Lost Soul

The next morning started like any other. I awoke far earlier than I should have, in no small part because I didn’t want that night Princess rummaging through my thoughts at her leisure. Especially so since she apparently decides to divulge extremely personal information at the drop of a hat. Had it not been for the fact that she was a Princess, she would most definitely have been fired for such behavior back home. As a matter of fact, even if she was a Princess back home, she would have been at least reprimanded by whatever the governing body was for said hypothetical nation in question. Checks and Balances are the best system of government for a reason. Prevents stupid bullshit like this from happening in the first place, and even gives solid options for cleaning up a mess like that after the fact.

At any rate, the rest of my morning was fairly typical. Well, typical for someone residing in a palace, at the very least. It was quite strange, trying to adjust to accommodations that would have been so far above my means back home. Detectives aren’t exactly six figure earners, and it’s not really even a respected position either. You would think that a job that’s crucial for ensuring the safety of the citizens around you would at least give better benefits or something. Now that I had been away from the position for long enough, I was able to take a step back to really weigh the pros and cons of being a detective in the first place, and the only question that kept getting brought up in my head was “Why on Earth did Liz refuse the FBI so many times?” Being a part of the FBI couldn’t possibly be that much worse from being a detective for the LAPD in terms of the quality of cases that you’d come across, and I very much doubted the possibility that she wouldn’t have been able to handle the workload, so why? Why refuse them so vehemently? She must have had some reason… I suppose mulling over questions I’ll never get the answer to is a waste of my time. Really should have asked her about this years ago.

I happened to stumble across some books that were kept in the room, so to pass the time and help keep my mind off some things, I decided to skim over them. I half expected them to be some sort of religious text, as hotels and motels back home were very notorious for putting such texts in every room they rented out. Instead, they turned out to be some history textbooks covering all sorts of periods from Equestria’s history. In this context, I suppose in some strange way it’s basically the equivalent. From what I was able to skim, the one book I read covered a brief period right before the founding of the nation, detailing some of the endeavors of someone named Clover the Clever. Apparently true to his name, Clover found himself in quite a number of dangerous situations that he always managed to just barely scrape his way through. Honestly, the only thing this book was missing was having Clover occasionally say “Your next line will be…” That was the sort of feel I got from the guy. Not sure if that was just this author embellishing him up or not, though. Typically historical accounts are filled with bias anyway, so it wouldn’t surprise me if someone who really liked this guy wanted to stroke his long-since-dead ego.

My light reading was interrupted by a few hard knocks on the door. Uncharacteristic of Twilight, whose knocks were far lighter by comparison, so I could safely conclude that this was definitely someone else. Without any peephole on the door, I apprehensively opened it to reveal some pony I’d never seen adorned in some sparse golden armor. He was white, much like most of the rest of the guard I’d seen thus far, with blue hair and some strange purple star adorned his chestplate.

“Princess Celestia requests your presence.”

I’m curious as to what she wants of me. Since she asked so casually, one would assume it’s not important, but then again, she tried to disguise a cold case as a portion of a test, so I really don’t know what to expect here. I moved through the door, closing it behind me as I stepped near the guard. I expected him to lead the way to where Celestia wanted me, but he just stood there staring at me.

Not really sure what you’re waiting for, dude.

He stared up at me for far longer than anyone should, especially considering how little I know of him. He stood for what felt like an age before finally speaking again.

“I see…” He nodded, not at me necessarily, more like in my general direction. “I was told you dispatched an entire pack of timberwolves by yourself. Now I think I see why.”

Well that’s a first. I don’t believe I’ve ever been praised for slaughtering some woodland creatures before. Was that even praise, actually?

“Tall, fairly large frame that you clearly know how to use to your advantage. Think you’d be willing to spar with me sometime? I could use the practice against larger opponents, and it never hurts to be too prepared.”

His question caught me off-guard. So far, he was the only one actively showing an interest in combat. Usually, most of the questions I had gotten up until this point were either nonsensical small talk or unbelievably naive. This one must be an exception. He’s probably high up on his military ladder for it.

I had made it down the hall, and just as I was about to make a left, the guard started walking over near me. “Princess Celestia’s study isn’t that way, y’know.”

I tried to contain my sigh to no avail as I stopped in my tracks. I turned around to find the guard a little bit ahead of me down the other direction, waiting for me to walk over to him. Grudgingly, I obliged, now following him as we moved through the corridors. Unfortunately my compliance with his request didn’t stop him from trying to engage in pointless small talk.

“Don’t really talk much, huh?” He took my silence as an answer and continued. “I get it. I think if I were in your position, I’d be pretty anxious, too. Can’t say I blame you for being a little on edge.”

You don’t even know half of it.

“By the way, since I have the chance to say it now…” He stopped in his tracks, forcing me to do the same. He dipped his head towards me, “Thanks for saving my sister.”

“...?” What? His sister?

He looked up and must’ve seen my confusion. “Oh! Sorry, I guess I should properly introduce myself before saying stuff like that. I’m Shining Armor, Twilight’s brother.”

At this point I vaguely remember Twilight mentioning that she had a sibling, but I don’t think I paid much attention when she started trying to name all her family to me. The only thing I got out of that conversation was that her and that dragon viewed each other as brother and sister and that she had one more sibling, too. Didn’t know who it was until now. Actually, thinking back, they might have told me all the way back then, I probably just didn’t care.

I guess this would partially explain Twilight’s neurotic organizational skills. Probably something she picked up in part from him, if their military trains their troops the same way mine did to me.

“She’s taken quite a liking to you from the sound of it. Thanks for looking out for her when I couldn’t.”

I’m… kinda surprised. I half expected him to be overprotective and threaten me the same way Celestia did. “...You’re probably not giving your sister enough credit. Pretty sure she could’ve handled herself without my help.”

“If I know my sister as well as I think?” he smiled. “Yeah, probably. Still, you put yourself in harm’s way to help out not just my sister, but Ponyville, too. That’s worth something, right?”

“If you insist it is,” I shrugged. From the sound of things, I am nearly 100% certain that Twilight and her friends could have cleaned up that whole mess without me. If everyone can do the same thing you can, it doesn’t really feel like that much of an accomplishment even if you manage to pull something like that off, does it? Besides, I did the equivalent all the time back home, and never once received thanks for it. What sense is there in accepting praise for such things now?

“Wow. I’m not sure whether to be impressed or completely terrified by that shrug.”

“...Hm?” Alright, not really sure how to read this one yet. He’s either too perceptive for his own good, or a weirdo. Quite possibly both. High perception usually leads to a combination of both.

“If you’re willing to shrug off an accomplishment like that, your home must be filled with worse creatures than timberwolves to deal with.”

I might have laughed at that once. “In a sense, you aren’t wrong. One could argue that I hunt creatures like that for a living.”

I could see him gawk at me long enough to nearly walk into the wall now in front of him. Fortunately for him, he stopped in enough time to avoid that outcome. “Okay, now we need to spar. I can’t pass up an opportunity like that.”

...He knows I’m speaking in hyperbole, right? I also can’t tell whether that’s bloodlust or he’s just really competitive. It actually could have been both had his country been at war. Either way this is a change of pace suited to me much more than simply farm work or random village errands. It’s also a pretty good training opportunity for me, as well. Staying sharp on the field of battle seems like it’ll be a necessity for as long as I’m here. I suppose I should accept.

“Shining Armor, was it?”

He simply nodded his response, finally moving away from the wall he nearly walked into.

“I’ll accept your offer. Tell me a time and place, and we can spar.”

He beamed up at me, clearly excited from my answer. “How about after you’re done with the task the Princess has planned for you today?”

“I guess that depends on what Celestia’s planning,” I shrugged.

He continued to walk down the corridor with me not too far behind him. “That you’ll have to see for yourself, from what I was told.”

So either he doesn’t know, or he’s not at liberty to say. Damn. Well, it was worth a shot, at least.

I nodded my response as we ventured forth. The corridors in the palace were long and unnecessarily convoluted. It wouldn’t be so bad if they had something like street names to label them, but you could only really go off of landmarks, which wasn’t always reliable as there were some hallways that either had nothing in them, or the exact same things in them in the exact same places. My sense of direction is decent with extremely limited information, and obviously better when I have more time to prepare, but this place was just an absolute nightmare to navigate. Makes me feel like a rat in a cardboard labyrinth.

Despite the obviously terrible time trying to memorize some of the layout of the palace on the way, the walk over wasn’t that bad. Tedious, sure, but we made it to the intended destination within a few minutes. Said destination was something like a study room with a decent amount of bookshelves lining the place along with a couple of tables with chairs set up around them. Upon our arrival to the room, Celestia could very easily be seen sitting at one of the aforementioned tables, craning her head down to read a book. A cup of tea was currently suspended in the air near her face, her horn glowing a light golden color to indicate that it was her magic performing the task.

She glanced over at us after we walked in through the door. We had made a decent amount of noise, so I would have been surprised had she not heard us.

“Ah, right on time.” A smirk was plastered all over her face as she greeted us. I surmised this was her way of baiting people into stupid conversations, which I’m usually rarely in the mood for.

If you think I’m gonna fall for that, you’re dead wrong.

I had stayed quiet, but apparently Shining Armor either hasn’t had this pulled on him enough to catch on, or he just likes stupid conversations. “Princess, pardon me if I’m mistaken, but I don’t believe you gave me a timeframe in which I had to bring Franco over…”

“Oh?” I could see a sly grin form on her face for a brief second before completely shifting to a more neutral expression. “Are you saying I’m mistaken, Captain?”

“Wha-? No! I-” Shining Armor stumbled over himself so frequently in such a short timeframe, I would have mistaken him for being drunk had I not known better. Also, apparently there was a third correct option to him taking the bait: him being an idiot.

I can’t believe he fell for that. Either he’s screwing around or the bar for becoming Captain amongst their ranks is so low that it’s buried into the ground. I rolled my eyes. “I would hope you didn’t bring me all the way here just to make me watch you mess with him.”

Her smile returned, this time directed at me. “And this is why I think you’ll do wonderfully with the task at hoof today.”

A confused Shining Armor stood there dumbfounded as she levitated the book from the table that she was reading over to me. Scanning the cover of the book, I noticed it was a law book. If I recall correctly, the title was “Equestrian Revised Statutes MCXXIII Ed.”

“You may very well not end up needing or even using it, but everypony else that has attempted to do this job said that it was helpful to have.” Her horn stopped glowing after she saw me take the book.

“And what exactly is it you want me to do?”

“I would like to see how you fare with being a Hearing Analyst at a Royal Hearing.”

Considering I had absolutely no fucking clue was a Royal Hearing was, the significance of her request was lost to me, but not to Shining who had snapped upright when he heard it.

“Y-your Highness, are you sure about this? Asking him to do a Royal Hearing might be a bit too much...”

“I disagree.” She had apparently decided to stop fucking around with him, as her answers became far more direct. “Actually, I believe he may very well be overqualified for this position. Besides, it’s not like he’d be alone in there.”

“I don’t have any idea what either of you are talking about.”

Shining gave a concerned stare as Celestia continued. “A Royal Hearing is a court proceeding upon which Royal Council members bring forth issues presented by the ponies they represent. The job I ask you to do is what’s known as a Hearing Analyst. It requires that you listen to the complaints brought forth and determine a suitable method for dealing with such grievances.”

I can’t really tell what she’s getting at here, but if she can read me as well as I think, she probably wants to know how much of the facade that I put up is fake. Isn’t this a bad test for that? I can just deliberately give bad answers more frequently than good ones and she shouldn’t be able to tell the difference, right? ...No, hold on, she already knows of the facade I put up, why would she check to see how much of it is fake? If she’s not doing it for that, then why put me through this? Is she really just looking to have me fill this position? Either way, the answer should be the same: give bad answers more than good ones and I don’t have to bother with it anymore. I am not here to be her courtroom lapdog. I have far too many high profile cases solved to be wasting my time on nonsense like this.

“...And why choose me for this, exactly? What makes you think I want a position like this?”

“Oh, I have a feeling you’ll hate the position. Most ponies that attempt to take the job do.” She smiled the most shit-eating grin I’ve ever seen plastered on her face. “But if you really want to know the reason I’m assigning this job to you, then I’ll tell you after you’re done with the Hearing today. Assuming you perform up to the standard you’re capable of, of course.”

Huh. So that’s how that feels. Being on the receiving end of such tactics is not a welcome change of pace, I can say that much for certain.

“Okay…?” I sighed.

Getting the mental run-around again was about as pleasant as I’d expected. Especially from the same person twice in two days. Celestia is more like Liz than I initially suspected. This mentality that drives them to this specific behavior must be prevalent in everyone that has the capacity for being a leader, apparently. They act so eerily similar that had I just been listening to the orders they give those under them, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell them apart. I would like to say it made me feel at home, but honestly? It’s really creepy.

“Feel free to review the ERS Codes before we head in, if you like. You can also bring the book in with you, if you think it will help. The proceedings begin in roughly twenty minutes.”

With that, she sat down on a nearby cushion and continued sipping on her tea, leaving Shining and I standing there basically completely dumbstruck, although for mostly different reasons. Everything that she does just always seems to go at her pace, with her in complete control over the situation at hand every time. Yet another quality she and Liz share. It really didn’t surprise me that she was able to be ruler for supposedly as long I’ve been told she has.

Figuring I’d probably need to brush up on some of the fundamentals of Equestrian Law, I opened the book to read whatever I could before I had to go in with her. I had a bad feeling it wasn’t going to go well, and getting whatever extra preparation I could get would most certainly help.