I'm Mojo Kitsune, your typical human guy.

"What do you think, hon? We swore we wouldn't live in the 'burbs."

Juniper Montage and I spent three years living out of my parents' house saving up for a house of our own and now it looked like we finally had it, mostly.

"I'd rather live in the hood if it meant getting outta your folks' house, so..."

I couldn't be mad at her for saying that. My parents were total nightmares, and she never complained.

"I think I can make it up to you." I snickered.

"Oh, yeah?" she giggled, pulling me into a kiss.

"Think there's some rooms that need consecrating."

"And we're gonna do it. In every. Single. One of them."

I was mostly just thrilled that I can finally have sex with my pony wife wherever and whenever we wanted without her parents walking through the door at the worst possible times.

"Mm, look at you being the king of your house." June chimed as we made out on the moving boxes.

We were finally free to be newlyweds...

So I thought.

"M-Mo, there's a mare in our yard." June stated.

She was just.......staring at us. And not like, 'Oops, didn't mean to see that'. More like, 'Hey, can I join in?'.

"Hello, my new neighbors!" she greeted cheerfully.

"Uh, hi." I waved.

"I'm Bumblesweet. You two look much younger and yummier than I expected."

She really said that.

'Yummy'.

Weird, right? It's not just me?

"H-Hey, I'm Juniper. And this is my husband, Mojo. We were just-"

"Heh, I know exactly what you two were doing, my new, naughty neighbors." Bumblesweet scoffed. "I see everything."

"Okay.....?" I uttered.

"Well, I just wanted to come by and welcome you to the neighborhood with this gift basket."

"Oh, thank you there." June hummed.

I swear to God, Bumblesweet grabbed June and sniffed her. Like a cat in heat about to mark her territory.

"Well, you two keep unpacking." Bumblesweet nodded. "The sun sets at 6:31, and these boxes need to be off this yard."

"What?" I said.

"HOA rule 17C, amendment three: no packaged items left unattended in the yard."

We'd finally gotten away from my parents' house and their stupid rules, and now this lady shows up. Plus, that rule made very little sense.

"A-According to who?"

"According to the HOA president, and that's me. Rules are rules."

And just when I thought the situation couldn't get any stranger...

"So, when you guys are finished unpacking, you really need to come over to my legendary game night. It's a blast of a night full of fun and debauchery. All the couples come over."

She actually said that.

'Fun and debauchery'.

"Who doesn't like games?" June scoffed.

"Great." Bumblesweet chimed. "See you soon."

I thought I knew what she meant.

I didn't.

Anyways, it was our first house, so I wanted everything to be perfect. But, my 'height-challenged' wife begged me to install a new door.

"Aww, June, I've never replaced a door." I whined.

"Well, 'TooYube' it, or something, 'cuz I need to see who's at the door." she sighed.

"Or......"

"Hehe, no, Mo. Replace the door first, and then we can break in any room you want."

What a cock tease...

"Urgh, it's so heavy."

"I got it, watch your hooves."

"Yay, I can see through the door!" June gasped playfully.

"You're missing the HOA president's approval to replace the front door."

Bucking Bumblesweet...

"Excuse me?" I said.

"Rule C15, amendment three: any changes done to the exterior of your home or yard must be requested in writing first for approval by me."

"Seriously?" June groaned.

"Rules are rules."

"But I can't see through the door."

"There's the greatest little shop in town that sells the cutest little high heel boots."

I didn't know if she was ripping on June's boots or ripping on her height.

Either way, not cool.

I remember thinking "What am I gonna have to do to get this friggin mare off my back?" I'm ashamed to say it, but I pretty much became obsessed with not letting Bumblesweet get the best of us.

"Here, one HOA application." I said, handing the paper to June. "You go deliver it to her personally."

I couldn't focus on anything else, not even sex. I was an insane person.

I know that now.

I had hand-delivered the lamb to the lion. And all I was thinking about was getting my damn door. The next day, I got my answer taped to the door.

"Girl is like a ninja out there, June."

"Who?"

"Bumblesweet just dropped off our HOA approval- DENIED?!"

I wasn't gonna let this strict hoe tell me what I could or couldn't do in my own house.

"Uh, Bumblesweet, the HOA denied our approval to change out our door."

"Now, Mojo, transitions can be frustrating." she stated. "You just need some time to relax. Why don't you and Juniper come over for game night on Saturday? It'll be fun!"

Clearly, this broad was on a power trip. And if playing games with the president of CrazyTown was gonna get me my front door, then fine.

I told myself if I could get through this night without being arrested for murder, I'd be golden.

"Everyone, this is Juniper and Mojo!"

At first, everyone seemed pretty normal.

"Now, let's get you two lubed up with my famous mai tai." a stallion greeted us.

I said 'At first'. They started saying things like "I can't wait to play with you." or "You two like to mix it up, or just watch?"

"Mix it up?" June scoffed. "Yeah, spectating's for posers."

Poor June. She was completely clueless about what we'd walked into.

"I think we're at a swingers party." I whispered in her ear.

"No way." she said.

"Look at the game."

"XXX: All Out Exposure"

"Uh.......oh..."

"Alright, everybody, it's time for sexy blocks!"

We were participating in a suburban geriatric sex party. At that point, I figured we just needed to ride it out til the end of the night. At least I'd get my door.

No harm, right?

"Ooh, June, you first." a mare chimed.

She picked up a card, and her face froze.

"H-Hon, what does it say?" I gulped.

"'Tear off the shirt of the person/pony to your right'." she read. "I have to do this?"

"Rules are rules." everyone stated.

She put the card down and turned to face the person to her right:

Me.

"B-But I like this shirt-"

RIP!!!

The room filled with ooh's and ah's as everybody saw my bare chest.

Things got.......pretty ugly...

"Ooooooooh, Misty, it says remove your top!"

REALLY fast. We let things go alot further than we ever imagined, all for a friggin' door.

"Okay.......'group spanking'!" Bumblesweet cheers.

It was time to get the hell outta there.

"H-Hey, listen, we gotta go." I said. "W-We got.......church in the morning."

"I got a priest costume in my suitcase!" a stallion stated.

It was one of the strangest nights of my life.

After game night, we resubmitted Bumblesweet's stupid form and waited for a week.

Aaaaaand DENIED.

"No, no, I'm not gonna lose to her. She's a crazy lady." I huffed. "We're going back over there."

What the hell did we have to do? We went to her dumb game night, humiliated ourselves, jumped through her ridiculous leather-bound hoops, so she OWED us that approval.

"Go easy on her, Mo."

"No promises-"

And there Freakazoid stood, ball gag and all.

NOT making that up.

"What a surprise!" she gasped, removing the accessory. "Didn't expect to see you two here. You didn't get the latex memo?"

And I had almost forgotten it's Saturday night........game night.

"We're not here to play games." I stated. "Okay, do you have something against us?"

"You're fiery, fun and young. What is there not to like?" Bumblesweet snickered.

"Then what'll it take to get this approval from you?"

"Honey, it's simple. Stay for game night tonight, and don't go home early."

"That is blackmail." June huffed.

"Rules. Are. Rules."

I admit, I was a little clueless. I really didn't realize how crazy this lady was. It wasn't about the door anymore, probably hadn't been for a long time. This was between Bumblesweet and me. And June?

Well, she was just the innocent bystander...

That gets SMASHED between two speeding trains.

"Welcome to the party, kids!"

This lady had a sex dungeon, and I couldn't get my damn door.

"Time for 20 sexy questions!"

"I'm going last this time." I nodded.

"Lyra," a mare uttered, reading a card. "Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?"

"In a boat." she stated. "During a boat show."

"Oooooooooh!" everyone howled.

"Oh, SPANK card!" Bumblesweet chimed. "But somepony else chooses who I spank. Alright.........Mojo, you choose."

Then, it hit me. I knew how we were gonna get that door.

"Who would you like to see me spank?"

Since the day we met her, she seemed to only want one thing.

"I choose.........June."

"What?!" June exclaimed.

"Well, get over here, little missy." Bumblesweet snickered.

"No, no, I'm good."

"You heard her, get over there." I said.

So........yeah, I guess I sold my wife's ass.

For a door.

"Damn it." she whined. "Please be gentle, please be- OW! That's not gentle!"

"Come on, honey, take it for me."

"Mo, I don't wanna take it! I don't wanna take- OUCH!"

I'm not proud of what I did, but we survived the night unscathed.

Mostly.

I went outside and saw a note on the door as Bumblesweet left the yard.

"Good morning, sex kitten." she winked. "Have a good day."

In the end, I got my new door.

I truly believe that the entire experience brought Juniper and I closer together.

"There you go." June sighed, laying faced down in bed. "Happy now?"

"Eeyup."

"Good, that makes one of us."

"Hey, babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Think we could get the HOA to approve a new deck?"

"Ughhhhhhhhh."

A new deck sounded nice, I'm sorry...

Juniper recovered before Mojo put that application in.

He bought her a pair of baggy pants and sent her over.

They got approved.

They eventually moved out of "FreakyTown".

Author's Note

The role of Mojo: MoJoK20X.