I've got a lot of luck, but not much else

"Ugh... I thought this was going to be an adventure, not a weed pulling job..." Trixie groaned, the group was picking plants from the ground, these were any plants though, they were Hippoka Herbs. They're the main ingredient in just about every type of high-level potion, while easy to find they normally grow in more monster-infested areas, so adventurers make some good bits gathering them if they don't mind losing a limb or two to the monsters.

"Quit ya bitchin' and get ta pullin'," I said as I pulled some more Hippoka Herbs, this was one of the 4 quests I picked out, the more herbs we got the more bits we'd earn. I noticed Fluttershy trying to get the attention of some birds only for said birds to screech and tried attacked her, Tempest had to swat it away, the bird didn't even care that it knocked its eggs over and crushed them, Fluttershy looked down with some tears in her eyes before she began ripping Hippoka Herbs out of some form of anger.

I tossed a rock to get Spike's attention, " Hey, you know what's that all about?" I asked pointing to Fluttershy.

Spike then said, "Well for some context, a long time ago, Tempest used to work for The Storm King, a power-hungry tyrant."

"Edgelord worked for a jackass with an equally retarded and unnecessary name, could've guessed that she doesn't strike me as someone who makes good choices," I said before tilting my head, letting a rock fly by my head that was predictably thrown by Tempest in an act to hurt me either after calling her an edgelord, her name, or her decision making.

"Well, when Twilight Sparkle, Applejack-" I interrupted Spike again by laughing at those two names, one sounding a crappy spin-off to the just as crappy Twilight series and the other being the name of a cereal, "Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy defeated The Storm King but before he was beaten, he let out a spell that put Equestria were it is now, with the whole Ogres and Oubliettes leveling and stats, but also, all non-sentient creatures, such as animals and usually passive monster, became super aggressive and attack anypony one sight," he finished.

'Gonna guess, Ogres and Oubliettes are like Dungeons and Dragons,' I thought to myself then the ground shook, telling me that our next quest was coming. a Bufogren, a large, yellow-green, frog-like creature with six eyes and smells worse a mountain-sized pile of horse crap in a barn in the middle of the summer on a day.

"Please tell me we aren't fighting that, I can smell it from here!" Spike said.

Fluttershy then replied, "It's not that bad." She was bluffing and what didn't help her bluff was how scrunched up her face was making from the stench.

"You're not fooling anyone with that face." I said bluntly, "Alright let's kill it."

Fluttershy then jumped in front of us and said, "Hold on! We can solve this without hurting it."

"Oh my god... Spike, you know her for longer so I'll leave this to you." I said when Fluttershy started to argue with Spike about killing this monster.

I whispered, "Lurk, Lurk," and turned both Miss Edgy and me invisible before we snuck past them using my newest skill, I had to use it twice since there was two of us, then Miss Edgy started casting one of her rune spells.

"Soul Render" Tempest whispers as she wrote the rune symbol into the dirt.

Upon hearing that I whispered, "Ow the edge...", I was immediately punched for that comment. After the rune was set, we used Lurk again to sneak past the two. "So how will we get that thing to move over to the rune trap?"

Trixie smirked and said, "It seems it is time for the great and power-" I immediately cut her off by pinching her cheek.

"Either do it and say nothing or do and say nothing at all," I said.

Trixie huffed then raised her staff and said, "Cry Of War!" then her staff released a small bubble that floated over to Tempest's trap rune then Trixie covered her ears as the bubble popped, releasing a Nails-on-chalk-board-like screech that I think made my ears bleed a little.

Then the Bufogen roared out in rage and charged at the trap area which Fluttershy immediately noticed.

"Wait, Mr. Bufogren! There's a-" Fluttershy stopped mid-sentence as she inhaled some of the Bufogren's stink, I honestly thought it was so bad that she was able to taste it from the face she was making.

"Hmmm, this Bufogren must be an Evolved One, one that has an evolutionary trait that gives them an edge over others," Tempest said.

"Why're you bringing this up?" I asked while patting Fluttershy's back as she coughed up the stink, and by coughing I mean puking.

"Bufogren is known for two things, their stink and their sensitive hearing, this one only reacted to the effect of the spell, not the noise it made, although now that I think about it, you're right, it was pointless to bring up when it's about to die," Tempest said, then the Bufogren bodyslammed the area with the rune trap, followed by a purple beam shooting from the rune and piercing the Bufogren's chest, killing it in a split second.

"We win!" I said before the corpse began to immediately smell worse, "Oh god, it smells, grab what we need to prove we killed it, and let's get out of here!"

Tempest quickly cut out the beast's two largest eyes as proof and we quickly continued on, "Can't we just go home, I can still smell the Bufogren." Trixie whined.

"Fine, but you're picking twice the amount of herbs, for both complaining and not filling your bag! Now do it or you not getting paid!" I yelled, pointing at Trixie's bag which wasn't even half-filled. Trixie grumbled before grabbing herbs and stuffing them into her bag.

I then noticed a ball of light above us, that I mistakenly stared right at when it released a flash of light. "Oh, crap crap, crap!" Spike yelled before everything went white.

"My eyes!" I yelled as I rolled around on the concrete.

"So the guards were right!" a nerdy female voice said, I slightly opened my eyes to see an angry-looking Alicorn mare with a dark purple mane and tail with a pink stripe, a lavender coat, horn, and wings, and a picture of a 6 pointed star with smaller white stars on her shirt's upper breast. She also had a slim hourglass body and stood at 6'9. Her attire was a baby blue button-up shirt just barely concealing her C-cup bust, a short skirt the same color as her eyes that does little to hide her plump bubble butt, black stockings, and black high heels.

Spike nervously laughed before spluttering out, "H-Hey, Twi! W-W-What are you doing here?"

"Spike, if that was an attempt at calming Twilight down, it was terrible," Trixie said.

Spike lowered his head and Twilight yelled, "I can't believe you joined the adventurers! I told you specifically to not do that! Who's the leader? I want to speak to him!"

"That would be me," I said while still laying on the ground, it was actually pleasantly warm. It was helped by my eyes have returned to normal.

"I demand you hand over Spike's Adventurer's Card!" she yelled.

I then bluntly said, "No."

"What?" Twilight asked. I think her eye twitched a little.

"No," I repeated before continuing. "No, but in Spanish. Non. Nein. 没有. Không. Níl. How many more languages must I say no in?"

"Don't you know who I am!?" she yelled.

Oh god, I'm talking to a spoiled brat, aren't I? "No, and I don't particularly care, either," I stated bluntly.

"I am Princess Twilight, Princess of Friendship and ruler of Ponyville," Twilight stated.

"And I'm Carmen Sandiago, GUESS WHERE I AM!" I yelled.

Twilight gave me a blank look and said, "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."

"Oh, so am I and I'm failing, and I'm sorry for that. It's just I'm so agitated. Some bratty snobby mare noble randomly teleported us back to town during a quest. Starts trying to take away Spike's Adventurer's card. And is currently trying to impress with the world's lamest title." I said.

Trixie was laughing her head off while everyone else gawked at me. "H-How... H-how dare you..." She muttered.

"So do we have anything else? No? Great! Let's go." I said, pushing Twilight aside and started walking to the guild.

That is until the princess brat grabbed my arm. "If you're not going to give up then let's duel for it!"

I groaned and faced her saying, "Fine, how about a game from the human world, Jan Ken Pon 'Acchi-Muite-Hoi' basically Rock-Paper-Scissors with a twist. Gonna warn you it's not like the normal game."

Twilight seemed to almost immediately forget what we fighting about as her face smiled widely. We readied up and said in unison, "Jan Ken Pon!" I threw scissors and Twilight threw paper.

I pointed behind her and said, "Look over there!"

Twilight look behind her. "So what's the point of-" Twilight quickly took notice that when she looked away I had grabbed her skirt and panties and pulled them down to her ankles.

"That. That is the point of this game." I said, with a smug grin.

Trixie proceeded to laugh harder and everyone else as Twilight turned bright red and teary-eyed. "I'll remember this!"

"This would pretty hard to forget," I stated. Twilight then teleported away, this time I closed my eyes for the flash.

"You just publicly pantsed Princess Twilight. Do you have any idea of what kind of trouble you've gotten yourself in?" Tempest asked.

"Yeah, but I don't particularly care... And like that, I've forgotten what we were talking about." I said as we entered the guild. Not much else happened or was said after that. We turned in the eyes and the plants, we got our money, and got some food. We then checked in at the guilds Inn and went to bed.

The very next day, I was suddenly woken up at 6:00 in the morning by some random mare jumping up and down on my bed.

The mare was an Earth mare with a curly deep pink mane and tail, a pink coat, and a picture of a blue balloon and two yellow balloons on her skirt. Standing at 6'6 with a slightly chubby yet curvy pear-shaped body. Her attire is a long-sleeved bright purple shirt with white rings on the sleeves and a cut in the middle showing the cleavage of her EE-cup boobs, a pale pink skirt, knee-high blue and yellow ringed socks with pink strapped shoes.

"HithereI'mPinkiePiewhat'syournamewhen'syourbirthdaywhat'syourfavoriteflavorofcakehowaboutdrinkwhatkindofpartiestoyoulikehuhhuhhuh?!"

"I don't know who you are or what the fuck you just said, but get the fuck out," I stated.

"My name's Pinkie Pie! Twilight told me to tell you to meet her for a rematch dual! Right now!" Pinkie said with excitement.

I closed my eyes and replied, "Tell her I don't care, to fuck off, and it's too early for this!"

"Okay!" Pinkie disappeared into thin air but before I could go back to sleep, she reappeared as fast as she left. "Twilight said, she doesn't care either, so get your butt up and move it."

"Tell her to go fuck herself, her family, and any pet she may own at this time, because I'm not doing this at 6 in the morning!" I yelled.

Pinkie then disappeared again and came back soon after. "Twilight says, How dare you, get your blue-haired butt to the Guild's battlegrounds now."

I groaned and out of bed slowly like the lazy person I am. I then grabbed the same bag that we used to carry the Bufogren eyes which now carried the slime from the eyes and said, "M-80 Fireworks with a Long Fuses.". Pinkie then pulled the wanted items from her mane before she gave it to me.

I then placed the Quarter sticks of dynamite in the slime then used 'Create Fire' to light the fuse and tossed the firework to Pinkie. "Give that to her,"

Pinkie nodded and disappeared, I then got back into bed and before I went to sleep I heard the sound of an explosion followed by the sounds of coughing from the rancid odor of the slime that probably now covered Twilight which was then followed by the sounds of Twilight's screams of anger. Then Pinkie came back, "Twilight said, I will have my revenge!"

I made a noise that sounded like a mix between a grunt and a groan.

"So...... About that welcoming party." Pinkie continued.

"Later... Not now... Tired..." I quickly replied. Pinkie gave a thumbs up and a smile before vanishing for good this time. "Ugh...... I'm gonna need to make a plan for this rematch, aren't I?"

Tuni made itself known on my dresser with a meow.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" I yelled. Tuni meowed again. "You were looking for rare materials? Well, what did you find?" Tuni meowed again. "What do you mean you won't show me?! Bah, I'm too tired for this," I said as a put my head back on my pillow and went back to sleep.