An End and a Beginning

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’d completely misjudged Star Seeds’ ability to defend himself. I paced around my cell, having my daily breakdown. Things were going so well, and then—

Suddenly, Gloam climbed out of a shadow near the door. The look on her face told me that things still weren’t going my way. “Master…” she mumbled. I’d gotten her to stop calling me that in most normal situations, but she occasionally slipped back into the habit when I was disappointed, angry, or sad.

I had to admit, when I was in one of those moods, I would rarely ever correct her. Was it just that I couldn’t be bothered, or did I simply enjoy it? After all, it reminded me that I was in control of at least one thing. Whatever it was, I couldn’t blame her for the habit.

I sighed. “Still no luck, I take it?”

Gloam shook her head like a filly who’d broken an expensive plate.

“Then keep trying, what else do I keep you around for?” I spat in a cold, bitter tone. Part of me revolted at my own words, but I ignored it. I wasn’t in a good spot right now, so if I had to lash out to stay sane, so be it.

Barely managing to hold back tears, Gloam disappeared again.

Deep down, I knew none of this was her fault; Star Seeds clearly knew about shadow magic, and he’d made sure to light up every single square centimetre of the town hall. Gloam had told me how difficult it would be for her to get around that building, but I figured it would all work out in the end.

I’d snuck into his office by taking a path that the guards didn’t expect—by means of locked doors. At the end, I told Gloam to stand sentry while I took care of Seeds. That was my big mistake: thinking I could take him on alone.

I’d been convinced he was just an elderly pen pusher with no way to actually defend himself once you got past his goons. Instead, before I even got to point my gun at him, I was knocked out by his anaesthetic spell.

By the time Gloam realised something was wrong, Star Seeds had already called the guards. While Gloam was definitely willing to lay her life down for me, she was also clever enough to avoid a fight she could not possiblywin.

So, I was taken to the dungeon. They called it a jail, but it was underground, cold, and damp, so it really couldn’t be compared with pre-war prisons. So, it was a dungeon.

There was only one prisoner apart from me; a ghoul buck who’d clearly just been left here to rot. I tried chatting him up a few times, but he was out of it. Most of the time, he was mumbling on about his village and how much he hated breathers. I didn’t know much about ghouls, but even I could tell he was less than a hoof’s width away from going feral.

The dungeon itself was fairly simple. It was a repurposed metro maintenance room. All they’d really added was steel bars, forming about a dozen cells. Despite the simplicity—or perhaps because of it—the cages were very sturdy. They could probably even hold back a griffin or three.

The worst part: they didn’t have a lock. No, they each had advanced electronic locks connected to a central terminal. Unplugging them had no effect—Gloam had tried on my behalf. They were solid enough to make brute force intractable unless somepony was strong enough to break the cages themselves.

An option to break out would have been a hacksaw, but I doubted I’d be able to cut away enough of the bars by the time the guard came by again. Provided Gloam even managed to find one. I doubted it was all that difficult, but with this town, I preferred not to make assumptions.

I’d had a lot of time to think about how the cages were secured, so I couldn’t help myself. I’d encountered locks like these before; usually employed by high-security companies all around Equestria. They shared an encryption key with a terminal, and the only way to get the lock to open was to send a signed and encrypted message to it through a parallel bus. In principle, the locks themselves were undefeatable. However, the mechanism that made them strong was also their weakness: reliance on an external system.

This essentially meant that those locks could be broken into if one managed to beat the security of the terminal they were attached to. Simple enough, in most cases. Sometimes ponies had annoyingly hard to crack passwords, but usually not.

Too bad that Star Seeds was clearly aware of this flaw. The password on the terminal was over three hundred characters long—if my basic estimations were correct; I couldn’t see the terminal, after all, so I had to rely on what Gloam relayed to me.

Of course, nopony sane could remember such a long password, so I knew Star Seeds needed some way to store it. It took me a while to figure that out, but I eventually remembered the keycard he’d put into his vest after his Talon unceremoniously threw me into the cell.

After that, security around the town hall had drastically been increased, doubling the number of guards and attaching alarms to certain doors. Try as she might, even Gloam didn’t manage to make it into his office or personal quarters in the… ten? Fifteen? Days I’d been stuck here. I was starting to go insane.

Her current orders were to kill Star Seeds and hopefully find the keycard on him. There was a chance he kept it in his office, given that it too was heavily guarded. If she managed to find an opportunity to get inside without being noticed, all the better.

Technically, the safe option would have been to order Gloam to first search his room and his office, and only kill him if that didn’t bring results. However, I was decently sure he would have that thing on him; besides, I really wanted the fucker dead. Not to mention, getting into his office was ninety percent of the effort now.

Oh, I was pacing again. I really was going to go insane in here, wasn’t I?

I pulled on my cigarette as I nervously waited. No doubt, it was the only thing preventing my stress from eating me up from within.

New Detrot’s town hall was a lot more heavily guarded than I remembered. I couldn’t fault them for that, given the attempt on Seeds’ life. Even my EFS seemed to pick up on the atmosphere, given that some of the bars occasionally flashed red. Well, most likely it was just a glitch with this particular model, especially since my gut feeling wasn’t screaming at me that I was in danger.

I’d long deliberated what to do first; to find Lockpick, or to deal with Star Seeds. I knew I wouldn't be able to free her without the keycard that Seeds carried on him at all times; I was aware just how over the top the security measures were. Sonata and Seeds had discussed them at length. I couldn’t exactly blame them; the electronic locks were easily scavenged from all across Old Detrot, and setting up the terminal didn’t take all that long either. So why wouldn’t they want to make sure their prisoners don’t escape?

On top of that, I didn’t know the exact location of the cells. The only thing I knew was that it couldn’t be on the blue line, as that one was kept as a secret passage for those in the know. In fact, Seeds had a locked trapdoor in his office that led into it. It only opened from inside, though, so it was more of an escape hatch than anything.

So I would definitely need to deal with Seeds before I got to free Lockpick. However, I didn't know where exactly the prison was, and finding it in the chaos that would ensue Seeds’ assassination would be a challenge. It was somewhere in the metro, yeah, but Sonata had never learned the exact location. Rather, she didn’t care about that little detail; she had no reason to.

However, if I started walking around the New Detrot underground, I’d definitely be spotted by the prison guard. There was a small chance he’d accept a good excuse from me, but given that everybody in New Detrot knew I’d left a few weeks ago, he’d likely ask questions. If Seeds found out I went to see Lockpick before him, he might catch on.

On the other hoof, if I went to talk to him first, it wouldn’t raise suspicions. So, my plan was simple; talk to Seeds, find Lockpick’s cell, go back to stab Seeds in the back.

He was taking a long time to get to me, though. The guard—an earth pony security officer from Stable 4—had informed Seeds of my presence ten minutes ago. Was he perhaps onto me? No, couldn’t be. He was just a busy buck, as usual. Hopefully. If he knew, he wouldn’t let me just sit outside his office, right? Besides, it was starting to get late, no doubt he needed to finish some paperwork before the end of the day.

It took another five minutes of anxious waiting before the door to his office finally opened. Star Seeds stepped out and gave me a bright, confident smile, contrasting starkly with the dark rings under his eyes. “Sonata, what a nice…” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re not Sonata, are you?”

I shook my head, trying to keep my disappointment hidden. Most ponies who knew one of us well were able to tell when the other was in control, so it wasn’t really a surprise that Seeds could distinguish between us. It would have made a few things easier if he didn’t notice, but I hadn’t been counting on it.

His face relaxed a little, but confusion was still apparent on it. After briefly looking me over, he said, “Well, why don’t you come inside? Feel free to leave your belongings on the bench.” Great, he was onto me. If I refused, he’d grow even more suspicious. Maybe there wasn’t anything more to it, and he was just making the offer? I couldn’t risk it.

I couldn’t hesitate for too long, so I started unstrapping my saddlebags and weapon holsters. I really didn’t want to be alone with him without a gun. I was far from a pushover without my weapons, but he clearly outclassed me in terms of magic. I probably had the upper hoof in a physical brawl, but not by much. I was taller and about thirty years younger than him, but I was also a twig with no muscle mass whatsoever. I did have the advantage that I had soaked up a sizable amount of radiation. Enough to save me from a bullet wound or five, but not so much as to make me nauseous.

After I haphazardly piled up my things on the bench, I followed him into his office. I sat down in a chair across from Seeds’, while he filled and turned on the electric kettle.

“So, Iron, what brings you back to New Detrot?” he asked in a calm voice, lacking any of the mockery I was used to from him. Although his tone still wasn’t as warm as when he talked to Sonata.

Seriously, it creeped me out how close those two had gotten. They almost had a father-daughter relationship going—hell, Sonata had actually called him dad—and I’d been completely left in the dark about it until now.

“In part, I did hear about my old friend getting captured, and I wanted to take her off your hooves.” I waited for him to sit down before continuing, “But when I arrived here, I noticed a certain feeling of… duty, I guess? Perhaps ‘guilt’ would be more appropriate of a term. I feel like I still have things to make up for.” It wasn’t a lie, just not the entire truth.

That took him by surprise, and it took him a moment to formulate a response. “That’s… unexpected. I always thought you would run away the moment your friends were free. When it turned out that you left Sonata in charge, it was such a pleasant surprise for me.” He slowly nodded as he talked. “Of course, when you changed your mind, I wasn’t expecting to ever see you again.” But you also claimed to know I’d come back eventually, didn’t you? I pushed the thought aside. Though his words clearly painted the image that he had of me, they still weren’t provocative in the slightest.

That was too weird. “Okay, sorry to cut the polite conversation short, but why are you all of a sudden being… normal to me? I’m used to you being a giant dick to me at all times.”

“Frankly? I’ve grown to respect you, Iron,” he said without a hint of sarcasm.

My jaw dropped low enough that a bloatsprite could have made its nest in my mouth. I remembered what he’d said about me to Sonata, but this was completely beyond anything I would have imagined.

Star Seeds chuckled. It was a weirdly kind laugh, in stark contrast to the arrogant snickers I was used to from him. “I suppose you wouldn’t have noticed since I rarely directly gave you orders, but Sonata told me everything about you. How you felt about your orders, what you’d gone through, and what you wanted. What you were willing to sacrifice.”

He glanced over at the kettle, then back to me. “When I first met you, I saw you as just another raider, with convenient shackles in the shape of a family. Your skill certainly impressed me, but I had no reason to give you credit for it.” He shrugged with a wistful expression that I’d only seen in Sonata’s memories. “Over time, your actions accumulated, and I started to be more and more grateful. Couple that with the understanding of what you’d been through, and I've been meaning to thank you for a while now. I was planning to do it after I set you free, but I didn’t get to see you after Sonata’s takeover of the stable.”

What in the everloving fuck? Yeah, I’d seen him act kind in Sonata’s memories, but getting used to it in the flesh was a wholly different experience.

He looked me straight in the eye with a genuine smile and extended his hoof over the desk. Hesitant, I took it, and he shook mine. “So, thank you, Iron, for being such a good help,” he said.

The scariest part was that he genuinely seemed honest. I didn’t have any of the usual alarm bells going off. Still, I couldn’t rely on gut feeling alone. “Sorry to break the moment, but… are you trying to butter me up or something?”

Again, this got a genuine laugh out of him. “I can’t blame you for being wary, but no. In all honesty, I’d prefer it if you stayed away from New Detrot, at least for the next few years.” Now he was making even less sense. Why would he not want my services? “You’ve done your part for now, and deserve the normal, happy life you’ve been dreaming of. If it was just you, I wouldn’t particularly care about what you choose, but I’ve grown to care about Sonata. Enough to know that I wouldn’t want her to sacrifice her entire life for the cause. Not before she’s had a chance at a normal life, however short it may be before Unity needs her to pick up her duties again.”

Star Seeds got up and lifted the kettle, even though it wasn’t boiling yet, and poured a cup for both himself and I. This was because his favourite tea needed to be brewed at eighty degrees, or it would taste bitter. I hated that I knew this. I hated that I knew this horrible, horrible buck so well.

After one sip, he said, “Take it from the pony who’d profit the most from keeping you around. You’ve done enough, and your debt to the wasteland is paid off.” But it wasn’t; what I’d done had added to my moral debt, not removed from it. I still needed to kill him, but I was beginning to doubt if I could even do it.

He sighed and added, “I can’t believe I’m growing sentimental enough to say something like that. Would you do me a favour and make sure that Sonata does not know about this conversation?” I just nodded. I had no idea if I could do it, but I didn’t need to tell him that.

After a minute of silence, I finally found a topic I could explore that wouldn’t reveal my original purpose for coming here. Hopefully it would still push the conversation in a favourable direction. “Well, I feel bad for the ponies who can’t leave New Detrot until it’s ready. If I can help have those restrictions lifted sooner, I’d like to do it.”

He smiled, but shook his head. “At this point, we have everything we need. We just have to wait for a few harvests, and then the workforce should be able to manage itself. After a year, maybe a year and a half, I’ll start paying ponies more fairly.”

That… really wasn’t all that bad. They’d be safe and relatively free for that time being. Maybe if I explained all of that to Candy, she’d understand. After all, she knew there wasn’t all that much we could do to fix Stable 4’s social hierarchy. Star Seeds, on the other hoof, could do it. And he would, provided he wasn’t lying to me. But at the same time, there wasn’t really any reason for him to lie.

We sat in silence as we finished our respective cups of tea. I didn’t have anything to say, still deciding whether or not I should let him live. Ultimately, he just wanted the best for everypony, even if the path he took was bloody. Killing him now would make it all for naught, and potentially even make everything worse.

But refusing to do so would make Candy unhappy. Even if I were to convince her that killing him isn’t necessary, she might still see it as me lacking the conviction to do better.

Noticing that I’d finished my tea, Seeds gulped down the rest of his cup as well. Standing up and heading towards the exit, he said, “So, how about we pay your friend a visit? I trust you’ve heard the news about Lock?” I nodded. “Good, good. She seemed to really want revenge, so talking some sense into her might not be the easiest thing in Equestria.”

I got up as well. “I’ll… take care of it.” Now would be a good time to kill him. Without any proper tools, it would be messy. However, with his back turned on me, I’d have the time to break his horn before he got off any spells. A good hit with that kettle and off it would go. Unfortunately, it would alert the guards, which in turn would make my life a lot more complicated.

On our way out, he motioned towards my bags and holsters, and I picked them up. Good, that would give me an opportunity later on. I still didn’t know if I was going to do it, and in fact was leaning towards leaving him alive, but I couldn’t stop looking for opportunities.

We left the town hall and started heading towards the metro’s entrance, the Foal Junction station. For a brief moment, I saw one of the white bars on my EFS turn red. Given how dense the town was, I just brushed it off as a minor malfunction. It was probably caused by somepony getting mad at something. This town was almost as dense as a stable, and this PipBuck’s EFS ranged further than the alpha’s.

So, I went back to thinking about what I needed to do. If I did let Star Seeds live, I’d also need to convince Lockpick not to hate me. Maybe I could just explain to her that it really wasn’t his fault. Platinum was to blame here, really, not Star Seeds. Though that opened the other can of worms. There was no way she’d accept that I’d let Platinum get away.

We took a shortcut through a dimly lit alley; the kind whose rancid piss smell was so intense that years of scrubbing wouldn’t get it out of the pavement.

The question remained whether or not to let him live. I didn’t need to kill him, and wasn’t that what I’d promised myself when I’d spared Platinum? That I’d avoid senseless violence if I could? Surely, Candy would—

I was snapped out of my thoughts by sudden, rapid and hostile movement on my EFS, right behind me. I turned around, but didn’t see anypony. The bar went to my left, and I didn’t have time to look its way before I felt cold steel plunge into my neck. A split second later, it was pulled out, and my vision immediately went dark.

I didn’t even have time to lose consciousness as I felt Star Seeds’ body drop on top of me. My next sense to go was hearing, as the ringing in my ears grew louder and overshadowed the town’s ambient noise. Then, everything grew quieter. I was cold.

For the first time in almost three weeks, I was glad to see Gloam. The moment she appeared from the shadows, I noticed that she had blood smeared in several places, with a huge grin on her face. She’d done it! I was so proud of her.

It didn’t surprise me when she levitated a yellow keycard out from her jacket and swiftly swiped it through the terminal’s reader. A few keystrokes later, the lock on my door let out a mechanical click, and I was able to push it open.

The first thing I did was give Gloam a long, heartfelt hug. I felt guilty for the many times I’d snapped at her, but I was also so, so, grateful that she finally got me out. I could have kissed her!

Wait, why didn’t I just do that? I pressed my lips against hers for just long enough to be a proper kiss, but short enough to not lose track of time. This was the first reward I’d given her in a while, so I had no doubt it would have the desired effect. “I’m so proud of you,” I whispered in her ear.

We quickly took out my belongings from the nearby metallic closet—it being secured by a regular, albeit high grade, lock almost felt like an insult. At least compared to how complex the cells’ were.

Making my way to the room’s exit, I said, “Now, the question is how do we get out of here. I assume you took out Seeds? Did anypony ring the alarm? What time is it?”

Leaving during the day would have us pretend like we’re just regular travellers going on our way and hoping nopony recognised me underneath my clothing. If we managed to leave before anypony discovered the body, we would probably be fine. Then again—

Gloam replied before my thoughts could get too wildly carried away. “I killed him nearby, as well as one of his guards. Nopony’s found the bodies, I don’t think, since it was already dark.”

I nodded to her and started walking towards the metro station.

The time would make things a little bit more difficult, but would give us different opportunities if we played our cards right. Leaving through the main gate at night would be entirely too suspicious, so the best course of action would be to find a poorly guarded spot in the wall. Kill the sentry, get onto the wall, jump down, and leave anywhere. They wouldn’t really know what to look for, or even which direction we’d left in—provided we could find paths without any fresh snow.

Escaping to the outer part of the green metro line seemed like a good idea. It would give us a reliable place to hide out during the day so that we could walk at night. But then again, it was too obvious. All it would take was one group of Talons searching the metro. For all intents and purposes, it was a closed tube; a trap. And they’d likely send a bigger group of them there.

Instead, heading east seemed like a better idea. I knew there were enough little villages, filled with small cots and huts, that we could hide in. If they didn’t know we went east, they simply didn’t have the ponypower to search all of that. Or I suppose it would be griffinpower? Whatever.

“Okay, listen here, Gloam.” Her ears perked up, but she didn’t turn around. “We’re gonna hide Seeds’ body to buy some time. Then, we’ll kill a guard and do the same with their corpse before escaping where nopony can see us.” I saw her nod, then I asked, “How close exactly were they? Do you think you could get their bodies into the metro without being noticed?” Another nod.

I let out a pleased hum. “Good, good. I’ll look around for a side room we could toss them into. Something locked and unused.” Should be easy enough. “What about the guard near the metro’s entrance?” No doubt, we would run into them soon.

“He’s still there. You didn’t tell me to kill him, so I didn’t,” she said in a meek, apprehensive voice.

“No, no, that’s good. Did you figure out their shift changes like I asked you to?”

She nodded. “Four times a day. The last shift change must have been less than an hour ago.”

“Perfect. You go kill him, and I’ll figure out what to do with the body while you grab the other two.” This was working out better and better. As long as we didn’t waste too much time hiding the bodies, this would be great for us in the long run. Once the change of shift happened, they’d grow suspicious, probably even check the prison.

But what would they do if they noticed I’d escaped? Immediately sending everyone out on a search would be unwarranted, so they’d try to find Star Seeds first. It would be an issue if they assumed I’d kidnapped him, but the ensuing chaos would still work to our advantage.

Even though we couldn’t stop them from looking for us, this was a good way to buy a period of certainty during which we wouldn’t have to worry about hiding from fliers. We’d be able to move much faster.

Perfect, things were going great. “Oh, and Gloam?” I paused for a moment. “Don’t forget to cover the bloodstains with snow. Doesn’t have to be super thorough, just make sure it’s not obvious.”

I locked the door to the dungeon as I started walking back. I’d booby trapped it so that it would make a lot of noise when opened. After the rest of my preparations, I decided to come back here and open the ghoul’s cell. I was fairly certain he’d lost the rest of his sanity and wouldn’t miss an opportunity to jump whoever woke him up.

With the door trapped, I was sure that the next pony who’d open it would have to deal with the nice surprise of a feral ghoul trying to tear their throat out.

Before that, I’d tossed the guard stallion’s corpse into the station’s electrical closet, locking it behind me. I couldn’t tell how good that was for a hiding place, but it was the best I’d been able to find in my limited time. Soon enough, I arrived back at the underground station, where I saw Gloam waving me over, two unmoving forms at her hooves.

I had a bad feeling about this. Maybe it was something about the bodies, or the way they were lying, or their mane colours—

My heart skipped a beat, and then another, and a third. I thought it would stop when I realised just who one of the bodies was.

No, no, it couldn’t be. That armour was nothing like what Iron would ever wear. And she’d left town before I even got here, so it couldn’t be her. She had no reason to come back.

And yet, no matter how much I tried to convince myself it was impossible, the feeling didn’t go away. Even Gloam seemed to have picked up on my worries and looked anxious. With every step I took, I was expecting to notice a detail that would undoubtedly prove this wasn’t Iron. No, expecting wasn’t the right way to describe it.

I was hoping this wasn’t Iron.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I broke into a sprint. This couldn’t be the end, it just couldn’t!

And yet, it was. In front of Gloam, on the station’s cracked vinyl flooring, lay Iron. Unmoving. The fur on her neck was soaked with barely dried blood. Even her armour, black as it was, was dripping with her own blood.

I lifted my gaze towards Gloam, who was now utterly terrified. “What did you do, Gloam?” I asked in the calmest tone I could muster. It came out as cold and hateful, but I hardly cared. Maybe she had an explanation.

“I…” She looked at the ground. “I…” She sat down. “I…” She met my gaze again. “I…”

My face must have shown just how little patience I had for this right now, because she quickly muttered, “I killed Star Seeds, as well as one of his guards, I-I think. P-p-probably.”

“You killed my best fucking friend, that’s what you did!” I was screaming. Any and all concerns for stealth were thrown out the window. It didn’t matter if I was caught. Nothing fucking mattered!

Gloam tried to back up, only to trip on Seeds’ corpse. She tried to mutter an apology, but I wasn’t having it. “You killed Iron! Not some random fucking guard! What the hell are we gonna do now? What did we come all this way for‽” I didn’t care about what I was screaming. I just wanted to scream. I didn’t want to think. Thinking would only lead to pain.

Standing over Gloam, I raised my hoof to strike her, but as she hid her face, another wave of emotion hit me. What the hell would it bring to beat her? Wouldn’t fucking bring back Iron.

Why was I even mad at Gloam? She didn’t know what Iron looked like. She had no reason to avoid killing her. Of course Gloam hadn’t asked, but I knew her! I should have told her. I shouldn’t have waited for her to ask.

Yeah, I couldn’t predict this situation, but it was still my fault Iron was dead. If I’d just talked to Gloam from time to time, if I’d just told her more about myself and my life, she wouldn’t have made this mistake. If I’d just treated her like a pony instead of a slave, none of this would have happened.

I turned around and let myself fall into a lying position, my head resting on Iron’s corpse, tears falling onto her blood-soaked barding.

But then, the impossible happened. She groaned. I jumped back, landing on my rump before leaning forward again and taking another look at her. The world seemed frozen for just a few millennia, but her chest rose ever so slightly.

I turned towards Gloam and asked in a panic, “Where’d you stab her?”

Confused and teary eyed, she tapped the side of her throat. Sure enough, I quickly spotted the wound on Iron’s neck. No, that wasn’t a wound. Her fur was missing along a thin line, no more than four centimetres across, and the flesh underneath was pink and raw. But there was not even a scab on it.

My mind raced in every direction at once. She lost a lot of blood. How did she survive that? Could I save her? What about Seeds? Was Iron still in danger? Where were my healing potions? Where was her wound? I needed a doctor. Would a healing potion even help her? I would save her. She was so cold. Had it been the armour that saved her?

I bit the inside of my lip hard enough to draw blood. Shut the fuck up! I screamed at my own mind. Plan, I needed a plan. “Gloam, light a fire and wrap her in as many warm layers as you can. I’ll fetch a doctor.” I started cantering towards the exit before adding, “And hide Seeds’ body in the electric closet when you get the chance.”

With that, I ran off towards town before she could even reply. Nopony stopped me as I sprinted towards Radheart’s house. All I could do was hope that she still lived there.

I knew Radheart was off her shift already. There was likely still a nurse in the clinic, but I trusted the ghoul more than some barely experienced nurse.

Finally there after a minute-long gallop, I hammered on the wooden door with no restraint in the slightest. Within a few moments, Radheart opened the door, big first aid saddlebags on her flanks. “Who’s hurt, how, and where?” she barked.

I didn’t bother asking how she knew why I was here. It was obvious. “She was stabbed. Lost way too much blood. I managed to close the wound.” Panting, I was probably hard to understand. “Metro station,” I added when I realised I’d forgotten to mention that detail. Thankfully, the station itself was small enough that this was all she would need.

“Who? Resident or not?” she insisted, marching past me.

“Does it matter who? Are you just gonna let her die if—” Why wasn’t she hurrying? Why was she wasting time with these questions?

“No, you fucking idiotic filly, I just might know the bloodtype off the top of my head,” she snarled in an hurried tone. Oh.

That caught me by surprise, and I needed a few fractions of a second too many to answer, “I-Iron.”

While I was answering, she started digging in the pockets of her lab coat. She muttered to herself, “B-negative. We got none of that. Great. Gonna need to cut into the O-negative stash. Absolutely fucking amazing.”

Finally, she found the bunch of keys in one of the pockets of her lab coat and tossed it to me. Then she barked, “Clinic, first door to the right, orange key. Middle fridge, top shelf. Get two bags.” She started walking at a much brisker pace towards where I’d come from. “The nurse won’t bother you if you have the key.”

As I turned towards the centre of town, she promptly added, “Actually, get three.” With that, I sprinted off.

“I don’t know what it is that you kids were doing down here that caused one of you to need a transfusion, and I don’t want to know,” said Radheart before turning towards the staircase leading outside. “I don’t want to be involved in whatever it is you’re doing, and I’m going to leave now. If you get in trouble, say you held me at gunpoint.”

She took a few steps towards the exit before adding, “She should be fine if you keep her warm till tomorrow. If you can, have her pass by the clinic to check for any lasting damage. Given her size and how much she’s lost, those three bags aren’t really enough to properly fix her up, but she should come around.”

After she left, I leaned against Iron’s unconscious body. She was wrapped in a blanket, as well as two sleeping bags. I stayed like this for ten minutes at least, quietly thanking the Princesses for saving Iron. I’d already profusely thanked Radheart—to the point that she’d straight up told me to shut the fuck up.

Gloam was lying on the other side of the fire, her expression indecipherable. I had many things to do, but one came before everything else. “Hey Gloam?” I said in a gentle tone. She turned to me, her mood visibly lifting. “I’m sorry for screaming at you earlier. It wasn’t fair; you didn’t know about Iron. I should have told you, but I didn’t, and that’s my fault.”

Her face contorted in a grimace expressing several different emotions. Still, deformed as it was, she had a smile on her face. Tears welling up, she was desperately trying not to cry. I waved her over.

I would really need to treat her better; to treat her like a pony. This just couldn't continue. I had to stop before I became like Crow… or worse.

When she lay down next to me, gently leaning against my body, I pushed that topic aside and started to ponder my options for escape. We had to get out of here somehow, but having to carry an unconscious Iron would make it difficult. Maybe we could find a place to hide in New Detrot itself? The metro tunnels, despite all being blocked off, still had a decent amount of space in them. Surely, there had to be a place we could stay in.

Another option would be to try and get a cart, and have Gloam leave with Iron and I in the back. Would be risky, since they’d be on alert once they realised Seeds is missing. Alternatively, we could leave Iron here with a note telling her to find us in Lightford.

Maybe I could combine that plan with the one that involved staying hidden? Stay out of sight till tomorrow night, then leave and let Iron recover on her own. By then she’d be awake, surely?

I sat there for maybe an hour, paralysed by everything I had to keep in mind. I had to weigh the risks and the opportunities, and consider everything that could possibly go wrong. If I screwed this up… I didn’t want to think about it.

“Lockpick? Is that you? What’s going on? What happened?” asked Iron in a weak, lethargic tone. My heart skipped the fifth beat that day.

The radiation counter on my PipBuck was getting dangerously low. I was starting to feel drained, the symptoms of blood loss catching up to me again. On the bright side, we were finally getting close to our destination, and thankfully that place had a nice ditch full of radioactive waste. I shuddered, realising I’d just thought of radioactive waste as ‘nice’.

We’d been walking for almost two hours and were now getting close to the tiny village that acted as our base of operations. Most of our trip had been spent taking a wide berth around New Detrot once we exited the blue line.

First thing I’d done after waking up was spend a quarter hour in a pocket of radiation, hoping it would do something to help with how heavy my entire body felt. Luckily, it did, but it apparently couldn’t address the root issue.

Radiation could heal my wounds, but in the current state of my body, it couldn’t replace lost blood. Probably because my bone marrow hadn’t ‘alicornified’ yet. I didn’t know why I knew where blood was produced, but I didn’t really care.

After I was able to trot on my own, Lock and I started talking, catching up. This had kept us busy for most of the trip, but we were now walking in silence, processing what the other had said.

I learned about her time as Crow Call’s apprentice. That knowledge still chilled me to the bone, with the only silver lining being that he hadn’t laid a hoof on her. However, the part that really scared me was that I didn’t know why he’d taken her under his wing. He had to have some kind of ulterior motive. Maybe I was overthinking things, but given my experience with this vile cunt, I had good reason to.

Then, there was the revelation that Banter had knowingly betrayed us. Grace hadn’t known about it, and it hadn’t come up in my conversation with Platinum either, so it genuinely was news to me. It stung horribly, and all I could do to stop myself from cursing his name was gritting my teeth. The fact that he’d changed his mind at the last moment did help, but I still felt hollow knowing what he really thought of me. Then again, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise.

For a moment, I regretted everything I did to keep him safe, but Lock had reminded me that Platinum was the one to blame here. She was right, of course. Had it not been for that feathered cunt, things would have been resolved much better.

Well, it probably would have led to Banter insisting on ditching me. That, in turn, would have brought me back on the wrong path, which would have ended with me becoming a full-blown raider and eventually dying from an overdose, but at least these three would have been safe.

The idea that Platinum might have saved my life made me angrier than it should have, and I shook my head. Lock looked at me in confusion, but I quickly reassured her that it was nothing.

I didn’t dare admit to her that I no longer had it in me to hate Platinum for what he’d done. Not because I pitied him, and certainly not because I forgave him. No, I just didn’t want to waste any more of my life on scum such as him. He’d ruined my life up to this point, and I wouldn’t let him ruin any more of it.

Naturally, I also didn’t have the guts to tell her I’d spared him. Instead, I just said he’d gotten away. She did seem happy to find out that he would never fly again, though.

I didn’t want to think about the fact that I’d lied to her yet again, so I turned my mind somewhere else. Somewhere more positive… like Candy, or Cherry.

I’d told Lock about Cherry and what he meant to me. I somehow wound up babbling about our plans to find his family. Of course, my mood took a nosedive when I reminded myself I only had a few years left to live. Right now, all I wanted was a normal life, and this cunt in Marypony had taken that from me.

I hadn’t planned on revealing the details about my remaining lifespan to Lock. I hadn’t told Candy, so why would I tell Lock? But I couldn’t really lie to her with tears in my eyes. I’d already said so much, and I knew she wouldn’t buy any other excuse.

In fact, the first of what I’d explained to her was the whole ‘alicorn’ thing. It was only fair to start with that, given the kind of wound I’d manage to survive. Especially since my first response was to seek out a pocket of radiation.

I continued ruminating over our discussion for the rest of our walk. I couldn’t quite tell how much time passed, because I just had so damn much on my mind at the moment. However, there was one thing that kept trudging through my brain, shoving aside all other thoughts and clawing its way to the front: What Lock had told me about her meeting with Candy.

Now that I’d met Candy myself, none of what Lock had to say really surprised me, but it did hammer in a single point: Candy wouldn’t accept me in her life until I proved myself to her.

Yeah, she’d be willing to give me a second shot and help me in every way along my path to ‘redemption’, but if I wanted her to love me, I’d need to make up for my mistakes.

The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Doubts, uncertainty, and confusion were piling up in my mind. All I could cling onto was the knowledge that Candy could make me feel better. She would know what to say to silence those worries and prevent me from faltering.

When we finally arrived at our base of operations—a simple shack just big enough for all of us—we found it emptier than expected, with only a single white bar inside. I couldn’t stop myself from getting a bit worried, even though I should have known better. I knocked on the door while the other two stayed a safe distance back. I didn’t immediately get a reply, but I couldn’t blame whoever was inside; it was the middle of the night.

After I knocked again, I heard Cherry’s voice from inside, “Who’s there? I’m armed, so don’t come in.”

“Cherry, it’s me,” I said in a gentle tone.

I heard hoofsteps run over to the door, and a second later, it opened. Cherry practically jumped out, standing on his hind legs to hug me, pressing my face into his chest. Now that my body had mostly run out of rads to stave off the symptoms of blood loss, I found myself swaying. I was tempted to push him away for the sake of my balance, but the heat of his body and the feeling of his heartbeat on my cheek dissuaded me.

“Sweet Celestia, Iron, what happened? I was so worried. You were meant to be back before midnight,” he practically whined into my ear. It might have bothered me if I still had fully intact hearing, but not even my freaky alicorn regeneration could undo the effects of years of close proximity to gunshots.

Instead, I just pressed my cheek further into his chest as I slurred my reply, “Something came up, and I needed to change plans. Where are the others? I don’t wanna explain this twice.” I made sure to speak slowly so as to catch my breath and avoid getting dizzy.

“The others went to see if anything big was happening in ND. They should be back tomorrow morning at the latest. I stayed behind in case you came back while they’re away. I’m glad I did.” He moved his head away from me in an attempt to look me in the eyes, but the motion put strain on my neck, forcing me to tense some muscles. He didn’t notice, and continued talking, “Who are the other white bars I’m seeing?”

The edges of my vision turned black, and my ears were filled with the ever familiar ringing. The next thing I knew, I was lying on top of him, while he rubbed the back of his head with a pained expression. “You okay, Iron?” he asked.

I grimaced and gave a hesitant nod. “I just lost a lot of blood. Hard to keep my head straight.”

“What? Are you gonna be alright?”

I replied with a weak but affirmative hum. He pulled me forward, and we turned to face each other, foreheads touching. We shared a smile, and I felt all giddy. Sweet stars, how the hell did he have such an effect on me?

For a second, a silly thought crossed my mind. Whoever had created the unicorn body was smart enough to angle our horns so that they wouldn’t get in the way of kisses.

I didn’t know why, but his presence alone helped me forget about today’s stress. Maybe not entirely, but enough to have such silly, unimportant thoughts. We both sat up, and as he looked at me with those expectant eyes, I knew he wanted to hear about what had happened. Even if it meant I’d have to tell it twice.

I heard Lock clear her throat as she stepped into the shack, standing at the entrance.

I looked away, our moment broken. How was I going to tell this without worrying him? It was bad enough that I almost died, but I was afraid he would be able to pick up on my hesitation. I knew he didn’t want me to risk my life, but I’d convinced him that I needed to.

If he found out I was having second thoughts about this whole ‘hero’ business, he would keep insisting that I just stop.

I looked at him again. Worry was slowly spreading on his face. Great, there was no way I’d get away with it, was there? But then again, I needed to be open with him. “I could have killed Star Seeds, but I had second thoughts. Then, Gloam,” I pointed over at the mare hiding behind Lock, “stabbed Seeds and I. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; it’s pretty much a miracle that I survived.”

He held my gaze and gulped, waiting to see if I was going to continue. Instead, it was Lock who spoke up, “Second thoughts? Why? Didn’t you want revenge?”

I turned towards her as I sat up, wincing as the room spun. When I regained my bearings, I gave her a wan smile and said, “After Platinum, I kinda realised that revenge wouldn’t fix anything. I won’t get back anything that I’ve lost, and it won’t improve my life in any meaningful way.” Realising that my words could be misinterpreted, I quickly added, “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret what I did to that turkey, but I’d rather just focus on getting my own life back on track, especially with how little I have left.”

Then, I added with a shrug, “Besides, I never really blamed Seeds for any of this. If anything, he got me away from that bastard Crow before he managed to get into my head.” Behind Lock, I saw Gloam shiver. That explained quite a few things, though it didn’t exactly come as a surprise.

I realised that a part of me was upset at Seeds’ death, but that feeling was easy enough to ignore. Those weren’t my emotions, after all.

Lock just rolled her eyes. “Whatever, I’m just glad I got my revenge, even though I would have preferred to do it myself. But just the satisfaction of ruining his plans is good enough for me; the knowledge that he died while realising it was all for naught makes me giddy.”

She closed the door and stepped forward before sitting down next to Cherry and I. Gloam followed her, but didn’t join our little circle. After a short moment of hesitation, Lock waved her over and tapped the floor next to her.

Once we were finally all facing each other, Lock said with a smirk, “I have to admit, though, it’s really weird to hear the most ruthless mare I know hold such an annoyingly sensible speech.” She chuckled. “I just hope I’ll never mature enough to turn down some good vengeance.”

Her wording got a small giggle out of me as well, and a short but loud laugh out of Cherry. I gave Lock a sad smile. “Like I might have said before Fillydelphia, I’m tired. I’m tired of getting shot at and tired of almost dying. I’m tired of killing and tired of death. I’m tired of the guilt and tired of justifying violence.” I spoke too quickly and found the room spinning once again. I closed my eyes while I took slow breaths, waiting for my sense of balance to return.

When I opened them again, Cherry and Lock were wearing solemn looks. In that short silence, I realised I’d said the wrong thing. I really didn’t want to argue about this anymore, but I knew what they were about to say.

It was Cherry who spoke up again, “Then why did you agree to Candy’s plans? I know you wanna be a better pony, but you don’t have to play hero for that.”

I sighed. I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to think about it. It was a line of reasoning that would only lead to a bad outcome. “Well, I need to make up for the things—”

I cut myself off when I saw his glare. Damn it, why could he see through me like this? Did my resolve mean nothing? I knew I could push on; I’d always pushed on when I had to. Me having second thoughts about it didn’t mean I’d fail.

“Come on, Iron,” he said in a surprisingly gentle tone, “I know why you’re really doing this, but I need you to say it.”

Why else would I be doing this? Candy was right, I had to—

Oh. I just wanted to make Candy happy, didn’t I? In hindsight, it was obvious, no wonder he’d seen through me. I gulped, finding it difficult to admit it out loud. “I don’t want to lose Candy again.”

While he nodded, I glanced over at Lock, who was quietly listening to the conversation. When she saw me looking over, she let out a small questioning hum and lifted her head further towards me, as if asking me what I wanted. Why didn’t she have anything to say here? Then again, why would she? I was just hoping she could give me a way out.

Cherry broke the silence again, “Then ask yourself if you actually want to do this. Do you really want to spend the rest of your days playing hero? Maybe staying around Candy isn’t a good idea. Why don’t we just… leave and live our own life?” He shook his head. “I guess that’s a poor way of wording it. I’m not asking you to choose between her and I; I’ll stay around you as long as I can.”

I blinked at him in confusion, but before I could ask what he meant, he said, “I am asking you to choose between yourself and her, though.” He held my gaze for a few moments, and asked, “Do you really want to spend the rest of your life chasing an ideal that isn’t yours?”

There it was. The question that I'd been dreading. I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to admit it.

Footnote:

Perk Lost: Destined for Greatness — You’ve left the road that was paved for you, losing the benefits of your fate. You no longer gain +2 luck.