Frenefits

Sleeping had always been a sort of conundrum to Jason.

He never dreamed. He knew what dreams were, of course, but just never experienced them himself. For him, whenever he tried to sleep, it was simply just a process of him closing his eyes and then opening them hours later. It was like he had just chosen not to experience those several hours. Jason couldn’t count how many times he had tried to remember the exact moment he fell asleep, it was a battle he would never win but also would never stop fighting.

Tonight, however, was a bit different. If he ever woke up in the middle of the night, it was typically due to having to pee. He liked to drink water a lot and it didn’t help that he had an overactive bladder. This time, instead of his body demanding that he relieve himself, it was to his ear getting tugged on like someone was trying to get his attention. It was a bit painful, but the person who was doing it was still very gentle, it was actually kind of enjoyable.

With a groan, Jason groggily opened his eyes, blinking rapidly until he could see properly, or at least as well as was possible with how dark his room was. When his eyes finally adjusted, he could barely make out that Diane’s face was just a few inches from his, eyes barely visible. It was creepy but comforting at the same time. Her eyes were half closed and had a sultry look to them, less sexual and much more like she was just enjoying teasing him.

“Hey, you’re finally awake.” She said while trying to make her voice as gruff and masculine as she could, obviously trying to mock someone.

Jason’s mind was foggy and it took him a few seconds to process things, he had actually forgotten why Diane was on top of him at all and had a very minor and brief heart attack. Then like a tidal wave all of the memories, along with the emotions that accompanied them, hit him at once. The happiness, the physical pleasure, the pure euphoria he felt, was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.

The fact that he was completely naked with a very attractive woman also completely naked should have made him feel a cacophony of emotions, everything from sheer embarrassment to crippling anxiety. Maybe it was because he was basking in the aftermath of last night’s rapture, or just Diane herself, but at the moment he just felt utterly relaxed and complacent. He was sure at least part of it was because of how comfortable he was with Diane. Things that applied to most people didn’t apply to her, which luckily included his social anxiety.

For the most part, at least.

“Diane, It’s…” Jason reached over to his night stand and turned on his phone, glancing at it and seeing that it was just a few minutes past four. “Four in the morning. Why did you wake me up?”

He wasn’t overly upset that Diane did wake him up, he was sure she had a good reason for it. Jason just...really didn’t like being woken up. It would be almost impossible for him to get back to sleep now.

“Well, buster,” Diane said in a snarky tone, disapproving the slightly irritated tone in his voice. “I wanted to tell you that Pinkie is going to be waking up in about two and a half hours, give or take. It shouldn’t take me more than fifteen minutes to get there and ‘fall asleep’. I wanted to wake you up so we could take a shower. I doubt you’d want to go to school after last night, and I don’t even want to think about how Pinkie would react waking up like this.”

He couldn’t deny her logic. From how disgustingly sticky his entire lower body felt, on top of the gross, hot feeling that came from sweat, he was suddenly really craving that shower. Jason probably should have expected that laying in bed completely naked with someone after rigourious sex would have made both of them feel pretty dirty after waking up, not that either had much of a choice since they quite literally passed out afterwards.

He brought his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes to try to wake himself up more, it did little to get rid of the mist dazing his senses. “That…” He paused to yawn, disliking the taste in his mouth after just waking up. “Makes sense. You didn’t have to wake me up though. I’m a pretty heavy sleeper, you could have easily gone ahead and took a shower and then woke me up after.”

Jason noticed her head drop a bit and then shake it a little, he wasn’t quite sure why. “Oh you poor, sweet, wholesome boy.” She said in a tone that sounded like someone would use on a child.

She leaned forward and grazed the tip of her tongue across his cheek, which very quickly and effectively woke him all the way up. She stopped at his earlobe, giving it a slight nibble, her hot breath directly on his ear sent shivers down his back and a twitch in his cock.

“I said we are taking a shower, as in at the same time. Your shower is big enough for the both of us, right?”

Her voice was so innocent that it completely masked the meaning behind what she was suggesting, something Jason would never understand how she did so well. The image of taking a shower with Diane made him both aroused and worried, as irrational as that was. He had already seen her completely naked multiple times, but it still made him a bit angsty at seeing her naked, like he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to.

He’d be too scared to say it out loud, but he was also somewhat agitated about Diane seeing his body. It wasn’t anything special, he didn’t work out, but he also wasn’t particularly chubby. It was just average, which was the problem. Compared to her body, which was very easily the sexiest female body he’s ever seen in his secluded life, it felt almost wrong to be naked with her.

“I...I think so?” Jason stuttered out, trying to ignore the rising heat of arousal across his entire body and his quickly hardening member.

“Good.”

Diane lifted herself off Jason, placing her feet on the ground off to the side of his bed and jumping down with an energetic bounce. She stood on the tip of her toes and raised her arms above her head, stretching and then letting out a satisfied squeal that he found downright cute.

Despite the fact that he could breathe better now that a literal weight had been lifted off him, he missed the contact of their bodies together. It sounded ridiculous since they had literally just slept with each other, but no matter how much time he spends with her, it’s never enough.

He couldn’t see any details of her body due to how dark it was, so he just watched the outline of her walk across the room and flick the lightswitch. He slammed his eyes shut at the sudden brightness, waiting a few moments before opening them again and lowering his gaze to his legs, an almost morbid curiosity to see how they looked.

It certainly didn’t appear as gross as it felt. Anything below his thighs actually seemed completely normal, though his intuition was telling him that they were going to sting like a bitch when he tried to move them. His entire pelvis area on the other hand was just layered in various stains. Almost slick with his and Diane’s sweat, his half erect penis was sticky with small patches of dried semen, along with the spots between his genitals and his thighs, and his stomach. It actually made him wrinkle his nose a bit at the sight of it, which caused him to breathe in the pungent smell of the room he had missed before.

The distinct smell of sex in the room was rancid, but it wasn’t so bad that it burned his eyes. The best way he could describe it was that it smelt like how sweat tasted, but with a sharp...muskiness to it. The strange part was that he didn’t particularly dislike it, even though it was a strong smell it wasn’t necessarily a bad one. He could even find himself coming to enjoy it with enough exposure, sort of like anchovies on pizza in a weird way.

As soon as he relaxed and brought his head up to Diane, blood rushed to his face in a blush. She had turned to face him, her perfectly perky rack on full display to him without a hint of embarrassment. Her entire body was as perfect as usual, her perfectly slim body and flawless skin leaving his throat dry. The only exceptions to her perfection were now around her thighs, where similar spots of dried semen could be seen. Even the pink thigh highs she was still wearing, the only clothing she kept on because they had both honestly forgotten about them, had a few spatters of white on them that had dried to the point of being somewhat crusty.

There was a tinge of guilt due to him having been the one who did that, it felt like he’d tainted something pure, which was certainly not the case here.

“Well? What are you laying there and staring at me for?” She asked as she put her hands on her hips. “You can look and touch the merchandise as much as you want in the shower, you’ve gotta get up first though. All of you, I mean, not just your dick.”

He tore his gaze away from her voluptuous body, trying to hide his embarrassment as he moved his legs. The second he did and they were dangling off the side of his bed, there was a stabbing pain throughout both of them, like someone was playing a very large game of tic tac toe on him with needles.

~I never got the saying ‘gonna feel that in the morning’ until now. Yep, I’m definitely feeling it.~

He suppressed a groan as he stood up, pushing through the pain since he knew that, hopefully, last night would not be the last night of rough and passionate coitus. The pain had briefly distracted him from the fact that he was naked, something he was harshly reminded of when he looked down and his fully erect cock was poking out from between his legs eagerly, rearing to have more sex when it hadn’t even been cleaned from last night.

He was also reminded of how...unimpressionable his body was. He had no scars, but he did have a freckle or two and some light acne. His frame was normal, and he had no hair on his body to speak of since he shaved semi-regularly, he didn’t like having hair since he found it itchy. The only thing he might say is abnormal is that he had an innie belly button which made it almost appear like it wasn’t even there, he wasn’t sure how common of a thing that was.

He more or less tried to shamefully hide his body the best he could, which wasn’t very easy. He grabbed the blanket on the bed that they had mostly neglected, using it to cover basically the entirety of his front. Jason was expecting Diane to get that devious glint in her eye and that sly smirk, teasing him about how he was acting more like a girl than she was. Instead, her eyebrows furrowed and her smile dropped into a frown, apparently upset by what he did.

That hurt more.

“Jason…” Diane whispered under her breath, concern evident in her voice as she walked towards him.

He tried to keep his eyes on her face, the way her breasts were bouncing with each step, and even her thighs jiggling slightly, made it even more difficult to contain his libido. As soon as she reached him, she yanked the blanket from his grip with relative ease, and then embraced him. She gently wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him into a hug so tight it almost felt like it was the last one she’d ever give him. Her absurdly soft breast squished against him, and he could feel his dick poking against her stomach.

At first, he thought it was supposed to be sexual. It wasn’t until she buried her head into his chest, with her hair covering nearly her entire face, did he realize that wasn’t the case.

“Di-”

“Aren’t you comfortable with me Jason?”

Her tone was sad and dejected, it made his chest tight and stomach drop in a way he hated more than even his own anxiety. He pushed down his desire and unease, wrapping his arms around her back and resting his chin on the top of her head, pulling her more against him.

It did little to relieve how tense he could tell her body was, it would take words to do that, by far the thing he was the worst at.

“No...Diane I’m...very comfortable with you, more than anyone else. I literally can’t put into words how happy I am that you're comfortable with me enough to walk around my apartment naked. It’s just…” He paused as he closed his eyes to try to put his thoughts into words. He deeply inhaled, able to make out her delightful smell even from the scent of sex that filled the room. “I’m...really insecure about a lot of things, including my physical appearance. Seeing how just ridiculously perfect and sexy you are makes the contrast that much more apparent, I don’t want you to see what I look like and...decide you don’t want me anymore.”

He waited in anticipation for how she would react, hoping he used the right words and didn’t mess up. After a few seconds he noticed the tension in her body ebb away as she let out a shaky sigh, raising her head and giving him a small smile.

“Jason, I don’t really care what you look like, I’m not that shallow. I’m attracted to you for you. I know you don’t think much of yourself, trust me, I get it. I also know saying it might not convince you, but please, believe me when I say nothing you can do or say would make me stop liking you.”

Diane’s tone was stern and reassuring, she kept eye contact with him and her leer did not waver. It honestly kind of scared him a bit, but it did let him know that she was entirely serious. It wasn’t a question of whether he trusted Diane or not, he did completely. It was more he didn’t understand how she could find him attractive.

~Just something I’m going to have to learn to live with I guess. Should have figured I could literally have the perfect girlfriend, and still think there’s a problem.~

Jason gave a hesitant nod, which seemed to satisfy her. She pulled back from the hug and stood on the tip of her toes, giving him a brief peck on his lips and then twirling around like a ballerina before trotting towards his bathroom.

He found his attention lowering to her plump rear, there was a visible jiggle with each step, sort of comparable to jello. Jason was honestly amazed by the female anatomy now that he’s had multiple chances to observe it in all it’s bare beauty. It was astonishing how their waists were so slender and yet the breast and butt were much more...rotund. No matter how much he saw her, or even touched her, it didn’t quench his urges to enjoy the softness of her feminine attributes.

The best part was that she probably wanted him too as much as he did, it was just a matter of him adjusting to their very open relationship.

“Just a warning,” Diane said in her usual upbeat tone, opening the bathroom door with a sway of her hips he knew was intentional. She turned to face him, leaning against the now open door and waiting for him, giving him a flirty wink and a toothy grin. “I like my showers hot.”

**********************************************************************************************

The shower had been, surprisingly, very non sexual.

Not to say that they didn’t touch each other or do anything, because they certainly did. Amidst the actual cleaning themselves that entails a shower, they had a very sensual make out session. He had taken the opportunity to explore her body once more, yet again taken aback by how ungodly soft she was, and enjoyable to touch to the point of near addiction. However, this time he attempted to initiate going further due to sheer lust overshadowing his typical anxiety, but she stopped him.

Diane told him that they didn’t have time for it. While he knew that was true, it made him a bit guilty when she said that. He couldn’t quite shake the feeling that there was more to it than just that. Either he was getting much better at reading people, or much worse and he was starting to see problems where there weren’t any.

Neither would really surprise him.

It wasn’t until after they got done and dried themselves up that he realized he didn’t exactly have any clothes for her, or maybe she just selectively hadn’t mentioned it. They ended up on deciding to let her wear the thong since it was easily the cleanest piece of clothing she came with, and one of his shirts. He was about a size larger than her, so while it fit on her well enough to where it didn’t just slip off, it kind of hung on her body like an overcoat. It went down to her upper thighs, and if Jason was being honest with himself, he found it adorable.

He had just tossed on a pair of boxers, a t-shirt, and jeans, what he normally wore.

The shower had taken roughly twenty minutes, giving both of them plenty of time to basically do whatever they wanted, which made him wonder why she woke him up so early in the first place. He turned to her to ask her that exact question, only to find that she had managed to walk over to his bed without making a single sound. She picked the blanket up off the ground and laid it on the bed, covering some of the stains from last night that Jason needed to clean out before he slept in it again.

She patted the spot beside her with her hand, gesturing for him to sit next to her. He was bothered by the expression on her face, more specifically, the absolute lack of one. She had the same blank expression on her face that he’d seen a handful of times now. An absent playfulness to her eyes that was a sign that she was thinking about something really important.

Jason still was terrible at social interaction, but he had spent enough time with Diane and knew her well enough that he had a smidge of confidence in being able to read her. The best indicator was her body language. Her shoulders were slumped, he could see that her jaws were tight, the left one was slightly indented which meant she was chewing on the inside of her cheek. These were all little tells Diane had whenever she was upset about something, or thinking about something serious.

Jason tried really hard to convince himself that it wasn’t creepy that he’d memorized all these things and that he just cared a lot about her. Sometimes it worked.

He gave a nervous, almost audible gulp as he sat down beside her, barely able to ignore the constant fear of not being good enough for her that was eating away at him. He wanted to believe Diane when she said nothing he could do would push her away, but the thought that she would suddenly realize that she could do much better than him was always there, and it terrified him.

He sat there for a solid minute without saying a word, waiting for her to say whatever it was she clearly wanted to say. His arms rested on his knees, his hands clutched and trembling slightly as he kept glancing at her. The anticipation was killing him.

~I’m starting to think she does this on purpose because she likes being dramatic, she really is similar to Pinkie in a lot of ways.~

Without making a sound, which Jason found both impressive and disturbing, Diane turned to face him, crossing her legs and arms. Her blank expression was unchanging, though he could see the corners of her lips twitching as she struggled to keep it that way.

“Jason, I need to know: Did you mean it when you said you loved me last night?”

His face turned scarlet at Diane’s question, having hoped she wouldn’t have asked him about that. When he said that, it was when he was feeling that euphoria of physical pleasure and mental relief, telling her that he loved her felt like the only way he could express both that and how grateful he was to her for making him that happy. However, now that he was more lucid, he questioned whether that was a good idea or not.

“Diane, I…” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself. He wanted to be completely truthful with Diane, but he knew that might hurt her feelings, so he needed to be careful with what he said. If he messed up this relationship, he’d never forgive himself. “Don’t really know anything about love. What I’ve heard from tv shows and stuff pretty much sums it up. When I said that last night, it’s because I wanted to tell you how much I care about you and how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Telling you I love you was just the first thing that came to mind. In reality, I’m not clear enough about what love is supposed to mean to be able to tell you with utmost confidence that I do love you.”

It was hard for Jason to say that without stuttering or wavering at all. While he trusted Diane completely, it was still aggrevantianly difficult for him to put his thoughts and feelings into words, no matter how much he wanted to at times.

Diane’s body flinched at his words, her head dropping and her long, silk like hair covering most of her face. He could tell what he said made her dejected, biting the corner of her lips to prevent herself from frowning. Before it got any worse, Jason placed both of his hands on hers, awkwardly interlocking their fingers. She gave out an empty chuckle at his actions, not stopping him, even though she clearly didn’t understand why he was doing it.

“That doesn’t mean...that I don’t feel anything for you.” The reason Jason was trying to hold her hands was because he was trying to recapture some bit of the intimacy from last night. He recalled in detail about how much she valued closeness, and trying to recreate that, as embarrassing and awkward as it made him feel, was an easier way for him to make her feel better than words. “I don’t know if it’s love, but I know that it’s genuine. Whatever it is I feel for you is the realest thing I’ve ever felt for anyone, it was like there was a piece of me that had been missing, and being with you makes me feel complete.”

“I don’t know if that’s love. If it isn’t, then I can promise you that I can love you. I care about you more than I care about anyone, maybe even myself. You’ve given me so much, you make me so happy, and make me want to try to be better. What I feel for you might not be love, but one day it might turn into that, and that’s more than what I could say about anyone else I’ve known.”

If it was with anyone else, maintaining eye contact and holding both of their hands the way he was would have been impossible, and very likely would have induced an anxiety attack. His hands had gotten sweaty and trembled as he struggled to keep a grip even with it being Diane, his mind trying to focus on the words he was saying and working to keep his voice as stern as he could.

When he was done and said everything he could think to say, he noticed his heart was beating like a drum in his chest. All he could do now was wait with dry lips to see if he had said the right things or not. Jason also hadn’t noticed until he stopped talking that her grip had been getting looser as he spoke, her arms were shaking worse than his and her lips were quivering.

“Jason, that’s…” He hadn’t heard Diane’s voice that shaky since she’d told him about her situation. Her eyes widened as a hot tear rolled down the right side of her face. She reacted immediately, disconnecting their hands and wiping off the tear. “All I could have asked for.”

She took a breath and calmed herself, leaning forward and placing her hands on the sides of his face, rubbing her thumbs gently against his cheeks as she captured his lips in a kiss. He was taken aback by it, not having the time to kiss back as it only lasted a second or so. Then she lowered her hands and wrapped them around his back, placing them firmly on his shoulder blades as she nuzzled her face in his neck.

The hug and sudden shift in tone made Jason bowl over. He was relieved that he apparently said the right things, but confused how she went from hinging on his every word to embracing him. He almost reflexively hugged her back, which is when he noticed that it was different from how she hugged him earlier.

When she did so before the shower, there was a lot of care put into it as she tried to make him more comfortable with her. This time, her clutch on him was iron tight even as her hands trembled, it felt desperate. He could feel her lips quivering as she gave him small kisses along his neck. It wasn’t in a sexual way either, it just seemed like she was trying to be as intimate with him as she could be.

He didn’t like it. Everything about it made him feel like she was doing this because it was the last time they could, that thought filled him with a sense of foreboding dread he was all too familiar with.

Her chest rose as she took a deep breath and then exhaled, which didn’t make her shaking any better. She pulled back from their embrace, placing her arms on his shoulders so they were dangling off.

“You need to tell Pinkie.”

Her voice was low and barely more than a whisper, but he was able to make out how much effort it took for her to actually say it. For once, Diane was the one who couldn’t keep eye contact with him. Now that he was on the receiving end of it, he could tell when someone was just pretending to be making eye contact with him, and she was.

“Tell her what?”

He tried playing it dumb, hoping he was misunderstanding like he occasionally did.

“Everything.”

He wasn’t.

His heart skipped a beat at the emptiness of her tone, shattering any hope he had that she was talking about something else. His entire body slumped and he lowered his hand, feeling a strange sensation rising up inside of him.

“Diane, if I do that…” His eyebrows lowered in a rare expression of seriousness on his face. “You might disappear. I...really don’t want to lose you, not when I just got you to be mine.”

“You think I do?!” Diane shouted at him, the first time she ever genuinely did so. “I’m fucking terrified of what might happen if you tell her! There’s a very real chance I might just disappear and no one but you and Pinkie would know I ever existed! Or maybe she’ll just push me into the back of her mind, never able to have control again and forced to do nothing but watch! Or maybe nothing at all will happen! Maybe knowing about me will change nothing, and things will keep going like they have been all these years, the only difference being she’s aware! I don’t know!”

Both of her arms were extended outwards with her palms open, making gestures to emphasize what she was saying. Her eyes were narrowed, nose wrinkled, and mouth in a sneer as she scowled hard enough to where it was almost etched on her face. Despite the distinct anger in her expression, he could tell the corners of her eyes were tearing up as she struggled to stop herself from crying.

She was making it obvious that she was even more against the idea of telling Pinkie than he was, terrified at what could come from it, and how much she had agonized over doing it for a long time now. Diane wanted to be her own person, but it was impossible to do that when she kept having to use someone else’s body. She had her own feelings, wants and desires, but none of that mattered if she had to keep reminding herself that her body didn’t belong to her.

“If you’re that afraid of it, then why-”

“Because I can’t take this guilt anymore!”

From the way she yelled, it was like she was raising her voice to try to relieve some of the mental anguish she was experiencing. Jason recoiled at the sudden outburst, somewhat hurt by it, even though he understood it wasn’t him she was angry at.

He wanted to say something to comfort her, but nothing came to mind, leaving him with his mouth slightly parted as he agonizingly waited. Her head dropped as her hair covered the entirety of her face again. An almost visible puff of air came out of her mouth as her chest and back rose, she was taking very heavy, exasperated breaths.

“How long…” She paused as she tried to stabilize her breathing. “Do you think...our relationship could last? Before someone finds out? A couple of days? Maybe a week or two? A month if we’re lucky. No matter what happens, Pinkie will find out one way or another, it only takes one of us messing up a single time. She might be forgiving, but even she has her limits. If she learns, she’ll probably see it as you using her body without her permission, and she’ll never forgive you for that.”

Jason bit the corner of his lip, among other things, he had been trying to keep that thought at bay. He didn’t like being reminded that the body he was having sex with belonged to someone else, but there was only so long he could ignore the pit of guilt in his stomach from that same thought. Especially since he couldn’t ignore his romantic and sexual desires for Diane, a direct conflict of interest that he wished wasn’t there.

“We...can make it work Diane. Telling her anyway, how is that any different than her finding out on her own? I don’t like it anymore than you do, but I want to be with you.”

“Because, it would hurt a lot less if you told her rather than her finding out. Also, I...couldn’t do it. Every time we kiss or touch or do anything, I can’t help but think about how it’d hurt Pinkie. Don’t get me wrong, I love you and I love being with you, a thousand years wouldn’t be enough to repay what you’ve done for me. I mean everything I’ve ever said to you, and I would give anything to stay with you. But…”

She slowly raised her head, and the sight of her pained expression made him want to rip out his own heart rather than deal with the agony it was making him feel. The tears she had been struggling to hold back were now running down her face, prominent lines between her eyebrows and pinched lips with a clenched jaw. The sight made Jason regret having sex with her last night, if doing so had caused her so much pain.

“I can’t keep doing it. On top of knowing the permanent damage I’ve done to her body and everything with Randal, I can’t live with the fact that I would be with the person she likes, using her body. It’s...too much, I just can’t.”

She crawled towards him, placing her hands on his chest and pushing him onto the bed. He didn’t resist at all. She kept her hands on his chest and laid her head against it where his heart was, listening to it was soothing to her.

“I mean it when I say I love you. I’m not exactly anymore experienced in romance than you are, but I don’t think I’m wrong in that. If there is any chance of us having a relationship, and god do I hope there is, then it’s only if Pinkie knows and she’s ok with it. Telling her risks so many things, but it’s the only way to ensure that we can stay together, which is what I want right now more than anything.” She paused as a muffled sob escaped her lips. “You...should tell Sunset first, she’s probably going to talk to you during breakfast like before. It’ll make it easier for you to tell Pinkie, and so someone can help her through whatever happens afterwards.”

“You…” Jason audibly gulped, understanding just a tad more how a deer felt when caught in headlights. “Know I’ve been talking to Sunset?”

He felt her shift around on his body to get more comfortable, the sensation of her warm, soft skin rubbing against him distracted him somewhat. “No, but Pinkie does. I told you she’s very perceptive. It’s near impossible to lie to her and she notices everything. Don’t worry, she also knows there’s nothing going on between you two. Sunset’s….in a weird place right now, and romance is the last thing on her mind.”

Her voice was completely monotone as she spoke, her eyes closed as she idly traced her finger in a circle around his nipple. He could tell his chest was a bit wet from her tears, and also that she was trying to focus her mind on something else, at least for a little bit.

“And...you aren’t mad?”

“I could never be mad at you Jason. It’s not like you two were having sex in between the bookshelves or something, that would have been a lot more noticeable. I trust you completely, if you didn’t tell me about her, it must have been because you didn’t think it was that important.”

Jason was conflicted.

While the words were somewhat passive aggressive, there really was no tone in her voice. He was also glad that she had actually referred to herself as a person, something he was happy he was able to make her realize.

However, he was also terrified of the prospect of telling Pinkie everything. He didn’t want to lose this girl in his arms. Before, when he had become accustomed to loneliness, he would have thought it ridiculous at how much he had come to care for her in a mere two weeks. Now, like he said earlier, he had genuinely believed she had become a vital part of him. Without her, it would be like someone carved a Diane shaped hole out of his very soul.

“Then...what do you want me to do now?”

Jason was doing everything he could to keep the anxiety and angst at bay, it was almost pathetic how close he was to crying at that moment. The main thing stopping him was that he knew, no matter what the outcome was, he would look back at this as potentially the last time he could be with Diane. He didn’t want to spend it crying over a future he was unsure of, instead, he wanted to cherish the time with her the best he could.

Diane halted her absentminded tracing on him, grabbing his arms that had been motionlessly laying on the bed. She placed one on her head and the other on her back, then pressed her head as deeply into his chest as she could.

“Please...just hold me.”

**********************************************************************************************

He had only really been able to spend an hour or so with Diane before she had to leave, but that hour was so unbearably short. He could tell that she didn’t want to leave anymore than he wanted her to, but Pinkie ‘waking up’ in Jason’s apartment could only make things exceedingly worse.

He barely had the motivation to go to school, already knowing he wouldn’t be able to pay attention in class at all. Jason had next to no appetite, focusing entirely on how he was going to explain things to Pinkie. He was so overwhelmingly riddled with anxiety that he couldn’t stop his body from shaking, and from the way some people glanced at him before he put his hood up, he didn’t look much better either.

This was without question the most distressed he’d ever been in his life, the only thing that came to mind that compared was a play he had to be in when he was in elementary school. While he certainly felt like he was going to, throwing up wasn’t going to get him out of this. The best he could do was try to work through it.

~On the plus side, at least I know I won’t fall asleep in class or anything.~

Surprisingly, and unfortunately, the librarian Cheerilee actually seemed more energetic and alert today, almost eerily so. She had a wide smile that was all too forced, and he was fairly sure her left eye was ever so slightly twitching.

Luckily she mostly ignored him as he went to his usual table and sat down, probably because she could tell the mood he was in. He carelessly tossed his backpack to the ground as he plopped down, letting out a relieved sigh now that he was mostly away from people, which tended only to make his anxiety worse. He took off his hood and leaned back against the chair, his arms dangling lifelessly to the sides as he closed his eyes.

To help keep his mind focused, he began reciting what exactly he was going to say to Pinkie and how he was going to say it. There were, of course, some details he would have to leave out, such as the sexual things him and Diane got up to. There were other things too, like Randal. Is that something he should bother to mention? Or would it just be pointless? He didn’t truly know, nor did Diane say anything about that.

“Wow, I...don’t even know what to say. Frankly, you look terrible. I thought I was bad yesterday, but you look like Applejack after harvest season, but somehow worse.”

He hadn’t even noticed Sunset walk up to the table, so enthralled in his own mumbling that he was basically in his own little world. At the same time, Jason wasn’t overly surprised by her sudden appearance, Diane did warn him she would approach him today.

“Trust me, I know. I’ve been avoiding mirrors because I’m sure I look pretty bad.” Jason said as he leaned forward in the chair, opening his eyes and turning to Sunset. She was in much better condition than when he saw her yesterday. She was wearing the same outfit, but the bags under her eyes were gone, which meant she either put on makeup or got a sufficient amount of sleep. Her hair was also back to the same style when he first met her and wasn’t unkempt.

He wasn’t sure what it was, but seeing Sunset now made him realize how attractive she was. Her skin was flawless and her outfit complemented her perfectly, her eyes were so full of life and her smile was refreshing in a way. Jason felt a tinge of guilt at this as he already had a gorgeous girlfriend, but he knew he’d never act on it.

“Good news is I...got permission, you could say. It’s much more like she already knew we’d been talking.”

Sunset’s smile dropped briefly to shock, then to worry and fear. She pulled out a chair and sat down in it, resting her arms on the table. “Is that why you look so distraught? Did you two have a fight or something over it?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at the concern in her voice, even if it was a little wrong to do so. “No, the exact opposite actually. Last night was the best night of my life, no contest. The problem is…” Jason sighed as he lowered his head, nervously twiddling his thumbs, a lifelong habit he always had when nervous that he never quite broke. “She wants me to tell you and Pinkie everything, nothing about that is easy. I need to figure out exactly how to word certain things and what all I need to mention. Saying the wrong thing the wrong we would be...bad.”

He wasn’t quite sure what kind of reaction he was expecting out of her, but while there was still some evident concern, the corners of her lips curled up into a triumphant smile.

“Lay it on me then! I’ve been wanting an explanation, I’m not sure why Diane wants you to tell Pinkie, but I can help you with that. I probably know her better than you do.”

“Not as well as you think.” Jason murmured under his breath.

It wasn’t as quiet as he hoped. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion at what he said, her arms uncurling and her hands clenching slightly into fist. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well…” He tensed up at the accusatory tone in her voice, fumbling a bit over his words as the anxiety he had been trying to suppress came back with a vengeance. He knew that he couldn’t just explain everything at once, he’d need to do one thing at a time, starting with the most complicated one.

“To sum it up....Diane and Pinkie are kind of...the same person.”

He waited in tense silence after saying that, reeling back a bit as he dreaded her reaction. She sat there for a few moments before leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms as she sternly stared at Jason.

“Elaborate.” The red and yellow haired girl said bluntly, reminding him more of a detective interrogating a suspect than a high school student.

“I...can try but it’s...complicated, I don’t really get it myself.” He remembered every word of what she said to him, that night was forever burned into his memory. However, that didn’t mean he really understood that much of it. The best he could do was try to simplify what he did understand himself, at the risk of paraphrasing.

“She said...that something happened to Pinkie that caused a lot of issues, something between her and her friends I think. Some kind of mental trauma that forced her to create Diane as a coping mechanism to deal with all the emotional problems that came with it. She didn’t mention how long it’d been or go into much detail, just that the event that sparked it happened sometime during middle school.”

As soon as the words middle school left his mouth, he heard her sharply gasp and her eyes widened, her entire face went pale like she’d seen something terrible. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders like she was cold, grasping her leather jacket desperately. She lowered her head as her eyes shook, an expression somewhere between disbelief and shock on her face as she muttered something to herself.

“No, it couldn’t have been...right? Did..did I do this?”

Her voice wavered and carried a solemn tone, he got the feeling something he said really made her upset. He considered Sunset a close friend, so seeing her so suddenly distraught like this bothered him. He ignored his social anxiety and placed his hand on her shoulder, hoping the physical contact might help.

“Sunset...are you ok?”

His voice and the touch seemed to snap her out of it. She glanced up at him, taking a deep breath before closing her eyes and whispering to herself. He was only able to make out the last part, which was something along the lines of ‘my past is not today’. The color returned to her face as she opened her eyes, a small smile on her lips as she turned to him.

“Yeah, I just...it reminded me of something. It’s not important, don’t worry about it.”

He waited a few seconds before nodding, retracting his hand a bit, relieved. He didn’t know why she had that reaction, but it wasn’t any of his business, at least not now. He had more than enough on his plate already, if she said it wasn’t important, then he’d just have to trust her.

“If you say so.” Jason mumbled as he shifted around uncomfortably on the chair. “The details…” He briefly glanced away, recalling vividly how ashamed Diane was of the drinking and other late night activities she used to do. “Aren’t important. Whenever Pinkie had a lot of negative emotions she didn’t want to deal with, she kind of just...pushed them onto Diane, and she ‘takes over’ at night time and vents. That’s probably why she was so aggressive when you saw her, she has to deal with all of Pinkie’s piled up problems and it...really takes its toll on her.”

“The problem is, with how Diane and I’s relationship has…” He glanced away from Sunset once more, this time with a noticeable red tint on his cheeks. “Progressed. We both agree that Pinkie needs to know the truth. The thing is, I feel like no matter what I say to her, she’s going to be upset about it. There’s also the real possibility that when I tell Pinkie, Diane might just disappear, and I…” He paused as he closed his eyes, the image of Diane eroding into dust and blowing into the wind was far too lucid for his liking. “Really don’t want that. So, if you could help me in any way...I’d really appreciate it.”

Sunset’s expression didn’t change very much throughout his explanation, it was blank as she intently listened to his every word. When he was done, she tilted her head to the left a bit like a dog. A confused expression on her face, like she was expecting more and didn’t understand why there wasn’t.

“Is that all?”

Jason was baffled by how casually she asked that, as if it was just a minor problem and that he hadn’t just told her that one of her friends was essentially living a double life. “Does this...not sound crazy to you? Pinkie has a second personality that I’m in a relationship with! That seems like something you’d read in a bad book or something.”

Sunset brought a finger to her chin, glancing to the side and making a light humming noise, evidently mocking thinking hard on his question. “...Not really? I mean, I can read minds from just touching people, having a split personality in full on Jekyll and Hyde style doesn’t seem that bizarre. I’ve definitely dealt with stranger things. Besides, I….” She paused as she brought her gaze back to him, her complacent smile dropping for a moment into a more saddened expression. “I guess you could say I’ve experienced something similar.”

“Something similar….to having an alter ego?” Jason asked, disbelief written on his face.

She responded with a shrug of her shoulders and a sheepish smile, but nothing about her behavior was suggesting she was lying. Some part of him wanted to ask her about that. He was finding it hard to believe the odds that two people would experience something like that so close to one another were even possible. However, Jason got the feeling that if she wanted to talk about it more, then she would have.

“Ok...getting back to the original subject.” He laid back in his chair rubbing his right temple as he felt a slight headache coming on. It was probably from a multitude of reasons. Frustration and anxiety at the top of the list, but he could blame any number of things and it’d probably be right. “Will you help me with this? I...can’t mess this up with Pinkie.”

“Yeah, of course I will.” Sunset said with a scoff and a wave of her hand. “You're both my friends. While for different reasons, I want to help both of you.”

Her words were genuine, and while Jason somewhat questioned why she appeared borderline desperate to help him, his gut was telling him it was for a good reason. “I...really appreciate it Sunset. I’ve been stressing about this all day, I…” He let out a breath he’d been holding in. Knowing that someone else was willing to help him was a huge relief, though it only eased the weight of anxiety on his heart a bit, they still had the hard part to do. “How do we start?”

Sunset held up a finger gesturing for him to wait and grabbing his backpack with her other hand. He didn’t bother stopping her since he didn’t have anything in there particularly important. She unzipped it and reached in, shuffling around a bit until she pulled out a notebook and pencil. She laid it out on the table in front of it and flipped it open, twirling the pencil between her fingers with surprising expertise and precision.

“I need you to tell me everything.”

He reflexively gulped.

**********************************************************************************************

They had spent the majority of breakfast and a bit of first period going over things. He tried to tell her to just go to class and that they could continue later, but she said that what they were doing was more important.

He was sure it had nothing to do with the fact that her first class was AP algebra.

Jason did tell her everything, sort of. He kept it somewhat vague and only went into details for certain things, like about her ex boyfriend. Both out of sheer embarrassment and because he didn’t think Diane would be ok with him talking about their sexual activities. He told her basically everything else.

Afterwards, they both agreed it would be easier for Jason if they were to write out what he was going to tell Pinkie, that way he could rehearse it to himself like a speech or something. She ended up helping him with what he should mention and what he shouldn’t. He always asked for her reasoning behind them, and she always gave an explanation he could at least understand. She even helped him with the exact wording of some things so it was the least hurtful.

To summarize, he would be telling Pinkie basically everything with the exception of a few details. He wouldn’t be mentioning Randal, the things Diane did with her body such as the drinking and smoking, and he wouldn’t explain the...extent of his relationship with Diane. Everything else would be things Sunset felt Pinkie deserved to know, the rest she thought was unnecessary and would just risk straining the relationship between her and Jason.

Afterwards, Sunset left, telling him she would make sure Pinkie would come by during lunch and talk with him up by the bookshelves. She begrudgingly went off to her class, mumbling something about being tired of having to deal with both math and letters at the same time.

To Jason, while it made things immensely easier for him now that he knew what to say, he couldn’t deny that some part of it felt...shallow. He came to this realization as he memorized it through repetition during class, he knew even if he tried to pay attention he wouldn’t learn anything.

Just repeating words had a certain meaninglessness to it that could easily be interpreted as non caring, he didn’t like it one bit, but he also didn’t have a lot of choice. He was too worried that if he tried to change anything he’d mess it up.

When lunch came around, Jason still found himself far too nervous to even have an appetite. Sure, he knew what to say now, but that certainly didn’t stop the ever present fear of failure. He instead waited on the second floor between the bookshelves, the same place he spoke to Sunset before. He remained crouched down on the ground, with his back against the books.

“...Hey.”

He perked up at the sudden voice, narrowing his eyes slightly as he didn’t quite recognize it. Pinkie was standing at the end of the aisle, her voice was hoarse and didn’t have that upbeat tone to it she usually did. Her appearance was somewhat different too. She was wearing the same outfit, but her hair was disheveled and unkempt, somehow more of a curled mess than usual. Yet it also had much less of the bounce than it usually did, kind of dropping like a wet rag. Her skin wasn’t as bright as normal, more of a dull pink really.

“Hey.” Jason replied awkwardly.

He could tell the smile on her face was forced from the way it was shaking, she was struggling to keep it on. She didn’t want to be here talking to him, especially not after he turned her down. He didn’t think she disliked him, just she was still dealing with getting rejected and didn’t quite know how to deal with it.

“Sunset...told me you had something to talk to me about, that it was really important? I didn’t even know you two were friends, I was pretty surprised!” She said with an awkward chuckle, a ghost of her former joyous laughter.

“It’s...the truth. Something you deserve to know.” Jason said as he turned away from her, seeing her tense up out of the corner of his eye.

“Does it...have to do with why you turned me down?”

Jason gave a solemn nod, doing his best to ignore the pain in his heart from hearing Pinkie’s aggrieved voice. “It also...has to do with Diane, in more ways than you think. Pinkie...I’m sorry to do this to you, but it’s very important. Just...trust me, you want to hear what I have to say.”

He didn’t dare even glance at her, he wasn’t sure if he would have been able to handle the look in her eyes. He heard her walk into the aile, lowering her body until she was sitting on the ground similar to how he was. Pinke sat opposite of him, her head lowered and expression blank as she patiently waited.

Jason took a deep breath, this was the moment of truth.

“It all started a few weeks ago, when I was taking a walk…”