Taming Strange. Or: How I learned to stop worrying and make love in public

The appointed time finally arrived and Octavia paced around in the lobby of Le Calembour de Cheval en Prançais. Instead of her trademark pink bowtie and white collar she wore a small purple slip of a gown that suited her well. She had refused utterly to apply cosmetics, as she felt they were dishonest, much to her roommates annoyance.

The appointed minute slowly ticked away and Octavia was kicking herself for thinking that a degenerate hedonist would ever keep an appointment. Just as she was considering leaving in disgrace, both doors flew open dramatically. Vinyl Scratch, DJ to the stars, and baddest bitch in Canterlot, strutted in wearing a large pair of headphones whose music could be heard all the way from the host's podium.

Had they been able to understand the words they might have gleaned that this was the second remix of hit that classy bitch. She had a small saddlebag with her, the headphones' cord lolling lazily out.

Vinyl had gone through a small panic the night before, as she hadn't caught the name of the place that they were supposed to meet at. Fortunately for all involved our big royal blue friend, who happened to be named Royal Blue, overheard, and told Vinyl all she needed to know, and much she didn't. He wouldn't shut up about the place. Apparently the mountainous earth pony was a massive Prancofile and ate there anytime he could. But more on that later.

Octavia was mortified. She was going to reprimand the uncouth unicorn but as she prepared to speak Vinyl got a full view of the earth pony. She stopped her music and put her sunglasses on top of her head to get a better look. "Damn Octavia! You look fine as fuck!'' Octavia, under the spell of those hypnotic eyes, decided that Vinyl was forgiven for everything forever.

The Host looked down his nose at the DJ. Vinyl noticed the look and met it chin lowered defiantly. She knew the type. Self important snobby types. They didn't bother her. She was itching for the pony to say something. She loved putting snobs in their place.

The Host was about to mention the profanity but he felt a hoof on his foreleg. "She's with me Pierre." The first chair cellist of the Royal Canterlot Fillyharmonic explained and he relented. One is not rude to the guest of one of the most prestigious musicians in Equestria and keep their job long.

"Très bonne madame. Juste de cette façon mesdames. The Host unicorn said levitating two menus in his magic. He led them through an elegant dining room with a string quartet playing the music of Beethoofen gently in the corner.

Octavia with effortless grace cooed. "Merci. Viens, par ici Vinyl." There it was again, those words that made Vinyl forget what she was doing. The unicorn followed dreamily, too distracted even to stare at her date's backside.

The Host led them over to a booth and a waiter appeared with their wine. The two ponies were left alone. Vinyl had recovered from her daze. Luckily for Octavia the DJ had her ridiculous sunglasses on so she could think and speak clearly. That said though, neither said anything for slightly too long to be comfortable.

"Nice place." Vinyl said trying to get the ball rolling.

"Umm yes, it's the only place in Canterlot to get decent food from Prançe." She said sipping her wine. "Try the wine. It's a nom du vin en pas anglais soixante-dix sept, from my mother's home region."

If Vinyl could think right now all she would be thinking is "those damned words again!" She needed a distraction. She latched on to the last statement. "Wait you're Prench?"

"Vinyl only barbarians call it Prench." Octavia said, feeling the need to defend the dignity of the land of silly accents, mustaches, and bad accordion music. "One is to say a thing is from Prançe or of Prançe." Putting extra emphasis on the O sound.

"Huh." Was all that Vinyl could summon.

"Oui, mon mére, and I would spend our summers in Maresailles, avec ma grand-mère." Octavia continued slipping in and out of the language of her birthplace. Vinyl continued to stare entranced long after Octavia had stopped talking, eyes glazed behind her sunglasses, a goofy grin on her face.

Octavia's eyebrow raised slightly. "The wine?" She gestured with her hoof. Vinyl scrambled out of her daze, almost spilling her glass. She caught it with her magic and downed the full glass at a draught, bits of wine trickling down the sides of her muzzle.

"Damn that's good!" The unicorn said, louder than is appropriate for a restaurant. Luckily nopony looked.

Octavia took her napkin and dabbed the sides of vinyls mouth scolding. "Vinyl Scratch! One does not inhale a soixante-dix sept. It's to be savoured." Vinyl could not resist the sexy speech's allure any more. She seized one of Octavia's hooves and pressed a kiss into it. The poor cellist's face positively glowed for blushing.

Fortunately or unfortunately that's when the waiter chose to materialize out of thin air. "How may I serve you Madames Octavia sprung bolt upright face still glowing.

It was her turn to speak slightly too loud. "Quelque chose de fantaisie qui sonne avec des plantes s'il vous plaît!"

The waiter unphased said. "Très bonne Madame. And for you Madame?"

Vinyl had been stewing for the last several seconds at the cock block waiter's intrusion. She raised an eyebrow as if to say. "Bro I dunno what you fuckin serve here." After a moment she dismissively said. "I'll have what she's having." The DJ thought for a moment. "Oh and more bitchin wine!" She shouted after the retreating waiter.

This time other ponies did look. Vinyl gave them the same look she had given the host. Her trademark "WHAT? DO SOMETHIN!" face. Vinyl had a very verbose visage.

Octavia knew this could not continue. She had to find a way to continue this date without disrupting the other pony's dinners. Inspiration struck. "Umm Vinyl?" The unicorn looked back at her date thinking she was going to be nagged again, and to her surprise this thought actually concerned her. "Perhaps you'd like to cast that noise cancelling spell again. Uhm just around this booth if you would. To give our conversation more intimacy."

Octavia wanted to buck her own mouth for phrasing it that way. Vinyl on the other hoof appreciated it to no end. She smiled wantonly and waved her horn, a shimmering blue glow filled the booth then dissipated. The dull roar of the restaurant faded away and all the two ponies could hear was their own breathing.

"Well done Vinyl." The cellist cheered. "I do say that appeared to take much less effort than the one.-" Her words faltered and her voice quieted. "Last night."

The DJ stretched back nonchalantly and assumed a haughty posture. "Well way easier to do a booth than a whole building." She pretended to examine her hooves.

"Much better than the one my classmate cast on my bedroom." The earth pony wondered out loud. "Hmm I wonder why it didn't work."

The unicorn dropped the arrogant air and leaned forward interestedly. "Wait you had a noise cancel spell in your room?" She stared intensely at her date.

"Umm yes, my dorm mates are rather.-" She looked down and away. "Noisy. So I had a unicorn of my acquaintance cast the spell last night. But it didn't seem to work as I could hear your.-" Octavia wanted to say noise but her conscience told her to be nice. "Music."

"THAT'S WHERE NEON'S FUCKIN SPELL WENT! DAMNIT!" Vinyl shouted, pleased to finally have solved that little mystery. Octavia reflexatorily shushed the unicorn. "Relax they can't hear shit." She pointed a hoof at a posh looking unicorn wearing a comically tall top hat in the booth across from them. "HEY BUDDY! FUCK YOU!" She shouted. The hatted unicorn didn't even look. Octavia giggled in spite of herself.

Vinyl resumed her explanation. "If two noise cancelling spells are cast within range of each other they both fuck each other up."

The waiter placed another glass of wine in front of Vinyl along with their salads. Octavia reflexatorily chirped. "Merci beaucoup."

Vinyl sighed amorously. That was enough. She had to figure this out. "Stop That!"

The cellist shrank into herself, worried she'd committed some unknown faux pas. "Stop what?"

The DJ stood up shouting, hooves on the table. "STOP MAKING ME FEEL GOOD WITH YOUR MOUTH!" She plopped down in her seat. "And not in the normal way." Vinyl chugged her wine testily.

"What do you mean?" The earth pony said, blushing again at the innuendo.

"The fancy sexy words you keep saying!" It was Vinyl's turn to blush and avoid eye contact.

"You mean the language of Prançe?" Octavia said eyebrow raised.

"Whatever you keep saying to the waiters? The food names, the wine." She took a large gulp.

"You don't like it?" Octavia fiddled with her wine glass nervously.

"No! It's not that it's." Vinyl sighed. "It makes me horny but not in the normal way. Like instead of wanting to eat your asshole I just want to."

She was interrupted by a burst of incredulous laughter. "I'M SORRY WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! EAT WHAT?!" The cellist's face turned blue she laughed so hard.

Vinyl laid back nonchalantly. "What? That's the way it goes. Step one find fuckable pony. Step two eat ass. Repeat."

Octavia couldn't breathe. The waiter with their entrees decided now was a bad time. Finally, after almost suffocating she finally squeaked out. "H . . . H. . . How? How is. . ." She gasped and tried to calm herself. "How is that all you know of romance? How are you this beautiful pony and the first and last step for you is putting your tongue in the absolute last place it should go?!"

Vinyl quickly looked away. "You think I'm beautiful?" The DJ had been called fine, hot, and the baddest bitch in Canterlot, but never beautiful. This classy bitch was on a whole nother level.

"Vinyl you are beautiful" She laid a hoof on the mare's. She looked deeply into Vinyl's sunglasses. "Pardonnez-moi tous les lecteurs français pour la moquerie constante de votre langue barbare nasale."

Vinyl protested impotently. "stop." Was all she could whisper. The cellist had never flirted before but apparently it came naturally to her. She did not stop. No, Octavia had found the vein and was going to mine it for all it was worth. She seized Vinyl's hoof and pressed a small kiss into it. Vinyl was completely entranced. She was as hypnotized as Octavia had been by her eyes.

The DJ leaned in begging for more. Octavia leaned in now whispering. "Sérieusement s'il vous plaît ne soyez pas fou." The two leaned in close momentum already drawing them in for the kiss, when they both noticed the Host pony's face hovering just over the table. The two were shocked out of their romantic fantasy and sprang back from each other.

He'd had to get uncomfortably close to be heard through the noise cancellation spell. "Madams far be it from me to interrupt a romantic evening; but we have a very strict policy against public displays of affection." The two looked around the room and noticed that anypony who could see was staring at them. Vinyl swore to herself that she was going to murder every single one of these cock blocks.

Minutes later the two had paid their bill and were exiting the front door in awkward silence. They hadn't even touched their food and the waiters were treated to master crafted cuisine from Prançe. The chefs were not pleased their labours were going to the rabble.

Vinyl started to giggle which broke into a hearty laugh. Octavia couldn't help but smile, she was quickly falling in love with that laugh. "Well that was fun." The party pony exclaimed. "We'll have to do this again soon."

"Yes well thank you for a lovely evening, but I suggest we quit while we're ahead." Octavia said bowing. She started to walk away, disappointed how the night had ended.

Vinyl called out trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. "Wait hold on please!" Octavia halted her retreat. "I wanna see you again." She put a hoof on Octavia's shoulder. "I really like you." Octavia turned to face her but didn't seem to want to make eye contact.

Vinyl cozied up to the cellist, and bumped her with her hip. "You know last time you came to one of my shows you made it all the way to the V.I.P. section. How'd you like to stick around this time." The DJ wiggled her eyebrows.

"Uuum perhaps." The cellist exhaled, trying not to tackle the amorous mare. An idea popped into her head. "But only if you come see me play at the Fillyharmonica!"

Vinyl facehoofed. "Nooo seriously? Come on don't play me like that!" The unicorn whined.

The earth pony tried to assuage the DJ's annoyance. "Don't worry you'll love it." She took Vinyl's hoof and whispered. "Assez jolie s'il vous plaît."

Vinyl couldn't believe she'd been so easily played. This mare was going to be the death of her. "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh fine!" She held out a comedically long time. "I'll fuckin go." She said pouting.

Octavia hugged vinyl tight. "Ooooh thank you. I promise you'll have a good time." The earth pony realized what she was doing and slowly let go. An idea flashed across her mind, and she became pensive. "Umm Vinyl. Do you think you could do me a favour?"

Vinyl brightened. "Yeah, what, anything?"

Octavia fiddled with her hooves, unsure if she should do what she was about to do. "Could you umm. Could you take your sunglasses off please?" Vinyl shrugged her shoulders and presented the center of Octavia's universe. She dropped the glasses in surprise as Octavia pressed her against the wall, and kissed her deeply.

Before Vinyl could wrap her hooves around the passionate mare she ran off into the magically lit streets of the cool Canterlot night. Vinyl was left alone. Instead of being mad about being cock blocked for the umpteenth time, she danced all the way to her apartment. She sang the third remix of classy bitch to herself. Her steps were light as a pegasus' on clouds. The expression didn't cross her mind but she was head over hooves, and it felt great!

She shut the door behind her and put a hoof to her heart, and sighed contentedly.
Vinyl felt a levity that had nothing to do with controlled substances. She felt good. She felt really really good. She felt so good she couldn't go to sleep yet, she had to find something to do just so she could keep feeling this good. She cleaned her entire apartment from top to bottom and still this feeling of utter bliss didn't leave her.

Finally she just lay on her couch giggling to herself, thinking about the sweet things her little mare had said to her. She had called her beautiful, she had kissed her, and best of all she was going to see her again at the . . . What was it called again. When. Where. Vinyl lurched forward. "AH SHIIIT!"