Salvation | Rebirth

Time passed, and the Equestrian National Swordsmanship Tournament was fast approaching. Wild, surprisingly even to himself, did not put all his efforts into preparing for it. Of course, he wasn’t slacking, skipping not a single training session, but neither was he dedicating nearly all his free time to it like he did in the past.

From the Royal Orphanage Martial Arts Club, he alone would be sent to the ENST, and others would be with him to cheer him on. He could feel some resentment from the others, and he knew they thought they should have been in his position. Unfortunately, despite how hard they trained, they had yet to come anywhere close enough to even have a chance at solidly beating him. Despite their silent grumbles, they did have to admit that Wild was the best that the club had, and that his victory would bring the Club a lot of prestige and fame. It was, perhaps, in some ways unfair - after all, Wild had gotten the vast majority of his training from a different club. However, no one knew it, and as far as everyone was concerned he was just especially talented, even more so than the likes of Swingblade, who actually had an appropriate talent mark.

Speaking of Wild’s friends, both Swingblade and Precision improved tremendously, and while they still consistently lost to Wild, they didn’t lose to anyone else anymore. There would come a time when all three of them would leave the Royal Orphanage for good, and then the space at the top would be open once again. Considering their performance in the last tournament where, due to their trainer’s decision, they weren’t even at the very best, perhaps the Royal Orphanage would become known for turning out excellent swordsponies, at least for a time. Swift Strike was, all in all, a competent teacher if a bit too demanding at times. Wild knew some didn’t like him, but he’d seen worse. On his scale, Swift Strike was just around neutral. Not too bad but neither all that great, at least when it came to personality and likability. Wild, however, sought to make himself stronger, more skillful, and so he listened and learned, and for having the opportunity to do so, he would gladly thank Swift Strike.

Swordsmanship was still Wild’s favorite hobby, and he loved the thrill of dueling, of trying to win in a fight, but now... in truth, other things were entering his consideration. Art Club, while not going nearly as great as he remembered his beginner swordsmanship lessons, was still good enough, especially when Artful was around. Artful had a natural talent, one that Wild would never have, but he was also patient and was willing to at least attempt to explain things, to help Wild do better. Wild suspected he would forever be behind Artful in skill, but he was alright with that. While Wild could be competitive - being as good as he was at swordsmanship being a great proof of that - he also knew when to step back, and this was exactly the right kind of situation. While he could spend more of his time studying how to paint, a great deal of which involved actually sitting down and painting anything and everything he could see, it wasn’t really something that he truly wanted. And so, he set a moderate pace for himself, and he found it just as enjoyable as being competitive.

Next was the recently-taken Carpentry Club, where he was also not anywhere near being one of the best. However, the repetition in hammering nails, sawing planks, rinse and repeat, it all was... soothing, in some ways. He lost himself amid the swings of his hammer and, once he got a hang of it, back and forth of sawing. Fifteen planks, four corner posts, a bunch of nails, and he had a crate, and each his attempt was better than the last. Longer planks, some posts, nails, and he would have a bench or a table. Just like with art, this was creation, not fighting or destruction. He was there, working, and he could see the results of his labor, and there was something... great about it. Something inspiring. Perhaps carpentry would prove to be a good part of his life. It was certainly a useful skill to have, at the very least.

Wild hadn’t yet joined more clubs aside from the Carpentry Club, but he was considering it. He still had plenty of free time that he could spare even when he took into account the time he spent with Artful as lovers and with others as friends. He couldn’t say that the friendship he had with the others was ride-or-die, but it was clear no one would abandon the other easily. Though, he suspected that once they weren’t living close together, they would likely drift away and live their separate lives. He... wasn’t certain what he thought about that. Over all the time that he had gotten to know his friends, he had grown used to their presence. Once things changed, he knew it would feel like those changes would be drastic, perhaps even in some way sudden. He... didn’t want things to change. His life now had a certain rhythm, a schedule of a sort, and disturbing it, changing it, would make him... perhaps not lost, no, but... Wild wasn’t quite ready to admit, but he was anxious about it.

Despite his desires, it was clear that the things would change. More than once, he had heard that Precision considered moving to one of the bigger cities alongside her fillyfriend Pebbles, the two of them likely going to a college or a university together. Precision, personally, rather liked math, which probably got along well with her talent, which, despite how it might appear, wasn’t all about how to accurately throw knives or other things. Swingblade, in comparison, didn’t seem to have any plans in particular, although maybe he was simply keeping them close to his chest. Or perhaps he was one of those people who thought that things would simply work out for him in the end. He might even be right, considering that Equestria was, in Wild’s opinion, paradise compared to the USA specifically and to Earth in general. When it came to Lina, her biggest desire was traveling the world, and that was where she would set off to once she reached the age of majority. In her own words, she would ‘walk all over everything that can possibly be walked on’. Wild considered that he too would perhaps travel, at least within the borders of Equestria, though he would want to have a place of his own ready before he did, something solid to return to. And finally, Jade, whenever they decided to show up, didn’t voice any plans for the future, and they were still generally quiet with others around them. Considering that they were a changeling, Wild wasn’t sure what kind of prospects they had. While proposed anti-changeling laws seemed to be at least stuck in limbo for now, being a changeling in Equestria right at that time likely wasn’t great.

As for Wild’s own plans for the future... he didn’t truly have many. Get a place of his own and a steady source of income so that he would never have to go homeless. He also wanted to live with Artful - the two of them were sleeping together just fine, and in fact very well, so Wild had no hesitation to include Artful in his plans. However, he had to admit that he didn’t have any true long-term plans that would span years. He wasn’t, in his opinion, quite ready enough to approach that topic with a clear head.

Despite all that talk of plans, Wild found that it wasn’t causing him as much anxiety as before, surprisingly. Perhaps it was because he was somewhat proactive about it, as well as because he had enough magical power that it was extremely unlikely that he would ever go without a job. He took a mental note to ask Luna about jobs available to ponies with his kind of magical power. Perhaps he would be able to earn a bit of money before he left the Royal Orphanage. He would also have to research prices so that he could roughly calculate how long his money would support him before running out. Of course, he would also take into account a rainy day fund, which he would not go without. He would not be struck by a sudden loss of home or income, not without preparations if he could help it. Wild, at least, knew that he would have a much easier time surviving out on the streets if he ever had to, and it looked like he would actually never have to go through that again. Princess Luna, after all, would very likely help him, and she was one of the rulers of Equestria. There was no one higher than her who could help him, that was certain.

Overall, Wild’s life prospects were certainly nice and bright. His life in general was also no longer monotonous, not a slog, and certainly not a fight for survival. In truth, he had honestly almost completely forgotten what it was like. And now, he felt better than ever, and that remained true even with everything that had happened to him since coming to this world taken into account. The good, in his opinion, seriously outweighed the bad, and he could certainly work with it. Truthfully, he was even excited for the future, which was not a feeling he remembered ever truly having before. Of course, he wasn’t exactly jumping with joy, but it was still enough that he managed to avoid melancholy that had many times overwhelmed him in his previous life and at the start of his new one.

Wild didn’t allow himself to spiral down, even though it required him to constantly repeat these facts to himself: things were going better, he was getting better, he was liked and loved, and he would persevere. He did not need to beat himself up for being imperfect, he did not need to scold himself for being odd and weird and not like the others. Doctor Fay, whom he continued visiting regularly, showed him that the mindset he had been wallowing in before was far from healthy and would only bring him down... if he allowed it. She reinforced the idea of control, of being able to deal with those feelings without letting them smother him and choke the life out of him.

“You are who you are,” Doctor Fay told him, “And there is nothing wrong with being who you are. What is important is how you deal with it. You cannot push yourself away, it’s impossible. So, approach yourself, look at yourself, and see who you truly are. Then take it all in, all the strength and all the weaknesses, and accept them for what they are. However, do not let this acceptance lead to complacency. Learn where you need to and, most importantly, want to improve, and then do it. You may fail, and not just once but many times, but it is worse than never trying?”

It seemed to him contradictory at first. If there was nothing with who he was, why would he change? He asked that question.

“Accepting yourself doesn’t mean being unchanging,” Doctor Fay explained, “Acceptance is knowledge of who you are. It is neither good nor bad, it simply is. And then it is up to you to decide what to do with it.”

Wild had trouble wrapping his heard around it all, but he made a promise to himself to at least try to accept himself, as odd as that sounded, as well as strive to improve himself, which was something he understood, at least on a conceptual level. Of course, there was also one piece of advice that still left him puzzled.

“Recognize what you can and can’t change. Accept what you can’t change, learn how to deal with it.”

It was longer than that, but this was perhaps the most difficult part. How would he know what he couldn’t change? Was it where he failed repeatedly or was it something else? Unfortunately, that’s not a question anyone but himself could answer.

Still, despite his troubles, he was no longer wallowing in his own misery, and it certainly helped that the amount of external stress had drastically decreased since his appearance in this new world, and it was helped along by the support network he had found himself in almost without noticing it. There was Artful’s acceptance of who Wild was, and love that Artful gave to him. There was a different kind of love stemming from Princess Luna, the first person to truly care about him since forever. There were his friends, and they would not throw him away the moment he did something odd. And then there was, of course, the entire system around him, part of which was the Royal Orphanage itself. Once again, he was reminded that he had food, water, shelter, and even entertainment, education, and healthcare, all accessible to him entirely for free.

The stress lessened, and so he could no longer truly bring himself to think too negatively about his life. Of course, it wasn’t perfect, but it was far closer to it than ever before, and now he felt as if he was breathing fresh, unstained air for the first time in his life, and his energy resembled a person’s more than a corpse’s.

In some way, perhaps, this uplift of energy could even be contributed to... certain activities he took part in with Artful. Almost every day, they had been intimate, and with each time they expressed love to each other in that day, the shadow of Wild’s trauma receded. He did not feel dirty despite having to clean up after each time because, as he found out, sex was a rather sweaty and sticky affair. He did not feel violated at all as Artful listened to everything Wild said, including when he wanted a pause, though, so far, he never wanted to stop entirely. Being intimate was so unlike being violated that Wild could hardly find any fair comparison - not that he even wanted to.

Still, despite how good he felt his sex life was for him, he still raised a question with Doctor Fay about it.

“Road to recovery from sexual assault is different for everyone,” she told him, “Some take time to grow comfortable enough with intimacy, perhaps years. Some never grow comfortable. Others throw themselves into it. From what I understand, you are not doing any unsafe practices, and there is no unhealthy relationship dynamic going on. So, in truth, there doesn’t seem to be a problem.”

“I am... glad,” Wild said with a hesitant nod, “I thought that... maybe I was too fast, but... Artful never pushed, and he, um... We are, uh, fine? I can... feel his happiness. It is... it is reassuring. Knowing for certain that he enjoys, um, the intimacy, it... makes things better.”

“That is good to hear,” Doctor Fay smiled at him, “As long as the two of you communicate and understand each other, I believe your relationship will only improve further.”

Wild nodded to that. If Artful was happy, then he was happy, because his goal was making him happy. Of course, it wasn’t the only goal, but Artful already made Wild feel like the happiest stallion in the world, and it was only right to make sure Artful knew it as well.

Winter was coming, and yet for Wild it might as well be summer. He didn’t need to worry about finding warmth, he didn’t need to worry about the food. Perhaps he could simply sit back, relax, and imagine winter as an idealized season he wanted it to be - perhaps he would sit in front of the fire, cuddling with Artful, a hot mug of some kind of drink between the two of them. They would perhaps decorate the Christmas tree - or whatever it was called in Equestria because there was definitely no Christ - and exchange presents.

Wild was, without a doubt, all giddy about it, and he was, in some ways, ready for what was to come. He dreamed of snowball fights, building snowmen, wearing scarves, and enjoying the warmth inside between feeling the bite of the cold outside.

For the first time since forever, he couldn’t wait for the season he had previously grown to hate.