Well then, ponies...

I, am a mage. But I am so much more. I am a mage that has the power to crush the world under my foot if I so wish. What makes me so powerful you ask? My near endless supply of internal magic, my ability to both use magic and competently use a sword, my unusual approach to my problems? All a part of it but none are the main reason. The reason why I’m so powerful is I think, I know I have weaknesses and don’t think I can’t be defeated. I always go into battle expecting to die, but I never give up. Now many call me evil, incinerating a small country will do that. However I am not evil, I am just a bit excitable. It was his fault for pulling the pistol. Either way I was branded as an evil overlord and driven into my castle unable to leave or have the entire world think I’m going on a rampage. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem but my brother would get pissed off. My brother you see is the Grand Templar, a position only given to those who have spent their entire lives to doing good and have the power to keep evil at bay. He is the one person who could match me blow for blow. We have a game where I put out just enough evil energy from my castle to keep the rest of the world wary of me but not so much as to have them send my brother to fight me. The game being how often I can fluctuate my power before he comes by with a warning. However this time I have lost the game.

“You really need to be more careful Jacob, one more increase of power and I’ll have no choice but to fight you.”

“I know Draven, but while this castle is large it is still a prison. You might rarely get to go out but at least you get to take a month long vacation every year.”

“I’m sorry but this is just the way it has to be until we can figure out a way to get the people to realize you aren’t evil.”

“That won’t hurt my pride too much. What if I try something with inter-dimensional magic?”

“You want to leave?”

“Not permanently, just for a vacation. I’ve been looking through some dimensions and have found a few that are pretty peaceful, just someplace where I can stretch my legs and my mind.”

“I don’t know, if the energy is cut off then people will think you’re storing up energy for an attack.”

“No problem, I’ve filled up the crystal generators with enough power to keep it going for years.”

“And if you lack the energy to get back?”

“You know I never go anywhere without by belt.”

“I don’t know, what if you get hurt, or worse?”

“Brother, I may be human but I am a mage. Besides I can always take my sword with me and a few guards.”

“What happened to all that humility?”

“Right, sorry, I’m just eager to go. Eleven years is a long time.”

He nodded and smiled at me, “As long as you’ve taken the necessary precautions then we only need to decide how much energy your crystals will need to put out.”

“And for how long.”

I got up from my ebony throne and walked down the steps to my brother, “How about we discuss it over some mead?”

he shook his head, “You know I don’t drink.”

I smiled my head before the doors to my throne room burst open letting five heroes jump in, “We are here to assist you Grand Templar!”

I jumped back from my brother and took on my role as evil overlord, “I see you have brought some lambs to the slaughter, it makes no difference brother they will die, same as you.”

My brother hid a smile as he faced me, “So you would delude yourself, but with the help of these righteous souls I will defeat you.”

I looked to the heroes, “A thief, an archer, a paladin, and two lowly mages? Is that all you think of me brother?”

“No, there is still me you must deal with.”

“Very well, but remember that I offered you mercy.”

I snapped my fingers and all five heroes were knocked out by a small shock of electricity. “Well that was rather boring; I wonder how they all got through my traps.”

“You deactivated them so you wouldn’t have to reset them when I got through remember?”

“Ah right, but that means… Crap, you need to be blasted back through that wall ok?”

“Why?”

“You have a fucking army out there.”

“Oh no.”

“Sorry, but an army can’t be let to live. About half before you order a retreat?”

he nodded sadly, “Poor fools.”

I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled, “Because evil always finds a way.”

He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder, “And Good will always strike evil’s heart.”

I threw him through the wall and jumped out landing on the ground outside my castle with a boom. My castle is basically a living being, an extension of myself and as such I can change it at will. As I straightened my legs the castle burst into flames giving me a truly fearsome look, “You have gone too far brother, my home is not so easily replaced as your soldiers.”

The archers pulled their bows back and let loose a sea of arrows that all but blotted out the sun. I drew my katana from my hip and began walking forward. As the arrows fell I swung my blade so fast that it was barely visible as I cut the arrows into tiny pieces making them fall to the ground useless. I continued to walk forward as the archers fired more arrows and before too long I was too close for them so the melee fighters ran up getting buffs from the mages. I either cut them in half or just made them explode as I walked through their ranks. My brother levitated above the ranks and blasted a fireball the size of my castle at me. I swatted it away with the back of my hand before stopping in the middle of the army, surrounded. I shook my head and looked up to my brother, “So many die for your so called righteous cause, isn’t death what you are trying to prevent brother?”

a random soldier stepped forward, “How dare you talk to the grand Templar with such disrespect!”

he ran towards me and swung his sword but only sliced though air as I was already fifty feet upwards, “Insolent whelp.”

I sighed and lifted the man with my magic and made each of his limbs slowly tear off of his body before dropping onto the ground, still alive. “Out of respect for my brother I will allow you all to leave, but come back to fight me and having your limbs ripped from your body will be the least of your worries."

The troops looked at the carnage behind me before they look up to my brother who clears his throat, “Retreat, I will stay behind and fight him.”

There were some grumbles from the remaining half of the army before my brother raised his voice, “That is an order!”

the army left quickly leaving us standing in the middle of the field. “Why must I be such an idiot brother?”

he looked at the carnage and gave me a sad look, “You’re not an idiot, but this is a problem.”

I sighed and swung my katana making all the blood fly off of it before placing it in its sheath. The man who had his limbs ripped off was now unconscious and snoring. “Should I or would you prefer to do it?”

he knelt by him, “I know more healing magic than you, it’ll be safer if I do it.”

“You mean you think you know more.”

He rolled his eyes and healed the man with a flash of white light. The man lay there sleeping with new pure white limbs. “Really? You could have given him his old ones back.”

“I know, but I need to keep up appearances.” I nodded and summoned some shadow beasts to clean up the mess.

“Alright, I’ll be gone for a month. The story is that you were mortally wounded and need to rest and you managed to stab my heart leaving me too weak to attack.”

“All you need is a few shadow beasts patrolling your borders and nobody will come near.”

We had changed clothes and were preparing for our departure. I opened a portal back to the wilderness near his ivory castle and smiled, “Because good always strikes evil’s heart.”

“And evil always finds a way.”

He jumped through the portal in the ground and landed on the top of a tree before I closed the portal. I gathered some supplies before I prepared my own portal, “Belt, check. Enchanted katana, check. Gold, check. Suitcases, check. Books, check. That’s everything.” The portal opened showing a quaint little town called ponyville, a place of unmatched peace. Well compared to my life it was. The best part of it was a good chunk of the population was magic users. I grabbed my suitcases and jumped into the portal laughing.

Twilight began her morning like any other, she woke up, brushed her mane, woke Spike up, Started breakfast, woke Spike up again, and then went over her list for the day. Today however was different, as she went over her list there was a deafening boom overhead and a giant flaming ball appeared in the sky before slamming into Sweet apple acres.

I sailed through the sky laughing the entire way in a giant fireball before I slammed headfirst into the ground. I just laughed like a maniac as a crowd gathered around me, at first it was the apple family then random citizens. I levitated my stuff and I out of the crater before I gave the ponies a huge smile, “’Sup?”
they scrambled, save for the elements of harmony and big Macintosh. I did my fair share of research before coming here, enough to know none of the inhabitants were a threat to my. Alone anyway. Applejack just looked at the destruction around me for a while before I realized I had leveled her farm. “If you could point me towards the bannered mare I have to check in by noon or they’ll charge me extra.”

They just stared at me until applejack screamed with tears in her eyes, “YOU VARMINT!!! LOOK WHAT YA DID TA MAH HOME!!! TO MAH FARM!!!”

I rolled my eyes, “Sheesh, just give me like two seconds and I’ll fix it. No need to get so emotional.”

I snapped my fingers and in a flash the farm was just as it was before I arrived. I picked up my bags and proceeded to fly straight up, turn 90 degrees towards the town, and shoot off at 100 miles per hour. I got to ponyville and touched down just in front of the hotel and walked in, “I reserved a room under the name of Jacob for the month, I’m here to check in.”

the owner was what looked like a grizzled war veteran, he had a five o clock shadow and a toothpick between his slightly yellow teeth, “Alright, sign in here and I’m going to need the money up front.”

I dropped a gold bar on the table, “Will this be enough?”

he looked at the bar for a moment, “Pure gold?”

“Yes.”

“It’ll do, sign here.”

I signed my name and picked up the room key. A bellboy tried to move my bags but couldn’t budge them, “Now you know why I wanted a first level room, those bags weigh a few tons each.”

A little magic made them grow legs and follow me to my room. They thudded onto the ground leaving me to take in my surroundings, a grey room that was in perfect contrast to the town. It was good to have balance. With my stuff enchanted to be un-open-able I walked out of the inn and flew up to a high cloud before seeing if I could touch it. I could, meaning I could start this vacation the way I wanted to, with a cloud nap. I woke up by hitting the ground, hard. it broke open my lucky tomato juice bottle.

“You killed it.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

I groaned as I pushed myself up, “Well that hurt, and now I have to clean myself up. Damn ground, that was my lucky charm.”

I stood up and looked at the elements of harmony, “And to what do I owe being awoken in such a manner?”

Twilight looked at the splotch on my black robes, “You’re bleeding!”

I rolled my eyes, “No I’m not, you just broke my lucky tomato juice bottle.”

I levitated the shards out of my robes and tossed them in a trash can. The juice came out of my robes and dropped onto the ground, “Now what do you want? I’m trying to relax.”

Rainbow Dash glared at me, “We want to know why you destroyed Applejack’s farm!”

“I didn’t mean to, I’m not really used to hopping through dimensions yet so I picked a place that wasn’t too far from ponyville to enter. I didn’t know I would cause so much destruction. Not to mention I fixed it.”

“She didn’t let up though, “And how did you do that!?”

“Magic, simple stuff really.”

Twilight shook her head, “Magic is a complex art that takes years of study and practice to master.”

“And yet I learned that spell in a matter of seconds, what does that say about your skills?”

She blinked a couple of times before shrinking back a little, “Well, maybe it was just a bunch of little spells?”

“Nope, all at once. Now since you interrupted my nap I’m going to look at the town.”

Rainbow blocked my path, “Oh no you don’t, you aren’t going anywhere until you answer our questions!”

I rolled my eyes, “What if the earth orbits the sun?”

the entire group stiffened. “Too easy.”

I walked off leaving them to deal with whatever they you deal with when your entire world is put into perspective. The town was bright and cheery, a nice change from my castle. Other from a few wary glances I walked through the town unperturbed until I got to the park where a mare was preforming some simple tricks to entertain some children, “The great and powerful Trixie thanks you for coming to see the greatest magic in all of Equestria!”

I smirked, “Other than mine of course.”

Her gaze turned into a glare directed to me, “You dare think you have more magical prowess than me!?”

“I don’t think, I know.”

I waved a hand over my stomach making a target appear, “Take your best shot.”

Her horn glowed fiercely as she charged her magic and let it blast forward towards me. It barely made my robes move, “Is that it?” Her horn glowed even brighter as a cage made of trees shot up around me. The trees used their roots as legs and walked out of my way. I smirked as music started playing from nowhere,

I must admit,
Your parlor tricks are amusing
I bet you've got a bunny
Under your hat!
Now here's your chance
To get the best of me,
Hope your hoof is hot!
C'mon, clown,
Let's see what you've got!
You try to slam me
With your hardest stuff
But your double whammy
Isn't up to snuff
I'll set the record straight
You're simply out of date
You're only second rate!
You think your cat's a meanie,
But your tiger's tame
You've got a lot to learn
About the magic game
So for your education,
I'll reiterate
You're only second rate!
Men cower at the power
In my pinky
My thumb is number one
On every list
But if you're not convinced
That I'm invincible,
Put me to the test!
I'd love to lay this rivalry to rest!
Go ahead and zap me
With the big surprise
Slap me in a trap,
Cut me down to size
I'll make a big escape
It's just a piece of cake
You're only second rate!
You know, your hocus-pocus
Isn't tough enough
And your mumbo-jumbo
Doesn't measure up
Let me pontificate
Upon your sorry state
You're only second rate!
Zaba-caba-dabra!
Jacob's gonna grab ya!
Alakazam-da-mus
And this thing's bigger than the both of us!
So spare me your tremendous scare!
You look horrendous in your underwear!
And I can hardly wait
To discombobulate
I'll send ya back and packing
In a shipping crate
You'll make a better living
With a spinning plate
You're only second rate!

After my little number both her and her carriage blasted off into the distance leaving the children cheering for me. I bowed a few times, “Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all month!”

I left the park and proceeded to the sweets shop to get a muffin. I was about to enter Sugarcube corner before I thought better of it and walked off towards the other sweets shop. I opened the door and heard a bell jingle, I still didn’t get why the doors were small but everything else was human sized. “One moment please!”

waited at the counter and saw the pony gasp but slowly walk over to me, “C-can I help you?”

I gave her a gentle smile, “Is there anything fresh out of the oven?”

she nodded, “Chocolate chip muffins, two for one bit.”

I fished out the local currency from my pocket and gave one to her. She trotted to the back room and brought back two steaming muffins, “here you go, thanks for dropping by.”

I took the muffins and left. The muffins were the best thing I had ever tasted, almost as good as sex. ALMOST. I inhaled the second one and noticed the sun going down. The walk to the inn was quiet and peaceful, everything that I had wanted. When I got to my room I found Rainbow in a black jumpsuit trying to open my bags. “What are you doing?”

she jumped up and tried to jump out the window but a simple spell froze her in time so I could stand in her way. As soon as she hit me she bounced back onto the floor, “OW! How are you so fast!?”

“I’m not, you’re just slow.”

She took that as a personal insult, “Hey, I’m the fastest flier in all of Equestria!”

“That may be true but I walked in front of you, now tell me why you were trying to take my stuff?”

“I wasn’t! I just wanted to see what was inside to make sure you weren’t a spy or something!”

“Says the mare in the black jumpsuit.”

“Ok, that may have been a bad idea.”

“Whatever, please leave so I can get some sleep. I have a long day of relaxing tomorrow and I’d like to enjoy it.”

“Fine, but first tell me what’s in the bags.”

“Clothes, money, toiletries, anvils, the normal vacation stuff.”

“Anvils?”

“Well I have to justify them to my accountant somehow.”

She looked like she was going to say something then decided against it, “Alright, but I have my eye on you.” “Would you like mine on you?”

I put my hand over my eye and made an illusion of my eyeball coming out in my hand before presenting it to a now green faced Rainbow Dash. She left in a hurry letting me turn in, “Well let’s see how this is all going to be a pain in the ass huh?”

with that I locked my door and slid into bed.