No choice

My entire body hurt. Every single muscle in my body was sore like I’d severely overexerted myself. Just turning onto my side made my legs, chest, and neck flare up in agony. So much so, in fact, that I opted to remain lying on my back. Just what in Celestia’s name had I done?

Nothing was coming to mind, so I had to dig a bit deeper. Usually, flying very long distances left my wings about as sore… but this was my entire body. Maybe I’d gotten carried away exercising? No, I never exercised. Rough sex? No, I’d remember that. Unless I was drunk? But I didn’t remember drinking, either.

My mind was about to start panicking and looking for scarier explanations when a flash of insight ran through my mind. The storm!

But wait, that still wouldn’t explain why even my sides were sore. There had been a very bright flash when I’d gone to bed, though. Or had I dreamed that up?

Hmm… I’d been flying back from Aqua Pura when the storm hit. The mid-western wasteland was known for its capricious weather and all, so it didn’t exactly catch me off guard. But it had forced me to settle down for a night.

Finally, I worked up the motivation to open my eyes… only to find myself in a room too dark to see. Whatever, back to sleep I went.

Bright light flooding into the room and the sound of a door opening woke me up. Even through my sore state, I rolled out of bed immediately… only to find out I’d been lying on just a mattress and not an actual bed.

As my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I noticed that I was behind a set of iron bars. A pony with an uneven gait was walking down the stairs on the other side of the bars, levitating something in his or her magic.

A few more steps forward and she properly came into view. As she continued to limp downstairs, I recognised what she was carrying as a wooden bowl. A few more steps, and I was able to make out her features. She was wearing a cloak and a long, black shawl covering her head, with only a horn sticking out. Her coat was a dull, dark grey.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Who are you?”

The mare looked at me with sad eyes, one of which was a milky white. Her face was covered in a few scars, the most notable of which ran across her blind eye.

Without replying, she floated the bowl through a horizontal hole in the cell’s bars.

“Hello? I’m talking to you?” Being obnoxious was probably not the right way to handle situations like this, but it sure as shit was the Snowfeather way.

“I’m the mare who captured you and will sell you off into slavery. That’s all you need to know,” she replied in a flat tone.

“Wuh wuh wuh, wait. What? You can’t enslave me, I’m a pegasus, we don’t do well in a cage. Think about what you’re doing here!” Was I really willing to make this much of an idiot out of myself? Yeah. Yeah, I was.

Nonplussed, she sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure other ponies handle it so much better than you.”

With that, she turned tail and no amount of my whining got her to look at me again. When she shut the trapdoor, I was in the dark once more. At least the food wasn’t terrible. Was some kind of vegetable stew. Pretty sure it had tomatoes in it.

Time passed slowly in this cell. I managed to sleep some more, but it was hard to tell exactly how much. Eventually, the trapdoor to the cellar opened again, revealing the same mare as yesterday. Or was it still today and this was my evening meal? Maybe it was her twin, too. No, they’d need to have the same scar. Wait, was her scar on the right side? Yeah, probably.

“Hey,” I greeted, but she didn’t respond. “Can I ask you where we are?”

She let out a big sigh. “About twenty kilometres south of Aqua Pura.”

Hmm… that was about how far I'd flown. Had she caught me while I was asleep? No, I doubted she would have been able to move me without waking me up. Maybe I was suffering from some kind of amnesia?

"How did you get me in here?" I asked, but the mare had absolutely no desire to stick around any longer than absolutely necessary and was already halfway through the door when I finished my sentence. As expected, she didn't bother replying.

When she entered the room again, about another day later, I was ready. "How did you catch me and lock me up?"

Walking down the stairs, she seemed to think for a moment. "Room you tried to sleep in was trapped. Some sort of taser talisman a friend helped me build. Knocked you out cold."

"Ah, that makes sense." And I had more questions prepared, because I was smart and didn't want to waste my one daily opportunity to get answers. "By the way, you don't exactly strike me as someone who loves her job, so how did you end up doing it?"

"And you don't exactly strike me as a smart pony. Why do you keep chatting me up? Nothing you can say can change your fate, so why do you keep talking to me like I'm a stranger at the pub and not the mare holding the key to your cell?"

I wasn't expecting her to engage in actual conversation, but I was not about to let that opportunity go to waste. I just shrugged. "Dunno, pouting in a cell doesn't feel like a very me thing to do. I'm dying of boredom here, and preparing my next set of questions for you keeps me occupied."

She gave a mild chuckle. "You're a schizo, you know that?"

"Been told so many times." I practically chirped the line.

"Well, I'll give you an answer to keep you occupied, alright." She paused for a second before giving me a mirthless smile. "It's to survive." With that, she left me alone once again.

I had other questions for her, but I started with the ones that were more immediately on my mind. “How long have I been here?”

“Been visiting you once a day, so four days.”

“How long am I gonna stay here?”

“The slavers come by once a month, next time they’ll be here should be in two, two and a half weeks.”

“So you said you just want to survive, but aren’t there any less, you know, evil ways to get by? Not that I’m calling you evil, since I don’t have the full picture and all that.”

She used one hoof to gesture to the other three legs. “You seen the way I walk? Yeah, I could get by scavenging, but I’d be dead within a year or two.”

“Maybe it would be worth it for a clean conscience?”

She let out an annoyed sigh, rolling her eyes. “I told you, nothing you can say will change my mind. I have something more important than a clean conscience.”

I wasn’t even looking at her when she came in, knowing the effort wasn’t worth it.

“Aren’t you worried that one day, your lifestyle will catch up with you, and you’ll end up dead because of it? Not everypony looks kindly upon slavers, you know.” I really hoped it didn’t come across as a threat. It wasn’t; I had no way of acting on it. But maybe she’d interpret it as one.

She shrugged. “I can only hope it happens when my daughter is able to fend for herself.”

“You have a daughter? How old is she?”

“About a year old, which is around how long I’ve been doing this.” Unexpectedly candid answer.

When the trapdoor opened again, it was much darker than usual outside. Then again, it was probably another stormy day; I felt it in my wing bones, through my pegasense.

“So, what’s your name?” I wanted to ask about her foal first, but at some point I’d realised I didn’t even know her own. No reply came, and she remained on top of the staircase. I asked another question. “Fine then, what about your daughter?”

“Ah don’t even know if my foal will be a filly or a colt, Snow,” replied Platinum in a confused half-whisper.

“Plat!” I shouted before realising my mistake and lowering my volume. “Oops, got excited.” I giggled. “You came to save me! I was worried, and—

I cut myself off, realising that I’d gotten carried away. “That was actually five minutes ago, and you were there. Anyway, that’s how I ended up here.”

He rolled his eyes, and his look told me to continue.

“Well, now you know what happened. Are you gonna steal the key from her? Or did you learn to pick locks in the six years we didn’t see each other?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think I would manage that; never been the sneaky kind. I could take the risk and try to kill her, but if she gets me first, Candy won’t find you in time. ‘Fraid I’m just gonna have to get Candy to come here, and then it’ll be two against one. I really don’t like putting her into danger now that she’s carryin’ my kid, but it’s just too risky for me to try anything alone.”

I was disappointed to hear that. This place really wasn’t nice to stay in. Not in the slightest. But at the same time, I couldn’t blame him. I sighed. “I guess I’ll be fine a little bit longer, do you know how long till you can free me?”

“I’d say two or three days; depends on the weather and how fast Candy can travel.”

The three days had passed like the four before had: very slowly. I was bored out of my fucking mind. So, naturally, whenever the trapdoor opened, I pestered my captor with more questions. Today, by the look on her face, she seemed to be in a good mood.

“What about the father of your filly, can’t he help you make ends meet?” That was probably a sore topic, but I was curious.

She snorted. “Hah, as if.”

I was kind of expecting that answer, but I still pressed on. “Why not? What kind of pony is he?”

She shrugged before sitting down. “Fuck if I know.” I chuckled. “Some scumfuck slaver, though, that’s for sure.” When I realised she was serious, I felt bad for laughing.

I kinda felt bad for her, despite the situation. “You… used to be a slave?”

She let out another dry laugh. “Yeah, shocked?”

I nodded. “Kind of sad to hear, really. I wouldn’t wish slavery onto anypony. How did you escape?”

“I didn’t.” She smiled. It was a cocky smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Those remained as sad as ever. “Friend bought me out, the same one who gave me that talisman.”

I was out of things to say, and that brief pause was enough for her to decide she’d had enough. She turned to leave, but as she opened the trapdoor to the cellar, I saw her stagger back. "D-don't shoot!"

"Don't do anything rash, and I won't," replied Candy Cane. "I think somepony we know is down there. Care to let us in?"

My captor nodded and tried to step out of the way. However, I heard Plat stop her. "Do not think you are getting away. Go down the stairs."

The mare tried to beg for her life, but it came out as incoherent rambling. She took a few steps downwards, and Candy finally stepped into view.

When her eyes met mine, she asked the stranger, "Care to explain why you've locked up my sister-in-law?"

"I-I'm sorry, please don't kill me! I have a daughter!" Her tone was so vastly different from how she spoke to me that I might not have recognised her.

“Again, I won’t, as long as you don’t give me a reason to.” Candy lowered her shotgun and sighed. "Give me the key." When the mare complied, Candy added, “Thank you. But you and I are not done, wait over there.” She pointed to the corner of the room.

Candy’s horn glowed as she opened my cell door. I gladly left it and smiled at her. “Thanks, sis.”

She rolled her eyes. “You still don’t need to call me that, Snow.”

“But I wanna! It’s just fun.”

I heard her groan at my antics, but our little moment was abruptly ended by a gunshot. It sent me to the ground clutching my ears. When I opened my eyes again, I could see Candy staring at my captor’s corpse, while Platinum held a pistol in his muzzle. My ears were ringing louder than they had any right to.

Candy must have mumbled something, as Platinum tilted his head, then shook it. I couldn’t hear him, but I was rather certain he said, “Can you repeat that?”

She remained quiet for a moment, apparently trying to fully grasp the situation, visibly upset. “What the hell did you do that for?” I agreed, my poor ears really hurt. “She wasn’t a threat!”

He sighed. “Maybe not right now, but she was a slaver. How many ponies do you think she sold out like that? How many ponies was she going to sell out after we left? Or did you think she was going to stop just because you asked her to?”

Her shock turned to anger. “You didn’t have to kill her! We would have found a way!”

“Like what? Dragging her with us and forcing her to be better? Just because it worked on one bandit does not mean everypony you meet will want to redeem themselves.” His tone was calm, but I could tell he was holding back. He never talked this formally to Candy.

“Why not at least try? We can’t go around killing everypony in the wasteland who’s done one fucked up thing or another, you know?”

“And then what? We hold her at gunpoint, and if she does not redeem herself, we kill her? Do you really believe that this is a good incentive?”

While he talked, Candy’s anger seemed to deflate with every word he uttered. “I…”

“Look, dear, I wish we could fix the wasteland by being nice to everypony. I understand why you are upset. However, this is the unfortunate reality we live in. We cannot.”

“I know… but I can’t help but think that maybe there was something we could have done. Maybe she was just a decent pony in a bad spot. You didn’t have to kill her…”

Again he shook his head. “What makes you think that? Just because she was unhappy does not mean she was innocent. She was the one who chose to sell ponies into slavery, and she was the one who got the consequences for her actions. From what Snow told me, she never even tried to get by without resorting to… this.”

There was a short moment, during which neither of us said anything. Frankly, I still wanted to give him an earful for firing a gun indoors, but I knew now wasn’t the time. Finally, the silence was broken by Platinum slipping back to his more familiar tone. “I knew you wouldn’t like this, and I knew the choice would be hard for you. But it really didn’t have to be your choice to make. Frankly, I would have tried to kill her regardless, because damn it, letting a slaver roam free is just not okay with me.”

Candy seemed to search for some kind of rebuttal. Evidently, none came as she let out a sharp breath. “Fine. I still don’t like any of this, but I guess you solved this whole dilemma before it even started.” The words were bitter, and she looked downtrodden. “I just wish it wasn’t so difficult to make the right choice. The rational part of me knows killing her was the smart option, foal or not, but I just can’t justify it to myself.”

He trotted up to her and wrapped her in his wings. “That’s because you’re just such a good pony. I’m not saying I’m bad for doing this. It’s just that you care about everypony, try to understand every side. It’s this beautiful idealism that I love about you.”

“I’ve heard that too many times, Plat. I just wish I could always make the right choice. I know there are no right choices sometimes, but it still hurts. I wish I could go and fix all of… this. Get rid of the root cause. But I can’t.” I saw her lean into the embrace. “All I can hope to do is the little things, and now we’re left wondering what we’re going to do with her foal, because we can’t just let her starve.”

Platinum nodded. “That we can’t. We should probably take her with us and find her new home.”

An idea crossed my mind. And in true Snowfeather fashion, I did not think twice before vocalising it. “I could take care of her. That way, you guys’ kid could have a playmate. And I’ve always wanted a kid eventually.” They both stared at me with their ‘We don’t have time for your jokes, Snow’ look. “What? I’m serious!”

I was gorging myself on a can of beans. Who knew how good food could taste when you’d only had one meal per day for a week or so?

I looked up to find Candy looking at me in amusement. Platinum had gone to bed, but I was still hungry and not sleepy at all, while she was to take tonight’s first watch. The filly was asleep in my tent. I’d need to find a name for her soon.

When our eyes met, she let out a giggle. “You have the silliest look on your face, Snow.”

We shared a laugh, but I didn’t bother responding, too hungry still.

After a while, she continued her attempt at a discussion. “By the way, when I saw you in that cage, something crossed my mind…”

She pointed at my flank, at the single feather adorning it. “Your cutie mark, it’s about freedom, isn’t it? I used to think it was something more literal, like your brother.” Platinum’s special talent was fancy calligraphy, and he often helped ponies who couldn’t write. “Maybe it was related to flight, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.”

I let out an exaggerated offended huff. “Hey, you calling me a bad flyer?”

She just rolled her eyes and smiled, shaking her head. “I’m just asking because it must have been really rough on you, and yet you’re here, making silly faces while you eat beans.”

“Oh, that’s because my cutie mark isn’t about freedom, at least not in the literal sense. It’s more about freedom of the mind.” I finished the can. “Like, my ability to just… not give a fuck and live my life like I want to, despite the wasteland being, you know, the wasteland.”

She seemed surprised for a second before frowning. “I almost wish I could do that. I feel guilty over anything that feels remotely selfish. Like living a slower life and starting a family, instead of risking my life helping other ponies.”

“Then why did you stop? What’s the point of living if you’re not doing it for yourself?” Maybe I was a bit biased, but I didn’t understand why she would do that.

“That’s the thing… I thought I wanted this. I still do, really.” She paused for a bit, looking over to the tent where her betrothed was sleeping. “Platinum… When my best friend left me, I was kind of lost. I turned to Platinum, and everything was just so… perfect. Now, though? It’s been almost a year, and I’m starting to feel like it was just a short break, an escape from what I’m really meant to be doing.”

I just shrugged. “Then why not go back to that life?” She would try to find excuses for why she couldn’t, but hopefully it would get through to her. If it didn’t, well, not my problem.

“I have other responsibilities now, Snow. I can’t just risk my life every now and again just for my own sense of guilt. On the one hoof, it’s not just my life anymore, and on the other, I’d hate to do this to Plat.”

But of course, she wasn’t like me. I didn’t want to leave her hanging, so I gave it some thought. However, nothing came to mind, and we ended up sitting in awkward silence for Celestia knew how long.

Author's Note

Another chapter with a small detail that I am rather proud of.