Remember Me

Iron was back. She’d shown up out of nowhere just a few days ago. She’d only uttered a few words ever since, and only in reply to a question. The longest sentence she’d spoken was something along the lines of “There’s been a change of plans.” when asked about why she’d joined up with us.

The weirdest thing about her was a piece of duct tape around her horn, but none of us had brought it up after it became clear that she was in no mood to talk. None of us wanted to drive her away.

I often caught her looking at me, but when I noticed it, she pretended like her gaze had only accidentally been on me; like she was looking at something behind me, or like she just happened to be turning her head. She was a poor actress, though, and it happened way too often to be a coincidence.

Meanwhile, all the courage I’d worked up before leaving had evaporated. I kept wanting to go somewhere private with her and talk about what had happened, but I couldn't. I just didn’t know what to say, and simply didn’t dare to try and get through to her. I was scared; what if she reacted the same way as in the stable?

Still, Iron was back, and no matter how apprehensive I was to say anything, part of me was just glad she was here. So very fucking glad. It pained me that we weren’t on speaking terms, but that would change sooner or later, right?

Iron, who’d been leading the group, suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and removed her PipBuck’s earpiece. She turned around and said in a matter-of-fact voice, “I’m going back to New Detrot. There’s been an attack on Star Seeds, and the culprit they captured is somepony I know.”

We fell quiet for a moment, and it was Grace who said what I didn’t dare. “We’re going with you. It’s a small delay, sure, but we want you around.”

Cotton and I nodded in near unison, and Iron rolled her eyes and cracked the first smile since she’d come back. “Thanks,” she said, and we started walking back eastwards.

Over the next week, Iron's mood lightened gradually. However, she still pretended like I didn't exist. Then again, I couldn't blame her, because I was doing the same. I was slowly working up my courage, I really was. Things were getting better, and I would have a proper talk with her before we reached New Detroit.

This was surreal. Why was Iron fighting her sister?

Everything was going so well. Then, out of nowhere, not even half an hour ago, we met a mare who looked like a younger and pinker copy of Cotton; Candy Cane.

However, instead of embracing her friends and family, Candy said she needed to speak with Iron. She then gave Cotton the filly with a brief introduction, and then she was off with Iron.

Not even ten minutes later, what little time Cotton had to bond with her granddaughter was cut short by the sound of gunshots. Grace and I had run over, while Cotton hid with Moonwing.

Even as I mentally backtracked what had led to this, I still didn’t understand. Why were they fighting? I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. I saw it happening, but it felt unreal, distant.

They were weaving between trees, only rarely stopping to properly take cover. Iron was taking occasional shots with her rifle, fully aware that running out of ammunition would almost instantly lead to her defeat. She was making very clear efforts to keep the distance between the two of them, only rarely taking an offensive shot.

Meanwhile, Candy was zipping in and out of cover with dexterity I wouldn’t expect from the average earth pony, nevermind a three legged unicorn. She was floating a shotgun next to her, but was mostly focused on closing the distance rather than firing. Likely, she didn’t want to waste any shots that might miss or ping off of Iron’s armour. To me, it was obvious she would eventually get the upper hoof, as Iron was slowly but surely running out of ammo.

Iron still had her magic, but even then she seemed hesitant to use it. When she teleported, it struck me as odd, like the practised ease was missing. The duct tape around her horn was scorched on one side, so maybe it was some kind of horn injury?

The only other spell she tried to use was one I’d never seen before. With a flash of her horn, she set off dozens of tiny illusory fireworks around Candy. Despite their size, they were more than bright and loud enough to make me uncomfortable even at a distance of thirty or so metres, so I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be in the middle of all that.

Unfortunately, Iron herself had slowed down considerably while concentrating on casting the spell. She’d probably learned it recently, and didn’t quite have it down. Because of that, Candy actually ended up making up ground, much to Iron’s dismay.

Over time, Iron managed to graze one of Candy’s legs with a bullet that just barely made it through her barding. Meanwhile, Candy had landed a few solid shots on Iron’s side, but Iron’s prototype armour protected her well. However, it was likely running out of power already.

As the two kept fighting, I slowly noticed something more. Iron wasn’t just handicapped because of her horn and due to her opponent’s speed. In fact, I never once saw her use SATS. Even outside of that, she missed a few good opportunities to land a hit on Candy. Her aim was sluggish.

Could it still be Mint-Al withdrawal? That usually didn’t last more than a month, according to Radheart, and it wouldn’t explain Iron’s reluctance to use SATS. Then again, maybe she wanted to save the spell’s energy in case Candy got too close.

No, those were excuses at best.

More likely, she just wasn’t in the right headspace to fight such a strong opponent. I didn’t know what happened to her in New Detrot that made her claw her way to the surface again. I doubted Sonata had just changed her mind for no reason at all. What I could tell, though, was that it was weighing heavily on her.

Just that would have been bad, but then came the fact that she more than likely just didn’t want to fight Candy.

As realisation dawned on me, the world became so much clearer. Iron wasn’t going to win this fight. There was no way. She was going to die.

Iron jumped out behind a meagre tree, aiming for Candy, in turn forcing the mare to dash behind cover.

Iron’s gun tried to follow the sprinting Candy, but that only seemed to give the latter the opportunity to catch up.

Candy aimed her shotgun at Iron, pulling the trigger. It was only by a twist of fate that Iron managed to use her telekinesis to push away the barrel at the very last moment.

Before Candy had the opportunity to aim again, Iron teleported a dozen metres away, just a few steps away from me.

She couldn’t hide the pain on her face as she panted hard. For a few moments, she stared at a point beyond the horizon before pressing her eyes shut and shaking her head.

Her eyes went wide as she noticed me, and she bolted in the opposite direction. Every spell took so much out of her. Eventually, she just wouldn’t manage to run away anymore, and Candy would just gun her down. She was going to die.

There was a small delay before the thought really hit home. Iron was going to die! If this fight went on, she would end up dead! She couldn’t die here!

“Fuck,” I muttered in a shaky voice, catching Grace’s attention. Or perhaps just reminding her that I was here. I couldn’t blame her, I’d forgotten she was here, too. In fact, she seemed even more on edge than I was. But that reminded me… “Can’t you do something? There’s gotta be a way to stop her.”

She slowly shook her head. “It doesn’t feel right… It’s not my fight to stop; it just wouldn’t be okay.”

I gave her a perplexed look. “What are you talking about? Are you just gonna let her die because of some bullshit code? And where the fuck did that even come from? Since when is there honour among thieves?”

She opened her beak to respond, then closed it again as she broke eye contact. She sighed. “Fine. It’s horseshit. It’s just a stupid excuse I would use with my group of bandits when I didn’t want to do something. I just…” She tried to meet my gaze, but couldn’t manage. She seemed to want to say something, but remained quiet.

“Grace, this isn’t a fucking game. If you have something to say, say it. We need to do something, and if there’s anything you know that changes the plan, I need to know it!” I was screaming at a griffin who could kill me with one swipe of her claws, but I didn’t care. She was acting like a fucking filly, and I wasn’t having any of that.

It did seem to piss her off, which almost made me regret my choice. “No, there’s nothing we can do! You wanna know why I don’t ‘want’ to get involved? I’m fucking scared for my damn life! At best, I’d just get in the way. At worst, I’d end up getting killed.” She pointed towards where the two were fighting. “Iron fucking terrifies me. The way that magic of hers turns a gun around with mechanical fucking precision gives me nightmares! I can’t fucking fight her!”

That made a surprising amount of sense; if you were used to being one of the deadliest, then someone who could beat you in a fight was all the scarier. But… “You don’t need to worry about Iron, she doesn’t even want to fight. All you need to do is stop Candy and this fight is over!”

“What the fuck do you mean? Iron’s the one on the offensive. Candy’s just trying to stay in the fight, but she just can’t get herself to hurt her little sister; she keeps hesitating whenever there’s a chance, and she’s constantly distracted by something.” Grace shook her head. “If Iron wasn’t who she is, she would already be dead.”

So Candy was holding back as well? Why the fuck were they fighting, then?

A spray of lead grazed Iron’s side, some pellets cutting deep into the black polymer suit she was wearing, leaving a large gash in her abdomen. Iron’s gun was tracking Candy as she ran clockwise around her.

I knew what I had to do, but I was so fucking scared.

My heart beat once. Twice. Thrice. I broke into a gallop. I hardly even registered Grace shouting my name. Every leap I took felt like an eternity. Everything was going so fast, and the few dozen seconds that I needed to reach the two seemed to drag on. I’m not gonna make it, resonated in my mind over and over. Candy turned towards Iron and started sprinting forward. I’m not gonna make it.

I was screaming for them to stop at the top of my lungs, but my heart was beating so fast and loud that I couldn’t even tell if I’d actually even said anything. The two certainly hadn’t reacted.

Finally, I came to a grinding halt between the two, tripping on a branch and sliding face-first half a metre in the mud. I got up and looked at one, then the other. Both were shell-shocked and quiet.

“Can’t you…” I took a few deep but rapid breaths, still unable to get enough air, my head spinning. Some of the mud landed in my mouth, but I ignored it. “Fucking see… that neither… of you… wants to… fight…” My vision was growing black, so I had to pause for a moment and try to calm down enough to keep on. “Fight the other?” I finally managed to get out.

Both of them tried to say something, but I was not having it. Sitting on my rump, I raised a hoof in each direction as I continued to catch my breath. “Silence, both of you.”

That seemed to calm them down, at least a little. They both lowered their weapons by a few degrees, but remained on edge. In the distance, I could hear Grace approaching.

My lungs still burned, but I was done waiting. I swallowed the saliva that had accumulated in my mouth. “Why the everloving fuck are mares like this? You were going to tell me that you just had to kill each other for whatever stupidass reason, weren’t you? Something that somehow, through some convoluted fucking logic, was more important than your Celestia damned family.” I looked at each of them, neither able to meet my gaze. “Well, let me tell you, whatever it is, it’s not as important as you think. So by Luna’s frozen clit, talk it the fuck out.”

Both of them lowered their firearms. I let out a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding. “Good. Do you need me to fillysit you two, or can you actually behave?”

I sat next to Candy on a small bench in the nearest small town we’d found. The way here was blanketed by a gloomy silence. The atmosphere was just too heavy for anyone to say anything at all. Even Moonwing—stars, I still couldn’t believe I was an aunt—seemed to pick up on the mood and remained quiet on Cotton’s back.

It was only when we arrived in this town that Cherry told us to disarm and find a place to talk. Practically speaking, it was a bit pointless, since either of us could kill somepony even without any weapons. Still, it was a sign of good faith and would also make us easier to reign in if push came to shove. Candy even removed her prosthetic. Then again, I never wanted to attack Candy in the first place; all I’d done was defend myself.

Though, in hindsight, I hadn’t really tried to talk it out. The moment she told me she would have to take me out, I reached for my gun. I assumed everything was over, and decided I needed to defend myself.

I’d really need to improve in that regard if I ever wanted to leave my past behind me. I’d need to thank Cherry later. Properly thank him. Only issue was that I owed him so much that I had no idea how to truly say it. He’d saved me. Either from dying, or from doing something I would regret for the rest of my days, short as they may be.

I had the same problem with apologising. I wanted to, I really did… but how could I even begin to express just how sorry I was? I couldn’t just go up to him and say ‘‘’pologies mate, for hurting you when you were only trying to help my egotistical flank”.

Then again, I had more immediate concerns. I needed to make it up to Candy right now, or at least convince her not to want to kill me anymore. After all, if I didn’t explain myself properly, there was a chance she would decide she didn’t want to talk anymore and just come at me again. And if I died, my talk with Cherry would never happen.

And yet, I remained quiet.

If we fought again right now, she would definitely have the upper hoof, even with my arsenal of spells and her handicap. Really, the decision to put down our weapons affected me more than her, but maybe that could help me; if I was willing to make such a big show of good faith, surely she would be more likely to hear me out, right?

Her betrayal still stung, no matter how I spun it. At the same time, I couldn’t really fault her for it. I’d done horrible, horrible things. Worst of all, I committed these atrocities knowing fully how bad they were. I couldn’t even hide behind foalish ignorance. I had made the choice to sell out that village, and then my entire stable, into slavery just to save the hoofful of ponies who mattered to me. Really, it was just a matter of time before somepony came after me for that. I just hadn’t expected it to be my own sister.

That begged the question, though. Would I have the same reaction if a stranger came after me for revenge? Or would I just gun them down out of habit and convenience? Would I even have a choice? Who in their right mind would accept “Sorry that I enslaved everypony you knew, but I’m not like that anymore.” as an answer?

Ugh. I needed to stop letting my mind wander. How long had we been sitting here in silence like two carcasses? Ten minutes? Twenty?

But how would I even start this conversation? How would anyone know what to say in this situation? Our first discussion in years had been an extremely awkward:

‘Hey Iron, long time no see.’

‘Hey Candy, how are you?’

‘Good, I guess. Were you the one behind Skybridge?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then I guess I have to kill you. I’m sorry.”

Maybe Sonata would know what to say, but she’d probably just try to convince Candy that Skybridge was a necessary sacrifice. Or something.

Stars, why was everything crashing down now? I was going to leave with Cherry, travel with him for a few years until we found out what happened to his family, and then become a wasteland monstrosity. That would have worked out in the end.

Now, everything was wrong. Candy turned out to be alive, but she hated me. I could have taken my revenge, but I chose not to. I really should have just killed him, why did I think letting him live would fix anything?

I wasn’t even the protagonist of my own life anymore. How long until Sonata would decide to take over again? I knew she could do it, and now she’d gotten a taste for being the one in control. All because of my knee-jerk reaction to yet another fuck-up in my life.

Oh, and here I was avoiding the issue again. Think, Iron, think. I sighed, and after a moment, I saw Candy turn to me out of the corner of my eye.

She said, “So, about Cherry, is he your buckfriend?” Her tone was quiet and uncertain, coupled with the most awkward attempt at a smile I’d ever seen on her. Or on anypony else, for that matter.

Still, that question caught me completely off-guard, and I spun my head around much faster than I intended to.

Her expression inched towards sheepishness by the tiniest amount. “Uh, sorry if that’s none of my business. It’s just that you’re old enough now, and I got a bit curious.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s alright. I just… wasn’t expecting such a trivial question when we were trying to kill each other just a few hours ago.” I paused to swallow and attempted a smile. Probably was as awkward and forced as hers, but I didn’t care. “And no, he’s just a very good friend.” I felt myself grimace before I could help it. “Well, at least he used to be, I don’t know if he’ll still want me back.”

Some more of her smile turned genuine. That gentle, serene smile that had comforted me so many times. Just at this sight, I could feel my eyes threatening to tear up. “From what I’ve seen, he does. I obviously don’t know any of the details, but even a stranger like myself can tell he cares about you.”

I must have seemed unconvinced because she lowered her head and looked at me over her glasses. “Iron, the buck threw himself between two armed ponies trying to kill each other.”

I nodded. She was right, and I knew it. “I know… but… I almost wish he would just hate me. It would make it simpler to deal with it.” And here I was, confiding in her once again. Why hadn’t I just talked from the start? This was Candy, she understood.

“The world is easier in black and white, isn’t it?” she said with a sad smile.

I just nodded, and silence threatened to engulf us once again. I wouldn’t let that happen. “You know, I’m not over the fact that I’m an aunt now.” Technically speaking, Moonwing was just my first cousin once removed, but that was an unimportant detail.

She chuckled. “Yeah. When we left the stable, if anypony had told me that within four years I’d be a mom, I wouldn’t have believed them. I understand the shock.”

“How old is she, by the way? I’m no expert on fillies.” It still felt odd to be chatting about such trivial things, but lightening the mood couldn’t hurt.

And lighten the mood it did; Candy’s smile grew wider, bordering on a grin. I wasn’t surprised she made for such a good mom, given how amazing of an older sister she was. “She had her first birthday just last month. She’s still pretty small, but Platinum said it’s normal for a pegasus foal. She might make a great flyer one day.”

However, at the mention of Platinum, I felt my face turn into a scowl. She too seemed to have her mood shattered by the reminder. I’d realised the implications when I first saw Moonwing, but I’d absolutely refused to give it any further thought.

Candy looked at me with a worried face. Hesitant, she asked, “So, how much do you know about him? Platinum, that is.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what other parts of my life he screwed up. I just know that he’s the one who separated you and I, and that he’s probably responsible for me getting enslaved.” I wasn’t sure whether or not I should say the next bit, but ultimately decided for it. “And he tried to kill me when I was defenceless, about two weeks ago.”

Candy’s eyes went wide, and she whipped her head forward. “What‽”

I hummed and nodded. “Sonata was in control during that time, so he almost managed to kill us.” I saw Candy’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, but didn’t elaborate. I needed to mention it, but I didn’t want to explain it quite yet. “But when I came to my senses, I easily overpowered him. He’s obviously not a fighter, so it’s surprising he’d come after somepony like me. Fuck, for all I know it might have been a very convoluted suicide attempt.”

“Please tell me you didn’t kill him,” she said quietly.

“I didn’t.” I was tempted to add “I wouldn’t be telling you about it, otherwise.” but I wasn’t planning on lying to her. I certainly didn’t want to make it seem like I would keep things from her, either. “I wanted to, I really did, but in the end I knew that I needed to change. I know it sounds stupid and clichéd, but I don’t want to be a bad pony. It’s just always so easy to make the wrong choices…” I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, despite my best efforts.

When Candy moved closer and pulled me into an embrace, it should have surprised me. But it didn’t. This was Candy, after all. She held my head against her chest while I quietly cried, the day’s emotional cocktail finally overwhelming me. No, not just the day’s. This was several weeks’ worth of repressed feelings. Maybe months. Perhaps even years. There was so much I needed to tell her.

Finally, after stars knew how long, I pulled out of the hug and looked at her. She was still giving me her signature serene smile, but reluctantly ended the moment, saying, “Do you mind if I ask some more questions?” I nodded, and she gave me a reassuring look. “I’m a bit confused about something you said about the second part of your name. Actually, I’m very confused.”

It took me a moment to realise what she was referring to, before remembering I’d purposely dropped that hook earlier. I cursed my past self for mentioning Sonata, because I now had no excuse to avoid telling Candy about her. I sighed, bracing myself. “This is gonna sound crazy, but I’m not gonna bore you with all the theories I have about how and why.” I looked at her, and she gave me a sign to go on. “There’s another mare inside my head. I go by Iron, she goes by Sonata. She and I are very different; we know the same things, but our ways of thinking are almost polar opposites.”

Candy stared in disbelief, shock, and confusion, and all I could do was give her a knowing look and nod. “Like I said, it sounds crazy.” I held my breath while I waited for her response, but she still couldn’t figure out what to say. Instead, I continued, “She’s a lot more like my mother. Confident, cunning, and manipulative, but also understanding and peaceful. In many ways, she’s a much better pony than I could ever hope to be.”

Candy seemed to slowly come around to the idea, but was still just quietly listening. That gave me an opportunity to drop another bombshell. I said, “It’s why I gave up and just let her do what she wanted with our body. She wouldn’t fuck up like I did, and she’d try to make Equestria a better place. At the time, giving up felt like the best I could do.”

A strong feeling of despair washed over me, the same as back in the stable. Normally, I would have needed to hold back tears, but I’d mostly cried myself out for now. “And yet… When I came back to my senses, I had a realisation. For some stars-forsaken reason, I still wanted to try. I wanted to become a better pony; to maybe help others instead of hurting them.” There. Now, Candy knew I was trying to do better. From here on out, she would understand. “Above all, I want to live, and I want to take this second chance that everypony else seems to get.”

She was slowly nodding, staring at the ground, clearly deep in thought, occasionally mumbling, “I see.” After a short while, she looked up at me and said, “I hate to ruin the moment, but I think this ties well into what we actually need to talk about.” My stomach fell. “Why did you destroy Skybridge?”

I swallowed. This wouldn’t be easy. “Star Seeds was using my friends as leverage to get me to do his dirty work. It’s easy to control a slave that you have in shackles, but if you want an armed servant, you need different bargaining chips.” Maybe I could exaggerate the leverage Star Seeds had on me? Say that he threatened to kill my friends if I refused that order?

No. I wasn’t going to lie to Candy. “He promised that he would set my friends free once the first phase of his plan was complete. If I refused his orders, their living conditions would drop, they’d go back to slave labour. At least he seemed to imply that; he never said it explicitly, and I never dared to disobey.” I let out a long, drawn out sigh. Candy seemed to want to say something, but didn’t want to interrupt. “I know this sounds selfish, but you haven’t seen the working conditions in Fillydelphia. You don’t know what they did to Petal. I don’t want to imagine what they would have done to Lockpick once she looked old enough.”

I looked Candy straight in the eye. “So, I sold out the lives of innocents to save my friends from the horrors of slavery. I know it was horrible, and I know it was wrong. I knew it even as I did it, but I couldn’t just abandon the only ponies who cared about me. It was my fault they got enslaved, so it was up to me to make it right. I was already a monster, after all, so what were a few more corpses on top of a mountain of death?”

This time, Candy didn’t give me more time to philosophise. “And now, you want to make up for it, through some way.”

I grimaced. “Yeah, I guess so.” I stared at the ground, trying to come up with something more to say. “But at the same time… what can I even do? I can’t simply take back all the suffering I’ve caused. There really isn’t anything that could make up for my actions…”

Candy gave me a half smile. “Somepony wise I met in my travels once told me this: There are things you cannot make up for. There is guilt you can’t ever get rid of. Only thing you can ever hope to do is try, try, and try even harder. You devote yourself to spending every second of your life trying to do better, knowing full well that it will never be enough. And you pray that, when your life is over, all of that effort will maybe come remotely close to making up for the wrongs you’ve committed.”

That scared me. It didn’t sound like something I was capable of. So was I just fucked?

Candy seemed to pick up on my mood and added, “I’m paraphrasing a bit. It’s been a long while since I talked to him, and I don’t remember his exact words.” She shrugged. “Obviously, you don’t have to go to such an extent, but the core point remains true.” She placed her hoof underneath my chin. “If you want to fix this, you will have to put in work. And yeah, you can’t take back your actions, but you can try.”

I swallowed. “But how…?” I knew the answer already, but I didn’t want to admit it.

“Do you remember, four years ago, when you told me you didn’t want to be a hero? That you didn’t want to risk your life for the sake of others? Well, it might be time to reconsider that choice.” She gently brushed my cheek and smiled at me ever so serenely. “I know you have it in you. You were such a strong filly, and I can tell you’ve grown into an even stronger mare. I’m not talking about fighting prowess or magic, I’m talking about your determination.”

“Candy, I don’t feel strong,” I said. “I always take the easiest path in life. I always just do what works best for me, and ignore the consequences for others.” I was a selfish, weak pony.

“Really? You say that, and yet you told me two things that directly contradict it.” She tilted her head in mock confusion. “Wouldn’t the easiest option have been to just flee from Star Seeds and ignore your friends’ plight? Certainly seems a lot easier than forcing yourself to do his bidding.”

“I… I guess? But I didn’t have a choice…” This felt wrong. I was weak and lazy, was I not?

“Iron, you always have a choice. And you made an extremely difficult one. It wasn’t a good one, but it certainly wasn’t easy.” She paused for a moment to give me a reassuring smile. “And I know you can make the right choice as well, even when it’s difficult. You told me you can. You spared Platinum, even though most ponies would have killed him.”

My gut was tying itself into a knot. I didn’t deserve any praise for what I did. “But I… It was just because—”

“Shush, you know it’s true. It’s just easier to pretend like you’re weak, because it gives you an excuse for the times you’ve faltered.” She pulled me into another hug, then whispered into my ear, “But I know you’re strong enough to take the difficult path.”

“I guess…” I muttered lamely. “But I don’t know if I can do it. Cherry said he’d help me steer me into the right direction, but I’m scared of fucking up yet again, for the upteenth time.”

Pulling out of the embrace, Candy placed her left hoof on my shoulder. “I’ll be on your side, too. And I know you can do better. I know you’ll mess up, and I know things will never be perfect, but I don’t doubt that you have it in you.”

She was right. Fixing things would be hard, but using that as an excuse to not even try was stupid. But there was something else… “But what is it that you want me to do, concretely? You said I needed to become a hero, but all that brings to mind is somepony attempting things that are completely beyond their capability. Like the occasional self-proclaimed saviour of the wasteland who vow to stop slavery, but end up dead within a month.”

She shook her head. “No, Iron, there are so many other things you can do to help, especially with your skills as a fighter. You don’t have to throw yourself at any impossible or deadly challenge. You just have to do whatever’s in your power.”

“Again, do you have an example?” I asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

“There’s something very specific that comes to mind, right in New Detrot.”

“Oh?” I asked. “I happen to be headed there because my friend got captured.” Why did Lockpick just have to try and kill Star Seeds of all ponies? Well, I knew the answer to that, but that wouldn’t stop me from mentally complaining about it.

“It’s to kill the head of the whole operation. Lock tried, but I hear she failed.” Oh, fuck. “They trust you, and you can easily get near him. Without him, I think New Detrot might become a thriving town, free of slavery.”

That… that was feasible, and even something I’d considered when planning Lockpick’s rescue. The terminal controlling the cell doors had an incredibly long, completely random password that would take ages to crack. Star Seeds had made that decision when he found out about the vulnerability. Not even he remembered the password. Instead, he had a keycard that gave full access to the terminal.

I held back a yawn. Why were my eyelids getting so heavy all of a sudden? I suppose I hadn’t slept all that well. “I’ll do it,” I said, slurring my words together.

My vision started to grow darker, the film between myself and the world growing thicker. Candy seemed worried, but I was too tired to care.

Before my world turned to black, I heard Sonata say, “I’m sorry, but I cannot let that happen.”

In front of me stood Candy, the mare Iron had once admired the most and still highly respected. I had to admit, my own feelings on the matter weren’t too different. After all, I'd inherited the vast majority of Iron’s memories, including everything concerning Candy.

“What did you say?” she asked. She seemed genuinely confused for a moment, but I could tell she was slowly putting the pieces together.

She was one hell of a mare. Always willing to do what’s right. And yet, here she was, trying to convince us to do the wrong thing. “I simply cannot allow that to happen.” I clearly enunciated every word, not because I was afraid she might misunderstand, but to assert my determination. “Star Seeds’ methods may be morally questionable, but his end goal is noble. I cannot allow for him to be assassinated now that he’s already had to sacrifice this much for the greater good.”

My past self would be disgusted by the claims I was making, but I knew better now. Star Seeds really did want what was best for everypony, even though he needed to crack a few eggs first.

“What greater good?” Candy was becoming more and more upset, but I could tell she wasn’t steeling herself to take me down. She was just trying to talk.

I gave her my best reassuring smile. “To rebuild an infrastructure that could feed thousands, then tens of thousands. To stop starvation in the wasteland. To—”

“I know his plans. My question was rhetorical,” she cut me off with an annoyed look on her face.

“I was going to get to that, if you would just let me finish.” Rather, it would become self-explanatory. Unfortunately, I would have to take a different approach to convincing her. “Candy, you know how much I respect you, but that’s precisely why I don’t understand why we find ourselves butting heads. Do you simply not understand what’s on the line here?”

“Hundreds of innocents dying and thousands being enslaved for ‘the greater good’? Yeah, I think I’m very aware of what’s been happening here.” She leaned further in. “I was going to tell Iron, but I didn’t get around to it before you cut us off. The bandits that were attacking your slavers’ caravans? That was my doing.”

That explained many things. For a moment, I was disappointed to hear such a thing, but I also understood her point of view, especially if she didn’t really understand Star Seeds’ plans.

Still, if she was going to play on provoking me, I would join in on her game. “Ponies who oppose improvement are hardly innocent, you know.”

She huffed in indignation. “You’re telling me that the good mares of Skybridge, who lived off trade and farming, committed some kind of cardinal sin, just because they didn’t want to get along with Red Eye’s plans? They weren’t okay with slavery. That was their crime? Do you even hear yourself, Iron?” She furrowed her brow and corrected herself, “Sonata, I mean.”

“Why are you getting so upset? I’m just as passionate about this as you, you know? Or do you believe I enjoy the thought of all these ponies out there in the wasteland, starving?” I pointed an accusing hoof at her. “Unlike you, Star Seeds and I think about ponies everywhere, not just where we can see. We think about future generations, and how it is our duty to make sure they don’t grow up in the same conditions as we did.”

She was getting ready to reply, but I cut her off, “The crime Skybridge committed was one of selfishness. They believed that their own morals were more important than the future of ponykind. They believed themselves more important than ponies not yet alive. How is that not detestable?” I stomped my hoof on the stone brick road. “It’s one thing to be reluctant about sacrificing yourself for a stranger. But actively hampering improvement just because you don’t want it? That is actively maintaining the wasteland’s status quo.”

I took a moment to catch my breath. “Our goal is to reach a point where slavery is no longer needed. Once we’ve rebuilt, future generations will be free of our burdens. They won’t have to commit atrocities just to survive.”

I paused for a while longer, letting my words properly sink in. After half a minute, as Candy seemed to consider what to answer, I continued, “However, if we selfishly refuse to make that sacrifice, hundreds of thousands, probably even millions, will die. Future generations full of ponies who never got to be born, or died young. Or who had to murder in order to survive. You cannot wash your hooves of that.” I repeatedly pointed my hoof at her chest, punctuating each of my words.

I continued, “Say, you could easily save somepony from starving, at the cost of you going hungry for a few days. If you were to selfishly refuse, you would be responsible for their death.”

To my surprise, she seemed to already have a thought-out answer. “Yes, because it would be my bread to give.” She moved her right leg’s stump to point at herself. While she couldn’t actually do so, the intent was obvious. “But do you know the difference between that and what you and that Star Seeds buck are doing? You’re taking somepony’s bread and giving it to someone else. You’re deciding that future lives are more valuable than present ones. Why do you think you’re important enough to make such a choice?”

“Of course they are!” I shouted, annoyed by her nonsense. “Not because of some arbitrary criterion like you seem to imply, but for a very simple reason: there are more of them. Every life we sacrifice today will save dozens, if not hundreds in the future.”

She just stared at me. The tension was thick enough to stop a bullet mid-air. The fact that she couldn’t quickly find an answer was a good thing: she was likely on her last legs.

Finally, she sighed and said, “Tell me, Sonata. Why do you want to save ponies? Is it some kind of ego thing, where your only aim is to save lives, and the more you save, the better you feel? Is it like a game to you, where all that matters is your own made up metric?”

She was grasping at straws; I’d already won this debate. “What a silly thing to suggest. No, I do not feel good about myself. I have spent many a sleepless night mulling over my decisions, but I am not conceited enough to believe that my feelings of guilt matter in the slightest. I am merely playing my part in the endeavour of saving the wasteland, and in building a new Equestria.” Okay, maybe I was going a little overboard with my prose there.

Unconvinced, she raised her eyebrows. “Maybe your feelings of guilt are there to show you that what you’re doing is wrong?” she suggested with a frown.

I just rolled my eyes. “They are but a natural response to causing harm to others. For evolutionary reasons, ponies do not enjoy hurting other ponies.” I’d had almost this exact discussion with Star Seeds during one of our many long talks, so I knew exactly what to say. “Furthermore, as a species, we strongly prioritise the short term over the long term. However, we are also capable of critical thought and self-reflection, unlike most other living creatures.”

I placed my hoof on my chest while I continued, “And, on top of all that… when I think of a future where hundreds or thousands have died because of my inaction, I feel just as guilty, if not more. Regardless of my actions, I am responsible for one atrocity or another. Ignoring the future for the sake of the present would be naught but sticking my head into the sand and pretending the problem does not exist. We have to look forward, Candy. While the future does not appear bright, it is our job to shine a light on it. Our duty.”

Unfortunately, even though I’d already won, Candy wasn’t accepting defeat. “You don’t even stop to wonder whether or not this new Equestria, built on slavery and murder, is a solid end goal. Do you really think you can just detach the outcome from what you’ve done to get there?”

“So what if we can’t?” I objected. Again, a point that I myself had made, long before realising the truth. “Do you truly believe that the ponies, many years from now, who’ll get to live in a peaceful Equestria, would throw it all away just because we used means they would disagree with?”

Candy shook her head. “Do you think those ponies would just happily forget what their happiness is built upon? Yes, they wouldn’t throw it away, but the weight of the guilt would undoubtedly create tensions. You cannot recreate the Celestia-era utopia through slavery.” The way she stared at me, I could tell she wasn’t fully convinced of her own argument. But there was a certain intensity to her glare, making me realise just how difficult it would be to persuade her.

I raised my left eyebrow and gave her an unconvinced shake of my head. “Those are but wild speculations, and you know it. Besides, even if they are to commit the same mistakes again, it is far better than not letting them live at all.”

That, however, seemed to be her tipping point. “You’re still pretending like you can just pick and choose who gets to live, like you’re some kind of grand saviour! You’re acting like the inherent right everypony has to life itself is something for you to decide.”

“Of course it isn’t! It’s up to Lord Red Eye, he’s the one with the plan,” I countered quicker than I meant to and without thinking it through. Damn it, she was getting to me. This wasn’t even that good of a rebuttal; it came off as fanatical rather than rational.

“Weren’t you just talking about not wanting to stick your head in the sand? By blindly following orders and pretending somepony else knows better, aren’t you doing just that‽” Now that she could tell she’d regained some ground, some of her anger turned to confidence.

I wanted to scream at her to shut her ignorant mouth, but I couldn’t just let myself go. My reaction was clearly proof that there was something to what she was saying, but what was it? And how would I go about disproving it? “Hmm. I suppose you might not be completely wrong,” I grumbled. I took a moment to calm down, racking my brain for a counterpoint.

Finally, after maybe a minute of thought, I came to the realisation that she was actually correct. I was sticking my head in the sand. I didn’t have the right to decide who lived and who died; sheer numbers didn’t make my actions just. “You have a point. For the sake of argument, let’s assume there is such a thing as a universal right to life. In that case, I obviously do not have the authority to waive it in the place somepony else.” And yet… the greater wrong was letting ponies die, and that guilt was not something I wanted to live with.

Her mouth fell open in shock, while cautious optimism slowly started to light up in her eyes. Before she was able to reply, however, I continued, “However, I am willing to take this authority by force. Even if that makes me a horrible pony in the eyes of many, I am willing to endure it for their sake.”

Her face contorted in a scowl, and she stomped on the ground with her one front hoof. “There’s that ego talk again. What do you think yourself as, some kind of saviour to be worshipped? Or maybe a martyr, tragically misunderstood?”

“Don’t you dare make light of my resolve! I don’t care if everything I do makes me evil; I’ll march into hell with a grin on my face, and I’ll kiss the mare who doomed us all, Luna herself. For even if I’m not any better than her, I’ll be proud of my achievement.” I was angry, yes, but inside me burned a determination far brighter than fury.

“You speak of resolve, and yet you’ve never done anything yourself. It all came down to Iron.” On her face I saw something I would have never expected; a disgusted sneer. It hurt more than I wanted to admit, but that hardly mattered right now.

All that mattered was the future.

“You think that means anything? Just because I’m not a skilled assassin doesn’t mean I don’t have the resolve necessary to pull through!” I shouted back, tears threatening to well in my eyes. Why did it hurt so much?

“Well, fucking prove it.” She took a step forward and lifted her neck. “Kill me here and now. Thrust your horn into my jugular and get rid of the evil bandit who’s been opposing slavery.” She tapped the side of her throat. “Come on, show me you have the guts to kill me and just thrust forward. One quick shove, and all your troubles melt away. Sure, you’ll leave Moonwing without a mother, but what’s one more sacrifice on a mountain of corpses?”

My brain couldn’t process the situation fast enough. What the hell was going on? Would it really be as easy as that?

Candy continued to taunt me, unwilling to give me a moment to think. “Oh wait, are you maybe scared of getting blood in your mane? Lemme help with that.” She lifted one of her back legs and took off the metallic shoe. From inside, she produced a tiny knife. “I keep this on me in case I need to cut something. It’s dull and useless in a fight, but it’s more than good enough to cut rope.” She tossed it in front of me. “It’s also more than good enough to prove your resolve.”

While I picked it up with my telekinesis, wincing at the pain in the side of my horn, she continued, “If you still need motivation, know that I’ll come after Star Seeds myself if Iron can’t take him out. I’ll build a team, and we’ll burn New Detrot to the ground. And you know damn well Iron won’t fight me anymore, so you can forget about her saving your flank.”

I took a step forward and pressed the tip of the blade against her throat, giving her my smuggest grin. “Is that really all I have to do to get you off my case? Do you really think I would back off just because of your stupid little guilt trip?” Why did it hurt so fucking much?

She just sneered. “I know you won’t do it. You’re just a scared, indoctrinated filly, and Iron is more of a mare than you could ever hope to be.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked as I exerted more force on the knife.

However, even as the dull tip pushed stronger and stronger into her throat’s hide, Candy bore an expression that chilled my blood. There was not a hint of fear on her face. It was as if her entire being screamed “You can’t.”

But I could! If I let her live, she would do everything to undo my work. If I couldn't even kill her, what good was my conviction? Just one more shove, just a bit more strength!

…

I fucking couldn’t. I tossed the blade aside and listened as it clanged off the stone. Was that really all it took? Was I really that fucking pathetic?

Tears streaming down my face—how long had I been crying?—I just lay down, covered my face with my legs, and closed my eyes.

It would be up to Iron to change the wasteland. With Candy, maybe she could. She would need to know everything I knew. Then, she probably wouldn’t have it in her to kill Star Seeds.

Author's Note

Obvious Project Horizons reference is obvious.
Also i
i completely fucked up and published chapter 33 earlier today, instead of 32. Hopefully no one actually read it.
New rule: don't try to publish a chapter before leaving for work.