The Great Redneck War of Equestria

"All ponies remaining head to the Mall for free beer and somewhat attractive mares!"

Nightmare Moon's head jerked up at the announcement. "Captain Spitfire, what is this 'beer' they speak of?"

"Beer is like moonshine, but legal." Spitfire traced an 'X' on the ground sadly. "They banned moonshine 'bout hundred years back."

"What? How dare Celestia ban moonshine! Shadowbolt, craft a distillery! We have work to do."

Science Woona rubbed her temples. "Now? Of all times, now she's triggering the alert?" She fazed forlornly at the pile of moonstone. "You guys'll had to wait for your makeover. Woona AWAY!" She leaped into the void as a blue portal opened up.

"Haha! The pwning has been doubled! Gamer Luna cried into the headset as her camouflaged avatar assassinated a white hooded figure. We believe the correct term would be 'suck my dick, pussy!'!"

The headset garbled out into static as a telepathic message was sent to the Princess of Week Old Pizza. "Now?" She sighed and turned off her console. The link affirmed.

She groaned. She wanted to play Lollipop Chainsaw after Call of Dutes! Gamer Luna reluctantly walked into the blue ringed portal.

Molestia looked up from the manga she was reading. Whatever Equestrian Luna needed must be important!

"Lemme finish this last page of questionable manga art and I will be on my way," she garbled out in her thick, stereotype-ish accent.

The voice in her head sighed at it's embarrassing relative.

"Hey, yaoi is a beautiful concept!" Molestia defended. "It's just a little bestiality, that's all!"

The source of the voice threw up in her mouth a little bit. "Look, a limited edition Hetalia Italy doll!"

"Das miiiiiiiiine!" Molestia screeched as she soared into the portal.

"Howdy, y'all," Nightmare Moon began speaking to the assembly of Lunas before her. "Now that y'all know the rules, y'all can play. Badass Luna, did ya bring th' paintball guns?"

"Ah didn't know it was s'posed to be non-lethal weapons. Ya jus' said ta bring guns n' ammo." Badass Luna pointed a hoof behind her. "Can Ah go 'n git muh paintball 'n BB rifles?"

Nightmare Moon nodded and Badass Luna left via portal. A couple very awkward minutes later, Badass Luna returned from an orange portal, appearing to be a walking mound of artillery.

"Thank ya fer yer charit'ble donation, Badass Luna," Nightmare Moon said.

""Mmfgudmul," Badass Luna replied.

"EveryLuna take arms," Nightmare commanded. CthLuna seemed especially eager to grab a semi-automatic BB rifle with her black mouth-tentacles.

"Pillage the others! Take whatever you need to build a distilling tank!"Nightmare Moon cried as she sat behind Spitfire on Bumpkin Luna's four-wheeler. "Tonight," she paused for dramatic effect. "We ride! Yah!" She kicked Spitfire's sides to make her rev the vehicle.

The Lunas cheered. "YEAH!"

A musclebound white pegasus popped out of the bushes behind them. "YEAH!" Then he slowly slipped back into the bushes when the army of Lunas whirled around to stare at him.

Cyborg Lungs raised a hoof meekly. "Should we go after him?"

"Go! He heard our plans to make moonshine! Go! GO!"

Cyborg Luna, Mentally Unstable Luna, and TrolLuna charged into the woods after the pony who was clearly on steroids.

"Twilight Sparkle and the one called Applejack had materials to make moonshine," Eerily Calm Luna said calmly.

"Psychic Luna, Six Million Dollar Luna, LUNA-5000, go get the supplies!" Nightmare Moon commanded.

"NIGHT. WILL. LAST. FOREVER." LUNA-5000 replied.

After a few minutes of planning, Nightmare Moon laid out the full plan. "Got it?" She asked, looking for raised hooves. "And for the third time, we are not slaughtering all the other races, Racist Luna!"

Racist Luna stared glumly at the ground as she lowered her hoof.

"Luna Squad, roll out!" Nightmare kicked Spitfire again and the navy-clad Pegasus got the machine to actually start.