"I'm tired of this."

It took me a moment to realize I hadn't said that. I had said that. I mean, the other me, a plump lady that used to remote work for a living and was a shut in.

"I'm still you," she/I corrected. "Just because we can do things doesn't mean we should."

"Oh, so we should just let them abuse us and our friends?" I retorted hotly, waving off her weak little words. "You did such a good job. Literally a god, and here we are."

"We should be human first." She pointed at me. "Look at you, you've lost all of your old self." She brought out a mirror from nowhere. "Look at you!"

I squinted at the image, two bright yellow eyes staring back at her. "Wow that's a wrong answer." I zoomed up to me, my tail swaying as my whiskers lifted. "I mean, really, look at me. I'm a noodly god, not a human."

"I'm inside you," I retorted, waving a pudgy naked finger. "I am you. You don't get to just call 'not it' on humanity. You ask Starlight or Flash, they didn't stop being what they were, just... some extra baggage on top." Alright, alright, I'm being a bit unfair. We should talk.

Look, I wasn't in a good place at that point. I'm trying to show just how divided I was. You think it's bad for you? I lived it! Both sides felt like me. I could see me looking at me from both of me's perspective, at the same time. Both sides were pissed at the other, and they were both me!

Alright, I try to not be a complete jerk. How about I call the round me Laura and the fuzzy me Eris, for the time being? That means we're going to third person, which makes as much sense, seeing as I wasn't sure who the first person was right that second.

Eris curled around Laura, squeezing her with her long body. "Admit it."

"Admit what?" huffed out Laura, looking more angry. "Let go of me."

"You were turned on, by your friends. The idea of a god taking a personal interest in you? You want that." Eris leaned in, touching her fuzzy snout to Laura's nose. "Part of you is jealous. You can't have that if you are the god. You have to be the responsible one."

"So try being responsible." She shoved Eris away, putting an arm's length between them. "If my friends want me to be their comfort, fine. I can do that."

"But do you want to?" taunted Eris, curling in place, chin on both of her hands as she gazed at Laura. "It was pissing you off. I could tell, hard not to really."

"Life sometimes has that." Laura threw up her hands. "You do some things you don't want to, because it's the right thing to do."

"But you don't have to, not anymore. Don't feel like pants today? Who's going to stop you?" Eris waggled her rump. "Cry and moan, little prudes, because I'm going for a walk and letting it all hang out."

"That's just being a kid." Laura crossed her arms under her chest. "I won't do it. I'm an adult, dammit. Great powers, responsibilities, yadda yadda. Now get out of my way. I have to get up and clean this mess you made."

"You made it," noted Eris, twirling upside down. "You were so eager to remind me that you are me, which means I am you, so we both made a mess."

"Great, so I'll fix our mess. Either way, shove off!"

"Not happening." Eris was on her, rubbing her cheek to Laura's. "You pushed me down for so long, didn't let me come out. Repressed feelings aren't healthy, didn't anyone teach you that?"

"You admitted you are me!" Laura moaned out, stomping in place.

"And so did you, but you're not living it." She put her hands to her cheeks, making kissy faces. "You aren't Lauren anymore."

"Well I won't be Eris!" she snapped back, turning half away with her head alone. "That isn't what I want."

"Well, then what do you want?" Eris waggled a claw up and down at Lauren. "That's probably not happening. You're not going back to that life any time soon."

I, both of mes, were dimly aware that our friends were talking about us. Not due to any special sense. They were literally seated next to us. We were just deep inside our own head, arguing it out. They were talking, but neither of me could pick out the words, just that they were talking.

Lauren threw up a hand. "What's up with that, in specific? The whole 'I can't understand you' thing is annoying as hell."

"No real argument there," confessed Eris. "We might have stressed a few little things while springing them out..."

"Will it get better?"

"I dunno, will you?" Eris shrugged as she drifted around Lauren. "First you have to get better, dummy, then that can start to get better. You are a creature of raw potential, of chaos manifest! What are you going to be? And don't say Lauren. Lauren isn't that."

"But I'm not chaos either," she sank down onto a chair that hadn't been there a moment before, but it was her thoughts. She could have a chair if she wanted one. "Hey, wait, what did you say?"

"Raw potential? Chaos manifest?" Eris shrugged. "Why?"

"That first one." Lauren smiled, a genuinely warm expression to break up the others. "That's me. I like that. I want to be a source, of good things, of new things." Lauren brought her hands together in a sharp clap. As she brought them apart, toys and gadgets began to rain to the ground, creating a swift pile of electronic debris. "I felt so good, making things."

"And who was that?" asked Eris with a slowly arching white brow. "You were using my power while shoving me in a hole. I'm not going back there, it stinks."

"My brain is nice and clean," argued Lauren, only to be given a raised brow. "Hey look, I only browsed that once." Lauren crossed her arms. "Look, just sit down and let's figure this out. Neither of us want to be cooped up in here when there are things to do."

"Well, now at least you're being civil. Still, I'll float. I like it better anyway." Eris twirled, arms extended to either side. "You know you have fun as me."

"And people get hurt and I do things to regret later," she argued back, sitting back against her chair.

"Like it or not, you're mostly me." Eris gestured to herself. "This is your body, and it's a nice one, admit it. We're a sexy slice of noodle."

"When we're not randomly shifting along the zoo's lineup," bitterly noted Laura.

"Small details. Either way, I'm not wrong." Eris wobbled a hand in the air. "Admit it. You like it."

"I do like being mobile," confessed Lauren. "I like the twitchy ears. I don't especially like when fur gets itchy, which it loves to do."

Eris pulled free a back scratcher and began running it over her own back vigorously. "But then you get to take care of... mmm... it, and that feels good."

Lauren laughed, a moment of levity. "You're not wrong there..."

"So you're me," She hiked a thumb at herself, her other limbs spreading wide in a joyful stance. "Welcome to Eris land, population, us!"

"Not so fast." Lauren tapped at the armrest firmly. "I said I wasn't going to be Eris, and I meant it!"

"But you aren't Lauren," noted Eris flatly. "If you aren't either, then what are you?"

The two met eyes, locking gazes as if they were both challenging the other, dueling minds clashing with visible sparks dancing between the both of them.

But then I understood. "I am Eri." Sure, I had only lopped one little letter off, but the smile on my fuzzy face was genuine. That was my name, what I'd accept, what I had given to me, and also not a goddess of mischievous trouble and causer of the Troy fiasco.

There was only one of me left in that dark place. Both sides were inside me, wanting their things as a part of me. I wanted to run wild, and be responsible, and protect my friends and make things and experiment with chaotic magic and...

Get some sleep.

I awoke to day 21. There were one presence pressing against me, though they were doing it twice at the same time. Cindy was hugging me close in their arms, and also prodding me with what a male horse has. It was charming, and lewd, all at the same time. It helped that he was asleep. Not like guys could control that while snoozing.

I rolled against him, ending up on top of him with that little guest pinned between us. "Hey," I whispered, just realizing then that I could speak. A good night's sleep was so helpful! "Hey, Cindy..."

"Not Cindy," he mumbled, eyes opening to witness me atop him. "Lore!"

"Not Lore," I fired back with a smirk. "And I already told you that, but it ain't Eris either, so I'll let it pass."

"Shining Armor," he introduced, moving his hands to grab my hips and gently squeeze. "And what is your name, enchanting woman?"

"Eri." I inclined my head. "You seem calm today... Where's Starlight, what'd I miss?"

He ground his hips upwards, running sensitive bits through the soft fur of my belly. "I could get very used to waking up like this... Starlight snuck off in the middle of the night, said she had to report in." He lifted an ear, still rubbing at me with his hands. "Feeling better? You look better, sound it too."

"You're lucky I'm just not open for business unless I want to be." Not entirely true, but close enough. Still, I was so happy to be back in one piece, I wasn't angry at Shining's morning amorousness. "You do know we're being watched, recorded, and almost assuredly judged, right?"

"Let 'em," he laughed off. "We're a thing, right? They can know that."

We were a thing? I supposed it was hard to directly argue that. "When did you become an exhibitionist?"

"When it stopped being an option not to be?" He shrugged a little, but did start to wriggle upright. "Still, bathroom first."

I let him go, floating up and twirling in place to the camera. "I'm going to do today's update, sorry about yesterday. You know what happened there."

"She's just going to do a morning update, like nothing happened?" asked who I thought was the head honcho?

"She's a psycho, I warned you!" raved the scientist I hadn't turned into a pony but had threatened the idea.

"She finds comfort in routines. Her disrupted routine is the cause of most of the 'issues' of the last few days," argued Miller, typing diligently. "Thank you for giving her time to recover. It worked perfectly. Intact and re-balanced, she is eager to resume those routines."

I could feel the boss leaning forward, but couldn't see them. They were typing and all. "She caused a severe increase in the rate of Ponid infections. Thomas is in remedial therapy and is likely to be let go on permanent disability as a result of this, to say nothing of the condition of the rest of the affected staff."

Coward piped up, "It's a miracle Thomas isn't infected!"

"It's a miracle Thomas isn't dead," added a new person. "Do you have any idea what the paperwork on that looks like? At least Ponid-related infections were already thoroughly covered. Being reduced to a swarm of ants? How do you even start on that."

I could see they were still typing. "They are a force to be reckoned with, but not an evil one. They didn't ask me before operating--" HR Lady?! "--but the results were clear after the fact. If I could talk to her personally, I would have quite a few words for her, but they would end with 'Thank you.'" Aw... You're welcome, HR Lady.

Miller was typing, "It seems clear to me. She can help, or get in the way, and the choice is literally ours. Which will it be?"

I hit send, firing off reports for both days, my focus slipping back into the present with my job done. "Hey, Millie." I didn't expect a response, nor got one. "Tell HR Lady she's welcome. She must be feeling alright, if she's typing with you guys..." I set the laptop aside and heard the bathroom door close. "Shining?"

"If you want a turn." He hiked a thumb behind himself as he clopped towards me, wearing a towel. "All free."

"Thanks." I took his hand when he got close enough and squeezed it before continuing to speak at not-him. "Starlight deserves a raise, by the way. She never gave up, even when I had. Does she even get paid?" Besides inter-floor wandering rights, that was. "Pay her if not. She's doing good work!"

I pulled Shining's hand, propelling myself. He went with it, twirling with me and sending me flying towards the bathroom. I laughed as I soared through the air, casually noclipping through the door and landing on my mismatched feet to get to work preparing for the day.

"You know what? It's time I started expressing myself more." I ran a finger along my brows, coloring them bright rainbow hues. "Today, rainbows!" I shook myself down, then stepped into the shower. "But who knows what tomorrow will bring."

I ran hands all over my strangely inhuman body, but it was my body, and I felt pretty alright with it. It was even better when it was clean! I began to sing a little song as I thought about the last few days and how it went. "Millie, if you can hear me, feel free to send another invoice." I paused a moment. "If you want to sign me up for a therapy license test, I could help the people I gave rough lessons to." An ear twitched, sending water flying. "That last one, was she guilty?"

I emerged from the shower and shook off even as I reached for a towel to finish the job. There, on the big mirror that filled the wall, I could see my face, one eye bright yellow, the other nice and human white. I was both, and that was alright. "If they weren't involved, in hurting Shining, I owe them an apology. I wasn't quite myself."

I dried, then got to powdering lightly and curling my lashes, not that they had given me either of those tools, and not that it mattered to me. "I do hope you're listening."

"Yep," came Shining's reply. "Though I am wondering who you're talking to. Pretty sure it's not me, girl."

"This is a no stallion zone," I called out in a half sing-song. I emerged from the bathroom and showed my displeasure by giving him a big hug that he returned without delay. "Thanks for not running and screaming into the night."

"Thanks for coming back to us." He set me down on my feet, patting my on the head. "And for being awesome. I always figured I would be the one showing you things you don't expect."

"Pretty sure you still have that chance," I assured. "Soon as we get out of here. I owe you a concert, don't forget."

That was when he threw me on the bed. With clear eyes and a big smile, he did what he had been waiting so long to do. Won't lie, I enjoyed it. We didn't explode the universe with sex so good it defied definition, but I liked it, and he liked it, and I made sure to leave him a good Yelp review afterwards.

He got five stars for snuggling and nuzzling afterwards. Ponies were good at nuzzles, pony people counted, and we gently touched our sensitive snouts, sharing breath and hugging tightly. I didn't imagine I'd one day be doing that with Cindy, but maybe I should have seen it coming with Shining Armor.

I couldn't think of too many reasons to complain.

"Knock Knock!" came a sang voice, the door opening. "Your favorite unicorn is here with good news."

"Starlight," we both called at the same time, sitting up.

"Don't let me interrupt." She came into view, an envelope floating beside her in her magic. "I pulled a few strings."

Shining peered at her. "You sound like you were up to no good."

"Who, me?" She turned a hoof to point at herself. "Perish the thought. I just reminded the board what the head manager's been up to." She leaned forward, smile growing. "They were quite curious about the report..." Starlight tossed her head, sending the letter sailing in a toss.

I grabbed it from the air and sliced it open. "What did you do?"

Inside was, to put it mildly, a job offer. "What?"

Starlight sat on her haunches. "Well, you are not qualified to do a lot of things, but management? Turns out there aren't a lot of required licenses for that. They want your eyes." She slowly rolled a hoof. "On the whole thing. They want you at the top, managing things. Not being the scientist, you aren't one of those. But you are uniquely capable of addressing problems across the facility."

My fingers dug into the paper, arms shaking a bit. "You're kidding..."

Starlight inclined her head faintly. "Don't like the idea?"

"No! I mean, yes! I..." I threw the paper aside and dropped to my knees, hugging Starlight close, not that she complained one bit. "You adorably clever little horse! Now, explain something... Why is the board so willing to forgive someone that... just finished doing what I did?"

Starlight rolled a hoof. "I told them. There was no point in lying. You spotted a plethora of violations in the protocols set way ahead of time and you jumped into action." She turned her hoof to lean her head on it. "Nothing could stop you until you had it all in order. Also!" She turned that hoof upright and thrust it into the air. "You're stuck here, with the rest of us, so your loyalty is pretty solid."

"What... about the old manager, who's probably watching this?" There were multiple people watching us, I could feel it, but couldn't rip them apart and figure out which one was witch. "I can't imagine he's happy about this idea."

"Tough apples." She rolled her eyes and pointed to one of the room cameras. "Check your email. You're a floor director now, under Lauren Keibin!"

"My name changed," I noted.

Starlight waved that away. "We can update the paperwork, that's the least of our problems. Eris, do you accept this job?"

"Eri," I corrected with a little smile. "And I do. I'll do the best I can."

"Fantastic." Starlight began to clop her hooves. "Sign that paper you just threw and I'll get it back to the board. It'll be a pleasure serving under you, ma'am." She saluted sharply, barely hiding a snicker.

"Yes! No more lies, just the two of us, doing our best, and possible the best playtime ever. Score!" came her mental voice.

Ugh, knowing what I didn't need to know was getting trying. It was time to fix that, but not with a silly Discord thing or an Eris thing. No, a Lauren solution, er, an Eri solution! I flicked my hands, unfolding glasses that hadn't been there a moment before. Slipping them gently onto my snout, I blinked through them. I could only see what was in front of me, and could only hear what my ears picked up. They were glasses of mundane vision, at least +2.

As a positive side effect, I felt like I looked way more like a proper manager sort. "Time to celebrate, who wants some Arby's?"

Both Shining and Starlight peered at me oddly. Not that this stopped me from reaching into the nothing and fishing out a bag full of salty, fried, goodness. I flicked a $20 through the same hole to pay for what I took and set down the bonanza of fries. "Eat up!"

Starlight's horn glowed as she floated out a small bag of fries to start sampling from. "Mmm, been a while since I had these fresh... Okay, so, real talk, sign the paper and I'll get galloping back with it. After that, remember, you're in charge, so you have to set a good example." She pointed to the very bag she was eating from. "Which means keeping our cooties to ourselves."

"I promise, not a single bit of Ponid was involved." I raised a hand over my chest before grabbing a handful of fries, mmmm. Soon I had the paper signed, several times. There was not just one line that needed it. They also needed my identification information and what not. I was being hired, and that needs documents. Fortunately, drawing out my social security card was easy. While I was at it, I yanked a passport whose picture matched me perfectly. I had bought the passport fair and square! I just had a change of appearance...

That reminded me. With Starlight rushing off to deliver the paper, I pulled my laptop over and started filling out online forms. "Official name change request..." Sure, it had to be handed in at a court, but I could get around that. Not like Space was really much of a barrier...

I filled it diligently, signing the document and plugging in the information. I hit print without remembering that the computer wasn't connected to a printer. I made little printing noises and held my hand beside it, accepting the paper as it came out. "Now to mail this..." I stuffed it in an envelope I decided was there, but I didn't create a stamp.

USPS needed my support. I paid for a stamp like a good citizen, then the envelope vanished, whisked away to where it could finish the mailing process. "And off it goes!" I set the computer back down and flew up and around, facing the bed with Shining on it. "So, what's your job?"

"Huh?"

"I'm the facility manager, I got that. Starlight is a trouble patient liaison, and she's good at it." I counted fingers as I went. "What do you do?"

"Girl, that ain't funny." Oh, he pouted so cutely. "I'm still getting over this Ponid thing. Give--"

The door suddenly slammed open, several sets of feet rushing in. I was ready for them to come around the corner, but they didn't. They just shot through the wall. Who does that? Seriously? Who? I wasn't expecting that!

But I wasn't punched full of holes either. A bright shield was around me and the bed. Most of the room was covered in a shimmering hemisphere that reflected the incoming bullets, denying them entry. Shining was concentrating, their horn flared bright. "Good boy," I purred. "Think I found a bodyguard." Job, found!

I ceased to be, appearing behind the group of men. "You're interrupting," I sternly chastised them. "Also, I'm the boss, so shooting at me isn't a good way to get a positive performance review."

They wheeled around to get their guns into view, but I made a nice grand sweep of a leonine paw, sending the guns skidding away. "Cut that out. Pretty sure firing those isn't even legal. HR, could you look into that? Now, since I'm being elevated to management of the facility, I have to do things by the book too, so no pony time for you." I raised a brow at them. "Unless you want that?"

None of them volunteered, but one seemed just a touch unsure, and I had to smile. "Alright, shoo shoo." I looked to that one outlier. "Except you, let's talk."

Would they be the first new patient of my facility? I was willing to listen.

Author's Note

THE END, except not. The patron would like this story to continue. The tone will shift. New patients will get camera time, and Eri will watch from above like a good noodle.

The old boss tries a hail mary to keep his position in a super illegal way, but Eri and Shining handle it professionally!

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