Well then, ponies...

First of all another thank you to Neon Slate who edited this for me, if you don't like it please tell me why. it won't change the story but i enjoy seeing people complain about something they have no control over. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I twisted my neck making it crack several times as the four mares surrounded me, “Alright, what do you want me to explain?”

I took a swig of my drink as Applejack snorted, “We want you to explain just why you did that to Spike!”

I shrugged, “Because I could, no real reason other than that.”

“Ya did it just to be mean!?”

“No, I did it because I could, because why not?”

“It got our little sisters pregnant!”

“Okay, your point?”

“They aren’t ready for something like that you varmint!”

“Well, nothing we can do about it now. Now they’ll need some minerals such as zinc and iron brought into their diets or the child will absorb too much from the mother. Dragon scales are very hard because of the mother’s usual diet of meat, which is rich in those minerals. Pretty sure you won’t be feeding them bacon. And I fully expect the mothers to raise the child while Spike is away, I’ll set up his training with the queen tomorrow.”

Twilight cleared her throat, “And why do you think I’ll let you take Spike away?”

“Because if you don’t there will be an unstoppable horny dragon on the loose. Until he learns to control himself he will be a danger to anyone around him. And before I forget what odd form of music plays here?”

“Techno?”

“Ah, so this is what Mark was always so fanatical about. Can’t say I care for it.”

Rainbow sighed and ordered a drink, “You’re paying.”

“Of course, least I can do under the circumstances.”

I guzzled my drink and took a deep breath, “You know, I’ve forgotten what it feels to be helpless.”

“Oh I’m sure you must have felt it at one point.”

“I have, but I’ve forgotten. What has it been, nearly twenty years? I’ve always been bigger and stronger than the other kids so up till then they had to gang up on me, that was until I started working at the forge and gotten a sword.”

“Did, you kill them?”

“Huh? I was six, didn’t have a bad bone in my body. Most people aren’t born bad, they either learn it from their peers or they
just have to become cruel to survive.”

“When did you become evil then?”

“Oh wow, seems like forever ago now. I think it was on my fifteenth birthday I blew up that country.”

“Fifteen!?”

“Ya, probably didn’t help that I was drunk.”

Twilight who was getting buzzed piped up, “How old is the legal drinking age where you’re from?”

“Nineteen.”

“So you were drinking illegally?”

“Yes but nobody really cares as long you buy it with your own coin, a three year old could buy it as long as he earned the gold himself.”

“That’s rather irresponsible.”

“Meh, I call it population control. If humans didn’t kill each other and themselves then there would be way too many to be able to live on the planet. Then again with that many people we would be at each other’s throats and a good chunk would die from starvation alone.”

“You talk about death like it’s nothing.”

“Well it isn’t, people die and there is nothing you can do about it, before I came here I slaughtered half of an army. The holy army is made up of the biggest most fearless horrible men and women. All worthless pups in my presence. Back to my original point, I have forgotten the feeling of helplessness.”

“You, you don’t seem satisfied though.”

“What if you had nothing more to learn? What if you had mastered all magic and couldn’t do anything else besides wait to die? I make no such claims for myself but I was never very interested in the arcane arts.”

“Wow, that’s really, like really deep.”

“Not a lot to do besides think in solitary confinement.”

We all sat there for a few hours just drinking and listening to the music. I made sure not to get really drunk but the others were plastered by the time we left. I levitated them out and teleported them to their homes before looking up at the now dark sky. I walked back to the inn with a small stumble in my step. When I opened the door I saw a strange sight, Rulia making out with her sister. “How drunk am I to see this?”

“Hello sweetie, I thought we could have a little fun with my sister.”

“…… Not sure if this is a trap, but what the hell.”

...
...
...

“Guh, I am so glad I have magic.”

I sat up groggy and looked at the two women in my bed, if I’m not careful not even magic will keep me up long enough to satisfy Rulia. The next morning I woke up to see Rulia on my left and her sister on my right. I slipped out of the bed and left a note telling Rulia that I would be wandering around town. When I got outside the sun was high in the sky and ponies went about their business. I took a seat in the park and closed my eyes as I listened to families play and enjoy picnics. I took a deep breath as I sensed something flying towards me, I turned intangible and the object went right through my head, “That wasn’t very nice you know.”

I turned my head and opened an eye to see two mares, one silver-grey with a spoon on her flank and one pinkish one with a tiara. The pink one was the one to speak up, “So what? What’s a freak like you going to do about it?”

I was not in the mood to deal with these brats. I sighed and stood up wiping my face/head clean and growing several feet as my robes turned into a suit. I turned around as my arms grew and ended in claws. The mares looked stupefied and when they both blinked at the same time I teleported closer, their vision started going fuzzy as they realized they couldn’t bully me and ran. In a small flash I returned to my original self and smirked, “Let that be a warning, the freaks are unstable!”

I teleported back onto the bench and smiled, that felt good. An hour passed before I was bothered again, “Jacob, I need to talk to you.”

I opened my eye and saw Clover standing there, “Sure, what’cha need?”

The forest green unicorn jumped up onto the bench and sighed, “Well your brother needs to talk to you.”

“Then why didn’t he just call me?”

“His crystal got destroyed while he was trying a new spell.”

“Is that so, which one was it?”

“Yours.”

I stiffened before sighing, “Alright, I’ll go talk to him. But you have to tell Rulia and her sister.”

“Her sister?”

“Well, uuuhhh, you see she and her sister were feeling a little frisky and-”

“Stop, that’s all I need to know. Just go talk to your brother.”

I nodded and stood up, “Alright, nice seeing you mom.”

“Stop it; you know that makes me feel old.”

“I know, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“Yes I know.”
She popped through a portal leaving me alone to think. I sighed and stood up to visit my brother. I opened a portal and hid my magical presence; it was mentally exhausting to make my soul look like a mouse’s but it had to be done. I stepped through the portal into my brother’s office startling him, “Oh gods, you scared me.”

“You were trying to replicate my spell.”

“I know, I’m sorry but the people are starting to lose confidence in me. I had to show them I could go toe to toe with you.
What better way than to replicate your spell?”

“You know I could have you executed for that.”

“I know, do it if you feel you must. But for now I have paperwork.”

“I understand, and brother.”

“Hmm?”

“Rulia and I are getting married when my vacation is over.”

“Alright, I’ll keep my schedule loose.”

“Thanks, see you later.”

I opened a portal and left leaving the restrictions to my soul behind. I plopped down on the bench and sighed again,
“Only a little while till my vacation is over and I’m getting married. Then I’m gonna be a dad. I’m gonna be a dad… I am so screwed. I don’t know anything about being a dad! What if they get hurt? Or what if they hate me!? Guh, and they’re mostly dragon what if they try to eat me? And they are more than likely going to have magic, oh gods if they’re stronger than me I don’t think I’ll last long. Will they eat meat or drink milk? Will they be able to turn back and forth between dragon and human or are they going to be a hybrid? If they were conceived while I was a dragon they would be pure blooded but that chance was slim. Are they going to be eggs or babies? What if they try to kill each-other? Oh gods we’re going to have to watch them 24/7. Are they going to be boys or girls? Are they going to be a mix or all one gender? Why am I asking all these questions out loud?”

There was a small crowd gathering around me just looking a bit sympathetic. I slinked away with a small amount of shame. When I stopped again I was in front of the schoolhouse. There were children laughing and playing on the playground as I passed. I shook my head and flew upwards looking off into the distance, “Crap, I have no clue where to find that dragon lady.”

I flew off in the direction of the volcano figuring that would be the best place to start.
I touched down right in front of a castle made of gems and shielded my eyes, way too shiny for my tastes. I opened the massive doors with a grunt and some magic and walked right up to a surprised Sephora, “What do you want insect?”

“I’m here to ask a favor.”

“And why would I do you any favors?”

“Not for me, for a young dragon. He’s entering maturity without anyone to show him the way.”

“And why don’t you do it?”

“My time in this world is nearly over.”

“Very well, we can take him at the end of the week.”

“Thank you.”

“Before you leave, what exactly are you?”

I gave her a knowing smile, “I am 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember my name. WHO I am however, is a different matter entirely.”

With that, I teleported back to Ponyville wearing an insane grin. I have no clue where that came from, maybe I picked up from Fine Forge. Speaking of which there he is having tea with, Twilight? I literally slid into the table’s shadow and listened in, “So you’re saying that you came here because of Discord?”

“Yes but when I got here you and the other elements had already dealt with him cutting off my way home or at least making my body permanently look this old.”

I popped up from under the table with a creepy grin, “Oh you should know that nothing is permanent!”

I snapped my fingers enveloping Forge in a blue light that made a ticking noise and pulled out an ocarina.

The tune set in and his body shrunk a bit as it became younger. His scars were visible but he looked no older then Twilight. “Well there ya go, just remember nothing is ever set in stone.”

I leaped over the tea house leaving the two unicorns alone together and quite befuddled. I landed on the other side laughing and walked away, the rest of the day was spent with Rulia who had come to join me. We sat in the park talking and had dinner together. After that we ****ed each other’s ***** **** *** ******* *** !@$#!@% and it went up **3!@ **2#@$ @#$@#. Then I slowly @$%423% 2#$%@$^%@ 2$%@%$@$% (insert appropriate inappropriate noises and words here).
I woke up with a pleasant soreness in my muscles and Rulia next to me. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and lazily looked up at my sister. Wait, my sister? “Good morning Oniichan.”

“Zelda, if I recall correctly you are supposed to be in prison.”

“If you can take a vacation why can’t I?”

“Well first of all, I went on vacation because I went eleven years with little contact, at least in the holy prisons you get visitors and can requests to see people. Two, I took a vacation here because I have the power to rip through dimensions which leads me to my question. How exactly did you get here?”

“Sister sent me, she said something about a prophecy.”

“Guh, prophecies are a bunch of weakly seen visions that more often than not just fade away without ever coming true.”

“What about hero prophecies?”

“Yes those generally do come true but never in the way you think. Not to mention there hasn’t been a hero prophecy since Albion existed.”

“Yes but whatever happened to the heroes?”

“Guh fine, the four heroes all had descendants who were desirable in every fashion so the bloodline expanded to the point nobody could keep track of it, the majority of our lands are made up of the descendants of heroes.”

“Even us?”

“Yes, even us. Now you might want to leave before Rulia wakes up, she didn’t exactly appreciate you smashing hundreds of her race’s eggs.”

“Alright, see you later Oniichan.”

Weird girl, hard to believe she was twelve. I closed my eyes and went back to dreaming.

A dark hooded figure stepped through the cloud of smoke and dust. He paused a moment, a grin forming under the shade of his hood as he chided "Catch you fuckers at a bad time?"

Confused and enraged, the demons forgot their victims and rushed at the man as he produced a long tribal axe. Every clawed hand, every fanged jaw, every spiked tail that came his way suddenly dissolved into several chunks of dismembered flesh. Killing was no longer an act but a state of being.
The hooded one became killing; duck here, slash there, chop this, sever that, neuter him, disembowel him. It all became a complex, yet simple dance of death. In less than three minutes, every demon was dead or begging to be. I looked up at my
brother and gave a weak smile, “Bout time, now get this dammed collar off me.”
He knelt down and unlocked it before helping me up, “You were an idiot.”
Even from under his hood I could see his disappointment. “I know I know, that was a stupid idea.”

A few moments of walking passed before he spoke again, “Do you have any idea how lucky you were that I managed to get here as soon as I did?”

“Only too well, did you know these demons are partial to probing? I was next on the list.”

He almost chuckled by we just kept on walking through the carnage of the demons. When we got out of the cave and I saw sunlight for the first time in months I passed out.

I woke up in a cold sweat gasping for air with Rulia shaking me, “What’s wrong!?”

I blinked slowly before responding, “Bad memories.”

“Care to tell me about it?”

“You already know, it was called the unholy massacre.”

“That was you!?”

“No, it was Draven. It was one of the few times he ever got mad.”

“That and when you two killed mother.”

“Actually no, he was as calm as ever. I was the one who was pissed.”

“I never asked why you were so angry.”

“She crushed my favorite bar.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well that and all the murders but those were all secondary to my booze.”

“I’m not sure whether to laugh or smack you.”

“Well if you slap me don’t hold back, I still feel a bit guilty about pissing in your mom’s skull.”

She decided to slap me. “Were the claws necessary?”

“Yes.”

“Fair enough. What time is it?”

“Noon.”

“Care to cause a bit of chaos?”

“Anything in particular in mind?”

“Transformation.”

“I’m listening.”

“So we get all the ponies in the middle of town and distract them for a few minutes while I weave a spell through the crowds. The spell will turn the unicorns in earth ponies, the earth ponies into pegasi, and the pegasi into unicorns.”

“How long will it last?”

“As long as we want it to.”

“Let’s do it.”

“Watch and be amazed by the amazing prestidigitation that is me! Gaze upon my hands as they bring new life into this world and look in awe while I entertain you, the masses!”

I pulled my staff out of thin air and blasted a small burst of energy into the air creating a brilliant flash of blue. It took five minutes to get the entire town in one place; they even pulled the kids out of school. I pulled a small glowing orb out of my robes and threw it on the ground making it release darkness that enveloped the whole of ponyville. The ponies were surprised but didn’t move. I jumped up onto the top of my staff balancing easily as I shot several light spells out of my hands entertaining them while I focused on weaving spells. The first duplicated me so there were two of me setting the darkness ablaze with colors. The second made a pony, it was completely sentient and appeared out of the lights converging at one place above the crowd. The pony slowly gained definition and was pure white, one of his eyes was a soothing blue while the other was an energetic gold. The pony slowly grew a horn and two admittedly large wings, on his flanks there were several small explosions of light that signified life. But then the pony began to shake and another appeared in front of it, the exact opposite in every way, she was a black pony with one bloody red eye and one sickly green one. The whites of her eyes were as black as her coat and her cutie mark were several dark holes. They regarded eachother for only a moment before walking back to the stage together. As soon as they touched the stage there was a small flash of white light returning ponyville to its original state. “Behold, Life and Death. I have created gods with my power and they will now explain what has happened to you whilst I run away!”

The two of me jumped off the stage and ran in two opposite directions, the second one faded as he got farther away from me and eventually disappeared out of existence. It took only a few moments before there was half the town nipping at my heels. The ones who had been turned into pegasi or unicorns tried to use their new found abilities but ended up just taking their own numbers down with them. We ran past the inn giving Rulia a good laugh as she used a bit of magic to trip the ones nipping at my toes, since I was running backwards. Eventually, I took a wrong turn and hit a dead end with the entire town glaring at me. A now hornless Twilight snorted like a bull as she stepped forward, “Change us back, now.”

“Oh little Sparkle, you forget one thing you should always have when making threats.”

“And what would that be?”

“Leverage.”

I snapped my fingers and I was suddenly on top of the town’s spire. Now let’s see how long till they give up.