The day Wild was dreading yet also was looking forward to had finally arrived. Now that political things had calmed down somewhat in Canterlot, Princess Luna made her return to the Royal Orphanage alongside her sister Princess Celestia.

Wild, after having breakfast, did his best to avoid Princess Celestia, unsure of how well seeing her again would feel like and not wishing to find out, at least just yet. He could perhaps understand why she did what she did, and she supposedly offered apologies, but... he simply wanted to stay away from her for a while. With time, the events would grow distant enough that, hopefully, he wouldn’t react too oddly to her when they inevitably saw each other again and, possibly, talk about him in length. He had not forgotten that it was Princess Celestia who initially took care of him, and it would definitely be too much to hope for that she had forgotten about him.

All things considered, it would simply be better for him to put as much distance as he could between her and himself, and so he visited the hospital wing with the intention of seeing Lina, perhaps to have a game of checkers or chess. This would serve as a nice distraction from everything. However, when he arrived, he was told she was undergoing treatment elsewhere and wouldn’t return for a few days at the very least. He was disappointed yet he also wondered if she was finally getting what she wanted - a new body. If that was indeed the case, he could only wish her the best of luck.

His own body was fine enough, and now that the scars were fading, it was becoming better by the day. Soon, the only physical reminder of his past life would be the scar on his left ear. Perhaps his eye color could count as well - as far as he could tell, the color was identical, and the pattern of fibers or whatever made up the iris of his eyes was also the same. However, there were no negative associations to be had with the color of his eyes - they were just gray, nothing terribly attractive yet nothing particularly ugly. In short, they were unremarkable, and he couldn’t remember a single instance of anyone ever commenting on them.

He considered himself fortunate for not having any serious body image issues. With somewhat grim humor, he thought that it was one thing he didn’t have to get therapy for, so that it was a small blessing. However, he knew he was not mentally well, and so he showed up on time for his therapy session with Princess Luna. In part, he was dreading it, and yet he was also looking forward to it. One day, perhaps he would fix everything that was wrong with him, and then everything would be alright. Distantly, he knew it was too much to hope for - one did not return to what they were before the trauma no matter how good the therapy would be. However, this was a thought he did not dare approach, not yet.

“Hello, Wild,” Luna greeted him as he entered the room, “Please, take a seat,” once he did, she asked, “How have you been? Just in general.”

Wild hummed for a moment, made an aborted gesture, then deeply inhaled. He had been speaking more and more, and there was nothing to fear about speaking to her, especially when she was the first person he had spoken to in this world. Everyone had so far said nothing negative about his voice despite his own dislike of it, fortunately, so at least he didn’t have to worry about that. Artful even called his voice nice, which he still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around, but... it had certainly been pleasant to hear that. It was baffling, considering that Wild was well aware that he did not sound anywhere close to nice, yet he also couldn’t detect any hint of a lie in Artful’s words. This was an odd conundrum he decided to put off until... someday later in the possibly future.

Despite the fact that speaking didn’t give him as many issues as before, he still had to steel himself in order to open his mouth and form the words he wanted to vocalize.

“It’s... alright,” he settled on saying, “Despite... everything. I am doing better,” then, without having to be prompted, he told her about what was going on: the political club he had taken a part in once, the nation-wide tournament he intended to fight in, as well as the planned visit to Canterlot. In the end, he also mentioned sexual education. It took a feat of his strength of will to admit to anything relating to the topic, but he managed it.

“I am so proud of you, Wild,” Princess Luna positively beamed at him, making him both warm inside and slightly uncomfortable at the praise, “I am glad to see you talking about such things.”

“Yes,” he nodded, “I must do it. I... can’t avoid it. It is best to... head on, on this,” he then launched into the explanation of what he had learned and how it applied to himself, forcing himself to say the words even if he wanted nothing more than to be silent about it. Princess Luna was trustworthy, she had proven it time and time again, and so Wild decided to confide in her. She had not chosen to harm him so far, so he doubted she would choose it in the future. Besides, it felt... good, to reveal parts of himself to someone. It made him feel oddly lighter. Luna had also not shown any sexual interest in him - thankfully - and so he felt comfortable with sharing the general things he learned about the topic of sexuality. Of course, he knew he would never tell her of... any time he actually had sex, if that time ever came. Ponies were more open about this sort of stuff, he had learned, but that didn’t mean he was comfortable with it personally.

“And...” he prepared himself mentally for something he knew wasn’t likely to come, but it didn’t hurt. It would hurt if he was wrong, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it... or, hopefully, if he came to it, “I am gay. I... do not need to know about pregnancy.”

“Why do you think so?” Luna asked him with a frown.

“Um... think what?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t about-

“Why do you think you don’t need to know anything about pregnancies?”

Wild felt relief at her not questioning why he thought he was gay. He knew he was gay. No amount of pretty girls could ever change it, although he had once tried... just to see if he could be ‘normal’. However, girls simply could not excite him whatsoever.

He had heard of the so-called conversion camps where children were sent to be tortured into normality, and to this day a shudder went up his spine each time he remembered it. He would forever be grateful that his parents had never sent him there and never would have. He knew who he was and he learned to accept it, and his family had known who he was and accepted him in turn. It was the best outcome he could have, one that many never got to experience.

“Because... uh,” he said, “Because I like stallions. They don’t get pregnant.”

“Some do,” Luna gently corrected him. At his confused expression, she elaborated, “There are stallions with a female reproductive system, and, if they didn’t choose otherwise, they can get pregnant.”

Wild’s brain short-circuited a bit. Males getting pregnant... did not make sense. But then... perhaps someone who’s a man having a female reproductive system wasn’t the most outrageous thing to exist. He was, after all, in an entirely different world filled with many sapient species, and there was also magic. So, in a sense, something like men getting pregnant was not out of the ordinary.

It was not out of the ordinary, Wild told himself. Equestria wasn’t Earth, and ponies weren’t human, so...

“At one point in the past, it was, of course, not thought so,” Luna continued her explanation, “It was thought that only mares could get pregnant and only stallions could get others pregnant. Our understanding of gender and sex at the time was, unfortunately, limited. I would wager a guess that your own world’s understanding of that topic is not far from that, correct?”

Wild nodded, then said, “Yes, and... most of the world does not accept gay existing.”

“That’s awful,” Luna frowned, and Wild couldn’t exactly disagree. Not having to hide who he was certainly made his life easier here, although he had yet to openly proclaim himself gay anywhere. In fact, only Luna knew he was gay, at least for now. And... it appeared she indeed accepted him. That was certainly a relief, and Wild slumped slightly in his seat, his body losing the almost painful rigidity he had been holding ever since he spoke the words that, in many other places, would condemn him. Luna continued, “I hope you know that you can be open about who you are here. It is no one’s business who you like or dislike sexually or romantically or any other way, and it is likewise no one’s business whom you choose or do not choose to have sex with provided there is clear consent.”

“I would never break consent,” Wild said, vehemence in his voice, “Never.”

Luna paused, thoughts roiling in her head. She probably realized that telling this to a survivor of repeated sexual assault was... not exactly necessary. However, Wild wasn’t about to point it out, considering that most people probably needed a reminder once in a while because they simply didn’t know how it would feel if... things went wrong.

“But I need to know more,” Wild continued, breaking the tension somewhat, “I... am not a... sexually healthy adult. And... I will learn about pregnancy,” he decided not to voice the thought that he was unlikely to have sex with someone who had a vagina. It would certainly be... awkward. He knew he needed time to get used to the idea that stallions could get pregnant. It was also only logical to assume that mares could also have a... male reproductive system. Another somewhat odd idea, but he was a problem there, not others. In truth, and it was a bit painful to admit, he was the odd one in this situation.

It was somewhat ironic that he wasn’t normal by either human or pony standards. However, he was perfectly willing to become at least somewhat close to pony standards of normal. He felt he would fit far better there.

This therapy session continued, and Wild found himself without much more to say.

“I think... I will be fine,” he said, “I am making things better. It is... difficult, but I can do it. I know where I am... not good. But I will be better.”

“That’s good to hear,” Luna nodded, “I have a question for you, Wild, and I would ask that you answer it honestly. Do you hate yourself?”

Wild didn’t have to think much about how to answer this.

“Less than before,” he said, “I now know I am not bad because I am a... a uh... a person who likes making- causing pain.”

“But you still hate yourself to some degree?”

Wild looked down away from Luna’s eyes, shamefully. There was only one answer he could give to that, and he knew it wasn’t normal.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I told you before,” he said, “Because I am human.”

“Wild, do you remember what I told you about circumstances that are out of your control?”

“...Yes,” he admitted, “But it doesn’t change anything. I am still human. I am still... like them. Bad humans are everywhere, so there is something bad to being a human. What... what we are, it is... natural.”

“I do not know anything about humans that didn’t come from you, but do you truly believe that you are irredeemably evil because of the species you were born as? Have you not met good humans?”

“Good humans are good in spite of humanity,” Wild argued, “You have to fight against nature to be... better. We hurt each other always, all the time. Everywhere, in any place, in any... group. In any country, any land. We are the same everywhere.”

Luna closed her eyes for a moment and slowly breathed out. Wild’s own breath was faster, his heartbeat not quite racing but raised all the same.

“What would it take to prove that you are not defined by your circumstances of birth?” she settled on asking.

Wild frowned and turned thoughtful, gears turning inside his head. He didn’t want to be a human, yet he was, but maybe there was something that would... make him better, maybe prove that he wasn’t like the others. It was perhaps a futile hope, but he wanted it, needed it, and...

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice defeated, “I don’t know...”

Silence reigned for a while, Wild’s eyes downcast as random incoherent thoughts swirled inside his mind, unsettled. Luna looked thoughtful, and Wild knew she was also looking sad, and he hated that he made her look this way. However, there was nothing that he could fix it with.

“Let us try something,” Luna finally spoke up, “Let us say we will meet again in two weeks. Between now and then, I want you to do a couple of things for me - think of it like homework. I know it may prove to be difficult, I know it may grow frustrating, but are you willing to put in the effort for those two weeks at the very least?”

Wild wanted to be better, so he nodded, even if he didn’t expect this to work.

“Alright. First, I would like you to journal your thoughts. At the end of each day, write down your thoughts on what happened during it. It doesn’t matter what it is, you simply write it down. See if you can figure out what you feel as well, describe it in as much detail as you can. For example, if you got angry, write down why, write down if anything made you calm down, and so on.”

To Wild, it sounded painful enough already. Write his thoughts down? However, it wouldn’t last for very long, so he kept his complaints unspoken.

“The next thing I want to do will no doubt sound difficult, but I would like you to be kind to yourself.”

Wild looked up at her, confusion clearly plastered on his face.

“Try to treat yourself like you would treat a friend,” Luna elaborated, “Would you want your friend to suffer, would you beat them down for how they were born?”

“No!” Wild protested immediately.

“Then try to apply that to yourself as well,” Luna nodded, “Try to write down your strengths or positive traits. If you find it difficult, ask your friends what they think your positive traits are, what they like about yourself.”

Wild was nearly horrified - ask other people how they see him? He may as well demand an execution right away. People had been... nice to him, but if they were honest, and he would know if they were... perhaps they would finally reveal that they didn’t like him and speak the reasons why. He knew he wasn’t likable, and he expected others to easily see why. But to actually know what they thought... He didn’t want to.

Worst of all, he would also know if their words were truth or lie. He didn’t know if he would handle them lying to him about how they liked him only to privately think that he was worthless.

“Next, I would like you to be mindful about how and what you feel,” Luna continued, “Take your time to recognize what you are feeling and why. If you are facing a problem, first acknowledge how it makes you feel before you start searching for a solution. Can you do it all for me, for just two weeks?”

Wild hesitated but nodded. He was... willing to try. Perhaps not fully willing as he thought it was likely a waste of time and would do nothing, but then he was perfectly aware he understood nothing about psychology. Maybe it was some sort of trickery that would, for the lack of a better word, unlock something within him, maybe even set him free. It was... a nice thought.

“Now, I have something for you,” Luna put a small book on the desk, “This book will help you identify the emotions you feel. If you do not know what you feel, you can look it up in this book. You may keep it for as long as you like.”

Wild took the book - perhaps he would now have fewer times when he felt something but couldn’t really describe it. Looking back, he could see that it happened quite often.

“Thank you,” he told Luna sincerely. In truth, this was... a very thoughtful gift.

“You’re welcome,” Luna smiled at him, “Now, I believe our session is coming to an end... unless there is something you want to speak to me about?”

Wild thought for a moment about discussing Doctor Fay with her but, if he were honest with himself, he wanted to leave and have some time for himself, time to think things over as well as start on the things Luna wanted him to do. Doctor Fay and the way she helped him with taking his first steps towards figuring out a job was important, without a doubt, but he thought it wasn’t particularly relevant, so he decided not to bring it up. He could always do it later if he ever needed to, and he didn’t think he needed it. The topic of getting a job and anything similar could be done with Doctor Fay in the first place anyway, and anything concerning his feelings could be done with Luna. It made sense to him, so that was the path he decided to take.

Thanking Luna once again, Wild exited the room. He breathed a sigh of relief as he did, and then decided he would do well to lie down and not think about anything for a while. If he deserved anything, it was a moment’s reprieve from everything, and he intended to take it.

Author's Note

I have gotten sick recently, so I wasn't able to work on this chapter as much as I wish I had, but I think it's decent enough as it is. I usually work on chapters a bit between posting them on Boosty and posting them here, just to polish them.

Being sick certainly sucks, and I also have a bit of a toothache I can't see a dentist about until someday in December because all appointment times are taken. Ugh.