Well then, ponies...

Okay, first off i'm sorry this is a bit short and it took me longer than usual but i had some 'distractions' this week. mainly in the form of a crafty bitch named dawnguard but a few days ago my dog of eleven years died. had the funeral and such, not really we just buried him in the backyard.... but enough about real life let us return to the land ofuckwe'rescrewed!!!

Worst, hang over, ever. It felt like my body was on fire but my head was getting beaten by a mace. “Never again.”

I gave a weak chuckle, “You did better than I did.”

“The fire in my stomach burned away most of the alcohol.”

“I should’ve stayed as a dragon.”

“Yes you should have, and then you would have been much bigger.”

“Hey I didn’t hear you complaining last night!”

“Oh please, I said those things to save your pride.”

“Rulia, you forget one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I have magic.”

With a snap of my fingers she fell down moaning, “N-no fair!”

I gave her a sadistic grin, “Who said I had to play fair?”

she writhed on the ground in ecstasy as I increased the power, “How’s my pride looking now?”

she just shuddered as she climaxed and panted, “You *pant* have to *pant* teach me how *pant* to do *pant* that *pant*.”

I just smiled as I put her on the bed as she fell asleep. I waltzed out of the room and tripped over something in the hallway, “Mother fucker!”

I looked over at a disheveled looking twilight as I used some magic to heal my now broken nose. “I remembered what happened last night.”

“That’s nice, care to fill me in?”

“You said you were an evil overlord.”

“I am what of it?” “If you’re evil then why aren’t you doing evil things?”

“Like pillaging your town and raping your women?”

“YES!”

“I’m on vacation.”

“Zwuh?” she literally fell down from surprise.

“Ya, so I’m not going to destroy anything.”

“Oh, ummm.”

“You already contacted the authorities haven’t you?”

“Umm, yes?”

“Fuck, alright. Won’t be the first time some grunts have been sent after me.”

“I’m sorry, and could you tone down the language?”

“What are you talking about?” I sat up against the wall leaving me at eye level to her.

“F-f-f-f-FUCK! You shouldn’t say things like that.”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh please, when you have the power to beat me into submission then I’ll use the kind of language you want but now I’ll speak how I wish.”

“Beat you into submission?”

“Not relevant, so what are these thugs that are being sent after me like?”

“They’re Princess Celestia’s elite guard, hoof chosen by her!”

“Alright, seems like the force will be mainly magical, aerial support with some knights up front. No problem.”

“Are you kidding!? Not only are they dangerous but they are all ex-convicts! Not to mention they’re bringing the Wonderbolts with them!”

“Tis fine young apprentice, I have nary a doubt that I shall defeat them and their squabble of mercenaries.”

She cocked her head. “Does nobody appreciate fine literature anymore!?”

“I do but, I’ve never met a pony who speaks like that other than Luna.”

“Whatever, I’ll deal with them when I have to. When they get here tell them I’ll be on one of the clouds.”

She nodded but tried to protest, “But-“

I teleported away emerging right above a sleeping rainbow dash, and landing on her.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!” she scrambled to get out from under me and glared at me as soon as she did, “WHAT IN EQUESTRIA DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?”

“Waking you up.”

“WHY!?”

“Because why not? You have a life don’t you? Why waste it sleeping the days away?”

”Well excuse me for getting tired after practicing my stunts!”

with a snap of my fingers she was filled with energy, “Alright, see you later.”

She blinked a few times before blasting off yelling words of thanks. I closed my eyes for what seemed like a second before I was shaken awake, “You are under arrest!”

I opened an eye to see a white pegasus in golden armor, “So you’re a royal guard? Would’ve thought you’d have more muscle, most of the grunts back home are muscle bound freaks.”

I slid off the cloud and fell to about four feet to the ground before stopping and yawning. At least three dozen ponies surrounded me as I chuckled, “I don’t know whether I should be flattered or insulted, most places would only send a single soldier to apprehend me. But since I have no plans to go quietly may I suggest we go to the open plain a few miles away? If you don’t agree then too bad.”

A snap of my fingers transported me to the field smiling, “I love screwing with ponies.”

The field was burnt from the fight the other day and looked battle ready. The once golden grass was charred black and a few parts were still on fire, the sky was blue with the sun positioned at the 8:00 am point. After a few minutes the ponies showed up. “Fast, a small group would be faster but against me you would prefer brute strength."

The one in purple armor stepped forward and puffed out his chest, “By order of princess Celestia I demand you come with us for interrogation!”

I nodded and stroked my chin, “So my options are murder you all in a show of cruel and bloody violence or come to be tortured presumably by you slowly ripping out my intestines?”

the stallion looked horrified, “NO! We only want to ask you a few questions!”

“Then ask, I’m not going anywhere unless my fiancé wants to.”

“You have a fiancé?”

“Indeed I do, her name is Rulia and she is the current ruler of the dragons.”

I could see his white coat lose color, “D-dragons?”

“Not from this world, another dimension entirely but since you made me come all the way out here I’m not inclined to answer any more questions.” Come on, take the bait.

“Very well, squad one frontal assault while squad two you get behind him.”

I smiled as I looked into the leader’s eyes, “Would you prefer me to use lethal or nonlethal force?”

he smirked, he had the gall to actually smirk! “As if you pose a threat to us, use whatever force you think you can muster.”

My smile slowly disappeared and turned into a glare, “Wrong choice of words mule.”

I began walking towards him but was shaken by a blast of energy from a mare, “Stay away from the captain!”

I focused my eyes on the mare and used her shadow to make her move towards me, “What the hay!?”

when she was within my reach I removed her helm lifting some sort of enchantment making her turn from the ivory white to a grungy blue. She was a unicorn with defiant purple eyes and a similarly colored mane. “Blame your captain for this.” I sneered. I grabbed her skull and forced my magic into her body and mind, her coat turned black as her eyes turned pure blue, her horn smoothed out and curved as she sprouted insect like wings all the while she’s screaming in agony. As the transformation ends her hooves melt in places giving them holes and her mane shrinks to look like a fin. She pants on the ground before smiling revealing sharp vampire like teeth, “What is your wish master?”

“Feed my daughter, feed to your heart’s content.”

She looked directly at the captain and licked her lips, “With pleasure.”

She took three steps before she started shuddering, “N-no!”

I raised an eyebrow before fueling more magic to the spell. She stopped shuddering and jumped towards the captain. I took a quick look around to the squadron and smiled, they were all too busy watching the mare to fight. I snapped both my hands at once transforming the majority into the beast I had changed the mare, it’s good to be powerful. They all converged on the captain and piled onto him before in a pink flash they were all back to normal. “Interesting, that’s some impressive power mule.”

“Same to you beast.”

I cleared my throat and smiled, “Oh I’m no beast, I’m a mage.”

I took a deep breath and scanned through my opponents, the majority were unicorns while about an eighth were either pegasi or earth ponies. Good, this was starting to get boring. I straightened up and proceeded to walk over to the captain, “You must know by now you can’t win, I haven’t broken a sweat while your entire team is exhausted.”

He looked at his near unconscious group and hung his head, “Fine, but this isn’t over.”

“You know, you could have just asked nicely.”

He stumbled, “What!?”

I sighed, “I’d love to explain but I’m probably already in a whole lot of trouble with Rulia, I’m probably going to have to get her some more jewelry.”

I groaned, “I can already see my gold going down the drain.”

He chuckled, “Women.”

I gave him a small smile, “Dragons.”

He nodded as we all walked towards the town. It was silent until I looked at him, “I have to say that was some unique magic, where did you learn it?”

“That was the magic of love, I discovered it at my wedding.”

I sighed, “Love, now that’s a cruel word. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy for you and I do love Rulia but I can’t help but think about the end result.”

“Which is?”

“Death, we always have to leave our loved ones whether we want to or not.”

“Grim thinking.”

“Ya, but being locked away for a few years will do that to you.”

“Locked up?”

I gave a weak chuckle, “You think I WANTED to be the evil overlord? I just kind of fell into it.”

“How do you fall into being an evil overlord?”

“I blew up a small country killing millions of people.”

I saw his eye twitch. “Relax, it was back when I was still having trouble controlling my power and it was the other guy’s fault! He was the one who pissed me off.”

“You need to keep your temper under control.”

“Ya, have some drunk creep try to get you to set him up with YOUR sister and see how you feel.”

I could see a shiver go through his body, “Point taken.”

When we got near the town I froze, “Crap.”

The captain looked up at me with a puzzled expression. “See you later!”

I started running back just as Rulia came into view, “GET BACK HERE YOU SWINE!!!”

Quick fact about dragons, when they get pissed off they will rip through mountains. I didn’t stand a chance. “Of all the idiotic hair brained self-destructive things to do you decide to piss off the authorities of this world!?!?”

“Umm, yes?”

POW! I flew fifteen feet back with a sickening crunch, “You know, if I was a regular person that would’ve killed me.”

“If you were a regular person then I wouldn’t care if you got yourself arrested.”

I touched my now broken ribs and winced, “Fair enough, but did you have to break my ribs?”

“Yes.”

I tried to smile but hissed from pain instead, she was strong. I healed my ribs before standing up to meet her open hand. “Holy mother fucker! Really!? With the claws!?”

I touched my ripped open cheek and felt bone, “Alright, that’s enough Rulia.”

“Who are you to order me!?”

enter breaking point, “I AM THE LORD OF DARKNESS!!! I AM PAIN AND SUFFERING, I AM THE SOURCE OF ALL FEAR AND HATRED!!! I’M A GRIM BLOODY FABLE, WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!!!”

I had never been this pissed off in my life, I don’t know why. Rulia regarded me with shock for only a moment before nodding, “I was afraid this would happen.”

I felt my jaw clench as I glared at her, “Start talking woman.”

“Dragon blood, remember last time we were going at it we bit each-other?”

“You better have a point.”

“Dragon blood has varying effects on humans, the most common are cases of irrational rage.”

She was so calm, it pissed me off, “I’ll show you irrational!”

I lunged at her only to be stopped by a purple aura, “Stop!”

I looked back at Twilight and screamed, “Truil shrah kuach zol!!”

as the words left my mouth they gained physical forms in the shape of six separate Twilights. In her stunned state the magic restraining me lifted leaving me to draw my blade, “Druil skii luv truin. (in dragon language: let us dominate eachother.)”

*THUD* god dammed flying rocks.

BEEP

What the hell?

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

I will destroy whatever is making that noise.

BEEP

“Die unholy thing!”

I pushed myself off of whatever was on and slammed my fist into an odd metal thing. As soon I did the beeping stopped and I noticed glass shards in my fist. Not my ideal way to start the day. As I picked the glass out I noticed Rulia snoring on the couch and a very tired looking Twilight, “How in Equestria can you sleep in the same bed as her?”

I chuckled, “Truth be told it’s not so much sleeping as passing out from exhaustion.”

“Why would you be exhausted?”

“Sex.”

Her face turned beet red, “Oh well, that would explain it.”

“What happened last night? Feels like I got beaten with a elven war hammer.”

“A what?”

I just gave her a blank stare, “Really? Why did I pick a world full of weakling ponies again?”

“We aren’t weak!”

“save for the elements of harmony there isn’t a power on this planet that can take me on, except Rulia but she doesn’t count.

“Why not?”

“If we fought all out this country would be destroyed and that does not bode well for me if I want to come back.”

“Wait, how do you know about the elements of harmony if you aren’t from this world?”

“You really think I would go somewhere without learning how it could be a threat to me?”

“That’s, really smart.”

“If I wasn’t smart I’d be dead, and I do quite enjoy life. Those zombie guys are way too morbid and grim.”

“Zombies?”

“The living dead, unholy abominations that were once slaves to the necromancers. Their flesh rots until they are simply skeletons waiting for orders and they crave living flesh. They don’t feel pain or remorse, truly they are the perfect soldiers with a bit of tweaking.”

“That’s horrible!”

I gave her a creepy smile, “No, what’s horrible is turning someone into a zombie while they’re still alive.”

Her pupils shrank, “I-is that even possible?”

“Oh yes, I became quite adept at it. Once they change it takes some effort but I completely crush their will turning them into mindless drones. All I have to do is kill them and reanimate them within the same second, tricky but doable. Then there are the werewolves, for the sake of clarity I’m not talking about Lycans. Transforming someone into a werewolf hurts physically. That kind of magic tears at your soul leaving you broken and tattered, but it is oh so worth it. I control their transformations and take over their minds, imagine it, having a greater power control your thoughts and actions. No more uncertainty, no more fear, just doing what I tell you to do.”

By this point I had gotten out of the bed and stood over a shaking Twilight. “You’re a monster.”

“And yet you trust me, otherwise you wouldn’t have said that to my face.”

Cue punch to my jaw. “Morning love, and how did you sleep?”

“Like and angry log, now are you ready to talk?”

“is the best way to kill someone to crush their head?”

“Good, now then, I’m sorry.”

…… Dafauq? “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“You’re not getting another out of me!”

I walked over to the window and looked at the blue sky, “No, there aren’t flaming babies raining from the sky and the planet is not made of chocolate. So I’m not dreaming, and that means…. Oh hell ya!!!”

I proceeded to do a victory dance humiliating myself, doesn’t matter she apologized! “If you don’t stop dancing I will rip out your throat.”

“Worth it.” I continued dancing.

She grabbed my skull and glared at me, “Enough.”

I gulped, “Yes dear.”

She let go of my head and kissed me, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“You know, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages from you. One second you get ready to kill me then the next you kiss me.”

“What can I say, I’m a crazy bitch.”

Not sure if I should argue or agree… I’ll just keep my mouth shut, for now. I looked back out the window for a bit smiling at whatever walked by, mostly ponies but there were some griffins and diamond dogs walking by and there was even a cloaked zebra. I turned around when I heard Rulia purring, well more like a soothing growl. She was holding an infant dragon in her arms and smiling. Alright, there is something wrong here. Mood swings, odd appetite, overactive sex drive, and that look on her face while she’s cradling the dragon… oh fuck. I channeled some magic into my eyes and saw all the life in the room. There was Twilight, the baby dragon, Rulia, and a large glow coming from her stomach. Well, I’m gonna be a dad…