Turn Back Now While You Still Can
There is a bright flash of light! You shield your eyes with your arm to protect them from being blinded, and when you come to, you are no longer in front of your computer. Upon looking around, you find yourself inside a large bedroom. Just as you are about to wonder aloud where the fuck you are, you notice Princess Celestia and Princess Luna engaged in some... sisterly love. Very intimate sisterly love.
Instinctively, your hand shoots to your cellphone in your pants pocket, and you find yourself recording the whole thing. A few minutes later, you finally notice the sisters are quite embarrassed to have an observer, even moreso when they learn you have video proof of their little encounter. They beg you not to let this little secret of theirs out.
You're not sure if you should trust them, but at this point you are way to embarrassed to even look at them let alone tell anyone.
So instead, you blackmail them into doing pornos for you. The princesses seem to like the idea, and tell you their plans are to start on it tomorrow. The devil is in the details though, namely the agreed upon payment.
The next morning, you arrive at the shoot with xXHomerSimpsonXx and hash out the details of the porn. You figure out which princess is going to be on top for which scene and such. The sisters are a little apprehensive about being on screen, but they eventually get into it. In fact, they seem to enjoy themselves so much they beg you not to release the video online. You realize how contrived this is, using a porno to blackmail ponies into doing more porno to share on the web, but then again, randomly spawning in the princess' room didn't make much more sense.
And so begins the illegal mass-production of pony smut. You instantly become wealthy and famous for being the only one to produce such high quality porn of the princesses. The pony fandom is the first to recognize your genius, and your little rise to fame begins there.
Your latest video is titled, "Incest is Wincest." It becomes an internet sensation and you are invited onto Good Morning Incestia, where you share all the "intimate" details on the production of your pornos.
It is a fun life, but it can't last forever. In fact, it didn't last too long to begin with.
Your key stars, Celestia and Luna, are stolen by Vince McMahon who offers them a better paying contract for pornographic wrestling.
You continue to make your incest smut for a while, but the demand is low as people get tired of it.
You decide to spice things up and use SFM to make faux princess snuff films. This new direction seems to work for you, as your popularity increases once again. The success greatly angers Vince, who begins sending hate letters and C&D requests, even though he doesn't own My Little Pony, so you're thoroughly confused.
Unfortunately, while shooting one of these films, you accidentally shoot yourself in the dick.
The video of you shooting your dick off goes viral and a nation wide fundraiser to give you a new one kicks off with a opening bid of a million dollars.
Luna and Celestia catch wind of this new development and realize that you will have much more money than Vince, and come crawling back to you, hoping to renew the original contract. You hire some mercs to track them down and make them an offer they can't refuse.
Celestia and Luna are ambushed by The Undertaker, Dwayne "The Rock Hard" Johnson, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and John Cena (Ba ba ba BAAAA). And the battle to hire the princesses for the second time begins...
In the end, you manage to hire both princesses for significantly more than the original contract, thus ensuring your rise to stardom once again.
You release another porn video. This one called "Princess Power: Sunny D is Magic", a sick video about watersports. It is a hit. A few months later, you are back to your roots with another hit video, "How to be a Ho as You Learned From the Best."
The Neigh York Times nominates your porno as the best of all time, and you are awarded the title of "Best Living Ho in History". This confuses you on a whole new level.
As always, your work here is done.
Also, you have herpes.
Vince McMahon offers to buy your company for one million dollars. You decline.
Your videos continue to be a massive success.
It was time to mix things up, so you decide to release a video so vile, so disgusting and wretched that the internet would never be the same again. You release a video titled, "Holding Hooves." It is an instant hit.
In fact it is so popular, it causes "Holding Hooves" all over the world. You are a despicable human being and should be ashamed, but you become even more famous, so you ignore all morality and focus on the money and attention instead.
The princesses form a pornstar workers union to combat the increase in competition from other princesses and pornographic workers. Then, the union catches fire and is disbanded.
This turn of events inspires you to create a new lineup of porn films. This new lineup is titled, "The Fuck Is This Shit?" Obviously it is a hit like all the other trash you've produced.
After one year of videos, your channel has over 200 million views. You have become one of the most famous people on the internet. As always, your work here is done.
You retire with all your bitches and go to live in the People's Republic of China, which is quickly becoming the next industrial superpower. This piece of information has no relevance to the rest of the story, but has somehow made it in.
Unfortunately, your past comes back to haunt you. A knock at your door prompts you to leave the safety of your bedroom and answer it. Dwayne "The Rock Hard" Johnson immediately assaults you with his rock hard johnson. You scream as your internal organs are crushed, and your flesh is torn apart. You die, but not before he pulls out your still beating heart to inspect it.
Dwayne "The Rock Hard" Johnson smiles and says, "Vince McMahon sends his regards."
THE END
You got AIDS.
Author's Note
Fuck, I'm so sorry you just read this. I'm so very sorry.
