It was an average day in the land of Equestria. Everypony was enjoying the average weather. There was not a single bad thing going on. Of course, this was all about to change...

*KABOOM* A large and lazy explosion occurred in the Everfree Forest (Cause that's where all the shit that is bad happens). Inside of the giant crater that has been formed, lays a young, aweeeesome Vamp kid. His name... REGINALD! He had the facial features of Reggie Fils-Aime (I think I spelled that right, got no time to google it). The only difference, was that Reginald's face was as white as a sheet of paper. Inside of his mouth once sat his plastic glow in the dark fangs, but somehow... They merged with him! Now they are real fangs! Which is gonna kind of suck when it comes to eating, but that's besides the point.

Reginald, of course, was wearing his signature black trench coat. Underneath it was a t-shirt with a giant red pentagram. Thankfully, somehow his clothes weren't destroyed in the explosion. Miracles can happen.

"OH where am I?" Reginald asked in his lispy voice. After all, the fangs constantly make it harder to speak. That's what happens when you keep cheap plastic in your mouth.

He began by observing his surroundings, it was nothing but trees. When he turned around, a much more terrifying site was seen. MORE TREES!!!

"OH GOD NATURE!" Reginald proclaimed, "at least the trees cover the sunlight so my pale skin doesn't crisp. I forgot to pack my sun ointment."

However, as Reginald started to remember the things he packed, true horror struck his cold, black heart.

"OH SHIT!" He shouted, "I forgot my inhaler!!!" This was really bad, how were his precious lungs gonna be fine in this dark forest without his inhaler? That's when it struck him, he must make social contact if he were to get a new inhaler. Social contact with normies was Reginald's kryptonite. However, the darkness that he held in his power would be enough to lead him through these troubling times.

Reginald began his trek out of the dark forest. The grass crushed beneath his ebony boots. He found a nice patch of beautiful flowers. How disgusting, he silenced those disgraces with a mere kick. Proud that he ended a form of beauty that wasn't darkness, he continued his adventure.

His dark march would cause fear into the posers that once called him a fuckwad. They would never understand the pain he felt. Where the fuck am I going with this?

Just then, the rustling of bushes fell onto Reginald's ears. He began to take his dark fighting stance. As he prepared to get his shadow magic ready, three timberwolves jumped out of the bushes.

"Ah, filthy heathens to practice my witchcraft on!" He said in a grumbled voice. "Shadow Ball!"

Of course, Reginald wasn't magical. There was no attack, and all three timberwolves pounced him. They began biting into him, one by one tearing away at his trenchcoat.

"NO!!!" He shouted in agony, "That coat is the most important thing in my dark arsenal!" His eyes watered in pain, which kind of sucked because now his black eye liner would start to run. That shit takes time to perfect.

Reginald was beginning to run out of options, and possibly blood. He really couldn't tell. So out of pure instinct, he took a chomp onto one of the timberwolves. His newly found fangs somehow sunk into the wood? Do these things have flesh of somekind underneath the bark or are they just pure wood? Whatever, his teeth sunk down into the wood. Suddenly, the taste of tree sap flooded Reginald's mouth. This caused him to start choking, because sap is not meant to be swallowed.

As his vision began to fade, from the blood loss and the new sticky sap in his throat, (no that isn't a metaphor for something inappropriate get your minds out of the gutter.) A huge beam of magical light hit one of the timberwolves, causing it to yelp out in pain. The three timberwolves proceeded to flee, not wanting to become firewood.

"Are you okay?" Came a soothing voice.

"I could've handled myself," Reginald said, because Lords of Shadows like himself don't need help from mortals.

"Well given the amount of bite marks on your body, as well as the choking noises you were making, I don't think you were fine."

"Nonsense, a dark lord will never die to mere wolves. Now if you'll (fuck I couldn't find the apostrophe) excuse me, I need to find a village so I can get a new inhaler. I'm definitely going to need one now after I drove away those wolves!" As he continued to speak, saliva flew into the air, as he has no manners and that shit just happens when you have plastic fangs now forever a part of your anatomy.

"If you need to go to town, I can get you there." said the voice, "There is a pharmacy in town you could use, granted they'll probably need to get you a new perscription, given that a human has never been seen in these parts."

"How can that be? Wait, what am I talking to then?" Conveniently after asking that question, a purple horse with both wings and a horn came from around the corner.

"The fuck are you?" Reginald shouted at the beast in surprise.

"Hey! There is no need for that kind of foul language," the horse replied, "My name is Twilight Sparkle. It is nice to meet you."

"I can't say the same, as darkness is embedded in my being, and I do not feel emotions of joy." Twilight just kind of looked at him with a face of "The hell are you talking about?" Twilight didn't say any of that though, cause she isn't a dick.

"It doesn't matter what's in your heart sir," Twilight said, "Just let me take you to the town so you can get that inhaler."

"Fine mortal," Reginald retorted, "but I will not enjoy your company."

And with that, the two began their journey to this so called town. Will our heroes return safely? Will Reginald ever get his inhaler? Find out next time!

Author's Note

On a scale from 1 to immense pain, how much did this hurt?