“Drink the water, sugarcube-“

“Put in my moooouuuth.

“Drink the-“

“PUT IN MY MOOOOUUUTH.”

The ponies were left in awe at the absolute state of Avon. The party was meant to be a small, uneventful “welcome back” party in Applejack’s barn after it was discovered that Avon didn’t have to leave Equestria forever like they all thought. In fact, Avon himself explicitly wished for a small party, as he was known to enjoy. However, something clearly had gone wrong somewhere.

“Um, Pinkie?” Twilight finally asked, as the elements watched Applejack try to wrestle with the intoxicated human. “I don’t want to assume this was your doing, but would you happen to know what’s going on?” Pinkie tapped a hoof to her chin, in thought. However, it wasn’t long before she gave an answer.

“Well, I wanted this party to be extra special, so I had Applejack prepare a barrel of some more “mature” cider, if you catch my cold~.” Pinkie slyly nudged Twilight, before delivering a quick sneeze that shot her up in the air.

“Okay, that makes sense.” Twilight wiped the residue from her coat, hoping she didn’t really catch anything. “Did you tell him the ciders were alcoholic?”

“Oh, sure I did!” Pinkie beamed. “I remember it as if it was only a couple minutes ago. He was already drinking cider by the mug, talking about how he hadn’t been eating or drinking all day because he was so busy with schoolwork and housekeeping. When I told him it was the good stuff, he gave me this really funny look! It was as if he was staring at something approximately 1000 yards away!” Pinkie briefly laughed, trying hard to get through her story. “Then, he walked away muttering to himself. I think he was saying something like ‘old duck, old duck, old duck.” I tried asking what an old duck had to do with cider but he ignored me. Ah, what a funny guy, right Twilight?”

“Oh sweet Celestia…” Twilight muttered to herself in her own thousand yard stare. Rainbow, who had silently been holding her breath for the duration of Pinkie’s story, broke into laughter as she fell on her back, squeezing her torso. Pinkie, in her usual style, joined Rainbow Dash in laughter for no real reason she knew of. Meanwhile, Applejack was still wrangling with the human.

“Listen, sugarcube.” Applejack tried to offer the mug of water to Avon, who merely pushed it away as he lied on his back. “Ah reckon you’re gonna be sick if you don’t drink.” Avon finally took the mug in one hand and pulled himself up, giggling all the while like a toddler. However, when Applejack let go of the mug, it nearly dropped as Avon wasn’t actually holding it. Rarity, sensing her friend in trouble, captured the mug in her magical grip.

“Come now, Darling.” Rarity approached Avon and held the mug before him. “You can surely drink the water yourself, can’t you?” Rarity tried to smile, but it was more of a pained grimace if anything. Avon pushed the floating mug away from him.

“No.” He said, rather indignantly. As he talked, it looked as though he would pass out at any point and even swayed side-to-side as if he would, but he never did. “What’s the point?” The tone nearly sounded hopeless, until he started giggling again. Rarity looked over to Fluttershy. She jerked her head towards Avon a couple times, silently pleading for more assistance. A drunk human was a challenge no pony ever faced, but a wounded animal was a close second, at least for Fluttershy.

Fluttershy cautiously approached, joining AJ and Rarity. “Avon, you’re going to be very sick if you don’t drink-“

“I’m not sick!” Avon shouted defensively. “You’re sick!” He pointed an accusatory finger at the yellow pegasus, an act which merely made him fall over despite being seated on his ass. He then, in an over exaggerated gesture, placed his hands on his chest. His shirt was stained with water from previous attempts to sober him. “I’mmmmm well~! I feel great!” He shot his arms high into the air, as if to prove a point.

“You’re going to feel bad tomorrow.” Even Fluttershy had to hold back a chuckle. She trotted over to Avon’s side, taking the floating mug in her wing. She placed another wing around his shoulder and placed the mug to his lips. Avon grabbed the mug and tilted both the cup and his head back, spilling some of the contents on to his shirt once more.

“Well, at least he drank some of it.” Applejack whispered to Rarity.

“Twilight would want you to drink the water.” Fluttershy continued. To this, Avon’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

“She would cause she’s niiiice~!” Avon slurred, looking over at blushing Twilight who attempted to hide behind her wing in embarrassment. He turned back to Fluttershy, grabbing the mug and waving it around. “Give me more then! Give me more!”

Fluttershy gently took the mug away from the manchild and left to retrieve more water. At least she tried, before Avon suddenly grabbed a hold of her back legs, rooting her in place. He then rested his head on her flank, nuzzling the spot where here cutie mark was imprinted. Fluttershy eeped.

“Soft~.” He whispered loudly, an oxymoronic action to say the least.

Fluttershy’s face slowly grew red. “Oh…my…”

Rarity, coming to her rescue, slowly tugged at Avon’s clothing in an attempt to pull him off. However, his grip was tight and Rarity didn’t want to risk ruining the tailoring that she put all her effort into. Rainbow and Pinkie walked over to join the rest, while Twilight lagged behind.

“Hey, ‘Von. Did you have fun today~?” Dash teased, giving a smug, ingenuine smile. Of course, Avon couldn’t tell the difference.

“I did!” He shouted with glee. His words still slurred, only made worse by his nuzzling into Fluttershy’s behind. “I made a new friend! Her name is Fluttershy!”

“N-no, that’s a friend you-you already had!” Dash barely got out before another fit of laughter.

“Yeah.” Avon continued to talk, oblivious to her laughter. “And, and I also made friends with Twilight and *burp* buh-Binkie Bie!”

Pinkie giggled in amusement. “No, silly! It’s Pinkie Pie!”

“Pinkie Sky!” He corrected, only not really.

“Pie!”

“Guy!”

Pie.”

“Lie!”

“My name is Pie.”

“My name is Pies!” His hands once again shot up in victory, finally freeing Fluttershy to go hide in a corner. “Like multiple pies. Many pies. Or at least two.” Rarity levitated a napkin to wipe at Avon’s face.

“Honestly, a little cider and he’s worse than Sweetie Belle when she was learning how to speak!” Rarity had to dodge multiple attempts at Avon trying to grab at her mane. “How much did he drink?”

“Ah reckon half the barrel.” Applejack peered into the barrel, seeing that most of what was in there was gone. “Poor fella. He oughta have the worst headache in the mornin’.”

“Nooo.” Avon answered more one in particular. “I would never! What do you take me for?” Avon laid down on his back, spreading himself out wide on the ground.

“Twilight, dearest. Do you maybe have a spell or something that could do...well, anything?” Rarity pleaded.

“I’m afraid he’s magically...intolerant.” Twilight admitted, rubbing a hoof behind her head.

“Intolerant?” AJ scratched her head with a hoof. “What in the hay do you mean ‘intolerant’?”

“It’s something me and Starlight tested with him.” Twilight began to enter her lecture mode. “You see, given that he comes from a non-magical world, he would have non-magical biology. So, not only does magic have next to no effect on him but if magic was directly applied he might-“

In pure comedic fashion, Avon threw up to his side. Rarity had still been holding Anon’s shirt with her magic and that energy was passively entering his system. As a result, the puddle of bile had a rainbow colored hue and sparkled.

“-discharge.” Twilight finished, hanging her head low. Avon caught sight of this and began to pout.

“Oh noooo.” He said, eyes beginning to well up with tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...I just...I…” Avon rambled quite pitifully, attempting to stand up, only to be in a constant of unbalance. The group didn’t know if this was Avon beginning to sober or if this was just the next phase of his drunkenness. The one pony who cared not for the distinction jumped to his side.

“Oh, poor Nonny!” Pinkie cried. She wrapped her hooves around him, embracing him in a tight hug. “Don’t worry. Your best friend, Pinkie Pie is here!” Avon, through his sobbing, returned the hug, squeezing her just as tightly. This ushered an “aww” from everypony witnessing.

“Um, well,” Fluttershy attempted to find the right words, still a little dazed from early. “I suppose he is a lot more emotional now, right?”

“Yes indeed.” Rarity agreed. “I must say, I kind of find it endearing how genuine he is, if a little childish.”

“I say we should get him to drink cider more often!” Rainbow chimed in. “Who knows what we can get him to do or say in this state!?”

“Nope.” Applejack asserted. “One, I am not allowing you to take advantage of him like that. Two, I gotta be the one to make all that cider if we did!”

While the girls talked amongst each other, Twilight steadily approached Pinkie and Avon. The two were still hugging it out, despite this now talking considerably longer than a minute.

“Are you okay, Pinkie?” She asked, seeing that Avon had his face buried in her neck. Pinkie, on the other hand, had an odd look on her face. Her smile was one that was awkward and even in her pink fur, Twilight could see the red in her cheeks. “You look a little...stunned?”

“I’ve had a lot of hugs, Twilight.” Pinkie stated, oddly serious in tone. “This one feels...different.” Twilight took a step back and looked more carefully. As it turned out, it’d be more honest to say Avon was hugging Pinkie. He had pulled Pinkie’s entire body against his, leaving no room between them. Avon’s hands were also slowly caressing the pony. It was more reminiscent of a cuddle than anything, yet the more Twilight stared, the more she felt like she shouldn’t.

“Uh oh.” Pinkie said, snapping Twilight’s focus. She saw too late that Avon had, at some point, passed out completely and was falling forward. Twilight quickly corrected Anon’s position mid fall so that he didn’t end up laying atop the poor pony. Instead, he now laid on his side, cradling Pinkie like a child would a teddy bear. The other ponies rushed over, crowding around the two.

“Darling, are you alright?” Rarity asked.

“Ya need help getting out from there?” Applejack added.

Pinkie laid in silence, thinking about it. The act was easier said than done, as his heartbeat permeated her thoughts. Instead of thinking then, she focused on her senses. She focused on his warmth, no doubt a result of all the blood coursing through his from the alcohol. She focused on the alien musk, lightly scented in some sort of body wash unfamiliar, yet oddly pleasant. She focused on the sound of his breathing, matching with the push and retreat of his lungs against hers. She focused on the primal feeling she had only since felt when she was a filly on the rock farm. A feeling of near helplessness and smallness, as if any of the rocks she mined could fall and crush her. At the same time, another feeling was present, one she was almost sure she never felt.

A feeling of...submission.

“Huh.” Pinkie said, having concluded her feeling session.

“Huh?” Rainbow tilted her head. “Do you need help or not, Pinkie?”

“Nah.” Pinkie responded, waving a hoof in dismissal. She then nuzzled deeper into Avon’s chest like a pillow. “I think I’ll stay down here for a bit. I feel...safe.”

All the ponies stood in silence, looking between each other with confusion and awe. After a while, they each came to an unspoken agreement that they should probably leave the two alone to do...whatever they’re doing.

“Then Twilight said that they all left the barn with you two inside.” Spike wrapped up the story. “Once the sun came up, you two still hadn’t let go of each other. Twilight had to tear Pinkie off of you and carry you to the portal herself. Well, I helped.”

Avon sat in silence, staring at the floor beneath him as he sat. He, of course, wasn’t staring at anything in particular. He was far too focused on the extremely detailed story that Spike had given him. The two sat in silence, only until there was a knock on the door. Seconds after the knock, Twilight parted the door.

“Oh, Spike!” She called out. “I’m respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your guardian by coming in any-“ She froze when she saw Avon in the room.

“You know, Twilight, just because you state your intentions doesn’t make the act any less intrusive.” Spike argued. However, Twilight barely processed the words of the little dragon as she stood apprehensively, her face flushed.

“Oh, Avon!” She greeted with excessive sincerity. “I-I didn’t know you were here. Um, are you feeling better?”

Avon stood in silence, hesitating before asking, “Your levitation spell works on me, right?” Twilight was struck by the sudden question.

“Well, by using your attire, yes.” She answered, trying to look in every direction but his. “We tested this.” Anon nodded.

“I thought so. Aight imma head out.” Avon began to climb Spike’s window sill slowly and deliberately. It should be noted that Spike’s room was not on the ground floor.

“Avon, no!” Twilight shouted, her horn flaring.

Author's Note

Most of this chapter’s dialogue is this clip verbatim. Do yourself a favor and watch it. I know nothing of getting drunk but I hope it is exactly like that.