Hentai Horse in Magical Pony Land

From my earlier hypothesis, I had suspected that any “distraction” that Steel could provide would be unusual. So when he convinced me to allow him to draw Nightmare Moon’s attention, I expected more of that weird flirting, perhaps an argument...

What I bore witness to was one part comedy act, two parts wanton violence, and nine hundred ninety seven parts pure sexual assault. Steel Calvary took the crazy that all Ponyville ponies seemed to share, mixed in a metric ton of perversion, and came up with pure insanity!

I felt sorry for that mare. I felt sorry for NIGHTMARE MOON because of the things he did to her!

I’m not proud of how long it took me to unlock the Elements of Harmony. It took almost a half hour before I figured out that the key was the newborn friendships that I shared with the girls who stuck by us.

But Steel’s distraction, for all its vulgarity, worked impeccably. In all that time, Nightmare Moon never even glanced our way.

“STEEL!” I’m not sure who called out. It may even have been me. That shout galvanized us to rush to ensure he was all right. Despite everything we had just witnessed, this pony had put his life on the line challenging a goddess just to buy us time.

He had fallen with his back to us, seemingly knocked senseless. His mouth was open, his tongue hung out, and... he was erect. I have no idea why or even how he was presenting after having several bones broken, being tossed several yards, and finally being purified by the Elements of Harmony.

The reactions to this were as varied as the ponies that witnessed it. Fluttershy gasped. Rarity gave an appreciative hum. Applejack just raised an eyebrow.

“Holy horseapples,” Dash cursed. “That’s not a dick… that’s a battering ram.”

I really didn’t want to know what Pinkie was thinking with that expression, instead I focused on Steel. His eyes were open but unfocused and, amazingly enough, his jaw looked like it had healed completely

A body healing itself when saturated with magic was not unheard of, but when it happens it’s rarely quick, and almost never clean. This was almost perfectly... harmonious... oh.

“Steel, can you hear me?” I asked as I stabilized his head. His eyes were blinking out of sync, and he was having trouble focusing. But he seemed to be regaining his senses.

“I HAVE TASTED THE RAINBOW! IT TASTES LIKE BRAZZLEBERRY!”

Scratch that. At least he was capable of vocalization. I can only hope rational thought will follow.

“Oh! I’ve had those! I still like snozberries better though,” Pinkie replied. You know, I’ve come to appreciate that mare over the past few hours. But sometimes I’m not sure if she is being serious or not.

"Oh my~” The familiar voice of my mentor pulled my attention away from Steel. Everything that had happened, all the stress and confusion of the last day... it all hit me at once. I ran up to her and, forgetting all propriety, embraced my Princess.

“Princess Celestia!?” The other girls were quick to bow to the Princess, and I only now noticed the smaller alicorn behind her..

“Please, my little ponies, don’t bow,” Princess Celestia said with her motherly smile. “You and your friends have done Equestria a great service, as well as reuniting me with my long absent sister. If anything, I should be the one bowing to you.”

[FrIeNdShIp!]

‘That… was not one of my more brilliant ideas.’ My senses were right fucked, all the inputs were hopelessly scrambled, and honestly… it was a little frightening. I could tell ponies were talking but all I could make out was a droning, and... ahh, okay I could see again. ‘Oh… that’s a nice view to wake up to....’ All the girls but Twilight were bowing to a horse of a pony. And just happened to be facing away from me while my head was on the ground.

Her name was right on the tip of my tongue, I just can’t seem to recall it. Possibly my memories were scrambled as well. And [CPU] is still… glitched, so I’ll just have to do a manual defrag and a quick reboot when I have some time. That should get everything back in working order!

Ah well, Big White over there is telling them to get up. All good things and all that. As I tried to get up myself, my vision went sideways.

Mental note. Face Tanking a Friendship Rainbow is a bad idea and never do that again.

“Fuck me running… why did I think holding Moonie for a rainbow facial was a good idea?” I think I caught Twilight off guard. She started choking and looked ready to strangle me. “And why does everything taste like brazzleberries? The fuck are brazzleberries anyway?”

“They art fruits native to the Dreamlands, and quite sought after as exotic treats.” A filly-sized ...Luna? I think her name was Luna, answered. “Dreamwalkers hath imported such riches since time immemorial.”

“Not quite.” Tia? No, Celestia. That’s right. Anyway, she just looked pained before continuing, “The Dreamlands have become unstable in recent centuries. It is now too dangerous for Dreamwalkers to venture too deep. And over the course of time, even the teachings have been forgotten. There hasn’t been a Dreamwalker for three hundred years.”

Luna looked horrified for some reason, which I suppose kind of made sense. Isn’t that her home turf or something? Hearing that your backyard is now deadly to the neighborhood kids would suck.

I groaned as I managed to get to my feet. And just noticed that I had been on full display. Oh well, with [CPU] still in lala land I couldn’t just pack it away, and I can’t be arsed to reel it in manually. So, I guess the royals will get a show. A few quick stretches filled the air with the sound of popping joints. I’ve always enjoyed the look girls get when I do that.

“So… sup Sunnybuns?” I drawled.

Twilight’s eye twitched and her ears started flicking erratically while her new friends slowly backed away.

“Sunnybuns?” Celestia snorted, “Haven’t heard that one since I first got my cutie mark.”

My nickname for her sister had Luna giggling, though I think I caught her sneaking interested glances. Glancing over I saw Rarity (the minx) looking amused, Rainbow (the damn cocktease) was laughing, Applejack (cowgirl pinup) was covering her face with her hat, and Fluttershy (smole adorable sexkitten) just looked… like she honestly didn’t know what to do.

“Well, that is the roundest rump I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing, and anyone who doesn’t admit it’s hot is either gay or dead..” I said with a cheeky grin, “I certainly wouldn’t mind getting between dem cheeks!~” Oh that got a blush!

Ha!

And that made Fluttershy faint.

“Steel darling, please restrain your crudeness. For Fluttershy if nopony else.” Rarity said with a quirked brow.

“Only because you make clothes that make me look sexy.” I retorted with a cheeky grin.

“As interesting as this is, we should perhaps make our way back to Ponyville.” Celestia suggested, “And if you can restrain your behavior for a few hours Mr. Steel, I just might allow you to kiss my flank.” She added with a smirk.

Twilight looked like she was about to have a stroke hearing that, while Luna just rolled her eyes. The others looked shocked as well. I, however, was very interested in her offer. Seriously, if she got me to bust a nut naturally, I’ll eat her goddamn ass out!

It was only bullheaded stubbornness that stopped my boner from returning from the dead!

“So, how are we getting out of here?” I asked, “I really don’t want to go through the forest again. If that Steve guy hits on me again I might get a little violent.”

Celestia just rolled her eyes before the world vanished in a bright flash.

I shook my head and looked around, “Library huh? Fair enough. Wonder if Pinkie has any more punch left. I’m thirsty as hell.”

“You’re not the only one...” Not sure I heard that right, but I know it came from more than one pony...

“Here you go Steely!~” You know, I’m not even going to question it.

Taking the glass I gave her a quick nuzzle before I slugged it down like it was a shot of liquor.

“You know partner, I don’t think Berry got to that batch.” Applejack said dryly.

“I know. Don’t care. Need some fluids, I just spent over an hour fighting a hyper-aggressive virgin.” Oh that got a snort from both Celestia and Luna.

The others all had their own reactions, either joining the sisters in laughter like Rainbow, or sputtering in indignation like Twilight. Which was funny all on its own. I’m kinda curious about how Fluttershy would take all this, but she was still out cold. I might have broken Luna though, she was cracking up so hard she was crying! Not sure it was that funny. Maybe she’s punch drunk??

“Sister. You know he’s calling you a virgin as well,” Celestia said dryly.

“I know,” Luna said as she wiped her eyes, “Tis no matter. Even ‘ere the Nightmare took me, I was a off put from the frequent fantasies I witnessed. Thy annoying habit of poaching mine conquests helped not. ”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Celestia said with a huff. “And I can hardly be blamed for being more approachable..”

“Mayhaps a bit too approachable!” Luna retorted hotly. “Do you still let stallions sniff after thine tail daily?.”

“Well,” Celestia replied tilting her head, “Better to have a few too many ponies trying to get under my tail than live as a frigid Warrior Goddess.”

“You... Sunny Harlot!”

“Tiny twig legs!”

“Glutton!”

“Voyeur!”

“Molestia!”

“That was only the one time! You swore you would never bring that up again!?” A flustered Celestia exclaimed, “You Eternal Virgin!!”

I… just took a seat beside the girls and watched this fascinating back and forth. No matter how weird or nasty the insults got, they were both smiling with tears in their eyes. I think that this might just be some sibling bonding slash healing that they really needed. I could clearly see that they still loved each other deeply. Though that Molestia comment made me very curious.

“Peanut Butter bits?” Pinkie offered.

“Sure.” I said taking a scoop of what looked like Reese Pieces and popping some in my mouth. Tasted like them too.

“So… how’s that welcome party coming, Pinks?” I asked curiously.

“You’re a pain in the flank,” She replied with a smile, “Nopony has ever given me such a hard time. But you’re alright for an extra-dimensional alien.”

I just looked at her before shaking it off.

“Just… don’t question it.”

[Agreement]

“Oh! You’re back! Feeling okay there?”

[Affirmative]
[Curious]
[Query]

“Well we got hit and possibly fried by the Rainbow Laser of Friendship. Pure Harmonic energy.”

[Contemplation]

“Well you have fun bud. Just tell me if I’m about to start shitting out rainbows or something.”

[Amusement]

Eventually the party had to end. Celestia went to make arrangements for her and Luna to return to Canterlot, and the girls said their goodbyes and headed home. Rainbow had something interesting to say though.

“You know, I may sometimes think of you as a perverted weirdo,” She said with the most honest and direct expression I’d ever seen on a pony, “But you were really awesome today. And you going toe to toe with Nightmare Moon was downright metal.” I really don’t know how to take that. Not that Rainbow gave me a chance to reply. She just took off as soon as she was done.

I took off as well, leaving the library to Twilight and Spike, since a very smol Luna decided to accompany me.

“I wish to thank you Steel,” Luna said with a faint smile, “I am unsure if the Elements would’ve worked without your distraction of my Nightmare.”

“No problem. And err… sorry for the whole cockslapping thing. To be honest it seemed like a good idea.” She must never know about the bucket list. “And what do you mean by “My Nightmare” exactly?”

Luna just snorted in amusement.

“Ser Steel, in times past I have been known as a goddess of dreams. And this is not untrue. I have waded through every passion and perversion ever dreamed. A cockslap is positively plebian. Though, I must admit, thy actions are not without appeal. Thine own dreams must be truly special. We should compare imaginings sometime,” she said with an eyebrow wiggle. “Perhaps over a drink?”

“Are you asking me out Princess?” I said with mock-awe, “I’ll have you know that if you plan to get me drunk, then take advantage of me... you really don’t have to work that hard. I’m pretty easy.”

“Oh really? For one so loose, you seem to be walking home alone.” Luna returned, cutting right to the source of my frustration.

“Yeah. You have no idea how bucking frustrating it is to be surrounded by mares but none of them want to bang!” I growled in frustration, “Seriously. Six months. I can get an occasional hoofjob, and some other playing around. But when it comes to actual sex? A mare will take one look at my hardon and nope the buck out of there!”

“Ooohhh that doth sound unpleasant.” Luna said, “To be surrounded by such prime mareflesh and unable to partake. Tis a true hardship..” She added with a thoughtful nod.

It felt good to finally have somepony that actually understood my frustration.

As we wandered around the town, our conversation flowed from topic to topic, with a lot of it being me updating her on modern-day Equestria. Some topics left her very irritated and upset.

“I think you should just accept it.” I was saying, “Nightmare Night’s been a thing for centuries. Trying to change it would be an exercise in futility. Besides who says you can’t have fun with it? I myself already have a costume designed! Rares has been helping me with it.”

“Oh? Actually how do you know Generosity?” Luna asked curiously.

“Can you at least use her name?” I asked, “She’s a close friend of mind.”
“No, you mistake me.” Luna looked a bit surprised. “To be recognized by Harmony is the highest honor a pony can attain. Though I hope to one day become friends, until she calls me as such, tis only proper I refer to the Lady Rarity by her highest title, as Generosity.”

I considered that for a few moments, having never really considered that before nodding. I should’ve figured it would’ve been something like that. Talk about an old fashioned mare...

“You’re right. Sorry for jumping to conclusions.” I said before deciding to change the subject slightly, “But she’s asked me to model for her since she’s never worked on anypony my size before, and I can indulge her when she feels like playing dress up. She also pointed me to Sweet Apple Acres when I first came to town and needed work. We’re pretty close, and I’m lucky to have such a generous, not to mention attractive, friend.”

“Oh? So she is courting you? Further proof that Generosity has an eye for quality.” Luna said approvingly.

“No, we just hang out. I think a close friend is more important to her than physical intimacy. Personally though, I sometimes think she’s testing me. She’s sort of picky.” I answered, “And she deserves to be. She’s one of the best ponies around. I do wonder what she would think of my unique magic.”

“Unique magic?” Luna asked with some interest.

“Yeah. But… a stallion needs to keep a few secrets.” I said with a smirk, “Though you're super cute right now, and if Moony and Tia are any guide to the future, you’ll be breathtaking before long. I’ve got to have a few secrets that you can pry out of me once that happens!” I added, giving her a nuzzle.

Luna’s coat turned red and I was amused. So experienced, yet in some things not. God I’m going to enjoy making her blush as much as I can!

“Y-You!!” Luna just punched me in the shoulder making me laugh.