Chapter 1: How A God Fucked Me Over For A Luagh!
My name is Chris Satou, my last name is just a joke my parents did its not actually my family name, most of my siblings have joke last names. I'd describe myself as a young man of average height and weight, I have short and slightly spiky blond hair and hazel eyes, my normal attire is a green and blue tracksuit with blue, socks, and green crocs. I'm nothing special, I'm the middle child of 13 kids, I dropped out of school cause I couldn't get passed 11th grade, from both schoolwork and bullying, so I spent a good 4 years, more or less, in my room on my computer.
Where am I right now? Not sure, I'm in a black void on a carpet, a table with an in-use tea set on it, and some anthro alicorn pony dude, he had a blue coat and star-like mane wearing a blue tux. How did I get here? Well, during dinner, I got a chicken bone stuck in my throat, but my family thought I was just faking to get more soda, which was a normal thing in my house, then I died. Tragic? Not really. Stupid? Very!
"Are you done staring into deep space?" The pony said.
"Yeah, so where I am?" I asked.
"I am Existence, I am a god and responsible for the cycle of reincarnation and fate," he said.
I was surprised so I asked, "So why am I here?"
Existence shrugged and said, "You humans die as fast as you are born, I kinda just picked you out of random."
"So...... What now?" I asked.
"Simple, you'll be reincarnated in the land of Equestria, a somewhat peaceful place, I'm sure you're aware of Konosuba? It's also kinda like that world, with the whole video game elements. You'll get to keep anything you had on you when you died, that includes smartphones, wallets, money even though its useless, yatta yatta yatta. Anyway, let's get started." Existence said then he snapped his fingers and the tea disappeared and a card appeared. This guy did not care for his job one single bit, that much was obvious.
I saw I was level and my stats, which were the basic HP, MP, SP, Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck, each with an unneeded description of what it was, and they were all pretty decent, nothing to brag about.
Chris Satou
- Level: 1
- Strength: 8
- Constitution: 9
- Dexterity: 10
- Charisma: 5
- Intelligence: 32
- Willpower: 6
- Agility: 12
- Luck: 1
I would've complained about a few of the stats if I wasn't given 998 AP or ability/attribute points for the non-RPG players, there was also a button that said 'Apply All Available AP' or A4 for short. Kind've a pointless button to have but whatever.
Then... I fucked up... When I was looking over the stats and about to choose my stupid finger hit the A4 button for Luck! so my Luck stat got maxed out to 999, leaving me with not a single point left, and before I could even try to change it, not that I could if I wanted to. Existence snatched away the card and said, "Okay, you'll start out as an Adventurer. Here's you're crap."
Out of nowhere, a couple of objects fell on me, my phone, my wallet, and a bag of gold coins all landed on my crotch, all of which hurt like hell. As I rolled in pain, Existence snapped his fingers and some kind of magic circle appeared, "Place your hand on this so you can get your familiar."
"Hold on, I made a-" I got cut off because I, again, fucked up as my hand hit the circle and black flames spewed from the circle, shocking the both me and Existence. Then the flames cleared to show a black cat the size of a couch cushion with small horns, a lizard's tail with a black flame on the end, and beady yellow eyes, I don't think it had eyelids either, its eyes just turned pitch black then back to yellow. "Okay, what the fuck is this thing?"
"You familiar... I think its a legendary demonic cat..." Existence said and he was just as creeped out as I was, "I don't think anyone has ever seen what it does... It's supposed to be super powerful... Alright, screw this, get out and take your creepy fucking cat."
"Hold on but what about-"
"I'm the god of reincarnation and fate, I made that happen for a good laugh for when you left, then this cat came here and ruined that."
I completely enraged by this guy, he reincarnates me, just so he can get a quick laugh, "YOU MOTHERF-" I yelled but Existence snapped his fingers and I was both cut-off and blinded by the light his snap made.
Now, where was I? Falling from the sky while screaming "-FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" at the top of my lungs, the demon cat was sleeping on my back as we fell, then I hit the ground flat on my face as Sonic did in his games, ending my screaming with, "-CKER!!!" ending the sentence was rudely cut off from by that prick of a god. One more thing, this cat is a lot heavier then it seems.
I pulled my face from the ground and the first thing I saw was another anthro pony, this one was a mare standing at 6'4 with a butter yellow coat, teal colored eyes, a long pink mane and tail, and wings on her back. She also had a slim sexy figure that had a surprisingly well-toned body, she looked plush and soft but was actually pretty damn built. Her attire was a black hoodie with light blue bunny ears, goggles, black shorts with a light blue belt with several pouches, light blue gloves and boots. She also had a foldable bo staff hidden under her shirt.
"Are you two okay?" She said to both me and the cat.
"I fell from the sky with a deceptively heavy cat on my back, what do you think?" I said coldly, I would've been nicer but with dying and getting screwed over by a god recently, I'm in no good mood to be nice. Then the cat meowed and did its creepy method of 'blinking' to which I respond, "Bullshit, your as light as an elephant, now get off of me." Hold on, did I understand that meow?
The mare flinched and muttered, "O-Oh, that sounds painful, here... Let me..." the mare then picked up the demon cat without even grunting, and from how she lifted the cat, she must be some kinda animal caretaker. "Wow, your as heavy as a bear."
"Why do you know this?" I asked as I got back up, then the cat meowed again, somehow I knew what it was trying to say but not what it said, which was a weird feeling, so I just said, "Yeah, I know, I know. Thanks for the help miss, I'm Chris and I'm a human if you're wondering."
The mare seemed happy by two things, me being nicer and the cat licking her hands, "Your welcome, I'm Fluttershy, and who might this little lady be?" She said glancing at the cat in her arms.
I shrugged and said, "Never named- Wait, lady? That demon is a girl?"
Fluttershy gasped and glared at me, felt kinda like the bullies at school would give me the death glare, I never used the school bathrooms, "Not kitty, no matter scary looking, should ever be called a demon!"
"Its got horns, a tail with fire on the end, and no eyelids. It's a literal demon... Anyway, is there like a guild here or something?" I asked she seemed surprised that I shrugged off her glare.
"Well, yes, I've actually tried to apply to be an adventurer there, but..."
"You wussed out?" I said, finishing her sentence for her, I mean the fact was written all over her cute little face, then the cat meowed again and I yelled, "Stay out of my head!"
"Well, let me show you to it, we can see a few spots on the way. Come on, you too Tuni." Fluttershy said.
"Did you seriously name it?"
"Stop calling Tuni an 'it'!"
"Stop being so shy and cute,"
"Uh... Well... Stop having dark blue hair!" She tried to retort, tried being the- Wait, what?
I quickly looked at my reflection in my phone to see my hair was now dark blue, the same dark blue as that prick god! I looked like a fucking Fire Emblem Protagonist! "Fluttershy cover your ears!" I yelled.
I then inhaled deeply and yelled, "That son of a *beep* *beep*ing *beep* beast! Why the *beep* do all this *beep*ing s*beep*t happen to me?! F*beep* my life! Always f*beep* by miserable f*beep* c*beep*! Like that d*beep* of a god just likes to bend me over and f*beep* me in the a*beep*! Like I'm some sort of s*beep* receptacle! Well as far as I care that miserable c*beep* can have a f*beep* *beep* with a Goddamn pig!" Tuni had taken my phone to repeatedly censoring my swearing as Fluttershy couldn't cover her ears with Tuni in her arms.
We walked into a town filled with other anthro ponies and two to three-story buildings made of wood and plaster, I could've sworn everyone was staring at me and Tuni with either fear, hatred, or amazement, mainly the first two. "This is Ponyville, it's a nice place, but ponies can be a little uneasy around those of other species."
"Yeah, the muttering they're doing proves that much, and yes, I can hear you, my ears aren't focused like yours, I can hear what's around me!" I yelled at the ponies, those guilty immediately looked away.
Then someone poked the back of my head causing me to look around, it was another mare standing 6'8 with a dark purple coat, teal eyes, a dark pink mohawk-like mane, a broken horn which seemed to have a light blue glow continue off where the horn ended, and a scar on her right eye. She wore a set of black armor with glowing light blue lightning bolts on shoulders, wrists, thighs, and crotch, that also compressed her CC cup bust and her toned and thick figure. She also had a runic sword that was similar to her armor.
"Okay, but why though?" I asked looking at one 'particular' spot on her armor.
"This armor was from an old ally of mine, I had no choice in that!" She quickly said with a small blush.
Fluttershy then said, "Chris this is Fizzypop-" I immediately broke into a laughing fit from how dumb that name is, "This is Chris."
"Not anymore Fluttershy, my name is now legally Tempest Shadow." the mare said, I laughed harder at that stupidly edgy name. "Anyway! I noticed you're going to the Adventurer's Guild, so I'd like to accompany you." She said trying to get me to ignore the lightning bolts on her armor's crotch.
"Why can't you join yourself?" I asked as I calmed myself down.
"Tempest has a bit of criminal past, she can only join if somepony couches for her, but she hasn't had any offers," Fluttershy explained.
"'A bit' is sugar-coating it," Tempest said with a sad look in her eyes.
"Fine then, sure, the more the merrier, right? I will be asking about that past of yours at some point though," I said, Tempest then smiled and nodded in understanding.
We reached the Adventurer's Guild, it didn't look all that special, but the noises inside did. Sounded like something was having sex with a horse while fighting a yak and bull with a cane, I wish I was joking, I also noticed it was connected to the town's bar, blacksmith shop, and the potion brewery.
We entered and the crowd around some kinda fight was making the noise, it was a battle with a pony, a bull, a dragon, and a yak fighting, but I stopped paying attention to that when Fluttershy made a meep noise when a muscular and battle-scarred female Yak wearing a seductive bartender outfit walked up to us, yelled at the top of her lungs "Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild, if you two would like to join, please sign up and pay one gold bit!"
"Gah! Motherfucker! Inside voice, ya dumb cow, look it up!" I yelled back then everyone gasped, but the yak lady laughed.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA, no pony has ever said something like that to me, you have guts! I'm Yuno, a yak if you can't tell, I run this guild!" She yelled louder than before, this time I had a chance to my ears covered, so it wasn't as bad.
"Yes I'd like to join, with these two, Fluttershy and Tempest Shadow- Ow, that name is so overly edgy I cut myself!" I joked around earning me a punch to the shoulder from Tempest, then we signed a sheet and I gave Yuno 3 gold bit, I did see quests with copper and silver bits offered so I guess this place ran on some kinda fantasy currency style.
We also got Adventure's Cards that showed our stats, levels, and Job Classes, everyone laughed when they saw mine, but they were amazed by my 999 luck, for a second anyway. What Fluttershy's and Tempest's amazed everyone though, I think heard someone say something about a herd or whatever.
Fluttershy
- Job: Monk
- Level: 22
- Strength: 33
- Constitution: 48
- Dexterity: 64
- Charisma: 3
- Intelligence: 36
- Willpower: 7
- Agility: 52
- Luck: 21
Tempest Shadow (Fizzypop)
- Job: Rune Knight
- Level: 19
- Strength: 59
- Constitution: 67
- Dexterity: 26
- Charisma: 9
- Intelligence: 50
- Willpower: 65
- Agility: 37
- Luck: 2
Yuno then put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Come on, we've got some Skill Books, the shelf is enchanted to have the books glow if you can learn what the skill is, they are one silver bit each, so just one of your gold bits can get you 10 Skill Books. It's also near the blacksmith too."
"Cool, alright you two, I'm gonna go get some Skill Books and gear, go and do... Whatever, ya want really." I said as I walked off with Yuno and the two waved me goodbye for now.
<------------------P.O.V. Change: Fluttershy------------------>
As Chris walked away, Tempest and I walked over to the tables, where Tempest asked me, "What kind of pony is that boy?"
"I don't know, he called himself a human, whatever that is," I replied, I felt a little pride in myself, I had gotten so much better at talking to new ponies, then again I've had Tuni in my arms this whole time so I guess I've only gotten better while I'm holding an animal.
"Well, what about that creature-"
Tuni meowed, "Ah, Tuni, a female demon cat familiar, thank you- Wait how did I understand that!?" Tempest asked.
I quickly replied, "Well, Tuni seems to be able to understand everypony, and when she meows at someone they suddenly know what she said."
"What a strange creature, but she accompanies an even stranger one," Tempest said.
Then Chirs' voice blared over the fighting and drinking, "I can hear what Tuni hears, so I heard that you edgy gothic emo reject!"
Tempest was shocked for a few seconds before somepony approached us, it was Spike, he was a male pre-teen dragon standing 5'9 with purple scales, green spikes, a pale green underbelly, green eyes, green little 'whiskers' on his cheeks, and a spade-shaped tip on his tail. He had a strong lean build from helping around Ponyville so much, mainly with Twilight and Rarity. He wore a purple vest with a white stripe and the collar popped up, grey gauntlets with no fingers cause of his claws, black bands on his arms, a dark purple jacket around her waist, purple pants, and white shoes. He also had a metal shield with a green gem in the center.
"Hey you two, surprised to see you girls here," Spike said, I guess it was surprising given that I was always scared away by Yuno's scary looks and yelling and Tempest couldn't join without some pony's help.
"Well, at least we have permission to be here, you don't however," Tempest said, Twilight didn't really give the go-ahead for Spike to join the guild because she thought it was too dangerous for him, so he kinda joined in secret, only a few ponies know he's joined too, he hides it better than his crush on Rarity.
"Yeah, and I'm at my last leg, I haven't been able to complete one quest because of my stupid defensive Job Class, if I can't finish one stinkin' quest, I'll be kicked out of the Adventurer's Guild," Spike said with a sigh.
Then Tempest looked at me so I said, "Spike had paid for the use of a Job Class Change Spell, a spell that can instantly change somepony's Job Class, and only requires bits too use so anypony can use it, but I heard the picked class is even more difficult to master than earning the same class the normal way. It doesn't help that Spike picked a defensive Job Class when he was looking and training for an offensive Job Class. Now he can't change it without needing to ask Twilight for some bits, which would immediately alert her to."
"Ah, I understand now."
Then I had an idea and said, "Why don't you join our group? We've only had three members but we'd love to have more."
Spike dropped to his knees and hugged me, saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank- Wait, three?"
"Yeah, we have another member but he's currently getting some Skill Books and equipment, you might like him, he's different from ponies like you, albeit a bit vulgar, mean, and rude at times but he's a good guy," I said then somepony clapped their hands behind me and I jumped and squeaked like a mouse out of fear.
It was Chris, he was now wearing a red mantle with hood, white shirt, blue pants, Artificial leather boots, and a belt. He also had two weapons, a strange single-edged shortsword and a one-handed crossbow."Why thanks, Fluttershy, and your adorable and nice, but a complete coward and pushover, but we can work that out.." Chris said.
Chris then picked up and placed down over a dozen Skill Books on the table, he bought a lot of them, they were; Steal, Enemy Detection, Lurk, Bind, Escape, Detect Trap, Disarm Trap, Archery, Snipe, Farsight, One-Handed Melee, Drain Touch, Smithing, Haggling, Cooking, and Beginner's Elemental Magic.
Chris began reading his books and said, "Spike, right? I'm Chris, a human, happy to have you on the team." Spike smiled widely and started jumping up and down as if he were Pinkie Pie, then Chris said, "So let me see your Adventure's Card so I know what I'm putting on this team."
<------------------P.O.V. Change: Chris------------------>
Spike quickly handed me his Adventure's Card and I stopped reading the Skill Books to give it a look.
Spike
- Job: Sheild Hero
- Level: 8
- Strength: 45
- Constitution: 47
- Dexterity: 26
- Charisma: 32
- Intelligence: 40
- Willpower: 55
- Agility: 37
- Luck: 30
"Sheild Hero?" I asked.
"Yeah, I saw the word Hero and I kinda picked it without reading it," Spike said rubbing his head.
"Well, the role of the Tank is to protect players that are low-armor or low-health classes such as the archers or mages," I said which seemed to make Spike feel a little better about his little mistake, of which I only knew because of Tuni, I've played many MMOs and D&D to know that every good team needs a Tank.
Then another Adventure's Card was tossed into my few.
Trixie Lulamoon
- Job: Arch Wizard
- Level: 7
- Strength: 20
- Constitution: 16
- Dexterity: 29
- Charisma: 52
- Intelligence: 50
- Willpower: 35
- Agility: 19
- Luck: 17
Then I looked at the pony named Trixie, she was unicorn mare with a stylized cornflower blue mane with both ends going opposite lengths, azure coat, purple eyes, and a balanced figure. She wore a lavender magician’s cape and magician’s hat decorated with star symbols, a dark lavender corset dress, and lavender boots. No pants for some reason. Holding a staff with a crystal moon surrounding a star in the end.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie-" As she talked I heard a stomach growl in agony, "-Wishes to enlist you-" A second even louder stomach growl, Trixie's voice began to waver, "And... Your... Team-" I gave Trixie a slap to the gut, in my family when we were short on food, my dad would give us slaps to the gut and depending on how quickly we reacted, or if we reacted at all, would determine how much food we'd get.
"Yuno, some large salad bowls over here please." I yelled waving at Yuno to get her attention.
And like that I'm broke. Trixie had a devoured 10 large salad bowls in an instant, only slowing down at number 11, and was currently at number 19.
"So, why do you want to join this group of ours?" I asked while finishing my fourth Skill Book.
Trixie huffed and said, "The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't know what your talking about, The Great and Powerful Trixie just needed-" I swiped away her 20th bowl and Trixie broke immediately, "I'VE BARELY BEEN ABLE TO COMPLETE QUESTS SO I WANTED HELP, I'M HOMELESS AND I HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS, BECAUSE I'M NECK DEEP IN DEPT, PLEASE GIVE IT BACK!!!!" Trixie because broke into tears until I gave the bowl back.
"So now that that's settled, what will this rag tag group's first quest be?" Tempest asked. I got up and walked over to the Quest Board followed by, quests were separated into 3 categories; Gathering, Monster Hunting, and Dungeon Crawling. I trapped two books, one told me what kinda plants I was looking at and other need facts about them, the other told me about what monsters and where they normally spawn.
As I started picking out quests I heard through Tuni's ears Trixie saying, "So what's he doing?"
Tempest responded, "I wish I knew, it seems he's picking out specific quests, but I don't know why..."
Spike immediately said, "I think he's doing something similar to an rarely used Ogres and Oubliettes strategy, Domino Questing, it's where you ask around for multiple quests, several small quests that can be finished on the way to and from 1 main quest. Lining up quests to knock them all down for 1 big reward, like a set of dominos, it's not used often since quests are random in Ogres and Oubliettes, but here he's got 3 full boards of quests to choose from!"
'Ogres and Oubliettes... Sounds like D&D but doesn't roll off the tongue as much... Anyway, Spike was right, Domino Questing is an effective strategy for a big pay out, on a table top game if you were lucky to get a lot of quests, but here I've got all I need, as long as that prick of a god doesn't screw me over again, I'll be able to- I'm gonna shut up now cause I feel like I'm just setting myself up for some cruel joke.' I thought.
I grabbed the final quest notice, it was a dungeon quest, unlike the others which were all on some noble's land so you'd have to hand over everything you find inside, this one wasn't on any owned land so we'd get to keep what we find, for some reason though it had a clip with a jewel in the shape of a 6-pointed pink star attached to it. When I flicked it off everyone seemed a little surprised at me, I walked over to my team and we headed out, they seemed shocked at what I did, so I'll have to ask them later.
Author's Note
I own no pictures used.
This is my first attempt at 1st person pov, I hope you like it. If you've got any ideas or suggestions, feel free to tell me them.
Question; I will be making a lot of anime and game references, so should I put this in the Main folder of the Anime and Game Crossover Groups?
Also, if you think there are any other characters, OC or a character from the show, that could maybe join Chris's team please tell me. Same goes for Groups, any Groups you think I should put this story in, please tell me.
Edit: Now Fluttershy has a picture.
Chapter 2: A Challange From A Princess
"Ugh... I thought this was going to be an adventure, not a weed pulling job..." Trixie groaned, the group was picking plants from the ground, these were any plants though, they were Hippoka Herbs. They're the main ingredient in just about every type of high-level potion, while easy to find they normally grow in more monster-infested areas, so adventurers make some good bits gathering them if they don't mind losing a limb or two to the monsters.
"Quit ya bitchin' and get ta pullin'," I said as I pulled some more Hippoka Herbs, this was one of the 4 quests I picked out, the more herbs we got the more bits we'd earn. I noticed Fluttershy trying to get the attention of some birds only for said birds to screech and tried attacked her, Tempest had to swat it away, the bird didn't even care that it knocked its eggs over and crushed them, Fluttershy looked down with some tears in her eyes before she began ripping Hippoka Herbs out of some form of anger.
I tossed a rock to get Spike's attention, " Hey, you know what's that all about?" I asked pointing to Fluttershy.
Spike then said, "Well for some context, a long time ago, Tempest used to work for The Storm King, a power-hungry tyrant."
"Edgelord worked for a jackass with an equally retarded and unnecessary name, could've guessed that she doesn't strike me as someone who makes good choices," I said before tilting my head, letting a rock fly by my head that was predictably thrown by Tempest in an act to hurt me either after calling her an edgelord, her name, or her decision making.
"Well, when Twilight Sparkle, Applejack-" I interrupted Spike again by laughing at those two names, one sounding a crappy spin-off to the just as crappy Twilight series and the other being the name of a cereal, "Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy defeated The Storm King but before he was beaten, he let out a spell that put Equestria were it is now, with the whole Ogres and Oubliettes leveling and stats, but also, all non-sentient creatures, such as animals and usually passive monster, became super aggressive and attack anypony one sight," he finished.
'Gonna guess, Ogres and Oubliettes are like Dungeons and Dragons,' I thought to myself then the ground shook, telling me that our next quest was coming. a Bufogren, a large, yellow-green, frog-like creature with six eyes and smells worse a mountain-sized pile of horse crap in a barn in the middle of the summer on a day.
"Please tell me we aren't fighting that, I can smell it from here!" Spike said.
Fluttershy then replied, "It's not that bad." She was bluffing and what didn't help her bluff was how scrunched up her face was making from the stench.
"You're not fooling anyone with that face." I said bluntly, "Alright let's kill it."
Fluttershy then jumped in front of us and said, "Hold on! We can solve this without hurting it."
"Oh my god... Spike, you know her for longer so I'll leave this to you." I said when Fluttershy started to argue with Spike about killing this monster.
I whispered, "Lurk, Lurk," and turned both Miss Edgy and me invisible before we snuck past them using my newest skill, I had to use it twice since there was two of us, then Miss Edgy started casting one of her rune spells.
"Soul Render" Tempest whispers as she wrote the rune symbol into the dirt.
Upon hearing that I whispered, "Ow the edge...", I was immediately punched for that comment. After the rune was set, we used Lurk again to sneak past the two. "So how will we get that thing to move over to the rune trap?"
Trixie smirked and said, "It seems it is time for the great and power-" I immediately cut her off by pinching her cheek.
"Either do it and say nothing or do and say nothing at all," I said.
Trixie huffed then raised her staff and said, "Cry Of War!" then her staff released a small bubble that floated over to Tempest's trap rune then Trixie covered her ears as the bubble popped, releasing a Nails-on-chalk-board-like screech that I think made my ears bleed a little.
Then the Bufogen roared out in rage and charged at the trap area which Fluttershy immediately noticed.
"Wait, Mr. Bufogren! There's a-" Fluttershy stopped mid-sentence as she inhaled some of the Bufogren's stink, I honestly thought it was so bad that she was able to taste it from the face she was making.
"Hmmm, this Bufogren must be an Evolved One, one that has an evolutionary trait that gives them an edge over others," Tempest said.
"Why're you bringing this up?" I asked while patting Fluttershy's back as she coughed up the stink, and by coughing I mean puking.
"Bufogren is known for two things, their stink and their sensitive hearing, this one only reacted to the effect of the spell, not the noise it made, although now that I think about it, you're right, it was pointless to bring up when it's about to die," Tempest said, then the Bufogren bodyslammed the area with the rune trap, followed by a purple beam shooting from the rune and piercing the Bufogren's chest, killing it in a split second.
"We win!" I said before the corpse began to immediately smell worse, "Oh god, it smells, grab what we need to prove we killed it, and let's get out of here!"
Tempest quickly cut out the beast's two largest eyes as proof and we quickly continued on, "Can't we just go home, I can still smell the Bufogren." Trixie whined.
"Fine, but you're picking twice the amount of herbs, for both complaining and not filling your bag! Now do it or you not getting paid!" I yelled, pointing at Trixie's bag which wasn't even half-filled. Trixie grumbled before grabbing herbs and stuffing them into her bag.
I then noticed a ball of light above us, that I mistakenly stared right at when it released a flash of light. "Oh, crap crap, crap!" Spike yelled before everything went white.
"My eyes!" I yelled as I rolled around on the concrete.
"So the guards were right!" a nerdy female voice said, I slightly opened my eyes to see an angry-looking Alicorn mare with a dark purple mane and tail with a pink stripe, a lavender coat, horn, and wings, and a picture of a 6 pointed star with smaller white stars on her shirt's upper breast. She also had a slim hourglass body and stood at 6'9. Her attire was a baby blue button-up shirt just barely concealing her C-cup bust, a short skirt the same color as her eyes that does little to hide her plump bubble butt, black stockings, and black high heels.
Spike nervously laughed before spluttering out, "H-Hey, Twi! W-W-What are you doing here?"
"Spike, if that was an attempt at calming Twilight down, it was terrible," Trixie said.
Spike lowered his head and Twilight yelled, "I can't believe you joined the adventurers! I told you specifically to not do that! Who's the leader? I want to speak to him!"
"That would be me," I said while still laying on the ground, it was actually pleasantly warm. It was helped by my eyes have returned to normal.
"I demand you hand over Spike's Adventurer's Card!" she yelled.
I then bluntly said, "No."
"What?" Twilight asked. I think her eye twitched a little.
"No," I repeated before continuing. "No, but in Spanish. Non. Nein. 没有. Không. Níl. How many more languages must I say no in?"
"Don't you know who I am!?" she yelled.
Oh god, I'm talking to a spoiled brat, aren't I? "No, and I don't particularly care, either," I stated bluntly.
"I am Princess Twilight, Princess of Friendship and ruler of Ponyville," Twilight stated.
"And I'm Carmen Sandiago, GUESS WHERE I AM!" I yelled.
Twilight gave me a blank look and said, "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."
"Oh, so am I and I'm failing, and I'm sorry for that. It's just I'm so agitated. Some bratty snobby mare noble randomly teleported us back to town during a quest. Starts trying to take away Spike's Adventurer's card. And is currently trying to impress with the world's lamest title." I said.
Trixie was laughing her head off while everyone else gawked at me. "H-How... H-how dare you..." She muttered.
"So do we have anything else? No? Great! Let's go." I said, pushing Twilight aside and started walking to the guild.
That is until the princess brat grabbed my arm. "If you're not going to give up then let's duel for it!"
I groaned and faced her saying, "Fine, how about a game from the human world, Jan Ken Pon 'Acchi-Muite-Hoi' basically Rock-Paper-Scissors with a twist. Gonna warn you it's not like the normal game."
Twilight seemed to almost immediately forget what we fighting about as her face smiled widely. We readied up and said in unison, "Jan Ken Pon!" I threw scissors and Twilight threw paper.
I pointed behind her and said, "Look over there!"
Twilight look behind her. "So what's the point of-" Twilight quickly took notice that when she looked away I had grabbed her skirt and panties and pulled them down to her ankles.
"That. That is the point of this game." I said, with a smug grin.
Trixie proceeded to laugh harder and everyone else as Twilight turned bright red and teary-eyed. "I'll remember this!"
"This would pretty hard to forget," I stated. Twilight then teleported away, this time I closed my eyes for the flash.
"You just publicly pantsed Princess Twilight. Do you have any idea of what kind of trouble you've gotten yourself in?" Tempest asked.
"Yeah, but I don't particularly care... And like that, I've forgotten what we were talking about." I said as we entered the guild. Not much else happened or was said after that. We turned in the eyes and the plants, we got our money, and got some food. We then checked in at the guilds Inn and went to bed.
The very next day, I was suddenly woken up at 6:00 in the morning by some random mare jumping up and down on my bed.
The mare was an Earth mare with a curly deep pink mane and tail, a pink coat, and a picture of a blue balloon and two yellow balloons on her skirt. Standing at 6'6 with a slightly chubby yet curvy pear-shaped body. Her attire is a long-sleeved bright purple shirt with white rings on the sleeves and a cut in the middle showing the cleavage of her EE-cup boobs, a pale pink skirt, knee-high blue and yellow ringed socks with pink strapped shoes.
"HithereI'mPinkiePiewhat'syournamewhen'syourbirthdaywhat'syourfavoriteflavorofcakehowaboutdrinkwhatkindofpartiestoyoulikehuhhuhhuh?!"
"I don't know who you are or what the fuck you just said, but get the fuck out," I stated.
"My name's Pinkie Pie! Twilight told me to tell you to meet her for a rematch dual! Right now!" Pinkie said with excitement.
I closed my eyes and replied, "Tell her I don't care, to fuck off, and it's too early for this!"
"Okay!" Pinkie disappeared into thin air but before I could go back to sleep, she reappeared as fast as she left. "Twilight said, she doesn't care either, so get your butt up and move it."
"Tell her to go fuck herself, her family, and any pet she may own at this time, because I'm not doing this at 6 in the morning!" I yelled.
Pinkie then disappeared again and came back soon after. "Twilight says, How dare you, get your blue-haired butt to the Guild's battlegrounds now."
I groaned and out of bed slowly like the lazy person I am. I then grabbed the same bag that we used to carry the Bufogren eyes which now carried the slime from the eyes and said, "M-80 Fireworks with a Long Fuses.". Pinkie then pulled the wanted items from her mane before she gave it to me.
I then placed the Quarter sticks of dynamite in the slime then used 'Create Fire' to light the fuse and tossed the firework to Pinkie. "Give that to her,"
Pinkie nodded and disappeared, I then got back into bed and before I went to sleep I heard the sound of an explosion followed by the sounds of coughing from the rancid odor of the slime that probably now covered Twilight which was then followed by the sounds of Twilight's screams of anger. Then Pinkie came back, "Twilight said, I will have my revenge!"
I made a noise that sounded like a mix between a grunt and a groan.
"So...... About that welcoming party." Pinkie continued.
"Later... Not now... Tired..." I quickly replied. Pinkie gave a thumbs up and a smile before vanishing for good this time. "Ugh...... I'm gonna need to make a plan for this rematch, aren't I?"
Tuni made itself known on my dresser with a meow.
"Where the fuck have you been?!" I yelled. Tuni meowed again. "You were looking for rare materials? Well, what did you find?" Tuni meowed again. "What do you mean you won't show me?! Bah, I'm too tired for this," I said as a put my head back on my pillow and went back to sleep.
