Wild’s head was full of jumbled thoughts and emotions as the day ended and he went to bed alone. He wished, or how he wished that wasn’t the case, but he needed the time to, time to...

It seemed as if the corners of his mouth were perpetually lifted in a bright smile, and the energy inside him was overflowing, making him nearly bounce around and scream and shout and yell and maybe bawl because-

The moment he kissed - his first kiss! - Artful was when all thoughts left his head, when the only thing he could hear was the thundering of his heart inside his chest, when all he could feel was his lips on Artful’s, their warm breaths combining and nearly tickling his nostrils. He had feared rejection then, feared being pushed away, unwanted, yet those fears were gone the moment the kiss happened, and then the second one, and then they were cuddling and exchanging kisses, and-

Wild, distantly, knew he should write all those feelings down in his journal to reflect on them later, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Not because he didn’t know what to write, but because there was so much, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to put it in cohesive words that made sense. How would one put into words the bright feeling of joy that he had? It was as if everything was right in the world, and that nothing could ever go wrong again. But it could go wrong, Wild knew that, yet he did his best not to think about because, well, he didn’t want to. The feeling of joy, amazement, wonder, happiness, he basked in it, unwilling to let go of it, unwilling to let it fade.

He cried now, but it was not because of something bad, no. For the first time in his life, they were tears of joy. He hugged a pillow tight and buried his face into it, pressing on his eyes until he saw weird colors and patterns bloom in his sight. His body shuddered and shivered, yet the warmth inside of him felt like a furnace, and the fuel was nowhere close to ending.

He was aware that some would possibly think him pathetic for being this sort of a mess after it all, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. What he wanted was more of it, more of the affection and the pleasure and the warmth, to make himself forget all but those feelings and sensations.

Shamefully, he couldn’t say he loved Artful. There was still a certain distance between them, too many unspoken secrets. Wild, without a doubt, considered Artful handsome and very pleasant to be around, and his body was clearly in agreement considering how difficult it was to deal with his certain urges that day. Yet he knew to limit himself, knew when to stop. He did not wish to show his desperation nor did he want to push Artful into what he possibly didn’t want to do. And even if their physical interactions ended up going further, he didn’t want to find himself shuddering or shying away from touch that should be pleasant but still carried some echoes of his memories of his abuse. Perhaps if they went slow and careful, and if Wild was not in any fearfully familiar position, maybe then it would be alright, but he couldn’t make it certain, no.

Wild ended up falling asleep as his mind drifted off from the mess of his emotions.

***

In the morning, Wild was finishing his business in the bathroom when a knock came from his entrance door. He could feel who was on the other side, and so he brushed his mane and tail just a bit extra, making them look the best they could. The memories of the day before were still bright and apparent in his mind, and he felt his heartbeat increase as he went to the door and opened it. Unsurprisingly, it was Artful, and on his back, nested between the wings, were two trays with food. One of them, somewhat surprisingly, contained Wild’s favorite foods: a bowl of oatmeal with chopped apple pieces, a couple of slices of bread that he liked the most, fried vegetables with rice, and a bowl of fresh soybean sprouts.

“Hi,” Wild greeted Artful shyly and stepped aside, allowing the pegasus to come inside, “Um, thank you.”

“I thought we, you know... share a meal. Just the two of us,” Artful said, blushing, “So... breakfast in bed. Well, you’re awake and not in bed and all, but...”

Wild pressed a kiss to Artful’s cheek. He would never grow tired of this.

“It is fine,” he said as Artful’s blush got brighter and he stammered whatever he wanted to say, “It is... very thoughtful of you. And you got what I most like. I... I will do the same for you. But I, I do not know what you like most.”

“Lucky for you, I brought my own favorites with me,” Artful told him brightly as he carefully set the trays down on the table near the sofa.

“I will learn,” Wild nodded, then committed the contents of Artful’s tray to his mind. A vegetable salad, mushroom and buckwheat soup, an assortment of peanut butter cookies, and a pear. Wild considered the thought of learning how to bake so that he could perhaps make those cookies himself one day. He thought it would be quite a nice gesture.

The two young stallions settled down on the sofa together and, for a time, ate in companionable silence, leaning on each other. Wild idly wondered if they would grow old together and do this very same thing time and time again, possibly every morning. It seemed... romantic.

He silently chastised himself for thinking this far ahead. It was entirely possible that their relationship simply wouldn’t work out, that their differences and individual issues would eventually make it all fall apart. He hoped it would not be the case, but he still remained aware of the possibility.

As they ate, a thought came to Wild’s mind, which he decided to voice.

“When we are in Canterlot,” he started, “Is... is there something- somewhere we can go... together? For, a uh, a... romantic... thing?”

He cringed inwardly at his own awkwardness, but Artful didn’t seem to mind it. If anything, Wild could feel that Artful thought it was endearing and cute. Wild didn’t see why, but then he was continuously baffled by the fact that Artful saw anything likable about him at all in the first place. He was aware he really should someday stop thinking so badly about himself, but he just couldn’t help himself.

“Well, we’ll be given some small allowance to do, um, whatever, so...” Artful became thoughtful for a moment, “I don’t really know any places, so I guess we can just, you know, walk around and see if anything catches our eye. Are you thinking of something, um, specific?”

“...I do not know,” Wild admitted, “We could... go eat together at a place? Or... something else.”

Wild knew a few things about dating, though nothing from personal experience. And it was dating that he was doing now or, perhaps, was supposed to do. People in a romantic relationship went to restaurants to dine together, that much he knew. Maybe go watch a movie, and he didn’t quite remember whether Equestria even had movies. There were romantic outings on a beach, though Canterlot couldn’t possibly have one.

Wild wished he could ask his parents about their own experiences, especially his father’s. After all, he had admitted to Wild that he had had some gay relationships over the years before he settled with Wild’s mother. Wild would never get the answers now, he knew, but he still couldn’t help but wonder what his father would’ve said.

Wild tried to picture himself and Artful being in a family like his parents were, and he couldn’t. He could picture himself together with Artful, just in a general sense of the word, but living in the same house, working jobs, that was beyond his imagination at that point. Without a doubt, Artful would be an artist, he clearly had talent and skill, and Wild... considering his magical power, he would be able to find something, possibly even something that paid very well, but he didn’t know if that was what he wanted to do forever.

“We will figure it out,” Artful said, and Wild nodded. At least he wasn’t alone in navigating the path to adulthood.

***

“Well hello, lovebirds,” Precision quipped when Wild and Artful showed up at dinner. Wild would have shrunk away from this attention, yet the presence of his... coltfriend? Whatever the term was, Artful was with him, and that made it easier. Even if he was not particularly comfortable with being completely public. He was certainly far from ready to kiss Artful where anyone could see, but at least he was strong enough not to hide the relationship entirely.

“Oh, you two are in a relationship now?” Swingblade said, “Neat, congrats,” and then he returned to his food.

“Hey there, gay brothers from different mothers,” Pebbles said. She had stuck around at meal times and also spent her time with Precision doing... possibly what Wild was doing with Artful, Wild guessed. Or perhaps something more, but it wasn’t his business, so he did his best not to think of it, “What’s up?”

“Yep, we’re together now,” Artful confirmed, his heavy blush betraying how he felt despite his calm and chirpy answer.

Wild simply nodded as he set down his food tray and also helped Artful with his own. It was the right thing to do. He remembered that when a boy dated a girl, the boy would need to do that kind of thing, like pulling the chair out for the girl to sit on. Wild decided that following those half-forgotten second-hand things he saw about dating was better than nothing.

“Sooo, the sleepover’s still on?” Pebbles asked, “Or are you two gonna, y’know, have your own?”

“Peebs,” Precision spoke in a light warning tone.

“What?”

“Some ponies are a bit more private than you, you know.”

“It’s not like I’m outright saying that they’re fu-”

At that moment, an apple lodged itself in Pebbles’ maw courtesy of Precision’s magic, which Wild was grateful for. It wasn’t exactly vague what it was that she wanted to say, and the picture that it brought to Wild’s mind was, while not unpleasant by any stretch of imagination, would likely lead to an awkward moment if he let himself focus on it. Pebbles muttered something before taking the apple out and taking a chunk out of it.

“A’ight, point taken,” she shrugged, but still gave a meaningful glance towards Wild and Artful. Wild did his very best not to catch whatever it was that she thought about it all.

A few beats of silence passed before Artful broke it, changing the topic.

“Jade said they’re not going to the sleepover,” he said, “Busy with some things. But I’m still in.”

“Same with me,” Swingblade said in between bites of his food, “Won’t be bringing anyone, though.”

“As if you ever could,” Precision teased him.

“When I do, I’m gonna kiss her right in front of you,” Swingblade promised.

“What if she’s into it?” Pebbles chimed in, leading to Swingblade sputtering.

“I’m not!” Precision denied vehemently, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Wild lost some color in his face. He would never be able to do... the deed if someone was watching purposefully. And there would never be a camera to capture any of the action. He breathed in deeply, held it for a moment, and breathed out. It was fine, it was alright, none of them meant it in the way that happened to him. Another deep breath, another slow exhale, and he became aware of Artful’s concerned gaze.

“I am fine,” Wild assured him quietly as Precision and Swingblade bickered, Pebbles encouraging them from the side, “Some... bad memories.”

“You want me to help you ground yourself?” Artful asked seriously.

Wild shook his head even as gratitude bloomed in his chest. What did he ever do to deserve someone as thoughtful as Artful?

“When I experience bad memories, it helps,” Artful explained, “I don’t get those moments much anymore, but it’s good when I, you know, realize where and when I am. That I’m not back then, right?”

“I know grounding,” Wild said, “But I am fine. It is... a moment. Not... not getting deep into a memory. Not... reliving it.”

“Alright,” Artful said, “If you ever need my help, just ask, alright? Even if all you need is just me talking. It’s no problem at all, really.”

“I... should not burden you with my things,” Wild said shamefully.

“It is not a burden,” Artful assured him, leaning a bit closer. Wild caught a thought from Pebbles that she had noticed what was going on but was purposefully distracting Precision and Swingblade from doing the same. A tiny drop of guilt was there too, shame at having caused it. Wild let the rest wash over him.

“It is not?” he asked.

“No. I chose you, and that means I chose all of you,” Artful said, “It is my choice. Don’t be ashamed of who you are, okay? You’ll pull through, and I’ll help when I can.”

Wild swallowed and nodded. He really did not deserve Artful, but he didn’t voice that thought. Instead, he would allow himself to calm down and to bask in the presence of someone who cared about him and who, honestly, without reservations, chose him over many, many, many others.

Over time, the bickering ceased, and the group returned to discussing the sleepover. Thanks to Pebbles’ efforts, Swingblade and Precision did indeed not notice anything wrong, and so the conversation continued without the heavy shadow of Wild’s memories and reactions hanging over it.

“So, tomorrow, we’re gonna assemble at an hour past noon,” Precision said. While it was Wild who proposed the entire thing, he was more than happy to leave any concrete planning to someone who could speak about it without stutters and pauses, “Bring some games, bring our sleeping bags because I doubt we’ll have enough space for everyone without them, and off we go. Everyone’s alright with that?”

Everyone nodded.

“So yeah, we do some stuff, we sleep, then we go to meet Powder Nose, and he’s gonna lead us to the train station and all. He said he’s gonna explain how our Canterlot visit is going to happen,” Precision finished, “We should be mostly on our own, though, so we’ll do whatever once we’re in Canterlot. See what happens then, yeah?”

Everyone agreed once again, and now the only thing they needed to do was finish dinner and attend to whatever business they had. Wild was more than alright with that, and he felt like he would very much like to cuddle with Artful, maybe even long enough for the two of them to fall asleep together. It would distract him from any bad thoughts that could arise, and it would no doubt be quite pleasant as well.

Despite his reservations, he was very glad he decided to try and see if he could make a relationship work. So far so good, and he intended to keep it that way.

Author's Note

Wild's pretty awkward, but he's doing his best, and Artful's being nice and patient and understanding. Love it when this kind of thing happens. Well duh, I wrote this, but still.