I’m All you Need

Mom, Grace, Moonwing, and I were sitting around the fireplace of a small, ruined building east of New Detrot. Moonwing was asleep, huddled underneath Grace’s wing, which was apparently one of her favourite napping spots. Perhaps it was some kind of pegasus instinct?

It was getting late enough that the rest of us were considering hitting the hay as well. We’d been quiet for a while now, so there wasn’t much point in staying up any longer.

In general, we hadn’t been very talkative over the past week. Admittedly, that was mostly my fault, given how gloomy I’d gotten. Both Mom and Grace insisted my mane had visibly deflated, but I wasn’t buying it.

The reason for my sour mood was as obvious as it was pervasive. I just couldn’t take my mind off of what had happened, no matter how hard I tried. What had I done wrong?

“Hey Mom?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“Hmm?” she replied.

“Could I borrow your PipBuck again?” It was one of the older but more common models—the same as the one I’d lost—and taking it off without the specialised tooling was very impractical.

She got up and trotted over to me with a sigh. “Are you gonna listen to that recording again?”

I simply nodded. She extended her leg as she let out another sigh. In front of me, I saw Grace roll her eyes, but she remained silent.

I levitated out the holotape and placed it into Mom’s PipBuck. The tiny speaker crackled as it played back Iron’s last message for the sixth time this week.

“Hey Candy, by the time you find this tape, I’ll already have left. I’m sorry for not telling you this in person, but I had my reasons. I don’t know if they’re good reasons, but I have to make up my mind before it’s too late. I think I just don’t want to see you disappointed in me, really.”

She took a deep, slow breath and let out a quiet string of curses. Finally, she spoke up again, “Fuck, I just can’t find a good way to say it. Maybe there isn’t one. The truth is, I can’t do this. No, that’s not it. I simply don’t want to do it. I don’t want to spend my life chasing an ideal that isn’t mine. I…”

Iron’s voice went quiet for a moment before she continued, “I frankly just want to live out the rest of my life as a normal pony. Not as a hero, nor as a bandit. Just some wastelander.”

I heard her tap her hoof on the floor as she listed off her new goals. “No killing unless necessary, no blood money, and no orders.” She paused for a moment, possibly in hesitation. “I think I can make a living as a repairpony. I know my way around mechanical engineering well enough to make myself useful like that. Or maybe I can just repair guns, since that’s what I have the most experience with.”

The PipBuck’s speaker crackled as it played back her sigh. “What the fuck am I saying? None of that matters.” There was another pause. “I’m sorry, but I have to make my own choices. I can’t go down a path that isn’t my own just to have you stick around. I’m not a hero, Candy. I’ll fix my life in my own way.

“And so, I’m not going to force you into a rough choice. I know that, whether you’d choose to leave me or stay, you wouldn’t be able to find peace. You’d probably beat yourself up over it regardless, and I really don’t want you to give up your ideals for me.” She audibly gulped. “S-similarly, I don’t want to take on yours just to k-keep you around.” She tried to keep her tone perfectly even and well enunciated, but her voice wavered as words slurred together. Silence came down on the recording, only broken by her occasional, quiet hiccups.

Over the better part of a minute, the sobs slowly quieted down, before she finally said, “I’m sorry we have to part ways so soon after finally finding each other, but I guess we don’t need each other anymore. I’m not a weak filly anymore, and you’re no longer a naïve bleeding heart. Then again, I needed you more than you needed me, huh.”

I heard another sigh. “So I guess it's goodbye for now. If we ever see each other again, I just hope I can look you in the eye.”

The recording kept playing static for a few more seconds before it finally ended. I found myself staring into space again, the silence deafening. No matter how many times I heard it, I always found myself hoping there was something more. That there was a detail I’d missed, or a sentence I’d misunderstood.

But no, Iron was gone yet again. This time, there was no easy way to distract myself from the pain. I couldn’t just keep looking for her to keep my spirits high.

Mom waved her foreleg in front of me and said, “Equestria to Candy, you there?”

I shook my head and looked at her, making sure to smile, “Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in thought.”

She just frowned in concern. After a brief staring contest, she said, “Look, Candy, I know this is hard for you, but you really need to stop listening to that thing. You need to let go, love. I tried to give you space, but you’re only hurting yourself right now.”

Grace nodded in agreement, and I felt my ears flatten against my head. They were right, I really needed to get my head straight or I’d be dragging down the mood for months to come.

“Sorry,” I replied almost out of reflex. “I just… Can’t believe how hard it is to accept. I thought…” I looked at the ground, trying to find my words. “I thought that I’d be able to give up on her entirely, but I can’t even do that. I can’t bring myself to resent her, and yet I don’t know if I can forgive her.”

It was Grace who spoke up first. “Candy, look at me,” she said. I lifted my gaze and met hers. Her violet eyes held a solemn expression that I’d only seen a few times on her. “I’ve seen you forgive bandits and raiders who wouldn’t have turned around anything about their life if they hadn’t been forced to. We just happened to take the lifeline you threw us, but without it, a lot of us would have never changed.”

I opened my mouth to rebut, not really sure what to even say, but she cut me off. “Here, you have your own sister willingly fixing her own life, and you reject it because it’s not good enough for your standards. No offence, but what the fuck is wrong with you?” She shook her head in disappointment. That wasn’t true, I… Well, I couldn’t blame her for thinking that. “That’s not the Candy I know. So either you’ve changed, or there’s more to it than that.”

Grace sighed. “I wasn’t gonna say anything ‘cause it ain’t none of my business, but I guess I shoulda, since you can’t make up your damn mind. Either stick to the fucked up way you’ve abandoned Iron and live with it, or fix this stupid misunderstanding.”

Her tone remained completely calm, not even loud enough to wake Moonwing. And yet, her words cut deep into me.

I sighed and stared at the fire in silence for a moment. I didn’t know what to think anymore. I couldn’t deny she had a point, but at the same time… “I can’t overlook the horrible things she did. She wasn’t just a simple bandit, her actions condemned hundreds. As much as I want to forgive her, I can’t just change my mind like that.”

“But do you want to change your mind?” Mom asked in that gentle tone I’d tried to emulate my whole life.

I tried to speak up, but my voice caught in my throat. I gulped and shook my head. “I can’t, not without giving up everything I stand for.”

“Bullshit,” said Grace. “You’re not the kind of person who can be defined as some kind of righteous crusader and nothing more. You told me what you were willing to do to keep her safe. Way I see it, you’re giving up on yourself by letting her go, not by forgiving her.”

I barely managed to hold in a sob and took a deep breath. Just like that, I was staring at the floor again as I muttered, “Well, it doesn’t matter. She’s gone, and there’s no way we’re gonna find her.” I ignored the part of my brain that screamed about how illogical this was. I was sure I could figure out a way to give it sense.

Mom’s voice made my ears perk up. “That’s an excuse and you know it, Candy Cane.” When I turned to look at her, she was shaking her hoof in disapproval. “Tell me, if she were right here, at this very moment, what would you do?”

I wanted to be stubborn and say that I’d leave her, but by now even I knew I couldn’t do that. I just sighed. “I’d probably hug her and find a way to talk things out,” I admitted with a slightly annoyed groan.

On the surface, I was bothered by the fact that she seemed to know better, like she usually did. This would likely end in an “I told you so”.

In reality, though, I was a little upset that I couldn’t even hold my word when it came to something as important as this. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t let Iron get away with it, and I was already breaking that promise.

However, both of those feelings were completely overshadowed by the relief of knowing I would get to see Iron again, if I managed to find her. I just couldn’t resent her, no matter how hard I needed to.

Mom gave me a warm smile and said, “Well then, let’s go. She and the other three are headed east.”

I furrowed my brow. “How do you know that?”

Her smile turned to a smirk. “I was the Head of Security in Stable 4. I had all the tags of all the important ponies. Which includes the previous overstallion, whose PipBuck Iron happens to be wearing.”

My eyes went wide, and I stood up, almost tempted to run off immediately. No, we would go tomorrow.

Grace also seemed to perk up as she said, “I’ll take the first shift so you can properly tuck in your tiny dweeb.”

Her wording made all three of us burst out laughing, which in turn woke up Moonwing.

I was lying in bed, relaxing as I waited. For the first time in weeks—since we’d left New Detrot—I was properly clean. Even before that, I hadn’t really bothered properly washing my fur. The water was a bit too cold, and the washrooms too open and drafty. Besides, soap was expensive—well, relatively speaking. Good thing we’d stolen some before leaving.

Now that I’d really washed myself, I couldn’t help but marvel at how clean I was. Had my fur always been this damn pink? Even my tail’s yellow and green looked impossibly colourful for the wasteland; like the hues themselves were prohibited from existing. In fact, this had probably been the most thorough bath I’d had since I’d left the stable.

The four of us had decided we would go the extra length to have a comfortable bath, under the pretence that it would be our way of celebrating that somehow everything turned out fine in the end.

In the living room, we had a large fire burning in the hearth. We used it to heat water, as well as to dry some additional firewood. The biggest risk about having a fire for such long periods of time was that it could potentially attract unwanted attention. Because of that, we always had somepony on patrol whenever the fire was on. Earlier it had been me, and now it was Lock’s turn. At my request, Gloam was also accompanying her.

Of course, the region was foggy enough that the smoke likely wasn’t visible from the main road, especially given how far we were from it. Lightford was a relatively big town, and with how few ponies came through here, the odds of anypony bothering us were quite low. In fact, that was the reason we’d decided to stay here for a week.

I still thought back to Candy multiple times a day, but spending time with the others managed to distract me. Cherry in particular seemed to take over my mind whenever we were together, which was most of the time. We only really separated whenever I had to go out on patrol, in the afternoon, or when he was sleeping off his own shift.

The way he made me feel was something I had only imagined until now. I’d read about it, but never really expected it would happen to me. With every passing day, I was more and more in love. Every time he brushed his tail against me when he trotted past, every smile we shared, and every kiss only caused me to fall deeper and deeper into this new, wonderful state.

I tried to keep most of that private; I was way too proud to show that side of me to Lock or Gloam. I even held it in when around Cherry, out of fear I’d be too much.

But that would change tonight. I would make my move when he came out of the bath. I’d only ever read about how that stuff was actually supposed to go. Oh, and I’d experienced a memory orb, but that hardly counted since it was between two mares.

My heart was beating faster every time I rehearsed my course of action. I was a little apprehensive—okay, more than a little—but now that we were both clean, it would be the best opportunity. Especially since we would still have hot water for after the whole thing.

I felt my face grow hot just thinking about it. What was I, a little filly? I’d done this before. Well, not under the same circumstances, but it was still nothing to blush about.

Then again, despite my… experience… I hardly understood this whole thing. Figuring out how to initiate it took a lot of thinking. The closest personal reference I had was with Crow Call and—yeah, not thinking about that. So, most of my knowledge on the matter came from books I’d read over the years. And all of them ended up skipping the act itself. Frankly, I had no idea if my plan for the whole ordeal would work. I didn’t know what kind of contingencies I’d be dealing with, after all.

Finally, I heard him open the bathroom door. I shifted around on the bed, picking a suggestive but not revealing position to lie in. Frankly, I had no idea what I was doing. For all I knew, I probably looked like a contortionist trying to fit into a tiny box—without the box.

Then, the door to our room opened, and in walked Cherry. I’d never really paid attention to it prior to our first kiss, but his gait was extremely graceful. I could just watch him trot all day.

But that wasn’t what caught my eye this time. His coat was so much brighter than I was used to, so much more colourful. Even the scars that littered his body seemed to pale in the presence of such a vibrant colour. And his mane… I’d always thought the darker bangs were just dirtier than the rest, but it turned out they really were a shade darker. He looked absolutely beautiful.

“You okay, there, Iron? You should close your mouth before something flies in,” he said with a playful ring to his voice.

“I just… You look gorgeous,” I managed to get out. “I didn’t know it would make this much of a difference.”

His face grew a smirk as he rolled his eyes. “Come on, this isn’t the first time you see me after a bath.”

“What, should I take it back?” I said, and we shared a chuckle. “But really, didn’t you see yourself in the mirror? You are stunning.”

That seemed to get to him as he finally broke eye contact, blushing—at least I was pretty sure he was; it was hard to tell on his coat. “No, it was all fogged up,” he admitted.

I tapped the mattress next to me. “Come on, supermodel, lie down with me.”

He stared blankly for a moment, and the silliness of what I’d said threatened to overwhelm me. Then, the situation finally seemed to catch up to him, and his eyes went wide, his blush only intensifying to the point that I was certain of it. He didn’t stay locked up for long, and quickly made his way onto the bed. If he was anywhere near as shy as me about this, I had a feeling why he was in such a hurry. I chuckled.

Cherry sat down next to me, and I lay against him. Now, I would kiss his neck, nibble on it, and eventually make my way downwards. But when I actually tried to do it, I found myself giving him a short kiss on the cheek, and pulling him into a hug.

I was in no hurry, but I was still annoyed at myself for chickening out at the last moment. This wasn’t difficult, so why was I hesitating?

Come on, Iron, move, you’ve been planning this all day. And yet, all I managed to get myself to do was press my cheek into his neck.

Cherry wrapped his left foreleg over my withers and started gently stroking my shoulder and chest. He kissed my cheek, then my jawbone, continuing to make his way down towards my neck.

Would it be okay to let him do all the work? I was supposed to be the one to initiate this kind of stuff, no?

Those worries melted away, as he gently kissed my neck. He then shifted away, pulling on my left leg. I took the hint, rolling onto my back before realising just how exposed that left me.

My mind raced in a panic for a moment, but when Cherry gently ran his hoof across my stomach, my thoughts were immediately quieted. I finally met his gaze, and his calm smile made me relax further. Why had I been so nervous about this? This was Cherry, the one pony who knew me best.

His hoof traced a small circle on my stomach, then made its way down to my thigh while I melted into his embrace. The feeling of his touch sent shivers down my leg, making my fur stand on end. He drew a line back up to my stomach, and as his hoof passed near my nether regions, I caught the briefest desire that it would linger.

For a moment, I wanted to guide him down there; get him to stop teasing… but I didn't. I didn't want to be in charge, I didn't want to think about what I wanted. For once, I wanted to depend on someone else. Or maybe I just wasn't sure I really did want it? Whatever it was, I stayed quiet.

His breath hot on my collarbone, he said, “You're so soft, even with all these scars.” He lifted his head, and I found myself staring into his eyes. “You are so incredibly beautiful when you smile. And I don't mean those confident or cheeky ones you usually wear, but a real, happy smile. You practically glow.”

“I—” the words caught in my throat, my cheeks burning hot with a furious blush. I was a weathered mercenary, a cruel bandit, a cold-blooded killer, and here I was, reduced to a stammering mess by my lover's words. Right now, I didn't feel like any of those things, however. I felt like an ordinary mare, spending the night with her buckfriend. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

Finally, I was able to put some words to my thoughts. “I didn't even realise I was smiling…” I really hadn't.

He continued gazing longingly into my eyes, all while drawing little circles and lines all across my body. I couldn't hold his gaze, feeling my cheeks grow hotter with every passing second.

Every time his hoof drew close to my inner thighs, he seemed to deliberately stop just before the point of no return, as if asking for permission.

I wanted him to stop teasing already, but I couldn’t work up the courage for it. Why was he being so roundabout with this? Couldn’t he just take the hint?

But why was I so shy about this? I wanted this, so why did I not dare say it? Oh, I didn’t have to say it, I could… show it. I could guide his hoof down, couldn’t I?

And yet, I was paralysed. Why was my mind making it all so difficult? Was I scared it would hurt? A little, but I could handle pain.

Just do it, please, I mentally begged, hoping it would get through to him.

But if I told him that, I’d be responsible for what happened next. I didn’t want that. Why was this such a hard decision, and why couldn’t he just make it for me? He already knew what I wanted.

If he chose for me, it wouldn’t be my fault if I ended up not liking it. I wouldn’t have to change my mind if it ended up too painful or too gross.

Because when it didn’t hurt, it instead left me disgusted, both during and after the act. But this was Cherry, not some slimy older stallion pretending to care about me; why would I feel this way?

Stars above, I was thinking way too much, wasn't I? This was supposed to be the pinnacle of what a loving relationship was, and I wasn't even enjoying it enough to stop thinking for even a second. What if I didn't really want this? What if I would hate it and end up resenting him? Airwaves had done nothing wrong, and yet I still held a grudge against her. What if it would be the same with Cherry?

Why couldn't he just make the damn choice for me? Everything would be so much simpler!

"Iron, what's wrong?" He was still gently caressing my side, but seemed to slow down a little.

Shit. I'd fucked up. I'd ruined it for him. This was the perfect opportunity, and I'd robbed him of it. After all he did, he deserved everything I could give him. I couldn't afford to be ungrateful, not with how much he meant to me.

"Iron?" He stopped touching me.

"It's nothing, I was just thinking back to a fight." I gave him the best smile I could manage.

"Iron, you're crying." Oh, that I was. "Did I go too far? I tried not to."

"It's just… I-I can't stop th-thinking.” Great, I was sobbing now. “I kn-know this should be our moment, but my brain is just f-full of doubts and uncertainties and—"

Cherry silenced me with a kiss, which acted as a reset switch on my mind, momentarily emptying my head. When he pulled away, he whispered, “It's alright. I’d rather wait until you’re sure. And if it never happens? I'd much rather miss out on it than have you regret it.”

I reached up and pulled him into a long, passionate kiss. What had I done to deserve such an understanding partner? I was so very glad for my choice to leave behind whatever heroic path Candy had wanted me to walk. If it meant living the rest of my short years with Cherry, then it really was the right decision.

After I broke the kiss, I looked at him and said, “Cherry, I promise I'll figure this out before my time comes. I think I genuinely want it; to go all the way with you, that is. I just need a bit more time.”

I was woken up by Cherry, as he gently prodded my chest. “Iron, get up, be quiet.”

I voiced a gentle, questioning hum as I sat up on the bed, rubbing my eyes. I stretched, my back popping in three different places.

I gave him an expectant look, and he clarified, “Neutrals on my EFS.”

As quietly as I could, I stood up from the bed and started putting on my barding. I’d recharged it with some gem packs stolen from New Detrot, but I really hoped I wouldn’t have to rely on it.

The bars weren’t visible on my own EFS yet. Cherry and I had traded PipBucks. He now had the Delta, whose EFS range was vastly superior to my Alpha model. This was in part so that he could take the second night shift as a sentry without leaving the house, but also because I wanted him to have access to SATS. I hadn’t managed to repair that chip on the PipBuck Alpha, and I knew he’d get more out of the spell than I would.

Because we let the fire peter out at night, we weren’t worried about attracting anypony to our precise location. So, it made sense that the night’s second shift went to one of the two ponies who held a PipBuck. They could just stay inside and pay attention to their EFS, instead of patrolling the streets.

So, it had to be either Cherry or I. To me, the choice had seemed obvious, but convincing him had led to some grumbles.

“Should I wake the others?” Cherry asked in a concerned tone. I couldn’t blame him, I was tense as well. We’d stayed here a week longer than originally intended, and now that choice might come back to bite us in the flank.

“Not yet, there’s a good chance the neutrals will just pass us by. Would be dumb to ruin their sleep for a false alarm.” I pulled the last leg of my suit taut and started closing the zipper, carefully avoiding any fur it might catch on. “If the bars appear on my EFS, then it’s a different issue, and we should wake them.”

I closed up my suit, and let the boot sequence run. With my help, Lock had managed to remove some of the checks it made at startup so that it wouldn’t take as long. And also, so that it wouldn’t clutter up my vision with as many pointless log entries.

Cherry and I waited in tense silence, and I pulled him into a hug. I was still groggy, and didn’t have too much to say, especially given the situation. No matter how many times I told myself it was just some travellers passing through, I couldn’t convince myself it was true. Maybe it was because I had something to lose now, but I was scared.

The fact that they were close, and that they were here at such an early time in the day rubbed me the wrong way. This level of coincidence just didn’t bode well.

Another minute passed as we waited. I’d been awake for about two minutes now. So, at most, they’d appeared on Cherry’s EFS three minutes ago. They would disappear from it at any time now. Any time now.

As if on cue, a white bar appeared on my EFS, then another, and a third. No, there was a fourth, but it overlapped with another. Stars damn it all, why did those fuckers just have to come here?

I picked up my harness and started heading to the door. “Go wake the others. Tell Gloam to flank them and back me up. And tell her to not kill anypony until shots are fired. I’ll go and wait in the street, near the crossing.”

Cherry gulped and gave a quick “Okay,” before heading towards the left side of the corridor.

Most likely, it was only a group of scavengers or traders. After all, traffic had slowly started to pick up again over the past month, so it was really no surprise. There was no reason to worry. As long as we took precautions, everything would be fine. In fact, they would simply walk past our location. However, we couldn’t afford to bank on that. I hid behind the nearest house, right next to the street leading up to ours.

If the scavs didn’t walk past, they’d probably understand if I said this is our turf. I’d bluff a bit and say there’s a dozen of us, and they would fuck off. Simple and peaceful as that. I wouldn’t have to get my hooves dirty, and I wouldn’t risk my life.

That wasn’t a worry that usually crossed my mind. I’d never really been scared of dying, at least not past the universal fear that every living creature had. Now that I’d gotten my life back, I found myself thinking about it a lot more often. I didn’t want to leave Cherry behind.

Even once the time came to… join Unity—the thought sent a shiver of disgust down my spine—I wouldn’t really be dead dead. So maybe I would still get something out of my life.

But if I kicked the bucket before that? I’d have nothing. I had real reasons to live now, real reasons to be afraid of death. Things I didn’t want to lose. The thought was especially scary now, given that I still hadn’t fully recovered. I was doing a lot better, but I could tell I was still anaemic.

The vague hope that everything would be alright started evaporating faster and faster, as the neutrals didn’t seem intent on slowing their relentless approach. Now, they were just around the corner of the road, less than a hundred metres away. I didn’t dare look.

I wanted to use telepathy to warn the others, but I wasn’t confident enough with the spell. It required about as much finesse as teleportation, and I would probably light up my surroundings if I poured too much power into it. The soft clank of metallic shoes punctuated every breath I took.

The anticipation was killing me, time seeming to stop as every second stretched out further and further. Every moment that went on was another moment something could go wrong. It took all I had to remain calm, but even then I could still almost count my individual heartbeats.

Time ticked by, uncaring for my plight. What more could I do? Had I thought of everything? Why were they heading here of all places? Would I have to kill them? Could I stop them from hurting the others? Should I just eliminate them and not take a risk?

The questions were piling up, doubts recently buried making their way to the surface. What if I couldn’t avoid my real nature? What if everything I’d felt in the past two weeks was a lie? I was just a raider, so why not solve the issue like I always had? Right now, I could simply run around the corner and gun down a few of them before they had a chance to react. Then, I could teleport behind them and dump the rest of my magazine into the survivors. Instead of reloading, I’d pick up a gun from one of the corpses, and teleport to the other side.

Of course, I had to keep the state of my body in mind. But they were four scavengers, I’d easily end their lives before I even ran out of breath.

Shut up! I shouted at my own brain. I am not doing that. I would try to talk, but teleport to cover at the very first sign of trouble. However, the tension was killing me. Should I walk out now? No, I’d wait for them to trot past, then appear behind them. It wouldn’t be a great sign of good will, but it would be a lot less risky.

Come on, turn the corner already, please stop this fucking tension! They were so close to me, only a few more steps, and—

As if on cue, a familiar voice called out, “Come on, Iron, you don’t need to hide.”

Every single drop of my blood froze in that one instant. I knew that voice. I hadn’t heard it much, but it was burnt into my mind.

All too literally. Another neutral bar flickered on, then off again.

In a panic, I swapped to explosive rounds. Turning the corner, I immediately opened fire. In a brief moment, I saw four alicorns standing in the middle of the road. A gigantic purple one, wearing some kind of reflective barding, surrounded by three green ones. The bullets were stopped by a wall of green and purple magic in what would have been an impressive display of pyrotechnics.

Before seeing if my barrage had any success, I stepped back into cover, scrambling to find the right ammo. Somewhere in my bag, I had three bullets that I’d infused with magic-cancelling spells. They’d taken ages to make, and I still didn’t know if they worked. I thought I’d have more time!

After a few seconds of rummaging around, I found two. That would buy me some time. I didn’t know where the third was, but this would already be a decent start.

Why didn’t I step out of cover? That seemed like a good idea, I had my bullets now.

When I turned the corner again, I saw the four alicorns exactly where they’d been before. I took my time to notice the warm, radioactive glow coming off from the large purple one and especially her armour. I’d forgotten that our bodies could grow when we were properly irradiated.

I didn’t understand why I’d been in such a panic before. They wouldn’t hurt me. They had no reason to. I was too useful to them. They wouldn’t even attack my loved ones.

My loved ones? Right, Cherry and Lock… I was here to protect them. My best interest would be to leave now, so that everything would resolve peacefully.

But then I wouldn’t see Cherry again… It was fine, though, because he would be okay. Something was wrong with that line of thinking. Something was wrong here in general, but I couldn’t quite put my hoof on it.

I couldn’t quite focus on such trivial things, but I didn’t allow myself to falter.

Then, I finally noticed it. The horn of the green alicorn to the left was giving off a mild glow. It took a few seconds to put the puzzle pieces together, but when I did, my raider instinct kicked in. In a flash, I aimed my rifle at her and fired a single shot.

But my world was blurry, as if I was seeing through a plastic film. Almost like I was stuck in a hazmat suit. Not even my magic was exempt from this, so the shot only hit her in the chest.

Immediately, everything grew sharp again as her spell faltered. Wait! I’d hit her! It worked!

Without anything to hamper my aim, I only needed a few fractions of a second to plant a bullet in the right one’s skull.

I immediately jumped back into cover, and a realisation struck me. They weren’t turning hostile, even though I’d just killed one of them. Maybe they weren’t my enemies?

I almost took a few steps towards them before I realised they were using that trick again. Indignation led to anger, and I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. I couldn’t even trust my own thoughts now?

I’d show them. Fuck thinking, I’d just go by instinct from now on. I chambered my other anti-magic round and started loading more explosive rounds into the now empty magazine.

The green one I’d wounded was still showing up on my EFS. Wasn’t really all that much of a surprise. Even I could probably survive a shot like that, unless it hit my heart or a big artery. So a real alicorn would have even less trouble.

Still, she’d be down for another moment, so maybe I could negotiate my way out of this. They’d probably still be willing to forgive me.

So why was I still reloading my magazine? Probably out of instinct, but there was no reason to continue. No, I had to trust my gut. I didn’t know why, but it was something I had to cling to.

I wanted to turn around the corner again. My innermost self was telling me to gun them all down, and I had to follow that voice. However, the film between the world and my mind grew thicker, my muscles heavier.

But I could think again. It was the only thing I could do, really. Why were they even here? This wasn’t part of the deal!

No, We assure you it was, said a voice in my head. Unlike the previous times, it was obvious she was not me.

We didn’t let you go because We pitied you, another voice joined in.

We allowed you to live so you could learn and be an asset to Us. Yet another one.

However, a fourth voice chimed in. Or was it the fifth? In your current state… Another three. Or four. Or five. We think you have reached your maximum potential. With every word that resonated in my mind, another soul touched mine. They weren’t fully synchronised.

Despite all the noise in my head, I took a step. We were delighted when, in your moment of need, you came to Us and subconsciously begged. If I killed another of the green ones, Big Purple wouldn’t be able to hold the shield. You let Us in, and we helped you save your buck. If I just pushed through the mental fog… Then, We realised exactly how valuable you really are. I stumbled and fell forward, well outside of cover.

They were too loud. They were a cacophony. We were a Choir. They were a house full of noisy children. We were a Home. They were a swarm of glowing bugs in the dark. We were a Sky full of stars, each contributing to the Constellations. They were the splatters of a brain on the wall, chaotic and messy. We were a Mural, beautiful in our Unity.

Some of us were focusing on keeping the New One connected to the main mind. Its tendrils rarely extended all the way to so many of Us, but for the New One it was necessary. She had already cost us so much, but she would be worth it. She would become the fourth, now that she was ready.

All she had to do was kill the two green ones, and she would be free. But where was she? Who was she? How could she move her body? She couldn’t tell.

Suddenly, one of Us dropped. A sharp blade was pushed deep into her neck. The assailant’s horn flashed purple as she poured extra strength into it, cutting open Our sister’s throat in a way that not even an alicorn could recover from. Her magic was strong, but her mind was weak, and she could easily become Our new sister. The other two blue ones would take care of her, but it would be noisy, and maybe scare off the New One.

It would be better if We cut the connection and let Our sisters handle it on their own. We let the tendril detach itself from their minds.

One of us started channelling an extreme distance teleport. We would likely lose these two if we left now, but their bodies would be a sacrifice worth making to take in the New One.

We’d already lost too much on this operation. We should have left her alone. We knew she wasn’t worth it.

No, she was. Her mind was strong enough to change Us, make Us better, but it was weak enough to always act in Our best interest.

But there were others like her. She wasn’t worth it.

We’d paid so much to get her, it would be stupid to stop now!

We would lose more if we didn’t stop this insanity now!

Even with more losses, she would be worth it! The exact way her body partially mutated meant she had a shot at changing our core. Visions of a fourth kind of alicorn filled our mind.

Pink alicorns, capable of chaining together teleports faster than anypony could aim. Sisters that could hold anti-materiel rifles perfectly still. Extensions of Us able to rip apart Our foes with telekinesis alone.

Yes, We didn’t know if it would work, but the potential alone made it a risk worth taking!

But if it didn’t work—

We cut that thought short. If it did work, We could maybe learn to reproduce that phenomenon. We wouldn’t need the Black Book. We could apply the same procedure with a stallion.

This filly was worth it, if only for the opportunity at a chance!

A gunshot, then another, followed by a third and a fourth. Their timing was mechanically precise, each shot impacting Our shield. It was the earth pony male who’d just run out of a side alley. The one We’d saved at the New One’s incessant begging.

Before we had the opportunity to bolster the spell, his buckshot broke through, shattering the shield. Thankfully, he only had one shot left as he fired it into the abdomen of a green one.

The pain was enough for her to drop just enough concentration for her, uh, me to snap out of it. I didn’t have much time. My mind was still foggy, and one of the blue alicorns had already turned her shotgun on Cherry. I couldn’t reach her from here. I’d be too late.

The teleportation spell I was putting together felt like the slowest pattern I’d ever constructed. Pieces came together at an alarmingly slow rate, falling into place like a foal’s first puzzle. And then, I had it!

I released the spell and appeared in front of Cherry. I wouldn’t let him get hurt. I couldn’t.

I found myself staring down the barrel of a shotgun. I knew it was too late. We knew it was too late. The tendril hadn’t taken control of Our sister just yet, and she was pulling the trigger.

I don’t want to die.

It hurt, but it didn’t last long.

I don’t…

Footnote:

All perks lost…