Clone-a-Pone™

THE WORLD’S FIRST SECOND EVER INSTANT PETS!

You are about to begin a NEW amazing hobby that is so fantastic, it STAGGERS THE IMAGINATION! With only ~~water~~ a single DNA swab and the ~~“crystals” in your Sea-Monkey® kit~~ $599.99 USD in your bank account, you will create INSTANT-LIFE®! Yes, you will raise up the world’s only living, breathing INSTANT-PET® amazing live ~~SEA-MONKEYS®~~ Clone-a-Pone™!

WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SEA-MONKEYS CLONE-A-PONE™

With the act of giving your ~~Sea-Monkeys®~~ Clone-a-Pone™ life, you join in the immensely rewarding experience of fellow hobbyists throughout the world! As a creator of ~~Sea-Monkeys®~~ Clone-a-Pone™, you share with them, the knowledge that through your willingness to explore the unknown, you have stepped across the threshold of one of the strange worlds of tomorrow’s science … TODAY!

HOW DOES IT WORK?

You, along with thousands of others of satisfied customers may find themselves asking questions like "What is this strange magical creature?", and "How has this company come into being overnight and suddenly fulfilled my every wish and dream?" Worry not, your queries may quander you no more! Read further for an answer.

Here at Clone-a-Pone™, we take the finest ~~brown apple cider~~ care in ensuring your DNA sample is handled carefully as it's transported to our analysis and production teams. There, we use a complicated, patented process to transform your single swab of saliva and mouth-tissue into a real life eating breathing huggable ~~fuckable~~ lovable pony!

Your pony may not resemble you physically, but thanks to our patented process of rearranging your DNA according to a random number and then adding a bit, you should find its appearance caters to your every fancy and desire—often sexually!

Outside of that, you and your pony will share every manifestation of your consciousness. Your pony should have your personality, your likes and dislikes, and an intense and inescapable desire to make you happy at all times. Some have debated whether or not this process can truly be called cloning.

We hope you enjoy your new Clone-a-Pone™ in a means of your choosing. Please consult our fully downloadable user manual for more information, available on our website at aych tee tee pee colon slash slash double yoo double yoo double yoo dot clone dash a dash pone trademark symbol dot com. We'll see you there! Ecksdee!