. All over problems that you refuse to seek help with or talk with anyone about.” She had been taking steps closer to me every time she emphasized something, leaving me no choice but to follow in kind and slowly take steps back. It was a good thing this corridor was wider than the others, otherwise I would both figuratively and literally have my back against the wall at this point.

“I will not see this nation threatened by problems that I can fix ever again,” she continued. “You may have been able to do this to yourself without any trouble in your world, but not here. Things work differently here, and I will not have you be a hazard to everyone and everything around you just because of the position you’re in.”

I didn’t say anything. What could I even say to that? Honestly, this is the kind of treatment I was expecting when I got here, so I’m really not surprised it ended up happening. What I was surprised about was all this pent up frustration she was harboring for me, especially without any clear indication that she felt that way prior to this conversation.

She sighed, finally calming down for a second. “Make no mistake, I understand that you are not here of your own accord. Forcing unwanted change upon you isn’t exactly fair, and had I the ability to send you home, I most certainly would. Unfortunately I do not, and leaving you as you are is liable to start problems that not even Twilight and her friends could get under control. I was not exaggerating in the slightest yesterday when I told you that you could be a serious threat to my nation and its populace.”

Why was she suddenly so angry with me? That can’t all be from me, can it? “...And were I not able to change? What then?”

She became silent for a bit, her face becoming quite grim as she finally spoke. “...I suppose I’d have no other option but to kill you.”

…

“However, I would hope it never comes to that. What I do not understand is why you insist upon gripping this darkness in your heart and never letting go. What happened to you, Franco?”

Were it so easy to talk about something like that. Even if I wanted to tell her, I couldn’t. Just remembering it is bad enough. How could I tell her- anyone for that matter- about that day? I… can’t. She was seeking the impossible while threatening to kill me if I didn’t deliver.

“...If you really want me to do this Hearing thing, then I can’t answer that now.”

It seemed like her expression softened a little bit. “Very well, but I expect to hear about at least some of your troubles after this Hearing is over.”

“If you insist.” I sighed. Mentally preparing myself for unknown territory was already hard enough, but things like that just make it worse. For someone claiming that they were trying to help me, it certainly didn’t seem like it. She apparently picks the absolute worst times to bring up her complaints.

She nodded her response, signifying the end of the current “conversation.” The rest of the walk into the- what did she call it, Hearing Chamber?- was in silence. I’d like to say it was peaceful, but the amount of tension she built up was so thick, one of my swords probably couldn’t cut through it without getting snapped in half. At least at this point, however, I could actually focus on preparing for the task at hand. I was going into it relatively blind, so I was kinda expecting anything to happen. She gave me a decent enough description of what this job’s function should be, but not necessarily how to do it, or what were appropriate solutions for what effectively functioned as a courtroom environment. How informal could I be and get away with it? What answer is so bad it would land me in jail? Was I actually curious enough about her reasoning for putting me here to perform well? Were these questions so easy that it would basically be impossible to come up with an answer that was so obviously wrong? Eventually I came to the conclusion that I’d have to determine all of these answers after the first complaint was brought forth during the Hearing. That should have given me a pretty good idea for what the rest of the complaints will be like and how to handle them.

Upon our entry into the Hearing Chamber, whatever conversations that were being had suddenly ceased, only to immediately be replaced with fervent murmuring. I couldn’t really piece together what any of them were saying, but they were no doubt concerned that a massive biped that was double most of their heights just suddenly walked into the room with their leader. Not necessarily a bad thing to get panicked about, in all honesty.

Speaking of the room, the Hearing Chamber in question was quite ornate. The exits were evenly spaced apart from each other, and symmetrical from wall to wall. Big desks that were pressed together filled the middle of the room. They were wooden with this golden trim that was etched with some flowy-looking design pattern. The wood looked to be high quality, but I couldn’t make out what kind it was. I’m not exactly a tree expert. The ceiling was high, supported by massive pillars that seemed to be built into the walls, with a couple of pillars near the edges of the desks that weren’t connected. These pillars had similar patterns to the gold trim etched into them as well. I wasn’t sure, but I’d like to imagine this room abided by the size dimensions of the golden ratio. It certainly wouldn’t surprise me if it did.

Celestia took a seat at the end of one of the tables, motioning for me to sit next to her on her right. Luckily they provided cushions rather than chairs in this room, so I simply sat on the one provided. I was going to sit in the seiza position, but figured my feet would probably fall off before the Hearing was over if I did, so I decided to sit cross-legged instead. It was easier and a bit more comfortable, too. The desk was a little lower to the ground than I was used to, but I could make do.

Now that I was sitting, I could get a good look at all the ponies that were here. From what I could count, there were eleven sitting at the desks, including Celestia and myself. Four guards stationed at each doorway with a fifth near Celestia. From what I could tell, there was definitely an uneven distribution between the types of ponies here, as of the other 9 ponies sitting, five of them were unicorns, two were pegasi, and two earth ponies. I wasn’t really sure what I was expecting regarding that, but based on how their society operates, I assumed there would be a bit more of an even distribution.

The murmuring that was prevalent throughout suddenly ceased as Celestia raised one of her front hooves. “Mares and Gentlecolts, this 6,576th proceeding of the Equestrian Royal Hearings will now commence. As I’m sure nearly all in the room are aware, these Hearings are in place to ensure that the troubles and needs of the citizens of Equestria are not only brought to light, but resolved in a peaceful, constructive manner, as well.

“As you all have noticed,” She motioned over to me, an act I very much wanted to protest, before continuing. “I have brought a guest with me today. His name is Franco Herman, and he is of a subspecies of ape called ‘human.’ I believe he is quite a popular topic of discussion amongst certain groups of ponies due to his origin and unique appearance. I will be trying him out for the position of Hearing Analyst at this proceeding. As such, I put forth the motion to accept him as a candidate.”

Unsurprisingly, murmurs immediately started back up after she announced what I was going to be doing.

“Are you sure that’s wise, Your Majesty?” A black unicorn spoke up. Honestly, I kinda have a hard time remembering any of their names, save one. However, if I recall correctly, this one was named… Black Bolt, I think…?

She gave that same shit-eating grin that I saw from her study earlier. “If his credentials are in question, would it please the court if I submitted his G.I test results?”

Once she saw the slow nodding coming from everyone else in the room, her horn glowed golden and a singular paper appeared in front of her in a flash of light. The page levitated over to the objecting unicorn. He took a moment to look at it, then eventually at me, then back at the paper again.

“I-is this result accurate, Your Majesty?”

“Quite impressive, isn’t it?” She made sure to look over at me while saying it. I merely rolled my eyes in response.

As the page made its way around the other tables, the black unicorn once more continued his onslaught of superfluous clarity questions that quite literally no one asked for.

“What was your name?” This one was directed at me this time. At least, I assume so. He was looking at me when he asked it, at the very least.

Oh what, now you want to know my name only after you’re interested? Fuck off. “Why do you ask a question you already know the answer to? Or were you not paying attention when your leader introduced me?” Considering all he had done so far was ask stupid questions, I figured rhetoric was an efficient way of getting him to stop.

It was apparently a bit too good of a method, as he seemed utterly taken aback. It even looked like he flinched a bit. Who does he think he’s kidding? Try to get him off my back, and this is what he does? Is he a child?

“Franco.” Celestia sternly spoke up next to me. “I believe there was a more cordial way of introducing yourself.”

Ah. So she won’t let me perform poorly. Seems kinda obvious in hindsight. If I perform poorly, it’s a poor reflection on her, too. Especially since she’s personally recommending me for the position. Was afraid of that. Fine then. I suppose I’ll have to try and find a way to do as mediocre a job as possible. Perhaps that will prevent me from needing to do this in the future. “Right. Of course.” I took a deep breath to steel myself for all the shit I was likely going to have to put up with for the rest of the day. “Franco Herman. Former detective, LAPD.”

“LAPD?” one of the pegasi echoed.

Oh lovely. Now I have to deal with this too on top of whatever Celestia’s looking for. And for as long as I’m in a courtroom setting, I can’t lie, derail the conversation, or simply ignore the question like I’d normally be able to. I sighed. “Initials for the citing agency I was a part of and the city of its jurisdiction. Los Angeles Police Department, thus the acronym: LAPD.”

“What kind of city is this ‘Los Angeles?’” A different unicorn- this one was red- spoke up.

I narrowed my eyes at that one. “Do keep in mind that we are debating my worthiness to participate. I don’t believe that question is relevant to my credentials. Either I’m qualified for this or not, regardless of the nature of my hometown.” If I let them ask whatever question pops into their brain, this will go on for way too long. I have not the patience to deal with that. I have to get this back on track so that we can continue and I can get the fuck out of here.

“Y-yes, of course…” The red one tentatively affirmed.

“Ah, I believe that display should be more than enough to prove yourself, old chap.” There was one unicorn with a monocle that spoke up. He had a refined- I wanna say British?- accent, and was even dressed in a small, expensive-looking vest that covered some of the top half of his torso. Quite a strange sight, honestly. He also had a name so stupid I refuse to even write it down. It was quite literally the only reason I remembered his name.

“Indeed, I do believe you’ve displayed all the qualities needed for the position thus far.,” he continued. “Quick-witted, straight to the point, and I must say this is the highest score on a G.I. test I’ve ever seen! Admittedly, I am a bit jealous of Her Grace for finding you before me. It is no wonder she recommends you for this position.”

Definitely a people-pleaser, this one. Not really surprised he made it far enough to have a position like this. I happened to look over at Celestia and found her smiling contently in her seat. He even has his leader melting in his hands. Hooves. Whatever.

“All in favor?” Celestia finally asked.

Hooves slowly raised into the air one by one. Of the nine council members, three of the unicorns and both pegasi had their hooves raised.

At this point it was mostly just for formality’s sake, but she followed up. “All opposed?”

Of the four that were left that had yet to vote, three of them raised their hooves. The last one, an earth pony, left out his vote. Not really sure why, perhaps he was just indifferent?

“Motion granted.” She slammed her hoof down on a soundblock, making a similar noise I’d expect a gavel to make. “The court approves Mr. Franco Herman as a candidate for the position of Hearing Analyst. Would a council member bring forth the first complaint?”

The shuffling of papers immediately started as all the other ponies scrambled to get their stuff together. Using this opportunity, Celestia leaned over to me and whispered, “I will deal with the first one to give you a good idea of how an Analyst should do their duties.”

I nodded my understanding. Having a frame of reference would certainly help in this context. This may not be my first time in a courtroom setting, but it would be my first time not simply being here as a witness. At this point, any amount of extra data was more than welcome.

Once all the other council members were sorted, the unicorn with the monocle stood up, levitating a paper up with him at eye level. “Right then. Let’s begin with an important one that was submitted in my jurisdiction.” He cleared his throat before reading,

“‘Your Majesty,

I seek yours and the Council’s humble aid with a dilemma I’m currently dealing with. I’ve noticed my parents having more and more arguments when they think I’m not looking. I have began to worry I might be the reason why they’re fighting so much. Is there any advice you can give me that you think might help?

From,
Miss Autumn Wind’”

Celestia had closed her eyes and nodded at the request. Presumably, she already had an answer to deal with this, or at least some idea as to how to handle it. It was very fortunate that I did as well.

“Thoughts, Franco?” She asked.

So much for handling the first one. I rolled my eyes. “Her parents are likely going through financial trouble and don’t want her to know about it. She should just be direct and ask them if getting something like a part-time job would help.”

“I object! How in the world would you know something like that based on this letter? You didn’t even read it to confirm its contents!” One of the unicorns piped up. The only distinctive feature I remember about her at the moment was that she was red. I think her name was Summer Blaze? Some nonsense of that caliber. “There isn’t any possible way to know if even half of what you’re asserting is true!”

How in this world do you not? I had to bite my tongue to prevent saying that out loud. “Context is everything, and she gave us more than enough to work with. For starters, it’s easy to deduce that she’s a teenager. Her noticing her parents’ arguing so frequently implies she lives with them, and her incorrect verb usage despite having good sentence structure, and her inability to exhaust all of her options prior to contacting her local government for help in such a matter shows that she is naive and immature. She has yet to acquire the life experience needed to deal with an issue like this on her own. And, obviously, she can’t exactly ask her parents for help in such a matter, can she?”

“Y-yes, but-”

She didn’t get far before I interrupted. “Furthermore, her eagerness to reach out for help and her parents’ willingness to cease arguing once they find that she’s been listening in tells us that she likely does not come from an abusive household and that they don’t want to bother her with the issue they’re having. Meaning, it’s extremely likely that the reasons they’re arguing in the first place have nothing to do with her. The singular most likely cause in this context is that one of them either lost their job or got a lower paying job, so they’re struggling to figure out how to handle their finances, causing untold amounts of stress which would lead to arguing. Even if my assumption ends up being wrong, Autumn Breeze simply being direct and asking what she can do to help is the best option she has for easing tensions in the household. Telling her to ask such a specific question is both for her benefit and a safety measure. It implies that she’s trying to pay close attention to what’s going on, and shows her parents that she cares while also getting the government involved in her family affairs as little as possible.” Effectively, all we’re really telling her to do here is to exhaust all her options she has available first before coming back if the problem persists. Why this wasn’t the first option everyone else saw as well is apparently far beyond my understanding.

I stared at her as she seemed to struggle to find what to say next, as was nearly every other council member. I didn’t want to add this, but the only other possibility that came to mind was that her mother had an affair, and her father found out the hard way or vice versa, hence why they would stop arguing when she was around. Of course, if that’s the case, it’s better she finds that out sooner rather than later. Directly asking them what she can do to help is the best option she’s got, regardless of what’s actually going on in that household.

“Ob-objection withdrawn…” She finally stammered out.

Oh no, you won’t get away that easily. I’m not done with you yet. “One last thing. ‘I didn’t even read it to confirm its contents?’ Why would I need to do something like that? My understanding of Equestrian law is that the Hearing Analyst does not actually need to see a copy of the complaint or request being brought forth. It is the responsibility of the select few council members to dictate said complaints and requests as accurately as they are written under penalty of a small fine should they not comply. ERS Code 21-411, I believe. I have a copy of your own lawbook to confirm, if you’d like a review.”

Despite my intentions, I didn’t actually harbor much ill will towards this one. I just needed to make an example out of her so that the rest of them would see what happens if they try to pull the nonsense that she tried. I am no fool; I could clearly see she was trying to take advantage of what she assumed was an inexperienced rookie. Unfortunately for her, this job thus far proved to be fairly similar to getting witness statements, an act I am quite familiar with and used to be very proficient at. There was no way I was letting that slide. Also, getting them in line in such a way allows this to go faster, and makes them more accurate for fear of being called out to such a humiliating and ruthless degree. Little something I picked up on from military boot camp, despite never actually getting to use it until this point. Never thought it would come in handy, let alone here.

I saw her shrink in her seat in response, clearly unhappy with the outcome she got. It was like a pouting little brat that didn’t get their way for the first time. Obnoxious, but at least I no longer had to worry about her stepping out of line for the remainder of the trial.

I heard Celestia clear her throat next to me. “I believe such an offer is not necessary, as the council members are required to know all of the Title 21 ERS codes.”

Huh. Didn’t expect her to back me up on that one. I guess that explains why she didn’t stop me from chewing into the red one over there when she had the chance.

“That being said,” she continued, “While your solution and the reasoning behind it may be sound, it is not perfect.”

...Beg pardon? It’s the best answer available, who cares if it’s perfect?

“What you tell her to do and your intent as to why you wish her to do so are at odds with each other, are they not? If you do not wish for her to use this public service frequently, then why tell her to do something so specific that will undoubtedly make her reliant on it? Should this advice work and she sees Royal Hearings as a way to personally benefit via social standing based on the answers you are willing to give her, she will simply become dependent upon them, and seek them out for even the most mundane of situations. Surely that was not your intent?”

I tried to rattle my brain for any appropriate response to her rebuttal, but none came to mind. It may have technically been based on an assumption, but the logic was sound. I also had no right to complain about the foundation, as I had just recently chewed someone out for attempting to call me out for the same thing. She trapped me to the extent that the only way out was to backpedal. Clever.

Damn it, I should have seen that possibility. If I ended up overlooking such an obvious outcome, my social skills have deteriorated more than I- Wait... It took me a minute to fully process what she was actually telling me here, then it finally clicked. Wait, I was right about her true intentions in placing me here, I was just looking at them from the wrong angle. It’s not about how much of my actions are fake, it’s about how much that facade has ruined my social skills. She placed me here just to test me again. And I fell for it. Again.

“Very well,” I begrudgingly replied. “What would you suggest, then?” Considering, y’know, you were the one that said you would handle this.

“Might I suggest that instead of asking a specific question, she takes a less specific approach and simply asks her parents if there’s anything troubling them? This would resolve the conflict of intent with the other option, as well as instill some measure of confidence that she had the answer she sought before even coming to us with the dilemma in the first place. Would this not make her less reliant upon this service as you were hoping for?”

I could see the other ponies on the council were slowly looking over towards each other and nodding, a faint murmur of approval being echoed across the room accompanying it.

“Perhaps so…” I had given the option some consideration, and found it lacking. “Perhaps not. The possibility exists that it could not be a good enough answer depending on what exactly her parents argue about. Should the topic be more severe that what was implied, asking a more specific question and still getting a dismissive answer should clue her in that she should be digging deeper. Whether it be with our help or not is irrelevant. Asking an indistinct question is easier to dismiss, and while that may cause her to not use this service again, it would be for the wrong reasons, would it not? Again: telling her to ask a specific question is not just a benefit to her, but also a failsafe that we would be foolish not to use.”

The room got eerily quiet after my rebuttal. I suppose adding the “foolish” part at the end wasn’t exactly necessary, but I didn’t care. It became clear that in order to get out of this as fast as humanly possible, I would need to do better. Get it right the first time and move on. And I believed that the answer I gave was the best option, given what we had to work with.

I could see Celestia deep in thought, her hoof raised to her chin with her eyes closed. Eventually her hoof lowered, and she spoke. “‘Tis a risky option, but an interesting point to make, to be sure. I do not suspect her household is as bad as this failsafe would imply, but I suppose I cannot argue with the logic behind it. Very well. If there are no more objections, we can try this approach. Just do not be surprised if we get more submissions from Miss Autumn Wind in the future. I suspect this will cause more problems than it will fix should it backfire.”

Wait, so she also saw the possibility of adultery and still wants to give this option a try? I took this option knowing that might be possible, but I don’t see much of a problem in cluing her in that something like that is going on. I mean, she’ll find out eventually either way, won't she? Operating under that assumption, we are simply granting her a boon in exchange for fucking off and not coming to us with problems that she should be dealing with on her own.

With the rest of the room still displaying the ominous quiet from earlier, Celestia flashed forth a piece of parchment and a quill, (again, what’s wrong with pens or pencils in this country is a mystery I still haven’t the foggiest idea on how to solve) and quickly scribbled the answer I gave. She levitated it over so that I could see what she wrote, with me giving a quick nod of approval before it passed around the council.

I could see each council member slowly nod their approval one by one, with the monocled one giving his approval a bit too eagerly for my liking. Clearly already trying to weasel in some favor with me. For what possible reason he had to try this, I did not know, nor did I care, but it would not work either way. With the reply acceptable to nearly all in the room, the only exception being the same earth pony that didn’t vote before, it was thus approved, and with a flash of light from Celestia, it was sent off.

Surprisingly, most of the rest of the notes presented from the council members were fairly arbitrary, mundane tasks that offered significantly less logical thought prowess than I was expecting. There were certainly none that implied severe moral repercussions depending upon the answer we gave like the first question we took. Some of the- I hesitate to call them “noteworthy,” but for lack of a better term- letters included such fun conundrums as: Should I go to this high society party and ditch my friends in the process? Do you have any advice on getting my family to not embarrass me for a school presentation? And, my personal favorite: Is it safe to mix chemical cleaning solutions I found under my sink to get a more thorough clean?

The answer to the last of these was, unfortunately, no. I was, however, very seriously considering saying yes to it. Anyone who’s dumb enough to ask a question of that caliber in the first place would have inevitably gotten a- what were they called? Oh, yes- Darwin award in record time. Typically curiosity is a good thing to have in one’s youth, but too much of it can lead to a particularly shorter end than one might expect. At least, that’s the case if you’re not careful, anyway.

Regardless, the rest of the Hearing went by fairly quick, especially considering the sheer volume of requests presented. There were no others I found to be worth my time, save one. Right at the very end, no less. It was presented by the one earth pony that had been refusing to vote to a large extent. Very rarely did I ever see him participate, so him suddenly including himself into the hearing was a bit of a surprise.

“There is one more from my jurisdiction, your Highness.” It was the first time I heard him speak. Apparently he only brought one complaint with him. Looking back, I can definitely see why.

“‘Dear Princess Celestia,

I don’t know what to do or how to even ask this, but I had this friend who broke our friendship. There was this group that came by town a while back that got into his head and whispered whatever he wanted to hear to get him to join them. It worked, and now I’ve lost my only friend and ain’t got no idea on how to get him back.

Please help in whatever way you can.

-Bright Light’

“For reference,” he continued, “This letter came from the outskirts of Dodge City.”

I knew not what this meant, but the others in the room seemed to. The rest all had similar stumbled looks upon their faces.

“Meaning…?” My attempt at fishing for information could have been more subtle, I suppose, but depending upon who we were dealing with in this note, the direct approach seemed the best to take.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “This group is a wanderin’ band of ponies. They ain’t even native to the country, so if they’re already at Dodge City, this is already a problem we shoulda been dealin’ with.”

Hm… So they’re nomadic? Still doesn’t tell me enough. Need more information if I’m to answer this appropriately. I hadn’t paid this much heed at the time, but him suddenly slipping back into a really thick southern accent sticks out to me now that I think about it. I guess I know better than anyone that old habits die hard. “What of this group? Do we have any intel on them?”

“Not much. Apparently they occasionally pick up a few extra members that wanna join their cause along the way. Unfortunately, they can cause a might of damage if they’re left t’their own devices. Rippin’ members out of a local community is devastating to the area’s populace for a number of reasons. We should be dealin’ with this menace as quickly as we can.”

“Cause”…? “And what is this cause of theirs? Do we know?”

He shook his head. “The group likes to keep their secrets. We ain’t even got a name to call ‘em. We had been hearin’ some word-of-mouth rumors a while back about a travelin’ group like this ‘round the border of the country, but up until ‘bout three months ago, this group was silent. Apparently they worked their way up from the Badlands, into Appleloosa, and then into Dodge City in that time and’ve been recruitin’ ponies to join them at every stop.”

Sounds like a cult of some sorts, but we’re working with next to nothing here. We don’t know what their goal is, or for that matter how or why they’re recruiting people. Hell, we don’t even know what kind of damage they’re actually causing. Ripping individuals from a community is one thing, but with the amount of time they’re actually spending in each area, the individuals in question that were recruited might have left at any other opportunity presented to them. I suppose it’s possible that they’re using magic to recruit others to their cause so quickly, but even that’s unlikely due to their low recruit rate. We just don’t have anywhere near as much information as we should. Guess that should be our first method of approach to see what’s going on.

I took a glance over at Celestia to find her seemingly stuck with this. Cults here apparently aren’t as common as they are back home. Quite a number of them were running around in fairly unlikely places. Liz once told me of a group she had to deal with when she was younger. She withheld the name of the cult from me, presumably out of spite to them, but according to her, they were Satanic in nature. The cult was based in the outskirts of Granada Hills, spilling over a little into Santa Clarita by consequence, and was active until the early 30’s before getting shut down. Apparently they were some remnant of a larger string of cults from the 1980’s in which their practices were reportedly far more widespread. Whether or not they actually were more active during that time and the reports from that time being accurate have yet to be determined from all the hysteria surrounding them due to old media coverage. From what Liz told me, she believed they started a little north of the Compton area, (I think that’s called Lynwood? I never got a lot of cases in that area, so I don’t remember off the top of my head.) merged with some of the bigger cults around the area, and then when they started getting arrested in the 1990’s, they split off and went way north in an effort to avoid being caught but still being close enough so that they could keep meeting in and around the LA area. Presumably their contacts for whatever degenerate acts they wanted to partake in were too valuable to give up. Taking them down apparently wasn’t easy, but she meticulously recorded every method she used against them that worked and subsequently taught me all of them, should I have found myself in a similar situation if she happened to not be around. Admittedly, I don’t remember every method off the top of my head anymore, only the most effective ones, but I figured that should have still been enough to stop whoever this group was if they were to get out of control. Liz’s over-preparedness and meticulous nature helped even here, and I think only here did it finally begin to sink in to me exactly how much prep work Liz truly did. A part of me even wonders whether she expected something like this to happen.

“As it stands,” I started, shifting my glance from Celestia to the earth pony. “I don’t believe we have enough information to effectively resolve the issue in question.”

“Of all the darn-!” I could see him get visibly angry, the only emotion I think he displayed while being here. “We need t’do-”

“-Which is why,” I had no choice but to interrupt. All too frequently have I seen situations similar to these turn sour at a split-second’s hesitation. “I would propose we send some sort of specialist or military personnel to discreetly gather intel about them that we need. Perhaps then we can accurately devise a plan to have them dealt with if need be.”

“I concur,” Celestia finally piped up. “‘Tis a sensible approach. Without even a name to call this group, it would be difficult to determine what must be done, if we even need to do anything at all.”

Wow. I think for once we’re finally on the same page about something. That’s a surprise. I’d prefer her to not outright steal my answers, though.

“With all due respect, Princess, if’n we don’t figure out somethin’ to do ‘bout this group, they’ll just keep takin’ ponies away from their families.” I remember him losing his composure making the accent come out worse. He apparently tries very hard to keep it concealed, at least in a courtroom setting, anyway.

Oh great, so he’s just going to ignore that this was originally my point. “Make no mistake, I am not suggesting we do nothing. Gathering as much intelligence as we can will allow us to determine whether they are a public menace that should be handled accordingly or not. Unless, of course, you happen to know what their goals are and why they’re even interested in recruiting others to their cause in the first place?”

“What does that gotta do with anythin’?”

Ah. I see he doesn’t speak, not because he feels as though he doesn’t have to, but because he has nothing intelligent to say. “Everything. For instance: do we know for certain that they are deliberately recruiting others with the intent to wreak as much havoc upon their visited locales’ infrastructure as possible? Assuming the worst: that they are, why take so few individuals from these places? After all, it would be far more devastating to rip as many as they can from their homes, no? And yet, reportedly, that isn’t happening. Is it not simply possible that they are charismatic enough to persuade those around them to follow? Or, perhaps, their goals are perceived as just and moral, and those with certain ideological proclivities ask to join them rather than vice-versa?”

It’s almost as if I could visibly see the gears in his head slowly start to turn, grinding against each other in some lousy attempt at a thought process.

“Such questions are merely scraping the tip of the iceberg in comparison to the amount of information we do not have. Making a decision now is reckless at best, and utterly disastrous at worst. Gathering intelligence is quite literally the only viable option we have at the moment, lest we endanger the citizens who joined them. I am, however, open to any suggestions you’d care to make.”

A few minutes passed with the earthy pony seemingly struggling to find any semblance of an answer in that head of his. Eventually, he gave an exasperated sigh. “Gah. Fine. I don’t like it one bit, but much as I hate to admit it, ‘yer smarter’n I am. If this’s the best plan we got, I’ll go ‘long with it. We ain’t got no one like who ‘yer suggestin’ down anywhere near Dodge Junction or Appleloosa though.”

I gave a brief glance over at Celestia, who nodded her understanding almost immediately.

“Worry not, the Crown will provide the necessary personnel and expenditure funding for such an endeavor. You need only point out the group in question to the investigator we send.”

The earth pony gave a curt nod. “Mighty kind o’ya, Princess. Thank ‘ya. Both o’ya.”

Apparently not one for formalities in any sense of the word, he just got up from his seat and swiftly left the room. The anger over the decision was clear, certainly, but given how literally no one else in this room was phased by his sudden departure, I’m inclined to believe he just gets up and leaves whenever he feels like it.

“Well, I believe that should be all for the day.” Celestia started. “Thus concludes the 6.576th Royal Hearing of Equestria. Dismissed.”

Slowly but surely all the participants of the hearing rose from their seats and began to shuffle outside of the hearing chamber. The red pegasus that I made an example of was the second to leave, barely even waiting for Celestia’s dismissal. To her credit, at least she bothered to wait, unlike the other one. The unicorns made their way out after that, save he who shall not be named. He came up next to Celestia to whisper something to her before he left. What they discussed, I do not know, nor do I care. I have zero interest in pursuing that matter in any capacity at the moment, and I believe it may very well take a miracle to get me to care enough to even want to pursue it in the first place.

Soon all the council members had dispersed, their seats empty, and in some cases strewn about. Celestia waved her hoof, and almost immediately the few guards that were actually in the room left as well. With one movement, we were alone. A still silence engulfed the air around us, a stark contrast to the prior hearing we had just partaken in. With this newfound silence came an overwhelming sense of dread, for I knew what came next.