Recovery

I was awake.

…Why was I awake?

Oh right, probably those fuckers over there, practically shouting.

A buck was speaking, way too loud, “I’m telling you, she’s not the pony you think she is.”

“Yeah, of course you’d say that. You’re her little pet, after all,” chided a mare. Her voice grated on my nerves like it was the whole purpose of her entire existence.

Another stallion let out a dry, sarcastic laugh. “Notice the shift in attitude. They both leave for almost three weeks, and suddenly he stands up for her. Got a taste for that slaver pussy, little buck?”

Three or four ponies laughed at him while he snapped back, “Fuck off, you know damn well she’s not a slaver!” He must have noticed his mistake as he added, “And no, we’re not like that, I just realised there’s a pony beneath that gruff attitude.”

I opened my eyes with a groan. Couldn’t they play somewhere else? On the other side of the dimly lit warehouse, I could see that red buck, Guard Dog’s assistant. What was his name again, Strawberry? He was facing off against four slaves, with more ponies watching the confrontation from further away.

“Aww, isn’t that cute? He fell in love with his master.” More laughter from the slaves around. I started heading for the crowd.

“She’s not my master.” If he was angry before, he was utterly furious now. He paused for a moment, then calmed down a little, his tone turning cold and mocking. “Then again, you probably only see the world as masters and slaves, don’t you? How long have you been captive; a couple of years? That’s usually how long it takes before your sense of self completely erodes.”

“Oh, you think you can talk shit to me?” The earth pony mare towered over him. Even in the dim light, I could recognise her cream coat, though her name escaped me. Her cronies moved forward and formed a half-circle around the buck, who retreated backwards towards the wall. She let out a guttural laugh. “Look how scared he is. Weren’t you oh so proudly puffing out your chest just a second ago? Not so brave without your master around, are you?”

“Way I see it, you’re the cowards. You talk about her from afar, make up what you think she is, but are too chickenshit to say it to her face.” He spat the words with enough venom to make me worried for his self-preservation instinct. “It’s almost as if you knew you’re just a weak, pathetic excuse for a mare. I’ve seen bucks with more courage than you, you know?”

The large mare took another step forward, and he flinched. She raised a hoof, but by then I’d made my way to the front. Chains clanking, I shoved one of the slaves surrounding him to the side, hard enough for her head to hit the wall with an uncomfortable thud.

All eyes were on me, and I met the cream mare’s, who suddenly seemed to shrink. “I’m trying to fucking sleep, so if you retards want to play at middle school bullies, do it sometime the fuck else.” I wasn’t quite shouting yet, just speaking with a tone that would hopefully make my message clear. In the crowd behind me, I heard mutters of agreement.

On the cream mare, though, it had the desired effect. For all her earlier bravado, shrank back completely. “S-stay out of this, it doesn’t concern you!”

I turned my head to the side, feigning confusion and softening my tone. “It doesn’t?” She seemed to relax a little. “Then would you mind explaining something to me?” Her entire body tensed up.

“Whose fault is it that I’m awake this late at night‽” This time, I was screaming right into her face.

The effect was immediate. She hurriedly took a few steps backwards before falling on her rump and hastily scrambling up and cantering away.

I let out a satisfied grunt and started moving back towards my mattress. Shitty as it was, it was still comfier than anything I’d slept on in Fillydelphia. Before I could completely leave, I heard Cherry—right, that was his name—speak up. “Uh, thanks.”

I turned around and looked him in the eye. He gulped. “What exactly makes you believe I did this for you?”

He didn’t reply, unable to meet my gaze.

“Thought so.”

In reality, I had done it for him, at least in part. I just couldn’t bear to see a buck with balls bigger than he could handle get hurt because of it. Bravery of the weak was admirable, if very stupid.

I arrived at the slave residence. Everyone had already been taken to their jobs, with only the injured allowed to remain. Well, there was one exception to that; Cherry, being my assistant, didn’t work the same shifts as everypony else.

He looked tired and anxious, but his face lit up when he spotted me. “Hey, Iron, glad you’re finally here. I was getting bored.”

Looked like more than boredom to me. “Didn’t sleep well?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know why.” He brushed one of the darker strands of his mane out of his face. “I’ll be fine, though, don’t worry.”

Well, that was that. “Alright, then. Let’s get going.”

We left the old hangar and started heading towards the construction site. After just a few minutes, Cherry spoke up, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to use your magic this soon after burning out? Didn’t you say you were worried you’d lost it permanently?”

“Two weeks isn’t all that short of a time period.” The rest of my body had healed spectacularly fast—with the exception of my hind leg, which was still much too thin. Meanwhile, I’d needed a week to start feeling any sort of magic again, and during that time I was actually worried I wouldn’t ever be able to cast a spell. “Now I’m starting to feel it again, and have been practising quite a bit. It’s just that I’m going to need a lot more practice, since it’s like a muscle.”

It was a slow process, and not even radiation seemed to have helped much in rebuilding the tissue I’d burnt out. Regularly using my magic, though, did seem to help. Besides, it felt like I was doing something of my own accord, rather than being ordered to. Making such a simple choice felt significant, for some reason.

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it. You’re the unicorn, after all.” He still sounded a little unconvinced.

“That’s not to say I’m not sore as all hell.” For a short moment, I massaged the base of my horn like one would a tired muscle. “A few days ago, anything heavier than a rifle round hurt like a bitch to lift, but I pushed on regardless. I’m still far from my peak, or even average unicorn strength, for that matter, so I need to continue.” I looked at him. “Now, what I wonder about is why you wanted to do this stuff with me.”

“Just for the company, really.” Cherry shrugged. “It’s way too boring to just sit around and not do anything.” He rolled his eyes and let out a short sigh. “Even the books you gave me don’t help. I don’t hate reading, but I can’t do it more than a few hours a day or it just becomes another chore.” Another shrug. “With you at least time goes by somewhat fast.”

Before I could reply, he continued, “Speaking of which… Do you think you would be able to get me to stay at your quarters? For similar reasons; I just haven’t been getting along with the others, so it’s just boring.”

“Probably, I’ll see what I can do.” I really wouldn’t mind having him around more often; I was so used to his presence that I didn’t feel like I was losing anything. Plus, he was a nice conversation partner, and not just when I was drunk or opening up about one of the dozen sources of trauma that had affected my life.

I was sitting at the table of my own quarters, attempting to repair my PipBuck. I roughly understood which parts had failed and which ones still had a chance of working. Some components were easy to replace, while others seemed to be unique talismans that were only found in PipBucks.

Repairing electronics really wasn’t my forte. In fact, I knew next to nothing about it; only the PipBuck’s self-diagnostic tool gave me any sort of insight. Despite the creator’s best efforts to make it as useless as possible. If it didn’t have moving parts, it was outside my domain. However, I did have an edge here: the precision of my magic. After all, talismans and spell matrices were just arcane patterns etched into crystal. By powering them with my own horn, I could get a good feeling for how they functioned. In fact, I was able to use my inscription spell to create any kind of talisman, as long as I knew the pattern.

…In theory at least. In practice, the spells were so complex that I had a rough time figuring out what they did. So many parallel paths opened whenever I poured even the slightest amount of power into it that it was incredibly difficult to keep track of even just one.

So, I’d been spending evenings scanning my PipBuck’s spell matrices, looking for flaws. I wasn’t analysing them in detail, only pushing magic through the talisman and seeing where the flow didn’t seem right. Then I would go on to etch the pattern into a blank crystal around the same size. The process was slow, tiresome, and required a lot of concentration. If what I did during the day helped me rebuild my horn’s raw strength, this helped me rebuild its fine touch. However, it would be a lie to say it was enjoyable work.

I stretched, feeling my neck and back pop in various places and the chair creak below me. Behind, I heard Cherry groan. The SATS talisman in particular was rough. The spell was just so complex that the global overview wasn’t enough to find what was wrong with it. I had some luck focusing on individual sub-circuits inside the talisman, but I still couldn't find anything that looked out of place.

And yet, it clearly didn’t work properly, and I simply could not find out why. I was only hoping I would eventually find the defect as I went over the pattern in its most minute details. EFS seemed a bit simpler, but it would still take me ages to fully figure out.

When I hunched back over the two talismans, Cherry mumbled, “Could you go to bed already? It’s getting late, and I’m tryna sleep.”

“Oh sorry, I didn’t really see the time pass.” That was only a half-truth. I’d noticed the time multiple times, but chose to stay up. I really wanted to get it fixed before our trip up Foal Mountain, and if it meant dealing with a little sleep deprivation for the next few weeks, that was a worthwhile trade-off.

I hadn’t realised how SATS-dependant my fighting style was until I couldn’t use it anymore. I’d been aware it was a big part of it, but I felt downright vulnerable without it. Then again, my lack of magic was definitely playing into that as well, so maybe it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.

I sat still for a while, hoping Cherry would fall back asleep. However, after maybe a minute, he mumbled, “Then what are you waiting for?”

Something about how tired he sounded tugged at my heart. Maybe I should go to sleep a bit earlier tonight; I wasn’t making much progress anyway.

I got off the chair and trotted to the other mattress in the room. Once I lay down, I fell asleep faster than usual.

I put away Cherry’s twin shotguns into my bags. While Star Seeds’ bodyguards had long since accepted that I was to be armed whenever I damn pleased, there simply was no way they would let Cherry back into town with those two. I trusted him not to shoot me in the back, but that didn’t mean Star Seeds or his mercenaries did as well. Probably with good reason, too.

However, I did manage to convince Seeds to spare two Ironshod IF-9 shotguns for Cherry. While I personally wasn’t too fond of Ironshod firearms due to reliability issues, they were really more than good enough for most ponies. Especially if you had two of them on your battlesaddle; even if one were to jam, the other one could still fire.

While I didn’t really like to involve him in combat, it was always better for him to at least have the option to defend himself.

I’d also grown to really appreciate having him around. Since Moonlight Research, he’d actually become a good friend to me, and I didn’t want to lose him. In fact, I’d come to make a decision.

As we picked up our pace towards town, I spoke up, “You know, I’ve been thinking.”

Cherry perked up. “Hmm?”

“Something I didn’t tell you was that Seeds actually plans to set me free somewhat soon, depending on how my next few jobs go.”

His eyes lit up. “Wait, really? That’s great news!” Though as soon as the words left his muzzle, he deflated. “I don’t suppose his offer extends to me, does it?”

I shook my head and took a sharp breath in. “No,” I replied flatly, purposely leaving him a brief moment for disappointment. “But mine does.”

“Huh?” His look of confusion nearly made me burst out laughing. Somehow, our friendship had relaxed further, to the point of even me cracking jokes.

Instead, I looked him in the eyes and smirked. “I have a bunch of caps stashed away nearby. Not a huge amount, just something to fall back on in case anything were to happen.” I let my smile turn to a grin. “But it’s enough to buy your contract. Once I’m free, that is.”

His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

He didn’t say anything, so I continued, “Since I don’t want you as my slave, I’d just buy your contract and let you be on your way. However, that would probably just lead to your death, so I’d rather accompany you somewhere safe first, if you’re alright with it.”

His entire face lit up. “For real? I-I…wow. I… shit. I… f-fuck. I just… I really don’t know what to say. That would be amazing. I don’t know how I would repay you for that.”

I chuckled. “Could always just pay me back the caps I spent on you.”

“Oh yeah, I guess that would be f—”

I cut him off. “I’m just kidding. I think that you helped me enough that it’s only fair you would get your share of freedom. I may be selfish, but even I can recognise how much you’ve done for me. Fuck, I’d be dead without you.”

Cherry’s smile became sheepish. “O-oh. Yeah, haha.” He turned back to look at the snowy path in front of us, furrowing his brow. “Though I gotta say, I’m not sure where I would even want to go. Last time I saw my family was over six years ago, and I doubt I’ll find them where I last saw them.”

“I’d offer to help you look for them, but that would take a long while, and I doubt you want me to stick around for that long.” I had to admit, I’d said that in the vague hope he would contradict me. As much as I’d grown to like him, I was ultimately still a bandit to him. He was only friends with me since I was all he had; he’d said so himself. Once he found somepony less savage, he’d ditch me.

“Honestly? It would depend on what kind of life you would wanna live. I wouldn’t be down to risking my life every month, but other than that… I think I would like to travel with you for even a longer while. Like I said, you’re kind of all I have right now.”

I felt a weight lift off my heart, only to fall straight into my stomach. For as much as I was relieved he still wanted to stay with me for now, he’d all but confirmed we wouldn’t remain friends once he found his family.

A few moments passed, and it was Cherry who broke the silence, “Though I wonder, what about your friends? I don’t remember their names off the top of my head, but I know that they are the sole reason Seeds has any sort of sway over you. Are you sure they would be okay with wandering the Wasteland looking for somepony else’s family?”

The weight that had dropped into my stomach seemed to triple in mass. I gulped. “I…” Unable to get myself to say it, I looked at the ground and sped up my gait.

Cherry hurried up. “What’s wrong?”

I wasn’t afraid of him judging me, but admitting it out loud felt like a step I wouldn’t be able to take back. I’d thought about it for a long time, but simply hadn’t come to terms with it.

I took in a deep breath as I gathered my courage. “I don’t think I want to meet them.” Immediately after confessing that, I felt lighter as my eyes started to water.

Now that I’d started, the words came to me much easier. “You know what I had to do for them. I don’t think I would be able to look them in the eye after that. Not only did I get them hurt and enslaved, I then slaughtered and enslaved innocents just for them. I feel like I genuinely don’t deserve them after that.” I stopped dead in my tracks, tears flowing freely, icy cold in the glacial wind.

Cherry came to a halt a few steps ahead and turned to look at me. “I…” He paused before sighing. “Yeah, I don’t know what to say to that. I understand why you feel this way, and I wish I could say it’ll be alright because they’ll accept you no matter what. But the truth of the matter is that you’ve really done some horrible things. I’m not sure I would have been able to forgive you, had we not been stuck together.”

I slowly nodded. “And then there’s the fact that they might feel guilty… I don’t want them to go through that.” I sniffed. “I’ll just… send them a note saying I need to do something first, and that one day I’ll be back, but that they shouldn’t wait for me. With some luck, I might be able to eventually make true on that promise.” The words leaving my mouth were bitter, and I knew they weren’t true. I knew I wouldn’t ever gather the courage to face them.

Cherry took a step forward. “I really can’t blame you.” He put his right hoof on my withers. “I don’t know what I would do if I was you, and I really can’t tell you what to do. But if you need to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

I felt myself relax just the tiniest amount. “Thanks, Cherry. That helps a little.”

For almost ten minutes, we trotted on in complete silence. I lit a cigarette, then another, and gradually calmed down, but there was now another thought on my mind.

“The more I think about it, the more I realise that I don’t even know what I would want to do with my freedom. Looking for your family will give me something to do, at the very least, but I really don’t know what will come after.” As I said it, I found myself wishing he would promise we would stick together. Silly as it was, I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“Really? That’s surprising, from what you’ve told me.” He paused for a short few seconds. “Then again, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised given what you said about your friends. You feel like you’ve nowhere left to go, right?”

“Exactly.” That caught me by surprise. “I tried travelling with them for a few months, and I felt nice and at ease. It felt like I was maybe going to finally find where I belong. Now that that’s off the table, I just don’t know what I’ll do.” I kicked a small rock down the slope and watched it tumble for a few metres before stopping in the snow. “I guess living such a calm life just isn’t for a mare like me.”

“What? Why wouldn’t it be? Didn’t you say you enjoyed it?”

“It’s not about what I enjoy.” I sighed. “My past will always do its best to try and catch me, and my true nature will always shine through. I will inevitably stumble upon someone who knows me, which in turn will get my friends hurt. What’s the point of getting close to someone if my presence is just going to get them killed?”

I saw him turn towards me. “Isn’t that a bit pessimistic?” he asked, perplexed.

"Is it really? Even if the odds aren't as high as I think, I still wouldn't want to risk my friends getting hurt because of me." Another reason why I couldn't continue with Cherry for too long after we left New Detrot.

He shrugged. “Then why don't you go back to being a mercenary or a raider? They won't mind your past.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You’re saying I should go back to killing innocents just for my own profit? That’s the opposite of what I want.”

“Well, you didn’t see anything wrong with it prior.” He shrugged again. “Don’t blame me for not understanding that mindset.”

“That’s because I didn’t understand it was wrong, Cherry,” I hissed far too sharply than I meant to, causing him to tense up and take a few steps away from me. “Sorry, that came off harsher than I intended.”

“It’s fine.” He relaxed a little. “But how can you not understand that murder is wrong? You’ve said it before, but I just don’t get it.”

“It just did not click for me as a filly. Candy told me, but I thought it was one of those grown-up things that I didn’t have to care about, like not eating too many sweets. I just… never put thought into it. It wasn’t until long after Candy’s death that I started putting two and two together.” I sighed and looked Cherry in the eye. “Now I think back and wonder just how I could be so cruel, how I could fail to realise any of that.”

He hummed in thought. “Maybe this is a bit out of the blue, but why don’t you try righting some wrongs? Using your experience as a mercenary for good, stuff like that. You could spend a few years making up for what you did as a filly.”

I sighed. I’d dreaded that question and line of thinking. “I… I don’t know if I can. It sounds so difficult, and I’m not sure I still have the flame needed.”

“The what?"

I winced when I realised that my mouth had gotten ahead of my thoughts. “I'm not sure if I want to keep fighting and killing, even for good. It's why I joined up with my friends in the first place.” I sighed and paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. “The thrill of combat just wasn't there anymore, not when I realised I was killing other ponies.”

Cherry nodded solemnly. “I can't say I blame you. I don’t much like fighting, either”. He narrowed his eyes. “Is that the flame you were talking about?”

I nodded. “I guess I said it in a bit of a weird way. I need to stop reading as much. A better way to put it would be that it was my drive to survive at any cost. The sort of primal rage that you’ll hear so many raiders talk about.” I stomped with both hooves on a small pile of snow that had fallen off a roof. “In battle, I would get so furious that all I could think about was hurting or killing whoever had pissed me off. Pain, exhaustion, and injury would become unimportant as I just strived to kill and destroy.”

I sighed, looking at my hooves. “That’s been gone for a while; back in Moonlight, I was ready to let myself die.” I pawed at the ground with my right forehoof. “I think it’s all caused me to lose my love for battle. It’s hard to get mad at someone when they’re only shooting you in self-defence, and it’s hard to push on when you’re not sure if it’s worth it at all.”

Cherry hesitated for a short moment. “My first thought was that you could just direct your anger towards bad ponies, but I guess it’s really not that simple, is it?”

I slowly shook my head. “I’m not a hero, and I don’t want to be. I just don’t want to be a villain anymore. I’m just tired of fighting.” I felt silly using literature terminology, but in hindsight I had been acting a lot like a fairy tale villain, cartoonishly evil.

“Surely there’s some way you can help others without killing anypony,” Cherry suggested in a reassuring tone.

I shrugged. “Probably, but I’ve yet to find one that would work for somepony like me.” I shook my head in an attempt to lose these thoughts. “But it won’t do me any good to treat it all with a defeatist attitude. I’ll figure it out eventually, but it doesn’t need to be now.”

“Yeah. I guess you’ll just have to cross that bridge when you get to it.” He gave me a neutral smile. “Until then, I’m more than fine with having you help me in my search.”

I nodded, and a thought crossed my mind. Maybe he could help me become a better pony? I looked away, pretending like one of the ruined buildings had caught my attention. I was just buying time, and I knew it. Finally, I sighed before turning back to him. “I’m still learning how to be a decent pony, and I’m so scared of slipping and doing something bad without realising it is bad. Would… would you be okay with helping me make better choices? At least for as long as we’re travelling together.” It was a childish way of putting it, but I didn’t want to give myself an excuse to avoid the question.

“If you’ll accept my advice, yes. Just know I’m not going to fight you to make sure you do the right thing.” He smacked his lips. “Speaking of doing the wrong thing… Do you know what Star Seeds wants us to do next? You mentioned his plans.”

“Yeah. He wants me to find a way into Stable 4. Breaking the stable door open would be impossible with his current resources. The only lead I have is that I know that Arcane Spark had a password that can access the outer terminal. My next guess would be to check out if there is anything important in her cottage on top of Foal Mountain.”

“And if you don’t find anything?”

“Then I’ll keep looking. He specified that it’s the last thing he needs from me. This is the one thing standing between my freedom and I, and I will not let this chance go to waste.” Funny how I have no idea what I’ll do with said freedom, but I still strive for it.

“What about other StableTec employees? Would their passwords work?”

I shook my head. “Maybe, but I somehow doubt it. I have been taking notes on their passwords whenever I broke into a terminal.” And thankfully, that part of my PipBuck still worked. “I think they will work for logging into that machine, I just don’t think they have the necessary privileges to open the door. Fuck, I don’t even know for certain if Arcane’s account can override the lock.

“On the other hoof, there is also a chance I can simply use Lockpick’s script to break into that terminal. With any luck, they didn’t update the software to fix that vulnerability Arcane was talking about.” I shrugged. “I mean, they clearly didn’t bother fixing it on the vast majority of terminals, so the possibility is there, small as it may be.”

Neither of us spoke for a while after that as we walked up a sloped road covered in snow. Slipping and biting your tongue was an experience neither of us wanted to have again.

“But wait,” said Cherry, noticeably less winded than me. “Wasn’t the stable picked clean already?”

“No, you’re thinking of Stable 14, that one’s on the outskirts of Old Detrot. I’m talking about Stable 4, the one I’m from.”

“Wait a second, you’re from a stable? A nearby one at that?”

“Oh, I guess it never came up.” That was a lie. I’d actively avoided the topic since I really didn’t want to talk about my early foalhood. “But yes, I am. When I told you I gunned down my father as a kid, that was after we both ended up stranded outside.”

“Huh, and to think I used to believe nopony of decent upbringing could end up a raider. You shattered that belief once already, but to think you’re from a stable of all places…”

Well, this was the chance to open up further to him. “My upbringing was far from decent, though. Sure, my education was in depth due to the role of overmare that was meant for me, but—”

I cut myself short as I noticed that Cherry had stopped dead in his tracks, attempting to hold back laughter. I gave him a puzzled look, and that was enough to break his efforts containing himself. “So-sorry,” he managed to say between fits of giggles. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling, as amused as I was confused.

Eventually, he was able to stop, taking a deep breath. “Sorry, dunno why, but the idea of you in a cushy office in a stable just struck a funny chord in my mind.” He snorted. “‘Why yes, I would like the report on the caravans we slaughtered this month.’” He imitated my accent just well enough for me to break out laughing as well.

My mood soured a little when my mind caught onto what he’d actually said. “H-ha, yeah. ‘Go out into the wastes and kill some innocents, your overmare says so!’”

He gave a quiet chuckle in response; the kind you’d give when acknowledging someone’s joke, even if it wasn’t funny.

For a few seconds, my thoughts continued to spiral downwards. He really did think of me as nothing but a bloodthirsty monster, didn’t he?

I was drawn out of it when Cherry spoke up, “Hey, don’t look so glum. You know my stance on this whole thing. I’m okay with being around you, but I’m not gonna act like your past never happened.”

I just nodded. That was the downside to such a lighthearted friendship. Of course he didn’t care for me like Candy had, and neither did he have Lockpick’s respect for me. He saw me as an equal, and he treated me like one. I felt a smile return to my face.

“See? It’s better like this.” He bumped his flank into mine, and I had to make an active effort to hide my surprise. “So anyway, how long have you been out of the stable? ‘Cause I can’t imagine you turned raider the moment you stepped outside.”

“Actually, almost. I was so intoxicated with the freedom that I’d just gained that I almost started killing whoever stood in my path. It was only thanks to Candy that I turned out somewhat decent in the very end… To answer your question, though, it’s been a bit less than four years.”

“That makes sense.” Cherry broke eye contact to look out at the road ahead. “Reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask; is that accent from your stable? I’ve never heard it before.”

“Probably.” I shrugged. “Everypony in the stable talked like this, so I never quite questioned it. Old recordings had ponies talking a lot more like you.”

“Makes sense, I suppose. I always found the way you spoke odd; you sound like you’re trying way too hard to sound fancy. Didn’t wanna bring it up, but if it’s a thing your stable does…”

“Thanks, that’s nice to hear.” I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. “Anyway, we’re almost there, but this makes me want to have a few drinks with you, just to see what other topics will come up with a bit less self-control.”

He turned his head towards me, tilting it and lifting an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a recovering alcoholic? And what about Star Seeds, what if he finds out?”

“I never said we’d be getting wasted,” I said with a wave of my hoof. “Just tipsy enough to hold a lighter conversation. He won’t find out, and I won’t slip back. Most of my drinking habit comes from trying to run from painful memories, and nowadays I’ve been pretty happy, so I don’t think that will be an issue. Just tell me to stop at three drinks, and I will.”

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it, then.” Cherry did not sound fully convinced, but he smiled nonetheless.

I was sitting in my room, staring the PipBuck Delta in front of me into submission. I wasn’t very successful.

Fuck it, I needed fresh air. I turned to leave my room, but a shiver ran down my spine, and I knew to stop before the door.

A second later, it opened and would have whacked me in the face if I’d taken another step. In stepped Cherry, almost walking into my chest. “Oh, hey Iron.” He smiled sheepishly.

“Hey. How was your walk?” It almost amazed me that he was allowed to just go on a two hour-long walk without anypony caring. Then again, the slavers knew he wouldn’t flee. Or maybe they just didn’t care; perhaps, to them, he was my responsibility.

“Snowy and cold, as usual for this place.” He scrunched up his muzzle. “What about you? You made any progress yet?”

I shook my head. I’d been throwing myself at this PipBuck ever since we’d come back from the stable, to no avail. “Absolutely fuck-all. In fact, I wanted to go out for a bit to reset my thoughts. I tried a few things, like unplugging the internal power source or disconnecting the authentication talisman, but neither worked.”

“What about the orb?”

“Neither, I’ve taken a short look at it, and all I can say is that I still don’t know whether or not it’s broken. It’s… weird.” Whatever I did, the orb simply refused to cooperate. When I manipulated it with my magic, it felt just like any other orb; a mild… arcane-y sensation. However, no matter how much I tried, I just could not get it to play. “Like I said, I only messed around with it for a bit. The PipBuck was the priority, but I didn’t even manage that.” I’d really wanted at least one working EFS prior to our upcoming trip into the metro.

“You think we could convince Star Seeds to give you one more day to prepare?”

I shook my head. “No, he was insistent he needs this done now that other parts of his plan are in motion.”

“You’ve barely recovered, and he keeps sending you on dangerous longass trips across the region. I know he’s a slaver and all, but he could at least be a bit more reasonable.”

I nodded. “I think he’s actually brutally reasonable. He sees slaves as a means to a goal; as a tool to do a certain job. He does try not to break said tool, unlike the dumbfucks over in Fillydelphia. And, on the other hoof, he only wanted a way to get into Stable 4. I'm the one who decided I needed to visit Arcane’s cottage.”

That was a few days ago. I wanted to take a peek into her safe. Inside, I’d found the orb that was supposed to be my key—or at least a good hint—to finding the stable’s password. While I was there, I also ended up deciding to pick up my father’s old PipBuck Delta as a replacement for my own.

Too bad neither of those plans had quite worked out. The Delta had some kind of biometric lock on it, and refused to boot up for me. Meanwhile, the memory orb wasn’t functional either, but I couldn’t tell why.

“Anyway,” I continued, “I really need a break from all this nerd shit, if only to wean my brain off of Mint-als. Starting to feel the cravings, and I wanna knick that in the bud. So at least our job will give me that break.”

Arcane’s safe had been such a rough lock that I’d taken a single candy to help myself just that tiny little bit more. Even with that, it took me over two hours to finally align the pins. Lockpick probably could have done it in five minutes.

Then, it had been all too tempting to make myself just a little bit more focused when working on either one of my PipBucks. In the moment, it had seemed like a good idea. In hindsight, it really wasn't; I could tell I was right in the middle of a downward spiral.

Cherry frowned in concern. “Just don’t take any when we come back, okay? I heard they’re particularly nasty.”

I waved my hoof dismissively. “Of course, of course. I know that as well.” Though knowing was only half the battle. Those cravings were going to be a bitch. In fact, they were only going to get worse. Mint-als were just too convenient; why quit cold turkey when I had things to do and couldn’t afford to deal with withdrawal? Or at least that’s what I told myself whenever I was off them.

I forced my thoughts onto another topic; that of our next task. It was a simple job, but not necessarily an easy one, depending on what we might encounter.

We were to try and find a few working spark generators, but more importantly a high-voltage transformer. According to Star Seeds, there were bound to be some in the metro lines.

Of course, we couldn’t easily check if whatever we found was functional, so in the end we would ideally try to find more than one.

There were probably spells to check that, of course. However, learning them would have required at least a day or so of practice and study. And of course, I had limited time, and instead chose to work on my father’s PipBuck.

I’d tried to override the lock, but that had been a colossal waste of time. On the bright side, I was now confident this approach wouldn’t work, and that I would need access to a Stable 4 administrative account to unlock it.

Alternatively, I could try to swap out parts, but I had no idea how I would fit them in my PipBuck Alpha’s casing. The Delta was the same size as a regular PipBuck, but it supposedly had a lot more features and was overall more powerful. The Alpha, on the other hoof, was very slim and could easily be worn underneath clothing.

Another issue was that Star Seeds needed those generators now and couldn’t afford to wait until I finally managed to get into the stable.

Worse yet, we couldn’t simply go in, pick up the transformer, and leave. It was much too heavy and bulky for me to carry more than a couple of metres at a time. Instead, we would need to completely secure an area of the metro in order for Star Seeds’ workers to safely pick it up. Doing so without an EFS would be dangerous and tedious.

The generators, on the other hoof, could easily fit on a cart equipped with a levitation talisman. This essentially meant we wouldn’t need to carry anything. I wouldn’t even need to have all of my weapons on me; just a shotgun would be enough.

Come to think of it… “Hey, Cherry?”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’ll do this one alone. Everything considered, your help wouldn’t really be needed, and you’re not that great of a fighter. The old metro lines are irradiated as hell anyway.” Technically I was putting myself at a slight disadvantage, but we had no idea what those tunnels would hold, and the odds of him dying were much higher than mine.

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to look strong again?”

“Nah, I just think it’s an unnecessary risk for you, and looking out for you would likely slow me down. It’s not like I’m pushing myself past my limits, either.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “Really, I’ll be fine. I have my new armour and all.”

Cherry narrowed his eyes before letting his expression soften. “I see.” He returned my smile, but shook his head. “I’m still coming with, though. We’re looking for something, remember? What do you think my special talent is?”

Fuck. “You are right… Well, there goes my excuse to avoid exposing my friends to danger.” It was like with Lockpick, in a way. The benefits of having him around really did outweigh the inconvenience of needing to look out for him.

Then, I noticed his face had turned to a large, smug grin.

Cocking my head to the side, I made a confused gesture with my hoof. “What, first time being told you’re right?”

“No, first time you’ve called me a friend, miss ‘you can’t just decide to become friends’.”

I couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping my lips. I rolled my eyes and took a step closer, before ruffling his mane. “Shush, you.”

He grunted in mock annoyance, dodging out from under my hoof. “Am I wrong, though?”

He wasn’t. “Hey, don’t act like me caring about someone is all that weird, it’s the entire reason I’m in this mess.”

Though my friendship with him wasn’t really like anything I’d had before. It was oddly… lighthearted, all things considered. Maybe it was because I wasn’t a raging alcoholic anymore—I’d diversified my addictions! Maybe because I wasn’t hiding my past from him. Maybe it was both.

“Anyway, we might as well get ready now and go to bed early; not like I’m gonna get anything done in the next few hours,” I said as I made for my saddlebags. “And we’re gonna need to get that RadAway and Rad-X for you to survive down there.”

I stepped into the tiny room that served as my office and approached Gloam lying on the small couch that I usually slept on. She was a petite unicorn with a dark blue mane and a gloomy violet coat adorned with a crescent moon cutie mark. At least her name fit her look. Her right eye was swollen shut, and the left one—of a gentle orange hue—turned to stare at me with a mixture of apprehension and hope.

Several nasty whip wounds covered her body, alongside a multitude of bruises. Breathing heavily, she tried to get up to stand, but I stopped her with my telekinesis.

“Hey, Gloam. No need to stand up, I can see you’re wounded.” She was Crow’s gift to me for being ready to stand on my own hooves in Fillydelphia, he claimed.

“Yes, master.” Her words sent a rock tumbling through my heart. I hated being called that, but didn’t have a choice to keep up appearances; I needed her to actually treat me like her master. Even as Crow’s former apprentice, I couldn’t afford to have slaves show insubordination. If other slavers suspected I was weak, I would quickly end up a political pawn.

“How did this happen?” I gestured to her bruises and cuts.

“The other slaves, they…” She looked away, pawing at the old couch. “They caught wind that I was getting transferred to Crow’s protégé, and beat me until I couldn’t stand.” She gulped and tried to make herself as small as possible. “Then, the overseer whipped me for lazing around…” Anger washed over me; how could he do that? Poor Gloam…

To make matters worse, odds were that Crow was behind this. It really fit his style; have a slave beaten to the brink of death before having her transferred. Then treat her as kindly as possible to build a bond. I really didn’t have the heart to tell her that, though.

“I see. I’m sorry to hear that.” I sighed. “I’ll let you take a few days off to recover. I wish I could get you some healing supplies, but I don’t have access to the cabinet.” Suddenly, an idea flashed through my mind. “It’s a bit disheartening, really, to know that there are healing potions just down the hallway, but that I’m not allowed to give them to ponies who need them.”

I let out an exaggerated sigh before walking over to the bookshelf in the back of my room. “Anyway, I have some books for you to read, should you get bored. I won’t be around during the day, but we can talk more when I get back.” While I spoke to her, I pretended to haphazardly pile up books in my telekinesis, but I made sure to drop one of them before hurriedly hiding it behind myself. I attempted to levitate it back onto the shelf, but dropped it again and pretended like it didn’t exist. Gloam looked at me in confusion, but didn’t say anything.

It was a book on shadow magic, a school of spells that focused on stealth. I’d stolen it a few weeks ago in an attempt to find something that would allow me to escape with Petal and Banter. Unfortunately, this kind of magic just was not for me, and my horn refused to let me cast it. With enough practice, I knew I would eventually figure out the most basic spells. However, by the time I would get around to the spells that I needed, I’d be elderly. Given Gloam’s cutie mark, I dared hope she would be able to take better advantage of it.

“I’ll be back in a dozen minutes, I need to get you some food,” I said as I left my office, telekinetically locking the door behind me. Tomorrow, I would conveniently forget to do so.

Author's Note

I struggled a lot writing this chapter, but I think the build-up is worth it.