Chapter 1: The Merc and Harmony Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 1: The Merc and Harmony Part Two

Deadpool was sitting in a chair by a fireplace in a library. He was reading the book "Fifty Shades of Grey", when he turned towards you - the reader.

"Oh hello, I didn't see you there. So you're probably thinking "why am I here instead of kicking ass?" Well, it's because I'm supposed to tell you what previously happened in this crossover. Really, all you need to know is I came to Ponyville, met Princess Celestia, and some shady guy is after me. If you want to know the details, just read the previous chapter. Now that that's out of the way, why don't we get this fanfic started? Scene transition!"

The sun was rising in the sky, passing a beam of light through Twilight Sparkle's room. She slowly opened her eyes, and, at the same time, covered her eyes with her left foreleg. Getting up from bed, she let out a big yawn. She looked over and saw her assistant, Spike, still asleep in his bed.

"I will let him sleep a little while longer," Whispered Twilight to herself.

She left her room, made her way down two flights of stairs, and took a right into the kitchen. She quickly took notice of a certain Merc. Besides his usual getup, he was wearing a pink apron. He appeared to be cooking something over the oven top.

"Morning, Deadpool," Greeted Twilight.

"Morning. I'm making pancakes if you want any," Said Deadpool.

"Sure, I'll have some for breakfast."

After five minutes of cooking, the pancakes were finished. Deadpool brought a stack over to Twilight, and placed a bottle of maple syrup next to it.

"Should I save some for Spike?" Asked Deadpool.

"He would appreciate it," Said Twilight,

Nodding in agreement, Deadpool brought over a stack of pancakes about two feet tall for himself.

"You're going to eat all of that?" Questioned Twilight.

"Yeah, I can eat it all. After all, it's not three hundred seventy-two thousand, eight hundred forty-four pancakes. Can you pass the maple syrup?" Asked Deadpool.

"Just don't make yourself sick."

"I won't."

Twilight used her magic to pick up the syrup, and gave it to Deadpool. He poured some syrup on his pancake stack. Mouth watering, he started eating the pancakes quickly but politely.

"How long have you been up?" Asked Twilight.

"I've been up for forty-five minutes, cooking pancakes," Answered Deadpool.

(That's not true, you got up two hours ago. You sneaked out and went to the nearest diner for the pancakes.)

(Afterwards, you stood next to Twilight's door, and waited for her to get up. Then you reheated the pancakes while you made it look like you were making them.)

"Shut up!" Shouted Deadpool to himself. He tried to hide his insanity with a barely visible grin when Twilight was looking at him suspiciously. "Anyway, what are your plans today?"

"I'm heading over to Sugercube Corner at around noon to attend the party Pinkie Pie is throwing for you," Said Twilight.

"Oh yeah, the party! This party is going to be awesome! Everypony knows there's no party like a Deadpool party!"

"There isn't?"

"No!"

Deadpool finished eating his stack of pancakes. He somehow beat Twilight, even though her stack was much shorter. But then he started to feel nauseous.

"O-Oh... Random question, where's the bathroom?" Asked Deadpool.

"Down the hall to the left," Directed Twilight.

Not staying to say thanks, Deadpool ran to the bathroom. Twilight heard a door slam, then she heard vomit noises.

"I knew he would get sick," Said Twilight exasperatedly.

Six hours later...

Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike were walking to Sugarcube Corner.

"Feeling better, Deadpool?" Asked Twilight.

"Yeah, and thanks again for cleaning my suit. It's not very easy to clean," Said Deadpool.

"No problem."

"Hey, Deadpool, what are all those weapons for?" Asked Spike.

""They're for intimidation purposes," Answered Deadpool.

(No they're not, they're for-)

"Shut up!"

"We're here," Said Twilight.

Deadpool's eyes grew to the size of saucers when he saw the dessert themed building. He then gasped out of excitement.

"Do I get to eat this house?!" Asked Deadpool excitedly.

"No, Deadpool, you can't. Besides, it's not made of real desserts," Said Twilight.

"Let's get this party started!"

As soon as he ran through the front door, Deadpool beamed at the sight before him. The place was decorated in his colors, tables were filled with food and refreshments, and hanging on the ceiling was a banner of his logo.

"This. Is. Awesome!" Shouted Deadpool excitedly.

Just then, Pinkie Pie ran up to him.

"Hi! What do you think?" Asked Pinkie.

"What do I think?! I think this is really awesome!"

Deadpool shouted at the top of his lungs, attracting the attention of other party goers.

"Food and refreshments are over there. If you need anything, just give me a shout!" Said Pinkie.

After Pinkie bounced away, Deadpool ran to the food table to see what it had to offer. He wasn't hungry (even though he lost his breakfast earlier), so he decided to look at the refreshments.

"Water? No. Punch?"

(Ha, you said punch!)

"Nah. Soda? Nope. Hmm... Nothing here to drink. Wait, what's up my sleeve?"

Deadpool reached into his left sleeve, and pulled out a bottle of beer.

"Yeah!"

(Should you really be drinking that here?)

"There's no kids around as far as I can see," Said Deadpool, shrugging off the question.

Seeing the girls sitting at a table except for Pinkie Pie, who was doing something somewhere, he made his way over, and sat in between Rarity and Applejack.

"Deadpool!" Said Twilight furiously.

"What?" Asked Deadpool while taking a sip of his beer.

""Ya shouldn't be drinking that here. Besides, what if ya get drunk?" Asked Applejack sternly.

"Pfft! It's fine. I won't get drunk."

"Really? How?" Asked Rarity rhetorically.

"You see, because I have a healing factor, my metabolism is a lot faster than the average pony's. It would take a LOT of alcohol to get me drunk."

(Which means we can drink more booze!)

"So, Deadpool, what brings you here to Ponyville? Um, if you don't mind me asking," Said Fluttershy timidly.

"I moved here because... " Deadpool's train of thought trailed off when when he had another sip of his drink. "'Cause I wanted a new experience from living in Manehattan."

"You are from Manehattan?!" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"Yup, over there I was saving lives... " Deadpool paused to take yet another sip. "Fought villains, and wooing the mares." Said Deadpool seductively.

While just about all of the girls gave Deadpool's comment no mind, Fluttershy hid her face behind her mane, cheeks blushing.

"Deadpool you know you can take your mask off, right darling?" Questioned Rarity.

After hearing that, Deadpool got up from his seat, took a few steps forward, and sighed.

"None of you would like how I look," Said Deadpool sadly.

"Wade, I'm sure you look great. You don't have to hide your face from us," Assured Twilight.

The rest of the girls nodded their heads in agreement.

"Many ponies have said that. And most of them ended up disgusted with my appearance."

Deadpool slowly walked towards the front door, and stepped outside.

"Aww, poor Wade. It sounds like he has low self esteem about his appearance," Said Twilight.

"Maybe he just isn't ready to reveal his face yet?" Wondered Fluttershy.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was sitting on the front steps of Sugarcube Corner, drinking his beer in sadness.

(Come on, get rid of the long face. You're being too hard on yourself.)

"I suppose you're right, but I just don't know how they would react."

Unbeknownst to Deadpool, a white cloaked, skull masked pony was lying on a roof with a sniper rifle. He took aim at Deadpool's head and fired.

BANG!

Deadpool was shot straight in the head, and fell over sideways. He also dropped his beer, smashing it on the steps. Everyone on the street and in the store was panicking. taking cover behind anything. Being very cautious, Rainbow Dash flew over to Deadpool.

"Hey, you okay?!" Asked Rainbow Dash in concern.

"I will be fine," Slurred Deadpool.

As he got up, the bullet wound healed. He noticed his beer bottle smashed on the steps, its liquid trickling in the shape of a brittle star.

"Okay, whoever made me drop my beer is SO getting their ass kicked!" Said Deadpool angrily.

The pony who shot him jumped from the roof onto a balcony and down to the ground. He stood in one spot, looking right at Deadpool.

"Wade."

"Taskmaster! How's my favorite impersonator doing?" Asked Deadpool casually.

"You're going to make me rich, Wade. There's a price on your head, and I'm claiming the reward."

"It doesn't have to be like this. If you wait for "Black Widow" to be released at the time this chapter is published, I'm sure you will get a cut of the profits."

"Enough of your babbling! Your lifeless body is coming with me, and I have the means to end you for good."

"Oh yeah? How will you do that?" Asked Deadpool skeptically.

"By using this..."

Taskmaster pulled out a sword from a scabbard on his back with his left hoof.

"Recognize this?" Asked Taskmaster.

"The Muramasa Blade?! Can we talk about this?!" Asked Deadpool fearfully in reply.

Without warning, Taskmaster rushed towards Deadpool. Deadpool reacted quickly enough to block the attack with one of his katanas; it's Deadpool's turn to strike. He made a quick swipe with a katana, but his attack was blocked by Taskmaster's shield. Deadpool knew every move he made can affect his chances of surviving. He knew if this duel went in Taskmaster's favor, he wouldn't regenerate from this battle. Deadpool grabbed his second katana, and went for the side. This also got blocked with the Muramusa Blade. Taskmaster smacked Deadpool in the head with his shield. Deadpool retaliated by kicking his adversary back a few paces. They clashed again, swords against sword.

CRACK!

Taskmaster stomped on Deadpool's left hind leg hard enough to break it, and, with the hilt of his sword, knocked him to the ground. As Taskmaster was about to deliver the finishing blow, he was tackled into a neighboring house by Rainbow Dash.

"This will be interesting," Said Taskmaster.

Taskmaster put the Muramasa Blade away. Rainbow Dash sent very fast kicks and punches towards Taskmaster. He dodged them, but he didn't fight back.

"Huh? Why is he not-"

BAM!

Before she could finish her thought, Taskmaster delivered a swift punch to Rainbow Dash. She tried to throw more punches towards him, but he dodged all of them with lightning speed, and hit her with punches as quick as hers. He then threw her into the same house she pushed him into. The rest of the Mane Six arrived shortly after, ready to defend Deadpool.

"I will leave you for now, Wade. Meet me at the warehouse two miles south of Ponyville. Don't bring them along, or else I won't show mercy towards your friends."

Taskmaster threw a smoke bomb to the ground, disappearing without a trace. Rainbow Dash came out of the house, holding her head with one foreleg.

"Rainbow Dash, are you okay?" Asked Fluttershy with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't believe he beat me so easily. What about you, Deadpool? Are you okay?" Asked Rainbow.

"Yeah, but I need to find him," Answered Deadpool.

"Who is that feller anyhow? He seems mighty dangerous," Said Applejack.

"His name is Anthony Masters, known by the alias Taskmaster. He's a mercenary sent by others to do their dirty work. This time, he's after me because he's getting paid to do so."

"How did he beat me as quickly as he did?" Asked Dash.

"Taskmaster has this ability called photographic reflexes. It makes it so he can copy an opponent's fighting style just by watching them."

"You said he's hired to kill you, but you have a healing factor. So he can't do that," Reasoned Twilight.

"Well..."

"Deadpool, are you hiding something from us, darling?" Asked Rarity.

"So here's the truth: one thing can kill me - the Muramasa Blade, which he has."

"What?!" Said the girls in shock.

"The Muramasa Blade has a mystic property that cancels out the effects of healing factors. I have to confront Taskmaster, and get the blade before he harms me or anybody else."

"Wait, if you go and face him, you could die," Said Twilight.

"I have to go, Twilight. Somepony has to stop him."

"Let us apprehend him, while you sit this one out."

"You heard what he said: if you guys come, he won't show mercy. I am not going to let any of you risk your lives for me."

Deadpool pulled out a grappling hook from who knows where, and zoomed over the rooftops, heading towards the warehouse while chanting "Na na na na Batman!"

"Deadpool, come back!"

The Mane Six, along with Spike, shout at Deadpool to come back, but he is out of earshot. A little while later, Deadpool arrived at an undisclosed warehouse. Deadpool stood in front of a door, looking at it. Many thoughts were running through his mind.

"What if I don't get out of this alive? How would the others feel? (Sigh) When this is over, I'm getting a cherrychanga," Thought Deadpool.

Deadpool knew there's no going back now. As he went inside, he noticed Taskmaster standing in the middle of the warehouse.

"Deadpool."

"Taskmaster."

"Brought any backup with you?"

"Nope."

"I'm going to give you one chance to drop the blade, and surrender before I put a lot of sorry on your ass."

At that, Taskmaster lunged towards Deadpool. Deadpool did a side roll, and pulled out his pistols. He fired four bullets at Taskmaster, but he deflected them with his blade. Taskmaster then rushed towards Deadpool, and smacked his guns away. Deadpool pulled out his katanas and swung them at his opponent.

KLANG! KLANG!

Each strike was blocked. This continued for some time, until Deadpool rushed Taskmaster. Taking the opportunity, Taskmaster tripped him, and went for the throat with Muramasa Blade. Deadpool rolled sideways mid fall, dodging the attack. Although, he fell onto the floor.

"There's no point, Deadpool. You can't beat me in swordsmanship. The thought of dying is distracting you, making you more careful; more predictable. If I were you, I would accept my fate now," Advised Taskmaster.

"Predictable, eh? Tell me then, is this predictable?" Asked Deadpool.

"What?"

Deadpool put his katanas away, and pulled out two baguettes out of nowhere. This left Taskmaster very confused. Deadpool rushed towards him, and smacked him before he could react.

"Gah! How did that hurt?!" Asked Taskmaster annoyedly.

"It hurts because it's really stale," Answered Deadpool.

Both fighters went at each other. Both tried to strike the other. Deadpool managed to block every attack, and got many hits off of Taskmaster. During their battle, Taskmaster and Deadpool managed to get on top of some large, wooden shipping crates. Their weapons clashed together. The amount of pressure was causing some sparks... somehow. Deadpool managed to lean Taskmaster over the edge, then smacked the Muramasa Blade out of his hoof. The blade fell to the floor with an audible klang. Deadpool then leaned over Taskmaster, and pushed him on the nose.

"Boop!" Said Deadpool in a high pitched voice.

"Ahh!"

CRASH!

Taskmaster fell onto another shipping crate. The force of impact was enough to break the crate into pieces. Taskmaster laid there in defeat.

"This victory is the best since sliced bread," Said Deadpool triumphantly.

(Time to play!)

Deadpool jumped down, looming over Taskmaster. He pulled out his katanas, and crossed them against Taskmaster's head. To keep him still, Deadpool put a back hoof on his chest.

"I'm going to flip a coin, Taskmaster. I choose... heads!" Said Deadpool psychotically.

Just when he was going to decapitate Taskmaster, the Mane Six and Spike arrived.

"Deadpool! I see you defeated Taskmaster. Thank goodness you're alright!" Said Twilight in relief.

"Oh, hey girls. Hey, Spike. You guys might want to look away. This is going to be very graphic," Warned Deadpool.

He tried to bring his blades together to end Taskmaster's life, but the katanas were shrouded in magenta and light blue auras; they wouldn't budge an inch. Rarity and Twilight were holding the katanas in place with the magic from their horns.

"Grr! Why are you stopping me?!" Asked Deadpool irritatedly.

"Deadpool, ya can't kill him!" Said Applejack.

"Yeah, it's not the hero way," Added Rainbow.

"... Fine."

Deadpool put his katanas back, and tied all of Taskmaster's hooves with rope.

"Listen to me mares: the stallion you befriended is no hero. He killed many of Manehattan's top crime bosses. He even killed the little fish because he felt like it! You're friends with a homicidal manic," Said Taskmaster.

POW!

Hearing enough, Deadpool delivered a knockout punch to the mercenary's head. He then walked past the group of ponies and dragon. Not looking back, he spoke to them.

"The police will be here any minute, and he's right. I am no hero, no matter how hard I try."

With that, he walked out of the warehouse. He then ran back inside, and grabbed the Muramasa blade. A few hours later, the group was celebrating at a hayburger joint. Deadpool was the odd one out, eating tacos while chugging a soda. He remained quiet the entire time, not saying a single word, which was very unusual for Deadpool. Everyone was concerned for him.

"Hey, Pooly-O! Why so glum? Turn that frown upside down!"

Pinkie Pie forced a smile on Deadpool's face with her hooves, but he went back to frowning.

"Please don't, Pinkie Pie," Asked Deadpool politely.

"Is something wrong?" Asked Fluttershy.

"No."

"Is it about what Taskmaster said?" Asked Twilight.

"... I give up. Yes, it's about what Taskmaster said."

"Pfft! He was totally lying, right, Deadpool." Asked Dash rhetorically.

Deadpool remained silent, worrying his new friends.

"Wade, you can tell us the truth," Said Twilight.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this Spike ain't around," Advised Applejack.

"I'll go get another burger."

Spike made his way to a counter. Making sure Spike was out of earshot, Deadpool proceeded to speak.

"Look, I can't deny it girls... I have killed ponies," Said Deadpool.

No one said a thing for a moment. Everyone was trying to think what to say about this.

"Wade, how many ponies have you killed?" Asked Twilight.

"If I tell you, will you have me arrested?" Asked Deadpool in reply.

"Maybe, but if you explain yourself, things may be okay."

Knowing that this conversation was going to go one way, Deadpool gave his honest answer.

"Honestly, I lost count."

The girls were uneasy about the situation. Fluttershy and Rarity didn't make eye contact with Deadpool. He put his head down in shame.

"Why did you kill the ponies you faced?" Asked Twilight.

"Two reasons: first is they were terrible ponies. Murder was one of many charges they had. The other reason is because I have a lot of issues. On top of being made into a weapon, I have extreme mental health issues. The very few professionals I have seen, they told me the roots of my problems could have been caused from my rather rough past. Even my neurons constantly regenerating differently could have a part in it. So all of that, plus the fact that I have been a mercenary with a moral code that binds me to only kill bad ponies, makes stopping killing ponies very hard for me. I went to Ponyville to try to change, but it appears it was not meant to be. I understand if you no longer be friends, and have me locked up," Said Deadpool.

A long silence was in the air before Twilight got up from her seat. She walked over to Deadpool, and embraced him in a quick hug.

"Wade, it's okay," Said Twilight.

"No, it's not. I killed many ponies, even though they were bad," Said Deadpool.

"I'm not saying that what you did wasn't bad; it was. But I can tell that you are willing to change, and I can sense that you have the potential to become a great hero. So, I will offer you this: in exchange for convincing Celestia to give you a pardon, you have to not kill 'anyone' ever again. Plus, I will give you something that I know you need - a friend. I must warn you, though, if you EVER kill again, it will only be because you were left with no other choice. Otherwise, I will not hesitate to have you incarcerated."

Deadpool couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew Twilight for only a day, but she's willing to give Deadpool a second chance, and something he long desired - a friend. Admittedly, the consequence of turning back to his old ways scared him (although slightly less than Deadpool's portrayal in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"), but he was willing to put his actions in the past to become the hero he always wanted to be, and to finally have true friends.

"Twilight, I don't know what to say. Thank you!"

Deadpool reached out for another hug, to which Twilight reciprocated. He looked behind her at the rest of the Mane Six. At first, he expected them to still be hesitant towards him, but he found the girls coming towards him, and joined in the hug. Under his mask, Deadpool gave the biggest smile he had in a long time.

Later that evening, Twilight was writing a letter in her room under candlelight. When she was finished, she gave the written letter to Spike. He blew some dragon fire on the letter, sending it to its location. He then went straight to bed. Twilight on the other hand stepped out of the bedroom, and went to the living room. When she got down there, she saw Deadpool sleeping on the couch. He was sleeping like he had fallen on the couch with his limbs spread out. The smile on Twilight's face grew, seeing her new friend. She then quietly left the living room, and went to bed.

Author's Note

And that concludes the first chapter of my new story - Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony. The next chapter will take place in an actual episode of the show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". The episode specifically is "Applebuck Season". Until next time, I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 2: Apples, Apples, and More Apples
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 2: Apples, Apples, and More Apples

Deadpool was sitting outside a local Mexican restaurant. He had a large tray of tacos, burritos, and cherrychangas in front of him. He was in heaven devouring them all.

(You know, with all the Mexican food we eat, I’m glad we have our healing factor. Otherwise, we would be very overweight.)

(I love that we are able to eat junk food guilt free!)

Suddenly, the ground began to tremor, and Deadpool heard Rainbow Dash yell…

“Stampede!”

Everyone in the area ran away, screaming “stampede” for all to hear. Deadpool was still sitting in his seat, however.

(Shouldn’t we leave?)

“Nah, it’s most likely an overreaction to a group of bunnies,” Said Deadpool dismissively.

Just as he said that, Deadpool saw a cloud of dust on the outskirts of Ponyville. Using a teleporter to get a closer look, he saw a stampeding herd of cows coming his way. Only able to make a face that read “I’m screwed”, he got trampled by the herd. When the dust settled, he was flattened cartoon style.

(While I would love to lay here in agony as much as the next guy, shouldn't we stop that cow herd? I mean, we are heroes.)

“You're right, we are heroes, and I have a plan!” Said Deadpool.

As the cows continued to stampede towards Ponyville, he set up traffic cones across the road. He stood in front of the cones, facing the cows in a traffic cop outfit while wearing his mask. He put up his left foreleg to signal stop, and blew a whistle. This didn't faze the cows at all, and, once again, Deadpool got flattened by the stampede.

“Well, that went well. Time for plan B,” Said Deadpool.

(I swear to Celestia, if plan B is “dancing” traffic cop, I'm going to squeeze your brain till it explodes!)

“YEEHAW!”

“What the hell?!”

Deadpool looked towards where the voice came from, and saw Applejack and her dog Winona herding the cows away from Ponyville. Using her lasso on the leading cow, she led the herd to a field where they stopped.

“Whoaaa! Hooie! Now what was that all about?” Asked Applejack.

“Moo.” A cow named DaisyJo cleared her throat before she spoke. “Oh my! Begging your pardon, Applejack, but, Moo-riela here I saw one of those nasty snakes.” Hearing the word “snake” startled the rest of the cows.“And it just gave us all the willes, don’tcha know.”

“I completely understand. Just next time, try and steer clear of Ponyville.”

“We certainly will, Applejack. So long, Winona!”

After saying her goodbyes, DaisyJo and the rest of her herd trekked their way back home. Applejack ran past a crowd of ponies, who were cheering and chanting her name for saving the town, before heading back to Sweet Apple Acres. Meanwhile, Deadpool joined up with the rest of his friends, along with the mayor of Ponyville, Mayor Mare.

“Applejack was just… just….”

“Appletastic!” Said Pinkie Pie.

She was hanging upside down from nothing before falling back to the earth.

“Exactly. We must do something to thank Applejack for single-hoofedly saving the town,” Said Mayor Mare.

While everyone was speaking amongst each other, Deadpool was sitting on his haunches with his forelegs crossed. He had an annoyed look on his face.

“I can't believe everypony is cheering for Applejack only. We saved the town too!” Said Deadpool angrily.

(Well, we did get trampled on more than helped.)

(We should take this traffic cop outfit off before we get arrested for impersonating an officer… again.)

“Excuse me sir.”

Deadpool looked over to his right and saw Mayor Mare.

“Yes, Mayor?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Why are you wearing that police uniform?” Asked Mayor Mare.

“Shit!” Said Deadpool and his voices fearfully.

A few hours after the cow stampede, Applejack was working in the apple orchards of Sweet Apple Acres. She was busy bucking apples for applebuck season. As she bucked a tree, the Merc with a Mouth showed up.

“Hey,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Deadpool, what are ya doing here?” Asked Applejack.

“I came to say thanks for helping me save the town.”

“Well, ya welcome. But if I heard Rarity correctly, ya were flattened into a pancake. Not really saving the town.”

“Jeez, nopony will let that go will they? Anyway, you're going to the ceremony thing for you later this week, right?”

“Yeah, I am. I don't mean to sound rude, Deadpool, but can we talk later? I'm kinda busy right now.”

“What are you doing anyway?”

“I have to buck all of these apple trees for applebuck season.”

Deadpool snorted in amusement before out right laughing.

"What?" Questioned Applejack.

"You have to 'buck' all of these apples. That's quite the task, Applejack!" Said Deadpool.

"Get yer mind out of the gutter, Deadpool," Said Applejack annoyedly.

“Okay, I'll stop. For now anyway. I don't need to be a genius to know Sweet Apple Acres has a lot of apple trees.”

(You're right, you are not a genius, or smart while we're at it.)

“Hey! Anyway, would you like some help?”

Hearing his offer to help, Applejack tensed up.

“No thanks. I don't need any help,” Said Applejack.

“Fine, but let me give you some advice: instead of kicking all these trees to get the apples, use these...”

Deadpool threw some shurikens he kept on his person, and successfully cut the stems of all the apples on a tree, causing them to fall into buckets. He stood under the tree, and put his left fore hoof up, catching an apple.

“See? It's efficient, good practice, and it's fun,” Said Deadpool.

With a satisfied grin, he took a bite of the apple.

“That's not how we do things around these here parts,” Said Applejack.

“Suit yourself. Mind if I try bucking a tree?” Asked Deadpool.

“Sure, just don't buck that big tree over there.”

Applejack pointed at a big apple tree to the right of them. It was too late, though, Deadpool walked over to the big tree, turned around, and bucked the tree.

CRACK!

“Owwwwwwwww!!!!”

Deadpool's back legs broke upon impact with the tree. Bone stuck out of the back of his legs. Not a single apple fell, making the buck in vain. Deadpool couldn’t stop screaming in pain. Applejack walked up to where Deadpool was lying on the ground. Seeing his predicament left her with an exasperated look.

“I told ya not to buck that tree,” Said Applejack.

“Just put me out of my misery,” Said Deadpool while shedding a tear.

One week later...

The day of Applejack’s ceremony had finally arrived. The girls, minus Applejack, were just about done setting up.

“We all ready?” Asked Twilight.

“Just one last thing.” Rarity cast some magic from her horn, and hung a large banner in front of the town hall. “Now we're ready.”

“Is Applejack all set?”

“Actually, I haven't seen her all week,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Not since the stampede,” Added Pinkie.

“Where could she be?” Wondered Twilight.

Suddenly, the girls heard someone chuckle. It came from Deadpool, who was leaning against town hall with his forelegs behind his head.

“Have you checked Sweet Apple Acres? Asked Deadpool.

“What?” Asked Pinkie in reply.

“Sweet Apple Acres, the place she works and lives at.”

The girls facepalmed when they realized how obvious Applejack’s location was.

“I saw her after the stampede and offered to help her collect apples with my ninja skills, but she declined. She's probably still working on collecting apples for applebuck season as we speak,” Said Deadpool.

“But she'll be here for sure. Applejack is never late,” Assured Rainbow.

Not long after, a crowd gathered in front of town hall. Twilight stood behind a podium, carrying flashcards with her.

“Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor a pony who we can always count on to help in matters great and small. A pony whose contributions to-”

Twilight was rudely shoved from the podium by Rainbow Dash.

“Did you see Applejack’s slick moves out there? What an athlete! This week she's going to help me with my new flying trick, and I know it's gonna be so awesome.” Said Rainbow excitedly.

She was shoved away from the podium by Twilight.

“Exactly and…”

Twilight was interrupted again, but by Pinkie Pie.

“This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time,” Said Pinkie.

“What does that have to do with Applejack?” Asked Twilight.

“Oh. Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!”

The crowd cheered for free samples. Twilight Sparkle was not all that amused, so she shoved Pinkie Pie away like she did with Rainbow Dash.

“Oh-kay, that's great. Now if I can just make a point without being inter-”

“Twilight?” Said Fluttershy softly.

“-rupted.”

In the crowd, Deadpool was trying to hold in his laughter because he would probably get murdered by Twilight if he did laugh. But it’s not easy, the whole scenario was just too funny to him.

“Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the baby bunnies that were born this season. She's going to help gather them using her wonderful herding skills," Said Fluttershy.

Noticing Twilight glaring at her, Fluttershy walked away from the podium.

“Anyone else? Anyone? No? Well then, as I was trying to say-”

Deadpool then appeared in front of Twilight, facing the crowd.

"What's happening, Ponyville?! As you all may know, Disney bought the rights to FOX, so that means yours truly, is gonna be a part of the MCU! Isn't that exciting?!"

Deadpool only just now noticed Twilight’s eyes flash red, and her horn lit up. Before he could react, Deadpool was struck by a magic bolt and launched into the air.

“Ahhh!”

With a scream, he landed into the crowd. Luckily, he didn't land on anyone. Deadpool laid in the spot he landed on.

“Worth it,” Said Deadpool painfully.

Looking to her left, Twilight Sparkle noticed Mayor Mare standing next to her with a grin.

“Urgh! Never mind,” Said Twilight in defeat.

She threw her flashcards in the air out of frustration, and stormed off.

“Ah-Ahem, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prized Pony of Ponyville award to our beloved guest of honor. A pony of utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Ponyville’s most capable and dependable friend: Applejack.”

As Mayor Mare finished her speech, the curtains behind her pulled back. Applejack wasn't there, causing confusion in the crowd.

“Cool! Way to go Applejack, that was awesome! I mean- Heh.”

Spike stopped himself when he realized Applejack wasn't here.

“Ah-Ahem.”

Mayor Mare tried to call for Applejack, but she still didn't appear.

“Awkward,” Said Spike.

“I'm here. I'm here." Appleack was behind the crowd. She seemed exhausted, pausing to let out a yawn. "Sorry I'm late whoa! I was just… whoa.”

As Applejack was making her way through the crowd of ponies, walking clumsily, she stepped on the back of a certain hero who was still on the ground.

CRACK!

“Oww! Why can't I get a single break this week! Why does every goddamn bone in my fuckin body have to break?!”

As Deadpool got up in pain, he noticed Applejack acting funny.

(Poor coordination, drowsiness… You know what this means, right?)

“Yeah, she drank a lot of Angry Orchard cider and didn't invite me,” Said Deadpool while glaring at his friend.

(I don't think that's where he was go-)

“I know that's what's going on. Luckily for me, I have a video camera to record this, so I can show her how ridiculous she was when she has a hangover.”

(We’re really going outside the available technology of this universe’s time.)

Deadpool pulled out a Panasonic video camera from who knows where, and started recording.

“Thank you kindly for this here… award thingy. (Yawn) It's so bright and shiny and heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny heh. Ooo-ooo.”

Applejack was playing with her reflection in the trophy. Deadpool was laughing the entire time, loving every second of it.

“This is sooo going to be uploaded to YouTube,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight decided to intervene once Pinkie Pie joined in with Applejack.

“Okay. Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony,” Said Twilight.

“(Yawn) Yeah. I like helping the ponyfolks and (Yawn) and stuff.” Applejack suddenly fell asleep where she stood. It didn’t last for long, though, she immediately woke up. “Oh, uh, yeah. Uh, thanks.”

Applejack grabbed the trophy with her teeth, and was dragging it back home. Seeing her dragging it away left an awkward silence in the crowd, except for Deadpool. He was laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes. Twilight was the first to say something.

“Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little-”

“Tired?” Guessed Rainbow.

“Dizzy?” Guessed Fluttershy.

“Messy?” The girls looked at Rarity in surprise. “What, did you see her mane?”

“I think she's drunk,” Said Deadpool.

“Deadpool!” Shouted the girls in unison.

“Oh come on, wasn't it obvious? The stumbling walk, drowsiness, and goofy behavior. It shows she had too many bottles of Angry Orchard. I mean, the gal has apples on her flank."

( I can totally think of a dirty joke involving that.)

“Anyway, I have something to remember this day for a long time,” Said Deadpool as he was patting the video camera.

Not long after the… interesting ceremony, Applejack got back to work bucking the apple trees. At first she was making progress, but then she started to fall asleep, so she was kicking the air. Deadpool and Twilight Sparkle were watching from a distance, and had confused looks on their faces.

“What on Earth is that pony doing?” Wondered Twilight.

“I don't know, but whatever it is it's funny,” Said Deadpool.

This comment earned him a punch to the foreleg by Twilight.

“Let's talk to her,” Said Twilight.

“I don't know, she might forget the conversation because of the buzz,” Remarked Deadpool.

“You're not being helpful, Deadpool.”

“I'm not supposed to be.”

“Hey Applejack!” Said Twilight to get her attention.

Right there on the spot, Applejack fell asleep while standing up.

“Applejack,” Said Deadpool.

Applejack continued to sleep.

“Applejack,” Said Twilight.

“Don't worry, I know how to wake her up.”

Deadpool pulled out a megaphone out of nowhere, and yelled into it.

“APPLEJACK!!!”

This was enough to wake Applejack, but also caused Twilight’s ears to ring.

“Oh, howdy Twilight and Deadpool,” Greeted Applejack.

“Why are you applebucking all by yourself?” Asked Twilight.

“‘cause Big Macintosh hurt himself,” Answered Applejack.

“How about I use my ninja skills to get all of these apples down while you kick back a little?” Offered Deadpool.

“No way! I am not going to change how I get these apples. And I don't need ya help. Which means I should really get back to work.” Applejack’s friends continued to stand in front of her. “Ahem… hint hint? Get back to work?”

“Fine,” Said Twilight and Deadpool in unison.

They moved to the side as requested.

“Could you two step aside?” Asked Applejack in a dizzy state.

Hearing her ask them to move again caused Twilight and Deadpool to look at each other in confusion.

“We just did,” Said Twilight.

While looking at her friends, Applejack’s vision made her see multiple Deadpools and Twilights.

“Applejack, you don't look so good,” Said Deadpool in concern.

“Eh, don't any of you six worry none, I'm just fine and dandy,” Said Applejack.

As she tried to buck another tree, she only hit it lightly, and almost fell over.

“Do you want some help?” Asked Twilight.

“Help?” Applejack shook her head to get out of her daze. “No way, no how.”

“There's no way you can do this on your own, prideful one,” Said Deadpool.

“Is that a challenge?” Asked Applejack intimidatingly.

Applejack made herself look taller to challenge Deadpool's words.

“No,” Said Deadpool timidly.

“Well, I'm going to prove to you all that I can do it! Now if you will excuse me, I've got apples to buck.”

With that, Applejack walked away to get back to work, leaving behind her friends who gave each other concerned looks. A little while later, at the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle was on the balcony reading a book while Deadpool was just drawing random stick figures on some lined paper.

(Wait, is that a stick figure of a mare with a big ass?)

“Yup,” Answered Deadpool.

(I'm not going to even bother asking why.)

Changing the topic, all of a sudden, Rainbow Dash crash-landed on the railing of the balcony. Seeing Rainbow Dash crash caused Deadpool to get into a laughing fit.

“Can I help you?” Asked Twilight mockingly.

“I think somepony else needs your help,” Replied Rainbow.

“Applejack?”

“Yup. Deadpool stop laughing!” Demanded Rainbow sternly.

“Can’t and won’t. So…” Deadpool paused to continue laughing. “if you want me to, make me. Umph!”

Before he knew what hit him, Deadpool's head was kicked clean off by Rainbow Dash, and was sent high in the sky.

(Ha, you said high!)

Rainbow Dash noticed the paper next to a headless merc.

“What was he doing?”

As she looked at the paper, Rainbow Dash's eyes grew to the size of saucers, filled with regret.

“What was he drawing?” Asked Twilight.

“I don't think you want to know,” Answered Rainbow.

A few minutes later, at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was continuing to work herself too much. As she was picking up an apple from the ground, she hit her head on a branch. That was when Deadpool and Twilight arrived.

“Applejack, can we talk?” Asked Twilight.

Applejack tried to listen to Twilight, but her hearing was off from the hit to the head.

“Can bees squawk?! I don't think so,” Replied Applejack.

“No. Can we talk?”

“Twenty stalks? Beans or celery?”

As Twilight was about to repeat herself, Deadpool put up a hoof.

“Wait, I know what to do,” Said Deadpool.

He pulled out the megaphone to be used again.

“Deadpool, wait!” Shouted Twilight.

“WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU!” Shouted Deadpool.

Both girls’ ears were ringing from how loud Deadpool spoke into the megaphone.

“Oh! Well why didn't you say so? What you two wanna talk about?” Asked Applejack.

“Rainbow Dash dropped in to see us today,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool was giggling to himself, remembering what had occurred minutes ago.

“That was quite neighborly of her,” Said Applejack.

“Yes, except that she crashed onto my balcony after you launched her into the air,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, yeah. I wasn't feeling quite myself this morning.”

“Well wannabe outlaw, that's because you're working too hard and you need help,” Said Deadpool.

“What? Kelp? I don't need kelp. I don't even like seaweed,” Said Applejack.

Once again, Applejack's hearing was off.

“HELP! You need HELP!” Shouted Twilight.

“Nothin’ doin’, Twilight. I’m gonna prove to you, t’everypony, that I can do this on my own,” Said Applejack stubbornly.

As she turned around, she hit her head on the same branch.

“Ow! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go help Pinkie Pie.”

As Applejack wobbled away, Deadpool and Twilight let out sighs of defeat. Later on, Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool arrived at the Urgent Care Wing of Ponyville Hospital.

“We came as soon as we got the message Miss,” Said Deadpool.

A white earth pony with a pink mane and tail, blue eyes, and wearing a nurse's uniform, who goes by Nurse Reheart, met with them in the room.

“Thank you for coming. We need all the help we can get,” Said Nurse Redheart.

Looking around the room, they noticed a bunch of Ponyville’s residents were groaning in pain, and their faces were a sickly green. Pinkie Pie herself was one of the patients.

“Oh no! What happened?” Asked Twilight in concern.

“It was a mishap with some of the baked goods,” Informed Nurse Redheart.

“No, not baked goods, baked bads,” Said Pinkie Pie before the urge to vomit came.

“Applejack,” Said Twilight and Deadpool in unison.

Spike found one of the “baked bads”, a muffin to be exact, and took a bite out of it. He ended up liking it.

“Want one?” Asked Spike.

Twilight immediately rejected it. Deadpool on the other hand took one and started eating it. He enjoyed the muffin as well.

“Eww! Why would you eat that?!” Asked Twilight in disgust.

“Healing factor. And on a side note, it tastes like chips,” Answered Deadpool.

After the hospital visit, Deadpool and Twilight tried to help Applejack again, but, like the other times, she was too stubborn to accept it.

(We could have added the full scene in, but it had the same shit in it as the other scenes.)

(I personally wanted to add it, but Deadpool had a gun next to my head, and if I did he would have ended this crossover here and now.)

So… Deadpool and Twilight were walking around Ponyville when they noticed three unconscious mares in the road.

(I dare you to kiss them and see if they wake up!)

(Perv!)

One by one, the mares woke up.

“The horror.”

“It was awful.”

“A disaster. A horrible, horrible disaster.”

Deadpool and Twilight looked around, but nothing appeared to be wrong.

“Um, ladies, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong here,” Said Deadpool.

“Our gardens, destroyed.”

"Every last flower, devoured.”

“By… By… THEM!”

One of the mares pointed to a large group of baby rabbits. They were eating every foliage in sight. Fluttershy was trying to round them all up, but to no avail.

“Oh my. Oh please stop, little bunnies. Oh no! Please, let’s go home. Oh my goodness,” Uttered Fluttershy in panic.

“They came in a stampede,” Said one of the mares.

“They did? Well, son of a bitch! If I recall correctly, I mentioned bunny stampede at the beginning of this fanfic,” Said Deadpool.

“All right. Enough is enough,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, I agree. I say we end this now,” Said Deadpool while holding a shotgun and cocking it.

“What? No! I didn’t mean it like that,” Said Twilight.

“Aww! I wanted to use this!” Whined Deadpool.

Just then, a baby bunny hopped towards him.

“Eh, what’s up doc?” Quipped Deadpool.

Meanwhile, Applejack was bucking a lone apple tree. Her kicks were light, although apples were still falling. She looked like she could collapse at any second.

“Must (Gasp) keep (Gasp) buckin’... Just (Gasp) a few (Gasp) more. Must finish harvestin’, Said Applejack exhaustively.

Just then, Twilight Sparkle and Deadpool came to confront her.

“All right, Applejack. Your applebucking hasn’t just caused ‘you’ problems, it’s over propelled pegasus’, practically poisoned plenty of ponies, and terrorized bushels of brand new bouncing baby bunnies,” Scolded Twilight.

“You also broke my back at the ceremony!” Added Deadpool.

“We don’t care what you say. You. Need. Help.”

With one final kick, Applejack kicked the last apples from the tree into baskets.

“Ha! No, I don’t. Look, I did it. I harvested the entire Sweet Apple Acres without your help,” Said Applejack.

As Twilight and Deadpool looked around, they noticed all the trees around them had no apples on them.

“How d’ya like them apples?” Asked Applejack.

“Um, how do you like them apples?”

Deadpool pointed towards an acre of apple trees, their ripe fruit still on them. Applejack was speechless. She tried to speak, but her words were unintelligible.

“Where’d all the apples…? (Sigh)”

Applejack fainted during her confusion. As Applejack slowly opened her eyes, she heard voices.

“Applejack?”

“I know what to do.”

“No you don’t! We’re not doing this again.”

“Mine!”

Slipping in and out of consciousness, Applejack finally woke up. When she processed her surroundings, she noticed Deadpool and Twilight “playing” tug of war with the megaphone.

“Give it back!” Demanded Deadpool.

“It’s a bad idea,” Said Twilight.

“It’s effective.”

“It will blow up my eardrums!"

“You have a healing factor.”

“I don’t, you do.”

“Ah-Ahem,” Uttered Applejack to get her friends’ attention.

They look at her, then Deadpool yanked the megaphone back and put it away.

“Oh, good, you’re okay. Now Applejack, we completely respect the Apple family’s ways,” Said Twilight.

“They don’t approve of kick ass ninja skills,” Rebutted Deadpol.

“Shh! You’re always there to help anypony in need, so maybe you can put a little of your stubborn pride aside and allow your friends to help you,” Said Twilight.

“Okay, you two,” Said Applejack in defeat.

“We’re not taking ‘no’ for an answer- what?” Asked Twilight in disbelief.

“Yes, please. I could really use your help,” Pleaded Applejack.

“Even my ninja skills?” Questioned Deadpool.

“(Sigh) Even your ninja skills.”

“Yay!”

A few hours later, Twilight in addition with the rest of the Mane Six, Spike, and Deadpool, almost harvested rest of the orchard. Applejack came outside, pushing a dining cart with refreshments. Despite only having a few hours of sleep, she was no longer tired.

“How about y’all take a little break? I got some fine apple juice waitin’ for ya!” Said Applejack.

Deadpool walked over to the cart, and grabbed a bottle of apple juice.

“Really, no beer? Not even hard cider? Fine, but after this fanfic chapter is wrapped up, I am going to the nearest bar,” Said Deadpool.

“Everypony, I can’t thank you enough for this help. I was acting a bit stubborn,” Said Applejack.

“A bit?” Questioned Twilight.

“Okay, a mite stubborn, and I’m awful sorry. Now, I know the town gave me the Prized Pony award, but the real award is having you six as my friends.”

“Phew!” That applebucking sure made me hungry,” Said Rainbow.

“And I’ve got the perfect treat.”

Spike pulled out the “baked bads” that Applejack inadvertently made from a paper bag.

“Eeew! Spike, I threw those away. Where’d you get them?” Asked Pinkie Pie.

“From the trash,” Said Spike casually.

Deadpool pulled out a tainted muffin, and took a big bite out of it.

“Ew!” Cried the girls in pure disgust.

“Oh please, I have had worse. I once had a glass of orange juice that practically turned into a mimosa,” Said Deadpool.

“Ew! Gross!”

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the newest chapter "Apples, Apples, and More Apples". I enjoyed inserting Deadpool in the overall great episode, "Applebuck Season", from the first season of "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic". I plan on having this story be a mix between Deadpool's adventures and inserting him in some episodes from the actual show. Until next time, this has been ThrPhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Chapter 3: Slumber Party
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 3: Slumber Party

“It was a dark and stormy night. The wi-”

(Deadpool, what are you doing?)

“I'm starting the story.”

(You're making the chapter sound like a horror story.)

“Isn't that today’s theme?”

(No. I don't write those kinds of stories.)

“Oh, you know what scares me? 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine’. They fucked up my face in that movie, even more than it already is!”

(I'm going to start narrating now.)

It was a stormy evening in Ponyville. Rain was pouring profusely, and wind was causing the leaves on the trees to shake rapidly. No one was outside. All were taking shelter in their homes. Deadpool himself was in the living room of the Golden Oak Library. He was sitting on the couch, hooves holding his head in boredom.

“I don't understand why rain ruins fun. It's just water, we see it everyday,” Complained Deadpool.

(Have you thought about doing something inside?)

“You mean those activities nopony does unless they're trapped inside? Like building stuff out of popsicle sticks?”

(Sure, but there was this book in Twilight's library I wanted to read.)

“Nope. We should be doing something outside.”

(Oh, oh! I know, let’s stand in a field with a metal pole, and get the shock of our lives!)

“Nah, we did that last time there was a storm.”

(We can wear a rubber suit, and see if it makes us lightning resistant.)

“I think I prefer my suit’s tightness over that. Speaking of, I'm going to take this off.”

Removing his belt, Deadpool somehow took the pants off his jumpsuit, and tossed it aside.

“And now, I'm going to take a nap.”

Deadpool proceeded to lie down on the couch and close his eyes. As he was starting to fall asleep, he heard voices, three voices to be exact.

(Besides us?)

Wanting to know who was talking, Deadpool listened intently.

“I hear Sparkle,” Said Deadpool.

(No shit! This is her house.)

“Let's see… I also hear Calamity Jane. Who else is there? Oh, it's Little Miss Drama Queen.”

(You mean Applejack and Rarity?)

(Rarity may be a drama queen, but oh boy, she has an ass!)

“Shush!”

“Well, you're welcome to stay if need be. Spike is away in Canterlot on royal business, and Deadpool is most likely going to be downstairs,” Said Twilight.

“What's Deadpool doing here, Twilight?” Asked Rarity.

“Oh, I guess I haven't mentioned it. He's living here until he gets his own place,” Explained Twilight.

“I should probably start searching for a new place soon,” Said Deadpool to himself.

(So, we need to find a new shithole to live in?)

Deadpool heard a gasp from Twilight, bringing his attention back to the conversation upstairs.

“You and Applejack should totally sleepover! We'll have a slumber party! I've always wanted one of those,” Said Twilight excitedly.

(You know what this means, right, Wade?)

“Yep. There’s going to be prank calls, pillow fights, and underwear.”

(But the girls don't wear clothes.)

(No. It means you have to respect the girls’ privacy and space.)

“Fuck that, let's go have fun!”

Upstairs in Twilight's room, she and Rarity had finished giving each other and Applejack makeovers. Applejack was not in the slightest happy because, like Rarity and Twilight, she had her mane and tail in curlers.

“So, how are you getting along over there, Applejack?” Asked Rarity.

“Just fine, Rarity,” Replied Applejack sarcastically.

Hoofsteps could be heard coming up a flight of stairs, then Deadpool appeared in the room.

“Hey girls. Oh, am I interrupting something?” Asked Deadpool.

“No, you're not Dea-”

Twilight stopped talking when she noticed something about Deadpool. She noticed that Deadpool's lower half of his suit was gone. Instead, he was wearing leopard print underwear. To say Twilight was surprised would be an understatement. She wasn't the only one surprised about Deadpool’s attire, Rarity and Applejack immediately covered their eyes with their forelegs.

“Deadpool, what in tarnations are you wearing?” Asked Applejack rhetorically.

“Oh, this? This underwear breathes. Really nice to wear when in combat,” Said Deadpool.

“Darling, if you're going to wear… that, can you please put something on over it?” Asked Rarity.

“Hmm… nah.”

“Deadpool, put some pants on,” Ordered Twilight sternly.

“No.”

“Deadpool, if you don't put some pants on right now, I will forcefully put them on you.”

“Pftt, like you can do that.”

In a matter of seconds, Deadpool and Twilight got themselves in a struggle. Twilight was trying to hold Deadpool down while using her magic to put his pants back on him. Deadpool wasn't making it easy by flailing his forelegs around while swearing up a storm. All Applejack and Rarity could do was watch the entire event go down. After finally getting his pants back on him, Twilight threw Deadpool out of her room, and he landed downstairs.

(Haha! You were beaten by a girl!)

(That's sexist.)

“Whatever, let’s get out of here and go for a walk,” Said Deadpool.

(Did you forget it's storming out? We should stay inside.)

“No! I refuse to stay in this house for another minute!”

A few minutes later, Deadpool was walking down the streets of Ponyville. To keep himself dry from the pouring rain, he wore a yellow raincoat and a rainbow colored umbrella hat. The roar of thunder could be heard as he walked down the water soaked streets.

(This rain, kind of reminds you of something, doesn’t it?)

“Like peeing? I knew I should’ve gone before I left,” Said Deadpool.

(I agree, but no.)

(London?)

(No.)

“‘It’s Raining Men’ by The Weather Girls?”

(No! I mean something symbolic.)

“Hmm… I suppose the rain could represent certain points of my life.”

(Oh, do tell!)

“I have had a lot of shit thrown at me over the years. From my cancer scarring my body to my time in the Weapon X program. Both of those events have left me with scars both physical and emotional. Trauma that even my healing factor can’t fix. On top of that, even though I have done some good in my life, I have caused plenty of harm as well. Plus a lot of superheroes I have met over the years, whom I have deemed friends, hate me because of my methods and or find me annoying. My pain, guilt, and depression added up where I felt like I have a rain cloud over my head.”

(Yes, adding to that, despite the fact that you have seen many a rainy day, there’s a silver lining. Ever since you have moved to Ponyville, you have made friends who see past your flaws and are helping you become a better hero and pony. As long as you don’t lose your way, there will be sunny skies ahead.)

(... Since when have we become philosophical?)

More thunder could be heard, snapping Deadpool and the voices in his head from their thoughts.

(We should probably head back to Twilight’s. Otherwise we may get struck by-)

Suddenly, lightning struck down from the heavens, and smote Deadpool where he stood. Afterwards, he was left spasming on the ground. When he thought it was over, another lightning bolt struck him, leaving him charred and with smoke fuming from his head.

(Looks like lightning can strike in the same spot twice.)

“... and just when the last pony thought she was safe, there, standing right behind her, just inches away was-- The Headless Horse!”

“Ahhhh!”

Applejack and Rarity screamed to the top of their lungs. Twilight had finished telling the ghost story of “The Headless Horse.” Just then, a charred Deadpool walked into the room.

“Deadpool, what happened to you?” Asked Twilight.

“I took my chances and got struck by lightning while I was outside,” Deadpool shook the soot off of him, somehow returning him to normal. “Lights are off but a single lantern? Oh! Are you telling ghost stories?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah. Do you want to join us?” Asked Twilight in reply.

“Boy do I!” Deadpool sat behind the lantern with the girls looking at him. “I'm going to tell you girls a story so scary you will wish the artists over at Hasbro had drawn you wearing pants. I'm going to tell you the story of… The Demon Pony.”

The girls gulped out of nervousness. Over the next few minutes, Deadpool told them of a pony who was cursed to haunt a mansion in the middle of the Everfree Forest, while also becoming a demon. Three unfortunate ponies found the mansion, and were trapped inside. Two of them faced gruesome ends. One was hanged in a pantry, while the other was caught in the demon pony’s grasp, and burned alive by his touch.

“Sunlight Ray thought she was safe in the master bedroom, having the door locked. But then, she saw a porcelain doll. It turned its head to look right at her. Coming right out of the doll was The Demon Pony in all his ferocity. He floated towards Sunlight, and grabbed her by the neck! He lifted her off the ground, and made her look him in his souless eyes... You want to know what happens next?” Asked Deadpool.

“What?” Asked Rarity.

“You really want to know?” Asked Deadpool.

“What?” Whispered Applejack.

“The Demon Pony phased his hoof into Sunlight’s throat, then… he… PULLED out her windpipe!”

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

“Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha!”

The girls screamed in fear while Deadpool was laughing his ass off.

“How is that story funny to you?!” Asked Twilight.

“The story's not making me laugh. It's the looks on your faces!” Answered Deadpool.

“Now I probably won't sleep tonight,” Whinned Rarity.

“Hey, just be happy Fluttershy isn’t here. This room would probably be flooded with her tears after hearing all of that. And making Fluttershy cry is the ultimate sin.”

“Changing the subject, how about we play a game? Wait, where's Deadpool?” Asked Twilight.

Unbeknownst to Twilight, Deadpool snuck up behind her, then whispered in her ear.

“Demon.”

“Ahhhh!”

CRACK!

Twilight screamed and punched Deadpool in the nose, a little blood trickling out.

“I deserved that,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah, you did. Now, let's play a game of Truth or Dare,” Said Twilight.

“I dare Applejack to do something carefully and neatly for a change,” Said Rarity.

“Oh yeah? Well I dare Rarity to lighten up and stop obsessin’ over every last little detail, for a change,” Said Applejack.

“I can tell there's some conflict between you two that's been going on throughout the story, but I'm not going to stop you because it will result in a critical plot point,” Said Deadpool.

“I will go. Let’s start with something simple: Deadpool, I dare you to do a hoof stand for five minutes.,” Said Twilight.

“You couldn't have chosen an easier dare, Twilight! Challenge accepted!”

Deadpool raised his back half off the ground, and stood on his forelegs. As the seconds went by, Deadpool didn’t seem fazed in the slightest. Eventually, time was up, and Deadpool was still in a hoof stand.

“Wow! Good job!” Congratulated Twilight.

Deadpool didn't respond, he kept doing a hoof stand.

“Deadpool?”

THUD!

Deadpool fell forward, getting back up in a flash.

“I’m okay! Now it’s my turn! I’ve got a truth for… you, Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

“Go ahead. I have nothing to hide.” Said Twilight.

“We'll see about that. Just like your dare, this question I have for you will be simple. Do you like me?”

“Well, you are a hoofull, but I like you.”

“That's not what I meant. What I meant was, do you like me romantically?”

“What?”

“I'm asking because this is the perfect moment.”

Looking at her, Twilight's face blushed a light red.

(Oh! Let’s see where this goes!)

(Yes, let’s see where the embarrassment and peer pressure goes!)

“It's something I've been wondering about for a little while now. You let me stay at your house for like a month now, and you had me open up about my past, even though we had known each other for less than a week at the time, and three days ago I saw, from the corner of my eye, you looking at my ass,” Said Deadpool.

For added effect, he stretched the fabric of his suit and let it snap. At this point, Twilight's blush turned as red as Deadpool suit.

“So, are you into me?” Twilight didn't say anything, too embarrassed to speak. “You know not answering right away proves you are into me.”

Twilight's face was now a dark red, and her breathing grew rapid.

“Excuse me!” Said Twilight frantically.

She ran out of the room, going who-knows-where.

(Ooh! I think she likes you! Are you going to ask her out?)

“No. I think she was just caught up in the moment. I doubt she's into me. She's organized and thorough, I'm chaotic and spontaneous,” Said Deadpool to himself.

As quick as she left, Twilight came back with no blush on her face.

"Let's see what our next fun-fun-fun thing is, shall we? Hm, what does this mean? Pillow fight?” Wondered Twilight.

“Oh, please. I am not at all interested in participating in something so crude,” Said Rarity.

BAM!

Just then, Applejack threw a pillow right into Rarity's face.

“Oh! It! Is! On!” Said Rarity furiously.

Rarity and Applejack chucked pillows at each other like they're in a war.

“Oh, I get it! Pillow, fight! Fun!” Said Twilight enthusiastically.

“Callabanga!”

BAM!

Deadpool ran up to Twilight and smacked her in the face with a pillow.

“Oh yeah?”

Twilight smacked him back with a pillow. They both smacked each other for a little bit with the pillows. Meanwhile, Applejack and Rarity were launching pillows towards each other; pillows flew everywhere. Three pillows from Applejack strayed off course, and hit Twilight instead. Her eyes were spinning from the impact.

“Uh, girls? Maybe we should take it down a notch?” Advised Twilight.

“Let’s do this pop culture style!” Shouted Deadpool.

He took his pants off , grabbed a pillow, and smacked Twilight from atop her head. Once her vision came back to normal, she saw pants-less Deadpool. She grabbed his pants, and chased him around the room.

“Not this again!” Shouted Deadpool.

Once she got Deadpool’s pants back on, Twilight told everyone…

“Maybe we should just call it a night and get some sleep?”

Everyone went to bed for the night. Deadpool was in the living room like always while Applejack and Rarity were sharing a bed in Twilight’s room. Both of them were not happy about sharing a bed.

“Keep your muddy hooves on your side of the bed,” Demanded Rarity.

“My hooves ain’t muddy,” Said Applejack.

“They were. There might still be a little on them.”

“There ain’t. See?”

Applejack placed a hoof in front of Rarity’s face to prove her point, much to the latter's disgust.

“Eww!”

Feeling a little chilly, Rarity stole the blanket from Applejack.

“Now who’s bein’ inconsiderate?” Asked Applejack rhetorically.

Applejack stole the blanket back. Out of frustration, Rarity got out of bed.

“I have to make the bed again so the blanket will be right. Get up,” Ordered Rarity.

“Hey!”

Rarity head butted Applejack off the bed, and prepared to make the bed. Using her magic, she tucked the blanket and sheet in. Applejack was going to pull the blanket back to get in bed when she was stopped by Rarity.

“Ah ah ah! You'll ruin it. You have to do it like this.”

Rarity entered from the top of the blanket and slid in, so the blanket wasn’t untucked.

“Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Geronimo!”

“Hey!”

Applejack jumped and landed on the bed. Rarity was launched from the bed, and the blanket landed on Applejack.

“You did that on purpose,” Said Rarity irritatedly.

“Um, yeah?” Said Applejack.

“Get up so I can fix it again.”

“Can't hear ya, I'm asleep.”

Despite having just spoken, Applejack pretended to be asleep, hoping Rarity would fall for it. Rarity wasn’t deceived, however, and pulled the blanket off of Applejack in an attempt to get her out of bed.

“I ain't budgin’,” Said Applejack stubbornly.

“You will if you want any blankets,” Said Rarity.

Applejack took the blanket back from Rarity. Rarity grabbed it, and both ponies ended up in a tug-of-war over it.

“Give it back!” Demanded Applejack.

“I will not!” Said Rarity.

“Yes, you will!”

“Won’t!”

“Will!”

“Won’t!”

“Will!”

“Won’t!”

“Will!”

“Enough!”

Waking up due to her friends bickering, Twilight got ticked off and stopped it. She then showed a book to her friends.

“It says right here that the number one thing you're supposed to do at a slumber party is have fun, and thanks to you two I can't check that off!” Said Twilight furiously.

“I’ve been tryin’ my darndest to get along,” Said Applejack.

“No, it is I who have been trying 'my' best,” Said Rarity.

“No, it was me.”

“No, it was I.”

“Me!”

“I!”

“I hope you're happy, both of you. You've ruined my very first slumber party. The makeover, Truth or Dare, well, Deadpool kind of had a hoof in that too. You also ruined the pillow fight… I mean, is there anything else that can possibly go wrong? Asked Twilight.

ZAP!

Just like that, lightning struck the top of a tree neighboring the house. Twilight hid herself under her blanket out of fear.

“Sorry I asked.”

The girls looked out a window, and noticed the top of the tree was leaning towards a nearby house.

“You see? That's why we needed to take down all those loose branches in town, not spiffy ‘em up.” Scolded Applejack.

Rarity looked at Applejack with big eyes.

“But I-”

“Outta my way missy! Times a wastin’.” Interrupted Applejack.

Applejack opened the window and started swinging her lasso.

“Wait! Stop! Don't!” Shouted Rarity.

“No Waitin’! No Stoppin’! Doin’!” Said Applejack. Applejack pulled the loop of her lasso and got the treetop. She then pulled it back upright. “And that, my friends, is what we call gettin’ ‘er done.”

Applejack pulled the lasso too hard, and the top of the tree fell towards the library.

“Ahh!”

The tree crashed through the window and into the bedroom. Applejack was dangling over the main library room. The wind was blowing into the house. Rarity was using a book to protect her head.

“I tried to tell you it would come crashing down in here,” Said Rarity sternly.

“Well, ya shoulda tried harder,” Said Applejack.

Applejack had climbed the tree back up into the room. Having heard the commotion from downstairs, Deadpool ran into the room, and noticed the tree.

“Woah! Twilight, your room has some wood… Ha ha ha! (Gasp) Ha ha ha!”

Deadpool kept laughing hysterically while Applejack was trying to move the tree. Rarity meanwhile, was just cleaning the little messes around the big one. Picking up books and trinkets, and putting them back on shelves.

“Rarity, for pony’s sake, stop sweatin’ the small stuff and help me get rid of this thing!” Ordered Applejack.

Rarity was ignoring Applejack while putting books back on a shelf.

“I said hustle over here and help me!” Demanded Applejack.

Rarity continued to ignore her. Applejack sighed in defeat before speaking to her.

“Look, I'm sorry, all right?”

Applejack’s apology caught Rarity off guard.

“What was that?” Asked Rarity.

“I said I'm sorry! I shoulda listened to you when you noticed where this here branch would end up. Yer annoyin’ attention to detail would’a saved us from this whole mess. But right now, you need to stop bein’ so dang fussy pickin’ up all the little things and help me move the one big thing in here that actually matters! Please!” Begged Applejack.

Rarity looked at where the tree was resting. Leaves were scattered across the floor, puddles of water pooled close to the bark, and some mud had even gotten into the room.

“Uh. Uh, but I’ll get all icky,” Whined Rarity.

“Consarnit! What the… eh…. you… I mean, yes, ickiness is often a side effect of hard work. But y’all need to get over it, on account I just can’t fix this mess I made myself. I need your help,” Said Applejack.

“... Oh. Let's do this,” Said Rarity determinedly.

While Twilight was talking about outdoor slumber parties, Rarity cast a spell to turn almost all of the tree into mini hedge sculptures. There was still a big piece of the tree in the room, though. Before Applejack could try to lift it, the branch shifted. Deadpool finally decided to be helpful, grabbing onto one end and lift the log. He then tossed it out the window, and closed it, stopping the wind from blowing in. With the chaos over, Rarity noticed mud and leaves all over her.

“U-Ugh. Oh, I look awful,” Said Rarity.

Scratching her chin, Applejack had an idea. She put cucumber slices over Rarity's eyes, referring to the mud masks they wore during the makeovers.

“Better?” Asked Applejack.

“Hmnph, thanks,” Said Rarity.

“Oh, pretty! Where did these come from? They're not in the book either,” Said Twilight about the mini hedge sculptures.

Deadpool facehoofed his forehead when he heard what Twilight said. A little while later, the girls were playing a game of twenty questions, in which the answer was Twilight's telescope. They were all downstairs in the library. Rarity and Twilight had curlers in their manes and tails. Deadpool was sitting next to Twilight, sleeping soundly.

“Sorry for being such a pain in the patootie,” Said Applejack to Rarity.

“Oh, no, I was much worse,” Said Rarity.

“That’s kind of ya to say, but I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“Oh, I’m much more sorry than you are.”

“Ugh. Are not.”

“Are too.”

“Are not.”

“Are too.”

“Are not.”

“Are too.”

The two mares laughed at their argument.

“I declare my first slumber party a success!” Said Twilight.

Applejack and Rarity cheered, which woke Deadpool up.

“Cherrychangas!” Said Deadpool the instant he woke up.

“Have fun, check,” Said Twilight.

“(Yawn) Well, I don’t know about y’all, but I’m going to put the slumber in slumber party,” Said Deadpool tiredly.

Deadpool was going to go downstairs when he heard Twilight.

“Deadpool, you want to sleep upstairs with us?”

(Ooh, please say yes!)

“Sure. Let me grab something first,” Said Deadpool.

He quickly went downstairs. The girls went upstairs, and were about to get into their beds when they saw Deadpool pushing the couch upstairs. After some struggle with the stairs, Deadpool got the couch into the bedroom.

“Why did you bring the couch upstairs?” Asked Rarity.

“... It’s comfy,” Answered Deadpool.

Despite the fact it was now morning, everyone went to bed to make up for some lost sleep. Everyone was asleep except for Twilight. She was thinking to herself about something, something personal. She looked over to her right and saw Deadpool sleeping on the couch he dragged from downstairs. She smiled before finally closing her eyes, and falling asleep.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the newest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". This chapter took place in the season one episode "Look Before You Sleep". The next chapter will take place in one of Deadpool's own misadventures, and Twilight will be dragged in it. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Chapter 4: Freaky Pool Friday
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 4: Freaky Pool Friday

In the Golden Oak Library, Twilight was looking at a scroll. She had received it earlier from Princess Celestia. She noticed two silhouette ponies with arrows pointing at each other on the scroll. There was some text, but Twilight couldn’t make out entirely what it said.

“Hey, Deadpool,” Shouted Twilight.

“Yeah?” Asked Deadpool.

“Can you come here for a second?”

Deadpool came upstairs from the living room, and stood in front of Twilight.

“Can you help me with something?” Asked Twilight.

“Sure,” Replied Deadpool.

“I got this new spell from Celestia this morning.”

Twilight showed Deadpool the scroll.

“What kind of spell is it?” Asked Deadpool.

“Don't know. I was hoping you could be my test subject,” Said Twilight.

“Okay. Got nothing better to do anyway.”

(Hold up, partner. It’s situations like this that cause the conflict in a story, and, no offense to Twilight, normally smart characters have to make dumb decisions in order to move the plot along.)

While Deadpool was listening to the voice in his head, Twilight grabbed some chalk using telekinesis from her magic, and drew two big circles on the floor. One was on the left side of the library while the other was on the right.

“Stand in that circle on the right. I will be in this one and cast the spell,” Instructed Twilight.

Once they got in the circles, Twilight's horn lit up, casting the spell. Two red beams of light rose from the circles. Suddenly, Deadpool and Twilight felt migraines, the pain was indescribable. As quickly as they came, the migraines stopped, and Twilight and Deadpool fainted on the spot.

“Twilight? Deadpool?”

Spike heard the commotion, and tried to wake his friends up. Slowly, Deadpool opened his eyes.

“Twilight! Are you alright?!” Asked Spike.

“Twilight? I think you mixed my name up, squirt. I’m not Twi-”

Deadpool looked down, and saw his forelegs were a mulberry color.

“What the…?”

Deadpool got up from the floor. He turned to his right, and saw himself looking right at him.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

Twilight and Deadpool freaked out when they realized they were in each other’s bodies. Spike was also freaking out.

“What are you doing in my body?!” Asked Deadpool.

“What are you doing in mine?!” Asked Twilight in reply.

“Um, guys, what is going on?” Asked Spike.

“Hmm, the spell I used, it must have been a body switching spell,” Reasoned Twilight.

“So this is like ‘Freaky Friday’? There’s a reverse spell, right?” Asked Deadpool.

“Let me study the scroll again.”

For what felt like an hour, Twilight was reading the scroll’s text. Finally, she stopped and looked at Deadpool.

“There’s no reverse spell on here,” Said Twilight.

“What?! No! No! No! I am not going to be stuck like this!” Said Deadpool.

“I don’t want to be stuck in your body either.” Twilight caught a whiff of an acrid smell from Deadpool’s mask, causing her to gag. “Eww! Your mask smells like sweat and cherrychangas!”

Deadpool just shrugged his shoulders.

“Look, I will tell Celestia what happened and see if she has a reverse spell,” Said Twilight.

“Fine,” Muttered Deadpool.

“Good. Come with me, Spike.”

Twilight and Spike went upstairs. Spike had a puzzled look on his face about the situation.

“So, Twilight is in my body, and I’m in hers. I can already foresee some awkward shit happening. Wait, I just thought of something.”

Deadpool went downstairs, headed towards the bathroom, and shut the door.

“Ooh, I look nice!” Said Deadpool on the other side of the door.

“Deadpool? Where are you?” Asked Twilight.

Her voice was heard from downstairs. Deadpool ran out of the bathroom and up the stairs.

“I’m here! So, uh, did the Princess have a solution?” Asked Deadpool.

“She sent us this scroll.”

Twilight showed Deadpool said scroll.

“Of course she sent a scroll. It’s never a stone tablet or file,” Grumbled Deadpool.

“It appears the way to reverse our problem isn’t with a spell, but with a potion,” Said Twilight.

“Really? Weird. What do we need?”

“We’ll need black iris, sapphire powder, and a cragadile tooth.”

“Easy shmeezy. We’ll just get that stuff, and we’ll be back in our bodies in no time… I just realized something: if you’re in my body, does that mean you have my powers?”

…

“Hello?”

…

“Where are they? They usually say something by now.”

“Who are you talking to, Deadpool?”Asked Twilight.

(He’s talking to us, Miss.)

“Um, who said that?” Asked Twilight nervously.

(He did.)

“Ahh!”

“What?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’m hearing voices in my head!”

“Oh, them? Pfft, they’re the voices in my head. Just ignore them.”

“You told me you could hear voices, but I thought you were just crazy.”

(Just because you discovered Wade can hear voices, doesn’t mean he isn’t crazy.)

(Yeah, you have met him, right?)

“Let’s get what we need and get this over with,” Said Twilight.

Twilight was about to walk out the door when she was stopped by Deadpool.

“Wait, what do I do if I encounter somepony we know? I mean, we still have our voices,” Asked Deadpool.

“I don’t know. Pretend you have a cold, so it looks like I have one. Oh, and you’re going to the mines to get some sapphires while I go to the flower stand to get the black iris,” Said Twilight.

As Twilight left the library, Deadpool gave an annoyed look when her back was turned.

“‘Pretend you have a cold.’ Like anyone would believe that,” Grumbled Deadpool.

A little while later, Deadpool was walking through a mine. The mine was not far from Ponyville, about two miles away from the east side. Deadpool was looking all over the place to find sapphires, but was not having any luck.

“You would think with Equestria having bountiful gems, I just have to look to my left and there would be fifteen sapphires, or something. Ugh, this is annoying! I should have gotten the easy job of acquiring black iris,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

He checked every corner, every nook and cranny, and no stone was left unturned. But no matter where he looked, he didn’t find a single gem. When he was about to give up, he heard voices. He followed the voices down a corridor. Upon reaching the end, he found the source of the voices. Only a few paces ahead of him were two diamond dogs. Both of them had greyish brown fur, and were wearing metal armor. Not wanting to be noticed, Deadpool hid behind a minecart in the middle of the corridor. When he poked his head up to look, he found something. The minecart was filled to the brim with gems, including sapphires. Hopping they were too busy talking to notice, he reached in to take a couple sapphires.

“We know you are here, pony. We caught your scent earlier.”

Realizing he was discovered, Deadpool slowly stood up from behind the minecart with his front hooves up.

“Greetings, gentlemen. Sorry to bother you, but could I borrow a couple of sapphires? I need them to return to my old body,” Said Deadpool.

“Those gems are ours!”

A diamond dog ran towards Deadpool, but he dodged to the side, grabbed him by the arm, and tossed him into a wall.

“I wanted to resolve this civilly, but looks like I’m going to have to put you David Bowie allusions in the doghouse.”

The other diamond dog rushed towards Deadpool and grabbed him by the neck. The hero managed to get free by using his hind legs to kick him in the face, causing him to fall on his back. He then finished him off with a punch to the face. The remaining diamond dog tried to sneak up on him, but Deadpool knew he was coming. Before he could react, Deadpool spun around and punched him in the nose, a sensitive part of a diamond dog’s anatomy. Deciding he had enough, the diamond dog made a tactful retreat deeper into the mines. With victory in hand, Deadpool went over to the minecart, and grabbed a handful of sapphires.

“I wish I had my body back. Unlike me Twilight doesn’t have a healing factor,” Said Deadpool.

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Twilight had left a flower stand, carrying a bouquet of black iris flowers.

“Tell me something: if you two are voices inside of Wade’s head, how come am I able to hear you? Shouldn’t you have gone with Wade during the body swap?” Asked Twilight.

(The author thought it would have been funny to have us in your head. Plus, the Deadpool video game versions of us were in Rogue’s head when she absorbed Wade’s powers.)

“Author? As in an author of a story?”

(Shit! I said too much! Quick think of something to distract her!)

(Danger at twelve o’clock!)

A few feet away from where Twilight was standing was one of her friends - Rarity. Rarity saw her, and was making her way towards Twilight.

“Great! I’m in Deadpool’s body, and Rarity thinks I’m Deadpool, but I still sound like Twilight! Calm down, I just need to sound like Deadpool. Deepen my voice a bit, but not too much,” Thought Twilight.

(Sound like Nolan North!)

(No, Ryan Reynolds!)

“Okay…” Twilight took a deep breath, and spoke as deep as she could. “Hey Rarity.”

“Good afternoon, Deadpool. Are you feeling alright? You don’t sound great,” Said Rarity.

(Think of something!)

“I, uh, I’m totally fine! I just have a bit of a… um… scratchy throat! Yes, my throat’s been bothering me all day!” Said Twilight.

(... Really? If she falls for that, she’s a fool.)

“I’m sorry to hear that," Said Rarity.

(Looks like she is a fool.)

(I pity the fool.)

"What brings you to the market, darling?" Asked Rarity.

“I went to get some flowers for Twilight,” Answered Twilight.

“Oh! I didn’t realize you had an eye for Twilight, darling!’

"Uh… Wha-” Twilight found herself stammering her words. Even though Rarity was referring to Deadpool, she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, her cheeks blushing a light pink. “No, no! She wanted me to get these for her experiments!” Said Twilight frantically.

Rarity was chuckling at Deadpool’s (Twilight’s) reaction.

“Whatever you say, darling. I hate to cut our chat short, but I have to go pick up my little sister from school. Au revoir, Deadpool!” Said Rarity.

Rarity walked away, leaving Twilight to herself.

[(Snort!) You fell for that hook, line, and sinker!]

“Shut up!” Said Twilight to herself.

After a couple minutes of walking, Twilight arrived back home, where Deadpool was waiting for her.

“Did you get the sapphires?” Asked Twilight.

“I did, but I traded them for magic beans,” Replied Deadpool.

“What?!”

“Just kidding, look.”

Deadpool opened his hoof, and in it were the sapphires.

“I had to fight a couple of diamond dogs for these. Is that everything we need?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight grabbed the reverse serum recipe for the body switching spell from a table.

“All we need left is the… cragadile tooth…”

“Great, we need to risk our necks for this last ingredient. I knew I should have got a cherrychanga on the way back here,” Said Deadpool.

“If we work together, we should be able to get one without too many problems.”

“Whatever you say. You’re the one with the healing factor now.”

Suddenly, Twilight felt that all too familiar feeling in her body, which caused her to cross her hind legs.

“Um, Deadpool,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah?” Replied Deadpool.

“I need to pee.”

“Well, go ahead. I already went not too long ago.”

“But I never had a… penis before. I-I could use your… help.”

“Holy shit! This is going to get so awkward, so fast!”

A few minutes later...

After a very awkward moment, the duo went into the Everfree Forest.

“Let’s agree to NEVER speak of that again,” Said Deadpool.

“Agreed. Anyway, we’re here.”

Twilight led Deadpool to the bank of a river that had green water.

“Is this river connected to a toxic waste treatment plant?” Asked Deadpool.

“No, the water has always looked like this. Now, how will we find a cragadile?” Asked Twilight.

“I know what to do. I once had to find a cragadile, so I could get its hide for a contract. All you have to do is draw attention to yourself, and one will show up.”

“Okay.”

Twilight repeatedly shouted cragadile while flailing her arms to attract one. Nothing had come. Twilight stopped and faced Deadpool. Deadpool was recording her with his Panasonic camera. Unbeknownst to Twilight, two yellow eyes emerged from the water’s surface on the other side of the river, and they were heading towards her.

“I don’t think it’s working, Deadpool,” Said Twilight.

“It will work. Patience is key,” Assured Deadpool.

“What are you doing with that… What is that?”

“Nothing. Continue with what you were doing.”

“Deadpool, tell me what you are doing with that-”

In the blink of an eye, a cragadile rushed out of the water, and grabbed Twilight by the hind legs with its jaws. The cragadile then dragged Twilight underwater.

“Ahhh!”

Deadpool was laughing hysterically at Twilight's expense.

“This body switching thing has its perks! I wish this happened sooner!” Said Deadpool.

Blood appeared in the water, turning it into a crimson red, and the cragadile resurfaced. The beast was fourteen feet long from the tip of its snout to the tip of its tail. It had yellow slit eyes, a hide made of rock, and large, bloody teeth. It was looking right at Deadpool.

“Wait a minute. Twilight in my body may have a healing factor, but me in Twilight’s body doesn’t. Oh no…” Muttered Deadpool.

The cragadile scurried towards Deadpool. He immediately ran away. He was chased around in circles for two minutes before he ran up a tree. Deadpool wrapped himself around a branch for dear life. Thirty feet below, the cragadile was jumping and snapping its jaws to try to snatch Deadpool.

“Idon’twanttodie! Idon’twanttodie! Idon’twanttodie!” Cried Deadpool.

Just then, movement was made in the cragadile’s jaws. Slowly, they opened to reveal Twilight lifting them open. The cragadile looked surprised to see prey escaping its maw.

“You knew it was going to eat me!” Shouted Twilight.

“Sorry. Wow. I know she’s in my body, but seeing her pulling off something so awesome is really turning me on!” Thought Deadpool.

Twilight quickly lunged out of the cragadile’s jaws, which snapped shut behind her.

“Use my magic to wear it out,” Ordered Twilight.

“I don’t know how. I never had a horn in my life,” Said Deadpool.

“Just focus and fire.”

Deadpool closed his eyes and focused on using magic, but his horn only sparked with magical energy.

“It's not working! You need to try my weapons,” Instructed Deadpool.

“Um, okay. Maybe I can try this?”

Twilight pulled out one of Deadpool’s pistols, and tried to figure out how to use it. Her aim was completely off. The barrel was aimed at Deadpool.

BANG!

“Ahhh!”

Deadpool had to jump from the branch he was on to avoid getting shot. He then slid down the rest of the tree.

“Watch where you’re aiming! You could have turned me into Swiss cheese!” Shouted Deadpool.

“This is my first time using a gun! I don’t know how to use it! How about I use this?”

Twilight took out a katana from her back. Meanwhile, the cragadile was chasing Deadpool in circles again.

“Twilight, unless you think you can get up close without getting bit with your combat experience, I would try something else,” Said Deadpool.

“Twilight put the katana away, and pulled out a rocket launcher from nowhere.

“This? NO!" Said Twilight.

“If you have any ideas, please use them!” Said Deadpool.

Putting a hoof to her chin, Twilight was thinking of ideas to save Deadpool from the cragadile. From the corner of her eye, she noticed some vines hanging from a branch.

“I got it! Deadpool, don’t stop running,” Said Twilight.

“Like I have a choice,” Remarked Deadpool.

Pulling out a combat knife from a sheath on her right hind leg, Twilight cut some vines down. With lightning fast speed, Twilight tied the vines into a net, with one vine serving as a rope. She then swung the rope-vine over a branch.

“Deadpool! Lure it this way,” Instructed Twilight.

Doing as he was told, Deadpool ran towards the net with the cragadile following at full speed. At the last second, Deadpool made a sharp turn, and the cragadile ran onto the net. Using all her strength, Twilight pulled on the rope, causing the net to close up and lift the cragadile. Once the net was at head level, Twilight tied the vine to the tree. She then grabbed another vine and tied it around the cragadile’s jaws, sealing them shut. Deadpool was panting from exhaustion when Twilight walked up behind him.

“Good job!... So, you’re... probably a little upset about-”

BAM!

“Ugh!”

Out of anger, Twilight kicked Deadpool in the “special spot”.

“That was for earlier! Do you have any idea what it was like to be eaten?!” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

“Actually, yes. I have been eaten by a shark, dragon, python, giant bird, and a tatzlwurm. And in that order,” Replied Deadpool.

“Anyway, how do we get that tooth?”

“I know what to do.”

BAM!

Deadpool walked up to the captured cragadile, and bucked it in the jaws. A tooth that was sticking out (along with some spit) came out. Deadpool then picked it up.

(No actual cragadiles were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.)

“Good thing crocodilians regrow lost teeth,” Said Deadpool.

“Now that we have everything we need, let’s get the serum made,” Said Twilight.

A little while later, Deadpool and Twilight returned home, and are currently in Twilight’s laboratory. Twilight had been using her equipment during the serum making process. Placing the final ingredient - sapphire powder in a test tube and stirring the liquid, the serum turned red, indicating it was finished. Twilight poured half of the serum into another test tube, and gave it to Deadpool.

“All done. Just drink this at the same time I do and it should work,” Instructed Twilight.

Nodding in response, Deadpool and Twilight drinked the serum in one gulp. They both experienced the migraines from earlier, and shut their eyes. When the migraines stopped, they opened their eyes.

“Did it work?” Asked Deadpool in his body.

“Yes! It worked!” Cheered Twilight.

“Are you guys back in my head?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(Yeah, we’re back.)

(I’ll admit, I’ll miss the conversations we had with Twilight.)

“And by ‘conversations’ do you mean ‘give Twilight living hell?’”

(Yup!)

Both Deadpool and Twilight noticed Spike entering the lab.

“Good thing you’re back in your own bodies. It was weird when you had each other’s bodies," Said Spike.

Twilight was looking at a long piece of paper that she had found on a table. When she finished, she had an annoyed look on her face.

“Deadpool,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah?” Questioned Deadpool.

“When you went to 'use the bathroom’ on the way back here, did you actually go to that taco stand near here and spend my money?”

Twilight showed Deadpool a receipt that read $11.98 paid under the name Twilight Sparkle.

“Ummm…”

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". In the next chapter, Deadpool is going to meet some new faces. These ponies are close to a select few of the Mane Six. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Chapter 5: Deadpool... the Foalsitter?
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 5: Deadpool... the Foalsitter?

A Bunsen burner was ignited, and a marshmallow on a stick was held above it. The pony holding the stick was none other than Deadpool. He wanted to eat some marshmallows, so he thought it was a good idea to use a burner from Twilight’s laboratory to roast them.

(Are you sure this is a good idea?)

“Of course it is. I’m just roasting a marshmallow over a Bunsen burner. What’s the worst that can happen?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

Just then, the marshmallow caught fire. Deadpool panicked, and tried to blow the fire out. In a desperate attempt to extinguish the flame, he ran to the kitchen, turned the kitchen sink faucet on, and stuck the marshmallow in the stream of water. While the fire was put out, the marshmallow became soggy.

“Aww,” Said Deadpool in disappointment.

“There you are.”

Deadpool turned around, and saw Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Mane Six. He immediately threw the marshmallow into a trash can to hide the accident.

“Heyyy! What’s happening girls?” Asked Deadpool with a guilty tone.

“Deadpool, we need to talk,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Sorry, but I have something important to do,” Lied Deadpool.

“Wade, this is important,” Said Twilight.

(She just used your real name! This is important!)

“What do you girls want to talk about?” Asked Deadpool dreadfully.

“To put it shortly, after knowing you for a while now, we noticed you are irresponsible,” Said Twilight.

“Me?! Irresponsible?! Since when have I been irresponsible?!”

“First, there was the time you surprised me on purpose when I was brewing potions.”

(Flashback time!)

One month ago…

Twilight was brewing some potions in her laboratory. She grabbed a test tube with a flammable warning sign on it, containing an orange liquid.

“Almost done. I can only add one drop of this. Got to be careful,” Muttered Twilight.

Unbeknownst to her, Deadpool was crouching behind her. He was holding a balloon in one hoof, and a pin in the other.

“This is going to be so funny!” Thought Deadpool.

He slowly stood up, placed the tip of the pin on the balloon, and then…

POP!

“Ahh!”

Twilight screamed and jumped in surprise, which caused her to spill some of the flammable liquid into the other test tube.

"Oh no..."

KA-BOOM!

When the smoke cleared, Twilight had soot all over her face. Luckily, she was wearing safety goggles, so none got in her eyes. Deadpool slowly sunk to the floor to hide.

Present day…

“Then there was the time ya helped Pinkie Pie with bakin’ a cake,” Said Applejack.

Three weeks ago…

Deadpool was at Sugarcube Corner helping Pinkie Pie make desserts, while she was busy with the customers. He was in the kitchen placing a chocolate cake in a preheated oven, and set the timer for thirty minutes.

“Hmm, if baking a cake at three-hundred fifty degrees finishes it in thirty minutes, then setting the temperature at four-hundred fifty degrees must finish it in twenty minutes,” Reasoned Deadpool.

(Your logic makes no sense.)

Deadpool ignored the voice in his head, and set the oven to four-hundred and fifty degrees, and the timer to twenty minutes. After a few minutes, the fire alarm went off. Deadpool realized the cake was burning. He grabbed a fire extinguisher, and opened the oven door. Smoke was fuming out while pressurized foam went in. When the fire was put out, Deadpool took out the cake. It was burnt solid with flakes coming off the top. Not wanting to face the consequences, Deadpool sneaked out through the kitchen window.

Present day…

“The chocolate cake was more of a brick cake,” Remarked Pinkie Pie.

“And just last week, you didn’t catch me during a trust fall,” Said Rainbow.

One week ago…

Deadpool and Rainbow Dash were outside on the streets of Ponyville.

“You remember the plan?” Asked Rainbow.

“I got it, I got it. You’re going to fly up into the sky, then you’ll let yourself fall to the ground, where I will catch you,” Said Deadpool.

“Here we go.”

Rainbow Dash flew up for a little bit, then turned her back towards Ponyville. She tucked in her wings to her side, and let herself fall to the ground. Deadpool stood in a position to catch her when he heard giggling. He turned around and saw three mares. One was an earth pony while the other two were unicorns. The earth pony had a yellow coat, cyan eyes, a white mane and tail, and a rose cutie mark. The unicorns were almost identical; indigo coats and horns, lime green mane and tails with a hot pink stripe, and turquoise eyes. The only thing that was different between them was one had a pen and ink cutie mark while the other had a star cutie mark.

“Hellooo ladies!” Said Deadpool flirtatiously.

He walked away from where he was supposed to be to greet them.

CRASH!

Rainbow Dash fell through the ground. When she emerged from the pony shaped hole she created, she placed a hoof to the side of her head in pain.

“Deadpool? You were supposed to…”

Rainbow Dash heard ponies talking. She saw Deadpool and the mares sitting at a table outside a restaurant.

"When I started out, I originally wore street clothes, but they kept getting stained with blood after every fight I got involved in. Then I switched to red spandex. The problem with spandex is it can tear easily. So that's when I switched to the suit I'm wearing now. It's flexible, can withstand more wear and tear, and it's red, so the bad guys can't see me bleed. That guy over there has the right idea, he wore brown pants," Remarked Deadpool.

While Deadpool and the mares laughed, Rainbow Dash glared at him from where she crashed.

Present Day…

(Did he just quote the Deadpool movie?)

(I think he did!)

“Okay, I know what I did was really bad, that’s on me. But I got one of the mares’ contact information! Check it!”

Deadpool pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, and showed it to the girls. Rarity raised a brow as she read the paper.

“Darling, I’m afraid this is the address for the local mane salon,” Informed Rarity.

“Huh? Aww, “ Said Deadpool in disappointment.

“Anyway we’re going to help you be more responsible,” Said Twilight.

“Really? I know we haven’t had one since the fourth story of the fanfiction, but do I have to partake in a friendship slash life lesson?”

“We’re going to teach ya responsibility whether ya like it or not,” Said Applejack sternly.

“Why should I? Everything’s fine now. Plus, I fail to see how that flashback sequence shows me being irresponsible.”

“All three of those stories had one common theme: you did not take responsibility for your actions. Think about it, Wade. What if Pinkie had gotten in trouble for your mistake? What if Rainbow Dash had gotten seriously hurt? What if I had gotten hurt from your prank? Mistakes have consequences, and it is your responsibility to address them. We are offering you a chance to improve and be a better pony. If you don’t take our offer, your next mistake may not end well for you or anypony else,” Warned Twilight.

Deadpool felt a strange feeling in his chest.

(Heartburn?)

As much as it pains him to admit it, he knows Twilight is right. He may get enjoyment out of being reckless, but if any of his friends got hurt by his actions, he couldn’t live with himself.

“... You’re right, Twilight; all of you are right. What do you have to offer?” Asked Deadpool.

“Um… We haven’t thought of how we would teach Deadpool responsibility,” Said Fluttershy.

The girls huddled together to formulate a plan.

“So… what do we do?” Asked Pinkie Pie.

"Admittedly, I didn't think we were going to get this far," Said Twilight.

“I know! We’re all going to Cloudsdale tomorrow, right? I need somepony to look after my little sister while I’m gone, so I can have Deadpool watch over her. Applejack, I know the rest of your family will be home, but why not have him watch over Apple Bloom too?” Asked Rarity.

“Heck no! I ain’t leaving m’ little sister with a stallion who I am pretty sure is insane!” Said Applejack.

“If it makes you feel better, their friend Scootaloo can be with them in case something goes wrong,” Said Rarity.

“... Fine. I guess it couldn’t hurt to have him keep an eye on Apple Bloom for one day,'' Said Applejack reluctantly.

“So it’s agreed then?” Asked Twilight.

Twilight’s friends nodded in response. They got out of the huddle and faced Deadpool.

“Wade, after discussing it over, we decided tomorrow, while we go to Cloudsdale, you will watch over Applejack and Rarity’s little sisters and their friend for a day to teach you responsibility,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool’s eyes widened in shock upon hearing this.

“No! No! No! I’m not a fan of little kids! They’re loud, don’t give you any space, and are just annoying! No offense,” Said Deadpool.

“I can promise they are well behaved,” Assured Rarity.

(Why do I feel like they aren’t going to live up to that?)

“... Fine,” Said Deadpool reluctantly.

All of a sudden, the fire alarm beeped throughout the library.

“Deadpool, what did you do?” Asked Twilight sternly.

“Um, left the Bunsen burner on,” Answered Deadpool.

“I’m already regretting my decision,” Said Applejack.

The next day, Twilight and Deadpool were waiting for Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo to arrive.

“You sure you don’t want to take Spike’s offer? He doesn’t mind staying if you need help,” Said Twilight.

“It’s fine. I mean, I’m just keeping an eye on some kids. What could possibly go wrong?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

Twilight bit her bottom lip, thinking of many things that can go wrong. Her thoughts faded away when she saw Rarity and Applejack arriving. Following them were two school age fillies. One was a pale yellow earth pony with a red mane and tail. She also had a big pink bow on the back of her head. The other filly was a silvery white unicorn with a mulberry and pink mane and tail.

“Good morning Deadpool and Twilight,” Greeted Rarity.

“Morning. So I assume they are your guys’ little sisters?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah, we are,” Said Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in unison.

“Isn’t there somepony else I’m supposed to watch over as well?”

Just as Deadpool finished his sentence, he heard someone yell…

“Look out!”

Not able to react fast enough, Deadpool was run over by a scooter. Wheel impressions were left on his body. The owner of the scooter was none other than Scootaloo. She had a light orange coat and a cerise mane and tail. After she took her helmet off, she ran to check on Deadpool.

“Are you okay?” Asked Scootaloo concernedly.

“Yeah, I’ve been through worse,” Replied Deadpool.

“Sorry for running you over,” Said Scootaloo sincerely.

“Don’t sweat it.”

“Since everypony’s here, we’ll get going,” Said Twilight.

“Hold on a sec.” Applejack walked over to Deadpool and whispered in his ear. “If I find so much as a single scratch on m’ sister when I come back, I will turn ya into a scarecrow for the farm!”

That threat was duly noted by Deadpool, who looked terrified.

“We’ll be back at the end of the day. Goodbye,” Said Rarity.

“Bye!” Shouted the young fillies.

After saying their farewells, the fillies turned around to look at Deadpool. There was awe in their eyes.

“I can’t believe we get to spend the day with a real superhero!” Shrieked Scootaloo.

“My sister talks about you a lot, but I never thought I would get a chance to meet you,” Said Apple Bloom.

“I know. Meeting me is one of the most awesome things that can occur in a pony’s life,” Said Deadpool.

(Groan.)

“You know, your costume looks a lot like Spider-Po-”

“Don’t finish that sentence!” Hissed Deadpool.

“Sorry,” Said Sweetie Belle apologetically.

“Anyway, you girls want to see something funny?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah,” Said the girls in unison.

“Great! Just give me a second.” Deadpool sat down on his haunches and turned around, so the girls couldn’t see what he was doing. He secretly pulled out a knife, and slicing noises could be heard. He then turned back around to face the girls. “Pull my hoof.”

“We’re not falling for this. The colts at school pull this joke a lot,” Said Apple Bloom.

“Too much,” Added Scootaloo.

“Trust me. It will be funny,” Said Deadpool.

The girls looked at each other, then Apple Bloom grabbed Deadpool’s left hoof. When she pulled it, the hoof came off!

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

The girls screamed, and poor Apple Bloom dropped the hoof. Deadpool was laughing so hard he fell on his back.

(What is wrong with you?! They’re just little kids!)

Deadpool didn’t care. He found the whole thing amusing. A few minutes later, Deadpool and the girls were at a field. He thought they could run around to let out some energy. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were looking at his twin katanas. They looked at each other, and gave each other mischievous grins.

“Hey, Deadpool, why do you have all of those weapons?” Asked Scootaloo.

“‘Cause the only powers I have are a healing factor and enhanced strength. Not really the best weapons for fighting by themselves. Although, I guess the enhanced strength has its perks,” Said Deadpool to himself.

“Deadpool?” Said Apple Bloom.

“Yeah?”

“Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle took your swords while you were talking.”

“Huh… What?!” When he looked over his shoulders, Deadpool saw both of his katanas were in fact taken. “Ah shit! Where did they go?”

“That way.”

Apple Bloom pointed behind Deadpool.

(I told you not to have your weapons on you.)

“Not now,” Said Deadpool to himself.

Meanwhile, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were looking at Deadpool’s katanas in awestruck. Both of them had a katana each.

“Wow!” Whispered Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah, wow! Maybe these can help us get our cutie marks!” Said Scootaloo.

“How?”

“Hmm… I know, we can get our cutie marks in swordsmanship!”

Scootaloo lightly swung her katana at Sweetie Belle, which she blocked. They both kept trying to land blows on the other, but thankfully every attack was blocked. Deadpool found them, and, when he realized what they were doing, ran towards them at phenomenal speeds.

“Woah! Woah! Woah! Don’t swing those! They’re very dangerous!” Shouted Deadpool.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo ignored him, and continued with what they were doing. He then tried to take the katanas from them.

SLASH!

Deadpool’s left fore hoof was accidentally sliced off by Sweetie Belle. Ironically, it was the same hoof he used for the prank he pulled on the girls. After realizing what happened, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo stopped and looked at him, then the hoof. Deadpool grabbed his hoof, and reattached it to his left arm.

“There we go. Now, NEVER take my weapons again! Understand?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes. Sorry Deadpool,” Said Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo in unison.

Turning away, Deadpool took a deep breath to calm himself.

“It’s alright. Neither of you got hurt, and that’s what matters. After all, I probably should not be carrying military grade weapons around kids your age,” Said Deadpool.

(NO! I thought it was TOTALLY safe to have weapons around children!)

“Shut up!”

One hour later...

Deadpool and the girls were eating at a burger joint called The Hay Burger. While the Cutie Mark Crusaders were eating burgers and fries, Deadpool was just drinking a soda.

“Thanks again for lunch, Dedpool,” Said Scootaloo.

“No problem. Although, keep this between us. Dash, Rare, and AJ might have my head if they knew I took you all out to eat junk food without asking them. For all I know, you all are supposed to be eating healthy,” Said Deadpool.

(We may be grown stallions, but unless it’s in a taco, we don’t eat vegetables!)

The girls nodded in agreement.

“This may sound sudden, but how did you get your powers, Deadpool?” Asked Sweetie Belle.

“Military experiment. That’s all I can really tell you because the rest is not for little kids to hear,” Answered Deadpool.

“I myself was wondering if that symbol is your actual cutie mark, or is it something else?” Pondered Apple Bloom.

“My magic butt tattoo? No. The symbol you see on my suit where my cutie mark is is just my logo. Here, let me show you what my actual cutie mark is.”

(Wade! No!)

Grabbing a napkin and a pencil, the latter from who knows where, Deadpool drew a picture of a combat knife with the blade facing up towards the east and a pistol underneath.

(Phew! That was NOT what I thought he was going to do.)

“What does it mean?” Asked Apple Bloom.

“It represents combat. Something I have been involved in long before I was a hero. Anyway, how about when y’all are done eating we go explore the Everfree Forest?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Isn’t the Everfree Forest dangerous?” Asked Sweetie Belle.

“We won’t go too far. Besides, I will be around, so all of you will be safe.”

After they finished eating, Deadpool and the girls traveled to the Everfree Forest. A place, even though it has its pretty side, is home to many dangerous creatures. Right now, everyone was looking at the sites. They had no real path to follow.

(I thought we were never coming back here?)

“You can’t let one scary experience prevent you from doing something. Besides, I was only a little scared last time,” Said Deadpool confidently.

(The moment that cragadile lunged out of the water, you almost shit yourself.)

“Shut up!”

“Hey Deadpool, mind if I ask ya something?” Asked Apple Bloom.

“You girls are just full of questions aren’t you? But yeah, go ahead,” Said Deadpool.

“Why did you decide to be a hero?”

Hearing Apple Bloom’s question, Deadpool stopped in his tracks. He put a hoof to his chin to think about the question for a moment.

(We’re in this for money and babes!)

(No… Okay, that’s a little bit of the reason why we do this.)

“I don’t know. Ever since I was your age, I always wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be remembered for helping others, just like the heroes in comic books,” Answered Deadpool.

(Yeah, we want to be remembered for great things, but it doesn’t help that we turned bad ponies into Swiss cheese with our guns.)

“How about we take a break against these trees?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Uh, Deadpool, that’s not a-”

SNAP!

Before Sweetie Belle could finish her sentence, a snapping vine that Deadpool was leaning against ate him in one bite. All of a sudden, a sword came out of the vine’s stem and it was cut open. Deadpool came out of the stem, covered in green stomach acids.

“Well, I’m going to have a hell of a time washing this out,” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

“At least you are okay. I mean, nothing else could go wrong, right?” Asked Scootaloo.

Some bushes shook not too far from the group. As soon as they looked, a manticore pounced out of the bushes towards the girls.

ROAR!

“Ahhh!”

Before the manticore could lay a claw on them, Deadpool delivered a kick to the side of its head, causing it to fly into a tree. As it got up, it bellowed a mighty roar, true to its lion like appearance. It raised its scorpion-like tail, and spread its wings to intimidate its adversary. Deadpool wasn’t afraid one bit.

“Okay bub! You may be one fearsome looking son of a bitch, but I’m not going to let you hurt those girls!” Said Deadpool.

(Besides, if we did, their sisters will kill us.)

Deadpool grabbed his pistols, and repeatedly fired at the manticore. The manticore ran too quickly for the bullets to hit.

“Maybe I need more firepower?!”

Deadpool pulled out an assault rifle from somewhere, and tried to shoot the manticore. This time, the manticore flew up into the air to avoid the bullets. Once the gun ran out of ammo, the manticore flew down on top of Deadpool, and slammed him so hard, the ground cracked underneath him. The manticore had a terrible advantage over the Merc. Both its paws pinned down Deadpool’s forelegs, so he couldn’t fight back.

“Let go!” Demanded Deadpool.

He tried to shake the manticore off, but it was no use. In the blink of an eye, he felt a sharp pain in his neck. The manticore had stung Deadpool with its tail.

“Hey, get off him!”

Scootaloo caught the manticore’s attention, and it started to chase the girls. When Deadpool got up, his vision was off. Everything was spinning and twisting in his eyes. He was also seeing random colors.

(Is this what it feels like… to be on LSD?)

(It must be… It feels so awesome!)

“If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought Vertigo was here,” Remarked Deadpool.

“Help!”

Deadpool heard the Cutie Mark Crusaders scream for help, and wobbled his way towards them. The manticore was still chasing the girls. Every time they changed direction, it was there. Deadpool saw a light brown blob that was moving, so he pursued it. Pulling out one of his katanas, he attacked.

“Take this! And that! And this! And that! How does that feel?!”

“Deadpool, that’s not the manticore!” Shouted Sweetie Belle.

Instead of the manticore, Deadpool was hacking at a tree.

“Oh… Let’s try this again,” Said Deadpool.

Looking to his left, he saw the actual manticore, and lunged at it. It successfully dodged and bit down on Deadpool’s right foreleg. Dropping the katana, he was thrashed around like a rag doll. Then the manticore tossed Deadpool into a tree. Before he could get up, the manticore pounced on him and delivered a bite to the throat. Thinking he was dead, the manticore went to attack the Cutie Mark Crusaders. But the manticore doesn’t realise Deadpool can’t die. Even though he was no longer affected by the neurotoxin, he was very weak. All he could do was lie on the ground. While he spoke, he coughed up blood.

“I failed. I couldn’t… take care of them… I shouldn’t have brought them… to the Everfree Forest. I let my friends down. They are right, I am irresponsible,” Said Deadpool sadly.

“Help!”

Deadpool could hear the Cutie Mark Crusaders cry for help. He quickly got to his hooves.

“No. I can save them! I can prove I am responsible.”

Deadpool picked up his katana, and ran towards the manticore. The girls were backed up into a boulder with no way to escape. Just when the manticore was going to pounce…

SLASH!

ROAR!

Deadpool had just come in the nick of time. He managed to leave a big gash in the manticore’s side. This of course angered it, and it lunged at him. Reacting quickly, Deadpool laid down on the ground, and the manticore lunged over him. Getting back up, Deadpool ran, jumped, and brought the katana down onto the manticore’s back. Roaring in pain, it tried to shake him off.

(Shake it off! Shake it off!)

The manticore managed to succeed, and it ran off into the forest. Deadpool pulled out one of his pistols.

“Deadpool!” Cried Apple Bloom.

“Hold on. I have to do the humane thing.”

Deadpool proceeded to walk in the direction of the wounded manticore.

BANG!

The forest went silent, then Deadpool walked back to the girls.

“Are all of you okay?” Asked Deadpool in concern.

“Yeah, thanks,” Said Scootaloo.

“No problem. Now, let’s get the hell out of here,” Said Deadpool.

With that, they proceeded to leave the forest. A little while later, at the Golden Oak library, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, ran to the door.

“How bad do you think they’re hurt?” Asked Applejack in concern.

“It can’t be that bad,” Said Rainbow.

They opened the door and expected to see a disaster. Instead, all the girls saw were the Cutie Mark Crusaders pulling out a book shelf, which Deadpool hid behind.

“Found you!” Shouted the younger girls.

“Darn! Oh, hey gals! How was Cloudsdale?” Asked Deadpool.

“Um, good. So, everything went okay?” Asked Rarity in reply.

“Yeah. Everything went well,” Said Deadpool.

“Deadpool’s really fun, and funny too,” Said Sweetie Belle.

(He is?)

“Well, that’s good to hear. Now, how about we get on home, Apple Bloom?” Suggested Applejack.

“Wait! There’s this one joke we found really funny. Deadpool, show them."

Sweetie Belle winked at Deadpool. Deadpool got the cue, and made a devious grin.

“May I?” Asked Deadpool.

The older mares looked at each other, then nodded in approval while smiling. After getting the approval, Deadpool turned around, so the older girls couldn’t see what he was doing. The Crusaders kept chuckling to each other the entire time.

“Okay. Now, pull my hoof,” Instructed Deadpool.

“No,” Said the mares.

“Pleeeasse!” Begged Deadpool and the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Giving each other looks, Rainbow Dash was the brave one to pull Deadpool’s left hoof. Just like before, the hoof came off.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

Rainbow Dash quickly let go of the hoof, and she and her friends ran out the door. The Cutie Mark Crusaders and Deadpool were on the floor, laughing so hard tears came out of their eyes.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". The next chapter will be a special one, 'cause it will focus on an important part of Deadpool. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!"

Chapter 6: Origins
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 6: Origins

“Hello everyone. Your favorite merc here. The author and I have a special story for you. After five stories, we have decided now is the perfect time to release my origin story. I know you Deadpool fans out there know the origin story, but this is the origin story of me, the ponified Deadpool. So we hope you enjoy it.”

A peaceful morning in Ponyville was cut abruptly short at a local bank. There were three armed robbers with civilians at gunpoint. One of the robbers made his way to the counter, aiming his gun at a terrified teller.

“If you and everypony want to live, you’re going to give us all the money in the vault!” Ordered the robber.

“Okay, just don’t kill us,” Said the bank teller.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Deadpool walked into the bank. He made his way to one of the robbers, and tapped his shoulder. When the robber turned around, he saw Deadpool with a boxing glove on his right fore hoof.

“Hello!”

BAM!

Deadpool delivered a right hook to the robber’s jaw, knocking him out instantly. This got the other two robbers’ attention, while everyone else ran out of the bank.

“How did you get past the guards we had at the door?” Asked the robber from the counter.

“They weren’t much of a challenge. Now let’s get this action scene started.”

Both robbers fired their guns at Deadpool. He ran fast enough to take cover behind the center island. The robber who wasn’t by the counter went behind the island to shoot him. Deadpool pulled out a knife, and stabbed the robber’s wrist. The robber dropped his gun and clutched his wrist in pain. Deadpool grabbed him by the back of the head, and slammed him into the island, knocking him out.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

The remaining robber shot Deadpool in the back three times while he was distracted. Seeing he wasn’t dead, the robber was going to shoot him again when Deadpool ran towards him. He shot the hero twice in the head, which caused him to fall to the floor. The robber made his way to the doors to escape. Unbeknownst to him, Deadpool had a hoof on one of his pistols, aiming at the robber.

BANG!

The robber fell to the floor, dead by a gunshot wound to the back of his head.

(You know, Twilight told us to only kill if given no other choice.)

“Yeah, I had no other choice. If I didn’t kill him, he would have gotten away,” Said Deadpool.

(Look at you, finding loopholes!)

“Now that that's settled, I have to wait for my brain to regenerate before I can get up.”

A little while later, the Mane Six and Spike were at Twilight’s house visiting with each other when Deadpool walked in through the door. His costume had bullet holes from the fight.

“Deadpool? What happened to you?” Asked Rainbow Dash.

“There was an armed robbery at the bank. I was on the receiving end of their guns,” Answered Deadpool.

“Good thing you have your healing factor,” Said Spike.

“Speaking of, you haven’t told us how you got your healing factor,” Said Twilight.

“So you want to know my origin story, eh? Originally, I was just going to tell it to the readers, but I suppose I can tell you as well,” Said Deadpool.

“Yay!”

Pinkie Pie cheered when Deadpool agreed to tell them his origin story. She sat down, and pulled out a bucket of popcorn from somewhere.

“It all started five years ago-”

“Oh, oh! I want to signal the flashback!”

Pinkie Pie grabbed a harp from nowhere, and strummed the strings.

Five years ago…

Before becoming Deadpool, he was Wade Wilson. Wade was a brown coated pony with a short black mane, brown eyes, and also had a gun and knife cutie mark.

“I was your average pony… Okay, I was sort of average. The exception was I was a mercenary… Kind of still am. I wasn’t a bad guy mercenary. I took out the ponies that were worse than me.”

“Took them out? Where? To lunch?” Asked Pinkie.

“Yeah… that’s what I did. All my life I wanted to be a hero. I was originally in the Equestrian military, special forces, but I was discharged because of my moral code. So I thought a mercenary life would make me a hero. I also had a marefriend. Her name was Vanessa. She was beautiful. She had a great mane, radiating white coat, an ass-”

“Deadpool!” Shouted the girls

“Okay, okay! Sorry! Vanessa and I met at-”

“Is this relevant to the story?” Asked Rarity.

“Of course it is. Vanessa and I met at a bar in Manehattan.

Wade was at a bar called “the Hell House.” He was drinking a beer rather quickly when a unicorn mare sat next to him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Don’t have time to enjoy that drink?” Asked the mare.

“I just completed a high paying contract. I want to get out of here as soon as possible, so I can get my reward. Have we met before?” Asked Wade.

“Doubt it. I’m Vanessa Carlysle.”

“Wilson, Wade Wilson. What’s a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?”

Vanessa chuckled at Wade mixing up his words. A big stallion walked by Vanessa and groped her butt. A pissed off Wade grabbed him by the shoulder, and spun him around.

“Pal, you best apologize before…”

Vanessa stepped on one of the stallion’s front hooves, putting her full weight on it. It was clear that the stallion was in pain and regretting his actions.

“Say the magic words,” Demanded Vanessa.

“I’m sorry,” Said the stallion.

Vanessa stepped off his hoof when he apologized.

“Get out of here while you still can,” Warned Wade menacingly.

The stallion did as he was told, walking away from the two ponies terrified.

“This may come off wrong, but are you a prostitute?” Asked Wade.

“Are you a cop?” Asked Vanessa in reply.

“No.”

“I’m a prostitute.”

Wade pulled out his wallet and combed through it.

“What can I get for two-hundred and seventy-five bits?” Asked Wade.

“About seventy-two minutes of whatever the hell you want,” Said Vanessa.

“See you back here at seven?”

“You bet, babe.”

On that note, the flashback ended, returning to the present day.

“So what did you two do, or do I really need to ask?” Asked Twilight.

“Skee Ball… among other things. For a while, Vanessa and I were in a relationship. That will all change, however. One day I felt really ill, so Vanessa had me go see a doctor. They told me I had been kissed by the worst super villain of them all - cancer,” Said Deadpool.

Everyone in the room was shocked by this revelation.

“Y’all had cancer?!” Asked Applejack in shock.

“Please save all questions for the comment section. While Vanessa was planning cancer treatments, I had given up. I didn’t think I would be one of the lucky survivors, so, not wanting to leave her with a dead pony, I left her,” Said Deadpool sadly.

“That’s so sad,” Said Fluttershy, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Wade, how long were you two together?" Asked Twilight.

"A little over a year," Answered Deadpool.

"I understand your intentions, but by leaving her, you put her through more pain than if you had spent the rest of your days with her, so she could be with you."

"You don't think I haven't realized that now? I know I fucked up. I wasn't in the best mindset back when I was diagnosed with cancer, and because of it, I made a foolish mistake. If I had the chance to apologize to her, I would. Anyway, a week after I was diagnosed with cancer, I was at the same bar we met at when I met a guy who offered to ‘help me.’ Notice how there are quotation marks around the words ‘help me.’”

Resuming with the flashback, Wade was sitting at the bar in the Hell House. A unicorn stallion in a suit walked up to Wade as he was taking a sip of his drink.

“Are you Wade Wilson?” Asked the stallion.

“Yeah. What do you want?” Asked Wade in reply.

“I work for an organization that might interest you.”

“Unless this ‘organization’ of yours is offering me a job as a secret agent, I’m not interested.”

“Here me out: I work for some smart ponies. They have been currently working on new medical treatments that can cure you of your cancer and more.”

“... You got me intrigued. Please tell me more.”

“On top of helping you be cancer free, these treatments will do more. They will give you abilities that are only dreamed of. We can make you a superhero.”

“... I would like to take you up on your offer.”

Both stallions shook hooves to seal the deal. In the present day, Twilight had an eyebrow raised after hearing Wade's deal.

“You thought it was a good idea to take medical treatment from a guy you just met at a bar?” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

“I know, I’m stupid. Shut up,” Said Deadpool.

“Then what happened?”

“A couple days later, I went to where I would have been ‘treated.’”

After accepting treatment for his cancer, Wade went to where he would be cured. He was currently strapped to a table. He was in a concrete room that had little lighting, and the air felt cold. A male earth pony, who was navy blue in color with a darker blue mane and tail, was standing next to him.

“Hello Mr. Wilson. My name is Francis Fanny, but I am better known around here as Ajax.

After being introduced, Wade was chuckling at Ajax.

“What’s so funny?” Asked Ajax impatiently.

“Sorry. It’s just…” Wade continued to chuckle. “... You nicknamed yourself after a laundry detergent!”

Wade began to laugh uncontrollably. Ajax was not so light-hearted.

“Focus, Mr. Wilson,” Said Ajax sternly.

“Of course. Sorry,” Said Wade.

“You will find that while the methods we use here are… unorthodox. Most of the time they’re effective. We will heal you and make you more.”

The flashback was abruptly stopped by Deadpool.

“He mentioned more stuff, but I honestly wasn’t paying attention. I was still laughing mentally about his nickname. Anyway, for months I was tortured. Apparently, I had powers hidden in my genes, and not the wearable kind. They tried to make my abilities appear by putting my body through stress. Now comes the juicy stuff.”

Wade was being escorted to a room with scientific equipment all around it. In the center of the room was a large metal chair. Wade was made to sit down in it by Ajax, and was then strapped down to it by assistants. They also placed six needles into him, three in each foreleg.

“If this doesn’t unlock your mutation, then, well… nothing will. You will be injected with the DNA of a previous patient. Hopefully, on top of having his healing factor, it will also unlock your latent mutant abilities,” Said Ajax.

“And I thought you guys were dicks before,” Said Deadpool.

“You know, the funniest thing about this is… you still think we are going to turn you into a superhero. Little secret Wade, we here at Department K don’t make superheroes, we make super weapons.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Asked Wade rhetorically.

“Begin the injections.”

Ajax stepped back while scientists started the injections. Machines next to Wade roared to life. Tubes connected to those machines had a translucent red liquid coursing through them. The liquid was injected into Wade through the needles.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

Pain suddenly hit Wade like a speeding train. His entire body began to shake uncontrollably. Monitors on various screens were showing his heartbeat increasing exponentially. All of a sudden, a single tumor appeared on his hindleg. Then another one appeared, and another, and another, and another until they were popping up like flies. They started forming on his hindlegs and spread all the way up to his face. Besides the tumors, the hair from his mane and tail shedded off like a tree losing its leaves for the winter. The machines were turned off, and the pain subsided with them. Everyone in the room was shocked by Wade’s new appearance.

“Fucking hell! Looks like somepony lost his chance of homecoming king,” Said Ajax calmly.

“What have you done to me?!” Asked Wade furiously.

“Good question. Dr. Allele, what happened to Mr. Wilson?”

Dr. Allele was a unicorn mare with a light grey coat, indigo mane and tail, and wore rather large glasses over her eyes. She was looking over at some computer monitors.

“It appears that the injection of Weapon X’s DNA has accelerated his cancer, causing his deformed appearance. Other than that, he seems normal,” Said Dr. Allele.

“You hear that, Wade? Seems like our experiment led to nothing,” Said Ajax.

“You sadistic fuck!” Shouted Wade.

“Someone return Mr. Wilson to his cell. I need to have a word with my higher up.”

Wade was forcefully taken from the chair by two guards and was being directed back to his cell, ending the flashback.

“That is so awful!” Said Rainbow angrily.

“It astounds me you survived that!” Said Twilight in astonishment.

“Yup. On top of superpowers, I have terrible looks,” Said Deadpool.

“Come on. I bet ya don’t look that bad,” Said Applejack assuredly.

“I wouldn’t make any bets if I were you, AJ.”

“Wade, you don’t have to hide your face from us. We’re your friends, no matter what you look like,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool contemplated on whether he would show his friends his true face.

“... Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Said Deadpool.

(Here we go.)

“Oh, Darling. It can’t possibly be that ba-”

Rarity cut herself off when Deadpool took off his mask, revealing his scarred face to her and their friends. They all had shocked looks on their friends.

...

…

(…)

(My eyes!)

“You’re a douche,” Said Deadpool to himself.

“Um… You’re definitely… unique,” Said Rainbow with a nervous smile.

“I appreciate you trying to not hurt my feelings, Skittles, but it’s fine if you think I am an ugly ass mother-fucka,” Said Deadpool.

“How about we continue with the story?” Suggested Twilight.

“Good idea.”

Continuing with the flashback, a couple of hours after the experiment, Ajax was sitting from across a desk in a dark room. From what could be seen, it was someone’s office. Behind the desk was a rather tall and muscular unicorn stallion. He had a sky blue coat of fur with a gray mane and tail caused by age. Probably his most noticeable features were his thick eyebrows and lampshade moustache.

“How did the experiment go, Ajax?” Asked the stallion.

“I think you know. You saw the pictures that were submitted to you?” Questioned Ajax.

“I did. Sweet Celestia. If I didn’t know any better, I thought he was my mother-in-law coming back to haunt me.”

The stallion laughed at his own joke. Ajax, though, was stone faced.

“Dr. Killebrew. I don’t mean to be questioning you, but how are you not taking this seriously? The experiment was a failure. Weapon X’s DNA had not done what we projected. I can understand him having a low grade healing factor, but instead we end up with a walking cancerous tumor,” Said Ajax.

“Oh Ajax. You really need to lighten up. Instead of seeing Mr. Wilson’s condition as a failure, we should be seeing it as a learning experience. An example of what can happen when we use cancer victims as test subjects. We will just move on and do better with future subjects,” Lectured Dr. Killebrew.

“What will we do with him then?”

“Schedule him to be shipped to the Hospice. Unless we can find more uses out of him, we will just send Wade there to rot away.”

“Yes sir.”

Ajax got up from his seat and went to get prepared to send Wade off to the Hospice. Meanwhile, Wade was lying in a cramped cell where the only thing in it was a metal toilet and a board serving as a bed hanged by chains to the wall.

“They ruined me. That fucker, Ajax, ruined me… I want to kill him so bad… but I can’t,” Said Wade sadily.

(Not with that kind of attitude you can’t.)

“Who the fuck said that?!” Asked Deadpool fearfully.

(He did.)

“Where the fuck are you two?!”

(We are in your head.)

“Voices in my head? I have gone nuts.”

(Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you have!)

“Based on all the shit I have gone through, I would be surprised if I haven’t.”

(You can refer to me by Screwball and the other guy Serious. Now, the author wrote us in here for more than introductions. We're here to help break you out, and deliver, sweet, bloody revenge!)

“The author?”

(Yes, the author. You’re a pony version of a fictional character created for the amusement of unseen readers. Don’t believe us? Get up and walk forward a bit.)

Wade got up from his bed, and walked forward until he hit something. It wasn’t a wall, but the barrier that separates his world from the internet.

“Holy shit! It’s true!” Said Deadpool in shock.”

(Come on, we gotta get out of here to move the plot along.)

“How would we do that?”

(You can figure it out. You were in Special Forces after all.)

Wade spent a long time thinking of a plan of escape. He finally came up with an idea.

“Alright. Here’s the plan,” Said Wade.

(You don’t really need to explain it to us; we’re in your head. We learned of the plan the moment you thought of it.)

A few minutes later, a guard was walking by when he heard someone groaning in pain. He walked over to Wade’s cell, and saw him clutching his stomach in pain.

“What’s going on in here?” Asked the guard.

“I (Cough) don’t feel well. I think I am starting to die from my cancer,” Said Wade in pain.

The guard didn’t seem convinced until Wade spat up some blood.

“Okay. I will take you to the infirmary,” Said the guard.

The guard unlocked the door and went to grab Wade, when he was thrown to the floor. Wade grabbed the guard’s gun and shot him in the head.

“Wow! I can’t believe that actually worked!” Said Wade.

(Too bad you had to bite your lip so hard you made it bleed to make your act more convincing.)

“We got what we need. Let’s start a riot,” Said Wade menacingly.

(Oh! As we carry out our plan, music should be playing in the background! Teamheadkick’s Deadpool Rap comes to mind.)

Wade walked out of his cell and casually walked through the hall. Two guards were walking ahead of him and noticed him.

“Hey! What are you doing out of your cell?!” Asked a guard.

BANG! BANG!

Deadpool shot both of them in the head, and picked up another gun from one of the guards. Other prisoners began to cheer for Wade as he walked by their cells. Wade went through a few more guards before entering a room. He killed a lone stallion that was inside, and pressed a big red button. Alarms began to sound off as all the cell doors opened, freeing the other prisoners. Meanwhile, Ajax was being escorted by a couple of guards through the chaotic halls.

“What the hell is going on?!” Asked Ajax.

“It’s Wilson, Sir. He escaped from his cell, and freed all the prisoners,” Informed a guard.

Another guard ran up to Ajax, looking terrified.

“Sir, somepony just broke into the armory!” Said the guard.

Meanwhile, a bunch of guards stood outside the armory, aiming their guns inside. A grenade was thrown from the armory, and landed in front of the guards.

KA-BOOM!

The guards were blown up, and walking from the smoke was Wade. He was carrying two Vityaz-SN submachine guns. He fired in all directions, shooting guards down. Those who weren’t shot were taken out by prisoners.

(AHAHAHA!!! YEAH!!!)

“Holy shit! I never thought an escape would be this much fun!” Said Wade.

(I would pay attention if I were you. Ajax is about to-)

BANG! BANG!

Wade was shot in the shoulders by Ajax, dropping both of his guns as a result. Ajax kicked Wade onto his back, and pinned him down by placing the barrel of his pistol to his chest.

“I’ve had enough of you, Wade. You have caused too much trouble for me. I’m going to put you down like the animal you are.”

With the use of enhanced strength, Ajax rammed his hoof into Wade's chest, and tore out his heart. Crying out in pain, Wade drew one last breath before dying. An unknown amount of time passed when Wade opened his eyes, but instead of the building he was held captive in, he was on a cloud, and the sky was a dark purple. He got up and looked around, and noticed someone coming towards him. They looked like a pony, except they were a ghostly white, their eyes blank as a brand new canvas, and black stitch mark markings covered their mouth. They wore a black cloak over their thin body, and jutting out of the back were skeletal wings. Wade was both curious and captivated by this strange pony.

“Uh… who are you? And where am I?” Asked Wade.

“I am Death, and you are in my realm. Where all beings come before ascending to Heaven or are casted into Hell.” Answered Death, speaking with a feminine tone.

“Death? I guess I am dead then?”

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“In a moment, your new healing factor will revive you.”

“So that experiment actually worked?”

“Yes. Now you must go.”

A white doorway appeared behind Wade. As he was walking through it, he thought…

“She’s kinda hot.”

GASP!

Wade woke up in the real world. Looking down, he saw that a new heart formed where the one Ajax tore out was removed, and his chest healed over it. He got up from where he rested, and ran away to freedom, thus returning to current events.

“Wow! Thanks for telling us your story, Deadpool,” Said Twilight.

“Hold on. Don’t you want to know how I got my name?” Asked Deadpool.

“I think we are all-”

“Yes!” Shouted Pinkie Pie.

“Okay. After I escaped, I went to see an old friend of mine who I called Weasel,” Said Deadpool.

After escaping his captors, Wade met up with Weasel at the bar. They were both sitting with each other at a table, drinking beer. Weasel was a chocolate brown pegasus with a long light brown mane and tail, and wore a pair of glasses. Wade was wearing a hoodie to conceal his scarred face.

“What do you mean she left?” Asked Wade.

“Vanessa moved a couple of months ago. I don’t know where she went in case you were wondering,” Said Weasel.

“Great! Ah, who am I kidding? She wouldn’t have liked this fucked up face anyway.”

“C’mon Wade. It can’t be that bad.”

“Bullshit! I’m a demon on the inside and outside.”

“Vanessa loved you. She wouldn’t have cared what you looked like.”

Wade took off his hood to show Weasel his face.

“Holy shit!” Exclaimed Weasel.

“You like what you see?” Asked Wade.

“No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado,” Said Weasel.

“Yeah,” Muttered Wade.

“You look like somepony turned you inside out, ass first, left you like that, and set you on fire.”

“Um-hmph.”

“You look like a burn victim, who had their skin graft samples taken from a Shar-Pei.”

“Okay, I get it!”

(I’m kinda enjoying this!)

“Shut up,” Said Wade to himself.

“What?” Asked Weasel.

“Nothing, just a voice in my head. I would have forced Francis to fix me, but I chose to leave because the place was going to fall apart at any moment. I doubt he is still there anyway.”

“There’s only one thing you can do now.”

“Find that fucker-Star in horror films,” Said Wade and Weasel in unison.

“What?” Asked Wade.

“Star in your own horror film series, or even your own comic series,” Said Weasel.

“The latter has already happened for the human version of me, but I digress. What I need to do is go through his lackeys until one of them gives him up, make him fix this, then I put a bullet in his skull.”

“He would think you’re dead, right?”

“So keep it that way? Wear a mask?”

“Yeah, wear a thick mask… I’m sorry, your face is just the stuff of nightmares.”

“Like a zombie and a mummy had a fucked up love child.”

“You will die alone. If you could die. What you need is a suit and identity. Like Mr. Never Die. The Unkillable Pony. Terror Face... Oh shit…”

“That would be an interesting alias. Oh shit! It’s Oh Shit Man!”

“No. Now that you can’t die, I will never get the money I bet on you.”

Wade looked up to his right and saw a blackboard that read “Dead Pool.” The gears in Wade’s head were turning.

“Deadpool… Captain Deadpool… No just Deadpool,” Said Wade.

“Yeah, to you Mr. Pool. Deadpool,” Said Weasel.

"Equestria's about to get all kinds of fucked up with me in it."

With the clanging of glasses, this moment marked the beginning of Deadpool.

(Now will you PLEASE let me be done with writing your backstory? I think we dragged it out long enough, especially after you made me write about how you met Vanessa and how you got your name.)

“Hmm… Fine. I will let you be done this time,” Said Deadpool.

(Ah, thank Celestia!)

“And that’s the story of me. I would tell you the part where I made my iconic suit and the battles I had with Ajax’s goons, but I think I told you all enough. Plus, this story has referenced enough of the Deadpool movie starring the human version of me, and I’m pretty sure the author will cancel this fanfic if I have him write anymore,” Said Deadpool.

“What’s a human?” Asked Fluttershy.”

“Never mind.”

“Let me get this straight. You came up with your superhero name from a violent betting table in a bar?” Asked Twilight.

“Yes,” Answered Deadpool.

“Did ya ever find Francis?” Asked Applejack.

“No. Every lead I had was a dead end. I know you all may have more questions, and I will happily answer those at another time, but I have something I need to take care of.”

“Thanks for telling us your story, Deadpool. I think I can say for all of us that we’re a little closer to you now that we know more about you,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah. And despite how horrifying some parts were, your story is awesome!” Said Rainbow.

"Thanks. My origin story is a truly epic tale. I'll definitely cover it extensively if I ever write an autobiography. I was thinking about titling it "Deadpool: My Fucked Up Life".

Deadpool went down a flight of stairs and entered the living room. He lifted up the cushion on the right side of the couch, and pulled out a photo from a file; it was a photo of Ajax. He picked up a thumb tack on the coffee table, and stuck the picture to the wall opposite of him. He took a few steps back, and threw a knife at the picture. It stuck to where Ajax’s head is.

“I will find you someday, Francis. And when I do, you will pay for everything you have done to me.”

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed Deadpool's origin story! The next chapter will take place in the season one finale, so stay tuned to find out how Deadpool will do at the Grand Galloping Gala. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 7: The Gala
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 7: The Gala

Zzz…

Deadpool was sleeping on the couch. He had a bag of chips in his hooves, weapons were scattered across the room, and plates of food that had not been touched were on the coffee table. Basically, he’s right at home.

CREAK!

The door creaked open, revealing Twilight Sparkle behind it. Upon entering the living room, she noticed the mess in her living room caused by the Merc with a Mouth. Wanting answers, she made her way to Deadpool, and started shaking him lightly to wake him up.

“Wade,” Whispered Twilight.

Zzz…

“Wade,” Whispered Twilight again.

Zzz…

“Wade,” Whispered Twilight with a hint of irritation.

Zzz…

Her efforts were to no avail. Wade was not waking up. Twilight lost her patience and tried a different way of waking him up.

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

Zzz…

Not even yelling woke him up. Twilight put a hoof to her chin, and came up with an idea.

“Wade, the taco stand is having a half off sale,” Said Twilight.

“Let’s go!”

Finally, Deadpool woke up from his slumber. He was in a frenzy. While trying to pick up all of his weapons, he dropped his bag of chips on the floor, dumping some of its contents. Twilight rolled her eyes at Deadpool’s coordination.

“Wade, there isn’t a sale at the taco stand,” Informed Twilight.

“What? Then why the hell did you wake me up?” Asked Deadpool.

“Two reasons. The first reason, what happened to this room?” Asked Twilight.

“Sorry. I was partying last night. Party of one? More like DP, party of fun! I will clean this up in a minute,” Said Deadpool.

“Okay… Second, I need you to come with me to Rarity’s Boutique,”

“Why?”

“Did you seriously forget?”

“What?”

“The Grand Galloping Gala. It’s tonight. We need to go over to Rarity’s and get prepared,”

“The Grand Galloping Gala? You mean the big party held in Canterlot once a year?”

“Yes!” Exclaimed Twilight in excitement.

“I’ll pass,” Said Deadpool.

“What?! You don’t want to go to the biggest party of the year?!” Asked Twilight in shock.

“No. It’s just a party with no taste for snobby rich ponies. I would rather swim with sharks in a suit made of ham,” Answered Deadpool.

“(Sigh) Maybe this will change your mind,”

She gave Deadpool a scroll. It was addressed to him from Princess Celestia. He began to read it in a mock impression of Princess Celestia..

“Dear Deadpool, I cordially invite you to the Grand Galloping Gala. Blah blah blah. Events include dancing, blah blah blah. We are short of staff this year, so I will also give you the opportunity to watch over the festivities as a guard? You will be paid one-hundred bits for every hour of work!” Read Deadpool excitedly.

(Holy shit! We’re gonna get paid, son!)

“Will you go now?” Asked Twilight.

“I don’t normally go to events like this, but if Princess Celestia needs me, I’ll go,” Said Deadpool.

“Good. Let’s get going.”

A little while later, Twilight, Deadpool, Spike, and Pinkie Pie were outside Rarity’s Boutique. Twilight was busy reading a spell book while Deadpool was leaning against a tree. Pinkie Pie was bouncing on a trampoline she got from who knows where.

“Ahh! I (bounce) can’t (bounce) believe (bounce) the Grand (bounce) Galloping (bounce) Gala (bounce) is (bounce) tonight!” Said Pinkie Pie excitedly.

“Pinkie! Please stop shouting, I’m trying to concentrate,” Said Twilight annoyedly.

Just then, Rarity stepped out of her boutique. She noticed Pinkie Pie bouncing on the trampoline.

“Pinkie Pie! Stop that right now. It’s time to prepare for the Gala, and I refuse to let you put on your new dress when you’re all sweaty,” Said Rarity sternly.

Pinkie stopped bouncing on behalf of Rarity’s wishes. Making her way towards Spike, she watched Twilight reading her book.

“What’s Twilight doing?” Asked Pinkie.

“She’s got an awesome magic spell she’s been working on for the Gala,” Answered Spike.

“Where are the others? It’s getting late,” Said Rarity.

“Hold your horses, girl. We’re here.”

Applejack and the rest of the girls arrived, and not a minute too soon. Twilight finished reading her book.

“Perfect! I’m ready,” Said Twilight.

“For what?” Asked Rainbow Dash.

“All right, Spike,”

Spike placed an apple on the ground.

“An apple! Are we having pie?” Asked Pinkie.

“Shh! Watch,” Said Spike.

Twilight’s horn began to glow. The apple's shape was distorted, then, just like that, it became a carriage. All of Twilight's mare friends looked at the carriage in awe. Deadpool watched from the tree he was leaning under. He didn’t find Twilight’s spell to be very cool.

“Yeah. Especially since it is a rip off of Cinderella,” Said Deadpool.

“That’s just the start. Fluttershy, did you bring your friends?” Asked Twilight.

“Yes.” Four mice popped out of Fluttershy's mane. She bent her head down, so they could climb down. “Will they be safe, Twilight?”

“You have my word.”

Twilight used the same spell on the mice, but it appeared to not have fully worked. Their bodies were like a horse’s, but their faces still looked like that of mice.

“Ta-Da!”

“This is even better than a Disney Princess film!” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool laughed at Twilight’s mishap. She was ignoring him, though.

“Neat, huh? And don’t worry. They’ll be mice again at midnight,” Assured Twilight.

A persian cat stepped out of a nearby bush. She was wearing a purple bow on her head and a collar of the same color, studded with opals. Her name was Opalescence. She is Rarity’s pet cat. When she saw the mice-horses, she grew a devilish grin, and leapt towards them.

“Opalescence, no!” Shouted Fluttershy quietly.

Opalescence leapt onto one of the mice-horses, frightening all of them. She was bucked off, and the mice-horses ran away.

“Wait! Come back! Those horses were supposed to pull the carriage. How will we get to the Gala?” Asked Twilight.

“I know, let’s use the teleporter device on my wrist,” Suggested Deadpool.

(Didn’t that get damaged yesterday when we were taking down those criminals at the warehouse?)

“Pfft, it still works,” Said Deadpool dismissively.

He pushed a button and he teleported. It failed horribly. He ended up sideways with the tree he was leaning on in the middle of his body.

“Well, this could’ve gone better,” Said Deadpool.

“Whatever shall we do?” Pondered Rarity.

Rarity looked around and noticed a couple of earth pony stallions.

“Uh… ahem.” Rarity got the stallions' attention. “Uh, would you boys mind pulling our carriage to the Gala?”

Agreeing to help them, the stallions pulled up the carriage in front of the girls.

“Oh. Yeah. Right,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

“Um, can somepony help me out? I need to scratch my ass, but there’s a tree in the way,” Said Deadpool.

A few minutes later, the group was in Rarity’s boutique. The girls were in a room doing their manes and getting dressed, while Spike and Deadpool were waiting out in the hallway for them to get ready. The men got bored of waiting out in the hallway.

“Come on, you guys. Let us in,” Begged Spike.

“Sure thing, Spike.”

Rainbow Dash was going to open the door, but Rarity blocked the door.

“Heavens no! We’re getting dressed,” Said Rarity.

“Dressed? Uh, beg pardon, Rarity but, uh… we normally don’t wear clothes,” Pointed out Applejack.

“So I’m not the only one who thinks this entire conversation is pointless?” Asked Deadpool.

With a groan, Rarity reluctantly opened the door for the guys to come in.

“I’m sorry Spike. Some of us do have standards,” Said Rarity.

“I still can’t believe we’re going to be at Canterlot tonight. Our hometown, Twilight! And the best part is that we all get to hang out together all night long,” Said Spike.

“Uh, I-I don’t know, Spike,” Said Rainbow.

“We’ll just have to see,” Added Rarity.

“We’re gonna be a mite busy,” Added Applejack.

“Busy having fun!” Quipped Pinkie.

BA-DUM, CRASH!

Everyone looked at Deadpool. He was sitting with a drum set.

“Hey, somepony’s gotta do it,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh. Okay.”

Spike was disappointed with his friends’ answers.

"Don’t worry Spike. We’ll all get to spend time together,” Assured Twilight.

“Great! ‘Cause I planned my insider’s tour of Canterlot. I’ve gotta show Rarity the crown jewels, and Applejack the Princess’s golden apple tree. And Pinkie, we gotta go to my favorite doughnut shop,” Said Spike.

Later that evening, the group was making their way to Canterlot. The girls were seated in the carriage while Spike and Deadpool were sitting up front. Spike was wearing a tuxedo while Wade was still wearing his suit.

“Sigh!” Spike looked to his right and saw Deadpool holding his head in his hoof. “Are we there yet? I’m starting to regret my decision to come,” Said Deadpool.

“Way to kill the mood, Deadpool,” Said Spike annoyedly.

A few minutes later, the group finally arrived at Canterlot. The carriage stopped in front of the Canterlot Castle, where the Gala is being held. Spike hopped out of his seat and opened the door for the ladies.

“Whoa! You all look… amazing!” Said Spike breathlessly.

The girls were wearing dresses based on their talents and/or interests. Twilight was wearing a star-patterned dress, Applejack’s dress was western themed, complemented by her stetson hat, Rainbow Dash was wearing a rainbow dress and had her hair tied; one of the only times you will ever see her like that, Pinkie Pie’s dress was based on candy, Fluttershy was wearing a green, nature dress with flowers braided in her mane, and Rarity was wearing a pink and magenta dress complete with a tiara.

“Wade? You’re still wearing your suit?” Asked Rarity.

“I was just waiting until the last minute. This is the last minute."

Deadpool grabbed his suit and ripped it off. He was wearing a standard tuxedo with a red dress shirt and matching handkerchief, and black dress pants. He also wore black dress shoes on his back hooves. He still wore his mask and gloves.

“I can’t believe we’re finally here. With all that we’ve imagined, the reality of this night is sure to make this… The Best Night Ever!” Said Twilight.

“My Deadpool sense is warning me that there’s going to be a musical number, so I’m going inside to find some drinks,” Said Deadpool.

(One song later)

Deadpool was in the ballroom inside the palace, leaning against a wall. He was watching over the festivities, making sure everything was going smoothly. Some patrons walked by with either confused looks or glaring at him due to his very noticeable mask.

(Yawn! This party blows!)

(At least we’re getting paid.)

(Maybe so, but would it kill anypony to change the music? This classical music is getting old.)

“Don’t forget the party mare of Ponyville is here tonight. If anyone can liven this party up, it’s Pinkie Pie,” Said Deadpool.

(Speaking of...)

Across the room, Pinkie Pie was singing and dancing to her heart’s content, much to the annoyance of the other party goers. She only stopped when she saw the other patrons glaring at her. She was confused as to why everyone else wasn’t partying the same way she was. Deadpool decided to walk over and talk to her.

“Hey, Pinks, how's the partying going?” Asked Deadpool, even though he knew the answer.

“This is the strangest party ever. It’s got a shiny dance floor, there are ponies dressed from head to hoof in supertastic outfits, and there’s a fancy band. But this party is lacking in… partying,” Said Pinkie.

“Pinkie, this is a party for rich, snobby ponies. They don’t exactly party like at one of your parties.”

“Hmm… I know they can party. I just need to encourage them.”

“Well, good luck with that.”

As Deadpool returned to his post, he noticed a refreshment table. And in the center of that table, was a punch bowl. He then saw a waiter, carrying a metal tray with four glasses of red wine on his back. The lightbulb in Deadpool’s head switched on, having come up with an idea that made him grin mischievously.

“Hey, sir.” The waiter stopped right next to Deadpool, looking at him. “I’d like that entire tray of wine plus another tray over there.”

The waiter gave Deadpool the entire tray, then walked away to fetch another tray. Deadpool grabbed one of the glasses of wine, and brought it up to his mouth. Lifting up his mask slightly, he took a single sip.

“Wow! This is pretty good wine! I’m definitely going to be drinking this the whole night."

Setting his glass down, Deadpool grabbed the rest of the glasses, and, one by one, poured their contents into the bowl of punch. He then grabbed a ladle, and mixed the liquids together.

(You shouldn’t have done that.)

“I’m helping Pinkie with her dilemma. Once all of these rich ponies have a little alcohol in their system, they’re bound to liven up a little. Besides, like anypony will know I did it,” Said Deadpool.

(This reminds me of when we went to prom with one of our cousins.)

A little while later, Deadpool was leaning against the wall, finishing his fifth drink of wine. He placed the empty glass on the tray, before looking towards a door leading to the Canterlot Gardens.

“Perhaps we should go outside. Make sure everyone’s behaving.”

Heading out the exit, Deadpool entered an open area surrounded by various native and exotic flora. He quickly noticed Rarity, who was looking at a stem that appeared to be missing a flower.

“Hey, Rarity,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Deadpool, darling, a pleasure to see you on this grand night. Although, aren’t you supposed to be watching over the festivities?” Asked Rarity.

“I am. I’m just making sure everything’s fine out here,” Answered Deadpool.

“I see. I hate to brush you off, darling, but I’m waiting for somepony, and I believe he will be back any second now.”

“He? You found the stallion of your dreams you wouldn’t stop talking about in the carriage? What’s he like? Tall? Handsome? The lead character in an award winning superhero movie?”

“He’s… He’s not like I expected, but he’s great,” Said Rarity half-heartedly.

“Uh-oh, having guy problems?” Asked Deadpool.

“No, no. His gentlecolt side will appear, I just have to wait,” Assured Rarity.

(I call bullshit.)

“Is he giving you trouble? Do I need to rough him up a bit? If you catch my drift?” Questioned Deadpool.

“No. I’ll admit, it was rather rude that he had me cover a puddle with my cloak, so he can walk over it and not get wet, but I know his princely side will show,” Assured Rarity.

“I see… So he’s a douche?”

Ponies in the area looked at Deadpool due to his use of vulgar language. Rarity covered his mouth with a hoof, and made him look her in the eye.

“Wade! While I normally tolerate your choice of words in a private setting, we are at a formal event with high-class ponies. Either choose your words carefully, or stay quiet,” Said Rarity sternly.

“Fine, but let me tell you something: you deserve better. Don’t be with a guy who makes you feel shitty. I know I am the last guy to get love advice from, especially since I had gone out with twenty-eight-”

(Ah-Ahem.)

“Ugh! Thirty mares, but even I know that stallion doesn’t deserve a mare as great as you.”

Leaving it there, Deadpool started to walk away, when he noticed the waiter coming by with more wine.

“Serveur! Un verre de vin, s’il vous plaÎt,” Said Deadpool in Prench. The waiter handed him a glass. “And one for the unicorn mare with the purple mane and magenta dress.”

The waiter headed towards Rarity’s direction, while Wade continued his rounds. He was walking by some bushes when he heard some rustling on the other side of one of them.

(Oh god! A heron is going to jump out of that bush and attack us like in “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2”!)

(That was a crane, not a heron.)

(There’s a difference?)

“Let’s investigate. Maybe it’s something that will finally put some excitement in this party,” Said Deadpool.

Cautiously, Deadpool walked through the bush. When he got on the other side, instead of a threat, he saw Fluttershy.

“Oh. Hey, Shy,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Eep!”

Fluttershy was surprised by Deadpool’s sudden appearance. Her shock caused a toco toucan to fly away out of panic. She tried to reach out for it futilely, looking down at the ground out of sadness.

“Uh-oh. What’s wrong, Shy?” Asked Deadpool.

“I-It’s nothing. It’s just there are so many animals here at the Gala that I have never seen before, and I want to be with them. But they keep fleeing every time I get close to them,” Said Fluttershy.

“Hey, they’re animals, right?” Asked Deadpool. Fluttershy nodded her head. “Just like any animal, they’re most likely stressed due to the noise from the party, and all of these ponies outside. Just let them come to you. You’re great with animals, so I know they’ll come to you when they’re ready.”

Hearing Wade’s words of advice, Fluttershy’s smile returned to her face.

“You’re right. Thank you, Deadpool,” Said Fluttershy.

“No problem.”

Deciding to leave Fluttershy be, Deadpool started making his way back inside. He stopped dead in his tracks when he caught a whiff of something. He followed it to a stand that was being run by a familiar farm pony.

“Hi, Wade,” Greeted Applejack.

“Hey, AJ. How’s the sales going?” Asked Deadpool.

“Awful. I only had one sale. I thought I would sell a lot of my family’s homemade goods here tonight, but I only sold a single pie," Said Applejack.

Deadpool looked at Applejack, then the glass of wine he partially drinked. He finished the rest of it in a few quick sips, then tossed the glass behind him.

“That’s rough. Tell you what, that apple fritter smells bitchin! I’ll buy one of those and a glass of your famous apple cider,” Said Deadpool.

“That’s kind of ya, Deadpool, but you’re my friend. Ya don’t have to pay,” Said Applejack.

“AJ, I insist. I’ll buy your food.”

“I appreciate it, but ya really don’t-”

“Applejack, let me pay for the damn food, or I’ll shove this money up your prison wallet.”

Applejack, put her hooves up, and grabbed an apple fritter and a glass of apple cider. Deadpool placed five bits in the bucket, and grabbed the apple cider first. He brought the glass to his lips, and drinked it all in one sip. He then grabbed the apple fritter, which Applejack put in a paper bag, with his teeth.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Ms. Applejack,” Said Deadpool.

“Thanks, Deadpool!” Said Applejack.

Deadpool walked through a different door than the one he exited through. At the top of the stairs, he saw two familiar faces, Princess Celestia and Twilight. He walked up the stairs, and stood in front of both of them.

“Hello, Princess Celestia,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Good evening, Deadpool,”

After giving a quick hello to him, Celestia went back to greeting guests arriving at the Gala. They formed a long line in front of her, from the top of the stairs to the main entrance.

“Hi, Wade,” Greeted Twilight half-heartedly.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Asked Deadpool.

“Honestly, not really,” Said Twilight.

“Want to talk about it?”

Twilight looked over at the other side of the door leading into the ballroom. She motioned Deadpool to follow her. Once they were in, she spoke to him.

“I came to the Gala tonight because I wanted to catch up with Princess Celestia, but she and I haven’t been able to have a chance to talk because she has to greet so many ponies. I know it’s not something that can be controlled, and I don’t hold anything against her or the guests, but that doesn’t mean it isn't so irritating!” Said Twilight angrily.

“Hey, I get it. You haven’t seen Celestia since what would be the twenty-second episode of the actual TV show. I know I wouldn’t like not being able to speak to a friend that I had not seen in a while. It may be until after the Gala, but I know you two will get a chance to talk. You just have to do something I hate doing - waiting,” Said Deadpool.

“You’re right, Deadpool. Thank you. I’m going to go get something to eat before meeting back up with the Princess.”

As Twilight was heading to a food table, Deadpool looked at the paper bag with the apple fritter he was carrying, then at her. He caught up with her, and tapped her shoulder.

“Want my apple fritter?” Asked Deadpool.

“Deadpool, that’s yours. I can grab something over here,” Said Twilight.

“I don’t mind. Besides, it’s most likely better than the hors d’oeuvres they’re serving here. Come on, it’s still warm!”

Twilight thought about Deadpool’s offer before grabbing the bag with her magic and smiling.

“Thank you, Wade.”

Twilight made her way back to Princess Celestia. Deadpool noticed a crowd forming in the middle of the room. In the middle of the crowd were the Wonderbolts, Equestria's elite flying team. Rainbow Dash was also with them, but looking pretty mad. Deadpool slipped through the crowd, then walked up to her.

“Dash, you’re actually hanging out with the Wonderbolts, Equestria’s version of the Blue Angels! That’s so awesome!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“Hasn’t been that awesome,” Grumbled Rainbow.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been trying to talk to them all night, but they haven’t noticed me because of this crowd.”

“I don’t know what to say, Dash, but the only thing you can really do is wait.”

Rainbow Dash gave Deadpool a look that told him he should keep his mouth shut. He left her be, and made his way back to the entrance. After a couple hours of guarding, and drinking fourteen more glasses of wine, Deadpool was getting bored and hungry.

“Oh my God, this is so boring! And I am so hungry!”

(Too bad you don’t have an apple fritter to eat. Oh wait, you did. But you decided to be nice, and gave it to Twilight.)

“You’re an ass. I’m going to see what this party has for food.”

Deadpool walked over to a table in the center of the room. It had all sorts of h'orderves and sweets. None of them caught his interest.

"Ugh! Just about the only thing that this shindig has for food is tasteless h'orderves! At least they have something edible in the form of desserts. But not even those are catching my eye."

(Do you reckon Applejack still has food we can purchase?)

"Given her luck this evening, most likely. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go pay her a visit."

"Psst!"

Deadpool heard someone trying to get his attention. He looked ahead and found Pinkie in a back corner of the ball room. She was gesturing him to come over. Catching on, he nodded his head while smirking under his mask. He discretely walked over to her, and leaned against the wall adjacent to her.

"What's up, Pinks?" Said Deadpool.

"I couldn't help but overhear you were unsatisfied with the food selection here," Said Pinkie rather seriously.

"Yup."

"I may have something that you may be interested in."

Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a cherrychanga wrapped in aluminium foil. Deadpool quietly shrieked in excitement.

"What do you want for it?!" Asked Deadpool.

"I think you know what I want. So, the real question is: How much do you have?" Asked Pinkie.

Deadpool reached into his breast pocket, and pulled out a plastic bag of rainbow-colored sprinkles. He and Pinkie quickly traded their items. They both nodded their heads before parting ways.

(... What the fuck did I just observe?)

"I traded Pinkie some sprinkles in exchange for the cherrychanga," Answered Deadpool.

(Wait, does she just eat the sprinkles straight up, or... does she... snort them?)

"Yes."

Deadpool walked over to a table and sat down. He lifted up his mask, then removed some of the foil around the cherrychanga. He licked his lips, then took a bite out of it.

“Sooo good!” Exclaimed Deadpool.

“Ugh! What are you wearing on your head?”

(Who's looking to get their ass kicked?!)

Upon turning around, he noticed the pony who asked that shrewd question. Standing in front of him was a unicorn stallion with long golden locks.

“Trust me, pal, there's a reason why I wear this. Who the hell are you?” Asked Deadpool irritatedly.

“Watch your words sir. This is a formal event. For your information, my name is Blueblood. Prince Blueblood.”

“Pool, Dead. Also, I couldn’t give a shit about where I curse.”

“I’m surprised my aunts would let a commoner with your mouth in an event such as this," Said Blueblood in disbelief.

(Can we please beat this guy!)

“Look man, I'm just trying to enjoy my meal. Just do me a favor and get something to eat, and leave me in peace,” Asked Deadpool.

“Very well. I shall sample the Gala's h'orderves,” Said Blueblood.

The waiter from earlier came by, carrying a tray of wine.

“Refreshments?” Offered the waiter.

“Yes,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool grabbed a glass of wine from the tray.

(Isn’t this your twenty-first drink tonight?)

Prince Blueblood grabbed himself a small crustless sandwich, and began to consume it while sitting at a table opposite of Deadpool.

"Oh, yes. This is much more palatable than that carnival food," Said Blueblood.

“You had something bad to eat?” Asked Deadpool.

“I unfortunately had the displeasure of sampling commoner food. Those foul apple fritters,” Muttered Blueblood.

Deadpool set his drink on the table.

“Apple fritters? Um, by chance, were they sold by a mare? Orange? Stetson hat? Southern drawl? Voiced by Ashleigh Ball?” Asked Deadpool.

“I don’t know what you mean by that last one, but, yes. That mare served me wretched carnival food, tainting my pristine tastebuds. I can’t believe commoners like her are allowed to attend the Gala,” Said Blueblood.

“Ass whoppin' time!”

It appeared Prince Blueblood had forgotten at the moment Deadpool was sitting across from him. Underneath his mask, Deadpool was seething with rage. He got up, grabbed his drink, and made his way to Blueblood. Blueblood was calmly eating his sandwich, unaware of what was coming his way.

“Enjoying that sandwich?” Asked Deadpool calmly.

“Yes. Certainly better than that carnival food,” Said Blueblood.

“Good…”

SHATTER!

“OWWW!!”

SLAM!

CRACK!

In a matter of seconds, Deadpool broke his glass behind Prince Blueblood’s head, and slammed him through the table they sat at. All of this got the attention of the other guests. They all watched in shock, letting out some gasps. Deadpool grabbed Blueblood by the shoulders and had him look him in the eyes. The back of Blueblood’s head was bleeding a little. He was clearly terrified of Wade.

“Listen here, you fancy-schmancy son of a bitch! That mare is my friend. She came here tonight, wanting to sell her family’s homemade food. You have no right to give her shit! Heed my warning, if you ever give her, or any other ‘commoner’ bullshit again, I will break all two-hundred and five bones in your body, staring with your jaw! Understand?!” Prince Blueblood nodded his head to show he understood. “Good. Now, get out of my sight!” Ordered Deadpool.

He let Blueblood go, the prince running away like he saw the grim reaper. Deadpool noticed everyone staring at him.

“The fuck you all looking at?!” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

A thought came into Deadpool’s mind. It was about something Blueblood had said.

“Wait, aunts? Is Blueblood related to the Princesses?”

Deadpool’s question would have to be put on hold. Pinkie Pie started some music with a DJ table, then went down to the dance floor.

“Come on, everypony! You wanted a partay? Now it’s a paaartaaay!” Said Pinkie.

Pinkie started to dance, and, in the process, launched some of the guests by bumping into them. A couple doors opened, revealing Applejack pushing a dining cart with a big cake on it.

“Okay, all you high-class ponies. Here’s a highfalutin apple cake for your hoity-toity taste buds,” Said Applejack.

“Stage dive!”

Pinkie Pie jumped off the stage and landed in front of the cart, launching the cake. It headed straight for Rarity and Prince Blueblood, who had some bandages wrapped around the back of his head at a surprisingly quick amount of time. Noticing it, Blueblood hid behind Rarity and used her as a shield. She ended up covered in cake. This… was the final straw for her.

“You, sir, are the most UNCHARMING Prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal PAIN!” Shouted Rarity.

“Stay back! I just had myself groomed!” Said Blueblood.

“Afraid to get dirty?!” Asked Rarity meancingly.

She then tossed some cake onto Blueblood. He backed away from Rarity, but he tripped and bumped into a statue. He caused the statue to fall towards the guests.

“This is my chance!”

Rainbow Dash ran towards the statue, and caught it with her back.

“Yeah! Whoa!”

Rainbow Dash started to struggle with holding the statue, accidently hitting a pillar. It fell onto another pillar. Three more fell over like dominoes. When the dust settled, the pillars were in pieces. The statue broke as well.

“Wow! Some shit got fucked up, and it wasn’t my fault!” Said Deadpool in surprise.

Hearing the commotion, Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle walked into the room and saw the mess. They were in complete shock.

“Well… it can’t get any worse,” Said Twilight quietly.

The room began to shake, confusing everyone. Then the doors to the gardens opened, and a bunch of animals ran inside. In the doorway was Fluttershy. Her mane was unkempt, and her dress was in tatters. She was mad.

“You’re going to love me!” Shouted Fluttershy.

Ponies were running from the animals, and some were being chased by said animals. Twilight only looked on in shock. Then Princess Celestia whispered to her…

“Run.”

Twilight whistled to signal her friends that it was time to leave.

“Well, guess that’s my cue to leave this joint,” Said Deadpool.

CRASH!

Before leaving, Deadpool decided to contribute to the destruction by flipping a random table. While going down a flight of stairs, Rarity lost one of her glass slippers, to which Pinkie Pie noticed.

“Ooh! Rarity, your glass slipper! Now your Prince is sure to find you,” Assured Pinkie.

“Ah!”

Rarity shrieked in fear, and smashed the slipper. Pinkie Pie was confused, but then was grabbed by Rarity and went on their way. Meanwhile, at Joe’s Doughnut Shop, Spike was finishing eating a doughnut.

“Hey, Joe. Another doughnut,” Requested Spike.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Asked Joe.

“Another doughnut! Extra sprinkles!” Ordered Spike.

A bell rang, signaling the arrival of customers.

“Twilight Sparkle! Ha, ha. Long time no see,” Said Joe.

Everyone, except for Deadpool, looked like they had a rough night. The girls’ manes were unkempt, and Fluttershy’s dress was still ruined. Rarity was no longer covered in cake, though.

“Hey, how was the Gala? How was your best night ever?” Asked Spike, oblivious to the events that have occurred.

(One story later)

“That sounds like the worst night ever!” Said Spike.

“It was!”

All of the girls laughed, finally starting to cheer up from the party.

“Tonight was okay for me. I drank some wine and beat the shit out of somepony,” Said Deadpool casually as he took a bite out of a doughnut.

“Why would you do that to somepony?!” Asked Rarity in shock.

“He did an inexcusable thing,” Said Deadpool.

“And that is?” Asked Fluttershy.

“... He was giving Applejack crap,” Said Deadpool.

“What?” Asked the Mane Six.

“He was complaining about how terrible her food was, as well as saying how he was surprised she got into the Gala. So I stood up for her… by smacking him with a wine glass, slamming him into a table, and threatening to break every bone in his body,” Said Deadpool calmly.

“Ignoring the violence part, thank ya partner!” Said Applejack as she slapped Deadpool’s back.

“Wait a minute. Was by chance his name Prince Blueblood?” Asked Rarity.

“Yeah,” Confirmed Deadpool.

“So you were the ‘uncultured swine’ he talked about. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but, thank you Wade for putting some sense into him. Until it lasted,” Said Rarity.

“(Gasp) It’s only been the first season, but you finally said thank you to me! This truly has been a great night!”

“I just hope Princess Celestia isn’t upset with us for ruining the Gala,” Said Twilight.

“That was the best Grand Galloping Gala ever!”

“Princess Celestia!”

The Princess made her way to the table the group of friends were sitting at.

“Pardon me, Princess, but tonight was just awful,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight. The Grand Galloping Gala is always awful,” Said Celestia.

“It is?” Asked Twilight.

“That is why I was thrilled you were all attending. I was hoping you could liven things up a bit. Although I’m surprised it wasn’t mainly because of Wade,” Said Celestia.

“Don’t worry. On top of breaking a couple tables, I spiked the punch bowl with some wine when no one was looking.” Said Wade.

“Of course you did,” Said Twilight annoyedly.

“By the way, Princess, may I ask a question?” Asked Deadpool.

“Ask away,” Said Celestia.

“When do I get paid?”

SPLAT!

In response to his question, Twilight shoved a doughnut in Deadpool’s face. He licked the frosting and bits of doughnut off his face.

“Anyway, while the evening may not have gone as you planned, I’m sure you’ll agree that in the end it didn’t turn out so bad for this group of friends,” Said Celestia.

“You’re right, Princess. Friends have a way of making even the worst of times into something pretty great,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah! Hanging out with friends!” Said Rainbow.

“Talking!” Added Fluttershy.

“Laughing!” Added Pinkie.

"Caring!" Added Deadpool.

“You mean doing exactly what I wanted to do the whole time?” Asked Spike.

‘Yes, Spike. You were right. As horrible as our night was, being together here has made it all better. In fact, it's made it..."

“The best night ever!” Said the Mane Six in unison

“Eh, eh! They said it! They said it!” Said Deadpool.

Author's Note

And that concludes the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". The next set of chapters will be taking place within the second season of the show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", where he and his friends will be facing familiar foes, one of them being from the Marvel Universe, and also will be meeting new but familiar faces. So until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 8: The Return of Chaos Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 8: The Return of Chaos Part Two

“Mwahaha!”

Discord was laughing in triumph. By means of cheating, he won his game, and now he was creating a literal storm of chaos. Deadpool and Twilight could only watch as Equestria was descending into madness.

“And what are you laughing at?!” Asked Pinkie Pie menacingly.

“Oh, you ponies are just the most fun I’ve had in eons,” Answered Discord.

“Well, quit it! You’d better think before you laugh at the Pink… ie Pie!”

“Oh, yeah? Well ha, ha.”

Fluttershy was purposely irritating Pinkie Pie by laughing.

“Quit it!”

“No. Ha, ha.”

“Quit it!!”

“No. Ha ha-ha ha ha.”

“Uh… Rarity? This here diamond of yours? Deadpool said we should split it seven ways since we, uh, found it together,” Lied Applejack.

“Hi-Yah!” Rarity delivered a karate kick to Applejack, sending her flying. “Try it punk! He’s mine. All mine!”

She and Applejack fought each other. Seeing her friends acting opposite of themselves had Twilight worried.

“Girls, why are you all acting like this?” Asked Twilight.

“Quit it! Stop it!” Demanded Pinkie Pie.

“Ha ha,” Said Fluttershy.

“We need to stick together,” Said Twilight.

“(Laughter) It’s just too entertaining.”

Discord was watching the chaos among the group of friends while sitting in a movie theater seat and eating popcorn.

“Stop it, Discord. You’re not playing fair,” Said Twilight.

“I’m not playing fair? Perhaps we haven’t met. I’m Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. Hello?”

“Yeah, and since when has a villain ever played fair?” Asked Deadpool.

“How are we supposed to find the Elements of Harmony when you took away the labyrinth before we could get to the end?” Asked Twilight.

“Oh, wait. Did you…? (Laughs) You thought the Elements were in the labyrinth?”

Discord grabbed Twilight and Deadpool, and transported them to the past. All three of them were like ghosts, so their presence wouldn’t disrupt the timeline. Discord brought them to when he gave them the clue to the location of the Elements.

“Twists and turns are my master plan. Then find the Elements back where you began,” Said Discord from the past.

Discord brought both ponies back to the present after letting them listen to the clue again.

“I never said they were in the labyrinth,” Informed Discord.

“But… but…” Stuttered Twilight.

“Keep trying. Maybe the power of friendship can help you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some chaos to wreak.”

In a flash, Discord disappeared. As soon as he left, a storm of pink clouds formed in the sky above, pouring chocolate milk rain.

“Chocolate milk? I hate chocolate milk!” Said Pinkie Pie.

“Argh!”

Twilight and Deadpool were growing irritated by their friends’ behavior.

“Think, think. Find the Elements back where you began. Back where you began,” Muttered Twilight.

Rarity was carrying her diamond when Applejack jumped on top of it. Fluttershy hovered next to the gem and poked it.

“Don’t touch my gem!” Ordered Rarity.

“I’m touching your gem, Rarity. Ha ha,” Mocked Fluttershy.

“What chu’ laughin’ at?” Asked Pinkie.

“Ugh! I just want to go home,” Whined Deadpool.

“Wait, Wade. Say that again,” Said Twilight.

“I just want to go home?”

“... Home! Back where we began. The Elements must be in Ponyville!”

"Then let's get there through the use of a scene transition!"

Through the use of a scene transition, Twilight, Deadpool, and friends were following a dirt road back to Ponyville.

“Come on guys. I’m certain this is what Discord’s riddle really meant. If we get back to the library, I have a book that I just know can give us a clue,” Said Twilight confidently.

“Ah!”

Twilight and Deadpool were run over by rabbits with stilt legs, one of them being Angel.

“Good boy, Angel. Mama’s so proud,” Said Fluttershy.

Suddenly, the sun quickly set and was replaced by the moon, turning night into day.

“Wow, I can see so much better now. Whoa!” The road turned into soap. Applejack was sliding all over the place, knocking over Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. “I meant to do that,” Muttered Applejack.

As they tried to get up, Twilight and Deadpool slipped, falling back down.

“Help. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” Remarked Deadpool.

(... Really?)

“Discord’s turned our dirt roads into soap!” Said Twilight in shock.

The sun came back up, becoming day again. Then Discord appeared, ice skating on the soap.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Discord had the group look directly at Ponyville. It was raining chocolate milk above the town, like just about everywhere else, and many houses were either floating on their own mini islands, or were floating themselves upside down. “This is the new and improved Ponyville, and these are only my first changes.”

Behind him, Pinkie Pie was twirling on the soapy road as if she were a professional ice skater.

“This may look like fun, but it’s not,” Said Pinkie.

“Ugh!” Cried Twilight.

“At least there’s some hope for her,” Said Deadpool.

Discord picked up both Twilight and Deadpool.

“Hey! Let me go!” Demanded Deadpool.

“In a second. Just picture it, Ponyville, the chaos capital of the world,” Said Discord.

The time changed to night again. This prevented the ponies from seeing Ponyville.

“We can’t picture it. It’s too dark,” Said Twilight.

“Well, wait a few minutes, and you’ll see it in the beautiful light of day. Or not.”

Discord set the ponies down before disappearing once again, continuing his chaos streak.

“Ponyville, the chaos capital of the world? Not if we have anything to say about it,” Said Twilight in determination.

Deadpool nodded his head in agreement.

“Don’t worry, you won’t,” Said Fluttershy.

A little while latter, the group arrived at Twilight’s library. Unlike with a majority of the buildings in Ponyville, the library seems to have not been tampered with by Discord.

“Okay, we’re here. Everyone please, please, please just go inside. Please?” Asked Twilight.

“I absolutely refuse,” Said Applejack.

“With pleasure,” Said Fluttershy.

“I hate libraries!” Said Pinkie.

Even though Applejack and Pinkie refused to, they went inside. Rarity was struggling to move the rock she had been carrying inside.

“Pleeeease, we gotta hurry!” Said Twilight.

“Forget it! I know what you guys are up too. The second I go in, you’ll take Tom!” Said Rarity.

“Tom?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Well, it’s not going to work.”

“You’re not going without him, are you?” Asked Twilight.

“Mm-mmm.”

“(Grunt) Fine!” Said Twilight reluctantly.

Meanwhile, inside the library, Spike was lying on the floor with a mop in hand, and a bucket of water next to him. He fell asleep cleaning the floors. A pair of yellow hooves grabbed the bucket of water next to him.

SPLASH!

“Ah!” Spike was soaked by the mop water, awakening him from his slumber. The culprit was Fluttershy. “What did you do that for, Fluttershy?!”

“‘Cause you looked so peaceful,” Answered Fluttershy calmly.

“I… uh… huh?”

CRASH!

“Owwwwww!”

While carrying Rarity’s rock inside, Twilight accidentally dropped it right on top of Deadpool.

“Careful! You’ll ruin his beautiful finish,” Said Rarity in irritation.

“Oh for the love of God!” Cried Deadpool.

“Twilight, Deadpool, what’s going on? Why does everybody look so… grey?” Asked Spike.

“Don’t ask. I need you to help me find something,” Said Twilight.

“Hey, Twilight, what’s soaking wet and clueless?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy, I’ve had just about enough-”

SPLASH!

“Your face!”

DING!

Fluttershy dumped the rest of the water in the bucket on Twilight, getting her soaked. She also put the bucket on her friend’s head. Deadpool was trying to hold back his laughter.

“(Giggle) She got you pretty good, Twi. I kind of like Shy this way,” Said Deadpool.

“Hey, Deadpool, what’s tan and looks like a burnt raisin?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Hmm… I don’t know. What?”

“Your face!”

(Ohhhhhh!)

(Oh no she didn’t!)

“... That’s it. This bitch’s getting it.”

Deadpool pulled out a pistol and aimed at Fluttershy.

“Wade. Don’t,” Ordered Twilight.

“... Fine.”

“What’s happened to them?” Asked Spike.

“I guess you just bring out the worst in us, Spike,” Lied Applejack.

“Ugh. No time to explain. We’ve got to find the reference guide to the Elements of Harmony before SOMEPONY does something she’ll regret,” Hissed Twilight, referring to her corrupted friends.

“The Elements of Harmony? Oh, I know exactly where that book is.” After climbing a ladder, Spike got the book from a shelf. “Found it!”

A scroll hit Spike in the face, causing him to drop the book. Fluttershy grabbed it while wearing an evil grin.

“Fluttershy, you better give me that book,” Warned Twilight.

“Keep away!”

Fluttershy tossed the book to Applejack, who caught it with her nose.

“Hey! Applejack, give me that book!” Ordered Twilight.

“I don’t have any book.”

Applejack tossed the book to Pinkie Pie, to which she kicked away.

“Pinkie!” Cried Twilight.

The book came back to Fluttershy. She kept away from Twilight by flying.

“You guys!”

Fluttershy tossed the book back to Applejack.

“Stop it right now!”

Applejack tossed the book back to Pinkie Pie who kicked it to Fluttershy. Before she can grab it, Spike tackled her. The book fell to the ground. Before Twilight could grab the book, Rarity took it.

“Mine!” Cried Rarity.

“Hey, do you even know what you just stole?” Asked Twilight.

“No, but if you want it, I want it,” Answered Rarity.

“(Strained growl) GIVE ME THAT BOOK!”

Twilight chased after Rarity.

CRASH!

Just as she was about to catch her, Fluttershy grabbed Rarity, causing Twilight to run into the rock.

“Where is she? Where’s Rarity?” Asked Twilight.

“Beats me,” Answered Applejack.

“Lies!”

In seconds, the girls were fighting each other, stirring up dust.

BANG! BANG!

Deadpool shot one of his pistols twice, aiming at the ceiling. This got everyone’s attention.

“That is it! All of you, stop! I am tired of this bullshit! Here's what's going to happen: you, Applejack, need to stop lying your ass off, you, Pinkie Pie, need to lighten up, you, Rarity, need to stop being greedy, and finally you, Fluttershy, need to get your shit together and be nicer! If any of you act up again, I am going to get the author to remove you from my fanfiction!”

(Wade, besides you, they are the main characters. I’m not going to-)

“You can shut up too! Now everypony get your acts together!”

The room was silent for a while. Rarity had accidentally dropped the book when Wade shot his gun. Twilight took the book and opened it. She noticed the book was hollowed out. The Elements of Harmony were inside!

“The Elements! They were here all along!” Said Twilight in delight.

(Ha! That rhymed!)

“This is great! Now you can beat Discord and put everything back to normal!” Said Spike.

“Finally!” Said Deadpool in relief.

“See, girls? We did it! We found the Elements of Harmony! Together!” Said Twilight.

There was silence among the girls. They weren't as excited as Twilight or Deadpool.

“You don’t even care, do you?” Asked Twilight.

“No,” Said the girls in unision.

“(Sigh) I never thought it would happen. Our friends… have turned into... into?”

“Assholes?” Suggested Deadpool.

“JERKS! Necklace! Necklace! Necklace! Necklace! And big crowny thingy! Come on, everypony, let’s go!”

Twilight put the Elements of Harmony on her friends despite their reluctance.

“But Twilight, aren’t you missing somepony?” Asked Spike.

“Nope. We’ve got the liar, the grump, the hoarder, the brute, and the hero with questionable mental stability. That just about covers it,” Said Twilight.

“But what about Rainbow Dash?” Asked Spike.

“Congratulations, Spike, you’re the new Rainbow Dash. Now let’s go!”

Twilight gave Spike Rainbow Dash’s Element to wear.

“But I wanted to be Rainbow Dash,” Said Deadpool disappointingly.

“Me? B-But what if she finds out I’ve been impersonating her? (Moan) That won’t end well,” Said Spike.

“Too bad, you’re Rainbow Dash. Now let’s go beat Discord so we don’t ever have to talk to each other again!” Said Twilight.

The rest of the girls cheered after Twilight spoke. Rarity, once again, was trying to move her rock.

“Move! Look out, here comes Tom!”

Twilight picked up Tom using a levitation spell, sending him through one of her windows. As soon as everyone stepped outside, Discord was there waiting for them.

“Well, well, well, I see you’ve found the Elements of Harmony. How terrifying,” Mocked Discord.

“Discord! I’ve figured out your lame riddle! You’re in for it now!” Said Twilight.

“I certainly am. You’ve clearly out-dueled me, and now it’s time to meet my fate.” Discord put on a pair of sunglasses, and put a target on his chest. “I’m prepared to be defeated now. Fire when ready.”

“Formation, now!” Twilight and friends got into formation, except for one. “‘Rainbow Dash’ get over here,” Ordered Twilight.

Spike moved from behind Tom and stood next to Twilight.

“All right, let’s get this over with,” Said Twilight.

“Something’s off here. Besides me not being Rainbow Dash, Discord’s surprisingly willing to be turned back into stone,” Thought Deadpool to himself.

Twilight’s crown glowed, and a strong wind appeared. She and her friends were lifted off the ground. Her eyes turned white, and the other Elements lit up. Suddenly, the Elements stopped glowing, and the group fell to the ground.

“What’s going on?!” Asked Twilight in shock.

“Mine’s workin’. There must be somethin’ wrong with yours,” Lied Applejack.

“I HATE the Elements!” Said Pinkie.

“Hmnph. Trash,” Said Flutershy.

“Mine!”

Fluttershy threw her Element aside, to which Rarity grabbed in her greed.

“Sorry, Twilight. I guess I’d better get back upstairs and clean the library. Good luck with all of this- Woah!”

Fluttershy purposely tripped Spike with her tail.

“Oops, sorry, Rainbow ‘Crash!'” Mocked Fluttershy.

“Bravo, ponies, bravo! Harmony in Equestria is officially dead. Discord rules, Celestia drools. (Laugh)”

Discord booped Twilight’s nose, angering her greatly. Then he skated away. Pinkie Pie starred in the direction Discord went.

“It’s your fault it didn’t work,” Blamed Pinkie.

“Who’s fault?” Asked Twilight.

“Any of you! All of you! I’m outta here!”

“I better go, too. I’ve got new better friends waiting for me at the farm,” Lied Applejack.

“Yeah! I’m sick of you LOSERS!” Said Fluttershy.

All of the girls left, leaving just Wade and Twilight.

“FINE! Leave! See if I care! I don’t need you guys either! With friends like you, who needs… enemies…?”

“Twilight?” Whispered Deadpool.

Slowly, just like almost all of her friends, Twilight turned grey, becoming opposite of herself. A tear was shed from one of her eyes. When it hit the ground, it formed a broken heart.

“... Not you too…”

Not long after, Deadpool went to a local taco joint. He ordered food, which would appear out of nowhere, but he only looked at it. He sighed in sadness while taking off his mask.

(You want to talk?)

“No. I’ll look crazy talking to myself,” Said Deadpool.

(You are crazy.)

“Good point. It’s just, I can’t believe all of my friends turned on each other, on me. Equestria is descending into madness, and our only hope has been all for nothing... I’ve lost everything.”

(Come on, you can’t let all of this shit keep you down. You’ve been through a lot worse.)

(Please don’t bring up what I think you’re about to say.)

(You were buried alive in a coffin by a mob boss. You were trapped for three days before you broke free. If you can escape that, then you can do anything.)

“...You’re right. I can save Equestria. I just need to do it on my own, but how? WIth his chaos magic, Discord can make my weapons into useless items. Or even worse, turn me into a rabbit!”

(What’s wrong with rabbits?)

“Just like Kunal Nayyar said, they look like they’re going to say something, but they don’t. Plus, have you met Angel?”

(Well, I have one idea. It's going to involve targeting his hubris.)

(His whatis? Is that like a bone we can break?)

([Groan] His ego.)

(Oh! Why the hell didn't you say that in the first place?)

“Yeah, don't use big words. We better get ready, because we’re going to take back Equestria, by any means necessary.”

(If you're going where I think you're going, what about what Twilight told us?)

“What choice do we have? If we don’t kill this guy, Equestria’s gonna be a land of unrest and unhappiness for eternity. And if killing one guy means bringing back all of my friends, then I will gladly do it without a second thought.”

Meanwhile, Twilight was walking around Ponyville, sulking. She passed by the stilt legged rabbits, floating ponies, and… ballet buffalos? A cotton candy cloud was floating above, raining down on her. Then Discord appeared.

“(Laughing) Oh, my stomach! Twilight, you’ve got to see what I just did!”

Discord pointed to an earth pony mare who had a giant pepper shaker over her.

“Ah-Choo!”

As soon as she sneezed, the houses next to her fell over.

“It’s priceless!”

Discord noticed Twilight was down. He took out a cotton candy stick and wrapped the cloud above Twilight around it.

“Come now, Twilight Sparkle. You’ve got to get into the spirit of things! After all, this is your new home,” Said Discord.

Twilight looked around at what was once her home. No square inch of Ponyville wasn’t affected by Discord.

“Not anymore,” Muttered Twilight.

As soon as she walked away, Discord cheered. Twilight walked home, and went upstairs. Spike was lying on the bedroom floor.

“Pack your things Spike, we’re leaving. Don’t ask where we’re going, ‘cause I don’t know yet. Just not yet.”

Twilight grabbed a suitcase, and threw her Element into a trash can by her bed.

“Can’t… move. The Princess… has been sending these… since I came back upstairs.” Spike pointed to a big pile of letters next to him on the floor. Then he belched up another letter. “Make it stop!” Begged Spike.

Twilight picked up one of the letters and read it. After reading more letters, she realized all of them were the friendship letters she wrote to Princess Celestia. Some of them say…

“Real friends don’t care what your cover is.”

“Friendship is a wonderous and powerful thing.”

“Everypony has a special, magical connection with her friends. Maybe even before she has met them.”

After reading her letters, Twilight’s color returned.

“Spike! Spike it’s all so clear. Can’t you see? Discord’s trying to distract us from what’s important. He knows how powerful our friendships are, and he’s trying to keep us from seeing it. Do you remember what I said the first day we arrived in Ponyville? I told you that the future of Equestria didn’t rest on me making friends. But the opposite is true! The friendships I’ve made since I’ve been here are what saved Equestria from Nightmare Moon. And now they need to save it from Discord!” Said Twilight.

Spike groaned in pain.

“You’re right, Spike. I’ve got to fight for my friendships. For them. For me. For Equestria!”

Spike continued to groan in pain from all the letters that were delivered to Twilight.

“Oh… uh… Why don’t you just stay here and rest? I’ll take care of the whole fighting for friendship thing myself,” Said Twilight.

The first place Twilight went to was Sweet Apple Acres. Among the bizarre things that Discord has done here include, causing pigs to fly, making Applejack’s brother, Big Macintosh, behave like a dog, and causing her grandmother, Granny Smith, to be able to tap dance. Applejack was leaning against the farmhouse, eating an apple… from the core to a whole apple?

“And so I tried to defeat Discord, but none of my so called ‘friends’ would lift a hoof to help me,” Lied Applejack to Granny Smith.

“Applejack, I’m here to fight for our friendship,” Said Twilight.

Big Macintosh came out of the ground from a hole he dug, and licked Twilight’s face before going back down.

“Oh, NOW you want to fight. Where were you when I was battlin’ Discord,” Lied Applejack.

Unexpectedly, Twilight tackled her friend to the ground.

“Snap out of it. This isn’t you! You’re not a liar.”

Twilight lit up her horn and pressed it against Applejack’s forehead. Twilight revealed memories of their friendships and past adventures. Just like with her, Applejack’s color returned, turning her back to normal. Although the earth pony was left with a pounding headache.

“Wh-What happened? Twilight! (Sigh) I saw a vision of us’ fightin’ and feudin’. I couldn’t face the truth, so I started tellin’ lies. Can you ever forgive me?” Asked Applejack.

“I already have. Come on!”

Twilight and Applejack went all over Ponyville to help their friends. First was Fluttershy, who they had to tie her limbs up in order to help her. Next they went to Rarity’s Boutique to help her. They were successful, and Rarity took the boulder she was obsessed with outside effortlessly. They then returned Pinkie Pie to normal. She was being carried in a cart by Applejack. The group of friends then looked for Rainbow Dash. They looked for her at her home, an elaborate house in a cloud.

“Um. She’s not here,” Said Fluttershy.

“Without Rainbow Dash, we can’t use the Elements,” Said Twilight.

“She could be anywhere by now! We’re never gonna find her,” Said Applejack hopelessly.

“Yeah, we will, ‘cause she’s right there!”

Pinkie Pie pointed up towards the sky. Just as she said, Rainbow Dash was there, lying on a cloud. Although she appeared to be how everyone was not too long ago.

“Rainbow Dash!” Shouted Twilight.

“Hey guys!” Shouted Rainbow Dash.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“That’s nice.”

“Discord’s still on the loose! We need you to help us defeat him with your element, loyalty!”

“Pftt. Loyalty, schmoyalty! Have you seen Ponyville? It’s a disaster! I’m staying here in Cloudsdale where everything’s awesome!”

“How in Equestria can she think that tiny patch of clouds is Cloudsdale?” Asked Rarity.

“The same way Discord got you to think that cheap rock was a bona fide diamond,” Answered Applejack.

“I thought we agreed to never speak of that again?”

“Time for Plan B,” Said Twilight.

Some time passed by, and Rainbow Dash had fallen asleep. Unbeknownst to her, her friends, except for Fluttershy, flew up above in Twilight's own hot air balloon. It was giant, purple, and had a pink basket. Applejack was riding precariously on top of the balloon.

“Okay, Fluttershy, you grab Rainbow Dash and hold her down. Applejack will lower me down from this rope, so I can cast the memory spill on her,” Whispered Twilight.

“Got it!”

Fluttershy flew down fast towards Rainbow Dash, but then stopped. She nudged her to wake her up.

“Umm, I’m just wondering if it’s okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?” Asked Fluttershy.

Twilight facehoofed in exasperation.

“Nice try! Ponyville’s your problem, not mine.”

Rainbow Dash grabbed her cloud and flew off. Twilight sent a rope down to Fluttershy.

“Come on Fluttershy, we’ve got to catch her,” Said Twilight.

Fluttershy grabbed the rope with her teeth like a reign and pulled the balloon. The group wasn’t moving as fast as Rainbow Dash, but they are keeping pace. Rainbow Dash flew all around them in different directions to confuse them.

“Applejack!”

Twilight threw an extra rope to Applejack. She tied the rope into a lasso, and threw it around Rainbow Dash. Unfortunately, the rope wasn’t secured to anything, and it wrapped itself around Rarity and Pinkie Pie’s hindlegs. They were flung out of the basket and were being dragged across the sky.

“PINKIE! You were supposed to secure the rope!” Shouted Rarity.

“Oops.”

The added weight caused Rainbow Dash to let go of her cloud.

“Rarity, Pinkie, hold on! Y’all are slowing her down!” Said Applejack.

“Oh, Fluttershy, would you be a dear and FLY FASTER, please?” Asked Rarity.

At this point, Fluttershy was shedding tears.

“I can’t!” Cried Fluttershy.

“If you can’t catch her, Discord wins!” Said Twilight.

“That big… dumb… MEANIE!”

That was enough motivation to get Fluttershy to fly just as fast as Rainbow Dash - one of the fastest flyers in all of Equestria!

“Okay, Applejack, last rope. Make it count!” Said Twilight.

Applejack tossed the rope at Rainbow Dash, catching her. Fluttershy flew down slowly, bringing everyone to the ground safely. Once on the ground, they tied two more ropes to Rainbow Dash. Everyone except for Twilight was holding a rope. Rainbow Dash was bucking, trying to get free.

“Lemme go! I don’t need you guys! Leave me alone!” Shouted Rainbow.

Twilight placed her horn on Rainbow Dash’s forehead. She cast the memory spell, causing Rainbow Dash to turn back to normal.

“Wh-What happened? (Gasp) How’s Ponyville? Where are the Elements? Did we stop Discord?” Asked Rainbow.

Her friends gathered around her and gave her a hug. They then noticed the chaos that was currently happening around them.

“Maybe it’s a little early for a group hug,” Said Twilight.

“Wait, what about Deadpool?” Asked Rainbow.

“We’ll look for him later. Right now it’s important that we use the Elements to beat Discord.”

Meanwhile, in the center of Ponyville, Discord was sitting on a throne, watching the chaos unfold while drinking a glass of chocolate milk. Instead of the milk, he was drinking the glass. When he saw the mare sneezing because of the pepper shaker from earlier, he laughed, causing him to drop his drink. The glass stopped about an inch from the ground with the milk inside. He bent over to grab it.

BANG!

A bullet almost grazed the top of his head. When he looked up, he saw Deadpool.

“Damn it! Why do I keep missing?!” Asked Deadpool in frustration.

“Deadpool? I thought you would have learned from our last get together about messing with me,” Said Discord grimly.

“That’s the one thing I didn’t tell you, Discord. I don’t learn my lesson until there are negative consequences.”

“Look around you. I have won. Your attempt to stop me is futile. After all, you can’t even scratch me.”

"Yeah, you're right, I can't scratch you. But if you are as powerful as you claim to be, then you wouldn't even need to use your chaos magic."

"What?"

"Yeah, just imagine it: you and me in a sword duel for the ages. By beating me, nopony would dare challenge you. But you'll just use your magic to turn me into jello or something. All you'll accomplish with that, though, is that you are a... Big. Pussy."

Discord held his paw in a snapping position, anger written all over his face. He was about to rid of himself of Deadpool when he stopped himself. Instead, he summoned a sabre.

"En garde," Said Discord.

"Hiyh!"

KLANG!

In a mighty sprint, the two combatants clashed. Deadpool sweeped Discord’s legs, causing him to fall, and brought his swords down towards him. Discord rolled out of the way, nearly getting impaled. Before his opponent could react, he ran behind him.

SLASH!

“Hiss!”

Deadpool was cut from the back, causing him to bleed excessively. He turned around, and swung at Discord again. The villain dodged his blow, and tried to strike again.

SCREECH!

Deadpool caught the sword in between his. The blade got close to his chest, and he was struggling to hold the sword back.

“Yield,” Demanded Discord.

“Never!”

Deadpool pulled his blades up to turn Discord’s hand back, causing him to drop his sword. Wade took the opportunity to rush up to him.

SHULK!

“Ugh!”

Discord was stabbed dead center in the chest. He fell to the ground, dying slowly.

“Got you. You may be practically a god, Discord, but I’m going to let you in on something. The human version of me killed the entire Marvel universe twice! Although that is non-canon,” Muttered Deadpool.

Surprisingly, while he was bleeding out, Discord was laughing hysterically.

“What’s so funny?” Asked Deadpool.

“You honestly think I would face YOU in a sword fight?”

SHLUK!

“Ughhh!”

Another Discord appeared behind Deadpool, and stabbed him in the back with a sabre. The Discord that was in front of Wade disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“A fake!” Said Deadpool in shock.

“Exactly.” Discord struck his sabre into the ground, pinning Wade down. “You know, when I first met you I lied. I do know about you. Your past, the Weapon X program, everything. And you know what it all adds up to? That you are a monster.”

“I’m… not… a monster.”

“Oh, but you are. Think about it: you were a mercenary before and after you acquired your powers, you KILLED ponies, justifying your actions because they were bad ponies; that they DESERVED to die. And in your 'crusade' you have caused a lot of property damage, and you have put innocent lives in danger. In fact, your 'friends' don't even like you."

“That’s… not true.”

“Oh? But it is. Take a look.”

Discord pulled out a snow globe out of nowhere and put it in front of Wade. He looked at the snow globe, and images of his friends appeared.

“Wade is too much of a pain in the butt. His shenanigans always get us and everyone else in trouble,” Said Applejack.

“He’s a bad, bad pony!” Said Pinkie.

“Wade’s personality could be improved on. Not to mention his outfit is ridiculous,” Said Rarity.

“He’s nothing but a murderer!” Said Fluttershy.

“Deadpool? Totally NOT an awesome friend,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Wade is just too much. It would be better if he just left and never returned,” Said Twilight.

Hearing all of those things his friends said caused Wade to shed a tear from his mask.

“No... This... This is bullshit,” Said Deadpool sadly.

“But it’s not. There is only one thing you are good at, being a weapon. A powerful combatant with the ability to not be killed by almost anything, you’re a perfect one. Join me, and you will find great happiness spreading chaos. What do you say?” Asked Discord.

Slowly, Deadpool’s costume turned grey and black, and his eyes turned red. He has become Discord’s enforcer of chaos.

“I accept.”

Discord pulled his sword out of the ground and tossed it aside, allowing Wade to get up.

“Yes! Mwahaha! Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!” Said Discord happily.

“Not as wonderful as friendship.”

Discord and Deadpool turned around, and saw Twilight and friends, wearing the Elements of Harmony.

“Oh, this again,” Muttered Discord annoyedly.

“That’s right. You couldn’t break apart our friendship for long,” Said Applejack.

“Oh, Applejack. Don’t lie to me. I’m the one who made you a liar. Will you ever learn?”

Discord used his magic to grab everyone by their elements, except for Twilight. She jumped up, and used her element to create a bubble to free her friends. As they got down, the bubble turned a patch of ground, which was blue and white, back to grass. The bubble then disappeared.

“I’ll tell you what we’ve learned, Discord: we’ve learned that friendship isn’t always easy, but there’s no doubt that it’s worth fighting for!” Said Twilight.

“Ugh, gag. No matter, I’ve got an ace up my sleeve.”

Deadpool stepped out in front of Discord.

“Deadpool! There you are. Let’s defeat Discord once and for all!” Said Twilight.

Wade pulled out his pistols, and aimed at his friends.

“Wade…?”

“Sorry, but he’s helped me open my eyes, ‘friend.’”

“Twilight! Shield!” Shouted Applejack.

Just as Deadpool fired on his friends, Twilight brought up a magical shield to protect them. Bullets were bouncing off of the shield.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

“Why is he doing this?!” Asked Rarity in shock.

“The same thing that happened to all of us. Discord’s turned him into the opposite of himself,” Answered Twilight.

The shield started to crack, breaking under the pressure of the bullets.

“Twilight, focus! You need to keep that shield up for as long as you can!” Said Applejack.

“Let’s see how that shield handles this.”

Deadpool pulled out an RPG! He aimed at the center of the shield, and fired a rocket.

“Oh, no...” Muttered all of the girls.

KA-BOOM!

The rocket hit dead center of the shield. Although the shield saved them, the force sent the girls flying.

(Oh, yeah! I love explosions!)

“Didn’t get them, though,” Said Deadpool.

All the girls got up, but they had some scratches on them. Deadpool walked towards them, katanas in hoof.

“We can’t beat Discord until we deal with Wade,” Said Twilight.

“But how do we beat someone as strong and unpredictable as Wade?” Asked Applejack.

“Um, if I may interrupt, doesn’t Wade get distracted easily?” Asked Fluttershy with a whisper.

An idea popped into Twilight’s head.

“Rainbow Dash. I need you to-”

Twilight whispered something to Rainbow Dash. The rainbow mane pegasus saluted before flying off. Twilight cast a spell at Deadpool, trapping him in a bubble.

“I’ll talk to Wade. See if I can get close enough to use the memory spell.”

Twilight walked over to Deadpool, They were only separated by the bubble.

“Wade, let’s talk,” Said Twilight.

“Okay.”

Deadpool put his swords away to show he was willing to talk.

“Wade, listen to me. Discord is messing with you. Whatever he told you isn’t true,” Said Twilight.

“Bull. He enlightened me of the truth. The truth is you don’t like me. None of you like me. You all think I am too much, that I’m nothing more than a thorn in your side... That I'm a monster.”

“Wade, you're anything but a monster. Sure, you made poor choices in the past, but ever since we meet you, you've changed for the better. You've proven that you're a hero. And we like you, Wade. In fact, you made our lives more interesting. Fighting mercenaries, your random shenanigans, all of those things would never have happened if you hadn’t moved to Ponyville. Please remember all of the good times we had. That you are our friend.”

Deadpool looked away from Twilight, looking like he’s thinking about everything she said. Confident that she was getting through to him, Twilight took a step forward.

SLASH!

Deadpool pulled out one of his katanas, easily slicing open the bubble.

“Lies!”

GASP!

With his free hoof, Wade grabbed Twilight by the throat, lifting her in the air.

“Twilight!”

Their friends rushed in to save Twilight. Applejack and Rarity tried to tackle Wade, but he stepped to the side, causing them to trip over each other. Pinkie Pie tried the same, but was kicked back. He only had to give a glare towards Fluttershy, causing her to hide behind a tree.

“I've finally embraced the monster, Twilight, and I like it. Equestria is going to be a land just like me, but there’s no room for you, or the rest of your friends.

Deadpool raised his katana, ready to strike.

“Hey, Wade! Look what I got!”

Rainbow Dash had returned in the nick of time. She was carrying a paper bag, and pulled out a…

“Cherrychanga!”

Deadpool dropped his sword and Twilight out of excitement.

“I want it! No! But I want it! Focus on the objective! But, but, it’s a cherrychanga!”

While he was distracted, Rarity and Applejack held onto Deadpool to keep him still.

“No! Let me go!”

Twilight walked up to Wade, and placed her horn on his forehead. She showed him memories of his friendships. He saw the moment he met Twilight and Rainbow Dash, the party Pinkie Pie threw for him when he arrived in Ponyville, the time he looked after the Cutie Mark Crusaders, when he and Twilight switched bodies, and when he and all of his friends sat together after the Grand Galloping Gala. His colors returned, and he passed out on the ground.

“There, now to deal with Discord,” Said Twilight

Discord watched the whole ting from his throne, looking rather flabbergasted that Deadpool was beaten.

“Fine, go ahead. Try and use your little Elements. ‘Friend’ me. Just make it quick. I’m missing some excellent chaos here,” Said Discord.

“All right, ladies, let’s show him what friendship can do!” Said Twilight.

“Wait!”

Pinkie Pie quickly drank some chocolate milk from a pouring cotton candy rain cloud. The group concentrated, focusing their power. Discord sat in his throne, yawning. Images of their cutie marks were being shot from the Elements like bullets, nearly missing Discord.

“Huh? What’s this? No...”

The girls' eyes turned white, and they were lifted into the air. Their power was concentrated into a rainbow that headed straight for Discord.

“Nooooo!”

Discord was turned back into stone in a matter of seconds. Then the rainbow split apart and formed an explosion, but this didn’t cause damage. Instead, it returned everything back to normal. Groaning could be heard from behind them. The girls looked in that direction, and saw Deadpool getting up.

“Guys? What happened?” Asked Deadpool.

“We did it!”

The girls got together into a group hug, even a reluctant Deadpool joined in. A few days later, at the Canterlot Castle, the group of friends walked through a doorway that led into the throne room, where Princess Celestia was waiting. Citizens were standing at the sides of the room, watching the heroes make their way to the Princess. When they stood in front of Celestia, she gave them a big smile.

“We are gathered here today to once again honor the heroism of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and the newest addition to this group of heroes, Deadpool. These seven friends stood up to the villain Discord, and saved Equestria from eternal chaos.”

Celestia used her magic to pull aside some curtains, revealing a new window with a design of the friends beating Discord. The crowd cheered as the group of friends embraced their victory over the forces of evil.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed "The Return of Chaos Parts One and Two". It was fun inserting Deadpool in the season premiere of season two. I particularly enjoyed writing the dialogue between him and Discord. In the next chapter, Deadpool will be meeting an important figure of Equestria. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a good day!

Chapter 9: Spoopy Night
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 9: Spoopy Night

(Today ladies and gentlemen I have another special chapter in this series. The focus of this story is the celebration of Nightmare Night, this world’s version of Halloween.)

"Dude, it’s September at the time of publishing. Halloween won’t be for another month."

(I am well aware of the time difference, Wade, but I wrote this chapter last year in October. I don’t want to wait a month to post this chapter because it is relevant to the storyline.)

“Yeah, but it still doesn’t change that the story will be out of context.”

(Just go along with it, Wade.)

“Okay, man.”

(Anyway…)

It was a dark evening in Ponyville. The sky was pitch black, the only light was from the glow of the moon. The town was alive with cheer for Nightmare Night. At the Golden Oak Library, Spike was pacing in the main library. For Nightmare Night he’s dressed up as… a dragon.

“Ugh, come on Twilight, Wade. We’re going to be late for the Nightmare Night festival,” Said Spike impatiently.

RING!

Turning around, Spike saw Twilight walking down the stairs. She was wearing a blue wizard robe and hat with bells. Both garments had star and moon patterns. Twilight also wore a fake white beard with her costume.

“Huh? Are you that one kooky grandpa from Ponyville Retirement Village?”

Twilight was taken aback by Spike’s assumption of who she is dressed up as.

“I’m Star Swirl the Bearded!" Said Twilight.

Spike looked at Twilight with a look of confusion.

"Father of the amniomorphic spell? Did you even read that book I gave you about obscure unicorn history?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh…”

“Let’s go get our scare on!”

Leaning against a bookcase was Deadpool. He was dressed as a zombie version of himself. Patches of his normal costume were missing, revealing his skin including his mouth. He had also painted his skin grey.

“Wow! Your zombie costume is pretty good, Wade,” Said Spike.

“Thanks. I’m Headpool when he still had a body. Let’s shake, Spike,” Said Deadpool.

Spike and Wade extended a hand/hoof and shaked.

“Ahhhhh!”

Wade’s hoof popped off, to which Spike tossed in fear. Deadpool was smirking while Spike was panting out of fear.

“Made my costume even more realistic. Hey, Twilight. Nice Gandalf costume,” Said Deadpool.

“Ugh!”

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“That sounds important.”

Spike went to open the door. When he did, he was startled by trick-or-treaters.

“Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!”

Three fillies were at the door. The first one was dressed as a ladybug, the second was an astronaut, and the last one was dressed as a princess. They were all under the supervision of Applejack’s grandmother, Granny Smith. Spike moved from the door to grab something.

“Hi, everypony. Great costumes. Happy Nightmare Night, Granny Smith,” Said Twilight.

“I should have been asleep five hours ago,” Replied Granny Smith.

Spike came back with a bowl of candy. Twilight used her magic to give the fillies a piece of candy each. Then a young colt ran in front of the fillies, but ended up tripping. He was dressed as a pirate, a skinny one at that.

“Pipsqueak the pirate, at your service. It’s my very first Nightmare Night,” Said Pipsqueak.

“Since you moved here from Trottingham?” Asked Twilight.

“No, my very first Nightmare Night Ever!” Answered Pipsqueak.

“Is that so? Make way, Twilight. Time to start his first Nightmare Night off right.”

Deadpool knelt down, and pulled out a big lollipop from who knows where.

“For you, little man,” Said Wade.

“(Gasp) Thanks, Spider-Pony!” Said Pipsqueak happily.

“... Now I know how Twilight felt.”

“Aw! Wade, that was nice of you,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, hold that thought. I plan on doing something potentially wrong later.”

Just then, Pinkie Pie came out of nowhere dressed as a chicken.

“(Squawk) Enough chit chat! Time is candy!” Said Pinkie Pie as seriously as a person dressed as a chicken can be.

“Ah, there’s my rubber chicken. I was looking everywhere for it,” Said Deadpool mockingly.

“Pinkie Pie, aren’t you a little old for this?” Asked Twilight.

“Too old for free candy? (Squawk) Never,” Answered Pinkie.

With a roll of her eyes, Twilight gave Pinkie a piece of candy. She then showed her costume to her friend.

“Do you like it?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah! Great costume, Twilight! You make a fantastic weirdo clown!”

In a flash, Pinkie grabbed the rest of the candy, and made a run for it.

“Hey! Come back here, Foghorn Leghorn! What’s left of the candy after tonight was going to be mine!” Said Deadpool angrily.

A few minutes later, Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike were walking to the Nightmare Night festival. The men were eating candy from a big stash Spike was carrying, while Twilight was lecturing on Star Swirl the Bearded.

“Star Swirl the Bearded is only the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era. He created more than two hundred spells! He even has a shelf in the Canterlot Library of Magic named after him. Maybe I should start up a pony group to teach ponies about history. I bet everypony would love it! Don’t you, guys?” Asked Twilight.

“(Chewing) Um-hmm,” Answered Deadpool.

“(Crunch) I love it!” Added Spike.

Both Deadpool and Spike were too distracted eating to pay attention. Twilight stopped walking, causing them to bump into her. Spike also dropped the candy.

“Hey look, we’re here already! Should we get something to eat?”

When she turned around, Twilight noticed Spike filled himself up on candy.

“I’m going to go see if any vendors are selling cherrychangas,” Said Deadpool.

“Twilight! Twilight!”

Pinkie Pie and the kids from earlier walked up to Twilight and Spike as Deadpool was leaving.

“Look at our haul! Ah! Can you believe it?”

Pinkie showed Twilight a bag filled with candy. Unbeknownst to them, a masked pegasus was watching from a rooftop with a grin on their face. They went behind the roof, grabbed a storm cloud, and pushed it towards the group.

“And then, we went to Cheerilee’s house, and got a bunch more goodies. Didn’t we, Pip?” Asked Pinkie.

“Sure did!” Answered Pip.

“And then, we had to stop and wait for Granny Smith, and -”

ZAP!

“Ahhh!”

The masked pony had slammed the cloud, causing lightning to come out. Pinkie and the kids ran away in fear. The pegasus was on their back laughing. In fuller detail, they were dressed as a Shadowbolt - an evil version of a Wonderbolt. The entire costume was black with lightning bolt designs.

“Rainbow Dash, that wasn’t very nice," Scolded Twilight.

“Lighten up, old-timer. This is the best night of the year for pranks!” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Look what you did to Spike!”

Twilight directed Rainbow Dash's attention towards Spike. He was choking on a piece of candy due to the shock of her prank.

“It’s all in good fun. Oh! Oh! There’s another group over there!”

Rainbow Dash pushed her cloud over to her next targets. Twilight picked up Spike, and carried him on her back.

ZAP!

“Ahhh!”

“Mwahaha!”

Meanwhile, an apple bobbing game was being watched over by Applejack. She was wearing a scarecrow outfit. Twilight and Spike had come over to greet her. Deadpool had also joined up with them.

“Somebody call Dorothy. I just found her pal, Scarecrow,” Remarked Deadpool.

“Happy Nightmare Night, Applejack!” Said Twilight.

“Howdy, Spike! Hey, Twilight! Wade. Nice costume,” Said Applejack.

“Thanks! I’m a dragon,” Said Spike.

“No shit. Obviously I’m a zombie,” Said Deadpool.

“She means me, guys,” Said Twilight.

“With that beard, I reckon you’re some sorta country music singer,” Said Applejack.

Twilight gave an annoyed grunt. Spike and Deadpool were laughing at her expense.

“While y’all are here, ya feel like bobbin for an apple?” Asked Applejack.

The group heard cheering and applause close by. A crowd had formed by a stage. On stage was the mayor, Mayor Mare. She was dressed as a clown. Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike made their way into the audience.

“Thank you, everypony, and welcome to the Nightmare Night festival!” Said Mayor Mare.

The crowd cheered and applauded.

“Now, all the little ponies who have been out collecting sweets should follow our friend Zecora to hear the legend of… Nightmare Moon!” Said Mayor Mare in a scary voice.

“Spooky voice might work better if she wasn’t dressed like that,” Grumbled Spike.

“Hey, clowns are nothing to take lightly. Have you seen IT? Fuckin' hate clowns,” Muttered Deadpool.

In a puff of smoke, Zecora appeared on stage. Tonight she is dressed as a witch doctor.

“Follow me, and very soon, you’ll hear the tale of Nightmare Moon.”

Zecora led a group consisting of kids, Deadpool, Spike, Twilight, Mayor Mare and Pinkie Pie to a statue outside of Ponyville. It was a statue of Nightmare Moon herself.

“Listen close, my little dears, I’ll tell you where you got your fears of Nightmare Night, so dark and scary, of Nightmare Moon, who makes you wary,” Said Zecora.

“Oh! Story time!” Screeched Deadpool in excitement while clapping his front hooves.

Zecora pulled out some magic dust and blew on it. The dust formed into Nightmare Moon. It flew above everyone, then formed into a cloud to cover all underneath.

“Every year, we put on a disguise, to save ourselves from her searching eyes. But Nightmare Moon wants just one thing: to gobble up ponies in one quick swing! Hungrily, she soars the sky. If she sees nopony, she passes by. So if she comes and all is clear, Equestria is safe another year!”

As Zecora finished telling the story of Nightmare Night, Pipsqueak lightly pulled on her robe to get her attention.

“Uh, Miss Zecora, if we wear costumes to hide from Nightmare Moon, so she won’t gobble us up, how come we still need to give her some of our candy?” Asked Pipsqueak.

“A perfect question, my little friend. For Nightmare Moon you must not offend. Fill up her belly with a treat or two, so she won’t return to come eat you!”

Zecora blew on some more dust, forming into Nightmare Moon. With fangs bare, it pounced on the group of ponies before fading away.

“Ahh! Everypony! Just dump some candy and get out of here!”

Pinkie Pie dumped some of her candy in front of the statue as an offering. Suddenly, a strong gale blew in the area. Clouds began to move across the night sky. Thunder roared from storm clouds. Everyone looked up towards the moon to see a chariot flying by. It was being pulled by two bat-ponies wearing lavender colored armor. They stopped the chariot above everyone, and a hooded figure was revealed to be the passenger.

“It’s Nightmare Moon! Run!” Cried Pinkie.

In a hurry, everyone ran off except for Twilight and Deadpool. When a lightning bolt stuck, a shadowy face appeared with white, glowing eyes and a grin on the hooded figure. The bat-ponies pulled the chariot, and directed it towards Ponyville. Twilight and Deadpool followed the chariot into town where it stopped again. The hooded figure floated down from the chariot to the ground. They took off their hood, revealing Princess Luna. Luna was a dark blue alicorn with a starry mane and cyan eyes. Many have heard about Princess Luna’s corrupted form, Nightmare Moon, and how Twilight and the rest of the Mane Six helped her change back. The citizens of Ponyville don’t seem to remember, though. As Luna made her way towards them, they bowed out of fear.

“Princess Luna!” Said Twilight in astonishment.

Spike grabbed Twilight and made her bow.

“Citizens of Ponyville! We have graced your tiny village with our presence, so that you might behold the real Princess of the Night! A creature of nightmares no longer, but instead a pony who desires your love and admiration! Together we shall change this dreadful celebration into a bright and glorious feast!” Said Luna in a booming voice.

“Did you hear that, everypony? Nightmare Moon says she’s gonna feast on us all!”

Pinkie Pie and a group of children ran away.

“What? No, children, no! You no longer have reason to fear us! Screams of delight is what your princess desires, not screams of terror!”

STOMP!

When Princess Luna stomped her hoof, some ponies flinched in fear.

“Madame Mayor, thy Princess of the Night hath arrived.”

Princess Luna extended her hoof in greeting, but Mayor Mare started to shake.

“What is the matter with you? Very well, then. Be that way. We won’t even bother with the traditional royal farewell.”

As Luna walked away in rejection, Twilight watched, and felt sorry for her.

“I’m gonna go talk to her,” Said Twilight.

Spike grabbed onto her cape as she walked away.

“You can’t talk to her! She’s Nightmare Moon!” Said Spike.

“No, she’s not. I saw the Elements of Harmony change her back to good. But it seems like she’s having some trouble adjusting after being gone for a thousand years. She deserves a second chance, right, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool was hardly paying attention. He was staring at Princess Luna with infatuation.

“She’s… she’s… (unintelligible)... beautiful!” Whispered Deadpool.

(Hey! Just like what we are dressed up as, our dick has risen from the dead!)

“Wade!”

Deadpool snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Twilight shout for his attention.

“Did you hear anything I said?” Asked Twilight.

“Umm… only the second chance part. But you are right. She deserves a second chance just like everypony else,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool and Twilight went to search for Princess Luna outside of Ponyville. It did not take them long to find her. She was kneeling at the statue of her past alter ego, Nightmare Moon. Twilight was the first to speak.

“Princess Luna? Hi. my name is-”

“Star Swirl the Bearded. Commendable costume! Thou even got the bells right. And you, your costume is… intriguing. You both have two of the best costumes we have seen this evening,” Commemorated Luna.

“Thank you! Finally! Somepony who gets my costume!" Twilight looked at Luna, only to see she had an eyebrow raised. "Uh, we came to welcome you to our celebration! My actual name is-”

“Twilight Sparkle. (Booming voice) It was thou who unleashed the powers of harmony upon us and took away our dark powers!”

Luna’s booming voice caused Deadpool and Twilight to step back.

(We? Does she have voices in her head too?)

(I can imagine being banished to the Moon for over a thousand years would make her lonely to the point she talked to herself.)

“And that was a good thing, right?” Asked Twilight.

“But of course. We could not be happier. Is that not clear?” Asked Luna with a more normal volume.

“Well, you kinda sound like you’re yelling at me,” Answered Twilight.

“But this is the traditional royal Canterlot voice! It is tradition to speak using the royal ‘we’, and to use (Booming voice) this much volume when addressing our subjects!”

“You know, that might explain why your appearance was met with… mixed results. I think if you just changed your approach a bit, you might be met with a warmer reception.”

“(Booming voice) Change our approach?”

“Lower the volume?”

“Ohhh. We have been locked away for a thousand years. We are… not sure we can.”

“I’m sure you can. I’m Deadpool by the way. Hero of Equestria,” Said Deadpool.

"My sister, Celestia, has told me about you. Thou are not named Deadpool. You are Wade Wilson. Mercenary for hire.”

“FORMER mercenary! I am a hero now… Well, hero for hire. Also, I prefer to be referred to as Deadpool.”

“Very well.”

The three ponies made their way to Fluttershy’s cottage. Twilight hoped she could help Princess Luna with the volume of her voice.

“Don’t worry, Princess. Fluttershy can give you some great pointers. She’s delicate and demure with the sweetest little voice,” Said Twilight.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Go away! No candy here! Visitors not welcome on Nightmare Night!” Said Fluttershy fearfully form the other side of the door.

“Oh yeah. She’s afraid of this holiday, isn’t she?” Questioned Deadpool.

“(Nervous laughter) Fluttershy, it’s me, Twilight!”

“And Deadpool.”

Fluttershy opened the door slightly.

“It is you two. Ah, and Nightmare Moon. (Gasp) Nightmare Moon! Yelp!”

SLAM!

Fluttershy slammed the door, and hid in her house. Twilight could only laugh nervously.

“Wait right here,” Said Twilight.

She and Deadpool went inside Fluttershy’s cottage. Various crashing noises could be heard inside. When they came out, they held Fluttershy, who was trying to escape their grasp.

“Fluttershy, you remember Princess Luna?” Asked Twilight.

“(Booming voice) Charmed,” Greeted Luna.

Fluttershy managed to get free, and tried to run back inside, but Twilight dragged her back with her magic.

“Likewise,” Said Fluttershy timidly.

“(Booming voice) Twilight Sparkle hath spoken of the sweetness of thy voice. We ask thou teachest to us to speak as thou speakest,” Said Luna.

“Okay,” Said Fluttershy quietly.

“(Booming voice) Shall our lessons begin?” Asked Luna.

“Okay," Whispered Fluttershy.

“(Booming voice) Shall we mimic thy voice?”

“Okay.”

"(Booming voice) How is this?”

“Perfect! Lesson over!”

SLAM!

Fluttershy got free again, but Deadpool slammed the door, and she ran into it.

([Hysterical laughter] I wish we had a camera! That was one of the funniest things I have ever seen!)

“A little quieter... Princess,” Said Deadpool while trying to hold back his laughter.

“(Booming voice) How is… (Loud voice) this?” Asked Luna.

“Better. Right, Fluttershy?” Asked Deadpool with a wry smile.

“Yes,” Answered a dazed Fluttershy.

“(Loud voice) How… about… now?” Asked Luna.

“Now you’re getting it,” Said Twilight enthusiastically.

“(Normal voice) And… how about now?”

“Yes! Well done!”

“(Booming voice) I thank thee, dear Fluttershy! Our normal speaking voice shall surely win us the hearts of thy fellow villagers,” Said Luna with glee.

Princess Luna grabbed Fluttershy and hugged her, causing her to faint with her eyes open and tongue hanging out.

([Snickers] I think Princess Luna just cuddled Fluttershy to death!)

(Either that or Shy is the first person to actually die from a panic attack.)

Unexpectedly, Pinkie Pie and the kids she was accompanying were heading towards Fluttershy’s cottage.

“Fluttershy! You’ve gotta hide us! Nightmare Moon is here and… (Squawk) Ah! She stole Fluttershy’s voice so she can’t scream when she gobbles her up!”

Pinkie Pie and the kids ran away again.

“(Booming voice) Nay, children, wait! (Normal voice) I mean… nay, children, no, wait,” Pleaded Luna.

“Come on, Princess. Time for plan B,” Said Twilight.

Meanwhile, in town, the townspeople were either playing various Nightmare Night games, like launching pumpkins, or listening and dancing to music. But when Luna, Twilight, and Deadpool arrived, they all stopped and trembled in fear.

“It is of no use, Twilight Sparkle and Deadpool. They have never liked us and they never shall,” Said Luna hopelessly.

“Our friend Applejack is one of the most likable ponies around. I’m sure she’ll have some ideas,” Assured Twilight.

“Honestly, if you ask me, everyone is just being paranoid,” Said Deadpool.

Not far from them, Pipsqueak was bobbing for apples. As he tried to reach for one, he started to fall into the bucket. Applejack managed to catch him in time.

“Careful there, partner.”

She put him down and was about to walk off when she saw Princess Luna. She got down on the ground, shaking out of fear.

“Uh… Applejack, the princess is looking for a little advice on how to fit in around here,” Said Twilight.

“Fit in? Really?” Questioned Applejack.

Twilight gave an annoyed grunt towards her friend.

“I mean, that’s easy! All you gotta do is have the right attitude. Loosen up a bit, be positive, play a few games, have some fun,” Said Applejack.

“Fun? What is this ‘fun’ thou speakest of?” Asked Luna.

(Oh, let’s sing the fun song!)

“Yeah! F is for-”

(No! We don’t want to get copyrighted by Nickelodeon!)

Applejack and Twilight pointed towards a stand that had some rubber spiders. Not far from the stand was a large spider web.

“Pray tell, what purpose do these serve?” Asked Luna.

The vendor explained even though she was scared.

“Try to land the sp-sp-spiders on the web.”

Princess Luna grabbed one of the spiders, and aimed at the web. She tossed the spider, but was just short of landing on it.

“You can do it, Princess!” Encouraged Applejack.

Luna grabbed another spider and tossed it. It landed dead center of the web. Everyone in the area noticed, and made their way to Luna.

“Ha! Your princess enjoys this ‘fun!’ In what other ways may we experience it?” Asked Luna.

A little bit later, a catapult was set up, and Princess Luna put a pumpkin into the bucket. She aimed the catapult towards a target.

“Fire away, Princess!” Shouted Twilight.

Luna fired the catapult, launching the pumpkin and hitting the target.

“Ha ha! The fun has been doubled!” Said Luna.

“Memes!”

A crowd cheered for Princess Luna.

“If you think that’s impressive, watch this.”

Deadpool grabbed an apple from the bobbing for apples game, took a bite out of it, and threw it towards the sky. He then pulled out one of his pistols in a flash.

BANG!

He shot the apple in a split second and caught it when it fell back towards the ground.

“Ta da!” Said Deadpool.

…

“Really, nothing?”

“Why don’t you try bobbin’ for apples? We got the best apples in Equestria here, Princess,” Said Applejack.

“I ask that thou call us… me… Luna, fair Applejack. Hear me, villagers! All of you! Call me Luna!”

The crowd said Luna out of awestruck.

“Show me to these bobbing apples,” Said Luna.

“Whoa!”

Pipsqueak fell into the bobbing for apples game. Luna noticed and rushed in to help him. She grabbed the back of his shirt with her teeth and pulled him out. Just then Pinkie Pie and the kids came.

“Hey, guys. Anyone seen Pip? We lost him the last time we had to run- (Squawk) Ahhh! Nightmare Moon is gobbling Pipsqueak! Everypony run!”

She and the kids ran off, and the crowd of ponies were panicking.

“God damn it, Pinkie! Why are you popping up at the worst times tonight?” Asked Deadpool.

“Help! My back has been gobbled!” Cried Pipsqueak.

“Tis a lie! Thy back is whole and ungobbled, thou ungrateful whelp!” Said Luna frustratedly.

STOMP!

When Luna stomped her hoof in frustration, she frightened the other ponies. Luna realized her action and tried to calm everyone.

“Fair villagers, please do not back away. Let us join together in… Fun!”

Luna grabbed a rubber spider and tossed it lightly in front of the crowd. It didn’t change their perception of her.

“Not enough fun for you? What say you to this?!”

Luna cast a spell on the spiders, causing them to become real. Some of them crawled onto the web.

“Huzzah! How many points do I receive?”

Some of the spiders crawled onto the citizens, causing them to flee.

“Do not run away!”

The crowd didn’t stop running.

“As your princess, we command you!”

As the crowd was fleeing, they were causing some destruction. Decorations and stands were being destroyed. Finally, Luna had enough. With a deafening voice she decreed…

“BE STILL!"

Everyone stopped running.

“Princess, remember! Watch the shouting!” Said Twilight.

Luna turned towards her and revealed seething, glowing eyes.

“No, Twilight Sparkle! We must use the traditional royal Canterlot voice for what we are about to say.”

As Luna flew into the air, a strong breeze blew in, and storm clouds formed in the sky.

“Since you choose to fear your princess rather than love her, and dishonor her with this insulting celebration, we decree that Nightmare Night shall be cancelled! Forever!”

On that note, Luna flew away.

“... Well, that was fun. See you guys tomorrow.”

As Deadpool was walking away, Twilight used her magic to grab him by the ear and yanked him back. Unfortunately, as part of his costume, his ear tore off. Twilight threw it away in disgust.

“(Sigh) Shoot. We had everything goin’ our way. Luna was happy, everypony in town was happy, now look at ‘em.”

Applejack pointed to the crowd. Everyone was sad that Nightmare Night was cancelled.

“It’s not over yet,” Said Twilight determinedly.

“What are you going to do?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m going to do what I do best. Lecture her!” Answered Twilight.

“Oh boy…” Whispered Deadpool.

Twilight ran through town trying to find Princess Luna. Eventually, she found her crossing a small bridge. She had her head down out of sadness.

“Princess?”

“Leave me be, Twilight Sparkle,” Demanded Luna.

When she spoke she was holding back tears.

“Princess. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out how we wanted. But you have to believe me when I tell you that Nightmare Night is one of the most popular celebrations we have,” Said Twilight.

“Yes. I can tell by all the adoring shrieks of the children as they run away,” Said Luna sarcastically.

She continued to walk away.

“Princess…”

Twilight brought a hoof to her chin, thinking of what to do. As she was thinking, Deadpool caught up with her. Afterwards she came up with an idea.

“I think I have an idea of where to start with helping Luna. I will need your assistance, Deadpool,” Said Twilight.

“Sure. What do you need?”

Deadpool leaned to his left slightly as Twilight put a hoof in front of her mouth and whispered into his ear. As she explained her plan to him, he grew a big grin on his face. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie was walking around when she noticed a single piece of candy. She ran to it and ate it. She then found more candy, a trail of it. She followed the trail into an alley.

“Hut!”

SHRIEK!

Out of nowhere, Deadpool tackled Pinkie Pie into a wall, and covered her mouth, so she couldn’t continue to shriek. Twilight followed behind him and spoke to her.

“No! No shrieking. No screaming or squealing either. Okay?” Asked Twilight.

“(Muffled) Okay,” Replied Pinkie.

“There’s something I want you to see. And I promise that it’s safe, but you really, really, really can’t shriek. Do you promise not to shriek?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Twilight nodded towards Deadpool, and he let Pinkie go. From the shadows, Luna appeared. Pinkie was about to shriek, but she covered her mouth.

“Pinkie Pie, you remember Princess Luna, right?” Asked Twilight.

“Ah. The ringleader of the frightened children. Hast thou come to make peace?” Asked Luna softly.

She extended her hoof, to which Pinkie extended hers with a smile. They were about to shake hooves when a storm cloud appeared behind Luna.

ZAP!

“Nightmare Moon! (Squawk)” Cried Pinkie.

“Rainbow!” Shouted Twilight.

Rainbow Dash was on top of the cloud, laughing at her prank. Pinkie tried to run away, but Twilight teleported in front of her. She ran into her, and Twilight pinned her to the ground.

“She’s changed, Pinkie! She’s not evil or scary anymore! And she definitely doesn’t want to gobble you up!” Said Twilight sternly.

“... Well duh!”

“What?”

“I know that. Sheesh, Twilight. I’m almost as big as her, how’s she gonna gobble me up?”

“So why do you keep running away and screaming?”

“Sometimes it’s just really fun to be scared!”

“Makes sense. Why else do people watch horror films, and tell scary stories?” Asked Deadpool.

“Fun? Pinkie Pie, you’re a genius!” Said Twilight.

“No, I’m not. I’m a chicken. (Squawk)”

“Princess Luna! I’ve finally figured out why you’re having so much trouble being liked!”

“Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm,” Said a deadpanned Luna.

“Come with me. I’ll explain everything on the way.”

Meanwhile, back in town, everyone was cleaning up the mess made from earlier.

“Gosh. I never thought my very first Nightmare Night would be my very last,” Said Pipsqueak sadly.

“Come, little Pip. Now don’t you fret. Nightmare Night’s not over yet. We still have candy left to give, so Nightmare Moon might let us live,” Said Zecora.

“Yes. Come on, little ponies. What’s Nightmare Night without the annual candy offering? You don’t want Nightmare Moon to gobble you up, do you?” Asked Mayor Mare ominously.

“Aw, the rainbow wig just kills it for me,” Said Spike.

“Come on, kids! Doesn’t that sound like fun?” Asked Applejack.

The kids gave reluctant looks to each other. Soon, everyone, including Twilight and Deadpool, went to the statue of Nightmare Moon and gave offerings of candy.

“Goodbye, Nightmare Night. Forever,” Said Pipsqueak sadly.

As he was walking away, a strong wind began to blow. A familiar voice began to speak.

“Citizens of Ponyville! You were wise to bring this candy to me. I am pleased with your offering. So pleased that I may just eat it… instead of you!”

The statue was replaced with… Nightmare Moon! She bared her fangs and chuckled a sinister laugh.

“Mwahaha!”

All of the kids ran away, screaming in fear. In a flash, Nightmare Moon was revealed to be Princess Luna. She had disguised herself with a spell, and wore plastic fangs.

“I am not certain that did what you meant for it to do, Twilight Sparkle,” Said Luna.

“Just wait,” Replied Twilight.

“For what? For… for them to scream some more?”

Luna felt a tug on her mane. She looked down and saw Pipsqueak.

“Um… Princess Luna. I know there’s not gonna be any more Nightmare Night, but do you suppose maybe you could come back next year and scare us again anyway?” Asked Pipsqueak.

“Child. Art thou saying that thou… likest me to scare you?” Asked Luna in reply.

“It’s really fun! Scary, but fun!” Answered Pipsqueak.

“It… is?”

“Yeah! Nightmare Night is my favorite night of the year.”

“Well then. We shall have to bring (booming voice) Nightmare Night back!”

The sheer power of Luna’s voice caused Pipsqueak to be blown back.

“Whoa! You’re my favorite princess ever! She said yes, guys!” Said Pipsqueak.

“Yay!” Cried some kids happily.

“See? They really do like you, Princess,” Assured Twilight.

“Can it be true? (Thunder and booming voice) Oh, most wonderful of - (Normal voice) I mean… oh, most wonderful of nights,” Said Luna joyfully.

“Yes! Nightmare Night is back! What should we cosplay as next year?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(We could put on a suit and tie over our costume and go as President Deadpool.)

(What if we went as Lady Deadpool?)

(Uh, I don’t think we-)

“Hold on, Serious. He may be onto something.”

A little while later, the festivities have resumed. Everyone was having a good time, including Princess Luna. She decided to partake in the bobbing for apples game. As she was about to grab an apple, the water rippled. And then…

GROAN!

"Ahhhhhhh!"

A figure surfaced from the water, scaring Princess Luna. The figure was an all too familiar zombie.

“Ha ha ha! Best prank ever!” Said Deadpool.

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

“Ha ha. Great scare, Deadpool,” Said Luna.

Unbeknownst to Twilight, Rainbow Dash was sneaking up on her with a storm cloud. As she got ready to strike…

ZAP!

“Ahhhhhh!”

Rainbow Dash flew away quickly after getting shocked by her own cloud. Twilight saw that it was Luna who caused the lighting to strike Rainbow Dash. The princess laughed, and then Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike joined in.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hi everypony! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". As I mentioned at the very beginning of the chapter, I wrote this chapter last year when it was Halloween. Truth be told, "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony" is a series two years in the making. I originally wrote this story for myself, but once I got more confident in my writing and found fanfiction websites like Fimfiction, I decided to post my story. As of now, I have written nineteen chapters. So, and I do apologize, I have another holiday chapter that will be published four weeks from the time this chapter is published. I promise, though, that after that's posted, anymore holiday chapters will be published on the month of a holiday. Now that I have that out of the way, I can tell you what to expect for next Saturday. Next week, Deadpool will have to face an adversary from the Marvel Universe in order to protect one of the princesses from them. So be sure to stay tuned to find out! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Chapter 10: To Save A Princess
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 10: To Save A Princess

Twilight Sparkle was busy reading a spell book in the main library of her home. She was absorbed into the collection of spells at her hooves.

SLAM!

Twilight looked up from her book to see Deadpool standing in the doorway. She immediately noticed that his costume was torn up. There were holes and tears in his suit, duct tape covering some of them.

“Hey, Deadpool. Are you okay?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, just had a busy day,” Replied Deadpool.

“How so?”

“As a hero-for-hire, I tracked down and apprehended a group of thugs that had been causing trouble in Baltimare. I thought it was going to be easy to take them down, being a group of street thugs and all, but no, they had military grade weapons. They sprayed me with gunfire, causing the damage to my suit that you can see.”

“... That’s awful.”

“Right?! Anyway, I’m going to take a nap."

Deadpool made his way downstairs to the living room, and Twilight went back to reading her book. The next day, Deadpool woke up to the sound of Twilight's voice.

“Deadpool,” Said Twilight.

“H-Huh? Twilight? What time is it?” Asked Deadpool tiredly.

“8 o’clock in the morning. You’ve been asleep since yesterday afternoon. I didn’t want to wake you, but Princess Celestia sent a letter to you. It might be important.”

Twilight gave Deadpool the letter to him. It read…

Dear Wade,

I am in need of your help. I have been warned that I may be a target to a mercenary. Normally, I would entrust my royal guard with my protection, but for this particular threat I feel like I need your… expertise? Anyway, meet me at my throne room as soon as you arrive in Canterlot.

Sincerely, Princess Celestia.

“A mission? For me?” Questioned Deadpool.

“The Princess is in danger?! Why didn’t she write to me and our friends as well?!” Asked Twilight.

“Am I sensing a hint of jealousy, Twilight?”

“What, no! Pfft! Me?! Jealous?! I just figured that since I am Celestia’s personal protégé she would come to me if she had a problem.”

“Well, apparently she just wants me. Maybe she’s taking this as an opportunity to test me, or something.”

"Perhaps... You should probably get ready to go. And don't forget to put on a different suit. I don't want you to have an audience with the Princess in a torn suit you patched with duct tape.”

Nodding in agreement, Deadpool got up and began packing.

“Please don’t end badly,” Whispered Twilight to herself.

Deadpool hopped on a train to Canterlot, and, after a long ride, arrived at the station. After he got off the train, he looked at the palace on the other side of Canterlot. As he made his way, he took in his surroundings. He noticed a lot of ponies in fancy outfits, fabulous storefronts, and more beautiful architecture. Canterlot truly is an amazing place; no wonder it’s the capital of Equestria. Once he got to the palace, he was about to make his way through the entrance when he was stopped by two guards.

“State your business,” Said one guard.

“Ugh! This bullshit again,” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

“Please tell us why you’re here, sir,” Said the other guard.

“It’s nothing much. I had only gotten a letter from your boss! In said letter, she requested me to meet up with her. Besides just being a waste of my time, you’re probably going to make me late. So, be good boys and let me through,” Ordered Deadpool.

The guards looked at each other, annoyance in their eyes, but they ultimately moved aside. Deadpool walked past them with a grin seen through his mask. Once entering the throne room, he found Celestia sitting on her throne.

“Deadpool! A pleasure to see you again!” Greeted Celestia.

“Please the pleasure’s all mine, Your Highness,” Said Deadpool humbly.

“As you know, I had asked you here because I may be targeted by a mercenary.”

“Yeah. How much do you know?”

“I’m afraid not much. I only know I’m being targeted because of an anonymous message. The only other thing I know is if what they say is true, the mercenary will strike today.”

“I wouldn’t take this lightly if it is true.”

“Believe me, I am not. I’m also supposed to be holding a conference in front of the castle this afternoon.”

“That’s when they will attack. They would kill you in front of the public, causing panic and hysteria.”

“My thoughts exactly. Do you by chance have an idea of who could be a suspect?”

“Pardon my Prench, Princess, but I know a lot of ponies who have the balls to attempt this. Who, though, I’m not sure.”

“Until we find out who the mercenary is, do you mind guarding over me? You will be paid for your services.”

“No need, Celestia. I’m doing this for free.”

(What?! You’re passing up a lot of money! Your friends have converted you!)

“Thank you, Wade. I would have also asked Twilight and her friends to help as well, but I feel this task is best suited for you. You faced many mercenaries like Taskmaster in the past, experience in both body-guarding and combat, and you have your healing factor. If Twilight and her friends got hurt trying to keep me safe, I may not be able to forgive myself… The conference will begin in a couple of hours, make any preparations you need, then we'll make our way outside.”

“Yes, Princess.”

A little while later, a crowd had gathered outside the front of the Canterlot Palace. There were reporters, government representatives, and more attending. Guards were keeping watch at multiple posts, ready to defend the princess if need be. Princess Celestia made her way to a podium, and began the conference.

“Good afternoon, everypony! Before we begin I would like to thank you all for attending this conference. Now, today I will be discussing about Equestria's current expenses, and discuss any alterations to next year's budget. Starting off with…”

Not far off to the left side of Celestia, Deadpool was watching out for the mercenary as well.

“Who would want to hire somepony to kill Celestia? Probably somepony that wants to rule Equestria, but doesn’t have the balls to take her out themselves. God, I hope I don’t mess this up,” Thought Deadpool.

(How would you mess this up? Uh, never mind.)

“Thanks for the confidence boost.”

(Sorry, shouldn’t have said that. But trust me, you’re not going to mess this up. You’ve got this.)

“Thanks, Serious. And ponies say to never listen to voices in your head.”

(Yawn! I know we’re on an important duty right now, but this conference is sooo boring! Nothing’s happened yet, and we have to listen to some boring conference.)

“Relax. This conference shouldn’t last too long.”

Two hours later…

The conference was nearing its end. Deadpool was struggling to stay awake. His eyes would close, only for him to open them in an instant.

“Ow!”

Something bright had entered his eye. He looked around for the source of his eye pain, and noticed a small red dot on the back of Celestia’s head.

“Wait a minute…”

Deadpool looked in the direction behind the dot. He looked at one of the palace towers, and saw a barrel from a sniper rifle.

“No…”

Deadpool sprung to action, and galloped towards the princess.

“Celestia!”

BANG!

“Ughhhh!”

Deadpool pushed Celestia out of the way just in time, getting shot in the head instead in the process. Ponies in the crowd ran away as fast as they could, their screams of terror canceling out most other sounds.

“Wade! Are you alright?” Asked Celestia concernedly.

“I’ll be fine. You need to leave,” Answered Deadpool with a slur.

“I’m going back inside the palace. Stop whoever is behind this.”

Celestia and her guards ran inside the palace. Deadpool looked up, and saw a shadowy figure - the mercenary.

“Hey! Get down here now!” Ordered Deadpool.

They did as he said. The figure got down, and details of their appearance could be seen. The mercenary was a big male earth pony. He wore an armored combat suit with gauntlets and many weapons. His mask was painted to look like a skull.

“Wade Wilson,” Said the mercenary.

“Crossbones. Should’ve guessed it was you targeting Celestia,” Said Deadpool.

“Targeting Princess Celestia wasn’t my idea; you know this. Someone wants somebody else dead, they hire a mercenary. And we get paid when the job is done.”

“I’m not interested in your lecture. Why don’t you tell me who hired you, so I can find them after arresting you.”

“Can’t. That would be going against customer confidentiality.”

Crossbones pulled out two pistols and shot at Deadpool. Deadpool dodged the bullets, and took two shots with his guns. The bullets hit Crossbones’ hooves, causing him to drop his guns, but was unharmed. Deadpool rushed towards him, guns blazing, but the bullets didn’t do anything because of his armor. When Deadpool was close enough, Crossbones grabbed his hooves, and made him drop his guns. He followed up with a punch to the face, and threw him to the ground. Deadpool pulled out his katanas and slashed at Crossbones’ mask. They managed to leave a couple of scratches. Crossbones extended a pair of stiletto blades from his gauntlets. Both combatants’ blades clashed, and they tried to overpower the other.

CRACK!

“Ow!”

Crossbones kicked Deadpool in the shin, causing him to lose his focus. He took the opportunity to stab Deadpool in the stomach, causing him to bend over in pain.

SHNK!

“Guuugh!’

Crossbones took advantage of Deadpool’s position, slashing his neck. He then took one of Deadpool’s katanas, pinned him to a wall, and stabbed him in the chest, leaving him stuck to the wall. He grabbed his guns, and made his way inside the palace. Meanwhile, inside the castle, a royal guard ran up to Princess Celestia, sitting on her throne.

“Your Highness! Deadpool couldn’t beat the mercenary known as Crossbones. He’s making his way to the throne room, now!” Said the guard.

“Close and barricade the door, and get ready if he makes it in,” Ordered Celestia.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

The guards barricaded the throne room door, and got into position to protect the princess. There was a long silence; an unsettling silence.

THUMP! THUMP!

Heavy hoofsteps could be heard from the other side of the door. They eventually stopped by the door. Out of anticipation, a royal guard commander tightened his grip on his staff with his magic. Celestia, meanwhile, smelled something; a familiar smell - smoke.

KA-BOOM!

“Ahhhhh!”

Crossbones had brought the door down with explosives. A couple guards were caught in the blast radius, one died while the other was knocked unconscious, critically injured. Crossbones immediately went to action, and shot a couple of the guards dead. One guard tried to strike him, but was stabbed in the chest and kicked back. Another guard tried to attack as well. He ended up getting head butted in the face and sent flying. There was one guard left - a commander. He lunged at Crossbones and attacked. His blows were blocked, but as Crossbones was about to strike, the commander ducked down and stabbed him in the side with his staff. Crossbones grabbed him by the neck, and slammed him to the ground, then picked him up and pressed his head to the wall.

“I’ll admit it, that was a good hit. Unfortunately, that won’t be enough.”

Crossbones pulled out the staff and tossed it aside. He smashed the commander’s face into the wall, then lifted him over his shoulders, and brought him down back first quickly.

CRACK!

“Ugh!”

GASP!

Celestia gasped in horror as Crossbones snapped the commander’s spine from the waist down. Afterwards, he tossed him aside as if he were a toy a child didn’t want to play with anymore. As he turned around, he was struck by a powerful beam of magic. He was flung across the room, and, when he got up, saw the source of the magic - Celestia.

“You will face serious punishment for what you did to him and the rest of the guards!” Said Celestia furiously.

Crossbones got up, and looked at her with a cold gaze. She charged at him, and started to light her horn. Crossbones pulled out four metal discs, and threw them in her path, forming a square. They created a green containment field around Celestia. She tried to blast a hole through her prison, but it was unaffected by the attack.

“No point in trying to escape. This containment field was created by the brilliant ponies of Advanced Idea Mechanics. Besides being highly durable, it nullifies many forms of magic; even your magic,” Explained Crossbones.

“You will not get away with this,” Said Celestia.

“How? I will be stopped by the mouth dribbling idiot?”

Crossbones pushed a button on one of his gauntlets. Two cables came through the ceiling, connected to a zeppelin. He attached one cable to the containment field and sent it up. As he grabbed the other cable, Deadpool ran into the room.

“Stop!”

Deadpool ran towards Crossbones as he was being lifted to the zeppelin. He grabbed him and held on.

“Let go!”

Crossbones tried kicking Deadpool off, but wasn’t succeeding. Both eventually made it inside the zeppelin where they continued to fight. Deadpool punched Crossbones in the face, and he retaliated by kneeing him in the stomach. He opened the back door, grabbed him by the neck, and dragged him to the edge. Deadpool secretly put his hoof on Crossbones' back, and then took it off.

“You failed, Deadpool. Once I toss you out, even though you won’t be dead permanently, you will have lost. The Princess is captured, and you are not strong enough to stop me. Now it’s time for me to say… goodbye.”

Deadpool was thrown from the zeppelin, falling towards the ground fast.

“Guuugh!”

Unfortunately for Wade, he ended up falling on a flagpole on top of the castle. It went into his back and out of his stomach, staining the pole with his blood. Breathing heavily through the pain, he looked up, and watched the zeppelin fly away.

“Well… that could have gone better.”

Earlier…

Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria, was asleep in her room. Being the princess of the night, she slept while Celestia rules during the day.

(Muffled) KA-BOOM!

Luna woke up due to an explosion from the throne room.

“Celestia!”

She made her way through the castle halls to the throne room. Eventually, she arrived at the throne room, back to current events. Guards were scurrying around the room, picking up their fallen brethren and those who were injured. Luna felt a pit in her stomach as she ran to a guard.

“What happened here?” Asked Luna.

"Princess Luna, we were attacked by a mercenary known as Crossbones. He killed almost all the guards assigned to protect Princess Celestia, and he has captured her,” Answered the guard grimly.

Feeling like her heart stopped, Luna almost lost her composure, but remained strong for her sister.

“Where are they now?” Asked Luna.

“We don’t know. Police are carrying out an investigation as we speak. Maybe there are some clues on top of the palace?” Suggested the guard.

Luna flew up through the hole in the ceiling, and looked around. Sure enough, she found Deadpool still skewered to the flagpole.

“Wade Wilson? Are… Are you alright?” Asked Luna.

“Oh, yeah. I’m totally fine,” Answered Deadpool sarcastically.

“Where has the mercenary gone with my sister?”

“He took her in a zeppelin. Luckily, though, he didn’t notice I put a tracker on him. As soon as I get free, I will go after him. U-Ugh!”

Deadpool grabbed the top of the pole, and began to slowly pull himself off. It was agonizing, and Princess Luna felt like she was going to puke. She closed her eyes, and used her magic to quickly pull him off.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! It’s moments like this where I wish I didn’t have a healing factor. It would have been better to have accepted my fate and die. Anyway…”

From somewhere, Deadpool pulled out what appeared to be a compass without arrows. An arrow magically appeared, and pointed northeast.

“Cool isn’t it? It’s a magic compass I picked up from one of my more magical adventures. It’s connected to a tracking unit; wherever it goes, the compass will point to it. By the looks of it, Celestia and Jolly Roger are going northeast. They’re moving at a speed that I could catch up to, assuming I find a way to fly,” Said Deadpool.

“Once you get to them, how are you going to free Celestia and beat this ‘Crossbones’ character?” Asked Luna.

“I don’t know, but I’ll find a way.”

“Very well. And I think I have a solution to your flying dilemma.”

Meanwhile, aboard the zeppelin, Crossbones was piloting it to an undisclosed location. He set the zeppelin to autopilot, and made his way towards the back. He stood in front of Celestia, still imprisoned in the containment field.

“There are a lot of ponies in my field of work that dream of being able to do what I have just done. I mean, you’re the almighty Princess Celestia! To other ponies you’re like a god. My contractor will be very pleased. Plus, it will look good on my resumé for future contracts,” Gloated Crossbones.

“What does your boss want with me?” Asked Celestia.

“Don’t know, don’t care. As long as I get paid, that’s all that matters to me,” Answered Crossbones.

“I hope you know that when you fail, the judgement of the citizens of Equestria will be brought down on you like a hammer to a nail.”

“I don’t know why you’re drawing to that conclusion. Even if it does, I don’t give a damn. I may get arrested, and I may end up doing hard time, but somepony will want me for whatever they will hire me for. When they do, they will just break me out, and I will be back at it again.”

Just then, a beeping noise could be heard from the cockpit.

“That would be my contractor. I hate to cut our conversation short, but I have business to attend to.”

Crossbones made his way into the cockpit, and closed the door, so Celestia couldn't listen in. He picked up an emblem depicting a skull with tentacles underneath. He pressed on the nose of the skull, and, magically, a live image of a stallion appeared. His face couldn’t be seen, concealed by a hood.

“Crossbones. Have you killed Celestia?” Asked the stallion, speaking with a Germane accent.

“There were… complications, but I was able to go with plan B, and captured her for you instead,” Answered Crossbones.

“Complications? What do you mean by that?”

“She was under the protection of Deadpool. Luckily, I skewered that moron to a flagpole. The Equestria flag is stained with his blood by now.”

“You know that he cannot die.”

“Yeah, yeah. Like he can stop me anyway. He had little success when we fought each other.”

“He’s going to find you, and when he does, he’s going to fight you again.”

Crossbones reached for his back, and took off the tracker. He then crushed it with his hoof.

“I’m counting on it,” Said Crossbones.

“Very well. Meet up with me in Germaney, and I will reward you as promised.” The stallion took off his hood revealing… Red Skull! “Until then, fare well, Rumlow.”

“Hail Hydra.”

The image of Red Skull faded away, leaving Crossbones to himself. Outside the zeppelin, Princess Luna was flying behind it. She was carrying a rather frightened Deadpool on her back.

“I don't know why I agreed to this!” Said Deadpool fearfully.

Luna flew up to the back door, and Deadpool began to pry it open.

"When you suggested I ride you up to Princess Celestia, this is not what I had in mind!" Princess Luna gave Deadpool an unamused facial expression. "Sorry, force of habit. I will rescue Celestia, and once she’s free take her back to Canterlot, while I deal with Crossbones.”

Deadpool opened the door, and Luna dropped him off inside before flying back a bit. Once inside, Deadpool shut the door. He could see Celestia in her prison. Noticing Crossbones wasn’t nearby, he snuck up to Celestia.

“Deadpool!”

“I’ll get you out, Princess. Now, how do I break you out of here?” Pondered Deadpool.

“You can’t.”

THUD!

Without warning, Crossbones sneaked behind Deadpool, and threw him across the room.

“You couldn’t have just stayed and let the citizens of Equestria salute to the dimwit hanging shamefully on the flagpole?” Asked Crossbones.

“I would, but I have a princess to save.”

Deadpool got up, and shot at Crossbones. A single bullet penetrated a weak spot in the villain’s armor, hitting his arm.

“Gugh!”

Crossbones pulled out his own guns and shot Deadpool’s hooves. He put them away and began to beat him up. He went for several right hooks, hitting him square in the jaw. Deadpool grabbed him by the waist and pinned him to the wall. He began to punch Crossbones’ mask repeatedly.

CRACK!

He successfully broke the mask, revealing Rumlow’s scarred face. Rumlow retaliated by extending a blade from his right gauntlet and stabbing him in the side. Wade grabbed his right fore hoof and removed the gauntlet. Both combatants kept fighting each other, eventually getting into the cockpit. Crossbones spun Deadpool around, and pressed him against the controls. He then extended the blade from his other gauntlet and got ready to strike.

“I’m going to kill you, toss your body out, and watch you die from the fall!”

As Crossbones went for the strike, Deadpool got free and moved out of the way

ZAP!

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

Crossbones accidentally stabbed the controls, sending electricity coursing through his body. While he managed to get free, the shock left him dazed. Deadpool took the opportunity to punch him square in the jaw, rendering him unconscious. Unfortunately, because the controls were destroyed, the zeppelin started to go down towards a field.

“Come on… Yes!”

Deadpool searched Crossbones, and found a remote. He pushed a button, which caused the containment field imprisoning Celestia to power off, freeing her.

“We’ve got a deadstick! We need to get out, now!” Said Deadpool.

Celestia nodded, and used her magic to grab Deadpool and Crossbones before opening the back door. Spreading her wings, she flew off, and met up with Luna. The alicorn sisters, with Deadpool and Crossbones in tow, made their way back to Canterlot. A while later, Crossbones was cuffed and being put in the back of a police chariot. As soon as the doors shut behind him, the chariot went on its way. The area around the palace was packed with reporters and journalists, gathering information about today's events for today and tomorrow’s newspapers. Meanwhile, Celestia, Luna, and Deadpool were in the damaged throne room, keeping away from the crowds outside.

“Thank you, Wade. If Crossbones had been able to carry out his contract, I don’t even want to think of what could’ve happened to me,” Said Celestia grimly.

“I must thank you too, Wade. You brought Celestia back home safely. (Sigh) I was scared for you, sister,” Said Luna.

“I know, Luna. We can only hope that Crossbones won’t be able to harm us or others anymore now that he will be behind bars for a long time.”

“Hopefully. Although, if there’s anything comic books have taught us, nothing is ever truly over. And I apologize for the mess that Rumlow made in your palace,” Said Deadpool apologetically.

“Oh, that’s alright. This isn’t the first time the palace has had damages. The only part that bothers me about all of this is how a stallion like Crossbones was able to easily tear through the royal guard and capture me. Many of my personal guards were killed or injured today. And how he effortlessly snapped the commander's spine..." Celestia shuddered at the thought of Crossbones' massacre. "Anyway, thank you for saving me, Deadpool. I know you said you don't need any payment, but I believe you deserve a reward."

"My sister's right. You're heroic actions saved her and brought a cold-blooded murderer to justice. There must be something we can do for you," Said Luna.

(Oh, oh! Let's ask for a threesome! Everypony will be jealous, and we'll live out one of our fantasies!)

"Even I know they won't agree to that. Hmm... Well, there is one thing I have in mind."

A few hours later, at the Golden Oak Library, Twilight was reorganizing her bookshelves yet again when she heard the door open.

"Oh, Deadpool! Welcome back! Is Princess Celestia..."

Twilight's jaw dropped to the floor. Standing in the doorway was Deadpool, and behind him was a wagon filled to the brim with cherrychangas. He was even eating one of them.

"Hi, Twilight. Do we have room in the fridge for five hundred cherrychangas?"

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! Next week, Deadpool will be on another solo adventure. He will find himself in a bit of a pickle due to a notorious enemy of the Mane Six and Equestria. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a good day!

Chapter 11: Captured
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 11: Captured

Deadpool was in Ponyville out on patrol… sort of. In reality he was sitting on top of a building, listening to music. He did have intentions of fighting crime, though.

“Yeah, I have to keep myself entertained while on patrol somehow.”

“Help!”

Deadpool looked towards where the cry for help originated from, and saw a mare being jumped by four thugs.

“It’s hero time!”

(Isn’t that trademarked by Ben 10?)

Jumping from the building, he landed on top of one of the thugs, knocking him out. Another thug turned around and tried to punch Deadpool, but he was knocked out with a single uppercut. Deadpool ran towards the last two thugs, and slammed their heads together. He had defeated all of the thugs effortlessly.

“Woo! That was too easy! Are you alright, miss?” Asked Deadpool.

“Thank you. I’m alright, especially since now I have you where I want you,” Answered the mare.

“Have me where you-”

WHAM!

Deadpool was hit from the back of the head by someone behind him. His vision got all blurry before he slipped out of consciousness.

Six hours later…

Deadpool was struggling to open his eyes. The blow to his head did a number on him. After a couple of minutes, he managed to keep his eyes open. The first thing he noticed was his surroundings. The area was dark, even though he could see good enough. He also noticed the walls had holes connected to tunnels that would appear and disappear. He then looked up and saw that he was trapped in a green, slimy capsule similar to a cocoon.

“This reminds me of a movie I watched the other night. What was it called? ‘Infiltration of the Pod Ponies?’ No, too ponified. ‘Breach of the Aliens?’ Whatever it was called, that is what my situation is like. I’m probably not going to get out of this anytime soon... Ah!”

When Deadpool lowered his head, he saw a rather startling creature. It was both equine and insect-like in appearance. It was primary black with light blue, pupil-less eyes. They also had a webbed mane and tail, bent horn, jagged ears, fangs sticking out of their mouth, insect-like wings, and holes in their legs. They also wore metallic blue armor with pieces sticking out beside the mouth that resembled insect mandibles.

“Please don’t kill me and lay your eggs inside of me!” Pleaded Deadpool.

The creature just stood there and watched him.

“Not talkative, aye? Alrighty then, you’re as ugly as a tatzlwurm!”

The creature was unresponsive.

“The color of your armor looks better on a Tacoma!”

There was still no response. If it didn't blink every few seconds, one might assume the creature was dead.

“Ha, ha! This is fun! You look like a pony and a fly had one ugly love child!”

Suddenly, six creatures that look like the one in front of Deadpool walked out of a tunnel in front of him. Three stood on the left and right, and one spoke up.

“Make way for her majesty, Queen Chrysalis.”

At first, a large shadow could be seen in the tunnel. Then the creator of the shadow appeared, Queen Chrysalis. She was tall, about as tall as Celestia, and looked like her subjects, given some key characteristics. Her horn was riddled with holes, her wings tattered, a teal, unkempt mane and tail, dark green eyes with pupils, blue-green elytra covering her wings and back, and a top her head was a small, black crown with blue orbs on each point. She made her way towards Deadpool.

“Jesus Christ! Compared to her, you look like Chris Hemsworth as Thor!” Remarked Deadpool.

SMACK!

The creature in front of Deadpool smacked him in the face for his comment.

“Do not insult the Queen, pony!”

“So you do talk.”

(I think she’s kind of hot!)

(Yeah, but she seems very sketchy.)

(Has that stopped us before?)

(Touché.)

“A-Ahem!”

Deadpool looked up to give his attention to Queen Chrysalis.

“I am Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings. I welcome you to my kingdom.”

“Changelings?”

“Do you seriously not know what we are?”

“Yeah, no.”

“(Growl) We changelings are a race of creatures that feed off of the love of other creatures, especially ponies.”

Deadpool gagged out of disgust, even his mask changed color to a light shade of green.

“I’ve never heard anything so disgusting from this franchise!” Said Deadpool.

(What about the cartoon’s theme song?)

“We do not talk about that!”

While Deadpool was talking to himself, Chrysalis was watching in confusion.

“In order to feed off of love, we can change our appearance.”

Chrysalis was wrapped in a green inferno before reappearing. She shape-shifted to look exactly like Deadpool. She got every detail down, from the shade of red on his costume to his build.

“See?” Questioned Chrysalis.

“Wow! You even sound like me! Change into James Earl Jones next!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“Shape shifting is not for entertainment purposes.”

“Well then, if I don’t get a show, then explain to me why I am here?’

Surrounded by a wall of green fire, Chrysalis reverted back to her true form.

“Deadpool, or should I say… Wade Wilson?” Asked Chrysalis.

(Oh, balls! She knows our name!)

(Both of them!)

“I had some of my subjects look for you because I wanted to test you.”

“Test me? For what?”

“That will be revealed later. The test is simple: I’m going to have you face my guards in battle. If you beat them, besides getting the chance to leave, I will give you an opportunity of a lifetime. However, if you fail, then you are going to be a food source for our children.”

“Okay, let me see if I got this right: you want to test me, so you can give me something, and if I fail I have a suckey fate? First off, you could have sent me a letter instead of resorting to kidnapping. Second, like I would take an offer from someone who has an antagonistic vibe to them.”

“Your Highness, can we please kill him? He has only been conscious for five minutes, and I already want him to die,” Said the changeling guard.

“I have that effect on a lot of people,” Said Deadpool.

“No, that wouldn’t do anything for us. He can regenerate from just about anything. Besides, he would be more useful to use alive. So, Deadpool, shall we make our way to where you will fight?” Asked Chrysalis.

“I don’t really have much of a choice, do I?”

“No. Guards, cut him down.”

One of the guards flew up, and used their horn to cut the cocoon holding Wade.

“Ahh!”

THUD!

After falling to the ground, Wade was picked up and held by his arms.

“Let’s get on our way. My subjects have been waiting for this.

After about five minutes of walking through various tunnels, the group of Queen Chrysalis, her guards, and Deadpool were approaching the end of a tunnel where a bunch of voices could be heard. They entered a large room where a big, gaping pit with a narrow, circular path above it laid. Lots of changelings without any armor were on the path, cheering as the group entered. Once they stopped at the edge of the pit, Queen Chrysalis flew up above everyone.

“My loyal subjects! I have brought to you the pony that cannot die, Deadpool!” The crowd cheered to the top of their lungs, filling the room with applause. “And now that he is here, he will prove if he is valuable to us by fighting my royal guards in hoof-to-hoof combat!”

After hearing that, Deadpool checked his back and belt. None of his weapons were on his person.

“Guess I am going to have to fight the old-fashioned way. Also, I’m getting a major “Attack of the Clones” vibe off of this.”

“Now with all of that out of the way, contenders make your way into the arena,” Said Chrysalis.

Deadpool could feel himself getting dragged towards the arena. Based off of his best guess, it was at least twenty feet deep.

“Wait! I can’t fly! Ahhhhhhhhh!”

THUD!

Landing on the dirt floor, Deadpool got up and saw the guards, who threw him in, fly down and circling around him.

“Let the battle commence!”

The crowd cheered from above. Deadpool looked at all of the guards, and began to count.

“Uno, dos… seven. Um, this isn’t fair odds, one to seven.”

Deadpool’s complaint was ignored. All of the guards began to close in on him.

(Guess we're gonna have a challenge.)

(Oh! Let's have another song insertion! I'm thinking "X Gon Give It To Ya" by DMX. Uncensored of course.)

The guard directly in front of Deadpool ran towards him, and tried to buck him, but he grabbed his back leg, and spun him into two of his colleagues. He grabbed an oncoming punch from a different guard, twisted his wrist, and kicked the stomach of the aggressor. Two guards got up, and tried to grab him from behind. He noticed them, and slammed both of their heads together, knocking them out instantly. The crowd cheered at Deadpool's combat prowess.

“Only three more to go. Gah!”

While Deadpool’s back was turned, a guard took the opportunity and stabbed him in the back with his horn. He then pulled his horn out, and bucked Deadpool into a wall.

“Oo…” Cried the crowd.

A different guard grabbed Deadpool, and faced the guard that stabbed him. Nodding in understanding, said guard began charging towards the two.

“Come on! I didn’t want to do this, but since you’re both trying to kill me…”

STOMP!

“Hiss!”

Deadpool stomped on the back hoof of the guard holding him, causing him to let go. He followed up by flipping the guard right in front of the charging guard. The guard was stabbed by his own colleague. Deadpool then grabbed the other guard by the head.

SNAP!

“... I’ll kill both of you.”

Meanwhile, Queen Chrysalis was watching the fight from up above. Even though two of her subjects were killed by the Merc with a Mouth, she didn’t seem fazed. In fact, she grew a wicked grin on her face.

“He will be useful. Useful indeed.”

SLAM!

Deadpool had his face pressed against the wall. From the corner of his eye, he saw the changeling guard that watched over him earlier.

“You may not be able to die, but I will enjoy beating the shit out of you,” Said the guard.

“I wouldn’t get cocky if I were you. I mean, you did see me kill two of your friends easily, right?”

“One reason why I’m going to enjoy this.”

Deadpool had his head pulled back and slammed into the wall. Then again, and again, and again. This kept going for ten seconds until he was tossed to the ground. The guard stood over him, and punched his face repeatedly. Deadpool was getting brutally mauled. He needed to think of something fast, otherwise he would lose.

“Umph!”

Deadpool kicked the guard in the balls, and ran over to one of the guards he killed. Breathing through the pain, the last guard walked over to him.

“Any last words, pony?” Asked the guard.

“Yeah, your voice is very raspy. Do you have something in your throat?” Asked Deadpool.

“What?”

SHNK!

“Gur-guh!”

While the guard was making his way to him, Deadpool had snapped the horn off of the dead guard. When his opponent got close enough, Deadpool stabbed him in the throat with the horn. The guard fell over, frothing blood spouting from his neck. The crowd was silent, then they roared in applause. Two guards that didn’t participate in the fight flew up to Queen Chrysalis, awaiting orders.

“Go get him and bring him to my throne room,” Ordered Chrysalis.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Both guards flew down to where Deadpool was, and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“What are you two doing?” Asked Deadpool.

“We’re taking you to Queen Chrysalis’ throne room. She has plans for you,” Said a guard.

“So I have heard.”

And with that, they made their way to meet up with Queen Chrysalis. After some time traveling the perplexing tunnels of the Changeling Kingdom, Deadpool and guards arrived in Chrysalis’ throne room. It was a large, almost empty room with holes connected to various tunnels making up its walls. The main centerpiece of the room was a giant throne. It was made up of some sort of rock, which glowed green. The seat was held up by narrow legs, the backrest had holes towards the top, and spikes adorned the top of the throne. Queen Chrysalis was sitting on her throne, looking towards Deadpool with a grin. The guards stopped him a few feet away from her.

“Thank you, guards. You may leave. I would like to speak to him alone.” With a nod of their heads, the guards left. “Congratulations, Deadpool. You have truly impressed me with your fighting abilities,” Said Chrysalis.

“Thanks. I aim to impress. Now that I entertained you and your followers, I can leave as promised, right?” Asked Deadpool.

“Of course you can. But, as I said earlier, I have an offer I believe you cannot refuse.”

“Well then, lay it on me.”

“Watching you take out my guards has shown me how special of a pony you are. Because of your combat prowess, and the fact you cannot die, my kingdom can benefit from someone with your abilities.”

“So, what’s your offer?”

“Besides three chests full of gems, you can rule by my side as my king.”

“Holy shit!”

“Wow, um… That’s quite the offer. I mean, we haven’t even had a first date!” Said Deadpool in shock.

“Yes, all of this can be yours. You just have to do one thing for me in return,” Said Chrysalis

“And that is?”

“(Chuckles) Kill Princess Celestia.”

Deadpool’s heart almost stopped when he heard what she said. In response to this, Chrysalis got down from her throne and stood in front of him.

“K-Kill Celestia?! Why?!” Asked Deadpool in shock.

“Simple. For a while now, I have been growing in power, and in a couple of weeks I can take over all of Equestria! The only one who can put a stop to my plans is her. If she was out of the picture, then I can take over Equestria with little challenge. When I heard about you, I believed you have a chance of killing her, and today you proved it,” Explained Chrysalis.

“But she… My friends…”

“You don’t need her or your friends. When you rule with me, you don’t need anyone, but me and the entire changeling race. So, what do you say?”

(Wade, please tell me you know the to answer this?)

“I’m not going to do it! These past few months have improved my life. I have great friends who care about me, and that includes Celestia. I’m not going to lose that for a chance of power. I’m out of here.”

As Deadpool was walking off, Chrysalis grit her teeth in anger.

“Fine, if you’re going to be that way.”

“Gah!”

Chrysalis sent a beam of magic towards Deadpool’s head, trying to cast a spell on him.

“What are you doing to me?!” Asked Deadpool in agony.

“Your mind is chaotic, but I can make it mine.”

After some intense concentration, Chrysalis succeeded. Deadpool was hypnotized, his eyes turned green.

“Now, let me ask again. Will you kill Celestia?” Asked Chrysalis.

“Yes, Chrysalis,” Answered Deadpool.

“Good. Now come with me to my royal chambers. I have another task that requires your… dedication.”

“Of course, my queen.”

Chrysalis led Deadpool to a tunnel behind her throne to carry on with her plans.

The next day…

Deadpool was struggling to wake up. Any attempt at opening his eyes was met with resistance. After some struggle, he finally managed to keep them open.

“What? I’m at Twilight’s place?”

Looking around, Deadpool was indeed in Twilight’s living room, lying on the couch. Speaking of, Twilight Sparkle herself walked in.

“Morning, Deadpool!” Said Twilight.

“Twilight? What happened?” Asked Deadpool.

“I found you on the couch asleep yesterday afternoon, and you have been here since. Is everything okay?”

“I think so. I thought I was somewhere else, but I guess it was a dream.”

“Well, I’m here if you want to talk about it. Spike is making breakfast, so feel free to come upstairs when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Twilight.”

With that, Twilight went upstairs. Deadpool got up from the couch to join her.

“Was all of that a dream?”

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony". Stay tuned next week because the next chapter will introduce new but familiar faces, and will take place in a memorable episode of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". So until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 12: A Royal Wedding Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 12: A Royal Wedding Part One

Deadpool, Twilight Sparkle, and the rest of the Mane Six were outside having a picnic. They set up their picnic in-

“Ugh! Author, why of all ways did you choose to start a Deadpool story with a picnic?!

([Sigh] Because Wade, it is how the actual My Little Pony episode starts, and you have to be involved.)

“Well, of course I have to be involved. I mean, I am the star of this fanfic. But can we start off with something better?”

(Okay, how about we start off at a pagoda where you are fighting members of The Hoof? You have to fight them, so Equestria will be safe from a demonic entity they are trying to summon?)

“That sounds fuckin' awesome!”

(It does! Maybe I will have that as an actual story. It’s not happening now, though.)

“Yeah- Wait, what?”

Suddenly, Spike ran up to Twilight.

“Twi… light! I… have… Lemme just…” Said Spike out of breath.

Fluttershy and Rarity, the latter wearing a yellow sun-hat and pink ascot tie, looked at each other with concern for the baby dragon. After catching his breath, Spike belched up a letter.

(I kind of feel bad for Spike. Since royal letters are delivered through dragon fire, he always has to burp up letters whenever Celestia has a message for Twilight.)

“Bet he will be celebrating when cellphones are eventually invented in this universe,” Remarked Deadpool.

Twilight took the letter and began reading it.

“Dear Twilight, I am sure you are excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in Canterlot." Twilight looked at her friends and said "Wedding?" in a confused manner before she resumed reading the letter. "I will be presiding over the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help with the preparations for this wonderful occasion. Fluttershy, I would like you and your songbird choir to provide the music.”

“Oh my goodness! What an honor!” Said Fluttershy in excitement.

“Pinkie Pie, I can think of no one more qualified than you to host the reception.”

“Hip, hip, hooray!” Cheered Pinkie as she did cartwheels.

“Applejack, you will be in charge of the catering for the reception.”

“Well, color me pleased as punch!” Said Applejack.

“Rainbow Dash-” Twilight looked over at the rainbow-maned pegasus, and found her yawning out of boredom. “... I would very much appreciate it if you could perform a sonic rainboom as the bride and groom complete their ‘I dos.’”

“Yes!” Cried Rainbow Dash as she hovered off the ground.

“Rarity, you will be responsible for designing the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids.”

“Princess Celestia wants me to-" Rarity mumbled something unintelligible to herself. "... Wedding dress? For a Canterlot wedding… I, ah, ooh, ooh!”

Rarity found herself getting dizzy, and she fell over backwards. Deadpool tried to catch her, but Rarity fell onto the grass, landing on her back. Her hat fell off as well. She had the widest smile anyone had ever seen.

“Of course, Deadpool, you are welcome to attend the ceremony if you are interested,” Read Twilight.

“That’s the nice way of saying she doesn’t have a job for me. That’s fine, though, I will be the guy who brings packs of beer for the after-party,” Said Deadpool.

“And as for you, Twilight, you will be playing the most important role of all. Making sure that everything goes as planned. See you all very soon. Yours, Princess Celestia." Twilight set the letter aside, and spoke to her friends. "But… I don't understand. Who’s getting married?”

“Oh, wait! I was probably supposed to give you this one first.”

Spike gave Twilight another letter, to which she began to read.

“Princess Celestia cordially invites you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and… (Gasp) My brother?!”

PFF!

Deadpool purposefully took a sip of lemonade, so he could spit take. Twilight herself was shocked by the invitation, her pupils contracted.

“Your brother’s getting married? Congratulations, Twilight! That’s great news!” Praised Applejack.

“Yeah, great news. That I just got from a wedding invitation! Not from my brother, but from a piece of paper! Thanks a lot, Shining Armor. I mean, really, he couldn’t tell me personally?” Twilight picked up a sandwich and moved the top slice of bread while speaking in a low pitch voice. “Hey, Twilight, just thought you should know I’m making a really big decision that changes everything. Oh, never mind, you’ll hear about it when you get the invitation.”

“Jeez. I thought I was the crazy one,” Muttered Deadpool.

(Shh! She’s going to bitch some more!)

“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza? Who in the hoof is that?!” Asked Twilight with a snort.

Fluttershy surprisingly was the brave one to walk, or more accurately, hover over to her.

“Um, Twilight? Are you okay?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Sorry, it’s just that Shining Armor and I have always been so close. He’s my BBBFF!” Everyone looked at her with confusion.
“Big Brother Best Friend Forever.”

“Ohhh!” Cried the group.

“Before I came here and learned the importance of friendship, Shining Armor was the only pony I ever accepted as a friend.”

Twilight began to sing about her brother. Deadpool was zoning in and out, mainly because of Twilight’s singing voice.

“Wow! She’s really good!”

(How does she sing like that?!)

(It's a little technique called "A different voice actress.")

“Oh, now she’s crying. Why is she crying?”

(If you were paying any fuckin' attention, you would know she’s saying she misses her brother!)

“Well, I don’t focus well.”

After Twilight finished singing, Applejack went to comfort her.

“As one of your PFF’s…” Once again, the group looked confused. “Pony Friends Forever…” Clarified Applejack.

“Ohhh!” Cried the group.

“... I wanna tell you that I think your brother sounds like a real good guy.”

“He is pretty special. I mean, they don’t let just anyone be captain of the Royal Guard,” Said Twilight.

“So let me get this straight. We’re helping out with the wedding of not only a princess, but a captain of the Royal Guard?” Asked Rarity.

“I guess we are.”

Rarity began to get light headed and started to fall over. Twilight grabbed a pillow and let Rarity’s head fall on it. The rest of her friends were cheering out of excitement, except for…

“Wait, I think we’re overlooking the big picture here. There are three princesses in Equestria?!” Asked Deadpool in shock.

Everyone looked at Deadpool with exasperated looks. A little while later, the group was on a train to Canterlot, conversing amongst each other.

“A sonic rainboom? At a wedding?! Can you say ‘best wedding ever?!’” Asked Rainbow.

“Best wedding ever!” Shouted Pinkie.

“So you girls get to help with the big fancy wedding, but I’m the one who gets to host the bachelor party! I have just one question. What’s a bachelor party?” Asked Spike.

Just about everyone on the train laughed at Spike's question. While everyone was laughing, Twilight was sitting by herself on the opposite side of the passenger car. She was looking out the window with a depressed look on her face. Deadpool noticed this, got up from his seat, and walked up to her.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Twilight didn’t respond. He sat down next to her, moving her tail so he didn’t sit on it.

“Why the long face?” Asked Deadpool.

(Ha! Get it?! Long face?! Because we’re ponies!)

“I’m just thinking about Shining Armor,” Answered Twilight.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Asked Deadpool.

“Ever since I moved to Ponyville, we’ve been seeing each other less and less. And now that he’s starting a new family with this ‘Princess Mi Amore Ca-whatshername’, we’ll never see each other again.”

“Twilight, just because he’s going to be married doesn’t mean you’ll never see each other. You are his sister after all. He will always make time for you.”

“Couldn’t seem to make time to tell me he was getting married.”

After what felt like forever, the train was about to arrive at Canterlot.

“We’re here, we’re here!” Shouted Pinkie in glee.

The train was heading towards a toll attended by two guards. They were blocking a giant pink force field that surrounded Canterlot. Once the train approached, the guards uncrossed their spears, allowing it through the force field. The train then stopped at the station where even more guards were stationed.

“Whoa, what’s with all the guards?” Asked Rainbow.

“Oh, I don't know, Rainbow Dash, maybe they have something to do with the giant force field surrounding Canterlot?!” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

“I’m sure they’re just taking the necessary precautions. Royal weddings do bring out the strangest ponies,” Said Rarity.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie sneezed, making a trumpet-like sound.

“As you were saying?” Remarked Deadpool.

“Now, let’s get going! We’ve got work to do!” Said Rarity.

As everyone got off the train, Applejack caught up with Twilight.

“And you’ve got a big brother to congratulate,” Said Applejack.

“Yeah. Congratulate. And give him a piece of my mind,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

“Ooh! Someone’s going to get an earful!” Thought Deadpool.

The rest of Twilight’s friends looked at each other with concern. A little while later, Twilight was almost at Canterlot Castle. Over by the front entrance, a white unicorn stallion with a mane and tail with different shades of blue and wearing a royal purple and gold armor, was saluting to six different guards before they went on their way. He then noticed Twilight coming towards him.

“I’ve got something to say to you, mister,” Said Twilight furiously.

Three guards raised their spears, but they relaxed after being given a command by the unicorn stallion. He took off his helmet, and climbed down a flight of stairs to meet up with Twilight.

“Twily! Ah, I’ve missed you kid. How was the train ride? I-”

“How dare you not tell me in person that you were getting married! I’m you sister, for pony’s sake!” Said Twilight furiously.

“It’s not my fault! Princess Celestia has requested a major increase in security. Didn’t you see all the guards at the train station?” Asked Shining.

“Yeah, there’s a big wedding coming up. Maybe you heard about it?”

“It has nothing to do with the wedding. A threat has been made against Canterlot. We don’t know who’s responsible for it, but Princess Celestia asked that I help provide additional protection. This, you need to see.”

Shining Armor stood back and concentrated. His horn lit up a bright pink and cast a beam of magic at the force field; it grew in size. When he stopped, he pressed a hoof against his forehead.

“The burden of keeping Canterlot safe and secure rests squarely on my shoulders. Staying focused on the task at hoof has been my top priority,” Said Shining.

He directed Twilight to a bridge that connected two towers, walking over to it.

“Okay, okay, I get it. You’ve got a really important job protecting all of Canterlot with a force field only you can conjure up. But still… how could you not tell me about something as big as your wedding? Am I not that important to you anymore?” Asked Twilight sadly.

“Hey. You’re my little sister. Of course you’re important to me. But I’d understand if you didn’t want to be my best mare now,” Said Shining with a sly grin.

“You want me to be your best mare?”

“Well, yeah!”

“I’d be honored!” Both siblings embraced each other in a hug. “But I’m still pretty ticked you’re marrying somepony I don’t even know! When did you even meet this ‘Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?’”

“Twily, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance, your old foalsitter.”

“Cadance? As in the Cadance? As in the greatest foalsitter in all the history of foalsitters?!”

“(Chuckles) You tell me. She was your foalsitter.”

“Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh! Cadance is only the most amazing pony ever! She’s beautiful. She’s caring, she's kind…”

Thirteen years ago...

Twilight as a young filly was being pushed on a swing set by her old foalsitter, Cadance. She was a pink alicorn with purple eyes and a mane of violet, gold, and rose that was tied back.

“I’m lucky to have you as my foalsitter!” Said Twilight.

“I’m the one who’s lucky, Twilight,” Said Cadance.

“(Scoffs) You’re a princess. I’m just a regular old unicorn.”

“You are anything but a regular old unicorn.

Twilight was brought down from the swing, and both ponies sang their signature chant.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

Afterwards, the two were walking through Canterlot when they noticed an arguing couple.

“I am going for a hooficure and that is that!” Shouted a mare.

“You are not going-”

“I am!”

“I’ve already paid for three this month!”

Cadance closed her eyes and summoned two halves of a cartoon heart with her magic. They flew towards the couple and connected between them. They then stopped and began to laugh, lovingly.

“Oh! Ho, ho, ho.”

“Oh, sweetie. You just did that face.”

Both Cadance and Twilight were satisfied and walked off.

In the present day, Twilight was beaming with happiness, thinking of fond memories of her and Cadance.

“How many people can spread love wherever they go? I only know of one! And you’re marrying her!" Twilight couldn't suppress her happiness any longer. She began to skip and sing "You’re marrying Cadance! You’re marrying Cadance!”

As Twilight was skipping in happiness, she stopped and realized someone was in front of her; it was Cadance. She was now fully grown and had her mane down. She also wore a gold crown, shoes, and necklace. The crown had a purple jewel on the front and very top.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything important,” Said Cadance sternly.

“Cadance! Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

Twilight sang their chant while also doing their dance. Cadance looked at her out of pure confusion?

“What are you doing?” Asked Cadance in confusion.

Laughter could be heard in the area. Looking behind her, Twilight saw Deadpool was the source of the laughter.

“(Laughs) Twilight, what were you doing?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Who is this?” Asked Shining.

“Oh, yeah! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Deadpool. The greatest hero in Equestria!”

Twilight rolled her eyes at that comment.

“Well then, I’m Shining Armor, Twilight’s older brother. Are you a friend of hers?” Asked Shining.

“Yup, we’ve been friends for a few months now. Our friends sent me to make sure she didn’t kill you,” Answered Deadpool.

Twilight turned her attention back to Cadance.

“Cadance, it’s me, Twilight.”

“Uh-huh.”

Cadance didn’t seem to know, nor care who she is. Cadance walked up to Shining Armor and embraced him.

“I’ve gotta get back to my station, but Cadance will be checking in with all of you to see how things are going. I think I speak for both of us when I say we couldn’t be more excited to have you here. Right, dear?” Asked Shining.

“Absolutely,” Answered Cadance.

“Well, we’ll let you get to it.”

Both Cadance and Shining Armor walked off, leaving a saddened Twilight. A little while later, in the royal kitchen, a lot of ponies, including Applejack, were cooking food. Twilight was also there with a notebook, crossing off things for Applejack. She was brooding because of what happened with her and Cadance not too long ago.

“Cake, check. Ice sculpture, check. Best darn bite-size apple fritter you ever tasted…”

Applejack shoved an apple fritter into Twilight’s mouth, making her eat it.

“Mmm! Check,” Said Twilight.

“Hiya, Princess!” Greeted Applejack.

Twilight turned around and saw Cadance entering the kitchen. The rest of the ponies bowed in her presence.

“Please, call me Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” Asked Cadance sternly.

Twilight rolled her eyes at that request.

“Hiya, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. You come to check out what’s on the menu for your big day?” Asked Applejack.

“I have!” Answered Cadance.

Applejack handed her an apple fritter, and Cadance took a bite out of it.

“Delicious. I love-love-love them,” Said Cadance with nervous laughter.

“Aw, shucks. Why don’t you take a few to go? I know how you brides can be. So busy, you forget to get a little somethin’ in your belly.”

Applejack gave Cadance a paper bag with food before walking away. As Cadance walked to the door, she threw the bag into a trash can before leaving, to which Twilight noticed.

“(Gasps) Did you see what she…”

Twilight realized Applejack didn’t notice Cadance’s actions because her friend was working at a stove. Suddenly, the door flung open, revealing Deadpool on the other side.

“What’s up everypony?! Oh, what’s that smell?!”

Deadpool made his way to the trash can and took out the bag of apple fritters.

“Who would throw away perfectly good food?!”

Deadpool took out an apple fritter and bit into it.

"Ewww!" Cried Twilight in disgust.

A few minutes later, Rarity was working on a dress while Twilight was walking back and forth, venting to her.

“Oh, you should have seen how she acted back there. I don’t know when she changed, but she changed! ‘Please, call me Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,’” Said Twilight in mock impression of Cadance.

“Did I hear someone say my name?”

Cadance had walked in with the bridesmaids. Rarity ran up to her.

“Your Highness! Let me just start by saying what an honor it is to play a role in such a momentous occasion,” Said Rarity while laughing nervously.

“Uh-huh. Is my dress ready?” Asked Cadance.

“Yes, of course. Um, I’ve been working on it ever since I was given the assignment and I think you’ll be pleased with the results!”

Rarity presented a white dress with gold patterns on the train. It had a blue top with a blue jewel holding the straps. The dress was complete with a blue and pink flower head crest.

“I was hoping for something with more beading and a longer train,” Said Cadance.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Said Rarity.

Cadance walked over to the bridesmaids’ dresses.

“And these should be a different color,” Said Cadance.

“I think they are lovely.”

“Me too!”

“I love them.”

The bridesmaids didn’t seem to agree with Cadance. Because of that, she glared at them to silence them.

“Make them a different color,” Ordered Cadance.

She and her bridesmaids left Rarity to her work.

“Gee, maybe her name should be 'Princess Demandy-Pants,'” Remarked Twilight bitterly.

“I don’t know why she doesn’t like these? These dresses are stunning!”

Deadpool slipped in when no one was looking, and had put on the wedding dress. He was looking at himself in a large mirror while posing.

“(Gasp) Wade! Take that off right now! Your shoulders are too broad for the straps!” Shouted Rarity.

Even though she was upset about Cadance, Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle at Wade’s antics, and at Rarity trying to forcefully remove the dress off of him. A few minutes later, Pinkie Pie and Cadance were talking to each other.

“Okay, let me see. We’ve been over the games… the dances… (Gasps) I think this reception is gonna be perfect! Don’t you?!” Asked Pinkie.

“Perfect… If we were celebrating a six-year-old’s birthday party,” Answered Cadance.

“(Gasp) Thank you!”

Neither of them realized it, but Twilight was hiding behind a column. She glared at Cadance as the princess walked off. She failed to notice a certain pony was behind her.

“Hey, Twilight!” Greeted Deadpool.

“Ah! Deadpool, what are you doing?!”

“I could ask you the same thing." Deadpool pulled out the paper bag of apple fritters from somewhere. "Want one?”

“Wade, I know where you got those from.”

A few hours later, the day had turned into night, and Twilight and her friends were together outside a restaurant.

“Bet I can guess what you’re all thinking. Cadance is the absolute worst bride-to-be ever.”

The girls were a little surprised by Twilight’s comment.

“What i’m thinking about right now is how amazing this cherrychanga is! Mmm!”

Deadpool was too busy enjoying his cherrychanga to pay much attention to the conversation.

“Twilight, whatever are you talking about? Cadance is an absolute gem!” Said Rarity.

“Rarity, she was so demanding!” Rebutted Twilight.

“Well, of course she is! Why shouldn’t she expect the very best on her wedding day?”

“Applejack, did you know that after she told you how much she just ‘love-love-loved’ your hors d’oeuvres, she threw them in the trash?”

“Aw, she was probably just trying to spare my feelin’s,” Said Applejack.

“No, she was just being fake and insincere!”

“I for one thought your apple fritters were fantastic, Applejack,” Said Deadpool sincerely.

“Deadpool, you ate those straight from the trash,” Said Twilight.

“Why do you have a problem with that? That’s not the worst thing I have ever eaten.”

(Recall the muffins you ate with Spike in chapter two.)

Can we please get back on topic!” Asked Twilight impatiently.

“She did raise her voice at one of my birds during rehearsal,” Spoke up Fluttershy.

“See? Rude!”

“But he was singing off-key.”

“Pinkie Pie, you had to have noticed how Cadance treated-” Twilight saw Pinkie and Spike playing with figures of Cadance and Shining Armor that were meant for the wedding cake. “Never mind. Rainbow Dash, you’re with me, right?”

“Sorry, Twi. Been too busy preparing for my sonic rainboom to pay much attention to the bride’s bad attitude.”

Twilight growled. She was losing her patience.

“The princess is about to get married. I’m sure any negative behavior she might be displaying is simply the result of nerves,” Assured Rarity.

THUMP!

Twilight slammed her hoof onto the table.

“And I'm sure it’s the result of being an awful pony who doesn’t deserve to even know Shining Armor, let alone marry him!” Said Twilight angrily.

“I think someone’s being a little possessive,” Chimed Deadpool.

“Uh-huh,” Said the group.

“I am not being possessive and I am not taking it out on Cadance! You’re all just too caught up in your wedding planning to notice that maybe there shouldn’t even be a wedding!”

THUMP!

Twilight slammed the table so hard, everyone’s drinks knocked over and spilled. She then stormed off.

“Aw, man! There goes my beer!” Complained Deadpool.

Meanwhile, Shining Armor was at his house. It had a bunch of displayed weapons, a coat-of-arms, and even a suit of armor. He was putting on a red uniform with a white sash.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Shining Armor walked to the door and opened it, finding Twilight on the other side.

“Twily! Your big brother’s looking pretty good, don’t you think?” Asked Shining.

Twilight looked at him with sad eyes. He let her inside the house.

“Everything okay?” Asked Shining.

“We need to talk. I think you’re making a big-”

“Ah-hem!”

Twilight and Shining Armor looked toward a set of stairs and saw Cadance.

“Oh, uh, hi, Sweetie,” Greeted Shining.

“She sure has a way of sneaking up on people,” Mumbled Twilight.

“Could I speak to you for a minute, dear?” Asked Cadance.

“Better see what she wants.”

Shining Armor and Cadance walked into a room with the door open slightly. Twilight could just hear what they’re saying, even though their voices were muffled.

“Look, we need to talk,” Said Cadance.

“I’m here to talk,” Replied Shining.

“It’s about your sister, okay?”

“I… look, look, she’s okay-”

“Just… listen to me, alright?”

“I’m listening, I’m listening.”

Twilight looked through the crack between the door and the frame.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear I didn’t want you to wear that,” Said Cadance sternly.

“This was my favorite uncle’s,” Said Shining.

“And?”

“And I think I should wear it.”

“Are you disagreeing with me?”

“I guess I am. Ah!”

Shining Armor started having what looked like a headache.

“Oh, dear. Are you getting another one of your headaches?”

Cadance cast a beam of… green magic? For a moment, Shining Armor’s eyes turned green before returning to normal.

“Feeling better?” Asked Cadance.

“Mm-hmm," Replied Shining Armor.

“She isn’t just unpleasant and rude. She’s downright evil!”

Twilight ran off. Shining Armor and Cadance walked out of the room and saw her leaving.

“Twilight!” Cried Shining.

“Let her go,” Said Cadance

“Huh. It seemed like she had something else she wanted to tell me.”

A few minutes later, Twilight ran up to where she and her friends were staying and flung the door open.

“Shining Armor’s in real trouble! You have to help-”

Twilight noticed that all of her girl friends were wearing dresses, and were excitedly conversing with each other.

“Dresses? What are you-”

“Can you believe it? We’re going to be Princess Mi Amore Cadenza’s new bridesmaids!” Said Fluttershy with excitement.

“New bridesmaids? What happened to the old bridesmaids?” Asked Twilight.

“She didn’t say. But she did tell us that she would love-love-love it if we’d fill in for them,” Answered Applejack.

“Seeing as we’ve been working so hard and everything,” Added Rarity.

“And you had doubts about her.”

“Told you she was an absolute gem!”

“I don’t have a new position. Just regular guest Deadpool,” Said Deadpool.

(We’re anything but regular.)

“You sure this is what I should wear? Doesn’t seem all that aerodynamic,” Said Rainbow.

“Hmm. I’ll see what I can do,” Said Rarity.

“Looks like I really am on my own.”

Twilight knew that there was no point in trying to convince her friends of Cadance’s misdeed. She walked outside with her head hung low. Deadpool noticed Twilight’s behavior, and walked up to her.

“Hey, Twilight, what’s wrong?” Asked Deadpool.

“Wade, I want to tell you something. Please let me explain before you say anything,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, I think you have known me long enough that I always have something to say, but... Okay, I’m all ears.”

“(Sighs) My brother is in danger. I paid him a visit a few minutes ago, and I peeped on Cadance using some spell on him.”

“Wow, Twilight, I never took you as a snooper.”

“That’s beside the point! He shouldn’t marry her.”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“... I have one idea. I will have to wait until tomorrow during the wedding rehearsal.”

“During the wedding rehearsal? Oh, oh! Are you gonna crash the wedding "Wedding Crashers" style?! If so, hook up with Fluttershy!"

"What?! Never mind, I have to warn Shining tomorrow that he's making a big mistake."

"Well then, best of luck to you.”

“Thanks, I think I’m going to need it.”

The next day, Celestia, Shining Armor, Spike, and the Mane Six, minus Twilight, were rehearsing for the wedding. Deadpool was also there watching while sitting on a folding chair as he would on the actual wedding day. Celestia was instructing everything. She and Shining were standing under an arch while the girls walked down the aisle.

“Perfect, girls. No need to rush. Then of course, Cadance will enter.”

A big door was opened by two guards, revealing Cadance on the other side. She walked down the aisle and stood next to her husband-to-be.

“I’ll say a few words, and then we’ll begin with the vows. Shining Armor, you’ll get the ring from your best mare,” Instructed Celestia.

“Hey… has anypony seen Twilight?” Asked Shining.

As if on cue, Twilight flung the door open.

“I’m here! I’m not gonna stand next to her! And neither should you!” Said Twilight.

“Ooh! Here comes the wedding drama!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

(Somebody pass the popcorn!)

“I’m sorry, I… I don’t know why she’s acting like this.” Said Shining to Cadance.

“Maybe we should just ignore her?” Suggested Cadance angrily.

“You have to listen to me!” Demanded Twilight.

“Oh, goodness! Are you okay?” Asked Fluttershy with concern.

“I’m fine,” Answered Twilight.

“Ya sure about that?” Asked Applejack rhetorically.

“I’ve got something to say! She’s evil!”

“Dun, dun, dun!”

Everyone looked at Deadpool.

“I’ve said it in chapter seven, but, somepony’s gotta do it,” Said Deadpool.

“She’s been horrible to my friends, she’s obviously done something to her bridesmaids, and if that wasn’t enough, I saw her put a spell on my brother that made his eyes go…”

Twilight made her eyes roll in different directions to emphasize her accusation. While she was making her accusations, she cornered Cadance into a wall. Everyone who observed was silent.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Asked Cadance with teary eyes.

“Because you’re evil!”

Just like that, Cadance started crying and ran out of the room. Twilight followed after her until she got to the door.

“Evil! And if I don’t stop you, you’re going to ruin my brother’s life!” Said Twilight.

“Wow!” Whispered Deadpool.

(Don’t you love wedding drama?!)

As Twilight walked back with a satisfied look on her face, she walked into her brother who was very ticked off.

“You want to know why my eyes went all...?" Shining Armor made his eyes roll, then stopped for a moment because of a headache. “... Because ever since I started having to perform my protection spell, I’ve been getting terrible migraines. Cadance hasn’t been casting spells on me. She’s been using her magic to heal me!”

Twilight was about to speak, but her brother cut her off.

“And she decided to replace her bridesmaids because she found out the only reason they wanted to be in the wedding was so that they could meet Canterlot royalty! And if she hasn’t been on her best behavior with your friends, it’s because with me being busy, she’s had to make all the decisions about the wedding!”

“I was just trying to-”

“She’s been completely stressed out because it’s really important to her that our big day is perfect! Something that obviously wasn’t important to YOU! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride. And you can forget about being my best mare. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t show up to the wedding at all.”

Twilight sat down on her haunches, and looked at her girl friends and Spike.

“C’mon, y’all. Let’s go check on the princess.”

Applejack and the rest of Twilight’s friends followed Shining, not even looking at her.

“I was-”

Twilight noticed an angry Celestia walking past her.

“You have a lot to think about,” Said Celestia sternly.

SLAM!

The door slammed shut, leaving a distraught Twilight. She got up and lied down on a set of small stairs leading up to the arch.

“Maybe I was being overprotective. I could’ve gained a sister. But instead… I just lost a brother.”

Twilight’s eyes started to tear up. Deadpool, the only other person left in the room, walked up the steps and sat down to her left.

“Twilight… I’m sorry.”

Before he could say anything else, Twilight embraced him and cried into his suit. He was surprised, but he allowed her to let it all out. He closed his eyes, and rubbed her back in an effort to comfort her. As he was doing this, Twilight could also feel someone patting her head. She looked up and saw Cadance. Deadpool noticed her too. Cadance surprisingly had a caring smile on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Apologized Twilight sadly.

To her surprise, Cadance’s eyes flashed green.

“You will be.”

“Ahhh!”

Deadpool was tossed into a wall, and Cadance summoned green fire around Twilight. Afterwards, the fire formed into a magical sphere. The sphere along with Twilight began to sink into the floor as Cadance walked away with an evil grin. Deadpool looked up from where he laid, trembling at what was happening to Twilight.

“Twilight!!!”

To be continued…

Chapter 12: A Royal Wedding Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 12: A Royal Wedding Part Two

After making Twilight disappear, Cadance started to walk away when she noticed someone standing in her way - Deadpool. He pointed one of his pistols at her head.

“What did you do to Twilight?! You bitch!” Demanded Deadpool angrily.

“Now, is that really the way to talk to a princess?” Asked Cadance.

“I for one don’t give a shit on what is and what is not acceptable towards a villain. Now tell me what you did to her, or else instead of your vows, you will be saying your last words!”

Cadance’s horn lit up, using her magic to strip Deadpool of his weapon. She then used her magic to bind him.

“If you must know, she’s somewhere close, but at the same time nopony will know about,” Said Cadance.

“Bring! Her! Back!” Demanded Deadpool.

“So demanding, but now that we are alone, it’s time to settle some unfinished business.”

Cadance cast a beam of magic at Deadpool’s head, causing him excruciating pain. When she stopped, his eyes were green. She let him go, and then walked up to him and put a hoof on his chin.

“It’s time to do what I asked. Once Shining Armor and I kiss, kill Celestia,” Said Cadance.

“It will be done, my queen,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool walked off, leaving a sinister grinning Cadance to herself. Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle was in a dark cave. The only light in the entire cave was some light she generated from the tip of her horn like a torch. She was deeply afraid of her surroundings.

“Hello?”

Twilight’s voice echoed throughout the cave. She got up from where she was sitting, and tried walking around.

“Is anyone there?”

THUD!

As she was walking around, she walked into something that had a reflective surface, allowing her to see herself. Maniacal laughter could be heard from the depths of the cave.

“Where am I?”

Twilight turned around, and noticed that she could see multiple reflections of herself on an entire wall. Suddenly, eyes appeared on said wall - Cadance’s eyes.

“The caves beneath Canterlot, once home to greedy unicorns who wanted to claim the gems that could be found inside. And now, your prison.”

As she talked, Cadance’s entire head could be seen on the wall.

“Help! Help!” Cried Twilight.

“(Maniacal laughter) It’s no use. No one can hear you. And no one will ever think to look for you, either. Most ponies have forgotten that these caves even exist, which is why they are the ideal place to keep the ones who try to interfere with my plans,” Explained Cadance.

“Plans? What plans?”

“The plans I have for your brother, of course.”

“Don’t you dare do anything to my brother, you… you monster!”

“Only way to stop me is to catch me!”

Cadance’s reflection disappeared, and Twilight’s horn flared up in anger.

“Over here!”

Twilight cast a bolt of magic at Cadance’s reflection, but it disappeared, and the magic bolt bounced repeatedly off the walls until it just missed Twilight.

“Nope over here! (Laughter)”

Twilight was getting so infuriated, she shot at everything. Crystals that Cadance’s reflection was in were shattered. Another reflection appeared on a wall. Twilight shot it and it exploded. There was someone on the other side. It was Cadance, but she looked different. Her mane was unkempt, her crown missing, and she looked disheveled altogether. Twilight was furious, and began to charge up an attack.

“No! Wait! Ugh!”

Twilight tackled Cadance to the floor, stirring up dust. When it settled, Cadance was on the ground, shaking and holding her hooves up out of defense.

“Please! Don’t hurt me!” When Cadance looked up, she seemed happily surprised. “Twilight, it’s me!”

Twilight was reasonably skeptical of Cadance’s words.

“Please, you have to believe me. I’ve been imprisoned like you. The Cadance who brought you down here was an impostor,” Said Cadance.

“Likely story!” Said Twilight.

Cadance got up and started doing… her and Twilight’s chant.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves…"

"... And do a little shake.” Twilight lit up and hugged Cadance, the true Cadance. “You remember me!”

“Of course I do. How could I forget the filly I love to sit for the most?”

The two sat in silence, embracing each other until familiar laughter returned. Cadance looked towards the cave and saw something sparkle.

“We have to get out of here. We have to stop her!” Said Twilight.

Twilight and Cadance ran off into the cave to look for a way out. In the Pony Princess Wedding Castle, the wedding between Shining Armor and ‘Cadance’ had begun. The impostor and the Mane Six, minus Twilight, stood to the right of Celestia while Shining Armor, his groomsmen, and Spike stood to her left. The mind-controlled Deadpool sat in the very front row, waiting for his cue to kill the beloved princess. Shining Armor was also under the impostor’s control. He shared the same green eyes as Deadpool. Celestia began preaching the service.

“Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor.”

Meanwhile, Twilight and the real Cadance managed to end up under the wedding castle. They could hear Celestia preaching the service.

“Oh, we’re never going to save him,” Said Cadance hopelessly.

“We will. We just have to find… There!”

Looking far into the distance, Twilight saw a beam of sunlight. That was the exit they were looking for. Using her magic, Twilight teleported herself and Cadance to the exit. As they were about to leave, three ponies stood in their way. They were the original bridesmaids, and they were under the same spell as Deadpool and Shining Armor. The mares started to approach Twilight and Cadance.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Said the bridesmaids in unison.

Meanwhile, in the wedding castle, Princess Celestia was wrapping up the service.

“Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, it is my great pleasure to pronounce you-”

“Stop!”

Twilight had managed to arrive just in time, but without Cadance. Her interruption stirred up the crowd.

“Ugh! Why does she have to be so possessive of her brother?" The impostor began to fake-sob. "Why does she have to ruin my special day?”

“Because it’s not YOUR special day! It’s MINE!”

In dramatic fashion, Princess Cadance marched into the room with anger in her eyes. Her entrance stirred some gasps from the crowd.

“What?! But how did you escape my bridesmaids?!” Asked the impostor.

A few minutes ago...

As the two mares were being pushed back by the bridesmaids, Cadance from out of nowhere pulled out a bouquet of flowers. This got the bridesmaids’ attention. She then threw it into the distance, and they leapt after it.

“I want it!” Shouted the bridesmaids.

Present day...

“Hmph. Clever. But you’re still too late,” Said the impostor arrogantly.

“I-I don’t understand. How can there be two of ‘em?” Asked Applejack.

“She’s a changeling. She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them,” Explained Cadance.

From a green inferno, the impostor turned back into their original form, revealing… Queen Chrysalis. Everyone in the room gasped out of shock and fear. Chrysalis walked up to face Cadance.

“(Laughing) Right you are, Princess. And as queen of the changelings, it is up to me to find food for my subjects. Equestria has more love than any place I’ve ever encountered. My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we ever dreamed of!” Said Chrysalis.

“They’ll never get the chance! Shining Armor’s protection spell will keep them from ever even reaching us!” Said Cadance.

“(Chuckles) Oh, I doubt that. Isn’t that right, dear?”

“Mm-hmm.”

That was all Shining Armor could say. Cadance began to charge, but was stopped by a stomp of Chrysalis’ hoof.

“Ah, ah, ah. Don’t want to go back to the caves now, do you? Ever since I took your place, I’ve been feeding off Shining Armor’s love for you. Every moment he grows weaker and so does his spell. Even now, my minions are chipping away at it.”

Sure enough, just like she said, her minions were outside, ramming themselves into the force field, slowly breaking it.

“He may not be my husband, but he is under my total control now.” Twilight and Cadance gasped out of shock. “And, I’m sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as Captain of the Royal Guard.”

“Not my Shining Armor!” Said Cadance.

“Soon, my changeling army will break through. First, we take Canterlot. And then, all of Equestria!”

“No. You won’t. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects from you!”

Celestia flew up above the floor, white, angelic wings spread, and cast a beam of golden magic towards Chrysalis. The changeling queen stood her ground and cast a beam of magic towards the princess. Both beams collided with each other. Both opponents were equally matched, but Chrysalis was struggling. Unexpectedly, Queen Chrysalis’ power grew, and her magic went through Celestia’s.

DING DING!

There was a magical explosion, and when the flash of light disappeared, Celestia slowly slid across the floor on her side. Her crown had fallen off her head. Worst of all, her horn had a scorch mark from the tip to a quarter of the way down. Everyone in the room gasped out of shock.

“Princess Celestia!” Cried Twilight.

“Ah! Shining Armor’s love for you is even stronger than I thought! Consuming it has made me even more powerful than Celestia!” Shouted Chrysalis triumphantly.

(She was knocked the fuck out! Hey, I’m free! Gugh! Never mind.)

Deadpool got up from his seat, and made his way to Chrysalis, pistol in hoof.

“Yes! You can beat her, Deadpool!” Cheered Twilight.

“...”

“Wade?”

Wade looked back towards Twilight, revealing his green eyes.

“(Gasp) No, not you too…” Whispered Twilight.

“Yes. Equestria’s most formidable mutant and your most powerful ally is under my control! Now, Deadpool, my beloved, make me proud, and kill Celestia!” Ordered Chrysalis.

Deadpool cocked his gun and aimed towards Celestia’s head.

“No!”

The Mane Six tried to run in to stop Wade, but they immediately stood still when he aimed his gun at them. Twilight had one idea and could only hope it will work.

“Wade, listen to me. She’s using you. She used some sort of spell to control your mind. I know you don’t want to do this. You can break free from her influence. You just have to fight it!” Said Twilight.

“Don’t listen to her! You don’t need her or any other pony. The only people you need are the changelings, and, of course, me,” Said Chrysalis.

“She’s lying, Wade! Once she no longer needs you for anything, she’s just going to get rid of you. Don’t give up everything you have! Equestria, our friends… me.”

Deadpool had stopped to listen to Twilight, but he refocused on Celestia and aimed his gun at her head once again.

“Wade…” Said Celestia weakly.

Deadpool’s expression turned into one of nervousness. He looked back at Twilight, and saw a single tear roll down her cheek. Deadpool struggled with holding his gun. It shook in his hoof, like if he was in an earthquake. He started to aim the barrel of the gun towards himself. After seconds of struggle, the gun faced his forehead and he started to pull the trigger.

“No!” Cried Chrysalis.

BANG!

After pressing the trigger, Wade dropped limp onto the floor. His blood pooled behind his head, and under the wedding arch. The screams of the crowd filled the air.

“Well, that was unexpected. No matter, I will just kill Celestia myself!”

Chrysalis charged up her magic, getting ready to deliver the finishing blow.

BANG!

“Gugh!”

A bullet was fired at Chrysalis. Even though it didn’t directly hit her, it grazed her right hindleg. The shooter was none other than…

“Deadpool!” Cheered Twilight.

Deadpool got up from the floor and faced Chrysalis.

“What?! You shot yourself in the head! How are you able to get up?!” Asked Chrysalis furiously.

“Besides the fact that I hear apples and taste the color blue, I’m fine,” Slurred Deadpool.

(Does anypony else see Nicholas Cage riding a flaming motorcycle in the back of the room?)

While Chrysalis had her attention focused on Deadpool, Twilight and friends surrounded Celestia.

“The Elements of Harmony. You must get to them and use their power to defeat the queen,” Instructed Celestia.

The girls nodded their heads, and made their way to the Elements.

“Hey, guys! Wait for me!” Shouted Deadpool.

“You can run, but you can’t hide!” Shouted Chrysalis.

Once the group got outside the castle, they looked up and saw all of the changelings that were trying to break through the force field. All of them flew up and slammed into the force field at the same time. The changelings succeeded and broke the entire force field. They dive bombed towards the heroes. Some of them emitted green magic as they fell, looking like meteors falling to the earth.

“It’s the Kamikaze!” Remarked Deadpool.

“Go, go!” Ordered Twilight.

One by one, changelings were crashing into the ground. One of them landed in front of the group, but Twilight just smacked them in the head, and everyone walked around them. Once everyone climbed up a set of stairs, they were stopped by a large group of changelings. They were surrounded on all sides with no means of escape.

“Looks like we’re gonna have to do this the hard way,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“You mean the fun way,” Said Deadpool as he pulled out both of his pistols.

Rainbow Dash ran towards the changelings, but stopped when she saw herself in front of her. She and her doppelganger were making various faces and poses at each other. Both were in perfect sync.

POW!

The changeling mimicking Rainbow Dash caught her off guard, and knocked her into her friends. Every single changeling altered their appearance to look like the Mane Six and Deadpool.

“How did you…?” Wondered Rainbow in confusion.

“They’re changelings, remember?” Questioned Twilight.

“They’re changelings, remember?” Said changelings disguised as Twilight.

“Don’t let them distract you. We have to get to the Elements of Harmony. They’re our only hope.”

In a dynamic clash of good versus evil, everyone began to fight each other. Fluttershy was approached by three changelings that looked like her. She was able to trick them into thinking she was one of them by pointing as if she was giving orders. Once they were out of sight, she tried to run away, but was stopped by four Rainbow Dashes. All four reared up on their hindlegs, ready to attack when one of them kicked the others away. She was the real Rainbow Dash. Meanwhile, Twilight and Applejack were surrounded by changelings. They had their backs pressed against each other, ready to fight.

HISS!

Turns out, Twilight was actually a changeling. Applejack tried to hold them back.

“Okay, this is just gettin’ weird,” Deadpanned Applejack.

The changeling tackled her to the ground. More changelings joined in until she was dog piled. After subduing a changeling with her magic, the real Twilight attacked all of the changelings. Twilight then grabbed one with her telekinesis and was about to attack when they spoke.

“Real me! Real me!” Said Applejack frantically.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie had a changeling in front of her. It changed into Rarity, then Rainbow Dash, then Fluttershy.

“He, he! Do me! Do me!” Said Pinkie Pie excitedly.

Rolling their eyes, the changeling changed into Pinkie Pie, adding a wide smile like the actual Pinkie Pie.

“Meh. I’ve seen better.”

Pinkie Pie grabbed Twilight and she fired bolts of magic as if she was a machine gun. Speaking of machine guns…

“HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Deadpool was having too much fun fighting changelings. He was laughing with joy, guns blazing. Changelings were dropping left and right.

(Wait, how do we know that we are killing changelings and not our actual friends?)

“I have no idea!”

When Deadpool looked behind his back, he saw himself.

“Well, hello handsome!” Said both of them in unison.

“You look great!”

“Right back at ya!”

“On the count of three, say the first thing that comes into your head. One… two… three…”

“Cherrychangas!” Cried the Deadpools.

“Wow! It’s like we are the same person! Do you have a healing factor?”

“A wh-”

BANG!

One Deadpool, who was a changeling was shot in the head, and collapsed onto the ground.

“Sorry bud, you’re just no match for the OG. Hey, you!”

Deadpool ran up to a changeling and dragged him.

“Uh, Deadpool. What are you doing with him?” Asked Pinkie.

“You’ll see.”

Deadpool shoved the changeling into Pinkie Pie’s party cannon head first.

“Fore!”

BOOM!

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

WHAM!

Deadpool used the changeling as a cannonball and fired him at the last group of changelings. Everyone stopped to catch their breath, but then a realization occurred to Twilight.

“Wade! What did I tell you about killing?!” Asked Twilight angrily.

“I know, I know! I only did what I did because we were swarmed! Ha, swarm! 'Cause they’re bug-horses!” Said Deadpool.

“I will let you off this one time, Wade. But next time, try to fight using nonlethal means.”

Suddenly, buzzing sounds could be heard, and upon looking up, everyone saw an entire swarm of changelings flying towards them.

“We are going to need a lot of Raid,” Quipped Deadpool.

The group started running with the changelings in hot pursuit. It didn’t take long until they got to the building where the Elements of Harmony were kept. Unfortunately, when Twilight opened the doors, there were even more changelings inside. Once again, they were surrounded. There were too many of them to fight.

“Leroy Jenkins!”

"Wade!"

Deadpool recklessly ran towards the changelings, much to his friends' dismay. He used his guns to shoot the limbs of his enemies, causing them to trip. While he managed to cover some distance, he was overwhelmed and tackled to the ground by several changelings. While he was being dealt with, the rest of the changelings set their sights on his friends.

A few minutes later, at the wedding castle, a semi-conscious Celestia was opening her eyes. Once fully awakened, she was surprised to find that she was imprisoned in a green cocoon. Queen Chrysalis was pacing back and forth while Cadance and Spike had their hooves/feet stuck to the floor by a green, sticky goop. Shining Armor was also there in his mind-controlled state.

“You won’t get away with this! Twilight and her friends will-”

Cadance cut herself off when she saw to her horror the Mane Six being exported by a group of changelings. Deadpool was wrapped up in a cocoon similar to the one Celestia was kept in, with only his head free.

“One of these again? What the heck is this? Is it supposed to be some kind of pod? Am I going to be replaced with an imposter?" Asked Deadpool to himself.

“You were saying?" Chrysalis turned her attention to the Mane Six. "You do realize the reception’s been cancelled, don’t you?" She then turned her attention to her minions. "Go, feed!”

Chrysalis’ minions left the ponies and Chrysalis be, shutting the door behind them.

“(Laughing) It’s funny, really. Twilight here was suspicious of my behavior all along. Too bad the rest of you were too caught up in your wedding planning to realize those suspicions were correct!” Gloated Chrysalis.

“Sorry, Twi. We should’ve listened to you,” Apologized Applejack.

“It’s not your fault. She fooled everypony,” Said Twilight.

“Hmm. I did, didn’t I?”

Chrysalis looked out a window, and watched her subjects capture civilians off the streets. While she was distracted, Twilight took the opportunity to sneak to Cadance and use her magic to free her from the goo holding her down.

“Quick! Go to him while you still have the chance!” Whispered Twilight.

In an attempt to free him, Cadance used her love magic on Shining Armor. To her surprise, this managed to free him. When he snapped out of it, he was confused and had a massive headache.

“Wha- where… huh? Is… is the wedding over?” Asked Shining in confusion.

“It’s all over!”

Chrysalis had noticed and stood between the Mane Six and Deadpool, and Cadance and Shining Armor.

“Your spell! Perform your spell!” Ordered Twilight.

“(Laughing) What good would that do? My changelings already roam free,” Gloated Chrysalis.

“No!”

Shining Armor tried to cast his protection spell, but he was too exhausted to be able to use it.

“My power is useless now. I don’t have the strength to repel them.”

“My love will give you strength,” Said Cadance.

“Uh, barf!” Said Deadpool in disgust.

Shining Armor tried to use his spell once again, this time with the help of Cadance. A purple orb formed in between their horns, and it gave off a little light in the form of Shining and Cadance. It pulsed until the whole room was illuminated in light, then it exploded.

“Noooooo!”

Queen Chrysalis was practically thrown out of the castle. Soon, every changeling was swept up and launched out of Canterlot. Chrysalis and her subjects were flung back to the Changeling Kingdom. After the spell was complete, Cadance was no longer disheveled and Shining Armor regained his strength.

“Ha! Get yeeted, Chrysalis!” Said Deadpool.

During the chaos, the cocoon Celestia was kept in was destroyed. Twilight ran to her mentor.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. You have a real wedding to put together,” Said Celestia.

“Now that Chrysalis and her minions have been defeated can somebody please free me?” Asked Deadpool.

A few hours later…

After all the chaos from Queen Chrysalis’ invasion of Canterlot, the real wedding was ready to begin. The wedding party had returned, Celestia recovered from her battle, and the castle was cleaned up like there was no invasion. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Applejack stood to the left of Celestia, the groomsmen stood to the right, and Twilight Sparkle, the best mare, stood next to her brother. She wore a magenta dress and a blue flower tiara. She also had her mane curled. She noticed the sash on her brother’s uniform was crooked, so she realigned it for him. Once everyone was ready, Fluttershy had the bird chorus sing "Bridal Chorus" by Richard Wagner.

Everyone turned towards the front doors, which were opened by two guards. The flower girls, consisting of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, came through followed by Cadance. She was wearing the white and gold wedding dress that Rarity made. The train of the dress was held by songbirds to reduce drag. As she was coming down the aisle, Twilight nudged Shining Armor to get his attention.

“Seriously, though, I get why the queen of changelings wanted to be with you, but how did you get someone as amazing as Cadance to marry you?” Asked Twilight.

“I told her she wouldn’t just be gaining a husband. She’d be getting a pretty great sister, too.” Answered Shining.

Finally, Cadance had climbed up the stairs to meet with her husband-to-be. They both looked into each other’s eyes, then faced Celestia.

“Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of the real Princess Mi Amore Cadenza-”

“Princess Cadance is fine,” Said Cadance.

“Hm. The union of Princess Cadance and Shining Armor. Their strength of their commitment is clear. The power of their love, undeniable. May we have the rings please?”

Spike walked up with two rings on a purple pillow. One being a unicorn and the other an alicorn, Cadance and Shining Armor placed their rings onto their horns.

“I now pronounce you mare and stallion!” Said Celestia.

With the cheers of the wedding party filling the air, the newly wedded couple walked together down the aisle and onto a balcony, overlooking a large crowd of ponies outside the palace. While the Mane Six watched, Celestia spoke to Twilight.

“This is your victory as much as theirs. You persisted in the face of doubt, and your actions led to your being able to bring the real Princess Cadance back to us. Learning to trust your instincts is a valuable lesson to learn,” Said Celestia.

Cadance and Shining got close and sealed their marriage with a kiss.

“Rainbow Dash, that’s your cue,” Said Celestia.

Rainbow Dash ripped off her dress and launched into the sky. She flew so fast, that she caused a rainbow in the form of a circular explosion - the sonic rainboom. She then flew in an arc to form a rainbow.

“Best… wedding… ever!” Shouted Rainbow Dash.

Meanwhile, on the ground, Wade was watching from his seat. His eyes began to water.

(Are you crying?)

“No. I just have a changeling horn stuck in my eye.”

(Really?)

“... No…”

Just like that, Wade began to cry.

(Like everyone does at weddings?)

FNESE!

Taking his mask off, Wade used it to blow his nose.

“Aw, shit!”

Later that evening, everyone was outside for the after-party. Cadance and Shining Armor were slow dancing as everyone else watched. Princess Luna flew in and stood next to her sister.

“Hello, everypony. Did I miss anything?” Asked Luna.

(Where the hell was she earlier?!)

(She is the princess of the night. Maybe she was sleeping?)

(Still, we could have totally used her help with beating the changelings.)

“(Squee!) Let’s get this party started!” Shouted Pinkie.

After a long session of celebrating, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were about to enter a carriage when Shining walked up to his sister.

“Twilight! None of this would have been possible without you, little sis. Love ya, Twily,” Said Shining.

“Love you too, BBBFF,” Said Twilight.

After both siblings embraced each other in a hug, Shining stepped into the carriage.

“Ready to go?” Asked Shining.

“Oh! Almost forgot.”

Cadance leaned out the window and threw the bouquet of flowers. Surprisingly, it landed in Deadpool’s arms.

“Hey! I got the bouquet!”

(Yes! We won’t die alone!)

“IT’S MINE!”

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

WHAM!

Obsessed with having the bouquet, Rarity tackled Deadpool for it. When the dust settled, they were both on the ground with Rarity on top and Deadpool’s back to the ground. Both blushed from their position.

“We both have the bouquet, so does that mean we are married now?” Asked Deadpool.

SLAP!

“Ow!”

For asking that question, Wade was slapped in the face by Rarity. She then walked off with her chin up and holding the bouquet.

“Yeah, I deserved that,” Said Deadpool.

(Don’t worry, we will find love someday. This is our fanfiction after all.)

“Now this was a great wedding,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, yeah? Just wait until you see what I have planned for the bachelor party!” Said Spike.

“Uh, Spike, you do know the bachelor party happens BEFORE the wedding, right?” Asked Deadpool.

“Um.”

“Oh, what the hell! If it means more booze, the bachelor party can happen right now!”

Everyone looked at Deadpool before starting to laugh. He laughed as well while fireworks illuminated the night sky.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This was a fun chapter to write because I got to insert Deadpool in one of my personal favorite season finales for "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Now, as I had warned about in chapter nine, the next chapter for this story will be holiday-themed. If it wasn't important for the plot, I would've saved it for less than three months from now. But on a better note, after that chapter is published, the next few chapters will take place in season three of the show. So, be sure to stick around! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Chapter 13: A Deadpool Hearth's Warming
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 13: A Deadpool Hearth's Warming

"So, we are actually doing this?" Asked Deadpool.

(Yes, Wade, we are.)

"But dude, it's October. Halloween hasn't happened yet!"

(I know, but we have to release this chapter that I wrote last year in order to progress in the story.)

"It does not change the fact this chapter is out of context!"

(Would you like to wait two months to post this chapter?)

"... No."

(Good. Trust me, you'll like what I have planned for you.)

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

(Onto the story!)

Ah, Ponyville. The white winter snow has covered the town like a sheet. Groups of children, dressed warmly for the weather, are playing in the snow. They were either having snowball fights or building snowponies. At the Golden Oak Library, the leaves of the tree were blanketed in snow, and a wreath hung on the front door. Inside, Hearth’s Warming lights dangled above the shelves and entrances to various rooms, and countless other decorations brightened up the abode. Downstairs, in the living room, Deadpool was sleeping on the couch. He was sitting with his head dangling behind the couch and a cup of eggnog in hoof. Twilight walked in and tried to wake him.

“Wade,” Said Twilight.

Zzz...

“Wade!”

“(Snort) ...Eggnog!”

Learning from the past, Twilight yelled to wake Deadpool up. He awoke with a jolt, spilling eggnog all over his lap.

“Aw, shit! Now I look like I ejacu-”

“Wade?”

“Oh, hi, Twilight.”

“Hi, I was going to ask if you drank all of the eggnog, but it seems like I don’t need to.”

“Yeah... Sorry, Twi.”

“It’s fine. I’ll get some more later. After all, we’re going to serve eggnog at the Hearth’s Warming party I’m throwing tomorrow.”

“I could go get some if you’d like me to?”

“Thanks, but I don’t mind going myself. I’m going to go take care of some things for the party before I go.”

“Okay.”

As soon as Twilight left the room, the voices in Deadpool’s head started chatting.

(Remind me why Twilight’s throwing a Hearth’s Warming party?)

(Because she wanted to host her first Hearth’s Warming party with her friends.)

(A party is cool and all, but a Hearth’s Warming at home alone is just as fun. Especially since that means we can play with all of the cool shit people give us!)

(Speaking of cool shit, you finished your Hearth’s Warming shopping, right?)

“I sure did. I picked up Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Spike's gifts yesterday. I just hope my gift wrapping skills are sufficient enough that they won’t see what I got for them,” Said Deadpool.

(What about Twilight?)

“Uh…”

(Did you seriously remember to get everyone but Twilight a gift?)

“What?! No! I totally got something for her! It should be with the rest of the gifts under the tree!”

Deadpool frantically galloped upstairs to the main library, where the Hearth’s Warming tree stood. The tree was a balsam fir decorated with tinsel, lights, and ornaments. On top of the tree was a mystical and heart-shaped pink fire, the Fire of Friendship. Deadpool frantically looked through all of the gifts, looking for one he got for Twilight. To his dismay, there was no gift for her from him under the tree.

“Ah man! I can’t believe I forgot to get Twilight a present!” Said Deadpool.

(Yeah, considering the fact she gave you friendship and a place to stay in the very first chapter of this fanfiction. On top of not throwing yo ass in jail for past murders.)

“Obviously the reason I forgot is for conflict in the chapter.”

(I know it’s magical, but don’t you guys find it unusual that the Fire of Friendship hasn’t set the tree ablaze?)

“Yeah. Usually a holiday tree has fire on it in an America’s Funniest Home Video.”

(We’re getting off topic here! Hearth’s Warming is tomorrow, and you need to get Twilight a gift before then.)

“Luckily, I keep a list of gift ideas for all my friends.” Deadpool took out a long sheet of paper that had lots of names and gift ideas next to each one. “Let’s see… Pinkie… Fluttershy… Rarity… Why the hell is Wolverine on this list? ...Here we go! Gift ideas for Twilight include…”

Looking next to Twilight’s name, the space meant for gift ideas was empty.

“You fuckin' kidding me?! (Sighs) No matter, I know exactly what to get Twilight!”

(Are you seriously just going to get her a gift card?)

“You know me too well!"

(Uh, yeah. I'm an extended conscious of your fucked up mind. I know EVERYTHING about you.)

(Including your Google Search history!)

"You two better not say a god-damn word about my search history! We're digressing again. Hmm… perhaps I can sneakily find out something she wants and go get that. But how would I go about doing that?”

“Go about doing what, Wade?”

Deadpool had failed to notice his roommate in the same room as him, causing him to blurt out-

“Twilight!”

In panic, Deadpool hid the list he held behind his back. He then realized this was his opportunity to find out what Twilight would like for Hearth’s Warming.

“This is my chance. I have to discreetly ask her what she wants, so she doesn’t realize what I’m planning.” Thought Deadpool to himself.

Thinking quickly, Deadpool came up with a way to ask Twilight what she wants for Hearth’s Warming without her realizing it.

“I was wondering, Twilight, if you could have anything this holiday season for a gift, what would it be?” Asked Deadpool.

(Are you fuckin' kidding me?!)

Twilight stood in one spot for a few seconds, putting a hoof to her chin to think.

“Hmm… good question,” Said Twilight.

(She may be smart, but thank Celestia Twilight can be denser than osmium sometimes.)

“Oh, there is one thing. Do you know of the story about Hearth’s Warming’s beginnings?” Asked Twilight.

“How could I not? That story is read to practically every child on Hearth’s Warming Eve,” Answered Deadpool.

“My family and I had a book of that story that was passed down through my family for many generations. Unfortunately, the book was really old, so it deteriorated by the time I was fifteen. I would just love to have that book again.”

(Of course she wants a book.)

“Hey, a bookworm will always be a bookworm,” Thought Deadpool to his inner voice. “Is this book by a particular author?”

“The version of the story I owned was written by Carol Winters. It’s titled ‘A Hearth’s Warming Tale.’ Wait, why do you have an interest in this book?”

(Shit! She’s catching on! Say something to steer her away from the question!)

“Eggnog!” Blurted Deadpool.

“What?”

“The eggnog! Didn’t you say you were going to get more eggnog?”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me. I’ll go get some right now. See ya, Wade!”

As soon as Twilight walked out and shut the door, Wade took in a deep breath in relief.

“Phew! That was too close. Now that I know what to look for, we can go out shopping,” Said Deadpool.

(Aren’t all the stores and stands in Ponyville closed?)

“Yeah, you’re right. I know, let’s go shopping in Manehattan.”

([Gasp] We’re going home?!)

“Why not? Surely there will be some stores open on Hearth’s Warming Eve in Manehattan, considering the fact that there are eight million ponies living there that are doing last minute Hearth’s Warming shopping. Let’s go get dressed for the weather before we head out.”

Deadpool ran downstairs to the living room, and began searching in between the couch cushions.The first item he pulled out was a single bit.

“No.”

Next he pulled out a rubber ducky.

“Rubber ducky!”

He squeezed the rubber ducky, making squeaky noises come out of it while he laughed like Ernie from Sesame Street. Afterwards, he set it down and continued looking through the couch. He found a magazine before chucking it across the room.

“Ah, definitely not what I was looking for! … Ah ha!”

Eventually, Deadpool found what he was looking for. He pulled out a red and black checkered scarf. He wrapped it around and tied it behind his neck. He then grabbed a Santa hat that laid on the coffee table, putting it on his head.

“Now that I’m dressed, let’s go!” Said Deadpool.

(As much as I like the thought of going home, I don’t like having to sit on a train for three hours.)

“Don’t worry, we will just use the power of scene transition. Starting now…”

After a three hour ride (except in Deadpool’s case), a train stopped at a station in Manehattan. Deadpool got out of the passenger car, and took in the sites of his old home. The skyscrapers that made up the city stretched to the sky, chariots for carrying passengers and items alike filled the streets, and, just like with the streets, the sidewalks were jammed with hoof traffic. Deadpool took a deep breath, and exhaled.

“Ah! The fresh, polluted air of Manehattan! Feels great to be home! And I see our first stop to find that book Twilight wants.”

Deadpool crossed the street and headed towards a little shop called the "Golden Page Bookstore". As soon as he reached for the door, he heard a little click sound and the door didn’t open. He tried pulling on the door again, but it wouldn’t budge. He inspected the door and found a sign attached to the other side of the door that read "Closed for the Holidays."

“Damn it. This was the closest store to the train station that sold books. No problem, I have another store in mind. I’ll just find a cab and we’ll be on our way.”

Looking on each side of the street, Deadpool saw the telltale yellow chariot of a taxi pony coming from his left. He waved to get the cabbie’s attention, but the chariot went by and made the corner, disappearing from sight.

“He must have already got customers.” Fortunately for Deadpool, another cab was coming from where the previous cab went. “Hey! Taxi!”

Despite his shouting, another taxi eluded from Deadpool’s grasp.

“I’m starting to remember one of the reasons why I left Manehattan. Ponyville is so much friendlier than this place.”

Another taxi cab was coming by. Deadpool had to act quickly if he wanted to get to his destination. He noticed a lone soda can, tossed carelessly onto the street. As soon as the cabbie slowed down to make a turn, he threw the soda can right at the side of his head. The impact of the can caused the unfortunate cabbie to fall onto his side.

(Oh, god! Did we just kill him?!)

(We better not have. I doubt Twilight, Celestia, and our friends will be easy on us for killing a cabbie. And on Hearth’s Warming Eve no less.)

Deadpool rushed to the barely conscious cabbie, and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“What color is my suit?” Asked Deadpool.

“... Red and black,” Answered the cabbie, pain evident in his voice.

“Good. You don’t seem to have any noticeable brain trauma. Now, take me to East-Thirty First.” Deadpool stepped into the taxi, putting his back hooves up. “Oh, and I’m giving the taxi company you work for a poor review on Yelp. Two of your colleagues passed by me without so much as a ‘How do you do?’ Too bad Uber doesn’t exist here yet.”

“What’s Uber?”

“Forget about it! Start moving, pal!”

Wishing to not anger Deadpool any further, the cabbie galloped, taxi chariot in tow, to East-Thirty First. Thankfully, after a twenty minute journey, both stallions arrived at their destination. Deadpool got out of the cart and was about to go inside of a shop when the cabbie got his attention.

“You forgot to pay,” Said the cabbie.

“Money’s on the seat,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

Sure enough, the money was on the seat. There was also a picture of Deadpool drawn in crayon with the caption “Happy Hearth’s Warming.” Upon entering the shop, Deadpool went to a book section. He searched all of the shelves, but there was no sign of the book he was looking for.

“Not here either. I’m running out of time before I have to head back to Ponyville,” Said Deadpool frustratingly.

“Put it in the bag, now.”

Deadpool looked towards the counter where an earth pony stallion with a pistol stood. On the other side of the counter, a cashier was frantically shoving bits from the cash register into a burlap sack.

“C’mon, brah! It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve! Couldn’t you wait until December 26th to rob a store?”

Deciding to take action, Deadpool sneaked up on the guy from behind, and pulled out one of his pistols.

WHACK!

Using the barrel of his gun, Deadpool hit the guy from the back of his head, knocking him out. The cashier looked at Deadpool with awe; her eyes filled with adoration.

“No need to thank me. Consider that a special holiday gift. Now, back to the task at hoof, where am I going to find a copy of ‘A Hearth’s Warming Tale’ in under forty-five minutes?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

“Did you say ‘A Hearth’s Warming Tale?’" Asked the mare.

"Yeah. Why?"

"There’s a copy on display at the 'Antiquity Pages' store on the corner of 1st Road.”

“Convenient!” Deadpool looked at a clock on the wall behind the counter. The time was 5:15pm. “We have to hurry. The last train to Ponyville will arrive at six o’clock.”

(Guess we’ll have to look for another cab.)

“Fuck that! We’re taking the subway.”

In a hurry, Deadpool ran out of the shop to the nearest subway terminal, and hopped on a train. For the entire duration of the ride, passengers were staring at him. If you’re dressed the way Deadpool is, you’re bound to have people staring at you. After a fifteen minute ride, the train arrived at the station on 1st Road. Deadpool was getting up from his seat when he heard a mare cry out in distress.

“Somepony, stop him!”

A male pegasus was flying towards the train exit, purse in hoof. As soon as the thief got close enough, Deadpool stuck out his arm, clotheslining the thief. He fell to the floor from the sudden attack, allowing Deadpool to pick up the purse and hand it to a mare who had followed the thief.

“Here’s your purse. Happy Holidays!”

As soon as everyone left the train, Deadpool began to walk out of the train when the doors closed on the back of his scarf. To his dismay, the train began to move.

“Wait! Someone help!” Cried Deadpool.

Going as fast as a speeding bullet, the train set course through a tunnel.

One hour later…

After going around an entire loop, the train arrived back at the station. Deadpool was still stuck to the side of the train, looking like he went through hell and back. The doors finally opened, causing him to fall onto the ground. To add onto his pain, he was trampled by other ponies.

“Oh, God! That was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced in this city! We were going so fast.” Deadpool muttered some words, which were unintelligible. “I swear we entered the Speed Force! The worst part was at every station until now, I couldn’t get free because of a farce.”

(At least everypony on the train looking out the window had something to look at.)

“You suck!”

After stumbling out of the subway and through the streets, Deadpool arrived at Antiquity Pages. He didn’t have to search for long, sitting on a display table was a copy of “A Hearth's Warming Tale.” The book had a leather cover, was about six inches by four inches, and was engraved in gold cursive.

“Ah! Thank Celestia! Next year, I’m getting a gift card.”

When Deadpool grabbed the book, another hoof grabbed it at the same time. Looking straight ahead, he saw the hoof was connected to a blue unicorn mare with a purple mane and tail.

“Excuse me Miss, but my hoof was on here first,” Informed Deadpool politely.

“I’m sorry, but my hoof was on it first,” Said the mare.

“I’m getting this as a gift for a friend. Please let go.”

“It’s the last book I need for my collection of Carol Winter’s short stories, so I need to ask you to let go."

“Look, I got stuck to the side of a TRAIN for this book. I will pay you for it.”

“Sorry you have been through that, but I have been searching for a long time to get a copy of this quality. Perhaps I can pay you instead?”

“...”

BANG! BANG!

Losing his patience, Deadpool shot at the ceiling twice, causing the mare to run off in terror. He then made his way to a counter, where a cashier was hiding behind in fear.

“I would like to buy this book. Make it quick.”

After purchasing the book, Deadpool walked out of the store satisfied.

“Yes! This nightmare of a shopping trip is over! Now, how am I going to get home since I missed the train to Ponyville?” Pondered Deadpool.

The next day, Hearth’s Warming officially arrived. Twilight, Spike and the rest of the Mane Six were in the main library celebrating. The group was conversing amongst each other when Rarity asked an important question.

“Twilight, where’s Deadpool?” Asked Rarity.

“I don’t know. He’s been gone since yesterday. I hope he is alright,” Answered Twilight.

THUD!

Hearing a thud come from the opposite end of the room, the girls quickly noticed Deadpool. He was covered in ashes and soot, and laid in front of a fireplace before getting up.

“Merry Fuckin' Hearth’s Warming!”

Everyone was taken aback by Deadpool’s use of language and appearance.

“I’m (coughs) going to put this under the tree, and while you all open presents, I am going to drown my pain and misery in eggnog.”

"Where did the fireplace come from?” Asked Twilight to herself.

After dropping off Twilight’s gift and shaking the soot off of his suit, Deadpool walked over to a refreshment table and poured a big glass of eggnog. He lifted his mask up slightly, and began to chug the holiday drink down. Over with his friends, Twilight was the first to grab a present from the tree with her telekinesis. It was the gift Deadpool got for her. Despite his gift-wrapping skills, Deadpool did a good job with wrapping her gift. With a surprised look on her face, Twilight made her way to Deadpool.

“You got me a present?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course. You gave me a home and friendship despite the fact I was a complete stranger. This is a little something to show you my gratitude for your kindness,” Answered Deadpool.

Using her magic to unwrap the paper, Twilight lit up upon seeing her book.

“You trickster! You got me a copy of ‘A Hearth’s Warming Tale'?!” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, you said you loved reading that story every Hearth’s Warming Eve, so I went to Manehattan yesterday to get it. I hope you like it,” Said Deadpool.

To his surprise, Twilight hugged him. He returned the hug graciously.

“Thanks, Wade!” Said Twilight happily.

“(Chuckles) No problem, Twi,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, wait right here! I got something for you as well.”

Twilight trotted upstairs, and used her magic to grab a long, wrapped present from her room. She then met back up with Deadpool.

“You actually got me something?” Asked Deadpool in disbelief.

“Of course! You are my friend after all,” Answered Twilight.

Deadpool unwrapped his gift and opened the box containing his gift - two pistols.

“Pistols? I thought you weren’t the lethal type, Twilight?” Questioned Deadpool.

“I understand the confusion, just hear me out. I was thinking about how now you are going towards a more heroic path, you should change your arsenal. Since you are already used to using weapons like pistols, though, I decided to give you a better alternative. With the help of Princess Celestia’s magic and some of the best weapon makers in Equestria, I had these pistols made. Instead of bullets, they fire magical energy that can only knockout opponents at best. Although, if need be, you can set it so they act like normal bullets. Just promise me you will only ever use that when given no other option.”

“... I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Twilight! I vow to only use the best, or I guess worst, of these badass weapons of holiness if the situation demands it!”

Deadpool gave Twilight a hug, to which she reciprocated. Deadpool put his old pistols in his magic satchel, and holstered his new ones.

“Hey, Deadpool, look up,” Said Twilight.

“Huh?”

Deadpool looked up as instructed, and saw hanging under the door frame was some mistletoe.

“Ha ha! Wow! That is conveniently located where we are standing for a critical plot-”

MUAH!

(GASP!)

Twilight kissed Deadpool right on the cheek, causing him to blush.

“Merry Hearth's Warming, Wade.”

Twilight walked off to join with the rest of her friends, carrying a smile on her face.

“Hell fuckin' yeah…!” Whispered Deadpool to himself.

(Are you going to ask her out?)

“Yup! Just have to wait for the right time. Let’s go join everyone in the festivities.”

As he started to walk off, Deadpool turned towards you, the reader.

“It may be October, but Merry Hearth’s Warming! Or I guess in your case, Merry Christmas! Hope you’re ready, because in the next chapter, we will be focusing on the third season of the My Little Pony Friendship is Magic series.”

The End.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed this very early holiday chapter. As Deadpool just said, the next chapter will take place in season three of the show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic." Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 14: Return of a Crystal Kingdom Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 14: Return of a Crystal Kingdom Part One

At Canterlot Castle, Celestia was sitting on her throne, signing some papers. Suddenly, a guard came running into the throne room.

“News from Northern Equestria! Uh… Your Highness,” Addressed the guard.

“Yes?” Questioned Celestia.

“I am simply to tell you that ‘it’ has returned.”

Princess Celestia gasped in shock, knowing what the guard was referring to.

“Find Princess Cadance and Shining Armor,” Ordered Celestia.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

As the guard, along with two others, ran to find Cadance and Shining Armor, Princess Celestia began writing a letter.

“My Dearest Twilight, you must come to Canterlot at once…”

A little while later, at the Golden Oak Library, Twilight was pacing around the main library, frantically searching for various items, including writing quills and various reference books. All of her friends were watching with concern.

“So, see what I was talking about?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah, Twilight gets like this whenever there is a test,” Answered Applejack.

Spike had the courage to walk up to Twilight. Unfortunately for him, he was crushed by a large book.

“Flash cards! I should make some flash cards.” Twilight went to a desk and pulled out a drawer containing flash cards. As soon as Spike got out from under the book, he had to grab two stacks of cards as tall as he is. “Spike, I’m gonna need you to quiz me on everything. Everything I’ve ever learned. EVER… This isn’t going to be enough cards.”

“Twilight, calm down. It’s just a test,” Said Spike.

Twilight stopped dead in her tracks.

“... Excuse me?”

“He’s right, it’s just a test,” Said Deadpool as he walked over to Spike.

“Just a test? JUST A TEST?! Princess Celestia wants to give me some kind of exam, and you both are trying to tell me to calm down because ‘it’s just a test?!’” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

“... Yes,” Said Spike and Deadpool in unison.

During Twilight’s fuming banter, she backed up Deadpool and Spike into a wall. She was so enraged that her horn startled to glow and crackle with magical energy.

“I’d say she’s handling things pretty well, considerin’-”

“URGH!”

KA-BOOM!

Applejack didn’t have enough time to finish her sentence before Twilight created a magical explosion that was so powerful, it caused her tree house to get uprooted into the air before being brought back down by gravity.

(Not going to lie, I was scared just writing that.)

A few hours later…

Princesses Celestia and Princess Luna were looking at the stained glass art that adorned the walls of the throne room.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go as well?” Asked Luna.

“Yes. Princess Cadance and Shining Armor are already there. The others will be joining them soon," Answered Celestia.

“The Empire’s magic is powerful. It cannot fall again, my sister.”

“She will succeed at her task. And when she does, we’ll know that she is that much closer to being ready.”

“Ahem.”

Twilight was standing at the entrance of the throne room. She was carrying saddlebags full of writing supplies.

“Trust me, little sister,” Said Celestia.

Luna left the throne room as Twilight walked up to Celestia.

“You wanted to see me? To give me a test? I brought my own quills and plenty of paper to show my work.” As she was walking, Twilight accidentally dropped all of her stuff. “Sorry! Sorry!”

“This is a different kind of test. The Crystal Empire has returned,” Said Celestia.

“The Crystal Empire? I’m sorry, I-I thought I’d studied. Ooh, I don’t think there’s anything in any of my books th-”

“There wouldn’t be. Few remember it ever existed at all. Even my knowledge of the Empire is limited.”

Celestia grabbed, fittingly, a crystal from a display case, and placed it on the floor. She cast a spell to cause it to form into a map of the Crystal Empire. It was large, and the most noticeable POI was a large castle at the center of the land.

“But what I do know is that it contains a powerful magic. One thousand years ago, King Sombra, a unicorn whose heart was black as night, took over the Crystal Empire."

One thousand years ago...

King Sombra was overlooking the formerly conquered Crystal Empire. He was a dark grey unicorn with a spiky, black mane and tail. His horn was smooth but sharp at the tip, and the top half is crimson red. His eyes were green with red irises and purple mist emanated from them. His smile was wicked, baring two sharp fangs. He wore silver armor on his neck and legs, a silver crown with sharp points sat atop his head, and wore a red cape over his back and flank. He watched countless ponies marching in shackles. Suddenly, silhouettes of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna flew above, and cast a beam of magic onto Sombra, causing him to turn into shadow and disappear.

“He was ultimately overthrown, turned into shadow, and banished to the ice of the Arctic North. But not before he was able to put a curse upon the Empire. A curse that caused it to vanish into thin air," Said Celestia.

Present day...

"If the Empire is filled with hope and love, those things are reflected across all of Equestria. If hatred and fear take hold…”

Celestia briefly used dark magic to summon inky black crystals, representing what would happen to Equestria if fear and hatred take over. She then destroyed the crystals.

“Which is why I need your help finding a way to protect it,” Said Celestia.

“You want me to help protect an entire empire?” Asked Twilight in disbelief.

“It is, as I said, a different kind of test. But one I’m certain you will pass.”

“... How do I begin?” Asked Twilight determinedly.

“By joining Princess Cadance and Shining Armor in the Crystal Empire.”

“My brother is there?”

“He is. And your Ponyville friends and Deadpool will join you there as well. I have every confidence you will succeed. And when you do, I’ll know you are ready to move on to the next level of your studies.”

“But what if I fail?”

“You won’t.”

“But what if-”

“You won’t. But Twilight, in the end, it must be you and you alone who ultimately assists Princess Cadance and Shining Armor in doing what needs to be done to protect the Empire. Do you understand?”

“Mm-hmm!”

“Then go. There is no time to lose.”

Twilight walked out of the throne room with a determined look on her face. After a long walk back to the train station, she met up with her friends.

“Twilight! Uh, did you pass?” Asked Applejack.

“Are we gonna celebrate your awesomeness with Princess Celestia?”

Pinkie Pie pulled out her party cannon and jumped with the confetti that was launched.

“Not quite,” Said Twilight.

Pinkie and the confetti floated back down. The confetti surprisingly landed back into the cannon.

“We’re going to the Crystal Empire!”

“Huh?” Cried Twilight’s friends.

“The Crystal Meth Empire?” Asked Deadpool.

(Just Crystal Empire. Methhead.)

“Damn! I was hoping to go to a kingdom of drugs. That would be one less thing on my bucket list.”

(Why do we have a bucket list? We can’t die.)

“No matter. I’m up for an adventure. Drugs or no drugs.”

A little while later, a train was travelling across a barren, snowy landscape. It stopped at a nearby station and when the doors opened, Twilight and co stepped out. As soon as everyone but Deadpool and Rarity stepped out, they shuddered at how cold the environment was.

“Ha! And you all made fun of me for packing so many scarves,” Said Rarity.

“Yeah, well, I only need one scarf. Not fifty like you, Rarity,” Said Deadpool.

Spike was the unfortunate one who had to carry all of Rarity’s suitcases. He accidentally slipped stepping off the train, dropping the suitcases, their items spilling out. He chased after them in order to retrieve them.

“Twilight!”

A faint but familiar voice could be heard in the distance.

“Shining Armor?” Shouted Twilight.

A figure stepped out of the falling snow. After removing a pair of goggles and a scarf, they were revealed to be Twilight’s brother, Shining Armor.

“Twily! You made it!” Both siblings rushed over and hugged each other. “We’d better get moving. There are things out here we really don’t want to run into after dark,” Said Shining Armor.

“What kind of things?” Asked Fluttershy fearfully, an audible gulp coming out of her throat.

“Let’s just say the Empire isn’t the only thing that’s returned,” Said Shining Armor.

The group of heroes were trudging through the snow. A strong gale blew across the land, stirring up snow. Deadpool decided to ask a question. He had to speak up, so he could be heard over the wind.

“What is this… ‘thing’ that has returned?” Asked Deadpool.

“Something keeps trying to get into the Empire. We think it’s the unicorn king who originally cursed the place,” Answered Shining Armor.

“But Princess Celestia said I was being sent here to find a way to protect the Empire. If King Sombra can’t get in, then it must already be protected,” Reasoned Twilight.

Suddenly, a ghastly howl could be heard from behind the group. Fluttershy gasped out of fear.

“Th-That’s one of the things, isn’t it?” Fluttershy asked fearfully.

“Guh. We have to get to the Crystal Empire, now!”

As soon as Shining Armor stopped talking, a giant, black tornado formed behind the group. It had eyes - Sombra’s eyes. Everyone but Spike ran off; he was frozen with fear. Shining Armor quickly ran back and used his telekinesis to grab Spike, causing him to let go of Rarity’s stuff. Shining Armor then tossed the baby dragon on Twilight’s back. The group was making good pace. They could see a light blue force field in the distance.

“Almost there,” Said Shining Armor.

As the girls and Spike ran off, Shining Armor and Deadpool stayed behind to combat the tornado.

BANG! BANG!

Shining Armor cast a beam of magic while Deadpool fired a barrage of magic bullets at the tornado. The tornado simply phased through the attacks. Before both ponies could react, it lunged at them. Meanwhile, the girls made it through the force field. Everyone was catching their breath.

“Everypony okay?” Asked Twilight out of breath.

Everyone nodded to answer yes. Two ponies leapt through the force field - Deadpool and Shining Armor. The latter didn’t look the same. His horn was covered in miniature black crystals.

“Oh, no! Shining Armor, your horn!” Said Twilight out of concern.

Shining Armor tried to light his horn, but his magic was sparking with black electricity.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. Thanks for asking,” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

“Sparkleriffic!” Said Pinkie Pie in excitement.

The whole group walked over to a gate and saw the Crystal Empire. The buildings were made of a rock with crystal like properties, and at the center was the castle, serving as a beacon to the whole empire. After taking in the sites, the group made their way to the castle.

“It’s gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous! There are no words!” Said Rarity excitedly.

“Focus, Rarity. We’re here to help Twilight, not admire the scenery,” Said Applejack.

“Eh, I don’t see what the big deal is. Just looks like another old castle to me,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“A-p-guh! Another old…! Have you lost your mind?! Look at the magni-”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash were both laughing at Rarity’s reaction.

“Very funny,” Said Rarity sarcastically.

Inside the castle’s throne room, Princess Cadance was sitting on a throne of blue and purple crystals. She had her horn lit and looked completely exhausted. She was dozing on and off until everyone walked in.

“Cadance!” Cried Twilight.

Seeing Twilight, Cadance met up with her and both greeted each other with their cheer.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

They both laughed happily.

“One of these days we need to get together when the fate of Equestria isn’t hanging in the balance,” Said Cadance.

Cadance sighed in exhaustion.

“Are you okay?” Asked Twilight.

“Cadance has been able to use her magic to spread love and light. That seems to be what is protecting the Empire. But she hasn’t slept, barely eats. I want to help her, but my protection spell has been countered by King Sombra,” Said Shining Armor.

Cadance took a deep breath before speaking.

“It’s alright Shining Armor, I’m fine.”

“She’s NOT fine. She can’t go on like this forever, and if her magic were to fade… Well, you saw who’s waiting for that to happen,” Said Shining Armor grimly

“That’s why we’re here,” Said Twilight.

“Why we’re all here,” Added Applejack.

Everyone else agreed with Applejack.

“Well, with Cadance putting all her strength into keeping her spell going, and me trying to keep an eye on signs of trouble in the arctic, we haven’t been able to gather much information from the Crystal Ponies,” Said Shining Armor.

“Crystal Ponies?! Hahaha, there are Crystal Ponies?!” When Rarity realized she was being stared at by her friends, she tried to divert attention from herself. “Um, ahem. Please continue.”

“But we have to believe one of them knows how we can protect the Empire without having to use Cadance’s magic,” Said Shining Armor.

At that moment, Twilight came up with an idea.

“A research paper!” Said Twilight.

“Huh?” Questioned Shining Armor.

“That must be part of my test - to gather information from the Crystal Ponies and deliver it to you! This is gonna be great! I love research papers!”

“Leave me out of this. I’m a high school dropout. I don't do research papers," Said Deadpool.

“Don’t worry, big brother. I am really good at this sort of thing,” Said Twilight.

A few minutes later, Twilight Sparkle and Spike were standing outside of a house, talking to a local. Despite being called the Crystal Ponies, the mare at the door didn’t look like she was made of crystal. She looked like the average pony, and she looked depressed.

“Are you sure? Absolutely sure?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help you. But I… can’t seem to remember anything before King Sombra came to power.” Suddenly, King Sombra’s eyes flashed in the mare’s mind, terrifying her. “And I don’t want to remember anything about the time he ruled over us.” The mare then shuddered in fear.

“King Sombra’s spell must be why their coats aren’t… crystally,” Whispered Twilight to Spike.

“Have we really been gone for a thousand years?”

“Yes.”

“It feels like it was just yesterday.”

“If you think of anything, even the smallest thing…”

“Of course.”

The mare walked back inside and shut the door behind her.

“Well, that was a bust,” Said Spike exasperatedly.

“Maybe the others are having better luck,” Said Twilight optimistically.

After some time, everyone met back up outside of the castle.

“I got nothing so far,” Said Rainbow with a sigh.

“Oh, me neither,” Added Rarity.

Fluttershy walked up to Twilight. She grabbed the top of her own head and revealed Pinkie Pie in disguise.

“My cover has been blown. I repeat, my cover has been blown!” Said Pinkie.

“Ooookay? What about you, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m not Wade! I’m…” Deadpool ripped off his suit, revealing himself in his suit. “Deadpool!”

Twilight facepalmed out of exasperation.

“I have two of the weirdest friends,” Muttered Twilight.

“Sorry, Twilight. These crystal ponies seem to have some kind of collective amnesia or somethin’. Only thing I was able to get out of ‘em was somethin’ about a library,” Said Applejack.

Twilight gasped out of pure excitement before growing the largest smile on her face.

“A library?! Well, why didn’t you say so?!” Asked Twilight.

“Uh… thought I just did,” Said Applejack.

Twilight ran off to find the library. After a couple minutes of searching, she and the rest of her friends managed to find the library. Once inside, there were shelves that towered over everyone and they seemed to stretch for miles.

“I just… I don’t even know what to… There are no words!” Said Twilight joyfully.

“Ahem. May I help you?”

Everyone looked to the right and saw an elderly mare. She appeared to be the librarian.

“Yes. We’re looking for a book," Said Twilight.

“We have plenty of those,” Said the librarian.

“You do. You really do,” Said Twilight blissfully.

“We’re lookin’ for a history book. Somethin’ that might tell us how the Empire might’ve protected itself from danger back in the day,” Explained Applejack.

“Yes. Of course. History, history… Ah, yes.”

A few seconds went by, and the librarian said nothing. After sitting in awkward silence, Twilight decided to speak up.

“Which is where, exactly?” Asked Twilight.

“I… I can’t seem to remember. I’m not sure I actually work here,” Said the librarian.

“How long has the Crystal Empire been gone for?” Asked Deadpool.

“One thousand years,” Answered Twilight.

“She definitely looks like she is a thousand years old.”

His comment earned Deadpool a punch to the shoulder by Twilight.

“We’ll just take a look around. I’m sure we can find it on our own,” Said Twilight confidently.

“Let me know if you find anything,” Said the librarian.

“I like her!” Said Pinkie.

Everyone began searching throughout the library for the book they were looking for. They went through multiple shelves, and eventually everyone started to get tired. Deadpool was already asleep against a shelf with a book on top of his head.

“Uh, anyone else startin’ to think this is a lost cause?” Asked Applejack.

“No, no, no, no, no… Yes!”

After combing through various titles, Twilight found the book they were looking for. It had a leather cover and, well, three crystals. Because it’s about the Crystal Empire.

“'History of the Crystal Empire'. I just hope it has the answers we need,” Said Twilight.

After checking out the book, Twilight was with her brother, sister-in-law, and Spike in the throne room. She was going through the contents of the book with them, even though Cadance was dozing.

“A ‘Crystal Faire.’ According to this book, it was established by the first queen and became their most important tradition. The Faire was held every year to ‘renew the spirit of love and unity in the Empire so they could protect it from harm.’ My friends and I could put it together. Everything we need to know is in the book!” Said Twilight.

“That sounds pretty promising,” Said Shining Armor.

“We’ll get started right away. C’mon, Spike, we’ve got a Crystal Faire to put together.”

After a long day of planning and setting up, the group of friends put together a Crystal Faire. It was going to be held outside of the castle, where multiple tents and food tables were set up, to name a few.

“It looks amazing! I don’t know how I could’ve done this without you! One last check to make sure everything is in place, and then the festivities can begin!” Said Twilight.

“What’s this thing for?”

Applejack was pointing at what looked like a carved statue of a heart on top of a crystal.

“The last page of the book mentioned a Crystal Heart as the faire’s centerpiece, so I used my magic to cut one out of a crystal block,” Said Twilight.

“Nice work, Twi. Think we’re ready to get this faire up and runnin’,” Said Applejack.

Once everything was ready, Twilight, Shining Armor, and Princess Cadance walked onto a balcony overlooking the Crystal Empire. Deadpool and Pinkie Pie were also there towards the back, holding flugelhorns; horns that have two bells instead of one. Twilight started to address the citizens of the Crystal Empire.

“Hear ye, hear-”

ER-EEE, EEE-EH!

Both Deadpool and Pinkie blew their horns, creating terrible sounds.

(Christ! What awful noises! And I don’t even have ears!)

Both ponies stopped when they were being stared at.

“Ahem. Hear ye, hear ye! Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor do cordially invite you to attend the Crystal Faire!” Said Twilight.

This got the Crystal Ponies’ attention. Some of them magically changed into having brighter shades of colors.

“Come on in, y’all. Got food and drinks that way, games and crafts that way, and the Crystal Heart to the back near the Princess,” Said Applejack.

“Did she say… Crystal Heart?” Asked some ponies.

As everyone settled in, a duo of mares were talking to each other.

“Seeing all of this, I feel like I’m starting to remember. Remember things from before the king,” Said one of the mares.

“Me too,” Said the other mare.

“The Crystal Heart!” Said the mares in unison.

The mares’ coats looked brighter, and they seemed to have their memories restored.

“Do you think they really have it?”

Just then, Rainbow Dash chimed in.

“Of course we have it! Can’t have a Crystal Faire without the Crystal Heart, right?” Asked Rainbow rhetorically.

The librarian from earlier decided to join in on the conversation as well.

“Of course you can’t. The whole purpose of the Crystal Faire is to lift the spirits of the Crystal Ponies, so the light within them can power the Crystal Heart, so that the Empire can be protected!” The librarian’s coat and memories returned. “I do work at the library!”

“W-What’s that about powering the heart?’” Asked Rainbow.

“I just can’t believe you found it. King Sombra said he’d hidden it away where we would never see it again! I only hope it will still be as powerful after all these years… Mm, funnel cake!”

The librarian walked away, leaving a nervous Rainbow Dash.

“Oof. Big oofs,” Said Deadpool from afar.

Rainbow Dash flew into the air and grabbed a flag. She then landed beside the “Crystal Heart” and covered it as well as Twilight, who was standing next to it.

“Why did you-”

“I think we have a problem.”

After Rainbow Dash explained the situation, she, Twilight, Shining Armor, and Cadance were on the balcony, where Twilight was panicking.

“I didn’t know it was an actual relic! The book didn’t mention anything about the Crystal Ponies powering the Heart!” Twilight looked through the book and realized the last page was torn out. “There was a page missing… How did I not notice?!”

“It’s alright, Twilight.”

Cadance without warning became dizzy and fainted on the spot. Luckily, Shining Armor caught her.

“Twily…”

Without Cadance using her spell, the force field disappeared. A black smog circled around the Crystal Empire. A face then appeared, Sombra’s, and he had a wicked smile.

To be continued...

Chapter 14: Return of a Crystal Kingdom Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 14: Return of a Crystal Kingdom Part Two

The smog surrounding the Crystal Empire moved closer, and King Sombra’s head emerged from it.

“The Empire is under attack!”

Shining Armor got Cadance out of unconsciousness, and she used her magic to reform the force field.

“Arrgh!”

Sombra tried to get in, but as the force field rose up, the tip of his horn broke off and fell onto the other side. After completing the spell, Cadance began to struggle to stay conscious. Just then, Deadpool ran out onto the balcony.

“Guys! You all saw that Sombra just barely got into the Crystal Empire, right?!” Asked Deadpool.

(Ha! Som-bra! His name has bra in it!)

“I have to find the Crystal Heart!” Said Shining Armor.

“No, you stay here with Cadance. She needs you, Shining Armor. I'll retrieve the Heart,” Said Twilight.

“Let’s do this!” Shouted Rainbow Dash.

Twilight, Deadpool, and Rainbow Dash ran through the halls of the castle. Twilight spoke to her friends along the way.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how I’m meant to pass Celestia’s test. Retrieving the Crystal Heart must be it. But there is something you two can do.”

“Name it,” Said Rainbow.

“You two and the rest of our friends have to keep the Faire going.”

“What?! With that thing moving into the Empire?!”

“May I go kick Sombra’s ass instead? I promise to not go after the Crystal Heart if I can fight Sombra,” Said Deadpool.

“No. It’s more important that you and Rainbow Dash keep the Faire going. The whole purpose of the Crystal Faire is to lift the spirits of the Crystal Ponies, so they can activate the Crystal Heart,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, and?”

“If the Crystal Ponies find out that King Sombra is trying to take over the Empire again, their spirits are gonna be anything but lifted. It won’t matter if I find the Crystal Heart. They won’t be able to make it work. You have to keep them happy here at the Faire.”

“Keep the Faire going and the Crystal Ponies’ spirits high. Done and done!” Said Rainbow.

By the time they were done talking, the three friends were outside. Shining Armor was watching them from above.

“Twily, be careful,” Said Shining Armor.

“I will,” Replied Twilight.

Unbeknownst to everyone, the top of Sombra’s horn phased into the ground and grew into a small, black crystal. As Twilight was walking through the streets, she noticed her friends were keeping everyone busy and away from the fake Crystal Heart. After looking back at the castle, an idea popped into her head.

“Twilight, wait!”

Twilight looked behind her and saw her dragon assistant, Spike, trying to catch up to her. He eventually caught up and had to catch his breath.

“I’m coming with you,” Said Spike.

“You can’t. I have to retrieve the Crystal Heart myself,” Said Twilight.

“I know. I promise I won’t lift a claw to help you.”

After contemplating her decision, Twilight sighed in defeat.

“Not a claw, Spike.”

Twilight grabbed Spike, put him on her back, and ran back towards the castle.

“Where are we going exactly?” Asked Spike.

“I think I might know where King Sombra hid the Crystal Heart.”

Twilight gestured towards the castle. Spike looked at it in confusion.

“The castle?” Questioned Spike.

“The king would’ve been counting on the fact that nopony would dare come looking for it here. They’d have been too afraid to even try,” Explained Twilight.

“I hope you’re right.”

“You and me both.”

Meanwhile, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were keeping guard over the fake heart, so no one would try to look at it since it was kept covered by the flag. Applejack noticed Rainbow was going overboard, though. She was scaring everyone away who was even close to it.

“Uh, Rainbow Dash? We’re supposed to be actin’ like nothing’s wrong,” Said Applejack.

“Exactly,” Said Rainbow.

A stallion was walking up to where the fake crystal heart was when he bumped into something. He looked up, and saw the red and black clad hero, Deadpool, standing in front of him. The hero had both of his guns aimed right at the stallion.

"Back away from the Crystal Heart!" Demanded Deadpool.

Complying to his request, the stallion ran away.

"Wade! Ya can't threaten people with guns!" Scolded Applejack.

"In the words of Don Cheadle, these won't kill anyone, but they won't tickle either," Said Deadpool.

“You two should let me keep the Crystal Ponies away from the fake Heart, while y'all entertain the crowd.”

“Huh. Seeing my awesomeness does have a way of putting ponies into a pretty good mood. Hey, Wade!” Said Rainbow.

“Yeah?”

“Want to be my jousting opponent?”

“Fuck yeah!”

Meanwhile, Twilight was running all over the castle trying to find the Crystal Heart.

“It’s gotta be here somewhere. It’s just gotta be!” Said Twilight

Spike noticed a carpet that looked like it was tampered with. He was about to lift it when he was stopped by Twilight.

“Not a claw, Spike. Celestia’s orders.”

Continuing her search, Twilight was about to pass the throne room when she remembered something Celestia told her.

'If the Empire is filled with hope and love, those things are reflected across all of Equestria. If hatred and fear take hold...’

“Of course!”

Stopping dead in her tracks, Spike accidentally ran into Twilight from behind.

“What? Did you find it?” Asked Spike.

“No. Because this isn’t King Sombra’s castle,” Answered Twilight.

“Well, isn’t this where he lived when he was in power?”

“It is. But it didn’t look like this.”

Focusing intensely, Twilight was able to perform the same dark magic spell Celestia used on the throne. The crystal on top of the throne cast a shadow on the floor, revealing a hidden spiral staircase. Twilight clapped her hooves in excitement.

“Whoa. When did you learn to do that?” Asked Spike.

“That was a little trick Celestia taught me,” Answered Twilight.

Looking down, the staircase seemed to go on forever. Twilight lit up her horn, and made her way down.

“You stay here,” Ordered Twilight.

“Huh, if you insist.”

Watching Twilight go down the stairs, Spike asked her a question.

“Can you see what’s down there yet?” Asked Spike, his voice echoing down the deep stairwell.

“Not yet. I can’t even tell how far down this goes!”

To test how far down the stairs went, Twilight pulled a black rock from the wall and dropped it. She tried to listen for a sound, but nothing occurred. To her surprise, after eight whole seconds of waiting, she heard the rock hit the ground.

“Spike?” Called Twilight.

“Yeah?” Replied Spike.

“Can you see outside?”

Spike looked out a window and saw to his horror that the force field began to fade again. Sombra for a brief second was able to turn the front gate of the Empire into black crystals.

“Yesss… Crystalsss…” Hissed Sombra.

“It’s not good! Cadance’s magic must be fading faster than before!” Said Spike.

After hearing that, Twilight began to ran down the stairs. The stairs were unstable, though, and a step broke, causing her to fall down the rest of the stairs. She managed to catch herself with her magic before she hit her head. When she opened her eyes, she saw she had made it to the bottom.

“Twilight? Are you okay?” Asked Spike.

“Yes…”

After looking around, Twilight found a lone door. She walked up to open it, but it moved.

“What in the…”

She tried again, but it moved again.

“Stop… moving!”

The door kept sliding all over the wall until Twilight used the dark magic spell again to open it. On the other side, there was only a bright, white light.

“Spike, I think it’s here!”

Twilight ran inside, wasting no time. Once she entered through the door, she was in… Celestia’s throne room? It was empty. No one but Twilight was inside.

“Huh?”

“What are YOU doing here?”

Twilight turned around and found Princess Celestia. But she was different, she was... angry.

“I don’t know! I opened the door and-”

“And now you must GO.”

“Go where?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. You failed the test, Twilight!”

Twilight’s heart almost stopped when she heard what her teacher said.

“I don’t understand! The test?”

“Not only will you NOT move on to the next level of your studies, you won’t continue your studies AT ALL!”

“I… You didn’t say anything about no longer being your student if I failed!”

“Didn’t I?”

“But… what do I do now?”

Laughter could be heard from the room, King Sombra’s wicked laugh. Twilight broke down into tears on the spot.

“Twilight! Twilight? Twilight! Twiiiiilight!”

Twilight came out of some trance with a gasp, and realized she was standing in front of the door she had gone in. She also saw Spike had gone down after her.

“I know you told me to stay up there, but you were here for such a long time and you weren’t answering and I got worried, so I came down here and you were just staring at that wall and… I was calling your name, but I couldn’t seem to get your attention, and… What were you looking at? I mean… it’s just a wall.”

Twilight stood aside as Spike looked inside the door. Suddenly, his eyes glowed green, and he began to see things.

“Ponyville? How did I get… No! I don’t wanna go! Please, Twilight, don’t make me!”

SLAM!

Seeing enough, Twilight slammed the door, snapping Spike out of his trance.

“King Sombra’s dark magic. A doorway that leads to your worst fear,” Said Twilight.

“We were home. You told me you didn’t need me anymore. You were sending me away…”

Twilight brought Spike into an embrace.

“A fear that will never come to pass. I’m never gonna send you away. And I’m not gonna fail my test!”

Using her normal magic, Twilight opened the door and revealed… even more stairs; this time, going up.

“What’s in there?” Asked Spike.

“Stairs. Lots and lots of stairs. Maybe you should come with me this time.”

Twilight and Spike began to climb up the stairs with confident looks on their faces. Meanwhile, Cadance was starting to lose consciousness again. Outside the force field, Sombra’s horn regenerated and he spread his shadows further into the Crystal Empire. After some preparations, Rainbow Dash and Deadpool were ready for their jousting match. They were armored up, had lances in hoof, and stood on opposite sides of a track. A crowd had gathered to watch the match.

“Are you ready, Deadpool?” Asked Rainbow.

“That’s Sir Dead of the House of Pool to you. And yes, I am ready!” Answered Deadpool confidently.

“Good!”

Once a horn was played by Pinkie Pie, both combatants charged at each other, full speed. Once they closed in on each other, they striked.

“Gah!”

“Oooh!” Cried the crowd painfully.

Deadpool missed, and Rainbow Dash struck him dead on. Her lance managed to slip though Deadpool’s armor plating, stabbing him in the shoulder.

“Wade, are you okay?” Asked Rainbow.

“Of course not! I just had my fuckin' shoulder stabbed by a medieval pointy thing!” Answered Deadpool angrily.

“I hope Twilight has found the Crystal Heart. After this, no pony will want to watch jousting again for a while.”

Unbeknownst to everyone, some houses had turned into dark crystals by King Sombra’s magic. Meanwhile, Twilight and Spike were struggling up the stairs. No matter how high they go, there seemed to be no end.

“What if this is more of his magic? He makes a door to your worst nightmare. Why not a staircase that goes on forever?” Asked Spike, panting with every step.

After looking up at even more stairs, Twilight came up with an idea. She grabbed Spike and put him on her back.

“Hold on to me.”

Twilight used her magic to lift herself and Spike upside down and onto the underside of the stairs. Because the underside was flat, they began to slide down, effectively going up the steps. Meanwhile, King Sombra’s magic was changing the Crystal Empire at an even faster rate. More and more of the Empire was turning into black crystals. Some of the Crystal Ponies took notice and reverted back to their previous state of dull coats. All of them ran up to the Crystal Heart, which wasn’t there, but Applejack was keeping everyone back.

“Excuse me, pardon me…” Rarity managed to move through the crowd and whispered to Applejack. “I am running out of weaving materials for the traditional crafts booth! I just made a hat out of three pieces of hay and a drinking straw! I made it work. But still!”

“We gotta do everything we can to keep this thing goin’. The Princess isn’t looking so good. I can’t imagine her magic is gonna last much longer. It’s gonna be fine. These ponies are gonna power up the Crystal Heart when the time comes, and we won’t be needin’ her magic anyway,” Said Applejack

“I sure hope that time comes soon! Even I can’t keep this party going forever!”

The girls turned around and saw Pinkie Pie balancing on a ball, juggling flugelhorns? Suddenly, she slipped, causing the ball to hit the fake Crystal Heart. It slid into the crowd, and it shattered into little pieces.

“This isn't’ the Crystal Heart,” Said a pony.

Rarity laughed nervously, trying to come up with an explanation for the fake Crystal Heart.

“Oh, of course it isn’t. The real one is-”

“On it’s way!” Shouted Applejack.

“I was going to say ‘being polished’ to buy us more time.”

“Oops.”

In the distance, King Sombra’s laugh could be heard throughout the Empire.

“It’s… It’s him!” Cried the Crystal Ponies in fear.

“Crystal Heart…” Bellowed King Sombra.

Meanwhile, Twilight and Spike were still sliding down the underside of the stairs.

“Whoooooahahaha! I actually studied gravity spells, thinking it might be on my test! Turns out I was prepared for this!” Said Twilight in excitement.

Eventually, they reached the end, and Twilight reversed the gravity spell, so she and Spike were right-side up. Afterwards, they saw what they were looking for - the Crystal Heart. It was held in a tower overlooking the Empire. The Crystal Heart was blue and it was shiny. Making her move, Twilight walked up to the Heart. When she stepped on the floor below it, the floor turned black, alerting King Sombra. After Twilight grabbed the Heart, Sombra cast a spell that formed a cage of crystal around her. He succeeded in catching Twilight, but the Crystal Heart was knocked out of the cage.

“The Heart… Where’s the Crystal-”

“Here! It rolled over to me when you dropped it!” Said Spike.

Spike tried to run over to Twilight, but little sharp crystals were bursting from the ground.

“Don’t move! You can move, just not towards me!”

Twilight tried to teleport out of the cage, but she was teleported back inside by Sombra’s magic.

“How could I have been so foolish? I was just so eager to get it! Then when I saw what was going on outside, I…”

“You have to get out of there, Twilight! You have to be the one who brings the Heart to Princess Cadance! If you don’t, you’ll fail Celestia’s test!”

“King Sombra’s already attacking the Empire. He could reach the Crystal Ponies at any moment… reach Princess Cadance, my brother, my friends. There may not be enough time for me to find a way to escape.” Twilight looked in between the crystals that made up her prison, and saw that Spike was standing directly next to the Crystal Heart. “‘You’ have to be the one to bring the Crystal Heart to the Faire.”

“Me? But Twilight-”

“Go!”

“But-”

“Goooo!”

Spike grabbed the Crystal Heart and jumped out of the tower before he was trapped as well. Meanwhile, down below, Twilight’s friends had moved up to the castle’s balcony.

“Now don’t y’all worry your pretty, little crystal heads! The real Crystal Heart will be here any second!” Assured Applejack.

“I don’t know if they believe you…” Said Rarity.

“Don’t know if I believe me…”

In a last attempt, Princess Cadance tried to use her magic, but it was completely drained. The force field finally gave out. The Crystal Empire was defenseless. King Sombra’s shadow form appeared from the smog.

“Ahhhh! My crystal slaves…”

“Hey, Som-Bra! Suck on this!”

Deadpool fired a rocket from an RPG at King Sombra, but he effortlessly phased through it.

(If gunfire didn’t do anything to him in the previous chapter, why did you think that was going to work?)

“I don’t know man. Just work with me.”

“Hey! Up here!”

“Spike?”

Looking up, Spike was standing precariously on top of what looked like a thin staircase.

“I got the Crystal Heart!” Said Spike.

“That is MINE!”

King Sombra phased through the ground and headed towards the castle. Spike tried climbing down, but he ended up falling towards the ground. King Sombra headed towards him, riding a giant crystal. He reverted to his normal form and was about to grab Spike and the Heart when they were grabbed by someone else. It was Princess Cadance! She managed to recover her strength enough to save Spike. She then proceeded to fly down into the crowd of ponies below.

“Behold! The Crystal Princess!” Said a Crystal pony.

“The Crystal Heart has returned. Use the light and love within you to ensure that King Sombra does not.”

Cadance tossed the Heart to the center of the castle’s overhang, where it was held in place by two pillars. All of the Crystal Ponies bowed down to the Heart, and light was bathing the streets of the Empire.

“What? No… No! Stop!”

Much to Sombra’s dismay, the Heart began to spin and cast light across the Empire. Anyone who wasn’t a Crystal Pony had shone like they were made of crystal. Even Deadpool looked like a sparkling gem.

“Whoa! I look fabulous!” Said Deadpool.

The light also destroyed the black crystals, freeing Twilight of her prison. When Sombra was coated in the light, he began to crack into pieces.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

King Sombra shattered into a thousand pieces, spreading out across the land. A beam of light shot out of the castle, spreading light across Equestria. Celestia and Luna could see it themselves in the throne room, and they both smiled, knowing that everyone succeeded in protecting the Empire. After it was all over, the Crystal Ponies cheered for their heroes. As for Twilight, she looked down towards Spike with a smile.

“Good job, Spike.”

A few minutes later, the group of friends, except for Deadpool, was leaving the Crystal Empire, being escorted by Cadance and Shining Armor. Everyone had returned to their original forms.

“I do so wish it was permanent. Did you see how my mane just absolutely sparkled?” Asked Rarity.

“But… good things are better when they’re a ‘rarity,’” Countered Applejack.

“Aww.”

While Rarity and Applejack talked, Twilight was speaking to her brother.

“Everything’s gonna be okay. You’ve gotta stop saving my rump like this. It’s starting to get embarrassing,” Said Shining Armor.

“Wasn’t me who saved you in the end. It was Spike,” Said Twilight sadly.

“It’s just a test. Maybe she’ll let you retake it.”

“I don’t think she’s gonna give me a new test.”

“Has anyone seen Wade?” Asked Rainbow Dash.

Everyone started looking for Deadpool when they found him. He was off to the side with a group of mares.

“You looked so radiant as a Crystal Pony!” Said a mare.

“Well, if you thought that was radiant, you should see what’s under the mask,” Said Deadpool seductively.

(We just stopped an invasion and you think now is the best time to be hitting on mares?)

“... Yes.”

(What about Twilight?)

“I’m only flirting… maybe.”

His friends rolled their eyes out of annoyance.

A couple hours later…

Twilight stood next to Celestia in the Canterlot Castle’s throne room. They were looking outside the windows, where the multi-colored light from the Crystal Empire could be seen in the sky.

“It’s beautiful,” Said Celestia in astonishment.

“I wish it had been me who ultimately made it so. But it wasn’t,” Said Twilight sadly.

“Twilight, as I understand it, Spike brought Princess Cadance the Crystal Heart because you weren’t sure how quickly you could find a way to escape the tower. You weren’t willing to risk the future of the citizens of the Crystal Empire in an effort to guarantee you own. Far better that I have a student who understands the meaning of self-sacrifice than one who only looks out for her own best interests.”

“Does this mean…?”

Meanwhile, outside the castle, Twilight’s friends were waiting for the results of her test. Spike was having a hard time keeping it together.

“She’s totally gonna lose it!” He took a deep breath in an effort to calm down. “Keep it together, buddy… Gotta stay strong… for Twilight!”

WHAM!

Spike was accidentally hit by Twilight opening the door.

“I passed!” Said Twilight happily.

“Yeah!” Cried the rest of the Mane Six.

Deadpool realized that Twilight and her friends were going to sing.

“Wait, no!”

One song later…

Everyone was on a train heading back to Ponyville. Deadpool looked out the window with a pain filled look as his friends continued to sing. Celestia and Luna were watching them from a distance. Luna summoned a black covered book with her magic and looked at her sister. Both of them nodded in agreement and continued watching the train.

The End.

Author's Note

Hey, what's up everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! The next chapter will be based off of a... memorable episode of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Before I finish off this note, I want to make a very special shoutout to "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic"! At the time of posting this chapter, the show is celebrating its ten-year-anniversary. This show has changed my life in more ways than one. My love for this show inspired me to write the first drafts for this fanfiction over two years ago, and now I have begun sharing my story to fellow fans like you. It's safe to say that without My Little Pony, I wouldn't be writing as much as I am now. I am proud to be a brony! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and happy anniversary "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"!

Chapter 15: Too Many Deadpools
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 15: Too Many Deadpools

Twilight was busily organizing her library. She was pulling out and inserting various books on the shelves embedded in the walls. She did not realize it, but Deadpool was standing right behind her.

“Hey, Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

“Gah!”

THUD!

Twilight was surprised by Deadpool, and, in the process, dropped some of her books. She used her telekinesis to pick up her books.

“Sorry Twi, didn’t mean to startle you,” Said Deadpool apologetically.

“It’s okay, Wade. Did you want me for something?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, I got two tickets for the movies this afternoon." Deadpool reached into one of the pouches on his utility belt, and pulled out two yellow tickets, which he showed to Twilight. "I was wondering if you would be interested in going ?”

“That sounds fun, but I'm afraid I can't go. I have a lot of tasks I need to get done, including reorganizing the library and sorting through all of the spells given to me by Celestia.”

“Can’t you just wait to do any of that?” Twilight glared at Wade. “Okay, okay! I’ll just find somepony else to go to the movies with.”

With that, Deadpool went out the door and into town.

(Damn it! Of course she has a bunch of shit to do!)

(We could ask Spike if he wants to join us.)

“Can’t. I overheard Twilight this morning say that he’s on ‘official’ royal duty,” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

(We have five other friends. I’m sure one of them is available.)

“Yup. Let’s go ask everyone in the form of a brief montage.”

Deadpool’s first stop was the Carousel Boutique, where Rarity was at work on some dresses.

“Hey Rarity, do you want to go to the movies with me?” Asked Deadpool.

“I can’t go, darling. I have five dresses to design and make within a week's deadline. I need to invest every minute of my time for this order,” Answered Rarity.

After visiting Rarity, Deadpool went to Applejack’s home - Sweet Apple Acres.

“Hey, Applejack. Want to go to the movies?” Asked Deadpool.

“Can’t, Deadpool. Today’s harvestin’ day here in Sweet Apple Acres,” Answered Applejack.

Deadpool went to the edge of town, where Rainbow Dash was in the sky.

“Rainbow Dash, do you want to go to the movies?” Asked Deadpool, shouting towards the sky.

“I would like to, Deadpool, but I have to go. There is a storm cloud heading towards Ponyville from the north I have to go move," Said Rainbow Dash.

Running out of options, Deadpool was outside Fluttershy’s cottage. He was about to knock on the door when Fluttershy swung the door open, hitting him in the process. She then ran past him.

“Sorry, Wade! Have to get to Cloudsdale, now!” Said Fluttershy quickly.

Deadpool sighed heavily in irritation as the door closed, causing him to fall face first onto the ground.

Deadpool’s last stop was Sugar Cube Corner. He looked exhausted from running all over town. Once he was inside, he saw Pinkie Pie behind the counter, stacking cake boxes on top of it.

“Hi, Deadpool!” Greeted Pinkie Pie.

“Hi. Let me guess, you are too busy to go to the movies as well?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yup! I have thousands of cake orders to make, and it’s just me here today.”

“Fuck!”

(Great, a problem that will lead to a critical plot point! I hate those kinds of problems!)

THUD!

Deadpool let his head fall on an empty spot on the counter.

“Hey, why’s your smile upside down?” Asked Pinkie.

Somehow, she was able to float upside down.

“Everypony has something to do, and I have two movie tickets for this afternoon. If only I could clone myself, so I don't have to go alone,” Said Deadpool.

“You should have been around when I used the mirror pool,” Said Pinkie.

“Mirror pool?”

“Oh yeah, you were out on a mission when it happened. The mirror pool is this cool magical pond in the Everfree Forest. If you walk in it while reciting a specific rhyme, you can create a clone of yourself!”

Deadpool perked up and grew a mischievous grin under his mask.

“Where in the Everfree Forest is this mirror pool?” Asked Deadpool.

“It’s in the forest where the brambles are thickest. Normally, you would find a hole that leads to an underground cavern where the pool is. But luckily, Twilight sealed it with a boulder, so no one can use it again,” Said Pinkie.

“We’ll see about that,” Thought Deadpool to himself.

A little while later, Deadpool was walking through the dark Everfree Forest. After walking a good distance into the forest, Deadpool saw a large, thick cluster of bramble bushes. Each branch was covered in sharp thorns. Some thorns were at least a couple inches long.

(Are you sure cloning ourselves will be worth shredding us to pieces?)

“Of course it will! Besides, like a couple of thorns are going to do much.”

PRICK!

“Ow!”

As Deadpool walked through the bushes, he was being scratched and poked by thorns. Once he got through all of the bushes, he felt a sharp pain in his hindquarters. He reached behind himself and plucked a thorn from his ass before tossing it aside. He then looked down to the ground and saw the boulder that blocked the entrance to the mirror pool.

“This looks like the spot. Now, to lift this damn thing.”

Deadpool grabbed two sides of the boulder, and lifted with his hind legs. He was able to lift it with only some difficulty. He tossed the boulder aside, and hopped into the hole.

“Who-hoo!”

Deadpool slid down a long dirt tunnel and eventually ended up in an underground cavern. The cavern was filled with bioluminescent plants and fungi, and in the center was the mirror pool. It was a small pond, but it was large enough for anyone to wade in.

“I’m pretty sure this is the pond that will clone us,” Said Deadpool.

(Honestly, I thought this wasn’t real. We were told about this from Pinkie Pie after all.)

Deadpool walked up to the pond and looked at his reflection.

“Okay, what was the rhyme Pinkie told me? ‘And into his reflection he stared, yearning for one whose reflection he shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly manned!’”

Deadpool’s reflection began to ripple and it took form as a clone. It emerged from the water, and stood in front of the original. Both Deadpools leaned forward and stared at each other.

“Awesome!” Shouted both Deadpools in unison.

“Wait a second…”

The original Deadpool pulled out a sharpie marker and drew the number two on his clone’s forehead.

“Just keeping track of who is who. Don’t need another Clone Saga conspiracy. Now, what should I name you?” Pondered the original Deadpool.

“Cherrychangas,” Answered the clone randomly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll sneak some into the theaters. Fuck it, I’ll just have the author call you Deadpool Two.”

“Okay. What movie are we seeing?” Asked Deadpool Two.

“We’re going to see the new action film ‘Midnight Heist.’”

“To the movies!” Said both Deadpools in unison.

One hour later...

Both Deadpools were sitting and watching the movie at the theaters, cherrychangas in hoof. They were currently watching on screen two gangs in a warehouse engaging in a shootout. Suddenly, an oil barrel was shot, causing an explosion.

“Fuck yeah!” Said both Deadpools.

While they were watching the movie, the majority of the other movie viewers were staring at both Deadpools.

Two more hours later...

The duo of Deadpools were walking back to the Golden Oak Library.

"Dude, that movie was so awesome!" Said Deadpool Two.

"I know! It was a perfect mix of action, comedy, drama, and a pinch of romance," Said the original Deadpool.

Arriving at the front door, they entered Twilight’s home. Speaking of, Twilight entered the main library. She wasn’t aware of the clone because she was reading a letter as she was walking.

“Hi, Twilight,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Afternoon, Wa-”

Twilight stopped in her tracks with a gasp, immediately noticing both Deadpools. She dropped her letter in shock.

“Wade, WHAT did you do?!” Asked Twilight in shock.

“I went to the movies,” Answered Deadpool.

“I was referring to the OTHER you!” Said Twilight irritatedly, pointing at the clone.

“Oh, right. First, introductions. Wade, this is Twilight. Twilight, met Wade.”

“Hi, Twilight,” Said Deadpool Two.

“As for how he came to be, Pinkie told me of this awesome pond called the mirror pool. If you walk into it while reciting a rhyme, a clone of yourself is made from your reflection! Isn’t that awesome?!”

“No, it’s not. When Pinkie cloned herself, her doppelgangers kept duplicating themselves until there was an entire army!” Explained Twilight.

“Come on, that won’t happen. He’s well behaved, right Wade?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah,” Answered Deadpool Two.

“I need to fix this. Luckily, I know a spell that will destroy him.”

Twilight’s horn lit up as she was readying her attack. Deadpool stood in front of his clone to shield him.

“Wait! I promise he won’t cause trouble! Please don’t destroy him! I will take care of him,” Pleaded Deadpool.

“Wait, what? I can take care of myself. I’m a strong, beautiful, independent woman who doesn’t need no man," Said Deadpool Two.

Twilight looked at Deadpool, who was using puppy eyes to beg. She ceased her attack, and sighed in defeat.

“Fine. He can stay, on one condition. If he causes any trouble, he has to be destroyed,” Said Twilight.

“Thanks, Twilight,” Said Deadpool, sighing in relief.

“Now if you will excuse me, I have to finish my work.”

On that note, Twilight went upstairs towards her room.

“Now that that’s settled, let’s go downstairs, Deadpool Two.”

Deadpool and Deadpool Two went downstairs to the living room where they stayed for the rest of the evening. The next day, both Deadpools had returned to the mirror pool.

“So, why are we here?” Asked Deadpool Two.

“Real answer, to move the plot of the story forward. Personal answer, I have an idea that requires three of me,” Answered Deadpool.

“Can I be the one who gets cloned?”

“Sure, just remember to say the rhyme.”

Deadpool Two walked up to the mirror pool, and looked into his reflection.

“‘And into his own reflection he stared, yearning for one whose reflection he shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly manned!’”

The reflection came out of the pond, and the first clone wrote the number three on the new clone’s forehead.

“Alright! You know what, forget being a hero. We should form a boy band - The Pool Brothers! I think we know who would be the handsome one…”

“Me!” Said all three Deadpools in unison.

All three Deadpools looked at each other in confusion.

"Uh, I'm the original Deadpool! Obviously that means I'm the most handsome one out of all us!" Said Deadpool.

"Wrong! I'm the handsome one! Did you see the way that mare looked at me on the way home yesterday?" Asked Deadpool Two.

"Yeah, I did. She was cringing because you had cherrychanga sauce all over your mask!"

"Guys, I'm obviously the handsome one! As the saying goes, third times the charm!"

Deadpool Three grabbed his mask, and pulled it off. Instead of revealing a heavily scarred face, he revealed Chris Hemsworth's face, radiating in a bright light with sparkles.

"Sweet Celestia! He's hot!" Cried Deadpool.

"Yeah..." Said Deadpool Two.

Deadpool looked underneath his first clone, then smacked him in the back of the head.

"Hey, put your 'friend' away! There's a time and place to be attracted towards Australian actors with luxurious golden hair. That's alone at home while watching any of the Marvel Cinematic Movies starring Thor," Said Deadpool.

Deadpool Three put his mask back on, looking smug.

"Told you I'm the handsome one. That's okay, though, there are other roles you guys can fill. Obviously based off his reaction, Deadpool Two would be the funny one," Said Deadpool Three.

"Wait just a minute! I was the one who cracked that joke about being sexually attracted towards Chris Hemsworth a moment ago! If anyone's the funny guy in this boy band, it's me!" Said Deadpool.

"Relax, this isn't a big deal."

"Yeah, you can be the... (snort)... the sensitive one!" Added Deadpool Two.

Both of the clones laughed at the expense of the original Deadpool.

"Sensitive?! I'm not sensitive! Why do you two have to be so mean to me!" Said Deadpool, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Well, should we make a third clone, so that way we have the smart one in this band?"

All Deadpools looked at each other, then laughed their asses off.

"Hahaha! Intelligence is a quality no Deadpool possesses!" Said Deadpool.

A little while later, the Deadpools had moved to a baseball field. Deadpool Two was on the pitcher’s plate, Deadpool Three was on home plate with a metal bat, and the original Deadpool was behind him wearing an umpire’s helmet and a baseball glove. The Deadpool Two somehow blew a bubble with some gun, even though he was wearing a mask. He pitched a baseball, and the other clone swung his bat, but missed.

“Remember, Deadpool Three, focus on the ball,” Instructed Deadpool.

The clone nodded in understanding. Deadpool Two threw another ball, but the batter missed again. When the pitcher threw the next ball, the batter was able to hit it.

CLANG!

DING! DING! DING!

The baseball was bouncing off of random parts of the field. It then went back towards the original Deadpool.

SMACK!

"AYE-EEE!"

The baseball had hit Deadpool from behind, hitting his testicles directly.

“... The ball hit him in the balls!” Snickered Deadpool Three.

Both clones laughed hysterically at the expense of Deadpool, who was on his knees, clutching his testicles in pain.

“It’s not funny!” Shouted Deadpool.

A couple minutes later, Deadpool and his clones were walking through Ponyville. The original Deadpool was walking with a noticeable limp, due to what happened to him not too long ago. Meanwhile, Twilight and Pinkie Pie were walking down the street to the right. Both girls have yet to notice them.

“Soooo… Deadpool actually used the mirror pool? Awesome!” Shouted Pinkie.

“Pinkie! I had the entrance to the mirror pool sealed off for a reason: to prevent anyone from cloning themselves again. And I specifically told you to NEVER tell Wade about it!” Said Deadpool.

“Pfft! Twilight, it’s just one clone. How bad can it get?”

Both girls stopped in their tracks, gasping out of shock. Upon making the turn, Twilight and Pinkie saw all three Deadpools. Pinkie Pie grew a wide grin when she saw them, but Twilight facepalmed herself.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Said Twilight annoyedly.

“Hi, Deadpools!” Greeted Pinkie excitedly.

All three Deadpools turned around and waved at the girls. Twilight wasn’t amused at all.

“Wade, why did you make another clone?” Asked Twilight sternly.

“... Because I had an idea for an activity that required three of me,” Answered Deadpool.

"That may or may not have been about forming a boy band," Added Deadpool Two.

“Hey, is the purple one Twilight?” Asked Deadpool Three.

“Yes,” Answered Deadpool.

“Wow! You're right, she’s hot-”

“Shut up!”

Deadpool covered his clone’s mouth, so he couldn’t say anything else. Thankfully, Twilight didn't seem to have picked up on what the clone said.

“Wade, I have to destroy him,” Said Twilight sternly.

“What?! No!” Cried Deadpool.

“Would you rather I destroy both of your clones?”

“Uh… Hey! Is that Princess Celestia behind you?!”

Both Twilight and Pinkie looked behind themselves, then looked back. That was enough of a distraction for Deadpool and his clones to get away. Twilight growled in anger.

"I don't know why you would want to destroy them, Twilight. They're just two clones, and they haven't done anything wrong. And... can I tell you a secret?" Asked Pinkie nervously.

"Sure," Said Twilight with a sigh.

"Do you Pinkie Promise to never tell anyone?"

"Ugh... Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Okay, thank you. The truth is... I think Deadpool Three is cute."

Pinkie Pie had a noticeable blush on her face. Twilight could only look at her friend with confusion.

"Uh, Pinkie, he's a CLONE. He looks exactly like Deadpool and his other clone," Said Twilight.

"Hehe! You obviously don't know what Deadpool Three looks like under his mask," Said Pinkie.

Twilight gave her friend one last confused look before they continued walking down the street. Meanwhile, after a long run, all three Deadpools returned to the mirror pool.

“Listen up, Deadpool Three. Because I can only have one clone, you are going to live here for today. But because I don’t want you to live by yourself forever, whenever all three of us aren’t together, I will swap you with Deadpool Two and vice versa every day. That way, Twilight thinks I only have one clone. Sounds good?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah man,” Answered Deadpool Three casually.

"Wait, wouldn't we have to switch masks because we have numbers on our-"

“Great! See you tomorrow!” Said Deadpool.

As soon as Deadpool and Deadpool Two left the cavern, Deadpool Three looked at the mirror pool.

“Hmmm…”

Two hours later, Twilight was leaving Sugar Cube Corner and making her way home. Deadpool walked past her from the opposite direction.

“Hi, Twilight!” Greeted Deadpool.

“Hi, Wade,” Replied Twilight.

Shortly afterwards, she walked by another Deadpool, who was leaning against a house.

“Afternoon, Twilight!” Greeted Deadpool.

“Afternoon, Wade,” Replied Twilight.

Then a group of five Deadpools walked by.

“Hi, Twilight!” Greeted the Deadpools in unison.

“Hi, Wades… Wades?!”

Twilight stopped in her tracks and checked her surroundings. Everywhere she looked, Deadpools abounded. Realizing there was a problem, Twilight ran back home. Once she walked through the door, she went downstairs towards the living room. She was stomping her hooves in anger, and once she got to the door, she swung it open.

SLAM!

“DEADPOOL!” Shouted Twilight.

Deadpool and his first clone had hid on the opposite side of the couch, and slowly poked their heads up.

“May I help you?” Asked Deadpool nervously.

“Why did you make more clones?!” Asked Twilight furiously.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I only made two.”

Twilight used her telekinesis to carry Deadpool upstairs, and let go of him once they faced a window. Deadpool Two followed behind them.

“Then how do you explain… this?!” Asked Twilight.

Looking out the window, Deadpool saw the multiple clones of himself, and no other ponies.

“Hmm, I didn’t make those,” Said Deadpool.

“Then who did?!” Asked Twilight impatiently.

“Deadpool Three," Said Deadpool and Deadpool Two in unison.

“Where is he?” Asked Twilight.

“At the mirror pool…”

Twilight sighed out of irritation.

“Listen closely, Wade. We need to gather all of the clones in one place and destroy them, got it?” Asked Twilight.

“Okay… Does Deadpool Two have to be destroyed too?”

“We will discuss it later. Right now, we need to get all of your clones to the mirror pool.”

“Um, if I can say something? I think I know how to get all of the Deadpools to come with us,” Said Deadpool Two.

Meanwhile, all of the Deadpools were still outside. They were lazing around, bored out of their minds.

SNIFF!

All of them caught a whiff of a delicious smell. They all looked, and saw Deadpool, his clone, and Twilight running with…

“Cherrychangas!” Cried the Deadpools.

All of the Deadpools chased after the trio, making their way to the Everfree Forest. After a long chase, the trio stopped at the hole that led to the mirror pool, and threw the cherrychangas down it.

“Mine! Mine! Mine!”

All of the Deadpools jumped down the hole after the cherrychangas. Twilight and the two Deadpools followed after them. Once they got to the cavern, they were shocked at how many Deadpools there were. Besides the ones they brought over from Ponyville, there were dozens more in the cave. Some clones, having just been made, were coming out of the water. Amidst the crowd, Deadpool Three walked up to Twilight, his fellow clone, and their creator.

“Hey, guys!” Greeted Deadpool Three.

“Hey, bud. I see you have been busy,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah, I’ve made more friends… literally. Allow me to introduce y’all to everyone. This is Wade. This is also Wade. Wade. Wade. Wade. And this is Jerry.”

Looking at the clone known by Jerry, he was drastically different from the other clones. His limbs were disproportionate to the rest of his body. He also had one eye bigger than the other, and a longer muzzle. And finally his suit’s colors of red and black were swirled.

“What the fuck happened to him?” Asked Deadpool Two.

“Obviously, something went wrong during the cloning process. We don’t have a definite idea of what went awry, but it may have been because WADE threw a grenade into the pond as he was being created!” Explained Deadpool Three irritatedly.

“Listen, Deadpool Three, I know that you can never have enough of me, but why did you make so many clones?” Asked Deadpool.

“It’s simple, really. Just like various TV shows and other forms of media that have clones involved, I decided to make a clone army, so we can take over the world! Starting with Equestria!”

“I didn’t see anyone else. What did you do with the citizens of Ponyville?” Asked Twilight.

“Ah, don’t worry. They either hid inside their homes, or they ran off. We’re binding our time to attack,” Said Deadpool Three.

“You won’t get the chance once we’re through with you!” Said Twilight.

“Look around you, sweet checks! We heavily outnumber you! Plus, we are all doppelgangers of one of the most dangerous mercenaries in the world!”

“Well, I have a spell that will beat you and your clones with ease!”

“Get them!”

All of the clones rushed towards the trio. Twilight moved out of the way of one, and hit him with a beam of magic. He stopped in his tracks and looked towards you, the reader.

“Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good…”

POOF!

The clone turned into dust, and blew into the mirror pool. More clones tried to grab her, but they were all turned into dust. Meanwhile, Deadpool was fighting off multiple clones at once. He pulled out his magic pistols and shot many of them. Those that were shot were knocked out instantly thanks to the magic bolts the pistols fired. This gave Twilight an opportunity to cast her spell on them. When she had a free second, she would turn all of Deadpool’s defeated clones into dust.

SMACK!

One of the clones managed to knock both of Deadpool’s guns out of his hooves. He took out his twin katanas and began slicing. Hooves went flying, heads were rolling. Despite how many clones Deadpool managed to defeat, he was eventually tackled to the ground. His first clone, who had tried to help him, was tossed towards the opposite end of the cavern. Twilight was also being overwhelmed. One of the clones managed to get behind her and grab her. She was about to cast another spell, but she felt cold metal against her forehead. Deadpool Three had picked up one of Deadpool’s guns, and a smug look was clearly seen through his mask. He used his free hoof to turn a dial on the side of the gun, setting it to a lethal setting.

“I wouldn’t try to attack if I were you. So much as light you horn, and that brilliant little mind of yours will be blown to bits,” Warned Deadpool Three sadistically.

Deadpool and Twilight were held captive with no way out. The former was forced to stand next to Twilight.

“Mwahaha! I told you you couldn't beat us! Now you will get to watch as I restore my army and take over Equestria!”

While Deadpool Three was distracted, Deadpool Two grabbed the other gun that was dropped and took aim.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

“Fuck!”

Deadpool Two shot the clones that were holding Twilight and Deadpool. He had also shot the gun out of Deadpool Three’s hoof. This gave Twilight and Deadpool a chance to finish off the remaining clones. Deadpool Two was about to shoot again, but Deadpool Three tackled him. They were both fighting over the gun.

“You should be standing with us, not against us!” Said Deadpool Three bitterly.

“No, YOU should be with Equestria, not yourself!”

Deadpool Two flipped Deadpool Three around, and held him in a bear hug.

“Twilight, get him now!” Shouted Deadpool Two.

“But…”

“DO IT!”

ZAP!

“Nooooooo!”

Closing her eyes, Twilight cast the spell to turn Deadpool Three into dust. Sadly, because Deadpool Two held him to guarantee the spell would hit the evil clone, he too turned to dust. The original Deadpool, who was distinctive from his clones by the lack of a number on his forehead, held his head down in sadness, mourning for the loss of his first clone. Twilight put a comforting hoof on his back, rubbing it slowly. A couple minutes later, Deadpool and Twilight put the boulder that originally sealed the entrance to the cavern back, so hopefully, no one will stumble upon the mirror pool ever again.

“I’m sorry about the loss of your clone, Wade. His sacrifice saved the day. Even though no one else was here to witness it, he was a hero today,” Said Twilight.

“He was, he really was. As much as I am going to miss him, it may be for the best. Today, I saw the consequences of messing with the laws of nature and playing God, like 'Jurassic Park'. And I mean (chuckles) as the saying goes nothing is better than the original,” Said Deadpool arrogantly.

“Let’s just go home,” Deadpanned Twilight

With that, both heroes went on home, where they will rest until the next adventure.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! In case it isn't obvious by the title, this story is inspired and takes place after the episode "Too Many Pinkie Pies". Deadpool's antics with the mirror pool was fun to write about it, especially his interactions with his clones. I think it's safe to say that Deadpool won't be allowed anywhere near the mirror pool for a long time. Stay tuned for the next chapter, because Deadpool and a new ally will be facing against one of the Marvel Universe's most powerful beings. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 16: Duo of Chaos
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 16: Duo of Chaos

Deadpool was in the living room of Twilight’s home. He was kicking back on the couch, and wasn’t doing anything but drinking beer.

(Should we be doing something more… productive than drinking?)

“Uh, please. Not too long ago, a bunch of clones were running around and spreading chaos across Ponyville. It’s nice to just kick back and drink a six pack.”

GULP! GULP!

SHATTER!

After finishing his sentence, Deadpool chugged down a beer and threw the empty bottle on the floor, causing it to shatter. When he reached for another, he didn’t notice someone giving him his beverage.

“Yes sir. There’s nothing like drinking a Budweiser on a Sunday afternoon.”

To Deadpool’s surprise, his drink squirted out of the bottle and onto his face.

“What the fuck?! Since when did beer do that?!” Pondered Deadpool.

“Hahaha! You should have seen the look on your face! That reaction was priceless!” Snickered an eerily familiar voice.

When Deadpool looked to his right, floating next to him was…

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Discord!” Cried Deadpool and his voices.

The Lord of Chaos himself was standing before the pony. Clearly he had been freed from his stony prison.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Deadpool had pulled out one of his pistols and tried to shoot the draconequus. This turned out to be in vain since he missed every shot. Discord didn’t even dodge the incoming projectiles.

“Sheesh! Some welcoming party.”

SNAP!

To prevent further attack, Discord snapped his fingers to turn the pistol into a water squirter. Instead of water, grape jelly spouted out when Deadpool pulled the trigger. Hoof steps could be heard coming down the stairs. The maker of said hoof steps was none other than Twilight Sparkle.

“Wade, what’s going on?! Oh, Discord,” Said Twilight annoyedly.

To say Deadpool was surprised by Twilight’s reaction would be an understatement. Even through his mask it can be seen that his mouth was agape in shock.

“Twilight! This is Discord, the man who almost took over Equestria in chapter eight! He made me and our friends turn on you, stole the Elements of Harmony, and just ruined my beer! So out of all the possible reactions to have, you decide to go with ‘Oh, Discord?!’”

“I understand you don’t know what’s going on, Wade. Considering the fact you were out on another mission a couple weeks ago when it all happened,” Said Twilight.

“What happened?”

“Princess Celestia freed Discord, and from the help of Fluttershy’s kindness, we were able to reform Discord… supposedly,” Said Twilight, mumbling the last word.

“... Say what?”

“As Twilight said I am a good guy now. No longer will I use my magic for evil; only for helping people… and a little mischief.”

As Discord spoke, he casually grabbed Twilight's mane and took it off. He then replaced it with a top hat. This act of mischief didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Discord! Give me back my mane!" Said Twilight furiously.

"Okay, okay!" With a snap of his fingers, he returned her mane to where it belonged. He kept the top hat on her head, though. "Does anyone have a sense of humor?"

“Why am I never around for stuff like this? Just in the previous chapter, I wasn’t around when Pinkie Pie cloned herself, and now I wasn’t here for Discord’s redemption. Do you think I would not be a critical character for those stories, author?” Asked Deadpool annoyedly.

(No.)

“Lazy writing!”

(Perhaps this would be enough of an apology?)

Due to the power of the author, Deadpool’s beer that Discord tampered with was refilled.

“Okay, I forgive you!” Said Deadpool happily.

While Deadpool was chugging his beer, Twilight was confused once again by Deadpool’s supposed rambling.

“Hey, can I get something to?” Asked Discord towards the ceiling.

“Hold the phone!”

Discord grabbed a dial phone and held it.

“You can break the fourth wall too?” Asked Deadpool.

“Of course! Isn’t it obvious we are fictional characters created for the amusement of an unseen audience?” Answered Discord.

“I thought Pinkie and I were the only ones! I knew we weren’t crazy!” Deadpool’s left eye twitched for a brief second. “The three of us should form a club.”

“Way ahead of you! I already made the t-shirts!”

With a snap of his fingers, Discord summoned matching t-shirts that read ‘Fourth Wall Wreckers!’

“Let’s see what fun we can have together,” Said Discord.

(Are we seriously gonna hang out with a former bad guy without a little hesitation?)

(Yeah, for all we know, he is still evil and he's plotting our demise as we speak.)

"Hmm, I suppose you could be right. Okay, Discord, if you are reformed as you say you are, then answer something for me. Do you drink your milk straight from the carton?" Asked Deadpool.

"I drink milk from a glass. Even when I was evil, I would never do something THAT vile."

Discord shuddered out of disgust before summoning a glass of chocolate milk with a bendy straw from thin air. With one big sip, he drinked the glass, leaving the milk floating in the air intact.

"Okay, that's enough to convince me! Let's go have fun now!"

Both Discord and Deadpool ran past Twilight and up the stairs. Twilight had a concerned look on her face.

“Sweet Celestia, what are they going to do?” Asked Twilight with concern.

Once Deadpool and Discord stepped outside, they began to make plans.

“Since it is already noon, how about we get something to eat? Like, I don’t know, cherrychangas?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Adding to that notion, what if we get cherrychangas served by monkey butlers?”

Discord summoned a capuchin monkey wearing a black tuxedo.

“Yeah! I always wanted a monkey butler. Followed by a falcon,” Said Deadpool.

(Why would we want a falcon? We can’t eat meat.)

“Because voice, falcons are awesome. I would name mine Xerxes."

Suddenly, an orange and black portal appeared in the middle of the road the two were walking on.

“Did you make that?” Asked Deadpool.

“Honestly, no,” Answered Discord.

Tall beings emerged from the portal. They were taller than the average pony, standing seven feet tall. They were also grey and featureless, only having a single red eye with no pupil. Ten of them walked out of the portal, and began firing lasers from their eyes at the two heroes and at civilians.

“What are those things?!” Asked Discord.

“I know what they are. I will explain what they are after we deal with them.”

Deadpool rushed at one of the creatures with his twin katanas and sliced it in half. Discord merely looked at the creatures before snapping his fingers, using his chaos magic to turn the rest of the creatures into various objects, including potted plants. When Deadpool realized there was no more to fight, he grew frustrated.

“Come on man! I wanted to fight more than one!” Whined Deadpool.

“Well, it looks like you’re getting your wish.”

Discord pointed at an entire horde of the creatures walking out of the portal. There were so many that they surrounded the duo. Before they could attack, all of them were sent flying by a magenta explosion of magic. The source of the attack was Twilight Sparkle.

“What is going on out here? And what are those things? Is this your doing, Discord?” Asked Twilight.

“Perhaps I can answer that.”

Everyone looked up to the sky and saw Princess Celestia flying overhead, coming down for a light landing.

“Princess Celestia!” Said Twilight joyfully.

“Greetings, Twilight and friends. I couldn’t help but overhear your question. I have an answer to those creatures’ origins,” Said Celestia.

“Um, Princess, is it okay if I can explain what they are? We originate from the same comic book publishing company after all,” Said Deadpool.

“Of course, Deadpool.”

“Awesome! Chalkboard!”

Discord used his magic to summon a chalkboard for Wade. The hero drew one of the creatures on the board.

“Okay, those creatures are called the Mindless Ones. They hail from the Dark Dimension, a void in between dimensions. The Mindless Ones are unwilling servants to-”

Deadpool was interrupted by maniacal laughter. Above the portal, a giant projection of an alicorn's head appeared. His eyes and mouth glowed orange, and his head was engulfed in flames of the same color. His skin was dark as an empty void. His appearance alone was intimidating, but added to that was his low, ominous voice.

“Ah, Princess Celestia. Long time no see,” Said the entity.

“Dormammu,” Replied Celestia grimly.

“Wait, who?” Asked Discord.

“I have returned once again, my dear princess, to add the earth to my Dark Dimension,” Said Dormammu.

“You failed last time we met, Dormammu. And even more times after due to Doctor Strange,” Said Celestia.

“Ha, ha, ha! Strange is currently preoccupied with one of my followers. He won’t be able to defeat him in time to prevent my conquest!”

“Others are capable of defeating you; earth has many champions.”

“So what? I suppose 'you' are one of them? You only defeated me hundreds of years ago with the help of the Ancient One. Now that he is gone, you will be powerless against me! I wouldn’t try facing me with your sister. After all, she and I have a… history together.”

“You will not speak of Luna!”

“Of course not. I am referring to her previous alter ego - Nightmare Moon. She was great and powerful when she was evil, but the Elements of Harmony ruined her! Although, I am very persuasive. Perhaps I could influence her back to her old ways.”

“You will not get anywhere near my sister or the earth!”

“I would not be so certain, Celestia. If you want to stop me, you will have to come to my domain. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”

In a flash, Dormammu’s head disappeared. When Deadpool, Twilight, and Discord turned their attention to Celestia, anger was written on her face.

“Princess Celestia, I have read stories about Dormammu, but I never realized he was actually real!” Said Twilight in shock.

“Unfortunately, he is all too real,” Replied Celestia.

“Okay, since ‘I’ apparently am the only one who has never heard of him, who is Dormammu?” Asked Discord.

His very name was enough to make Celestia flinch. After taking a breather to calm down, she explained everything.

“Dormammu is the unjust ruler of the Dark Dimension. A truly horrible place in all of reality. Dormammu’s ultimate goal is to absorb every realm into his, so he can rule over all. The worship from his subjects and followers fuels his power, making him one of the most powerful beings in the entire universe.”

“Not wanting to poke the bear or anything, Your Highness, but you and hothead seem to know each other,” Said Deadpool.

“I know him all too well. You see, four hundred years ago, Dormammu was planning yet another of one of his invasions when he had learned about my sister’s banishment when she was Nightmare Moon. He saw this as an opportunity to achieve his goal. He was able to converse with her, and they made a deal. In exchange for being freed from the moon and shrouding Equestria in eternal night, she would assist him with taking over the planet. In order to save earth I teamed up with the Ancient One, earth’s previous Sorcerer Supreme. Only through our combined efforts were we able to defeat both Dormammu and Luna. The worst part of that battle was not facing Dormammu, but facing Luna again. I prayed that I would never have to worry about Dormammu again. But now he’s back, and his forces have already begun to spread out across Equestria from multiple portals.”

“Why is he attacking now?” Asked Twilight.

“Normally, Dormammu rarely gets to attack because the Dark Dimension and earth are from separate planes of reality. But there’s been a disturbance, and because of it Dormammu was able to start an invasion. Until reality fixes itself, we need to stall out the invasion. The best way to do that is by facing Dormammu himself in the Dark Dimension." Celestia turned her attention to Discord. "Discord, I know I am asking a lot from you, but will you go to the Dark Dimension and face Dormammu? Your power over reality could be powerful enough to challenge him,” Reasoned Celestia.

“... Oh, alright. But I will need a partner.”

“I will go with you, Discord. Together, I know we can beat-”

“Ahh!”

Before Celestia had a chance to finish, Discord and Deadpool were grabbed by a couple of Mindless Ones, and were dragged into the portal before it sealed itself.

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

“I should have known Dormammu wasn’t going to play fair! We will have to hope that they both will come back in one piece,” Said Celestia grimly.

After being dragged through the portal, Discord and Deadpool dispatched the two Mindless Ones easily. Once they were finished they took in their surroundings. The Dark Dimension lived up to its name. The very ground was pitch black rock. The only light that shined is the orange and crimson sky, and lava pouring from cliff ledges.

“Fuck! I guess since we are here, we might as well fight Dormammu ourselves,” Said Deadpool.

“Oooh, I like this place!” Using his magic, Discord summoned a deck chair that was floating upside down and laid back on it. “Look at this glorious scenery! It’s almost chaotic, like me!”

“As much as I would like to sit back and take in the Dark Dimension, we should find Dormammu and kick his ass.”

“Oh, yes. Are you sure you would want to go find him?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Oh, ho! Deadpool, I only ask because while ‘I’ have the ability to stand a chance against this mad titan, 'your' only major power is being able to survive just about anything.”

“Now hold up a minute! First of all, Mad Titan belongs to Space-Grimace, not Dormammu. And second, I may not be the most powerful hero, but I can pull my own weight! I faced many deadly foes, and came out victorious! I can prove it, too.”

“Are you proposing a wager? Because I am in!” Discord summoned a roulette table and a deck of playing cards that had pictures of himself on the front. He shuffled those cards like he was a professional. “Make your bet, my equine friend,”

“Simple. Whichever one of us deals the final blow to Dormammu wins. The loser has to do whatever the winner says.”

“Hmmm…"

A thought bubble appeared above Discord's head, showing Deadpool sitting on the couch with a TV sitting across from him.

"Do I have to watch this?" Said Deadpool painfully.

"A bet is a bet," Said Discord from far away.

"Fine!"

A DVD appeared in front of Deadpool. The title "Green Lantern" was written with sharpie on the front. Deadpool reluctantly grabbed it, got up from the couch, and put it in a VCR next to the TV. In the real world, Discord detached his single antler, and popped the thought bubble before reattaching it to his head. He then gave Deadpool a mischievous smile.

"Deal!” Cried Discord.

Both men shook extremities, sealing the deal.

(No! Why would you agree to that?! Anything but that movie!)

(I would watch "Atlantic Rim" over that!)

Both of them then realized that a small group of Mindless Ones were heading towards them. Discord snapped his fingers, thinking he can change all of them with a single snap. To his surprise and confusion, only one turned into a lamp with an upside down shade.

“What? My magic has never done that before,” Said Discord.

“Oh, did I forget to tell you?” Asked Deadpool with a smirk.

“Tell me what?”

“The Dark Dimension has a weird effect on outside magic. Step aside, Dissy. Time for me to slay some rock heads, and win this bet.”

Deadpool pulled out both of his katanas and ran towards the three remaining Mindless Ones. He jumped up and sliced the arms off one of them before hopping on its back and stabbing it through the head. Another one tried to grab him, but ended up getting its hand stabbed. Deadpool leapt, stabbed it under the eye, and thrust his sword up so the head was sliced in half. Deadpool ran towards the last one and swung at its side.

DING!

"Shit..."

Surprisingly, the katanas only went in a couple centimeters. The Mindless One picked up Deadpool by the hindlegs, then slammed him into the ground. He was slammed so hard that cartoon birds circled around his head.

SNAP!

The Mindless One who grabbed Wade was turned into a cardboard box. Deadpool fell to the ground before getting back up. Discord stood over him, looking smug.

“So much for your gruesome heroics,” Said Discord smugly.

“I will win! I just need to defeat Dormammu before you. May I have an ice pack? My head is killing me.”

Discord reluctantly summoned an ice pack for Deadpool. The latter pressed it against his head.

“Now that they have been dealt with, how are we supposed to find Dormammu?” Asked Discord.

“He has a castle somewhere in this hell hole. We just have to find it,” Answered Deadpool.

“I have just the tool.”

Discord summoned a stick that had a human nose on one end. He grabbed the opposite end and followed the direction it was pointing at.

“It’s this way! Follow me!” Said Discord.

After traveling for a while, Deadpool and Discord were crossing a bridge formed by the natural formation of the land. While Discord can float, Deadpool had to cross carefully because they were above a lake of lava.

SKREEH!

“What was that?” Asked Discord.

“Probably the local wildlife. We should get a move on before-”

While Deadpool was distracted, Discord saw a forty foot long demonic bird-like creature flying towards his friend from behind. Discord tried to teleport both of them out of the way, but only he was teleported.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!”

Deadpool was snagged with one of the creature’s feet. Upon closer inspection, the creature had crimson red scales, with orange vein-like markings all over its body. It also had a pointed beak, and its talons were as sharp as a knife.

“Darn dimension!” Shouted Discord.

He flew after the creature. Hoping to be able to strike it with a beam of chaos magic, Discord tried to hit it. It was too fast, dodging every shot. Deadpool himself couldn’t fight back because he was grabbed around the torso, with his forelegs pressed against him.

“Hey, Discord, if I can suggest something, how about you try AIMING?!” Suggested Deadpool angrily.

“What do you think I am doing?! It’s too fast, I’m going to have to get closer!”

Discord tried to keep up, but there was a lot of distance between him and the creature. The creature was flying towards a castle. It was black and every window was glowing orange.

“Discord! It’s flying towards Dormammu’s castle! Stop it, now!” Said Deadpool.

Putting all of his energy into his flight, Discord managed to catch up with the creature, and cast a beam of magic at it.

SKREEH!

The creature let go of Deadpool and flew away in the opposite direction. Before Deadpool hit the ground, Discord summoned a giant whoopee cushion to break his fall.

“Whew! What a rush! Now, why the hell did you not teleport me with you?!” Demanded Deadpool.

“It’s like you said, the Dark Dimension is having an odd effect on my magic. I really did try to save both of us,” Answered Discord sincerely.

“Okay, I believe you. Looks like we are finally at Dormammu’s castle. Before we go in, are you ready?”

“Yes, let’s go in there and show him who’s boss!” Discord walked up to the front door. “I will use my magic to turn this door into a swarm of butterflies.”

CREAK!

Before Discord could snap his fingers, Deadpool pushed the door open.

“Oh, yes. I was going to suggest that if my plan failed,” Said Discord embarrassingly.

Both of them went inside the castle, ready to face Dormammu. Speaking of, the Lord of the Dark Dimension himself was sitting on a giant throne in an otherwise empty throne room. He was watching a conjured image of Twilight and Princess Celestia, fighting off hordes of Mindless Ones back on earth. Watching them struggle put an evil smile on his face.

“Hey, hothead! This invasion of yours is going to end now!”

Making the image disappear, Dormammu saw Discord and Deadpool before him. He didn’t care, though. At his current height of ninety feet, they were like mere insects.

“I see my pet has brought you two here. Just as I have anticipated,” Said Dormammu.

“Your plans for Equestria and the rest of the world are not going to come to fruition. It’s two against one. You can’t possibly win!” Said Discord.

“I would have to fear taking you on, Discord. And if you partnered with Celestia or even her pupil, Twilight Sparkle, then your chances of success would be more favorable for you. That’s why I had my servants bring the weakling with you, so I could have a better advantage.”

“W-Weakling?! Hey, you know who else is a weakling? Yo mammu!” Said Deadpool.

(Did you seriously just make a yo mama joke, but said ‘yo mammu’ because of his name?)

“Yup.”

(Well, we are going to die.)

Dormammu rose from his throne and began to charge up his power.

“You will never leave this dimension alive! When I bring your bodies to Celestia, she and the rest of earth will tremble to the Dread Dormammu!”

“Just watch, Dormammu! We will beat your magical ass into the brimstone! For my name isn’t-”

FWOOSH!

COUGH!

Dormammu cast a spell to make a vortex of fire spout from the floor. Deadpool was caught in it, and was turned into a soot black color. Afterwards, his body crumbled into a pile of ashes. Acting quickly, Discord summoned a vacuum cleaner and sucked up Wade’s ashes.

ZIP!

He then placed a zipper on the bottom of the vacuum bag and zipped it up to open it. Deadpool fell out of the bag fully intact.

“Thanks,” Said Deadpool.

“Don’t mention it. Now, move!” Cried Discord.

FWOOSH! FWOOSH!

Dormammu threw balls of fire at his opponents. They nearly dodged all of them. They wanted to take cover, but there wasn’t anything to hide behind other than the throne. Discord pulled a literal rock launcher out to use against Dormammu. Despite the fact all of his shots were on target, the weapon was hardly doing any damage.

“Let’s up our firepower!” Said Deadpool.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Deadpool shot several rounds of pistol fire at Dormammu, but the tyrant summoned a shield to absorb all of the bullets. He then threw the mystic shield at Deadpool, causing him to go flying. Discord cast beams of chaos magic at Dormammu. They hit and did some damage, but not enough. Dormammu summoned a bunch of jagged rocks from the floor. Discord was able to dodge all but one. He was sent flying towards the ceiling.

“Hey Dor-Mat! Eat this!”

Deadpool pulled out a machine gun from somewhere and fired hundreds of bullets at Dormammu. Another shield was summoned, and it absorbed all of the bullets. However, the shield was heavily damaged. Discord cast a beam of magic, and broke the shield, causing Dormammu to stumble back.

“Gah! You two will die slowly for attacking me!” Bellowed Dormammu.

“Discord, distract him with something!” Ordered Deadpool.

“Like this?”

CHO-CHO!

Discord summoned a train directly above Dormammu’s head, striking him where he stood.

“Argh!”

While Dormammu was recovering, Deadpool ran towards him, and stabbed him in the leg with a katana.

“Argh!”

Dormammu cast a spell to lift Deadpool into the air, and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I shall smite you first, earth pony!” Bellowed Dormammu.

“Wait! Please, spare me! I made a promise to someone special.”

Surprisingly, Dormammu was listening to Wade’s plea for mercy.

“I have a date this evening, and I am going to keep that promise… Your mammu would be very mad if I-”

“Silence!”

Deadpool was launched into a wall and was absorbed into it through the use of a spell. Only his head was sticking out. Discord cast a beam of magic at Dormammu, but he shrugged it off.

“You should be with me instead of against me, draconequus,” Said Dormammu.

“Wait, what?”

I know you, Discord. The Lord of Chaos, one of Equestria’s… no… the universe’s most powerful individuals. You could have not just Equestria, but the entire universe if you work with me. I would even spare your friend.”

For a long moment, Discord looked like he was actually considering Dormammu’s proposition.

“... No,” Said Discord.

“Excuse me?!” Questioned Dormammu angrily.

“No! I know people like you. Believe me villainy was my shtick. You’ll just just betray me once you no longer have a need for me.”

(Does anyone else think Discord’s words are going to end up being ironic in the future?)

“Then you will die!”

Dormammu cast a beam of magic at Discord who cast one back. Both beams collided, and both combatants tried to outdo the other. It seemed like Dormammu had the upper hand, but Discord summoned every bit of strength in his being and struck the villain.

“Gah!”

While Dormammu was recovering, Discord teleported Deadpool out of the wall.

“Let’s wrap this up,” Said Deadpool.

“I couldn’t agree more. Time to cool him off.”

SPLASH!

Discord summoned a giant bucket of water to extinguish the fire engulfing Dormammu’s head. He tried to summon something else, but his magic wasn’t working.

“Throw me!” Ordered Deadpool.

Discord picked him up, and tossed him towards Dormammu. With a punch to the face, Dormammu fell with a mighty thud.

“Whew!” Shouted Deadpool.

“We actually won!” Said Discord in disbelief.

"Grgh!"

Very quickly, Dormammu recovered, and grabbed both Deadpool and Discord telekinetically. Both of them tried to move, but they stood still.

"Never mind," Said Discord.

"I have had enough of your insolence! I will burn both of you to the very atom, alive!" Bellowed Dormammu.

Before he could finish them off, a portal appeared from behind his captives. Two beams of magic, one golden and the other magenta, appeared from the portal, and struck Dormammu. This was enough for him to lose focus, and let go of Deadpool and Discord. From the other side of the portal, Princess Celestia could be seen.

“Discord! Deadpool! Hurry before the portal closes, or else you will not return!” Said Celestia.

Making haste, the two heroes ran for the portal back to Equestria. Dormammu reached out towards them. In a last attempt to escape, they both leapt forwards. They narrowly escaped Dormammu's grasp, and entered the portal. Once they went through the portal, they noticed they were back in Ponyville. Celestia and Twilight were there to welcome them back.

“Wade! You’re okay!” Said Twilight in relief.

“I’m okay, too. Thanks for asking,” Said Discord sarcastically.

“Thank you, Wade Wilson and Discord. Your efforts have stopped Dormammu from taking over the earth. Twilight and I managed to hold back the Mindless Ones, and now that reality has healed itself, Dormammu should not be able to harm the earth for a while,” Said Celestia.

“Speaking of Dormammu, do neither of us win the bet? We didn't truly beat him,” Said Deadpool.

"No! I refuse to end this bet at a draw!" Said Discord.

"Well then, I think I know how to settle this."

Both men glared at each other, before bringing their hoof/hand up and down three times. Deadpool had his hoof in a fist while Discord formed a V shape with the first two fingers of his left hand.

"Yes! I win!" Said Deadpool triumphantly.

"What?! Why did I do that?! You can only do rock with your hoof! I should've gone for paper!" Said Discord angrily.

"Stop whining and complete your end of the bet. What I would like for you to do is make me dinner."

“... Fine. What do you want to eat?”

“I think you know what I want.”

SNAP!

A small storm cloud formed above Deadpool. It then began to rain tacos.

“Yes! It’s raining tacos!” Said Deadpool joyfully.

While Deadpool was gorging himself on tacos, Twilight, Discord, and Celestia only watched.

“Of course Wade would make a bet during a realty altering crisis,” Said Twilight annoyedly.

Celestia on the other hand was chuckling to herself.

“He and Discord saved the day, Twilight. Let him have his moment,” Said Celestia.

And so, Equestria and the rest of the world was saved once again, thanks to the efforts of Deadpool and DIscord, a truly chaotic duo.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! I had fun inserting the Dread Dormammu in this chapter, and pitting him against Discord and Deadpool. I haven't fully decided on it, but I have thought about potentially creating a separate story on how Celestia first fought against Dormammu. If any of you are interested in seeing that, feel free to leave a comment! Stay tuned for next week, because in the next chapter, Deadpool will be facing yet another villain from the Marvel Universe and an important part of the storyline will start. So until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 17: Confession
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 17: Confession

It was the middle of the night in Equestria. The land was draped in total darkness. The only light illuminated from Princess Luna’s full moon, emitting rays of bluish light from the highest point in the night sky. Just like the rest of the land, Ponyville was quiet. Its residents were asleep in their homes. However, a lone figure sat atop a roof top. Any distinguishing features were concealed in the dark.

They jumped from the roof, and ran through the streets. Covering half of Ponyville in just half a minute, they arrived at their destination. Looming in front of them was the Golden Oak Library. The figure stood in front of the door before extending their arm. A minuscule tendril sprouted from the limb before detaching itself, and dropping to the ground. It sprung to life, slithering across the ground and slipping under the door frame. The figure then slipped away into the cover of darkness.

The following morning, Deadpool, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike, were all having breakfast. Spike was eating some gems, while Twilight was eating oatmeal with strawberries. As for Deadpool, he was eating breakfast burritos. Unbeknownst to them, they had an intruder. The amorphous tendril was moving in the manner of an inchworm on the ceiling above. When it was above the group of friends, it dropped down from the ceiling, and landed on Spike’s nose. When it landed, it lost its shape, but then reformed. Looking at the bridge of his nose, Spike saw it.

“Guys! There’s something on my nose!” Said Spike fearfully.

“It looks like some kind of worm,” Said Twilight.

“Get it off!”

“Don’t worry your scaly hide off, Spike. I will take care of it like any other creepy-crawly,” Said Deadpool.

“Thank you, Deadpool. Just be careful. I don’t want you to do anything that could-”

WHAM!

Deadpool grabbed a red fly swatter from nowhere, and smacked Spike in the face hard enough to launch him from his seat. He flew across the room before slamming into a wall, and sliding down onto the floor. His eyes were spinning in circles from the impact. Deadpool walked over to Spike, and looked him over.

(Home run!)

“Looks like I got it,” Said Deadpool in satisfaction.

“Wade! You just smacked Spike across the room!” Said Twilight angrily.

“He’s fine. Right, man?”

“Yeah, fine,” Slurred Spike.

“See?”

From the corner of his eye, Deadpool detected a little movement. Resting on the table was the "worm" Deadpool attempted to squish.

“Still alive, eh? Not for long!”

WHACK!

Deadpool attempted to smack the worm with the fly swatter again. The force of impact was powerful enough to flip the table on its side, spilling its contents across the floor, including everyone's breakfast. Much to Deadpool’s annoyance, the worm was alive on the floor. It momentarily altered its form, creating a single spike on its back similar in shape to a finger.

“Did you just give me the finger?! Oh, you’re going to regret that!”

Deadpool once again tried to smack the worm. It moved out of the way quick enough. Deadpool went for another strike, but that was dodged, too. He tried again, and again, and again. He and the worm were moving so fast that they were red blurs to the naked eye. Eventually, Deadpool stopped, breathing heavily due to anger. The worm was nowhere in sight. Deadpool sighed in relief, thankful he squashed the little pest.

“Finally! That son of a bitch was harder to kill than a cockroach!”

Deadpool felt something tickling his muzzle. When he looked, he saw the worm. Instead of being furious, however, he was smiling menacingly.

“Got you now!”

BAM!

Without thinking, Deadpool struck with the fly swatter. He smacked his own face, causing him to fall over in pain. The worm rested on his chest, making his self-induced pain in vain. Twilight looked over at the defeated hero, then at the mess he made during his attempt to kill the worm. She shook her head out of exasperation.

“Oh, Wade. What am I going to do with you?” Asked Twilight to herself. She thought about what to do, tapping her right hoof against her chin. She came up with an idea, one she knew would work. “Spike.”

“Yes?” Questioned Spike.

“I need one jar, stat!”

“Yes, ma'am!”

Spike ran over to a nearby cupboard. Opening the door and reaching inside, he pulled out a glass canning jar. He rushed back to Twilight, to which she grabbed the jar using her magic. She unscrewed the lid, and levitated it and the jar towards Deadpool. Using the lid to gently slide the worm into the jar, she sealed it shut. Deadpool finally got up from the floor, still in pain, but able to stand.

“Thank Celestia! We finally got that thing!” Said Deadpool.

Across from him, Twilight was looking at him with a stern expression, tapping her back hoof on the floor.

“What?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight directed his attention to the table on its side, the food and silverware spread out across the floor, and Spike, who had a light bruise on his face from being smacked by Deadpool.

“Um... We can talk about that later. Right now, we need to get rid of that thing. This is one of Mother Nature’s beautiful creatures, so we have to handle this delicately. Slowly and carefully… flush it down the toilet,” Said Deadpool.

“Does every solution you come up with involve killing something?” Asked Twilight.

“Fifty/fifty,” Answered Deadpool.

“It’s harmless. It’s actually very fascinating. I have never seen a worm so red before. I wonder if my identification book on over twenty-two thousand annelids can give us any clues as to what it is?”

Looking into the jar, the worm was crawling in Twilight’s direction, climbing up the side.

“Have fun with that. I’m going to be in the living room,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, no you don’t!” Twilight used her magic to grab Deadpool by the ear, and yank him back towards her. “You have a mess to clean up.”

“Can’t we make Spike clean it? He is your assistant after all.”

“No. This is your mess, so you’re going to clean it. Plus not to mention you smacked him across the room as if he were a baseball.” Twilight used her magic to give Deadpool a broom. “Better get started.”

She then made her way to her bedroom, worm in tow. Deadpool was left very annoyed with the predicament he got himself in. He reluctantly began sweeping.

“Sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep,” Muttered Deadpool.

A little while later, Deadpool was all done cleaning. He went to the living room, and collapsed on the couch.

“Cleaning. Sucks,” Said Deadpool.

(You wouldn’t have had to clean if you didn’t break everything in sight trying to kill one worm.)

(Speaking of, do you guys think that there’s something odd about that worm? Like it’s not what it appears to be.)

(A plot twist?)

(Yeah.)

“I’m too exhausted to care about plot twists at the moment. When it happens, it happens. Now, what to do?”

(How about we listen to some music?)

“Good idea. I have this sweet new playlist we can listen to.”

Meanwhile, Twilight was upstairs in her bedroom. She was looking through one of her books, hoping to identify the creature she, Wade, and Spike found in the kitchen. Said creature was still in the jar, sitting on a desk.

“You don’t match with any of these illustrations of worms,” Said Twilight to the creature. “Perhaps you’re some kind of magical creature? We aren’t far from the Everfree Forest. Oh, what if you are an entirely new species?! You could be a huge new discovery!”

As Twilight was writing notes on a notepad, Deadpool had set up a loudspeaker downstairs. When he turned it on, the sound of heavy metal could be heard throughout the entire house. The music was so loud it caused the entire tree library to vibrate. The creature was negatively affected by the sound. It was spasming so much, it was like it was having a seizure. Twilight noticed, and gasped out of shock.

“Oh no! Wade!”

Twilight galloped downstairs to the main library, then another flight of stairs to get to the living room. Twilight noticed the eight foot tall loudspeaker, and Deadpool was sitting on top, jamming out to the music. He was banging his head to the rhythm, oblivious to Twilight’s presence.

“Wade!”

Twilight tried to get Wade’s attention, but the music was too loud. Quickly losing her patience, Twilight picked up Wade telekinetically, and brought him face to face with her.

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

“What?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Turn the music off!”

“What?!”

“TURN THE MUSIC OFF!”

“Oh, why didn’t you say so?!”

Twilight let Deadpool go, so he could turn off the loudspeaker. Turning a single dial, quiet was restored in the household.

“Why were you listening to the music so loudly?!” Asked Twilight.

“I like to listen to music at full volume. It helps to not have to worry about my hearing because of my healing factor,” Said Deadpool.

“That may be fine for you, but the volume was hurting Wormy.”

Twilight cast a spell to summon the jar containing “Wormy”. Now that the music had been shut off, it wasn’t spasming.

“Wormy?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yeah, I called him that because he looks like a little worm,” Said Twilight.

“Sure. It’s totally not a Spongebob reference that the author alluded to. Owlowiscious was a much more creative name you came up with,” Mumbled Deadpool.

“Don’t be such a sourpuss. Wormy here is such a fascinating specimen. I’ve consulted my books, and I haven’t found anything on what he is. It’s so exciting!”

“How so?”

“It’s exciting because it might be a new creature the likes of which Equestria has never seen before! And I will be the one to study it!” In her excitement Twilight clapped her front hooves together. “This is going to be so much fun! I need to get some fresh paper and quills!”

In haste, Twilight ran out the door and back upstairs. Deadpool was chuckling at Twilight’s excitement.

(Classic Twilight.)

“She’s adorkable. I wouldn’t have her any other way.”

Deadpool sighed blissfully.

(You really love her, don’t you?)

“Is it that obvious?”

(Besides what you had just said a moment ago and the sigh, you were secretly looking at her flank when she was talking to you.)

“What can I say? I do like her. She has always been so nice to me. She even let me stay here when I had nowhere to go upon moving to Ponyville. And she gave me a chance to become a better pony when nopony else would. I owe her so much.”

(You should tell her. It would move her if she knew how much she means to you, and how you feel towards her.)

Deadpool’s smile changed to a frown. Doubt plagued his mind.

“I can’t. Maybe she will be touched by my appreciation for what she has done for me, but she might not feel the same way I do. It might tear us apart, and I would lose a friend,” Said Deadpool glumly.

(Didn't she kiss you on Hearth's Warming in chapter thirteen?)

"Yes, but I wouldn't take that as a sign of attraction towards me. She kissed me on the cheek, and she could have done it out of the tradition of mistletoe."

(I’m going to be brutally honest with you: She may not like you back, but what I do know is your friendship wouldn’t end over something like non-reciprocated feelings. You won’t know how she feels, though, if you don’t talk to her. I know it’s scary, but if you don’t tell her soon, you may never get another chance.)

(Especially if that punk ass, guitarist in the Equestria Girls verse, Flash Sentry gets in the picture!)

(Besides your friends, Twilight’s been the best thing to happen to you. Don’t let a chance for happiness slip away.)

Deadpool stood there, thinking about what the voices in his head told him.

“I probably shouldn’t be listening to voices I hear in my head, but you guys are right. I will tell her tomorrow after she is done with her studying,” Said Deadpool.

Later that evening, Celestia’s sun had set, and Equestria was draped in darkness once again. Despite being late at night, not everyone was asleep. Twilight was still awake. She sat at her desk, writing down observations of Wormy. While she worked, Spike was asleep in a makeshift basket as a bed.

SKREEK!

Twilight paused her writing, having heard a scratching noise. She looked around her bedroom for the source of the noise, but found nothing out of the ordinary. Shrugging her shoulders, she went back to writing.

SHREEK! SHREEK! SHREEK!

More scratching noises could be heard, this time from outside her bedroom window. She got up from her seat, and walked over to the window. She pushed it open with a hoof, and looked outside. As far as she can tell, there was nothing outside. She shut the window, and went back to her desk. When she got there, she saw Wormy tapping against the jar towards the window.

“What’s wrong, Wormy?” Asked Twilight.

Unbeknownst to her, a silhouette appeared in the window. The maker of the silhouette pulled the window open, letting in a cool breeze. Twilight felt the breeze brush against her, raising her fur on end. She looked in the direction of the window, and saw a sight so terrifying it caused her pupils to shrink.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”

Meanwhile, Deadpool was asleep on the couch. He was sound asleep until he was woken up by the sound of Twilight screaming. His eyes snapped open, and he jumped out of bed.

“Twilight?!”

Running so fast he was a red and black blur, Deadpool reached Twilight’s room in no time.

“Twilight!”

Looking around, he saw no sign of Twilight. The jar that contained Wormy was shattered into several shards of glass on the floor adjacent to the desk. The chair by the desk was knocked over, and a scorch mark was left on the wall. Perhaps these were caused by Twilight trying to struggle and escape. The window was left open, and Spike was looking out of it. Panic was evident on his face.

“Deadpool! Twilight, she- It! And she-”

SMACK!

In an attempt to get Spike to stop stammering with his words, Deadpool smacked him in the face.

“I’m sorry for abusing you today, Spike, but I need you to collect yourself. What happened here?” Asked Deadpool.

“You’re right, you’re right,” Spike paused to breathe and collect his thoughts. “I woke up to Twilight screaming. I saw something that looked like a pony standing in front of her. It grabbed Twilight with this weird tentacle thing, then dragged her out through the window, but not before leaving that.”

Spike directed Deadpool’s attention to the right of the window. The letters CK were written on the wall with what appeared to be blood. By looking at it, a memory from earlier today played in his mind.

“That may be fine for you, but the volume was hurting Wormy.”

Remembering what Twilight said about how the volume of the music was hurting Wormy, Deadpool knew what he was, and who took her.

“Oh, Celestia...! Of all ponies, not him!”

Deadpool stepped back a bit when he heard a crinkling sound. He lifted his front left hoof to reveal a piece of paper. Upon close inspection, he saw a message that read…

“Meet me in the Everfree Forest, or else the mare dies! Or maybe I will kill her anyway!”

(This is obviously a trap.)

“What choice do we have? If we go, he may spare her life. Although, he isn’t exactly predictable,” Said Deadpool to himself.

He was about to leave Twilight’s room when he noticed Spike marching determinedly beside him.

“What are you doing?” Asked Deadpool.

“The same thing you’re going to do. I’m going to save Twilight,” Answered Spike.

“Oh no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no... NO! You can’t come, Spike.”

“Why not? I can take him!” Said Spike confidentiality.

“Spike, this guy, he's not like anypony you’ve ever faced before. Tell me, who’s the scariest being you’ve ever met so far?”

“Hmm, I would say Discord before he reformed.”

“Well, multiply that by eleven, then add clowns, spiders, and the “Green Lantern” movie into the equation, and you’ve got yourself the fear level of him. He has no regard for life, Spike, so I need you to stay here. I’ll go after him. After all, I’ve faced him before.”

Spike was hesitant about staying behind. After all, Twilight, the mare he’s friends with, even seen by him as a sister, was in danger. But he reluctantly decided to listen to Wade.

“Okay, I’ll stay. Just please get Twilight back safe and sound,” Pleaded Spike.

“I will, Spike. I will save Twilight from that monster, and I know how to stop him,” Said Deadpool.

On that note, Deadpool left the room, determined to save Twilight. A few minutes later, he was walking through the Everfree Forest. The forest was even more intimidating at night, the branches of the trees appearing like fearsome beasts due to the lack of light. Deadpool was having a hard time seeing in the dark. It certainly wasn’t helping that it had begun to rain, the storm clouds blocking out the light of the moon. His body grew cold. Whether that was by the fear of what may be happening to Twilight, or from the rain soaking into his spandex, is uncertain. He was going in blind. Even if he could see, he had no idea where Twilight could be held hostage. Her captor didn’t exactly leave any directions to her location.

Eventually, he heard rustling from above him. He looked up at a giant, ancient oak in front of him, and found who he was looking for. Twilight was hanging underneath a tree branch. Her body was wrapped up in what appeared to be red spider silk. Even her horn was entangled in the substance. The only part of her that was free was her face. Wasting no time, Deadpool climbed up the tree, knife in hoof, to cut Twilight down.

“Wade!” Said Twilight.

“I’m here, Twilight. I’ll get you free,” Assured Deadpool.

“Wade, you need to get out of here! This is a-”

SHNK!

"Gaugh!"

Deadpool was stabbed in the chest by what looked like a large red blade. He was lifted into the air, then thrown onto the ground below. The blade was removed from his chest before disappearing into the dark forest.

“HA HA HA!”

Maniacal, twisted laughter could be heard from all around him. The kind of laughter that is the stuff of nightmares. A crimson red blur could barely be seen, racing around him through the trees.

“How nice of you to join us!”

Directing his gaze back up the tree Twilight was tied up to, Deadpool could see the source of the maniacal laughter. Hanging upside down above Twilight was a red pony-like creature. They had a horn similar to a unicorn's but more serrated. They lacked a mane but had a tail that ended at a sharpened point, black vein-like patterns covered their body from head to hoof with their face being predominantly black, their eyes had no pupils but nonetheless were terrifying, and, unlike a normal pony, they had sharp, needle-like teeth.

“Just as I predicted. Like a fish to a fishing rod, you fell for my trap hook, line, and sinker,” They spoke in a twisted, masuclune voice. “I will enjoy tearing you apart limb by limb! Ha ha ha!”

“Cletus Kasady. Don’t you have Spider-Pony to annoy instead of me?” Asked Deadpool.

“The spider will be another toy to play with at another time. Right now, I want to do what many say is impossible. I want to kill you. I just needed to observe before I hatched a plan.”

“So, I can safely assume that thing we found was part of your symbiote, Cletus?”

“There is no more Cletus! There is no more symbiote! There is only Carnage! Ha ha ha ha! But yes, that was part of me. While I hid away in safety, it was my eyes and ears. That’s how I learned about her.”

“Leave Twilight out of this! You sick, demented bastard!” Said Deadpool angrily.

“I can see why you are acting so protective over her. She is a real beauty,” Through the process of shape-shifting, Carnage formed claws on his right hoof, and, without breaking the skin, dragged one over Twilight’s cheek, much to her terror. “After I kill you, she will make my seven hundred fortieth kill. Or is it eight hundred and forty? It’s easy to lose track when your murders overlap each other.”

“How are you even going to kill me? In case you haven’t been following mainstream comics or the films, hardly anything can kill me.”

“What if I were to cream you into a paste, then consume you like a milkshake?”

“That… remains to be tested.”

“Good enough for me!”

Carnage pounced towards Deadpool, claws protracted. Deadpool barely dodged out of the way. He pulled out both of his classic pistols, and fired at Carnage.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Despite being in point-blank range, the bullets had no effect on Carnage. Standing up on his back legs, he casually strolled towards Deadpool, morphing his hoof into an axe. He raised his arm, and swung it down, severing Deadpool’s right arm. Deadpool tried to get in more shots, but his gun was smacked out of his hoof, and was grabbed by Carnage with a tendril. He was dragged towards the symbiote’s maw, giving him a good view of his teeth.

“Grandmother, what big teeth you have got!” Quipped Deadpool.

“All the better to eat your entrails with!” Added Carnage.

CHOMP!

“Gugh!”

Carnage bit down on Deadpool’s shoulder, piercing flesh with his teeth. The sound of bones breaking could be heard from afar, not affected by the sound of the pouring rain. Carnage let go of the hero from his jaws, revealing his teeth stained with blood.

“Bones breaking, flesh tearing, cries of pure agony; it’s music to my ears!” Said Carnage.

“Your taste in music stinks! It’s time for D. Pooly to drop some fresh sick beats!”

Deadpool turned some dials on a pair of speakers he strapped to his belt. Dubstep blared from the speakers. Carnage let go of Deadpool, and stumbled back. His body spasmed, and his form spiked out. He cried an otherworldly scream that could be heard throughout the Everfree Forest. Taking the opportunity to attack, Deadpool pulled out one of his katanas, and lunged at the symbiote.

SLASH!

He cut the arms off, cut the torso from the waist, then decapitated the head and followed with slicing the head in half. Carnage was spread across the ground in pieces. Before Deadpool had the chance to breath out a sigh of relief, two spikes were tossed at the speakers, destroying them. He then noticed Carnage’s body put itself back together in less than three seconds, the symbiote cackling the entire time.

“You’re not the only one with tricks up their sleeve,” Said Carnage.

“Oh no,” Muttered Deadpool.

Carnage turned his hoof into a long, pointed blade, impaling Deadpool in the stomach. He followed by turning his other hoof into an axe, and cutting off Deadpool’s other arm. He then tossed him into a tree. The force of impact was so powerful, the trunk snapped. The tree fell over with an audible thud.

“Wade!” Cried Twilight.

Deadpool laid on the ground on his side. His suit had many tears, revealing his abdomen, bits of his hindlegs, and his left eye. His exposed flesh was bloodied from many cuts and attacks from Carnage. Speaking of, the symbiote monster hid in the natural cover of the forest.

“It’s raining. You’re bleeding. Carnage is starving!” Sang Carnage.

Hoping to find something to help him, Wade looked at his surroundings. He noticed his severed right arm. Crawling on the ground like an inchworm, he put his upper body next to the arm. In a matter of seconds, his arm reattached itself to his body. It was then when Carnage appeared from behind, grabbing him with a tendril.

“Ha ha ha! I am going to savor this moment. It’s not everyday that somepony gets a chance to kill ‘The Unkillable Hero of Equestria,’ Said Carnage.

He opened his mouth, and a long, pointed tongue came out. It moved up, and slithered all over Deadpool’s face, coating it in saliva. Wade secretly reached behind his back, and grabbed a brown glass bottle.

“Any last words?” Asked Carnage.

“Yeah, let me pour one out for you.”

FWOOM!

Deadpool smashed the bottle against Carnage’s chest. Upon impact, he and Carnage burst into flames, the bottle being a Molotov cocktail. The symbiote dropped him, and cried another otherworldly scream as the flames consumed him. Even though the rain helped put out the fire on both ponies, damage had been done. Deadpool laid on the ground unconscious, and the symbiote was burning off of Cletus, revealing a white unicorn with a curly red mane. Twilight saw this, and concentrated her magic through her horn. A magenta light pulsed through the substance covering her horn, and, with one burst of magic, her horn was freed. She aimed her horn towards Cletus, and grabbed him with her magic. What remained of the symbiote tried to hold on to its host. It proved to be powerful on its own. With one mighty tug, she managed to remove Cletus from the symbiote. It then burned away, leaving no trace of it behind. Cletus was flung far, hitting his back and head off a tree, knocking him out. With a sigh of relief, Twilight got to work on freeing herself.

One hour later…

Upon acquiring a sliver of consciousness, Deadpool could hear his ears ringing, caused by the explosion. Any attempts at opening his eyes resulted in seeing a white light. He was about to slip out of consciousness when he heard a voice.

“Wade…”

He knew that voice, even in his current condition. With all of the willpower he could muster, he opened his eyes. Images flooded his vision. He could see the trees of the Everfree Forest in front of him, behind him was the town of Ponyville in the distance, and to his right was the source of the voice. Twilight was looking at him with concerned eyes. Thankfully, she was unscathed. The only thing different about her was her mane was damp from the rain, sticking to her neck, and a single strand of pink hair from her hairstreak was on her face.

“Wade! Thank goodness you’re awake!” Said Twilight.

“Jesus Christ. What happened?” Asked Deadpool.

“After you passed out, I managed to finish Carnage. Spike must have informed the Princess I was kidnapped, because afterwards, the royal guard showed up, and took him away. I was carrying you back to the library when you started to wake up,” Explained Twilight.

“So he’s been taken care of? Thank Celestia!”

Deadpool grabbed his mask, and tried to pull it off. Bits of it stuck to his face due to the fabric melting onto his skin. Ripping it off like a band-aid, he finally got it off, revealing his scarred face.

“I was afraid he was going to kill you. I’m glad you’re okay,” Said Twilight.

“You were afraid of me getting hurt?! I deal with sociopaths like him on a regular basis, and walk away from my injuries just fine. I was afraid he had hurt you, or even killed you before I got there,” Said Deadpool.

“Still, I’m glad you’re okay. And thank you for saving me.”

They both looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. Deadpool was caught up in Twilight’s eyes; those hypnotic, violet eyes. He felt a knot forming in his stomach, a feeling he has had more recently around Twilight.

(Now’s your chance. Tell her.)

After managing to find the right words, Deadpool started to tell his confession to Twilight.

“Twilight,” Said Wade.

“Yes, Wade?” Questioned Twilight.

“I know we were just in a life-or-death situation with a sadistic murderer, but I need to come clean with something.”

“Yes?”

“Okay… Here goes nothing… Twilight, you mean so much to me. Just like cherrychangas, you have brought a lot of joy in my life.”

(Smack! I have to say that because I don’t have a hoof or a forehead to facehoof at how stupid that sentence was!)

To Deadpool’s relief, Twilight chuckled at his words.

“My funny dialogue aside, you have become an important part of my life, Twilight. When I had nowhere to go, you gave me a home. Despite all of the horrible things I have done to ponies, you gave me a chance at a better life, and most important of all (which is the main aspect of the TV show this fanfiction is based off of) you became my friend.”

“Wade…”

Wade gently reached out towards Twilight’s forehead, and brushed the single strand of hair back with the rest of her mane.

“What I am trying to say is over the course of the past few months... I have developed feelings for you; I am in love with you.”

Twilight’s eyes were watering. Whether it was because she was touched by Wade’s confession, and/or because she was afraid of telling him his feelings aren’t reciprocated, he did not know.

“Despite the fact that I have a history of being persistent when it comes to mares, if you don’t share the same feelings as I do, I will respect that. Just promise me if you don’t like me back, we will still be fri-”

Twilight covered Wade’s mouth with her left fore hoof to quiet him, then placed it on his right shoulder.

“Wade, do you want to know how I feel?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course,” Answered Wade.

Twilight slowly leaned in, and, before Wade knew it, she placed her lips on his. He was shocked, his eyes growing to the size of saucers to prove it. His heartbeat was also beating as if he had just finished running around Equestria. His shock faded away quickly, though, melting into the kiss. Both ponies wrapped their arms around each other, and brought each other closer. Their kiss continued as the rain turned into a light drizzle. The rain clouds also subsided, allowing the light of the moon to shine onto the ponies. After taking a moment to catch their breath, they went back to kissing, focusing only on each other.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! So you all may be wondering "Why did you chose to ship Deadpool and Twilight?" Allow me to explain: So you all may think that a logical pony to ship Deadpool with is Pinkie Pie. After all, they are both exuberant, are comedic, and break the fourth wall. They are an obvious choice to ship. But that's why I chose not to ship them. There are many fanfiction stories where they either become best buds, romantic partners, or even both. So, when I was planning out this story, I decided to ship Deadpool with a different member of the Mane Six. I chose Twilight Sparkle because even though "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" is centered around all of the Mane Six and Spike, I think it's safe to say Twilight is the "main" character of the show. She is the one who moved to Ponyville and met all of her friends, became a princess, and ends up becoming the ruler of Equestria when Celestia and Luna retire at the series finale. So I shipped her with Deadpool because she is the main character. I also shipped them together because of the fact they are complete opposites. Twilight is organized and collected, while Deadpool is chaotic and exuberant. I like to think that overcoming their differences would make their relationship stronger. Feel free to leave your thoughts down below. Be sure to stay tuned for next week's chapter, because it will involve Deadpool and Twilight doing something special. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and have a Happy Halloween 2020!

Chapter 18: The First Date
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 18: The First Date

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Come in.”

Deadpool was lying on the couch when he heard knocking from the living room door. The door opened, revealing the source of the knocking - Twilight Sparkle. She walked into the living room, wearing a smile on her face.

“Hi, Wade. Do you have a minute?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m not doing anything badass or dangerous at the moment, so yeah,” Replied Deadpool.

He gestured to an empty spot on the couch, Twilight sitting down.

“I was hoping we could talk about us, considering that we kissed the other night,” Said Twilight.

“Way ahead of you! I already came up with ship names for us! I have come up with Twipool and Deadlight. Oh, I know what we should call ourselves - Tool!” Said Deadpool.

(That name makes you guys sound like “tools”.)

“Shut up!”

Twilight chuckled at Deadpool’s couple names for them.

“We can save that for Cadance when we tell her and my brother about us. I was thinking that we should go on a date,” Said Twilight.

“A date? That could be fun. Are you thinking about maybe something along the lines of dinner?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah! And I was thinking we could go tonight? Of course as long as it is not short notice.”

“Tonight? I'm gonna have to check my schedule. Oh wait, I'm Deadpool. I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I don't have a schedule. So, yeah, I can make that work. After all, when I’m not out on an epic adventure or job, I just sit around all day.”

“Great, because it was the only time I could put it on my schedule.”

Twilight used her magic to summon a three foot long scroll. It was a schedule for every minute of the week.

"Jeez, even when I do have schedules, they're never that long," Said Deadpool.

(The same can be said about your penis.)

"Okay, you can go fuck off!" Thought Deadpool to himself.

“I completed a report for Celestia early, so I have enough time to go visit Rarity’s boutique to get a dress, while you get dressed as well. Then we can meet up back here and go out,” Said Twilight.

“Awesome! I assume you have picked out where we are going?”

“Actually, I have decided to let you choose where we will eat.”

“Yes! I know exactly where I’m taking you!”

“On one condition: you don’t take me to the taco stand, or anywhere else that primarily serves cherrychangas.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Wade, I’m not asking you to take me anywhere fancy, but you have eaten so many cherrychangas that you smell like them.”

“Thanks for noticing! It’s a new cologne I’m trying out. It’s a mix between cherrychangas, gunpowder, and Axe.”

“What I’m trying to say is let’s go somewhere you haven’t gone before; try something new.”

“... Fine, but I’m going out for a cherrychanga run tomorrow.”

“Good. Now that that’s settled, I’m going to make my way to Rarity’s. I’ll be back at five.”

“See ya!”

Twilight left the living room, leaving Deadpool to himself.

“I can’t believe I’m actually going out on a date with Twilight!” Said Deadpool.

(It’s been so long since we went out with a mare! When was the last time we went out on a date?)

(It’s been exactly two years, eight months, and fifty-three days.)

(What?! But babes dig The Pool!)

“I know! I’m an award winning actor that has appeared on TV and movies; the latter both animated and live action, was twice robbed of People magazine’s 'Sexiest Man Alive’ award, and I am on IGN’s 'Top 100 Comic Book Characters' list! You read that, fanfiction ladies? You can call me up at 1-800-FUN-TIME.”

(Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s try to at least make it through the first date before you bring down Twilight’s wrath with your constant flirting. Let’s focus on getting ready. Like choosing a different suit.)

“What’s wrong with mine?”

Upon closer inspection, Deadpool’s suit was stained with sweat underneath his armpits, various food stains were on his chest, there were dry red patches of blood everywhere, and there were a couple holes patched up with duct tape on his forelegs.

(That paragraph said everything that is wrong with your suit. You must have something else to wear.)

“Ugh! Fine, but I’m wearing the mask! I don’t need ponies staring at me while I’m trying to eat.”

Deadpool walked over to a wardrobe, and opened it. He was first greeted by another of his trademark suits. He grabbed the coat hanger that held it, and slid it over to the left. He then grabbed a coat hanger and slid it in front of him, revealing another one of his suits. He kept finding more and more suits until he grabbed a single empty coat hanger.

(Why does that one not have any clothes on it?)

“Because it’s my birthday suit.”

He slid the coat hanger across, and grabbed another one. This one had a red dress on it. Deadpool screamed, and hid the dress out of sight.

“He he! How did that get in there?!” Pondered Deadpool nervously.

He then grabbed a coat hanger with another one of his suits on it. This one was different, though, it had a lot of rips and tears in it. Some were small, while others were large. Deadpool took the suit out of the wardrobe for a better look.

(Man, Carnage did a number on that!)

“I know. I should’ve asked Twilight if she would've taken this with her, so Rarity can sew it back up. I swear, though, if she makes it pink, or green and animated, I am leaving a poor review for Carousel Boutique on Yelp.”

Wade grabbed one last coat hanger, and pulled it out. Attached to it was the suit Deadpool wore to the Grand Galloping Gala. It consisted of the black tuxedo and dress pants, with a red dress shirt and handkerchief.

“Oh, the suit I wore to the Grand Galloping Gala! I could wear this tonight,” Said Deadpool.

(That can work. It’s definitely better than what you are currently wearing.)

“Nice! I got a suit, now all I need to do is get dressed and I will be ready for the date!”

(Ah-Ahem!)

“What?”

(You’re going out with the mare who changed your life for the better. You should do something for her besides taking her out for dinner.)

“Like have sex?”

(Great idea!)

(No! Well, I guess you could as long as she consents to it. I was thinking of something along the lines of a small gesture, like getting her flowers.)

“Flowers, eh? Not a bad idea. I know just the place to get some.”

Meanwhile, at the Carousel Boutique, Twilight walked through the front door. The door hit a small bell, causing it to ring. This caught the attention of Rarity, who was carrying a box of fabrics with her magic. She put the box down, and went over to Twilight.

“Twilight, darling, welcome! What brings you to my shop?” Asked Rarity.

“Hi, Rarity! I was hoping you could make a dress for me?” Replied Twilight.

“Of course! Let me get your measurements, and we can get started!” Rarity walked over to a filing cabinet, and grabbed a piece of paper from the bottom drawer with her magic. “So, what’s the special occasion?”

“Do you mind keeping it between us for now?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course.”

“I’m going out on a date with Wade tonight.”

Upon hearing Twilight’s plans, Rarity’s jaw dropped out of shock.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Asked Rarity.

“Wade’s taking me out on a date,” Said Twilight.

“... Really?” Questioned Rarity skeptically.

"Yeah."

"Wade Wilson aka Deadpool?"

"Yes," Said Twilight a little irritably.

Rarity raised one of her hooves a few inches above her head.

"About yea tall and..." She then put her forelegs out in front of her, and put some distance between her front hooves. "And yea Wade?"

“Yes! Is it really that big of a deal?!” Asked Twilight irritably.

“No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised. After all, you two are very different,” Said Rarity.

“I know we are different. He’s disorganized, flippant, and overall chaotic. But at his best he’s kind, fun, and, as much as I hate to admit it, he can be funny. Plus, the moment he confessed his feelings to me was great.”

“Oh, tell me everything!” Said Rarity excitedly.

“Remember when I told you yesterday that he rescued me from a monster called Carnage?”

“Yes, and I’m glad he saved you from that ruffian. I hope that monster never sees the light of day ever again for as long as he lives!”

“Well, I was carrying him home in the rain, when he regained consciousness. Wade then told me how much I meant to him, and confessed his feelings for me.”

“Anything else?”

“... I may have kissed him after that,” Said Twilight with a light blush.

“Eeeek! That’s so romantic!” Rarity was stomping her hooves out of excitement for her friend. “The others must know about this!”

“And they will, I just want to get through this date first. So, please just keep this between us until then.”

“Oh, alright. Nothing about you and Deadpool will leave this room.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, what are we waiting for?! Let’s get you ready for your magical night!”

Rarity grabbed Twilight by one of her hooves, and dragged her to her workroom, so she can get started on making her a dress. Meanwhile, Deadpool was at the Ponyville marketplace. He walked over to a flower stand that had a sign with a hot pink flower on it. The stand was attended by an earth pony mare. She had a pale yellow coat, a raspberry red mane and tail with lighter red streaks, green eyes, and a rose cutie mark.

“Deadpool! What brings you to my stand?” Asked the mare.

“Hey, Rose. I wanted to get some flowers for a special somepony,” Replied Deadpool.

“Aww! Who’s the lucky mare?” Asked Rose.

“Twilight Sparkle. I was hoping to get a bouquet of flowers for her.”

“Certainly! What would you like?”

Deadpool looked at the wide selection of flowers on display. Their vibrant colors were pleasing to the eye, and the aromas freshened the senses.

(How about we get some lavender? It matches Twilight’s coat.)

(Lavender symbolizes distrust, dumbass.)

“Yeah, aren’t you familiar with the language of the flowers?”

(I thought lavender represented scented candles.)

(You’re a lost cause.)

“I’ll take a couple of leather flowers, a couple of purple geraniums, and throw in a red rose for the culture,” Said Deadpool.

Rose grabbed the flowers Deadpool requested, and put them all in a bouquet. Deadpool reached into his magic satchel, and pulled out a Hello Kitty wallet. He gave fifteen bits to Rose, which she accepted eagerly. He then began to walk away, carrying the bouquet of flowers cautiously.

“Thanks, Rose!” Said Deadpool.

“You're welcome, Wade! I hope Twilight enjoys the flowers!” Said Rose.

“Now that that’s done, let’s get ready for the date,” Said Deadpool to himself.

Later that evening, at the Golden Oak Library, Deadpool was pacing in the main library. Dressed in his tuxedo, he was ready for his date with Twilight. He was now waiting for her to return. He had butterflies in his stomach. He was pacing so much, he could’ve left impressions in the floor from where he was stepping.

“Oh, she’ll be here any moment. How do I smell?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(Like gunpowder and Axe body spray!)

(At least you don’t smell like greasy food anymore after that shower.)

“How about my tie? Is it properly aligned?”

(As straight as an erection!)

“Celestia, I am so nervous. I haven’t been out on a date in so long. It’s like I’m going out on my very first date all over again.”

(Just be… some parts of yourself, and everything will go great.)

“Wade, I’m back.”

Deadpool looked towards the entrance, and his heart skipped a beat. Standing before him was Twilight, wearing the newest dress Rarity created for her. It was pink with magenta edges, and it sparkled in the light. She also wore glass slippers that were of the same pink color, and sparkled as well. The pièce de résistance to Twilight’s attire was her mane. It was tied back in a ponytail, held together with a magenta bow.

“How do I look?” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool was left speechless by Twilight’s beauty. Any attempt at speech was met with intelligible words.

“I… uh… You look… hot. I mean sexy! I meant arousing! I-I mean… extraordinary!”

(Smooth, Romeo. Oh, and you should cross your hind legs.)

Doing as he was told, Deadpool discretely crossed his hind legs. Despite the mix up with his words, Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics.

“Oh, before I forget, I got these for you.”

Deadpool reached up into his sleeves, and pulled out the bouquet of flowers he got for her. Twilight happily grabbed them with her magic.

“These are so pretty, thank you! Are you ready to go?” Asked Twilight.

“Yup, and I found a great place to eat,” Answered Deadpool.

Twilight was about to reach a hoof towards Deadpool when she noticed he was still wearing his mask over his face.

“You’re really going to wear that on our date?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh, yeah. Don’t need to have everypony staring at what’s under this. Besides, with this on, everypony will know that you, Twilight Sparkle, are going out with the Deadpool!” Said Wade.

Twilight put a hoof to her chin, trying to come up with a way to persuade Deadpool to take his mask off. An idea came to her, and she gave Wade a warm smile.

“Don’t get me wrong, Deadpool is a great guy, but I wanted to go out on a date with Wade Wilson. That can’t happen if you wear that mask,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool was taken aback by Twilight’s kind words. Normally, people were disgusted or horrified by his true appearance, but Twilight was different. She didn’t find his appearance revolting, she accepted him for all of his parts. Still, he couldn’t help but have self doubt.

“But… What if everypony comments on my appearance?” Said Deadpool sadly.

“Then they’ll have to deal with me! You shouldn’t have to be afraid of what others think of your features. Besides, I think you’re handsome on the outside and the inside,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool and Twilight stood in the main library for what felt like an eternity. Wade grabbed his mask, and took it off, revealing his scarred face. Twilight smiled upon seeing his face, which Deadpool returned with a smile of his own.

“Thank you, Twilight. It means a lot,” Said Wade.

“Of course, and I meant every word. How about we go eat?” Suggested Twilight.

Before she knew it, her left fore hoof was held in Wade’s right. They walked through the door, and shut the door behind them. As they walked through the streets of Ponyville, they took in the Equestrian night sky. All of the stars were out tonight, and Luna’s Moon was in its full phase, illuminating the night sky. Eventually, they arrived outside of a small building. A sign above the doorway read “Le cuisine doré”.

“Wow! I know you said you weren’t going to take me out for cherrychangas, but this is one of Ponyville’s top restaurants! You didn’t have to take me anywhere fancy, Wade,” Said Twilight.

“I know, but I wanted to. I earned quite a bit of money after completing a job as Equestria’s hero for hire. I’m not a member of the Heroes for Hire, I’m just a hero for hire. I have been trying to join them, but Luke Cage and Iron Hoof haven’t responded to any of my letters,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, you’re rambling again.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Deadpool walked up to a pair of double doors, and opened one of them. “Mares first.”

Twilight smiled at Wade’s gesture, and walked through the door, with Wade following behind her. As soon as they entered, they were left in awe by the interior of the restaurant. The whole establishment was bathed in a dim light, cast by ornate chandeliers. The walls were lined with paintings of various sceneries from Equestria’s natural world and Equestrian society. The floor they stood on was covered in a lush carpet. They walked up to a podium, where they were greeted by a unicorn stallion wearing a waiter’s uniform. The moment he looked up, the waiter was mildly shocked by Wade’s appearance. Thankfully, he regained his composure.

“Good evening, and welcome to Le cuisine doré. How may I be of service?” Asked the waiter with a British accent.

“Table for two, please,” Said Wade.

“Do you have a reservation?”

“I do.”

“Let’s see…” The waiter picked up a clipboard through the use of his magic, and combed through many sheets of paper. “Are you Wayne?”

“Yup, that’s me, Wade Wayne. Gotham born playboy, billionaire philanthropist. I am totally not Batman,” Said Deadpool.

The waiter looked at him out of confusion before grabbing two menus.

“Very well. Please follow me to your table.”

The stallion directed them to the right and up the center aisle. Once they arrived at the middle table, the waiter placed both menus on the table. Wade sat in one chair, while Twilight sat in the other across from him.

“Your waiter will be here shortly, and thank you for dining here at Le cuisine doré,” Said the waiter.

Once the waiter left, Twilight spoke to Deadpool.

“Your last name is Wilson,” Said Twilight.

“I know!” Said Wade with a chuckle.

“Then why did you put down Wayne for the reservation?”

“Because I wanted to poke fun at Batman. You know, I could be Batman. We’re both brooding knights of justice with cool shit. And both our parents are dead! Well, my father’s dead... to me.”

Twilight was confused by Deadpool’s rambling. The only thing she could say was -

“... Okay?”

A pegasus mare wearing a similar outfit to the previous waiter walked up to them. She too was taken aback by Wade’s appearance, but regained her composure.

“Good evening. Could I get you two anything to drink?” Asked the waitress.

“I’ll just have water, please,” Said Twilight.

“And for you, sir?”

Deadpool was looking at a list of wines. Once making his choice, he turned his attention to the waitress.

“I’ll have a glass of chardonnay mixed with a little moscato. Oh, and I’d like a lemon wedge with that,” Said Deadpool.

“... Okay. I will be back with your drinks shortly.”

The waitress left with a perplexed look on her face. Twilight also had a perplexed look.

“That’s an odd request,” Said Twilight.

“I know, but I figured what other way to celebrate our first date than with a concoction of two of my favorite wines,” Said Deadpool.

“Speaking of drinks: while it’s fine that you’re having a drink tonight, I think I should tell you that... you have a drinking problem, Wade.”

“Nah, I have it all figured out. I’m going to die permanently someday, and it’s going to be by my terms. That being lying on an actual mattress made of cash in a mansion in Canterlot, and having drinked enough vodka to kill a small whale from alcohol poisoning.”

“Well, hopefully you get your wish, and that your healing factor doesn’t get in the way of that,” Said Twilight sarcastically and with an eye roll. “I’m not saying that I want you to quit drinking, I just want you to cut back on how much alcohol you consume. In the time I have known you, I don’t think I have ever seen you drink a single glass of water.”

“I’m conserving water by drinking alcohol. I mean, we’re in a water crisis you know.”

(We’re in Equestria, not California. We have plenty of water.)

Before Twilight could give a rebuttal, the waitress returned with their drinks. She gave Twilight her water, and Wade his chardonnay/moscato mix.

“Here are your drinks. Is there anything else I can get for you, or are you two ready to order?” Asked the waitress.

“I’m ready, what about you?” Asked Twilight to Wade.

“I am,” Answered Wade.

“I will have the avocado caprese salad.”

“Excellent choice. And for you, sir?” Said the waitress.

“... I think I know what I want, but I have one question,” Said Wade.

“Yes?”

“... Do you serve cherrychangas?”

Not long after Wade asked his question, Twilight burst out laughing. Her laughter could be heard throughout the restaurant, attracting the attention of the other patrons. The waitress looked at Wade then Twilight with a brow raised.

“I’m afraid we don’t serve that in this establishment,” Informed the waitress.

“Darn. Okay then, I’ll have the grilled vegetable gratin,” Said Wade.

“Very good. I will put in your orders right away. And please feel free to call for me if you need anything.”

The waitress went to fill in their orders, leaving Wade and Twilight, who was still laughing her ass off, to themselves.

“No cherrychangas? And I thought this place had some culture,” Said Deadpool with a sigh.

“Please, stop! You’re going to make me pee!” Said Twilight in between laughs.

Twilight continued to laugh for a couple more minutes before finally stopping. She clutched her stomach with a hoof due to how hard she laughed.

“I didn’t realize cherrychangas were funny to you,” Said Wade with a wry smile.

“I don’t, I guess it caught me off guard. I know you like them so much, but I didn’t think you would ask for them here. “Told you he was funny, Rarity,” Thought Twilight.

“I’m most hilarious when no one expects it.”

As the minutes went by, the two ponies were left in awkward silence. They were trying to come up with some small talk, but no one made a move. Deadpool grabbed a flashcard from one of his pockets, and read it.

“Uh, wonderful weather we’re having, isn’t it?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah, it is,” Replied Twilight.

“Let’s see… How many siblings do you have?”

“Two. Shining Armor and Spike. Where did you get these conversation openers?”

“... Conversationstartersworld.com.”

“We’ve known each other for over a year now, Wade. We should be able to talk to each other. Here, I have something in mind. How are you feeling about not wearing your mask in public?”

“You were right, I had nothing to fear. Nopony bothered me or made crude comments about my face. I did catch a few ponies looking at me funny, but I ignored them. And if they did bother me, I am not afraid to ruff ‘em up. As evidenced in the seventh chapter when I beat the shit out of Blueblood.”

“Good to hear. How about you try asking me something?”

“Okay.” Deadpool took a long moment to come up with a question. “Uh, do you like… knives?”

Before Twilight could give an answer, the waitress returned with two trays of food.

“I have the avocado caprese salad for you, Madam, and the grilled vegetable gratin for you, Sir. I’ll be back to check up on how you’re doing,” Said the waitress.

She gave the couple their meals, both of them saying thanks. She then left them to their meals.

“Ah, yeah! Food’s here!” Said Deadpool with excitement.

“Let’s dig in, shall we?” Said Twilight.

Both ponies began to eat eagerly due to the fact that they were famished. In a few minutes, they finished their meals.

“Wow, that was great! How was your’s, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“It’s no cherrychanga, but I liked it. By the way, I’m convinced that waiters are trained to ask if a customer's meal is to their liking when they have food in their mouth. Our waitress didn’t come by until I literally took a bite out of my gratin,” Said Wade.

“Oh, stop!” Said Twilight affectionately.

Just then, the waitress returned.

“Was everything to your liking?” Asked the waitress. Both ponies nodded their heads in response. “Wonderful, I will leave your bill here when you are ready.”

As she walked away, Deadpool grabbed the bill.

“Okay, let’s see what the damage is.” Deadpool only had to look at the bill for a quick second for his eyes to grow to the size of saucers, and for his teeth to grind. “What the fuck?!”

Deadpool’s choice of words caught the attention of every patron in the restaurant. His mouth formed into a nervous smile, and he scratched the back of his head.

“Um… Pardon my Prench,” Said Wade nervously.

After reluctantly paying the bill, Deadpool and Twilight made their way home. Once they arrived at the front door, they stopped to face each other.

“I had a great time with you, Wade,” Said Twilight.

“Me too. I’m glad you gave this washed up stallion a chance to take you out. I was actually wondering, would it be too soon to ask if you would be my marefriend?” Asked Wade.

“Hmm… Under different circumstances, I would say yes. But I have known you long enough that I only need one date to know that I want you as my coltfriend,” Answered Twilight.

“Awesome!”

Deadpool and Twilight stood outside for a couple quiet minutes, looking into each other's eyes before Twilight scratched her chin.

“Something feels missing,” Said Twilight.

“Hmm… Oh! I have an idea,” Said Wade.

“Yes?”

“I say let’s do something that will piss off the Pinkie Pie/Deadpool shippers,” Said Deadpool seductively.

Deadpool leaned towards Twilight, with her following suit. They both pressed their lips together, and kissed. They stayed like that for a solid minute before breaking apart for air. Deadpool opened the door for Twilight, and she went inside. Deadpool then looked towards you, the reader, and gave you a wink. He then closed the door behind him, ending the night they will remember for years to come.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! Be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, because it will revolve around a critical moment from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a good day!

Chapter 19: Equestria's Newest Princess
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 19: Equestria's Newest Princess

Celestia’s sun rose across the sky, casting light across the land of Equestria. In the town of Ponyville, beams of sunlight lit up the bedroom of Twilight Sparkle. The sunlight in her eyes stirred her from her slumber. Shifting in her bed, she felt something solid touch her back. Curious as to what she felt, she turned around in her bed, and opened her eyes slightly. Laying on the opposite side of the bed was Wade Wilson. He was asleep on his side, back facing Twilight. A smile formed on her face, and she wrapped an arm around him. They stayed in this position for a few minutes before Deadpool turned onto his back. He slowly opened his eyes, then looked at Twilight. He smiled affectionately, then placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Hey… Morning,” Said Deadpool tiredly.

“Morning. How did you sleep?” Asked Twilight.

“Good. I had the weirdest dream last night. I was Spider-Pony, but when I at some point took my mask off, instead of my face, I had Wolverine's face. I think that drink I had on our date last night had a hoof in it."

Twilight shook her head, but with a smile on her face. She hopped out of bed, with Wade following behind her. While he was putting on one of his trademark suits, she opened her bedroom window, and took a deep breath, breathing in the fresh morning air.

“It’s so beautiful outside this morning! I can tell today is going to be a great day!” Said Twilight enthusiastically.

“Are you about to sing?” Asked Deadpool.

“You know what? I think I will!” Replied Twilight.

“Well, have fun. I would listen to your musical number, but I just woke up. I will be downstairs, getting myself a cup of coffee.”

Once Deadpool left the room, Twilight began to sing. During her singing, she woke up Spike, who was irritated from being woken up. She even went outside and singed for all of Ponyville to hear. Eventually, she got to the chorus of her song. She was about to finish it, when suddenly water poured onto her head. Left with a soaked mane, she was annoyed to say the least. That was when Deadpool met up with her outside, holding a cup of coffee.

(Oh, look! Twilight’s “wet”!)

(She couldn’t resist us!)

“Seems like a certain rainbow-maned pegasus has rained on your parade,” Remarked Deadpool.

“Rainbow Dash, that’s not funny!” Said Twilight irritatedly.

“Terribly sorry, darling. I’m afraid I’m not good with the… thundery ones.”

Twilight did a double take. She expected to hear Rainbow Dash telling her she needed to lighten up. Instead, she heard the voice of one of her other friends - Rarity. Looking over her right, she saw her. The unicorn fashionista was standing on a bridge, trying to control miniature storm clouds with the aid of her magic. Her efforts were to no avail, though. When she turned her back for a brief moment, Twilight saw a surprising sight. On Rarity’s flank was not her cutie mark consisting of three diamonds, but Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark of a cloud with a rainbow lightning bolt.

“Something tells me everything is not going to be fine,” Said Twilight.

She and Deadpool watched in confusion as Rarity was struggling to control the weather. The area around them was either being soaked in a downpour or covered in a blanket of snow. Deadpool took one last sip of his coffee before looking inside his mug, which had the words “#1 Superhero” written on it.

“Am I tripping, or is Rarity doing Rainbow Dash’s job? Did I put too much sugar in my coffee? I suppose twenty-four scoops of sugar was a bit of an overkill,” Mumbled Deadpool.

“What are you doing? What happened to your cutie mark?” Asked Twilight to Rarity.

“Whatever do you mean, Twilight? I’m simply doing what I’ve done since the day it first appeared. Does my sky look fabulous or what?”

The citizens of Ponyville don’t seem to think the sky was great. A crowd formed around the group of friends, complaining to Rarity about the weather.

“Too last season?” Asked Rarity.

“Where is Rainbow Dash? Why isn’t she handling this?” Asked Twilight.

She tried to ask Rarity, but her voice was drowned out by the angry bickering of the crowd. A few minutes later, Twilight, Deadpool, and, now joining them, Spike, were traveling down the dirt road leading to Fluttershy’s cottage. Spike let out a yawn, having just got out of bed, despite Twilight waking him earlier.

“I still don’t know what you had to wake me up for. I love sleeping in the rain,” Said Spike tiredly.

“It’s not about the weather, Spike. Rarity had Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark, and said this was Rainbow Dash’s cottage. Something strange is going on,” Said Twilight.

“Hold on, Twilight. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Maybe there’s some new technology that allows you to change your cutie mark, like a magic tattoo pen. If that’s true, I could finally replace my cutie mark with my logo,” Said Deadpool.

The three friends stopped at the door to “Rainbow Dash’s” cottage. Twilight reached a foreleg out, and knocked on the door. The door opened slightly, and Rainbow Dash poked her head out.

“Hey, guys,” Greeted Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow Dash! Why is Rarity doing your job?” Asked Twilight.

CRASH!

Before Rainbow Dash could answer Twilight’s question, a loud crash was heard inside the cottage. Rainbow Dash, quick as ever, flew inside frantically.

“And what in Equestria is going on in… here?”

Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike were left speechless at the sight before them. Animals of all kinds, from songbirds to squirrels, to raccoons and even a seal, were causing a ruckus inside the cottage. Rainbow Dash tried to get them to calm down, but to no avail.

“The animals haven’t been listening to me today. They’ve been acting up all day,” Said Rainbow.

“She has Fluttershy’s cutie mark, just like how Rarity has hers,” Whispered Deadpool to Twilight.

“Rainbow Dash, why do you have Fluttershy’s cutie mark?” Asked Twilight.

“What do you mean, Twilight? This is the cutie mark I’ve had since I was a little filly,” Said Rainbow.

“This doesn’t make sense. What happened to you and Rarity?”

“This… This is the plot of the chapter. I bet the rest of our friends have had their cutie marks switched too!”

Out of excitement for discovering the plot to the chapter, Deadpool got up on his hind legs, and threw his arms back. He hit something with his right arm. He looked over his shoulder to see what he hit. Standing behind him was a large brown bear, glaring at him. The bear grabbed him by the throat, and began to take him outside.

“Harry… I didn’t mean to… Rainbow Dash, help!” Said Deadpool in between breaths.

“Now, Harry, Wade didn’t mean to hit you. Please, let him go,” Ordered Rainbow.

Harry ignored her, and shut the door behind him. The sounds of punching and scratching could be heard outside, along with the sounds of Wade screaming.

“Ahhhhhhh!”

A little while later, at Sugarcube Corner, Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike were standing in front of the entrance. The former was leaning up against the door for support, having endured a bear attack. His costume was ripped to shreds as evidence of what happened.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go home and rest, Wade? Harry did a number on you,” Said Twilight.

“I appreciate the concern, Twi, but I will be alright. Harry and I are cool, now. I’m just glad I received the bear version of ‘roughed up a little’, Said Wade.

Opening the door, the group of friends saw a large crowd of ponies gathered in the center of the room. In the center of the crowd was Fluttershy. Having Pinkie Pie’s cutie mark, she was trying to make the crowd laugh. She wore a pair of glasses with a fake nose and hairy eyebrows and moustache on it. Not even getting a chuckle out of the crowd, she tossed the glasses aside. She then grabbed a party horn, and blew into it, producing a single note. The crowd started laughing, bringing joy to Fluttershy. But then she looked towards the exit, and realized the crowd wasn’t laughing because of her. When she tossed the glasses, they ended up landing on Spike’s face, and he was doing a little dance. It was because of him why they were laughing.

“Hey, Fluttershy. What are you doing?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m trying to get all of these ponies to laugh, but nothing I’m doing is working,” Answered Fluttershy.

“Well, apparently you can ask Spike for pointers.” Deadpool pointed towards Spike, who still had the glasses on his face. “Of course, you can talk to me for comedy advice. People laugh every time I break the fourth wall. Right, readers?”

“Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash is in your cottage, and has your cutie mark. What happened to you two?” Asked Twilight.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Twilight. I live and work here in Sugarcube Corner, and I’ve had my cutie mark since I was small. It’s my destiny to bring smiles and laughter to others,” Said Fluttershy.

“Just like Rarity and Rainbow Dash, she thinks her cutie mark is the one she’s had since she was a filly. Come on guys, let’s go check on Pinkie and Applejack.”

The next stop was Sweet Apple Acres. Searching the orchards, Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike found Pinkie Pie. She was lying on her back facing the ground, apples scattered all over the ground. Upon close inspection of her flank, one could see she had Applejack’s cutie mark. That was not the only thing different about her, though. Her mane and tail were straightened, “deflated” if you will.

“Pinkie, are you okay?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m fine, the trees are being stubborn today, that’s all.” Pinkie got up, and placed all of the apples on the ground into buckets. “What brings you guys here to my family orchard?”

“You, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy have had your cutie marks swapped. I was hoping you might know what happened.”

“Sorry, Twi, but I have no idea what you are talking about. I’ve had this cutie mark for years, and so have the others. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more apples to buck.”

“Would you at least like some help, ‘Apple Pie’?” Asked Deadpool.

“That’s kind of you, but I got this.”

Pinkie Pie turned her back on a tree, and bucked it. Unfortunately, her hind legs bounced off the tree, and she fell on her face. As soon as she got back up, she noticed shurikens tossed overhead. They clipped the stems of the apples on the tree, and the red fruits fell into buckets. Looking straight ahead, she saw Deadpool, holding a couple shurikens in his hoof.

“On second thought, maybe I will take you up on your offer,” Said Pinkie.

After helping Pinkie, they had one more stop to make. Arriving at the Carousel Boutique, they saw Applejack working on dresses. Despite having Rarity’s cutie mark, she doesn’t have her skill in fashion design. Every dress she made was either rags sewn together, or a mish-mash of random clothes.

“Jeez. Remind me to never go to Applejack for help with patching up my suit,” Muttered Deadpool.

“Wade, I’m glad you’re here. I have somethin’ I want ya to try on,” Said Applejack.

“I just remembered that Fluttershy wanted to practice some new jokes on me.”

Deadpool tried to escape, but Applejack grabbed him before he could get out the door. She then dragged him behind a curtain. After a minute, she came out from behind the curtain with Wade following her. Wade was wearing a purple hoop skirt, red clown shoes on all four of his hooves, and a sombrero that was upside down in a goofy fashion. He still wore his suit

“So, what do ya think?” Applejack directed Deadpool to a mirror, showing him his outfit. “I came up with it just now.”

“What do I think? I think I will be… the newest fashion sensation! I have to show this to Ponyville!”

Deadpool ran outside, slamming the door behind him. Not even a second later, laughter from multiple ponies could be heard from outside. Deadpool walked back inside, looking rather glum.

“I was not the newest fashion sensation. I was what I always have been - comedy relief,” Said Deadpool glumly.

“Another dud. Onto the next project I suppose,” Said Applejack.

“Let me guess, Applejack, you have had that cutie mark since you were a little filly?” Questioned Twilight.

“Yup, ever since I got this here cutie mark, I knew it was my destiny to become a fashionista.”

Having gotten her answer, Twilight tried to think of how her friends had their cutie marks swapped. An idea came to her eventually, causing her to panic. She ran out the door, with Spike and Deadpool (who was now wearing just his suit) following behind her. After a quick run, they all returned home to the Golden Oak Library. Twilight paced around the room, looking rather worried.

“This is bad. This is very, very bad,” Said Twilight.

“What’s going on? Why is this happening?!” Asked Spike.

“Last night, when you were taking one of your seven hour bubble baths and Wade and I returned home, I got a special delivery from the princess…”

Twelve hours earlier...

Twilight was in the main library. She and Wade had just returned from their date, the latter was getting ready for bed. Twilight herself was getting ready to turn in for the night too when she heard a knock at her door. She opened the door, revealing a mail-pony.

“Package for Ms. Twilight Sparkle.”

The mail-pony gave Twilight a small package. Unfortunately for him, before he could get her signature, she shut the door. Opening the package, its contents contained a letter and a leather bound book. The former was written by Twilight’s mentor, Princess Celestia. She first started by reading the scroll.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle. The spell contained on the last page of this book is Star Swirl the Bearded’s secret unfinished masterpiece.” Twilight gasped out of excitement, looking at the book she held in her magic with awe. “He was never able to get it right, and thus abandoned it. I believe you are the only pony who can understand and rewrite it. Princess Celestia.”

Opening the book to the final page, Twilight found the aforementioned spell. She only needed a quick glance at it in order to memorize it.

“From one to another, another to one. A mark of one’s destiny singled out alone, fulfilled.”

Behind Twilight was a large glass display case. It contained the Elements of Harmony. After she had cast the spell, her Element glowed, and cast a beam of magic at the rest of the Elements. The colors of the five Elements were swapped, while the Element of Magic was untouched. This went unnoticed by Twilight.

“That doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t even rhyme!”

Deciding to look over the spell again at a different time, Twilight set the book down on the center island, and went upstairs to bed.

Back in the present day, she looked at the display case containing the Elements of Harmony. The colors of her friends’ Elements remained swapped.

“I cast the spell, so I could find out what it was, but nothing seemed to happen. But now I know something DID happen. The spell has changed the Elements of Harmony! That must be why their cutie marks are wrong!” Reasoned Twilight.

“So, just cast a counterspell to switch them back,” Said Spike.

Twilight grabbed the book, and searched through its contents. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find a counterspell.

“Oh. There is no counterspell!” Said Twilight.

“Hmm… Oh, big brain idea! How about you use that memory spell you used to fix me and everypony else when Discord was bad?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Not a bad idea, Wade, but it’s not their memories that have been affected. It’s their true selves that have been altered!”

“Zecora’s cure for the cutie pox?” Suggested Spike.

“That won’t work either.”

“Reboot the entire franchise?” Suggested Deadpool.

Ignoring Deadpool, Twilight gave Spike the book. She looked down at the floor while walking slowly upstairs.

“Well (Sigh), maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe our friends will grow to like their new lives,” Said Spike optimistically.

“Or at least give fanfiction writers ideas for what if stories,” Added Deadpool.

“No guys, they’re not who they are meant to be anymore. Their destinies are now changed, and it’s all my fault,” Said Twilight sadly.

Deadpool followed closely behind her.

“Come on, Twilight. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We can still find a way to-”

“Wade, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but I need to be left alone right now.”

Deadpool stopped following her, respecting her wish. He climbed down the stairs, and found Spike starting to tear up. He put a hoof on his shoulder, and, even though he was wearing a mask, a reassuring look can be seen on his face.

Two hours later...

After giving her some time for herself, Deadpool decided to attempt to cheer up Twilight again. He walked up the stairs, and entered into her room. He found her lying on her bed and staring at her bedroom window. He slowly walked over to her, and tapped her shoulder. She gave him a quick glance before looking back at the window. Deadpool took a seat to her right.

“I know you wanted to be left alone, but it’s been a couple hours, and we need to move the plot along. So, do you want to talk?” Asked Deadpool.

“Oh, Wade, what have I done?” Asked Twilight.

“Twilight, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, including me. Although I guess it’s more appropriate to call my mistakes fuck ups, since they usually involve somepony getting killed or explosions… or both. But I digress. You’ll figure out a way to fix this. They are your friends after all,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight starred off in the distance, thinking of Deadpool’s words. She then gave a look of determination before climbing out of bed.

“You’re right, Wade. And they mean more to me than anything,” Said Twilight.

“Even more than your very handsome and amazing coltfriend?” Asked Wade.

“I hold you and our friends to the same level of value, silly. After all, you are my friend as well as my coltfriend,” Said Twilight with an eye roll.

Twilight leaned towards Wade, and kissed him on the cheek, causing his eyes to form into the shape of hearts. She walked over to a fireplace, and looked at a single picture above it. It was a picture of her, Wade, Spike, and their friends. They were all in a field, looking at the camera with the most happiest of smiles. Looking at the picture made Twilight herself smile. Suddenly, she began to glow and sparkle.

“Uh, Twi, you’re glowing,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight levitated into the air, and the symbol of her cutie mark flashed in her eyes. She then floated back down, and the glowing aura around her disappeared.

“I’ve got it! I know what to do!”

Twilight grabbed a chest from her room, then went downstairs. She removed the glass from the display case containing the Elements of Harmony, then put all of them but her Element in the chest, and gave it to Spike. She put her Element crown on her head.

“I may not be able to remind them of who they are, but I can show them what they mean to each other. They’ll find the part of themselves that’s been lost, so they can help the friend they care about so much! Come on, Spike and Wade!”

With Spike and Wade in tow, Twilight ran to save her friends. Meanwhile, Fluttershy was carrying a satchel over to a mare with a hot air balloon. She gave the mare a few bits before Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike arrived.

“Fluttershy, wait!” Shouted Twilight.

“Oh. Hey, Twilight,” Greeted Fluttershy glumly.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m moving back to Cloudsdale. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I can’t seem to make anypony laugh.”

Fluttershy grabbed a whoopie cushion from her satchel, and pressed down on it. It barely made any noise.

(Now that’s just pathetic.)

“So you think it’s best to pack up and ride the air currents like a hobo pegasus?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

“I’m sorry, Deadpool, but it’s what I need to do. I just can’t stay here any longer,” Said Fluttershy sadily.

“Before you go, I was wondering if you might be willing to help Rainbow Dash? She’s really struggling with her animals,” Said Twilight.

“But… I don’t really know anything about animals,” Said Fluttershy while nervously twirling her hooves.

“Bull shit! Caring for animals is your thing, Fluttershy! Snap out of it!”

Deadpool shook Fluttershy rather violently, trying in his own way to "help" her. Thankfully, Twilight forced him to let go by surrounding him in a magical field. She moved him a few feet away before letting him go.

“Wade! What are you doing?!” Asked Twilight.

“I was trying to help Fluttershy,” Answered Deadpool.

“By scaring the poor thing half to death?!”

“It’s called the direct approach.”

Twilight walked back over to Fluttershy, ignoring Deadpool’s logic.

“You may not know much about animals, but you do know something about Rainbow Dash,” Said Twilight.

“I… know that she’s a true friend, and I’ll do anything I can to help her,” Said Fluttershy with determination.

The four friends traveled to the outskirts of Ponyville to “Rainbow Dash’s cottage”. Once they arrived, Twilight was about to knock on the door when a loud thump could be heard from the other side of the door.

“Rainbow Dash!” Cried Twilight.

“I’m in here!”

Everyone ran inside, finding a truly surprising sight. All of the animals in the cottage were carrying utensils. Little mice, squirrels, and rabbits were marching around a large cooking pot in the center of the room. Inside the pot was Rainbow Dash, tied up with rope, so she couldn't fly away or use her limbs.

“Help! I’m trapped!” Cried Rainbow Dash.

“Wade, maybe you should get her out before we get Fluttershy to…”

Twilight looked to her right, and saw Deadpool wasn’t there. The various noises of the animals grew louder, and she saw what was probably Wade’s most unusual antic yet. He was standing on a step stool, shirtless and wearing stripes of black paint on his mask. He was also carrying a ladle.

“Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!” Chanted Deadpool while moving the ladle up and down with both hooves over his head.

“WADE!” Twilight lost her patience with Wade. She was visibly seething with rage. “Go and wait for us outside!”

“... But… the sacrifice…” Said Wade timidly.

“Outside. NOW!” Ordered Twilight.

Deadpool grabbed his shirt, which was lying on the floor, and spoke to the animals before leaving.

“Sorry, guys. Have to do as she says. If I ever plan on killing somepony again, I will bring them here, so we can have another sacrifice.”

Wade shut the door behind him, leaving Twilight, Fluttershy, and Spike to themselves. Having just dealt with her coltfriend’s antics, Twilight took a deep breath to calm herself down.

“Hurry, Twilight! Can’t you do some sort of spell to get her out?” Asked Fluttershy frantically.

“No. Fluttershy. With Wade in time out, you’re the only one who can help. Rainbow Dash needs you,” Said Twilight.

With a nervous nod, Fluttershy went over to the animals, and tried to speak to them.

“Um, hello? Little woodland creatures. I know that you’re all very upset, and feel like giving Rainbow Dash a hard time, but we’d all really appreciate it if you would calm down and, um, maybe rest for a bit?”

The animals calmed down momentarily from hearing Fluttershy speak to them, and they lined up in front of her. Seeing her plan working got Twilight excited.

“Oh!” Fluttershy came up with an idea, and flew to the kitchen. When she returned, she had bowls of leafy greens, cucumber, and carrots; salad. She also brought some acorns. “Look! Here’s some nice, juicy leaves for you to munch on. And some crunchy munchy acorns too. Uh, wouldn’t you like to take a break and have a little snack?”

All of the animals dropped their untiensels, and gathered around the food. They were happily eating, and finally calmed down.

“Aww, look at that. I guess you were all just cranky because you were hungry,” Said Fluttershy.

A group of bunnies were happily munching on the salad, one of them being Angel. After he got his fill, he hopped into Fluttershy’s arms, and gave her a hug.

“Oh, you are very welcome, little friends.”

Harry the bear grabbed Fluttershy, and gave her a kiss on the forehead and held her in a “bear hug”.

“Your pun sucked, author!” Shouted Deadpool from outside.

Fluttershy started to glow pink. Twilight grabbed Fluttershy’s Element from the chest, and ran towards her.

“Goodness, it’s like I can understand them! I-I feel strange, like… Like this is what I’m meant to do. Like this is who I am! My DESTINY!”

Twilight attached the Element necklace around Fluttershy’s neck. As soon as it was attached, all of her memories returned to her. The glow disappeared, and Fluttershy flew down to the floor, feeling hazy.

“Wha-What happened?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy, look! Your cutie mark!” Said Twilight excitedly.

Looking at her flank, Fluttershy saw her cutie mark had indeed returned.

“It worked! It worked! Oh, I’m so happy you’re back to normal!” Twilight nuzzled Fluttershy affectionately, to which she reciprocated. “Now we need your help!”

“Um, hello? Friend trapped inside, remember?” Questioned Rainbow.

After helping Rainbow Dash get free from the pot, Twilight, Deadpool, Fluttershy, Spike, and Rainbow Dash made their way into town. Upon arriving, they found the town in either a downpour or a snowstorm. Rarity was there, trying to control the weather, but failing to do so.

“Whoa! What’s happening with the weather?” Asked Rainbow.

“Climate change,” Remarked Deadpool.

“Rarity needs your help controlling the weather,” Said Twilight.

“Can’t you use a spell to move the clouds?” Asked Rainbow.

“No, I can’t. You have to fly up there and move the clouds yourself. Please, Rainbow Dash; for Rarity,”

Rainbow Dash looked at Rarity. She was struggling to move a rain cloud, soaking her mane. Deciding she needed to help her, Dash flew up towards the cloud above Rarity. Hesitantly moving her back hoof towards the cloud, she gave it a light kick, destroying it and stopping the rain pouring down on Rarity. After looking astonished at destroying the cloud, she gave a confident smile towards Twilight and Fluttershy.

She flew across the sky, flying so fast she left a rainbow streak in her path. She rounded up every cloud covering Ponyville, then flew around them in a tight circle. She created a tornado around the clouds, and pushed it away from Ponyville. Flying back towards the ground, she wiped some sweat from her forehead. Twilight placed Dash’s Element around her neck, causing her to glow in a red aura. Her memories and cutie mark returned, and the aura disappeared.

“Uh, what just happened?” Asked Rainbow in confusion.

“There’s no time to explain, but we need your help. Applejack’s trying to make dresses!” Said Twilight.

“Say no more!”

Galloping as fast as a bolt of lightning, the group of friends made their way to Carousel Boutique. Upon arriving there, they noticed that the windows were bordered up with wooden boards. Opening the front door, they found Applejack struggling to use a sewing machine.

“Come on, Rarity, Applejack needs your help,” Said Rainbow.

“How could I be of any help? I don’t have any experience with making dresses. Maybe Deadpool can help? He has a stylish costume,” Said Rarity.

“Can we keep her like this? Her taste in fashion is so much better!” Said Deadpool.

“No, Applejack needs you, Rarity. Just give it a try,” Encouraged Rainbow.

Rarity looked around at all of the fabrics around the shop, then an idea came into her head. With a look of determination, she grabbed some fabric, and moved Applejack from the sewing machine. In a matter of minutes, Rarity had sketched a design, and sewed a new dress. It was a purple dress with her cutie mark on the front. A purple aura enveloped her, and Twilight gave her her Element. Her memories and cutie mark returned, and she collapsed on a table. She awoke with a gasp.

“Oh my, what a terrible dream I had.”

Rarity looked at Applejack. She was standing next to a ponyquin, which had one of her outfits of a brown trench coat and a matching top hat on top.

“Or maybe I’m still having it.

“It looks like something the Mad Hatter would wear,” Said Deadpool.

“Rarity, Pinkie Pie is about to lose the apple farm. We need Applejack’s help,” Said Twilight.

“Lose the apple farm? Well, we can’t let that happen, now can we?”

After a few minutes, the group arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. They were shocked at the state of some of the apple trees. The trees in the immediate area were bare of any leaves. They died in a single day.

“Jesus Christ. Clearly Pinkie Pie doesn’t have a green thumb. Or hoof in her case,” Said Deadpool.

“There she is.”

Rainbow Dash pointed at the big red barn. Pinkie Pie was trying to fix a water chute above the entrance, but was having trouble lifting it. Not needing much encouragement to help, Applejack grabbed the water chute, and lifted it back up to its original position. Pinkie Pie smiled, grateful for Applejack’s help.

Over the course of a couple hours, Applejack harvested the apples from any of the trees that survived and planted seeds to replace the trees that died. She began to glow an orange color, and Twilight gave her her Element. Her memories and cutie mark returned in a matter of seconds.

“Yee-haw! Now that’s more like it! What’s next?” Asked Applejack.

“The townspeople are furious. We need the old Pinkie back,” Said Twilight.

“I’m on it. I know just the thing.”

After a little walk, the group arrived back in Ponyville. As soon as they walked into town, they noticed a crowd of ponies arguing with each other.

“Everypony sure looks upset,” Said Pinkie.

“Ditto. They need you, Pinkie. Only you can help cheer them up,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, okay. But where do I start?”

“Well, you’re going to need this.”

Deadpool pulled out the glasses with the fake nose and bushy eyebrows and moustache, and handed it to Pinkie. Twilight also gave her her Element. With a determined smile, Pinkie ran through the crowd, glowing in a sky blue aura. She stopped in front of a water fountain in the middle of the crowd. She then stood on her hind legs, and spread her arms upwards.

“... Ha… Ha ha ha!”

The pose along with the glasses caused a few chuckles in the crowd. Soon the entire crowd was bursting out in laughter, their anger having been forgotten. Her flank was cast in a blinding light before disappearing and revealing her real cutie mark. Her memories were also restored, and her mane and tail puffed up into their original curly style. Throwing off her glasses, she gave one of her signature smiles.

“Come on ponies, I wanna see you smile!” Said Pinkie happily.

The crowd cried “PINKIE” before cheering. Her friends ran up to the fountain, and all of them (Deadpool included) embraced each other in a group hug. The bearers of the Elements of Harmony were restored. While embraced by her friends, Twilight remembered a line from Star Swirl the Bearded’s spell.

“A mark of one’s destiny, singled out alone, fulfilled.”

“(Gasp) Wait a second, that’s it! I understand now! I know how to fix the spell!”

Breaking from the group hug, Twilight ran home. With her friends behind her, she burst through the door. She grabbed the book containing the spell and a quill. She began to add to the spell.

“From all of us together, together we’re friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end!”

Finishing the spell, Twilight closed the spell book with a satisfied look on her face. Her Element mysteriously began to glow, and a small burst of magic emitted from it. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash’s Element cast a beam of red magic at Twilight. Then the rest of the Elements cast beams of magic towards her as well, surrounding her in a sphere of light. Everyone in the room was startled, not knowing what was happening. In a matter of seconds, the entire room was consumed in light. When it disappeared, everyone tried to recover from the bright light.

“What happened?” Asked Fluttershy.

Everyone gasped out of shock when they looked towards the center of the room. Twilight was gone. Where she once stood, all that remained was a large, smoking scorch mark. Deadpool ran over to the scorch mark, and fell onto his knees.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Deadpool smacked a hoof over the scorch mark in grief. “Why?! Why her?! She was too good to die! So beautiful! Why does this shit always happen to me?! We haven’t even gotten to go on a second date!”

“What?!”

Hearing what he said, everyone except for Rarity (who already knew) was surprised to hear that Deadpool and Twilight had gone out on a date.

“Oh, yeah. We haven’t told you guys yet,” Said Deadpool with a nervous chuckle.

A few minutes later, Twilight opened her eyes. Once she took in her surroundings, she realized she was somewhere far, “far” from the library. She was floating in an ethereal space. All around her were stars and nebulae.

“Hello?” Despite being in space, her voice echoed all around her. “Where am I? What is this place?”

“Congratulations, Twilight. I knew you could do it.”

Twilight heard the sound of a familiar voice from all around her. Ahead of her, a figure was walking towards her. Once they got close enough, she saw it was her mentor - Princess Celestia. Twilight found herself able to move, and walked over to greet and embrace her mentor.

“Princess. I don’t understand. What did I do?” Asked Twilight.

“You did something today that’s never been done before...” Celestia summoned Star Swirl the Bearded’s spell book, and opened it to the last page containing the spell Twilight finished. “Something even a great unicorn like Star Swirl the Bearded was not able to do, because he did not understand friendship like you do. The lessons you have learned here in Ponyville have taught you well. You have proven that you’re ready, Twilight.”

“Ready? Ready for what?”

Celestia gestured for Twilight to follow her. They walked on a path made of stars. On their sides, images floated by. They were depicting key moments in Twilight’s life. Her friends, defeating mighty foes, her studies of magic and friendship, it was all there.

“I am proud of you, Twilight. Ever since the day I met you as a little filly, I knew you would become something extraordinary. You and your friends have saved Equestria four times over now, you have excelled in your studies, and you guided a troubled hero on a straight path to true heroism. (Chuckle) And I see you have stepped into a new stage in your relationship with him.”

Twilight looked in the direction Celestia was looking, and she gasped out of shock. An image appeared of her and Deadpool. It was the moment she and Deadpool first kissed, after she was saved from Carnage. Her face grew hot with embarrassment, while Celestia was chuckling.

“It is time for the next stage of your life, Twilight. It is time to fulfill your destiny.”

Celestia spread her angelic wings, and flew slowly into the air. A blinding white light glowed around her form. That was when a magenta blob emerged from Twilight’s chest, and began to swirl around her. A pulsing white light grew from her very core, and her mane and tail blew around like she was caught in a strong gale. Her form disappeared in the light, before the light burst.

Meanwhile, in front of the Golden Oak Library, Deadpool walked up to a podium in front of a wooden coffin. On the left side of the coffin was an easel holding up a portrait of Twilight. The rest of the Mane Six and Spike sat in chairs a few feet away from the coffin. Everyone seemed annoyed except for Pinkie Pie. Her eyes were watering, and she wore a black veil over her face. Deadpool pulled out some papers from somewhere, looked over them quickly, then looked at his friends.

“Ah-Ahem. Websters defines magic as ‘an extraordinary power or influence seemingly from a supernatural source.’ Twilight epitomized magic. Who could brighten up the moods of everyone with her smile? Twilight. Who could you turn to for advice? Twilight. No one told you life was going to be this way. You didn’t know that your life would end at the hooves of your mare friends by the use of friendship lazers,” Said Deadpool.

“We’re monsters!” Cried Pinkie tearfully.

“Now wait just a minute! We did not-”

“Shut up, Rainbow! I’m trying to deliver a touching eulogy! I don’t need you to interrupt me with your lies, marefriend murderer!” Deadpool took a deep breath, and calmed down. “I’m sorry. Death is hard for me.”

(This coming from the stallion who used to slaughter bad ponies before breakfast.)

“At least Twilight died with the ponies she held close; her dragon assistant, the stallion who is the living definition of sex appeal, and her bestest friends in the whole world… Who ended up killing her.”

That accusation earned him a growl from Rainbow Dash.

“Twilight was many things: Organized, studious, knowledgeable. About the world we live in as she was about magic and friendship. She had courage, power, and an unmatched beauty. She may be gone, but her voice will live on in Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, and the talented voice actress Tara Strong.”

Tears began to form in Deadpool’s eyes, and they trailed down his cheeks.

“... I may have lost both a marefriend and best friend, but Heaven has gained a princess.”

(Wow. [Sniffle] That almost sounded like foreshadowing.)

(Th-That was beautiful. [Crying])

With his eulogy finished, Deadpool used a sleeve to wipe his tears away. His friends were touched by the end of his eulogy. Pinkie Pie was bawling, while Rarity and Fluttershy were tearing up. Suddenly, a blinding light in the form of Twilight’s cutie mark appeared in the sky. Everyone was blinded by the light. The cutie mark floated gently towards the ground. It disappeared, leaving a large orb of white light. The light dimmed, revealing a silhouette of a pony.

“Twilight? Is that you?” Asked Applejack.

The light faded away, revealing Twilight lying on the ground. She got up slowly, then revealed something new to her form. A pair of wings spread from her back, sparkling in the night sky. The sight of her new wings caused her friends to gasp in awestruck.

“Twilight. You returned as… an angel,” Said Deadpool breathlessly.

Deadpool reached a hoof out towards Twilight, and when he made contact with her arm, he looked surprised.

“You’re not dead?!” Questioned Deadpool.

“What are you talking about, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“But the friendship lazers, and the scorch mark. I thought your friends killed you. I held a service for you and everything.”

Ignoring her coltfiend’s antics, Twilight looked at her newfound wings.

“Wha… I-I’ve never seen anything like it!” Said Applejack.

“Ha! Twilight’s got wings! Awesome! A new flying buddy!” Said Rainbow happily.

“Why, you’ve become an alicorn. I didn’t even know that was possible,” Said Rarity.

“Alicorn party!” Cried Pinkie.

“Wow… You look just like a princess!” Said Fluttershy.

“That’s because she is a princess.”

Princess Celestia flew down towards the ground, landing gracefully in front of the group of friends.

“Huh?” Cried everyone.

“Hold on a second…”

Pinkie looked at Deadpool, and they both nodded their heads at each other. They grabbed a glass of water each from nowhere, and drinked them both in one gulp. They then spit take, spitting out two streams of water.

“A… A princess?” Questioned Twilight.

Celestia put a comforting hoof on Twilight’s shoulder.

“Since you’ve come to Ponyville, you’ve displayed the charity, compassion, devotion, integrity, optimism, and of course, the leadership of a true princess,” Said Celestia.

“But… Does this mean I won’t be your student anymore?” Asked Twilight.

“Not in the same way as before. I’ll still be here to help and guide you, but we’re all YOUR students now, too. You are an inspiration to us all, Twilight.”

Celestia bowed down to her student. Soon, the rest of the Mane Six and Spike bowed as well. Deadpool, though, was motionless from where he stood. He walked over to her, then took out one of his katanas. This surprised everyone.

“Twilight, before I met you, I protected every innocent pony in Equestria. That has remained unchanged, but when I met you and our friends, I had a new goal. I secretly vowed to protect you and our friends from any and all danger. And now that you have become Equestria’s newest princess, I have gained an even bigger purpose.”

Deadpool held the katana by the hilt, and placed the tip of the blade on the ground. He then knelt down behind the blade.

“My swords, my soul, are yours to command, now. I vow that for as long as my healing factor keeps me alive, for as long as this fanfiction runs, I will protect the thing that has brought me the most joy in my life - you. I am now your red and black knight.”

Twilight smiled affectionately towards Wade before a sudden realization hit her - she had no idea how to be a princess.

“But… What do I do now? Is there a book about being a princess I should read?”

Celestia couldn’t help but giggle at her student’s question.

“There will be time for all of that later,” Said Celestia.

“Since that will be later, let’s talk about something now. Why the hay did you not tell us you went out on a date with Wade?!” Asked Rainbow angrily.

“Yeah. Why didn’t you tell us?” Pinkie Pie got a little too close to Twilight’s face. “I could’ve been planning a ‘Happy New Couple Party’.

“Wade.”

Twilight gave a stern look towards Deadpool, who was scratching the back of his head nervously.

“Uh, I may have accidentally let it slip when I thought you were dead,” Said Deadpool sheepishly.

Twilight’s only response was to give an eyeroll. That was quickly replaced with a warm smile, grabbing Wade’s hoof with her own. Wade chuckled warmly at the sign of affection.

One week later…

In a dressing room at Canterlot Castle, Twilight was combing her mane. She was getting ready for something important. She was wearing a pink dress with yellow sashes tied with pale pink ribbons.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Hearing knocking at the door, Twilight used her magic to open the door. Deadpool was revealed to be on the other side. He was wearing his tux with a red dress shirt, and wasn’t wearing his mask.

“Hey, Twilight. Your coronation will begin in five minutes,” Said Deadpool.

“Alright. Thank you, Wade.” Twilight got up from her seat, and walked over to Deadpool. “Thank you for not wearing your mask.”

“You’re welcome. Everypony’s gonna keep their eyes on the newest princess of Equestria. They’re not gonna pay much attention to this mess of a face.” Deadpool looked over Twilight, paying particular attention to the dress she was wearing. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. You look great as well,” Said Twilight with a slight blush.

“Thank you. I’m proud of you, Twilight. You’re a princess now, and that’s a big deal. I can’t wait to see where you will lead Equestria.”

“Thank you, Wade.”

Twilight wrapped her arms around Wade, and gave him a hug. He returned the hug before letting go.

“It’s almost time. I will see you out there,” Said Deadpool.

“See you then,” Said Twilight.

A few minutes later, a large crowd of ponies had gathered in one of Canterlot Castle’s many large rooms. Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance stood at the top of some steps at the back of the room, while Deadpool, Spike, and the Mane Six minus Twilight, stood to the right of them. Once everyone was ready, Princess Celestia spoke to the crowd.

“We are gathered here today in celebration of a momentous occasion. My most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, has done many extraordinary things since she’s lived in Ponyville. She even helped reunite me with my sister, Princess Luna. But today, Twilight Sparkle did something extraordinary. She created new magic, proving without a doubt that she is ready to be crowned Equestria’s newest princess. Fillies and gentlecolts, may I present for the very first time, Princess Twilight Sparkle!”

Everyone turned towards two very large doors at the front of the room. When they opened, Twilight was on the other side. As she walked down a lavish red carpet in the center of the room, she was followed by four royal guards and an equal amount of heralds, the latter carrying banners with her cutie mark on them. Once she reached the top of the steps, Spike walked up to her and Celestia. He presented Celestia with Twilight’s Element crown, held on a red cushion. She used her magic to lift the crown, and placed it atop Twilight’s head. Twilight looked at her friends and Deadpool, who gave her smiles and winks.

Once she was given her crown, Celestia and Luna led her to a balcony, where a crowd of hundreds of ponies were gathered down below in the Castle's Grounds, cheering for the newest princess of Equestria. She elegantly waved to the crowd below, resulting in even louder cheers. Celestia leaned in towards her, and whispered to her.

“Say something, Princess,” Encouraged Celestia.

“Oh. Um…” Twilight, with a tinge of nervousness, cleared her throat before giving her first royal speech. “A little while ago, my teacher and mentor, Princess Celestia, sent me to live in Ponyville. She sent me to study friendship, which was something I didn’t really care much about.”

Twilight looked over at the entrance to the balcony. Her friends and Deadpool were there, smiling towards her. She smiled back, and gestured for them to come over.

“But now, on a day like today, I can honestly say I wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for the friendships I’ve made with all of you. Each one of you taught me something about friendship, and for that, I will always be grateful.”

All of her friends were tearing up out of joy. Even Rainbow Dash and Deadpool had tears in their eyes.

“Today, I consider myself the luckiest pony in Equestria. Thank you, friends. Thank you, everypony!”

With the end of her speech, the crowd roared with applause. Everyone walked back inside, where Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were waiting.

“Twilight! I’m so proud of you!”

Shining Armor embraced his younger sister, to which she reciprocated. She looked at her brother, and saw a single tear trailing down his face.

“Are you crying?” Asked Twilight with a wry smile.

“Of course not.” Shining quickly wiped the tear from his face. “It’s… It’s liquid pride. Totally different thing.”

“Yeah, and my boner is physical astonishment of seeing Twilight in that dress,” Thought Deadpool sarcastically.

Twilight and Shining laughed, and hugged each other again. While they were hugging, Cadance felt something in the back of her mind. Knowing what it meant, she looked at Deadpool then Twilight. She looked at them again a couple more times until she grew the biggest grin on her face and squealed in delight while clapping her front hooves for a brief moment. This caught the group’s attention.

“What’s got you so excited, Cadance?” Asked Shining.

“Oh, you’ll learn soon. It’s gonna blow your mind!” Replied Cadance happily.

“Way to go, Princess,” Said Applejack.

“Best coronation day EVER!” Cried Pinkie in a sing-song voice.

“We love you, Twilight,” Said Fluttershy.

“I love you too, guys!”

Twilight embraced her friends in one big group hug, with the cheering of the crowd from outside behind them. A little while later, Twilight and Deadpool were walking down a hall in the castle.

“So how’s Equestria’s newest princess feeling after her big coronation?” Asked Deadpool.

“I feel like I’m in a dream! Somepony pinch me!” Said Twilight happily.

“If that’s what you want…”

“Ah!”

Twilight felt a sharp pain on her butt. She turned towards Deadpool, who had a big smile on his face.

“Wade! You touched my butt!” Said Twilight angirly.

“Hey, you said you wanted somepony to pinch you, and you didn’t say where specifically. If anything I helped us both out. You now know that your coronation wasn’t a dream, and I got to be the first and, hopefully, only pony to touch the newest Princess’ ass. It’s a win-win scenario,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight punched his shoulder, only for him to chuckle. They stopped in front of a door. Twilight was about to open it when Deadpool’s ear twitched, and he stopped her.

“What are you-”

“Hold on.” Deadpool looked through the keyhole, and saw six people inside the dark room. “Why those little… I guess those guys didn’t forget about ‘us’.”

“What? … Oh! What are you thinking?” Asked Twilight with a mischievous grin.

“Play along.”

Deadpool instructed Twilight to take a few steps back, then they walked back to the door while intentionally stomping their hooves.

“I still can’t believe you’re a princess now, Twilight. I’m so proud of you,” Said Deadpool a bit loudly.

“Thank you, Wade. I can’t wait to serve the citizens of Equestria as their newest princess,” Said Twilight a bit loudly as well.

“Well, now that the coronation’s over, how about we relax in our room?” Suggested Deadpool.

They could hear hushed giggling from inside the room. The devilish smiles on their faces only grew bigger.

“That sounds great, Wade, but are you sure there isn’t something else you want to do?” Asked Twilight.

“Hmm… I have one idea. Since my marefriend was just crowned as Princess, how about I give her something?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Oh? What did you have in mind?”

“How about I bring you over to that queen-sized bed, and give you the best sex only fitting for a princess?”

As soon as Deadpool said that, the giggling from inside the room was replaced with hushed panicking noises.

“As your Princess, I will grant you, Wade Wilson the high honor of making love with me. In fact, let’s start with a makeout session from the door to the bed,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool grabbed the door knob, and jiggled it loudly.

“Now!”

As soon as he said that, Twilight lit up her horn, and she and Deadpool were gone in a flash of light. As soon as they were gone, the door slammed open, revealing their friends.

“NO! WAIT!”

As soon as they opened the door, they found no one on the other side. The mares were just as confused as Spike, the latter not knowing why the mares were in a panic. Unbeknownst to any of them, Deadpool and Twilight appeared in the very back of the room. Deadpool motioned for her to follow him, and they quietly walked up behind Rarity, who was standing nearest to them.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Asked Deadpool quietly.

“We were waiting for Twilight and Deadpool to come back, so we can surprise them with a party to congratulate them on becoming a couple.”

Rarity was completely oblivious about who had just spoken to her from behind. Having fun with this, Deadpool pulled a bottle of wine along with a glass from somewhere, and poured himself a drink.

“That’s great. Did we miss anything?” Asked Twilight quietly.

“Well, we had to make our presence known because we heard them talking about partaking in… naughty things. But when we opened the door, they weren’t there.”

In that moment, the realization hit Rarity like a speeding semi-trailer truck. As soon as the lights were turned on, she looked behind herself, and saw Deadpool and Twilight smiling at her.

“Surprise, mother-fuckers!” Shouted Deadpool.

“Hi, guys!” Said Twilight.

Jaws dropped amongst the group when they saw them. They were absolutely dumbfounded as to how they managed to sneak in.

“But… but… How did you know?!” Asked Rainbow in disbelief.

“If you guys were better at staying quiet, you most likely would have surprised us,” Replied Deadpool.

“You guys fell for it!” Said Twilight.

“You mean ya weren’t gonna… get ‘intimate’ with each other?” Questioned Applejack.

“No. Although, if you guys wanted it and we kicked Spike out of the room, I suppose Twilight and I could put on a little show,” Said Deadpool while swaying his hips.

All of his friends immediately shook their heads while repeatedly saying no.

“You jerks! You ruined the surprise for you and had us think you were gonna do it in front of us!” Said Rainbow angrily.

“Yeah! You can’t throw a surprise party if it isn’t a surprise!” Added Pinkie angrily.

“I know, and we’re both sorry. Right, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah I’m sorry. But it was still fuckin’ funny!” Said Deadpool.

“With the week spent preparing for your coronation, we didn’t get a chance to properly congratulate you two on becoming a couple. So we decided to throw a little surprise party after the coronation,” Said Fluttershy.

“Thank you, girls. That was thoughtful of you all,” Said Twilight.

“And I thought of something to start this celebration off right. Jot down some notes, Spike. You could use this if you get lucky with Rarity.”

While Spike was blushing profusely, Deadpool leaned Twilight back, and they kissed. The room was filled with cheers and applause, and heart-shaped confetti rained from the ceiling.

“I love you,” Said Twilight affectionately.

“I love you too,” Replied Deadpool.

The two returned to their kiss, and they and their friends celebrated for the rest of the evening.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This insertion chapter from the episode "Magical Mystery Cure" will serve as the final chapter of the season three arc. The next set of chapters will take place in season four of the show. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 20: The Tree of Harmony Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 20: The Tree of Harmony Part Two

“Mwahahahaha!”

Nightmare Moon continued to laugh maniacally. Twilight was still horrified that Princess Luna transformed back to her former alter ego. Nightmare Moon ceased laughing, looking towards Twilight with a spiteful look. She then cast a beam of magic towards the ceiling of the throne room. Twilight had to leap out of the way of falling debris, nearly avoiding getting squashed.

She heard the sound of hoofsteps coming towards her. She looked up, and saw Princess Celestia. The Princess of the Sun looked at the damage done to the throne room before looking towards her sister. Nightmare Moon confidently walked towards Celestia with her chin held up high. Celestia flew up into the air, and Nightmare Moon tried to shoot her down with a beam of magic. Celestia dodged the attack, causing the beam of magic to create a hole in the ceiling, revealing the moon. Celestia landed on the ground, and Twilight stood between both sisters.

“Luna! Think of how long you were banished to the moon! You’ll give us no choice but to send you back there if you don’t stop!” Said Twilight.

“Luna, I will not fight you! You must lower the moon! It is your duty!” Said Celestia.

Nightmare Moon looked at Celestia out of confusion.

“Luna? I am… Nightmare Moon! I have but one royal duty now: to destroy you!”

Nightmare Moon cast another beam of magic towards Celestia, who dodged out of the way by flying. She flew through the hole in the ceiling, retreating outside.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Nightmare Moon flew after Celestia, prompting Twilight to follow them. Upon entering the outside world, Twilight realized that the throne room was indeed part of a castle. Nightmare Moon cast a beam of magic at Celestia, which was swiftly dodged. She cast another beam of magic, only striking a castle tower. Nightmare Moon chased Celestia across the castle, firing three bolts of magic. Celestia dodged them all, the attacks destroying a couple gargoyles and a curtain wall. All three princesses flew inches above the ground. They flew upwards again, and Nightmare Moon concentrated her magic towards Celestia. The attack was too quick to dodge, hitting Celestia square in the chest.

“Ahhh!”

With a pained scream, Celestia fell through the hole in the ceiling, and landed on the throne room floor.

“Celestia!” Cried Twilight.

“Mwahahaha!”

While Nightmare Moon cackled from above, Twilight flew down to the throne room. Celestia laid on her side, bathed in the light of the moon. Her mane had stopped flowing, and her body was covered in wounds. Twilight reached out to Celestia, and lightly shook her. There was no response from the Princess. Fearing the worst, Twilight teared up.

“No… Why would Luna do this? Why now?”

Twilight cried over her former mentor, the tears trailing down her face. Suddenly, she could hear shuffling noises. She looked up, and, to her surprise, saw Princess Celestia standing up. She immediately smiled in relief.

“You’re alright. You’re alright!” Cried Twilight joyfully.

Celestia didn’t respond to her, leaving her confused.

“Princess Celestia?”

“Oh, dear sister. I am sorry, but you have given me no choice but to use these.”

Celestia’s horn glowed in a golden aura, and a section of the floor lifted up slightly. It then opened up, revealed to be a secret panel. A large stone structure rose from the ground, and revealed five gemstones. Twilight instantly recognized them.

“Are those the Elements of Harmony? But that’s how they looked in… the past. This is the night you banished her.”

Twilight had put the pieces together. She realized what she was seeing was the tragic battle between Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon, resulting in the banishment of the latter. Celestia flew up to the stone structure, and grabbed the Elements of Harmony. She also grabbed the sixth Element, which Twilight recognized was hers by its shape of her cutie mark, by phasing it out of a singular stone from the center. The Elements circled around her, and rainbow colored light began to emit from her. The Elements also created a constant circular rainbow.

Celestia flew up into the sky, facing her sister from several meters away. Nightmare Moon charged up her power, and, with tears streaming from her eyes, Celestia called upon the power of the Elements. The Elements of Twilight’s friends floated in place behind her Element. They cast beams of magic of their respective colors of red, orange, blue, purple, and pink onto Twilight's Element, and a rainbow-colored beam burst from the sixth Element shortly after. Nightmare Moon cast her own beam of magic, both attacks colliding into each other. The power of the Elements proved more powerful than Nightmare Moon’s magic, and easily overpowered her.

“Nooooooooooo!”

Nightmare Moon was blasted to the moon, a circular rainbow forming around it. Nightmare Moon’s face appeared on the moon’s cratered surface shortly after. Before she knew it, Twilight’s vision went white. Twilight rubbed her eyes, and found that she was back in present day Ponyville. She looked at her surroundings, and found all of her friends staring at her.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?” Asked Twilight.

“It’s just… you were mumblin’ to yourself,” Answered Applejack.

“Ooh! And don’t forget the uncontrollable sobbing!” Added Pinkie Pie.

“Yeah, you were crying more than Elliott when E.T. went home.” Deadpool brought Twilight in for a hug. “Don’t worry, the hallucinogenic potion can’t harm you anymore.”

“Thanks, Wade, but I’m alright,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, are you sure? You were crying a lot, and we were really worried about you,” Said Fluttershy.

“I for one found it delightful.” Discord appeared on a giant vine, lying on his stomach. “Sort of a one-pony theater piece, if you will. You should really consider taking it on the road.”

Discord opened up a scroll to show Twilight. It revealed a live recording of Twilight bawling her eyes out while she was under the effects of the potion’s magic.

“Did you find out whose rump we need to kick and where we can find them?” Asked Rainbow Dash.

“I saw something from a long time ago, but it didn’t explain what’s happening now,” Answered Twilight.

“Perhaps further back still are the answers you seek. Another sip of the potion will give you a peek.”

Zecora presented the potion to Twilight. Once she presented it, Deadpool ran up to it eagerly.

“Let’s give Twilight a break, and let me experience hallucinations like I’m on LSD!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

Before he could steal it, Zecora shoved Deadpool away.

“Do I have to have to keep an eye on you?” Asked Zecora.

“Deadpool’s like a foal. Ya can’t keep an eye off of him for a second, or else he gets into trouble,” Said Applejack.

“Hey! I am not a foal! Do foals know how to use guns?!” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

(Maybe in the United States of America, they do.)

Twilight grabbed the potion from Zecora before Deadpool could try to take it again.

“You sure about this?” Asked Spike.

Twilight looked at her friends, who shrugged their shoulders. She then hesitantly took another sip of the potion. Just then, Discord appeared with a video camera and tripod.

“Oh, I do hope she breaks into a song this time!” Said Discord excitedly.

“If she does, do you mind sending me a copy?” Asked Deadpool.

“Wade! You better n-”

Before Twilight could scold Deadpool further, light filled her eyes again. As soon as she opened her eyes, she saw a school of tropical fish swimming in the air around her. Looking at her surroundings, she noticed the sky was purplish pink, houses on small floating islands, and the ground had a checkerboard pattern. She then saw Princesses Celestia and Luna walking towards a throne, sitting on top of a hill with the same checkerboard pattern as the ground. The throne turned around, revealing a giddy Discord sitting in it.

“Oh, this is so much fun! How about a game of ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony?’”

Discord raised his right paw, revealing Princess Celestia’s tail. Celestia looked behind herself, and saw to her surprise that it was in fact her actual tail.

“Playtime is over for you, Discord!” Said Celestia sternly.

“Oh, I doubt that.” Discord summoned a pouch of what appeared to be seeds. He grabbed a handful of seeds, scattering them all around as he ate. “Hungry?”

Celestia and Luna gave him no response, only looking at him with stern expressions.

“Suit yourselves.”

As Discord continued to eat, Celestia and Luna opened some saddlebags they were carrying. Inside the saddlebags were the Elements of Harmony. This got the attention of Discord, who tossed the pouch of seeds aside.

“Oh! What have you got there?” Asked Discord curiously.

“The Elements of Harmony,” Answered Celestia.

“With them, we shall defeat you,” Added Luna.

The Elements of Harmony spun around the two Princesses, forming a light purple dome around them. Twilight, who was watching, knew what was about to happen.

“This must be when they turned Discord into stone,” Said Twilight.

In spite of what was about to come, Discord had very little care, as evidenced by his laughter.

“You should see yourselves right now! The expressions on your face. So intense. So sure of yourselves.”

As Discord continued to laugh hysterically, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna pressed the tips of their horns together. A rainbow formed in between their horns. It rose into the sky, then arched towards Discord. As it narrowed in on him, he could only say one thing.

“Hilarious!”

He was consumed by the rainbow, and turned into stone in a matter of seconds. He would remain this way for the next one thousand years. Suddenly, Twilight’s vision went white, and returned to normal just as quickly.

As soon as she opened her eyes, Twilight saw she was no longer in a chaotic world, but she wasn’t back in Ponyville either. She was in some sort of cave. Light barely reached inside the cavern, but any that did was reflected by a giant crystalline tree. The tree had Celestia and Luna’s cutie marks engraved on the trunk, and the Elements of Harmony were embedded in its branches, except for Twilight’s which was in the center. Both Princesses walked up to the tree.

“The Tree of Harmony!” Said Luna in astonishment.

“The ‘Tree’ of Harmony?” Twilight inspected the Tree of Harmony, and saw a six-pointed star in the center. “My cutie mark.”

Celestia flew up to the symbol in the shape of Twilight’s cutie mark, and cast a spell on it. The center of the tree glowed as a result.

“Are you sure?” Asked Luna.

“We have managed to discover the only means by which we can defeat Discord and free the citizens of Equestria. Even without these elements, the Tree of Harmony will possess a powerful magic. As long as that magic remains, it will continue to control and contain all that grows here.”

Celestia grabbed all six Elements with her magic, and they circled around her and Luna. As Twilight looked at them and the Tree of Harmony, her vision faded to white. After blinking her eyes rapidly, Twilight saw to her delight that she was back in Ponyville. Spike ran up to her side.

“So, what did you find out?” Asked Spike.

“I still don’t know what’s happened to Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, but I think I know why the Everfree Forest is acting this way. Something’s happened to the Tree of Harmony,” Said Twilight.

All of Twilight’s friends exchanged confused glances with each other.

“The tree of what now? Is it like Yggdrasil in Norse cosmology or the Tree of Souls in ‘Avatar’?” Asked Deadpool.

“The Tree of Harmony is where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna found the Elements. I think it’s in danger,” Said Twilight.

“Well, alright then! Let’s go save a… tree. Uh, where is it exactly?” Asked Applejack.

“I think it’s in there.”

Twilight pointed to the path that led from Ponyville to the Everfree Forest, where a bunch of giant vines were coiling around the trees. As the group looked nervously at the forest, Discord was watching from a floating red recliner, eating popcorn and drinking a soda. He also wore a pair of 3D glasses.

“Ooh-hoo! I’m going to need more popcorn!” Said Discord.

“Well, no sense in standin’ around. Let’s go into the Everfree Forest and find the Tree of Harmony… Have any of ya seen Deadpool?” Asked Applejack.

The group of friends looked for the Merc with a Mouth. They quickly found him, but holding the potion.

“Ha ha! I finally got it! Bottoms up!” Said Deadpool.

“Wait! Don’t!” Cried everyone except for Discord.

It was too late. Deadpool brought the bottle to his lips, and drank all but one sip’s worth of the potion.

“Aw yeah! Fasten your seatbelts, ‘cause I’m going to have the best hallucinations ev-”

THUD!

Just like that, Deadpool fell face first onto the ground. When Twilight lifted him up and took off his mask, he had a blank look in his eyes, and he was unresponsive.

“That potion is only meant to be consumed by someone with alicorn magic. If he were to meet his end by his own foolishness, it would indeed be tragic,” Said Zecora.

“(Sigh) Thankfully, he won’t meet his end. But because of his healing factor, I fear that he will not learn his lesson,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

A few minutes later, the group of friends arrived at the entrance to the Everfree Forest. Aside from the giant thorny vines that were sprouting everywhere, the forest still looked pretty much the same. Deadpool had recovered from the effects of the potion, but he had a powerful headache.

“My head feels like shit. Why didn’t you guys tell me to stop?” Asked Deadpool painfully.

“WE DID!” Shouted all of his friends.

“Okay, okay! Fair enough. On the bright side, I now know the secrets of the universe at the low, low price of a headache and a bit of what was left of my sanity.”

“Seems like only yesterday we were heading into these woods to find the Elements of Harmony,” Said Rarity.

“Seems like only yesterday I was foolish enough to think I should go after them on my own. I don’t know what we’re going to face in there, but whatever it is, I know we need to face it together,” Said Twilight.

All of her friends agreed with that statement. On that note, they stepped into the Everfree Forest. After only a few minutes of walking, they came across a creek with bubbling green water. Looking for a way to cross, Twilight found a row of stones that crossed the creek.

“We can use these to cross.”

Twilight was the first to jump onto one of the stones. As soon as she set hoof on it, all of the stones began to shake violently, causing her to struggle to keep her footing. All of the rocks lifted up into the air, revealing they were part of a large tail. Something huge burst from the water in front of her, revealing the owner of the tail. Twilight was standing on the tail of a giant cragadile. With a yelp, she was tossed off of its tail.

“Not one of these guys again!” Said Deadpool.

“Run for your lives!” Cried Rarity.

The group scattered in several directions. The cragadile ran out of the water, and chased Twilight and Spike. They didn’t have much ground to cover before they were backed up into a large tree. As the cragadile got closer and closer, Twilight tried to fly away with Spike, but her wings were struggling to get them off the ground. The cragadile was about to snap its jaws on them when something tripped it. Twilight looked, and saw a vine wrapped around its tail. A few feet back, Twilight’s friends, including Deadpool, were holding back the cragadile. Applejack made a makeshift lasso out of another vine, and used it to shut the cragadile’s jaws. With its jaws closed, everyone grabbed a vine, and tied up the cragadile. With the cragadile subdued, everyone took a breather.

“‘That’ was close!” Said Twilight.

“(Sigh) A little too close, if you ask me. You sure you’re alright?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m fine. I just can’t seem to get these new wings to do what I want them to do when I want them to do it.”

“Aw, you’ll figure it out eventually,” Assured Rainbow.

“‘Eventually’ isn’t soon enough.”

“Hey, what matters is you are alive. At least this went much better than when you and I had to fight against a cragadile back in chapter four,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, yeah. I’m still mad at you for tricking me into getting eaten,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

An anime-styled sweat drop appeared above Deadpool’s right eye, and he chuckled out of nervousness.

“You have been having an awful lot of trouble with those things. And, well, who knows what else is gonna come after us? You know, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea for Twilight to go back to Ponyville and let us look for the Tree of Harmony without her,” Said Applejack.

“What? Why?” Asked Twilight.

“For starters, you just about got eaten by a cragadily.”

“We all did. He wasn’t after just me.”

“Sure, but… well, the rest of us aren’t princesses.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Asked Twilight irritatedly.

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are gone. If something happened to you, I-I just don’t think Equestria can risk losing another princess,” Answered Applejack.

“Applejack does make a valid point. Even if we manage to save the Tree of Harmony, it won’t necessarily mean Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will return. Equestria will need somepony to lead in their absence,” Added Rarity.

“But the Tree of Harmony! I’m the only one who has seen it and knows what it looks like,” Countered Twilight.

“She has a valid point, guys. We need her in order to find this ‘Tree of Harmony’,” Said Deadpool.

“Huge tree, cutie marks on the trunk, probably being attacked by something hideously awful? Yeah, I’m pretty sure we’ll know it when we see it,” Said Rainbow arrogantly.

Twilight looked at the ground, and tears welled up in her eyes.

“All of you feel this way? Feel like I shouldn’t be here?” Asked Twilight tearfully.

All of her friends shared glances at each other, hesitant about which one of them should speak up. Deadpool approached Twilight, but before he could say anything, Fluttershy spoke.

“It is probably for the best,” Said Fluttershy.

With her head hung low, Twilight walked past her friends, making her way back to Ponyville. Spike looked back at the rest of the Mane Six and Deadpool, then followed after her. The group started to walk off when Deadpool looked in the direction Twilight and Spike were walking. He stood there for a few seconds before an angered look appeared on his face. He then began to follow after them.

“Where are you going?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m going after Twilight and ask her to come stay with us,” Answered Deadpool.

“But, Deadpool, we need you,” Said Fluttershy.

“No, no you don’t. I am a trigger-happy mercenary turned hero-for-hire, with a lot of issues and so happens to have a healing factor that prevents him from being killed by just about anything. Who you NEED is Twilight. But you all SENT HER AWAY!” Said Deadpool furiously.

“It’s for her own good, Wade! If she got hurt or worse, Equestria would lose three princesses! And how could we all live with ourselves if anything bad happened to her?! Whether you like it or not, this is for her own good!” Said Applejack angrily.

“Twilight is a strong, independent mare! She is more than capable of taking care of herself! Do you think heroes like us do what we do because it is safe?! No, it is far from that. I couldn’t tell you how many times I would’ve died if it wasn’t for my healing factor, but I do what I do because it is the right thing to do! Heroes like us face dangerous threats because we want to ensure the safety of everyone we care about! We all know the risks, but we would gladly lay down our lives without a second thought if it meant everyone else was safe! I know Twilight would.”

“But sh-”

“No buts! If any of you really don’t want me to go, then who’s going to stop me?!”

Deadpool’s friends looked at each other, but no one made a move.

“That’s what I thought. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a marefriend to cheer up. Later bitches!”

On that note, Deadpool followed after Twilight, while the rest of the group walked off in search of the Tree of Harmony. Meanwhile, Twilight and Spike were sitting in front of a large tree. The former was crying while the latter was trying to cheer her up.

“Come on, Twilight. They don’t mean anything by it. They just want to keep you safe because they care about you,” Assured Spike.

“Maybe so, but they acted like I couldn’t take care of myself. As if they have forgotten about all of our previous adventures,” Said Twilight tearfully.

A rustling sound could be heard from a nearby bush. Spike and Twilight stood in a defensive stance. Then from the bush, Deadpool walked out. They both relaxed, sitting back down.

“Oh, it’s just you,” Said Twilight dismally.

“Wow. Not even a ‘How do you do’? You either are already sick of me as your partner, or you’re just very upset,” Said Deadpool.

No response came out of Twilight, who just looked glumly at the ground.

(I’m not an expert at reading the room, but I don’t think this is the time to be making jokes.)

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Hey, Spike, do you mind giving us a moment?” Asked Deadpool.

“Sure thing.”

Spike got up and walked off somewhere else. Now that they were alone, Deadpool sat down next to Twilight.

“What they said to you really hurt badly, didn’t it?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight nodded her head in response.

“I hope you know that while you may not agree with their decision, you understand why they wanted you to do it,” Said Deadpool.

“I do, but it doesn’t change that it hurt hearing my friends say that they don’t want me to come along. We fought against Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis and the changelings, and King Sombra together, and we came out on top. But now that I’m a princess they think I shouldn’t be putting myself in danger for the greater good,” Said Twilight.

“They care about you, Twilight. That’s why they wanted you to head back home.”

“If they cared about me, they wouldn’t have let me being a princess be the reason why I can’t be with them!”

Tears were running down Twilight’s face as she was fuming with anger.

“Ever since I became a Princess, I have been stressed, received unwanted attention, and just yesterday, I had to prioritize my royal duties over you and my friends! I wished I never had become a princess! I should’ve had Celestia strip me of my title from the start!”

Out of anger, Twilight grabbed her Elemental crown, and threw it at a tree. It bounced off the trunk, and landed on the ground unscathed. She then tucked her hind legs to her chest, and cried. Deadpool looked at his marefriend with a saddened look.

“Do you really mean that?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes…”

Deadpool reflected on their conversation, trying to come up with a way to cheer Twilight up.

“I may not be royalty, well, the human version of me is King of the Monsters, but I digress. What I’m trying to say is, I know that being a princess hasn’t been easy for you. You’ve been overwhelmed by your new responsibilities, and you probably feel like you’re letting all of Equestria down, right?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight once again only nodded her head in response.

“You may not want to be a princess at this current moment, but if you keep moving forward, your thoughts will change. Someday, you will be looking back at all you have done for Equestria, and you will be proud of yourself. I know that I am.”

Twilight looked up at Deadpool with red, slightly puffy eyes.

“Y-You mean it?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course I mean it. How many guys have had the chance to say that their marefriend is a freakin’ princess?! You’ve done great so far as princess, Twilight, and you will continue to do so as time goes on. No matter how busy you are, your friends and I will always be there to support you. I just hope that you will believe in yourself as much as we believe in you.”

After what felt like forever, a smile finally found its way onto Twilight’s face. A small one, but it was a smile no less. She grabbed her crown with her magic, and placed it atop her head. She then wiped away her tears.

“Thank you. I suppose I won’t give up on being Princess just yet. I’ll let you go and catch up with the others.”

As Twilight got up to leave, she felt Deadpool place a hoof on her shoulder.

“Hold on a second. I didn't just come to boost your confidence. I also came to bring you back in the search for the Tree of Harmony,” Said Deadpool.

“But what about staying safe, so Equestria won’t lose another princess?” Asked Twilight.

“Twilight, you’re a powerful pony. You’re more than capable of holding your own in a scrape. Our friends may not see it right now, but we need you with us in order to find the Tree of Harmony and save Equestria. They may be hesitant at first, but they’ll come around and realize they need you. After all, they are your friends. You always come back for each other and make amends.”

Twilight looked at Deadpool hesitantly, but then smiled at him.

“Thank you, again. But I have to ask, why did you come after me when you could’ve probably found the Tree of Harmony with the others by now and saved it?” Asked Twilight.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I couldn’t give a shit about the Tree of Harmony or Equestria right now. You’re my number one priority, Twilight. Nothing’s going to change that, not even a magical forest running rampant across the country,” Said Deadpool.

Suddenly, tears began to run down Twilight’s face again, but this time she was smiling. She then hugged Deadpool tightly.

“You’re the best coltfriend ever!” Said Twilight joyfully.

“(Chuckles) Well, thank you. I am great coltfriend material aren’t I- Whoa!”

Before he knew it, Deadpool was pinned down to the ground. Twilight tore off his mask, and then began to plant kisses all over his face. After recovering from the initial shock, he did the same. They both then locked into an intense makeout session.

“Hey guys. Are you feeling any better Twi- Sweet Celestia!”

Spike had inadvertently walked in on Twilight and Deadpool’s makeout session. They both stopped when they realized they had an audience. Blushing out of embarrassment, they both got up off the ground.

“So… uh… I assume you’re feeling better now, Twilight?” Asked Spike awkwardly.

“Yes… I-I am feeling much better,” Answered Twilight just as awkwardly.

“Uh, how about we go find the Tree of Harmony?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Yeah, let’s go find the Tree of Harmony and our friends!”

With renewed vigor, Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool went off in search of their friends and the Tree of Harmony. Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane Six were still searching for the Tree of Harmony.

“Anypony else starting to think this is a lost cause?” Asked Rainbow. “We’re almost at Celestia and Luna’s old castle. Maybe whatever Twilight saw when she took that crazy potion wasn’t real. Maybe there is no Tree of Harmony. Maybe-”

“Maybe it’s right down there.”

Applejack pointed towards the bottom of a deep ravine. An entrance to a large cave could be seen, with light and a tangle of vines emanated from.

“It can’t be!” Said Rainbow in disbelief.

“How are we supposed to get to it?” Pondered Rarity.

“Whoa! Oof! Ugh!”

Everyone looked to their right, and found Pinkie falling down a long flight of stairs built into the ravine. After falling down the last step, she got up and looked like she hadn’t just fallen down several flights of stairs.

“Take the stairs, silly!” Cried Pinkie from the bottom of the ravine.

Meanwhile, Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike were walking through the Everfree Forest in search of their friends and the Tree of Harmony.

“Are we there yet?” Asked Spike.

“I don’t know where we are. We’re lost. I never should have left my friends and you two follow after me,” Said Twilight glumly.

Deadpool looked at his surroundings, trying to find a way out of their current predicament. He noticed a large tree ahead of him, and got an idea.

“Hmm, Maybe if I climb up this tree, I’ll be able to spot them.”

Deadpool wrapped himself around the trunk of the tree, and began to climb up. He only climbed up a few feet before he started to lose his footing. He grabbed a branch, and managed to get a good hold of the tree.

“That was close. Wish I had a symbiote to help me scale this tree like Tom Hardy did.”

After much struggle, Deadpool managed to climb up to a large branch that could support his weight. He pushed aside some leaves to reveal the ruins of a large castle. In front of the ruins was a path that led to the ravine where he saw his friends.

“Well, what do you know? Hey guys, I found… Oh, shit!”

Deadpool looked towards the ground, and found Twilight and Spike surrounded by four large plants. They had “heads” that somewhat resembled a mouth. One of them spewed spores at both of them, causing them to cough. They then passed out.

“You overgrown salad greens are gonna get it! Maximum effort!”

Deadpool leapt from the tree, and landed on one of the plants. He grabbed one of his katanas, and cut the head off of the plant. The stem thrashed violently before going limp. A different plant tried to spew spores at him, but he successfully dodged out of the way. He then leapt up, and sliced its head into itty-bitty-pieces.

“I call that ‘The Weed Wacker!’”

Another plant leapt out to try and grab him. He slid underneath it with the blade of his sword up, cutting into the stem. Sap poured from the steam, and then was severed from the head with one stroke. Suddenly, the last remaining plant leapt out from behind, chomping down onto his right hind leg. In order to escape its maw, Deadpool cut off his own hind leg. He then leapt up and decapitated the plant. With the battle over, he grabbed his hind leg, and his healing factor reattached it to his body. He walked over to Spike and Twilight, who were just slipping back into consciousness.

“Need a hoof, you two?”

Deadpool helped both of them up. They noticed the severed heads and stems lying on the ground, impressed at his handiwork.

“Thanks for helping us, Wade. This is the second time in a row you alone had to save me in the Everfree Forest,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, well, at least this time it was from venus flytrap wannabes. Not a sadistic serial killer attached to an alien symbiote. Before you guys were attacked, I found our friends heading into a ravine.”

“Well, what are we standing around here for? Let’s go after them!” Said Spike.

On that note, the three friends made their way to the ravine. Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane Six entered the cave. Once inside, they noticed a disturbing sight. The Tree of Harmony was completely wrapped in thorny vines. Its once radiating crystalline structure turned grey.

“(Gasp) I think it’s dying!” Said Fluttershy in horror.

“So let’s save it already!”

Applejack leapt towards the tree, and grabbed one of the smaller vines in her teeth. No matter how hard she pulled, the vine wouldn’t let go. Eventually, the vine decided it had enough, and tossed her back towards the group.

“Nice try!”

Rainbow Dash flew towards the vines, ready to deliver a kick. However, one of the larger vines effortlessly smacked her out of the air, and back on the ground.

“Valiant efforts on both your parts, but the tree remains in jeopardy,” Said Rarity.

“And I suppose you’ve got a better idea?” Asked Applejack.

Rarity tried to come up with an idea, but ultimately came up with none.

“That’s what I thought,” Said Applejack.

“I know who would know what to do. But we sent her home,” Said Fluttershy sadly.

“We should’ve listened to Deadpool… Oh, that doesn’t sound right,” Said Rarity.

“What doesn’t?” Asked Applejack.

“We should’ve listened to Deadpool,” Answered Rarity.

“Hmm… Yeah, that don’t sound right on the tongue,”

“Sending her away was your idea, Applejack!” Accused Rainbow.

“We all agreed it was the best thing, Rainbow Dash! We were tryin’ to protect her.”

“FUCK!”

The group of friends heard a familiar voice. Looking towards the mouth of the cave, they saw Deadpool falling down the stairs.

“Ow! Oh! Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fucking cock! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

THUD!

CRACK!

After falling down the stairs for what felt like minutes, Deadpool landed at the bottom of the ravine. His body was bent in various poses that a body should not be able to do. Twilight and Spike followed after him, managing to keep themselves from falling.

“Wade! Are you alright?!” Asked Twilight worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m TOTALLY fine… Of course I’m not alright! I just fell down several flights of stairs, and my body is all fucked up!”

Deadpool got up, and almost instantly, the majority of his limbs and other body parts realigned themselves. His right hind leg, however, was still bent to the side at a forty-five degree angle.

“Ah, shit! Hey, hun, can you help me out here?” Asked Deadpool.

“Oh, sure.”

Twilight’s magic enveloped Deadpool’s hind leg, and then snapped it back into alignment with a very audible --

CRACK!

Everyone who witnessed this cringed in disgust except for Fluttershy. Her face turned a dark shade of green, and she stumbled over to a large pile of rocks. For a few seconds, the sounds of her letting lose the contents of her stomach echoed across the ravine. Deadpool moved his hind leg around, his healing factor having just healed his broken bone.

“Oh, that’s so much better,” Said Deadpool.

“Well, I won’t be able to unhear that for a while. Anyway, I sure am glad that you came back, Twilight. And thanks for getting her, Deadpool,” Said Applejack.

Deadpool made a gesture similar to tipping a hat. Fluttershy also joined back with the group, feeling much better.

“I’m glad that we were able to find you,” Said Twilight.

“The truth of it is, Twilight, we’re simply lost without you,” Said Rarity.

“Yeah,” Said Rainbow. “Equestria may need its princess…”

“... But we need our friend,” Said Fluttershy.

All of the friends joined together in a group hug. They then entered the cave. Twilight looked at the Tree of Harmony, noticing the vines wrapped around it. She flew up towards the center of the tree, and tried to reach out towards it. A small vine wrapped itself around her foreleg. She freed herself by cutting the vine with her magic. More vines wrapped around the center of the tree.

“Even without these elements, the Tree of Harmony will possess a powerful magic. As long as that magic remains, it will continue to control and contain all that grows here.”

The words of Princess Celestia echoed in her mind. Twilight realized what had to be done in order to save the tree.

“I know how we can save the tree. We have to give it the Elements of Harmony,” Said Twilight.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, heh! How are we supposed to protect Equestria?!” Asked Rainbow.

“How are we meant to rein Discord in if we can’t use the Elements to turn him back to stone?” Asked Rarity.

“Twilight… The Elements of Harmony… They’re what keep us connected no matter what,” Said Applejack.

“You’re right about one thing, Applejack. The Elements of Harmony did bring us together. But it isn’t the Elements that will keep us connected. It’s our friendship. And it’s more important and more powerful than any magic. My new role in Equestria may mean I have to take on more responsibilities, and our friendships may be tested, but it will never, ever be broken.”

Twilight’s friends gave a heartfelt agreement to her speech. She flew elegantly into the air, facing the Tree of Harmony.

“There’s no time to lose. Everypony ready?” Asked Twilight.

“Ready!” Cried the rest of the Mane Six.

Using her magic, Twilight removed each Element from inside her friends’ necklaces. She made the five Elements spin around her before removing her Element from her crown. The six Elements spun around even faster, creating a swirl of colors around her. The vines shot out towards her, and wrapped around her.

BRUM-BRUM-BRUM-BRUM-BRRRRR!

The sound of a chainsaw cut through the air of the cave. Deadpool leapt at the vines with an actual chainsaw, and cut through the vines. Falling off of her after being severed, Twilight was freed. More vines tried to approach her, but Deadpool kept slashing through them.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! I’ll hold them off while you give the Tree the Elements!” Said Deadpool.

Now free, Twilight placed each of the Elements inside hollow slots on the branches of the Tree of Harmony. She then placed her Element in the center of the tree. Secured in place, the Elements began to glow. A surge of magic created an explosion of light, disintegrating the vines on the tree. The light left the cave, and spread across the Everfree Forest and Ponyville. The light destroyed all the vines, freeing the Everfree Forest and most importantly Ponyville. The Tree of Harmony itself lit up, looking exactly as it did in Twilight’s vision. Mysteriously, a few vines in the shape of cocoons remained, but were quickly destroyed as well. Everyone lit up when the vines revealed two ponies upon their destruction - Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

“Aw yeah! Equestria and the Princesses have been saved yet again!”

Deadpool recklessly tossed the chainsaw behind him, almost striking his friends. He then pulled out a can of beer from nowhere, and began chugging it down. Twilight ran up to the two Princesses, and embraced them in a hug.

“We know how difficult it must have been for you to give up the Elements. It took great courage to relinquish them,” Praised Celestia.

Suddenly, the Elements of Harmony glowed again, casting a stream of magic towards the Element of Magic. The stream of magic now in a full rainbow, flowed down the trunk of the tree, passing through and lighting up Princess Celestia and Princess Luna’s cutie marks. Once it reached the frontmost root, a pink flower as tall as Twilight sprouted from it. Said alicorn walked up to the flower and touched it gently. As if responding to her touch, the flower bloomed, casting blinding rainbow light across the cave. When the light faded away, it revealed a big, elegant, crystalline, hexagonal box. Each side of the box had six locks, requiring six keys to open it. All three princesses looked at the box inquisitively.

“What’s inside it? How am I supposed to open it?” Asked Twilight.

“Six locks, six keys,” Noted Luna.

“I do not know where they are, but I do know that it is a mystery you will not be solving alone,” Said Celestia.

“May I see that?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight stepped aside to let him see the chest. Deadpool inspected every side, every detail of the chest.

“Hmm, I’ve had to open many a chest in my day. So, I think I know how to open this one.”

Deadpool looked at the chest determinedly, then… motorboated the chest.

(Ha! Motorboating the “chest”! Props to you, author!)

“WADE!” Cried everyone sternly.

“Could you be anymore inappropriate in front of the Princesses?!” Asked Rarity rhetorically.

“Hold my beer.”

Deadpool gave his drink to Rarity, then proceeded to pull down his pants.

“Ahhhhh!”

A few minutes later, and after a major scolding from Twilight, Deadpool and all of his friends emerged from the Everfree Forest. As soon as they stepped foot out of the forest, banners and confetti popped out of nowhere. Then Discord teleported in front of them, blowing a party horn and wearing a foam finger on his lion paw with the number one engraved on the front.

“Bravo, everyone, bravo! How ever did you save the day this time? Blast the beastie with your magic necklaces, I presume?”

Discord noticed something about the Mane Six. They were all missing their necklaces. He teleported, and shapeshifted into a miniature cowboy on Applejack’s back. He lifted up her mane in an attempt to find her Element.

“Where are those little trinkets of yours? You know, the ones you use to send me back to my extremely uncomfortable stone prison?” Questioned Discord.

“(Sigh) Gone,” Said Applejack.

Discord reverted back to normal size, and with a happy grin on his face.

“Gone? Gone?”

Discord quickly pondered the newfound possibilities that were available to him, now that the Elements of Harmony were no longer as easily accessible to the ponies.

“But our friendship remains. And if you want to remain friends, you’ll stop thinking whatever it is you’re thinking and help us clean up,” Said Fluttershy sternly.

As Fluttershy sternly warned Discord to control himself, he shrunk in size before returning to his proper size, and wearing a French maid outfit.

“Fine. But I don’t clean windows,” Said Discord reluctantly.

“One thing that I don’t get: why did all of this happen now?” Asked Applejack.

“I have no idea. Those seeds I planted should have sprouted up years ago,” Said Discord.

“What did you say?!” Asked Twilight sternly.

“Oh, why should I try to explain it when you can see for yourself?”

The potion that Zecora gave to Twilight earlier magically appeared in Discord’s hand. Twilight took it from him, and drank the last sip. Her vision turned white, and she returned back to when Discord was first imprisoned in stone.

“Playtime is over for you, Discord!” Said Celestia sternly.

“Oh, I doubt that.” As she saw the first time, Discord was sloppy eating seeds. “Hungry?”

Looking at the ground, the seeds that were dropped had silently buried themselves into the ground without catching the Princesses’ attention. The seeds quickly germinated, their roots sprouting out towards the Tree of Harmony. Twilight then heard Discord speaking to her.

“Well, obviously things didn’t go according to my original plan. My plunderseeds should have stolen the magic from the Tree of Harmony and captured Princess Celestia and Princess Luna thousands of moons ago.”

Once the roots arrived at their destination, they turned away from the Tree of Harmony. The soil below it was protected by a magical barrier created by the tree.

“Alas, it seems the tree had enough magic to keep the seeds from growing up big and strong. Until now, that is.”

Twilight’s vision quickly faded to white for what she hoped was the last time. Once she returned to the present day, she was angered by Discord.

“You realize this is information we could have used hours ago?!” Asked Twilight angrily.

“And rob you of a valuable lesson about being princess? What kind of friend do you think I am?”

Discord grabbed Twilight’s cheek, and let it snap. Twilight could only be annoyed at him.

Very early the next morning, at Canterlot Castle, a crowd had gathered outside the castle. They had all gathered here under the starry night for the long awaited Summer Sun Celebration. Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Twilight (the latter with a new crown) walked out onto a stage. Ready to start off the celebration, Celestia addressed the citizens of Equestria.

“Citizens of Equestria, it is no longer with a heavy heart but with great joy that I raise the summer sun. For this celebration now represents not the defeat of Nightmare Moon, but the return of my sister, Princess Luna.”

The crowd cheered for Princess Luna as she flew up into the night sky. In an incredible feat of magic, she began to lower the moon. Princess Celestia flew up after her, and just as incredible raised the sun. Taking that as her cue, Princess Twilight Sparkle flew up from behind. Once the sun and moon were on the same level of the sky, Twilight produced an effect similar to the legendary sonic rainboom with her magic, but in the shape of her cutie mark.

The crowd was in awe, and all three Princesses landed back on stage. Twilight looked at the Princesses then her friends. They were all in the crowd, cheering her name. Seeing them all cheering and smiling at her made her smile back. It was this moment when she felt like she was the luckiest pony in all of Equestria.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the second part of the newest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! The season premiere episode "Princess Twilight Sparkle"was a fun episode to insert Deadpool in. I particularly enjoyed writing the dialogue between Deadpool and Twilight when the former went after the latter to bring her back in the search for the Tree of Harmony. Be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, because there will be multiple guest appearances. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 21: Old Friends
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 21: Old Friends

It was an ordinary day at the Golden Oak Library. Deadpool was downstairs in the living room as always. He was reading “Deadpool & Cable: Split Second #1”.

“Hey, Wade?” Said Twilight from upstairs.

“Yes, dear?” Replied Deadpool.

“Could you do me a favor and go to the market and get some groceries? I would go get them myself, but Princess Celestia sent me some materials to look over for my studies as Princess that I would like to look over.”

“I would be happy too. I’m just looking over an old comic series I was a part of.”

“Great! I left a list for you by the door.”

Deadpool set his comic book down, ran upstairs, grabbed the grocery list, and walked out the door.

(I find myself curious. Why were you looking over an old storyline featuring you and Cable?)

“Because it’s been a while since I last saw him, and I kinda miss my ole’ buddy. It’s too bad that cellphones haven’t been invented yet, otherwise I would’ve given him a call ages ago,” Said Deadpool to himself.

(Would we even be able to call him when he’s in the future?)

(Do you ever miss the rest of our pals? Like Domino, Colossus, or all of the other X-Ponies?)

“First off, Domino and I haven’t really seen each other after what happened between us a couple years ago. Second, Colossus and I have been writing to each other and coming up with stuff we can do every week. And lastly, I’m pretty sure I am still not on good terms with the rest of the X-Chumps after the incident.”

(Yeah, well, we got new better friends who don’t get upset with us when we crash shit on their front lawns!)

After a few minutes, Deadpool arrived at the Ponyville Marketplace. He walked over to a fruit stand, and was inspecting the various fruits for sale. While looking at a couple eggplants, he felt someone tap his shoulder.

“Can I help… you?”

Standing behind him was an earth pony stallion. He had a tan coat, and a short brown mane and tail. Deadpool noticed that the stallion’s eyes were glowing red. Before he could react, he was struck by an optic blast. He was launched into the fruit stand, breaking it in half.

“O-Oh… That hurt. Did any of you notice he has Summers’ optic blasts?

(I did. But unlike Scott, he seems to be able to control his optic blasts without wearing ruby-quartz glasses or visor.)

(He even looks like him! Is he a clone?)

“Only one way to find out. Hey, are you or are you not a clone created by an organization such as InGen?”

Deadpool’s question was completely ignored. The stallion charged up another optic blast and fired. Deadpool dodged out of the way, while innocent civilians in the immediate area ran away in panic. Deadpool pulled out his pistols and fired several rounds of energy bullets. The stallion managed to use a market stand as cover, and fired another optic blast. The blast grazed against Deadpool’s side. In retaliation, Deadpool fired more energy bullets while running towards his adversary.

The stallion dodged out of the way, but Deadpool ran up to him and smacked him in the face with one of his pistols. He then put both of them away, and switched them for his katanas. He swung both of his swords at the stallion, but he dodged them by moving to the left. Deadpool swung a couple more times, managing to scratch the stallion’s left foreleg. With blind rage, the stallion charged up another optic blast.

(Move, move!)

Deadpool was unable to move out of the way in time. The optic blast decapitated his head from his body. Before his head could hit the ground, the stallion caught it.

“Uh, would you be opposed if we call it good?” Asked Deadpool nervously.

The stallion’s eyes glowed red yet again. He concentrated his optic blast to the center of Deadpool’s skull. The hero could feel his brain melting inside of him.

“Gahhhhhhhhhhh!”

SHULK!

“Gugh!”

The stallion was stabbed from behind, causing him to drop Deadpool’s head on the ground. Before the hero lost consciousness, he saw what appeared to be a sword made of purple energy sticking out of his adversary’s chest.

A few minutes later, Deadpool regained consciousness. He reached out for his head, feeling around his neck. Just this action confirmed that his head was reattached to his body. He then looked forward, and saw something unexpected. He saw two mares standing in front of him, but he only saw their rear ends.

“Holy haunches! Am I awake or unconscious?!” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(Only one way to find out!)

Deadpool reached for the mares’ butts in front of him with both of his hooves.

(I’m pretty sure this is illegal. Plus not to mention you are in a relationship.)

“I will make it quick. They won’t even notice.”

Just as he was about to grab their rears, he heard -

“Good, you’re finally conscious, Wade,”

Deadpool frantically put his hooves against his side when he heard one of the mares addressing him. They both turned around, revealing much more of their features. A mare standing to his left was a unicorn with a chalk white coat and long black mane and tail. She wore a tight-fitting black bodysuit that had some padding and armor built into it, and turquoise harness straps along the sides and linked into a belt. On her flank where her cutie mark would be was a domino with the number seven. Probably her most striking feature was a black circle tattoo around the left eye.

Standing to Deadpool’s right, the other mare was an earth pony. She was pink lavender in color with a long purple mane and tail. She wore a sleek leotard that collared at the neck with bands around her forelegs and thighs, and wore long gloves and high boots. The leotard was tied together with a red flowing sash around her waist. On her partly exposed flank was a butterfly made of pink energy for her cutie mark.

“Domino?! Psylocke?! I thought I recognized those curves, especially yours, Domino,” Said Deadpool.

“Do you really think it is appropriate to be talking about my ass?” Asked Domino rhetorically.

“We’re friends, Domino. Friends compliment each other all the time. In our case, I compliment your ass, while you compliment my mental stability. What are you two doing here anyway?”

“We came for him.” Psylocke tossed the body of the stallion that attacked Deadpool in front of him. “He is a clone of Scott Summers. More clones of him and other mutants have been appearing across Equestria. The X-Ponies have been spread out across the country fighting clones.”

“Looks like I was right about him being a clone. Do you have an idea of who created them?”

“We have our suspicions, but we were supposed to meet up with an acquaintance here for confirmation,” Said Domino.

“An acquaintance? Are they anyone I would know?”

VWOOM!

“Holy shit!” Cried Deadpool.

Suddenly, a beam of blue light came down from the sky in front of the three ponies. When the light faded away, an earth pony stallion stood in a small, smoking crater. He had a tall stature with a muscular build. His coat was tan in color with a short white mane and tail. He wore a blue tunic with a yellow shoulder pad on his right shoulder, blue pants with a symbol of a red X where his cutie mark would be, and an ammunition belt strapped around his torso. His left eye, foreleg, and shoulder were bionic.

“(Gasp) Oh my god! It’s Cable!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

(Aw yeah! It’s fuckin’ Cable!)

(The stallion out of time!)

(And he likes to fight crime!)

“Will you two please shut the fuck up and stop singing?! I don’t want to get sued by High Moon Studios for copyright infringement!” Said Deadpool to himself.

Deadpool ran up to Cable and hugged him tightly, much to the confusion of the latter.

“It’s so good to see you, Cable! I was just talking about wanting to see you again! It’s almost like we were destined to meet up again!”

After a few seconds, Cable pried Deadpool off of him.

“Good to see you too, Wade,” Said Cable.

“Okay, Summers, what’s going on?” Asked Psylocke.

“I will cut to the chase: An old adversary of ours has resurfaced - Mister Sinister,” Answered Cable.

“Mister Sissy-ter has returned?! Questioned Deadpool in disbelief.

(With a name like “Mister Sinister” you would just be disappointed if he wasn’t a super villain.)

“He’s made a clone army out of DNA samples he had collected from various mutants, including the X-Ponies. He has already deployed some of his troops across Equestria and the world, and he plans on deploying the rest of his army in six hours. If he succeeds, then he will be able to carry out his goal of instilling ‘genetic perfection’ onto this world,” Said Cable.

“This sounds vaguely familiar. Was I part of a project with a similar plot?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

“We’re going to need all of the help we can get. Do we have anyone else tagging along?” Asked Cable.

“The X-Ponies are preoccupied with dealing with Sinister’s clones. Even our allies across the world have their hooves full with them,” Said Domino.

“Looks like it’s just going to be us then,” Said Cable.

“The four of us together? Like two years ago? … Yes! X-Force is back together again! Guess who’s back, back again?! X-Force’s back, tell the comic fans!” Chanted Deadpool excitedly.

All of Deadpool’s friends groaned at him.

“No, Wade, we are not reforming X-Force,” Said Domino exasperatedly.

“Why not?! The world is in danger, and we are all together again. This is the perfect moment to reform X-Force!” Said Deadpool while crossing his arms into the shape of an X.

“We’re only going to be together until we beat Mister Sinister, then we will be going our separate ways. Just as we did two years ago when we disbanded X-Force,” Said Cable.

“And X-Force only lasted for a year anyway,” Added Psylocke.

“Ugh, fine! If you all are going to be such bummers about it, then we are just friends banded together in order to save the world. So, which door do we have to FBI open up raid on to find Mister Sinister?” Asked Deadpool.

“We have to go to Genosha,” Answered Cable.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up a second! You’re telling me that Count Dracula is on THE Genosha? As in the island? The site of one of the worst mutant massacres in history? … Awesome! Take us there through time and space, Drill Sergeant!”

“If I could, Wade, I would. Unfortunately, the Temporal Dial I normally use is being repaired, so I have to use an old prototype. This one only has two charges. One to get me here, and another to return me to my timeline.”

Cable showed a circular device on his wrist to Deadpool. For futuristic tech, it seemed rather old, and above it was a miniature screen with the number one on it.

“Hmm, so I see the author decided to take the Deadpool 2 approach and make your time travel abilities tech-based instead of a mutant ability. In that case, our current predicament is the result of lazy writing,” Said Deadpool.

“I don’t suppose you two have the Blackbird, do you?” Asked Cable to Domino and Psylocke.

“Oh, oh! Can I fly the Blackbird again?!” Asked Deadpool excitedly.

“FUCK NO!” Shouted all of Deadpool’s friends

“Oh, just because I crashed the Blackbird on the front lawn of the X-Mansion ONE time, I am not allowed to pilot it anymore!”

“You struck Logan when you crashed!” Said Psylocke.

“Scruffy’s got a healing factor like me. He survived that unscathed.”

“Ignoring your terrible piloting skills, we can’t use it anyway. The Blackbird is currently taking a small team of X-Ponies to Equidor. Supposedly, Mister Sinister sent a clone of Blob there. We were both dropped off here on the way there,” Said Domino.

“Damn it! How are we going to get to Genosha now?” Pondered Cable irritatedly.

Deadpool thought about how he and his friends could get to Genosha. Then an idea came into his head.

“Oh, oh! I know how we can get there!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“This better not be another one of your old ‘Uber’ jokes. Whatever that is,” Said Psylocke.

“Please, even I know that cars can’t drive over water. Not yet anyway, right?” Asked Deadpool while lightly elbowing Cable and winking at him.

“Wade, spit it out!” Said Cable irritatedly.

“There is one pony nearby who I think can help us - Twilight Sparkle.”

All of Deadpool’s friends looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Twilight Sparkle? As in the newly appointed Princess?” Questioned Domino skeptically.

“No, I’m talking about the old pegasus mare that lives on Hay Haven. Of course I’m talking about the Princess! She knows a lot about magic. She might have a teleportation spell that could take us to Genosha,” Said Deadpool.

“I’ll admit, that actually isn’t a bad idea,” Said Psylocke.

“Well, if this is a princess we are talking about, we don’t have time to make an appointment to have an audience and plead our case,” Said Cable.

“We don’t need to make an appointment. I can take you all directly to her since I’m part of her social circle,” Said Deadpool.

“You are?” Questioned all of Deadpool’s friends in unison.

“Yes, I am! Do any of you read the newspaper?! I appeared on the cover with her on two different occasions. The first time when she and our friends defeated Discord, and the other time on the day of her coronation; also with our friends. I am also mentioned in the paper covering the royal Canterlot wedding, but not for good reasons. Besides that, I’ll let you know that I am her coltfriend.”

There was silence, but that was replaced with laughter from Domino and Psylocke.

“Wow! Your jokes are normally very annoying, but that was actually funny, Wade!” Said Domino.

“I’M SERIOUS! She and I have been dating for a couple of months now! Is that really hard to believe?! Asked Deadpool.

“Considering this is YOU we are talking about, yes,” Said Psylocke.

“I… I! Come on, Cable, back me up! You’re from the future, you must know! In future Equestrian History class, you must have learned about the reign of Princess Twilight Sparkle and Prince Deadpool!”

Cable looked at Deadpool with a stone-faced look. This only irritated Deadpool even more.

“Gurrr… That’s it! I’ll take you all to the Golden Oak Library, and prove that Twilight and I are in a romantic relationship!”

Deadpool directed his friends towards the direction of the Golden Oak Library. After a few minutes, the group arrived at the Golden Oak Library. Deadpool walked up to the front door and knocked on it.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“I’ll show all of you that I’m capable of attracting princesses,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Who is it?” Asked Twilight from the other side of the door.

“Jehovah’s Witnesses,” Answered Deadpool.

The door opened up, revealing Twilight on the other side.

“Hi, Wade. Where are the gro-”

MUAH!

Before Twilight could ask her question, Deadpool quickly grabbed her, and pulled her into a kiss. Twilight was, reasonably, surprised by the action, but then melted into the kiss. Deadpool glanced back at his friends, and saw the shocked expressions on their faces. Even the normally collected Cable had his jaw dropped. A devilish smirk was noticeable from the corner of his mouth. Once he finished proving his point, he let Twilight go. She had a dopey smile with a dark red blush on her face.

“Wow... What was that for, Wade?” Asked Twilight lovingly.

“‘Cause I love you,” Answered Wade.

“Aw! Love you, too.”

Both Twilight and Deadpool leaned in for another kiss. Twilight looked behind Deadpool, and realized that they had company.

“Oh! Uh… I-I didn’t know you had company, Wade,” Said Twilight, blushing profusely out of embarrassment.

When they were noticed by Princess Twilight, Deadpool’s friends removed the shocked expressions on their faces, and made themselves look presentable.

“These guys? They’re just some old friends of mine,” Answered Deadpool. “Allow me to introduce you to them. The stallion on the right is the time travelling badass, Josh Brolin- I mean Cable! The mare on the left is Domino, who is maybe, possibly mildly lucky. And finally, the mare standing between them is the lethal telepath, Psylocke.”

Deadpool’s friends bowed before Twilight. Twilight blushed out of slight embarrassment, but kept a grin on her face.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle, we are in need of your assistance,” Said Cable.

“I’ll help in any way I can. What seems to be the problem?” Asked Twilight.

“A mad geneticist by the name of Nathaniel Essex, aka Mister Sinister, is plotting to take over the world with a clone army. If he succeeds, then he will instill his idea of genetic perfection onto the world. We are going to face him at his hideout on the island of Genosha, but we don’t have a means of getting there. Deadpool informed us that you may be able to help us,” Said Cable.

“You’re in luck. I know of a teleportation spell that will be able to take you to Genosha, or anywhere else in the world in that matter, instantly. I’ll just have a quick look at a map, so I can have a mental image of where I am transporting you.”

Twilight walked over to a desk, and opened a draw. She pulled out a map, and unrolled it on the desktop. It was a world map with many regions, including Equestria, laid out across its surface.

“So, how do you all know each other?” Asked Twilight.

“Well, we’ve been on multiple world-saving adventures together before,” Said Domino.

“And we were part of a group called X-Force, and we’re back together again!” Said Deadpool.

Once again, Deadpool’s friends groaned out of exasperation.

“X-Force? What is that?” Asked Twilight.

“I’ll show you!”

Deadpool ran downstairs quickly, and returned just as quickly. He held a photo album in his hooves.

“X-Force was a covert black-ops team that did missions that most heroes wouldn’t get involved with. There was usually a lot of bloody murder involved. Aw, we were so young and hip.”

Deadpool opened up the photo album, and looked at a photo that had him, Cable, Domino, and Psylocke all together in heroic poses. They were all strangely wearing outfits from the 1970s, including Deadpool. He was wearing a red and black leisure suit, and he had an afro on his head.

“We looked NOTHING like that,” Said Cable.

“And you lost all of your hair during the experiments that gave you your healing factor,” Added Domino.

“The point is, X-Force was awesome, and now we’re back together. Kind of like a band,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight looked at the world map for a few more seconds before looking back up at the group.

“Here it is. Genosha is located northeast of Madagistar. I should be able to teleport you all there, so you can stop Mister Sinister,” Said Twilight.

“See guys? I told you that my girl would be able to help us,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah, you were right, Wade. And sorry for not believing that you were going out with her. I just couldn’t believe that you got together with one of the Princesses of Equestria after you and I broke up,” Said Domino.

Right after Domino spoke, the sound of a record player stopping abruptly could somehow be heard in the room. Twilight dropped the map onto the floor, and Deadpool looked terrified.

(Oh shit!)

“Wade, what is she talking about?” Asked Twilight.

(Well, we are about to lose our balls!)

“Wade?! I said what is she talking about?!” Asked Twilight irritatedly.

“Uhhhhh… She said she couldn’t believe that you and I got together since the last time she and I met up,” Said Deadpool very, very nervously.

“You’re lying to me, Wade! Your voice gets higher when you lie.”

“No it doesn’t,” Said Deadpool in an obviously high pitch.

(Damn it! Our Canadian heritage prevents us from lying effectively!)

“I’m going to give you one last chance to tell the truth. I would suggest choosing your next words carefully,” Warned Twilight.

“Okay, fine! Domino is my ex marefriend,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, wait. You never told her about… Um, sorry,” Said Domino.

“Thanks a lot!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“I would like a word with you in private!”

Twilight used her magic to grab Deadpool by the ear, and practically dragged him downstairs. Once they were in the living room, she let him go.

“You have some nerve, Wade!” Said Twilight angrily.

“What did I do?!” Asked Deadpool defensively.

“I knew you have been in other relationships besides ours, notably your relationship with Vanessa. But you never said anything about Domino!” Said Twilight.

“Does it really matter?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes, it does! We’re in a relationship, Wade. We shouldn’t be keeping these kinds of secrets from each other. I know it isn’t a topic that is easy to discuss about, but we’ve known each other for a long time, and have been together for a couple months now. I feel like I deserve to know,” Said Twilight.

“I suppose I could tell you about all of my past relationships. It would be a lengthy talk, since I went out with twenty-eight-”

(Ah-Ahem!)

“Ugh! Thirty mares, including Domino. We can talk about it later. Right now, we have to head to Genosha.”

Before Deadpool could head back upstairs, Twilight grabbed him by the shoulder.

“And that’s another thing. You have just met up with her after not seeing each other for a long time, and you’re tagging along with her?” Questioned Twilight.

“Please, I’m going with Psylocke and Cable as well. And it’s not like we are all going on a vacation to Mancún. We’re going to save the world from a vampire-like madman and his mutant clone army. Joining up with Domino is out of altruistism instead of infatuation,” Said Deadpool.

“I… I guess that is true,”

“Not trying to poke the bear or anything, Twi, but it seems like you may be a little jealous of Domino,”

“Pfft! What?! Me jealous of her?! Why would I be jealous? I mean, she calls herself ‘Domino’?! How did she come up with that nickname anyway?” Asked Twilight.

“She was given the moniker Domino because her (air quote) ‘probability alteration power’ causes things to fall into place for her,” Answered Deadpool.

“That’s… actually very creative. Darn!” Said Twilight frustratedly.

“Twilight.”

“Okay, I’m jealous! I’ve only met her for a few minutes, and I can already see that you have much more in common with her than with me. You’re both superpowered ponies, have mercenary backgrounds, and you are both trained marksponies and fighters.”

“Maybe so, but you and I have a lot in common, too.”

“Like what?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh, we both have the same best friends,” Said Deadpool.

“Right.”

“We are both fictional characters.”

“Wade be serious.”

“I am! We both have irrational fears. I’m afraid of chickens and clowns, and you’re afraid of ladybugs and quesadillas.”

“I am not afraid of quesadillas! They’re just so… cheesy,” Said Twilight while shuddering.

“And I think clowns are the greatest threat to Earth after Galactus! See, we have plenty of things in common!” Said Deadpool.

“I suppose we do,” Said Twilight.

“Are there other reasons why you’re jealous of her?” Asked Deadpool.

“Well, I am also envious of her looks. She’s got a great mane, a slim figure… a decent sized flank…”

([Snort] Sorry! I know this is a serious conversation involving relationship insecurity, which is a totally normal feeling to have in a healthy relationship, but I can’t help but laugh at the fact that a character from a toy line’s show adaptation just compared her ass size with someone else's!)

SNIFFLE!

Without warning, Twilight began to sniffle, and her eyes grew teary.

“Twilight…” Said Deadpool sympathetically.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be envious, and I know that you wouldn’t leave me for her, but I still can’t help but feel insecure. I’m afraid that if you go to Genosha with Domino and your friends, you would find that you would be happier with her than with me.”

Deadpool gently grabbed Twilight by the shoulders, guided her to the couch, and sat her down.

“Twilight, look at me,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight looked Deadpool in the eyes, and he took one of her hooves in his.

“You have nothing to worry about. I may have loved Domino once, but we have run our course. You are the only one for me. I love you, and that will never change. We may not have too much in common, but that will change when we try out each other's interests, and share new experiences together. As for appearances, Domino may be attractive, but you are the most beautiful pony I have ever met. Your mane is long, luxurious, and that pink hairstreak drives me wild!”

Deadpool grabbed a strand of hair from Twilight’s hairstreak, and twirled it gently. This made Twilight smile a little.

“Your figure is magnificent, as if you were sculpted from clay by gods! Now that I think about it, I suppose Lauren Faust is a goddess. And if you think I don’t like your butt…”

“Ah!”

Twilight felt Deadpool pinch her butt, which caused her to jump a little. She retaliated by playfully pushing him.

“Wade!” Said Twilight.

“My point being, I love you, Twilight. No one will ever take me away from you. And if it makes you feel better, Domino and I had a mutual breakup. She and I agreed that we were better off as colleagues, friends at best.”

Deadpool and Twilight embraced each other in a hug, and Twilight wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Thank you, Wade. I love you,” Said Twilight affectionately.

“I love you too, Twilight,” Replied Deadpool affectionately.

As they held each other in an embrace, an idea popped in Deadpool’s head, which caused him to smirk under his mask.

“I just thought of one more thing that you and I share,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, and that is?” Questioned Twilight.

“We both love to DANCE!”

Deadpool grabbed Twilight by the foreleg, and pulled her up from the couch, surprising her a little. He had her stand on her hindlegs, and wrapped his right foreleg around her back. Following his lead, they danced the waltz. They both looked into each other’s eyes, and smiled lovingly. Suddenly, Deadpool hummed a tune from a classic romance film. Then he lightly sang…

“Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the fucked up mercenary,” Sang Deadpool.

“Oh, quiet you!” Said Twilight affectionately.

Suddenly, Deadpool switched their dance from the waltz into the tango.

“Eeek!” Cried Twilight out of shock.

“Ohhhh! This mare is my destiny! She said oh oh oh! Shut up and dance with me!” Sang Deadpool.

Twilight laughed out of pure joy. To wrap up their dance, Deadpool slightly loosened his grip on Twilight, causing her to dip backwards. Pulling her back up, they both chuckled. Twilight lifted up Deadpool’s mask slightly, and kissed him.

“Ah-Ahem.”

Looking behind them, they found Psylocke standing in the doorway. They both blushed a little out of embarrassment, while Psylocke looked at them with a stone-faced look.

“I’d hate to interrupt this touching moment between you two, but we have to get going,” Said Psylocke.

“Oh, right. We’ll be right up,” Said Twilight.

With a nod of her head, Psylocke went back upstairs.

“Guess it’s time to go save the world,” Said Deadpool.

On that note, both Deadpool and Twilight went upstairs. Once they were in the main library, Deadpool stood next to his friends.

“You know, I could tag along as well,” Said Twilight.

“Thank you, Princess Twilight, but we’ll take care of Sinister ourselves. It would also be safer if you stayed here instead of coming with us,” Said Cable.

“Well, don’t you need somepony to teleport you all back when you are done?” Asked Twilight.

“Yes, but we will let you know when the time comes,” Answered Cable.

“You will? How?” Asked Twilight.

“Like this.”

Twilight could hear Psylocke, but she didn’t see her move her lips to talk. That was when the answer hit her.

“Oh, right. You’re telepathic,” Said Twilight.

“I can also speak to you telepathically as well, should the need arise,” Said Cable telepathically.

“Well then, let’s get you all on your way,” Said Twilight.

Twilight closed her eyes, and concentrated on her thoughts. She pictured the world map she studied in her mind, and focused on Genosha. The tip of her horn glowed with a magenta light, and she cast a beam of magic towards Deadpool and friends. The magical beam wrapped around the group, bathing them in a magenta light. Then in a flash, their vision turned white. Their vision returned to normal quickly, revealing that they were no longer at the Golden Oak Library. All around them were the ruins of buildings. A once thriving civilization was now left in shambles.

“Looks like we were successfully teleported to Genosha,” Said Domino.

“Indeed. Now that we are here, we need to find Sinister and bring him down,” Said Cable.

“Do you have any ideas on where he could be hiding?” Asked Psylocke.

“Magneto’s old citadel is a good place to start. If we can get a move on, we can get there before 15:00,” Said Cable.

“Can we just take a moment to take in the scenery?” Deadpool was taking pictures of the ruined city. “This place is riddled with history. Mostly terrible, but I’m sure there was something good that came out of this hellish island. And I swear I’ve been here for something with a similar plot as this chapter!”

Ignoring Deadpool, Psylocke and Cable walked straight ahead. As Deadpool was about to follow them, he felt a hoof grab his shoulder. He saw that the hoof belonged to Domino.

“Wade, is everything alright between you and Twilight?” Asked Domino.

“Of course everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” Asked Deadpool in reply.

“Well, I did drop a big bombshell on her when I mentioned us,” Answered Domino.

“Maybe so, but it wouldn’t have happened in the first place had I actually told her way beforehand,” Said Deadpool.

“So, are we cool?” Asked Domino.

“Oh, Dommie, I could never stay mad at you!”

Deadpool hugged Domino, much to her surprise. He then skipped after Cable and Psylocke. Domino followed after him, bearing a confused look. After about an hour’s walk, the group of heroes stumbled upon an eerie sight. Sitting in front of them were the rusty remains of a three story tall, metallic equine. One of its forelegs was detached from the body, and one of its metallic eyes was loose, dangling from large wires.

“Wow! To think that these things wiped out almost all of the inhabitants on this island,” Said Wade in astonishment.

(Yes, very terrible indeed. Although I can’t help but wonder how the Sentinels work in this universe? If I were to give my best judgement of the technological advancement of Equestria and presumably the majority of the world, it would be similar to 19th or early 20th century technology in the real world.)

(Magic is an integral part of this world, so perhaps the Sentinels are comprised of both science and magic? Like they are made through modern engineering and robotics, but are powered by a magic based source?)

KLANG!

“Someone’s here!” Said Cable.

Hearing the sound of metal falling to the ground, the group stood together back to back. Deadpool and Domino pulled out a pair of pistols, Cable pulled out a high-powered plasma rifle, and Psylocke summoned a katana made of psychic energy, which caused an aura shaped like a butterfly to appear on her face.

“I can sense someone’s close by. They are circling us,” Said Psylocke.

As everyone looked around for the enemy, the sound of trotting hooves could be heard, and they grew louder with every passing second. The hoofsteps mysteriously went silent, putting everyone on edge. Domino looked up towards the looming Sentinel, and noticed a silhouette of a pony perched on top of the robot’s head. She blinked her eyes, and it leaped towards her.

“In front of me!”

BANG! BANG!

Domino shot at the pony, only for it to dodge the bullets mid air. It landed on the ground in front of her, revealing more of its features. They were a brown coated earth pony stallion, with an unkempt yellow mane and tail. They had claws on all four of his hooves, and a pair of fangs. Over his torso, he wore a brown coat with white fur around the neck.

“It’s a clone of Victor Creed!” Said Domino.

“How do we know he’s a clone and not the actual Sabretooth? I’m still fine with the outcome of killing this asshole regardless, but, you know, for story purposes,” Said Deadpool.

“Maybe he has a tag on the back of his coat?” Suggested Domino.

The clone of Sabretooth leapt towards the group. They all separated and dodged out of the way. Looking at his back, Deadpool saw the tag Domino suggested. It had Mister Sinister’s name on it, along with the number VC-1977.

“Really? That’s how you know that he’s…? That has to be the laziest way of introducing your ‘good luck power’!” Said Deadpool.

The clone ran towards Cable. He aimed his rifle at the clone, and shot a couple plasma charges at him. The clone dodged all of the shots, and pounced. Cable put his rifle on his back, moved to the side, and grabbed the clone by the arm. He threw him onto the ground, and slammed one of his hooves towards his head. The clone rolled out of the way, and scratched Cable’s arm.

SCRATCH!

Cable retaliated by back-hoofing the clone, sending him flying into the Sentinel. He recovered quickly, and kicked towards Cable’s head. Cable blocked the kicks by using his bionic arm as a shield. Sabretooth’s clone followed his attack by low sweeping Cable’s hind legs, causing him to fall on his back. The clone drove his claws towards Cable’s neck, but before they could make contact, they were blocked. Psylocke held a psionic katana in front of Cable to block the killing blow, and pushed the clone back.

“You’re not the only one who is vicious!” Said Psylocke.

Psylocke thrusted her psionic blade towards the clone, only for him to dodge it. He swiped at her, but none of his claws managed to cut her. She kicked him in the stomach, then cut his throat open. This proved to have no effect, as his wound instantly healed.

“Wade’s got a healing factor, Logan’s got a healing factor, Victor and his clone have a healing factor. Who doesn’t have a healing factor these days?” Asked Psylocke.

Psylocke swung her blade at the clone, slicing through his skin. The attacks didn’t slow him down, only making him angrier. With a growl of a feral animal, he lunged at her.

CHOMP!

AHHHHH!

The clone bit down on Psylocke’s left arm, causing her to drop her katana. She managed to pry him off with the help of telekinesis before he could do any more damage. He flung his forelegs and hind legs at her. She dodged all of his attacks, and she prepared to counter. Before she could, however, the clone delivered an uppercut to her jaw, launching her into the air.

POW!

SLAM!

As she fell towards the ground, the clone grabbed her face, and slammed her into the ground. Ready to deliver the killing blow, he drove his claws towards her chest.

“PSYLOCKE!” Cried Deadpool, Domino, and Cable.

SNAP!

Suddenly, a loud metallic snap could be heard from above. As the clone looked up, he saw the Sentinel’s dangling eye detach from the wires, and fall towards him.

THUD!

Hitting him straight in the head, the clone fell over on his side with his cranium smashed in. Psylocke got up, holding her injured arm. Her friends sighed in relief.

“Phew! I may be the one with probability powers, but YOU are lucky, Betsy!” Said Domino.

“Well, I’m pretty sure that has your name written all over it,” Countered Psylocke.

“Now THAT’S how you introduce a superpower based on luck! Go X-Force!” Said Deadpool.

“Ugh!” Groaned Deadpool’s friends exasperatedly.

GRRRR!

To everyone’s surprise, the clone got back up. Even with his head healing from being smashed in, he was still able to fight.

“Forget Sabretooth, this guy ought to be called Cockroach! Nothing kills this bastard! Nothing except maybe this baby!”

Out of nowhere, Deadpool pulled out a single sword, and lunged towards the clone. He managed to make a small cut on the clone’s arm, causing him to growl in pain. While the clone’s head had now fully healed, the cut hadn't even begun to heal.

“Is that what I think it is?” Asked Psylocke.

“Yup, the Muramasa Blade. Taskmaster tried to kill me with this in the very first chapter of this story. I took it when I bested him, and held onto it in case I would ever need it. I grabbed it earlier when I was downstairs looking for that photo album. I figured if worst comes to worst, we can use it on Mister Sinister,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool lunged at the clone, sword swinging. With every swing of his blade, the clone dodged quickly. In a rather inelegant manner, Deadpool held the blade above his head, and ran towards the clone. He thrust his sword towards his opponent’s head, only for it to be dodged swiftly. He then swung the sword around like he was trying to hit a piñata with a baseball bat while wearing a blindfold. The clone of Sabretooth effortlessly dodged each swing, and seemed to look unimpressed at his adversary’s swordsmen skills. From the sidelines, all of Deadpool’s friends were just as unimpressed.

“Wade, stop swinging your sword like a little foal with a branch! You’re supposed to be skilled in swordsmanship!” Said Domino irritatedly.

“I’ll have you know that I am a master when it comes to swords! Especially my personal sword, which you have seen in action!” Said Deadpool.

“Are we really talking about that now?!” Asked Domino rhetorically.

With Deadpool focused on Domino more than the fight, the Sabretooth clone took the opportunity to scratch his arms, causing him to drop the Muramasa Blade. He then kicked it away, much to the terror of the Merc with a Mouth.

“... Fuck,” Muttered Deadpool timidly.

The clone lunged towards Deadpool, and he ran off. With the clone in hot pursuit, Deadpool tried to find a way to gain an advantage over his pursuer. Deadpool looked at the Sentinel, and got an idea. With great speed, he climbed up the Sentinel, leaving Sabretooth on the ground.

“Ah-ha! It’s over, flea-bag! I have the high ground! You may be able to climb, but that won’t save you from the most overpowered weapon in warfare!” Said Deadpool.

Not deterred from having a height disadvantage, the clone climbed up the Sentinel.

“You’re asking for a death wish, pal. Have you ever read ‘The Art of War’? It says in bold ‘Do not try to fuck with the high ground’.”

Deadpool pulled out one of his pistols and shot at the clone. The clone dodged each shot, gaining speed as he got closer. He then grabbed Deadpool by the hind leg, and held him upside down, with the ground eerily below.

“Ahhhh! Ewan McGreggor never mentioned the high ground could be beaten!” Said Deadpool fearfully.

(Well, he did beat Darth Maul in ‘The Phantom Menace’, and the Sith Lord had the high ground then.)

“Touché.”

Seeing Deadpool’s current predicament, Cable pulled out his rifle and shot a plasma charge. It struck the clone, and both him and Deadpool fell towards the ground. Reacting quickly, Psylocke used her telekinesis to grab the Muramasa Blade, and tossed it towards the clone.

SHULK!

“Gugh!”

Striking dead center in the chest, the Muramasa Blade killed the clone of Sabretooth, thanks to its mystic properties negating his healing factor. He landed on his back with the blade pierced through his chest. As for Deadpool, before he could hit the ground, Cable managed to catch him in his arms.

“Wade, are you alright?” Asked Cable.

Terrified from the attack, the Merc shaked in his savior’s grasp.

“Look at me.”

Doing as he was told, Deadpool looked at Cable, already beginning to calm down.

“Are you alright?” Asked Cable.

“... You’re so cute.”

THUD!

“Yup, you’re fine,” Deadpanned Cable.

Purposely dropping Deadpool, Cable walked over to the deceased clone of Sabretooth. He turned over the body, and pulled out the Muramasa Blade. He then handed it over to Deadpool.

“While you need to work on your fighting skills, great thinking on bringing the Muramasa Blade along,” Commended Cable.

“What can I say? I’m full of ‘sharp’ ideas,” Replied Deadpool.

(Boo! You stink!)

“Hold still, and let me look at it!”

Both stallions looked over and saw Domino and Psylocke in a bit of a scuffle. The former was trying to examine the latter’s arm, which had been bitten by Sabretooth’s clone. Her arm was bleeding profusely, blood staining a good portion of the upper half.

“I don’t need you to look at it; I’m fine,” Said Psylocke.

“Fine?! You were just bitten by an overgrown weasel! You need to cover that up to at least slow the bleeding!” Said Domino.

“It’s just a flesh wound. I’ll live.”

“At least let me wrap a bandage around your wound.”

Deadpool walked up to Psylocke with medical bandages, gauze, and a bottle of saline solution, all of which he pulled out of nowhere. Psylocke looked at him then the medical supplies. With a roll of her eyes, Psylocke allowed him to dress her wound. Starting with the saline, he gently coated the puncture wounds using a cotton swab.

“Why would you of all ponies carry medical supplies?” Asked Domino.

“‘Cause everyone I care about and protect doesn't have a healing factor like me. For me, stab wounds heal in seconds, a broken bone would properly heal without a cast, and if anything fell off, well, it can pop back on or I just regenerate a new one. But for all of my friends, for Twilight, any injury could mean the difference between life and death. So, combined with basic first aid skills I learned while in the Special Forces, I try to prepare for any medical emergency,” Explained Deadpool.

“Aw, that’s actually very sweet, Wade,” Said Domino.

After cleaning the bite wound, Deadpool packed the wound using the medical bandages. Once the bandage was wrapped on tightly, but not too tight that it would restrict blood flow, Psylocke moved around to make sure movement of her arm wasn’t restricted too much.

“I would advise you to sit this one out and maybe return to Ponyville to receive some medical attention, but knowing you, you will not stop until we wrap up Mister Sinister into a nice little bow. So, have some whisky.”

Deadpool handed over a flask of whisky to Psylocke, which she drank in one sip before tossing the flask aside.

BZZT! BZZT!

A buzzing sound could be heard nearby. Searching for the source of the sound, Cable pinpointed the sound was coming from the clone’s corpse. Reaching into the clone’s coat, he pulled out an emblem in the shape of a red diamond. Pressing a red button in the center of the emblem, a projection appeared above it. It revealed the face of a unicorn stallion. He had white fur, red pupiless eyes, and a long black mane with a distinctive widows peak. In the center of his forehead rested a red diamond.

“I must say, I am a little surprised to see you here, Summers. I figured you and your allies would be preoccupied with my army,” Said the stallion.

“You are correct, Sinister, in that our allies have their hooves full with stopping your clones, but we were able to come here and deal with you personally,” Replied Cable.

“We? So, there are others with you? Excellent. I can study my test subjects’ combat capabilities while you all try to stop me. Based on our current interaction, I can see that you have bested VC-1977.”

“We have the Muramasa Blade in our possession. Any clones with healing factors you send at us will be no match for us. And if you are not careful, you will find that it will be lodged up your ass.”

“Oh, oh! Can I have a turn talking to Mister Sinister?! I want to tell him how my date with his mom went!” Said Deadpool.

“Deadpool! You brought the repulsive mutate along with you?! Thankfully once I carry out my plans of genetic perfection, defects such as him will be removed from this world,” Said Sinister.

“Wow, how very Nazi of you to say.”

“No matter, I have more pressing matters to attend to. If you think you are strong enough to face my army, find me at an abandoned laboratory about an hour’s walk from the Sentinel you are currently at. But I will only warn you once, if you dare challenge me, you will all meet a swift end, and I will use your genetic material to create more loyal clones.”

On that note, the transmission ended. Cable placed the emblem on the ground, and crushed it under his hoof.

“You all heard him, we’re moving out,” Ordered Cable.

With Cable leading the way, the group of heroes made their way to Mister Sinister’s current location. The walk was mostly uneventful, with everyone keeping to themselves. Eventually, they arrived at what appeared to be a small, rundown scientific laboratory, located next to a cliff. The building was overgrown with the local flora, parts of the ceiling caved in, and many of the windows were shattered.

“What a dump,” Said Deadpool.

“It may not seem like it, but Mister Sinister probably has the rest of his army hidden in there. It could also be full of booby traps,” Said Domino.

“Ha ha ha! You said traps!” Said Deadpool.

(Wait! Did somepony say BOOBS?!)

“Yeah, Domino said that,” Said Deadpool to his inner voice.

(Ah, yes. There’s nothing in life like a mare’s breasts.)

(Oh! Since we’ve been a pony in this fanfiction for a while now, which of these are the best: chest boobies or crotch boobies?)

“Hmmm… That’s a toughie; they’re both great. I guess if I had to choose one, I would say crotch boobies are the best.”

(Why?)

“Less distance to cover during or-”

“Wade! Have you been paying attention?” Asked Domino.

“Uh, you lost me at traps,” Answered Deadpool.

“Ugh! Just keep your guard up and watch your step when we’re inside.”

Domino, Cable, and Psylocke entered the laboratory with Deadpool following behind them. Unbeknownst to them, four equine shadows could be seen on the ground behind them. Entering through the main entrance, the group noticed the interior of the laboratory was just as bad as the outside. Walking down a large hallway, broken furniture, damaged scientific equipment, rubble, and the occasional remains of a mutant could be found. Eventually, they reached the end of the hallway, where it branched off into four more.

“Four halls, and most likely one could lead us to Mister Sinister. Can you tell where he is, Psylocke?” Asked Cable.

“Hmm… No, he’s masking his presence. We’ll have to find him the old fashioned way,” Said Psylocke.

“Unless Domino is lucky and finds the right path?” Suggested Deadpool.

“I would say we have a better chance if we split up and take a hallway each,” Said Domino.

“Very well. I created a mind link between the four of us. If any of us find Sinister or a good lead of his location, we can tell each other through our thoughts. Everyone choose a hallway and begin searching.”

On Cable’s order, the heroes split up and went down their own hallway. Cable went down the first hallway on the left, Psylocke the second to the left, Domino second to the right, and Deadpool down the first hallway on the right. They all failed to notice the shadows that were looming behind them. As he was walking down the hall, Deadpool was whistling a little tune to himself to keep himself entertained. Suddenly, he heard hoofsteps behind him. He turned around, only to find Psylocke behind him.

“Oh, hey. Uh, what are you doing here, Psy?” Asked Deadpool.

Psylocke walked up to Deadpool, then, before he could react, she grabbed the Muramasa Blade from his hoof and restrained him, bringing the blade to his neck.

“Psylocke, what’s the meaning of this?!” Asked Deadpool in shock.

Psylocke didn’t answer him. Instead, she tightened her grip on the Muramasa Blade, and prepared to slit Deadpool’s throat.

“Have you ever wondered why I always wear red?” Asked Deadpool nonchalantly.

Not expecting the question Deadpool asked her, Psylocke subconsciously loosened her grip when she looked at him with a confused look. This gave him enough room to move his arm and jab her in the rib cage with his elbow. Due to the sharp pain caused by the jab, she dropped the Muramasa Blade onto the floor and let him go. Deadpool grabbed the Muramasa Blade and stashed it somewhere on his person. Recovering from the attack, Psylocke ran towards him.

“I hate that you are making me do this, Elizabeth.”

Running towards her as well, Deadpool through a punch towards her at the same time she did. They both managed to punch each other at the same time, causing them to fall over onto their backs.

Meanwhile, in one of the other hallways, Psylocke was searching for any signs of Mister Sinister. Her injured foreleg gave her a little bit of a limp, but it didn’t deter her from moving forward. She stopped in the middle of the hallway. She detected someone’s presence thanks to her telepathic abilities. Checking her surroundings, she found Cable standing behind her.

“Cable, did you find any clues as to where Mister Sinister would be? If you did, I’m surprised you didn’t communicate to me through our mind link,” Said Psylocke.

Cable calmly walked over to Psylocke. Despite being fairly taller than the average mare, she was still short compared to Cable’s looming height.

WHACK!

Before she could even react, Psylocke was back hoofed by Cable’s bionic arm. She was sent flying back by his arm’s immense physical strength.

“Cable! What the hell?!” Said Psylocke angrily.

Cable ran up towards her and threw more punches her way. She managed to create a telekinetic shield just in time to absorb all the blows.

“What has gotten into you, Summers?!” Asked Psylocke irritatedly.

Before he could deliver another punch, Psylocke used her shield to push Cable back. Only sliding a few feet, Cable ran up to deliver another punch, only to be blocked by a smaller shield in one of Psylocke’s hooves, and was punched in the face with the other. Running then jumping into the air, Cable was ready to slam his front hoof into Psylocke, while she summoned a shield around herself.

Meanwhile, Cable was walking through a hallway like Psylocke and Deadpool. He didn’t get very far before he heard a feminine voice say…

“Ah-Ahem!”

Turning around, he found Domino walking towards him.

“Domino, what are you doing here? You should be investigating your hallway, and contact us when you find anything,” Said Cable.

Domino kept walking towards him, and then leapt up and bucked him straight in the jaw. Grabbing his jaw in pain, Cable looked at her with a shocked expression.

“What is the meaning of this, Domino?!” Asked Cable.

Ignoring his question, Domino kicked him in the abdomen, then grabbed his organic arm and pinned him to the ground.

“Fine then, be that way.”

Cable effortlessly shaked Domino off of him, even with one of his arms behind his back. While she was recovering from being tossed off, he ran up to her and tackled her into a wall.

Meanwhile, Domino was walking down her hallway. Unbeknownst to her, a figure was following her from behind. They raised a hoof, ready to strike her head. She stepped over a metal pipe, which her pursuer failed to notice and tripped.

KLANG!

Hearing them trip, Domino looked behind her and saw Deadpool, laying face first on the ground. She extended a forehoof in front of him.

“Need a hoof, klutz?” Asked Domino.

Deadpool reached out and grabbed her hoof. As soon as she helped him up, however, he tightened his grip on her hoof, and spun her around. He pressed her face against a wall, and held her arm behind her back.

“Wade, if this is some fucked up joke you’re pulling on me, I will beat you upside the head! Now, let me go!” Demanded Domino.

Deadpool didn’t listen, and he grabbed her head with his free hoof. He slowly twisted her neck to the left. Knowing what he was planning to do, she tried to struggle free but to no avail. It would be only a matter of seconds before Deadpool snapped her neck.

CREAK!

FWOOSH!

Just before she could’ve been killed, a water pipe built into the ceiling above burst, spraying Deadpool with a large amount of water. Frantically running out of the stream of water, he let go of her, allowing her the opportunity to pull out her pistols and fire at him. He dodged all of the shots, and grabbed the pipe that he tripped on. He swung it towards her, but she swiftly dodged each swing.

“Wade, what is wrong with you?!” Asked Domino.

“Hey, can anyone hear me? If so, I need help!”

Domino could hear Deadpool talking, but it sounded like it was coming from her head. That was when she remembered the mind link.

“Wade, I can hear you talking to me, but you’re currently attacking me!” Said Domino.

“Okay, Zazie Beetz, I’m afraid your accusation is a bunch of bullshit! I’m currently being attacked by Psylocke!” Said Deadpool.

“I can hear both of you. And I can also say that is a bunch of bullshit! I’m preoccupied with defending myself from Cable!” Said Psylocke.

“Hmm, curious. I’m currently being attacked by Domino, but if I heard her correctly, she said she’s fighting Deadpool. Do you know what this means?” Questioned Cable.

“We all have twins that neither of us were aware of?” Asked Deadpool.

“No, it means we are all dealing with doppelgangers,”

“Are they clones of us, or somebody with shapeshifting abilities?” Asked Psylocke.

“Let’s find out.”

Domino fired more shots at Deadpool’s doppelganger, but he dodged all of the shots. He then ran up to her, and smacked both of her pistols out of her hooves. He then kicked her, causing her to fall onto her back. She used her horn to grab one of her guns using her magic. Before she could fire a shot, Deadpool’s doppelganger stepped on the gun’s side, pinning it to the ground. Pipe in hoof, the doppelganger readied himself to strike her head. Even though she knew her gun wasn’t aimed at him, she fired a bullet anyway.

BANG!

DING! DING!

The single bullet fired ricocheted off of multiple objects throughout the hall. It then ricocheted off of a sign hanging from the ceiling, and headed towards the impostor.

“Gugh!”

The bullet went through the impostor's head, leaving a gaping bullet wound in the center of his forehead. As he fell over backwards, his form changed. He changed into someone Domino was unfortunately familiar with. The impostor was a dark blue unicorn mare with a long, sleek red mane, and yellow eyes.

“Guess what everyone? I just killed Wade’s doppelganger, and it seems that they were a clone of our old friend, Mystique,” Said Domino.

“Oh, that’s great!” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was in a mini wrestling match with Mystique’s clone disguised as Psylocke. They were both trying to outclass the other in terms of strength.

“This is just great. First I met up with my ex, Domino, nearly had my nuts cut off by my current marefriend because I didn’t tell her about us, and now I’m fighting a clone of one of my other exes. This day has been going absolutely swimmingly!” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

(We may have all of our exes showing up and biting us in the ass, not in the fun way, but this just shows that we know our way around the mares.)

“Wait, if she’s a clone, then that means…”

THUD!

With a mischievous smirk visible under his mask, Deadpool smacked his forehead against the clone’s face. Stumbling backwards, the clone only had enough time to see Deadpool pull out his katanas.

SHLING!

Faster than the eye could perceive, Deadpool made two strokes with his katanas. The clone’s head and torso slid off, the dismembered body reverting to Mystique’s form. Satisfied with his victory, Deadpool put his swords away.

Meanwhile, Psylocke was using her telekinetic shield to absorb the clone disguised as Cable’s punches. With the butterfly-shaped aura appearing on her face, she formed a psionic dagger in one of her hooves. When the clone was about to punch the shield again, she made it disappear. Not expecting this, the clone lost balance when they made no contact with their target. Taking advantage of their vulnerable position, Psylocke ran up to them.

SHULK!

Thrusting upwards, she drove the dagger underneath the clone’s jaw, the psionic blade exiting from his cranium. The clone quickly went limp, returning to their original form. Tossing the body, Psylocke continued walking down her hallway.

With Cable, he was dodging punches by Mystique’s clone disguised as Domino. Tired of this, Cable used his psychic abilities to hold her still. He then pulled out his plasma rifle, and fired a single charge.

VWOOM!

The charge left a gaping, scolding hot hole in the center of the clone’s chest. When she fell over dead and changed back to her original form, Cable went down the hallway. It didn’t take him very long to reach the end. Standing at the end of the hall, he noticed it led to a circular room where there was a lift in the center of the room, and three other hallways connected to the room. Psylocke and Domino were in the halls by both of his sides, while Deadpool was in the hallway directly ahead. He and everyone else pulled out their weapons and aimed at each other. He aimed his plasma rifle at Psylocke and a pistol at Domino, the latter aimed both of her pistols at him and Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth aimed his pistols at her and Psylocke, and Psylocke summoned two psionic daggers with their blades aimed at him and Cable.

“Looks like we got ourselves a classic Mexican standoff,” Wisecracked Deadpool.

“You’re talking, so, sadly, you may be the real Deadpool,” Said Psylocke.

“We also possess our weapons and powers,” Added Domino.

“Still, that doesn’t confirm we are all not clones. We need a surefire way to confirm we are who we claim to be,” Said Cable.

“Hmm, what do you wager?” Asked Deadpool.

“Simple: we all ask each other questions that only we can answer,” Answered Cable.

“Very well, shall we go around in a circle like a therapy group?” Asked Deadpool.

“Just start,” Said Cable irritatedly.

“Okay. Psylocke, who did you share a psychic bond with?” Asked Deadpool.

“Logan,” Answered Psylocke.

“Checks out with me. Seems accurate with the comics,” Said Deadpool.

“Your turn, Cable. Why were you first brought into the future?” Asked Psylocke.

“I was brought into the future in hopes of curing the Techno-Organic Virus that has infected my body,” Answered Cable.

“That’s right,” Said Psylocke.

“Domino, what phobia do you have?” Asked Cable.

“Come on, really?” Asked Domino hesitantly.

“Answer the question,” Ordered Cable while lightly squeezing the trigger of his pistol.

“Okay, fine! I have alektorophobia; the fear of chickens,” Answered Domino reluctantly.

Hearing her answer, Deadpool snickered at her.

“I hope you are a clone, so I can shoot your fuckin’ head,” Said Domino irritatedly.

“Sorry. Ask your question to me,” Said Deadpool.

“According to you, who is your greatest enemy?” Asked Domino.

“... Gavin Hood!” Answered Deadpool angrily.

“And why?” Asked Domino.

“Why? WHY?! Because that fucker picked me up, threw me onto the ground, called me ugly, peed on me, then left me without so much as a ‘good day’...” Said Deadpool sadly.

“Translation.”

“... He’s the director of ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’.”

“Looks like we are all clear, then,” Said Psylocke.

Now knowing everyone was who they claimed to be, everyone put their weapons away.

“There’s a lift in the middle of the room. Let’s take it and see where it goes,” Ordered Cable.

Everyone but Deadpool stepped onto the lift. The latter was sitting on the floor depressingly.

“Deadpool, are you coming?” Asked Domino.

“Go on without me. I’ll catch up in a moment,” Answered Deadpool depressingly.

“Come on, Wade, we don’t have time to -”

Before Cable could finish, Domino put up a hoof to silence him.

“Hold on, Cable. Let me deal with him. I’ve known him long enough to know how to get him moving when he’s upset.”

Domino walked over to Deadpool, and placed a reassuring hoof on his shoulder.

“Hey, Wade. I know that you don’t like talking about him, but we had to make sure it was you,” Said Domino.

“Yeah, I know,” Replied Deadpool.

“We need to get going, so we can stop Sinister. If you can pull yourself together long enough to help us out, we can stop for ice cream when we get back to Ponyville.”

Hearing the word ice cream, Deadpool perked up a little.

“Really?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Mm-hmm,” Replied Domino.

“So, I could get a triple scoop chocolate ice cream with strawberry syrup, hot fudge, and chocolate chunks on a waffle cone?” Asked Deadpool.

“Of course. That’s your favorite if I recall correctly,” Said Domino.

“Let’s kick Sinister’s ass!”

With a beloved frozen treat as motivation, Deadpool joined up with his friends on the lift. When Domino joined them, Psylocke spoke to her.

“Really? That’s all you needed to do?” Questioned Psylocke.

“Wade’s like a child. You can bribe him into doing anything if you offer him sweets,” Said Domino.

With Cable pressing a button on a panel, the lift began to move downwards. As the lift went down, Deadpool whispered…

“X-Force!”

Passing through the floor, the lift was descending down the side of the cliff. Down below, the group of heroes saw a small army’s worth of clones of various mutants. They all stood in an organized fashion, as if they were ready to go to battle. As soon as the lift reached the bottom, and the heroes assumed their battle stances, the entire legion of clones turned to face them.

“So, you have finally come to face me.”

Standing towards the back of the army, the infamous Mister Sinister stood mighty and proud like a general. His black colored suit with armored epaulettes and a cape made up of many tassels made him stand out from his legion of clones.

“I’m impressed that you have managed to make it this far. I figured the clones of the mutant Mystique I sent after all of you would have at least slowed you down long enough to deploy the rest of my army,” Said Sinister.

“Your clones cannot beat us, Sinister. You might as well come with us quietly now, or else we’ll take you by force!” Said Cable.

“Have you looked around, Nathan Summers? You may be an Omega Level mutant, but even you and your acquaintances cannot stand up to the might of an entire army of mutants.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Enough of this. My subordinates, make them examples of what happens to those who are foolish enough to cross Mister Sinister!”

“Epic fight time!” Cried Deadpool.

The group of heroes ran towards Mister Sinister, with his army heading straight towards them. With weapons drawn, they prepared to fight their way through to Mister Sinister. Shots were fired, blades were swung, and punches were thrown. Many clones fell instantly to the might of the heroes, but many managed to get a chance to fight them. However, even with the numbers against them, the heroes proved their mettle, and matched their might.

Cable used his plasma rifle to gun down many clones before they had a chance to strike him. Any that got too close, he was able to knock back with punches from his bionic arm or knock them out with a psionic blast. Psylocke used a similar tactic to keep opponents at bay. She would use her telekinetic powers to push opponents back, or even towards her in order to stab them with her psionic katana. She would summon a psionic shield to protect herself from oncoming attacks, and toss psionic shields or even create a psionic crossbow to shoot her enemies with psionic arrows.

Domino used her marksman skills to shoot her opponents with deadly, if lucky, shots of her twin pistols. Even though she is a master marksman, that didn’t mean she was no slouch when it comes to hoof-to-hoof combat. Any opponent who they themselves were lucky enough to avoid getting shot by Domino, they would be beat down with a few punches or kicks, then finished off with a fatal gunshot wound to the head.

Unlike his friends, Deadpool was less than graceful when it came to fighting. While he was most certainly deadly with a gun and blade, he was not the best when it came down to blocking incoming attacks. He would purposefully let his body get scratched, punched, kicked, burned, and take any form of attack. Despite his reckless and very flawed fighting style, he was proving to be a challenge. Many clones were killed with one shot, and while some were able to throw a direct attack or two, they wouldn’t live long enough to do more damage, being sliced up like cheese. Utilizing the Muramasa Blade over his traditional katanas, he was able to cut through clones of mutants that had healing factors without them regenerating.

Over the course of a few minutes, the group of heroes were able to beat a large portion of Mister Sinister’s army. Seeing his creations go down without doing much damage in return angered the mad geneticist.

“Useless! I genetically engineered you all to be the pinnacle of mutant and pony evolution! Yet you can’t do something so menial as beating three mutants and a wretched mutate!” Said Sinister frustratedly.

“Hey, calling Cable a wretched mutate is a bit much, don’t you think?” Asked Deadpool obliviously.

“It seems that if you want to get something done right, you have to do it yourself.”

What remained of the clone army stepped aside as their creator levitated towards his adversaries. Psylocke made the first move. With a mighty battle cry, she thrust her psionic katana towards Mister Sinister’s chest. He held up his hoof, and the katana stopped mid thrust. With a simple hoof gesture, the katana was tossed aside. The butterfly shaped aura on Psylocke’s face appeared, and she attempted to send Sinister flying with her telekinesis. However, raising both of his front hooves, Mister Sinister created his own telekinetic push. His telekinesis proved overwhelming for her, and Psylocke was flung back towards her friends.

Cable shot at Sinister with both his pistol and plasma rifle. The latter erected a force field in front of him, which absorbed all of Cable’s shots. Galloping towards him, Cable threw his bionic foreleg towards Sinister. He caught it in his right hoof, and thrashed Cable around like he was a ragdoll. He threw a dazed Cable back towards his friends.

Seeing two of her friends effortlessly beaten, Domino rushed Mister Sinister, guns blazing. He merely summoned another force field to block all of the bullets. Domino threw some punches and kicks towards Sinister, but he blocked all of the attacks with his forelegs. He then used his telekinesis to grab Domino, and grabbed her by the neck. He then looked at her with a wicked grin.

“Where’s all of your luck now?” Asked Sinister.

“It’s with me!”

Unbeknownst to Mister Sinister, Deadpool sneaked up behind him, and rushed him with the Muramasa Blade.

SHINK!

With a single thrust, Deadpool struck Sinister straight in the chest. While panting, he looked up to see Sinister’s face. Instead of seeing a pained expression, he was surprised to see an angered but calm look on his face. He moved the Muramasa Blade around Sinister’s chest. Instead of seeing metal cut through flesh, he noticed the blade moved around as if Sinister’s body was made of water. Sinister grabbed Deadpool by the neck with his free hoof, and brought him up to his face.

“Bio-molecular metamorphism. Pairs quite nicely with my healing factor to avoid fatal situations. Not even the Muramasa Blade can kill me if it can’t cut into my flesh,” Said Sinister.

Mister Sinister mercilessly threw both Deadpool and Domino over to where their friends laid. The clone army circled them, leaving them no way to escape.

“Now my servants, kill them!” Ordered Sinister.

The clones rushed towards the heroes, ready to attack. Before they could get their hooves on them, Psylocke got up and summoned a force field around her and the others. Not deterred by the force field, the clones tried to bust their way through. The others got up, taking in all of the clones surrounding them.

“This doesn’t look good,” Said Deadpool.

“Psylocke, how long can you hold that force field up?” Asked Cable.

“I can hold it for a couple minutes, but after that they will break through,” Answered Psylocke.

“We need to come up with a plan and fast,” Said Domino.

Deadpool thought about how they could all get out of their current situation. An idea came to him, and he raised his hoof.

“Ms. Domino! I have an idea!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“Well, go ahead, Wade,” Replied Domino.

“It’s simple, really. All we need to do is work together.”

“What do you mean? We teamed up to face Sinister together.”

“Maybe so, but we haven’t been working as a team. Think about it, we all may have each other’s backs when we need it, but we’ve been doing our own thing. We need to fight as one unit. Band together like ants. Be a team that is worse than the Avengers but better than the Great Lakes Avengers, Great Lakes Initiative, whatever the fuck they call themselves. We need to be…”

“Dear Celestia,” Said Psylocke exasperatedly.

“X-Force!” Said Deadpool while crossing his arms in the shape of an X.

His friends looked at him with blank expressions, so he looked at them with pleading eyes.

“Come on, please? If not permanently, can we be a team just this once in order to save the world?” Asked Deadpool.

Deadpool reached one of his arms towards his friends. For a few seconds, everyone looked at his arm and each other awkwardly. Deadpool was about to lower his arm in defeat when he felt something touch the top of his hoof. He saw Domino had her arm out, her hoof on top of his.

“If all of us except for maybe you, Wade, go out, we might as well go out fighting together, right? What do you two say?” Asked Domino.

Cable looked at her and Deadpool, then placed his bionic hoof in the middle.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to team up one last time,” Said Cable.

“Well, Psylocke, what do you say?” Asked Domino.

Psylocke looked at her friends, then put one of her hooves in the middle, using her other hoof to hold the force field.

“Fine, let’s do it,” Said Psylocke.

“Just like old times,” Said Deadpool.

From where they all stood, everyone’s arms formed the letter X. They then split up, and Deadpool pulled out a bunch of grenades from somewhere. He looked at Psylocke, and she nodded her head in agreement. Everyone stood together very closely, then Psylocke released her force field. As soon as it disappeared and the clones ran towards them, Deadpool pulled the pins and tossed the grenades all around them. Psylocke then formed a smaller force field around them.

KA-BOOM!

A mighty explosion formed all around them, engulfing many clones in fire and debris. As the dust settled, the silhouettes of four ponies could be seen. When it all faded away, Deadpool, Cable, Domino, and Psylocke stood together, ready for battle. Mister Sinister saw this, and he grinded his teeth in anger.

“Seize them!” Ordered Sinister.

(Oh! What song should we imagine in our heads while imaging the fight scene?!)

(How about something from the “Deadpool 2” soundtrack? Let’s say “Welcome To The Party”.)

Forming a tight circle, the heroes pulled out their weapons, and attacked the remaining clones. Psylocke and Deadpool used their blades to cut through many clone soldiers, while Domino and Cable used their firearms to kill clones with one shot. Eventually, only one clone remained. They tried to run away, it was too late. Cable fired a charge from his plasma rifle, Domino and Deadpool fired a shot from their pistols, and Psylocke fired a psionic arrow. The clone was hit by all four projectiles, and fell forwards, dying instantly.

“Enough of this! I will finish all of you personally!”

Mister Sinister charged towards the heroes. A pulsating light formed in his hooves, and he fired a concussive blast towards the heroes. Psylocke rushed ahead of her friends, and summoned a force field to block the attack. Domino fired a few shots from her pistols, which were blocked by Sinister’s own force fields. He heard a klinging sound underneath him, and found a grenade under him.

KA-BOOM!

Mister Sinister was flung back by the explosion. The smoke limited his sense of sight. Just as the smoke faded away, he saw a bionic hoof heading towards his face.

BAM!

Cable punched Mister Sinister straight in the face, causing him to stumble back. Psylocke summoned two psionic daggers, and launched them towards Sinister. The daggers cut through his shoulders, causing him to cry out in agony. He changed his form, so the daggers would fall out, allowing his shoulders to heal. Cable grabbed him by the neck, then flung him towards Deadpool. Deadpool pulled out a grenade, pulled the pin, and attached it to one of the tassels on Sinister’s cape.

KA-BOOM!

As soon as Mister Sinister landed on the ground, the grenade exploded. His body was blown to bits, with only his head remaining intact. This didn’t kill him, however, as his body was starting to rebuild itself. The X-Force looked down at Sinister, with Deadpool and Domino aiming their guns at his head.

“It’s over, Sinister. You have lost,” Said Cable grimly.

“Over? This is not the end, my friend. You may have bested me, but you did not beat all of my army. In fact, the rest are being deployed right about now,” Said Sinister.

Everyone looked behind them, and saw what Mister Sinister was referring too. Across the sky were entire fleets of zeppelins. They were without a doubt carrying hundreds if not thousands of clones.

“They’re going to get away!” Said Domino.

“Time for some duck hunting!”

Deadpool tried his best to shoot as many of the zeppelins out of the sky as possible. Of course, the zeppelins were so high up in the air that not a single bullet had reached them. Psylocke looked at the fleet with a determined look. With the butterfly shaped aura appearing on her face, she directed her telekinetic powers towards the fleet of zeppelins. Many of them stopped in their tracks, but some were continuing to fly away. She tried to concentrate her power to get the rest, but the strain was taxing on her mind.

“Let me help you with that.”

Cable stood next to Psylocke, and he reached his hooves towards the zeppelins. To his friends’ amazement, he was able to stop the remainder of the fleet with his own telekinesis. Both ponies then directed all of the zeppelins towards each other. All of the zeppelins collided with each other, filling the sky with fiery explosions. As the zeppelins fell towards the ground, they turned back towards their friends.

“That was awesome! You guys just stopped an entire armada of zeppelins with your minds!” Said Deadpool.

“Now that that is over with, let’s take care of our friend.” Cable and the rest of his friends turned towards where Mister Sinister laid, only to find he wasn’t there. “Wait, who was keeping an eye on him?”

Searching for him, the heroes quickly found Mister Sinister, body fully intact, a fair distance away. He looked at all of them with a spiteful look.

“This is not the end, mutants! I will not rest until this world is mine, and genetic perfection has been instilled in all of ponykind! And when I do, you will all be wiped from the face of the planet!”

Before anyone could go apprehend him, Mister Sinister teleported away.

“Fuck! He got away!” Said Deadpool frustratedly.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be apprehended someday. What matters is that we stopped his plans and saved the world,” Assured Cable.

“Yeah. Oh, that reminds me! Domino, I believe you owe me something now that we saved the day,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, right.” Looking towards the scattered bodies of the clones they killed, Domino found a small pouch. She picked it up and opened it, revealing some bits. “Nice! Now I don’t have to use my money.”

“I’ll take it that we are all ready to go?” Asked Psylocke.

Everyone nodded in agreement, and Psylocke put a hoof to her forehead.

“Princess Twilight, we are all ready for you to bring us back,” Said Psylocke telepathically.

As soon as she notified Twilight, everyone was enveloped in a flash of light. When it faded away, they saw that they returned to the Golden Oak Library. Twilight was in the main library, ready to welcome them back. Before she could, Deadpool grabbed Domino by the hoof, and ran out the door at incomprehensible speed while shouting.

“Be right back! Domino owes me ice cream!”

Everyone in the library looked towards the door. In less than a minute, Deadpool ran back inside with Domino. He held an ice cream cone in his hoof. It was made up of three scoops. The bottom scoop covered in strawberry syrup, the middle scoop covered in hot fudge, and the top scoop containing chocolate chunks. As he happily licked at his treat, Domino looked at him, then the door.

“What the fuck just happened?!” Asked Domino.

“It’s best not to ask, Domino,” Replied Deadpool.

Twilight looked at the ice cream, giving a knowing look towards Domino.

“You brought up his greatest enemy?” Asked Twilight, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yup,” Replied Domino.

“So, I take it that everything went well?” Asked Twilight.

“Yes. Mister Sinister was defeated and we stopped the rest of his army before they could leave Genosha,” Answered Cable.

Psylocke had her hoof on her forehead again, but then she put it down.

“I just got confirmation from Charles that all of the clones that were already off of Genosha were defeated. Sinister’s army has been truly defeated,” Said Psylocke.

“Well then, I guess we should go then,” Said Domino.

Hearing this, Deadpool wolfed down his ice cream.

“Before you all go…” Deadpool grabbed all of his friends in a hug. “In case it is awhile before we see each other again, I want to say, thanks for being my friends, guys.”

Confused at first, Deadpool’s friends reciprocated the hug before letting go.

“Of course, Wade. Thanks for being our friend as well. Oh, and speaking of friends.”

Domino grabbed Deadpool by the shoulders, and made him look into her eyes.

“I’m only going to warn you once. If you fuck up your relationship with Twilight and hurt her, I will personally find you and neuter you!” Warned Domino.

“I… Uh, message received,” Said Deadpool with a nervous grin visible under his mask.

“Good. Until we meet again.”

Domino, Psylocke, and Cable made their way to the front door, with Cable saluting to Twilight and Deadpool. Deadpool looked at Twilight, who looked at him lovingly.

“I see you had a nice time,” Said Twilight.

“Of course. There’s nothing like meeting up with old friends and going on kickass adventures together,” Replied Deadpool.

“I’ll admit, I can’t decide if I wish I tagged along with all of you, or if I wish I could’ve gotten myself some ice cream,” Said Twilight.

“Is somepony jealous?” Asked Deadpool teasingly.

“Oh, stop!” Said Twilight playfully.

“You’re in luck. I got this for you while I was out with Domino.”

Deadpool pulled out another ice cream from somewhere. It was a single scoop as opposed to his three, and it was golden white in color.

“Vanilla, my favorite! Thanks, hun!” Said Twilight happily.

“Anything for you, Twi.”

Deadpool gave Twilight her ice cream, which she happily grabbed with her magic. As she was about to have her first lick, Deadpool’s eyes widened.

“Wait a minute! I know the answer! This chapter’s based off of the Deadpool video game! How did I not notice this sooner?! The voices in my head were singing the song when Cable’s introduced, Mister Sinister was the main protagonist, we were in Genosha for the large sum of the story…”

As Deadpool rambled on, Twilight could only look at her coltfriend with confusion.

(Now maybe the best time to wrap this chapter up.)

Fin!

Chapter 22: Hearts and Hooves Day
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 22: Hearts and Hooves Day

Celestia’s sun rose up from the horizon, marking the beginning of a new day in Equestria. And this was no ordinary day for the equine inhabitants of the magical land. Today was Hearts and Hooves Day. Hearts and Hooves Day is a holiday where ponies celebrate love and romance. It was a day where ponies would shower their special somepony in loving devotion. In the town of Ponyville, couples were already out celebrating at the crack of dawn.

In the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle was lightly sleeping in her bed. The only sound that could be heard in her room was the sound of her gentle breathing. This was accompanied by her blanket rising and falling with the movement of her chest as she breathed. Her ear flicked when she heard a creak coming from her door. The sound of hoofsteps followed suit. The hoofsteps stopped next to her, and she felt something was placed over her lap. She began to stir from her slumber.

“Be careful when getting up,” Said a hushed voice.

She recognized that voice. It was deep, masculine, slightly hoarse but calming at the same time. She opened her eyes, slightly cursing under her breath when the light entered her corneas. The first thing she saw was a stallion’s face looking at her. It was covered by a red mask with black circles around the eyes. She smiled upon seeing that face.

“Good morning, sweetie,” Said the stallion.

“Good morning,” Replied Twilight.

She reached an arm towards the stallion’s mask. She pulled it upwards, leaving it to rest on the bridge of his muzzle. Lifting his mask revealed bare skin that was riddled with scars. She lifted herself up to have her eyes level with his. She then placed her hoof on the side of his face, and locked her lips with his. They shared a deep, tender kiss for a few seconds then parted afterwards. She then looked down at her hind legs, noticing something that wasn’t there when she went to bed.

Situated above her was a tray held up by two foldable legs. There was a large plate that had two fried eggs with a sprig of parsley, two slices of golden brown toast, and a side of hay bacon. To the right of the plate was a fork and knife resting on top of a cloth napkin. A small container of grape jelly rested to the right of the utensils, presumably for the toast. And above everything was a single glass of orange juice.

“What is this, Wade?!” Asked Twilight in joyful surprise.

“I got up a couple hours before you, so I decided to make you breakfast,” Answered Wade.

“Aw! Thank you!”

As Twilight used her magic to pick up the knife and jelly and spread the latter on her toast, Deadpool sat down next to her on the foot of the bed.

“Handsome, employed, knows how to cook; I am everything a mare wants in a stallion,” Said Deadpool boastfully.

“(Chuckles) I knew I found the right stallion for me the moment you said you loved me,” Said Twilight.

“I can say the same thing about you. That and when you kissed me under the mistletoe on Hearth’s Warming,” Said Deadpool.

“Speaking of Hearth’s Warming, this wouldn’t happen to be a preview of what’s to come on this special day, would it?” Asked Twilight suggestively.

“Hmm… Maybe. I guess we will just have to wait and see, won’t we?” Asked Deadpool in reply.

“Yes, we will. I’ve got to say, I cannot wait to see what you have planned for this evening,” Said Twilight.

“Great! You go ahead and enjoy your breakfast. I’m gonna go ahead and get everything ready.”

“Alright. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Deadpool got up from the foot of the bed, and quickly walked over to Twilight and gave her a peck on the lips before leaving the bedroom. In no time, he went down the stairs and ended up in the main library. He found himself enjoying the taste of toast and grape jelly from Twilight’s lips.

“Mmm… That was nice! I oughta try and get her to eat a cherrychanga, so I can taste it on her lips when I kiss her,” Said Deadpool.

([Gags] Gross! Ever since you got with Twilight you have become so sappy!)

“It’s called being in love. You oughta try it yourself.”

(I am in love.)

(Really? With who?)

(With myself.)

“I never would have thought that disembodied voices could be so full of themselves until I had the displeasure of meeting you.”

(What you say, punk?! I’ll knock your fat ass out right here, right now!)

(Since clearly I’m the peacekeeper in this little relationship of ours, I’m going to change the topic before you start punching yourself in an attempt to beat him, Wade. What do you have planned for Twilight?)

“I don’t know. I have no idea what she meant by ‘special day’. Maybe she was suggesting a date night? I suppose I could take her out tonight. We haven’t had a date that the readers got to observe since our first date. And this could be a new slice of life chapter.”

(Umm… Did he forget?)

(I’m afraid he did.)

“Forget what?”

(You seriously have no idea what today is? No thoughts as to what it could be?)

“Uh, Sunday?”

(Go look at the calendar. You may want to brace yourself.)

Doing as he was told, Deadpool walked up to the front door, where a calendar hung on the wall to the right. He gazed at it until his eyes landed on today’s date. He noticed on said date there was a pink heart. The gears in his head slowly turned as he connected the dots. Eventually, he realized what today was. His eyes were reduced to the size of pinpricks, and he felt a lump form in his throat.

“T-T-Today’s… Hearts and Hooves Day…”

Deadpool opened the front door, and stepped outside. Once he shut the door behind him, he took a deep breath.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Deadpool screamed from the top of his lungs. This attracted the attention of everyone outside. While many were very confused, there were also a few ponies that gave him knowing looks. After he eventually stopped screaming he ran back inside in a panic.

“How could I have forgotten Hearts and Hooves Day?! Twilight’s going to be so upset and disappointed in me!” Said Deadpool in panic.

(Calm down. There is still plenty of daylight left. You could probably pull something out of your ass before this evening.)

“Okay, okay. What do I need to do to get myself out of this hole I dug? I know, I’ll ask my friends for help. Combining our heads together, I’m sure we can come up with something. How am I gonna contact everyone quickly?”

Deadpool looked around, and found Spike. He was walking downstairs, looking like he had just woken up.

“Spike, I need your help!” Said Deadpool frantically.

“But I just woke up,” Complained Spike tiredly.

“I know, and I’ll make it up to you somehow, but right now I have a problem that I need your help fixing,” Said Deadpool.

“... Okay, what do you need?” Asked Spike annoyedly.

“I need you to use your magic dragon breath to mail some letters to our friends. You can do that while we head over to Rarity’s,” Explained Deadpool.

“Rarity's?! We’re going over to Rarity’s on Hearts and Hooves Day?!” Asked Spike flusteredly.

“Now’s not the time to lose your cool, Spike! That’s my job right now!” Said Deadpool

“Okay, okay. Should we get Twilight to come with us?” Asked Spike.

“NO! We are NOT bringing or telling Twilight!”

“Why n-”

“I’ll explain along the way! We need to go, now!”

“Whoa!”

Deadpool grabbed Spike, some paper, an inkwell, and some quills, then ran out the door. Just as they left, Twilight walked down the stairs from her room.

“Wade? Spike? Are you two down here?”

Twilight looked around, and found a note on the back of the door. Examining it, it read…

Took Spike with me. We’ll be back in a few hours.

XO Deadpool.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool met up with all of his friends at the Carousel Boutique. Rarity, Spike, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie all stood together while Deadpool nervously paced the floor.

“What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?” Asked Deadpool to himself repeatedly.

“So, what did ya call all of us here for, Deadpool?” Asked Applejack.

“And what has got you all worked up, darling? At this rate you’re going to leave impressions of your hooves into my nice clean floors from your pacing!” Said Rarity.

“Okay. So, I fucked up big time,” Said Deadpool.

“That’s… new?” Said Rainbow Dash in confusion.

“How did you (Ah-Ahem) mess up?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Did you accidentally open a mystical chest thingy, which let out a bunch of spooky ghosts and turned your face into melted ice cream?” Asked Pinkie Pie.

“No, but that does sound like something I would do in a different crossover fanfiction,” Said Deadpool.

“Then what happened?” Asked Rainbow.

“It’s… It’s so embarrassing.”

“Oh, come now, darling. Whatever you did can’t be that embarrassing,” Said Rarity.

“If you say so. I, uh, may have forgotten that today is Hearts and Hooves Day.”

GASP!

Everyone but Rainbow Dash gasped out of shock. The rainbow-maned pegasus fell onto her back and laughed hysterically.

“Hahahahaha! This is too rich!” Said Rainbow.

“Of all the days that you could have forgotten, why did you forget the one where you shower Twilight with love and adoration?!” Asked Rarity furiously.

“I honestly have no idea. I’ve been single for the past two years. It must have just slipped my mind. And if we’re going to be truthful here, I’ll have you know that I give Twilight all of my love and adoration everyday. Holiday or not, I show Twilight how much she means to me,” Said Deadpool.

“Hmm… Well, I suppose I can cut you some slack because of that. It’s nice to hear how much you love Twilight,” Said Rarity with a smile.

“But just so you know, if ya don’t come up with something real likkity split, she’s gonna stuff your suit with feed and toss ya into the pig pen at Sweet Apple Acres,” Said Applejack.

“Yeah, I know,” Said Deadpool.

“And I would help her,” Added Applejack.

“What?! Why?!” Asked Deadpool fearfully.

“I’m just telling the truth. We’re two friends who have each other’s backs. And when one of us needs help, we’ll toss each other’s domestic partners into the pig pen.”

“As if I didn’t have enough to worry about. Now I learn you and Twilight are transpiring against me. I have an all new motivation now to never get on her bad side.”

(Oh, buddy, it doesn’t matter how cautious you are. Mares always win in the long run.)

(I’m scared for my existence, now.)

(That’s how they want it.)

“With my life on the line, I believe I have a plan that may just save my ass. Will all of you help me put it together?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’d be happy to help!” Said Rarity.

“Count me in!” Added Applejack.

“I’ll help as well!” Said Spike.

“Eh, I guess I could help. I don’t have any plans anyway,” Said Rainbow.

“Oh! I’d be happy! No, delighted! No, ecstatic! No, th-”

Before Pinkie could say every adjective in the dictionary, Rainbow put a hoof in front of her mouth.

“Pinkie would be glad to help,” Said Rainbow.

“What about you, Fluttershy?” Questioned Rarity.

“Well…”

“Is something wrong, darling?” Asked Rarity.

“You see, I already have plans,” Muttered Fluttershy.

“I’m sorry, what?” Asked Rarity.

“I said I already have plans,” Whispered Fluttershy.

“Can you say that one more time?” Asked Rarity.

“I said I… already have plans of my own,” Answered Fluttershy,

“You have plans?” Questioned Rainbow.

“Yes. This afternoon I’m going to have tea with Dis --”

“Fluttershy, please help me. I promise that once you help me out, you can head on your way; no buts about it,” Said Deadpool.

(Wait, was she going to say Discord?)

“... Well… I guess as long as we do this efficiently, I can stay and help you, Deadpool,” Said Fluttershy.

“Thank you, thank you! You won’t regret it!” Said Deadpool.

“So, what’s this plan of yours anyhow?” Asked Applejack.

(Is nopony going to acknowledge that Fluttershy was going to say Discord?!)

“Here’s the game plan: Rainbow Dash, I need you to find any restaurant that is open,” Said Deadpool.

“On it!”

Faster than a speeding bullet, Rainbow Dash flew out of the boutique. A rainbow streak trailed behind her.

“Rarity, if you don’t mind, I would like you to make me a new suit,” Said Deadpool.

“Deadpool, darling, I thought you would never ask! I would love to redesign your outfit!” Said Rarity.

“No! I want you to make a new tux, not change my tights! They’re iconic!”

“(Sigh) Very well, I’ll make you a new tux. But if you ever decide to change your hero attire, you would look great in white.”

“Sure... Pinkie, you’re a mare of sweets. Can you please whip me up a special Hearts and Hooves Day box of chocolates?” Asked Deadpool.

“Chocolate. Did you say chocolate?” Asked Pinkie.

“Yes.”

“... CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!”

Only visible as a pink blur, Pinkie ran out the door, while shouting chocolate.

“... Okay… Applejack, can I have a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres cider?” Asked Deadpool.

“Darn tootin’ you can!” Said Applejack.

“And Fluttershy, will you come with me to the flower stand and help me choose some flowers for Twilight?” Asked Deadpool.

“Of course!” Said Fluttershy.

“What can I do, Deadpool?” Asked Spike.

“You have the most important job, Spike. I need you to go get me some cards for Twilight.”

Deadpool reached into his sleeve and pulled out his Hello Kitty wallet. He shaked out twenty bits from it, and handed them to Spike.

“Here’s twenty bits. Buy me a few cards to choose from, and use the rest to buy anything you want to get for Rarity,” Whispered Deadpool.

Spike’s eyes lit up, and a smile as wide as a mile grew on his face. He then rushed out of the boutique.

“Okay, Fluttershy, let’s go.”

With Fluttershy following behind him, Deadpool left the boutique. With just a short walk, they arrived at the Ponyville marketplace in no time. The marketplace was noticeably busier than usual. The stands were swamped with customers who wanted to purchase items as gifts for their special someponies. As they arrived at the flower stand, which was identifiable by its large sign with a pink flower, they noticed a large line had formed at the front of the stand.

“Damn it. Of course there’s a big line in front of the flower stand,” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

“Try to think positively. Maybe the line will get short quickly,” Said Fluttershy.

“I guess. Rose might be able to get these ponies orders done efficiently.”

Both ponies stood in the back of the line, and prayed that they wouldn't have to wait in line for long.

Two hours later…

Two hours had passed, and both ponies only had to wait for one person to pay for their order. Having had to wait in line for a while, they looked exhausted. Fluttershy closed her eyes, only for them to open quickly, trying to avoid succumbing to sleep. Deadpool on the other hand looked at one of the pistols he kept at his side.

“It’s very tempting; very, very tempting. Eh, what’s the point. I would heal afterwards,” Muttered Deadpool.

Finally, the last pony stepped out of the line, and Deadpool and Fluttershy were free to reach the stand. They were greeted by the owner, Rose, who looked completely exhausted.

“Welcome to the… Oh! Hi Fluttershy! Hi Deadpool!” Greeted Rose.

“Hi Rose. Are you feeling alright? You look a little rundown,” Said Fluttershy.

“I’m alright. Hearts and Hooves Day is a VERY busy day for us flower ponies. Daisy and Lily Valley have been stretched thin delivering orders to both Ponyville and Canterlot, while I’ve been here running the stand.”

“Oh. If you’re too busy, then I guess we won’t bother you.”

Before Fluttershy could leave, Deadpool grabbed her by the shoulder.

“What my timorous friend meant to say was, I know you are very busy, and we’re sorry to add more to your plate, but would you mind if we ordered a bouquet of flowers for my marefriend, Twilight?”

“Hmm… Well, as you can see, I am very busy today.” Rose gestured behind them, and they saw the large line behind them. “But, since you’re getting flowers for a princess, I suppose I can help out,” Said Rose playfully.

“Thank you. Let’s start off with a classic red rose,” Said Deadpool.

“How about a couple purple orchids? They represent delicate beauty and strength,” Said Fluttershy.

“Great idea! I’d like to get a couple of stargazer lilies because of the name. Twilight loves to study the night sky.”

“That’s a good choice. Would you be open to getting a dark red carnation?”

“I would. And to finish it off, let’s get a white daisy. She is the Princess of Friendship, which they represent.”

Having listened to their conversation, Rose gathered all the flowers they selected, and put them in a bouquet.

“That will be thirty bits,” Said Rose.

“Thirty bits?! I bought a bouquet for fifteen in chapter eighteen!” Said Deadpool.

“Yes, but that’s because you had only chosen three different kinds of flowers last time you were here. Besides more kinds, you chose a couple that are a little expensive.”

Mumbling under his breath, Deadpool reluctantly pulled out his wallet, and handed Rose the amount due.

“Thank you for shopping here! I hope you…” Rose looked at Deadpool, and her eyes were reduced to pin pricks. “Um, Deadpool.”

“Yes?”

“You may want to look at your muzzle.”

Deadpool looked down at his muzzle, and his heart almost stopped. He noticed a honeybee had landed on the end of his muzzle. She looked him straight in the eyes with her own compound eyes.

“Fluttershy… Help…” Whispered Deadpool fearfully.

“Excuse me, Ms. Honeybee?”

The honeybee moved around on Deadpool’s muzzle, facing Fluttershy.

“Could you please get off my friend’s muzzle? There’s a field filled with flowers that you can go to feed and rest at over by my cottage. You’ll find it south of Ponyville near the Everfree Forest.”

Warming up her wings, the honeybee flew off of Deadpool and towards Fluttershy’s cottage. With fear of getting stung fading away, Deadpool collapsed onto the ground.

“Deadpool, are you alright?” Asked Fluttershy.

“I make a living beating the shit out of the most terrifying ponies on the face of the Earth, but that was easily one of the most terrifying experiences of my life! Fuckin’ flowers! Let’s get back to the Carousel Boutique and see if everyone’s completed their tasks,” Said Deadpool. His words slightly muffled from having his face pressed against the dirt.

After the bee scare, Deadpool and Fluttershy walked back to the Carousel Boutique. Once entering inside they met up with their friends in the boutique’s workroom.

“Fluttershy and I got ourselves a bouquet of flowers for Twilight. How did all of you make out?” Asked Deadpool.

“For starters, I got ya a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres’ finest cider!”

Applejack tossed a bottle of cider to Deadpool. He beamed upon holding it in his hooves until he read the label.

“Non-alcoholic! This is the second time in this series you have pulled this on me, femme Sam Elliot! Although I suppose since this is for Twilight, you chose this because she doesn’t drink. In that case, thank you,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, oh! Me next! Me next! You didn’t specify what kind of chocolate you wanted, so I put a bunch of chocolates inside! There’s milk, dark, white, caramel, ruby -”

"Okay, you made a diabetic's worst nightmare. Thank’s, Pink’s. If Twilight doesn’t get through all of it, I know I most certainly will be enjoying myself,” Said Deadpool.

Pinkie handed Deadpool a rather decently sized box of chocolates in the shape of a heart.

“Your tux is almost done, Deadpool. I just need you to try it on, so I can see if I need to make any adjustments,” Said Rarity.

“Exceptionally fast as always when it comes to designing outfits,” Said Deadpool.

“And I got you a few cards to choose from.”

Spike held five different cards for Wade to see.

“Also, I got a little something to give to Rarity,” Whispered Spike.

“Good job, pal!” Whispered Deadpool.

“Rainbow Dash, did you have any luck with finding an establishment that had seating available?” Asked Rarity.

“No, everywhere is booked! Ponyville, Canterlot, even Cloudsdale has all of its restaurants packed!” Said Rainbow.

“Shit. I’m going to have to think about where else I can take Twilight tonight,” Said Deadpool.

“You know, Twilight would love spending time with you at home just as much as going out on Hearts and Hooves Day; maybe even more,” Said Rarity.

“I know. I suppose I can do that if I can’t come up with something. I just wanted to do something special with her for our first Hearts and Hooves Day together.”

“Perhaps this is something we can discuss over the fitting of your new tux, darling.”

A few minutes later…

Rarity, Spike, and Deadpool were the only ones in the workroom. All of their friends had gone home. Currently, Deadpool was trying on his new tuxedo while Rarity was examining it. His tux was pure white with a matching colored dress shirt. He wore a red tie around his neck, and a red handkerchief rested in his breast pocket.

“Hmm… There’s something off. I just can’t put my hoof on it.”

Rarity inspected Deadpool and his tux. Her eyes set their gaze on his mask, and she had an eureka moment. She used her magic to remove his mask, revealing his scarred face.

“There, that’s much better,” Said Rarity.

“Oh, please. You’re just being nice to me. I know that you liked how my mask matched the red of my shirt and handkerchief. And this face wouldn’t appear anywhere in a magazine, no less the front cover,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, come now, darling. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Sure you may look like you had your head in the oven for too long, but that doesn’t mean you’re no less handsome than any other stallion.”

“Uh, thank you?”

Spike was sitting next to one of the boutique’s display windows. He briefly looked outside the window. He saw something that made him jump and press his face against the glass. Looking out the window, he saw Twilight walking towards the boutique.

“Guys, Twilight’s coming this way!” Said Spike frantically.

“What?! I can’t let her see me right now!” Said Deadpool frantically.

“Quick, go and…” Rarity looked towards Deadpool, only to find he was gone. “... hide.”

“I think I will go make myself scarce in the kitchen,” Said Spike.

Once Deadpool and Spike hid themselves, the front door opened. On the other side was Twilight, looking particularly happy.

“Twilight, Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, darling!” Said Rarity.

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Rarity!” Replied Twilight.

“What brings you over here?” Asked Rarity.

“Wade and Spike are out. I think they’re preparing some last minute preparations for today, so I decided to stop by here,” Said Twilight.

“Tell me, have you and Wade done anything this morning?” Asked Rarity.

“Not much. As soon as I got up, Wade had already made me breakfast, which I had in bed. He then left shortly afterwards to get ready. I can’t wait to see what he has planned for this evening!” Said Twilight.

“Yes. I can’t wait to see what he has planned too. I hope he has a plan,” Thought Rarity.

“So, while he’s doing that, I was hoping you could make me a dress for this evening. I know that this is short notice, but I looked over my old dresses, and I realized I don’t have any dresses that have any openings for my wings other than my coronation dress. And I personally think that one is a little too flamboyant for my liking. So, will you help me out?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course I will! Let’s not waste any time and get you in a dress that will blow Deadpool’s socks off!” Said Rarity.

A couple hours later…

In typical Rarity fashion, she managed to design and make a dress for Twilight in just a couple hours. The princess was currently modelling her new dress. It was a simple violet dress, but Twilight was nevertheless beaming at her new dress.

“Well, darling, as much as I love my designs to stand out, I know you like simple clothing. So I hope you like it,” Said Rarity.

“It looks fantastic! Thank you, Rarity! Although, be honest with me. Does it make my flank look big?” Asked Twilight, turning herself from Rarity to get her opinion.

“Of course not. It looks perfect on you, dear,” Answered Rarity.

“Good. Thanks again, Rarity. I owe you one.”

“Nonsense. You don’t owe me a thing. Just go have fun with Wade tonight.”

“I sure will! The pegasi are supposed to clear up any cloud cover tonight, so the night sky’s going to look so beautiful tonight! That will make this evening even more perfect! See ya, Rarity!”

As Twilight made her way to the door, Rarity gave her a friendly wave goodbye. Once she was out the door, the fashionista sighed in relief.

“You can come out now, Spike and Deadpool,” Said Rarity.

Spike stepped out of the kitchen, but Deadpool was nowhere to be seen.

“That was close,” Said Spike.

“Indubitably. Have you seen Deadpool anywhere? Deadpool? Deadpool?” Cried Rarity.

Calling his name, Deadpool still didn’t appear. Suddenly, she and Spike heard struggling noises close by. A large chest next to a flight of stairs sprang open, and Deadpool hopped out from inside.

“Deadpool?! I thought you were hiding upstairs or something. Why would you hide in there?” Asked Rarity.

“I was going for something comedic, okay? Good Christ, my back is suffering for my art, though,” Said Deadpool.

“I assume you heard everything then?” Asked Rarity.

“Yup. Uh, I don’t know what to do. I guess I’m just going to have to…”

Deadpool’s thoughts trailed off. He recollected something he heard Twilight say as he hid in the chest.

“The pegasi are supposed to clear up any cloud cover tonight, so the night sky’s going to look so beautiful tonight!”

“That’s it! I know exactly what I will do with Twilight tonight! Come on, Spike, we’ve got to get my plan into motion!”

With determination, Deadpool ran out of the boutique. Spike was about to follow him when he stopped at the door.

“Wait, before I go, there’s something I want to give you, Rarity.”

Spike grabbed a small present wrapped in red wrapping paper that rested by the display window he sat at earlier. He then stood in front of Rarity.

“Today’s Hearts and Hooves Day, so I wanted to get you something while I was out card shopping earlier. I hope you like it,” Said Spike.

Rarity grabbed the present with her magic and opened it. She pulled out a small white teddy bear holding a heart in its paws.

“Awww! It’s so adorable! Thank you, Spike! While we’re in the spirit of things, I have something I would like to give to you.”

Rarity opened a small chest from the other side of the workroom, revealing a bunch of radiating gems inside. She grabbed a red garnet, and gave it to Spike. He happily accepted the gem in his little claws.

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Spikey-Wikey.”

MUAH!

To Spike’s complete surprise, Rarity kissed him on the cheek. A dopey smile formed on his face, and he fell over backwards. While Rarity was chuckling, Deadpool ran back inside.

“Come on, Spike! We don’t have much time before this evening!”

Deadpool grabbed Spike and put him on his back. He then ran out the door once again. Later that evening, Deadpool and Spike stood in front of the door to the Golden Oak Library. The former’s forehead was slightly sweaty, nerves taking over his body. He took a deep breath to calm himself down, and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his handkerchief. He slowly brought his hoof up against the door and knocked.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“I hope this works,” Said Deadpool nervously.

“It will work, I promise,” Assured Spike confidentiality.

“Thanks, man.”

The door opened up, revealing Twilight on the other side. Having been hiding in the chest earlier, Deadpool saw her dress for the first time. His cheeks blushed a little, and he smiled just as she smiled.

“Hey, Twilight. You look great! I love the dress,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, this? Thank you,” Said Twilight with a blush.

Deadpool and Twilight looked at each other, then they leaned in for a kiss. Before their lips could make contact, they were interrupted when they felt something brushing up against their legs. They looked down, and saw Spike trying to squeeze by them.

“Sorry, don’t mind me. Just trying to sneak by you two. I’ll be upstairs reading the latest issue of Power Ponies,” Said Spike.

As soon as Spike got inside and went upstairs, Twilight and Deadpool shared a chuckle.

“We should probably get going before it gets too late. Where are we going tonight?” Asked Twilight.

“It’s a surprise!” Deadpool reached up his sleeve and pulled out a red blindfold. “Do you trust me?”

“Hmm…” Twilight inspected Deadpool, trying to find any signs of deceit. As far as she could tell, he’s not hiding anything worth knowing about. “Okay, but this better not be some kind of prank.”

Having her permission, Deadpool wrapped the blindfold around Twilight’s eyes. Twilight moved her front hoof aimlessly. Deadpool grabbed it and carefully guided her around. After a few minutes of walking along Ponyville’s outskirts, they came across a large hill. A single oak tree stood erect at the very top. Guiding her movements, Deadpool led Twilight to the top of the hill.

“Surprise!” Cried Deadpool.

“Oh, wow. This is so beautiful. I can’t believe what I’m seeing,” Said Twilight sarcastically.

Deadpool looked at Twilight’s face, and realized he didn’t remove the blindfold from around her eyes.

“Oh, oops. Let me take care of that.”

Deadpool removed the blindfold around Twilight’s eyes, allowing her to see her surroundings. She immediately took notice of a large blanket spread out on the ground. A picnic basket rested on top of the blanket with the bottle of cider, the bouquet of flowers, and the box of chocolates next to it. She also saw her telescope pointing towards the night sky.

“I thought we could have a picnic dinner under the stars, and then we can look at them from your telescope. Thought you could teach me about the constellations. So, what do you think?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight was silent for a moment, looking at Deadpool and what he set up for them. She then grew a big smile on her face, and her eyes sparkled.

“This is the best Hearts and Hooves Day gift anyone has ever given me! Thank you, Wade!” Twilight gave Deadpool a hug, which he reciprocated. “I also have something for you.”

Twilight’s horn lit up, and she summoned an envelope.

“This is for you. Happy Hearts and Hooves Day,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool grabbed the envelope from the air and tore it open. He pulled out a red Hearts and Hooves Day card with a pink heart on the front. Opening it up, he saw a message reading…

To my beloved knight, Wade Wilson. Thank you for giving me your heart as I did with you. And thank you for being my friend.

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Twilight.

After reading the message, Deadpool pulled out a small gift card with a picture of a taco on the front.

“I know it’s not much, but I figured you would love to redeem that for a free meal at that one taco place in Ponyville you love to eat at,” Said Twilight.

“Thank you, Twilight. And, hey, don’t feel bad about it. This was very thoughtful, and you’ve already given me the best gift of them all,” Said Wade.

“Oh? What is it?” Asked Twilight.

“... You. You are the best gift I’ve ever gotten, Twi,” Said Wade warmly.

Wiping a single tear from her eye, Twilight hugged Deadpool again. Deadpool guided her towards the blanket. He sat down in the middle while she sat on his lap.

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Wade,” Said Twilight affectionately.

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Twilight,” Said Wade affectionately.

Wade and Twilight leaned in and kissed. Their kiss was lengthy, lasting twenty seconds. They then kissed again, and again, and again. Dinner and stargazing would have to wait a little bit longer. Right now, all they cared about tonight was each other.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed this holiday themed chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! If anyone reads this on the actual day, I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day! Be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, because it will revolve around a certain day for the Merc With a Mouth. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 23: Birthday of a Mercenary
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 23: Birthday of a Mercenary

It was a quiet afternoon at Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie was in a secret basement where she planned all of her parties; her “Pinkie Cave”. She was busily organizing the contents of several filing cabinets.

“Lyra Heartstrings’s file needs to be in the H section for her surname. How did it end up in the Y section?! Silly me! I also need to update my balloon supplier information. Oh, I should also put in my new cake recipe!”

Pinkie grabbed a single slice of cake that was resting on top of one of the cabinets and shoved it into a drawer. She seemingly stretched one of her arms several feet next to her, and grabbed her pet baby alligator, Gummy.

“Isn’t reorganizing all of our party stuff fun, Gummy?!” Asked Pinkie Pie excitedly?

Gummy stared at her with a vacant look in his eyes.

“I know, right?! Let’s see what else is in here.”

Pinkie reached further back in the drawer she was currently organizing, and pulled out a red and black folder.

“Oh, this is Deadpool’s file! I should look at it again to make sure everything’s accurate!”

Pinkie opened up the file and grabbed a single sheet of paper, which she began to read.

“Likes cherrychangas. Very accurate. ”Star Trek'' and the original “Star Wars” trilogy. Also accurate. What’s this note? NEVER bring up the “Star Wars” prequel trilogy. Yeah, no!”

Pinkie continued looking over Deadpool’s file until her eyes landed on the very bottom of the page. She squinted her eyes a little to get a better look, then they bulged out of their sockets while making a similar sound to a ooga horn. Gummy’s jaw dropped shortly afterwards.

“What?! How’s this possible?! Of all things I don’t know about, it has to be this!”

Faster than a speeding bullet, Pinkie ran up a slide and ended up in her bedroom. She lightly tossed Gummy onto her bed before jumping out of a window. Landing on the ground with only a light bounce, she continued running.

“I need to tell Twilight about this, now! I can’t let anything stop me!”

Pinkie didn’t get very far before she heard music she instantly recognized.

“Ice cream cart!”

Pinkie followed the music to its source. An earth pony stallion was pulling a small freezer cart with a symbol of an ice cream on the side. Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out two bits.

“One please,” Said Pinkie.

The stallion took the bits, and gave her a strawberry ice cream on a waffle cone in exchange.

“Thank you!”

Pinkie gave her frozen treat a couple licks before wolfing down the entire thing. She then went back to running, kicking up a trail of dust as she went. Eventually, the Golden Oak Library came into her sights, and she burst through the front door.

“TWILIGHT!!!”

“Ah!”

Pinkie found her friend carrying a box of books in her magic. That was until she dropped it onto the floor out of surprise. In Twilight’s point of view, she was minding her own business until her party planner friend burst into her home, leaving a Pinkie shaped hole in the door. She also had melted ice cream around her mouth, and her mane was standing on end. As far as she could tell, Twilight believed this is one of Pinkie’s most crazy moments PERIOD.

“Twilight! It’s awful! It’s terrible! This is the! Worst! Possible! Thing!” Said Pinkie.

“Isn’t that what Rarity normally says?” Asked Twilight.

“This is no time for which catchphrases are trademarked by who! I just learned about something terrible!” Answered Pinkie frantically.

“Okay, okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Okay.”

Pinkie took a deep breath, then let out everything at once.

“I was looking through all of my stuff in my super duper secret party planner room you won’t learn about until season five when I found a file I wrote about your lovey-dovey, K.I.S.S.I.N.G. buddy, Deadpool! I looked inside and found everything about him and how much he hates the “Star Wars” prequel trilogy! But then I found out that I missed something, and of all things it was the most important thing to know about a pony besides their name and whether they like cake or ice cream or both! And now I’m telling you because I feel so bad about it!”

Trying to comprehend everything Pinkie said all at once nearly made Twilight cross-eyed.

“Pinkie, try telling me again, but this time please be more direct,” Said Twilight.

“... I don’t know when Deadpool’s birthday is!” Said Pinkie.

“You don’t know when his birthday is?” Asked Twilight.

“No I don’t!” Pinkie broke down on the spot, tears running down her face. “I feel so awful because it’s his super important day, and I don’t know when it is! I’m sure everypony else knows, especially you, so I don’t understand how I haven’t learned about it!”

“Well…” Uttered Twilight.

“What do you mean by ‘well’?” Asked Pinkie.

“Truth be told, I actually don’t know when Wade’s birthday is either,” Answered Twilight.

As if on cue, Deadpool walked up the flight of stairs that led from the living room. He stopped in the doorway, and listened to the conversation.

“You don’t know when his birthday is either? How do you of all ponies not know?” Asked Pinkie.

“I have tried to ask him when his birthday is on multiple occasions, but whenever I approach the subject he either changes the topic or comes up with some task he needs to take care of at that moment. It’s almost like he doesn’t want anypony to know when his birthday is,” Explained Twilight.

“Oh. Well, it would be nice to know when his birthday is, so I can throw him a big party!” Said Pinkie.

“So, you want to know when my birthday is?”

Deadpool finally made his presence known, attracting Pinkie and Twilight’s attention.

“Oh, Wade, I didn’t see you there. Did you hear everything?” Asked Twilight.

“For the most part,” Answered Deadpool.

“Then you have got to tell us when your birthday is!” Said Pinkie.

“Why?” Asked Deadpool.

“Because then you, me, Twilight, and all of our friends can celebrate your super special day!” Answered Pinkie.

“Eh…” Uttered Deadpool hesitantly.

“Oh, please tell us when your birthday is. Pleeeeeease?”

Pinkie looked at Deadpool with her best puppy dog eyes. Deadpool was visibly trying to resist them. After an agonizing few seconds, he caved in.

“Fine, I guess I can tell you when my birthday is,” Said Deadpool reluctantly.

“YAY! So, when is it?!” Asked Pinkie excitedly.

“It’s today.”

In that split second, Twilight and Pinkie’s jaws dropped to the floor. Learning that Deadpool’s birthday was today of all days really caught them by surprise.

“Girls? Girls?” Said Deadpool.

(We’re about to get fucked by both the party pony and the love-of-our-life in three, two, one…)

“WHAT?!” Cried Pinkie and Twilight in unison.

“Ahhh!”

THUD!

Pinkie leapt towards Deadpool and pinned him to the ground. She then grabbed him by the neck and began to throttle him.

“WHY WOULD YOU NEVER TELL US ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY UNTIL THE ACTUAL DAY?! WHAT KIND OF FRIEND DOES THAT?!” Asked Pinkie in blind fury.

Deadpool (as expected) gave no answer. The only things he could say while being throttled to death were incomprehensible noises.

“Okay, Pinkie, we’re not going to get answers out of him if you asphyxiate him to death, even if he can revive from it.”

Twilight grabbed Pinkie and dragged her away from Deadpool with her magic. This allowed Deadpool to recover his oxygen levels with deep breaths. This was quickly interrupted by Twilight, who smacked him in the back of the head with one of her wings.

“Ow! What the fuck you two?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone today was your birthday, especially me of all ponies? We’ve been going out for two months now, and we’ve known each other for longer. It would’ve been nice to know WAY in advance,” Said Twilight.

“I don’t celebrate my birthday,” Answered Deadpool simply.

“What?! Why wouldn’t you celebrate your birthday?! It’s only the most super-terrific day in the entire year where it is all about you!” Said Pinkie.

(Please! With our popularity, everyday is our day!)

“Pinkie Pie, I have a healing factor,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah, so?” Questioned Pinkie.

“A healing factor that prevents me from DYING.”

“... I don’t get it.”

“(Sigh) If I have a healing factor that prevents me from dying, then that means I can’t…”

“... Ohhhh! You can’t age!”

“Exactly.”

“Is that really the only reason why you don’t celebrate your birthday? I know that depending on how long your healing factor will keep you alive, you could have hundreds or thousands of birthdays ahead of you, but I would think each one would still be worth celebrating,” Reasoned Twilight.

“Well, I am a grown stallion. It’s not like I’m seven years old and I would go celebrate my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. I usually just get up in the morning, drink a beer, and take a nap. Wake up and have a cherrychanga, drink another beer, and take another nap. Get up again, eat more cherrychangas, then get wasted and pass out on the nearest piece of furniture,” Explained Deadpool.

“Well, your birthdays could be worth celebrating more if you celebrate with friends and a humongous party!” Said Pinkie.

“As much as I love being the center of attention and big parties, I’m not really a fan of large birthday parties. In the past, I usually went to small gatherings with friends on their birthdays,” Said Deadpool.

“It doesn’t have to be a big party. We can gather up the rest of our friends and throw a small celebration here at the library. Right, Pinkie?” Asked Twilight.

“... Small celebration. Right, of course. Hehehe…” Said Pinkie, looking like she will snap at any moment.

“See? So, what do you say? Can we throw a birthday party for you?” Asked Twilight.

A long silence filled the room as Deadpool thought over Twilight’s request. Eventually, he gave an answer.

“... How could I say no to you?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

“Great!” As a sign of appreciation, Twilight gave Deadpool a kiss on his mask-covered cheek. “You can let me, Pinkie, and the others take care of putting your party together. I’m sure Pinkie already has it all planned out anyway.”

“I sure do! I need to get all of our friends and run back to Sugarcube Corner to get all of my stuff!”

Only visible as a pink blur, Pinkie ran through the Pinkie shaped hole she created in the front door.

“Oh, yeah. I need to fix that,” Deadpanned Twilight.

“Don’t worry, it will be repaired after the scene transition,” Said Deadpool.

“Scene transition?”

A few minutes later…

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Knocking could be heard from the other side of the door. This confused Twilight since the door had a large hole in it. She looked back at the door to see it was completely repaired.

“How did the door fix itself? It was just broken a moment ago!” Said Twilight.

“For the sake of your sanity, sweetheart, don’t question it.”

Deadpool was the first one to reach the door. He opened the door, revealing Pinkie and the rest of his friends on the other side.

“Hi, Wade!” Greeted all of the girls in unison.

“Hey gals,” Greeted Deadpool.

He stepped aside to let all of them in. Everyone carried boxes of party supplies inside. As everyone began to unpack, Rarity walked up to Deadpool and gave him a friendly hug.

“Happy birthday, darling! If I knew ahead of time that today was your birthday, I would’ve created an entire ensemble for you to wear,” Said Rarity.

“Yeah, sorry,” Said Deadpool sheepishly.

“Why didn’t you say anything about your birthday?” Asked Fluttershy as she pulled out a red tablecloth from one of the boxes.

“Because DP here can’t age, so he thought that makes his birthday ‘not worth celebrating’,” Said Pinkie, making air quotes with her hooves.

“Hopefully this little shindig will show that your birthday’s worth celebratin’, even if ya can live forever,” Said Applejack while setting up a foldable table.

Just then, Spike walked into the main library. He noticed everyone setting up for Deadpool’s party.

“Twilight, are we throwing a party or something?” Asked Spike.

“Yes. Today’s Wade’s birthday,” Said Twilight.

“Oh. Uh… Happy Birthday, Wade!” Said Spike nervously.

“It’s okay, Spike, I didn’t tell anypony today was my birthday until a few minutes ago,” Said Deadpool.

“Phew! That’s a relief.”

“Psst! Twilight!”

Twilight heard Rainbow Dash calling to her from downstairs. She walked down the flight of stairs to meet up with her rainbow-maned friend.

“Is everything alright, Rainbow Dash?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. When Pinkie told me today was Deadpool’s birthday, I stopped to get a present on the way here. I didn’t know what to get him, so I got him something that I thought he might get a use out of. I was hoping I could get your opinion on it,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Of course. Let’s see what you got,” Said Twilight.

Rainbow Dash reached into a box wrapped in blue wrapping paper, and pulled out two items. A single shaving razor with replacement blades and a can of shaving gel.

“Uh, Rainbow Dash, you know that Wade doesn’t have hair of any kind, right?” Asked Twilight.

“(Snort) Yeah,” Replied Rainbow, holding back a chuckle.

Twilight could tell by the repressed laughter and the grin on her friend’s face that something was up.

“And you know why he doesn’t have hair, right?” Asked Twilight.

“Yes? Why do you ask that?” Asked Rainbow in reply.

“(Sigh) Okay, Rainbow Dash, can you see why your gift may come off as… offensive?” Asked Twilight.

“Pfft! Come on, Twilight, Wade’s got a good sense of humor. He’s not going to be offended by a gag gift from one of his friends who understands him. And if I am wrong, I’ll let him shove my face into the cake,” Said Rainbow confidentiality.

“Fine, but it will be on you if you leave tonight with frosting all over your face.”

A few minutes later, everyone was halfway through setting up. A couple tables with red tablecloths were set up in the middle of the main library, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were hanging red and black streamers, and Pinkie was busily painting a banner. Deadpool mostly got to sit back and oversee the preparations.

“I know you haven’t celebrated your birthday in a long time, Wade, but you must have celebrated your birthday when you were younger, right?” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool flinched a little, but this went unnoticed by Twilight.

“Yeah, I did,” Answered Deadpool.

“Tell us, what was the best thing you did on your birthday?” Asked Rainbow.

“Tell us, tell us! I could use this information for future birthdays!” Said Pinkie.

“The best thing I did for my birthday? That would be the time my parents took me to this awesome trampoline park when I was four! I don’t remember much, but I know I had a lot of fun bouncing all over the place!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“It’s no trampoline park, but hopefully this will be just as fun,” Said Twilight.

“Since you all are putting it together, I know it will be great.”

“Aww!”

Twilight used her magic to lift Deadpool’s mask up slightly, then gave him a kiss on the lips. Deadpool reciprocated the kiss. While this got a few “awws” out of the majority of their friends, Rainbow Dash was gagging at the sign of affection.

“Gross! Can’t you two wait until later to do that?” Asked Rainbow rhetorically.

“You’re right, Rainbow. We’ll just wait until all of you have gone home and Spike goes to bed, then we’ll get back at it again but with our tongues. And maybe if I am lucky I can show Twilight my birthday suit,” Said Deadpool suggestively.

While Twilight blushed profusely and her friends laughed, Rainbow Dash immediately covered her ears and repeatedly blurted...

“Lalala! Lalalala!”

A few minutes later…

Deadpool was standing outside the Golden Oak Library with Twilight by his side. She was excitedly fidgeting her hooves in anticipation.

“You know, I watched you all set up everything for the party. It’s not like it’s going to be a surprise when I get inside,” Said Deadpool.

“I know, but you’ll be blown away regardless! I’m so excited! Come on, let’s get you inside and unveil your fully finished birthday party!”

Twilight grabbed Deadpool by the hoof and led him inside. As soon as they were inside, he took in all of the decorations that adorned the main library. Everything matched his suit’s colors: red and black balloons floating around the room, red and black streamers hanging from the ceiling and even a couple on the walls, and tables with red tablecloths draped over them rested in the middle of the library. There was a wide selection of foods to choose from, but he immediately noticed a platter of cherrychangas and a tray with a lid covering what was most likely a cake. After looking at the decorations, he looked in front of him, where all of his friends were gathered.

“Happy Birthday, Wade!” Cried all of Deadpool’s friends happily.

A smile appeared on Deadpool’s face. It was visible even from underneath his mask. Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder.

“Well, what do you think?” Asked Twilight.

“It’s…”

“Fantastic?!” Suggested Pinkie.

“It’s…”

“Totally awesome?!” Suggested Rainbow.

“It’s uh…”

Deadpool looked up, and saw a large banner he had somehow missed. It was a black banner with red paint on it. In the center of the banner was his logo, and the words “Happy Birthday, Wade!” were written around it.

Seeing the banner caused Wade’s surroundings and friends to be drowned out. He could hear voices in his head, but not the two he’s familiar with. There were many voices: masculine, feminine, young, old. He could hear so many of them, and he couldn’t make out anything they were saying. His vision went dark, and memories he had long tried to suppress were playing in his head.

“Wade? Wade?” Said Twilight.

Just as quickly as the whole experience came it stopped. He saw Twilight and all of his friends looking at him.

“Wade, are you alright?” Asked Twilight.

“... Excuse me.”

SLAM!

Deadpool rushed out of the library, slamming the door behind him. All of his friends looked at each other with concerned looks on their faces.

“What do you think has him all worked up?” Asked Rainbow.

“Do you think a party was too much?” Asked Fluttershy.

“I thought a birthday party was what he needed, but it seems like it only made him feel worse,” Said Pinkie depressingly.

“Maybe the party was forced onto him, but he didn’t seem to be upset. He kinda looked like he was… remembering something,” Said Twilight.

“What could he have remembered that would make him more spooked than a deer seein’ a mountain lion?” Asked Applejack.

“I think there’s more to why he never celebrated his birthday, and I attend to find out after he takes some time to himself,” Said Twilight determinedly.

One hour later…

By the time Twilight gave Deadpool time to himself and went out searching for him, the sun began to set to make way for the rising moon. Twilight was walking up a large hill on the outskirts of town. When she got up to the top she noticed two things. She first noticed Ponyville down below, cast in the golden light of the setting sun. The other thing she noticed was Deadpool sitting by himself on the edge of the hill. He held a bottle of beer in one hoof, and had several more empty bottles laid out beside him. Twilight knew instantly what he was doing, and felt saddened on his part. She walked over to him as he was taking a large sip of his drink.

“You know drinking doesn’t solve your problems. It only exacerbates them,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool didn’t look towards her, even as she sat down to his left. He looked at the bottle in his hoof, then gestured for her to take it. She grabbed it in her magic, and set it down away from where he could reach it.

“I’m sorry I ran off. I hope I didn’t kill the mood for you and everypony else,” Said Deadpool sadly.

“Wade, we don’t care about the party. What we care about is you. After you ran off, we all got worried. I waited until you had some time to yourself before I went after you,” Said Twilight.

“Thanks for coming after me. How did you find me anyway?” Asked Deadpool.

“Considering what you wear, you don’t exactly blend in. I went around town, asking a couple ponies if they’ve seen you, and very quickly I was directed over here,” Explained Twilight.

“(Chuckles) Makes sense,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, I know you haven’t told any of us the real reason why you don’t celebrate your birthday. So, what’s on your mind?” Asked Twilight.

“I couldn’t bother you with my problems, Twilight.”

“Wade, you couldn’t bother me with your troubles. You’ve always been there for me when I had mine. You helped me when I was overwhelmed with being a princess, and when I was jealous of Domino. I want to return the favor, and listen to what’s got you down. So, please talk to me.”

“... Okay. I’ll get everything I need off of my chest.”

“Thank you,” Said Twilight with a warm smile.

“Prepare yourself, I’m about to hit you with all of the feels,” Said Deadpool.

(Now would be a good time to grab some tissues.)

Twilight turned herself around to face Deadpool, showing she was paying close attention.

“You see, the real reason why I never celebrated my birthday is because I never had anyone to celebrate it with until I met you and our friends,” Said Wade.

“You didn’t have any friends to celebrate with?” Asked Twilight.

“I didn’t have many friends before you. I had some, but only a hoof full. Most of the hero community either finds me annoying or are appalled by how I used to deal with criminals,” Explained Wade.

“Oh... What about when you were younger? Did you celebrate with any friends from school?” Asked Twilight.

“No. I may only have a few friends now, but I had ZERO friends back in school. I was bullied a lot in school. Usually because kids either found me annoying or weird, but the big reason was because I was a blank flank for the majority of my school years,” Explained Wade.

“Really? When did you get your cutie mark?” Asked Twilight.

“Eighth grade,” Answered Wade.

“Eighth grade?! Wow! Did they stop teasing you when you earned your cutie mark?” Asked Twilight.

“Yes, but not for good reasons. When I got this…” Wade tugged down on his pants just enough to reveal his cutie mark of a knife and pistol. “I had earned it after I defended myself from a bunch of bullies, whom I had told to back off from a different kid they were bullying. Nowadays I can say this was supposed to represent me becoming a hero. But, as you can probably imagine, a young colt with a gun and knife for a cutie mark did not set well with everyone.”

“All of my classmates were afraid of me, and I was always under surveillance because the teachers thought I was going to end up killing somepony! ... I guess they ended up being right in the end, but it still hurt my feelings that they assumed I was going to be a killer! Combine that with the choices I made as an adult, I never had a lot of friends.”

“Wade, I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I can’t imagine how you felt. Is that part of the reason why you dropped out of school?” Asked Twilight.

“A little, but there’s one other reason, which I will explain in a bit. But, hey, I can’t really complain about not having friends now, right? I have seven great friends, which includes you.”

Wade and Twilight nuzzled each other, both of them smiling from each other’s touch.

“What about your parents? Did you have good relations with them growing up?”

Twilight’s one question caused Wade’s mood to do a complete one-eighty. He had a look of sadness on his masked face.

“I’m sorry, did I strike a nerve? You don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable with telling me,” Said Twilight.

“(Sigh) No, I’ll tell you, Twilight.”

A long silence filled the air before Wade spoke again.

“I was born to an earth pony stallion named Thomas Wilson, and to a unicorn mare named Hailey Wilson. For the first few years in my life, they were the best. They both treated me like I was the center of their universe, and during that time I was… happy. I felt like I mattered to somepony, and not seen as either a nuisance or a source of ridicule. But then… everything spiraled downwards,” Said Wade.

“W-What happened?” Asked Twilight hesitantly.

“When I was around five years old, my dad just… left. To this day, I still don’t know why. There was no note, no talk, he didn’t even say goodbye. It was like he decided out of the blue to leave me and Mom behind. Thinking about that day always reminds me of this one thing we did together. He and I used to play this game where when he came home from work, he would knock on the door. I would say ‘who’s there’ and he would tell me ‘cash’. Then I would say ‘cash who’, and then he would open the door and say ‘yes, I’ve always known you were a bit nutty!’”

“As with many kids, when he left I didn’t understand the reality of the situation. I thought he had gone off to work and when he came back, we would play our knock-knock game. I spent a year eagerly waiting by the door for him to come home, so we could play our game and have fun all evening. But he never walked through the door… He never came back for me…”

“Wade…” Whispered Twilight sadly.

“After my dad left, my mom changed for the worst. She never hurt me, but in her attempt to ease the pain, she ended up turning to booze and buying junk that we never used. She always joked about everything, even the most serious stuff. Now thinking about it, she’s probably where I get both my sense of humor and my addiction from. Eventually, her habits started biting back. By the time I was sixteen, mom built up a lot of debt. At the time, I blamed myself. I believed that if she didn’t have to worry about me, she would fare much better and be able to take care of herself. So, one night I packed up all of my things and left. I had put school, home, and my old life behind me. At the time I thought it was a good idea, but now I realize I most likely hurt her even more by leaving.”

“After I left home, I enlisted in the military, had a brief stint as a member of the E.U.P. Guard, went back into service and joined the special forces, got discharged at nineteen because I didn’t follow orders that conflicted with my moral code, became a mercenary, met Vanessa, got cancer and superpowers, and you know the rest.”

Wade took a moment to take off his mask. Doing so revealed more than his scarred face. His eyes were noticeably red and watery; he had been crying. Twilight herself was tearing up, although she was keeping herself together in order to be strong for him.

“Did you ever make amends with your mother after leaving?” Asked Twilight, holding back a sob.

“Well, as much as I would’ve loved to, I couldn’t do that. While I was out on tour, I received this letter.”

Wade reached into one of the pockets on his utility belt. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to Twilight. She quickly read through the contents of the letter, and what she read caused a pit to form in her stomach.

Dear Wade Wilson,

We regret to inform you that your mother, Hailey Wilson, has passed away. Her body was found in her home by a friend after she was not seen or heard from for several days. After conducting an autopsy, we have deduced that she had passed away in her sleep due to alcohol poisoning. She had a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.31% at the time of passing. Whenever you can, feel free to contact us for burial arrangements.

Our sincerest condolences, Memorial Services Mortuary

After reading the letter, Twilight looked up at Wade with even more tears in her eyes, and her jaw was open from the shock of his mother’s tragic fate.

“For so long I never had anyone. I lost both of my parents, and nopony else wanted to be with me. Nopony wanted to stick around with Wade Wilson because he was annoying, a murderer, and a freak. After being alone for so long, I gave up on many important things. I gave up on the idea of being part of a family, of finding true happiness, even celebrating my own birthday. I’m thankful for everything you and the others did for me today, I really mean it. It’s just when I saw for the first time a whole group of ponies going out of their way to show how much they care about me, it brought back all of this stuff that I repressed for years. It was so different from what I was used to, and it caused me to flee...”

Wade and Twilight stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. The latter was overwhelmed with comprehending everything she was just told by her coltfriend. She knew he didn’t have the easiest life, but she never knew the extent of all of his problems. She couldn’t possibly understand a fraction of what he had gone through. All she knew was that his humor, arrogance, and eccentric behavior were masking an emotionally damaged pony.

In no time, Twilight lost all ability to contain her emotions. Stinging hot tears cascaded down her face, and she bawled uncontrollably. She reached out and grabbed Wade, embracing him in a tight hug. She cried into his chest, waterlogging the fabric of his suit. The only thing that Wade did was return the hug.

“I-I can’t believe everything you went through. I wish you never had to go through any of it. I (Hiccup) wish I can make all of your pain go away,” Said Twilight tearfully.

“I wish it could all go away too, but no amount of therapy or magic will make that happen. It’s something I’ve had to accept,” Said Wade.

Twilight removed her face from his chest, and looked him in the eyes while holding his face in her hoof.

“I’m so sorry for everything that you had to go through, Wade. I know your time on your own can’t be undone, but you don’t have to be alone anymore. You have me, now. You also have Rarity, Spike, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. You will never be alone ever again as long as you have us, and I will never be alone either with you and our friends by my side. You don’t need to give up on family because we are here for you now. Our paths led us to each other, and we will continue moving forward together. And maybe we will finally bring some joy into your life again.”

Both ponies looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, but then, for probably the first time in the past few hours, Wade smiled.

“You already have,” Said Wade.

Both smiling now, Wade and Twilight embraced each other in a tight hug.

([Sniffle] That's the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!)

([Sob] I know. I have never felt so touched in my life!)

(I haven't cried this much since 'Toy Story 3'!)

Both ponies embraced each other for about half a minute before they let each other go. Twilight decided to take the opportunity to ask Wade something important.

“I will respect you if you don’t want to do it after everything that transpired today, but our friends and I would love to show you how much we care about you by celebrating your birthday. So, can we throw you a party?” Asked Twilight.

“... Oh, what the hell. Let’s finally make some great memories out of this day!”

Grabbing each other’s hooves, Wade and Twilight raced off towards the Golden Oak Library. Meanwhile, all of their friends were patiently waiting for them to arrive back.

“They have been gone for an awfully long time. Do you think they are alright?” Asked Rarity.

“I’m sure they are fine. They probably just needed some time to talk,” Replied Fluttershy.

Not a moment too soon, the front door opened up, revealing both Deadpool and Twilight on the other side.

“Uh, hey guys. Sorry for running off earlier, I hope I didn’t have you guys worry too much,” Said Deadpool.

“Knowing you’re alright now is a relief to us, darling. If I may ask, why did you run off earlier?” Asked Rarity.

“Long story short, I never celebrated my birthday with anyone for a long time. I got overwhelmed and I ran off. I’m feeling much better now, and I would love to try again if you are all still in the mood to party.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s party!” Shouted Pinkie excitedly with confetti raining down from above.

Since the party started in the evening, the first thing everyone did was eat. Out of the selection of food to choose from, the obvious favorite for Deadpool were the cherrychangas. He practically gorged himself on cherrychangas while everyone else was more dignified while eating. After eating, everyone participated in party games. Currently, Pinkie was hanging a piñata from the ceiling. When she was done, she pulled out a wooden baseball bat out of her mane.

“Here you go, Wade. Have a crack at it!” Said Pinkie.

“With pleasure! When I’m done, this bitch is gonna have more than a crack!” Said Deadpool.

“Hold on a second. Since you are more than capable of busting that piñata in one hit, let’s make this more interesting.”

Rainbow Dash quickly tied a blindfold around Deadpool’s eyes. With a smile visible under his mask, Deadpool grabbed the bat out of Pinkie’s hooves.

(Uh, not to be a party pooper or anything, but I don’t think this is a good idea.)

(It’s fine! He is only wearing a blindfold while trying to break a piñata with a… wooden… bat. Oh shit…)

Rainbow Dash spun Deadpool around in circles a few times before letting him go. Once he stopped spinning, Deadpool dizzyingly walked forwards. He unknowingly was walking away from the piñata.

“I think it’s right here,” Said Deadpool.

“Ahhh!”

Deadpool swung the bat in front of him, nearly taking out Rarity.

“Everypony take cover!” Ordered Applejack.

Everyone scattered around the main library, trying to keep their distance from Deadpool.

“Am I getting close?” Asked Deadpool.

“Eep!”

Deadpool took another swing, nearly hitting Fluttershy. While she managed to avoid getting hit, she ended up tripping and falling onto the floor.

“Rainbow Dash! This was one of your worst ideas ever!” Shouted Twilight.

“I didn’t think he was going to go on a murder spree by putting a blindfold over him!” Shouted Rainbow defensively.

Suddenly, Twilight felt a wooden object poke her side.

“I think I found the piñata!” Said Deadpool.

To her horror, Twilight saw Deadpool beside her. He stood up on his hind legs and held the bat over his head, ready to strike.

(NOT THE MAREFRIEND!!!)

“Ahhhhhh!”

SMACK!

WHAM!

THUD!

As he was about to strike, Twilight summoned a force field around herself. The bat bounced off its surface and ended up smacking Deadpool in the face. He fell over with a mighty thud, completely disoriented.

(Phew! If we had accidentally hit Twilight, Shining Armor would not believe us and would have Princess Celestia banish us to the moon.)

Twilight looked at her coltfriend and shook her head. She used her magic to remove the blindfold around his eyes and take the bat from his grasp.

“(Groan) I thought I was going to whack a piñata, not my face,” Remarked Deadpool painfully.

“Okay, new rule: whenever there is a piñata around, Wade is to NEVER wear a blindfold and has to use a rubber spatula,” Said Twilight.

After Deadpool recovered from hitting his own face, he broke the piñata safely. Afterwards, he and his friends played even more party games. After playing games for almost an hour, the group decided to have Deadpool open his presents to wrap up the evening. He was currently opening a gift wrapped in purple paper given to him by Rarity. Opening the top, he pulled out a black bow tie with a garnet embedded in the center.

“This actually looks cool! Thanks, Rarity!” Said Deadpool gratefully.

“You’re welcome, darling! When you aren’t wearing that dreadful spandex, you should always look your best,” Said Rarity.

Meanwhile, Twilight and Rainbow Dash were watching from the doorway leading downstairs.

“Hey, Rainbow, you are not still planning on giving Wade your gag gift, are you?” Asked Twilight.

“Nah! After what he went through today, I do not want to take any chances. I have it right here.”

Rainbow pointed towards a spot to her left. She looked and found that the gift was missing.

“Where did it go?” Asked Rainbow.

Just then, Applejack walked by.

“Howdy, Rainbow! Are ya lookin’ for somethin’?” Asked Applejack.

“Yeah, have you seen a present wrapped in blue paper?” Asked Rainbow.

“I did indeed. I found it over here. I thought you left it there by mistake, so I put it with the rest of the gifts. I think Deadpool is openin’ it right now,” Explained Applejack.

Sure enough, when Rainbow Dash looked towards Deadpool, she saw him holding her gift.

“I am SO going to have leftover cake on my face!” Thought Rainbow fearfully.

She watched on fearfully as Deadpool opened her gift. Once he pulled out the shaving kit, he looked at her. When they locked eyes, she began to sweat bullets.

“... HAHAHAHAHA!”

To her surprise, Rainbow Dash saw Deadpool fall over on his ass and laughed hysterically. He laughed for over a minute before he could manage to speak.

“This is the best gag gift I have ever received! Thanks, Rainbow!” Said Deadpool with a laugh.

Rainbow Dash responded with a friendly wave. She then wiped the sweat from her forehead. Twilight walked up to Deadpool with a loving smile.

“I assume the best gift has been saved for last?” Asked Deadpool suggestively.

“Since I did not have much time to come up with something to give you, I figured I could give you this.”

Twilight raised Deadpool’s mask until it rested on the bridge of his nose. Twilight then gave him a peck on the cheek. This caused a dopey smile to form on his face.

“That was easily the best gift I have received today! When your birthday comes around I need to top all of this. You will be turning sixteen, right?” Asked Deadpool playfully.

“(Chuckles) Thanks, but I am going to be twenty-two,” Answered Twilight.

“Twenty-two?!” Learning of how old Twilight will be on her next birthday left Deadpool in absolute shock. “I knew there was a bit of an age gap between us, but I didn’t realize to what extent.”

“Really? How old are you today?” Asked Twilight.

“... Thirty…”

There was silence in the room as everyone processed this new information.

… HAHAHAHA!

The silence was quickly replaced with laughter from everyone but Deadpool and Twilight. Both of them were pink in the cheeks.

“Ha! You’re dating an old stallion!” Said Rainbow hysterically.

“Hey! She may be younger than me, but that doesn’t make me old!” Said Deadpool irritably.

With his friends still laughing, Deadpool decided he had enough. He grabbed a glass of Sweet Apple Acres cider that was resting next to him, and tapped on the glass to get everyone’s attention.

“Ah-Ahem! If we can all change the topic, I want to thank you all again for this amazing party. I haven’t had a lot of happy moments, but this most certainly was one of the best days of my life, even if it had a rocky start. Most importantly, I’m glad to have all of you in my life. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had not met any of you. I would like to propose a toast to our friendship.”

Wade held his glass in front of himself. With smiles on their faces, everyone grabbed their own glass of cider and held them close to Wade’s. To everyone’s surprise, a glass containing red wine appeared next to the glasses. It was held in a light blue magic aura.

“Rarity? Is that wine?” Asked Deadpool.

“A couple hours ago, I decorated the main library in red and black! Let me have this one!” Said Rarity irritably.

“Yeah, you do you, girl. I was only going to ask if I could have some,” Said Wade.

Twilight shot a glare towards Deadpool, causing him to roll his eyes.

“Fine, I will drink this instead. I did have eight bottles of beer during my depression this evening,” Said Deadpool.

CLING!

Everyone bumped their glasses together in cheers, toasting their friendship.

One hour later…

After an evening of fun, the party had reached its conclusion. After cleaning up, everyone went home. While Spike went to bed, Twilight and Deadpool sat on the couch downstairs.

“Thanks for giving me an awesome birthday today,” Said Deadpool.

“You’re very welcome. I’m glad we were able to make you happy today,” Said Twilight.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Suddenly, they could hear a knock at the door from upstairs.

“Who’s here at this hour? I’ll go get it.”

Deadpool got up from the couch and quickly ran upstairs. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a royal guard.

“Delivery for Wade Wilson from her majesty Princess Celestia,” Said the guard.

“That’s me,” Replied Deadpool.

The guard handed a rather large package to Deadpool as well as a scroll. Deadpool gave the guard a salute before shutting the door. Without having the aid of magic, Deadpool precariously carried the package and scroll downstairs. Once back in the living room, Deadpool placed the package on the coffee table.

“What’s this?” Asked Twilight.

“Apparently Princess Celestia has something for me. Let’s see if this has any answers.”

Deadpool opened the scroll and read its contents.

Dear Wade,

In light of being informed of your birthday by my faithful student, I would like to give you something to commemorate this day. From letters written to me and seeing you in action, I have seen much growth from you since we first met. I would like to give you this as a sign of respect and how proud I am of you.

Your Princess and Friend, Princess Celestia.

Deadpool looked at Twilight, who had a sheepish grin on her face.

“I may have told Celestia today was your birthday,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

Eager to see what was inside, Deadpool opened up the package. Carefully, he pulled out what he recognized as a sword. The blade was thirty inches long, and the hilt had a disk shaped pommel on the end. Upon seeing it herself, Twilight looked at the sword in awe.

“Wow! Another sword to add to my collection!” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, do you know what this is?!” Asked Twilight.

“It’s another sword I can stab shit with! I don’t recognize what kind it is, though,” Said Deadpool.

“That’s an Equestrian arming sword! They were the primary weapon of Equestrian knights before the E.U.P. Guard was established!”

With new awe in his eyes, Deadpool lightly stroked the air with the blade. The sword wasn’t too heavy but could still deliver a powerful strike.

“Wow! I’ve never felt so honored in my life! I know who’s getting the first thank you card!”

Deadpool delicately set the blade down on the coffee table before sitting back down next to Twilight.

“Today turned out to be a great day, didn’t it?” Asked Twilight.

“It was, and it’s all thanks to you and our friends,” Answered Deadpool.

Twilight scooted towards Deadpool and leaned against him. He held her in an embrace, and they stayed that way for over a minute before Twilight looked at a wall clock and saw the time was 9:30 pm.

“We should probably get ready for bed,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah. Before we do that, could we stay like this for just another minute?” Asked Deadpool.

“Hmm… Let’s make it two minutes.”

Both Deadpool and Twilight smiled. As promised, they both stayed in each other’s embrace, although it lasted much longer than two minutes.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! To those that don't know, on February 10th, 1991, the world was introduced to Deadpool in "New Mutants #98. This chapter was dedicated to celebrate Deadpool's thirtieth anniversary on 2-10-21. Be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, because it will mark an important occasion in Deadpool and Twilight's relationship. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and here's to thirty more years of Deadpool!

Chapter 24: Meeting the Parents
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 24: Meeting the Parents

It was late in the evening, and Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool were all hanging out in the main library. Twilight was yet again reorganizing her extensive book collection, with Spike reluctantly helping her out. As for Deadpool, he was just watching while drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.

“You guys are doing great,” Said Deadpool.

“We would probably be done by now if you stopped standing over there and helped us, Wade,” Said Spike exasperatedly.

“I am helping. I’m your motivational support.”

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Knocking could be heard from the other side of the front door, catching everyone’s attention.

“Okay, we need to seriously put up a sign out front with visiting hours. We have too many ponies coming by here during the evening.”

With irritation in every step he took, Deadpool walked over to the front door. Opening it, a mailmare stood on the other side.

“Letter for Princess Twilight Sparkle,” Said the mailmare.

She gave Deadpool a single envelope. She reached into a saddlebag to pull out a clipboard, but before she could ask for a signature, Deadpool slammed the door behind him.

“Who was it?” Asked Twilight.

“Just a mailmare. She gave me this letter addressed to you.”

Deadpool gave Twilight the envelope before going back to drinking his whiskey. Twilight opened the envelope by tearing the top with her magic. Pulling out the letter, she examined its contents. Suddenly, a grin appeared on her face, and she gasped in delight.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!” Said Twilight excitedly.

“What does it say?” Asked Spike.

“Spike, it’s a letter from our parents! They’re coming over tomorrow night to visit us!” Said Twilight excitedly.

Suddenly, Deadpool’s eyes burst open in shock, and his grip tightened on his drink.

“Mom and Dad are coming over?! Awesome!” Said Spike excitedly.

“I can finally introduce you to my parents, Wade! Isn’t this great?!” Asked Twilight excitedly.

SHATTER!

Deadpool’s grip on his whiskey was too tight. The neck of the bottle snapped off, resulting in the bottom half falling to the floor and shattering into pieces. The distilled alcoholic liquid spilled out across the floor. The shattering of the glass had surprised both Spike and Twilight.

“Wade?! Wade, are you alright?!” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool couldn’t hear her. He was lost in his own panicking thoughts.

(Well, Twilight was great to have as a marefriend, but I think we need to let her go before her parents find out about who we are.)

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

“Huh?!” Said Deadpool.

“Are you alright?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh, yeah I'm fine. I must have zoned out a little,” Answered Deadpool.

“Wade, I can tell something's on your mind. Do you want to tell me?” Asked Twilight.

“(Sigh) Okay. I'm nervous about meeting your parents tomorrow,” Answered Deadpool.

“Why? They are not bad at all. In fact, Mom said in the letter that she was excited that she and Dad could finally meet you,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, Wade. They are both awesome! I think you will like Mom because she’s kind of a thrill seeker like you, and Dad’s pretty cool when you get to know him,” Added Spike.

“You both say that now, but once they see that I am who Twilight choose as her coltfriend, they are going to try to kill me!” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, you are overreacting. They are going to like you,” Said Twilight.

“Don’t you remember what happened when we told Shining Armor and Cadance we were seeing each other?” Asked Deadpool.

(Cuing flashback… now!)

Two months ago…

Deadpool and Twilight were at the Crystal Empire. They were currently standing in front of two crystal doors leading to the throne room of the Crystal Castle. Twilight was about to open the doors when Deadpool grabbed her hoof.

“Hold on, Twilight. Are you sure we have to do this?” Asked Deadpool nervously.

“We already told our friends that we are together. It’s time that we tell my brother and Cadance about us,” Said Twilight.

“I know. I’m fine with telling Cadance. I’m just worried about telling Shining Armor. He is your brother… and he was Captain of the Royal Guard… With combat experience,” Said Deadpool timidly.

“Wade, everything is going to be okay. Trust me, he’s going to be happy that we’re together,” Assured Twilight.

Twilight used her magic to open the doors. Doing so revealed Shining Armor and Princess Cadance on the other side.

“Twily, it’s so good to see you!” Said Shining Armor.

“It’s great to see you too, BBBFF!” Said Twilight while giving her brother a hug.

“Hi, Twilight!” Greeted Cadance.

“Hi, Cadance!”

Twilight stood in front of her sister-in-law, and they did their special chant and hoof-shake.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

As both Princesses laughed happily, Deadpool was watching from the doors. He smiled under his mask, and chuckled. This caught Shining Armor and Cadance’s attention.

“Oh hey, Deadpool,” Greeted Shining Armor.

“Hi, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance,” Replied Deadpool.

“So, what brings you two to the Crystal Empire?” Asked Shining Armor.

“We came over because we have something very important to tell you,” Answered Twilight.

Cadance put a hoof to her chin, then a thought popped into her head. Whatever she was thinking of caused a smile to appear on her face.

“Okay, we’re all ears,” Said Shining Armor.

Twilight took a second to take a deep breath before she spoke.

“Shining Armor, Cadance, I have a coltfriend.”

The room fell silent. Shining Armor looked absolutely shocked while the smile on Cadance’s face only grew larger. Meanwhile, Deadpool walked up to Twilight with sweat visibly dripping from his costume.

“You have a coltfriend…?” Asked Shining Armor in disbelief.

“Yes, and as you can see it’s-”

“Twily, this is great!” Shining Armor’s disbelief was quickly replaced with joy. “I knew you would find your special somepony someday! Tell me who the stallion is. Is he a scientist? Sorcerer? Maybe a scholar?”

“Even better. She’s with an alcoholic high school dropout with an obsession for weapons and cherrychangas… And has a body count,” Said Deadpool nervously, keeping that last bit to himself.

Cadance looked like she was about to explode with joy at any second, while her husband looked at Deadpool and Twilight. He saw that they were both holding hooves, and he finally pieced it together.

“You and Wade are…”

“Yes, he’s my coltfriend,” Answered Twilight.

“YES!”

Cadance burst with joy, and she grabbed both Twilight and Deadpool in a tight hug.

“Yes, yes, yes! I am so happy for you two! You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you two to tell us!” Said Cadance happily.

“You knew?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m the Princess of Love, Twilight. These kinds of things don’t escape my notice. Ever since I discovered you were an item at the coronation, you two have become my otp! This is so exciting! We could go on double dates together and talk about our relationships! Then when the time comes you two will have a big romantic wedding! Hopefully without changelings interfering… And before you know it there will be two little fillies in a baby carriage!”

Hearing everything Cadance said made both Deadpool and Twilight turn pink, even with the former wearing his mask.

“Speaking of babies, have you two been busy yet?” Asked Cadance nonchalantly.

“C-Cadance! Do you have to be so upfront about it?!” Asked Twilight in sheer embarrassment.

“No, you’re right. Wade and Twilight, may I ask if you two have been intimate with each other?”

Before Twilight could give an answer, Cadance squealed in excitement.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it! I’m just so happy for you two!” In a matter more fitting for a school age filly than a Princess, Cadance hopped around the throne room while singing… “Twily has a coltfriend! Twily has a coltfriend!”

While everything was going on, Shining Armor was visibly twitching in the face. His facial features gradually contorted to give him an enraged expression. If one looked closely, they could see what looked like fire in his eyes.

“WADE WILSON!” Shouted Shining Armor in blind fury.

“Umm… Should I run?” Asked Deadpool timidly.

“You!” Shining Armor marched over to a guard who was standing by the doors to the throne room, holding a spear. “Give me that!”

“Run,” Said Twilight.

With exceptional speed, Deadpool ran out of the throne room.

“COME BACK HERE!”

With the spear in his magic wielding grasp, Shining Armor followed Deadpool in hot pursuit. Not too long after, the sound of Deadpool's screams could be heard.

“OH CELESTIA! THE HUMANITY!” Cried Deadpool in complete agony.

As Deadpool was being brutally beaten, both Twilight and Cadance looked towards the doors with painful looks on their faces.

Back in the present day, Deadpool shuddered from recounting the day he and Twilight told her brother and sister-in-law about their relationship.

“Okay, I understand your anxiety now,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah. I may have a healing factor, but ‘Main Street’ is still recovering from your brother impaling and crucifying me!” Said Deadpool while pointing at his ass.

(To this day, we still can’t take a shit without our asshole feeling like it’s being ripped to shreds.)

“I’m sorry. Shining Armor’s just very protective of me and he got carried away that day. I can assure you though you won’t have to fear that happening again, especially after Cadance informed me that she and Shining had a LONG talk about his behavior,” Assured Twilight.

“Yeah, well, I’m still filing for a restraining order against him,” Said Deadpool irritably.

“Let’s focus on the current matter at hoof. I know that meeting my parents for the first time will be intimidating, but they are some of the nicest ponies you are ever going to meet. So, please give them a chance.”

“... (Sigh) Okay, I’ll meet you parents.”

“Yay!” Cried Twilight sweetly.

“Alright! Trust us, Wade, you’re going to have a great time with our folks,” Assured Spike.

“While I’m thinking about it, do you mind not wearing your suit tomorrow?” Asked Twilight.

“Sure. You want me to wear something nice?” Asked Deadpool.

“If you want to. You could also wear something casual or even just choose not to wear anything,” Answered Twilight.

“Twilight, sweetheart, I appreciate what you’re telling me, but I always have to wear clothes. Just seeing my face fucks most ponies up. If anyone were to see my full appearance, they would lose their sanity.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Oh, hey, just a teenie question. Do your parents know who I was before we got together? Specifically, do they know I, um, killed ponies?” Asked Deadpool.

“No. Everything they know about you is from newspaper articles from the previous year and from letters I have written to them,” Answered Twilight.

“Okay, phew! That will make it SO much better to gain their trust!”

“You have nothing to worry about. They are going to love you.” Twilight gave her coltfriend a hug, which he reciprocated. “Now, you have a mess to clean up. I don’t want anypony to accidentally step on broken glass.”

“Yes, mistress,” Said Deadpool reluctantly.

Deadpool reluctantly made his way downstairs in search of a broom and dustpan to clean up his broken whiskey bottle.

The next day…

It was early in the morning, and Deadpool had taken a trip over to Sweet Apple Acres. He was sitting on a log as he watched one of his friends, Applejack, bucking apples.

“Thanks for taking the time to see me while you are working,” Said Deadpool.

“Of course, partner. So, what brings ya to mah neck of the woods?” Asked Applejack.

“I was hoping I could ask you for advice,” Said Deadpool.

“What for?” Asked Applejack.

“Well, later this evening, I’m going to meet Twilight and Spike’s parents.”

“That’s great! It’s nice to see that you and Twilight are fully committin’ to your relationship.”

“Yeah, it is,” Muttered Deadpool.

“Somethin’ wrong, sugarcube?” Asked Applejack.

“Nah, I’m just anxious about meeting her parents. I love Twilight so much, and I want to be able to have good relations with her family. It’s probably too late between me and her brother since he turned me into a scarecrow, but I want her parents to like me enough that when I someday ask for Twilight’s hoof in marriage, they will bless it,” Said Deadpool.

“Aw, well that’s mighta thoughtful of ya. I can’t help, though, but wonder why you’re coming to me for advice. I haven’t been in a relationship before. This sort of thing would be something you would go to Rarity for instead of me.”

(And on the whole parents thing… well…)

(You’re terrible.)

(It’s not that bad! All she would need is a butler and a cape and cowl, and she would be Batman!)

(Man?)

(Ugh! “Batpony!” There. Are you happy now?! I made a horse pun!)

“Rarity may know a thing or two about romance, but she tends to dramatize everything. I know that if I went to her for advice, she would say something along the lines of ‘Deadpool, darling, if you don’t show Twilight’s parents that you are a well-mannered and sophisticated stallion, then they will forbid you from ever seeing her again!’” Said Deadpool in his best Rarity impression.

“(Chuckles) That does sound like her,” Concurred Applejack.

“Besides being arguably the most mature out of all of us, you represent the Element of Honesty. I know that whatever advice you give will be true to your heart. So, that’s why I came to you,” Said Deadpool.

“Hmm… Alright, I’ll give you my best advice. Let’s start with a simple question: How do ya want Twi’s parents to think of ya?” Asked Applejack.

“I want them to see me as a respectful stallion worthy of their daughter, and not a homicidal maniac,” Answered Deadpool.

“Well then, that’s all you have to do. Show them why you are worthy of Twilight’s affection, and they will love ya really quickly.”

“Show them why I am worthy of Twilight’s affection… Thanks, AJ. I know exactly what I need to do. I need to get ready for tonight. I'll see you later.”

Deadpool got up from the log he was sitting on, and made his way back home.

Twelve hours later…

It was late in the evening at the Golden Oak Library, and Twilight and Spike were in the main library. They were eagerly waiting for their parents to arrive.

“When are they coming, Twilight?!” Asked Spike excitedly.

“They should be here any second, Spike,” Said Twilight.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

As soon as she finished her sentence, knocking could be heard from the front door. Twilight lit up her horn and she used her magic to turn the doorknob. Once the door was open, a unicorn mare walked into the main library. She had a light grey coat, blue eyes, and a striped mane and tail that were purple and very light grey (nearly white) in color. On her flank were three purple stars for her cutie mark. She carried a small envelope in her magic.

“Who’s ready to have some quality family time?!” Asked the mare.

“Mom!”

Spike ran up to his mother, Twilight Velvet, and they both embraced each other in a hug.

“Hello, Spike! And hello to you, too, Twilight,” Said Twilight Velvet.

“Hi, Mom. Where’s dad?” Asked Twilight.

“He was with me a moment ago. Night Light, where did you run off to?” Asked Twilight Velvet towards the door.

“I’m right here, Velvet. I thought I saw a store selling bingo games in their display window.”

A unicorn stallion, Night Light, walked in and stood next to Twilight Velvet. He had an azure coat, dark blue mane and tail, and piercing amber eyes. His cutie mark consisted of two crescent moons, one yellow and the other white.

“Hi, Dad!” Greeted Spike.

“Hey there, little stallion!” Night Light lightly ruffled Spike’s head crest, earning a chuckle from the little dragon. “And hello, sweetie.”

“Hi, Dad. I’m glad you both decided to come over to visit,” Said Twilight.

“Of course! It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. What with you moving to Ponyville and becoming a princess. Your father and I wanted to see you two so much we decided to come over and treat you to dinner,” Said Twilight Velvet.

“You two don’t have to do that. I would be more than willing to treat you two to dinner instead.”

“We insist. Although, we hoped you know a good place to eat around here,” Said Night Light.

“I have one place in mind that I know you both will enjoy.”

Twilight looked over to her left and saw her mother was very close to her with a radiant smile on her face.

“Mom?”

“So, are we going to meet him?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“Him? Oooh! Yeah, you will meet Wade. He will be accompanying us tonight,” Said Twilight.

“Eek! This is so exciting! Your father and I were thrilled when you finally made friends, but now you have a coltfriend! You have no idea how happy we are for you! Right, hun?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“You bet! After being such an introvert for so long, it’s great to see you making all of these new relationships, including your relationship with Wade,” Said Night Light.

“Tell me, is he handsome?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“Yes,” Answered Twilight simply.

“That’s bias,” Said Spike.

“Can he cook?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“Not professionally, but yes.”

“Have you two slept with each other yet?”

“Mom!” Said Twilight sheepishly, her face bright pink.

“Ha! Knew it! You owe me five bits, Night Light!”

“That’s not a direct answer, dear. And also, I think you broke our daughter.”

Night Light pointed towards Twilight. Her face was still pink, and her right eye twitched every few seconds. She then heard the sound of hoofsteps ascending up the flight of stairs that lead to the lower level of the Golden Oak Library.

“I can hear Wade coming upstairs. Before I introduce you to him, I want to let you both know he can be self conscious about his appearance, so please try not to say anything,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight, of course we won’t. Right, Night Light?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

Night Light responded with a simple nod of his head.

“Okay. Are you ready, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“As ready as I'll ever be.”

Wade walked into the main library. He was wearing a white dress shirt, black tie, and tan khakis. Upon seeing Wade’s scarred face for the first time, both Twilight Velvet and Night Light were shocked. The former was just barely able to repress a gasp.

“Uh… Hi. I’m Wade, Wade Wilson,” Said Wade timidly.

As soon as Wade introduced himself, the shocked looks on Twilight’s parents’ faces disappeared and were replaced with friendly grins. Twilight’s mother was the first to greet Wade, reaching out to shake his hoof.

“Hello, Wade! It’s so great to finally meet you!” Said Twilight Velvet.

(She’s Twilight’s mom?! Holy shit! She is a MILF!)

(Could you NOT have such thoughts about the mare who may become our future mother-in-law?)

(I’m a disembodied voice. I don’t follow standard social conventions. And like you aren’t having such thoughts yourself.)

(...Yeah.)

“It is really great to finally meet the stallion that our daughter is dating,” Said Night Light.

“It’s an honor to finally meet both of you, Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle,” Said Wade.

“Please, you can refer to me by Night Light.”

“And you can call me Twilight Velvet.”

“Okay then, Twilight Velvet and Night Light,” Said Deadpool.

(Wait. Her name is Twilight Velvet, and her daugther’s name is Twilight Sparkle?)

(I bet their names have been mixed up at least once.)

“Is everypony ready to go?” Asked Twilight.

“Wait, I have something for you, Wade.” Twilight Velvet gave Deadpool the envelope. “We heard your birthday was a couple weeks ago, so Night Light and I wanted to give you this.”

Deadpool opened the envelope and pulled out a card. The front of the card had a picture of a cod wearing a party hat. Opening the card, it read “Please Enjoy This Birthday Cod”. Towards the bottom of the card written in pen were the words “Happy Belated Birthday! From Night Light and Twilight Velvet”.

(Really? No money or gift card?)

(Have you ever learned that it’s the thought that counts?)

(Yeah. It would have been thoughtful if we got pocket money along with the card.)

“Ha! I love puns! Thanks for the card!” Said Deadpool.

“You’re welcome, sweetie. Now, let’s go!” Sing-songed Twilight Velvet.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool and the Sparkle family were all at a small diner. The diner was rustic, with a checkerboard floor, windows built into the walls, and various memorabilia hanging behind the lunch counter such as sports jerseys and historic pictures. The group sat at a large booth in the right back corner of the diner. A unicorn waitress walked up to the booth, carrying a notepad and pencil with her magic.

“Can I start you folks off with some drinks?” Asked the waitress.

“I’ll have a glass of water,” Said Twilight.

“Sure thing, Your Highness,” Replied the waitress.

“I’ll have a diet soda,” Said Night Light.

“I will have a cup of coffee. Decaf and add cream,” Said Twilight Velvet.

“I would like an orange soda please,” Said Spike.

“Of course. And for you sir? Said the waitress.

“Hmm… I’ll have an Equis Draft, sixteen ounces,” Said Deadpool.

“Okay. I’ll bring over your drinks when they are ready.”

“Thank you!” Said Twilight Velvet.

Once the waitress left to fill in their drink orders, Twilight Velvet looked to her daughter.

“So, Twilight, how is being a princess going?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“It’s going very well. I’ve been kept busy with all of the work involved with the title, but it has been enjoyable being somepony to look up to,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, look at you! You’ve only been a princess for a couple months, and you’re already excelling! I knew the moment I first met you in that hospital room, you would grow up to be somepony special!”

Twilight Velvet reached over across the table to pinch her daughter’s cheek affectionately. Seeing this made Deadpool laugh at the expense of his marefriend.

“Mom!” Said Twilight embarrassingly.

“Sorry, not sorry, dear,” Said Twilight Velvet.

“Spike, how has it been being the assistant of a princess?” Asked Night Light.

“Eh, it’s been alright. I mostly do the same tasks I have always done. Fetching books for her studies, reading and writing letters, keeping ALL of Twilight’s checklists. Even though it gets tiring at times, I enjoy helping her out,” Said Spike.

Just like with her daughter, Twilight Velvet pinched her son’s cheek, much to his annoyance. Deadpool continued to laugh.

“Aw! My Spikey-boo is such a responsible young man!” Said Twilight Velvet affectionately.

“Mom, stop! And that was my nickname when I was four!” Said Spike embarrassingly.

Just then, the waitress returned, carrying a tray with all of their drinks. She carefully passed everyone their drinks.

“Here are all of your drinks. Are you all ready to order?” Asked the waitress.

“I could use another minute,” Said Night Light.

“We would like a couple more minutes to look over the menu, please,” Said Twilight.

The waitress did a little bow before leaving everyone to look over the menus. Night Light took a sip of his drink before directing his attention towards Deadpool, who wasted no time in drinking his beer.

“So, Wade, Twilight told us you're a superhero. What’s that like?” Asked Night Light.

“It’s a roller coaster of emotions. It’s thrilling one minute, then terrifying the next minute. You’re happy when everypony is safe, but terrified when somepony’s life is on the line,” Said Deadpool.

“I can imagine that. Being a hero is dangerous, isn’t it?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“Very. My line of work usually involves dangerous environments, menacing ponies, and lethal weapons,” Explained Deadpool.

“Do you get hurt a lot?” Asked Night Light.

“All the time. Thankfully I have a healing factor, so I don’t stay hurt for long,” Answered Deadpool.

“How does that work?” Asked Night Light.

“My healing factor basically accelerates my body’s ability to heal itself to the point where I can even heal from injuries that would normally be very lethal,” Explained Deadpool.

“Interesting. So your boo-boos heal quickly?” Questioned Twilight Velvet.

“I don’t get boo-boos! I get shot, shanked, and blown up! I get injuries, not boo-boos…” Said Deadpool irritably.

Like he did to both of them, Twilight and Spike laughed at Deadpool’s expense.

“Sorry, deary. That was the mother in me talking,” Said Twilight Velvet.

“It’s fine. With everything my body goes through on a regular basis, some of the more serious injuries would be equivalent to a bruise or scratch,” Said Deadpool.

“When you are not doing hero work, do you have a side job?” Asked Night Light.

“Well actually, I am a hero-for-hire; self-employed, not part of the actual group. I do heroic deeds for free, but people also hire me to do heroic actions such as saving somepony, stopping a group of criminals, the works,” Explained Deadpool.

“Wade’s adventures often have him travel to different parts of Equestria, even the world. As such, he usually leaves for at least a few days or weeks a couple times a month,” Added Twilight.

“A travelling business hero? I can respect that,” Said Night Light.

Twilight Velvet nodded her head in agreement. Deadpool smiled from the approval.

“I think they’re starting to approve of me!” Thought Deadpool excitedly.

(Just don’t fuck up, and it will be smooth sailing from here.)

“How could I fuck this up?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(Are you not familiar with our character? If I had a nickel for every fuck up, we would be making bank.)

After a couple minutes passed by, the waitress returned.

“Are you folks ready to order?” Asked the waitress.

“Dad?” Said Twilight.

“I’m ready when you all are,” Said Night Light.

“We’re ready,” Said Twilight.

“Great! What could I get for you?” Asked the waitress.

“I would like the tomato and green pepper omelet,” Replied Twilight.

“I will have an open-faced sandwich,” Said Night Light.

“I’ll have a grilled cheese sandwich,” Said Spike.

“I would like the cream of mushroom soup, please,” Said Twilight Velvet.

The waitress wrote down everyone’s orders on her notepad before looking towards Deadpool.

“And what can I get for you, sir?” Asked the waitress.

“Hmm… Hey, Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

“Yes?” Said Twilight Sparkle and Twilight Velvet in unison.

(Knew it!)

“I meant my marefriend, Twilight. May I get this?”

Deadpool pointed at his menu. Twilight rolled her eyes before giving him a smile.

“Of course you can have some,” Said Twilight.

“Yes! I would like some cherrychangas,” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“Okay then. I will put in your orders, and I will return when they are ready,” Said the waitress.

“Thanks again!” Said Twilight Velvet graciously.

The waitress left to fill in their orders. As soon as she left, Twilight Velvet directed her attention to Deadpool, who had an eager look on his face.

“I see that you like cherrychangas, Wade,” Said Twilight Velvet.

“‘Like’ is a bit of an understatement,” Said Spike.

“Spike’s right. Cherrychangas are my obsession,” Said Deadpool.

“Have you ever been to the El Taco Picante?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“Doesn’t sound familiar. And this is coming from the stallion who has a mental map of the various taco joints across Equestria,” Answered Deadpool.

“You should definitely give it a visit next time you come to Canterlot. They make some of the best cherrychangas in all of Equestria!”

“Well then, I will most definitely give it a… try…”

Deadpool focused his attention towards the front of the diner, and he grew very nervous. Gathered in front of the front door were a group of stallions consisting of three pegasi, two earth ponies, and one unicorn. They were all wearing purple t-shirts. Deadpool was visibly sweating, and he had a lump in his throat.

“Wade, are you feeling alright? You’re sweating profusely,” Said Twilight Velvet concernedly.

“Erm… I need to have a word with my marefriend in private!”

Deadpool grabbed Twilight’s hoof and hastily dragged her towards the back of the diner. He led her into the stallion's restroom.

“We need to talk!” Said Deadpool urgently.

“Okay, but do we really need to talk here?” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool thought about his marefriend’s question before taking her hoof again. Stepping out of the stallion's restroom, he directed her into the mare's restroom. A couple of mares ran out of the restroom, screaming after they entered.

“Is this better?” Asked Deadpool.

“Ugh…” Twilight couldn’t help but facehoof herself from Deadpool’s oblivious action. “Let’s make this quick before we get in trouble.”

“I need to get out of here!”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Asked Twilight.

“Have you ever heard of a stallion by the name of Wilson Fisk?” Asked Deadpool in reply.

“The businesspony? I have heard of him through the paper. Supposedly he is a powerful crime lord, but there isn’t any hard evidence to prove his illicit activities,” Said Twilight.

“I can assure you that he is one of the most dangerous crime lords in the world! Some of his men are here, so I need to go!”

(Why would Kingpin’s goons be in Ponyville?)

(Wilson Fisk owns many legitimate businesses both in and outside Manehattan to cover his illegal activities like in the comics. Perhaps one of those businesses is in Ponyville.)

“I’m sure if you leave them alone, we will be fine,” Said Twilight.

“Well…”

“What?”

“You see, before you and I met and I moved out of Manehattan, I was hired to, ah-ahem, 'bring Fisk to justice'. I got close, but I had to flee because Vincent D’Onofrio overpowered me. I have no doubt that he has since put me on his shit list, so once his goons inevitably see me, you and your family will be in danger,” Explained Deadpool.

“Oh! Yeah, that’s very bad. Tell you what, we’ll all just go.”

“No, I don’t want to ruin your night out with your family. I’ll just say I needed to call it an early night. I’ll even leave money for you guys to pay the bill.”

“That’s nice of you, Wade, but my parents wanted to see you, me, and Spike tonight. As long as we delicately inform them of the situation, I know they will understand and we can move our little gathering back to the library.”

“... Okay. Let’s go tell them.”

(Hold on! Let’s stay here for at least another minute! This is the first time I’ve ever gotten to see what the inside of a mare's restroom looks like!)

Deadpool and Twilight left the restroom and returned to their table, where Spike, Night Light, and Twilight Velvet were waiting for them. Unbeknownst to any of them, the unicorn stallion of the group of goons saw Wade. He directed his colleagues’ attentions towards the hero, and directed them to follow him.

“Mom. Dad. We need to-”

“What were you two doing in the stallions and mares restrooms? Were you two doing naughty things?” Asked Twilight Velvet sternly.

“What?! No!” Said Twilight embarrassingly.

“Good. (Chuckles) That reminds me of this one thing your father and I did at a Foal Fighters concert back before Shining was born. We-”

“As much as we would like to hear about you and Night Light’s rebellious love life, we need to leave,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, how come?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“There’s a few ponies here who are not very friendly, and we need to leave before they-”

“Well, if it isn’t the Merc With a Mouth!”

The group of stallions formed a half circle around Deadpool and the booth to prevent him and the Sparkle family from running off. Even though he was trapped, Deadpool only looked exasperated while cursing under his breath.

“Looks like today is our lucky day. The boss has been wanting your hide ever since he learned you moved to Ponyville. Now that you don’t have any of your weapons on you and are surrounded by innocent civilians that could get harmed if you resist, you will be less of a challenge to apprehend,” Said the unicorn stallion.

Deadpool reached to his sides for his pistols, but remembered that he indeed did not bring any of his weapons with him.

“Look, fellas, let’s be reasonable here. Leave everypony in this diner out of this, and we can take care of our business elsewhere,” Said Deadpool.

“That’s not how this works, hero. We are going to bring you to the boss, and everypony else in here is leverage. So don’t try anything,” Said the unicorn stallion.

Listening to the conversation, Twilight Velvet looked like she had enough. She got up from her seat, much to the concern of her family.

“Mom, what are you doing?!” Asked Twilight in panic.

“It’s called doing the right thing, Twilight.” Twilight Velvet forced herself in between Deadpool and the unicorn stallion. Even though he was taller and bulkier than her, she was unfazed. “Now listen here, buster! Nopony messes with my future son-in-law and threatens to harm innocent ponies and gets away with it! I would suggest leaving this establishment before I-”

With a blank expression on his face, the unicorn stallion pulled out a Desert Eagle Mark XIX with his magic and pointed it towards Twilight Velvet. She held her breath in terror, while the rest of the diner patrons screamed or gasped when he revealed the firearm.

“Sit down, sweetheart. I would hate having to ruin that pretty face of yours,” Said the stallion coldly.

Twilight Velvet sat down as she was told. As she did so, the rest of the stallions pulled out their own Desert Eagles. They all aimed their guns at Deadpool.

“As you can see, we are not messing around. Just come with us and everything will go smoothly,” Said the unicorn stallion.

Deadpool observed his surroundings, trying to come up with a plan to escape his current predicament. He took notice of the many wooden bar stools by the lunch counter. Repressing a smirk, Deadpool held his hooves up.

“Okay, you win. Take me to the Kingpin,” Said Deadpool in defeat.

“Wade, don’t! We can find a different way to get out of this. I can-”

Before Twilight could finish, Deadpool covered her mouth with a hoof.

“It’s okay, Twilight. I got this. Just do me a favor and get your family to safety when everything goes down,” Said Deadpool.

“Come on, let’s go!”

Deadpool was guided by the Kingpin’s men to stand in the middle. Two of the pegasi stood behind him, the earth ponies stood on both of his sides, and the unicorn stallion and remaining pegasus covered the front. They directed him towards the exit. Once they were passing by the lunch counter, Deadpool took action. He tackled the unicorn stallion in front of him, knocking him over. He then grabbed one of the wooden bar stools and swung it towards the pegasi behind him.

WHACK!

He struck both of them in the side of the head, knocking them both out. The force of impact was enough to break the stool in half. The unicorn stallion got up, and he and the rest of his companions aimed their guns at him.

“Fire!” Ordered the unicorn stallion.

All of the stallions fired their weapons at Deadpool, who jumped behind the lunch counter. With their gunfire focused on him, the restaurant patrons took this as their opportunity to escape. They ran out the front door while filling the diner with screams of terror.

“Come on, guys! Let’s go!” Ordered Twilight.

“Shouldn’t we help Wade?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“Wade’s got this. He deals with situations like this on a regular basis.”

With her family close behind her, Twilight led them safely outside. Meanwhile, Deadpool was still using the lunch counter for cover. Suddenly, he heard plates clatter on top of the counter, and he saw one of the earth pony stallions above him with his gun aiming down towards him. Deadpool frantically tried to run away, but his path was blocked by the other earth pony; he was pinned. With enemies approaching from both sides, Deadpool looked for another makeshift weapon. He saw resting on the lunch counter was a cup of coffee.

SPLASH!

“Graghhhhh!”

Deadpool grabbed the cup of coffee and splashed its contents onto the face of the earth pony in front of him. He then grabbed him and slammed his face against the lunch counter, knocking him out cold.

(Ha! We knocked that guy out COLD while his face was burning from hot coffee!)

“I feel really bad for that guy. He’s not like Garnet from ‘Steven Universe’ who can shrug it off with a one liner. I’m sure that burned like a sonuvabitch,” Said Deadpool.

BANG! BANG!

Deadpool was shot in the back twice by the stallion behind him. He was unfazed by it, and he grabbed an empty plate from the lunch counter. He smacked the stallion in the face with it, shattering it in half, he then grabbed him by the face, and thrust him towards his knee!

CRACK!

The stallion’s jaw broke with an audible crack, and he fell to the floor unconscious.

“Four guys down, two more to go,” Said Deadpool.

WHAM!

Deadpool was smacked in the back of the head by the last pegasus stallion, who flew past him.

(Were we just the victims of an Equestrian drive-by?!)

(I think that would involve carts instead of flying pegasus. Also, look out!)

The stallion was flying back towards Deadpool. Before he could react, he was lifted off the ground and slammed into the ceiling. Falling to the floor with a mighty thud, he was then pinned to the floor by his aggressor. The stallion then pulled out his gun and aimed for Deadpool’s head.

“Junk shot!”

WHAM!

“Ugh!”

Deadpool drove his hind leg up, hitting the pegasus stallion in the crotch. Dropping his gun in reaction to the pain, Deadpool grabbed it then smacked the stallion in the face with it. Staggering back in pain, he didn’t have time to react before Deadpool ran up to him. He jumped up and uppercut him, causing the stallion to get launched up towards the ceiling. His head burst through the ceiling, leaving his body to dangle limply before passing out. With only one last stallion to face, Deadpool turned to face his opponent when he felt his body tense up unwillingly. His body was binded by a green magical aura, which was being created from the unicorn stallion’s horn.

SHATTER!

Deadpool was launched out a window, shattering the glass with his body. The unicorn stallion was about to follow after him when he heard a light racket coming from behind the doors leading to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Deadpool landed on the ground outside the diner. Looking up, he saw Twilight, Spike, and their parents running towards him.

“Wade! Are you alright?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse landings and plenty of pieces of glass in my body before,” Replied Deadpool.

“HELP!”

A feminine voice could be heard from inside the diner, screaming for help. The diner doors burst open, revealing the unicorn stallion. He wasn’t alone, however. Locked in his grasp was the waitress, and he had his gun pressed against the side of her head. He guided her down the small flight of stairs that led from the entrance. The entire time, tears were running down the mare’s face. Deadpool pointed the gun he stole towards the stallion, but he just used the barrel of his gun to add pressure against the hostage’s head.

“Nopony screws with the Kingpin! No less his own enforcers! This mare is gonna die because of you! Don’t you even try anything, because I’ll just shoot her regardless of what you do! This will only end in her death, and nothing else!” Shouted the stallion.

Twilight brought her mouth and hoof against Deadpool’s ear.

“I can pull his gun out with my magic, but I need a diversion to keep him from using his trigger hoof,” Whispered Twilight.

“There is a reason why I’m called the master of distractions,” Said Deadpool with a smirk.

“Please, don’t kill me! I have a family!” Cried the waitress fearfully, tears still trailing down her face.

“This is all your fault, Deadpool! Watch as this mare’s life ends before your very eyes!”

Before the stallion could pull the trigger, he heard Deadpool say…

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Oh, yeah?! Why the hell not?!” Asked the stallion.

“You could kill her, that’s true. But what is saving your life after she’s dead?”

Deadpool carefully set the gun down on the ground, then casually walked towards the stallion and the waitress.

“You think you can kill me?!” Asked the stallion.

“Buddy, you should be asking that question to yourself. I’ve served in the Equestrian army, underage. I’ve had a body count before I turned nineteen. I have so much combat experience that I can kill you with just one blow. And with my healing factor, it would be a goddamn miracle if you can kill me. So, have you accepted your fate? Are you ready to die tonight?”

Deadpool stood only a foot away from the stallion and waitress, looking the former directly in the eyes. The stallion felt a new sense of fear from the hero standing in front of him as if this was not a dire situation.

“You could use that gun on her now, but she’s the only thing keeping you alive. You could use that gun right now to shoot me in the head and leave me incapacitated long enough for you to get away. Make your call.”

For what felt like an eternity, Deadpool, the stallion, and the waitress were waiting for someone to make the next move. After a minute, the stallion fearfully aimed his gun towards Deadpool.

“Now!” Shouted Deadpool.

Before the stallion could react, Twilight used her magic to take his firearm out of his grasp. Without a means to protect himself or harm the waitress, Deadpool lunged towards him.

KA-POW!

With one left hook to the face, the stallion was sent launching back. He landed on the steps of the diner, knocked out cold. With the conflict finally over, Deadpool took a breath before looking down on his beaten foe.

“You know, for a stallion who works for sompony as secretive as Fisk, you are shit at keeping things under wraps.”

“Wade!”

Suddenly, Wade saw the entire Sparkle family rush towards him and embrace him in a group hug.

“That was awesome, Wade!” Said Spike excitedly.

“You did great, Wade!” Said Twilight.

“Well, I couldn’t have done it without your help. That, and inspiration from ‘Moon Knight (2014) #5’ for that monologue,” Said Deadpool.

“Excuse me.” Everyone turned towards the waitress, who was wiping the tears away from her eyes. She looked much better after being saved by Deadpool. “Thank you so much for saving me. I was afraid that I had met my final hour.”

“You’re welcome. And if it’s all the same to you, we would like to take our food to go,” Said Deadpool causally.

(We’re so fuckin’ awesome!)

(Shut up! You’re ruining the moment!)

The waitress nodded her head in agreement.

A few minutes later…

After the diner fight, everyone arrived back at the Golden Oak Library. They were excitedly conversing with each other about tonight’s events.

“I wish we got to see more of the fight! I could hear Wade and those bad guys go pow! Wham! Ka-Pow!” Said Spike excitedly while imitating fighting moves.

“I personally am glad that we didn’t have to see the majority of it. Based on what I heard, there were some moments not for the faint-of-heart,” Said Night Light.

“Wade, you were so awesome! I can’t believe we got to see you in action!” Said Twilight Velvet.

“(Chuckles nervously) Yeah, me too…” Muttered Wade.

“Are you sure you two are okay?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m still in one piece. What about you, hun?” Asked Night Light.

“I’m fine. I’m just shocked from all of the chaos that occurred tonight,” Answered Twilight Velvet.

“Speaking of that, I want to apologize to all of you,” Said Wade.

“Apologize for what, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“For what happened at dinner tonight. I should’ve just left instead of trying to drag you all out of there with me. If I had just gone on my own, you all would have continued to have your family outing,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, we are family. That includes you, too,” Said Twilight.

“And that’s another thing. Twilight Velvet, Night Light, I’m sorry that I put both of you and your son and daughter in danger. I’m sorry for ruining your night out with your children. I’m also sorry for what you overheard me say,” Said Deadpool apologetically.

“About what?” Asked Night Light.

“About how I could have easily ended that guy’s life. That I have experience in that regard. As you could have probably guessed, I made plenty of poor choices in my life. It was actually a poor choice that caused me to look like this.” Said Deadpool while gesturing towards his face."

“I, well, let’s just say I used to end people like him. I believed for a long time that my actions were justifiable by the fact that the ponies I harmed were the most evil that ponykind had to offer. But I’ve realized from being with Twilight that by ending a bad pony’s life, I in a way ended up becoming them.”

“So, when I met Twilight, Spike, and all of their friends in chapter one, I wanted to turn away from that path. I haven’t been perfect. I have ended lives on a couple of instances, but for the most part, they were situations where my back was against the wall with no other options. I have spent the past year not only trying to become a better hero but a better stallion. If this changes how you feel towards me, I get it. I just want you to know that I’m trying to become better, so I can be the pony your daughter deserves.”

For over a minute, everyone stood in silence in the main library. Night Light and Twilight Velvet passed glances with each other before the former cleared his throat.

“Tell me, Wade, do you regret your past actions?” Asked Night Light.

“Everyday,” Answered Wade honestly.

“And tell me, Wade, have you been putting in your best effort to redeem yourself?” Asked Twilight Velvet.

“I have been. But I have had plenty of help and encouragement from Twilight, Spike, and our friends.”

Twilight Velvet and Night Light looked at each other then Twilight, who had a nervous look on her face. They looked at Wade, and smiled.

“Well then, there’s nothing you have to apologize for,” Said Night Light.

“Wait, you’re not mad at me? Disappointed? Wish your daughter was dating a doctor?” Asked Wade.

“Oh, Wade, while hearing what you had to say was indeed surprising, I think I can speak for Night Light when I say that we can tell you are honest about changing. And if Twilight was willing to give you a chance when you two first met, then we will too,” Said Twilight Velvet while placing a hoof on Wade’s shoulder.

Wade looked at Twilight’s parents before smiling.

“Thank you. That’s all I wanted to come out of this evening.”

Wade and Twilight’s parents hugged each other. Looking over to the left, Deadpool could see Twilight was wiping happy tears from her eyes.

“Well, I don’t know about you all, but I think I’ve had enough excitement for one night. We should probably get going, Velvet,” Said Night Light.

“I agree,” Concurred Twilight Velvet.

“Are you sure you want to go, Mom and Dad? You’re more than welcome to stay,” Said Twilight.

“Thank you, Twilight, but we should go, so we’ll be ready for work tomorrow. And tomorrow’s bingo night at the local community center! I want to get ready since I will be calling the numbers!” Said Night Light.

“Okay boomer,” Said Deadpool.

Spike and Twilight let out surprised gasps after hearing Deadpool’s comment. Both Night Light and Deadpool glared at each other.

“... Hahaha!”

Just as quickly as the tension was built up, both stallions laughed.

“I’m going to keep an eye on him, but you’ve got yourself a keeper, Twilight,” Said Night Light.

“Now come give mommy hugs!” Said Twilight Velvet.

Both Twilight and Spike ran up to their mother and hugged her.

“Bye Mom!” Said Twilight and Spike in unison.

“Goodbye sweethearts! And goodbye to you too, Wade! All of you come visit us sometime!”

Both Twilight Velvet and Night Light waved goodbye as they made their way to the door. Night Light was the first to step out, but before Twilight Velvet stepped out, she looked back at Wade.

“Oh, and one more thing, Wade. Welcome to the family,” Said Twilight Velvet with a warm smile.

She then stepped outside and shut the door behind her. Shortly after, Deadpool stood up on his hind legs and put his hoof in the air.

“Yes! I have your parents approval! Now if only we can get Shining Armor to jump on the bandwagon,” Said Deadpool.

“We still have about an hour before turning in for the night. What do you want to do?” Asked Twilight.

“I don’t know about y'all, but I’m gonna have those cherrychangas I haven’t gotten to eat yet!” Replied Deadpool while pulling out a paper bag from nowhere.

As fast as lightning, Deadpool raced downstairs with his cherrychangas. Shaking her head with a smile, Twilight followed after him with Spike right behind her.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! Be sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, because it will serve as the final chapter for the season four arc of the story. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a good day!

Chapter 25: A Princess's Purpose Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 25: A Princess's Purpose Part One

It was a beautiful new day in the land of Equestria. Twilight, Deadpool, and all of their friends were at the Crystal Empire. They were all heading to the Crystal Castle at the heart of the empire.

“Seems like only yesterday I was saving this place from being totally destroyed. Hey, you guys remember that?” Asked Spike.

They all walked by a newly erected statue. Coincidentally, it was a statue of Spike holding the famed Crystal Heart.

“You only mentioned it about fifteen times on the train here,” Said Rainbow Dash exasperatedly.

“Yes, and we never hear a peep out of you about your exploits,” Said Rarity sarcastically.

“Heh, point taken,” Said Rainbow sheepishly.

“Yeah, let the little guy boast a little. Spike doesn’t get enough of the spotlight in the show,” Said Deadpool.

As they made their way to the castle, they passed by several shops, where large crowds of Crystal Ponies were gathered. Unlike how they appeared when the Crystal Empire returned, the Crystal Ponies had a crystalline appearance true to their name.

“I’m glad you all wanted to come, but I don’t think it’s gonna be that exciting. I pretty much just have to smile and wave as the dignitaries arrive,” Said Twilight.

“Just smile and wave like James Charles, and it will be more fun!” Said Deadpool while waving his hoof to one side.

(Come on, say it with me!)

(No.)

(Please?)

(No.)

(Please?)

(No.)

(Plllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssseeeee-)

(For fuck’s sake! Fine!)

(Hey sisters!)

“... Yes, but you get to smile and wave like a princess,” Said Rarity.

“How exactly is that different than smilin’ and wavin’ like ‘not’ a princess?” Asked Applejack.

“It isn’t,” Said Twilight glumly.

Twilight became noticeably sadder. This got her friends’ attention.

“What’s wrong, Twilight?” Asked Fluttershy concerningly.

“Why the looooooooong face?”

Pinkie Pie stretched Twilight’s face to cartoon-like proportions. Deadpool pushed Pinkie away, which caused Twilight’s face to snap back into place. She rubbed her chin in unexplainable mild pain.

“Okay, Pinkie, we’re ponies. We get it. In all seriousness, what’s got you down, Twilight?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’ve just been feeling a little unsure about things lately. It doesn’t seem that my new role as a princess equates to all that much,” Said Twilight.

“That’s just silly. You’ve got a real important role in Equestria,” Said Applejack.

“Princess Celestia wouldn’t have asked you to come today if she didn’t think so,” Assured Fluttershy.

“I guess you’re right,” Said Twilight with a smile.

“Of course we are. Now hurry along! You don’t want to risk having that important role diminished because you were tardy for your regal meet-and-greet,” Said Rarity.

One hour later…

Outside the Crystal Castle, the sound of fanfare filled the air. An orange pegasus stallion wearing royal guard armor, a back cloth and saddle plate stepped forward to announce the arrival of the dignitaries.

“The Duke and Duchess of Maretonia!”

The Duke and Duchess of Maretonia regally walked down the path leading to the castle. On the opposite end of the path, Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance went to meet up with them. Up above, Twilight watched over from a balcony. She lit up her horn, and used her magic to unveil a regal banner that hanged from underneath the balcony. Once she unveiled the banner, the other Princesses and the Duke and Duchess met up. They bowed to each other before making their way inside the Crystal Castle. Twilight waved regally to them from above.

“That was it?!”

Twilight turned around, and saw Deadpool and the rest of her friends. Deadpool appeared to be frustrated.

“Princess Celestia had you come all the way to the Crystal Empire just to do that?! That’s like having Kevin Hart be the greeter at a comedy event!” Said Deadpool frustratedly.

Twilight was saddened after hearing Deadpool’s rant. Only then did he realize he messed up.

“I mean, whoa! Great job, hun! Really regal and important!” Said Deadpool with nervous laughter.

THWACK!

As a consequence of his outburst, Applejack smacked him in the back of the head. Twilight lowered her head out of sadness, looking towards the ground. Her friends either glared at her coltfriend or gave her sympathetic looks.

Later that evening…

Twilight paced around one of the large hallways of the Crystal Castle. She appeared to be in a better mood. A pair of large doors opened, revealing the throne room and the Duke and Duchess of Maretonia. The dignitaries walked up to her and bowed, which she did in return.

“Your Highness. Thank you for understanding our desire to keep the number of those privy to these confidential discussions to a minimum,” Said the Duke gratefully with a powerful and regal voice.

“Of course,” Replied Twilight.

The Duke and Duchess walked past her and made their way to another set of large doors. She waved them off before the doors closed behind them. Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance stepped out of the throne room and met up with her.

“Is there anything else I can do to assist with their visit?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but their visit is already over,” Replied Cadance.

“Oh…”

“Something wrong?” Asked Luna.

“I guess I just don’t really understand why I’m here. Couldn’t one of the royal guards have unfurled the banner?” Asked Twilight.

“Having all four of us in the Empire to greet them lets the dignitaries know that their visit is considered an important one,” Answered Celestia.

“Plus, it gives me an opportunity to see my favorite sister-in-law.”

Princess Cadance gave Twilight a hug, which she reciprocated with a smile.

“And I’m happy to see you. All of you,” Said Twilight.

“But…?” Questioned Cadance.

“But I… well, it’s just that Princess Luna raises the moon, Princess Celestia raises the sun, you protect the Crystal Empire, and all I seem to do is… smile and wave.”

“How about we take this somewhere with some fresh air?”

Princess Cadance gestured to the other princesses to follow her. She guided them to the balcony that Twilight was stationed earlier. They had a good view over the Crystal Empire. Not many lights were on outside, so there was little light pollution blocking out the starry night sky.

“I understand wanting to play a bigger role, Twilight, but that can take some time. You have done incredible things, and accomplished so much before and after becoming a princess, and I know you will do even greater things once you find your purpose. You will just have to be patient,” Said Celestia.

“I guess..." Said Twilight half-heartedly.

"You don't seem convinced."

"I'm sorry for feeling this way, but I just can’t help but feel that I have not done anything of note since my ascension as an alicorn.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Twilight. You may think you have been doing nothing, but that is far from the truth. You have been growing and learning about magic, friendship, and yourself. And it is what you learned that will help you discover your purpose.”

“Take it from me when I say I understand wanting more. I felt envious when my sister was getting more praise from our subjects for their love of her day as opposed to my night. And, well, you know what happened when I let my jealousy consume me. If I had been more patient, and told my true feelings to Tia sooner, I may have not allowed the Nightmare to possess me and lashed out against my own sister. You should not feel bad for not playing a bigger role. Enjoy what you do have and continue to work hard, and the role you seek will be within your grasp in time,” Said Luna.

“I too was once in your shoes, Twilight. Before I became the ruler of the Crystal Empire, I went around Equestria and helped spread love to all of its citizens. While I am proud of what I did then, I didn’t feel like I had done anything of real significance. Now, I’m helping keep love and hope alive here in the Crystal Empire with Shining Armor. It took some time, but I finally knew what I was meant to do with my talents,” Said Cadance.

“While you claim of not doing anything noteworthy, remind me again who saved the Tree of Harmony and the rest of Equestria within her first month as Princess?” Asked Celestia with a smirk.

“Well, I suppose that is true,” Said Twilight with a sheepish grin. “What you are all saying is true. I have done some pretty great things over the past year, and I have certainly learned a lot about friendship and magic. That was part of the reason why I became a princess when I finished Star Swirl the Bearded's spell. Admittedly, the thought of being a Princess was scary at first, seeing as how I would have a LOT more responsibilities, and the challenge it would add on maintaining my friendships. It took the support of my friends and coltfriend when I was overwhelmed. I would not have become a princess if it weren’t for them, and I may have gave up and asked to be stripped of my title, and my alicorn wings and magic if it were not for their encouragement."

"You know, I think I'm starting to feel better. I still want to know what my true purpose as a princess is, but, as you all said, I won’t know until the time is right. So, until then, I’m going to be patient and continue to learn about friendship. Thank you all so much for helping me,” Said Twilight gratefully.

“Of course, Twilight. We may all be colleagues now, but we will still be there to lend an ear and help you with your concerns,” Said Celestia.

Twilight and Celestia walked over and embraced each other in a hug. The former then did the same with Cadance and Luna.

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, a unicorn stallion was walking down an alleyway, carrying a bucket of oranges. He hated having to be out late in the evening, but he wasn’t given much choice. It most certainly did not help that a light fog rolled in.

CLING-CLANG!

He heard a noise from behind that startled him. He turned around, only to see it was a stray can rolling on the ground next to some barrels. He sighed in relief before continuing on his way. In that instant he nearly collided with someone. He couldn’t make out any of their features because their entire body and face were concealed in a black cloak. Whoever was underneath was breathing heavily.

“Very sorry. (Chuckles) You came out of nowhere,” Said the stallion.

The cloaked figure didn’t respond. They both stood in eerie silence.

“‘Is he friend or is he foe?’ the pony wonders.”

The cloaked figure finally spoke. Their feeble yet eerie voice unnerved the stallion.

“I can assure you… I am no friend.”

The hood of his cloak lifted up slightly, revealing a long pale red face and nose ring. They also revealed a lanky arm from underneath the cloak, bearing a four fingered hand instead of a hoof. They held their hand in a fist.

“I am Lord Tirek, and I will take what should have been mine long ago.”

Tirek opened his mouth widely, and he began to drain the unicorn’s magic. In a matter of seconds, he drained the unicorn of all of his magic. Consuming his magic caused the stallion’s eyes to lose their color and his cutie mark to vanish. The unicorn fell to the ground, dropping all of his oranges. Suddenly, Tirek glowed orange, and he grew several inches taller. The stallion could make out Tirek’s glowing yellow eyes from underneath his hood.

“Hehehehehehe!”

GASP!

Princess Celestia suddenly woke up from her sleep in a startle, breathing heavily. Not a moment sooner, Princess Luna entered the guest bedroom she was sleeping in.

“Sister, are you alright?!” Asked Luna concerningly.

“I’ve just had the most terrible dream,” Replied Celestia.

“Why do you think I’m here? You know as well as I that this was not a dream, but a vision.”

“Then we don't have much time. The stronger ‘he’ becomes, the more we are ‘all’ in danger.”

The next day, Princesses Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Twilight were all gathered around a small table. In the center was an old book. Princess Celestia opened the book, and began to tell an old tale.

“Tirek and his brother Scorpan came here from a distant land, intent on stealing Equestrian magic. But Scorpan soon came to appreciate the ways of Equestria, even befriending a young unicorn wizard.”

“Scorpan urged his brother to abandon their plans. When Tirek refused, Scorpan alerted us to Tirek’s intentions,” Added Luna.

“Scorpan returned to his own land, and Tirek was sent to Tartarus for his crimes. But it appears he has found a way to escape.”

“We believe it happened when Cerberus left his post at the gates.”

“But that was a long time ago. Why is he just now starting to steal magic?” Asked Twilight.

“His time in Tartarus left him very weak. He has just now gathered enough strength to use his dark powers,” Explained Celestia.

“But with each passing moment, he grows stronger still,” Added Luna.

“And I know just the princess who can stop him,” Said Cadance while smiling towards Twilight.

“Yes. I’ll find him and-”

“No, Twilight.”

Twilight was surprised to hear her former mentor tell her no.

“I’m afraid I must call in another to stop Tirek. Discord.”

“... As in ‘Discord’ Discord?”

Twilight was currently with her friends on the edge of Ponyville. After the meeting between the four princesses, she returned home to Ponyville, where she regaled them of Celestia’s verdict.

“Yes!” Said Twilight.

“I don’t think it’s that big of a surprise. He can be very helpful,” Said Fluttershy.

All of her friends gave her blank stares as a result of her statement.

“He can sense when there’s a magical imbalance. The next time Tirek steals magic, Discord will be able to track him down,” Explained Twilight.

“So, what are you supposed to do in the meantime?” Asked Rainbow.

“(Sighs) Nothing. Unless of course one of you needs me to smile and wave,” Said Twilight glumly.

“Hey, turn that frown upside down, Twi. After Celestia chose to have Discord track Tirek instead of you, it probably intensified your feeling of self-uselessness. But I bet that you will have some big boss fight in the second half of the chapter that will determine the fate of Equestria!” Said Deadpool.

Instead of cheering her up as he planned, Twilight seemed to become slightly agitated.

“Twilight?”

Twilight looked away from Deadpool, but he just put himself back within her line-of-sight.

“Twilight, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Twilight turned her back towards Deadpool. To her surprise, he saw him hanging from nothing in front of her.

“Come on, Twilight. I can’t figure out what’s wrong unless you talk to me,” Said Deadpool sweetly.

“Ugh! Fine. Yesterday you ranted about me having a minor role in greeting the dignitaries without taking my prior feelings into consideration. Now you are being a supportive coltfriend, yet you haven’t apologized for yesterday,” Said Twilight irritably.

Deadpool returned to having his hooves on the ground, then grabbed one of Twilight’s hooves.

“You’re right. I’m sorry for making you feel bad about yourself. I was frustrated, and I didn’t think about how you would feel about what I had to say. I will try to work on controlling what I say during periods of frustration. So, will you forgive me?”

Deadpool looked at Twilight with his best puppy dog eyes. She sighed before smiling at him.

“Okay, I forgive you,” Said Twilight.

“Yay!”

The couple gave each other a make up hug before turning back to their friends.

“I was planning on heading to the Castle of the Two Sisters to catch up on some reading. Would you all like to accompany me?” Asked Twilight.

“Sure, it’s been a while since we all have been there together. It might be fun!” Said Applejack.

“Oh! I get to finally see the place you all have been hanging out during season four of the show!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

On that note, the group of friends made their way to the Castle of the Two Sisters. A few minutes later, the group stumbled upon the ravine that led to the cave housing the Tree of Harmony. They all stopped to look at the tree, containing the Elements of Harmony.

“(Sigh) I still can’t believe we had to give back the Elements,” Said Rainbow.

“It had to be done or the Tree of Harmony wouldn’t have survived,” Said Rarity.

“But Twilight was right. Even without the Elements, our friendship is as strong as ever,” Said Fluttershy.

“I just hope another ‘friend’ of ours never makes us sorry we had to give them up,” Said Applejack.

Suddenly they all heard laughter that was all too familiar to them. They looked up, and they saw Discord. He was wearing a black hat with a couple daisies and a pink and white scarf, carried a carpet bag, and he was floating down from above using an umbrella.

“Ha! He’s Mary Poppins, y’all!” Said Deadpool amusedly.

“Oh, you’re talking about me, I presume?” Questioned Discord.

“How’d you guess?” Asked Applejack annoyedly.

“My ears were burning.”

Discord’s ears suddenly caught fire. He summoned a glass of water, and splashed it over his ears, extinguishing the flames.

“What are you even doing here, Discord?” Asked Rainbow irritatedly.

“Oh, just a bit of light reading before I head off on my extremely important mission.”

Discord put on a pair of reading glasses, and skimmed the pages of a purple covered book with the Elements of Harmony on the front cover. He then quickly switched into a general’s uniform, pulled down a banner of the Equestrian flag, then pulled out a bubble pipe and stuck it in his mouth.

“I suppose you all know that I’ve been tasked to capture a certain escapee,” Said Discord.

“Big deal,” Said Spike.

“You’re right, Spike. It IS a big deal.”

Discord took a puff of his bubble pipe, causing a bubble to form around Spike. He floated several feet above the ground before it popped. He didn’t fall far before Rainbow Dash caught him.

“Seems I possess a magic that gives me quite an important role in Equestria. Maybe they should make ME an alicorn princess.”

In a flash of light, Discord had a giant pair of pink pegasus wings, a matching unicorn horn, and he wore a purple crown on his head. Cheering could be heard from the surrounding area, but there was no one other than him and the group of friends. He then blew kisses towards the imaginary audience.

“Mmwah! Mmwah!”

“In your dreams!”

BONK!

Rainbow Dash roughly knocked the crown off of Discord’s head.

“Oh, I never dream of such things. Ask Princess Luna,” Said Discord.

“Don’t you have a creepy magic-stealin’ villain to track down?” Asked Applejack.

“Yes, yes, yes, of course.” Discord suddenly grabbed everyone and teleported them in front of the Tree of Harmony. “It’s just that I couldn’t help but notice that Twilight hasn’t yet opened this little chest of hers.”

Discord walked over and pointed at the hexagonal chest resting on the flower. As he had mentioned, the chest had yet to be opened.

“I-I-It got me thinking, what if what’s locked inside is something that could help her prove her royal worth? I only bring it up because she said that she’s been feeling like her role as a princess doesn’t equate to much,” Said Discord with a mock pouty lip while making one appear on Twilight’s face.

“Wait a minute. How do you know how she was feeling? Have you been peeping on my girl?” Asked Deadpool sternly.

“What? No, no, no! I was merely eavesdropping. Oh, my. Is eavesdropping not the way you’re supposed to find out what your best pals are up to? Woe is me. Will I ever learn the intricate nuances of being a good friend?” Asked Discord in mock sadness.

Everyone gave him blank stares.

“Ah-Ahem. Well in any case, I suppose now is as good a time as any for me to make my exit.”

Discord put on a helmet before taking a seat on an electric scooter. He revved up the engine, then teleported away.

“And good riddance!” Said Applejack.

“I like ya, Discord, but you can’t just go eavesdropping on ponies. Especially your friend’s romantic partners!” Said Deadpool.

Suddenly, Discord reappeared behind them, holding the book he was looking at earlier.

“Oopsie-doopsie! I almost left with the little journal all of you girls have been keeping. What a fascinating read. Haven’t you girls just learned so much?” Discord leaned in to whisper to Twilight. “I’ve bookmarked a few of the more interesting passages. You really should take a look!”

Discord precariously placed the journal on Twilight’s horn. He then leaned in to whisper to Fluttershy.

“We’re still on for tea later, aren’t we, Fluttershy?”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Said Fluttershy with a smile.

“Well, I’ll bring the cucumber sandwiches…!” Singsonged Discord.

A golden doorknob appeared out of nowhere. Discord turned it to the right, and he made a door appear. He walked into a white void before shutting the door, returning everything to normal.

“Sometimes I think the ‘reformed’ Discord is more obnoxious than the ‘before-he-was-reformed’ Discord,” Said Applejack annoyedly.

“Indeed,” Concurred Rarity.

“Yeah, he can definitely be obnoxious. Makes me glad that I’m level headed.” All of Deadpool’s friends gave him blank stares. “What?”

“But he could be right, couldn’t he? What if there is something important in that chest?” Pondered Fluttershy.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Said Twilight.

A few minutes later…

The group of friends were in the dusty old library of the Castle of the Two Sisters. They were all reading through the many old books in search of some clues on what was in the chest and how to open it.

“Anything?” Asked Twilight.

“No,” Said all of her friends in unison.

“There must be something in this library that can help me figure out how to open it. The answer’s in one of these books. I just know it.”

Twilight looked at all of the books she had gathered on a small desk. Her eyes rested on the Friendship journal that she and her mare friends wrote in. Remembering that Discord suggested that she had a look at it, she opened the pages while rolling her eyes.

THUMP!

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, another unicorn fell victim to Lord Tirek. His magic drained body was too weak to hold him up, and he toppled over onto the ground. Tirek grew even larger, and now that his cloak was starting to no longer fit him, more of his features were visible. Aside from a less pale red face and his nose ring, he had a long white beard, two small horns, and his eyes were like staring into the depths of the void save for his yellow pupils.

He looked ahead, and saw another unicorn stallion up ahead carrying a box with his back turned against him. Seeing easy prey, he sneaked up from behind. As he got closer, he noted his appearance. A grey coat with a black mane and tail, a pale blue horn, and a tornado for a cutie mark. He stretched his hands out, ready to grab the unicorn.

“Tirek, I presume?”

At the last second, the unicorn turned around, revealing Discord’s head. Tirek stepped back in surprise when he realized it was Discord in disguise. He squinted his eyes, still surprised at who he was seeing.

“Discord. You’re free?” Asked Tirek, his voice sounding less feeble yet still eerie.

“As a bird,” Answered Discord while transforming into a chimera bird.

“I commend you on your escape,” Said Tirek with a bow.

“I’m afraid the feeling isn’t mutual.”

SNAP!

With the snap of his fingers, Discord summoned chains to bind Tirek’s arms. In anger, Tirek tried to break his binds but to no avail. An orange orb appeared on his forehead, and he fired a beam of magic at Discord. The draconequus merely split his head in half, avoiding the attack.

“Oh, I should have known you would want to have Equestria all to yourself,” Said Tirek bitterly.

“Oh, I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for my friends.” Discord leaned in to whisper in Tirek’s ear. “Just between the two of us, it’s mostly for Fluttershy.”

“Fluttershy? You’re not saying you’re friends with PONIES?”

“Surprise!” Shouted Discord while bursting out of a giant cake.

“I am surprised that someone with your intellect does not see this ‘friendship’ is but a new form of imprisonment. Clearly you’ve had to abandon your true nature to stay in their good graces,” Said Tirek.

Discord strummed the strings of a harp while a halo floated above his head. He then tossed the musical instrument over his shoulder.

“I have done nothing of the sort,” Said Discord.

“Oh, please, I’ve seen this before. But he was always weak minded. You are Discord, you are legend, you cannot fall into the same trap that claimed my brother! Help me to grow strong, and be rewarded with something far greater than ‘friendship’. Freedom.”

Hearing the centaur say freedom instantly caught Discord’s attention.

“Once I’ve stripped these ponies of their magic, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see their world turned upside down. Who better to do so than the master of chaos himself?”

Discord grabbed his goatee in his eagle claw and stroked it. He seemed to be actually contemplating Tirek’s words.

“Join me, Discord, and reclaim your greatness. Unless, of course, ‘pony errand boy’ is the role you’ve always wanted to play in this world.”

Discord looked behind him, and saw a floating nightstand. Resting on top were two items. One was a lamp shaped in his image, and the other was a framed photo of him and Fluttershy. Discord scratched his chin as he contemplated Tirek’s proposal. He hated to admit it, but he did have some good points. He was Discord, Lord of Chaos for Pete’s sake! He should be able to make it rain chocolate milk or turn the dirt roads into a soapy ice rink! He’s the master of his own destiny, yet he was letting these ponies dictate his life! They really were trying to change him for their own selfish ideals! He should be able to create chaos whenever and however he wanted it!

… But could he really turn his back on everyone? On Equestria? He would be throwing everything away, and there would be no turning back if he betrayed them. There would be no doubt that Princess Celestia would never give him another chance at using his powers for good. He would also be proving that his supposed friends (except for Fluttershy and Deadpool) were right in that he was not redeemable, and the thought of being trapped in stone for another millennia made him shudder.

Then there was Fluttershy. Sweet, sweet Fluttershy. She was the only pony who was willing to give him a chance when no one else would. He knew beyond any doubt that she indeed viewed him as a friend. If he switched sides, he would no doubt end up breaking her little heart… And it would be awkward to bring it up when he next saw her at their tea party.

Discord looked at the chains that bound Tirek’s arms together. He was in deep thought for the next minute on what he should do.

SNAP!

Snapping his fingers, he removed the chains. Tirek rubbed his hands around his arms where the chains were. A wicked smile grew on his face.

“Very well, I will join you. It'll be freeing to finally be able to cause chaos wherever I go. And quite frankly, I am the master of my own destiny. I shouldn’t allow them to decide how to run my life,” Said Discord.

“Excellent. I knew you would understand. I think we should go out and celebrate our new alliance. But where to start?” Pondered Tirek.

“Manehattan would be a great place to start. It’s one of the most densely populated areas in all of Equestria. You would be able to drain a lot of magic just by attending one of the Bridleway shows. I personally love Hinny of the Hills! Although, I should probably bring up a potential problem we could face.”

“Which is?”

Discord summoned a chalkboard, and drew stick figures of the Mane Six and Deadpool, drawing a circle around the latter for emphasis.

“As you would have probably assumed, this land has its fair share of protectors. There are six ponies that wield the Elements of Harmony, but even if they were to retrieve them, you would most likely drain all of them and the Elements of their magic before they could pose a threat to you,” Said Discord.

“Then why do you bring them up?” Asked Tirek.

“Because they have a friend, and he is somepony you should be very cautious of. His name’s Wade Wilson, but he goes by the moniker Deadpool.”

“So, what? He is a pony like the rest of them. I will just drain him of his magic as well.”

“Yes, but even if you do drain his magic, I believe that will not be enough to stop him. You see, he has got this gimmick called a healing factor. It accelerates his healing to super pony proportions. Almost nothing kills him, and in your case, even with his magic drained, his healing factor makes it so he rarely ever tires. And even when he does, he usually recovers pretty quickly.”

“Really? A pony that could actually pose a challenge. Maybe he would be worth visiting.”

“You would have to regain a large portion of your strength before we face him. Unlike the majority of Equestria’s heroes, he has little qualms about killing his opponents. He has been going down a less lethal path, but if we were to give him little to no other options, he would not hesitate to kill either of us. Added with the fact that he is an expert markspony, swordspony, and at distracting his opponents, going against him is basically suicide. If we have any chance at beating him, we would have to be at the top of our game, and be able to outsmart him.”

Discord removed the stick figure of Deadpool from the chalkboard as if it was a sticker, and it came to life. It aimed a crudely drawn gun at Tirek, and it fired miniature paint balls at him. Discord then placed him back in the chalkboard and folded it up into an origami swan before it flew away.

“Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s go drain some magic to replenish my strength, and spread some chaos along the way,” Said Tirek menacingly.

Both Lord Tirek and Discord laughed maniacally, plotting their conquest. Behind the former, the picture of Fluttershy and Discord on the nightstand came to life. The Discord in the photo summoned prison bars around him and Fluttershy, and teleported away with a wicked grin. As soon as he left, Fluttershy began to cry.

MWAHAHAHA!

A little while later...

The group of ponies were still searching through the old library for clues on how to open the chest. Unsurprisingly, Deadpool quickly lost interest, and he was just looking around the room.

“So, this is where you all have been hanging out throughout the season. A castle where all of you gals and occasionally Spike hang out together. Like some kind of She Shed,” Said Deadpool.

“Hey! This is not a She Shed!” Said Rainbow irritatedly.

“Fine then. What about a Her Hut? Sister Shack? Lady Lodge? Oh, oh! I know, let’s call it the Cunt Castle!” Said Deadpool.

“WHOA! HEY!” Shouted all of the Mane Six in unison.

“What?! I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way! I would want to hang out in a place called Cock Castle!” Said Deadpool.

“Changing the subject, I think I found something! I’ve been reading our journal, and there’s something interesting about the sections that Discord bookmarked. Applejack, do you remember when you had to tell everypony that the tonic Granny bought from the Flim Flam brothers didn’t really work?” Asked Twilight.

“How could I forget? It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But in that moment, I knew I had to be honest. I just knew it. But what’s got that to do with openin’ the chest?” Asked Applejack.

“I’ve found that each of you has had to face a situation where living up to the Element of Harmony you represent wasn’t easy. Fluttershy, it was when you realized that the way to show kindness to the Breezies was by forcing them to leave your home,” Explained Twilight.

“Oh, the looks on their poor little faces! But I knew that, as difficult as it was, pushing them away was the kindest thing I could do,” Said Fluttershy.

“Rarity, even after Suri took advantage of your generosity at Fashion Week in Manehattan, you didn’t let it cause you to abandon your generous spirit,” Said Twilight.

“I simply couldn’t have lived with myself if I didn’t do something special for the friends who have always been so generous to me!” Said Rarity.

“Rainbow Dash, you had the chance to fly with the Wonderbolts at the Equestria Games, but instead you chose to compete with your friends,” Said Twilight.

“Sure! But being loyal to my friends was way-”

“Ooh, my turn, my turn!” Said Pinkie excitedly.

“Pinkie Pie, you realized that seeing your friend laugh was more important than proving you were a better party planner than Cheese Sandwich,” Said Twilight.

“Aka Weird Al!” Added Deadpool.

“Best party I’ve ever had,” Said Rainbow.

“It’s clear we’ve all had our moments to shine, Twilight, but I’m with Applejack. What does any of this have to do with the opening of the chest?” Asked Rarity.

“All of you had tough choices to make. But when you made the right one and embraced your Element, it helped somepony else make the right choice too. Each of you received something from the pony whose life you helped change. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe there’s something special about those objects that could lead us to the location of the keys. The chest is connected to the Tree of Harmony, the Tree is connected to the Elements, and the Elements are connected to the six of us. There must be a connection! I hate to admit it, but maybe Discord was trying to be a good friend after all,” Said Twilight.

A few minutes later…

The group of ponies returned to Ponyville to gather the items they received after making a choice related to their Element of Harmony. They then went to the Tree of Harmony and the chest. Everyone placed their items in front of the chest. A spool of rainbow thread given to Rarity, a Wonderbolts pin given to Rainbow Dash, a blue flower given to Fluttershy, a gold bit given to Applejack, and a rubber chicken named Boneless given to Pinkie Pie.

“I know there is something plot related with these objects, but I don’t see anything on them that would give us a clue as to where the keys might be. They’re just… ordinary everyday objects,” Said Deadpool.

“Come on, Boneless! Give us that key!” Said Pinkie while throttling Boneless aggressively.

“I don’t think that’s going to work,” Said Twilight.

SQUEE!

Pinkie tossed Boneless, and Twilight had to duck in order to avoid getting hit in the face. It hit the chest, but then a bright light surrounded it. The group gasped in shock. Before their very eyes, Boneless turned into a key with the bow in the shape of Pinkie’s cutie mark. The key then inserted itself into one of the six locks.

With excitement, the others grabbed their objects and placed them on top of the chest. All of the objects were surrounded in the same bright light. They turned into keys with the bows shaped like their respective owner’s cutie mark. They then inserted themselves into four of the locks. There was only one keyhole left without a key.

“There’s still one key missing. The key that represents the element of magic. My element,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, but I’m sure that if we’ve gotten our keys, you have too, Twilight,” Assured Fluttershy.

“Think, Twilight. When have you completed a difficult magical task, and in doing so encouraged another pony to do the same?” Asked Rarity.

“I haven’t. If I had, I would have written about it in the journal,” Answered Twilight.

“Hmm, I know!” Deadpool took out one of his katanas and held it in both hooves. “Twilight, it may not be magic related, but you helped me. You helped me become a true hero, a better pony. To show you my appreciation, I would like to give you my katana, Bea. I may no longer have the duo of Bea & Arthur, but if it will help you open the chest, then I will gladly bestow her to you,” Said Deadpool.

Shrugging her shoulders, Twilight took the katana in her magic. She pointed the blade towards the chest. Once it made contact with the chest, she waited for the light to take it. Nothing happened, and she sighed in defeat.

“Thanks, Wade, but I think we will need to try something else,” Said Twilight.

“Let me try it.”

Deadpool took his katana back, and he walked over to the chest. He placed the tip of the blade in the lock, but nothing happened. He then pulled it out and put it back in.

“Come on! You can do it!”

Deadpool thrust the sword again, but there was still no reaction.

“Nothing’s happening!”

(Try a different position!)

Deadpool stood up on his hind legs, and held the katana at a slight angle. He repeatedly thrust the katana into the lock. This didn’t change the end result.

“Damn, this is tight!”

(Thrust harder!)

As Deadpool was trying to forcefully open the chest by thrusting into it, the rest of his friends watched in stunned silence. They were all blushing profusely, and Twilight used one of her wings to cover Spike’s eyes. Eventually, after several failed attempts, Deadpool collapsed onto his back.

“Shit… That was a workout, and it was all for nothing,” Said Deadpool tiredly.

(It couldn’t have just released out of pity?)

(Are you two not listening to yourselves right now?!)

HURK!

Suddenly, Spike belched up a letter. Twilight grabbed it, and she quickly read it.

“What’s it say?” Asked Spike.

“That Wade and I are needed in Canterlot at once!” Said Twilight.

A little while later, at Canterlot Castle, Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance were waiting in the throne room for Twilight and Deadpool to arrive. Suddenly, the doors to the throne room burst open, and Twilight and Deadpool ran up to the throne.

“We came as quickly as we could! Is something wrong? Is it Tirek?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m afraid I put too much trust in Discord and the effect that friendship would have upon him,” Said Celestia.

“Discord has betrayed the ponies of Equestria and joined forces with Tirek,” Added Luna.

Both Deadpool and Twilight were absolutely stunned by this revelation.

“Aw, man! I just followed Discord on Twitter!” Said Deadpool.

“How could he do this?! I thought our friendship meant something to him! I thought he had changed,” Said Twilight angrily.

“Tirek has stolen enough magic that he now has the strength to steal flight as well. Without pegasi to control the weather, there will be no rain in Equestria. There is word that he has gone after earth ponies as well. Without their strength, they will not be able to tend the land,” Explained Celestia grimly,

“Ponies will no longer be in control of their world. That power will belong solely to Tirek,” Added Luna.

“There is no doubt that Tirek is after alicorn magic. With Discord by his side, we will not be able to stop him from taking it.”

“Once it is in his possession, his power will know no bounds, and all hope will be lost.”

“But there is one solution. It is only by making this sacrifice that Equestria and the lands beyond it might be saved. We must rid ourselves of our magic before Tirek has the chance to steal it from us.”

GASP!

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed part one of the last chapter of the season four arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season finale episode "Twilight's Kingdom"! Will Twilight find her purpose? How will the Princesses rid themselves of their magic? And, most importantly, will Twilight, Deadpool, and friends be able to stop Lord Tirek and Discord, and save Equestria? Be sure to stay tuned for part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 25: A Princess's Purpose Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 25: A Princess's Purpose Part Two

Twilight and Deadpool stood before Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance in shock. They were just informed of Lord Tirek’s ever growing power and Discord’s betrayal. And most surprising of all was the Princesses plan on relinquishing their magic, so Tirek couldn’t take it for himself.

“Tirek is set on possessing alicorn magic. When he comes for us, we cannot have what he is looking for,” Said Luna.

Twilight processed all of the information given to her. She then looked at the Princesses with a determined look in her eyes.

“I’m more than willing to do my part and give up my magic,” Said Twilight.

“You misunderstand. Our magic cannot just disappear into thin air. Somepony must keep it safe,” Explained Luna.

“Hmm… (Sigh) Okay, if that's how we can keep Equestria safe, then I will be the vessel for your magic,” Said Deadpool.

“No,” Said Celestia and Luna in unison.

“Aw…”

“That somepony is YOU, Twilight,” Added Cadance.

“Why me?” Asked Twilight.

“We do not believe that Tirek is aware that a fourth alicorn princess exists in Equestria. If we transfer our magic to you, Tirek will not know where it has gone,” Explained Celestia.

“Do you understand what we’re asking of you?” Asked Cadance.

“Yes. It’s just… I’m only now learning how to control my OWN alicorn magic. To take on even more-”

Cadance held Twilight’s hoof in an effort to comfort her.

“Twilight, you represent the element of magic. If there is anypony who can do this, it’s you.”

Princesses Celestia and Luna nodded their heads in agreement, and Deadpool placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder.

“You can do this, Twilight. You are more than capable of containing the magic of three other alicorn princesses like the Infinity Gauntlet and the Infinity Stones,” Assured Deadpool.

“Taking on this task will be one of the most difficult things I’ll ever do, but with the help of our friends-”

“I’m sorry, Princess Twilight, but you must keep your new abilities a secret. I fear that your friends being aware of your new power could put them at great risk,” Explained Celestia.

“Hold on. So, if our friends can’t know of her new abilities like Spider-Man’s friends and family, and I am not going to be the one to safeguard your magic, then why am I here?” Asked Deadpool. “I know I would not be of much concern because of my healing factor, but I cannot keep a secret. I once came home early and caught Twilight kiss one of her books, and I immediately spilled the beans to Spike.”

“Wade!” Cried Twilight in sheer embarrassment.

“See?”

“You are here because we wanted to ask if you would be willing to stay here and face Discord and Tirek? If you can beat them before Tirek even finds out we relinquished our magic, then we would be putting an end to their crimes much sooner. And if we have you here along with Shining Armor and the royal guard, then we may trick them into thinking that we are trying to keep them from getting to us,” Explained Celestia.

“Having me as part of the ruse, eh? Okay then, I will play along. I will have to use my non magic-based weapons in order to have a better chance of actually attacking Tirek.”

Princess Celestia nodded her head in agreement, then looked towards Twilight.

“Twilight, do you still think you can take on this responsibility?” Asked Celestia.

“This is the role I am meant to play as a princess of Equestria! I will not fail to do my duty!” Said Twilight determinedly.

“(Snort) ‘Duty’!” Snickered Deadpool.

Twilight punched him in the shoulder for that remark.

“We should begin at once,” Said Celestia.

Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance stood around Twilight while Deadpool stood back. The four princesses stood in a Y-shaped formation. Celestia, Luna, and Cadance lit up their horns in synchronization. Their eyes glowed white, and they cast their magic into beams that connected with each other. Their magic formed into a giant sphere towards the ceiling. All of their magic then shot down towards Twilight, absorbing into her horn.

Meanwhile, Discord and Tirek continued to steal magic from every pony. Tirek had changed significantly since absorbing so much magic. His colors of red and black on his upper body were significantly brighter, his horns grew larger and more curved, his beard was white as snow instead of grey, was very muscular and overall youthful. Without his cloak covering his body anymore, one could see he was wearing a gold medallion around his neck. As he absorbed the magic of a group of ponies, Discord’s body began to twitch uncontrollably. He could sense something magical was up.

“That can’t be right,” Said Discord.

“What can’t be right?” Asked Lord Tirek.

“Nothing. Carry on,” Said Discord dismissively.

Meanwhile, back at the Canterlot Castle, Twilight finished absorbing all of the other princesses’ magic. She was currently glowing white with eyes the same color, and her mane and tail flowed similar to Celestia and Luna’s. Speaking of, they and Princess Cadance weakly got off the throne room floor. Transferring their magic to Twilight left them very weakened. The blinding light around Twilight soon faded away and her mane and tail returned to normal. She rubbed her eyes before running up to Celestia and giving her a hug. She quickly noticed that her former mentor’s cutie mark was gone, along with Luna and Cadance’s cutie marks.

“... It is done,” Said Celestia out of breath.

Deadpool ran over to the Princesses, and wrapped an arm around Twilight.

“Are you okay?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’m alright,” Answered Twilight.

“What about the rest of you? Will you be alright?” Asked Deadpool.

“We… We will manage. You go on and do whatever you need to do in order to be ready for Tirek and Discord to arrive. Twilight, you go return to Ponyville, and make sure that you keep your powers a secret,” Ordered Celestia.

Both Deadpool and Twilight nodded before leaving the throne room.

The next day…

It was very early in the morning. The sun had yet to rise to mark a new day. Twilight had just returned to the Golden Oak Library, and she was quietly walking up the stairs to her bedroom. Once she got up the last step, she looked past the door frame and into her room. She saw Spike was sleeping in his basket bed. Trying to not wake him up, she carefully tiptoed across the room. As she passed by his bed, Spike stirred from his sleep, rubbing his eyes in tiredness.

“Hey, you’re back. Does that mean everything’s okay?” Asked Spike tiredly.

Twilight stopped in her tracks to face her assistant.

“Yup! Everything’s fine!”

Suddenly, Twilight’s body twitched, and her horn crackled with yellow energy. As a result, two of her books were launched across the room. She chuckled nervously, praying that Spike wouldn’t suspect something was up with her magic.

“Where’s Wade? Didn’t he go with you to Canterlot?” Asked Spike.

“Yes. He stayed at the castle for extra security,” Answered Twilight.

“Okay. I’m going back to bed. Sun’s not up… and neither am I.”

Wrapping himself up in his blanket, Spike quickly fell back to sleep.

“That’s strange. The sun should be up by now…” With a hushed gasp and her horn crackling with more energy, Twilight remembered what had occurred only hours ago. “The sun should be up by now!”

Twilight quietly rushed over to her bed, and looked out her bedroom window, The moon was still up along with the many stars that covered the night sky. Now possessing Luna and Celestia’s magic, she had to be the one to raise the sun. In an effort to calm herself down, she took a deep breath.

“You can do this.”

Twilight focused on lighting her horn, and aimed towards the moon. The tip of her horn glowed white, and the moon lightly wobbled in place. She tried to make it move, but it wouldn’t budge. Concentrating on using more magic, Twilight suddenly began to float from her bed as energy coursed through her whole body, and her mane and tail flowed like Princesses Celestia and Luna. The moon then lowered below the horizon… then immediately raised back up. It moved around in an erratic pattern across the sky before disappearing. The sun took its place, only to end up being replaced with the moon. The moon then disappeared, and the sun was finally raised to its proper position.

Meanwhile, on one of the walls of Canterlot Castle, Shining Armor and two members of the royal guard had watched the raising and lowering of the sun and moon in confusion. Seeing as how Lord Tirek will be planning to steal the Princesses magic, Shining Armor had donned his royal guard uniform. While he looked towards the sun, the two guards behind him were suddenly floating in the air. Dropping their spears in panic, the two were unable to stop themselves from floating high up into the sky. Shining Armor’s helmet then disappeared in a flash of light, catching his attention.

“Shining Armor, why, whatever are you doing here?”

Discord appeared wearing Shining’s helmet, and he wrapped an arm around the Prince of the Crystal Empire. Shining Armor quickly reacted by pushing Discord away.

“Back off, traitor,” Warned Shining Armor.

“The only one Discord betrayed was himself…”

Heavy hoofsteps caused the ground to shake, which Discord reacted to by smiling wickedly while rubbing his hands together. Looking ahead of him, Shining Armor saw the hoofsteps were created by none other than Lord Tirek. He had gotten only stronger since yesterday. He was even taller, even muscular, and his curved horns were massive. He was consuming the magic from one of the royal guards before tossing him aside like an empty can of soda.

“... Abandoning his true nature to make ‘friends’ with weak-minded equines who offer him nothing!” Said Tirek.

Shining Armor cast a beam of magic at Tirek. The centaur effortlessly absorbed the magic into an orb in his left hand. He then tossed the orb of magic into his mouth and swallowed it. Before he could react quickly enough, Tirek grabbed Shining Armor by the muzzle, and began to absorb his magic. Shining Armor’s body spasmed as his magic was drained from him. Once his magic was consumed, he was dropped onto the floor. He weakly faced towards Discord, and looked at him with his now colorless eyes.

“How… could you… do this?” Asked Shining Armor weakly.

The Prince fell limply to the floor, rendered unconscious. As Discord looked at him with a conflicted look, Tirek wrapped an arm around him.

“Why don’t you go have a little fun? I won’t stand in your way,” Said Tirek.

Discord looked around the castle, and the idea of spreading chaos here made any guilt he had washed away. He chuckled maniacally before teleporting away. As soon as he was gone, Tirek turned towards the unconscious Shining Armor.

“I’d hate to have to potentially encounter you again. Let’s make this quick.”

Lord Tirek raised one of his front hooves over Shining Armor’s head. He then readied himself to stomp on it.

BANG!

Tirek heard the sound of a bullet being shot. Reacting quickly, he ducked down onto the floor. A bullet whizzed by where his head was, and it pierced through a wooden door.

“What was…?”

Tirek looked straight ahead, and saw Deadpool with a pistol in his hoof, smoke billowing out of the barrel. The hero brought the barrel up to his nose, and inhaled the smoke.

“Ah… When this is over, I’m touching myself,” Said Deadpool.

“Who do you think you are to attack me, Lord Tirek?!”

“The name’s Deadpool. The Merc With a Mouth. The wearer of red tight leather. And as much as he hates me, nopony tries to kill Shining Armor. He’s the brother of my marefriend, so by those terms I am obliged to save him.”

(When you tell Twilight of this next time you see her, I wouldn't say it like that.)

“Deadpool? So, you’re the pony Discord told me about. He claims you can put up a fight,” Said Tirek.

“Yeah, I can. And if you had the balls to do it, you would fight me without stealing my magic first,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, don’t worry. That’s exactly how I want it,” Said Tirek ominously while cracking his knuckles.

An orange orb appeared between Tirek’s horns. He was getting ready to charge up an attack. Deadpool put his pistol away and pulled out both of his katanas.

“As Ryan Reynolds senpai once said - Maximum Effort!”

Deadpool charged towards Tirek as a beam of magic was directed his way. He dodged to the left, then jumped onto the battlements. Once he was close, he leapt off of the battlements, and swung his katanas down towards his opponent. Tirek used his own horns to block the attacks, then grabbed him by the neck. He slammed Deadpool into the ground, causing the floor beneath to crack.

“So much for being a challenge,” Said Tirek arrogantly.

“Don’t count me out yet, brother!”

Suddenly, Deadpool disappeared into thin air, leaving Tirek confused.

SLASH!

Deadpool reappeared right behind him, and slashed Tirek in the back with his katanas. As Tirek roared in pain, Deadpool looked at the teleportation device on his wrist fondly.

“I love this thing! It’s like a cheat code irl!”

Deadpool teleported out of the way before Tirek could punch him. He then reappeared and slashed his arm. He teleported out of the way of another punch and slashed his other arm.

“Can’t touch this!”

He kept teleporting, and Tirek was struggling to land a single hit. Deadpool teleported from the side, and he pulled his foreleg back to punch Tirek.

(Wait!)

Suddenly, Deadpool stopped mid punch, confusing Tirek.

“What? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m in the middle of fighting Mark Acheson,” Said Deadpool to himself.

(Didn’t you read the script for this chapter? It said, and I quote, “Do not have Deadpool punch Tirek in the face”.)

(Oh yeah, it did.)

“Well, I guess we have to respect the author’s wishes and not do that.”

“... NAH!”

POW!

Deadpool punched Tirek right in the face. As he teleported away, Tirek stood still. Deadpool teleported from behind ready to attack with his katanas. To his surprise, Tirek turned to face him, and thrust his horns upwards.

SHLUK!

“Gugh…!”

Tirek’s horns pierced through Deadpool’s torso. Before he could use his teleportation device to escape his predicament, Tirek grabbed his left arm and crushed it and the teleportation device. He then pulled Deadpool off of his horns, and threw him over the castle wall and onto the ground below.

THUD!

Landing painfully on his back, Deadpool inspected his wounds. He had one large hole in the center of his chest, and another one in his abdomen. He watched as Tirek leapt over the battlements, and used his enhanced strength to slide down the wall, breaking the ornamented stone.

“Double penetration on the first date…? Kinky…” Said Deadpool painfully.

“Do you ever shut your mouth?” Asked Tirek irritably.

“No. That ruins my character,” Said Deadpool.

Tirek watched as his opponent painfully got up. He took note of his rapidly healing wounds.

“Looks like you are hard to kill. No matter, I will find a way.”

Tirek charged towards Deadpool with his horns positioned to impale him. With a confident smirk, Deadpool put one of his katanas away, and charged towards him. Just as Tirek was about to impale him, he grabbed one of his horns and leapt over him. He then used his katana to slash his back.

“Grah!”

“Ah ha! Get out played, Tirek!”

WHAM!

“Fuck!”

THUD!

Distracted by his arrogance, Deadpool was bucked by Tirek’s hind legs, launching him towards the castle. Deadpool pulled out his two pistols, and fired in Tirek’s direction. Tirek took out a chunk of the nearest wall, and used it as a shield. He charged towards Deadpool, and threw the wall towards him. Deadpool was struck by it, causing him to drop his guns. Pulling out his katanas, he rushed towards Tirek. He went to strike with both of his blades, but Tirek grabbed both of his arms. He crushed them, making him drop his katanas. He was effortlessly lifted off the ground, and he looked Lord Tirek in the eyes.

“I’m gonna rip you in half now,” Said Tirek.

“You stole that line from Jugger- Ahhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhhh!”

Tirek held Deadpool by the waist, then effortlessly ripped him in half. The sound of Deadpool’s spinal cord snapping filled the air, and some of his intestines slid out of his body and onto the ground.

“Oh! Oh! Oh my Celestia! Sweet fuckin’ Celestia! I can’t feel my legs! I can’t feel… Oh, right. They’re right there.”

Deadpool reached out towards his severed bottom half in Tirek’s right hand. He then rubbed a hoof over his hindlegs.

“That’s better,” Said Deadpool.

Tirek growled in irritation before tossing both of Deadpool’s halves towards the castle. Meanwhile, a weakened Celestia, Luna, and Cadance were resting in the throne room.

CRASH!

Suddenly, Deadpool’s upper body burst through the throne room doors. He landed in front of the large throne in the center of the room. The sight of Deadpool missing his lower body horrified the Princesses. This was made worse by one of his intestines hanging out of his body.

“Hi Luna! Hi Cadance! … Hey Celestia,” Greeted Deadpool, greeting Celestia with a flirty tone.

“Deadpool! How are you acting like your body is NOT torn in half?!” Asked Cadance.

“Please, this isn’t the first time my hind legs were torn off. Speaking of hind legs, where is my lower body?”

THUD!

As if on cue, Deadpool’s lower body landed in the throne room next to him. It landed with the hindquarters facing upwards towards the Princesses.

“Ha! Hey, Luna, looks like the moon is already out!” Remarked Deadpool while pointing at his ass.

Despite the serious situation, Princess Luna couldn’t help but facehoof herself from Deadpool’s remark. Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Knowing what was causing it, Princess Celestia stood up to face the door. Lord Tirek then entered the throne room, tearing the doors off of their hinges. He stood behind Deadpool, his shadow looming over him. He then set the doors down and grabbed both halves of his body.

“Have you Princesses really gotten so fearful of losing your magic that you have hired delusional ponies dressed in ridiculous costumes to fight your own battles?” Asked Tirek.

“Don’t you think calling Shining Armor delusional and calling him out on his get up is a bit much?” Asked Deadpool obviously.

“Put him down, Tirek. This does not need to escalate any further,” Said Celestia.

“You’re right, it doesn’t.”

Tirek began to drain Deadpool of his magic. His upper body spasmed as he was being drained of his magic. In a matter of seconds, he was completely drained. Both halves of his body were then slammed into the floor, causing a couple bones to break. Tirek then grabbed both doors, and swung them down towards him.

SPLAT!

“WADE!” Cried the Princesses in unison.

The force of impact from the doors and Tirek’s immense strength caused Deadpool’s body to burst. When Tirek lifted the doors, all that remained of him was blood, scattered pieces of bone and flesh, and a few torn strips of fabric from his suit. He tossed the blood-stained doors aside, and walked over to the Princesses. Seeing Deadpool turned into nothing but paste left the Princesses trembling.

“He… He can’t be dead… He can’t be…” Muttered Cadance while shedding a few tears.

“I want to believe he will be alright, but even with his healing factor, can he really survive from nothing but blood and bone fragments?” Asked Luna fearfully.

“I… I don’t know, sister,” Replied Celestia.

“As you said, Princess Celestia, this doesn’t need to escalate further. Just surrender your magic to me, and you all won’t meet the same fate as him,” Said Tirek coldly.

“You monster! How could you do this?!” Cried Cadance furiously.

Ignoring Cadance, Tirek used his magic to grab Celestia. He then opened his mouth to steal her magic, only to discover she had no magic for him to steal. This left him angrily confused.

“What have you done?!” Asked Tirek furiously.

Celestia didn’t give him a reply. She only smirked at him. Tirek grabbed Luna and Cadance, and tried to steal their magic. Just like with Celestia, he found that they had no magic.

“WHERE IS YOUR MAGIC?!”

BOOM!

Meanwhile, at the Golden Oak Library, Twilight was continuing to have problems with controlling her powers. She had just accidentally blown up the front door.

“I have to gain better control. I sure can’t practice here.”

Twilight galloped away to go to a safe location to practice control over her magic. Seeing her leave, Spike ran after her.

“Uh, Twilight, where are we going?” Asked Spike.

“Oh, uh, hi, Spike. Uh, gotta go… somewhere… else.”

Not wanting Spike to find out about her new power, Twilight decided to fly to a private location, so she couldn’t be followed.

BOOM!

The moment she took off into the air, Twilight created a shockwave that sent Spike flying. She was flying at supersonic speeds, creating a purple trail with a pink streak and a sparkle effect behind her.

“Waaaaah!”

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was standing on top of a cloud. She was looking for any signs of trouble.

“Whoa!”

Twilight flew right by her, and another shockwave caused the cloud she was standing on to break up and caused her to spin. Once she finally stopped spinning, she watched Twilight disappear into the distance.

“Whoa! Twilight?”

Deciding to follow her, Rainbow Dash flew in her direction, leaving her own rainbow trail behind. Down on the ground, the rest of their friends saw Twilight and Rainbow Dash fly off into the distance. Nodding to each other in agreement, they decided to follow after them.

“Yiiiipe!”

CRASH!

Twilight flew towards the ground, and ended up crashing on the outskirts of Ponyville. Thankfully, she managed to control herself, and stopped on her haunches. Her landing left a furrow into the ground. Her friends caught up with her, and they rushed over to check on their friend.

“Oh my goodness, are you alright?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Jumpin’ june bugs, Twilight! When did you learn to fly that fast?!” Asked Applejack in disbelief.

Twilight’s horn crackled with more energy as she tried to come up with an excuse to hide her powers.

“I must have caught a particularly strong breeze…” Twilight suddenly teleported next to Rarity, which didn’t go unnoticed. She was starting to sweat nervously. “... or something.”

“Must have been ‘or something’, because there wasn’t any breeze up there,” Said Rainbow.

“I don’t know what happened, but I don’t really have time to figure it out right now,” Said Twilight.

“Another visit to the Castle of the Two SIsters, I presume? We’d be more than happy to accompany you!” Said Rarity.

Oblivious to Twilight’s secret, all of her friends smiled at the suggestion of accompanying her.

“Not today!” At that moment, Twilight had another energy surge. “Tirek may still be a threat. I need you all to stay here and encourage everypony to remain inside.”

Twilight was about to fly off, but, remembering what had just occurred, opted to walk to the Castle of the Two Sisters instead. As she walked on the trail leading to the Everfree Forest, her friends watched out of confusion and concern for Twilight’s sudden change in behavior.

Meanwhile, at Canterlot Castle, a smug Lord Tirek sat in Celestia’s throne while she and Princesses Luna and Cadance sat on the floor in front of him. They occasionally passed glances at the section of the floor where Deadpool was smashed. He had yet to regenerate, which concerned them greatly.

“Getting rid of your magic, so that I cannot take it from you? That was your plan? How does it feel, knowing that soon, every pegasus, unicorn and earth pony will bow to my will, and that there is nothing you can do to stop it?” Asked Tirek wickedly.

“You will not prevail, Tirek,” Said Celestia sternly.

“Give my regards to Cerberus.”

Tirek used his magic to open a large purple portal surrounded by fire above the Princesses. He then used telekinesis to lift all three princesses and toss them into the portal before closing it, sealing them in Tartarus. Having payback for his own imprisonment gave Tirek great satisfaction.

“You meant ‘our’ will, didn’t you?”

Discord appeared next to one of the throne room’s many stained glass windows. He was currently controlling a glass art form of himself, making it control glass art forms of Celestia, Luna, and Cadance like a puppeteer. The majority of the other windows had been tampered with, replaced mostly with images of himself.

“Of course. Here, I want you to have something.” Lord Tirek removed the medallion around his neck, and presented it to Discord. “This was given to me by someone very close to me. I give it to you as a sign of my gratitude and loyalty.”

Tirek tied the medallion around Discord’s neck. The latter held it in his hand to admire it.

“Oh, my! I do love a good accessory. I suppose that’s Rarity’s influence,” Said Discord.

Lord Tirek was looking at one of the stained glass windows that Discord tampered with. It had him and Discord standing together, the former wielding a sword while the latter was wielding a long submarine sandwich. Seeing this caused Tirek to laugh.

“Amusing. But we have no time for such things. With the princesses out of the way, we can now-”

Tirek cut himself off when something caught his eye. He looked at a stained glass window, the one depicting Princess Twilight Sparkle.

“... Is THIS meant to be HUMOROUS?!” Asked Tirek very irritably.

“Oh, no, I haven’t touched that one yet,” Answered Discord.

“There’s a fourth? And you did not tell me this?” Questioned Tirek.

“I just needed some assurance that you truly considered this a ‘team’ effort. And now I have it,” Said Discord while holding the medallion.

“Then where can we find this ‘fourth princess’? Where is 'her' castle?” Asked Tirek.

“Castle? (Laughs) No, Princess Twilight lives above a library in Ponyville. Castle?” Said Discord while laughing to himself.

“Not for much longer.”

Tirek stomped towards the exit. As he did so, he surrounded the window of Twilight in his magic. The window slowly began to melt away the image of Twilight.

A few minutes later…

After Tirek and Discord left, the throne room was completely empty. There was plenty of evidence of their visit, including the broken doors, the altered stained glass windows, and the remains of Deadpool on the ground. His blood still stained the floor and fragments of his skeleton and his flesh were scattered across the room.

Suddenly, a single drop of blood began to move. Another one began to move, and it fused with the other. Soon, many drops of blood were merging with each other. The bone fragments merged with each other and the blood, and an entire earth pony skeleton was formed in under a few minutes. Next, an entire muscle system regenerated around the skeleton. And finally, heavily scarred flesh healed over the muscles. Deadpool had his body completely regenerate from just a few cells! He was bare naked from his suit being torn up. But that was nothing compared to the sheer pain of his entire body having gone through the healing process, causing him to cry out in sheer agony.

“Motherfucker! That was easily some of the worst pain I’ve ever been through! I now have an idea of how Wolvie must have felt when he was reduced to a nuclear charred skeleton!”

Deadpool inspected his surroundings. He noticed the Princesses were no longer in the room.

(Looks like Tirek had his way with the Princesses.)

(I hope they’re not dead! Twilight would never let us hear the end of it!)

(Speaking of Twilight…)

Deadpool looked at the window that used to depict his marefriend, noticing that it was melted down. A pit instantly formed in his stomach.

“Oh, fuck! He knows!”

(Damn you art! Always revealing the truth!)

(We need to find her before Tirek does.)

“No shit, Einstein!”

(I hope the train is still operable.)

“Forget the train! We need to get to Ponville now with the private transport service of scene transition!”

Meanwhile, all of Deadpool and Twilight’s friends were gathered on the streets of Ponyville. They were completely empty otherwise, and all of the stores and houses were bordered up with plywood.

“All right, y’all. I think we’ve warned everypony to stay inside,” Said Applejack.

“I’m sure Discord will catch Tirek and this will all be over soon,” Said Fluttershy confidently.

“I’ll bet he takes his sweet time,” Said Rainbow.

“Or perhaps these things just take time.”

Everyone turned around and saw Discord. Unaware of his treachery, Fluttershy hugged him. At least he returned the hug with a smile.

“You’re back! Did you bring the cucumber sandwiches?” Asked Fluttershy obliviously.

“I did. I imagine they’ll be your-”

“Get away from him!”

Right behind Discord, Deadpool galloped towards everyone frantically.

“Ah! A large talking chihuahua!” Cried Pinkie in panic.

“Um, Pinkie, that’s Wade,” Said Fluttershy.

“Oh…” Said Pinkie while chuckling nervously.

“I was just recently turned into a blood stain on the floor, and now I’ve been compared to an ankle biting dog, even though I obviously look like Ryan Reynolds mixed with a shar-pei. My day has been great!” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

“Um… Sorry, Wade,” Said Pinkie sincerely.

“It’s okay, Pinkie. We’re still BFFs. Why was I here again?”

As Deadpool was trying to remember why he was here, all of his friends noticed that his eyes were lacking any color, and that his cutie mark was gone.

“Deadpool, your eyes and your cutie mark! What happened to you?” Asked Rainbow.

“Oh yeah, that’s why I’m here! You all need to get away from Discord! In the words of Admiral Ackbar, it’s a trap!”

SNAP!

Deciding he had enough, Discord snapped his fingers. Deadpool and all of his friends were placed in a large metal cage. Just about everyone except Fluttershy were crying out in anger or confusion.

“Ta-da!” Exclaimed Discord.

Lord Tirek appeared, and rested his large muscular arms on the cage that was holding everyone hostage.

“You’ve gathered up all of them?” Asked Tirek.

“And her little dragon, too.” As Discord pointed at him, Spike tried to bite his finger but was unsuccessful. “And it seems Deadpool can survive just about anything.”

“That creature is Deadpool? I can see why he covers himself up with that suit. It doesn’t matter that he survived, without his magic or his weapons, he is too weak to stand a chance against me. Soon, the rest of them and Princess Twilight will be powerless against me, too.”

While Tirek was gloating, Discord noticed his former friend Fluttershy was crying while Applejack embraced her.

“Why are you doing this? I thought we were friends!” Said Fluttershy tearfully.

“Oh, we were. But Tirek offered me so much more than just tea parties. Surely you saw this coming.”

“I didn’t. I really didn’t…”

Deadpool reached out and grabbed Discord by the neck, and forcefully slammed his face into the metal bars to make him look him in the eyes.

“Congratulations, Discord. You just committed the ultimate sin - you made Fluttershy cry. When I get out of this cage, and I will, I’m gonna cut open your long neck, and use your trachea as a jump rope!”

Discord teleported out of Deadpool’s grasp before waving his hand dismissively.

“Yes, yes. The self-righteous hero will break free and save the day. Do what you need to do, Tirek.”

Not needing more encouragement, Tirek lifted the cage into the air. He then opened his mouth, and consumed everyone’s magic except for Deadpool. As he did so, Discord couldn’t watch his former friends be drained of their magic, so he looked away out of guilt. Once Tirek was done, he dropped the cage. Everyone save for Deadpool was lying on the ground weakly, having been drained of their magic. With all of their magic in his system, Lord Tirek grew taller than some buildings, hair grew from the top of his head and his beard grew longer, and his arms got even more swole that his bracers snapped off.

“You really think she’d do anything for them?” Asked Tirek.

“If Twilight has magic to give, it will be yours. Soon there won’t be a pegasus, earth pony, or unicorn who will be able to stand up against us,” Said Discord manically.

“US? Who said anything about us?”

“You did.”

Discord suddenly found himself in Tirek’s magical grasp.

“You’ve helped me grow strong, you’ve provided the means by which I can obtain Princess Twilight’s magic, and now you are no longer of any use to me.”

Tirek drained Discord of all of his magic, growing even taller. He dropped him onto the ground, and he began to walk away. Discord grabbed the medallion he was wearing, and held it towards his former partner.

“But you said this was a sign of your gratitude and loyalty. A gift from someone close to you,” Said Discord weakly.

“My brother who betrayed me. It is as worthless as he is.”

As Lord Tirek walked away, Discord watched in utter disbelief.

“Loving to use ponie’s own words against them, surely you saw this coming. After all, it’s such a standard super villain cliché,” Said Deadpool.

“I didn’t. I truly didn’t…”

Meanwhile, Twilight was sitting on a ledge overlooking the Castle of the Two Sisters.

“I can do this,” Said Twilight determinedly.

She concentrated her magic into her horn, and teleported onto a rock below.

“See! Ha! Perfectly controlled teleportation-”

Suddenly, Twilight unwillingly teleported to the Canterlot Castle. She then teleported to a waterfall, then to Appleloosa before finally teleporting back to the Castle of the Two Sisters. She ended up wedged between two giant rocks. She growled in frustration.

“PRINCESS TWILIGHT!”

“(Gasp) Tirek!”

“You have something that belongs to me!”

Twilight burst her way out of the rocks, shattering them into little pieces. She flew past Tirek, and tried to lose him. She ended up in a large clearing, but as she landed she crashed into something. She looked up to see it was one of Tirek’s giant hooves.

“You’re going to give me what I want!”

Tirek was going to absorb her magic, but Twilight teleported away. Whether it was because of her will to avoid Tirek at all costs or she was just lucky, she teleported onto the balcony of the Golden Oak Library. She looked into her telescope, and found Tirek in the clearing. He looked in her direction, and fired a large beam of magic towards the library. Reacting quickly, Twilight teleported inside.

KA-BOOM!

“AHHHHH!”

Twilight teleported out of the library just in time, holding her pet owl, Owlowiscious in her grasp. They were sent flying from the explosion, and they landed harshly onto the ground.

GASP!

Twilight looked in horror as she saw the damage. Pieces of paper fell from the sky like snow, the ground was littered with burning books, and the Golden Oak Library was decimated. The library, her home, was utterly destroyed. She tearfully looked at the remains of her home as she let Owlowiscious out of her grasp, giving him the chance to fly to safety. With rage coursing through her being, she lit up her horn and teleported above Tirek.

She charged up all of the magic in her being, and fired a massive magical beam at Tirek. He used his arms to try to block the attack, but he was sent back several yards. A colorful, powerful magical explosion shook the land. Tirek stood up from the furrow that was created as a result of him being blown back. Twilight landed in front of him, glaring into his soul with a look of vengeance.

“Now I understand what your fellow princesses have done!” Said Tirek with a wicked grin.

Twilight charged up her horn, and the ground beneath her began to shake. She flew into the air, leaving a magical trail behind her. As she flew towards him, Tirek fired a beam of magic towards her. She blocked the attack with a magical shield, then teleported below him. She cast her own beam of magic, hitting him directly in the face.

“Ahhh!”

Tirek grabbed her through telekinesis, and threw her towards a mountain.

“AHHHHHH!”

THUD!

When the dust settled, Twilight laid in a large crater. She had a force field around her body, which protected her from the impact.

“GRRRGGHHH!”

Tirek leapt towards her, and he rammed into her. His headbutt was so powerful, they cut right through the mountain. Twilight teleported above him, and created a powerful burst of magic that slammed him into the ground. She then flew towards him, and hit him directly with a beam of magic. When the dust settled, there was no sign of Tirek. As soon as Twilight landed on the ground to catch her breath, a beam of magic burst from the ground. It cut the ground around her, and she felt the earth beneath her lifted into the air. Tirek was revealed to have been underneath the ground, and held the large chunk of earth she was standing on. He then tossed it, and she flew off just in time to avoid getting squashed.

As she flew towards him, he slammed his fists in the ground. The impact caused multiple rocks to jut out in her direction. She used her magic to break each one, then fired a burst of magic towards him. He fired his own burst of magic, and they both collided with each other. This resulted in an explosion, and a blinding light engulfed the area. When the light faded away, both Twilight and Tirek were buried under several rocks. They effortlessly got out from underneath, and glared at each other. They both knew that they were equally powerful, and their battle could carry on for many more hours without either combatant losing to the other.

“It appears we are at an impasse. How about a trade, Princess Twilight?”

SNAP!

Lord Tirek snapped his fingers, and all of Twilight’s friends appeared in their own bubble. Deadpool, Spike, Fluttershy, even Discord were trapped. She suddenly felt a wave of fear as she saw her friends at Lord Tirek’s mercy.

“Their release for all the alicorn magic in Equestria,” Said Tirek.

All of her friends except for Discord were begging for Twilight to not give him her magic. Discord was just sulking in his bubble.

“What’s it going to be, Princess?” Asked Tirek.

“Don’t do it, Twilight!” Cried Rainbow.

“Don’t accept his deal, Twilight! Once he has the alicorn magic, we are all good as dead anyway! Just get out of here!” Said Deadpool.

“We aren’t worth it!” Added Fluttershy.

“Oh, but you are, Fluttershy. You’re the pony that taught me that friendship is magic. I had magic and friendship, and now I don’t have either,” Said Discord glumly.

“ENOUGH! I want an answer, and I want it now!” Demanded Tirek.

Twilight looked at all of her friends. As she looked at each of them, a different color of the rainbow flashed across their bubbles. Her irises flashed into the colors of the rainbow. At that moment, she knew exactly what she needed to do.

“I will give you my magic, in exchange for my friends,” Said Twilight.

Her friends gasped out of shock from her choice.

“As you wish.”

SNAP!

Tirek snapped his fingers, and everyone except for Discord was lowered to the ground and freed from their bubbles. Fluttershy looked up towards Discord, who was looking away in shame.

“ALL of my friends,” Said Twilight sternly.

“After the way he has betrayed you, you still call him a friend?” Asked Tirek in disbelief.

“Release him!”

“If that’s what you want.”

Just like the rest of them, Tirek let Discord go. Stunned that she was willing to save him, Discord looked to Twilight.

“Thank you, Twilight.” Discord directed his attention to Fluttershy, and whispered to her. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Said Fluttershy tearfully.

“Your turn.”

Tirek opened his maw, and began to absorb all of the alicorn magic within Twilight. She screamed in pain as the magic was drained from her body. Once she was completely drained, she fell onto her side. Now with the alicorn magic in his system, Tirek grew to be several hundred feet tall. His power was now incomprehensible.

“YES!” Bellowed Tirek in triumph.

Now in the same state as the rest of her friends, she weakly tried to get up. All of her friends rushed over to her, and Deadpool helped her up.

“Twilight, what were you thinking?! Now we have a centaur kaiju that will destroy Equestria!” Said Deadpool.

“Ah-ahem.”

Everyone looked towards Discord, who was rightfully looking guilty and regretfully.

“Tirek tricked me into believing that he could offer me something more valuable than friendship. But there is nothing worth more. I see that now. He lied when he said this medallion was given as a sign of gratitude and loyalty. But when ‘I’ say that it is a sign of our true friendship, I am telling the truth.”

Discord removed the medallion around his neck and wrapped it around Twilight’s neck. A rainbow flashed across the medallion, and Twilight’s eyes suddenly regained their color. She gasped as a result.

“You think that might be the last one we need?” Asked Applejack.

“We have to get to the chest.”

Twilight ran in the direction of the Tree of Harmony, and everyone followed after her. After a short walk, they arrived at the cave containing the chest and the Tree of Harmony. The five keys that were discovered were still in their locks. Twilight brought the medallion Discord gifted her up to the remaining lock. The medallion was enveloped in a bright light, and it turned into a key with a bow in the shape of her cutie mark. It then inserted itself into the lock.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Looking outside the cave entrance, Tirek was heading in their direction. He was decimating the Everfree Forest, clearing entire trees with his magic. They needed to hurry before he found them.

“Together! I think we have to do this together!”

Twilight and the rest of her mare friends walked up to the chest, and turned their respective keys. The top of the chest opened up, and a rainbow came out in a bright light. It arched towards the Tree of Harmony, and it was absorbed into the center of the Tree where Twilight’s element was. Beams of light connected her element with the rest of the Elements of Harmony. The entire tree glowed, then beams of light came down from the heavens onto the Mane Six.

The light slightly faded away, and the ponies were revealed to have been transformed. Pinkie Pie had streaks of blue, orange, and yellow in her mane and tail, a blue bow was tied into her mane, and her hooves had balloon shaped markings on them. Rainbow Dash’s mane was spiked back, her wings gained a rainbow color, and lightning bolt marks were on her hooves and beside her eyes. Applejack had streaks of red and pink in her mane and tail along with two green bows, her stetson hat had an apple mark, and hooves had apple marks along with additional apples around her cutie mark.

Fluttershy had streaks of aqua green, blue, purple, and dark pink in her mane and tail, her wings had pink and aqua green markings on them, and butterfly marks were on her hooves and around her cutie mark. Rarity had streaks of yellow, magenta, and blue in her mane and tail, and diamond-shaped marks were on her hooves and mane and tail. The last pony, Twilight, had an additional yellow streak in her mane and tail, her wings were edged in violet and pink, and symbols of her cutie mark were on her hooves.

They flew out of the cave and the ravine in an orb of rainbow light. Lord Tirek cast a powerful beam of magic at them, but the orb easily deflected the attack. He was surprised to say the least.

“How is this possible?! You have no magic!” Said Tirek.

“You’re wrong, Tirek! I may have given you my alicorn magic, but I carry within me the most powerful magic of all!”

Twilight cast a beam of purple magic at Lord Tirek, causing him to stagger back. The rest of her friends cast their own beams of magic, forming into a rainbow of their respective colors.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!”

Instantly, Lord Tirek was stripped of his power, returning to his weakened, feeble build. Before he knew it, he was returned to Tartarus locked into a cage. He sat down in utter defeat, doomed to continue serving his sentence. Meanwhile, Deadpool, Spike, and Discord watched from the edge of the ravine, and they cheered for their friends.

“For a boss fight that ends with the villain getting beaten by a rainbow friendship lazer, that was awesome! And also, Twilight and all of her friends in their rainbow forms - HOT!” Said Deadpool.

(Arousal levels at ninety-one percent and rising!)

(Boner engaged!)

“Do you think Twilight would be open to a polyamorous relationship?”

(Mmm… No.)

Suddenly, Twilight and his friends flew away in different directions. In a matter of minutes, they went around Equestria and returned the magic of every citizen. Meanwhile, in Tartarus, Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance, were sitting on the ground. Magically, chains that held them down faded away, and their magic was restored. Smiling, they all teleported out of Tartarus.

Back with Twilight and her friends, after returning all of the magic to Equestria’s citizens, they returned to the Tree of Harmony. The rainbow light that was around them disappeared into the chest, and the top closed up. Suddenly, a rainbow burst towards the roof of the cave and it arched from the Everfree Forest to Ponyville. The chest then levitated off of the flower and entered the rainbow. It followed the arch to Ponyville, and buried itself into the ground. In mere seconds, a great crystal castle reminiscent in appearance to a tree rose out of the ground. Twilight and her friends teleported in front of the castle, beholding it's majesty. In that instant, they returned to their normal forms.

“Sweet Celestia! Are you all seeing what I’m seeing?” Asked Rarity.

“But… whose is it?” Asked Twilight in reply.

“I believe it is yours, Princess Twilight.”

Turning around, everyone saw Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance. They were accompanied by Spike, Deadpool, and Discord.

“My castle… The library!”

Remembering what happened during her fight with Lord Tirek, Twilight ran to the Golden Oak Library. As she ran to the library, even though she knew the reality, she wanted to believe that it was alright. She arrived at the library, and to her disappointment, found it was still destroyed. All of her friends followed after her. Previously unaware that it was destroyed, everyone gasped out of surprise upon seeing the remains of the Golden Oak Library.

“Oh no…” Murmured Deadpool.

(Our guns!)

(Are you kidding me?)

(Uh… I mean… “Oh no!” “Twilight’s house!”)

(You’re an asshole.)

Deadpool walked over to Twilight. She was looking at her home with tears in her eyes, and she placed a hoof on the scorched remains of the trunk of the tree.

“Twilight.”

Twilight looked at Deadpool, then grabbed him into a hug.

“It’s gone, Wade. Our home is gone,” Said Twilight tearfully.

Deadpool looked over at the library when an idea came to him.

“Maybe not all of it is destroyed.”

Deadpool walked over to what was formerly the main library and pushed aside some debris. Doing so revealed the steps that went to the underground level of the library. He galloped down the stairs, and rustling could be heard from downstairs. After a couple minutes, he came back up, pushing the living room couch up the stairs. He was also wearing his signature costume.

“Good news: the underground level of the house survived! Even the couch is in one piece! Everything I kept in here is safe too!” Deadpool reached under the couch cushions and pulled out several items. “My birthday card from your parents, the fancy sword Celestia gifted me, my stash of pooorrrrrrrrr… Portable beer cooler magazines! You, Spike, and I could just convert the underground level into a bunker home! We can get a new bed for Spike while you and I can get one of those convertible couch beds! Or we can sleep on this old beauty. Regardless, I call big spoon.”

“I appreciate the optimism, Wade, but I don’t think we can continue living here,” Said Twilight glumly.

“Twilight, darling, I’m so sorry for what happened to your home. How about we go check out the castle to try to keep your mind off of it for a bit?” Asked Rarity.

Twilight nodded her head at her friend’s suggestion. A few minutes later, the group walked through the corridors of the new castle.

“So, this is Twilight’s new castle? Does her old home eventually get fixed and move back?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(Sadly, no. For the rest of the series she stays in the castle, so Hasbro can sell more children’s playsets.)

“...Noooooo!”

Everyone stared at Deadpool, and he smiled sheepishly under his mask.

“You’ve been wondering what you are meant to do as a princess. Do you know now?” Asked Celestia to Twilight.

“As princess, I believe I have the power to spread the magic of friendship across Equestria. That is the role I am meant to have in our world! The role I choose to have! But I didn’t defeat Tirek on my own - it took all of us to unlock the chest!”

Twilight teleported next to her friends, and they all embraced each other in a group hug.

“Then it is unlikely you are meant to take on this task alone. You are now Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. But what is the Princess of Friendship without her friends?”

Celestia stopped in front of two large golden doors. She opened the doors, and everyone was in awe from what’s inside. Their eyes gazed upon a large throne room with a golden circle with Twilight’s cutie mark in the center. Surrounding the circle were eight thrones, each one except for the small throne was marked with the cutie mark of each of the group of friends. Even Deadpool’s logo was on one of the thrones.

As everyone admired the throne room, Twilight noticed Discord standing behind the door frame, looking dejected. Twilight smiled, then brought Discord over with her magic. He smiled with pure joy, and hugged all of his friends.

“Wait a minute, where’s ‘my’ throne?!” Asked Discord.

“I don’t think you’re quite there yet,” Replied Fluttershy.

“(Chuckles) Yes, well, I suppose not,” Said Discord.

“That reminds me of something,” Said Deadpool.

WHAM!

To everyone's surprise, Deadpool kicked Discord’s right shin.

“That is for betraying Equestria!”

WHAM!

Next, he kicked Discord’s left shin.

“That is for locking us all in a cage!”

KA-DONG!

“Eeeee…”

To finish him off, Deadpool kicked Discord right in the crotch, causing him to drop onto his knees.

“Ooohhh…” Cried all of their friends painfully.

“And THAT is for making Fluttershy cry!” Said Deadpool angrily.

“Ah… Fair enough…” Said Discord.

“That being said, welcome back to the side of good, pal.” Said Deadpool while patting Discord's back.

“Feels great…” Said Discord sarcastically.

Twilight smacked Deadpool in the back of the head with her wing, while Fluttershy helped Discord up. Meanwhile, outside, all of Ponyville’s residents gathered outside the castle. They looked in awe at the castle that appeared in their town. The front doors then opened up, revealing Twilight on the other side.

“Come on in, everypony! You’re all invited to check out the new Castle of Friendship!”

The townsponies entered the castle, excitedly chattering to each other. As everyone gathered around the throne room, Discord walked up to Celestia. As a sign of apology, he made a bouquet of flowers appear in his hand, and gave them to her. She smiled at the gesture, and took them as a sign of forgiveness. Afterwards, he made a camera appear and placed it in the center of the room. He gathered all of his friends up just before the camera took a picture. Magically making the film develop, he gave it to all of his friends to look at. They all were smiling and waving at the camera, with Spike in the front, Discord in the back, Twilight and Deadpool in the center, and all of their friends around them.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This two part insertion chapter of the epic season finale "Twilight's Kingdom" will serve as the concluding chapter of the season four arc of the story. The next set of chapters will take place during season five of the show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", so be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 26: The Fine Line of Equality Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 26: The Fine Line of Equality Part One

It was a bright sunny day in Ponyville. After Lord Tirek’s defeat, the town’s lively atmosphere has returned. The townsponies happily went about their day, knowing their town and the whole of Equestria was saved yet again. At the newly erected Castle of Friendship, Twilight, Deadpool, and all of their friends entered the throne room. Spike was already there, sleeping on his throne. Everyone but Twilight decided to join him, sitting in their thrones marked with their respective cutie marks.

“Let’s go through this one more time,” Said Twilight.

“(Sigh) We’ve been over it like a million times, Twilight! We found all six keys, defeated Tirek, and got this sweet castle! End of story!” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Yes, but why?” Wondered Twilight.

“I dunno, sugarcube. Maybe it’s just your new house and there ain’t nothin’ more to it than that,” Replied Applejack.

“I must say, speaking strictly on aesthetics, there really doesn’t need to be more to it. It’s all simply divine!” Said Rarity.

“Speaking of divine, can we talk about how awesome these thrones are?! They’re comfortable and have our cutie marks on them! They even have one for yours truly!” Said Deadpool.

“I agree with Twilight. And Rarity. And Applejack. And Deadpool. And Rainbow Dash. And Pinkie Pie. Oh, and probably Spike too,” Added Fluttershy.

“As princess, I’ve been chosen to spread the magic of friendship across Equestria. So why would the Tree of Harmony want us to sit in a castle in Ponyville? It doesn’t make any sense.”

As Twilight wondered about the castle’s appearance, she sat on her throne like the rest of her friends. As soon as she took a seat, her cutie mark began to glow. The symbol of her cutie mark on the throne also glowed. Soon, the rest of the symbols and her friends’ cutie marks began to glow. Rays of light shined down from the thrones onto the star-shaped platform in the center of the room. To everyone’s surprise, crystalline stones burst from the ground in front of their thrones and met at the center. From the floor a large table formed.

It was in that moment when Spike finally woke up. Rubbing his eyes, he quickly noticed the large table that formed in the center of the room. Looking at it with the same shocked expressions on his friends’ faces, he noticed that on the surface of the table was a large holographic map of Equestria.

“Is that new? I like it,” Said Spike.

“It’s… It’s a map!” Said Twilight in astonishment.

“This is incredible! It’s got all of Equestria!” Said Spike while walking across the map.

With excitement, everyone looked over the new map. Deadpool in particular was intensively looking for something over in Manehattan.

(What are you looking for?)

“I’m looking for the X-Ponies’ private school-club house, so I can sit on it like I am a god.”

(Ha! Crushed to death by giant ass!)

(I feel like that would be a less humiliating way to go out then that one guy who died from shooting a cactus.)

Suddenly, everyone’s cutie marks began to flash, and floating images of their cutie marks appeared in a location left of Manehattan.

“Twilight, my ass is glowing! Is this some magical illness I somehow contracted? … Or am I getting a booty call?” Asked Deadpool suggestively.

“Not now, Wade,” Replied Twilight.

“But if this is Ponyville, why are our cutie marks over there?” Asked Fluttershy while pointing at the spot marked on the map.

“I don’t know, but it seems like the map wants us to find out. The Tree, the chest, this castle, and now the map. How can we not follow it?” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

“Y’know what? There’s a ton of room for dangerous adventure along that route. Count me in!” Said Rainbow.

“Aw, shoot. I reckon you’re right,” Concurred Applejack.

“Well, I was planning on organizing my baking sheets, but okay!” Said Pinkie Pie.

“(Sigh) Very well,” Said Rarity.

“Um, maybe I’ll just stay here with Spike,” Said Fluttershy timidly.

“Awesome! Big Mac and I have a huge weekend ahead of us talkin’ hoofball, and trading hoofball cards, and arguing about hoofball stats…”

“O-o-on second thought, m-m-maybe I’d better go with them. In case they need me,” Said Fluttershy while repressing the urge to cringe.

“What about you, Wade? Will you come along?” Asked Twilight.

“Let me check my schedule.” Deadpool pulled out a piece of paper and looked over its contents. “I moved my plans of ridiculing the “Catwoman” movie to next Saturday. So, I’ll tag along for another kickass adventure.”

“Looks like it’s time for a road trip.”

Over the next couple hours, the group of friends traveled to the marked location. They started by taking the train until they got to the end of the line. From there, they crossed a rope bridge over a large canyon. They then looked over a ledge, and found what they believed was where the map sent them. Down below was a village in what can be said was in the middle of nowhere.

“That’s it! That’s the place on the map!” Said Twilight.

“Right. Let’s get down there and find the spa!”

Before Rarity could get far, Twilight teleported in front of her.

“Wait. We don’t know why the map sent us here. We shouldn’t just walk right in. It could be dangerous,” Reasoned Twilight.

“Yes!” Said Deadpool and Rainbow Dash in unison.

“Stay behind me and Wade, everypony! We’re on it!” Said Pinkie.

“What she said!” Said Deadpool.

“Careful, you two!” Said Applejack.

Much to everyone’s concern, Pinkie and Deadpool recklessly stepped off the ledge, and rolled down to the ground. They both hid behind a large boulder. Pinkie signaled her friends to come, while Deadpool signaled for her to go towards the village. She used two small rocks for cover, then she and Deadpool hid behind another large boulder. Signaling their friends to continue forward, they both pushed the boulder towards the village while using it as cover.

Once they pushed the boulder to an ideal spot, Deadpool, Pinkie, and the rest of their friends looked over the boulder to study the town. It was rather bland looking. All of the houses with the exception of one were arranged in two parallel rows. The residents of the village were going about their day.

“This is where the map sent us? It looks like the most boring place in Equestria,” Said Rainbow.

“It looks like a run-of-the-mill village,” Added Deadpool.

“It’s just an ordinary village full of ordinary pony folk,” Added Applejack.

“It could certainly use a few more architectural flourishes. Or ANY architectural flourishes,” Said Rarity.

“I think it’s lovely,” Said Fluttershy.

As all of her friends were making their own observations, Pinkie was focusing her attention on the townsponies. They were all smiling, which is something she normally enjoys seeing. But she couldn’t help but think that the smiles were… off. They seemed a little bigger than a typical smile. Appearing almost as if something sinister was hidden behind their pearly whites.

“I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. I know smiles. And those smiles… They’re just not right,” Said Pinkie.

“Forget the smiles. Look at the cutie marks.”

Twilight directed her friends’ attention towards the townsponies’ cutie marks. On each and every one of their flanks was the same cutie mark - a black equal sign.

“Okay, that’s weird,” Said Rainbow.

“An entire village with the same cutie mark? How can that be?” Wondered Twilight.

“I bet there’s some sort of horrific monster behind it,” Said Rainbow.

“What makes you say that?” Asked Twilight.

“‘Cause fighting a horrific monster would be super awesome!” Answered Rainbow.

“Monsters, ponies, whatever. I’m in the mood for a fight!” Said Deadpool.

Before he could get far, he was grabbed by the shoulder by Applejack.

“I reckon we just ought to head into town and talk to some locals. Find out what’s goin’ on,'' Reasoned Applejack.

“Fine. But I want to punch something before we get back to Ponyville,” Said Deadpool.

As everyone walked towards the village, Pinkie Pie continued to look at the smiles of the townsponies.

“Those smiles are bad news.”

Walking down the one road into town, the group of friends quickly got the attention of the locals. They all stopped what they were doing, and stared at them while smiling.

“Welcome!”

“Does anyone else think these ponies have a cult vibe to them?” Whispered Deadpool.

“I think this is the most pleasant place in Equestria!” Said Fluttershy.

A local greeted Fluttershy, causing her to giggle in delight.

“Ugh. Thanks a lot, map,” Said Rainbow sarcastically.

A unicorn stallion walked up to the group. He was a light cyanish grey with a greyish azure mane. He wore a ragged cloak wrapped around his withers.

“Welcome! Pardon my forwardness, but are you an alicorn?” Asked the stallion to Twilight.

“That there’s the Princess of Friendship!” Said Applejack.

“Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place for friendship.”

An earth pony stallion with a white coat, mane and tail overheard the conversation, and walked up to the unicorn stallion.

“What brings you to town?” Asked the earth pony stallion.

“We’re not entirely sure,” Replied Twilight.

“I see. Well, all are welcome here in our little village. My name is Double Diamond, and this is Party Favor.

“Howdy, Double Diamond. I’m Applejack, and this here’s Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Deadpool, and Twilight Sparkle.”

After being introduced to everyone, Double Diamond noticed everyone’s cutie marks. Twilight’s in particular caught his eye.

“And you all have your own unique cutie marks,” Said Double Diamond.

“If you don’t mind me asking, has there been any sort of… trouble here lately?” Asked Twilight.

“Trouble? Why, I don’t think we’ve ever had trouble in our little village,” Answered Double Diamond.

“It’s true. You’ll see. Hm,” Added Party Favor.

“Perhaps you’d care to speak to our founder, Starlight Glimmer,” Said Double Diamond.

Double Diamond and Party Favor headed towards the lone building on the other side of town, with the group of ponies following them.

“I wish everypony in Equestria was as friendly as these ponies are,” Said Fluttershy.

“I’ve got my eye on them. My Deadpool sense is tingling, and it’s telling me that there’s something rotten in… whatever this place is called,” Said Deadpool.

The group of heroes followed Double Diamond and Party Favor to the lone building on the edge of town. Once they arrived, both stallions knocked on the front door.

“Starlight, we have some new visitors,” Said Double Diamond.

The front door opened up, and the stallions directed everyone inside. They entered a small lounge, where various pictures of an equal sign similar to the residents’ cutie marks on the walls. Noticing a small green door across the room, Rainbow Dash spoke to Applejack and Deadpool.

“Be ready to fight. We don’t know what’s gonna come through that door.”

Nodding in agreement, Deadpool placed his hoof over one of the holsters on his belt, ready to grab one of his pistols should the need arise. The door creaked open, and a unicorn mare entered the room. She had a lilac coat, a purple mane and tail with teal hair streaks, and she had the same equal sign cutie mark as the rest of the residents.

“Welcome! I’m Starlight Glimmer, and I’m so pleased to have you here.”

“This is Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle,” Said Double Diamond.

Deadpool pushed by the group, and leaned against the wall next to Starlight Glimmer.

“The name’s Wade, but you can call me Deadpool,” Said Wade flirtatiously.

“Well, Deadpool, it’s nice to meet you. I have to say, that’s a rather… unique outfit you’re wearing,” Said Starlight.

“An iconic look for an iconic character. Your mane looks great as well.”

Deadpool suddenly felt a tingly feeling all over his body, and found a magenta magic aura around him. Looking back towards his friends, he saw that his marefriend was using her magic to drag him away from Starlight Glimmer.

“I’m sorry. He has a hard time knowing when he is acting INAPPROPRIATELY,” Said Twilight.

“It's alright. Forgive my bluntness, but I assume you are ‘Princess’ Twilight Sparkle? We don’t get many alicorns around here,” Said Starlight.

“Yes, but Twilight is fine.”

“So! How did you hear of our little village?”

“It’s kind of a long story. Let’s just say we found it on a map.”

“Technically, it’s a Tree-chest-castle-map,” Added Pinkie while giving Starlight the stink eye.

“Well, however you found us, we’re happy to have you! We’re happy to have anypony who wants to experience ‘true friendship’ for the first time,” Said Starlight.

“Say what?” Said Applejack.

“Oh, indeed. That’s what’s so unique about our village, you see. Around here, we don’t flaunt our special talents because we don’t have any special talents to flaunt,” Explained Starlight.

“Is that why you all have those cutie marks?” Asked Twilight, pointing at Starlight’s equal sign cutie mark.

“Perhaps it would be easier to understand if I gave you a tour of our village!

Starlight directed the group outside, and as soon as they stepped out, music filled the air.

“Oh, God, here comes another musical number,” Said Deadpool exasperatedly.

(With all of the different songs they have in the majority of the show’s episodes, I’m surprised My Little Pony is not a property of Disney.)

(We should probably pay attention to this one. It might reveal something important for the story.)

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Said Deadpool.

All of the townsponies split up into two rows, and marched down the town with Starlight marching down the middle.

“Heads high, ponies! Marching proud! All together now! Every one of you! No pony left behind! 🎵Life-”

One song later…

“Ha! Nice one, author!”

After Starlight Glimmer and the townsponies used a musical number to explain that harmony in the village is predicated on equality, with no one being special, Rainbow Dash laughed.

“You’re kidding, right? Give up our cutie marks? No way!” Said Rainbow amusedly.

“Rainbow Dash, don’t be so rude. I don’t think we should judge them. They all seem perfectly happy with their choice,” Said Fluttershy.

“Don’t believe their smiles, Fluttershy,” Said Pinkie.

“I’m sorry, I guess we’re just a little confused by all of this,” Said Twilight.

“We have no judgments here in our village. Each of us was confused once as well, blinded by the false promise of our cutie marks,” Said Starlight.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Is she for real?” Asked Rainbow mockingly.

“Yeah, uh, now my red flag sense is tingling. Pinkie was right about this place being off. I think we should get back to Ponyville while the going is good.”

Deadpool tried to get away, but Twilight grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him back.

“When we were sent to this village, we assumed it was to help in some way. But, well, it doesn’t seem like you need any help,” Said Twilight.

“Have you considered perhaps that you might have been sent here so ‘we’ could help ‘you’? After all, nopony has ever come to our village and wanted to leave. Why should you be any different? But that is entirely your choice. Please enjoy our little corner of Equestria. We’re all quite fond of it. No doubt you will be as well. Double Diamond, please help our guests with whatever they might need,” Ordered Starlight.

“Of course,” Replied Double Diamond.

Leaving Double Diamond with the group, Starlight made her way back to her cottage.

“Well, this will certainly provide a boost to our little community. When the rest of Equestria sees that a princess gave up her cutie mark to join us, they’ll finally understand what we’re trying to accomplish.”

A few minutes later,

As the group of heroes walked downtown, the locals continued to greet them. Their constant greetings, stares and smiles made everyone but Twilight and Fluttershy feel uncomfortable.

“Okay, I was humoring you when you kept me here, but can we please go? This place is really creeping me out!” Said Deadpool to Twilight in a hushed tone.

“Right?!” Added Rainbow.

“Come on, you two. We were sent here to find a problem, and we are going to find it. I still can’t wrap my head around everyone giving up their cutie marks. A cutie mark is a representation of a pony’s unique talents and skills. How is it possible to-”

“(Gasp) What in the name of Equestria is that?!”

Twilight was interrupted by Rarity. She pointed at a small clothes store, with cloaks similar to Party Favor’s on display. A stallion, who was the shopkeeper, walked over to Rarity with one of the cloaks.

“Welcome! Care to sample some local fashion? We’ve got cloaks this month!”

Rarity was visibly doing everything within her power to suppress her gag reflex.

“Wha- Ooh, er, perhaps another time, good sir, thank you,” Said Rarity politely.

“What about you, sir? Care to try out a new look?” Asked the shopkeeper.

“No, thank you. I’m going to stick with the tights. I will be sure to call you if I ever need a tailor,” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

Deciding to grab a bite to eat, the heroes sat at a table outside a local bakery. To avoid having any eavesdroppers listen in, everyone spoke in hushed voices.

“No wonder nopony’s wearing anything,” Whispered Rarity to Applejack.

“Really, girls! They may do things a bit differently than we’re used to, but that’s no reason to be rude,” Scolded Fluttershy.

“Oh, sweet, naive Fluttershy. It’s cute how oblivious you can be to other ponies’ motives,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah! The reason to be rude is that they all keep staring at us!”

Rainbow Dash gestured towards the townsponies, who were staring at them while smiling as they went about their day. They inadvertently got Double Diamond’s attention, who was sitting at a table from across the street.

“Need something?” Asked Double Diamond.

“Uh, no! We’re good!” Replied Twilight, waving awkwardly.

Once Double Diamond turned his back to them, Twilight whispered to her friends.

“Fluttershy’s right. If we’re going to get to the bottom of why the map sent us here, we’ll need the help of these ponies.”

As Twilight spoke to her friends, a unicorn mare walked up to the table. She was light ceriseish gray in color with a dark greyish mane and tail, and she wore an apron over her front. As soon as Twilight stopped talking, she opened up her mouth to speak, but Applejack beat her to the punch.

“I think we ran off to the end of Equestria before we even knew what that map was!” Said Applejack a bit loudly.

“If we were at the end of Equestria, we’d be sitting on a big ‘A’! (Giggles) Get it?” Asked Pinkie.

Deadpool replied by high-fiving Pinkie Pie.

“Oh, please, Miss Pie! This is hardly the time for jokes! We’ve come all this way and for what?” Said Rarity irritatedly.

“Maybe you’re right. But we’re here now, and it sure feels like something’s wrong,” Said Twilight.

“That and two bits’ll get you a cup of cider,” Added Applejack irritatedly.

“Is this a bad time?” Asked the mare politely.

“We shouldn’t be bickering like this in front of our new friends. Really, Applejack, you’re almost as bad as Rainbow Dash,” Said Fluttershy.

“Don’t drag me into this!” Shouted Rainbow.

Their argument was attracting the attention of the townsponies. Some of the adults covered little foals’ ears while still smiling.

“Ladies, please, calm down. We’re all friends here. We should follow the cultists’ examples and be friendly with each other,” Said Deadpool.

“As ‘friendly’ as you were with Starlight?” Asked Twilight under her breath.

“Whatcha say?” Asked Deadpool irritatedly.

“I said as ‘friendly’ as you were with Starlight?!”

“What’s your problem?!”

“My problem is that you were flirting with a mare in front of ME! Your MAREFRIEND!”

“I was being nice to her!”

“By flirting with her?!”

“Yes! It wasn’t like I was going to ask her out!”

“Maybe so, but do you have any idea how I felt seeing you hit on another mare?!”

“I-I… Uh… Er… Wow, she's got a point. I really messed up.”

(It took you this long to figure it out?)

With a sigh, Deadpool grabbed Twilight’s hoof, and looked her in the eyes. He removed his mask as well, his scarred features surprising but not startling anyone.

“Twilight, I’m sorry for flirting with Starlight. It wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings. I promise that if I ever flirt, it will only be with you. Will you forgive me?”

“... Thank you, Wade,”

With a smile, Twilight hugged Wade, which he reciprocated.

(Wow, apologizing in two consecutive chapters. You better be careful, because who knows if she will forgive you next time.)

Having seen the entire thing unfold, the mare who was serving them seemed very perplexed.

“So, your relationships are not ending?” Asked the mare.

“Are you crazy?! We’d never let disagreements get in the way of food!” Said Pinkie.

“Or in their case, love.”

Applejack pointed towards Deadpool and Twilight. They were nuzzling each other affectionately. Rarity was wiping happy tears from her eyes while Rainbow Dash was inaudibly gagging.

“O-kay… Well, my name’s Sugar Belle. What can I bring you? We have: muffins.”

Not hearing any other desserts to choose from, everyone looked at her in bewilderment.

“Then I guess we’ll take seven muffins,” Said Twilight.

“Make that fourteen!” Everyone looked at Pinkie with deadpanned expressions. “What? I’m hungry!”

As Sugar Belle went to fill in their orders, Twilight addressed the topic at hand.

“Come on, guys. We’ve got to stick together. It doesn’t matter what happened before, we’re here now.”

“I guess you’re right. And the sooner we figure out why, the sooner we can go home,” Reasoned Applejack.

The sound of a plate clinging against the table got the group’s attention. Sugar Belle returned with a plate of muffins for them to consume.

“Forgive me for overhearing, but just a moment ago you were disagreeing, and now it sounds like you’re… agreeing,” Said Sugar Belle.

“Uh-huh,” Replied Applejack dryly.

“Well, you had such differing opinions - and cutie marks,” Said Sugar Belle.

“We have differing opinions all the time, darling,” Said Rarity.

“But you look like you’re friends,” Said Sugar Belle.

“We are friends. A simple disagreement wouldn’t change that,” Said Twilight.

Overhearing what they were discussing, Double Diamond paid attention to the conversation.

“I’m sorry, I’m just having a hard time understanding. Different talents lead to different opinions, which lead to bitterness and misery. So… why aren’t you bitter and…?”

“Blech!”

Pinkie and Deadpool took a bite out of the muffins, and they both gagged from an awful taste coating their taste buds. They then noticed everyone staring at them.

“Mmm… good…” Said Pinkie sheepishly.

“It’s alright. I know I’m not a very good baker. At least, I know I’m not any better than anypony else in the village.”

Sugar Belle heard the sound of a chair being scooched back. She turned around, and saw Double Diamond getting up with a stern look in his eyes.

“Well, I… hope you enjoy our little village!” Said Sugar Belle nervously.

As Sugar Belle speed walked back inside the bakery, she whispered to the group.

“Come inside before you go! Meet me downstairs!”

As she hastily walked inside, the group were taken back by her unusual change in behavior. They looked at Double Diamond, seeing that he was looking over a menu.

“Okay, THAT was weird too,” Said Rainbow.

“Did any of you notice how she acted when Double Diamond looked at her. I think he’s some kind of Big Brother in this society. And I’m not talking about the TV series,” Said Deadpool.

“Let’s all sit here, eat these muffins and act normal. I think we’re being watched,” Said Twilight.

“You think?” Questioned Rainbow rhetorically.

“No, not like that! I mean somepony here doesn’t want us talking to Sugar Belle,” Said Twilight, discreetly pointing towards Double Diamond.

“I got an idea, but you gotta eat all of them muffins, Deadpool,” Said Applejack.

“Why me?!” Asked Deadpool.

“‘Cause you have a stronger stomach than any of us.”

“Oh, so because I have a healing factor, it means I’m immune to food poisoning! You should have been there when I had convenience store sushi in 2014!”

“Wade, you ate rancid muffins straight from the trash,” Said Twilight dryly.

(Chapter callback!)

“That was different! Those tasted like chips! These muffins taste like they were made from Satan’s morning shits!”

Suddenly, Applejack grabbed Deadpool by the collar, and brought his face up to hers.

“Listen here, partner: That filly in there might be our best chance at findin’ what the hay is goin’ on round here. We have to get in there without drawing attention. So, take one for the team, and eat those muffins!”

“... Ugh! Fine! I’ll eat these stupid muffins! But you owe me a keg of Sweet Apple Acres hard cider,” Said Deadpool angrily.

(And that little display is another reason why Applejack could be Batpony: intimidation.)

Deadpool reluctantly grabbed one of the muffins and took a bite out of it.

Ten excruciating minutes later…

After what felt like a tortuous eternity, Deadpool finally ate through all of the muffins. Having done so left him with a sickly green color on his mask and his exposed mouth. With all of the muffins consumed, Applejack carried out her plan.

“I can’t believe you ate all our muffins, Deadpool! We’d best go inside and get some more!” Said Applejack loudly.

As everyone got up to head inside the bakery, Twilight rubbed Deadpool’s back.

“You did great, hun,” Said Twilight.

“I’ve… accidentally drank expired milk better than that…” Said Deadpool, resisting the urge to vomit.

(I’m willing to bet… Wolverine’s ass tastes better than those muffins.)

(I second that… Oh, Celestia, I don’t feel so good…)

Once everyone went inside, they noticed a door towards the back of the bakery was open. On the other side was a flight of stairs that went down to the basement level. Before they took the first few steps down, Deadpool spoke up.

“Hold on, guys… How do we know nothing’s going to happen when we get down there?” Asked Deadpool.

“What do you mean?” Asked Twilight.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned from pop culture, it’s that basements always mean trouble. If we go down there, we might find one of three things: It could be either A: a group of ponies waiting to ambush us. B: a monster or demonic entity that wants to kill us. Or C: a sex dungeon.”

(Oh, I hope it’s the third option…!)

“Everything’s going to be alright, Wade. We’re just meeting up with Sugar Belle,” Said Twilight.

The group walked down the stairs to the basement below. There was only a single light on, hanging from the middle of the ceiling. Barely anything could be seen in the basement, the only things visible were items such as brooms and barrels.

“Hello? Sugar Belle?” Said Twilight.

“Thank you for coming!”

Sugar Belle appeared from the shadows in front of the group.

“Why did you want us to come down here?” Asked Twilight.

“So nopony could see what’s about to happen.”

On cue, two other ponies stepped out of the shadows, Party Favor and a pegasus mare with an azure coat and white mane by the name of Night Glider. They along with Sugar Belle walked towards the group, and everyone braced themselves for a fight.

“I knew this was a trap!” Said Deadpool.

(Sex dungeon! Sex dungeon! Sex dungeon!)

Twilight lit up her horn to attack when all three ponies stood still.

“Are you really the Princess of Friendship?” Asked Party Favor.

To everyone’s surprise, all three ponies asked various questions while also excitedly conversing with each other.

“Do you know Princess Celestia?” Asked Night Glider.

“I love your cutie mark!” Said Sugar Belle.

“How can you be friends with different cutie marks? Don’t you end up hating each other?” Asked Night Glider.

“So, this is not a trap of some sort?” Asked Deadpool.

“Of course not,” Said Sugar Belle.

(Aw, man! And here I was thinking we were going to get our balls fondled while wearing assless chaps!)

(This blows!)

“All of your cutie marks are great! I’d love to have my special talent back even just for a day! Make something besides those disgusting muffins…” Said Sugar Belle depressingly.

“So, what’s stopping you? Go get your cutie marks back,” Said Rainbow.

“Daydreaming is one thing, but you mean actually having it put back on? That seems extreme,” Said Party Favor.

“I’m not sure Starlight would like that. She wants us all to be happy in our sameness,” Said Sugar Belle.

“How do you take somepony’s cutie mark anyway?” Asked Twilight.

“Think of that one episode of “The Irregulars” but with cutie marks instead of faces,” Answered Deadpool.

(You are a very disturbed pony!)

“It took you this long to figure it out?”

“The cutie unmarking is a beautiful experience! Starlight uses the Staff of Sameness to magically take them away and replace them with these,” Said Night Glider while pointing at the equal sign cutie mark on her flank.

“The Staff of Sameness? What a stupid name for a staff,” Said Deadpool.

“But nopony should keep you from your cutie mark. It represents such an essential part of who you are,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, we’re not kept from them. They’re in the vault up in the caves. We can visit them any time we like to remind us of the heartache of a life with special talents.”

“Can we visit this cave?”

Just as soon as Twilight asked her question, the room was filled with gurgling sounds. They were coming from Deadpool, who clutched his abdomen in pain.

“Oh Nelly…!”

“Wade, are you feeling alright?” Asked Twilight.

“Um… Before we even think of visiting that cave, I need to pay a visit to the little colt’s room. Is there one here?” Asked Deadpool painfully.

“There is one on the main floor to the right,” Answered Sugar Belle.

“Good, ‘cause those muffins are coming back with a vengeance!”

Wade frantically ran upstairs on his hind legs while grabbing his ass. The awkward silence in the basement was quickly replaced by a sound from upstairs.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

Twilight involuntarily smacked her forehead while everyone else looked disgusted. A few minutes later, the group of friends were following Starlight Glimmer away from town. They were following an old beaten path to a cave. Double Diamond tagged along as well, following from behind.

“I’m delighted you’re interested in our cutie mark vault. We hope someday every pony in Equestria will make a pilgrimage here to our little village to have theirs removed too, and our message of perfectly equal friendship can finally spread across the land,” Said Starlight.

“This must be the reason we’re here,” Said Twilight in a hushed tone.

“Pilgrimaging?” Questioned Pinkie.

“No, helping those ponies get their cutie marks back,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, are you sure, Twilight? Maybe they miss them a little, but even they didn’t seem all that unhappy,” Said Fluttershy.

“Then why did they want to meet us in secret? And why did they ask us not to tell Starlight who told us about the vault? Something’s not right,” Said Twilight.

(Hey, that rhymed!)

“Just through here!”

Starlight pointed towards the entrance of the cave. Once she directed everyone inside, she revealed what they came to see.

“Behold, our cutie mark vault!”

Everyone’s jaws dropped at the sight before them. Before them stood a large rectangular vault made up of glass display cases, containing a large collection of the villagers’ former cutie marks. In front of the vault stood a two-pronged wooden staff on a stone pedestal.

“Okay, despite being body marks from a children’s show, seeing cutie marks displayed in such a way is actually very disturbing,” Said Deadpool quietly.

(It’s almost like a trophy case.)

“I’ve never seen anything like it!” Said Twilight in shock.

Starlight Glimmer grabbed the staff with her magic, and showed it to the group.

“And here is the Staff of Sameness. It was one of the great Mage Meadowbrook’s nine enchanted items. We are incredibly fortunate to have it here. This is the tool that allows us to free ourselves from our marks! I’m curious - how did the subject of the vault come up?” Asked Starlight.

“Oh, some ponies were telling us how much they missed their cutie marks, and-”

“Pinkie!” Said Twilight sternly.

“Oops…”

“(Gasps) Were they? Well, it seems you inspire all sorts of free thinking, don’t you?” Questioned Starlight irritatedly.

“Well, w-we certainly didn’t intend to cause any disruptions to your charming little-”

“Good.” Before Rarity could finish, Starlight got uncomfortably close to her face. “Let’s just make sure of that, shall we?”

Rarity tried to back away, but she bumped into Double Diamond. The group of heroes stood close together to fend themselves, with Deadpool pulling out his pistols. They quickly realized they were heavily outnumbered when the entire population of the village appeared from the shadows. They surrounded them from all sides, making escape all but impossible.

“It’s a trap!” Said Twilight.

(Star Wars quote!)

Twilight teleported up towards the roof of the cave, and charged up a magical blast. Before she could unleash her attack, Starlight Glimmer used the staff to envelop her in magic. With a wicked grin, she forced her to stay still. Suddenly, Twilight felt sharp pain on her flank. To her and her friends’ horror, the magic from the staff was tearing off her cutie mark. Crying out in pain, her cutie mark came off her flank like a band-aid but way more painful. Her detached cutie mark levitated in between the staff’s two prongs before being tossed into a display case. An equal sign cutie mark replaced her former cutie mark, and her colors faded. She then fell to the ground.

“You are going to get it now, bitch!”

Deadpool ran towards Starlight while firing bursts of magical energy from his guns. She managed to dodge them, but she didn’t react fast enough to avoid being grabbed by the throat. He forcefully slammed her into the cutie mark vault, causing her to drop the staff.

“You are a better fighter than you look,” Said Starlight.

“That is what everyone says. Now, give Twilight her cutie mark back,” Demanded Deadpool.

“Listen to reason, Deadpool. Cutie marks give a false sense of superiority to those who possess them. They think that just because they possess special talents that few or nopony else possess means that they are better than everypony. Think back to when you were a school colt. Were you teased by others for not having a cutie mark yet?”

“Yes.”

“See? Cutie marks divide us, not bring us together. If we were all to give up our cutie marks, our ‘special talents’, we would all be unified in true friendship and harmony. Twilight will see that in time, and so will you and your friends.”

Deadpool thought over everything Starlight explained to him, but then tightened his grip. With one hoof, he was strangling Starlight.

“Listen very closely: With the current amount of pressure I am applying on your throat, I can strangle you till your face turns a shade of purple that stands out from your coat, or I can snap your neck. If you want to live, you will give Twilight her cutie mark back. I would weigh your options if I were you, because I can imagine it would be difficult for you to lead your cult town from down in the depths of Hell.”

“... Regardless of what happens… I know that I have very loyal friends.”

Suddenly, Deadpool found himself grabbed by his free foreleg by Double Diamond. He punched him in the face, and tried to continue his assault on Starlight, but another pony grabbed him. Double Diamond swiftly grabbed him, then six more ponies grabbed him. He tried to overpower his captors, but not even his enhanced strength could break him free, at least not without hurting the innocent civilians that were acting under Starlight’s will. He was forcefully dragged back towards his friends. They were about to rush Starlight when she grabbed the staff and captured them along with Deadpool in its magic.

In quick succession, all of their cutie marks were removed and placed in the cutie vault, their colors faded and equal signs on their flanks. To add insult to injury, Starlight tore off fabric from Deadpool's suit with his logo where his cutie mark was located and shred them to pieces. Twilight finally had enough strength to get up from the earth, and her friends rushed to her.

“Aw. I don’t blame you for what you tried to do here today. You’ve spent your whole lives thinking those marks are a good thing,” Said Starlight.

“Give them back!” Demanded Twilight.

“Well, now you can spend the rest of your lives here with us! And we’ll teach you just how much better life can be without your cutie marks!”

As Starlight went to place the staff back on the stone pedestal, the villagers stood around the heroes, forming an equal sign.

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hoped you all enjoyed part one of the first chapter of the season five arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season premiere episode "The Cutie Map"! Will our heroes defeat Starlight Glimmer? Will they reclaim their cutie marks? And will they be able to free the villagers from Starlight's influence? Be sure to stay tuned for part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and (at the time of posting this chapter) have a Happy Easter!

Chapter 26: The Fine Line of Equality Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 26: The Fine Line of Equality Part Two

“In sameness, there is peace. Exceptionalism is a lie.”

A couple hours ago, the Mane Six and Deadpool had their cutie marks stolen by the leader of the village they were visiting, Starlight Glimmer. Ever since then, everyone but Deadpool was brought to one of the village’s houses, where they were imprisoned inside of. The house only had one room, and there were only two things in the room, a single bed and a single shelf with nine books on it. Overall, the house was very bland. Two of the village’s residents stood outside with the door locked to ensure no one would escape. Their imprisonment was made worse by the presence of a PA system integrated into the room. Four loudspeakers, one in each corner of the room, played recordings to try to convert the heroes to Starlight’s ways. Rainbow Dash tried her best to get herself and her friends out by ramming against the locked door, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Free yourself from your cutie mark. Choose equality as your specialty. Difference is frustration. To excel is to fail.”

“Hey, this is pretty good!”

Pinkie Pie was looking through one of the books. The only thing described in it was a single large equal sign on each page.

“Be your best, by never being your best.”

“Ugh, we’ve gotta find a way out of here. I can’t take much more of that voice! If only Wade were here. He could probably help us out of here. I hope he’s alright,” Said Twilight.

“I’m sure wherever they have him he’s alright, Twilight,” Assured Rarity.

“Let me go!”

From behind the door, a muffled voice could be heard shouting. Suddenly, the door burst open. A group of twelve ponies came walking in, carrying Deadpool. He was stripped from his suit, revealing his scarred skin, and he was bound in a straitjacket. Even within this restraint and held by his captors, he was thrashing in their grasp, putting up a good fight.

“Let me go! If you know what’s good for all of you, you will release me, so I can go fight that dick dictator and get all of our cutie marks back!”

Once Deadpool was directed to the back of the room, the ponies let him go and all of them ran out the door, locking it behind them. Upon seeing her coltfriend, Twilight ran up to him and hugged him.

“Wade, thank goodness you’re here! What did they do to you?!” Asked Twilight concernedly.

“After we all had our cutie marks removed, I was brought to Starlight’s place while you were all brought here. There, I was stripped of my tights because it was unique, and then I was put into this hug-me jacket because I put up a fight. I want to say for the record that it took twelve ponies to contain me!” Shouted Deadpool towards the door.

“I’m glad that they didn’t do anything else to you,” Said Twilight.

“Wait, your cutie mark was removed, right? How was she able to do that? Wouldn’t your healing factor have brought it back?” Asked Rainbow Dash.

“When it comes to bodily harm, my healing factor can heal just about anything. It can even give me varying degrees of telepathic immunity because my brain’s always in a state of flux. When it comes to magic, however, that’s where things get iffy. Assuming my healing factor could restore my cutie mark, I assume that the staff Starlight Glimmer used on us has more powerful magic than we anticipated,” explained Deadpool.

“Then we really need to get out of here,” Said Twilight.

“Assumin’ we can get out,” Said Applejack.

“Being imprisoned here won’t be so bad. I mean, I’m stuck in here with you,” Said Deadpool to Twilight.

“Oh? When you put it like that, then it isn’t so bad,” Said Twilight lovingly.

Twilight and Deadpool kissed each other on the lips. Seeing this act of affection caused Rainbow Dash to sigh out of exasperation.

“Great, as if being trapped in here with that PA system wasn’t torturous enough,” Said Rainbow under her breath.

“Oh, don’t act like that, Dashie.”

To Rainbow Dash’s surprise, Deadpool was standing on his hind legs next to her.

“You know that I know you are secretly enjoying yourself to a certain degree,” Said Deadpool.

“What do you mean?” Asked Rainbow.

“Like Twilight and I, you like being here with somepony you like, except that you haven’t admitted your feelings to, oh, I don’t know, a certain farm hand with a southern drawl who wears a stetson hat,” Said Deadpool quietly.

Faster then he could react, Deadpool was tackled into the wall closest to the door by Rainbow Dash, and she covered his mouth with her hoof.

“Shut up! I don’t know what you are talking about!” Said Rainbow, her cheeks bright red.

Deadpool made intelligible words, attempting to speak with Rainbow’s hoof over his mouth. She reluctantly removed her hoof to allow him to speak.

“Rainbow Dash, you and I both know you have a thing for Applejack. You both have similar personalities, you enjoy her company, and even though you can get on each other's nerves, especially when you get competitive with each other, you still enjoy having her as a friend. And whenever we’re all at Sweet Apple Acres, don’t think I haven’t ever noticed you ‘watching her work’,” Said Deadpool.

“... I… Leave me alone, Wade,” Said Rainbow.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have teased you. I’m glad that you have feelings for Applejack. You’re a grown mare, so I won’t tell you what you should do, but do me a favor and just consider telling her how you feel, okay?”

Rainbow Dash thought over what Deadpool asked of her. Before she could give him an answer, she was interrupted by Applejack.

“What are y’all talkin’ about over there?” Asked Applejack.

“We were debating on which one of us is going to beat Starlight and save the village when we get out of here,” Answered Deadpool.

He winked at Rainbow Dash. She then nodded her head in reply.

“Well, if any pony’s takin’ her down, it’s me!” Said Applejack determinedly.

“I wouldn’t get ahead of yourselves. We still need to find a way out of here,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, this is horrible!” Cried Rarity, mascara stained tears flowing down her face.

“There, there, Rarity. It’s not so bad,” Said Fluttershy comfortingly.

“Yes, it is! Look at those drapes! I have no idea if they’re tacky or not!”

“Well, I think they’re nice.”

The equal sign cutie mark on Rarity’s flank pulsed black, spreading dark magic deep into her consciousness.

“So do I!”

As Rarity cried a river’s worth of tears, Fluttershy backed up to give her some space. The sound of a bird chirping caught her attention. She saw a cardinal land on the open window sill. Granted there was not enough space for any of them to escape through the window, but with a bird being able to get in, she could communicate with it to hatch an escape plan.

(Hatch an escape plan with the bird? That was so funny, author, that I forgot to laugh.)

“Oh, thank goodness! Can you help us, little birdie?”

As Fluttershy tried to communicate with the cardinal, her equal sign cutie mark pulsed like Rarity’s.

“Go on, now! Fly away and get us help!” Said Fluttershy.

The cardinal titled its head in confusion before flying away.

“Oh, even tweets don’t make sense any more!” Said Fluttershy.

“Don’t worry, Fluttershy, tweets usually don’t make sense. I mean, people always post stuff about their dogs, or memes, or-” Just like with his friends, the equal sign cutie mark on Deadpool’s flank pulsed with dark magic. “On second thought, maybe I should lay off the jokes for a little while. I could discuss current events instead… WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!” Cried Deadpool.

Applejack ran towards the door and tried to kick it down, but she ended up falling over onto her face.

“Well, this door’s shut tighter than a… summer of… uh, piglets in… shoot! I can’t even make countryisms no more!” Said Applejack.

“I don’t know! Maybe it’ll be super fun to be all the same!”

As soon as her equal sign cutie mark pulsed, Pinkie Pie wound down.

“Sort of. More pleasant than fun, I guess…”

“There’s something odd about that staff. I haven’t studied eastern unicorns as much as I should have, but I’m pretty sure Meadowbrook only had eight magical items, not nine. And I don’t remember any of them being a staff,” Said Twilight.

“Well, it looks like you’ll have plenty of time to try to think about it,” Said Applejack.

The next day…

For the past several hours, Twilight tried to come up with a plan to escape. As she was hatching a plan, Deadpool and Rainbow Dash decided to try to make their imprisonment more pleasant by trying to remove the loudspeakers from the corners of the room. With Rainbow Dash flying him up, Deadpool used his hind legs to kick the loudspeakers down. It was surprisingly going well. They managed to remove all but one of the loudspeakers in the room. Deadpool was currently kicking the last loudspeaker. It sustained major damage, but it still hung on the wall and was playing audio.

“This one’s not budging. Try pulling it off the wall, RD.”

Putting Deadpool onto the floor, Rainbow Dash flew up to the loudspeaker and tried to pull it out, but to no avail.

“This one’s in there real good,” Said Rainbow.

“Hmm… Oh, I know! Throw me!” Said Deadpool.

“What?”

“We’ve been only using our legs and hooves to remove it. If I hit it with all of my body weight, it would remove it for sure.”

(Your logic astounds me.)

“I don’t know,” Said Rainbow.

“Come on, Rainbow Dash. Do you really want to listen to that for who-knows how long?”

“Accept your limitations, and happiness will follow.”

“Okay, fine. But you asked for it.”

Rainbow Dash grabbed Deadpool by the shoulders, and spun him around. Once he had enough momentum, she threw him towards the loudspeaker.

THUD!

CRASH!

“Oh my!” Cried Fluttershy and Rarity.

Deadpool smacked his chest against the loudspeaker while his face slammed against the ceiling. He then fell onto the stone floor on his back, nearly landing on top of Rarity. The loudspeaker then came loose, and fell on his head.

“Well, at least we no longer have to listen to that PA system, except for the occasional static!” Said Pinkie.

“Worth it…” Said Deadpool painfully.

“For Pete’s sake, Wade! How many times have I told you not to solve your problems by hurting yourself?!” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

“Twenty-six times. But pulling a quote from my philosophy, ‘no pain, no gain.”

“You really need to work on your philosophy… (Gasp) That's it! Wade, you illogical genius!”

Twilight passionately kissed Deadpool on the cheek, causing him to blush profusely while grinning with glee.

“I’m a genius!”

“Wait, why’s Wade a genius?” Asked Rarity.

“Yeah, ‘Wade’ and ‘genius’ don’t normally go in the same sentence,” Added Rainbow.

“I take a lot of offense to that statement! I’m up there with Albert Einstein and Issac Newton as one of the greatest minds in history!” Proclaimed Deadpool.

“He’s a genius because he helped me figure out how we can get out of here!” Said Twilight.

“Forget it, Twilight. This door’s not opening,” Said Rainbow.

“And I’m afraid the windows are much too small for escape,” Added Rarity.

“But there is a third way,” Said Twilight.

“Of course!” Cried Pinkie. “We can get through the windows by cutting up Wade into itty-bitty pieces, toss them out, and wait for his healing factor to kick in! Then once he regenerates, all he has to do is knock out the guards and open the door! It’s the perfect plan!”

The equal sign cutie mark on Pinkie’s flank pulsed again.

“I guess,” Muttered Pinkie.

“Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Said Applejack.

“Hold on a minute! Can we take a second to peer-review this ‘perfect plan’ before we even think about carrying it out?!” Asked Deadpool frantically.

“We do NOT need to cut up my coltfriend!” Said Twilight sternly.

“We don’t?” Asked Pinkie.

“For shit’s sake, Pinke! I thought you were my BFF!” Said Deadpool.

“We don’t actually have to escape. They’ll just let us out when they think we’ve accepted their philosophy,” Explained Twilight.

“But they’re never gonna believe we switched over in just one night. Especially Rainbow Dash and Deadpool when they find that they tore down the PA,” Countered Applejack.

“There’s one of us they might believe,”

Twilight directed her friends’ attention towards Fluttershy. Catching on, they all smiled towards her.

“Oh! Me?!” Asked Fluttershy timidly.

“You’ve been saying how great this place is since we got here!” Said Rainbow.

“But that’s because everypony’s so nice, and their village is so pretty, and, and… Oh, you’re right. They probably would believe me. I hate to lie to them. They’ve been so welcoming and friendly… aside from locking us in here and trying to brainwash us into abandoning the things that make us special… Okay, I’ll do it!,” Said Fluttershy determinedly.

“Woo-hoo! I mean, cool,” Said Pinkie.

“But what do I do once I’m out?” Asked Fluttershy.

“You’ve gotta find a way to get our cutie marks back,” Said Twilight.

With the pressure to reclaim their cutie marks, Fluttershy gulped out of nervousness.

“And in case it doesn’t work out, we’ll cut up Wade as a back-up plan,” Said Pinkie.

“Oh, come on!”

CREAK!

Suddenly, the door creaked open, revealing Starlight Glimmer on the other side.

“Good morning! I trust you had a pleasant night?” Starlight received no response. The group of ponies she held hostage refused to say a word. “This way, please. There are some friends who’d like to see you.”

Not given much of a choice, they followed Starlight outside the house. Deadpool awkwardly walked on his hind legs, due to his arms being restrained from the straitjacket he was confined in. Once they were outside, they saw all of the villagers waiting to greet them.

“Gather round, friends, gather round! We’ve come to ask if any of you are ready to join us?! There are so many friends to be made once you realize you don’t need your cutie marks or the talents that come with them,” Said Starlight.

Everyone but Fluttershy glared at Starlight. Double Diamond decided to chime in.

“We have a welcome ceremony for new friends! The whole village joins together to build you your own cottage-”

“Not interested! You may have them now, but we’re going to get our cutie marks back!” Said Rainbow determinedly.

“Y’all don’t understand, do ya? You can’t force nopony to be friends! It don’t work like that!” Said Applejack.

“Yeah, and most people don’t become your friend when their first impression is being restrained in a hug-me jacket!” Added Deadpool.

“I’m sorry, Wade, but this is necessary for the moment. You have to wear that straitjacket not only for our safety but also yours as well. At least until you start acting friendlier,” Said Starlight.

“How about you loosen the sleeves a bit, and I can show you how friendly I can be?”

“(Scoffs) I’m not going to fall for any of your tricks.” Brushing Deadpool’s threat off, Starlight Glimmer directed her attention back to the villagers. “It’s all right, everypony. This is a perfectly normal part of the equalization process for those who haven’t… quite seen the light yet. We’ll try again tomorrow once you’ve had a bit more time to consider our philosophy.”

Two villagers directed the heroes back into the house. Twilight stopped in the doorway to nudge Fluttershy, signalling her to commence their plan.

“I’d like to join!”

The crowd of villagers cheered after hearing her say that she wanted to join them.

“Fluttershy? How could you?!” Asked Twilight.

“If giving up my cutie mark means I get to stay in this lovely village with these lovely ponies, then I’ll do it,” Said Fluttershy.

With a satisfied smile, Starlight Glimmer had Twilight go into the house with the rest of her friends, then shut the door.

“We have a new friend, everypony!” Cried Starlight.

The villagers gathered around Fluttershy, buzzing with excitement over her joining the village. She couldn’t help but smile at their excitement.

“Now, there’s one more order of business. It seems some in our midst might be… dissatisfied with the village life!” Said Starlight.

GASP!

“Unfortunately, it’s all too true, my friends!” With a wicked grin, Starlight turned to Fluttershy. “Will you kindly tell us the names of those friends who so desperately miss their cutie marks that they would sneak around in the shadows talking to strangers about it? Just so we can be sure that your intentions are indeed pure.”

Caught in a sticky situation, Fluttershy gulped out of nervousness.

“Um, I don’t know who they were. Um, I’m sorry. I don’t know your names and faces yet,” Said Fluttershy nervously.

“Nonsense! Obviously these ponies must have asked you directly. Kindly point them out!” Said Starlight.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

The interrogation session was interrupted by the sound of knocking from the other side of the door. Starlight Glimmer opened it, revealing Deadpool sitting on his haunches on the other side.

“Hi, Starlight!” Greeted Deadpool.

“Wade? What are you doing?” Asked Starlight.

“Pardon me for overhearing, but if you want the names of the ponies who asked us to get their cutie marks back, then I will gladly tell you myself,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade! What are you doing?!” Asked Twilight.

“What are you up to?” Asked Starlight.

“Me? I’m not up to anything. Look at her.” Deadpool pointed to Fluttershy, who was shaking in fear. “You’re gonna make the poor thing piss herself before you get any answers. I can make things easier for you by telling you directly, so long as I can be removed from this hug-me jacket in return,” Explained Deadpool.

“Hmm… Fine then, I can agree to those terms. Tell me the names of the ponies you spoke with.”

“I’ll whisper it to you. You know, to keep them in suspense.”

With a devilish grin, Starlight brought her face close to Deadpool. He leaned towards her ear, and whispered…

“It was Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with the candlestick.”

“What?”

SLAM!

CRACK!

“OOOWWW!”

In under a second, Deadpool slammed his forehead against Starlight’s face. The impact caused her nose to bleed. While she grabbed her nose in pain, and the villagers were panicking, Deadpool leapt onto his hind legs and ran.

(I can’t believe that actually worked!)

(Gotcha bitch!)

“Not falling for any of my tricks, huh?! I am the master of tricking people! Don’t worry, Twilight and friends! I will be back for y’all when I’m free of this straitjacket, and have enough plastic explosives to level a city block!”

Looking behind him, Deadpool saw that a couple pegasi were right behind him. Before he could get the chance to outpace his pursuers, he was tackled to the ground.

(Well, that failed horribly.)

(You think?)

Meanwhile, removing her hoof from her nose, Starlight Glimmer signaled the villagers to bring Deadpool back. After taking a deep breath to collect herself, she turned her attention back towards Fluttershy. With dark red blood dripping from her nose yet smiling as if it were a regular day, the kindhearted pegasus was intimidated by her.

“Fluttershy, I will only ask you this one more time. Please point to the ponies you talked with,” Said Starlight.

Towards the back of what was now a small group of villagers, Sugar Belle, Party Favor, and Night Glider looked at each other nervously. Looking towards Fluttershy, who had a look of fear in her eyes, Party Favor walked up towards Starlight Glimmer with a determined look.

“It was me! It was only me! But I only wanted it back for a little while!” Said Party Favor.

“And you’re quite certain it was only you?” Asked Starlight.

“I just wanted to remember what it was like.”

“And no thought to the pain you’d cause your friends. Such selfishness.”

Starlight Glimmer pointed towards the house trapping the Mane Six minus Fluttershy. One of the villagers guarding it opened the door. Party Favor reluctantly walked into the house. The two pegasi followed after him, unceremoniously dragging Deadpool inside. Once they left, Party Favor looked out towards his friends and the rest of the villagers.

“I’m sorry, everypony! I never wanted to leave the village! I love all of-”

SLAM!

The door was slammed in his face before he could finish his final words before imprisonment. Both Sugar Belle and Night Glider looked on sadly at the house containing him. Inside the house, Deadpool got up from the floor.

“Wade, are you okay?” Asked Twilight.

“Other than my wounded pride, I’m fine,” Answered Deadpool.

“What was I thinking?! I can’t believe I even considered asking for my cutie mark back,” Said Party Favor glumly.

“Don’t worry. Fluttershy will have us out of here in no time!” Said Rainbow.

“Didn’t you just see what just happened out there?!” Asked Party Favor.

“Me breaking a dictator’s nose like a badass?!” Said Deadpool.

“No! Your friend has accepted our way! You will all accept our way! It’s only a matter of time!”

Party Favor walked over to the front right corner of the room, and sat down facing away from everyone else.

“This guy’s a barrel of laughs,” Said Rainbow sarcastically.

“Laughs don’t come in barrels. They come from inside you as your body’s response to delight,” Said Pinkie flatly.

“Oh, shit! I don’t think it will be long before Pinkie or anyone else converts to this cult's beliefs,” Said Deadpool.

“So, what are we gonna do while Fluttershy’s out there lookin’ for our cutie marks?” Asked Applejack quietly.

“We have to stay as positive as we can. If Party Favor sees how much we really do like each other, even though we’re all different, maybe we can use him to spread our message to the rest of the village,” Said Twilight.

“Let’s hope they don’t convert any of us first,” Said Rarity.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy was being escorted by Double Diamond downtown. Along the way, she was greeted by the townsponies.

“Welcome!”

“Gosh, you really are the nicest ponies I’ve ever met,” Said Fluttershy.

“All new friends stay with Starlight until their cottage is completed. She would normally tell you this herself, but, well, you saw why she is currently preoccupied,” Said Double Diamond.

“Mm-hmm. When Wade uses his head, it’s often in the literal sense. I’m sorry for what he did to her.”

“It’s alright. As she said earlier, actions such as his are a normal part of the equalization process. Let’s get you settled, and then you can enjoy all that our little village has to offer.”

Later that evening…

All was quiet in the village. With Princess Luna’s moon up in the night sky, all had gone to sleep for the evening. At Starlight’s cottage, soot burst out from the stone chimney. Fluttershy popped out of the chimney, her pale yellow coat and pale pink mane coated in various spots with soot. She coughed, replacing the vile stuff with oxygen. She then shook the soot on her body off, creating a cloud that very quickly dissipated.

“(Sighs) Get the cutie marks back. That’s all you’ve gotta do, Fluttershy. Just sneak through the dark up to that spooky old cave with the scary magical staff and get the cutie marks back.”

Fluttershy nervously flew off towards the cave. After a few minutes of flying, she flew down and landed on the ground. With the night sky providing very little light, she was careful with every step she took.

“Okay, you’re doing great. The cave’s gotta be close now…”

In that instant, realization hit Fluttershy in the face. She didn’t get very far as she thought she did. In fact, she had only traveled about a meter away from the chimney she escaped from.

“Excellent work, Double Diamond,”

Freezing up in fear, Fluttershy recognized the voice she heard as Starlight’s. With as much courage as she could muster, she cautiously looked over the roof she was standing on. Down below, she saw Starlight Glimmer standing in the doorway. As a humiliating reminder of early events, she wore a medical bandage with some gauze over her nose. Standing in front of her was Double Diamond. Behind him was a wooden box containing six jars.

“Of course, but I don’t understand why you wanted me to bring them here. Fluttershy is one of us now. Surely she can be trusted,” Said Double Diamond.

Starlight Glimmer picked up the box with her magic, and went inside. Double Diamond followed her inside, and shut the door behind him. Knowing she needed to continue listening to the conversation, Fluttershy flew down to look through a window from the ground floor.

“This one belongs to a princess. It could be very important to our cause.”

Listening to Starlight Glimmer talk, Fluttershy noticed how nasally her voice sounded; Wade did a number on her. Starlight pulled out one of the jars, containing Twilight’s cutie mark. Fluttershy forced herself to not gasp in shock, fearing that she would be heard.

“But if Twilight Sparkle becomes our friend, then why do we care about this old cutie mark?” Asked Double Diamond.

“I just want to keep them close until everything is… settled. You may go, Double Diamond,” Said Starlight.

Seeing Double Diamond heading towards the door, Fluttershy dashed behind a corner of the cottage. As soon as he walked out the door and he was a good distance away, she peeked through the window. She saw Starlight taking her and all of her friend’s cutie marks out from the box, admiring them like trophies while carrying them towards some stairs.

“Oh, dear. How am I ever going to get the cutie marks back now?” Pondered Fluttershy.

CRASH!

“Ow!”

Hearing a commotion coming from upstairs, Fluttershy flew up to a window on the second floor to investigate. Peering through the window, she saw she was looking into Starlight’s room. An empty bucket rolled over to the window, and she saw Starlight drenched in water. She deduced that she must have accidentally tripped on the bucket, getting herself wet.

“Ugh! Starlight, you clumsy foal.”

Starlight set the jars containing the cutie marks down, and grabbed a pink towel. She dried herself off with the towel, then hung it over the footboard of her bed. When she turned her body to hang the towel, she unknowingly revealed something surprising. Instead of her equal sign cutie mark, on her flank was a cutie mark of a single purple star with a green glimmering trail.

With her jaw dropped, Fluttershy watched as she grabbed some lilac and black-colored makeup, a brush, and an equal sign stencil. She applied some lilac makeup over her cutie mark with the brush, then placed the stencil over the site of her cutie mark and brushed the black makeup over it. Removing the stencil, she recreated a spitting image of the equal sign cutie mark she was previously seen with.

The revelation shook Fluttershy to her core, and she gasped in shock. Hearing her gasp, Starlight dropped her stuff and rushed to the window. Reacting quickly, Flutteshy hid under the rafter tie of the roof. Starlight looked out the window, not spotting Fluttershy. Walking away from the window, she shut the light off in her room, settling in for the night. From underneath the rafter tie, Fluttershy only had two words to say.

“Oh, no…”

Meanwhile, at the house where the rest of the heroes were imprisoned in, Deadpool was lying on the floor. Twilight, Party Favor, and the rest of his friends were all asleep while he was staring at the ceiling. He looked over every detail in the room, and felt like the walls were closing in on him.

“Does this room remind you guys of anything?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

…

“Guys?”

…

“Screwball? Serious? If this is some kind of joke, you are both assholes!”

Sweat dripped down his face, and he grinded his teeth as fear took over his body. He closed his eyes for just a second, but when he opened them again, his surroundings changed. He was in a room much smaller than the one he and his friends were trapped in, there was an iron bar door in front of him, and there was only a metal toilet and a board hanging on a wall beside him. Knowing where he was, Deadpool trembled in fear.

“This is the cell I was kept in when Department K kidnapped me for the Weapon X Program! How am I back here?! Twilight! Pinkie! Anypony!

“Hello, Wade.”

Hearing someone behind him, Deadpool quickly turned around. He saw a navy blue earth pony stallion behind him, and he instantly recognized him from his hoarse voice.

“Francis?! No, it can’t be!”

Deadpool ran towards the cell door, and tried to remove it from the wall. To his dismay, it wouldn’t give way.

“Don’t worry, Wade. This will stop hurting in the morning.”

Deadpool turned around, and he pressed himself against the door when Francis approached him with a sabre saw. As Francis laughed maniacally, the only thing Deadpool could do was brace himself for the pain.

“AAAAAHHHHHH!”

Deadpool leapt from the floor, screaming at the top of his lungs. This woke up everyone in the room. They jumped onto their hooves, and Twilight ran up to him.

“Wade, what’s wrong?!” Asked Twilight concernedly.

“Get away from me!”

WHAM!

To everyone’s shock, Deadpool pushed Twilight onto the floor with his body, and ran. He ran up to the door, and tried to bust the door down with his side. Proving futile, he then made the horrific choice of repeatedly banging his head against the door. This action caused blood to splatter around him.

“LET ME OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT OF HERE! LET! ME! OUT!”

“Wade!”

Twilight got up from the floor, and wrapped her arms around Deadpool. He tried to shake her off, but she didn’t let go. Rainbow Dash and Applejack helped her, and they all carefully sat him down. His forehead had a large gash in the centre, coating his face with blood.

“Wade, what the hay is the matter with you?!” Asked Rainbow.

“Wade, calm down! Listen to my voice!” Said Twilight.

Deadpool’s breathing slowed down from rapid breathing to slow deep breathing. He looked at Twilight, then his body loosened up. Once he stopped struggling, Applejack and Rainbow Dash let him go.

“Twilight? Are you okay?” Asked Deadpool.

“I am, but I could ask the same about you,” Replied Twilight.

“I’m sorry. I was just staring at the ceiling, asking myself if this place was familiar. The voices in my head didn’t say anything, and then I found myself in the cell I was kept in when I got my healing factor from Weapon X. Francis was also there, and he was going to torture me like he did back then.”

“Take this with a grain of salt, but you may have had a PTSD induced flashback.”

“That makes sense. This healing factor of mine can heal my physical injuries.” Deadpool pointed at his forehead. The gash was slowly healing itself. “But not even that can heal the emotional scars I have acquired over the years.”

“I know, and I’m sorry that you went through all of that. But you’re safe now. I and all of our friends are here to help you in any way we can.”

Twilight and Deadpool embraced each other in a hug, while everyone else looked at the latter with sympathetic looks. As she hugged her coltfriend, Twilight only had one thought in mind.

“I hope Fluttershy has our cutie marks. I don’t think Wade or any of us will last much longer.”

The next day…

Starlight Glimmer, Fluttershy, and the rest of the villagers were gathered outside the house where the heroes were trapped in. They were all brought outside, and each and every one of them looked completely miserable.

“I’ve got a good feeling about today! So, do any of you have anything you’d like to say?” Asked Starlight Glimmer.

“I have something to say. Did you do something with your mane? There’s something different about you, but I can’t put my hoof on it,” Said Deadpool mockingly.

Starlight Glimmer self consciously covered the bandage over her nose with a hoof. This caused Rainbow Dash and Applejack to laugh.

“For your information, Wade, this is to help heal a minor fracture you caused. You should be thankful it wasn’t more serious. Let’s try this again tomorrow, shall we? No new friends today, I’m afraid,” Said Starlight.

“Wait! I’d like to lock them in,” Said Fluttershy.

“Marvelous, Fluttershy! That’s the spirit! Party Favor, will you join us please?” Asked Starlight.

As Fluttershy went to lock up her friends, Party Favor ran by her. He then eagerly hugged Starlight Glimmer.

“I’m sorry, Starlight! I’m sorry, everypony! I’ve seen the error of my ways! I never want to look at my cutie mark again!” Said Party Favor.

“It seems there’s cause for celebration after all!” Said Starlight happily.

“Hooray!”

“They tried to break me! They wouldn’t stop talking about how different they are, and that somehow makes their friendship stronger! Said Party Favor.

“Such backwards thinking on friendship,” Said Starlight.

“But I didn’t listen! I knew what they were up to, and I didn’t listen!”

“Well done, Party Favor! We welcome you back with open hooves!”

Meanwhile, Fluttershy and the rest of her friends were gathered inside the house.

“Fluttershy, did you get our cutie marks?” Asked Twilight quietly.

“No. They’re in Starlight’s cottage instead of the vault,” Explained Fluttershy.

“Why would she keep our cutie marks?” Asked Rainbow.

“I don’t know, but I found something that will turn her followers against her. I have a plan, but I’ll need Twilight and Deadpool to help me. If we can even get Deadpool out of that jacket,” Said Fluttershy.

“Sure thing. I will instruct one of you on how to properly remove the straitjacket, while Fluttershy you tell us all the plan,” Said Deadpool.

“You know how to get out of one of those?” Asked Rarity.

“Uh, yeah!” Answered Deadpool.

“And you couldn’t have told us sooner?” Asked Rainbow.

“I could have, but I wanted to wait until the right moment to ensure our odds of escaping were high,” Said Deadpool.

“What about when you tried to escape earlier?” Questioned Twilight.

“Pfft! I wasn’t really trying to escape then. I just wanted to headbutt Starlight,” Said Deadpool.

“I’ll help ya out, Wade,” Said Applejack.

“Okay, here’s the plan,” Said Fluttershy.

While Applejack worked on freeing Deadpool, Fluttershy revealed her plan. After briefly telling her friends of her plan, Fluttershy stepped out of the house.

“Um, Starlight? I think we might have one more friend joining us today.”

Fluttershy stepped to the side, allowing Twilight to exit the house. Seeing her caused the crowd of ponies to gasp in shock.

“Is this true?” Asked Starlight.

“I-I think so. But I just want to be sure. If I agree to leave my cutie mark in the vault, I’ll really be happier?” Asked Twilight.

“Just look around! Equality has given us more happiness than you’ve ever known!” Said Starlight.

“And you wouldn’t let me just live here in the village with my old cutie mark?” Asked Twilight.

“Out of the question. A pony with a different cutie mark in our midst would destroy our entire philosophy. We are all equal here!”

“Then how do you explain that?” Asked Fluttershy.

SPLASH!

GASP!

Deadpool leapt from behind Twilight. He tossed a bucket of water towards Starlight, soaking her with water. The water caused the makeup on her flank to run, revealing her cutie mark to the surprise of her followers.

“Sorry, Starlight. I didn’t mean to make you wet. I just have that effect on a lot of mares,” Said Deadpool.

…

“Really? Anypony?”

…

“Come on, that was funny!”

“How did you get free of your straitjacket?!” Asked Starlight angrily.

“Sweetheart, this isn’t my first time being held captive against my will.”

Starlight glared at Deadpool and the Mane Six, who were all smiling triumphantly. She then looked at her followers, covering her cutie mark with her tail.

“Wha… What are you looking at?! They’re the problem, not me!” Said Starlight nervously.

“How could you?” Asked Party Favor in shock.

“You said cutie marks were evil! You said special talents led to pain and heartache!” Added Double Diamond.

“They do! Don’t you see?! Look at them!” Said Starlight.

“Then why? Why did you take ours and not give up your own?” Asked Sugar Belle.

“I… I had to, you fools! How could I collect your cutie marks without my magic?!” Asked Starlight.

“But the staff has all the magic we need!”

“The staff is a piece of wood I found in the desert! It’s my magic that makes all this possible! You’d all still be living your miserable lives thinking you’re better than everypony else if it weren’t for my magical abilities! I brought you friendship! I brought you equality! I created harmony!”

“You lied to us!” Said Double Diamond angrily.

“So what? E-Everything else I said is true! The only way to be happy is if we’re all equal!” Said Starlight.

“Except for you,” Said Party Favor.

“Everypony has unique talents and gifts, and when we share them with each other, that’s how rea-”

“QUIET!”

Twilight fearfully cut herself off when Starlight Glimmer yelled at the top of her lungs. She looked at the princess with pure spite, a vein bulging from her neck.

“You can’t have a cutie mark, Starlight! Either we’re all equal, or none of us are!” Said Sugar Belle.

All of her former followers formed a circle around Starlight Glimmer. She tried to back away, but bumped into the Mane Six and Deadpool. She then summoned a force field to push everyone away, and she bolted inside her cottage.

“Come on! Let’s go get our cutie marks back!” Said Double Diamond.

“Yeah!”

Double Diamond led the entire village towards the caves where the cutie mark vault was.

“Come on! Let’s get our cutie marks back!” Said Rainbow.

Nodding in agreement, the group of friends ran towards Starlight’s cottage to retrieve their cutie marks.

Meanwhile, the majority of Starlight Glimmer’s former followers were all gathered in front of the cutie mark vault. They were desperately trying to break through the glass display cases that made up the vault, but to no avail.

“Stand back, everypony!”

Everyone moved out of the way upon seeing Double Diamond. He galloped towards the vault while carrying the Staff of Sameness (which was revealed to be just a stick) in his mouth. He then tossed the staff towards the vault. One of the prongs of the staff cracked the glass. Several cracks formed in the glass, then it shattered. In a flash of multi-colored light, the villagers’ cutie marks flew out of the vault and back to their respective owners.

Among the many ponies who regained their cutie marks, Double Diamond regained his cutie mark of three snowflakes, Party Favor regained his cutie mark of a balloon animal with party streamers, and Sugar Belle regained her cutie mark of a purple frosted cupcake with a cherry on top. Regaining the cutie marks also restored everyone’s colors and manestyles.

The cutie marks of ponies who were not at the vault flew out of the cave. As they seeked out their owners, they created a vibrant light show in the sky.

“Even without my cutie mark, I can tell this is beautiful!” Said Rarity in astonishment.

Meanwhile, as Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Deadpool were working on breaking down the front door of Starlight’s cottage, said Starlight was looking down at them and the cutie marks flying across town from her bedroom window.

“They think they can come to my village and disrupt my life? Let’s see how they like spending the rest of their lives without their precious cutie marks!”

Starlight lit up her horn, and moved her bed. Doing so revealed a hidden flight of stairs into a secret passage. She grabbed the jars containing the Mane Six and Deadpool’s cutie marks, and ran down the stairs. Outside the cottage, Deadpool put all of his weight onto his forelegs, and bucked the door off of its hinges with his hind legs.

He quickly rushed over to a closet, and pulled out a cardboard box. Contained inside was his suit and his weapons, which he hastily geared up as he followed his friends. Fluttershy led her everyone up to Starlight’s bedroom. Upon opening the door and entering the room, she noticed the cutie marks were gone from atop the drawer they were kept on.

“They’re gone! They were right over there!” Said Fluttershy.

It didn’t take them long to notice the bed had been moved, and the secret passage it was hiding.

“Oh, no! Are we too late?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Not if we have anything to say about!”

Everyone turned around and saw in the doorway was Double Diamond, Sugar Belle, Party Favor, and Night Glider. The latter who had her cutie mark of a crescent moon with two feathers wrapped around it back.

“Hey, it’s you guys!” Said Pinkie.

“Yup! We thought you could use a hoof,” Said Night Glider.

“The more the merrier! Come on, everypony! We need to follow Starlight if we have any chance of getting our cutie marks back!” Said Twilight.

With no time to waste, the group followed the flight of stairs down into the depths of the secret passage. After navigating through the passage, the group emerged out of the side of a small hill on the outskirts of the village. They quickly searched the area for any signs of Starlight.

“Look!”

Rainbow Dash pointed east. Starlight Glimmer could barely be seen in the distance. Thinking quickly, Party Favor pulled some balloons out of nowhere, and inflated them. He then tied them together into a pair of binoculars. Looking into them, they allowed him to get a better view of Starlight from a distance. He noticed she was pulling a small cart containing the Mane Six and Deadpool’s cutie marks. She was running along a path leading towards a mountain range in the distance.

“She’s headed for the pass! If she makes it into those mountains, we’ll never find her!” Said Party Favor.

“These are amazing!” Said Pinkie Pie while looking through the balloon binoculars.

“There’s a whole network of caves up there! Your cutie marks will be gone forever!” Said Sugar Belle.

“Then let’s get moving, y’all!” Said Applejack.

Moving quickly proved to be a challenge for the Mane Six. Rainbow Dash flew much slower than she normally is, and the other girls were having a hard time running. Deadpool was doing a better job at running quickly, but even he was noticeably slower. Their new friends were ahead of them.

“Oh, come on!” Said Rainbow frustratedly.

“Hey, Night Glider!”

Night Glider flew back after hearing Deadpool calling for her.

“Yeah?” Replied Night Glider.

“I hope you work out, because I have an idea.”

Meanwhile, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Double Diamond had managed to catch up with Starlight. They still had some distance to cover as she was blazing ahead of them.

“Are you all so willing to give up everything because of these strangers?!” Asked Starlight bitterly.

Starlight cast a beam of magic towards some snow atop a ledge. It fell down towards the ponies, landing on and trapping Party Favor. As he dug himself out, Sugar Belle and Double Diamond kept chasing Starlight.

“We gave up everything for you, because we thought you were our friend!” Said Sugar Belle.

Meanwhile, the Mane Six were still lagging behind. They had barely gotten far on the mountain trail.

“I can’t believe we have to count on these other ponies to save our cutie marks!” Said Rainbow frustratedly.

“If we hadn’t come here to help them, they’d still be living under her rules! Now it’s their turn to help us!” Said Twilight.

“And I know they can do it!” Added Fluttershy confidentiality.

“Well, did Night Glider really have to agree with Deadpool’s harebrained plan?” Asked Rainbow.

“Whoa!”

Speaking of, Night Glider was carrying Deadpool precariously above the path. She was struggling to carry him in her arms, as evidenced by the fact he was dangling from below.

“Come on, Night Glider! If this plan is going to work, we need to fly faster!” Said Deadpool impatiently.

“I’m sorry, but you’re very heavy!” Said Night Glider.

“I guess you have a point. How can I make this easier? Oh, I know! I will eject my poo, and that should make me a couple pounds lighter!”

“For the love of Celestia, PLEASE don’t do that!”

Meanwhile, Starlight Glimmer ran across a bridge formed from the natural formation of some rocks in order to cross a ravine. Party Favor, Double Diamond, and Sugar Belle were lagging behind. Coming up with an idea on how to slow Starlight down, Sugar Belle used the magic from her horn to mold some snow into the shape of a pie.

“My newest recipe - snow pie!”

THUD!

Sugar Belle tossed the snow pie towards Starlight, and struck the breechings. They snapped in half, and Starlight fell to the ground with the girth still attached around her abdomen. The cart flipped over, and the jars containing the cutie marks fell off the bridge. Starlight quickly used her magic to catch the cutie marks just before they hit the ground below. Once she retrieved the cutie marks, she crossed the bridge. Just as her pursuers were about to cross the bridge themselves, she cast a beam of magic at the bridge.

BOOM!

The magic beam destroyed the bridge, with the three ponies pursuing Starlight just barely able to stop themselves from running off the newly formed ledge. Confident in her ability to escape, Starlight ran towards a cave in the near distance. Party Favor pulled out a lot of balloons, and created an entire bridge with them in a matter of seconds. As they crossed the bridge, the Mane Six noticed that Starlight Glimmer was getting closer to her escape point.

“She’s gonna get away!” Said Rainbow.

Twilight noticed as her friends were crossing the bridge, two other ponies flew from above rather quickly.

“I wouldn’t count on it!” Said Twilight with a confident smile.

Up ahead, Starlight Glimmer was just about to enter a cave. But as she was within a few feet of the entrance, she heard a pony yell…

“Maximum effort!”

Looking up, she saw to her surprise Night Glider and Deadpool above her. The former let the latter go, and he fell towards Starlight.

“Somepony called for an air drop?!”

BANG! BANG!

Deadpool pulled out both of his pistols, and rained magical bursts of energy from above. Having never seen such an attack, Starlight in her panicked state just dodged every shot while looking like she was dancing. Before she could even think of creating a shield, Deadpool was within striking distance.

THUD!

He landed right on top of her. Painfully getting up, Deadpool noticed a wound on his chest where he had landed on Starlight’s horn. He then saw the jars containing his and his friends’ cutie marks.

“Time to bring you trademarked tattoos back to your rightful owners.”

“No!”

“Umph!”

Before he could grab the jars, Starlight got up and then tackled him to the ground. They both wrestled each other on the ground. Starlight proved to not be a pushover outside of magic.

“Don’t make me break more than just your nose, Starlight!” Said Deadpool.

“I oughta toss you into the ravine for what you did!” Said Starlight angrily.

“Just apply some ice over your nose for the next day or two and take some pain meds, and you’ll be fine! I would know, I had broken noses all the time before I got the healing factor.”

While they were wrestling, Party Favor, Double Diamond, and Sugar Belle crossed the bridge. They along with Night Glider tried to get the cutie marks, but Starlight shot four bolts of magic at all of them, causing them to be tossed back. She then lit up the tip of her horn, and pressed it against Deadpool’s face.

“FUCK!”

Starlight created a flash of light with her magic, which instantly blinded Deadpool. As he covered his eyes in pain, she picked him up with her magic to get him off her, then threw him several feet in front of her. She then hit him in the chest with a beam of magic.

“You can’t hurt me! I’m disabled!” Said Deadpool frantically.

“You’re not that kind of disabled!” Said everyone in the area.

Deadpool pulled out one of his pistols, and fired randomly. None of his shots hit, and Starlight took the gun out of his hoof from a safe distance. She saw the others running towards the cutie marks, so she erected a shield around them. They tried to break through the shield, but it held up. With his healing factor finally kicking in, Deadpool’s vision was restored. Looking around at his surroundings for anything he could use against her, he noticed the snow all around them. Giving him an ingenious idea, Deadpool pulled out a grenade belt.

“Guys, run!”

Seeing him with the grenade belt, his friends booked it across the bridge. Also seeing the grenade belt, Starlight frantically lowered the shield around the cutie marks and raised one around herself. Deadpool pulled the pins, and threw the grenade belt towards the sky.

KA-BOOM!

Seeing the grenades explode safely above her, Starlight laughed.

“What did you think you were going to accomplish doing that?!” Asked Starlight mockingly.

“Look at what’s all around us. I hope you brought a parka,” Said Deadpool.

Looking around her, Starlight saw the snow that covered the small peaks around the cave. Realization hitting her like a truck, she had a look on her face that read “Oh, shit!” Rumbling could be heard around the area, and the snow shaked.

VWOOM!

In a split second, the snow in the area slid down rapidly around the two ponies. In the far distance, avalanches were occurring on the much higher mountain peaks. Before either one could escape, they were buried under several feet of snow. After the snow settled, all was quiet. The Mane Six and their friends ran up towards the snow. They quickly got to work to dig Deadpool out of the snow.

“Woo!”

Deadpool burst out from atop the snow pile like a red and black mole from the game Whack-A-Mole. He hollered in triumph of his victory, while his friends sighed in relief.

“I love fictional avalanches! Bet you didn’t expect me to win by dropping nature on you, Starlight! Guess you can say I won by a landslide, or should I say, snowslide?”

“That was awesome!”

Rainbow Dash flew up to the top of the snow pile, and gave Deadpool a high five.

“Don’t encourage him!” Twilight flew up to the top of the snow pile, then smacked Deadpool in the back of the head. “That was stupid and reckless!”

Rolling his eyes, Deadpool reached down in his self-made tunnel, and pulled out all of the jars containing the cutie marks.

“It helped me get these back, didn’t it?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

Rolling her eyes in response, Twilight grabbed the jars in her magic, and twisted off the lids. The cutie marks flew out of the jars, and returned to her and her friends. As soon as her cutie mark reattached itself to her flank, Twilight felt her magic flowing through her veins. She and her friends cheered as they regained their special talents.

(Yo mama’s so large, that Godzilla-)

“You really want to finish that sentence, pal?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(Shit! He can hear us again?!)

(I guess now that that equal sign cutie mark is no longer drugging us with dark magic, it’s allowing him to hear us again.)

(Aw, man! I was going to roast his penis size!)

“Yee-haw! Finally, I can buck like a five-bit snake herder in an Appleloosa ranch house again!” Said Applejack while stretching her hind legs.

“And you got your countryisms back, too!” Added Fluttershy.

A muffled sound could be heard behind them. The group looked towards the entrance of the cave, and saw a familiar lilac-colored hoof burst from the snow. Starlight Glimmer pulled herself out of the snow. Seeing the group of friends, her blood boiled. Her horn lit up, and she cast a beam of magic at the group.

Before it could strike anyone, Twilight leapt out in front of everyone, and summoned a large magenta shield. The shield absorbed the full force of Starlight’s attack, leaving Starlight dumbfounded.

“Wh- I studied that spell for years! How can you-”

“I studied magic for years too! But what I didn’t know then was that studying could only take me so far. Each of my friends has taught me something different about myself! It was their unique gifts, passions and personalities that helped bring out the magic inside of me! I never would have learned that I represent the element of magic without these six! And I certainly wouldn’t be here to stop you now!” Said Twilight.

Starlight rolled her eyes in response to her sentimental speech.

“Spare me your sentimental nonsense! I gave these ponies real friendships they never could’ve had otherwise!” Said Starlight.

“How do you know that?! You never even gave us a chance!” Countered Double Diamond.

Glaring daggers at Double Diamond, Starlight used a less potent version of the spell she used on Deadpool to blind everyone briefly. Once their vision was restored, everyone saw she disappeared. Or so they thought. They saw that the patch of snow blocking the cave entrance was cleared, and snow tracked hoofprints led into the cave. Based on this evidence, they deduced she escaped into the cave.

“She’s getting away!” Said Rainbow.

“We’ll never find her in there!” Added Double Diamond.

“We still need to try! Come on, everypony!”

Deadpool directed everyone into the cave, hoping that they could find and apprehend Starlight.

Two hours later…

For the past couple hours, the group searched every inch of the cave. In spite of all of their efforts, they couldn’t find Starlight. Leaving the cave empty-hoofed, everyone met back up at the cave entrance.

“I can’t believe she got away! Said Rainbow frustratedly.

“You saw how winding the cave’s paths were. She could have gone on either one, or even took a route we didn’t even discover,” Said Twilight.

“I doubt this is the last we have seen of Starlight. Even though it would be a classic villain cliche, she will most likely be out for revenge when the opportunity arises,” Said Deadpool.

“Hopefully, it never comes to that. We just have to hope that when she’s had the chance to think it over, she realizes you all have taught her something,” Said Twilight to her new friends.

“It’s you who have taught us something! We all came to this village because we were searching for something missing from our lives. We thought Starlight had given it to us, but now… now it seems it was in front of us all along. It’s us!” Said Party Favor.

Party Favor and his friends gathered around and embraced each other in a group hug.

“Does that mean you’ll stay in the village?” Asked Twilight.

“It’s our home. I’m not going anywhere,” Said Night Glider.

“This is a chance for all of us to get to know each other again for the very first time!” Added Double Diamond.

“And I finally have a chance to bake something besides terrible muffins!” Added Sugar Belle excitedly.

“Thank Celestia!” Exclaimed Deadpool.

The whole group laughed to their hearts content as some light snow descended from above. A few hours later, at the village, with the return of their cutie marks and true selves, and the defeat of Starlight Glimmer, the residents with the help of the group of heroes put together a party. The entire village was decorated with colorful streamers and balloons. The townsponies happily conversed with each other as their true selves for the first time. Sugar Belle was giving away scrumptious treats that she herself made, and Party Favor and Double Diamond were bouncing a beach ball around with a small group of ponies. The Mane Six and Deadpool were standing off to the side, happy to see the village ponies happy and having fun.

“Now those are real smiles!” Said Pinkie.

Suddenly, the heroes’ cutie marks glowed and pulsated.

“I’ll never get used to that,” Said Applejack.

“I think it’s divine,” Said Rarity.

“Are we being called somewhere else?” Pondered Deadpool.

“I have a feeling it means our work here is done,” Said Twilight.

“Good! I have had enough friendship quests for one week. Fighting evil cult leaders and liberating an entire village leaves you in need of a good chair to rest on,” Said Deadpool.

“Agreed,” Concurred Rarity.

“Looks like you were right, Twilight. The map did have a reason for sendin’ us here. We brought real friendship to these here ponies. Guess that’s why you’re the Princess of Friendship,” Said Applejack.

“But the map didn’t send me. It sent us. You’re a part of me, all of you. And there’s no doubt you’re a part of my mission to spread friendship too.”

Twilight and her friends embraced each other in a group hug.

“Does anypony else feel like this is an ending?” Asked Deadpool.

“It does! It doesn’t have to be an ending yet, right? ‘Cause that Sugar Belle can bake! Said Pinkie.

“Maybe we can stay a little while longer. Come on!” Said Twilight.

With her friends behind her, Twilight joined the villagers to party.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! The next chapter will be another insertion of a season five episode. So, be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 27: Home Is Where the Heart Is
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 27: Home Is Where the Heart Is

KNOCK! KNOCK!

It was early in the morning. The sun was just rising, creating a beautiful sunrise of orange and light blue across the horizon. Deadpool was already up. He was on the doorstep of Sugarcube Corner, knocking on the front door. The door opened, revealing Pinkie Pie on the other side. Even though it was the crack of dawn, she had a smile on her face and was radiating with energy.

“Morning Wade!” Greeted Pinkie Pie.

“Morning Pinkie. I just got your message. You said you need my help with something?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yup! I need help carrying Twilight back to the castle," Answered Pinkie.

“Wait, Twilight’s here? I was wondering where she’s been. I hadn’t seen her since yesterday afternoon,” Said Deadpool.

“She came here last night after helping Fluttershy with bathing all of her animals. And I mean ALL of her animals! When she came here last night, I saw how dirty she was from cleaning the animals. You should have seen her! She was coated in SO much mud! Her mane, fur, tail, ALL of it was covered in mud! So, I asked her, ‘Hey, Twilight, don’t you want to run back to the castle and take a bath?’ She got tense. Like SUPER tense! As in the kind of tense that you get when you have a very secret-y secret! Then she said ‘I’m good, Pinkie. I’ll just quickly wash my face and hooves, then I’ll help you with making pancakes’.”

“I thought that was strange, considering the fact that I was supposed to make the pancakes on my own, but who am I to turn down a friend who wants to help me?! So we baked all night, making pancakes. They were all so good, but we couldn’t decide on which kind to give to our friends! So, we decided to use ALL of the toppings! After that, Twilight fell asleep in the kitchen. I tried to carry her myself, but carrying a sleeping pony is awkward. So, that’s why I decided to contact you for help.”

After trying to comprehend everything Pinkie told him, Deadpool raised his front hooves to message his temples.

“Wow… And I thought I had a mouth. I need an aspirin when we get back to the castle. Show me where Twilight is, and I’ll help get her home,” Said Deadpool.

Pinkie Pie directed him to Sugarcube Corner’s kitchen. Once inside, the first thing he saw was Twilight. His marefriend was asleep, leaning against a counter for support. Her face was on its left side, resting against the countertop. She had patches of mud, fruit juices, and pancake batter scattered across her body. The kitchen was filled with the sound of her light snoring.

“Aw! She’s so cute when she snores! Okay, you hold her left, I will hold her right and head,” Said Deadpool.

Pinkie Pie did as she was instructed. She draped her friend’s left foreleg around her shoulders. Deadpool did the same with the opposite leg, as well as resting her head against his shoulder for support.

“This is so much easier with your assistance!” Said Pinkie.

“Mm-hmm. It’s too bad I’m not bipedal. I could carry her in my muscular toned arms, which foals fall asleep in on contact,” Said Deadpool arrogantly.

Deadpool and Pinkie carefully guided Twilight through the kitchen and the main lobby. Just as they were about to reach the front door, Pinkie failed to notice her pet baby alligator, Gummy, standing blanklessly in front of her.

“Oops!” Cried Pinkie.

“Whoa!” Cried Deadpool.

THUD!

CRASH!

Pinkie ended up tripping over Gummy. She, Deadpool, and Twilight fell forwards, causing the door to open. They fell down the small flight of stairs before landing on the ground. Shaking their heads, Deadpool and Pinkie saw that they landed facing each other. Their muzzles were practically touching. As for Twilight, she somehow had not woken up. Her front half was resting on Deadpool’s back while her bottom half dangled in front of him. Realizing their predicament, and some ponies staring at them, both the hero and party pony blushed in embarrassment.

(This is hot.)

“Shut up!” Said Deadpool to himself.

“Yeah! Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself, disembodied voice!” Added Pinkie sternly.

(Uh… How did she hear me…?)

(I don’t know…)

One hour later…

Deadpool and Pinkie returned to the Castle of Friendship. They met up with the rest of their friends in an expansive dining room. They all gathered around a large golden table, where they all ate pancakes. The pancakes were topped with whipped cream, various berries, and chocolate and peanut butter chips.

“Mm! These are delicious, Pinkie Pie!” Said Applejack.

“Thanks!” Pinkie Pie took a quick second to remove whipped cream from her face with one lick of her tongue. “Twilight spent all night helping me pick the flavor! I kept thinking we’d found the right one, but she insisted that I make even more to try! And more. And more and more and more and more! It was like she never wanted to-”

“Leave?” Guessed Fluttershy.

“Exactly! Eventually we ran out of time, so we just went with every-berry-any-chip surprise!” Pinkie leaned over to Rarity and whispered. “The surprise is I lost a measuring spoon in the batter. Somepony’s gonna get a very special pancake!”

“Up all night, huh? Is that why she’s so, uh… out of it?”

Rainbow Dash pointed at Twilight. She was asleep in her chair, and her mane and tail were still disheveled, even though her body was now clean.

“Um, I don’t mean to sound unappreciative, but has anypony else noticed that Twilight has been a little too helpful lately?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Now that you mention it, she was lendin’ a hoof at Sweet Apple Acres the other day and stuck around ‘til near midnight. Dug up fifty tree-plantin’ holes when all I needed was ten,” Said Applejack.

“She spent an entire afternoon rearranging a single gem drawer at the boutique. An entire afternoon!” Added Rarity.

“You think that’s weird?” Asked Rainbow Dash. “She raced me, like, a hundred times the other day. And lost every time! She just kept going! Best out of ten, best out of twenty, best out of a hundred! I mean, I know hanging out with me is awesome, but it was like she’d rather keep losing than-”

“Leave?” Guessed Fluttershy.

“Yeah. Who does that?” Pondered Rainbow.

“Somepony who’s avoidin’ somethin’, that’s who. Soon as she wakes up, we’re gonna find out what,” Said Applejack.

While Twilight’s friends were conversing with each other, Deadpool was secretly under the table. He pulled out a can of whipped cream, and sprayed a small amount in one of Twilight’s front hooves.

“As soon as she wakes up.’ Huh, AJ? Well, this will surely wake her up,” Said Deadpool mischievously.

(This is gonna be so hilarious!)

(I don’t recommend doing this. As soon as she finds out it was us, she won’t be pleased to say the least.)

“I have a plan.”

PLUCK!

“Ow!”

Deadpool secretly plucked one of Rainbow Dash’s feathers from her wings. He then crawled back to Twilight, and reached up towards her face. With the tip of Rainbow Dash’s blue feather, he tickled Twilight’s nose. Her nose scrunched up in irritation, and she raised her hoof that had whipped cream on it.

SPLAT!

In her sleep, Twilight smacked her nose, covering her entire face in whipped cream. This instantly woke her up, coughing up little bits of cream that entered her airways through her nose. Deadpool, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughed hysterically at her expense. Rarity on the other hand passed her a cloth napkin to wipe her face off with.

“Okay, which one of you three did it?” Asked Twilight sternly.

The three friends stopped laughing, and passed looks of confusion between each other.

“Why do you think it was one of us?” Asked Pinkie.

“Because you three are the pranksters of our social circle,” Answered Twilight.

“Uh, it was Rainbow Dash!” Said Deadpool while pointing at his friend.

“What?! I didn’t do it!” Said Rainbow irratatedly.

“Care to explain this, then?”

Twilight used her magic to reveal Rainbow Dash’s feather, which was lying on the ground. Seeing her own feather made Rainbow sweat nervously.

“What?! But I didn’t-”

“And what about the can of whipped cream in your hoof?” Questioned Deadpool.

Looking down at her hoof, Rainbow Dash saw in utter disbelief that she was holding the item in question.

“What?! But how did…? I couldn’t-”

“Guilty!” Cried Pinkie while using a rubber chicken as a gavel.

“I swear I didn’t do it! I was framed! Framed I tell you!” Said Rainbow defensively.

“We can debate about this later. Right now, we have something more important to discuss,” Said Applejack.

All of Twilight’s friends looked at her in unison.

“What?” Asked Twilight.

“Is there somethin’ you wanna tell us?” Asked Applejack.

“You know how much we appreciate all you do for us, and we simply adore having you around… but… we worry you might be… ahem… avoiding something else,” Said Rarity.

Twilight looked hesitant about giving an answer. She felt a hoof on her shoulder, and saw that it was her coltfriend’s.

“You’ve hardly been in the castle for the past few days. I’m worried about you. We all are. We just want to know what’s on your mind,” Said Deadpool.

“... Oh, has it been that obvious?” Asked Twilight glumly.

All of her friends answered her by nodding their heads.

“I’ve been… The thing is… I know it’s silly, but I… I’ve been avoiding this place.”

“(Gasp) Why in Equestria would you want to avoid such a goregeous castle?!” Asked Rarity in shock.

“Yeah, this place has everything! Big tall ceilings that make you feel tiny! Shiny new floors that are cold to the touch! Brrr! And it even has loooong empty hallways!”

As if to emphasize her point, Pinkie’s voice echoed throughout one of the castle’s hallways.

“Okay, I get it,” Said Pinkie.

“The castle is amazing, but it just… (Sigh) It doesn’t feel like home,” Said Twilight glumly.

“(Chuckles) Oh, is that all? Why, you simply need to decorate, darling. Make this space your own!” Said Rarity.

“It’s just so daunting! Look how big it is! I-I don’t even know where to start!”

“You can start by letting us do it for you. We will make this the castle of your dreams while you go to the Ponyville spa for some much needed rest and relaxation; my treat. I’m saying this with love, but…”

Rarity lifted up a hoof mirror for Twilight to look at her reflection.

“Have you looked in a mirror lately? I’ve never seen you look this… mmmm…”

“Frazzled?” Suggested Fluttershy.

“Yes! That is absolutely the word I was going to use,” Said Rarity.

“I can smell that bullshit from over here,” Thought Deadpool to himself.

“Ooh, I guess I do need a little help. And so does my castle. And I just know you’ll do a great job, because nopony knows me better than you,” Said Twilight.

Twilight saw Deadpool come within her line of sight, drawing attention to himself.

“You’re a different case,” Said Twilight while rolling her eyes.

“I have a proposal. What if I were to tag along? Think about it: You and me out on the town. Alone,” Said Deadpool.

Hearing Deadpool’s proposal made Rarity shudder.

“I saw that!” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

“That actually sounds like it could be fun,” Said Twilight.

“See? Go ahead and have breakfast, and then we can go to the spa.”

“Oh, no! Did I miss the pancakes?!”

Everyone turned to see Spike running to the table. He looked like he had just woken up, and he dropped a teal-colored blanket onto the floor. He climbed onto the table to reach for a stack of pancakes that was left out for him.

“I sleep like a baby under that cold, cavernous ceiling,” Said Spike.

“Spike, I’m so glad you’re here!” Said Rarity.

“Really?”

“Yes! When you’ve had your fill of pancakes, we’re going to need your help with decorating the castle while Twilight and Wade are out.”

“Anything for you, Rarity…! I mean, I’m happy to help all of you.”

When Spike’s back was turned, Deadpool made a mock impression of a love-smitten Spike, then made a whipping motion with his arm. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie took a bite out of one of her pancakes. When she swallowed, something large got lodged in her throat. She coughed repeatedly, which caught her friends’ attention.

“Pinkie, are you alright?” Asked Rainbow.

Unable to speak, Pinkie responded by grabbing her throat with both of her front hooves - the universal choking sign.

“She’s choking!” Said Twilight in shock.

Acting quickly, Deadpool rushed over behind Pinkie. He raised her up on her hindlegs, then bent her over at the waist, so her upper body was parallel to the floor. He then used his hoof to deliver five separate back blows between her shoulder blades. When this didn’t dislodge the foreign object in her throat, he then performed five abdominal thrusts. He alternated between back blows and abdominal thrusts, but the object wouldn’t budge.

“Come on! … Screw it! If this doesn’t work, I’m suing Nickelodeon! Breathe darn you!”

POW!

Deadpool punched Pinkie Pie directly in the stomach. The impact caused her to cough up the foreign object. It flew across the room, and hit poor Fluttershy in the forehead. It then bounced onto the table, where everyone saw it was the measuring spoon Pinkie had mentioned earlier. Everyone in the room stared at it in shock, while Pinkie took deep breaths to replenish her oxygen supply.

“... I win!” Cried Pinkie rather victoriously.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool and Twilight arrived at the Ponyville Day Spa. The building’s external appearance consisted of pale yellow walls, a flashy bluish-green fuchsia roof, and a red door with a dark yellow sign of a mare with a wavy gold mane and tail hanging from above.

Upon entering the spa, the walls consisted of various shades of purple, pink, and yellow. Various furniture pieces could be found within a large room, including a large jacuzzi, the entrance to a sauna, and massage tables. As soon as Twilight and Deadpool stepped into the spa, they were greeted by two earth pony mares. They were both nearly identical twins, with the main difference being one has a blue coat and a pink mane and tail, while the other has a pink coat and a blue mane and tail. They both even shared the same cutie mark of a lotus blossom.

“Hello, Princess Twilight!” Greeted the blue mare, speaking with a Steedish accent.

“Hi Lotus! Hi Aloe! Do you have room for two?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course! We always have room for you and your friends!” Said Lotus.

“Oh! Pardon me, Princess, but is this the coltfriend we’ve heard about from Rarity?” Asked Aloe while pointing at Deadpool.

“Yes he is. Aloe. Lotus. This is Wade Wilson.”

As Twilight gestured towards Deadpool, she found that her coltfriend had let the attention get to his head. He was doing various poses to show off his muscles while boastfully smiling. The two spa ponies laughed while Twilight rolled her eyes.

(Phew! Is it hot in here because of the sauna, or becasue of them?)

(Don’t forget who we came here with, playboy.)

“So, what could we offer you today… or do I have to ask?”

Lotus pointed at Twilight’s mane, which still had mud and sticks in it. Twilight scratched the back of her head while smiling sheepishly.

“Uh, yeah. I was hoping you could do something for my mane,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

“No offense, Princess, but what happened to it?” Asked Aloe.

“Oh, it’s a long story. Do you have any suggestions for what I should do with my mane?” Asked Twilight.

“How about the super-deluxe mane blow-out? Aside from a thorough washing, we will also stylize your mane to the current trend.”

([Snort!] She said blow!)

“Hmm… That sounds nice. I’ll have one of those, please.”

“Excellent! Follow me right this way.”

Aloe directed Twilight over to a mane washing station. Deadpool was about to go find a seat when Lotus cleared her throat to get his attention.

“Is there anything we can do for you, Mr. Wilson?” Asked Lotus.

“Uh…”

CLOP!

Deadpool heard the sound of one of his front hooves clopping against the spa floor. From this, an idea popped into his head.

“I’ll have a hooficure. No paint or polish, please,” Said Deadpool.

Nodding her head in conformation, Lotus directed Deadpool to a reclining chair.

Forty-five minutes later…

After several minutes, Deadpool’s manicure was coming to an end. Lotus was filing the edge of his left front hoof. Once she was done, she handed Deadpool his gloves.

“All done, Mr. Wilson. I hope your hooficure was to your liking,” Said Lotus.

Deadpool got up from his chair and inspected all four of his hooves. There was no sign of nonliving tissue, and his hooves were perfectly shaped. The tips of his hooves even seemed to shine.

“Wow! These look great! I almost feel bad for wanting to put my gloves and boots back on.”

Deadpool reached into one of his suit’s many pockets, and pulled out two bits. He gave them to Lotus as a tip. He then put on his gloves and boots.

(That was so emasculating.)

(Emasculating? You’re the one who sings to Katy Perry.)

(Hey! Have you listened to "Roar"? KP is one of the most inspirational artists of our time!)

“Settle down you two. Let’s check in on Twilight.”

Before he could take two steps, a letter magically appeared in front of him.

“A letter? Must be from our friends.”

Deadpool grabbed the letter and quickly read it.

Wade,

This is Spike. Do NOT bring Twilight home yet! The castle is a complete mess, and we need to tidy up before a second attempt at redecorating. Rarity says to stall Twilight until about sunset.

Sincerely, Spike.

“Seriously? What kind of mess did they make in the castle that I have to stall Twilight until sunset?” Pondered Deadpool.

(Simple answer: A clusterfuck.)

“I can do this. I am the master of tricking and stalling ponies after all.”

Deadpool walked over to the other side of the room. Twilight was sitting on a dryer chair in front of a mirror. Her tail was cleaned and groomed while the top of her head was covered by the drying hood.

“Hey, Twilight,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Hi, Wade!”

At that moment, her mane finished drying. Twilight used her magic to lift up the hood, revealing her new manestyle. Her mane was stylized to have long bangs in the front, and spiky in the back reminiscent of some punk manestyles. As soon as her coltfriend saw it, his jaw dropped to the floor.

“How do I look?” Asked Twilight.

(On a scale of one to ten: Titillating!)

“You look great! Your bangs kind of look similar to Nicky Marotta’s,” Said Deadpool.

“Who’s that?” Asked Twilight.

“Nopony…”

“Okay then… How about we head home and check on the progress our friends made?”

Before Twilight could get far, Deadpool stopped her by grabbing her shoulder.

“Wait! I’m sure our friends are doing just fine decorating the castle. Let’s enjoy ourselves while we don’t have a grand adventure to go on. We should get massages. I was thinking about getting, uh, this one!”

Deadpool grabbed a brochure and (without looking) pointed towards a particular massage option.

“You want the ‘Extra-strength-hot-stone-deep-tissue massage’?” Questioned Twilight while reading the brochure.

“Yep! I have lots of tension in my back,” Said Deadpool.

(Tension caused by years of banging babes!)

(You should be grateful that she cannot hear you, otherwise she would smack us senseless.)

“Well, I think I’ll just have a traditional massage, but you go for it,” Said Twilight with a sly grin.

(Why is she smiling like that?)

“Did somepony order massages?” Asked Aloe.

CRASH!

Suddenly, something crashed through one of the spa’s walls. When the dust settled, the source of the crash was revealed to be a very large pegasus stallion. He wore a spa uniform over his white coat of fur, had a short dirty-blond mane and tail, a barbell cutie mark, and intense red eyes. Ripped wouldn’t even begin to describe his physique. His body was so swole that his wings appeared to be vestigial.

“Yeah! Who ordered the Extra-strength-hot-stone-deep-tissue massage?” Asked the stallion.

Upon seeing the stallion who would be his masseur, Deadpool’s pupils were reduced to the size of pin pricks.

“Mother…”

Several minutes later…

Twilight stood outside the Ponyville Day Spa. She sighed blissfully as she felt that her muscles were much more relaxed after her massage.

“Great suggestion, Wade. I feel totally relaxed,” Said Twilight with a smirk.

“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow…”

Deadpool’s massage was not so relaxing. His joints were dislocated as a result of the massage. Every step he took caused his joints to pop, and burning pain pulsated throughout his body.

“You knew!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Yup,” Said Twilight.

“Bitch,” Muttered Deadpool.

“You still love me,” Sing-songed Twilight.

“Of course I still love you.”

POP! POP! POP!

Deadpool’s healing factor finally started to work. His joints popped back in alignment, causing him to curse under his breath.

“Ahh! I think one of my knees was in my rectum!” Said Deadpool painfully.

(...)

“Have nothing to say?”

(... I never want a massage from Bulk Biceps ever again…)

Deadpool looked up to the sky, looking for the sun. He saw that the sun was starting to go down, but sunset wouldn’t be for another couple hours.

“It’s a nice day today. How about we take the scenic route home?” Suggested Deadpool.

“Are you sure? I’d hate for you to fall into a manhole because you weren’t paying attention,” Said Twilight teasingly.

“Oh, ha ha. Very funny. I just want you to enjoy yourself for a few more moments before returning to the castle.”

“Hmm… Alright. Lead the way.”

With Deadpool taking the lead, the two ponies began their scenic route back to the Castle of Friendship. Several minutes later, the couple were walking down one of Ponyville’s dirt roads. There weren’t any other ponies out on the streets, creating a quiet, calm atmosphere. The only sound that could be heard was the crunching of dirt under their hooves. The sight of the various homes, structures, and flower beds and other natural decorations brought smiles to their faces.

“I’m glad I came to Ponyville,” Said Deadpool.

“Me too. Ponyville is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I've met lots of friendly faces here, and this is where I met our friends. I couldn’t imagine where I would be now if Celestia never sent me here,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool nodded his head in agreement.

“I came to Ponyville because I wanted to turn my life around. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m finally gaining some respect and have made many friends. And I’ve met the best pony in the world,” Said Deadpool affectionately.

Twilight giggled affectionately. She and Deadpool nuzzled each other, then kissed. They then continued their walk. But as they turned a corner, they saw something all too familiar to them. Lying ahead of them was the remains of the Golden Oak Library. What remained of the tree was scorched black and the plant life that grew on and around the tree were wilted due to intense heat exposure. Seeing the sight of their former home destroyed pained both of them.

“(Sigh) I really miss this place, Wade. We had so many wonderful memories here,” Said Twilight glumly.

“We did, didn’t we…?”

Deadpool and Twilight continued to look at the Golden Oak Library. Visiting the Golden Oak Library was bittersweet to them. On the one hand, visiting the library brought back fond memories, such as organizing the library’s extensive book collection, gatherings with friends, and quiet nights gazing at the stars. But on the other hand, visiting brought back the memory of Lord Tirek destroying the library while pursuing Twilight to acquire the alicorn magic, and that that they could no longer live there.

“... I don’t understand.”

“Hm?” Said Deadpool.

“I said I don’t understand. Just… Why?” Pondered Twilight glumly.

“Tirek was a power thirsty person, Twilight. He was willing to do whatever it took to acquire all the magic he could get his hands on. He was even willing to commit murder without a second thought as evidenced by what he did to me.”

“No, it’s not that. What I don’t understand is why we were given the castle instead of the library back.”

“I don’t follow.”

“If the Tree of Harmony was able to create an entire castle with its magic, then it should be reasonable to assume that it could have restored the library.”

“I guess it could. If something can turn a small chest into an entire freakin’ castle, then it should have enough power to repair a home like some kind of magical fantasy parody of “Fixer Upper”.

“Yeah, so why didn’t it?”

(Commercialism.)

Twilight sat down on her haunches, leaning her back against the charred trunk of the tree. Wade sat down next to her, and wrapped a comforting arm around her. Twilight’s eyes watered up.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding the castle. I am glad that we have it, and it’s certainly better to live there than to ask one of our friends if they could spare any room for us. But I couldn’t find it within myself to stay somewhere that doesn’t feel like home. I appreciate our friends trying to help, but I feel like I won’t be able to feel comfortable living there.”

“I miss our home, Wade. It was where Celestia arranged for me and Spike to stay while I was tasked to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration, then arranged for us to live there when I didn’t want to leave my friends. It was where I carried out my studies on the magic of friendship, and, of course, it was a library! It’s only like every reader’s dream to live in one! I want to move on, but so many memories were created here, and I just can’t seem to let it go,” Said Twilight tearfully.

“I miss it too, Twilight. During my first few years as Deadpool, I barely stayed in one place for long. Even if I did, I would live in apartments that barely met public health and safety standards. Added with the fact that I came from a dysfunctional family, I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. But after you let me stay here, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere,” Said Wade.

“And as you said, this place has so many memories. Quiet weekends binge-reading comics, rigging various spots like the bookshelves to play elaborate pranks… We even shared a kiss here out front after our first date. It may take a while longer before you can, but I know that given time and help from me and our friends, you will be able to move on while still allowing yourself to hold on to the memory of the Golden Oak Library.”

“How have you been able to cope with living in a new home?” Asked Twilight.

“Well, I was able to live in the castle because I had an epiphany after losing the library. You see, a home can be anything. It can be a big ol’ mansion in the countryside, a two floor house in the suburbs, hell, it could even be a dwelling built into the side of a hill inhabited by small fictional people. What really makes a home a home, is the people you live with,” Said Wade.

“After living with you and Spike for over a year now, I’ve felt more at home than at any other point in my life. I could be anywhere in the world, but as long as I have you by my side, I am home.”

Wade watched as a smile finally found its way onto Twilight’s face and she grew teary-eyed from his touching words. She then hugged him, which he happily reciprocated.

“Thank you, Wade. I needed that reminder of the true meaning of home,” Said Twilight.

“You’re welcome, Twi.”

As both ponies embraced each other, Deadpool looked up towards the sky to keep track of the sun’s position. It was close to the horizon, sunset would be less than an hour away. Looking at the charred trunk of the Golden Oak Library, he came up with an idea that he knew would keep Twilight preoccupied for the next hour.

“Hey, Twi?” Said Deadpool.

“Hmm?”

“There’s one more place I would like to take you before we head back to the castle.”

“Where?”

A few minutes later…

“EEEEEEEEKKKK!”

After visiting the library, Deadpool took Twilight to one of her favorite places in Ponyville, the local bookstore. It was small, but there were plenty of shelves lined with various books of many sizes, covers, and generes. Being in the presence of so many books caused Twilight to squeal in joy.

“Not a bad idea, right?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Said Twilight graciously.

“(Chuckles) Go find yourself a couple books to add to your collection; they’re on me. I’m gonna go check in on our friends, but I will be back in time to-”

Deadpool realized that Twilight was gone. It didn’t take him long to find that she was scouring through one of the bookshelves towards the back of the store.

“Hopefully when I come back she does make a decision. I’d hate for us to end up staying here past closing time and get kicked out… again,” Said Deadpool to himself.

(I never met someone with such a strong case of bibliophilia as Twilight.)

(What-io philia?)

(Bibliophilia. The love of books.)

(... She fucks books?)

(Not THAT kind of philia.)

“Come on. Let’s go see if our friends have managed to clean up their mess and succeeded with redecorating the castle.”

A few minutes later…

Deadpool was making his way back to the Castle of Friendship. He was passing by the Golden Oak Library when he heard digging sounds coming from the burnt tree. He looked towards the direction of the library, and found Applejack and Fluttershy digging around it. They were assisted by some of Fluttershy’s animal friends, including rabbits, badgers, and armadillos.

“Hey gals. Uh, what are you doing?” Asked Deadpool worriedly.

“Hey Wade. We’re just diggin’ up the roots of the ol’ library,” Said Applejack.

“Okay, here’s another question: Why are you digging up the roots of Twilight’s beloved old home?!” Asked Deadpool.

“AJ came up with an idea of making a chandelier with the roots and attaching gems depicting memorable moments of Twilight’s life here in Ponyville,” Explained Fluttershy.

“Hmm… That actually sounds like a brilliant idea. I presume it is better than what you all originally did.”

Applejack and Fluttershy bit their bottom lips. The latter walked over and gave Deadpool a photo.

“Yeah, we kind of went overboard by decorating the castle with stuff that would make us comfortable and not Twilight. Pinkie said to give this to you so you would see for yourself,” Said Fluttershy.

Deadpool looked at the photo and did a double take. The throne room was littered with crates of apples, a variety of animals, balloons, Wonderbolts memorabilia, embroidered curtains, and a large painting of Twilight and the rest of her friends. Deadpool rubbed his eyes to see if he was seeing things, but he saw to his dismay that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.

“Looks like Serious was right in that you all turned the throne room into a clusterfuck,” Said Deadpool in disbelief.

“Yeah, we got carried away,” Said Applejack sheepishly.

“Well, Twilight’s distracted with choosing some new books. If you have a spare shovel, I could assist you two before meeting back up with her,” Said Deadpool.

“Sure thing, partner!”

Applejack tossed a shovel to Wade, and they began the process of excavating the library’s roots. Deadpool scooped up a couple shovel’s worth of dirt when he heard something fall to the ground. He looked to his right, and found a large branch. Picking it up, he noticed that unlike the majority of the tree, the bark was not scorched. It even bore a cluster of oak leaves.

(Would you look at that! Looks like a part of the tree above ground did survive Tirek’s wrath.)

“Wow… I’m going to hold onto this. I think I have an idea of what I can do with it,” Said Deadpool.

One hour later…

After giving a helping hoof with digging out the roots of the Golden Oak library and transporting them to the castle, Deadpool returned to the bookstore to meet up with Twilight. The sun was finally starting to set, so he planned on bringing her back to the castle. As soon as he stepped inside, he saw Twilight’s distinctive new manestyle poking out from above one of the bookshelves.

“Hey, Twi. Are you ready to go?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yup! I’ve finally come to a decision on what I want,” Replied Twilight.

“Great, let’s get to the…”

As Twilight stepped out from behind the shelf, Deadpool’s jaw dropped. Twilight was carrying a stack of books about as tall as one of her legs with her magic. She was beaming with joy.

“Uh, Twilight. I love you, and I’m willing to pay for a new book or two, but that many books is going to be expensive,” Said Deadpool.

“I was hoping we could split,” Said Twilight with a grin.

“That’s nice and all, but even so, that would mean both of us would have to pay seventy-five bits.”

“Please…?”

Twilight gave Deadpool her best puppy-dog eyes, and they were working.

“Ugh, those eyes…” Said Deadpool, his voice strained.

(Don’t give in, brother! Funds before hoes!)

“... (Sigh) Okay. Rarity did pay for the spa trip, so I suppose we can split the price for your books,” Said Deadpool with an affectionate smile.

“Yay!” Cheered Twilight sweetly.

“I know you're going to read them, so it won’t be a waste of money. In fact, I am willing to bet that you will get through all your books by next week.”

(No! No bets! We can’t lose any more bits! [Sob] You fuckin’ fool!)

(Speaking of fools, can we get the onomatopoeia for a cracking whip, author?)

(Uh, why?)

(Because we need to make this go full circle for what Wade did to Spike behind his back earlier in the chapter.)

(Oh. Sure, why not?)

WHAAHH-PSSH!

After purchasing Twilight’s new books, both she and Deadpool made their way back to the Castle of Friendship. As soon as they arrived, Deadpool opened the front door for Twilight.

“Hello? We’re home!” Said Twilight.

“Welcome home!”

Twilight and Deadpool’s friends ran up to the entrance to greet them. They took notice of the former’s wild new manestyle.

“Twilight. Your mane,” Said Fluttershy.

“Lotus and Aloe stylized it for me. Do you guys like it?” Asked Twilight.

All of Twilight’s friends (except for a certain fashionista) said yes in unison. Rarity was about to speak her mind when she saw Deadpool quietly getting her attention. He pointed towards her, then mimed suggestively that he would slam her into the ground. He pretended to hold something in his hooves, then beat the spot he implied he would toss her. He then dragged the tip of his hoof over his neck, suggesting that he would slice her throat. He then pretended to dig a hole, tossed her inside, and lit a match and tossed it in said hole.

By the time he was done with getting his point across, Rarity closed her mouth in fear. Noticing her friend was terrified, Twilight looked behind her. She only saw Deadpool whistling to himself. Setting aside her suspicions, she walked down the castle’s hallways with her friends behind her. She noticed that the hallways had the same decorations as when she left earlier today.

“Oh, I, uh… love what you’ve done with the place. You did such a good job of… preserving the integrity of the original design,” Said Twilight.

“Well, it took us a while to realize our original ideas for decorations were what would have made us comfortable in our own homes instead of yours. While coming up with ideas on what you loved about living in the library, Applejack came up with an idea,” Said Rarity.

“I can’t take all of the credit. We all recounted how many memories we all made at the library. That’s when I realized what really makes home feel like home isn’t what it looks like. It’s the memories you make when you’re there,” Said Applejack.

“So we’ve made something that celebrates the memories we’ve made with you since you moved to Ponyville,” Said Rarity.

Once the group of friends arrived at the entrance to the throne room, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy opened the large doors. Twilight was awestruck by the sight before her. Hanging on the ceiling above the cutie map was the roots of the Golden Oak Library. It was made into a chandelier, with each root decorated with gems. Upon closer examination, each gem depicted a moment of Twilight’s life since her arrival in Ponyville.

“The ornaments on the chandelier are reminders of all the fun we’ve had together,” Explained Fluttershy.

“That one shows your party at the Golden Oak Library welcoming you to Ponyville,” Said Pinkie.

“This one shows the time we shared doughnuts after the Grand Galloping Gala.”

“That one shows a picture of you and Wade looking at the stars on Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“Uh, how did you get a picture of us that night, Pinkie? We didn’t have a camera nor invited you to that,” Said Deadpool.

“Umm…”

“Pinkie,” Said Deadpool sternly.

“Okay! I secretly took a picture while hiding in a tree! I didn’t mean to stalk you, I just like your guy’s ship!” Said Pinkie tearfully.

“Okay, okay. Calm down, Kawaii-Chan. I’m glad you like our relationship. Just don’t take pictures of us without telling us again, okay?”

“Okie dokie loki!”

“Ah-Ahem! We were hoping that being able to look at your beautiful old memories would inspire you to make new ones,” Said Rarity.

“And the best part of it is it’s made from the roots of the Golden Oak Library, so you’ll never forget where you came from,” Said Applejack.

Twilight continued to look at the chandelier. Her friends exchanged nervous glances between each other. After looking at the chandelier for a few more seconds, she turned to face her friends. Her eyes were brimming with tears, but she was smiling.

“It’s exactly what the castle needed.” Twilight ran over and embraced her friends in a group hug. “I am ready to make new memories here, and with all of you.”

“I helped with my own peptalk!” Said Deadpool.

“Let’s start right now with a new memory cake!”

In a flash, Pinkie disappeared. Just as quickly, she returned. She was carrying a seven layer rainbow-colored cake on her back.

“Seven layer what’s-that-flavor mystery surprise! These might be chocolate chips or they might be super-spicy black beans!” Said Pinkie.

“Let’s go to the dining room.”

Twilight directed her friends to the dining room, which was a short walk from the throne room.

“It’s a little sparse, but at least there’s a table and chairs. Whoa!”

As soon as Twilight opened the doors, she saw that the dining room had changed. It was filled with lavish furniture, regal banners, and even a golden chandelier.

“What happened in here? Last I checked, this place was empty!” Said Twilight.

“I couldn’t help myself! It was just begging for the personal touch!” Said Rarity.

“Truth be told… I couldn’t either. Your kitchen might have some rustic farm decor, Twilight,” Said Applejack.

“And there may or may not be some Daring Do posters up in your library,” Added Rainbow.

“And some stuffed animals in your bedroom,” Added Fluttershy.

“Well, if we all are going to add our own personal touches to the castle, I would like to install a wine cellar in the castle. Or at least a mini fridge to stash some beer in,” Said Deadpool.

BOOM!

“Ah!”

THUD!

As Deadpool went to take a seat, he found himself and his chair launched into the air. He then fell down to the ground, landing painfully on his back. Some confetti also rained down from above.

“Ow…”

“What was that?!” Asked Twilight in shock.

“(Sigh) One of Pinkie Pie’s confetti cannons,” Said Applejack.

“What? It’s not my fault I hid them so well!” Said Pinkie.

“Ha! That’s karma for threatening me!” Said Rarity.

“That was a bit extreme, wasn’t it?” Muttered Deadpool painfully.

“And that is also karma for framing me for your prank on Twilight!” Said Rainbow angrily.

“Wade, that was you?” Asked Twilight.

“Is that really surprising? How did you even figure it out, Skittles?” Asked Deadpool.

“You were the one who blamed me!” Said Rainbow.

“Okay, clearly everyone who I had done wrong today has been given retribution. Now, can somepony give me an Ibuprofen, please?” Asked Deadpool.

With a roll of her eyes, Twilight used a spell to summon a container of her coltfriend’s requested medication.

Two weeks later…

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Hearing a knock on the door, Spike went to answer it. Upon opening the door, he saw a small package that was addressed to Wade. He picked it up and went to the castle library. Once there, he found Wade resting in a chair while Twilight was reading a book.

“Wade, there is a package for you.”

Spike gave Wade the package. He opened it, revealing a tin box inside.

“Ooo! It arrived!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

“What is it?” Asked Twilight.

“Check it out!”

Deadpool opened the box. Inside was a KM2000 combat knife. It had a stainless steel alloy blade that was 6.7 inches long, and a wooden handle.

“A knife?” Questioned Twilight.

“Yup! It’s my newest KM2000! Isn’t it cool?!” Asked Deadpool.

“It sure is! Can I hold it?” Asked Spike.

“Sure thing, little man.”

Deadpool gave Spike the knife. The little dragon was only able to hold on to it for two seconds before Twilight flipped out and took it from him.

“Wade! Don’t give Spike a knife! It’s a dangerous weapon!” Said Twilight sternly.

“Twilight, a knife is an object. It is only dangerous when used irresponsibly or with ill intentions,” Countered Deadpool.

(So, ponies like us.)

“Shut up!”

Twilight reluctantly gave Deadpool the knife back, which he put in a scabbard that was attached to his right hind leg.

“You want to know what’s really cool about the knife?” Asked Deadpool.

“What?” Asked Twilight annoyedly.

“The handle was made from the wood of the Golden Oak Library.”

“It… was?”

“Yes. I helped Applejack and Fluttershy dig up the roots for the chandelier while you were in the bookstore. I found a branch that was unscathed from Tirek’s attack. I know a stallion from Trottingham that makes knives for a living. So, I shipped it to him and he used it to make the handle. I wanted to have my own piece of the library, so what better way than to use part of it to make one of my favorite weapons?”

“Aw, Wade.”

Touched by his actions, Twilight hugged Deadpool. Deadpool noticed Spike in front of them looking left out. He grabbed Spike, and lifted him up between himself and Twilight. Feeling delighted, Spike joined in the hug. All three of them chuckled affectionately as they continued their hug.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everypony! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This chapter took place in the season five episode "Castle Sweet Castle". Be sure to stay tuned, because Deadpool, Twilight, and one other ally will have to face against arguably one of the most powerful beings in the Marvel Universe, and the Merc With A Mouth will have to face his past and his fears. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 28: When Nightmares Are Your Reality
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 28: When Nightmares Are Your Reality

Out on the open sea, there was a large pirate ship. It looked like any other pirate ship, except the sail had Deadpool’s logo on it. Oddly, below deck, the interior looked like a fancy restaurant. Complete with gold decor, white tablecloth tables, and various paintings of Deadpool. Speaking of, the Merc with a Mouth was sitting at a table in the center.

“I hope everything’s to your liking. If I knew you were coming, I would’ve put more thought into this dream,” Said Deadpool.

Sitting across from him was this reality’s version of Mistress Death. While she can take on many forms, she chose to appear as a ghostly white alicorn, with blank, soulless eyes, and markings that made her face resemble a skull. Wrapped around her figure was a black cloak.

“It is alright, Wade. This dream is lovely as it is. Although, I believe some music would be appropriate, wouldn’t you agree?” Asked Death.

“(Gasp) How could I forget?! I’ll summon the Bith band that appeared in “A New Hope”.”

Clapping his hooves together, Deadpool summoned a band of Bith; pale pink, large eyed humanoids. They then played the song “Cantina Band”.

“There, that’s better. You got to love the classics,” Said Deadpool.

Just then, a silver serving cart caught Deadpool’s attention. The cart was operated by a grey cat that had a Pop-Tart for a body. It lifted a silver platter with its head and placed it on the table. Deadpool patted the cat on the head, in which it purred in content. He then grabbed it, and pulled its tail back.

KA-BOOM!

When he let go, the cat launched through the air, leaving a rainbow behind it. It then exploded into a bunch of candy. Deadpool lifted a lid off the silver platter, revealing a bunch of tacos.

“Want one?” Asked Deadpool.

“No, thank you. Ignoring this is a dream, I have no need to feed,” Said Death.

“Suit yourself.” Deadpool wasted no time stuffing his face with tacos. “So, what brings you to the hell hole that is my mind?”

“Oh, you know. It’s been a while since we last spoke to each other, so I thought I would come by to say hello.”

“That’s nice of you,” Said Deadpool while chewing.

“I also wanted to congratulate you,” Said Death.

Looking at Mistress Death with a look of confusion, Deadpool swallowed an entire taco whole.

“Congratulate me? For what?” Asked Deadpool.

“Your relationship with Princess Twilight Sparkle, of course,” Said Death.

Deadpool’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. Considering his past affections for the personification of death, bringing up the topic of his current relationship with Twilight made him nervous. He tugged on the collar of his suit due to nerves.

“Um, thank you,” Said Deadpool nervously.

“You seem nervous, Wilson,” Said Death.

“Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Does it bother you at all that I’m seeing a different mare? Considering the fact that you and I…”

“It doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I couldn’t be more pleased.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You deserve to be happy, Wade. Because of your healing factor, you most likely will live for a very long time. There was no guarantee that you and I would be able to be together within an average pony’s lifetime. You deserve to be happy while you still persist in the mortal world. I can tell that she has had a positive impact on your life.”

Thinking about Twilight, Deadpool smiled under his mask.

“She has. Before I met her, I’ve been in relationships with twenty-eight-”

“Ah-Ahem!”

“Ugh! Thirty other mares. I’ve been with angels, devils, and everything in between, but none of them have made me as happy as Twilight does. Except for maybe…" Deadpool shook his head to rid himself of his current thought. "In all my thirty years of life, I had never felt so valued by another pony until I met her. I was on my own for most of my life, and I had accepted that. But now, I can’t imagine spending another day without her there with me.”

“That’s sweet. In that case, since your attention will be devoted to her, I will come by only on occasion to chat. Most likely before you come back to life after dying by some horrific act.”

“Oh, come on. You don’t have to do that. I know that if she was aware of your existence, Twilight would be cool with you seeing me. After all, she got over her jealousy of Domino. Besides, who could replace me as your favorite pony to visit?” Asked Deadpool arrogantly.

“Well, I have been considering seeing Thanos,” Answered Death.

Deadpool was drinking a large glass of beer. When he heard Death mention the Mad Titan, he did a spit take.

“Thanos?! Seriously?!”

“What can I say? He’s quite the interesting man.”

“What does scrotum-chined Barney have that I don’t?!”

“For starters, he’s taller than you. He also has an army of intergalactic proportions. His name is known across the entire universe, his birth name literally means death, and there’s something about the way he talks that is captivating.”

“... I’ll admit, Josh Brolin does have an awesome voice. But geez, that was harsh!”

“You asked.”

"Please, you only have a remote interest in him because he wipes out entire civilizations before breakfast."

"Indeed. When you're not around, I have to entertain myself somehow."

“Don’t you have some souls to bring to the afterlife or some shit?” Asked Deadpool annoyedly.

“I do.” Mistress Death got up from her seat. As she summoned a portal with a wave of her hoof, she turned to Deadpool.

“Wade?”

“Yeah?”

“Do me a favor. Don’t screw up your relationship with Princess Twilight.”

“How could I screw it up?”

“I’m serious, Wilson. She may be your last chance of achieving true happiness. I would hate for it to end because of something you did.”

“Fair enough. I vow to do my best to maintain my relationship with Twilight.”

“Thank you. I shall make my leave now.”

Before she left a green fog appeared, catching Mistress Death’s attention.

“Did you conjure this, Wade?” Asked Death.

“No. Hold on, I can make it go away.”

Deadpool put his hooves on his forehead, and tried to think the fog away. The only thing that occurred was the area turned pitch black. Mistress Death held a hoof up to the fog and inspected it. It didn’t take her long to identify it. In fact, she seemed startled by it.

“Wade, listen to me very closely. You will be at the mercy of an omnipotent being. If you are to free yourself, you will have to overcome your fears, and gather strength from those you cherish most,” Said Death.

“What do you mean by-”

The fog intensified, turning Deadpool’s surroundings green. He could no longer see Mistress Death or anything else for that matter.

“Death? Death? Who’s here?” Shouted Deadpool.

Suddenly, Deadpool found himself wrapped up in green chains. He was then pulled into the depths of the fog.

“Whoa!”

Meanwhile…

Infinite.

Darkness was everywhere. There was no light, no signs of life, just an eternal void.

PING!

Suddenly, a small spark of light appeared in the dark. A sillholute formed around it, then a whole pony appeared. It was none other than the Princess of the Night - Princess Luna. As soon as she appeared, an explosion of light filled the void around her. In every direction, small orbs of light shined like stars, shunning away the dark.

This is the Dream Realm. A realm outside the mortal plane made up of the collective psyche of unconscious beings. Each orb represented the dream of an individual pony, griffon, dragon, and more. Every night, Princess Luna acts as a guardian over the dreaming denizens of Equestria and the greater Earth. It is her duty to keep them safe from nightmares that may plague them.

Even though she appeared to be floating in space, Luna was able to walk as if she were on solid ground. She walked over to and inspected each dream. Thankfully, she had yet to find any dreams being plagued by nightmares. So, she took note of what each person was dreaming of. Her favorite dream so far was Applejack’s, where she was polishing an apple the size of a small barn.

“Everyone is in the blissful state of a good dream. That’s always good to see. A nightmare can haunt someone, even in the waking world, and have harmful effects on their psyche. That’s why it is important for me to find those who are in the midst of one, and help them conquer their fears, so they can sleep peacefully,” Said Luna to herself.

And so, she continued her task of seeking out nightmares. She couldn’t dawdle for too long. She had to pay a visit to each dream before the sun rises in the morning, and there are countless dreams that need her attention. Even though the average person doesn’t remember every dream they have, they nonetheless dream every night. So, she has to inspect all dreams, even if their creators won’t remember them the following morning.

As she was walking past a dream that she recognized as belonging to Rarity, she saw a flicker of green light from the corner of her right eye. She turned her head to the right, and saw a small green light in the distance.

“I better investigate that light. If it’s a nightmare, I need to help the person who is its unwilling host.”

Princess Luna walked towards the green light. As she got closer to it, she felt a chill running down her spine. Once she got to the light's position, she found its source. The light was created by a green fog that was swirling around a dream. Seeing the fog, Luna’s pupils contracted to the size of pinpricks.

“No… It can’t be…”

Luna rushed over to the dream. Lighting the tip of her horn, Luna cast a spell on the fog, causing it to dissipate like smoke from a chimney. To her surprise, it reappeared around the dream. She stepped back in dismay.

“It’s even worse than I thought! He’s grown too powerful! My spells can’t counteract his!”

Luna observed the fog and the dream it enveloped. An image of a red mask with black markings around the eyes appeared in the dream. She recognized the mask as belonging to Deadpool, frightening her even more.

“He’s after Wade Wilson! I need to save him before he can gather enough power to capture every sleeping pony at once, and subject them to their worst nightmares. But with all of the power he has already managed to acquire, I may not be able to beat him on my own. I need help from somepony who Wade has a special connection to. And I know exactly who I need.”

Princess Luna’s horn lit up once again, and her form faded away.

12:14 A.M.

All was quiet at the Castle of Friendship. None of its inhabitants were awake. Twilight Sparkle was asleep in her bed, with her coltfriend, Wade Wilson, sleeping to her right.

“Twilight.”

Twilight’s face scrunched up in her sleep in response to someone saying her name.

“Twilight.”

Twilight groaned, starting to stir from her slumber.

“Twilight Sparkle.”

“AHHHHHHHH!”

Feeling a hoof on her shoulder, Twilight instantly woke up and screamed at the top of her lungs. Frantically scanning her surroundings, she found who had woken her up. Standing in front of her was Princess Luna, who also seemed startled.

“Princess Luna?! What are you doing in my room?!” Asked Twilight while holding her hoof over her chest.

“I apologize, Twilight. I needed to have an audience with you. I would have told you I was coming in your dreams, but you were not in REM sleep. So, I used an emergency key that you gave to Celestia and I when you acquired the castle and came in here,” Explained Luna.

“Oh. I suppose that makes sense,” Said Twilight.

“Were you reading late again?” Asked Luna.

“Yes,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

Zzz…

Twilight looked over to her sleeping coltfriend. The ruckus didn’t wake him up. He was out cold. His snoring filled the entire room.

“Well, it’s nice to know if an actual threat came into the castle late at night, you’ll be ready to defend me,” Said Twilight sarcastically to her sleeping coltfriend.

“That’s actually why I am here, Twilight. I’m afraid even if he wanted to wake up, he won’t be able to,” Said Luna.

“Why not?”

“Because he has fallen victim to an old enemy of mine - Nightmare.”

“Nightmare? You’re not talking about Nightmare Moon, right?” Asked Twilight.

Luna shook her head in response.

“Then I’m afraid I don’t know who you are referring to,” Said Twilight.

“It doesn't surprise me. Very few individuals are aware of his existence. Only I and some sorcerers know he exists, and even then, what we do know about him is limited.”

Lighting up her horn, Princess Luna summoned a navy blue journal.

“What is that?” Asked Twilight inquisitively.

“This is a journal I write in. It contains inscriptions of the many things I have encountered in the Dream Realm,” Explained Luna.

She opened up the journal and flipped through the various pages. They contained drawings both old and new. Each entry was likely revised whenever new information was discovered. The various entries were written not in Modern Ponish but in an ancient language similar to Olde Ponish. Luna stopped on one entry spanning two pages.

There was a drawing of what Twilight believed to be a stallion’s head. She guessed that based on the length of the horn he was an alicorn. His skin was as pale as the moon, and his medium length, black mane with white streaks was unkempt. He had fanged teeth, and green glowing eyes with black markings around them. This stallion unsettled Twilight.

“His origin is shrouded in mystery,” Said Luna. “The leading theory is that he is as old as pony consciousness itself. He is a member of a group of beings known as the Fear Lords. They acquire their power from the fear of others. In Nightmare’s case, he captures a sleeping pony’s astral form, and torments them with dreams of their deepest, darkest fears. The more fear he acquires, the stronger he becomes. Because he preys on sleeping ponies, he and I have fought on a few occasions.”

“The last time I encountered him was over a thousand years ago before my banishment. He had acquired enough power to hold every sleeping pony in Equestria hostage and feed off their fears. I was the only one to avoid capture, and I nearly managed to beat him.”

“I’m afraid that your coltfriend has become his latest victim. Unless he can defeat him, he won’t be able to wake up until Nightmare has had his fun. And even then, Nightmare’s torment could leave scars on his psyche… Well, more than there are already.”

“If he is as powerful as you say he is, how would Wade be able to beat him?” Asked Twilight concerningly.

“As powerful as fear makes him, his source of power is a double-edged sword. If Wade can overcome his fears, then Nightmare would be powerless against him. That’s why I believe if I were to bring you with me, and we find Wade’s astral form, you could help him conquer his fears,” Explained Luna.

“Wade would do anything to save me, and I would do the same. If facing Nightmare and helping him get through his fears is what I have to do to save him, then that’s what I will do!” Said Twilight determinedly.

“I knew I could count on you. Nightmare would have taken Deadpool’s astral form back to his domain - the Nightmare Realm.”

“The Nightmare Realm? A little too on the nose, isn’t it?”

“(Chuckles) Indeed. It’s a realm within the Dream Realm, where I watch over sleeping ponies. I know a spell that can get us there. I had hoped that I would never have to use it ever again, but Nightmare has left us with no other options.”

Closing her eyes, Princess Luna concentrated her magic to the tip of her horn. Her eyes opened, revealing a greenish glow. She then cast a beam of magic, creating a green portal. Once the spell was complete, her eyes returned to normal, and she sighed out of exhaustion.

“Are you alright?” Asked Twilight.

“I will be alright. Let’s be on our way,” Said Luna.

Princess Luna stepped through the portal to the Nightmare Realm. Twilight got out of bed and was about to follow her when she looked back at Deadpool. She walked over to his side of the bed, then kissed him on the cheek.

“Hang in there, Wade. I’m coming.”

Twilight walked over to the portal, and, with a determined look on her face, stepped through it. She shortly found herself in the Nightmare Realm, and she quickly saw why it was named so. The sky was gloomy and grey with no light shining through. The same green fog that was in Deadpool’s dream covered the ground. All around the landscape were giant mountains made up of the skulls of various creatures, including ponies. And flying up above the sky were swarms of eyes with bat wings. Seeing the nightmarish surroundings sent a shiver down Twilight’s spine.

“Well, this place certainly looks like one big nightmare,” Said Twilight nervously.

“It is.”

Twilight turned around and saw Princess Luna. She was the only thing that made her feel comfortable in this otherwise eerie realm.

“This realm is where Nightmare’s victims are taken, so he can draw fear from them. We will have to navigate our way through here in order to find Deadpool’s astral form. We will be looking for a door. It serves as a gateway into the dreams that Nightmare uses to terrify his captives. Once we go in, we will have to navigate through his nightmares in order to find him and Wade,” Explained Luna.

“But this place is so huge. Where would we begin to look?” Asked Twilight.

“For easy access, it will most likely be near Nightmare’s throne.”

Princess Luna pointed straight ahead. On top of the largest mountain of skulls was a throne made from the skull of a large, monstrous beast.

“I know that you have a better sense of the layout of this place. Go ahead and lead the way,” Said Twilight.

Nodding her head in agreement, Princess Luna made her way towards the throne, with Twilight following close behind her. As they made their way to the throne, Twilight noticed that they were being watched. A murder of crows with glowing red eyes perched atop various skulls and watched both princesses.

KAW! KAW! KAW!

“Eek!”

Startled by the gruff caws of the crows, Twilight ran and pressed herself against Luna’s side. Seeing the young Princess’s fear, Luna wrapped a comforting wing around her shoulders.

“Remember, Twilight, nightmares are just that, nightmares. Even in a realm made up of them, they are only real if you allow them to be. Push past your fears, and nothing here will harm you,” Said Luna.

Taking Luna’s advice to heart, Twilight took a moment to breathe and collect herself. Feeling more courageous, she looked at the crows again. They instantly faded away, ceasing to exist now that she was no longer afraid. Seeing the results of conquering her fears made Twilight smile.

“Thank you, Luna. I’ll be sure to take your words to heart when we go up against Nightmare,” Said Twilight.

“Of course, Twilight. Let’s keep going.”

And so, the two princesses went on their way to Nightmare’s throne. After a few minutes of walking, Princess Luna pointed ahead of them. Several feet away, standing at the base of the mountain where Nightmare’s throne rested atop of was a mahogany door. Knowing that was where her coltfriend was, Twilight teleported over there with Luna following suit. Upon arriving at the door, Twilight reached out towards the knob to open it. She rested her hoof on the doorknob, then looked back at Luna.

“What should we expect to come across?” Asked Twilight.

“Since Nightmare draws strength from his victims' fears, we will most likely encounter Wade’s inner thoughts and memories since they will be used against him,” Answered Luna.

Now having a better idea of what’s lying ahead, Twilight opened the door, and entered. Upon entering the door, she was blinded by a bright light. Once her vision returned, she found herself and Luna standing in a white-colored void. Princess Luna walked forward, with Twilight hesitantly following behind her. The void was not completely empty. Various things floated by, including a giant taco, a tank that fires cherrychangas, a purple and blue llama pinata that vomited candy, a golden gauntlet with six stones, and a Tyrannosaurus rex dressed in a Deadpool costume.

“What is this place?” Asked Twilight.

“A void in between dreams. Each void is unique to the dreamer. Most of Nightmare’s victims wind up in these trying to escape. If they end up here, they can temporarily find sanctuary before Nightmare catches up with them and traps them in another nightmare,” Explained Luna.

“Mwahahaha!”

Suddenly, evil laughter filled the void, stopping the two heroes in their tracks. Searching for the source of the maniacal laughter, they quickly witnessed a giant eye with a red iris form in the air above them.

“Ah! If it isn’t my favorite Princess, Luna,” Said the eye with a deep, wicked voice.

“Nightmare,” Replied Luna annoyedly.

“What’s with the annoyance in your tone, Luna? After all this time, I would’ve thought you would be happy to see your old flame, my beautiful belladonna,” Said Nightmare flirtatiously.

Princess Luna scoffed in response to Nightmare’s attempt at flirting.

“Old flame? What is he talking about, Princess?” Asked Twilight.

“Don’t listen to anything Nightmare has to say about us, Princess Twilight. His flirting is merely one sided. When we first met in the Nightmare Realm, he was instantly attracted to me. When I refused his advances, he captured me and attempted to violate my person in order to create offspring to carry out his quest of spreading fear. Thankfully, I escaped, and he learned what happens to one’s privates when they try to touch a mare’s without her consent,” Explained Luna.

“GUGH!”

Suddenly, the eye caught fire as Nightmare cried out in anger.

“To this day the other Fear Lords have not lived that down! Ugh… no matter. I see that you have brought an ally. The newly crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle," Said Nightmare.

"We're here to free Wade. It would be wise of you to release him now before we find you," Said Twilight.

"I think you will find your efforts to be fruitless, little princess. He is mine now, and I have already acquired so much power from his fears. If you find me, I will draw power from your fears as well, becoming even more powerful."

"We know you're powerless against those who push past their fears. Nothing you do will affect us."

"That may be true for now, but I will find a way to make you tremble before me. It's all a matter of finding the right fear. In the meantime, I will have my servants deal with you. And believe me when I say they are very real."

The eye disappeared, and the void was filled with demonic screams. Suddenly, an entire horde of demonic creatures that looked like ponies with bat-like wings and four glowing red eyes appeared from thin air. They had the princesses surrounded from all sides. In response, they stood back to back.

"What are these things?!" Asked Twilight.

"Oh, you know. Demons, succubi, beings that Nightmare would employ to carry out his orders," Said Luna nonchalantly.

RAGH!

A demon leapt towards Twilight with claws protracting from their hooves. Reacting quickly, she summoned a magenta magic shield. The demon’s claws raked downwards, but the shield endured. She then launched her shield at her opponent, knocking it several feet away. Three demons rushed towards Luna at once when she lit her horn.

SHING!

Princess Luna conjured a crescent shaped blade made of blue magical energy. She tossed it at the demons, cutting them in half from the waist down, turning them to dust. Twilight fired shards of magical energy at the demons in front of her, impaling many of her opponents in the chest.

Princesses Luna and Twilight cast beams of magic at the demonic creatures, turning them to dust. While they managed to defeat several minions, they were finding themselves swarmed from all directions.

“Ah!”

While her back was turned, Twilight was tackled from behind by a demonic creature. As she struggled to shake it off of her, it went to bite her in the neck. Before it could sink its fangs in, a bolt of magic shot through its head. After it faded away, Twilight looked up, seeing Luna holding a hoof towards her. She grabbed it, and she was brought back onto her hooves.

“Thanks,” Said Twilight.

“No problem,” Said Luna.

Now that Twilight was saved, she and Luna continued to ward off the creatures. As they continued to fight, the horde of Nightmare’s minions continued to grow. The space between them and their aggressors was getting shorter with every second.

“They’ve got us surrounded! We won’t be able to fight them off for much longer!” Said Twilight.

“Not if we can help it. Princess Twilight, do exactly as I do.”

Princess Luna lit up her horn, and levitated in the air. Twilight followed her example, and both of their horns crackled with magical electricity.

VWOOM!

Both princesses created a large, powerful burst of magical energy. All of the creatures faded away upon contact. Checking their surroundings, they found no more of Nightmare’s minions. They both sighed in relief.

“That was intense! You’ve faced those things before?!” Asked Twilight to Princess Luna.

“Countless times. The only difference is I had an ally fighting alongside me this time around where I usually fight them alone. There will be more, so we will have to continue forward,” Said Luna.

With Nightmare’s minions taken care of, the princesses continued to travel across the void. After what felt like a couple minutes, they came across another wooden door. Luna opened it, letting Twilight through first. Upon walking through the door, they found an empty room that was filled with green fog.

“What is this fog? Will we find Nightmare and Wade on the other side?” Asked Twilight.

“Maybe. Those enveloped in this fog will see nightmares created by Nightmare. This particular strand will most likely reveal Wade’s nightmares. We will have to get through it in order to find Wade,” Explained Luna.

“Well, let’s get this over with.”

Twilight was about to walk into the fog when she felt a hoof on her shoulder. She looked back, and saw Luna with a grim look on her face.

“Twilight, before you go in there, I just need to warn you that you may see things that Wade doesn’t like to talk about. Many events that transpired in Wade’s early life shaped his fears and the choices he has made,” Said Luna.

Nodding her head in understanding, Twilight walked through the fog. As soon as she stepped in, she found her surroundings were altered. She appeared to be in a home kitchen.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Twilight heard knocking coming from a door on the other end of the kitchen. She then heard the sound of hoofsteps clopping against the floor. She saw something run by her, realizing it was a young earth pony colt. He appeared to be no older than five years of age. He had a brown coat, medium length black mane, brown eyes, and a cutie mark was absent from his flank. He ran up to the door, giggling happily.

“Who’s that?” Pondered Twilight.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Who’s there?” Asked the colt.

“Cash,” Said a masculine voice from the opposite side of the door.

“Cash who?”

The door opened up, revealing an earth pony stallion. He was fairly tall, five inches taller than the average stallion. He had a pale brown coat, a short brownish blond mane, and brown eyes.

“Yes! I’ve always known you were a bit nutty!” Said the stallion.

The young colt laughed, then leapt towards the older stallion. The stallion grabbed the colt in a hug, and chuckled fondly. Seeing the fondness between the two ponies and the knock knock joke they acted out, a realization came to Twilight.

“Wait, that knock knock joke! That colt must be Wade! And if that’s the case, then is that his father?” Pondered Twilight.

“(Chuckles) I love ya, kid,” Said the stallion warmly.

“Daddy!” Said Wade happily.

Suddenly, the room went dark. When the light returned, Wade and his father were gone. A few seconds later, Twilight heard hoofsteps again. Wade ran past her again, and sat by the door eagerly. Twilight noticed that there wasn’t a knock at the door like before. She watched as Wade waited patiently for his father to come to the door.

She saw a wall clock on the wall adjacent to the door speed up. Minutes and hours went by in seconds. Every ten seconds, a calendar next to the door would skip over a month. After what felt like two minutes, the clock hands returned to a normal pace, and a new calendar marked a year after Wade first sat by the door.

Twilight watched as the young Wade sadly walked away from the door. He turned back to look at the door, then continued to walk away with his head hung low. Realizing what had happened the previous year, seeing Wade so distraught broke Twilight’s heart.

“Oh, Wade…”

The room went dark again, and green fog filled the room. When it cleared up, Twilight found herself standing in a school hallway. The hallway was packed with students that were either grabbing materials from lockers that were on the sides of the hall, walking to their next class, or hanging out talking amongst each other.

Twilight quickly found Wade, who was searching for something in his locker. He appeared to be late middle school age and his mane was shorter than when he was a younger colt. Even though many years had passed, Twilight could see he still lacked a cutie mark.

“Hey!”

Twilight heard someone shout. She turned around, and saw a bunch of colts about Wade’s age surrounding a pegasus colt who was a couple years younger than them. A dark blue pegasus colt with a short sky blue mane and a welding torch with a lightning bolt cutie mark pushed the young pegasus colt, who had a white coat and a short black mane.

“Why are you doing this?” Asked the young pegasus meekly.

“You walked into me, klutz. That is disrespectful, and it won’t go unpunished,” Said the large pegasus.

“I’m sorry! It was an accident, I swear!”

“Where I’m from, sorry doesn’t cut it. When I’m through with you, you’ll watch your step for the rest of the year.”

Watching this display of bullying angered Twilight. As she restrained herself from growling, she looked back at Wade. He saw what was happening, but he turned back towards his locker.

“Come on, Wade! Say something!” Said Twilight.

“Help!”

The older bully pegasus grabbed the young pegasus by the neck and lifted him in the air. To Twilight’s horror, the bully’s friend’s were cheering him on while the rest of the students in the hall were turning a blind eye. This caught Wade’s attention again. He had a hesitant look on his face. After a few seconds, he shut his locker.

“Hey, Voltage! Knock it off!” Shouted Wade.

The bully, going by the name Voltage, stopped to look at Wade in confusion. This allowed the young pegasus to squirm out of his grasp and escape by flying over him and his friends. Watching his prey escape, Voltage looked back at Wade with an irritated look on his face. He and his friends walked over to him, and surrounded him on all sides. He then walked up to Wade, only keeping a few inches between them.

“Oh no…” Said Twilight nervously.

“What’s your deal, Wilson? Didn’t you see I was busy?” Asked Voltage irritatedly.

“What’s my deal? My deal is that he made an honest mistake, and you were going to beat the daylights out of him! That’s absurd!” Said Wade angrily.

“I rule these halls, Wilson. When I’m here, I demand respect. And you should be showing some to me now for your interference.”

“I don’t respect bullies, Voltage. If you want respect, you should try a little something called ‘being nice’!”

“Tell him, Wade!” Said Twilight cheerfully.

“Are you asking for an asswhopping, Wilson?!” Asked Voltage angrily.

“I’m not going to fight you, Voltage,” Said Wade.

“I wouldn’t think so. That’s why you’ll make what I’m about to do to you so much easier.”

Voltage threw a punch towards Wade. He was able to dodge out of the way with what little wiggle room he had.

“Ooo!” Cried Voltage’s friends.

“Voltage, don’t make me-”

“Don’t make you do what, Wilson? Make you run to your dad and get him to defend you?”

At the mention of his father, Wade froze. Voltage smirked out of satisfaction from seeing Wade’s reaction. Twilight on the other hand covered her mouth with her hoof out of shock.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. Your old man decided to skip town. Probably got tired of you and your mother,” Said Voltage wickedly.

“...”

Twilight had hoped Wade would say something to counter Voltage’s hurtful remark. But he didn’t. He didn’t shout or calmly speak. He only looked towards the ground.

“Speaking of your mother: it’s no secret that she drinks herself to unconsciousness each night. I know the look when I see her in town every once in a while. When a pony has had one way too many. It must have you concerned about her health, doesn’t it? With the amount of booze she puts into her system, it makes you wonder if she even remembers that she has a son,” Said Voltage.

“(Gasp!) What a jerk! Come on, Wade! Don’t let him treat you like this!” Shouted Twilight angrily.

“... Shut up…” Muttered Wade.

“Face it, Wilson. No one gives a damn about you. Your father left you, your mother neglects you, and you’re an outcast with no friends in this school. Nopony cares about you, and nopony ever will. That's why when I have my back hoof up your colon, nopony will bother trying to-”

“GRGH!"

CRACK!

“OW!”

Finally having enough, Wade punched Voltage right in the nose. Blood splattered out of his nose, several drops landing on two locker doors. Hearing the sound of cartilage breaking caught the rest of the students’ attention. Twilight’s jaw dropped to the floor.

“You broke my nose!” Shouted Voltage in pain.

“You deserve that for what you said about my mom,” Said Wade angrily.

Voltage ran towards Wade. He dodged out of the way and tripped Voltage with one of his hindlegs. As he fell, he grabbed him by the back of the head and slammed his face into a locker. Painfully getting up, Voltage looked at Wade with fear in his eyes.

“I don’t know what’s going on in your life that makes you think you have to be a jerk in order to feel some sense of power, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat others like shit and make them afraid of you. I believe I’ve gotten my point across, so I’m giving you one chance to leave and rethink your actions,” Said Wade.

Taking this chance of mercy, Voltage ran down the hallway and disappeared around the corner. Wade looked at the bully’s friends intimidatingly, and they all backed away and followed after their friend.

“Wow…! As much as how violent that turned out in the end, I’m glad Wade did mainly use his words to deal with his old school bully,” Said Twilight.

Suddenly, a bright light enveloped Wade’s flank. It was so bright that everyone in the hall had to cover their eyes with their hooves. Just as quickly it appeared, the light faded away. Wade looked at his flank, and his pupils dilated in excitement. Twilight saw that he was now bearing the cutie mark of a combat knife and pistol that she was familiar with.

“Oh my Celestia! I’ve got my cutie mark! Look everyone! I have a cutie mark now!”

As Wade looked towards his classmates, he saw not excitement but nervous expressions on their faces. Each student either went down the hall or entered various classrooms. Watching his classmates leave, his happiness subsided.

“Why did they leave? Is… Is it because of my cutie mark?”

Feeling sorry for Wade, Twilight tried to reach out to him. The hall quickly filled up with the green fog, about to alter her surroundings yet again. After the fog faded away, Twilight found herself in a living room.

Zzz…

Twilight heard someone snoring. She saw a unicorn mare was asleep on a black leather couch. She had an orange coat, a blond mane and tail, and a red carnation for a cutie mark. There were numerous bottles of wine, beer and other alcoholic drinks on the floor beside the couch the mare was sleeping on. Judging by the fact she held a partially empty bottle of wine in her left hoof, she had drunk herself to sleep.

"Is that Wade's mom?" Pondered Twilight.

She heard the sound of hoof steps coming her way. From a hall to the right, Wade appeared. He appeared to be a couple years older since the previous dream. He was carrying a duffel bag over his back, and he looked to his sleeping mother with a troubled look.

"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, Mom. Ever since Dad left, we've been struggling to get by. I wanted to help increase our income, but no place would hire me. And even then, with your habits, we may still have not earned enough. That’s why I have to leave.”

“I’m doing this because I want you to be able to take care of yourself. By leaving, you can pay off your debt, be able to get food and the other essentials, and maybe finally address your addictions. You shouldn’t have to worry about me. I know you’ll be upset, but I hope that given time, you'll understand why I had to go. ...Goodbye, Mom.”

Wade walked past the couch and made his way towards the exit. As he was about to leave the living room, he stopped and looked back at his sleeping mother one last time. With tears in his eyes he walked out of the room. The sound of a door shutting signified that Wade had left. Having watched the scene before her, Twilight’s eyes grew misty.

Once again, green fog appeared all around Twilight. This time, however, images appeared. Twilight first saw Wade out in combat as an under-aged member of the Equestrian army. She then saw him as a member of the E. U. P. Guard. He stood with several other recruits, all of them saluting to a drill sergeant. Next, she saw him standing with several members of the Equestrian Special Forces, all of them carrying various firearms.

She then saw a gruesome image of him when he became a mercenary-for-hire. It appeared he had yet to become the mask wearing, wise-cracking hero she had come to know, as he was wearing camo combat gear and his body was yet to be covered in scars caused by his cancer. He had a pistol in one hoof, which he used to shoot a black ski mask-wearing stallion straight in the chest. In his other hoof, he held one of his signature katanas. He had used it to decapitate a similarly dressed stallion. Seeing a trail of blood between the decapitated head and body made Twilight feel nauseous.

The fog faded away yet again, revealing a city landscape. She quickly realized that she was currently seeing Manehattan. Her attention was drawn towards a large hospital. She caught an adult Wade wearing a white hoodie and black sweatpants walked out the front entrance and onto a sidewalk.

“Wade! Wait!”

A feminine voice could be heard from the hospital entrance. A unicorn mare with a white coat, black mane and tail, red eyes, and wearing a black t-shirt and short denim jeans ran after Wade.

“Who’s that?” Asked Twilight to herself.

“Wade!” The mare caught up with Wade, who stopped in his tracks. “Wade, can’t we talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Vanessa. Let’s just go home and make the best out of this shitty day stacked on top of a shitty week,” Said Wade irritatedly.

“So, that’s Vanessa. I can see why Wade was attracted to her. I wonder what’s got her upset?” Pondered Twilight.

“Wade, please reconsider!” Pleaded Vanessa.

“You heard what the doctor said, Vanessa. I have stage four cancer, with a total of thirty-four inoperable tumors. I’m a dead pony,” Said Wade grimly.

“But there’s still hope! On it’s own it may not cure it, but chemotherapy could help you beat it,” Said Vanessa.

“Or just prolong my suffering and make my death all the more excruciating. It will be alright, Vanessa. I’ve already accepted that this cancer will kill me,” Said Wade glumly.

“BUT I HAVEN’T!”

Wade looked at Vanessa, caught off guard by her shouting. He saw tears running down her face, and noticed she was holding back sobs.

“You may have given up, but I’m still holding onto hope. We got engaged just two weeks ago, and we were going to get married in Hashimareto in time when the cherry blossoms bloomed. You only had to complete one more high paying contract in order to earn enough bits to travel there and pay for the wedding,” Said Vanessa tearfully.

“I plan on seeing that through. I’m not giving up on you, on us, and neither should you. What you decide to do is your choice, but please try to live… For me…”

Seeing Wade’s acceptance of death and Vannessa’s pleas for him to get treatment made Twilight feel sympathetic towards the former couple. Wade looked into Vanessa’s eyes, appearing to be lost in thought. He then placed a hoof on her face, and wiped away a few tears. As she looked up at him, he gave her a warm smile.

“Okay. I will look at treatment options,” Said Wade.

Vanessa smiled, happy that Wade will seek treatment for his cancer. She then embraced him in a hug.

“Thank you, Wade. I know we will have a difficult path ahead of us, but I will be there with you every step of the way,” Said Vanessa.

Twilight teared up, happy at the display of hope and love in front of her. She knew that Vanessa was a past lover to Wade, but she didn’t care. She wanted them to be happy, even with the knowledge that their relationship wasn’t going to last.

“Not going to last…”

The words echoed in Twilight’s mind, and they reminded her why Vanessa and Wade’s relationship ended. To her surprise, she found herself in a small apartment building. The room was dark, the only light coming from the moonlight penetrating through a singular window. She saw two figures asleep in a bed in front of the window. One of them stood up, revealing to be Wade.

He looked at the other pony sleeping next to him, who she realized was Vanessa. Wade quietly got out of bed, and looked at Vanessa again. As he looked at her, he pulled out a small folded up piece of paper from a nightstand drawer next to his side of the bed. Vanessa’s name was written on one side of the paper. With a single tear rolling down his cheek, he placed the piece of paper on his side of the bed.

“You don’t deserve to be left with a dead stallion,” Whispered Wade to Vanessa sadly.

He walked towards the opposite side of the apartment, not grabbing a single item. He walked past Twilight, as if she wasn’t there. He opened the door, then closed it behind him.

As tears trailed down Twilight’s face, the green fog returned. Once it disappeared, Twilight found herself in some sort of prison. She was currently standing in front of a cell.

“Move it!”

Hearing someone bark out an order, she looked to her right. She saw Wade, this time his entire body covered in scars caused by his cancer due to experiments conducted by the Weapon X program. This, unfortunately, was the appearance Twilight was familiar with other than his trademark suit and mask. He was being escorted by two armed guards. They stopped in front of the cell that Twilight was standing in front of. As one of them opened the door, a navy blue earth pony stallion walked up to Wade from the left.

“Welcome back to your cell, Wade. Once I have a word with my higher-up, you may not have to stay here for much longer. Although, if we’re being honest here, I hope he decides to put you down like an unwanted mutt,” Said the stallion coldly.

Wade tried to attack the stallion, but he was restrained by both guards.

“You fucking psychopath! You better fix this, Francis, or else I will beat you till your ribs poke out of your back!” Said Wade angrily.

“Face it, Wade. This is where your story ends. One way or another, you are going to die. Whether that be from your cancer or by my men. And no matter how you die, it will end with you being alone and forgotten.”

Ajax turned around, and bucked Wade into the cell before slamming the door shut. As Twilight looked on in shock, her surroundings darkened yet again. A single light hanging from above cast away the dark. Sitting in front of her in a brown leather reclining chair was Wade. He was wearing his costume, mask and all. He appeared to be in some sort of distress, as he was holding his head in his hooves.

“Never.”

Twilight heard a whisper in the dark. At first, she thought it was one of Wade’s voices. But it was… different.

“You’ll never have anyone.”

Twilight heard another voice. She knew Wade could hear it too. She was disturbed by what it said.

“Everyone you cared about was driven away by you.”

“No one will ever want to be with you after everything you’ve done.”

“Nopony wants to be with a killer.”

“You will never get to enjoy the company of others.”

“Who could love a pony with your face?”

“If you were to die tomorrow, no one would mourn.”

Wade was being bombarded by countless voices, all of them telling him horrible things. As Twilight looked on helplessly at the torment her coltfriend was facing, Wade looked towards a small round topped table to his right. Resting on it was one of his pistols. Wade picked up the gun, aimed it at the right side of his head, and slowly pulled the trigger.

“WADE NO!”

BANG!

GASP!

Twilight gasped in shock as a bright light created by the gun flashed in her eyes. When her vision returned to normal, she frantically searched her surroundings. She didn’t find Wade. Instead she saw she was back in the empty room she had started in. To her right was Princess Luna. Seeing her familiar face brought immense relief to her.

“Luna… Everything I saw... Is it true…?” Asked Twilight.

With a frown, Princess Luna nodded her head solemnly.

“Are you alright, Twilight?” Asked Luna.

“He told me about most of it. His Dad leaving him at a young age, the bullying, the experiments that gave him his healing factor. But he… he never told me about his suicide attempt… I had no idea he had reached such a low point in his life. And seeing his past for myself, it all made me realize what Wade had gone through,” Said Twilight sadly.

Princess Luna walked up to Twilight, and placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder.

“Twilight, while it may not be to the same extent, I know how Wade feels. His past traumas and choices have brought him a lot of grief, fear, even anger. Just like me after I was freed from Nightmare Moon. But, even though it is challenging, overcoming those emotions is made a lot easier when we have ponies who care about us, giving us the support we need to move forward.”

“I’ve seen for myself, both in his dreams and in person, that you have helped him with letting go of the past. You have given him love, support, and companionship. He is a better pony and has a clearer mind because of you. He is happy because of you. Just continue to be there for him, and both of you will be happy together.”

Touched by Luna’s meaningful words, Twilight embraced her in a hug. Both of them smiled happily in each other’s embrace.

“Well, isn’t this sweet?”

A familiar voice caught their attention. A green portal appeared in front of them, and a figure stepped out of it. It was the Nightmare Leviathan himself - Nightmare. Having only seen his head, Twilight saw the being’s full appearance.

The presence of both a horn and a pair of wings confirmed that he was an alicorn. Or at least a monstrous one due to his wings being bat-like in appearance. He wore a green suit with long pointed epaulettes. He also wore a matching colored cape, which was attached to his suit by two pony skull clips.

Nightmare looked at the princesses with a sinister grin. Like his fangs, the rest of his teeth were sharpened, although they were slightly crooked. He cackled out of twisted amusement.

“I suppose congratulations are in order. You managed to get past my minions and endured seeing Wade Wilson’s nightmares,” Said Nightmare.

"Did you really think all of that was going to stop us?" Asked Twilight.

"I suppose not. You could say that was used to soften you up before I hit you with your greatest fears," Said Nightmare.

"Enough! What have you done with Wade Wilson, Nightmare?" Asked Luna.

With a toothy grin, Nightmare summoned a green chain in his left hoof. He yanked on it, causing something to fly out of the portal. It was revealed to be Deadpool, binded up in the rest of the chain. Once Deadpool was brought out, the portal closed behind him.

“Wade! Are you alright? What did he do to you?” Asked Twilight worriedly.

“Twilight?! Princess Luna?! Thank god you’re here to save me! Ghastly Tim Curry here has been showing me nightmares of everything that scares me! He even forced me into a nightmare where I had to watch both “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” and the “Green Lantern” movie!” Said Deadpool with a shudder.

“Let him go, Nightmare! We will take him from you by force if you give us no other choice!” Said Luna while lighting up her horn.

“Ha ha ha! Oh, my beloved Luna. You seem to have forgotten whose realm you are in.”

Nightmare’s eyes and horns glowed green, and he summoned the nightmare inducing fog. Before they could react, the fog enveloped Twilight, Luna, and Deadpool.

Twilight found herself in a field of flowers. The grass was lush and green, the sky was blue and cloudy, and flowers of all colors covered the majority of the field. As much as how beautiful it was, Twilight reminded herself that it will most likely take a nightmarish turn.

“I have poked around in your mind before, Princess Twilight...”

Twilight backed up, but then bumped into something. With a quick turn of her head, she saw it was Nightmare, smiling devilishly. She leapt away from him, and stood in a battle stance, ready to attack.

“I must say, you have some interesting fears,” Said Nightmare.

“You can’t use your tricks against me, Nightmare! I know that courage is your greatest weakness. Nothing you throw at me will make me cower before you!” Said Twilight gallantly.

“Is that so? (Chuckles) I’ll let you in on a little secret. Something that has always fascinated me is fields such as this,” Said Nightmare.

“...Really? How so?” Queried Twilight.

“Fields have mainly been depicted as a place of tranquility and peace. But when you stop to think about it, many phobias can be found in them. Melissophobia, agoraphobia, entomophobia… Coccinellidaephobia.”

Twilight felt the ground shake beneath her. A large circular shadow was cast over her. Turning around, she saw a giant ladybug. Its round body covered a large section of earth, held up off the ground by six insectoid legs twice as tall as Twilight. It’s beautiful red, seven-spotted elytra contrasted with its large, black compound eyes and giant mandibles that look like they could easily crush a pony. The sight of the monstrous beetle made Twilight’s pupils contract, and her body began to tremble.

“(Chuckles) Ah, yes. Your fear of ladybugs. You’ve been terrified of these bugs ever since you were a little filly,” Said Nightmare.

RAWWR!

The monstrous ladybug roared at Twilight, spreading its fearsome mandibles. Twilight’s body trembled even more with fear.

“Where did your fear originate from? Oh, yes, a loveliness of them entered your fillyhood home in Canterlot, and your older brother told you that their spots were extra eyes that would watch you,” Said Nightmare.

“I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid,” Said Twilight.

The monster ladybug spread its elytra. The seven spots on its elytra opened up like eyelids, revealing seven green eyes that stared at Twilight.

“I’m very afraid!”

ZAP!

Twilight fearfully fired a bolt of magical energy at the ladybug. It did no damage, and the creature tried to sink its mandibles into her. She narrowly leapt out of the way, then flew away from it. Using its own set of wings, it flew right after her.

“AAAAHHHHH!”

“Music to my ears,” Said Nightmare.

Satisfied with his nightmare, the Lord of Dreams summoned a portal. He looked back at Twilight being chased by the ladybug monster he conjured.

“It was either this or cheese quesadillas. I may be no stranger to irrational fears, but even I believe her fear of the cheese-filled tortilla is ridiculous! And just because they are 'so cheesy'. Her fear of ladybugs is more justified than her other fear,” Deadpanned Nightmare.

With a roll of his eyes, Nightmare walked through the portal. Meanwhile, Princess Luna was in a black void. A green portal appeared beside her. Nightmare stepped out of the portal and stood next to her.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve been in each other’s presence, Luna. When you were banished to the moon, you were not in the Dream Realm. Earth’s other sorcerers such as Doctor Strange are not as fun as you. And I also missed that lovely face of yours.”

Nightmare tried to reach a hoof towards Princess Luna’s face. She swiftly smacked his hoof with one of her wings.

“Don’t act so charming, Nightmare. You are a vile, cruel being who enjoys the suffering of other beings. Not to mention you tried to rape me,” Said Luna.

“An act that you made certain would never be attempted again,” Said Nightmare irritatedly.

Princess Luna turned her back towards him. He teleported in front of her in order to get her attention.

“I don’t want to do what I’m about to do to you, Luna. We should be spreading fear together. Your mastery over the Earth’s moon and the night is unparalleled. If you and I were to combine our abilities, we can make this planet ours. With you bringing eternal night and I drawing power from sleeping ponies’ dreams, the inhabitants would bow down to us! We could even take over other planets if we wanted too. Join me, Luna, and you will have everything you desire.”

Nightmare reached a hoof out to Luna. She looked at his hoof, contemplating his proposal. She looked him in the eye, then stepped back a few paces until there was some distance between them.

“I will never join you. I once inspired fear into my subjects, and I will never do it again,” Said Luna.

Nightmare slowly lowered his hoof. Then his horn glowed green.

“If this is what you want, then so. Be. It.”

Princess Luna was momentarily blinded by a green light created by Nightmare. In an attempt to find out what he had done, she began to inspect herself. She quickly noticed that her forelegs were a dark shade of black and she wore blue armor over her front hooves. Looking back up, she saw her own reflection. Nightmare had turned her to her past alter ego - Nightmare Moon. He slowly walked behind her.

“When I first saw you as Nightmare Moon, I saw so much more potential in you. But alas, you were cleansed by the Elements of Harmony. While Nightmare Moon may be gone, her legacy still exists within these times. The fear you had spread…”

Nightmare momentarily paused his monologue to take a breath out of blissful reminiscence.

“It was invigorating! It still lingers within Equestria’s population, even if it is in small traces. And the suffering you caused to others, it’s still there too.”

“Your attempt to use my guilt against me is otiose. I have realized that Equestria no longer sees me as the villian I once was, and I have forgiven myself for my past misdeeds. And it’s all thanks to the help of my dearest friends,” Said Luna.

“The Element Bearers? You must hold them dearly for everything they have done for you. I can’t help but wonder, though, if you could become Nightmare Moon again.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nightmare Moon was the manifestation of your envy and bitterness towards your elder sister. Who’s to say that you couldn't become her again if you ever felt those same emotions? Not only that, but what if you came back even stronger than before? The Elements of Harmony may not be enough to stop you. And if so, what would stop you from seeking revenge?”

The area warped all around them. Princess Luna saw her surroundings had changed to the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters. In front of her stood the Mane Six. Each of them wore their respective Elements. Towering in front of them was Nightmare Moon.

“Come on, girls! Let’s stop Nightmare Moon once and for all!” Said Twilight determinedly.

The Elements of Harmony began to glow, and each of the Mane Six levitated in the air. A beam of magic was cast from each one, and conjoined into a big rainbow beam of light. It went straight for Nightmare Moon, who braced herself.

She was hit dead on, and a bright light consumed her. It then faded away, revealing she was still standing and unscathed. The Mane Six gasped when they saw that the Elements of Harmony failed to restore her. The wicked mare of the night looked at her hooves, dumbfounded that the Elements were powerless against her. The realization brought a wicked grin on her face.

“Ha ha ha ha! It seems that I have grown even stronger since that fateful day you had bested me! Your precious Elements are useless! Now, there is no one that can stop me from plunging Equestria into eternal night!”

Nightmare Moon lit up her horn, and cast a beam of magic towards the group of ponies.

“UGH!”

“TWILIGHT!”

Twilight was struck by the magical beam, causing her to fly into a pillar. The attack mortally wounded her, leaving a small hole in the center of her chest. The sight of her alter ego killing one of her friends was enough to horrify Princess Luna.

No! I wouldn’t!” Said Princess Luna fearfully.

“If that isn’t scary enough, there’s your beloved sister. She had missed you so much, and for a thousand years she carried the guilt of having to banish you.”

The Mane Six and Nightmare Moon faded away, being replaced with Princess Celestia. She was out on the balcony of one of Canterlot Castle’s towers. She was looking at the moon, which had Nightmare Moon’s face on it. Seeing the moon brought tears to her eyes.

“Oh, Luna… I wish you were here with me. I (sobs) I shouldn’t have sent you away. If only there was another way I could’ve stopped you. If only… I had realized how you were truly feeling sooner. I should have been a better sister,” Said Celestia tearfully.

Hearing her sister’s sobs made Luna tear up. Seeing her vulnerability, Nightmare walked up to her from behind with a grin.

“Now imagine if you ever turned on her again. She would be so distraught. Maybe she would feel not guilt but disappointment. She would’ve thought you learned to not act out on your pent up emotions, but turning into Nightmare Moon would prove to her otherwise. Could she ever trust you again, or would she disown you as a sister? Equestrian society most certainly did for a millennia,” Said Nightmare.

The possibilities were getting to Princess Luna. Until now, she never thought about what would happen if she ever turned back into Nightmare Moon. Would her friends be able to save her? Would she succeed in plunging Equestria into eternal night? Would Celestia still love her? Or would she be banished for good, or even killed? As these questions gave her anxiety, Nightmare whispered in her ear.

“Those are just some thoughts I had. I will leave you to reflect on this,” Whispered Nightmare.

A portal opened up, and Nightmare walked through it. Princess Luna looked up, seeing a ginormous Nightmare Moon towering over her.

“Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!”

GASP!

Meanwhile, Deadpool woke up in a startle. He felt the soft touch of the mattress against his back, and saw the familiar sight of the bedroom he and Twilight shared. Framed photos of their epic adventures hung on the wall, a small bookshelf containing Twilight’s most valued books rested against the wall on the opposite side of the bed, and a closet containing his suits was across from him.

“Hmm… Everything appears to be normal. I guess that was all just a dream.” Deadpool looked over at the bed, and found that Twilight wasn’t on her side. “I should find Twilight. I have to tell her what I dreamt about.”

Deadpool walked out of the bedroom, and walked through the castle’s extensive hallways. He eventually navigated his way to the dining room. Stepping inside, he saw no sign of Twilight.

“Hm. Odd. She usually has breakfast at this time, according to the schedules she always shows me. Even though I have constantly told her I would like to cancel my subscription to the Twilight Times. Perhaps she’s in the kitchen with Spike making breakfast.”

Deadpool walked out of the dinning room and entered the kitchen a few rooms down. To his bewilderment there was no sign of Twilight or Spike. There was only a well organized kitchen.

“Not in here either. Where in this labyrinth of a castle could they possibly be?” Pondered Deadpool.

After leaving the kitchen, he began his search. He checked every room in the castle. The study, Spike’s room, the throne room, the room containing the porcelain throne, he even checked the several supply closets and empty rooms throughout the castle. After several minutes of searching, his efforts proved to be fruitless.

“Well, I checked the castle, and there is no sign of Sparkle Butt or the little dude. Could they have gone off to Ponyville to meet up with our friends?”

With no place left to search in the castle, Deadpool made his way to Ponyville. Upon arriving at the town center, he found nopony. The streets were empty and quiet, and every shop and home appeared to be vacant. Seeing the town empty made Deadpool feel anxious. He was fidgeting his hooves where he stood.

“Where the hell is everypony…? Pinkie can tell me where Twilight and everyone else is.”

Deadpool made his way to Sugarcube Corner in hopes of finding Pinkie. Opening the front door, he found the main area to be empty. There were no customers inside. Pinkie wasn’t behind the counter, there were no signs of Mr. and Mrs. Cake, or even the Cake Twins.

“Pinkie? Pinkie?”

Calling her name, Deadpool heard no response from the party pony.

“Maybe Rarity’s still around.”

Deadpool jogged over to Carousel Boutique. Slamming the door open, he only found the elaborate decor and some ponyequins inside the boutique. There was no sign of either Rarity, Sweetie Belle, or their cat Opal.

“No, no no!”

SLAM!

With sweat visible around his armpits and mask, Deadpool ran out of the boutique, slamming the door open again. He ran to Fluttershy’s cottage, only to find it empty of any pegasi and animals. He then ran all the way to Sweet Apple Acres. The land was vacant of any apples; the pony kind. Running back to the center of Ponyville, Deadpool shouted for Rainbow Dash in hopes of attracting the attention of the rainbow-maned pegasus.

“Rainbow Dash?! Rainbow Dash?! Somepony?! Anypony?! Where did everybody go?!” Cried Deadpool panically.

As Deadpool was frantically shouting, Nightmare watched from a distance, rubbing his hooves together sinisterly. He then summoned a portal and stepped through it.

He returned to where he had met up with the two Princesses. The fog had dissipated, revealing Deadpool, Twilight, and Luna standing in one spot, their eyes glowing green due to the nightmares they were experiencing. Nightmare lit up his horn, and green beams of magic flowed from the ponies. The beams were increasing his power, causing a green aura to appear around his body.

“Ha ha ha! Yes! By the time I have consumed all of their fear, I will be strong enough to bring nightmares to all of Equestria! And with Luna out of the way, no one will be able to stop me! Mwahahaha!”

Meanwhile, back in Twilight’s nightmare, she was still being chased by the nightmarish ladybug creature. She fired a beam of magic at it, only for it to dodge out of the way. It was catching up to her. As it got closer to her, it snapped its mandibles in an attempt to grab her.

“Get away from me!”

In an attempt to get it off her tail, Twilight flew in an erratic pattern. She made several sharp turns, flew up and down continuously, and spinned in the air. After making another sharp right turn, she looked back to see if it was still after her. She found to her relief that the ladybug was gone.

“Phew! That was close,” Said Twilight.

WHAM!

Unbeknownst to Twilight, the ladybug had been flying underneath her. When she momentarily let her guard down, it flew up and bumped into her underside. The sudden collision caused her to lose control, and she fell towards the ground below.

“Ahhh!”

CRASH!

Twilight collided with the ground, creating a small crater from the force of impact. The monster-sized ladybug’s shadow cast over her, and her pupils contracted fearfully when she saw it was heading straight for her.

THUMP!

Before she could move out of the way, the creature pinned her down by the abdomen with one of its legs. It opened its maw, spraying copious amounts of saliva onto her face.

“No, no, no! Please don’t eat me!” Said Twilight fearfully.

In an act of intimidation, the ladybug opened up its elytra. Instead of eyes, it revealed the insect’s classic black spots. Twilight looked at those spots and the red color around them. At that moment, she saw a semblance to Deadpool’s mask. Seeing it reminded her of how she got in this predicament in the first place. She was here because she needed to help Wade get past his own fears by helping him be brave. If she wanted to do that, she needed to be brave too.

She grabbed the leg that was pinning her down, and attempted to lift it. It was slowly raised off of her. The act gradually made her fear fade away, and replaced it with courage. The creature was surprised by its prey prying it off of her. Once the leg was a foot away from her abdomen, she swung the ladybug around in a circle before tossing it.

WHAM!

The monster ladybug landed several feet away from her, raising a bunch of dirt. As it looked up, it saw Twilight looking at it with a look of anger.

“Listen here, bug! I may have been afraid of you since I was a filly, but you won’t stop me from saving my coltfriend! And I would be darned if I let an INSECT be the reason why I fail to do so!”

Twilight fired a beam of magic at the creature. Unlike her previous attacks, this one managed to damage her foe. The attack caused the monster ladybug to explode into a swarm of regular-sized ladybugs, which then swiftly left the scene. Her vision then went white.

GASP!

When her vision returned, she no longer found herself in the field. Instead she was back in the room where she and Luna encountered Nightmare. Sure enough, upon turning around she found both Luna and Deadpool in their entranced states, with Nightmare absorbing their fear. He locked eyes with her, looking at her with a surprised look.

“What’s this?! You’re free?!” Said Nightmare in disbelief.

“It’s as I said, Nightmare: I know that courage is your greatest weakness. You may have frightened me with your illusions, but nothing you throw at me will prevent me from saving Wade! Not even my greatest fears will stop me!”

With his eyes flashing red, Nightmare raised his right foreleg in the air. Monstrous screams filled the air. Nightmare’s demonic minions surrounded Twilight from all angles.

“CEASE HER!” Bellowed Nightmare.

RAGH!

Following their ruler’s order, the demons leapt towards Twilight in unison. Reacting quickly, Twilight leapt towards Luna, and summoned a force field around her and her friend. The force field for the most part was impeding the horde’s attack, but minute cracks were forming from their combined attacks.

“I need Luna in order to hold back Nightmare and his forces before I go after Wade. Hopefully, I can help her before they break the force field.

Twilight turned to face Princess Luna, then pressed the tip of her horn against hers. She then cast a spell, causing her eyes to turn white. When Twilight’s vision returned to normal, she found herself in Luna’s nightmare. She quickly found the princess. She was sitting on the ground with her head held low, and her back facing Twilight.

“Princess Luna? It’s me, Twilight. I’m here to help you,” Said Twilight.

Luna didn’t respond, which worried Twilight.

“Luna…?”

“... Be honest with me, Twilight Sparkle. Do you… fear me?” Asked Luna glumly.

“Fear you? Of course not! Why would you ever think that?” Asked Twilight.

“I only ask because of what I once was, and could be again,” Answered Luna.

“What do you mean?” Asked Twilight.

Luna sighed before standing up. She stepped to the side, allowing Twilight to see the frozen image of Nightmare Moon killing her as her friend watched helplessly. The sight made Twilight let out a small gasp.

“Nightmare Moon was created because of the envy and anger I had towards my sister. That means there’s a possibility that I could become her again if I ever felt those emotions again. Nightmare pointed all of that out to me. As much as I hate to admit it, he has a point,” Said Luna.

“It may be true that you could become Nightmare Moon again, but my friends and I can stop you again,” Reasoned Twilight.

“But what if you can’t!” Luna raised her voice out of fear. She swiftly covered her mouth with a hoof. “ I want to believe you, but what if becoming Nightmare Moon again makes her even more powerful than when we first fought? What if you don’t have the heart to stop me because of our friendship? What if you had no choice but to…?”

“Don’t think that, Luna! No matter what, we would never kill you, even if you couldn’t be saved again.”

“(Sob) I’m sorry, Twilight. I thought I had finally rid myself of her grasp on my psyche, but now that I know of the possibilities, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop thinking about her again.”

A few tears slid down Luna’s face as the thought of becoming Nightmare Moon again frightened her.

“I don’t want to ever feel like that again. To feel nothing but rage, jealousy and spite. But what I especially don’t want to happen is for Equestria to be afraid of me again, lose all of my friendships I have made, and I never want to hurt Celestia again for as long as I live. She had to endure a thousand winters without me. I don’t want her to live without me again,” Said Luna tearfully.

Seeing the distraught princess made Twilight’s heart ache. She wrapped a comforting arm around her, and sat her down.

“The fact that you are afraid of turning back into Nightmare Moon shows that chances are you won’t become her again,” Said Twilight comfortingly.

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t guarantee anything,” Said Luna.

“Luna, when the Tantabus tried to escape into the waking world, you had to accept your mistakes and forgive yourself in order to defeat it. In regards to your fear of becoming Nightmare Moon again, you have to understand that, like everypony else, you are not perfect.”

“What… Do you mean by that?”

“You will continue to have this fear, and you will find yourself feeling angry or jealous at some point in the future, but it’s important to remember that as long as you accept your emotions and fear, and you go to your Celestia, me, and our friends for support, then you will never become Nightmare Moon.”

“... You think so?”

“I know so.”

Reflecting on what Twilight told her, Princess Luna looked back towards the nightmare of herself as Nightmare Moon. Her alter ego reverted back to her normal self, and her friends (with the addition of a now living Twilight) gave her a hug. Luna wiped her tears away, and smiled at Twilight.

“Thank you, Twilight.”

Luna gave Twilight a hug, which she returned.

“You’re welcome, Luna. We need to hurry. Nightmare’s forces are trying to break through a force field I created, and I still have to save Wade,” Said Twilight.

She saw Luna nod her head in agreement before her vision turned white. When her vision returned, she and Luna found that the force field Twilight had put up was just about to give way from Nightmare's forces. Twilight used her magic to purposefully break her shield into small pieces, and launched them at her foes. The shattered force field cut down several of Nightmare’s minions.

“ENOUGH!”

Fed up with the two princesses, Nightmare conjured a pony’s skull covered in green mystical energy. He launched the skull towards Twilight, the skull cackling sinisterly. Princess Luna blocked the attack through the use of a force field.

I’ve had enough of your meddling! Equestria’s inhabitants will be mine, and I won’t let you take that from me!”

Nightmare flew towards Luna, and tackled her to the ground. She kicked him in the abdomen, then launched him back with a beam of magic.

“Go, Twilight Sparkle! I will hold him off! Save Wade Wilson!” Said Luna.

Nodding her head, Twilight ran towards Deadpool. Nightmare summoned several green mystical chains, and launched them towards her. Luna summoned her own chains and snared them around his. She then used her strength to swing him up into the air. She flew towards him, and punched him in the chest. Meanwhile, Nightmare’s demon army went after Twilight.

“Yelp!”

One managed to grab her by the tail with its teeth. She managed to buck it in the face with her hindlegs, allowing her to get free. She ran to Deadpool, and saw she was surrounded by a horde of demons yet again. Seeing this, Princess Luna summoned a force field around her and Deadpool. She rained down several magical bolts, taking out some of the demons before Nightmare came from behind and slammed her to the ground.

Safe from Nightmare’s forces for the moment, Twilight placed the tip of her horn against Deadpool’s forehead and cast the same spell she used on Luna. She found herself in Ponyville’s town square. While normally a comforting sight, she knew that most likely it was connected to whatever nightmare Deadpool was forced to experience.

“Hello?! Hello?! Is anypony around?!”

Twilight heard Deadpool’s voice in the distance. She ran straight ahead, where she heard Wade’s voice coming from. She came across the site where the Golden Oak Library used to be. She found Deadpool standing in front of her, shouting for anyone to find him.

“Wade!” Said Twilight.

“Twilight?” Deadpool ran up to Twilight with a look of relief visible on his mask. “Thank Celestia you’re… Wait a minute, how do I know that you’re the real Twilight and not part of the nightmare green pajamas pony made?”

“Who else would get up in the middle of the night to go to another realm to save you from a nightmare inducing fear monger?” Asked Twilight with a smile.

“Fair point. I believe you, but just know that if you start doing some freaky shit, I will defend myself by any means.”

“Noted. Are you feeling alright?”

“Me? Of course I’m fine. I have nightmares at least once a week. I will be alright. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve had this particular nightmare anyway…”

Twilight took a moment to look around. She and Deadpool were the only ponies around. That was when something clicked in her mind.

“You’re afraid of being alone, aren’t you?” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool had a saddened look on his face. He subconsciously scratched the back of his neck.

“... Can you blame me? I basically grew up without any parents, no one wanted to be my friend in school, and most of the world hated me until I met you,” Said Deadpool.

“I know. While Princess Luna and I were searching for you, we came across some nightmares that were made for you. I saw the year your dad left, your fight in school, and you leaving both your mother and Vanessa. I, um, I also saw you attempting to commit suicide,” Said Twilight sadly.

“Oh… Oh! I’m so sorry you had to see that last part. I meant to keep that to myself.”

“Wade, you didn’t need to keep that a secret from me. I would’ve understood. I would’ve even tried to help you from having such thoughts again.”

“But you do, Twilight. You help me just by being you.”

“Oh, stop.”

“I mean it. Ever since you and I had become close friends, I hadn’t had any serious suicidal thoughts. I’m still fucked up in the ole noggin, but I no longer think of taking my life as much as I did.”

Deadpool and Twilight nuzzled each other affectionately.

“Princess Luna is holding off Nightmare for us, but I think I know how we can defeat him,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, yeah? How so?” Asked Deadpool.

“You need to conquer your fear of being alone. Without any fear to draw from, Nightmare will be powerless against us.”

“I… don’t think I can. Where would I even begin?”

“You can start by talking to me.”

Twilight sat down on her haunches. She knew from memory that the particular spot she was sitting on was where the trunk of the Golden Oak Library used to be. She patted the spot next to her left. Deadpool sat down in the spot she instructed too.

"It's just… I don't want to ever feel that way again, you know? Having no one that gives a damn about you. Being isolated from society and left with your own thoughts. For maybe twenty-three, twenty-four years of my life, I had no one, but now I do. As much as I love my solo run comics, I don't want to be friendless.”

“It admittedly scares me that I could go back to square one because I messed up, or my 'work' life bit me in the ass. I don't even want to think of what could happen after you and all of our friends die someday…"

“Wade, you shouldn’t be concerned about that last part until many decades from now. I still have plenty of years ahead of me, so you don’t need to worry. Right now, I can assure you that you will never be alone. I will always be here for you.”

“‘I’ll always be your friend, Wade.’ Or ‘I will stand by your side to the bitter end’. A few people have said such statements, only to end up killed or leave because they’re tired of me and the choices I make. Even heartbroken because I left like my asshole father.”

It was obvious to Twilight that Wade had his heart broken on several occasions. Whether that be because of someone he cared about or even something he himself had done. However, that last part about him leaving gave her an idea.

“... She was beautiful,” Said Twilight.

“Hmm?”

“Your mother. I saw her in one of your nightmares. She was a very beautiful mare.”

“Heh, she was; she really was. You now know where I get my looks from.” Wade’s remark got a chuckle out of Twilight. “I think you would’ve liked her. I just wished I hadn’t walked out on her. If I had tried a different approach to helping her, then maybe you two would have been able to meet each other. But instead I most likely broke her heart and left her all on her own before she died.”

Twilight grabbed her coltfriend’s hooves and looked him directly in the eyes.

“Wade, there’s nothing that can be changed. Leaving your mom and Vanessa, the people you saw as friends abandon you or perish, but that doesn’t have to ever happen again. You have me, our friends, and even your X-Force pals see you as a friend. We will all be by your side as long as you do the same,” Said Twilight.

“Really?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yes. I have known you for almost two years now, and we have been dating for a few months. I can’t imagine not having you in my life, in one way or another. I am never going to leave you, and I hope after previous events, you won’t do the same.”

Twilight and Deadpool looked at each other for several seconds. A smile found its way on Deadpool’s face.

“How could I ever leave the mare who made my life better?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically with a warm tone.

He and Twilight embraced each other in a hug, then kissed. Just as soon as they locked lips, a white light glowed around them.

Meanwhile, Princess Luna and Nightmare continued their battle. Nightmare summoned a swarm of bat-winged eyes and commanded them to fly towards his adversary. Princess Luna used a beam of magic to instantly vaporize the winged monstrosities. She then summoned five orbs of light, which formed a circle around her. They then fired beams of light at Nightmare. He summoned a wall made up of bones in front of him. The wall successfully absorbed the attack.

He flew through his own wall, surprising Luna. He then uppercut her jaw causing her to fly into the air. He flew after her, and slammed his hooves into her abdomen. As she fell towards the ground, he summoned a pony skull, and launched it towards her. As Luna landed on the ground, she looked up and saw the skull, alarming her.

KA-BOOM!

The skull exploded on contact, creating a mushroom shaped cloud of green fog. When it disappeared, Luna was revealed to be barely conscious. She was breathing heavily, and she tried to lift her forelegs. They were then held down by Nightmare’s minions. One of them went to bite her in the neck. Before it could, Nightmare landed on the ground with a thud.

“No. She’s mine.”

Nightmare confidently walked towards Princess Luna. He summoned a green sword with a skull-shaped pommel, holding it with his magic. He brought the tip of the blade down underneath her chin.

“Looks like I really am the Master of Dreams. I have grown more powerful than you, Luna. It took months of sneaking into others’ dreams and drawing strength from their fears under your watch, but thanks to Wade Wilson, I finally have the power to capture the entire Equestrian populace in one big nightmare!”

“H-How?” Asked Luna weakly.

“It’s simple, dearly. All I had to do was give each of my victims a nightmare equivalent to a jump scare, then collect their fear and let them go. But Wade, the stallion is a vessel for fear. His entire life has given him nothing but grief and fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of repeating the same mistakes, fear of losing everything he has now. He gave me the last bit of fear I needed in order to be strong enough to enslave Equestria. And once I accomplish that, I will be powerful enough to put every being in the world in a shared nightmare. I would’ve shared this with you, but alas you would rather have everyone be free than to be a queen. So, this is goodbye, my love.”

Nightmare brought his sword up over his head, ready to deliver the finishing blow. Princess Luna closed her eyes in preparation for the blade to cut through her flesh.

BLAM!

“GAGH!”

Before Nightmare could bring down the might of his blade, a bolt of light shot him in the shoulder. He dropped the sword in agnony, and looked for the source of the attack. He found Deadpool and Twilight Sparkle standing together. The former held one of his pistols in his hoof, and both ponies were glowing white. Upon seeing them, Nightmare’s minions screeched in terror before teleporting away.

“Grr! Cowards!” Shouted Nightmare angrily.

He summoned a giant dragon skull, and launched it at the couple. The skull coming towards them didn’t faze them one bit. As soon as the skull made contact with them, it simply phased through them. The sight of this shocked Nightmare.

“What?! No! How is this possible?! I showed you your fears! You should be trembling at the thought of being alone!” Said Nightmare to Deadpool fearfully.

“Well, it helps to have a great friend to help you through your fears,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool pulled out one of his katanas, and ran towards Nightmare. The latter held up his forelegs defensively, but they wouldn’t be able to help him.

SHLUK!

Deadpool pierced his blade through Nightmare’s chest, coming out of his back coated in green blood. Nightmare’s eyes and mouth began to glow white.

“NNNNNOOOOO!”

As Nightmare screamed in agony, his body gradually glowed white. After several seconds, the light faded away. With the light gone, Nightmare was revealed to have been severely weakened. His body was lanky and withered, his clothes had faded in color, his wings had been reduced to small bony bat wings, and only a few patches of his mane remained while his tail was completely gone. Deadpool removed the blade from his chest, and kicked him away.

“I could have won…! Equestria could’ve been mine to gather fear! But you… all three of you foiled my plans…!” Said Nightmare weakly.

“‘Look at me, I’m the Boogeyman, and I’ve been thwarted by two princesses and a costumed vigilante!’” Said Deadpool in a mocking impression of Nightmare. “Nopony makes me relive my past and tortures me with my fears in order to get enough power in order to carry out a cockamamie scheme to enslave Equestria and the world as we know it in one dream, and gets away with it! You got only a taste of what you deserve, fantasy-fucker!”

Glaring daggers into Deadpool and his friends, Nightmare summoned a portal behind him.

“Mark my words: this is not the last any of you have seen from me…! I will be back to terrorize you all someday! For as long as there are those that dream, I will never truly be vanquished!”

Nightmare then walked through the portal, and closed it behind him. Princess Luna painfully got up from the ground. With Nightmare finally gone, she, Deadpool, and Twilight sighed in relief. Just then a white light filled the area around them.

Twilight and Luna found themselves back in the former's bedroom. Now free from Nightmare's grasp, Deadpool was able to wake up.

"Phew! Thank goodness that's over," Said Twilight in relief.

"Is it over, though?" Pondered Deapool.

"We defeated Nightmare, so that means we're back in the real world."

"Sure, but how do we know this isn't another dream? For all we know, this is a dream where I'm having a threesome with you and Luna."

WHACK!

With an exasperated look on her face, Twilight smacked Deadpool in the back of the head.

“Still think we’re in a dream?” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

“Ow. No, definitely in the real world,” Said Deadpool painfully.

Princess Luna chuckled at the couple’s banter. Twilight then turned to her.

“Princess Luna, thank you for helping us. We wouldn’t have been able to beat Nightmare without you,” Said Twilight gratefully.

“You and Wade are the real heroes, Twilight. Wade was the one who vanquished him by overcoming his fears, and you helped him get past his fears. I only just helped you two find each other,” Said Luna humbly.

“You’ve gotta take some credit. Twi wouldn’t have even known about Nightmare if you hadn’t come by. Speaking of which…”

Deadpool looked over to a wind-up alarm clock on Twilight’s side of the bed. The position of the two hands indicated it was five o’clock in the morning.

“It’s almost morning, and I’m tired after that adventure. I don’t know about y’all (Yawn), but I’m sleeping in,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool inelegantly shoved his face into his pillow. He instantly fell asleep, his snoring filling up the room.

“That’s honestly not a bad idea. For being in a sanction of the Dream Realm, I am surprisingly tired,” Said Twilight.

“Now you know how I feel. I still have to do some last minute dream inspections before Celestia raises the sun. You can bet, though, that when I am done, I will be doing nothing but sleep for the next twelve hours. Have a restful, uh, early morning, Twilight Sparkle,” Said Luna.

“Good bye, Luna.”

After saying her farewells, Twilight gently fell onto her back and gave in to her sleepiness. As Princess Luna was about to step into a portal she created, she looked back at the sleeping couple. With a grin, she cast a little spell. A small thread-like beam of magic connected between Deadpool and Twilight before disappearing. Once her spell was complete, Luna stepped into the portal before it closed behind her.

Meanwhile, in a dream, Deadpool (who wasn’t wearing his mask) and Twilight were laying on a hill overlooking Ponyville. Both ponies were watching the sun rise over the horizon. Twilight was laying against Deadpool’s chest while he held her in one arm. They both looked into each other’s eyes, then smiled warmly. They then continued to watch the sunrise while holding onto each other a little tighter.

Fin.

Author's Note

What's up, everypony?! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! I apologize for how long this chapter has taken to publish. This chapter went through several revisions before I came up with a final product I was happy with. Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed! Be sure to stay tuned, because the next chapter will serve as the final chapter for the season five arc of the story. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a fantastic day!

Chapter 29: Time Is Not On Our Side Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 29: Time Is Not On Our Side Part One

A spotlight shined down from above, revealing Twilight Sparkle. She was standing in front of a podium, holding flash cards with her magic.

“If somepony had told me when I was a blank flank that one day I’d give a speech to a class at Celestia’s School of Magic, I wouldn’t have believed it, but…”

Twilight paused her train of thought to look for the next flash card. After shuffling through half of her deck, she found the one she was looking for.

“I hope that I have been up to the task, because I can tell that all of you are and that the future of Equestrian magic is in good hooves.”

Zzz…

Twilight was practicing for a speech in the lecture hall of Celestia’s School of Magic when snoring could be heard from across the room. The snoring was coming from Deadpool, who was sitting next to Spike in the hall’s large collection of seats. Spike jabbed him in the side to wake him up.

“(Snort) Huh?! Woo! Gettysburg!” Blurted Deadpool while clapping his hooves.

“Wow, hehe. That was even better than the first eleven times,” Said Spike with the best grin he could muster.

“Eh, I don’t know. I’d like to be able to get through the whole speech without looking at the cards,” Said Twilight.

“Come on, Twilight! You can’t be nervous about giving a speech to a bunch of magic students! You like lecturing others!” Said Deadpool.

(Even if nopony asked.)

(Like us for the last FIVE hours!)

“Oh, I’m not nervous, but I do have to set a good example, especially for magic students. That’s why this speech has to be…”

“(Sigh) Perfect?” Guessed Deadpool and Spike in unison.

“Exactly. Let’s go through it one more time.” Twilight saw Deadpool raise his hoof in the air. “Yes, Wade?”

“May I have the hall pass? I need to use the bathroom,” Said Deadpool.

“Really?” Asked Twilight skeptically.

“...No.”

As Deadpool slid down his seat in defeat, Twilight cleared her throat.

“When Princess Celestia asked me to speak to you today, I was honored to have the opportunity to talk about my favorite subject: magic.”

The next day…

A large crowd of students had gathered to watch Twilight’s lecture. The lecture hall was packed with students, about every seat was occupied. Behind Twilight, a projection screen showed a slide of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their cutie marks, which they had acquired recently.

“Obviously, the long term effects of the simultaneous acquisition of cutie marks has yet to be determined, but…” Twilight paused to grab a glass of water resting on the podium and take a sip of it. “Ahem. Next slide, please.”

Twilight looked towards the front row seats at Spike and Deadpool. The latter was not wearing his suit. Instead, he was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a red hoodie.

“Uh, yeah. If I tried to enter the school in my tights when students were on campus, I would’ve been tackled by security.”

Deadpool looked at Spike, who was sleeping against a slide projector. He then nudged the young dragon awake.

“Huh?” Muttered Spike sleepily.

“It’s time for the next slide,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh!”

Spike hastily grabbed a photo and inserted it into the projector. To his surprise, he saw that he inserted a picture of himself sitting in a lawn chair on a beach, wearing triangle-shaped lens sunglasses and holding a glass of juice in his left hand. Oblivious to what was happening on the screen behind her, Twilight continued her lecture while Spike frantically searched through the pile of photos for the correct one.

“Which one is it?!” Asked Spike frantically.

“Here (Snort), let me help,” Said Deadpool while suppressing his laughter.

Deadpool took out the current slide from the projector, then inserted one from the pile. This one revealed a rather suggestive image of Deadpool laying on his side in a wooden furnished room with a lit fireplace behind him. The crowd of students looked at the screen with confused looks while Twilight continued her lecture obliviously.

(Ooo! Hello handsome!)

“Oops! That’s not it!”

Deadpool grabbed a different photo and shoved it into the projector. This time, the photo was of Twilight and her friends in the throne room of the Castle of Friendship.

“Phew! I found the right one. I was afraid I had put one of my dic pics in the projector,” Said Deadpool.

“I can speak from experience that the power of Cutie Mark Magic is very real, and in the instance of my friends and I, it can be traced to a single event!” Said Twilight.

The next slide was a combined image of Twilight and the Mane Six as fillies, discovering their special talents that earned them their cutie marks.

“Without Rainbow Dash’s race to defend Fluttershy’s honor, this rainboom wouldn’t have happened. Fluttershy might never have discovered her love of animals. Applejack might never have realized that she belonged on her farm, and Pinkie Pie might never have decided to leave hers. It might be hard to imagine Rarity without her sense of fabulousness, but it’s even harder to fathom what my life would be like,” Said Twilight.

“Without this rainboom, I might not have gotten into magic school. Celestia wouldn’t have taken me on as her pupil or sent me to Ponyville to meet my friends. As well as my special somepony later on.”

“Destiny!” Sang Deadpool from the top of his lungs.

“And the most powerful thing about Cutie Mark Magic that I found is the connection I share with them.”

As she gave her speech, Twilight looked at the crowd of students. For a split second, she caught a glimpse of a unicorn mare with a lilac coat and a purple and teal mane and tail sitting a few rows back from Spike and Deadpool. When she set her gaze at the edge of the seats, the mare caused something to click in Twilight’s mind. She stopped her speech and looked at where she saw the mare. She wasn’t sitting in the same spot, so Twilight looked around the room. There was no sign of the mare anywhere, which made her nervous.

“But, um…”

To recompose herself, Twilight tried to continue her speech, but she found herself unable to remember the words. She nervously shuffled through her deck of flashcards, trying to find where she had left off.

“The real question about… Cutie Mark Magic is… who it seems to affect.”

A few hours later…

Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool were walking through Ponyville’s town square on their way home to the Castle of Friendship. The former was still thinking about who she thought she saw earlier. Did she see her, or was she seeing things?

“Hey, Wade?” Said Twilight.

“Yeah?” Replied Deadpool.

“Would you think I was crazy if I told you I thought I saw somepony we fought against before?” Asked Twilight.

“Twilight, you hangout with me of all ponies. If you haven't acquired some form of insanity after being around me for so long, it would be a miracle. Either way, if you think you saw somepony we’ve fought before, I wouldn’t think you were crazy. It’s most likely part of the story,” Said Deadpool.

“Okay then. I think I saw Starlight Glimmer while I was giving my speech.”

At the mention of her name, Deadpool stopped in his tracks.

“Starlight Glimmer? As in Communist Pony?” Asked Deadpool.

“Is that your nickname for her?” Asked Twilight in reply.

“Among other names, yes. I’m not saying I doubt you, but are you certain you saw her? I didn’t notice her 80’s haircut among the gathering of students that attended your lecture,” Said Deadpool.

“I was sure I saw her, Wade. But when I looked again, she was gone! I’m just worried about what she could be up to,” Said Twilight.

“Nothing good, I bet. I heard she wasn’t very happy the last time you two saw her,” Said Spike.

“Pft! That’s an understatement,” Said Deadpool.

“Forcing everypony in her village to have the same cutie mark wasn’t right. We had to do something!” Said Twilight.

“And something I myself most certainly did. I broke her nose, revealed her true cutie mark to her followers, and dropped an avalanche on her in the span of two days! And now she’s pulling a classic villain move, coming back for revenge,” Said Deadpool.

“Or she was just really interested in your speech!” Added Spike optimistically.

(Ooo! I sense foreshadowing from that sentence!)

“Honestly, I’m not really sure what I saw. But as long as I have you two and our friends, I know everything will be alright,” Said Twilight.

With that positive thought in mind, the three friends continued their way back to the castle. After a short walk, the trio arrived at the castle. Twilight dropped off a pair of saddlebags containing her flashcards and other materials by the door before making her way to the throne room.

“Maybe I was just more stressed about that speech than I thought,” Said Twilight.

“That does sound better than Starlight Glimmer coming back with an evil plot for revenge,” Said Deadpool.

As soon as they arrived at the entrance of the throne room, Twilight opened the doors with her magic.

“Well, when you say it like that, it does sound kinda silly,” Said Twilight.

As they walked into the throne room, Spike stopped in his tracks. Something spooked him, as evidenced by his pupils retracting.

“Or it’s totally true!”

Spike pointed towards the center of the room. Sitting in Fluttershy’s throne with her hind legs propped up onto the Cutie Map was none other than Starlight Glimmer.

“Welcome home, Twilight and Wade!” Said Starlight with a devious smile.

(Dun, dun, dun!)

“Starlight!” Said Twilight and Deadpool in unison.

Twilight stood in a battle stance while Deadpool grabbed his clothes. He tore them off, revealing a fancy grey suit. Looking at the suit in bewilderment, Deadpool tore it off, too. This time, it revealed his classic suit. He then pulled out his mask and placed it over his head.

“Hey, Starlight! How’s your nose doing?” Asked Deadpool.

“Grr…! Better no thanks to you,” Said Starlight irritatedly.

“Starlight, what are you doing here in my castle?” Asked Twilight.

“I was just stopping by, so I can show you how I plan on exacting my revenge for what you two and your friends did to me and my village,” Answered Starlight.

Deadpool suppressed a chuckle, which Starlight noticed.

“What?” Asked Starlight annoyedly.

“Twilight thought she saw you while she was giving her speech. Is that true?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes, I was there,” Answered Starlight.

“So, have you been spending the past couple of hours sitting on that throne, waiting for us to come home, so you can do a dramatic super villain reveal?!” Asked Deadpool while holding back laughter.

Starlight’s only response was to scratch the back of her head while avoiding making eye contact. This was enough of a response for Deadpool. He began to laugh hysterically.

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is rich! I bet you were like…” Deadpool walked over to Applejack’s throne and sat in it, propping his hind legs onto the Cutie Map. “‘Any minute now, Twilight and Wade will be home, and when they see me, they will be in for the surprise of their lives! I just have to wait for them to return… Any minute now… Yup, any minute’.”

“Shut up!” Shouted Starlight angrily.

Having been slightly startled by Starlight’s shouting, Deadpool quickly stopped talking.

(You totally called it.)

“Ugh… Thankfully when my plan comes to fruitiation, I won’t have to deal with your insufferable humor ever again.”

Starlight Glimmer summoned a scroll with her magic. She then cast a spell on the scroll, causing it to float into the air. Magical energy sparked from the scroll, then a teal-colored bolt of electricity struck downwards. It hit the surface of the Cutie Map, causing it to activate. As the map of Equestria appeared, Twilight and Spike ran up to it while Deadpool leapt from his seat.

“What are you doing, Starlight?” Asked Twilight sternly.

“(Laughs) I’d tell you, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise!” Starlight grabbed the scroll with her magic, then crumpled it up into a ball. “Won’t be needing that anymore!”

Starlight tossed the wadded up scroll past the trio of heroes. A purple-ringed energy field rose from the Cutie Map while Starlight cackled with glee. Twilight attempted to destroy it with a bolt of magic, but it bounced off it. The energy field caused a strong gale to form in the throne room, nearly blowing away Spike before Twilight grabbed him with her wing.

A white orb of electricity formed underneath the roots of the old Golden Oak Library, then expanded into a sphere-shaped portal with star-shaped symbols. The sound of numerous ticking clocks could be heard coming from the portal. With a wicked grin, Starlight levitated herself into the portal. The portal then closed behind her.

“Where’d she go?” Asked Spike.

(Through the portal.)

(Thank you, Captain Obvious!)

“I don’t know, Spike, but I think we better find out,” Said Twilight determinedly.

“I guess we could start with this,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight looked behind her, and saw Deadpool reach for the wadded up scroll.

“Wade, no! Don’t touch that!” Said Twilight.

It was too late. As soon as she told him to stop, Deadpool had already picked up the scroll. The portal opened up again above the Cutie Map. The scroll flew towards the portal, astoundingly lifting Deadpool into the air. Twilight grabbed him by the hind legs and Spike grabbed her by the tail, but they too were lifted into the air.

“Ahhh!”

All three of them were sucked into the portal, then it closed up behind them. Just then, one of the doors to the throne room opened up. Pinkie Pie walked into the room, pushing a cart with a pink frosted cake. She looked around the throne room, seeing no signs of her friends. She then ate the entire cake in one bite.

“Ahhhhhh!”

Meanwhile, the group of friends were still travelling through the portal. All of a sudden, the portal opened up. When they emerged from the portal, they found themselves floating in the sky. Deadpool and Spike looked down towards the ground, then at each other.

“Can’t fly,” Said Deadpool and Spike in unison.

“AHHHH!”

With the full force of gravity now taking effect, Deadpool and Spike fell towards the ground. Twilight quickly flew after them. Deadpool and Spike looked down, and saw they were falling towards a runway. They grabbed each other in panic, and braced themselves for the impact. Just before they hit the road, Twilight grabbed them with her magic.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Exclaimed Deadpool.

“Wade,” Said Spike.

“Huh? Are we dead?” Asked Deadpool.

To answer his question, Spike pointed to Twilight and her magic aura that was around them.

“Oh. Thanks for saving us Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight gave Deadpool a stern look.

“What?” Asked Deadpool.

She pointed at the scroll in his hoof. This reminded him of how they got in this situation in the first place.

“Ooh! Okay, I’ll admit this is on me, but you should’ve warned me quicker,” Said Deadpool.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight let Deadpool and Spike go. She then took a moment to look at her surroundings. She saw that instead of the ground, the runway was built into a cloud. In fact, all around them were buildings made out of clouds. While there were a few adult pegasi in the area, there were more pegasus foals.

“Cloudsdale? Starlight doesn’t even have wings. Why would she come here?” Asked Spike.

“A better question we should be asking is how the hell are we and the runway we’re standing on not falling through the clouds?” Asked Deadpool while pointing at the edge of the runway and the cloud it’s connected to.

“I don’t know, Spike, but it looked like she could fly with just magic! Keep your eyes open. We don’t know what she has planned,” Said Twilight.

WHOOSH!

All of a sudden, something flew past them so fast that Twilight’s mane flowed in the generated current. Startled by whatever flew by them, they looked for it. They found a sky blue pegasus filly with an eerie familiar rainbow-colored mane and tail. She landed in front of two pegasus colts and a familiar looking pale yellow pegasus filly with a pink mane and tail who was a little tall for her age.

“Isn’t that Rainbow Dash?” Asked Spike.

“Did Rainbow Dash look really young to you?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, and I think that’s Fluttershy over there,” Replied Deadpool.

“I didn’t see a cutie mark on either of them. You don’t think…”

“...We travelled back in time to when Rainbow Dash raced the bullies who made fun of Fluttershy and performed her first sonic rainboom?” Guessed Spike.

“(Gasp!) It’s like “Back to the Future”!” Whispered Deadpool excitedly.

“Only Star Swirl the Bearded could do something like that, and even his spell just went back a week! How could Starlight do more than the greatest wizard in Equestria?!” Pondered Twilight in disbelief.

“With this.”

Deadpool showed Twilight the scroll. It contained an incantation that was written a long time ago, but it also had inscriptions that were written recently. It was as if the spell was modified.

“I am by no means an expert when it comes to magic. That’s mostly Doctor Strange’s thing, but it seems like this is a time travelling spell. And it appears that Starlight had added her own adjustments to it,” Said Deadpool.

“That’s Star Swirl’s spell! Oh no…!” Said Twilight.

“Come on, let’s go!” Said Spike.

“Go where?” Asked Twilight.

“To watch the race. I don’t wanna miss the rainboom! Whoa!”

Forgetting where he was, Spike stepped off the runway. He fell through the cloud it was on, but Twilight grabbed him in time with her magic. She then placed him on her back before flying towards where the race will be held.

“I guess I’ll just stay here then?” Said Deadpool.

A few minutes later…

Twilight flew over to where the race was being held. Rainbow Dash and the two colts were lined up at the starting line on one cloud, Fluttershy was on a cloud in front of the starting line, and a crowd of their peers had gathered on two separate clouds. Fluttershy waved a checkered flag held in her mouth, indicating the start of the race.

“Yelp!”

Rainbow Dash and the colts flew by Fluttershy so quickly that they inadvertently caused her to spin and fall off her cloud towards the ground below. Twilight was about to fly down to save her when Spike pulled on her wing. He wagged a finger at her, and she knew what he was insinuating. She had to let Fluttershy fall, otherwise it could change the future.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and the two pegasus colts blazed through the race course. They passed through three ring-shaped clouds serving as checkpoints in under a minute. As they made the corner to the next checkpoint, one of the colts lost control, and crashed into a pillar-shaped cloud. Gaining the lead, Rainbow Dash grinned from ear to ear.

BAM!

“Whoa!”

The remaining colt slammed into Rainbow Dash’s side, causing her to momentarily lose control and giving him the lead.

“Heh! Later, Rainbow Crash!” Teased the colt.

“Hey!” Cried Rainbow angrily.

Both foals flew downwards. Pushing herself to her absolute limit, Rainbow Dash flew so fast that the air around her began to pressurize while also creating a rainbow color. Unbeknownst to her, however, Starlight Glimmer poked her head out of a cloud, using her magic to keep herself from falling to the ground. She looked at Rainbow Dash with a sinister grin.

“Aw, sorry about this.”

ZAP!

Starlight cast a beam of magic towards Rainbow Dash. It managed to hit its fast moving target. It caused the filly to stop dead in her tracks. She struggled to get free, but Starlight’s magic didn’t give way.

“Hey! What gives?” Asked Rainbow angrily.

With Rainbow Dash stuck in place, the colt easily crossed the finish line first.

“Oh no!” Said Twilight and Spike in unison.

“Hey, guys!”

Deadpool shouted and waved to get his friends’ attention. Twilight flew over to the runway he was on.

“Starlight Glimmer’s over towards the end of the race track. I think she’s the reason why Rainbow Dash lost the race,” Explained Deadpool.

Twilight looked over to the end of the race course and saw Starlight. She grabbed Deadpool with her magic and flew over to Starlight’s location. Once they arrived, Starlight looked at them with a smug smile.

“What did you do?!” Asked Twilight furiously.

“You are about to find out,” Replied Starlight.

As if on cue, a new time portal opened up above them. Everyone with the exception of Starlight was sucked up into the portal. After traveling through the portal, an exit hole opened up, and the group of ponies fell towards the ground.

“Ah!”

THUMP!

“Ugh…”

After the abrupt landing, Twilight painfully opened her eyes. She saw the Cutie Map in front of her, indicating that she and the others were back in the present day. But to her surprise, she saw that the map showed the land of Equestria as reddish brown in color.

“I don’t know what Starlight’s up to yet, but we’d better figure it out before it’s too late,” Said Twilight.

“Um, Twilight? I think it already is,” Said Spike.

Twilight looked up from the Cutie Map, and her jaw dropped with a gasp. The castle was gone! Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike were in an empty plot of land. All that was left of the castle was the Cutie Map and the thrones. The backs of the thrones were broken in half.

“Uh, guys, where’s the castle?” Asked Spike.

“The map pulled us back, but whatever Starlight did in the past changed things here,” Said Twilight.

“But why? And how did we get here? Where’s here?” Asked Spike.

“More of like, when!” Replied Deadpool.

Hearing Deadpool’s reply, Spike and Twilight turned to face him, only to regret doing so. They saw that he had the roughest landing out of the three of them. He had landed on the back of his throne. The force of impact must have been great, because the upper half of his body was hanging upside down against the back of his throne while his lower half was hanging limply at an awkward angle, indicating his spinal cord was severed.

“Uh, Wade, are you alright?” Asked Spike.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I can’t feel anything from the waist down, but I feel so relaxed!” Replied Deadpool.

Twilight noticed the scroll was next to Deadpool’s throne. She picked it up and looked it over.

“As you said, Wade, Starlight altered Star Swirl’s spell. She then somehow used it on the map to travel into the past and changed something. Once she did, the map pulled us back to the present,” Said Twilight.

“So we’re back where- I mean when we started?” Asked Spike.

“Not exactly, everything’s different. Look.” Upon closer inspection of the Cutie Map, it revealed that most of the land was covered in what appeared to be dark crystals. “The map doesn’t make sense anymore. The Crystal Empire takes up half of Equestria!”

“Plus there’s the whole missing castle thing.”

“Right! This is too big to handle on our own.”

“If only my pal Cable was here to help us,” Said Deadpool.

“We need to find our friends and get help,” Said Twilight.

“Good idea, assuming they’re still here. We better start walking to Ponyville. Oh, wait, that’s right. I’m paralyzed. Unless one of you wants to give me a piggyback ride, we’re going to have to wait for my healing factor to kick in.”

While they waited for Deadpool’s spine to heal, Twilight picked him up and laid him down in a much more comfortable position. A few minutes later, the three heroes followed a path leading into Ponyville. As soon as they entered their beloved town, they saw it was different. Many of the houses were run down and completely abandoned. Many of the roofs had holes in them, and the windows were bordered up with wooden boards.

As they continued to walk down the empty streets, Deadpool and Spike looked up at one of the houses, and saw a yellow earth pony mare with an orange mane which curled at the front looking at them through a window.

“Hey, it’s Carrot Top!” Said Spike.

Both Spike and Deadpool waved at Carrot Top. When she saw them wave at her, she had a look of fear on her face. She then hastily closed the curtains over the window.

“That was… weird,” Said Spike.

“Yeah. Clearly Ponyville isn’t as friendly as it used to be,” Replied Deadpool.

“I’m getting a bad feeling about this,” Said Spike nervously.

“I know, Spike, but this is Ponyville. How bad could things be?” Asked Twilight.

“Damn! She said one of the questions you never ask if you’re in a story, film or tv show!” Said Deadpool to himself.

As they continued along the path, a large shadow enveloped them. They looked up, and they saw that the shadow was cast by Sugarcube Corner. Yet, it wasn’t the confectionery that they knew. The exterior of the shop had none of the cheery candy-themed decor that gave it a vibrant vibe. Other than a loaf of bread on top, it was just a plain old building.

“That’s Sugarcube Corner? It looks so… boring. Pinkie would be very upset,” Said Deadpool.

“I don’t understand. What happened here?” Asked Twilight.

“(Gasp!) Rarity!”

Spike hastily ran towards Carousel Boutique. As soon as he got there, he saw that the windows were bordered up like many of the houses. His heart now beating rapidly, he ran up to the door and knocked on it quickly.

“Rarity?!” Shouted Spike in panic.

Getting no answer from the door, Spike tried peering through a window to the left of the door. There was a large enough gap in between two wooden beams. He used the lowest beam to hoist him up to the gap and peered inside. There was no sign of Rarity. Only a dark room with no light emitting from anywhere.

“I don’t think she is here, Spike.” Spike looked back, and saw that Twilight and Deadpool had caught up with him. I’m not sure anything we know is the same. But I know one place that could never change!” Said Twilight.

A few minutes later…

The creaking of an old wooden sign hanging from a metal arch filled the ears of the three heroes. This soothing sound was quickly drowned out by the sound of heavy machinery. Looking past the entrance, they saw that Sweet Apple Acres was converted from the humble family-owned apple orchard into an industrial apple-processing plant. The main barn had three brick smokestacks protruding from the roof, a water silo with an apple logo was present on the roof as well, and a conveyor belt ran through one of the windows. Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool looked at Sweet Apple Acres with their jaws dropped to the floor.

“... Fuckin’ capitalism,” Muttered Deadpool irritatedly.

Deadpool and his friends walked up to one of the windows. The glass was heavily blanketed in smog. He and Twilight wiped some smog from the glass, coating their hooves with the putrid stuff. They then looked through the window to see what was going on inside.

A metal chute from the second floor directed apples into a large industrial sized boiler of sorts. The conveyor belt that leads out the window also starts from the second floor, moving cans to the first floor until they pass underneath a faucet connected to the cooker. Automatically, applesauce was poured from the faucet into each can. The cans of applesauce then passed by a machine that placed lids on them, then are sealed by a mechanical arm wielding a wooden hammer.

While looking at the dreary sight within the barn, they heard something made of wood being pushed past them. They looked towards their right towards the barn’s entrance, and saw someone they knew dearly. The pony they saw was Applejack who was rolling a wooden barrel of what was most likely apple cider. Instead of her beloved stetson hat, she was wearing a camo beanie hat with a black bandana wrapped around it atop her head. She also wore a matching camo uniform, and her mane and tail were held down by hairnets.

“Applejack?!”

Deadpool and Twilight eagerly ran towards their friend and hugged her. She lightly shoved them off of her, and looked at them with a neutral look.

“What can I do for you two?” Asked Applejack.

“It’s so good to see you! We couldn’t find Pinkie or Rarity or Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash, but I just knew you’d still be here!” Said Twilight happily.

As Twilight spoke to her, Applejack rolled the barrel onto a wooden cart before standing it upright.

“Of course I am. This is my home. But who in tarnation is Pinkie Bow and Flutterdash? Or you three for that matter?” Asked Applejack to Twilight.

“I guess that means AppleDash isn’t a thing here,” Said Deadpool to himself.

(Not yet, my friend. Not yet.)

(At least she said a different ship!)

“You… don’t know who we are?” Asked Twilight hurtfully.

“Nope. Honestly, the only name I recognize is Rarity, but she left for Manehattan years ago,” Said Applejack.

“Probably to become a world-famous fashion designer, I bet,” Said Spike.

“Not that I know of. Last I heard, she went to help with the cause like everypony else. Although, now that I think about it, you look familiar.”

Applejack walked up to Deadpool and looked him over. She looked at his mask, then something clicked in her.

“Are you by chance Wade Wilson?” Asked Applejack.

“Uh, yeah? You know who I am in this universe?” Asked Deadpool in reply.

“Yeah, yeah I know you. I’ve seen you on a lot of promotional material. You’re part of a troop made up of superfolk drafted to fight for the cause?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m a war hero?! Awesome!” Said Deadpool.

“You keep mentioning ‘the cause’. What is that exactly?” Asked Twilight.

“The war against King Sombra and the Crystal Empire?” Answered Applejack.

“What?!” Cried Twilight, Deadpool and Spike in unison.

“How do any of you, especially you, Wade, not know about it? Where have all of you been?” Asked Applejack.

“Actually, it’s when,” Said Spike.

“I know this is hard to believe, but you, Wade, Spike and I, as well as those other ponies I mentioned are friends,” Said Twilight.

“Did you bump your head on a crate of cider or something?” Asked Applejack skeptically.

“I’m telling you the truth! And if you come with us, I’ll prove it.”

With Deadpool and Spike in tow, Twilight ran in the direction of the Cutie Map. Not paying anything she said to mind, Applejack went back towards the cart. Before she could get back to work, Deadpool ran back and forcefully grabbed her, then ran on his hind legs back to the others.

“Illegal but morally acceptable kidnapping!” Said Deadpool.

“Hey!” Said Applejack.

A few minutes later…

Twilight was showing Applejack the Cutie Map. The latter looked at it inquisitively.

“Well, I’ll admit, I’ve lived in these parts my whole life and I’ve never seen this before,” Said Applejack.

“There’s also supposed to be a castle that goes with it,” Said Spike.

“But I still don’t see what this has to do with all of us being friends,” Said Applejack.

“Another pony named Starlight Glimmer used this map to travel through time and change things in the past. For some reason, the map’s here but everything else is different,” Explained Twilight.

“Different how?” Asked Applejack.

“Well, for one thing, when we’re from, there’s no epic war with King Tall, Dark and Suave,” Said Deadpool.

At the thought of an alternate timeline where Equestria was not in the throws of war, Applejack’s ears drooped out of sadness.

“But maybe you could tell us how the war started, then we can figure out when everything changed,” Said Twilight.

“That’s easy enough. (Sighs) When the Crystal Empire returned, it brought King Sombra back with it…

Several months earlier…

The sky was red over the Crystal Empire. Underneath the great Crystal Castle, many of the Empire’s inhabitants were bound together by shackles. King Sombra walked over to some of the terrified Crystal Ponies, and forcefully placed metal helmets over their heads. One by one, the helmets placed them under mind control.

“When he returned, he forced every one of his subjects to fight for him against Equestria,” Said Applejack.

“Ooo! A flashback in no particular viewpoint used to show past events to the reader! I like it!” Said Deadpool.

“Do you mind?”

“Sorry.”

A little while later, King Sombra and his army marched out onto a barren landscape. Opposite to them, Princess Celestia and a large army made up of the rest of Equestria’s citizens. At the command of both rulers, the armies ran towards each other. With the sound of thunder created by hoofsteps behind them, they engaged each other in battle. Most combatants engaged each other in hoof-to-hoof combat, while others fought each other with weapons such as spears and swords.

As they fought each other, King Sombra walked confidently out onto the battlefield. Three stallions from the E.U.P. guard went to apprehend him, but he raised himself up on a platform of rocks, causing them to run into them. Meanwhile, a pegasus wearing a blue uniform with lightning patterns, and a mask and visor took out three Crystal Ponies at once with three swift kicks to the head. They stood out from other members of Celestia’s army by having a metal left wing.

A soldier from Sombra’s army jumped onto the pegasus’s back and tried to restrain her. They headbutted them in the face, causing them to fall to the ground. This caused their mask and visor to fall off, revealing Rainbow Dash. Her rainbow-colored mane was spiked in the back and drooped over her right eye.

Unbeknownst to her, two members of Sombra’s army were on top of a cliff overlooking the battlefield. They pushed a large boulder over the edge. Rainbow Dash noticed a large shadow looming over her, and she looked up. Seeing the boulder falling towards her fast, she braced herself for impending doom.

SHING!

Suddenly, a loud slicing sound caught her attention. She hesitantly opened her eyes, and saw that the boulder had been sliced in two. Each half had landed on her sides. She looked ahead and saw Deadpool from this timeline looking at her. He was wearing a camo uniform but was still wearing his usual red mask. Holding a katana in his left hoof, he saluted her with his right. Returning the gesture, she looked behind her, seeing several of Sombra’s soldiers. She and Deadpool nodded at each other, then rushed the soldiers.

Rainbow Dash tackled a soldier to the ground while Deadpool delivered an uppercut to a different soldier. Rainbow swiftly got up, grabbed another soldier and slammed them into the ground face first. Deadpool firmly held his katana, and swung it at three soldiers. The blade cut through the helmets, causing them to fall off. The innocent Crystal Ponies underneath were unscathed, and they shook the effects of Sombra’s mind control off. Deadpool gestured for them to leave, which they did without hesitation.

As a soldier was running towards him, Deadpool lowered his body to allow Rainbow Dash to roll over him and deliver a knockout punch. Deadpool then tossed his katana at a soldier that was coming for her, knocking them out with the hilt of his blade. She tossed the katana back at him, then saw they were completely surrounded.

They nodded their heads, then Deadpool grabbed Rainbow Dash by the hind legs. He spun her around in a circle, generating enough momentum for her to strike her opponents with powerful punches. Once they were no longer surrounded, Deadpool let her go. Flying across the battlefield like a jet, Rainbow Dash tackled two of Sombra’s soldiers, then knocked them out with a punch to the face. Looking back at Deadpool who was twenty meters away, she saluted him before flying off.

“Whoa, that was awesome!”

Deadpool looked over to his right, and saw Deadpool from the original timeline. The main Merc with a Mouth had somehow got himself in the flashback.

“This version of me is so badass! I want to be just like him when I grow up,” Said Deadpool.

“Thanks! Awesome suit by the way,” Said Deadpool from the alternate timeline.

“(Gasp!) Fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break! That’s like… sixteen walls!”

“Hey! Do you mind?!” Asked Applejack annoyedly.

“Sorry,” Said both Deadpools in unison.

The main Deadpool disappeared while the Deadpool from the alternate timeline just shrugged his shoulders. He then ran towards Sombra’s forces, and leapt at them with his katana ready to strike.

“Even with Princess Celestia leading the charge, it still takes every last pony in Equestria doing their part, working day and night to keep up the fight,” Said Applejack.

Back in the present day, Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike looked at Applejack in disbelief. They couldn’t believe that things in Equestria had gotten so bad due to Starlight Glimmer meddling with the past.

“I just can’t believe it! We stopped King Sombra. You, me, Wade, Spike and all of our friends,” Said Twilight.

“But it was Spike who really saved the day,” Added Deadpool.

Hearing Deadpool mention his triumph in defeating King Sombra and saving the Crystal Empire, Spike smiled and puffed up his chest while placing his hands on his hips.

“But we aren’t friends. At least not here,” Said Applejack.

“Right,” Said Twilight glumly.

“Look, I hope all of this helped, but I really need to get back to canning those apples.”

Applejack began to walk away, heading towards the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

“Thank you. We’re going to set things right,” Said Twilight.

Applejack stopped in her tracks. She sighed before looking back at Twilight.

“I hope you do.”

After looking at Twilight then Spike and Deadpool, Applejack continued her walk back home.

“So… how are we gonna set things right?” Asked Spike.

“I don’t know!” Overwhelmed by the situation, Twilight planted her face on the surface of the Cutie Map. “The only thing we know for sure is that Starlight stopped the rainboom, making it so that Applejack, the rest of the girls and I don’t end up becoming friends.”

“And the castle is gone,” Added Deadpool.

“And the map’s still here,” Added Spike.

After listening to what Spike said, Twilight looked at the Cutie Map. Right then, she came up with an idea.

“Spike, that’s it! The map is connected to the Tree of Harmony! It must sense that something isn’t right! That’s why it’s still here! I’ll just use Starlight’s version of the spell and go back a little earlier and stop her before she even knows we’re there!” Said Twilight.

(Wait a minute. As much of a cliche this whole chapter is, doesn’t “Avengers: Endgame” tell us that going back to the past and changing prior events doesn’t work?)

(Haven’t you watched “The Terminator”? That is obviously how time travel works. Why else would you send a cyborg assassin from the future that looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time to kill Linda Hamilton?)

(Did you listen to Bruce Banner’s explanation of how time travel would most likely work in the real world? Think about it: If you start from the present and go back to the past, the present becomes the past, or present-past if you will, while the past becomes the present or past-present. If you changed something in the past-present then traveled back to the present-past, the past-present becomes the past-present-past and the present-past becomes the present-past-present. So in actuality, the present-past-present effectively remains the same.)

(... My brain hurts! [Gasp!] Does that mean Paul Rudd was right in that “Back to the Future” is a bunch of bullshit?!)

BONK!

Hearing enough of the conversation between the two voices in his head, Deadpool bonked himself in the head.

“That’s enough time travel logistics out of the both of you! And “Back to the Future” is not bullshit!” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

Twilight gave Deadpool a confused look before using her magic to levitate the scroll over the Cutie Map. She then cast the spell Starlight Glimmer used, causing a new time portal to open up above the map. She, Deadpool, and Spike were lifted into the air, the latter grabbing the scroll on the way up. They were then sucked into the portal.

After traveling through the portal, they ended up back above Cloudsdale. Both Deadpool and Spike fell briefly before Twilight caught them both with her magic.

“All we have to do now is find Starlight and-”

ZAP!

Before Twilight could finish her sentence, she, Deadpool and Spike were frozen in a large semi-transparent purple crystal block. The crystal block fell onto the main cloud making up Cloudsdale below. The crystal block’s weight was causing it to slowly sink through the cloud.

“Well, finding her will be easy, but stopping her’s gonna be harder than you think.”

Starlight Glimmer appeared in front of them, using her magic to levitate above the cloud.

“Fuck…!” Thought Deadpool to himself.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I created that spell to send myself back in time. So even when you cast it, I still get sent back here. It wasn’t difficult to change Star Swirl’s spell. He’d already done the hard part, but figuring out I could use the map to go to any time or place and pull you along with me? (Laughs) I even impressed myself with that. I knew you’d try to stop me. You two ‘heroes’ are so predictable,” Said Starlight.

(Predictable?! We’ll show you predictable!)

“Why else would I leave the scroll behind? Touching it triggered the map to whisk you here and watch me erase the one thing that linked you with your friends and even Wade, Twilight!” Starlight landed on the crystal block, causing it to sink further into the cloud. “My village was a sanctuary of equality, where nopony’s cutie mark allowed them to feel superior! It was a special place, and you two and your friends took it away!”

Starlight realized that the crystal block entrapping the heroes had sunk through the top of the cloud. She levitated herself underneath the cloud, where the crystal block was almost done sinking through.

“Now it’s my turn to take something special from you! Without the rainboom, you Twilight and your friends will never form your special cutie mark bonds! And you two lovebirds can forget about your future now that you will no longer have met in Ponyville! Cutie marks for cutie marks! Sounds like a fair trade to me!”

With a wicked smile, Starlight placed a hoof on the crystal block, and lightly pushed on it. The crystal block detached from the cloud, and it fell towards the ground below. As they fell closer and closer towards the ground, Twilight focused her magic into her horn. With a flash of light, she teleported herself, Deadpool and Spike out of the crystal block. While she caught her breath, she quickly realized her friends were continuing to fall towards the ground.

“TWILIIIIIIIGHT!” Cried Deadpool and Spike.

“Oops!” Muttered Twilight.

Remembering that both of her friends can’t fly, Twilight flew after them. As the ground became increasingly visible, Deadpool and Spike screamed at the top of their lungs. Seeing Twilight flying towards them, Deadpool grabbed Spike and held him in his left foreleg. Flying at max speed, Twilight managed to grab Deadpool. Seeing her flying in a superhero-like pose with her mane and tail blowing elegantly in the wind, the latter smiled under his mask while wrapping his free arm around her neck.

“My hero…!” Deadpool then whispered into Twilight’s ear. “You can rail me anytime, Mare of Steel!”

“Wade!” Said Twilight while blushing profusely.

“What? Being the damsel in distress makes me horny.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Wade. We need to focus on stopping Starlight. At least now we know exactly what to do.”

A few minutes later…

Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike were hiding in a cloud. They were surveying the area, looking for Starlight Glimmer.

“Okay, keep your eyes peeled,” Said Twilight.

“Right!” Said Deadpool and Spike in unison.

“We have to stop Starlight as soon as Rainbow Dash and those bullies race by,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool pulled out a pair of binoculars from somewhere and looked around. He eventually found something that caught his attention.

“Um, Twilight?” Said Deadpool.

“So be ready,” Said Twilight.

“I know, but-”

“Because she could pop up anywhere.”

“Like over there?”

Deadpool pointed down towards the right, and gave Twilight the binoculars. She looked towards where he pointed, and saw something that caused her to gasp out of shock. She saw Starlight Glimmer talking to filly Fluttershy and the two colts who bullied her. She hastily grabbed Deadpool and Spike with her magic and flew over to Starlight’s location.

“Just remember how you’d feel if someone said those things to you,” Said Starlight.

“What’s going on here?” Asked Twilight sternly while landing.

“Oh, I was just reminding these two colts how hurtful teasing can be,” Answered Starlight while glaring daggers into her foes.

“Well, don’t!” Said Twilight angrily.

“Huh?” Said the colts and Fluttershy.

“I mean… you were?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course! In a world where everypony is unique, some are bound to feel more special than others. But that isn’t a license to be cruel, is it?” Asked Starlight with a smug smile.

“No, of course not…” Said Twilight.

Oh, isn’t it a shame we don’t live in a world where everypony is equal? No one would ever tease anyone there! Wouldn’t that be nice?” Asked Starlight.

“Mm-hmm!” Muttered Fluttershy and the colts.

“No, it wouldn’t! I mean, it’d be nice not to be teased, of course, but that’s not the same thing!” Said Twilight.

“Nice save,” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

“Come on, Fluttershy. Maybe I can help you get through the course this time,” Said one of the colts.

“Well, I-I sure could use the practice,” Said Fluttershy.

Fluttershy and her former bullies walked off towards one of the flight courses. Deadpool looked around while Starlight and Twilight were staring intensely at each other.

“Where are the adults at this flight school? Four strangers, three of them being adults, are talking to defenseless kids. We could have lured them into our van with candy and drove off without anypony knowing,” Said Deadpool.

“I know you only convinced those bullies to not tease Fluttershy to stop the rainboom!” Said Twilight to Starlight.

“Oh, that’s not true. I convinced them not to be bullies because everypony should be equal. Stopping the rainboom is just a bonus,” Said Starlight bitterly.

WHOOSH!

“Look!”

Spike pointed at the sky. The group saw Rainbow Dash soaring across the sky.

“This isn’t over yet!” Said Twilight.

“If you say so,” Said Starlight.

Placing Deadpool on the runway and carrying Spike on her back, Twilight leapt to the air and flew after Rainbow Dash.

“Wait, Twilight! You may be friends in the future, but right now you are an adult and Rainbow’s…” Deadpool saw Twilight fly after Rainbow Dash before disappearing from sight. “... A kid. Uh… I hope we can get a good lawyer. Maybe Matt Murdock?”

(Considering what time we are in, Murdock would probably be in early high school. He wouldn’t be able to help us.)

Deadpool and Starlight exchange awkward looks with each other. Deadpool then turned to face her.

“So… What’s new with you? You know, other than the time travel plot to end mine and Twilight’s friendships,” Said Deadpool awkwardly.

Starlight gave him a confused look in response to his attempt at small talk. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was soaring through the sky, practicing her flying skills on the race course. She looked over her right shoulder and saw Twilight flying next to her. The quirky alicorn was smiling at her with a toothy smile, which made her feel uncomfortable.

“Hi!” Greeted Twilight with her toothy grin.

Spike, who was holding on to Twilight’s tail for dear life due to how fast she had to fly in order to keep up with Rainbow Dash, waved to the filly.

“Um… hi?” Greeted Rainbow.

“You think you can stop for a minute?” Asked Twilight.

“Sure.”

THUD!

Rainbow Dash stopped mid flight. Twilight, who had less experience, ended up crashing into a cloud trying to stop mid flight. She pulled herself and Spike out of the cloud and flew over to Rainbow Dash.

“I heard you’re pretty fast!” Said Twilight.

“Pretty fast? Please! I’m even faster than that!” Said Rainbow with a cocky smile.

“Okay, so, um, hey, you want to race?” Asked Twilight.

“Um, that wouldn’t really be fair. I mean, you’re a full grown pony, and…” Rainbow Dash looked over Twilight and noticed her horn and her wings. “... Wait, are you an alicorn?!

“Come on, I thought you were fast!” Said Twilight.

“Uh, actually, I just remembered I have somewhere I need to be.”

Rainbow Dash slowly flew backwards, then flew away quickly. Desperate to get her to do the sonic rainboom, Twilight flew after her. Flying so fast that Spike slipped off her back and had to hold onto her tail yet again, Twilight managed to catch up to Rainbow Dash.

“Okay, listen. You don’t have to race me. I just need you to fly fast enough for a sonic rainboom!” Said Twilight.

“What?! I can’t do that! Nopony can! It’s not even a real thing! It’s just an old mare’s tale!” Said Rainbow.

“But it’s not! I know it’s not! I’ve seen you do it in the future!”

“Ooookay… I’m gonna go now.”

Disconcerted by Twilight’s behavior, Rainbow Dash flew even faster to get away from her.

“No! Wait!” Shouted Twilight desperately.

Twilight’s plea for Rainbow Dash to stop fell on deaf ears. Her future friend flew out of sight. As she sighed out of despair, she heard the sounds of a masculine scream steadily getting louder.

“Ahhhh!”

WHAM!

Suddenly, she felt something heavy fall on top of her. The impact caused her to fall several feet before she managed to stop herself. She looked on her back and saw Deadpool. He held onto her with an iron grip.

“This is the THIRD time I fell from the sky in ONE chapter! I wish the author made me a pegasus!” Said Deadpool.

(But then we would be even more overpowered than we already are.)

“I suppose you have a point,” Said Deadpool to himself.

“Wade? Where did you come from?” Asked Twilight.

“From a portal above you. Starlight got sick of me, so she teleported me to you and Spike. Speaking of, where is the little guy?”

“Underneath you.”

Deadpool heard a muffled voice coming from underneath him. He stood up and found Spike, who he had crushed under his body weight. He grabbed him and placed him on top of his shoulders.

“Sorry about that, Spike. At least you get to be on the top of this weird-ass stack we have made to ensure no one falls to their death,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah, great,” Said Spike sarcastically.

Just then, Starlight appeared in front of the group, levitating with the use of her magic. She was rubbing her temples with her hooves.

“Wade did NOT stop talking for three minutes! Now that I say it out loud, it doesn’t sound that bad. But you should have been there! Yammering on and on about pointless subjects without stopping to take a breath once! How have you not lost your mind from constantly listening to him?!” Asked Starlight.

“Honestly, I’ve been around him long enough that I subconsciously drown out most of the things he says. Uh, sorry, hun,” Said Twilight to Deadpool.

“It’s fine. I know you pay attention when I really need you to,” Said Deadpool.

(Unlike you when you drowned out most of her lecture.)

“Shut up!” Shouted Deadpool under his breath.

“Anyway, it seems like you couldn’t convince Rainbow Dash to do the impossible. That's too bad,” Said Starlight mockingly.

“Why you vindictive-”

Before Deadpool could finish his sentence, a time portal opened up above him, sucking him, Twilight and Spike into it. After traveling through time, the group exited through the portal and fell on top of the Cutie Map. As they painfully got up, the portal closed.

“Ugh. Well, that didn't work,” Said Spike.

“This is gonna be harder than I thought. We will have to try again,” Said Twilight.

As she pulled out Star Swirl’s spell to examine it, Deadpool looked at the cutie map. Unlike the last time he saw the Cutie Map, the land of Equestria looked pale green in color. He then looked at his surroundings. All around them were large trees. Vines hung from their branches, and the canopy prevented light from penetrating to the forest floor. Suddenly, the sound of rustling leaves caught his attention. He looked up, and saw six pairs of eyes poking up from the underbrush.

“Uh, Twilight?” Said Deadpool nervously.

“I do not want us to live in that awful future we saw,” Said Twilight.

“I don’t think we’ll have to!” Said Deadpool.

CLINK! CLINK CLINK!

The sharpened end of spears were aimed at the group. The shock from being at spear-point caused Twilight to drop the scroll. Looking towards the spears, they saw they were held by six ponies. They recognized them as being residents of Ponyville, but they were covered in mud and a green substance that looked like face and body paint. Of the six ponies, they recognized two in particular, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

“Pinkie? Fluttershy?” Said Twilight.

In response to her talking, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and the rest of the ponies brought the tips of their spears closer to Twilight, Deadpool and Spike’s necks.

“Silence, changeling!” Demanded Pinkie.

“All servants of Queen Chrysalis and traitors found in these woods must be destroyed!” Said Fluttershy.

With the thought of being destroyed-

(KILLED! This story is rated M! We do not have to use cartoon censorship words!)

Right… With the thought of being killed, Twilight gulped out of fear. She, Deadpool, and Spike exchanged nervous glances with each other as their friends and the rest of the ponies brought their spears closer.

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed part one of the last chapter of the season five arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season finale episode "The Cutie Re-Mark"! I greatly apologize for how long this took to post. I have been kept busy with college, and I had not been doing a good job with giving myself some free time, so I ended up not spending as much time writing as I wanted too. I also decided to post part one instead of waiting to post parts one and two because I felt like I should post something after three months of no new chapters. With that, let us move on to the big question. Will Deadpool, Twilight and Spike be able to restore the timeline, or will Starlight Glimmer's actions alter the timeline permanently? Thank you all for your patience, and until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a fantastic day.

Chapter 29: Time Is Not On Our Side Part Three
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 29: Time Is Not On Our Side Part Three

“Cable…?!”

Deadpool looked up at the looming figure of his friend in both shock and fear. Cable stepped forward, revealing his features, including his stoic face.

“Hello, Wade, it's been a while," Said Cable.

"It has. It's been eight whole chapters since we've last seen each other," Said Deadpool.

“Princess Twilight. It is a pleasure to be in your presence again,” Said Cable while bowing.

“It’s a pleasure to see you too, Cable,” Said Twilight.

“And you must be Spike. Ally of the Elements of Harmony and Wade, and the savior of the Crystal Empire.”

Upon hearing Cable referring to him as the savior of the Crystal Empire, Spike puffed up his chest and put his hands on his hips while smiling radiantly.

"Please, you're too kind!" Said Spike.

"You all should not be here. Time as we know it is in peril," Said Cable.

"Aren't you curious about how we got here in the first place?" Asked Twilight.

"Twilight, he's a time traveler and psychic. He most likely saw everything that has transpired, including us getting sent back into the past because of the scroll," Said Deadpool.

"Oh. Right," Said Twilight sheepishly.

“Starlight Glimmer stopping Rainbow Dash's first sonic rainboom caused Equestria to go through turmoil for several years. As much as I appreciate all of your efforts to stop her, each time you have tried to stop her, the future of Equestria has only gotten worse. Lucky for all of you, I came to restore the timeline,” Said Cable.

“Phew! That’s a relief,” Said Twilight.

“Are the four of us going to fight Starlight back-to-back crane style?!” Asked Deadpool excitedly while standing in a crane stance.

“No. When Starlight appears, I will use this on her.”

Cable pulled out a high-powered plasma rifle. Realizing what he was alluding to, Twilight’s heart nearly skipped a beat.

“H-Hold on a second! We can’t kill her!” Said Twilight frantically.

Cable raised his right eyebrow.

“I know that Starlight has changed the past three different times-”

“To be fair, we did have a hoof with the third change,” Countered Deadpool.

“Okay, yes. Regardless, is killing her really necessary?” Asked Twilight.

“Starlight’s meddling with the past threatens the future of not only Equestria but the world as well. When she first stopped the rainboom, the war between Princess Celestia and King Sombra lasted for three years before Sombra was slain and the citizens of the Crystal Empire were freed. When she stopped the rainboom again, resulting in Queen Chrysalis taking over Equestria, the ponies of Equestria were suppressed for nine years until a rebellion led by Zecora with the aid of a certain red and black spandex wearing pony put an end to Chrysalis’ rule,” Said Cable.

“I knew saving the rebels and fighting my alternate self was the right call!” Said Deadpool while Twilight grabbed his shoulder and nodded her head affirmatively.

“Hm. And when the rainboom was stopped for a third time, Nightmare Moon’s eternal night resulted in the extinction of most life forms on earth. Ponykind was only able to survive through the use of artificial lights to cultivate food and natural evolution to adapt to living in a world with no sunlight,” Said Cable grimly.

Hearing the outcome of the world ruled by Nightmare Moon, Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike looked at each other in disbelief.

“Starlight Glimmer’s actions have resulted in the suffering of millions of ponies. And if she continues to meddle with time, she could cause irreversible damage. That’s why I’m going to take her out before she can stop the rainboom,” Explained Cable.

“Why would you kill her here instead of right before she cast the spell at the Castle of Friendship? At least then if you don’t take her out immediately, you could have some wiggle room to stop her,” Said Deadpool.

“Because when she cast Star Swirl’s spell to continuously send her to the past, she created a closed loop,” Said Cable.

“Which means she will always be in the past,” Said Twilight.

“Exactly,” Confirmed Cable.

“I understand, Cable, that she has harmed many ponies by altering the past, and if she forces our hoof, then we may very well have to end her life. But we have to at least try something else first,” Said Twilight.

“I’m sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but we need to act quickly, and the quickest option would be to kill her,”

Twilight placed a hoof on her chin, trying to come up with a way to stop Cable from going through with his plan. An idea quickly popped in her head.

“I’m sorry, Cable, but as one of the Princesses of Equestria, I will have to order you to not kill Starlight Glimmer,” Said Twilight.

“With all due respect, Twilight Sparkle, due to the changes in the timeline, your authority currently doesn’t exist,” Said Cable.

Caught off guard by Cable’s response, Twilight looked at him in shock.

“And when it comes down to authority, time is my jurisdiction,” Added Cable.

(OH!)

Dumbfounded, Twilight stumbled to come up with an argument.

“B-But… I… You can’t… But you can’t kill her! Wade, you agree with me that she shouldn’t be killed, right?” Asked Twilight.

When Twilight looked to her coltfriend, he saw he had his forelegs crossed while looking down at the runway.

“Wade?” Said Twilight.

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but… I agree with Summers on this one,” Said Deadpool grimly.

“No… No!” Twilight walked up to Deadpool anxiously. “Wade, please change your mind! The night that you stopped Taskmaster, you agreed that killing villains would only be a last resort!” Said Twilight.

“What choice do we have, Twilight? We already fought her, and she has changed the timeline three times. In each alternate timeline ponies have suffered, and in one of those timelines, I was used to slaughter who knows how many. If we can’t fix this, she will have taken away our home, our friends, our life… our love. I don’t want us to lose everything. She has to die, Twilight.”

She wanted to counter her coltfriend’s argument. She wanted to give him a logical reason why they should keep sparing Starlight. To tell him he is wrong to believe she has to die in order to save their timeline. But Twilight couldn’t; she had nothing to say back. She looked at him with glossy eyes, and pressed her forehead against his. As for Wade, he had nothing to say for once. As his beloved marefriend silently sobbed, he placed his forelegs around her torso. At the same time, Spike wrapped his arms around one of her forelegs, and looked at her sympathetically.

“I don’t want her to die…” Sobbed Twilight.

“I know. And as much as I believe it has to be that way, I don't want her to die either,” Whispered Deadpool.

“There just has to be another way…”

“I wish there was, too. Believe me, I really wish there was. But unless we can miraculously reason with her, I don’t think there is anything else we can do.”

Thinking about what could be done, Twilight realized that Deadpool said something they didn’t try yet. They had not attempted to reason with Starlight. Perhaps if they could convince her to stop, then maybe they could stop her without having to kill her. Releasing herself from her coltfriend and Spike’s grasp, she walked over to Cable while wiping her eyes with her right foreleg.

“Cable, when we tried to stop Starlight we only tried fighting her. We never tried reasoning with her. If we could convince her to stop preventing the rainboom, then we could restore the timeline and she can continue to live,” Said Twilight.

“Twilight, I can’t take chances. If you can’t reason with her, then she will continue to jeopardize the future,” Said Cable.

“Just give me one chance! No more, no less. If I can reason with her, then she can continue to live, but if I can’t, then I won’t stop you from killing her.”

“Hmm… What do you think, Wade?”

“Me?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yes, do you think that she can convince Starlight to stop her actions?”

Deadpool thought about how he should answer this question. As he thought about it, he locked eyes with Twilight. She looked at him pleadingly. He sighed, then looked at Cable.

“She was able to convince me to go down a more heroic path by not always resorting to murder to stop criminals. So, I believe she can convince Starlight to stop preventing the rainboom,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight gave him a grateful smile.

“Fine then, I will allow you one chance to reason with her. However, I can only allow a small window of time before she can have the chance to cause more harm,” Said Cable.

“How long does it take to reason with somepony?” Asked Twilight.

“I’ll give you thirty seconds,” Said Cable.

“That- What?! No!” Said Twilight.

“Best I can do. Take it or leave it,” Said Cable.

“Wow! Back-to-back quotes,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight and Cable looked at each other for several seconds. The former sighed in defeat, then reached out to the latter with her right foreleg.

“Very well, then. Deal,” Said Twilight.

“Deal,” Replied Cable.

Both ponies shook hooves, cementing the deal they had made.

“I will give you thirty seconds to convince Starlight Glimmer to stop. If she chooses to continue with her plans, I will kill her. No exceptions.”

Cable summoned a portal behind him. As he turned to enter the portal, he looked back at Twilight.

“I will be watching.”

Cable then walked through the portal, and it closed behind him. As Twilight took some deep breaths to calm herself down, Deadpool walked up next to her.

“I hope you will be able to reason with her,” Said Deadpool.

“Yeah, me too,” Replied Twilight.

Suddenly, a teal-colored portal appeared in the sky. Starlight Glimmer appeared from the portal, using her magic to levitate in the air.

“Starlight!” Said Twilight.

“Ha! Good luck trying to stop me!”

Starlight flew towards the race course with Twilight following behind her while carrying both Deadpool and Spike with her magic. As a filly Rainbow Dash was about to make a turn, Starlight close lined her, causing her to fall towards the ground. A portal opened up above the three heroes, transporting them back to the present.

The land around them was on fire, and the ground began to shake. In the distance, they saw a gargantuan Lord Tirek. He was laying waste to the land of Equestria. Twilight swiftly cast the time travel spell, bringing her and her friends back to the past.

As soon as she came out of the portal, she fired a beam of magic at Starlight. Starlight nonchalantly stepped to the right, causing the beam of magic to encase Rainbow Dash in a crystal block on accident. The villainess slow-clapped at Twilight before the latter and her friends were transported back into the present.

Upon arrival, they found themselves in a pile of stuffed animals. It didn't take them long to figure out what went wrong in this timeline. Among the chaos Discord had caused, the Lord of Chaos was riding on a unicycle in royal attire while chasing Princesses Celestia and Luna, who had their manes and tails in afros and clown makeup on their faces. Twilight cast the time travel spell, and she and her friends were sent back in time yet again. Upon arriving, they saw Starlight was using her magic to help a filly Fluttershy navigate the race course. They were immediately sent back to the present, yet again.

Upon arriving in the present, they heard the deafening sounds of construction vehicles and smelt smoke in the air. Turning around, they saw two unicorn stallions wearing boater hats and blue-and-white striped shirts uprooting a tree with a feller buncher.

“Forget what happened to Sweet Apple Acres in Sombra’s timeline. This is capitalism,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight cast the time spell, returning them to the past. When they emerged from the portal, they found Starlight Glimmer floating above a cloud.

“Up for another race-ending fight, Twilight and Wade?” Asked Starlight tauntingly.

“No. Can we just talk?” Asked Twilight.

“Fat chance! Have you been learning how to deceive ponies from Wade?”

Starlight fired a beam of magic at the three heroes. Twilight summoned a shield around her and her friends to absorb the attack.

“Jeez! I’m sorry I tricked you so I could break your nose! If I knew you were gonna do all of this, I would’ve just kicked you in the shin!” Said Deadpool.

Starlight growled under her breath while lighting up her horn. Before she could attack, Twilight raised up her front hooves.

“I’m serious. No plans, no tricks. I just want to talk. Can’t you spare thirty seconds to hear what I have to say?” Asked Twilight.

Starlight glared at her. Several seconds passed, then she extinguished the light from her horn.

“Fine, I will spare you thirty seconds. But if I suspect any of you will try something, I won’t hesitate to attack,” Said Starlight.

“Thank you. When you kept stopping the rainboom, you’ve attracted the attention of a protector of the timeline. If you don’t stop tampering with the past, they’re going to kill you,” Explained Twilight grimly.

“HA! You think I’m that gullible?! Are you really so desperate that you came up with a story that you would read in a comic book?!” Asked Starlight.

“Hey, in this fanfiction, comic book stories are reality. Exhibit A,” Said Deadpool while pointing at himself.

“I’m serious, Starlight! If you don’t stop, you will die!” Said Twilight.

“Even if you were by the slightest chance telling the truth, if I can keep you and your friends from getting your cutie mark connection, then I will gladly die!” Said Starlight maliciously.

“You really are a vindictive bitch,” Said Deadpool.

“The reason why they’re after you in the first place is because what you’re doing goes way beyond cutie marks! Everything we do here in the past - even the smallest change - can snowball into an avalanche of trouble for the future!” Said Twilight.

“Oh, next I suppose you’ll tell me that ‘the fate of all of Equestria hangs in the balance’!” Said Starlight mockingly.

“It does!” Stressed Twilight.

“Spare me your overblown ego!” Said Starlight while rolling her eyes. “No group of friends, not even Princess Twilight’s, is that important!”

“Aaaaaaah!”

Starlight Glimmer fired a beam of magic towards the race track. It hit the young Rainbow Dash, causing her to spiral upwards. A portal quickly appeared from above. While Spike and Deadpool were sucked up, Twilight held on to a cloud.

“I don’t know how important other ponies’ friendships are to the future, but I can show you what the world is like without mine!”

Before the villainess could react, Twilight flew towards Starlight and tackled her. She then dragged her into the portal before it closed up. Upon exiting the portal, everyone felt something rough and coarse against their hooves and feet. They found they were standing on some sand, and looking at their surroundings, that was all they could see for sediment. What should’ve been Ponyville was only barren land. The only sign of life were dead shrubs. A strong wind blew in the area, stirring up sand. The wind caused Starlight and Twilight’s mane and tails to flow rapidly.

(I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.)

“Take your prequel quoting ass out of this fanfiction, now…!” Said Deadpool irritatedly to himself.

“Where are we?!” Asked Starlight angrily

“The future. Or rather, the present,” Said Twilight glumly.

“But there’s nothing here,” Said Starlight.

“This is like that one scene from the ‘Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water’,” Said Deadpool.

“I wish I could say I was surprised, but every world we come back to is worse than the last. I don’t know why we and our friends are so important to Equestria, but we are,” Said Twilight.

“I don’t believe you!” Said Starlight angrily.

“Come on, Starlight, look around!” Said Spike.

Starlight looked at the surroundings. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

“Like I said, everything in the past affects the future, even the tiniest act. And what you’re doing leads here. I know I can’t stop you, but I thought showing you this might change your mind,” Said Twilight.

“Change my mind? You don’t know anything about me! I was perfectly happy before you two and your friends ruined what I built!” Shouted Starlight out of spite and sadness.

“I don’t know what happened that led you to make your village without cutie marks, and I’m sorry Wade, my friends, and I had to take it away,” Said Twilight sincerely.

Starlight Glimmer barred her teeth out of fury, and she levitated herself into the air. She then landed on top of the Cutie Map.

“You want to know what happened to me?! I’ll show you!”

Starlight Glimmer cast her time travel spell on the Cutie Map, causing everyone to travel through time yet again. Upon exiting the portal, the heroes saw that Starlight had taken them to a small, quaint village.

“Where are we?” Asked Twilight.

“ That map of yours is connected to every part of Equestria, and this part is my home,” Said Starlight.

She walked away as the others looked at each other. They then followed after her. Starlight stopped at a house and looked through one of its windows. Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike looked through the window as well, and were surprised by what they saw. In what appeared to be a study was a filly Starlight Glimmer, lacking a cutie mark and her mane tied back as pigtails, and an orange unicorn colt with a red mane and tail. They were both stacking books with the aid of their magic.

“Who’s that colt?” Asked Twilight.

“His name’s Sunburst. He was the first friend I ever had,” Said Starlight.

“I presume he was also your only non brainwashed friend?” Questioned Deadpool.

Starlight glared at Deadpool.

“Sunburst and I did everything together. In fact, I don’t remember us ever being apart. Until today,” Said Starlight glumly.

“Ah, this is a child- foalhood trauma origin story,” Said Deadpool.

“Well you just shut up and watch!” Said Starlight annoyedly.

Looking through the window again, they saw that the two foals had finished creating their book stack. It was twice as tall as they were. Their finished project brought immense joy to filly Starlight, as evidenced by the fact she was clapping her hooves with glee. Sticking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, she pulled out a book from the bottom of the stack. This poor choice caused the entire stack of books to fall towards her. Just before the stack of books fell on her, Sunburst managed to catch all of the books with his magic.

A bright yellow light surrounded his body as the books circled around him. He then neatly placed all of the books back onto a singular book shelf in the study. Afterwards, a cutie mark of a sun with three golden rays appeared on his flank. Overjoyed at finally earning his cutie mark, he bolted out of the study and the house. He came across a unicorn mare and stallion who were presumably his parents. Delighted to see Sunburst with his new cutie mark, the stallion grabbed the young colt and he and the mare made their way towards the center of the town with other townsponies following behind them.

While they were off celebrating Sunburst finally getting his cutie mark, the filly Starlight watched everything that had transpired from the entrance of the house. Having been left behind, she teared up as she shut the door behind her.

“And just like that, my friend was gone. His family recognized his magical talent and sent him off to Canterlot. I never saw him again,” Said Starlight sadly.

“Well, why not?” Asked Spike.

“Because of his cutie mark! He got his, and I didn’t! He moved on, and I didn’t! I stayed here and never made another friend because I was too afraid another cutie mark would take them away, too! And until I finally earned mine, I was relentlessly taunted by all of the foals in town for not having one! Ponies alienate those who do not have cutie marks! You don’t have any value in society if you don’t have one!” Shouted Starlight with tears in the corners of her eyes.

(Society!)

(Shush!)

“Sunburst was the one good thing I ever had that I valued more than my village. But once he earned his cutie mark, my happiness went away with him…” Said Starlight sadly.

“That’s ridiculous. A cutie mark can’t take your friends away,” Said Twilight.

“Not everypony’s lucky enough to get her cutie mark at the same time as her friends!”

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Starlight cast her time travel spell, creating a portal above her that sucked everyone in. The portal opened up back in Cloudsdale’s flight school, and everyone landed on the runway.

“You don’t know what it’s like to lose a friend because of a cutie mark! But once I stop the rainboom, you will!”

Before any of them could react, Starlight stole the scroll containing Star Swirl’s time travel spell.

“And when I destroy this scroll, there’ll be no way for you to change it!”

With the heroes watching in terror, Starlight slightly tore the scroll lengthwise with her magic.

“Starlight, you’re right! I don’t know what you went through! But I do know you can’t do this! I’ve seen where this leads, and so have you!” Said Twilight.

“I only saw what you showed me! Who knows what’ll really happen!” Said Starlight.

“I’ve seen it a dozen times! Things don’t turn out well in Equestria without my friends!” Said Twilight.

“Ugh! What’s so special about your friends?!” Asked Starlight frustratedly while slightly tearing more of the scroll. “How can a group of ponies that are so different be so important?!”

“The differences between me, Wade, and our friends are the very things that make our friendship strong.”

Twilight calmly walked towards Starlight. As she did so, filly Rainbow Dash and the colts flew by, racing each other as it is supposed to happen. Starlight appeared to be conflicted, with tears welling up in her eyes.

“I thought Sunburst and I were the same, but we turned out to be different, and it tore our friendship apart,” Said Starlight tearfully.

She ripped more of the scroll. She only needed to rip it one more time before the scroll was completely torn in half.

“So try again! Make new friends! And if something that you can’t control happens that changes things, work through it together! That’s what friendship is! And it’s not just my friendships that are important to Equestria! Everypony’s are! When yours ended, it led us here! But just imagine all the others that are out there waiting for you if you just give them a chance!” Said Twilight.

Starlight glared daggers into Twilight while tears trailed down her face. The scroll shook in her magic as her body trembled out of both anger and sadness.

“Come on, Starlight. If you destroy that scroll, you will be killed. Don’t you at least want to live?” Asked Deadpool.

After taking in everything she had just heard, as well as what she saw was awaiting Equestria, she stopped glaring at Twilight. Her ears drooped down, and she loosened her grip on the scroll.

“How do I know they won’t all end the same way?” Asked Starlight tearfully.

“I guess it’s up to you to make sure they don’t.”

Twilight reached out her left hoof towards Starlight. The latter saw Rainbow Dash dive downwards, preparing to make her first sonic rainboom. After looking at her and Twilight a couple times, she reached her right hoof towards Twilight’s. Once both ponies took each others’ hooves, they both gave each other a small smile. Starlight had let go of the scroll, and Spike caught it before it could be carried away by the wind.

BOOM!

Down below, Rainbow Dash had just created her first sonic rainboom. The explosion of colors spread across Equestria. Now, Twilight and all of her friends would get their cutie marks at the same time, restoring the timeline. As a rainbow formed above them, a portal appeared, sucking everyone in. The portal opened up above the Cutie Map. Everyone fell on top of the map then onto the floor. The scroll slipped out of Spike’s hands and flew underneath the portal. It was then surrounded by a blue orb of magic. The scroll was sucked into the portal, and then both disappeared in a flash of white light that could be seen several miles away. As they got up, Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike realized they were in the Castle of Friendship. Overjoyed to finally be home, Spike dropped back down onto the floor and kissed it.

“One Castle of Friendship - check!” Said Spike.

SLAM!

Suddenly, the doors to the throne room slammed open. Spike looked towards the entrance to the throne room, and found his friends standing in the doorway.

“What in Equestria was that?!” Asked Rarity.

“Is everypony okay?” Asked Fluttershy concerningly.

“Eek! Can you do it again?!” Asked Pinkie excitedly.

“One group of amazing friends - check!” Said Spike.

“Yeah, Spike. It looks like we’re home!” Said Twilight.

“Finally! I was not looking forward to a part four of this chapter,” Said Deadpool.

“Uh… what’s she doing here?” Asked Applejack while pointing at Starlight.

While Applejack and Rainbow Dash glared towards Starlight, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie were frightened by seeing Starlight. Feeling ashamed of her actions both in the past and today, Starlight avoided making eye contact with any of them.

“Actually, it’s kind of a long story,” Said Twilight while placing a hoof on Starlight’s shoulder.

Suddenly, a light blue portal appeared in the throne room. Cable stepped out of the portal, surprising everyone but Twilight, Deadpool, and Spike.

“Twilight Sparkle, I-”

“Don’t worry, Twilight, I got him!”

Without asking questions, Rainbow Dash flew towards Cable. As she was about to deliver a kick to his head, he caught her leg effortlessly with his bionic arm.

“You have a metal arm? That is awesome dude!” Said Pinkie.

“Nice quote, Pinkie,” Complimented Deadpool.

“Thank you!” Said Pinkie.

“Hey! Let go of me!” Said Rainbow irritatedly.

Cable let go of Rainbow Dash’s leg. She was about to try to kick him again when Twilight used her magic to stop her and move her away from Cable.

“Who are ya, stranger?” Asked Applejack cautiously.

“Gals, allow me to introduce you to one of my BFFs! This is my time travelling friend, Cable! Cable, these are my friends, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity. I’m sure you know who they are, but formalities,” Said Deadpool.

“Hey, Twilight, is he by chance the one who would have killed me if I did not stop changing the past?” Asked Starlight.

“Yes,” Replied Twilight.

Starlight gulped out of nervousness.

“You have nothing to fear, Starlight Glimmer. I came here to speak to Princess Twilight,” Said Cable.

“Oh,” Said Starlight timidly.

“Twilight Sparkle, first I would like to congratulate you, Wade, and Spike for stopping Starlight and restoring the timeline,” Said Cable.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight.

“And the other thing I would like to discuss, which is why I am here, is I would like to apologize to you.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I would like to apologize for not having faith in you being able to reach Starlight. Something I’m sure Wade would also like to apologize for.”

“Oh, uh, yeah… Cable’s right, I am sorry for believing Starlight was a lost cause, Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

“Thank you, both of you. Although, I am surprised that you allowed me to. Considering that three more alternate worlds were created before I could try to talk to her, and Starlight nearly destroyed the scroll containing Star Swirl’s time spell, which would have prevented us from being able to try to stop her from preventing the rainboom,” Said Twilight.

“Well, when she was planning on destroying the scroll, I had decided that was when I had to intervene and eliminate her,” Said Cable.

“So, why didn’t you?” Asked Starlight.

“As I was about to travel back in time to kill you, I received a vision.”

“A vision?”

“Yes. In the vision I saw that by allowing Twilight to continue trying to reason with you, you will play a part in creating a brighter future for Equestria. You will help put an end to some of the land’s greatest threats, and you will mold the minds of the next generation.”

“I will…? How will I do all of that?”

“You will know in time, Starlight Glimmer.”

Cable summoned a portal, and just when he was about to enter it, he looked back at the group of ponies.

"Farewell, heroes of Equestria."

Cable stepped through the portal, then it closed behind him.

“Okay, now I’m confused. What happened?” Asked Applejack.

“Allow me to explain,” Said Twilight.

A few minutes later…

Inside the throne room, Twilight just finished telling her friends about her, Deadpool, and Spike’s adventure through time while Starlight waited outside.

"I knew my rainboom was awesome, but I never thought all of Equestria depended on it!” Said Rainbow.

“Or on us!” Added Pinkie.

“I think it’s more than that. Friendship connects all of Equestria, and undoing one group of friends made its magic less powerful,” Said Twilight.

“I can’t believe y’all were able to travel through time like that,” Said Applejack.

“That Starlight must be pretty magical!” Said Pinkie.

“She obviously has more talent for magic than almost anypony I’ve seen. My magic couldn’t stop her,” Said Twilight.

“I was only briefly able to stop her. And Twilight had done most of the work,” Said Deadpool.

“The only way we were able to stop her was because I convinced her to stop on her own. Once I realized that, everything fell into place,” Said Twilight.

“But if she’s as powerful as all that, we can’t just send her on her way, can we?” Pondered Applejack.

“Actually, I kind of have something else in mind.”

Starlight Glimmer was pacing outside the throne room nervously. She was waiting for Twilight and her friends to decide what they should do with her. One of the doors opened up, revealing Spike on the other side. He waved Starlight over. Gulping out of nervousness and taking a deep breath to collect herself, she stepped into the throne room.

“I know there’s no excuse for what I did, but I want you all to know that I’m ready for whatever punishment you think is fair,” Said Starlight.

“Well, Starlight, for your crimes against Equestria, we have decided to execute you,” Said Deadpool.

Everyone in the room glared at Deadpool.

“Too soon?” Questioned Deadpool.

“(Sigh) I’ve been thinking a lot about how badly Equestria fared without just one group of friends. Because even when one friendship dies, the results can be disastrous,” Said Twilight.

“I know first-hoof how true that can be,” Said Starlight.

“And that’s why I’ve asked you here. If you’re willing to learn, I’m willing to teach you what I know. You’ll have the power to make Equestria an even better place.”

“How do I start?” Asked Starlight in a hushed tone.

Twilight walked over to Starlight and placed a hoof on her shoulder.

“Starting is easy! All you have to do is make a friend! And you’ve got eight of them right here,” Said Twilight.

The Mane Six, Spike, and Deadpool walked over to Twilight with smiles on their faces. Starlight placed a hoof over her chest, overjoyed by all of them willing to give her a chance and be able to have true friendship back in her life again.

“Thank you, all of you,” Said Starlight happily.

Everyone joined together in a group hug, with Starlight in the center.

“Alright, time to wrap this shit up! This chapter has gone on for too fucking long! Either this chapter ends or I end the author’s life!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

(Uh… Yep! Wrapping it up!)

Fin!

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This three part insertion chapter of the season finale episode "The Cutie Re-Mark" will serve as the concluding chapter of the season five arc of the story. The next set of chapters will take place during season six of the show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", so be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 30: Birth of A Princess Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 30: Birth of A Princess Part One

“(Sigh) Okay. Library… Library… Where did they put the library?”

Starlight Glimmer, newly accepted student of the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle, was walking down one of the extensive hallways of the Castle of Friendship. She was searching for the castle’s library. She stopped to peek through one of many doors, only to find another hallway.

“(Sigh) This castle looked a lot smaller from the outside,” Said Starlight to herself.

After walking down the hallway some more, she found a pair of doors. She opened them, only to find they led to a bathroom. Spike was inside, wearing a towel around his waist while brushing his teeth.

“Morning, Starlight!” Said Spike with his mouth full of toothpaste.

“Whoops!”

SLAM!

Starlight slammed the doors shut while covering her eyes with her left foreleg.

“Sorry, Spike! I guess I’m still trying to find my way around. You don’t happen to know where the library is, do you?” Asked Starlight.

Spike opened the doors.

“Next door on the left!” Said Spike while pointing with his toothbrush.

After giving Starlight directions, he shut the doors. Starlight then looked towards the direction he pointed to, seeing that the entrance to the library was actually behind her.

“Oh. Thanks!”

Starlight opened the doors, and stepped inside the library. She saw Twilight standing at a wooden table in the center of the library, looking through a list. She also saw her teacher’s coltfriend, Deadpool, sitting at a table on the opposite end of the room, drinking a beer.

“Acceptance, mm-hmm. Altruism, definitely.” Twilight looked up from her list, seeing Starlight standing at the entrance. “Starlight, good morning, come in!”

“Morning, Twilight," Greeted Starlight. "Morning, actually, you said when we first met to call you Deadpool. Do you still want me to call you that, or would you prefer I call you Wade?”

“Deadpool. Just Deadpool. I would say Mr. Deadpool, but that was my father’s name, and I would rather not be reminded of that asshole as much as possible,” Said Deadpool while taking a rather big sip of his drink.

“Okay…” Starlight walked over to Twilight. “Sorry I’m late. I got a little turned around. I still can’t believe you’re letting me stay here… as your pupil… after everything I did…” Said Starlight glumly.

“Well, I’m not one to dwell on the past, and neither should you. The castle is your home now, and as far as being my pupil goes, I was just trying to figure out what your first friendship lesson should be!” Said Twilight while showing Starlight her rather long list.

“Oh, well, it looks like you’re really narrowing it down!”

“Oh, these are just the A’s. After this, I move on to the B’s!”

Twilight pointed behind her. Starlight saw a table with a LOT of scrolls and papers on and beside it. She tried to give Twilight her best smile, but she couldn’t help but bite her bottom lip and lower her ears. She walked over to the table and looked at all the different papers.

“I know I’m just learning about friendship, but I didn’t think there were this many lessons for anything. How do we choose?” Asked Starlight.

“Maybe I should pare things down a bit before we go through them. Why don’t you join the others in the throne room? They’re planning our trip to the Crystal Empire when Shining Armor and Princess Cadance have their baby!” Said Twilight excitedly.

“Oh, that’s right! I bet you can’t wait to be an aunt,” Said Starlight.

“Nope! And I bet Wade can’t wait to be an uncle. Right, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

Deadpool’s eyes sparkled while he took a sip of his drink.

“You bet! There’s so many things I’m looking forward to! Buying my niece or nephew’s affection with gifts and candy, teaching them all kinds of curse words, and telling them how much of a dork their father is. Also, I would be overjoyed if I could teach them how to use a gun! Then I could have a buddy to go to the shooting range with! Well, a buddy who is neither from the future nor a full time mercenary.”

Deadpool took one last sip of his beer, then tossed the empty bottle behind him. Unsurprisingly, the bottle smashed into several glass pieces. Looking behind him and seeing the mess, he giggled sheepishly.

“Uh, I will clean that up,” Said Deadpool sheepishly.

As Deadpool got up and began to clean his mess (using his bare hooves to pick up the glass), Twilight and Starlight looked at him with deadpanned looks on their faces.

“He’s gonna be some uncle,” Deadpanned Starlight.

“Yeah… We’re gonna need to tweak some of his ‘quirks’ if Cadance and Shining Armor are going to allow him anywhere near their foal,” Deadpanned Twilight.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane Six were in the throne room, discussing their upcoming trip to the Crystal Empire. Deadpool and Starlight opened the doors to the throne room, and walked towards the thrones and the Cutie Map.

“Well, I think we should leave ASAP. I don’t want to miss the Crystalling!” Said Rainbow Dash.

“But, um, shouldn’t we wait for the invitation?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Frankly, I’m not exactly clear on all the customs and traditions of the Crystal Empire, especially when it comes to a Crystalling,” Said Applejack.

“What’s a Crystalling?” Asked Starlight.

“Well, that’s just it, darling. Princess Cadance and Shining Armor’s baby is due any day, and we’re still not sure. The Crystal Empire was gone for a thousand years. A lot of their customs are a bit murky,” Explained Rarity.

“We know it’s got somethin’ to do with the new baby,” Said Applejack.

Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up between Starlight and Applejack, and had her face uncomfortably close to the former.

“And a party!” Said Pinkie quickly.

“And the Crystal Heart,” Said Fluttershy.

“And a party!” Said Pinkie quickly.

“And some kinda cool energy,” Said Rainbow.

Pinkie then hopped onto the Cutie Map on her hind legs.

“And… a party!” Cried Pinkie while confetti appeared out of nowhere.

Starlight looked at Rainbow Dash out of confusion. The latter shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s not hard to understand.” Everyone looked towards the doors and saw Spike walking into the throne room. “Most things in the Crystal Empire aren’t. Like how I’m a big hero there, for example!”

Spike showed a small poster of himself holding the Crystal Heart. Almost all of his friends gave him deadpanned looks, except for Rarity, who was stifling a giggle.

“Is that what I sound like?” Asked Deadpool.

“YES…!” Deadpanned all of his friends except Spike.

“Eh… plus, I’ve had to help Twilight do a lot of research on Crystallings.”

Spike pulled out an ornate blue and purple vase from underneath the Cutie Map. The vase had images depicting the events of a Crystalling.

“Whenever a baby is born in the Crystal Empire the parents bring it before the Crystal Heart. They get the purest shard of crystal they can find, then pick a crystaller to present the baby to everypony who comes. Then they all share the light and joy they feel, feeding it into the crystal that joins with the Heart, and increases its power! And this is going to be a royal Crystalling, so pretty much the whole empire will show up. That hasn’t happened in a millennia!” Said Spike.

“What do you mean it increases the Crystal Heart’s power?” Asked Starlight.

“The energy it uses to protect the Crystal Empire, I guess,” Answered Spike.

“Protect it from what?” Asked Starlight.

“I… didn’t help Twilight with that part,” Answered Spike.

“Didn’t the Crystal Heart keep the Empire safe from Shadow King?” Asked Deadpool.

“The Crystal Heart was used to stop King Sombra, yes, but that wasn’t its sole purpose. It protected the Crystal Ponies long before King Sombra usurped the throne of the empire,” Answered Spike.

“I will go ask Twilight,” Said Starlight.

Starlight walked out of the throne room and made her way to the library.

“Um, where’s the library again?” Asked Starlight sheepishly.

All of her friends pointed towards the right.

“Oh, right… Thanks,” Said Starlight.

A few minutes later…

In the castle’s library, Twilight Sparkle was still looking through her copious amount of lists. In the hallway outside, Starlight Glimmer trotted by the open doors to the library. Realizing she went past the library, she walked back and entered the library.

“Hey, Twilight, can I ask you something about the Crystal Empire?” Asked Starlight.

Twilight looked up from her lists. She then grabbed three of them and walked over to Starlight.

“Huh! Funny you should mention it. Because I just narrowed your first friendship lesson down to three options, and one of them is in the Crystal Empire!” Said Twilight.

“Really?!” Asked Starlight excitedly.

“I found out that’s where the first pony you ever cared about lives!” Said Twilight.

While her mentor smiled radiantly, a look of worry found its way on Starlight.

“Sunburst? You found him?” Asked Starlight timidly.

“Well, to be fair, I didn’t actually find him,” Admitted Twilight. “Wade was the one who found him. He has a knack for tracking ponies down… probably from his time as a mercenary. Now that I think about it, having Wade find him was probably not a good idea, considering that assigning a former mercenary to track the whereabouts of somepony is kind of suspicious… Oh, well. Hindsight’s 20/20. Anyway, reuniting with Sunburst is just one idea. We could also go to Griffinstone…”

Twilight’s words were drowned out by a ringing sound in Starlight’s ears. The thought of seeing Sunburst after so many years without any contact caused her to panic internally. She was so overwhelmed that she squeezed her eyes shut.

“Starlight?”

Finally hearing her mentor’s voice, Starlight opened her eyes.

“Is something wrong?” Asked Twilight out of concern while placing a hoof on Starlight’s shoulder.

"What? O-Oh, no, heh, those all sound great!” Said Starlight with a fake smile.

“... I know! I guess you were right - it is gonna be hard to choose one!”

As Twilight walked back to her table, Starlight chuckled nervously.

“Heh… Yeah…”

A few minutes later…

Starlight Glimmer walked down a hallway with her head hung low. She couldn’t get the thought of meeting her old fillyhood friend out of her mind. Lost in her thoughts, she opened a pair of doors, then some brooms fell on top of her. She realized she had accidentally opened a supply closet. She used her magic to get the brooms off of her and put them back in the closet. She then opened a pair of doors opposite to the supply closet. This time, she found Spike looking in the mirror while flexing his biceps. Upon seeing her, he waved to her.

“Ugh… I am never gonna find my way around this place,” Said Starlight depressingly.

Starlight left to continue walking down the hallway. Spike caught up to her and walked by her right.

“Gee, Starlight, what’s wrong?” Asked Spike.

“I don’t know, Spike. Twilight’s figuring out what my first friendship lesson is, and I guess I’m not exactly thrilled with the options. Well… with one of them,” Said Starlight.

“Which one?”

“Reuniting me with my first friend.”

“What’s so terrible about that?”

“(Sigh) When we were foals, Sunburst knew everything there was to know about magic. He always knew just what to do. And he was always there to help me. I guess it’s not surprising that Sunburst got his cutie mark in magic and… went off to Princess Celestia’s school. But when he left…”

“You blamed cutie marks and stripped a whole village of theirs, and when Twilight and the others stopped you, you went back in time and almost destroyed Equestria,” Said Spike dryly.

“Not really stuff I’m super eager to tell Sunburst about. I mean, he’s probably some big important wizard now, and… I can’t even find my way around Twilight’s castle,” Said Starlight glumly.

“Well, if Sunburst is that good at magic, maybe he’d appreciate your, uh… (Clears throat) exploits. You should talk to Twilight about it. I’m sure she’d want to hear what you have to say.”

“I know. But I don’t want her to think I’m not ready to learn or that I’m not grateful for everything she’s doing,” Said Starlight.

“Spike! Come quick!”

Hearing Twilight’s voice, both Spike and Starlight went towards the end of the hallway. They found her out on a balcony, looking at the sky with a smile on her face. A small object could be seen in the sky floating along the wind. It flew towards Twilight, and she joyfully reached for it with her right wing. Landing on the edge of her magenta feathers, she saw it was a snowflake. The center of the snowflake opened up, revealing a tiny invitation.

“It’s a Crystalling invitation!” Said Spike excitedly.

“Shining Armor’s a father! I’m an aunt!” Said Twilight excitedly.

“The baby’s here?!”

“Ah!”

Deadpool appeared on the balcony without anyone noticing, startling Starlight.

“I heard you say that the baby's here, right?” Asked Deadpool to Twilight.

“Yes!” Said Twilight excitedly.

“Let’s go!”

With the news of the birth of Cadance and Shining Armor’s baby, Deadpool and Twilight went to get ready to go to the Crystal Empire. Twilight momentarily stopped to talk to Starlight.

“Since we’re going to the Crystal Empire, your first friendship lesson is going to be reuniting with Sunburst!” Said Twilight excitedly.

Originally happy upon hearing the news of Twilight now being an aunt, Starlight quickly grew worried about her reunion with Sunburst.

“Great…”

A few hours later…

Twilight, Spike, Deadpool, Starlight and the rest of their friends were all riding the Friendship Express train. After a long train ride, they were almost at their destination. The Crystal Empire could be seen in the distance across the snowy landscape. Starlight was looking out a window with her head resting on her arms. The train ride gradually got her more and more nervous as they got closer to the Empire. Wanting to keep her mind off of her worries, she looked around the train car.

Twilight was sitting next to her on her left reading a book. In the seat opposite of them sat Spike, Pinkie, and Deadpool. The two ponies looked very bored… should probably keep an eye on them. Fluttershy was happily gazing out the window by her seat while holding a rabbit plushie, Rarity was keeping her eyes on a small white blanket, Applejack was petting something large concealed by a sheet next to her, and Rainbow Dash had just woken up from a nap in the seat behind the farmhand. Rainbow Dash looked behind her and found herself intrigued by what was next to Applejack.

“Um, Applejack, what is that?” Asked Rainbow.

“Oh, just a little somethin’ for the young’un.” Applejack used her teeth to remove the sheet, revealing an exquisite wooden rocking cradle. “Made from genuine Sweet Apple Acres apple trees. We make ‘em for all of the Apples, and anypony related to Twilight is practically family.”

Hearing Applejack say something so touching made Twilight smile.

“Yeah, it’s okay… But it’s no Cloudsdale mobile! Bam!”

Rainbow Dash revealed a mobile that had rainbows, clouds, and lightning bolts hanging from it.

“Ooh!” Uttered Rarity and Pinkie.

Pinkie touched the mobile, causing one of its strings to detach and fall onto the floor. Rainbow Dash looked at her with an unamused look on her face, while the party pony smiled sheepishly.

“Well, a mobile is real nice… as long as you have somethin’ to lay in so you can look at it,” Said Applejack.

“And a fetching blanket to keep you warm,” Added Rarity while tucking the blanket into the cradle.

“What do you have there, Wade?” Asked Pinkie.

Next to Deadpool’s left was a red gift bag. He grabbed the gift bag and placed it on his lap.

“It’s not much. I… (Clears throat) did my gift shopping last minute.” Deadpool reached into the gift bag, and pulled out a yellow snail plushie with a green shell and blue spots. “I got the baby this snail plush at the toy shop on my way to the train station. I know I should have gotten something better, but I believe the baby and her parents will like it. And if they don’t, I can return it for a refund as long as it’s still in good condition.”

(The odds of that plushie remaining in refundable condition would be very slim.)

“Aw! Of course they’ll like it! It’s so cute!” Said Fluttershy.

Twilight leaned forwards to give Deadpool a peck on his masked cheek.

“I know they will love it, Wade. I’m sure Shining Armor and Cadance will love all our gifts. But I think they’re more happy we’ll be attending the baby’s Crystalling,” Said Twilight.

“Ooh! I can’t wait to see all that light and love make the Crystal Heart even more sparkly and shiny!” Said Pinkie while bouncing up and down.

“Actually, Pinkie, the Crystal Heart is an ancient and powerful relic. Without its magic, the Crystal Empire would be lost to the Frozen North,” Said Twilight.

“Is that foreshadowing? I think that’s foreshadowing,” Said Deadpool to himself.

“Wow, this Crystalling sounds pretty important. I’d understand if you wanted to… you know… wait to do a different friendship lesson when we get back,” Said Starlight while shrugging her shoulders.

“Are you kidding? This trip is perfect! Not only do I get to see the baby and take part in the ceremony that helps maintain the magic of the Crystal Empire, but I’m starting my new pupil off with the most amazing friendship lesson ever! I can’t wait!” Said Twilight excitedly while wrapping an arm around Starlight and hugging her.

“Right… Me neither…” Starlight looked across the seat and saw Spike silently signaling her to tell Twilight her concerns about meeting up with Sunburst. “Actually, Twilight, I am a little worried about meeting Sunburst.”

“Oh, trust me. I know what it’s like to see old friends. But I’ll be right there to help things along. I’ve broken the whole lesson down into a few easy steps to ensure this reunion goes off without a hitch!”

Twilight pulled out a list and unrolled it. The list was a couple feet long, with the top of the list ending up next to Deadpool, Pinkie, and Spike’s seat. Starlight’s only response was to laugh nervously.

A few minutes later…

After a long ride, the group of heroes finally arrived at the Crystal Empire. After pulling up to the station, the Friendship Express’ doors opened up, allowing the passengers to get off. As everyone with the exception of Deadpool got off the train, Twilight was reading her list to Starlight.

“Step one, head to Sunburst’s house and get you two started on the hoof. Step two, get to the castle with enough time to visit the ba-”

THUMP!

Not paying attention to where she was walking, Twilight ended up bumping into something, causing her to drop her list. She looked up, and found to her surprise that she had bumped into her older brother.

“(Gasp) Shining Armor!” Said Twilight happily.

“Twilight…!” Said Shining Armor happily.

Both siblings gave each other a hug.

“I didn’t know you were meeting us!” Said Twilight.

“... Of course I am! It’s me, right here. Here I am. Why wouldn’t I come meet my sister? Though we have met before, heh-heh,” Said Shining.

While Twilight and the rest of her friends looked at her brother out of confusion, a certain masked stallion finally got off the train. He stretched his body as he yawned.

POP!

“I think I just popped my sternum,” Said Deadpool painfully.

Looking ahead, he saw Shining Armor. Both stallions locked eyes and glared at each other. They then marched up to each other.

“Oh no,” Said Twilight exasperatedly.

As soon as both stallions met up, they began to size each other up.

“Wade,” Said Shining.

“Shining,” Replied Deadpool.

“Has your flank been doing better?” Said Shining.

“It’s been doing just fine, Shining. It’s still plump and gropeable. Just ask your sister,” Said Deadpool.

While Shining grinded his teeth from hearing Deadpool’s remark, Twilight was blushing profusely, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack were stifling giggles.

“I would ask you if your balls have bounced back from our brawl, but given the fact that you are a father now, I would say they have. Although I suppose you most likely knocked up your wife prior to our previous encounter since she would have been pregnant for over eleven months,” Said Deadpool.

Both Shining Armor and Deadpool pressed their foreheads together while growling at each other out of anger. Seeing her coltfriend and her brother acting aggressively towards each other, Twilight placed a hoof against her forehead while shaking her head.

“Do they do this often?” Asked Starlight.

“No. Last time we visited Shining Armor and Cadance, Wade and I told them we were dating,” Replied Twilight.

“He didn’t take it well?” Asked Starlight.

“And then some! He dragged Wade into a scuffle out of the blue, and they’ve been on not so good terms ever since! Cadance and I tried to ask Shining why he reacted the way he did, but he wouldn’t say,” Said Twilight.

“And they’ve both been at each other’s throats ever since,” Said Starlight.

“Yup,” Said Twilight exasperatedly

“Uh, Twi,” Said Applejack.

Applejack pointed towards the two stallions. Twilight saw that both of them were wrestling each other. They tried to overpower the other in a test of strength. Their fighting was attracting the attention of other ponies.

“Hey! Colts, that’s enough!”

Twilight used her magic to forcefully separate Deadpool and Shining Armor from each other. Looking at the latter, she saw that her brother’s mane and tail had hairs standing on end, and he had bags under his eyes.

“Are you alright?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, you look like shit,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight elbowed Wade in the foreleg.

“Never better! Being a father is amazing! And wonderful, and amazing, and confusing, and amazing, but surprising too, you know? I mean, not that you’d know. You wouldn’t know, I know… You know?” Said Shining.

"Well, actually, we do-"

Before Deadpool could finish his sentence, Twilight glared into his soul. He immediately shut himself up.

“Sorry. I haven’t really slept since Cadance had the baby. Come to think of it, she hasn’t either. It sure would be great to get a break,” Said Shining.

“Oh, of course! I don’t know what I was thinking! You two probably need all kinds of help!” Twilight turned to face Starlight. “I’m sorry, Starlight, but I guess combining your first lesson with this visit wasn’t such a good idea.”

Hearing that her reunion with Sunburst would be postponed, Starlight instantly felt relieved.

“Oh, uh, don’t be ridiculous! You’re an aunt now! That’s way more important than some friendship lesson,” Said Starlight while stifling her excitement.

“I just wish there was a way to do both,” Said Twilight.

Spike picked up the list off of the ground, and rolled it up. Looking at it in his hands, an idea popped into his head.

“Maybe there is! You’ve already done the work for Starlight’s lesson with this list. All we have to do is follow it!” Said Spike.

Starlight smacked her forehead out of annoyance due to Spike’s idea.

“Spike, you’re a genius!” Said Twilight.

“Yeah… genius,” Said Starlight through gritted teeth.

“Then it’s settled! You two can head straight to Sunburst’s place while the rest of us will head straight to the castle!” Said Twilight.

“Aye-aye, Princess!” Said Spike while saluting.

“Uh-huh,” Said Starlight nervously.

Both Starlight and Spike made their way to find Sunburst’s home, the former more reluctant than the other to do so.

“Alright, big brother, let’s go see this amazing baby pony!” Said Twilight.

Zzz…

Twilight turned to face her brother, only to find that he had fallen asleep standing up.

“Ahhh… the baby…” Said Shining in his sleep.

A few minutes later…

Spike and Starlight were making their way to Sunburst’s house. As they passed by the Empire’s crystal homes, Spike was looking over Twilight’s list.

“I know you’re a little worried about this reunion, but I’m sure Twilight’s got everything covered,” Assured Spike.

“Everything except how I’d rather do absolutely anything else,” Said Starlight, annoyedly.

“Oh, I bet she’s taken that into account too. It’s all part of the lesson. Trust the lesson,” Said Spike.

“Right…” Said Starlight with an eye roll.

Looking ahead, Starlight saw a crystal statue of Spike holding the Crystal Heart. She momentarily stopped to look at the statue. Recalling how he bragged about saving the Crystal Empire, she thought of a way she could stall her reunion with Sunburst. Smirking, she jogged to catch up to Spike.

“Hey, i-is that you?” Asked Starlight while pointing at the statue.

“Oh, yep, it sure is!” Said Spike “Now, according to the list, Sunburst’s house is-”

“Why is there a statue of you in the Crystal Empire?” Asked Starlight.

Suddenly, a crystal pony mare with a yellow coat, orange mane and tail, and three hearts for a cutie mark ran up excitedly to Starlight.

“Because Spike the Brave and Glorious saved all of us from King Sombra!” Said the mare.

Another crystal pony mare with a lavender coat, orange mane and tail, and an ornamental flowerpot for a cutie mark walked up to Starlight.

“And then again during the Equestria Games!” Said the lavender mare.

“Really? Asked Starlight.

“Really!”

A crystal pony stallion with an orange coat, bluish gray mane and tail, and an ornamental vase for a cutie mark appeared, startling Spike.

“Big fan,” Said the stallion to Spike.

He reached a hoof out towards Spike, which the latter eagerly shook.

“Um, when were you going to tell me about this?” Asked Starlight.

“Nah, it’s no big deal,” Said Spike while scratching the back of his head.

“It most certainly is!” Said the crystal ponies.

A small group of crystal ponies were gathering around to see Spike. Starlight used her magic to summon a wooden stool for Spike to sit on and rolled up the scroll containing Twilight’s list. She then sat down and summoned a bag of popcorn.

“That’s it! We’re not going anywhere until I get the whole story!” Said Starlight.

Not wanting to say no, Spike began to retell the story about how he saved the Crystal Empire twice. Meanwhile, Twilight, Deadpool and friends were following Shining Armor down one of the Crystal Castle’s hallways. He led them to a pair of large purple doors. Two royal guards who were standing in front of the doors walked over to Deadpool.

“May I help you?” Asked Deadpool.

“Sir, we need you to leave your weapons with us,” Said one of the guards.

“Oh. I see what’s going on here. You two somehow don’t know who I am. I’m Deadpool, hero of Equestria. I saved this land seven times over the past one-and-three-quarters, (nearing two) years. I'm also dating Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and sister to the prince. We’re practically family, so I can be trusted with my weapons,” Said Deadpool.

“Sir, the Prince and Princess specifically ordered us to confiscate your weapons until your visit is over. They just want to be sure that no incidents occur that might threaten the baby’s safety,” Said the other guard.

“Dammit… That’s a valid argument. Well, since this is out of concern for the baby, then who would I be to not oblige to this reasonable request,” Said Deadpool.

“Very good. Just hoof over your weapons to us and we will take them to a secure location, where you can then pick them up after your visit,” Said the guard.

Deadpool pulled out his magic pistols and gave them to one of the guards.

“Just so we are clear, if I find so much as a smudge on any of my shit, I will kick your asses,” Said Deadpool sternly.

Hearing her coltfriend threaten the guards made Twilight smack herself in the forehead. Deadpool then removed the scabbards on his back containing his katanas and gave them to the guards. He then pulled out a knife from a sheathe on his hind leg and hoofed it over.

“Is this all of the weapons you have on you?” Asked a guard.

“Hold on, I carry the rest of my weapons in this.”

Deadpool pulled out a satchel, opened it up, and tipped it over. To the shock of everyone in the hall, various weapons were falling out of the satchel. Knives, guns, even a large bomb fell onto the floor. After twenty seconds, weapons stopped falling out of the satchel. All of his weapons were in a large pile in front of the guards’ hooves.

“Do I have to take off my boots?” Asked Deadpool nonchalantly.

“Um… Now is that everything?” Asked a guard.

“Yeah.”

“Good… Thank you for your cooperation.”

Both of the guards began to carefully grab all of Deadpool’s weapons to take them to a secure location.

“Why did you bring so many weapons?” Asked Twilight sternly.

“I have a better question! Why did you bring any weapons?!” Asked Rarity.

“Besides my unhealthy obsession with weapons, I brought them because I wanted to ensure the baby would be safe. The birth of a royal baby can catch the attention of some of the most crazy ponies,” Said Deadpool.

Everyone in the hall other than Pinkie looked at Deadpool with deadpanned expressions.

“(Sigh) Before we go in, I should probably tell you seeing the baby might be a bit of a shock,” Said Shining.

“Is it ugly?” Asked Deadpool bluntly.

“Wade!” Said Twilight sternly.

“What?! It’s just a question! If they were, I would've said that it would be alright. After all, when they inevitably feel like an outcast, they would have somepony who could empathize with them,” Said Deadpool while pointing at himself.

“Then why don’t ya have your mask off?” Asked Applejack.

“Applejack, the baby isn’t even a week old yet. I don’t need to be its first nightmare,” Replied Deadpool.

“(Sigh) No, the baby’s not ugly. It’s just… different,” Said Shining.

(It’s totally ugly. I’m calling it.)

“Come on, big brother. I’ve met babies before. I expect meeting this one won’t be any different,” Said Twilight.

Twilight used her magic to open the two doors. She then entered the room with her friends following behind her. Upon entering the room, she was greeted by her sister-in-law, Cadance. Even though she had a smile on her face, the Princess of Love looked completely exhausted. Maybe even more so than Shining Armor.

(You’re kidding, right? Of course she’s more exhausted than her husband. She was the one who had to give birth to their foal. Not to mention she would’ve had to feed it, and change it, and comfort it when it was upset, and all of the other things that come with taking care of a baby.)

(Yeah, I know. You’re right. Shut up.)

“Hi, Cadance!” Greeted Twilight.

“Hello, Twilight,” Greeted Cadance tiredly.

Both mares gave each other a hug. Twilight looked over at the right side of the room, and saw Princesses Celestia and Luna.

“Princess Celestia and Luna! Hello!” Greeted Twilight.

Both rulers of Equestria bowed to Twilight in greeting.

“She’s right over there,” Said Cadance while pointing at a bed.

Knowing she was referring to the baby, Twilight walked over to the bed. Stopping at the foot of the bed, Twilight and the rest of her friends beamed at what they saw. Swaddled up in a blue blanket in the middle of the bed was a light magenta baby unicorn filly with a light blue and purple mane. Sleeping peacefully, Twilight and the rest of her friends smiled at what was probably one of the most beautiful and precious things they have ever seen.

Suddenly, the baby began to stir from her slumber. She shifted within her blanket, then it sprung off of her. To their absolute surprise, Twilight and her friends saw the baby not only had a horn but a pair of wings, too. As the baby looked at them with big light blue eyes and cooed in delight, Twilight realized this could only mean one thing.

“The baby is an alicorn?!” Said Twilight in shock.

“It looks that way,” Said Cadance as she and Shining walked over to the bed.

“But… But… But I thought alicorn wings had to be earned by accomplishing some great, princess-worthy deed!” Said Rarity.

“Yeah. How can you just be born with ‘em?” Asked Applejack.

“The birth of an alicorn is something Equestria has never seen!” Said Princess Celestia.

“It is beyond even our understanding,” Added Princess Luna.

“That’s not very reassuring,” Whispered Fluttershy to Rarity.

“Seriously? Not even you two were born as alicorns?” Asked Deadpool.

“No. Luna and I had to earn our alicorn hood like Cadance and Twilight,” Answered Celestia.

“Wow! A unicorn and a pegasus! So she could be a super-strong flier and have crazy baby magic!” Said Pinkie.

“Well, I know all about super-strong flying,” Said Rainbow while doing a somersault in the air.

“And I can help keep tabs on her magic!” Said Twilight.

AH-CHOO!

VROOM!

Suddenly, the baby sneezed. Her sneeze caused her to fire a large beam of pink and yellow magic at the ceiling, creating a large hole. A crystal pony mare looked down from the floor above the baby’s room, locking eyes with the newborn’s parents, the other princesses, and the Mane Six and Deadpool.

“It appears her magic is more powerful than that of a newborn unicorn!” Said Celestia in shock.

“That thing is a weapon!” Said Deadpool while pointing at the baby. “I love her! Can I hold her, please?!”

“Yeah, right. Like we’d let you of all ponies hold-”

As he turned to look at his daughter, Shining Armor saw that the baby was gone. He looked around the room, quickly finding Cadance giving the baby to Deadpool.

“Here you go, Wade,” Said Cadance with a smirk.

“Cadance!” Said Shining.

“What? Wade can be trusted. Based on what Twilight has told me, he’s more likely to accidentally hurt himself than the baby,” Said Cadance.

“We probably should keep an eye on him, though. Just in case,” Said Rarity.

“Hey, when I foalsat your sister and her friends, they were still in one piece, weren’t they?” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

“That doesn’t change the fact you took them to the Everfree Forest and nearly got them eaten by a manticore,” Said Rarity irritatedly.

“They told you?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes!” Said Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

“Snitches,” Muttered Deadpool.

“Well, I suppose if the baby blasts a hole through you, we wouldn’t have to get a medic,” Said Shining.

“Aren’t you so funny?” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

Deadpool looked at the little bundle of joy he held in his forelegs as he sat on his haunches. The baby looked at him inquisitively, then blew a raspberry in contempt.

“Wow! I honestly would’ve thought she would’ve been frightened by your mask,” Said Twilight.

“Well, to be fair, even in this fictional shared universe of colorful pastel ponies and superheroes, I look like a cartoon character. It’s not like I’m wearing Ghostface’s mask or anything like that,” Said Deadpool.

The baby laughed joyfully.

“Aw! You're the cutest pony I have ever met! You definitely got your looks from your mother. Unlike your father, you don’t look like a doofus,” Said Deadpool.

“At least I don’t look like a coconut that was overcooked,” Said Shining.

“Dude, I have cancer. That’s insensitive.”

“Wade! Shining! Knock it off! I don’t want to have to deal with your crap all day! And I’m sure Cadance would agree!” Said Twilight sternly.

“Yes, Twilight,” Said Deadpool and Shining Armor in unison.

“The crowds have already started to gather,” Said Luna.

Looking out a window, everyone could see that the Crystal Empire’s denizens were heading straight for the Crystal Castle. Pinkie blew a large green balloon, and floated towards the ceiling.

“This Crystalling is gonna be some party!” Said Pinkie.

POP!

The balloon popped, causing Pinkie to fall onto her rump.

“Do you think we should call it off?” Asked Cadance.

“Um, we’ve all faced a lot worse than baby magic,” Said Rainbow boastfully.

“I can’t imagine canceling such a beautiful and important ceremony over something so potentially adorable!” Said Rarity.

“Yeah!” Said the rest of the Mane Six in unison.

“In light of the little one’s abilities, this Crystalling might be more important than ever. Perhaps you should address your subjects and remind them of that,” Said Celestia to Cadance.

“Hm,” Muttered Cadance tiredly while nodding in agreement.

Cadance walked over to Deadpool who was holding her child. She gave the little one a motherly kiss on her forehead, who babbled in response while trying to reach out to her mother. Cadance then left the room with Princesses Celestia and Luna behind her to go address her subjects. Twilight turned to face her brother, who she found sleeping while leaning against the bed’s head rest. She shook his shoulder to wake him up.

“Shining Armor, do you have everything you need for the ceremony?” Asked Twilight.

“Huh?” It took Shining a moment to register what his sister said. Then his eyes burst open in panic. “Oh, no! I still have to interview the honor guards, choose the purity crystal, and pick a crystaller!”

As Shining Armor panicked, Twilight placed a comforting hoof on his shoulder.

“Alright, take it easy. Wade can stay here with me, and we’ll keep an eye on the baby,” Said Twilight.

“And we’ll all help you with everythin’ else,” Said Applejack.

THUMP!

Shining Armor slumped onto the floor, falling asleep on the spot.

“… Baby…” Said Shining in his sleep.

“That is, if you can stay awake long enough to tell us how,” Deadpanned Rarity.

A few minutes later…

“...and that’s how we found the Crystal Heart, defeating King Sombra, and saved the Empire.”

Meanwhile, with Spike and Starlight, the former just finished telling his story. The crowd of crystal ponies that listened to the story applauded.

“We love you, Spike!” Said a crystal pony filly.

“Yeah. Tell the one about the Equestria Games!” Said another crystal pony filly.

“Well, as much as I love reliving my heroic deeds, Starlight and I have an important lesson to do, by order of the Princess of Friendship,” Said Spike.

“Awwww!”

“Aw, come on, Spike! I want to hear about the Games too!” Said Starlight with a fake grin.

Spike gave one of the fillies his autograph, then he turned to Starlight while pulling out Twilight’s list.

“I know you’re nervous about meeting Sunburst, but it says right in step three, to, uh, ‘Deal with your fears by facing them, not by putting them off’,” Said Spike.

Starlight scowled, but then finally caved in.

“Ugh. Let’s go get this over with,” Said Starlight.

Starlight got up from a lawn chair she was sitting in, then made her way towards Sunburst’s place with Spike following behind her. A little while later, after a long walk, Starlight Glimmer and Spike arrived at Sunburst’s home. It was a small green crystal house with diamond shaped windows, and an orange roof that resembled a wizard’s hat. Starlight walked up a small flight of stone stairs, and was about to knock on the green ornate doors.

“Wait!”

Before she could knock on the door, Starlight heard Spike telling her to wait.

“Huh? What?!” Asked Starlight.

“Knocking on the door isn’t the next thing on the list!” Said Spike

“Seriously?”

“I know Twilight can be a little nitpicky, but this is your first lesson as her pupil, and it’s important that we do it right!”

“Fine,” Said Starlight while rolling her eyes. “What’s the next thing on the list?”

Clearing his throat, Spike read the next step on Twilight’s list.

“‘Before they see each other, be sure to highlight the importance of the meeting’,” Said Spike.

“I’m pretty sure we can skip that,” Said Starlight.

“I don’t know… I mean if we skip it, the whole lesson could go south! And then you might end up taking a giant step backwards instead of forwards! Maybe you’ll never be able to learn anything about friendship at all!” Said Spike.

Not having considered that, Starlight now became anxious. Spike grabbed her by the cheeks and brought her face to his.

“It’s almost like your whole future depends on this moment.” Spike let go of Starlight, then pulled out a pencil and checked off the previous step. “‘Highlight the importance of the meeting’ - check! I can’t believe you wanted to skip that!”

Now more anxious than ever, Starlight hesitantly knocked on the door. Stepping back a couple paces, she waited for Sunburst to open the door. Several seconds went by, but he has yet to open the door. Starlight looked to Spike, who responded by shrugging his shoulders. Believing that he wasn’t home, she began to make her leave.

CREAK!

She heard one of the doors creak open. She turned back towards the doors, only seeing that they were slightly ajar.

“Sunburst?” Said Starlight.

The doors opened up more, revealing Sunburst. He was a unicorn stallion with an orange coat, reddish-orange mane and goatee (which were both scraggly), and cornflower blue eyes. He wore a pair of pince-nez glasses, and he wore a bluish-green cloak with star patterns held by a clip in the shape of his cutie mark.

“ Yes? What can I do for you?” Asked Sunburst.

“It’s… It’s me, Starlight. We used to be friends?” Said Starlight.

Sunburst took a moment to see if he remembered Starlight’s name. He quickly remembered who she was.

“Oh, of course! S-Starlight! My goodness, it-it’s been a long time! What, uh, what have you been up to?” Asked Sunburst.

Starlight was caught off guard by his question. Not wanting to tell him about her crusade against cutie marks, she decided to tell him about her apprenticeship with Twilight.

“Me? Oh! You know, some of this, some of that, different… stuff. Right now, I’m sort of Twilight Sparkle’s new pupil,” Said Starlight.

“The Princess of Friendship?” Said Sunburst in disbelief.

“Heh… yeah… that’s actually kind of why I’m here. I mean, I know you’re probably very busy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I figured after magic school, you’d go on to do important wizard work, but…”

“Oh. No. Y-Yes! Uh, y-yes, that’s me, yup. (Nervous chuckle) Important wizard! Really busy with lots of, uh, wi-wizarding… stuff.” Sunburst and Starlight were left in an awkward silence for several seconds. “Right. Uh, well… good to see you.”

Ending their awkward conversation rather abruptly, Sunburst closed the door. Starlight then looked back at Spike out of confusion.

“Huh. Maybe we should have skipped highlighting the importance of the meeting after all,” Said Spike while looking at the list.

“Well, I guess that’s that!” Said Starlight happily.

As she was walking down the steps, she was stopped by Spike.

“Starlight, come on! We have to at least explain what Twilight wants!” Said Spike.

Groaning out of annoyance, Starlight was shoved up the steps and in front of the doors by Spike. She then knocked on one of them, and Sunburst opened the right door. Not knowing what to say, she greeted him with a nervous smile.

Meanwhile, Princesses Cadance, Celestia, and Luna were outside the entrance of the Crystal Castle, standing on a stage with a heart shaped arch that was built in front of the castle's overhang, addressing a large crowd of crystal ponies.

“Dearest citizens, I am sure you are all just as thrilled and ready for this Crystalling as myself and Shining Armor,” Said Cadance.

The crowd cheered and clapped in applause. Back stage, Shining Armor was watching from behind a large curtain. He quickly shut the curtain in panic as the severity of his situation became apparent. He looked behind him, seeing six members of the Crystal Empire royal guard lined up side by side.

“I’m not ready!” Said Shining Armor in panic.

Rainbow Dash flew over to Shining Armor, carrying two silver helmets, one with a red crest and the other with an aquamarine crest.

“Take it easy! Just pick whoever looks the most like honor guard material,” Said Rainbow.

“Right… right.”

Shining Armor grabbed both helmets with his magic and directed them towards two members of the royal guard. Whether it was because he was tired or because he was panicking, he accidentally placed the helmets backwards on two of the guards in the middle of the line. All of the guards left the room anxiously, with the two unfortunate guards stumbling around from their eyesight being inhibited by the helmets.

“I’m sorry. Fatherhood is way more stressful than I ever thought,” Said Shining.

“I can only imagine,” Said Fluttershy sympathetically.

“Now, I know choosing the crystal of purity is a very important decision. So I have gone through the trouble of arranging them in order from incredibly pure to outrageously pure,” Said Rarity.

The fashionista pulled out a small case and opened it. Within the case were five radiant blue crystals.

“Um, Rarity, don’t they all sort of look the same?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Oh, well, to the untrained eye, perhaps,” Replied Rarity. “What do you think, Shining Armor?”

Looking at the crystals, Shining Armor could not see any differences between them. Having to choose a crystal on top of all of the other responsibilities that were bestowed on him finally proved to be too much.

“I don’t know!”

Shining Armor fell onto the floor. His body shook uncontrollably as panic took over.

“I hope Twilight and Wade are having better luck with the baby!” Whispered Rarity to Fluttershy.

Meanwhile, in the baby’s room, Deadpool and Twilight were lying down on the floor. The baby was leaning against Deadpool’s side while suckling her front hoof. Both of the older ponies looked at the baby lovingly.

“She’s so adorable,” Whispered Twilight.

“She is. And beautiful, too,” Replied Deadpool in a hushed tone.

The baby laughed, which got an “aw” out of Deadpool. He then grabbed her and repositioned himself, so he was sitting on his haunches.

“For a baby that is less than a week old, you are surprisingly well developed. I’m not an expert, but I would think babies wouldn’t be this bubbly and active until they are closer to a year old,” Said Deadpool.

“She’s remarkable! There are so many possibilities on what she could do! Just imagine all of the research papers I could write on alicorn foal development!” Said Twilight excitedly.

“(Chuckles) Well, I may not entirely understand the science aspect of it, but I know that she shares the same bloodline as another remarkable pony.”

“Aw!”

Twilight and Deadpool nuzzled affectionately. Suddenly, the baby began to thrash around in Deadpool’s arms. She then managed to free her wings and flapped them. Surprisingly, she flew up towards the ceiling.

“Uh, Twilight?” Said Deadpool.

Surprisingly, even though he was a couple hundred pounds heavier than her, the baby was able to lift Deadpool completely off the ground, with his hind legs dangling in the air.

“Uh, oh!” Said Deadpool.

She then began to fly around the room, with Deadpool still holding onto her. She then fired a beam of magic. Before it could hit anything, Twilight quickly intercepted the beam of magic with her own.

“Ahhhh!”

As Deadpool continued to get flown across the room, the baby kept firing beams of magic while giggling happily. Twilight was able to prevent each one from hitting something, but she didn’t know how long she could keep this up.

“Well… at least she’s having fun,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, hold her still!” Said Twilight.

“What do you think I’m trying to do?!” Asked Deadpool.

As Deadpool tried to grab onto various objects throughout the room to stop the baby from flying around the room (each attempt resulting in zero success), Twilight kept deflecting stray magic beams, with one nearly hitting her in the head.

“I hope Starlight is having an easier time rekindling her friendship with Sunburst,” Said Twilight to herself.

Meanwhile, Starlight Glimmer and Spike were in Sunburst’s house. The living room area of the latter’s home was… a mess. The already small room was cluttered with piles of spell books on the floor, and magical artifacts crowded a shelf above a crystal fireplace. Starlight and Sunburst sat at a wooden table, with the former having a sip of tea that was provided for her. As she did so, she and her fillyhood friend awkwardly tried to avoid making eye contact with each other.

“So… the Princess of Friendship wants you and I to be friends again?” Asked Sunburst.

Heh, I know. Weird, right?” Asked Starlight awkwardly.

“Uh, I don’t understand. Did something happen to you after I left for magic school?” Asked Sunburst.

“What? No!”

THUMP!

Panicked at the thought of Sunburst discovering her past actions, Starlight accidentally slammed her front hooves on the table, causing her tea cup and the teapot to get launched into the air. She quickly caught both of them in her magic, and poured herself some more tea.

“I-I don’t see what that has to do with anything. W-Why would you even ask that?” Asked Starlight defensively.

As she was rambling out of nervousness, Starlight unknowingly overfilled her teacup, causing tea to spill all over the wooden table. She then turned the spout of the teapot towards Sunburst.

“I mean, did something happen to you after you left for magic school?” Asked Starlight.

“What? Um, no. L-Like you said, I’m a, (clears throat) i-important wizard,” Said Sunburst.

Meanwhile, Spike peeked from behind one of the stacks of books. He then frantically read through Twilight’s list.

“I’m sure there’s something on Twilight’s list that can help here. I hope everyone’s having fun meeting the baby,” Said Spike to himself.

Meanwhile, outside the Crystal Castle, Shining Armor was taking deep breaths to calm himself down while Rarity was running a hair brush through his mane. Suddenly, he heard a creaking sound coming from behind him. Turning around, he saw his wife, Princess Cadance, and Princesses Celestia and Luna exiting the castle. He quickly galloped over to Cadance.

“Okay. I chose the honor guard, picked the purity crystal, and I know exactly who I want to be our crystaller. So, all we need is…”

Shining Armor paused when he realized that he had forgotten the last thing that was needed. As he scratched his chin in contemplation, Cadance looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

“The baby?” Questioned Cadance dryly.

Realizing that he had forgotten his own child, Shining Armor held back the urge to scream in panic.

“We’re here!”

Hearing a familiar voice, Shining Armor and Cadance looked towards the front entrance. They saw Twilight coming towards them, with their baby flying around in a large magical bubble with Deadpool still hanging onto her. Seeing his baby, Shining Armor sighed in relief.

“She’s a really strong flier! Gugh… I think I’m going to puke,” Said Deadpool nauseously.

Smiling, Princess Cadance used her magic to grab the baby and remove her from Deadpool’s grasp and the bubble. Twilight then released Deadpool, and the Merc With a Mouth staggered over by her side.

“Shining, Cadance, your baby is sweet and all, but if you do not find a way to control her powers, she may destroy the entire empire,” Said Deadpool.

As she was brought back to her mother, the baby tried to reach towards Deadpool but to no avail. She then sniffled, catching everyone’s attention.

WWAAAHHHH!

Suddenly, she began to cry. Just like her magic, her wailing proved to be very powerful, causing the area to shake. Everyone covered their ears due to how loud her crying was. The Crystal Heart, which was rotating in the center of the castle’s overhang, suddenly stopped its rotation. Several cracks formed in the heart, then it shattered into many pieces.

GASP!

As everyone gasped in disbelief, the baby fell asleep in her mother’s arms, tired out from her crying.

“... Uh, well, Wade, it seems like she likes you,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

“Yeah, uh, I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think this is the first time someone liked me a little too much,” Said Deadpool.

(What about that one psychiatrist?)

“Different universe,” Said Deadpool to himself.

Applejack walked over to the shattered remains of the Crystal Heart, and picked up one of the pieces.

“I’m guessin’ that’s gonna make it harder to do the Crystalling,” Said Applejack.

“It’s worse than that. Without the Heart, the Crystal Empire’s about to be buried under a mountain of ice and snow!”

Twilight pulled back a purple curtain that was concealing everything under the palace's overhang. From a distance, large menacing snow clouds slowly made their way towards the Crystal Empire. As everyone looked fearfully towards the snow clouds, the baby woke up, and burbled happily.

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed part one of the first chapter of the season six arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season premiere episode "The Crystalling"! Your patience as I worked on writing this chapter is very much appreciated. Will Starlight Glimmer be able to mend her friendship with Sunburst? And will our heroes be able to repair the Crystal Heart, or will the Crystal Empire be lost to the merciless ice and snow of the Frozen North? Stay tuned for part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 30: Birth of A Princess Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 30: Birth of A Princess Part Two

With the Crystal Heart destroyed, storm clouds surrounded the Crystal Empire. As they drew closer and closer, the direness of the situation sinked in for the heroes.

“... Well, Shining Armor, Cadance, congratulations on having the baby. I am certain you will be better parents than mine were, especially my father. As much as I would like to stay a little while longer, we all need to head back to Ponyville. Twilight promised me we’d get tacos on the way back to the castle,” Said Deadpool.

Before he could get very far, Twilight exasperatedly grabbed her coltfriend by the ear with her magic and pulled him back.

“Ow, ow! Okay, okay!” Said Deadpool painfully.

“So… not only can we not take part in a fabulous ancient ceremony, but we’re also about to be frozen solid!” Said Rarity fearfully.

“Without the Crystal Heart’s magical protection, the entire empire’s about to become a winter wasteland!” Said Twilight.

“So basically Canada,” Said Deadpool.

“Huh?” Said Twilight?

“Um, right, pony puns. I said so basically Caneighda. Where I’m from,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh,” Said Twilight.

“Wait, you’re from Caneighda?” Asked Rarity.

“Yeah. I know, I’m the least Caneighdian pony ever. Jokes aside, even though the winters are cold as heck, the summers can actually be-”

“As much as I like learning about other nations as the next guy, we should be focusing on the snowstorm that’s coming this way,” Said Shining Armor.

“What about when King Sombra ruled the Crystal Empire and the Crystal Heart was missin’? The empire wasn’t covered in snow then!” Said Applejack.

“The Heart wasn’t missing. It was still in the castle. King Sombra had just hidden it,” Explained Twilight.

“I’m afraid Twilight is correct, and the storm clouds are already forming,” Said Celestia.

ZAP!

The storm clouds were intensifying. Lightning struck every few seconds, illuminating the winter sky with white light.

“I can totally fly up there and bust those puppies! No problem!” Said Rainbow Dash confidentially.

Rainbow Dash was about to fly towards the storm clouds, but then Princess Celestia shut the curtain before she could go anywhere.

“I wouldn’t advise it, Rainbow Dash. Those storm clouds are not like the ones you know,” Warned Celestia.

“This far north, the weather has a will of its own, and now it will only grow stronger, enveloping everything in its path,” Explained Luna.

“Including the Crystal Empire!” Added Cadance.

“And us along with it!” Added Twilight.

“Not on my watch!”

Deadpool marched towards the curtains while rolling up his sleeves. Before he could get anywhere, Applejack stepped in front of him, blocking his path.

“Where do ya think you’re going?” Asked Applejack.

“I cannot freeze to death, so I will go deal with the storm myself,” Answered Deadpool.

“You can’t fight a storm with your bare hooves and some guns!” Said Rainbow.

“Is that a challenge?” Asked Deadpool.

“Honestly, sis, what do you see in him?” Asked Shining.

“Believe me, I did not go out with him because of his intellectual prowess,” Deadpanned Twilight.

“I heard that!”

Meanwhile, Sunburst, Starlight, and Spike were all in the former’s study. The room had shelves full of books, bottles for potion brewing, and a model of the solar system. Spike was still looking through Twilight’s list.

“There’s gotta be somethin’...” Said Spike despairingly.

“I know Princess Twilight is keen on the two of us rekindling our friendship, but… it’s been so long. I don’t see how anything on that list is going to help,” Said Sunburst.

“I know, right? It’s not like there’s some spell that would magically compel us to pick up where we left off,” Said Starlight.

“Well, actually, there’s several.” Sunburst used his magic to grab three spell books from the bookshelf next to him. “Mistmane’s Material Amity, Rockhoof’s Rapport, Flash Prance’s Fellow… ship… Ahem. But I-I get the feeling the princess isn’t looking for a spell.”

“Definitely not,” Said Starlight with a chuckle.

“Got it!”

Looking over towards Spike, the two ponies saw that the list he was reading was wrapped around his body. Based on his smile, he seemed to have found something in the list that could help them.

“‘And if all else fails, ask them to share an embarrassing moment from their past, maybe even something they regret!’” Read Spike.

Sunburst and Starlight looked at each other, both of them bearing worried looks.

“Uh, I don’t see how that would help,” Said Sunburst nervously.

“Uh, yeah! We should get out of your mane.” Starlight grabbed Spike with her magic, then made her way towards the front door. “It’s pretty obvious this isn’t going how Twilight hoped, and I’m sure you have plenty of important work to do…”

“What? Oh! Right, yes, heh-heh! Uh, no rest for the wizardly,” Said Sunburst.

“Come on, Spike,” Said Starlight.

As Starlight carried Spike with her out the front door, he groaned out of annoyance. Meanwhile, the storm clouds continued to creep towards the empire. A chilly breeze seeped through the curtains in front of the castle’s entrance, causing everyone to shiver. Deadpool pulled a red-and-black checkered scarf out of his left sleeve, then wrapped it around his neck.

“There must be a magic spell that can restore the Crystal Heart!” Said Twilight.

“Perhaps,” Said Celestia while raising a hoof to her chin.

“But it isn’t something that either of us know,” Added Luna.

“The library here at the castle is nearly as extensive as the one in Canterlot. There’s a good chance we can find something there!” Said Cadance while handing her baby to Shining Armor.

“Can you hold off the storm?” Asked Twilight to Celestia and Luna.

“Yes, for a time, but even our magic will eventually succumb to the power of the Frozen North,” Answered Luna.

(Ha! She said “suc-cumb”!)

Deadpool snorted out of amusement, which got him a couple confused glances from Fluttershy and Rarity. Preparing to face the storm, Celestia and Luna flew up into the air.

“We will do what we can, but you must hurry,” Said Celestia.

At breakneck speed, Celestia and her younger sister flew towards the storm clouds. Once they got to the edge of the storm, they fired beams of magic at the enormous clouds, causing parts of them to dissipate. As they attempted to keep the storm at bay, Twilight and the others watched from the ground. The Princess of Friendship then turned to face three of her friends - Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t know how long it will take to find the right spell, but you should probably tell the crowd outside to get somewhere warm!” Said Twilight to her friends.

“And try not to mention the Crystal Heart. We don’t want to start a panic,” Added Cadance.

“Yes, ma’am! C’mon, girls!” Said Applejack.

Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash made their way to where the Crystal Empire’s inhabitants were gathering to observe the Crystalling.

“With all due respect, Cadance, when we tried to hide the fact that the Crystal Heart was missing, everyone found out,” Said Deadpool.

(To be fair, they may have not found out if Pinkie didn’t accidentally tumble onto the fake Heart.)

“Touché. Regardless, how can you be sure they won’t find out that it’s destroyed?” Asked Deadpool.

“I can’t be certain, but if you and the rest of Twilight’s friends help us find a spell, we may be able to repair the Heart before the Crystal Ponies find out,” Answered Cadance.

Twilight nodded in agreement.

“I’m gonna need all of your help. The crystal library is enormous!” Said Twilight.

“You can count on us, Twily!” Said Shining Armor.

Seeing Deadpool towards her left, Shining Armor and Cadance’s baby giggled while trying to reach towards him.

POP!

Suddenly, the baby disappeared in a flash of yellow light. Before her father could fully panic from his daughter suddenly disappearing, the baby reappeared on Deadpool’s face, having seemingly teleported onto it.

“Ahhhhh! Facehugger!” Cried Deadpool in panic.

Our of panic, Deadpool pried the baby off of his face and chucked it. Cadance shrieked as Shining Armor dived to save their child.

POP!

Just before he could catch her, the baby teleported again. This time, she didn’t reappear.

“Where’d she go?!” Asked Shining Armor in panic.

As he looked for where the baby went, he locked eyes with Deadpool. Even though he was wearing a mask, it was evident he was terrified. As he raised a hoof, Shining Armor ragefully leapt towards him, and grabbed him in a chokehold.

“WHY DID YOU THROW HER?! ARE YOU DUMB?!” Asked Shining furiously.

“Gugh! To be fair, I, ugh, didn’t graduate high school. But I, gugh, panicked, and thought she was an… an alien!” Said Deadpool while being asphyxiated.

“How could you possibly think that?! It was obviously the baby!” Said Shining.

“I would like to, gugh, see how you would react to something latching onto your face out of nowhere!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Shining Armor, killing my coltfriend isn’t going to help find the baby!” Reasoned Twilight.

Shining Armor thought about what his sister told him, then he reluctantly let go of Deadpool. The former merc fell onto his hocks, holding a hoof up to his throat while he caught his breath.

“Thanks, Twi,” Said Deadpool graciously.

“And you! If Cadance and Shining Armor go to parenting classes, I’m sending you with them!” Said Twilight sternly.

“Fine! They teach you to don’t shake the baby, so I’m sure there is a lesson about don’t yeet the baby, too,” Said Deadpool in defeat.

Suddenly, everyone heard giggling. They immediately recognized it as belonging to the baby. Listening carefully, Cadance heard the giggling coming from inside the castle.

“This way!” Said Cadance.

Determined to find her baby, Cadance galloped inside. The rest of the group then followed suit. Meanwhile, Starlight and Spike were walking down a path leading towards the Crystal Castle. They seemed to be oblivious to the storm clouds behind them.

“Well, Spike, looks like my biggest fears came true. I wouldn’t be surprised if Twilight decides to give up on me entirely,” Said Starlight depressingly.

“Aw, it’s not your fault. I’m the one who said all we needed was this list,” Said Spike.

Spike used his magical dragon fire to send Twilight’s list to a different location.

“It’s not the list, Spike. Or you. Or Twilight. I’m the one Sunburst doesn’t want to be friends with,” Lamented Starlight.

“I don’t remember him saying he didn’t want to be friends,” Said Spike.

“He didn’t have to say it,” Said Starlight depressingly.

Stopping in the middle of the path, Starlight thought about how she believed she wasn’t anypony worth being friends with. Seeing her sadness, Spike stood in front of her.

“Well, Twilight obviously thinks you’re worth being friends with! And I do, too!”

Spike hugged Starlight. Momentarily surprised by the gesture, she quickly smiled.

“Thanks, Spike. At least I have two friends, even if one of them has dragon breath,” Said Starlight with a wry wink.

Thinking about her wry comment, Spike puffed up some smoke. The smoke quickly disappeared, and he felt that the air was cold.

“Uh, that’s not dragon breath. It’s freezing!” Said Spike.

Looking around them, they noticed that it was snowing all around them.

“Oh, you’re right! But I thought the Crystal Heart was supposed to keep the cold weather out,” Said Starlight.

“It is… unless something’s happened! Come on!” Said Spike urgently.

Worried about the Crystal Heart, Starlight and Spike ran to the Crystal Castle. Meanwhile, in front of the Crystal Castle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy were trying to convince the gathered crowd of Crystal Ponies to seek shelter indoors.

“We’re just saying that it might not be the best idea to stay outside!” Said Rainbow, having to shout over the howling winds of the snow storm.

“I camped out all night for this spot! I’m not about to just give it up!” Said a mare.

“Still, when you think about it, the view is just as good a little further back, like… inside your house?” Suggested Fluttershy timidly.

“The Crystalling ceremony is one of our most sacred traditions! And when that foal is held before the Crystal Heart, I plan to be as close to the action as possible!” Said a stallion.

“Honestly, I don’t know if there’s gonna be a Crystallin’. The truth is, the baby’s an alicorn and her magic’s plum crazy, so you might not wanna be that close after all,” Explained Applejack.

“A baby alicorn? Wow, I can’t wait to see that!” Said a mare enthusiastically.

“Oh, those little wings are probably so cute!” Said a stallion.

“I know, right?” Said another stallion.

“Look, I am a hundred percent sure the Crystalling isn’t happening,” Assured Rainbow.

BOOM!

Suddenly, a beam of yellow magic burst through one of the walls of the Crystal Castle. This was then followed by several more beams of magic.

“No Crystalling, huh? Then why are they starting the fireworks show?” Asked a stallion.

As the crowd cheered in excitement, Rainbow Dash hoof palmed her face, then covered her eyes and laid down on the ground in defeat. Meanwhile, in the castle’s library, Twilight and Cadance were looking for a spell book that could help them repair the Crystal Heart. Shining Armor, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Deadpool were trying to catch the baby, who was flying around the library shooting beams of magic everywhere.

“Young filly come back here!” Said Shining sternly while chasing after his daughter.

As the baby turned a corner to evade her father, Pinkie chased after her in her usual hopping gait.

“Come to your Auntie Pinkie Pie!” Said Pinkie.

Meanwhile, Twilight was looking through a stack of books as the baby and Pinkie passed by her.

“‘Bridle Buck’s Boat Chants’, ‘Hayhoof’s Intonements’, ‘Mystic Maps and Mazes’…”

Unsuccessful in finding a book that could help repair the Crystal Heart, Twilight groaned in frustration.

“Anything up there?” Asked Twilight to Cadance.

“Not yet! I’m not even sure how these are organized!” Said Cadance.

POP!

As Cadance was grabbing books from one of the library’s large bookshelves, the baby teleported onto a shelf. She went to grab her baby, dropping the books in her arms onto the floor.

ACHOO!

VROOM!

Before Cadance could grab her, the baby sneezed, creating a beam of magic that destroyed most of the shelf.

POP!

Nearly dodging the incidental attack, Cadance tried to grab the baby again, but she teleported away. The baby reappeared near Twilight and repeatedly flew around the desk she was sitting at. Shining Armor then appeared and attempted to catch her.

“Shining Armor, I thought you were taking care of the baby,” Said Cadance.

“I’m trying!” Said Shining.

Shining Armor followed after the baby past some bookshelves. The baby teleported away to avoid him. As she squealed in glee, Deadpool jumped out in front of her with a butterfly net.

“Got ya, you little-”

POP!

As Deadpool tried to catch her in the butterfly net, the baby teleported behind him and continued to fly away.

“Gosh darn it,” Muttered Deadpool.

The doors to the library opened up, revealing Spike and Starlight on the other side. They were shocked by the chaos before them. They saw Pinkie chasing after the baby, the latter of which fired a beam of magic that singed the front of Shining Armor’s mane. Cadance was using her magic to continuously give Twilight books to read, and Deadpool crouched behind a bookshelf with his butterfly net, ready to swing.

“What is going on here?!” Asked Starlight in surprise.

“Do you want the long story with Deadpool commentary or the short story with Deadpool commentary?” Asked Deadpool.

“Is there a short version with no Deadpool commentary?” Asked Starlight.

“What do you think?” Questioned Deadpool rhetorically.

“(Sigh) Give me the short story with Deadpool commentary,” Said Starlight reluctantly.

“The baby’s an alicorn and she accidentally destroyed the Crystal Heart with a wail on par to Black Bolt’s voice. So, Twilight and Cadance are looking for a spell or artifact like the Mending Charm to put it back together and save the Crystal Empire from turning into Arendelle during the first “Frozen” movie,” Said Deadpool quickly.

“Oh,” Muttered Starlight.

Deadpool heard giggling coming from the opposite side of the bookshelf he was hiding behind. Knowing the baby was coming towards him, he leapt out with his butterfly net. The baby dodged the net, causing Deadpool to accidentally snag Shining Armor’s head. Shining Armor glared at Deadpool.

“Okay, I’ve done things to irritate you, but this was an accident,” Said Deadpool defensively.

Combing through the shelf, Cadance stopped with a gasp when she caught sight of a black covered book with golden engravings and a lock.

“What about this? ‘Trotter’s Tome of Reliquary’?”

Cadance flew over to Twilight and gave her the book. Thankfully, the book opened in spite of having a lock on it. Twilight flipped through the pages until she spotted a particular spell.

“I think this is it!” Said Twilight excitedly while turning the book towards Cadance.

“‘Spell of Relic Reconstruction’!” Read Cadance. “I can’t believe we found it!”

“It’s a good thing, too! Without this, I don’t know what we’d do!” Said Twilight.

POP!

Suddenly, the baby teleported onto the desk, causing some books to fall over. The baby flew away, and Pinkie followed behind her, leaping over the table. She managed to pin the baby down to the floor.

VWOOM!

As soon as Pinkie picked her up, the baby fired a beam of magic powerful enough to launch her and Pinkie backwards. Heading towards her, Rarity used a hand mirror to protect her. Somehow, the beam of magic deflected off of the mirror and headed towards Shining Armor. He summoned a shield to deflect the beam of magic. This time heading towards Starlight and Spike, the former summoned a force field to deflect it. The beam then headed towards Deadpool. Not having any means of protecting himself, the beam of magic blasted a hole through his right shoulder, then through the spell book Twilight was holding.

“Oops,” Said Pinkie.

As Twilight and Cadance gasped in horror, Deadpool was writhing on the ground in pain.

“FUDGE!” Cried Deadpool in pain.

(Fudge?)

“The baby’s present. I shouldn’t swear around her,” Said Deadpool while gritting his teeth.

(We say profanities in front of Spike, but apparently we draw the line at babies who can't even remember what they had for breakfast?)

(Spike is old enough to know not to repeat those words unless he wants Twilight to beat his ass.)

(Well, fuck that! There’s a hole about the size of an apple in your shoulder. This is a reasonable time to be swearing.)

“That spell was the only thing we found in the whole library that was even close to what we needed!” Said Twilight in distress.

“I’m so sorry, Twilight!” Apologized Starlight.

“Hey! I think there's somepony else who you owe an apology!” Said Deadpool irritatedly while pointing to his regenerating shoulder.

“Oh, right. Sorry, Deadpool,” Apologized Starlight sheepishly.

“It’s not your fault, Starlight. None of us were expecting any of this,” Said Twilight.

“Do you think you can remember the spell?” Asked Cadance.

“I only read it through once!” Said Twilight.

“Well, if anypony can exactly remember something she read for the first time two minutes ago, it’s you, Twilight,” Said Rarity confidentiality.

“I’ll try. But I’m not sure how long it’ll take,” Said Twilight.

Twilight felt a cold breeze brush by her neck. Looking up, she saw that the cold winter air was getting through a hole in the wall accidentally created by the baby. She could also see that the snow storm outside was getting even worse.

“Is quickly an option?” Asked Pinkie concerningly.

“And preferably within the next ten pages of the Google Doc this story is written on,” Added Deadpool.

“I’ll help if I can, but we should evacuate the city just in case! You need to lead everypony to the train station before the tracks freeze over!” Said Cadance to Shining Armor while grabbing the baby with her magic.

“We will. But between you and Twilight, I’m sure you’ll remember the spell,” Said Shining Armor confidentiality.

“Yeah, crowd control!” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool eagerly ran out of the library. Both Shining Armor and Cadance were greatly concerned.

“And make sure he doesn’t do anything rash,” Said Cadance.

“Yes, mam,” Said Shining Armor exasperatedly.

Shining Armor ran out of the library, with Pinkie Pie and Rarity following behind him.

“I only hope this spell is the one we need,” Said Twilight.

Twilight summoned a quill and some scroll paper, and began writing down the spell.

“Is there anything I can do?” Asked Starlight.

“I don’t think so. I’m just sorry about your lesson,” Said Twilight sincerely.

“Oh, that doesn’t matter now. Sunburst and I don’t have anything in common anyway. He’s a big important wizard! And I’m re-learning everything I ever thought I knew,” Said Starlight glumly.

“Sunburst? I don’t recognize the name, but if he’s an important wizard, you should bring him here. Maybe he’ll know what to do if the spell fails,” Said Cadance.

“(Gasp) Of course!” Said Starlight.

Starlight ran out of the library, making her way to Sunburst’s place.

“You better go with her, Spike,” Said Twilight.

Nodding his head in reply, Spike followed after Starlight.

CRACK!

Hearing thunder, Twilight and Cadance looked up towards a skylight. They saw Princesses Celestia and Luna continuing to hold back the snow storm.

CRACK!

A bolt of lightning flashed across the sky. After it disappeared, the princesses were no longer visible. The entire patch of sky was replaced with storm clouds.

A few minutes later…

After running from the Crystal Castle, Starlight Glimmer and Spike arrived back at Sunburst’s house. They both quickly ran inside, some snow blowing inside. The both swiftly shut the door, the frosty gale from the snowstorm causing some minor resistance.

“Sunburst!” Said Starlight.

She found Sunburst was carrying three books with his magic. Sunburst looked behind him and was surprised upon seeing her and Spike.

“Haven’t you looked outside?!” Asked Starlight.

Sunburst looked out of one of his windows. He saw the snow blowing in the wind and the storm clouds blocking out the sun.

“Snow? That’s… not right,” Said Sunburst. “The Crystal Heart-”

“Is gone! The baby - Shining Armor and Cadance’s baby - it’s an alicorn!” Said Starlight.

Sunburst’s glasses slid down his nose while he looked at Starlight in disbelief. His disbelief was quickly replaced with excitement that the Crystal Empire’s new heir was also Equestria’s first newborn alicorn.

“Really?”Asked Sunburst while pushing up his glasses.

“Really! And her magic is a little berserk, and well, I guess she destroyed the Heart! But Twilight thinks she can fix it and Princess Cadance thought you could help!” Said Starlight.

“Me?” Questioned Sunburst.

“Of course! You’re an important wizard in the Crystal Empire! It just makes sense!” Said Starlight.

Sunburst nervously backed away from Starlight, accidentally bumping into a bookshelf.

“Right… right… right right right.” Sunburst faced the bookshelf, then began to reorganize the books contained on it. “ You know, I’d like to help, I-I really would. I-I just have so much, um, important wizard work to do around here,” Said Sunburst nervously.

“Huh?!” Muttered Starlight and Spike in unison.

Meanwhile, back at the palace, the crowd that was outside awaiting the Crystalling were still refusing to move.

“You can’t stay here!” Said Applejack, shouting over the howling wind.

“Did I mention this was a royal Crystalling? When the crystaller holds the young one aloft, all of the Empire will share their joy and light, and the Crystal Heart will beat stronger than it ever has before!” Said a stallion.

“It really is a moving ceremony!” Added another stallion.

“I really don’t think it’s going to happen,” Said Fluttershy.

“Come on, it’s freezing out here!” Said Rainbow, her body shivering from the ever decreasing temperature.

“Uh, this is the Crystal Empire. We’ve seen snow before,” Argued a mare.

“Not like this.”

Deadpool appeared and stepped onto the stage. His presence confused his friends and the crowd of Crystal Ponies.

“Hey, looks like they brought out a clown to entertain us,” Said a stallion.

Being mistaken for a clown greatly irritated Deadpool. His mask furrowed around where his non-existent eyebrows would be.

“Okay, listen up, citizens of the Crystal Empire! The Crystal Heart has been shattered!” Said Deadpool.

GASP!

Hearing the news of the Crystal Heart having been destroyed, the crowd gasped in shock. Whispers of confusion and fear followed afterwards.

“As a result, a snow storm even bigger than The Great Blizzard is burying the entire empire in snow! In response, her highness Princess Cadance has decided to evacuate the entire kingdom! Make your way to the train station immediately!” Ordered Deadpool.

Responding quickly, many of the Crystal Ponies rushed to the Crystal Empire’s train station. However, a small group still remained in their seats.

“What are you all waiting for? Go!” Said Deadpool.

“I can tolerate the other three trying to tell us what to do, but you have no authority. You’re not a member of the royal guard or the royal family,” Said a mare irritatedly.

(Not yet! It’s only a matter of time!)

(And when that time comes, Shining Armor will hang himself.)

“So, with that being said, why should we listen to you?” Asked the mare.

“...”

Glaring at the mare sitting towards the front of the small crowd, Deadpool pulled an ArmaLite AR-18 out of nowhere and aimed it towards the sky.

BANG BANG BANG!

AHHH!

Firing a magazine’s worth of ammunition into the air, Deadpool scared off the remaining crowd. They all ran towards the train station as they were told too.

“It’s not safe here!” Cried a stallion.

“That’s what my friends have been trying to tell you!” Shouted Deadpool irritatedly.

Shining Armor, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity just arrived, but realized they were too late. They saw Deadpool with his gun, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy looking at him out of shock and fear, and the vacant seating area. Deadpool nonchalantly held his rifle over his right shoulder and walked over to Shining Armor.

“There, problem solved,” Said Deadpool while patting Shining Armor’s right shoulder.

Satisfied with himself, Deadpool made his way back inside the castle.

“Did anypony get hurt?” Asked Shining Armor.

“No,” Answered Applejack.

“Good. I’m still gonna hurt him, though,” Said Shining Armor under his breath.

Meanwhile, at Sunburst’s home, Starlight was dumbfounded by Sunburst’s excuse to not help repair the Crystal Heart.

“Sunburst, I know you’re busy, but did you hear what I said?” Asked Starlight.

“Oh, I heard you, but-but like I said, when you’re an important wizard, the work just piles up,” Said Sunburst while stacking some books.

It was obvious that Sunburst was nervous, evidenced by his slight stuttering and his back facing towards Starlight.

“Sunburst!” Shouted Starlight irritatedly.

Sunburst jumped when his old friend shouted at him. Sighing, he removed his glasses with his magic, and used a cleaning cloth to wipe the lenses.

“Look, Starlight, I want to help. I do. But I can’t. I wish I could,” Said Sunburst.

“What do you mean?!” Asked Starlight while placing a hoof on Sunburst’s left shoulder.

“Fixing an ancient relic? I-I can’t even come close to doing something like that!” Said Sunburst.

“But I thought you were an important wizard!” Said Starlight in disbelief.

“Well, you were wrong, okay?! I’m not an important wizard! I’m not even a wizard at all!” Admitted Sunburst tearfully.

Upon hearing Sunburst’s confession, Starlight bit her bottom lip while Spike covered his mouth. Both actions were a result of the shock of the revelation. Sunburst walked over to the small table and sat down.

“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but not all of us end up achieving greatness,” Said Sunburst glumly.

Starlight walked over and sat in the stool on the opposite side of the table.

“What? Why wouldn’t I understand that?” Asked Starlight.

“Really? You’re the protégé of the Princess of Friendship! I don’t think she picks just anypony for that!” Said Sunburst with slight envy.

“Technically, she’s more of a student than a protégé,” Said Spike wryly.

Starlight glared at Spike out of annoyance. He nervously backed away in order to potentially avoid her wrath.

“Whatever. I’m sorry I’m not the big important wizard you were expecting,” Said Sunburst sincerely.

“Sunburst, I don’t care if you’re a wizard or not. I’m just surprised. You always knew so much about magic. I mean, look at all these books!” Said Starlight while gesturing towards the many spell books Sunburst owned.

“Yeah, well, reading about magic is one thing, but you don’t know what it was like at magic school! To know so much and not be able to do any of it!” Said Sunburst while slamming his hoof on the table in frustration.

Hearing Sunburst admitting he didn’t graduate from magic school and lamenting over it, Starlight finally decided to tell the truth about her own past.

“Well, you don’t know what it was like to be left behind! And then getting so bitter that you steal the cutie marks from an entire village, and then get defeated by Twilight and her friends, so you travel through time to get back at them, but they beat you again and teach you about friendship, but you’re so terrified ponies will find out what you did that you can’t make friends!” Said Starlight tearfully.

As Starlight wiped the tears in her eyes, Sunburst looked at her in disbelief. His glasses slid down his face. Pushing his glasses up, he came up with a response to everything he had just been told.

“Did you really travel through time?” Asked Sunburst.

“See? I told you he’d be impressed,” Said Spike while nudging Starlight’s side.

Smiling sheepishly, Starlight got up from her seat. Sunburst did the same.

“I’m sorry we lost touch,” Said Sunburst sincerely. “Maybe if I had reached out, you could have helped me at magic school, and I could have helped you to…”

“Not become totally evil? (Sigh) Let’s just say I know what it’s like to have something you’re not exactly proud of,” Said Starlight shamefully.

“When you showed up thinking I was some big wizard… I’m sorry. I should have told the truth,” Admitted Sunburst.

“It’s fine,” Assured Starlight while placing a hoof on Sunburst’s shoulder. “At least we worked it all out. I think Twilight would be proud of us.”

“Well, if you ever want to tell her about it, we should probably leave now!” Said Spike while looking out a window.

The snowstorm outside was still burying the Crystal Empire in the dreaded snow. Remembering what was going on, Starlight gasped. Unprompted, she gently shoved Sunburst towards the door.

“I forgot to tell you! They’re evacuating the city! You need to get to the train station, unless you’ve got a spell here that will drive back the Frozen North and fix the Crystal Heart, so the baby can have her Crystalling?” Said Starlight.

Placing a hoof on his hairy chin, Sunburst thought about if he had something that could help. He then thought about something that Starlight had just said.

“Crystalling…! Of course!” Cried Sunburst in a moment of revelation.

Sunburst slipped out of his friend’s grasp, and ran over to a bookshelf. He grabbed five different books, and began to read through them as Starlight and Spike watched out of curiosity. Meanwhile, Princesses Celestia and Luna were still attempting to keep the winter storm at bay. The frigid temperatures were slowly overwhelming them. Snow was weighing them down, and ice was encasing their horns and extremities.

“Push them back, my sister!” Said Celestia.

Down on ground level, the snow nearly buried the majority of the Crystal Ponies’ homes. Shining Armor, Applejack, and Fluttershy were leading a large group of Crystal Ponies towards the train station.

“This way!” Said Shining Armor.

While the three ponies were escorting the Crystal Empire’s residents, Rainbow Dash was flying through the storm clouds, destroying them in order to keep snow from falling onto the group of ponies below. However, just like with the two princesses, snow and ice on her body were inhibiting her ability to fly.

“Ugh!” Cried Rainbow.

Tired from flying while her body was freezing, Rainbow Dash landed and led the front of the group with her friends.

“Just a little bit further, y’all! The station’s just ahead!” Said Applejack encouragingly.

Just ahead of them, the group saw three silhouettes. Once they got close enough, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Shining Armor saw it was Starlight Glimmer, Spike, and Sunburst. The whole group stopped in their tracks in order to avoid running into them. Seeing what was going on below, the two princesses flew down to join them.

“We have to go back!” Said Starlight, shouting over the howling winds.

“I know how to stop this!” Said Sunburst.

Princesses Luna and Celestia passed inquisitive looks to each other, curious by Sunburst’s claim. Meanwhile, in front of the Crystal Castle, Twilight, Cadance, and Deadpool were hanging around the pillar that normally contained the Crystal Heart. The shattered shards of the Heart were still around the base of the pillar. Twilight was still writing out the spell on her piece of scroll paper. Cadance was pacing back and forth, and Deadpool was holding the baby. Twilight momentarily stopped writing, and showed what she had written to Cadance.

“Uh, I think that’s everything?” Said Twilight uncertainly.

Cadance grabbed the scroll with her magic, and read it for herself.

“It looks right to me, but there’s only one way to find out!” Said Cadance.

“Huh. Well, what do ya know! Twilight did finish the spell before the twenty-third page! You get to live today, author,” Said Deadpool.

(Uh… Thanks…?)

Looking at the spell one last time, Twilight lit her horn up. She then cast the spell on the remains of the Crystal Heart. The shards flew up into the air, forming a crude shape of a heart. Princess Cadance then cast the spell as well, causing the shards to come together. When both alicorns were finished casting the spell, they saw that the Crystal Heart had reformed. It was nearly perfect, still retaining some cracks. Twilight and Cadance were beaming with happiness, delighted that they had successfully repaired the heart.

SHATTER!

Suddenly, the Crystal Heart shattered apart, each shard landing exactly where they were before. Seeing that the spell did not work, both princesses gritted their teeth and held their hooves up to their chin in disquietude.

“Well, that didn’t work. You know what that means, author?” Asked Deadpool sinisterly.

(Shit! I need to leave the States!)

(Nah. Just go to Jersey. We won’t go anywhere near there.)

(Or try to find a way to live at an airport. We’re on the no fly list.)

“Don’t help him!” Said Deadpool to the voices irritatedly.

“The spell failed. I don’t know what else to do,” Said Twilight dishearteningly, her head hanging low.

Seeing his marefriend saddened, Deadpool walked over to her while carefully holding the baby in his right foreleg.

“Surely there’s something that can be done. That’s how these stories usually go. Are you sure that the spell wasn’t written incorrectly?” Asked Deadpool.

“If I had miswrote that spell by so much as a single letter, then it wouldn’t have done anything,” Answered Twilight glumly.

“Uh, this may be a stupid question, but could we glue the Crystal Heart back together?” Asked Deadpool.

“I appreciate your ideas, Wade, regardless of how silly they may sound. But I don’t think there’s anything else that can be done. We’re going to have to accept that the Crystal Empire is going to be lost to the snow and ice, and we’ll have to relocate everyone to new homes,” Said Twilight glumly, her head hanging low.

“An old student of mine believes he has the solution you need.”

Hearing her former mentor’s regal voice, Twilight looked up. She saw Princesses Celestia and Luna, her friends, and her brothers coming towards her. Leading the group of familiar faces were Starlight Glimmer and-

“Wait a second. Isn’t that the larper you had me track down, Twilight?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight hastily covered her coltfriend’s mouth with her hoof, chuckling sheepishly. Upon seeing the shattered remains of the Crystal Heart, Sunburst walked over and examined them.

“The baby did this?” Asked Sunburst in disbelief.

Twilight used her magic to grab the scroll she wrote the spell on, and gave it to Sunburst.

“I tried putting it back together with-”

“The spell of Relic Reconstitution. No, that won’t do it,” Said Sunburst.

Rolling up the scroll, Sunburst pulled out a spell book from a saddlebag he was carrying. He then passed it to Twilight.

“The Crystal Heart’s been around for a millennia. Restoring a relic like this is way beyond one spell. You need to combine it with something else. Something unique to the relic itself. Something that strengthens it and provides it with power…?” Said Sunburst guidingly.

After examining the spell book, Twilight realized what he was inferring.

“The Crystalling!” Said Twilight joyfully.

“Combining that spell with the light and love of everypony gathered for the ceremony, together with… Somnambula’s Weather Abjuration to clear away the snow… and a little Fledging’s Forbearance for the parents… That should curb the little one’s power fluctuations,” Said Sunburst.

Sunburst gave Starlight a spell book containing Somnambula’s Weather Abjuration spell, and Shining Armor and Cadance a scroll containing Fledging’s Forbearance spell. His presence caused the baby to giggle and teleport over to him to boop him on the snout. Cadance then grabbed her.

(Welp, I guess we’re no longer the favorite.)

(After this is over, we separate him from the group, kill him, then dump his body a couple miles away from the Empire! Nobody will ever find his cold, lifeless body out in the Frozen North, because nopony will even try to search for him out there…!)

“Good plan…” Whispered Deadpool to himself.

“You must be Sunburst. Starlight said you were a powerful wizard,” Said Cadance.

“Oh, I’m no wizard,” Corrected Sunburst.

Everyone other than Starlight, Spike, and Princesses Celestia and Luna were stunned by the revelation, with Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity gasping as a result. Starlight was quick to defend her friend.

“But he studied magic his whole life! You should see his house! And since nopony has any better ideas, what do we have to lose?!” Asked Starlight nervously.

“The Crystal Empire, our extremities, your lives, my lunch,” Answered Deadpool.

“Okay, I get it!” Said Starlight annoyedly.

Looking to his wife, Shining Armor passed the scroll to Cadance, and received the baby in return. He then turned to face Sunburst.

“I had planned on asking Twilight to be our crystaller, but since it seems like she’ll be busy…”

To convey what he wanted to ask, Shining Armor gave the baby to Sunburst. As soon as she ended up in his left foreleg, she happily prodded his face. Now knowing what he was asking, Sunburst smiled gratefully towards the Prince.

“I’d be honored!” Said Sunburst.

“Aw man! Typical that after I told everypony to evacuate the Empire, we’re now rehosting the Crystalling! And this is ignoring the fact that I wasn’t asked to be the crystaller,” Complained Deadpool.

“Speaking of.”

WHACK!

Shining Armor walked over to Deadpool and smacked him in the back of the head.

“Do you have any idea how incredibly stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous it was to use your guns to disperse the crowd?!” Asked Shining Armor sternly.

“Oh, please. I only did that to get the snobs who wouldn’t budge to move along. Besides, I shot my round harmlessly into the air,” Said Deadpool while rotating and pointing his hoof upwards for emphasis.

SCHLORT!

As if on cue, a singular bullet that Deadpool fired earlier fell from the sky. Deadpool was in the bullet’s path. It entered through the top of his head, passed through his brain and skull, and exited out of the left side of his neck. Deadpool limply fell onto the ground, blood quickly pooling around him. Shining Armor hastily backed away from the dark red puddle, Sunburst instinctually covered the baby’s eyes, and the rest of the group covered their mouths in quiet shock.

“Oh my Celestia! He’s dead!” Shouted Sunburst in horror.

“No, he’s fine,” Said Starlight exasperatedly.

“WHAT?! I may not have a medical degree, but even I know he’s not fine!” Said Sunburst.

“Trust me, he is. He has this superpower that makes him nearly impossible to kill. He'll be back up in a couple minutes,” Explained Starlight.

“O-Oh. Okay?” Said Sunburst hesitantly.

“Perhaps we should have something to keep us safe during preparations? Just in case any more of Wade’s bullets come back down,” Said Rarity.

Sighing out of exasperation, Twilight summoned a large force field above the front of the palace.

“Everypony, make all of the necessary preparations for the Crystalling!” Said Twilight. “Applejack, do you mind cleaning up the mess while I help Celestia, Luna, and Starlight prepare the spells?”

“The blood or Wade?” Asked Applejack.

“Yes,” Answered Twilight dryly.

A few minutes later…

After making some last minute preparations and Deadpool recovered from his unfortunate accident, the Crystalling was ready to begin. Sure that no more bullets would rain down upon them, Twilight lowered the force field. She then walked over to the pillar that normally contained the Crystal Heart, where Princesses Celestia and Luna, and Starlight Glimmer were waiting. Once she was ready, she began to cast the spell of Relic Reconstitution.

The spell lifted the remains of the Crystal Heart into the center of the pillar, and put the pieces back together. Casting the spell was putting a major strain on Twilight, her body sweating profusely. Celestia and Luna added their own magic into the spell, strengthening the spell itself. Starlight quickly looked at the spell book containing Somnambula’s Weather Abjuration spell one last time, then nervously cast it on the Crystal Heart. All four ponies casting their magic on the Crystal Heart were keeping it together, but it was proving to be strenuous on them.

Meanwhile, Twilight’s friends, Deadpool, Sunburst, and the royal family stepped onto the stage. The Crystal Empire’s inhabitants were eagerly anticipating the Crystalling that was about to unfold. The baby held comfortably in Sunburst’s foreleg, Shining Armor and Cadance affectionately kissed her checks. They then pressed the tips of their horns together, casting a spell that caused a yellow glow to form around the baby. She floated in the air, causing her to laugh uncontrollably. Rarity presented the case containing the purity crystals to Sunburst. Grabbing the crystal on the far right, he turned to face the crowd.

“Citizens! May I present the newest member of the Crystal Empire!” Said Sunburst, gesturing towards the baby.

As if on cue, the baby alicorn extended her wings, then the light surrounding her radiated as bright as the sun. Upon finally meeting the baby, the crowd cheered with excitement.

“She’s beautiful!” Said a stallion.

“Oh! It’s just so moving!” Said another stallion.

Showing their love and respect for the royal baby, the entire crowd bowed before her. The walkway beneath them leading to the entrance of the Crystal Empire radiated in blue light. The light then connected to all of the walkways in the Empire, creating a snowflake symbol when viewed from above. Sunburst placed the purifying crystal onto the walkway, absorbing all of the light into it. He then quickly ran backstage and placed the crystal into the Heart.

The Crystal Heart began to glow, and spin rapidly. The Heart then released a powerful burst of magic, causing the three princesses, Sunburst, and Starlight to gain crystalline coats and manes. The magic spread quickly, causing everyone else to gain crystalline appearances. The magic also melted away the snow, something that everyone cheered for. A beam of rainbow colored light rose from the pillar skywards, piercing through the snow storm. Another burst of magic followed, dispelling the storm clouds that nearly brought an end to the Crystal Empire. Now with the sun beaming its golden light down on her, the baby gently floated back down, embraced by her parents.

“Best Crystalling ever!” Said a pony in the crowd.

With the Crystalling ceremony now over, everyone on stage made their way towards the back. As Twilight made her way towards them, her pupil, Starlight, and Sunburst stayed back and watched from the pillar containing the restored Crystal Heart.

“For a pony who isn’t great at magic, you did pretty well,” Commended Starlight to Sunburst.

“Indeed.”

Hearing the voice of Princess Celestia, both ponies turned to face her.

“I’m glad to see you’ve found a way to share your unique gift, Sunburst. You may be more of a wizard than you think," Praised Celestia.

Looking at each other, Starlight and Sunburst silently laughed.

Meanwhile, with the rest of the crew, Twilight was speaking with her older brother and sister-in-law, the latter holding her niece.

“Great job, Twily,” Praised Shining.

“Thank you for helping us save the Crystal Empire,” Said Cadance in gratitude.

“Thank you, but Sunburst is the one who you should really be thanking. He is the one who came up with the idea to go through with the Crystalling, and provided us with the spells we needed,” Said Twilight humbly.

“Don’t worry. Sunburst will be properly acknowledged for his heroic deeds,” Said Cadance.

“Hey, Shining Armor, nice mane style,” Said Deadpool.

“Uh, thanks, Wade,” Said Shining Armor with a little smile.

“I like ya cut, G!”

SMACK!

Deadpool smacked Shining Armor in the back of the head. The latter retaliated by smacking Deadpool in the back of the head as well. Both stallions quickly ended up in a slap fight.

(You couldn’t have just given our future brother-in-law this one compliment? And that meme’s gonna be dead by the end of the year!)

(It’s gonna be dead by the time this half of the chapter is posted!)

(I think the meme was dead at the time I wrote this joke.)

Seeing them fighting each other rather childishly, Shining Armor and Deadpool’s respective romantic partners smacked themselves in the forehead at the same time. The baby mimicked the mare’s actions, lightly smacking her own forehead while smiling radiantly.

Two hours later…

With the Crystalling and the snow storm behind them, the entire group of heroes were at the Crystal Empire train station. Their crystalline appearances had long since faded away. Hearing the familiar sound of a train’s whistle, the Friendship Express arrived at the station. The first two ponies to get off of the train were none other than Twilight and Shining Armor’s parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light. Both of them were immediately greeted by their offspring.

“Hi, Mom and Dad!” Greeted Twilight.

“Hello, Twilight, dear!” Greeted Twilight Velvet.

Twilight Velvet embraced her daughter in a hug. Shining Armor and Night Light were going to hug each other, but then awkwardly stopped and ended up shaking hooves.

“Hey there, Twilight Velvet and Night Light!” Greeted Deadpool.

“Oh, hello, Wade!” Greeted Twilight Velvet.

The bubbly mare walked over to Deadpool and embraced him in a hug.

“Hi there, Wade,” Greeted Night Light while shaking Wade’s right hoof. “Have you been behaving?”

“If by behaving you mean avoiding legal trouble, then yes,” Said Deadpool.

(Except for the part where you attempted to smuggle weapons into a baby’s nursery, and fired a gun into a crowded area.)

“Shush!” Said Deadpool to the voice in his head.

“Anyway, did you two make it here okay?” Asked Shining concerningly.

“We’re both fine. You would not believe the crazy weather that delayed our train, though. Came out of nowhere,” Said Night Light.

“But it was all worth it to see this peaceful little angel!” Said Twilight Velvet.

She walked over to Princess Cadance, who was holding the baby.

“Awww, so sweet! Come to your grandmare!” Cooed Twilight Velvet.

Originally resting in her mother’s forearm, the baby opened her eyes when she heard her grandmare’s voice for the first time. She reached out to her while giggling happily.

“Yeah, peaceful now, anyway,” Said Applejack.

“I suppose that spell really did the trick!” Said Twilight.

“Three… two… one…”

As soon as Deadpool counted down to one, the baby was about to sneeze.

“AH!”

“Hit the deck!” Shouted Deadpool.

Deadpool and friends got down on the ground, the former positioning himself facing away from the baby as if she were a live grenade.

“AH-CHOO!”

The baby sneezed, but nothing happened. Realizing that this sneeze was harmless, everyone with the exception of Sunburst, and Twilight and Shining Armor’s parents sighed in relief.

“We have Sunburst to thank for that,” Said Shining.

“I hope he takes his role as crystaller seriously. Something tells me the baby will need a pony like him to look to for magical advice,” Said Cadance.

“Cadance, darling, aren’t we gonna name the poor little dear, or are we gonna spend our entire visit just calling her ‘the baby’?” Asked Twilight Velvet while holding the baby, who was sucking on her hoof.

“Well, we could name her ‘DaBaby’. ‘DaBaby Wilson’,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, that is your last name,” Deadpanned Twilight.

“Oh, I understand your confusion, my lovely lavender librarian, but her last name is in honor of comic book artist Ron Wilson. The fact that it is my last name is just a happy coincidence,” Said Deadpool with a visible smirk under his mask.

While most of Deadpool’s friends gave him unamused looks, Twilight Velvet actually laughed at his sly attempt to get the baby named after him. She even snorted a couple of times.

“Actually, we were thinking… ‘Flurry Heart’,” Said Cadance.

“You know, to remember the occasion,” Added Shining.

“Oh, goodness, how could anypony forget?” Asked Rarity rhetorically.

“I think it’s lovely,” Whispered Twilight to Flurry Heart.

Twilight gave Flurry Heart an affectionate kiss on the cheek. The baby laughed and babbled happily.

“Sure, pony name. Why not?” Mumbled Deadpool.

“Oh, is somepony grumpy that he didn’t get his way?” Asked Twilight in a teasing manner.

“No! … Yes,” Admitted Deadpool reluctantly, crossing his arms in frustration.

“If somepony can let this one go, we could stop by the taco stand and the ice cream parlor on the way home,” Said Twilight persuasively.

Deadpool’s ears perked up upon hearing the bribe, and swiftly turned to face his lover.

“Tacos and ice cream?!” Questioned Deadpool in quiet disbelief.

“Yup,” Said Twilight with a smile.

“...What was I mad about again? Eh, forget it! It probably wasn’t as bad as I thought it was!” Said Deadpool, playing along with the bribe.

Twilight laughed and gave Deadpool a kiss on his masked cheek.

“Night Light, look! They are so adorable! I can’t believe I forgot my camera at home!” Said Twilight Velvet in frustration.

“Uh…” Muttered Night Light.

“Oh, that reminds me!”

Passing Flurry Heart back to Cadance, Twilight Velvet walked over to her daughter.

“So, Twilight, when are you and Wade gonna contribute to the grandfoal fund?” Asked Twilight Velvet bluntly.

Upon hearing her mother’s question, Twilight’s face turned beet red from embarrassment.

“Mom! Don’t ask that in front of my friends! Wade and I aren’t even anywhere near that point in our relationship yet!” Whined Twilight.

With the exception of Fluttershy, Twilight’s closest friends laughed at her expense. Deadpool slightly tugged on his mask, then became woozy.

“I think that bullet wound didn’t heal properly, because I…”

THUMP!

His body reacting poorly to Twilight Velvet’s question, Deadpool fell forwards, losing consciousness.

“Oh, great, you broke Wade. Thanks a lot, Mom! He didn’t even come with the warranty when I got him,” Deadpanned Twilight.

While Twilight was attempting to wake Wade up, Shining Armor had a horrified look on his face. Cadance was quick to notice.

“You okay, Shining?” Asked Cadance.

“No. I just realized that my niece or nephew is going to be half Wade.”

A few minutes later…

As everyone was getting on the train, Starlight and Sunburst were quickly chatting with each other.

“Well, I think you’re the Crystal Empire’s big important wizard, whether you like it or not,” Said Starlight with a hoof on her friend’s right shoulder.

“I don’t know if I’ll have time for wizarding. I’m a crystaller now. That’s a big responsibility,” Said Sunburst.

“I can’t think of anypony more qualified. Just… promise you’ll stay in touch?” Said Starlight.

“Hm, like I’d ever lose touch with my oldest friend,” Said Sunburst.

Starlight and Sunburst gave each other a hug. Unbeknownst to either of them, Twilight was watching from one of the train’s windows. Saying a quick goodbye to her friend, Starlight made her way towards the train. Twilight sat down in her seat. She appeared to be upset. Deadpool and Spike, who were sitting next to and across from her respectively, noticed this.

“Hey, you okay?” Asked Deadpool.

“I don’t know. I think I have a lot to learn about being a teacher,” Said Twilight.

“What are you talking about? Your lesson went perfectly! Starlight and Sunburst got over their past and rekindled their friendship!” Said Spike.

“And because of that, they were able to save our asses from getting frostbite!” Added Deadpool.

“No thanks to me. I know a lot happened. I just wish I could have given my pupil the attention she deserves,” Lamented Twilight.

“Well, I know she needed to be put on the right path, but giving her the space to make her own decisions worked pretty well. Isn’t that how Celestia taught you?” Asked Spike

Twilight thought about what her assistant said.

“You know, I never thought about it! But I guess it is!” Said Twilight.

“Maybe you're a better teacher than you thought. Well, better than I would be, anyway,” Said Deadpool.

Looking behind her seat, Twilight saw Starlight sitting towards the back of the train. Her pupil waved to Sunburst as the train began to leave the station. Both teacher and student locked eyes with each other, then smiled. Twilight then looked out the window with Deadpool and Spike. They saw Cadance and Shining Armor waving goodbye to them. Even the newborn Flurry Heart was able to wave goodbye on her own accord, albeit a lot slower than her parents. With smiles on their faces, Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool waved back.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed part two of the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! The next chapter will revolve around an important figure in Deadpool's past. So, be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 31: Mending Fences
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 31: Mending Fences

It was relatively early in the morning. Twilight, Deadpool and all of their friends were gathered in the throne room, sitting in their respective thrones. Starlight Glimmer stood next to her mentor, and Spike was sitting on top of the Cutie Map.

“As you’ve all probably noticed, it’s been quite some time since the map has sent us on a mission of friendship,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah! Ever since Starlight messed with it to go back in time and try to change history!” Said Spike while knocking the top of the Cutie Map.

In reaction to what Spike said, Starlight had a sheepish smile on her face, and Twilight gave her assistant a stern glare.

“Yes, since then,” Said Twilight exasperatedly. “But, as part of her studies, Starlight’s been assisting me, and together we think we’ve come up with a spell that can get it working again!”

With the exception of Deadpool, Twilight’s friends cheered for her and Starlight. She then used her magic to lift Spike off of the map and place him onto the floor.

“Now, without further ado…”

Igniting their horns, Twilight and Starlight cast a spell. Their magic combined into an orb above the Cutie Map. Seven magical beams emitted from the orb, connecting to the cutie mark symbols on each throne. The symbols then channeled the magic to the Cutie Map, causing the map of Equestria to appear on the map’s surface. Suddenly, Twilight and Fluttershy’s cutie marks appeared on the map.

“Fluttershy and Twilight in Appleloosa!” Said Pinkie.

Suddenly, the cutie marks disappeared. A couple seconds later, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s cutie marks appeared on the map.

“No, me and Rainbow Dash in Las Pegasus!” Said Pinkie.

The cutie marks then disappeared again. This time, random cutie marks appeared in random locations on the map.

“No, Rainbow Dash and Twilight in Yakyakistan! No, Twilight and Twilight in Twilight’s castle! No, Rarity and Deadpool in Salt Lick City!” Said Pinkie.

“Oo… I hope I don’t end up being summoned there. I am currently banned from that city,” Said Deadpool.

“What did ya do to get banned there?” Asked Applejack.

“Let’s just say it involves fire and twenty-one million bits of property damage,” Answered Deadpool.

After switching between everyone’s cutie marks, Pinkie Pie and Rarity’s cutie marks circled around the edge of the map.

“Oh, me and Rarity! I hope we get sent to some faraway place where no nopony has gone before!” Said Pinkie eagerly.

“Well, maybe not too far away,” Said Rarity with a nervous chuckle. “An adventure somewhere that has modern conveniences would be preferable.”

“Such as toilet paper?” Asked Deadpool.

“Oh most definitely!” Replied Rarity.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie’s cutie marks moved towards the center of the map, stopping at Canterlot.

“Canterlot! This is wonderful!” Said Rarity excitedly. “I can check the boutique! Perhaps there’ll be some social events that we can attend! (Gasp) I’ll have to pack extra outfits! What will I wear?!”

“Y’know, some ponies get excited about the silliest things,” Said Pinkie.

As Rarity continued planning her trip to Canterlot with Pinkie, Starlight noticed something on the Cutie Map. She saw Deadpool’s cutie mark floating where Manehattan is located.

“Hey, looks like Deadpool’s being summoned to Manehattan,” Said Starlight.

“Really?” Questioned Deadpool.

Looking where Manehattan is located, Deadpool saw his cutie mark.

“Huh. I don’t see anypony else’s cutie mark. Does that mean I am tackling this friendship problem on my own?” Asked Deadpool.

“I would say so, darling,” Answered Rarity.

Hearing that her coltfriend is tasked with resolving a friendship problem on his own, Twilight started sweating, and her breathing became more rapid. Anxious thoughts flooded her mind shortly after.

“Wade has to resolve a friendship problem by himself?!” Thought Twilight. “Relax, Twilight! Wade is capable of solving friendship problems on his own. I’m sure he can find the source of the problem and come up with a solution to the satisfaction of all parties… But what if he needs help, and I can’t give it to him? What if he accidentally makes the problem worse?! What if he blows up Manehattan?!”

“Twilight?” Said Deadpool.

“Ah!”

Distracted from her thoughts, Twilight slightly jumped out of fright when she heard Deadpool talking to her.

“Yes, Wade?” Replied Twilight with a forced smile.

“If you want me to sit this one out, I don’t mind. Friendship is more of your and the rest of our friends' expertise,” Said Deadpool.

Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Twilight looked at Wade with a genuine smile.

“You don’t need to, Wade. I’m sure you’re capable of helping resolve whatever problem someponys’ are having. After all, the map wouldn’t have summoned you if it didn’t think so,” Assured Twilight.

“Well, in that case, I’ll go ahead and pack my shit,” Said Deadpool.

Getting up from his seat, Deadpool left the throne room to get ready for his trip. Once she was sure he left, Twilight collapsed in her seat.

“You okay?” Asked Applejack.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just gonna have to keep myself even more preoccupied in the library today,” Said Twilight.

“Has anypony seen my dynamite anywhere?” Asked Deadpool from outside the throne room.

Upon hearing her coltfriend’s question, Twilight began to hyperventilate. Applejack tried to help calm her down by rubbing her shoulder.

A few hours later…

After a long train ride, Deadpool arrived at Manehattan’s busiest and most famous train station, Grand Central Terminal. Once the train came to a complete stop, Deadpool and a large group of ponies stepped out of the passenger cars, merging into an even larger group of ponies.

“‘Scuse me, ‘scuse me! Superhero on a friendship mission here!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

Once he finally managed to squeeze his way through the crowd and navigate through the expansive train station, he took a look at his surroundings. All around him were towering skyscrapers, including the famous Chrysler Building, and the Park Avenue Viaduct cast a shadow from above. He then took a deep breath.

“Ah! There’s nothing like the combined smell of cigarette smoke, flatulence, and back alley murder!” Said Deadpool.

(I love this city! Let’s get a drink!)

“Great idea! I know just the bar we can go to!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

(Focus! We are here to solve a friendship problem, not show our love to Manehattan.)

(Buzzkill!)

“Fine,” Said Deadpool with an eye roll. “Where do we even begin? There are over eight million ponies on this rock! Any of them could be having friendship problems!”

(Perhaps we should ask the ponies we know. Maybe Equine Torch and the Thing are fighting over who is the better buckball team?)

(Or the Avengers are having a civil war in this universe?)

(Or maybe Cyclops and Wolverine are fighting over Jean?)

“Maybe instead we should go somewhere with a lot of ponies and ask around? Like Times Square?” Suggested Deadpool.

(That’s honestly not a bad idea.)

“It’s settled then. Times Square is only five minutes away,” Said Deadpool.

Five minutes later…

After a relatively short walk, Deadpool arrived at Times Square. The area was packed with residents and tourists alike, all of whom were entering the many restaurants, stores, hotels, and corporate buildings. Electronic billboards displayed advertisements for products and entertainment.

"Where to start?" Pondered Deadpool.

(How about asking that mare over there? She seems pissed about something.)

Seeing a unicorn mare with a scowl walking over to a nearby department store, Deadpool walked over to her.

“Hello, Ms.. Is everything alr-”

“Ah!”

WHAM!

Having been startled by Deadpool, the mare smacked him in the face with a red purse she was carrying. She then bolted towards the store.

“Somepony help me! A masked stallion is trying to rob me!” Shouted the mare in terror.

“Ow! Do I look like a mugger to you?!” Asked Deadpool rhetorically.

(To be fair, you are wearing a mask and carrying a bunch of weapons on you.)

“Okay, I suppose that is fair,” Said Deadpool with a huff. “Let’s ask somepony else.”

Looking for a different pony to help resolve a friendship problem, Deadpool went over to the TKTS booth, where a small group of ponies were sitting on the big red steps.

"Hey, you guys doing alright?" Asked Deadpool.

"Yeah, we're doing alright. Why do you ask?" Said a stallion.

"I'm looking for somepony who's having a friendship problem," Said Deadpool.

"We're all getting along good, dude," Said another stallion.

With no problems between anyone in the group of ponies, Deadpool asked random ponies in a crowd if they had a friendship problem.

"Do you have a friendship problem?" Asked Deadpool.

"Back up, bozo!" Said a stallion irritatedly.

"Sorry. Do you have a friendship problem?" Asked Deadpool.

"I'm walking here!" Shouted a stallion angrily.

“Sorry. Do you have a friendship problem?” Asked Deadpool.

“Back off, creep!” Said a mare.

“Sorry.”

Hearing the sound of wheels grinding against the paved street, Deadpool looked to his right and saw three foals riding on skateboards a few feet away from him.

“Hey! You kids have a friendship problem?” Asked Deadpool loudly.

Giving each other confused glances, the foals skated away.

“Good job following the stranger danger rule,” Said Deadpool loudly.

Looking around for anyone else who might have a friendship problem, Deadpool looked towards the storefronts surrounding Times Square. He eventually spotted a unicorn stallion and pegasus mare sitting outside a restaurant. Deadpool raced over to them.

“Hello. Sorry to bother you two, but I was wondering if you have a friendship problem, or perhaps a relationship problem?” Asked Deadpool while wiggling his non-existent eyebrows suggestively.

“We’re siblings,” Replied the stallion irritatedly.

“Dude, that’s gross! This isn’t ancient Egypt or the state of Alabama,” Said Deadpool in disgust.

(Ugh… This is going to take forever.)

Three hours later…

After hours of mindlessly asking everypony if they had any friendship problems, Deadpool sat down on a bench. Placing a hoof to his chin, Deadpool observed his surroundings while thinking of what to do next.

“How about we ask that guy over there?” Pondered Deadpool.

(Oh for the love of Celestia, stop asking random ponies! It didn’t get us anywhere an hour ago, it didn’t get us anywhere two hours ago, it didn’t get us anywhere three hours ago, and it sure as hell isn’t going to help us find the friendship problem now! All it has done is made everypony we met avoid us, curse us, or ignore us!)

“Well then, genius, how do you think we should go about finding it?!” Asked Deadpool irritatedly.

(Just go with the flow. You’ll find the problem when it finds you. I believe that’s how it usually happens with the girls.)

“So, what do I do? Walk around the city? Go shopping? Visit some friends, and hope that one of those things will lead us to somepony who needs our help?” Asked Deadpool.

(I personally don’t give a shit on what we do here, or if we even find this friendship problem! It’s three o’clock in the afternoon! I’m tired of walking around and talking to ponies, and I just want a fucking taco!)

“Alright, alright! I know a place where they sell bitchin’ tacos,” Said Deadpool.

A few minutes later…

Deciding to take a break, Deadpool paid a visit to a nearby Mexicoltan restaurant. The interior of the restaurant was rustic, with furnished wooden walls and tables, blue bistro style chairs and stools, and a polished concrete floor. The walls were decorated with oil paintings depicting Mexicolt culture, and the lighting was bright enough to illuminate the restaurant but not at the expense of making the interior look radiant. Deadpool was sitting at the bar, examining the entree section of a menu.

“Welcome to El Taco Relleno. Could I offer you a drink?”

Looking up, Deadpool saw a waitress. She was a unicorn mare with a white coat, a black mane that grew down to her shoulders and a tail of matching color and length, and piercing red eyes. She wore a black short-sleeved uniform and skirt. Based on the fact that her colleagues were wearing white uniforms with black skirts or pants, her uniform must have been specifically ordered to stand out from her coat.

“Of course. I’ll have an Equis Draft, 16 ounces,” Said Deadpool.

“Very good. I’ll be back with your drink in a moment,” Said the mare.

“Wait, before you go, would it be alright if I order my food, too?” Asked Deadpool.

“I don’t see why not,” Replied the mare.

“Awesome! I'll have the taco grande platter,” Said Deadpool.

“Very hungry, are we?” Asked the mare with a chuckle, writing down Deadpool’s order on a notepad.

“Late lunch,” Replied Deadpool.

“Well then, I will place in your order, then be back with your draft,” Said the mare.

Handing his menu to the waitress, Deadpool nodded his head in understanding. As she was heading towards the kitchen to the right of the bar, he looked at her. He squinted his eyes, his masked face indicating he was thinking hard about something.

“Does she look familiar to you guys?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(I’ll bet five bits we slept with her at least once.)

(That would be a safe bet.)

"I'll accept that bet, but I'm really hoping that you're wrong. Otherwise our time here will be extremely uncomfortable," Said Deadpool.

(Especially since that would mean we had eaten her “taco” in the past.)

Deadpool watched as the waitress came back to the bar and grabbed an empty glass. She then poured 16 ounces of Equis Draft beer from an appropriately labeled tap. She carried the glass of beer to where Deadpool was sitting and placed it in front of him. The foam on top of the glass sloshed upwards, but it thankfully didn’t spill over.

“Here’s your drink, dear,” Said the waitress.

“Thanks,” Said Deadpool. As the waitress was about to leave to tend to another customer, Deadpool spoke up. “I know you’re probably busy, but I need to ask: do I know you?”

“Great, it’s not just me! I thought I recognized you, too. I feel embarrassed that I don’t know your name,” Said the waitress.

“No need to be. The name’s Deadpool. Merc with a Mouth and famous superhero,” Said Deadpool arrogantly.

“Can’t say that name rings a bell,” Said the waitress honestly.

“Figures. Took me 25 years to reach blockbuster stardom, yet some people still don’t know my name! At least I don’t get confused with the bug in pajamas as much anymore,” Said Deadpool with a pouty lip.

Deadpool lifted his mask up over his muzzle, then took three large gulps of his beer, leaving it half empty.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! If you want a refill, that’s fine, but do you not have any time to enjoy that drink?” Asked the waitress.

Hearing what the waitress said, Wade’s eyes widened and he gasped out of shock as a memory from his past flooded his head.

Six years ago…

In his memory, Wade Wilson was sitting at the bar top in his favorite dive bar/mercenary hub/shithole - the Hellhouse. He had yet to don his iconic red and black suit, revealing his pre-cancer appearance of a brown coat, short black mane, brown eyes, and a gun-and-knife cutie mark. Like he was in the present, he was drinking a beer very quickly. That was when a unicorn mare who looked identical to the one he met walked up to him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? Don’t have time to enjoy that drink?” Asked the mare.

Smiling and blushing from how attractive the mare was, Wade stopped drinking his beer, and wiped droplets of the golden colored liquid from the corners of his mouth.

“I just completed a high paying contract. I want to get out of here as soon as possible, so I can get my reward. Have we met before?” Asked Wade.

“Doubt it. I’m Vanessa Carlysle,” Said the mare.

The mare’s words echoed in his mind, then Deadpool’s vision went black.

Present day…

Deadpool’s vision returned, having been released from his suppressed memory. Knowing exactly who the mare in front of him is, he tilted his head slightly downwards to make eye contact with her. A circular impression was visible from where his mouth was due to it being agape.

“You okay, hun? I can’t really tell for sure, but it looks like you might have seen a ghost,” Said the mare, now known to be Vannesa, concerningly.

Deadpool was about to speak, but he stopped. He was hesitating. Should he tell her who he is, or should he tell her it was nothing? If he went with the latter, he could have his lunch, then leave and move on with his life. But if he went with the former, anything could happen. She could cry, yell, or flee. Would she curse his name for leaving her, beat him, or act civilly and serve him long enough until he left? After what felt like hours, he finally decided on what he should do.

“... What’s a pretty place like you doing in a mare like this?” Asked Deadpool with slight hesitation.

Hearing what he said, Vanessa gasped. She looked to the stallion who was her former coltfriend out of shock.

“Wade?” Said Vannesa in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Replied Deadpool quietly.

Both ponies stared into each other's eyes. Both of them were in disbelief that the other was in front of them at this very moment. After a few seconds, Vanessa slightly backed up.

“Excuse me.”

Vanessa fast-walked to the entrance to the kitchen area. Deadpool could tell that from the way her body shook that she had been frightened by their encounter.

SLAM!

Deadpool slammed his face against the bar, feeling both relieved and drained from everything that had just transpired.

(Looks like I won the bet!)

(We just encountered our ex-marefriend after years of not seeing each other, and that's what you're thinking about?)

(I like money. Now pay up!)

"You do realize I can't actually pay you, right?" Asked Deadpool annoyedly.

(Oh no! I overlooked a glaring issue: I don't exist!)

“I hate you,” Muttered Deadpool.

(Well, that’s a little harsh.)

“Great, this is just great. First I couldn’t find the friendship problem I was assigned to resolve, then I came across my ex-marefriend,” Said Deadpool.

(Look at the bright side - at least she didn’t buck you across the restaurant.)

(I think that’s only because she’s on the clock.)

“Should I leave? I feel like I should leave,” Said Deadpool, holding his head in his left hoof.

(You weren’t being an ass or a creep. So you should be allowed to continue eating here.)

“I suppose so,” Said Deadpool.

(Just our luck that we would run into her during our friendship mission.)

Deadpool nodded his head in agreement. He then took a sip of his drink.

PFF!

Realizing that his encounter with Vanessa may not have been as coincidental as he and one of his inner voices thought, he performed a spit take. The beer he was drinking sprayed out of his mouth, covering the bottles of alcoholic drinks behind the bar. The restaurant patrons and a couple of waiters looked in his direction.

“Sorry,” Said Deadpool sheepishly.

The ponies turned their attention away from Deadpool.

“Gah! Why did the mission have to be reconciling with my ex?!” Asked Deadpool in frustration.

(Because it’s the right thing to do.)

“I know it’s the right thing to do, but it doesn’t mean I want to do it,” Complained Deadpool.

(We may not always want to do the right thing, but doing so makes you a better pony.)

“That sounds like something you would find after a twenty second Google search on motivational quotes,” Remarked Deadpool.

(Think of it this way: apologizing to her for being a shity coltfriend will not only allow you to finish your friendship mission sooner, it will also free you of one of your demons.)

Deadpool thought about what the voice in his head proposed to him, then he stood upright in his seat.

“Yeah, okay! Considering everything I’ve been through and most likely what she went through as well, I owe it to the both of us to bury the hatchet!” Said Deadpool determinedly.

BRUM RUM!

Suddenly, Deadpool's stomach growling out of hunger.

“Uh, maybe after lunch? It would give me some time to eat, and hopefully for Vannesa to compose herself,” Said Deadpool.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool caught a scent he was familiar with. Looking towards the kitchen, he watched as a pegasus waitress carried a large plate with her right wing. He knew upon laying eyes on it it was his meal - a mixture of black beans, shredded cheese, chopped avocados and tomatoes drizzled with sour cream sitting atop a layer of lettuce and corn chips. The white fabric of Deadpool’s eyes expanded, revealing how awestruck he was.

(My love…!)

“Here’s your taco grande platter, sir,” Said the waitress.

“Thank you!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

(Wait a minute. Where’s Vanessa?)

“Oh, uh, hey, is everything alright with the previous waitress, Vanessa?” Asked Deadpool.

“Vanessa? Oh, yeah, she’s alright,” Replied the waitress.

“Good. Uh, am I by chance able to speak with her? Not that I have a problem with you!” Said Deadpool with his forelegs up defensively. “I was just hoping to talk to her about something personal.”

“Sorry, hun, but I’m afraid she clocked out for the day. Said something about a personal emergency,” Said the waitress.

“Oh… Thank you,” Said Deadpool with his ears pointing downwards in disappointment.

“Of course, hun.”

Just as the waitress left, Deadpool smacked himself in the forehead.

“Of course I scared her away! Not much scared Vanessa. I must have hurt her really badly when I left her,” Said Deadpool glumly.

(At least we have this taco platter to help us eat our feelings away.)

“Yeah…”

Deadpool grabbed a chip and scooped up some of the filling, then ate it. The spicy flavor instantly put a smile on his face.

(So, we're just counting our losses and going home?)

"No. One, we're not going anywhere until after eating this. Two, we have to find Vanessa and finish this mission. Otherwise the map might kill us!" Said Deadpool.

(Do you seriously think the map kills ponies if they don't complete the mission?)

"You don't know. That thing's magic! Anything could happen if we fail!" Said Deadpool.

(Well, what are you going to do about it? As far as we are concerned, she’s gone.)

“Unless she upped and left Manehattan, she can be found. If we could figure out where she lives, we could go there, apologize to her, and complete the mission,” Said Deadpool.

(Uh…)

“Do we know anypony who has information on the locations of ponies,” Said Deadpool.

He placed a hoof on his chin, and tried to think of anypony he knew who could tell him where Vanessa resides.

“Got it!” Said Deadpool.

Thirty minutes later…

After having his late lunch, Deadpool traveled to Hell’s Kitchen. Upon arriving by means of the subway, he made his way to a small storefront. Looking up, he read the two words on a red neon sign - The Hellhouse. A bar that Deadpool was all too familiar with, he stepped inside.

The place was mostly dark, very little light illuminating from the incandescent light bulbs on the ceiling. A pool table and an old jukebox were all that were available for entertainment. A large chalkboard hung from the ceiling next to the bar top. A list of names was written on the board, even Wade’s name was on it. Written in bold letters on top of the board were the words, “Dead Pool”. The bar patrons appeared to be not your average crowd. Most of them were stallions, with the few mares in the bar serving as waitresses. The stallions appeared tough, some of them bearing scars on their extremities or faces, and scowling or glaring at each other. All of them carried either a firearm, knife, or both. It appeared that the only thing that was preventing a full on brawl was they were distracted by their drinks. That quickly changed when everyone took notice of Deadpool.

“Wade!” Cried everyone cheerfully.

“Hey, dickheads! Have any of you seen Weasel around?” Asked Deadpool.

Everyone pointed towards the bar. Deadpool walked over and sat down on the middle stool. He noticed the bartender was grabbing a bottle on a top shelf.

“Excuse me good sir, have you seen a stallion by the name of Weasel around here?” Asked Deadpool.

“Wade?”

The bartender turned around, revealing his full features. He was a pegasus stallion with brown fur, a short black mane and tail, and he wore a pair of glasses. His cutie mark depicted a hoof holding a bit. Upon seeing the stallion, Deadpool did a double take.

“Weasel?” Said Deadpool in confusion.

“You know you could just call me Jack,” Said Weasel.

“Okay, Jack… No, no! I prefer Weasel. Your real name leaves a weird taste in my mouth,” Said Deadpool.

Seeing his friend scowling at him, Deadpool decided to change the topic.

“Uh, I have so many questions. Like why did you change your mane and tail?” Asked Deadpool.

“I got tired of constantly having to brush it. I also decided to rock a different color when I got them cut,” Explained Weasel.

“Minus the fact that you’re a pony, it does make you more comic accurate. Second question: since when did you become a bartender? That was your occupation in the FOX movies,” Said Deadpool.

“I have to make money when I’m not making weapons deals and providing information somehow,” Said Weasel.

“Fair enough,” Replied Deadpool.

“You look like you could use a drink. Want a blowjob?” Asked Weasel.

“Of course,” Replied Deadpool.

Weasel grabbed a bottle of amaretto liqueur and iroish cream liqueur, a can of whipped cream, and a shot glass. He first poured 1⁄2 ounce of the amaretto liqueur into the shot glass, then poured 1⁄5 ounce of the cream liqueur. He then topped the cocktail with some whipped cream.

“There. One blowjob,” Said Weasel.

Deadpool pulled his mask part way up, then grabbed the shot glass with his teeth and poured the cocktail down in one gulp. He delicately placed the glass down, then lowered his mask.

“Why can’t you ever drink those like a normal pony?” Asked Weasel.

“Clearly you know nothing about the blowjob. Traditionally, it was consumed hooves-free, and when it comes to drinking by tradition, that is where I shine,” Said Deadpool matter-of-factly.

“Was it good?” Asked Weasel.

“Hell yeah! Doesn’t compare to Brandy’s, though. She gave me the best blowjobs when she worked here,” Said Deadpool.

“I think you meant made instead of gave. If you don’t, you are perverted,” Said Weasel.

“Like you’re any better,” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

“True. While you were lecturing me on how blowjobs should be consumed, I was thinking to myself how much I would like to have an actual hooves-free blowjob,” Said Weasel bluntly.

(Change the subject, please!)

“Good idea,” Said Deadpool to himself. “So, as much as how good it is to see you again, I actually came here seeking information.”

"Figures. You haven't been here for nearly two years now, and even when you did come here, it was usually on the lines of receiving contract money. So, what do you want to know?" Asked Weasel.

“First, did you know that Vanessa’s back in Manehattan?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah. She moved back here a couple of months ago. I would’ve let you know, but you’re with that new princess,” Said Weasel.

"Finally! Somepony who both knows and believes I'm going out with Twilight! Anyway, I have to make things better between me and Vanessa, so I was wondering if you knew where she lived?" Asked Deadpool.

(Uh, Wade?)

"Not right now," Said Deadpool to himself.

"Yeah, I know where she lives. She and I often encounter each other on our way to our jobs,” Said Weasel.

“Awesome! Where can I find her?” Asked Deadpool.

“Hold on a second,” Said Weasel with his hoof held out in front of him. “Before I give you the information you sought for, I want something in return.”

“Are you seriously going to make me pay to find out where my ex lives?! Because if so, I’ll stab you in the hindleg again,” Said Deadpool irritatedly with a low growl.

“You better not do that again, or else I’ll get lawyers involved. I still can’t believe you did that,” Said Weasel.

“You ate the last cheesy puff! What was I supposed to do, not stab you?” Asked Deadpool rather sociopathically.

“Of course you’re not supposed to do that! And that was MY bag of cheesy puffs!” Said Weasel frustratedly.

Weasel took a breath to calm himself down.

“No, all you have to do is compete in the Dead Pool. If anyone in here beats you, we get our money and you have to go find a different way to find Vanessa’s address. If you can beat everypony in here, then I will give you Vanessa’s address,” Explained Weasel.

“Fight in the Dead Pool again, huh? Oh, the memories,” Said Deadpool nostalgically. “Unfortunately, there’s two problems with that proposal: one, I can’t be killed, and two, I am on a no kill policy now,” Said Deadpool.

“I know you don’t like to hurt innocent ponies, but since when did you care about not killing?” Asked Weasel.

“Ever since I met a few ponies who helped turn my life around. Also, I’m terrified of my marefriend,” Admitted Deadpool.

“Well, then, that’s why I said beat. That way, they don’t have to do the impossible, and so that way you and I don’t have to figure out what to do with an entire room full of dead mercenaries,” Explained Weasel.

“Hmm… Fine then, it’s a bet,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool and Weasel shook hooves, cementing the bet.

“First, I need another blowjob,” Said Deadpool.

“Okay…?” Said Weasel confusedly.

Weasel made a blowjob for Deadpool. The latter then waved over a waitress.

“Hey, doll. Do you mind giving this to the stallion in the back corner?” Asked Deadpool. “Tell him it’s on me.”

Biting her bottom lip, the waitress nodded her head and took the drink. Deadpool watched her take it over to the back corner, and give it to an earth pony stallion. She then told him something, most likely what he told her to tell him.

SMASH!

The stallion angrily threw the cocktail, causing the glass to shatter against the wall behind the bar.

“Wade!” Shouted the stallion angrily.

The stallion got up from his seat and charged towards Deadpool. Wade confidentiality got up from his seat. Once the stallion was close to him, he delivered an uppercut straight to his jaw.

POW!

CRASH!

Deadpool’s uppercut was powerful enough to launch the stallion into the air. He landed on top of a wooden table, breaking it in half. Everyone else in the bar looked at the stallion, who laid on the ground unconscious, then at Wade.

“Alright, dickheads! I’m officially back on the Dead Pool! Whichever one of you fuckers manages to kill me wins the big cash prize that’s been on my head for the past few years! Said Deadpool.

All of the stallions looked at each other in confusion.

“Oh, yeah, you only have to kill me temporarily,” Clarified Deadpool.

Smiling eagerly, all of the stallions got up from their seats while the waitresses galloped into a room behind the bar. As the group of mercenaries made their way towards him, Deadpool bent his neck to the left to crack it.

(This is going to be fun!)

“Maximum effort!” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool turned around and bucked a stallion across the room. He then spun around and kicked another stallion in the head, knocking him out. A stallion grabbed him by the shoulder, but he grabbed his hoof and threw him over his shoulder. Punching him to knock him out, Deadpool looked up just in time to see another stallion attempting to kick him. He rolled out of the way, then swept his legs and knocked him out with a punch to the face.

BANG!

The stallion that Deadpool kicked across the bar fired a gun at him. The bullet pierced through his chest and shattered a bottle of beer behind the bartop. Originally hiding behind the counter, Weasel poked his head above the bartop.

“Hey, you break it, you buy it!” Said Weasel angrily.

“You will get more than enough to pay for the damages off of my dead corpse if they win!” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool grabbed a fork and threw it at the armed stallion. The points pierced through the back of his right hoof, causing him to drop his weapon. Deadpool then ran towards the stallion and punched him in the face, knocking him out and leaving a dent in the wall behind him.

CRACK!

Another stallion whacked Deadpool in the back of the head with a pool cue stick. Stumbling out of disorientation, Deadpool caught himself on the wall, then pushed himself off and used the momentum to punch the stallion in the face. The stallion dropped the cue stick, but Deadpool grabbed it before it could land on the floor. Deadpool used it to smack a couple of mercenaries in the face. He then used the cue stick to trip a mercenary and knee him in the face.

Another mercenary swung a knife at him. Deadpool used the cue stick to block the attack, but the blade broke the stick in two. Swinging both halves in his hooves, he blocked a couple more strikes, then whacked him in the chest and underneath his jaw, knocking him out. Seeing a couple of mercenaries running towards him, he threw both halves of the cue stick at their faces, knocking one out and disorienting the other. Shaking his head to get out of his daze, the stallion ran towards Deadpool and threw a punch towards him. Deadpool dodged it, then backed up into the pool table. Seeing a bunch of pool balls, Deadpool grabbed the eight-ball and threw it at the stallion.

BAM!

The ball hit him in his left eye, and he fell on his back. Deadpool threw the seven and blackballs at a couple mercenaries, then tossed the rest onto the floor. A mercenary accidentally stepped on the balls, and slipped face first onto the floor.

“Aha! That’s game point for those guys!” Said Deadpool triumphantly.

(That’s a tennis term, not an eight-ball pool term.)

Feeling someone grabbing him by the back of the head, Deadpool was forcefully dragged towards the jukebox. He then had his face slammed repeatedly into the jukebox, causing the music to change with each hit.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Cried Deadpool painfully.

He grabbed his aggressor by what he presumed was their mane, then tugged on it hard.

“Ow!”

Feeling them loosen their grip, Deadpool jabbed them in the ribcage. Now completely free, Deadpool turned to face his attacker. To his surprise, he saw a familiar face. Standing in front of him was a largely built stallion wearing a black leather vest. He lacked a mane, but he had a long gray beard and tail. On his flank was a cutie mark of a hoof curled up in a fist.

“Buck?” Said Deadpool.

“Hey, Wade,” Greeted Buck rather calmly.

“How have you been doing, bud? Have you been treating mares with respect?” Asked Deadpool menacingly.

“Yes, sir! Only with the utmost respect!” Said Buck fearfully.

“I can vouch for him,” Said the stallion who slipped on the floor.

“Good, good. I’m gonna have to knock you out now,” Said Deadpool bluntly.

Deadpool ran up to Buck and attempted to kick him. Buck grabbed both of his hindlegs and threw him onto a table, causing it to break into pieces. Holding his head in pain, Deadpool looked up and saw Buck was about to strike, holding one of his front hooves in the other above his head. Reacting quickly, he kicked him in the stomach, then his hocks. With his face closer to him, Deadpool punched Buck in the muzzle. Causing his opponent to stumble back, Deadpool got up and ran towards him. Once he was within striking distance, Deadpool turned around and bucked him in the chest. Falling in front of the bartop, Buck attempted to get up, but he lost consciousness before he could get back onto his hooves.

With Buck taken care of, Deadpool looked around the room. All of the mercenaries he fought remained unconscious.

“Yeah!” Cried Deadpool, raising his front hooves in triumph. “The champion of the Dead Pool continues to be me! Now, tell me where I can-”

DING!

Feeling something made of metal hit him in the back of the head, Deadpool fell face first onto the floor. Before he could try to get back up, he was struck in the head again.

DING! DING! DING!

His attacker hitting him relentlessly, Deadpool could only hear the sounds of his head splitting open and whatever was being used as a weapon before he lost consciousness.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool slowly opened his eyes. Even though he felt a powerful headache hammering at his skull, he reluctantly got up. Looking down at the floor, he saw there was a large blood stain on the floor, most likely his blood. He then dragged himself over to the bar top, and sat on the center barstool. He saw his friend, Weasel, drinking liquor straight from the bottle.

“Ugh, what happened?” Asked Deadpool painfully.

“You were bludgeoned to death,” Said Weasel nonchalantly.

“How?! I beat everyone in here!” Said Deadpool.

“All but one,” Said Weasel.

“Who?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Me.”

Weasel reached underneath the bar top, and pulled out a fire extinguisher. Placing it on the bar top, a large amount of blood could be seen on the right side of the fire extinguisher.

“What?! That doesn’t count!” Said Deadpool furiously.

“Ah, ah, ah! I said if anyone in here beats you, we win. So, by the terms that were laid out, I won the bet,” Said Weasel smugly.

“Why you slimy little weasel… Weasel!” Said Deadpool with a hiss.

“Speaking of wager: gents, time to split the money,” Said Weasel.

Even though most of the mercenaries were still unconscious, a few of them recovered. Some of them walked over to the bar, and reluctantly gave Weasel bits or checks. Weasel eagerly grabbed all of the money that was given to him.

“I got to say, I thought I was never going to get this money ever since you ended up with that healing factor of yours. If I had thought of stretching the rules sooner, I would’ve bust your skull open years ago! With that being said, thank you, Wade,” Said Weasel gratefully.

“Fuck off! Because of you, I now have to find a different way to get Vanessa’s address,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

Hearing a hoof slam on the bartop, he saw Buck get himself off of the ground.

“Vanessa? She lives on West 43rd street in the largest apartment building,” Said Buck.

“Buck, you fucking idiot!” Shouted Weasel angerily.

“Buck, you fucking saint!” Shouted Deadpool happily.

Deadpool hugged the large stallion, making him slightly uncomfortable. He quickly let go of him.

“Wait, how do you know where she lives?” Asked Deadpool.

“She lives across the street from the same building where I take my pilates classes,” Answered Buck.

“You take pilates classes?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah,” Replied Buck.

“Huh,” Said Deadpool.

“What?” Asked Buck.

“Nothing, I just realized I need to reexamine my own personal biases,” Replied Deadpool.

“I can take you there if you want?” Offered Buck.

“I’ll gladly take you up on your offer,” Said Deadpool.

“Cool, let’s go,” Said Buck.

While Buck made his way towards the exit, Deadpool turned to face Weasel. Both stallions glared at each other, then they smiled.

“Thanks for the fun!” Said Deadpool gratefully. “I haven’t been in a brawl that good in a long time!”

“No problem. Here, take this.”

Weasel put 100 bits in a pouch, then gave it to Deadpool.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot I betted on my own life… Yeah, not telling Twilight where I got these bits,” Said Deadpool.

Ready to find Vanessa, Deadpool left the Hellhouse and followed Buck.

A few minutes later…

After following him through the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, Deadpool and Buck stopped in front of a large brick apartment building. The faded brick building was five meters larger than the other buildings on the street. As Deadpool looked at the apartment his ex was residing in, a new feeling of dread was slowly sinking in.

“Welp, here we are. Good luck with patching things up with Vanessa,” Said Buck while patting Deadpool’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Buck. I’m definitely going to need it,” Muttered Deadpool.

His services no longer required, Buck walked back towards the Hellhouse. Deadpool lifted his front hoof in preparation to head inside the apartment building, but then he stopped. He feared what awaited ahead of him. Will Vanessa forgive him, or wish him to go to Hell? Would he even be able to muster the courage to go through with apologizing to her? Would she even give him the chance to apologize to her? Taking a deep breath, Wade finally mustered the courage to enter the apartment building.

When Deadpool entered the apartment building, he saw a pegasus stallion walking down a flight of stairs on the left side of the main lobby. Assuming he’s a tenant, Deadpool walked up to him.

“Excuse me. Do you know which apartment Vanessa Carlysle lives in?” Asked Deadpool.

Momentarily caught off guard from seeing a masked pony in front of him, the stallion pointed upstairs with an annoyed expression.

“Fifth floor, apartment 11,” Said the stallion.

“Thanks,” Said Deadpool.

Walking past the stallion, Deadpool climbed up the stairs. After climbing up four flights of stairs, he walked up to the second door on the left. Looking at the tarnished 11 towards the top of the door, he could feel his nerves building up. Deciding he needed to talk to Vanessa before he could back out, he raised his hoof in preparation to knock on her door.

(Hold on a minute!)

“Can’t it wait?” Asked Deadpool to himself annoyedly.

(No! I tried saying this a couple of times, so just listen to me. Do you realize how creepy this is?!)

“No, explain,” Said Deadpool.

(You encountered Vanessa after not seeing her for nearly seven years, then you decide the best way to find her is by going to a bar to acquire her address then going to her apartment unannounced!)

“... Well, when you put it like that,” Said Deadpool.

(To be fair, it’s not like we could let her know ahead of time since cell phones apparently aren’t invented until after the fall of our glorious nation).

(What I’m trying to say is there are better ways at going about this.)

“Okay. Hmm... What would Twilight do?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

Placing a hoof to his chin, Deadpool thought about what he should do. Strangely, a thought bubble appeared above his head. Twilight could be seen in the middle of the thought bubble.

“Forget customs! We have a mission to complete! Blow up the door if you have to!” Said the imaginative Twilight.

“That sounds like something I would say. Hold on a second,” Said Deadpool.

Waving the first thought bubble away, Deadpool began thinking again. A new thought bubble with Twilight in it appeared.

“We should forget Vanessa. The past is the past. Let’s go home and have sex!” Said the imaginative Twilight.

Surprised by what the imaginative Twilight said, Deadpool waved the thought bubble away.

“I didn’t think of that one,” Said Deadpool confusedly.

([Giggle] That was me!)

(Jesus Christ…! Here, let me help.)

A new thought bubble quickly appeared.

“Let’s wait until tomorrow to apologize to her. We should give her some time to calm down from encountering us, then try to talk to her at her job where she will hopefully not feel like she’s being pursued,” Said the imaginative Twilight.

POP!

The thought bubble disappeared with a pop, leaving Deadpool to think about what the imaginative Twilight had said.

“Hmm… I suppose that would be a better thing to do. We could get a hotel room and stay the night, then go to the restaurant before the lunch rush where there will hopefully be less ponies around to overhear our conversation,” Said Deadpool.

(See? That’s better than going to her apartment.)

“Yeah, yeah. You reckon instead of a hotel, Al would let us crash on her-”

CREAK!

As soon as Deadpool turned to leave, the door to Vannesa’s apartment opened up. Vannesa stepped out of her apartment, locking eyes with her ex. The former looked surprised while the latter looked like he was terrified.

“SHIT!”

“Wade?! What the fuck are you doing at my apartment?!” Asked Vannesa angrily.

“In my defense, I realized how potentially inappropriate this could’ve been and tried to leave,” Said Deadpool defensively.

“How did you even find this place?” Asked Vanessa.

“Buck showed me,” Answered Deadpool.

“Ugh. Next time I see him, I need to step on his hooves,” Said Vanessa exasperatedly.

“Uh, I should go, right?” Asked Deadpool.

“Ugh… No, you might as well tell me why you’re here,” Replied Vanessa.

“Okay, then,” Said Deadpool.

Taking a deep breath to collect himself, Deadpool began his apology.

“Vanessa, I am here to apologize to you,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh? Okay then, I’m listening,” Said Vanessa, leaning against the door frame.

“As you know, not too long after I was diagnosed with cancer, I left you in the middle of the night. For the past couple of years, I realized that what I did was wrong, and have felt really bad since. So, after all of this time, I want to tell you I’m sorry,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool looked at his flank. He didn’t see any light radiating from his cutie mark underneath his pants.

“Why’s my cutie mark not glowing?” Asked Deadpool.

Choosing to ignore what Deadpool was doing in front of her, Vanessa sighed.

“Wade, as much as I don’t appreciate you following me back to my apartment, I appreciate you trying to apologize to me,” Said Vanessa.

“That’s good,” Said Deadpool in relief. “For a moment, I thought that maybe you-”

Vanessa raised her right hoof up, signaling to him she didn’t finish speaking.

“However, I can’t accept your apology,” Said Vanessa.

Hearing her reject his apology, Deadpool’s shoulders and ears drooped.

“What?” Asked Deadpool dejectedly.

“Wade, I went through a lot when you left,” Said Vanessa sullenly. “I was angry because you left me without even bothering to tell me. I felt dejected because I thought you no longer wanted to marry me. But most of all, I was sad; no distraught. I thought you had died from your cancer, and I wasn’t there to say goodbye, or you were in agonizing pain, and I couldn’t help you because I didn’t know where you were.”

“Well, you see, I-”

“Shush!” Said Vanessa sternly. “What I’m trying to say is you broke my heart. As much as I hate corny shit, it’s true. The fact that you left without telling me made me feel like I didn’t matter to you. With that being said, that’s why I can’t accept your apology.”

After hearing what Vanessa had to say, Deadpool nodded his head glumly.

“I understand,” Said Deadpool sadly.

“Goodbye, Wade.”

Vanessa stepped back inside her apartment, then shut the door. An action that felt agonizingly long to Deadpool. He stared at her door for a few seconds, then he looked down at the floor glumly.

“I did care, and even though I’m with somepony else now, I still do.”

With his attempt to apologize to Vanessa ending in failure, Deadpool made his way downstairs. After walking down the flight of stairs and exiting the lobby, he stood in front of the apartment building. As he stared across the street, he heard the voices inside his head.

(Are you okay?)

Deadpool had a look on his face that read “If I could roll my eyes at you, I would.”

(Right, right. I’m sorry she didn’t accept your apology, Wade.)

“GAGH!”

Deadpool vented his frustration by yelling, causing a couple ponies on the street to look at him before continuing with their day.

“I’m the worst pony ever!” Said Deadpool angrily. “I have my compulsive, pea-brained head shoved so far up my own ass that every time I do something that I think is good, I don’t realize that I’m actually hurting the ponies I care about! When I eventually realize I was being a shitty pony, if at all, my apologies either end up being half-assed or are ineffective because of the damage I’ve caused!”

(So what if Vanessa didn’t accept our apology? It’s her loss.)

“Don’t you dare think that way!” Said Deadpool sternly to the voice in his head. “Vanessa has every right to not forgive me. Imagine finding out that your fiance, who ran out on you in the middle of the night and you thought was dead, was actually alive the whole time and never attempted to reach out to you until now? A simple apology could never make up for all of that.”

(So, what do we do?)

“All that we can do is go home,” Said Deadpool depressingly.

(But what about the Cutie Map? Our friendship mission?)

“There’s nothing we can do; that I can do. Sometimes, the damage a pony causes is too great to patch up,” Said Deadpool glumly.

Deadpool surveyed the street, and saw a taxi chariot a few feet away from his right.

“It’s probably best that we count our losses and head back home,” Said Deadpool in defeat.

Deadpool walked over to the taxi chariot and sat down in the cushioned seat.

“I’d like a ride to Grand Central Station, please,” Said Deadpool, leaning back in the seat.

“Of course! I’ll get you there as quickly as I can, Mr. Pool!”

Deadpool jotted up in his seat, recognizing the accent of the taxi pony in front of him. He saw the taxi pony was an earth pony stallion with brown fur, matching brown eyes, a short, curly black mane and tail, and wearing blue jeans and striped shirt. The stallion was looking at him with an endearing smile.

“Dopinder?!” Said Deadpool with a happy chuckle.

“Hello, Mr. Pool,” Greeted Dopinder.

“Oh my Celestia! How long has it been since I’ve seen you? Nearly two years?” Wondered Deadpool.

“Two lonely years,” Said Dopinder with a hint of sadness. “How’s living in Ponyville going?”

“Great! I’ve met some great ponies, live in a castle, currently dating a princess who’s voiced by arguably one of the most famous voice actresses of all time, and ponies are finally respecting me as a hero. I think you would enjoy living there. I could see you becoming friends with Fluttershy,” Said Deadpool.

“Is there a taxi service there?” Asked Dopinder.

“Yeah, there is. Although, it's not used often because most of the ponies in Ponyville get around by walking. I’ve certainly been getting my steps in,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh. Then I don’t know if Ponyville’s a place I would want to live in. Taking ponies from point A to point B is all I have since my dream of becoming a contract killer fell through,” Said Dopinder glumly.

Deadpool forced himself to hold back a chuckle. He leaned forward, curious about his friend's troubles.

“What happened?” Asked Deadpool.

“I tried to let my eagle soar as you told me, Mr. Pool, but it kept getting weighed down by the force that is dismission,” Said Dopinder.

“That being?” Asked Deadpool.

“I tried to get employed, but everypony kept dismissing me because they thought Bandhu’s death was comical,” Explained Dopinder.

“Well, to be fair, accidentally asphyxiating him to death with a sock as a makeshift gag isn’t exactly the most impressive kill compared to what other mercenaries have done,” Said Deadpool.

“I almost had a job, though! It would’ve cemented me as a contract killer, giving me the purpose I was looking for, but then I was sent away when the pony who was going to hire me realized I wasn’t somepony named Doppelganger,” Said Dopinder.

“The d-list Spider-Man villain? Or I guess in our case, the d-list Spider-Pony villain?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah… Enough about my woes, I’m sure you have somewhere important to be. I’ll take you to Grand Central Station,” Said Dopinder.

Pulling the taxi chariot, Dopinder began to take Deadpool to Grand Central Station. In spite of what his thin build would suggest, he was pulling the cart at a reasonably fast pace.

“So what brings you back to Manehattan, DP?” Asked Dopinder.

“Ugh!” Cried Deadpool in frustration.

“Sorry, Mr. Pool,” Said Dopinder timidly.

“No, don’t apologize, Dopinder,” Said Deadpool. “You didn’t know. I was sent here to solve a friendship problem-”

“What’s a friendship problem?” Asked Dopinder.

“It’s a conflict that’s used in some episodes of the show this fanfiction takes place in," Explained Deadpool. "After trying to find the ponies who were having the friendship problem, two things happened: first I came across Vanessa. Do you remember her?”

“She’s the prostitute, right?” Asked Dopinder.

“I think that’s an undignifying way to remember her, but yes,” Said Deadpool. “The second thing that happened was not too long after I ran into her, I realized the friendship problem was between me and Vanessa! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know the problem was that I had left her while she was sleeping. So after going to Weasel then Buck for help finding her, I apologized to her.”

“I take it she didn’t accept your apology?” Quired Dopinder.

“No,” Said Deadpool glumly. “I understand why, though. What I did was a dick move; I would know. So now I’m heading back home so I can be embraced by the angel that I live with.”

“Did she say why she didn’t accept your apology?” Asked Dopinder.

“Because I put her through the whole emotional spectrum. She was pissed, she was sad, and she felt dejected. All of which are justified,” Said Deadpool.

“How did you apologize to her?” Asked Dopinder.

“How? I acknowledged what I did and told her I was sorry,” Answered Deadpool.

“Did you try to explain why you left her, Mr. Pool?” Asked Dopinder.

Hearing his friend’s question, Deadpool paused to think.

“Now that you mention it, I didn’t explain why I left,” Answered Deadpool.

“If you were to explain your actions, she may accept your apology after knowing why you did what you did,” Explained Dopinder.

“Maybe so, but I’m pretty sure telling her I left because I thought it was better that she wasn’t left with a dead stallion won’t fly with her,” Said Deadpool.

“Was that the only reason why you left, Pool, sir?” Asked Dopinder.

“Well, there was one other reason why I left…”

Deadpool took a minute to think. If he told Vanessa the other reason why he left, maybe she would forgive him. But there’s a good chance that she would still reject his apology.

“It’s making my stomach sick thinking about it. I don’t think telling her would make things better. I think she would find it selfish. But if there’s a chance that it would convince her to forgive me and bring peace to both of us, then I’ll do it,” Said Deadpool.

“Sometimes the best way to seek forgiveness is to open yourself to vulnerability,” Said Dopinder.

“Okay, Facebook group admin. Could you wait here until I come back?” Asked Deadpool.

“Sure thing, DP,” Replied Dopinder.

Once Dopinder stopped pulling the taxi, Deadpool hopped off of the taxi.

“Let me give you something to thank you, Dopinder,” Said Deadpool.

“I presume a crisp high hoof?” Quired Dopinder.

“For you pal, two,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool and Dopinder quickly sat on their haunches, then gave each other a double high hoof.

A few minutes later…

After a short walk, Deadpool returned to his ex’s apartment. He then knocked on the door.

KNOCK KNOCK!

“Go away, Wade!” Said Vanessa irritatedly from within her apartment.

“How did you know it was me?” Asked Deadpool.

“Because your suit smells strongly of Mexicolt food,” Answered Vanessa.

Deadpool self consciously smelled his left sleeve.

“Hm, I guess it is overdue for a wash,” Said Deadpool. “Vanessa, I know that coming back here may be inappropriate, but I wanted to explain my actions. I realize I should’ve done this earlier, but as the saying goes, better late than never.”

“I’m done talking to you, Wade!” Said Vanessa irritaedly.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just listen to what I have to say, and then I Pinkie Promise I will leave you alone for the rest of your life,” Said Deadpool.

Waiting for a response, he didn’t hear Vanessa say anything.

“I’m going to interpret the silence as you agreeing with what I just said,” Said Deadpool.

Just like when he was here earlier, Wade took a breath to compose himself. Once he felt better, he began to explain his past actions.

“Vanessa, for the years we have been separated, I told everypony the reason why I left was because I didn’t want to leave you with a dead pony; so you didn't have to grieve for me,” Said Deadpool.

He closed his eyes, embracing himself for Vanessa to yell at him. As the seconds went by, such a reaction never came. Relieved, he continued his explanation.

“I told that story for so long, yet I now question if that was actually true,” Said Deadpool. “After leaving here, I met with a friend who helped me realize that it might have been a lie I had told myself to forget the real reason why I had left. After I was diagnosed with cancer, it shook me to my core. When the likelihood of me dying sinked in, it thrust my past into that moment.”

Deadpool could feel tears building up in the corners of his eyes, but he kept them at bay.

“Vanessa… I left you all those years ago because for once in my life, I was afraid to die,” Said Deadpool, holding back a sob. “Before I met you, my life was nothing but neglect, bullying, and self-hate. I wasn’t afraid to die as a mercenary, soldier, or a victim of my own depression because I didn’t have anything that I would mind leaving behind. But then you came into my life, and you gave me hope. When we were together, you helped me believe that I would have a future, that I would have somepony who genuinely loved me. Because of that, I was happy.”

“But then I got cancer,” Said Deadpool sadly. “Knowing my odds of surviving were slim, I was afraid. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore, so I left you and the future we were going to make because I erroneously believed that by being left with nothing, I would be able to die peacefully. It’s only fitting that act of true selfishness backfired hard. As quickly as I decided to leave, I regretted my decision. No longer having you hurt more than the cancer that was slowly killing me. I should’ve came back to you, to try to beg for your forgiveness, but in a moment of weakness, I took an offer to take part in illegal experiments to get rid of my cancer, believing that I would be able to both get rid of my cancer and get you back. I guess both assumptions ended up being wrong.”

CREAK!

Hearing the door creak open, Deadpool saw Vanessa standing beneath the doorframe. Instead of seeing a look of rage on her face, she appeared to be sad.

“You still have cancer?” Asked Vanessa.

Surprised by the question she posed to him, Deadpool nonetheless answered it.

“Yeah… The experiments made it so almost nothing can kill me, but at the cost of accelerating my cancer. It’s the main reason why I wear this,” Said Deadpool while pointing at his ensemble.

“Can I see your face, Wade?” Asked Vanessa.

Finding it difficult to speak, Deadpool nodded his head. He grabbed a hold of his mask with both of his front hooves, then pulled it off. He revealed his face, scarred by numerous tumors. Both ponies looked at each other for nearly a minute, then tears formed in the corners of Vanessa’s eyes. She then shook her head to regain her composure.

“It’s true. You really are telling the truth,” Said Vanessa in sad disbelief.

Deadpool nodded his head sullenly.

“Vanessa, I didn’t seek you out, hoping to be your coltfriend again. I’ve moved on, and I would say you have as well. I also don’t expect us to be friends. Hell, this is most likely the last time we’ll ever see each other. All that I want is for you to understand why I did what I did, and, in spite of everything that I did, I hope you can find it somewhere within you to forgive me,” Said Deadpool hopefully.

Vanessa took a moment to think about everything that had just happened and what Deadpool asked her. She looked at him hesitantly. Deadpool readied himself for her to reject his apology again. After a few moments, she leaned forward and hugged him.

“I forgive you, Wade,” Whispered Vanessa.

Deadpool was taken aback by his ex hugging him, but he reciprocated the hug. Suddenly, Deadpool’s cutie mark glowed and pulsated, indicating he completed his friendship problem.

(We did it…! We actually did it!)

Seeing his ex’s flank glow, Vanessa let go of Deadpool and took a couple steps back.

“Why is your ass glowing?!” Asked Vanessa.

“It’s a long story. You got a few minutes?” Asked Deadpool.

“I suppose,” Replied Vanessa.

“Cool,” Said Deadpool. “So a while ago…”

Eleven minutes later…

“And that’s why my ass is glowing,” Said Deadpool.

“Normally, I call BS on your stories, but considering how you got your powers, I believe it,” Said Vanessa.

“My life has gotten a lot stranger since you and I were a couple,” Said Deadpool.

“I would say so,” Said Vanessa.

Both ponies stood in awkward silence for a moment.

“Well, I should return to Ponyville. I’m sure Twilight is worried I blew up Manehattan or something,” Said Deadpool.

“Hold on, Wade. Before you go, I have something that you should take with you,” Said Vanessa.

Vanessa went into her apartment, leaving Deadpool to wait for her. After half a minute, she returned. Using her magic, she gave him a small black box. With a look of astonishment on his mask, Deadpool lifted the top of the box, revealing an elegant diamond ring.

“... Is this what I think it is?” Asked Deadpool in disbelief.

“Mm-hmm. The engagement ring you bought after you proposed to me,” Said Vanessa.

“Well, Vanessa, I’m honored, but I’m afraid I’m already in a committed relationship with Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh boy…” Said Vanessa while shaking her head slowly. “No, that’s not why I gave you the ring back.”

“Then why did you give it to me? And why did you hold onto it after everything that had happened?” Asked Deadpool.

“Cause one, that ring was worth a lot of money to just get rid of. Second, even though I was mad at you for a while, I wanted to hold onto something to remember you by when I presumed you were dead. And the reason why I am giving it to you is because when you’re ready, I want you to give that ring to your marefriend, and you better promise that if you do get engaged to her, you will see it through,” Said Vanessa.

Deadpool looked at the ring, then smiled under his mask.

“That’s a promise that I certainly as hell will keep,” Said Deadpool.

“Good, because I will find you if you leave her before her wedding day,” Said Vanessa sternly.

“What is it with my exes threatening me that they’ll kill me if I hurt Twilight?”Asked Deadpool to himself. “I’ll definitely keep that noted. Anyway, I have a friend who’s waiting for me, so I’ll get out of your mane now.”

“Well then, I won’t keep you any longer. Goodbye, Wade,” Said Vanessa warmly.

“Goodbye, Vanessa,” Said Deadpool warmly.

As Deadpool walked down the hallway, he felt a weight being lifted off of his shoulders. As Vanessa was about to shut the door, a thought came to her mind.

“Wade!” Said Vanessa.

Deadpool stopped walking and looked back at her.

“Based on what you said on how you got your superpowers, your life definitely sucked more than mine,” Said Vanessa.

Deadpool chuckled in response.

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that both of our lives are better now,” Said Deadpool.

Vanessa nodded her head in agreement.

“See you later, Red,” Said Vanessa.

Vanessa then closed the door behind her, and Deadpool went down stairs to meet up with Dopinder outside the apartment.

A few hours later…

In the Castle of Friendship’s library, Twilight was organizing her massive book collection. She was hovering in front of one of the top shelves, placing a thick reference book towards the middle of the shelf.

CREAK!

Hearing one of the doors creak open, Twilight looked and saw Deadpool walking into the room.

“Wade!”

Twilight flew down and hugged her coltfriend.

“How did the mission go?” Asked Twilight.

“Surprisingly, it went well. I encountered a few bumps in the road, but I was able to get ‘er done,” Answered Deadpool.

“Oh, good. What was the problem?” Asked Twilight.

(Should we tell her?)

(Yes!)

“So, the problem was… personal,” Said Deadpool.

“Personal?” Said Twilight inquisitively.

“Yeah. Uh, do you remember Vanessa?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah. Why?” Asked Twilight.

“Well, the friendship problem I had to solve was apologizing to her after I had left her all those years ago,” Explained Deadpool.

“Oh! Well, are things better between you two now?”Asked Twilight tentatively.

“I wouldn’t say we’re friends, it’s more like we won’t get into a one-sided drunken spat if we encountered each other in the same bar,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, well that’s good,” Said Twilight in relief.

“Don’t worry, she and I haven’t gotten back together. Vanessa’s a beautiful mare, but I would never cheat on you,” Said Deadpool.

“I know you wouldn’t. I’m sorry if I sounded envious,” Said Twilight.

“It’s alright,” Said Deadpool.

“Regardless, I hope you know that I am proud of you, Wade. You not only solved a friendship problem, you were also able to rectify a mistake you made in the past,” Said Twilight.

“Thanks, Twi. After everything that transpired today, I plan on not making any more mistakes. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m going to get ready for bed. Today kicked my ass in more ways than one,” Said Deadpool.

“Alright. I’ll join you in a few minutes,” Said Twilight warmly.

Deadpool and Twilight gave each other a kiss, then the former left the library. Twilight grabbed a book that was lying on the table, then flew up towards the third highest shelf.

KA-BOOM!

An explosion occurred outside the library, causing something to be launched into the room. Seeing it was Deadpool, Twilight teleported her book away and flew down to him. Deadpool was in rough shape, missing his lower body and half of his right foreleg, and part of his large intestine was sticking out.

“Wade! What happened?!” Asked Twilight concerningly.

“I (cough) was putting my shit away, but then I accidentally struck a stick of dynamite against an emergency flare,” Said Deadpool in pain.

In an instant, Twilight went from concerned to impassive.

“So much for not making any more mistakes. At least you didn’t blow up Manehattan,” Said Twilight with a sigh.

Fin.

Author's Note

What's up, everypony?! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This story takes place during the episode "Spice Up Your Life". I apologize for the long absence. Besides some hurdles from my personal life, this chapter went through a couple of revisions (especially the beginning and middle sections) because I wanted to ensure it was at its best quality given its importance to Deadpool's character arc. While I can't make any promises, I will try to publish the next chapter sooner than this one. Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed, and be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been the ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a good day!

Chapter 32: Outlier
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 32: Outlier

Deadpool, Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, and Spike were all riding the Friendship Express. The train was traveling to the Crystal Empire. Looking out the window to her left, Twilight saw the crystalline kingdom in the distance.

“I hope Shining Armor and Princess Cadance don’t think it’s too soon for me to come back to the Crystal Empire for a visit. But I just know Flurry Heart’s grown so much already. I wonder if I’ll even recognize her,” Pondered Twilight.

Smirking from what her mentor had to say, Starlight set a book she was reading down in order to speak to her. She saw that Twilight had her ears up, as if she was trying to hear something.

“She’s the only baby they have, Twilight. I think it’ll be pretty easy to figure out who she is,” Said Starlight.

Once again, she saw Twilight trying to listen for something, but this time she looked towards Deadpool, who was sitting across from her, reading a scroll. Her mentor quietly muttered "huh?" Whether it was because of what she said or perhaps because of what Deadpool was doing, she wasn’t sure. Starlight decided to set her book down in the spot next to her.

“Sorry. I know you want to visit your niece as much as possible, and I’m excited to see Sunburst again. I just don’t wanna fall behind on my friendship lessons back home,” Said Starlight.

“Starlight, your work in Ponyville isn’t going anywhere. Besides, I think we all know you can learn about friendship anywhere. Right, Spike?” Asked Twilight.

Twilight leaned over to look at the seat on the opposite side of the aisle. She saw Spike was wearing a brown trenchcoat, gray fedora, and red sunglasses. He was also reading a newspaper, and a small silver handbag rested on the spot next to him.

“‘Spike?’ Who’s ‘Spike?’” Asked Spike in a deep voice.

Twilight looked at Deadpool with a perplexed look on her face.

“Pfft Uh, you’re Spike, Spike. And why are you dressed like that?” Asked Starlight.

With a groan, Spike tossed the newspaper aside.

“Guys’ you’re blowing my cover! How’d you even know it was me?” Asked Spike as he walked over to where his friends were sitting.

“Because you’re you… in a coat, hat, and glasses. Also, we’re the only ones here,” Said Starlight.

Looking around, Spike saw that they indeed were the only ones in the passenger car.

“Right,” Said Spike in realization.

“Spike, why do you need a disguise?” Said Twilight.

Twilight looked at Deadpool again, seeing that her coltfriend was still looking at the scroll he was reading.

“Seriously?” Said Twilight confusedly.

Spike removed the sunglasses off of his face.

“Last time we came to the Crystal Empire, there was a lot goin’ on with the new baby and the Crystalling, but I still, got mobbed in the street,” Explained Spike as he put his sunglasses back on.

“I wouldn’t say mobbed,” Said Starlight with a wry smile.

“And this is just a family visit. I wouldn’t want the presence of Spike the Brave and Glorious to turn it into some kind of circus,” Said Spike egotistically.

“We get it. The Crystal Ponies adore you,” Said Starlight with an eye roll.

“He did save the Crystal Empire. Twice. But still, I don’t think your presence will turn our visit into a circus,” Said Twilight.

“Not if I find the right disguise, it won’t,” Said Spike.

Looking back at her assistant, Twilight saw to her surprise that Spike added a large orange wig to his disguise. She then looked at Deadpool again. Like the last couple of times, he was still reading the scroll.

“Really, Wade? No snarky or delusional comment?” Asked Twilight exasperatedly.

Her coltfriend wasn’t paying attention. He seemed fixated on what he was reading.

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

“Wha!” Said Deadpool in shock.

“Wade, are you alright?” Asked Twilight. “You haven’t spoken during the entire train ride!”

“Why would you end that?” Asked Starlight in a hushed voice.

“Sorry, Twi. I just can’t stop thinking about this royal summons,” Said Deadpool.

He turned the scroll to have its contents facing Twilight. It was formally written, asking for him to come to the Crystal Empire urgently. On the bottom right corner were Princess Cadance and Shining Armor’s signatures.

“Did they find out I stole a crystal towel rack when we visited the baby?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

“What?” Asked Twilight.

“Nothing! I don’t know where that money came from?!” Said Deadpool manically.

“Okay… What’s the problem, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“Well, the last time I was summoned to see one of the princesses, I was hired to protect Celestia from an attempt on her life by Crossbones in chapter ten. Do you think somepony’s planning to hurt Cadance and Flurry Heart?” Asked Deadpool worriedly.

“And Shining Armor?” Added Twilight.

“...Yeah,” Said Deadpool in defeat.

“Wade, I’m sure they’re alright. They probably just need help with something that requires your… expertise,” Said Twilight optimistically.

“Well, considering what I’m good at, I feel sorry for the poor soul who crossed them. But you’re probably right. They’re probably safe, considering the fact Flurry Heart nearly destroyed the entire Empire after only being alive for a few… days? Weeks? Eh, for somepony who's been alive for a short period of time," Said Deadpool.

"See? They probably just need help with subduing a dangerous creature or serve as added security for something important," Theorized Twilight.

“Celestia, hopefully it's not a fucking Wendigo...!" Said Deadpool fearfully.

"A Wendigo?" Questioned Twilight.

"The cannibalistic creatures, not the ghosts that show up during conflict," Clarified Deadpool.

"Oh!" Said Twilight.

"Thanks, Twilight. I really needed to hear that," Said Deadpool gratefully.

"You're welcome, Wade," Replied Twilight.

"Oh, and one more thing…” Deadpool took a deep breath, and… “Unless somepony like Mystique or Chrysalis disguised themselves as her, you should be able to recognize your own niece, Twilight. Flurry is the only baby Cadance and Shining Armor have… for now. Spike, I see you’re deepening your voice like Batman. The joke’s on you, I’m Batman! Twilight, Spike needs a disguise because he’s a sussy imposter. And Spike, considering the fact the writers of the show forgot to have any scenes showing how the girl’s getting distracted by their own desires was affecting you in ‘The Best Night Ever’, the Crystal Ponies will probably not notice you’re there.”

Deadpool’s bantering was so fast, that it took his friends a few seconds to process everything he just said.

“I feel like I should be insulted, but considering the fact I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m going to let it slide,” Said Spike.

“You regret getting him to talk?” Asked Starlight in a hushed voice.

“So much… I should’ve left it be. I should’ve taken his silence as an omen and enjoyed the rest of the ride,” Said Twilight regretfully.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool, Twilight, Starlight, and Spike were all standing outside of the Crystal Empire train station. To their surprise, the train station and the surrounding streets were not crowded by ponies. They were entirely devoid of life.

“Uh, disguise or not, Spike, I don’t think you need to worry about being mobbed. Nopony’s here,” Said Starlight, gesturing towards the barren streets.

“Nothing except the overused tumbleweed trope,” Said Deadpool while pointing at a tumbleweed.

“It’s like a ghost town,” Said Spike.

"50,000 ponies lived in the Crystal Empire?" Asked Deadpool.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Said Twilight.

“(Chuckles) I love Star Wars,” Said Deadpool happily.

(Shut! Up!)

The group of ponies started making their way to the Crystal Castle. As they made their way to the castle, they tried to see if they could spot anyone. After a few minutes of walking, they didn’t find any of the Empire’s residents.

“Yeah, this is weird,” Said Starlight.

“I guess I don’t need the disguise after all,” Said Spike.

Spike removed his wig, fedora, sunglasses, and trenchcoat. As soon as he shed his disguise, a crowd of Crystal Ponies swarmed him and his friends.

“It’s Spike the Brave and Glorious!” Cried a mare.

“He’s come to save us yet again!” Cheered another mare.

“Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike!”

Spike found himself lifted up and tossed into the air by the crowd in celebration, as they cheered and chanted his name. Seeing his friend getting all of the praise left Deadpool feeling irritated, as evidenced by the fact that he crossed his forelegs and pouted.

“I wish I was praised as much as Spike does when he comes here,” Pouted Deadpool.

“Wade, if everyone cheered for you all the time, then it wouldn’t be as special,” Reasoned Twilight.

“... Okay,” Said Deadpool with a shrug of his shoulders, his mood returning to normal.

As the Crystal Ponies continued to cheer, Spike was left confused by what he had heard one of them say.

“Save you from what?” Asked Spike.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” Asked Starlight.

“Why was everypony hiding?” Asked Twilight.

Looking at Twilight and Starlight, a couple of the Crystal Ponies suddenly seemed nervous.

“Oh, it sure looks like Princess Twilight, her pupil, and her coltfriend,” Said a mare.

“But how can we be sure?” Asked a mare standing next to her.

“We can’t! Either one of them could be the… you know!” Said a stallion.

ZIP!

The stallion quickly ran off. The mare who first spoke then gasped in realization.

“What if this isn’t the real Spike?!” Pondered the mare fearfully.

“Everypony, run!”

ZIP!

Suddenly, the entire crowd of Crystal Ponies ran away, causing Spike to land on the ground face first.

“Okay, something strange is definitely going on,” Said Twilight.

“(Groan) Ya think?” Asked Spike while rubbing his forehead in pain.

A few minutes later…

After traveling farther into the Empire, the group finally arrived at the Crystal Castle. Standing guard at the castle’s entrance were two royal guards. Before they could get any further, one of the royal guards stopped them with an outstretched foreleg.

“Who goes there?” Asked the royal guard.

“Um, you don’t recognize the Princess of Friendship?” Asked Starlight while pointing at her mentor.

“Or the greatest superhero of all time?” Asked Deadpool while pointing at… himself.

“Of course we recognize her,” Said the royal guard.

“But that doesn’t mean it’s really her,” Added the other guard.

“And I’m being ignored. Why do ponies ignore me?” Asked Deadpool.

(Honestly, considering how big your mouth is, I’m surprised that anypony can ignore you.)

“Shut the fuck up,” Muttered Deadpool irritatedly.

“It’s okay, guys. They’re with me. And any friend of Spike the Brave and Glorious is a friend of the Crystal Empire, am I right?” Asked Spike boastfully.

“Huh. It does look like him,” Said the other royal guard.

“Well, it would, wouldn’t it?” Said the first guard skeptically. “I’m sorry, but we’ll need to see some proof of identification.”

“We’ll take care of things from here.”

Hearing a familiar voice, the group smiled when they saw Princess Cadance walking towards them. She was accompanied by Shining Armor, who was wearing his royal guard uniform, Sunburst, and Flurry Heart who was being carried by her Crystaller in a cradle.

“Oh, Cadance, thank goodness!” Said Twilight in relief. “What’s going on?”

“We can explain, Twily… if it really is you,” Said Shining Armor.

Both Shining and his wife looked at each other and nodded to each other. Cadance walked over to Twilight, and began her test.

“Sunshine sunshine…”

“...Ladybugs awake!”

“Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

Confirming Twilight’s identity through their “Sunshine Sunshine” dance, Cadance and her sister-in-law embraced each other in a hug.

“It’s okay, everypony. It’s her,” Said Shining.

The guards relaxed, and Sunburst walked over to the group with Flurry, who was drinking from a bubba.

“Okay, now it’s my turn,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool pulled out one of his Desert Eagle pistols, and aimed at his head.

“No no no!” Cried everypony.

Twilight used her magic to keep Deadpool from pressing the trigger..

“We believe it’s you, Wade! You’re the only one insane enough to shoot yourself to prove your identity,” Said Shining Armor.

“Nice to see you possess some sort of deduction skills, Shining. Maybe if you work hard enough, you could be Batpony,” Said Deadpool mockingly.

“On second thought, maybe I should have allowed you to shoot yourself,” Said Shining Armor irritatedly.

“That’s enough, gentlecolts. We have greater things to focus on,” Said Cadance, separating the stallions from each other.

“Can somepony please explain what all of this is about?” Asked Starlight as she walked over to Sunburst.

“Well, you see, it all started when Shining decided to shank me,” Said Deadpool.

“Not your feud with Twilight’s brother. I mean why was everypony in the Empire suspicious of us?” Asked Starlight.

“A changeling’s been spotted nearby,” Explained Sunburst.

“A changeling?!” Cried Twilight and Deadpool in shock.

“That’s not good,” Said Spike.

“No, it’s not. After Queen Chrysalis took my place at our wedding and invaded Canterlot with her army of minions, we’re not taking chances,” Said Cadance.

“Changelings feed off of love. And ever since Flurry Heart’s Crystalling, the Empire is filled with more love than anywhere in Equestria. It’s possible they’ve come for the baby,” Reasoned Sunburst.

“That’s why we posted the extra guards, and why we’re-”

“Checking everypony’s identity,” Said Twilight, cutting off her brother.

“I’m sorry for all of this,” Apologized Cadance sincerely. “Flurry Heart’s really been looking forward to seeing you.”

Flurry Heart cooed in delight upon seeing her aunt. Twilight’s fear and anxiety for her niece’s safety washed away upon seeing how happy she was.

“Oh, she’s gotten so big! Starlight, Wade and I will do whatever we can to help protect her,” Said Twilight determinedly.

“Hell yeah we will,” Said Deadpool while cocking a shotgun.

“Wade, please put your gun away. Don’t think Shining and I forgot what happened when you last used one here,” Said Cadance sternly.

“Okay…” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool made his shotgun mysteriously disappear. This made Cadance feel better.

“To be honest, having you all here is already a big relief,” Said Cadance.

“We were hoping that while you, Twilight, help protect Flurry, Wade would go with our guards to find the changeling and take care of them,” Explained Shining Armor.

“Um, when you say ‘take care of them’, do you mean capture them or kill them?” Asked Deadpool. "I would hate to make false assumptions."

“No killing. We just want to capture and question them. If Chrysalis is planning to invade the Empire and kidnap Flurry, we need to be able to know about it, so we can take the actions necessary to protect her and the rest of the citizens,” Explained Shining.

“Well, now I know why you summoned me here. So, you and I are going to go on a changeling hunt, Shining?” Asked Deadpool.

After Deadpool asked if they were teaming up, Shining Armor's pupils dilated out of fear.

“I, uh, actually I was planning on having you and Spike search for the changeling together,” Said Shining Armor nervously.

“Really?!” Asked Spike eagerly.

“Uh, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Spike. It sounds dangerous,” Said Twilight worriedly. Oblivious to her brother's motives.

“It also sounds like an excuse to stay away from me,” Added Deadpool.

(Can’t say I blame him.)

“Come on, Twilight, this is Spike the Brave and Glorious you’re talking to. Have you ever known me to run from danger?” Asked Spike arrogantly.

“Let’s see. There’s the time you ran from a dragon whose gems you ate. You also ran away when Fluttershy turned into a fruit vampire bat/pony hybrid. Oh, and I have a vivid memory of chasing you around the castle last week after you ate my cookie,” Said Deadpool, his teeth clenching in anger as he gave his last example.

Spike crossed his arms out of irritation.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t label the bag it was in,” Muttered Spike irritatedly.

“It was clearly labeled! I wrote my initials in Sharpie on the plastic bag!” Countered Deadpool angrily.

Slightly amused by Spike and Deadpool’s bickering, Twilight rolled her eyes.

A little while later…

Deadpool and Spike were leading a small squad of royal guards in the Arctic Wastes outside the Crystal Empire. Even though the frigid temperature was bearing down on them, they searched intensively for the changeling.

“Wade Wilson. Spike the Brave and Glorious. You’ve both faced the evil changelings before. What can you tell us?” Asked a royal guard.

“Oh, uh, well-”

“Hold up, Spike,” Said Deadpool. Abruptly cutting off Spike. “You should let me answer this one. After all, I actually fought the changelings while you were trapped in their snot goo stuff.”

“Sounds like you’re just jealous that I’m seen as a hero by the Crystal Ponies instead of you,” Said Spike teasingly.

“What?! Me? Jealous? Pfft! Since when have I ever been jealous?” Asked Deadpool arrogantly.

“There was the time you were jealous of a stallion named Flash Sentry when Twilight mentioned he was cute. There was also the time you were jealous that Flurry Heart wanted to be held by Sunburst instead of you. Oh, and just last week, you were jealous that Twilight paid for my new comic books instead of yours,” Said Spike.

“... I hate you,” Deadpanned Deadpool.

Deadpool and Spike looked towards the royal guards, and saw that they were waiting patiently for them to give orders. Both of them smiled sheepishly before the masked stallion spoke.

“The changeling most likely can’t be out in the elements for long periods of time like us. If we can find some sort of camp or perhaps a natural structure such as a cave, we’ll most likely find them there. We’ll split into groups of two, so the changeling can’t pick one of us off and take their place,” Said Deadpool.

All of the guards nodded their heads in understanding.

“You two go search the area to my right. You two search the opposite side. And you two in the back, search the immediate area we just traveled from to see if we were being followed. I’ll take Spike with me northbound, and we’ll all meet back here in ten minutes so we don’t freeze our asses off. Any questions?” Asked Deadpool.

One of the guards towards the back of the squad raised their hoof. Deadpool pointed towards him.

“Don’t you mean Spike the Brave and Glorious?” Asked the guard.

“... Just go look for the changeling,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

All of the guards saluted to Deadpool, then went to search for the changeling in their assigned areas.

“I’m going to check behind that small hill over there, then we’ll do our patrol. In the meantime, just wait here,” Said Deadpool.

Walking towards the hill, Deadpool disappeared out of sight. Spike was left alone in the barren land of ice and snow.

“I’ll… just search… here. I guess,” Said Spike.

Hearing the sound of running water, Spike tried to find the source. Finding that the sound was coming from behind the hill Deadpool went to, Spike feared that he may know what it was.

“Wade, are you peeing?” Asked Spike hesitantly

“No… Unrelated note: if you come across yellow snow, remember to not eat it. I learned the hard way when I was six,” Shouted Deadpool from behind the hill.

Gagging out of disgust, Spike left Deadpool to his own devices.

“Not many places to hide. Unless that rock is a changeling,” Said Spike.

Spike walked over to a rock as tall as he is, the top of it covered in snow. Part of the base of the rock had a noticeable crack in it.

“Okay, rock. How do I know you’re really a rock?” Asked Spike. No sound came from the rock. “Hmm. Not talkin’ huh? Well, you can’t fool me!”

Spike kicked the rock, then fell on his back. Instead of landing on the snow covered ground, Spike found to his surprise that he fell through the snow, and began sliding down a snowy tunnel. The kick he delivered caused the top half of the rock to come loose and slid into the tunnel as well.

“Ahh!”

Spike slid down the tunnel quickly, the rock rolling a few feet behind him. Before he knew it, he saw an ice stalagmite in front of him, and slid into it.

THUD!

Hearing the rock roll past him, Spike looked ahead, and saw it falling into a chasm. The stalagmite he slid into saved him from falling to his presumed death.

“Phew!” Grateful to be alive, Spike kissed the cold stalagmite. “Okay. Maybe it’s time Spike the Brave and Glorious to, uh, protect Wade.”

Spike carefully got onto his feet, and examined his surroundings. He saw he was in an underground cavern. Every surface was covered in snow.

“Gah!”

Spike was startled by something that was in front of him.

“Oh, just my reflection,” Said Spike.

Looking at his reflection, Spike then turned around to find his way out of the cavern. He thought he saw from the corner of his eye that his reflection was standing perfectly in place.

“Huh?”

Turning around, he saw that his reflection was perfectly matching the inquisitive look on his face. Spike placed his claws onto the reflective surface in front of him, his reflection doing the same. He then jumped to the side, his reflection doing the same. He then walked back, looking intensively at his reflection. He then jumped in the air and made a silly face, his reflection doing the same.

“Just my imagination, I guess,” Said Spike.

As Spike walked away, he heard the sound of someone slipping behind him. He looked back and saw that his reflection was wiping snow off of itself. It then looked at him, a shocked expression appearing on its face. A green fire enveloped it, then disappeared, revealing a changeling!

“Ahhhhh! Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changeling!” Cried Spike fearfully.

Spike fell into his rump out of fright. The changeling looked at him inquisitively. Spike swiftly got back up and ran away.

“No, wait! Come back!” Pleaded the changeling.

As he ran away, Spike looked back to see if the changeling was following him.

THUD!

Not looking where he was going, Spike ran into the icy stalagmite. Left disoriented from the impact, he accidentally stepped and fell into the chasm.

“Ahhh!”

As he fell down the chasm, Spike covered his eyes, embracing himself for his imminent doom. He suddenly stopped, yet he was still alive. He uncovered his eyes and looked up. He saw the changeling he ran away from, holding him by the tail with his mouth.

“This is unexpected,” Said Spike.

The changeling gently flew upwards, then placed Spike on the ground next to the chasm.

“The ice is pretty slippery. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt because of me,” Said the changeling.

“You… saved me?” Asked Spike.

“It’s okay. I know you don’t wanna be friends,” Said the changeling glumly.

As he was about to fly away, he heard Spike say…

“Wait!”

Hearing Spike telling them to wait, the changeling flew back to him.

“I don’t understand. Changelings are supposed to be evil… right?” Asked Spike.

“Evil? Oh, not me. All I’ve ever wanted is a friend,” Admitted the changeling. “From the moment I first split my egg in the nursery hive, all I ever wanted was somebody to bond with. But… the other changelings were not so keen on being friends. Not even my own brother. I was part of the attack on Canterlot during the royal wedding, but I’d never seen true friendship like those seven ponies had! And I couldn’t just steal it and feed off of its love. I wanted to share it! After that, I knew I couldn’t live with my kind anymore. I set off looking for love to share, but…”

“But… what?” Asked Spike.

“I’m starving! And there’s so much love in the Crystal Empire right now. It’s what drew me here! But it’s drivin’ me crazy!” Said the changeling, shaking intensely.

“That would be from the royal Crystalling. It’s pretty much a giant outpouring of light and love for a new baby,” Informed Spike.

HISS!

Suddenly, the changeling hissed like a feral animal, his serpentine like tongue flailing about. Startled by his act of aggression, Spike shook out of fear.

“Oh, sorry!” Realizing he was scaring him, the changeling covered his mouth sheepishly. “I’m just so hungry! If I had a friend, maybe the love we shared could sustain me, but I don’t think the Crystal Ponies want to be friends.”

Thinking hard on how to help him make friends with the residents of the Crystal Empire, Spike tried to come up with an idea. Thankfully, it didn’t take him long to come up with one.

“What if I told you there was somepony they respect and admire so much, he could convince them to give it a try?” Asked Spike.

“If only that were true,” Replied the changeling.

“It is! I mean, I am! It’s me, Spike!” Clarified Spike eagerly.

The changeling looked at Spike with a confused glance.

“Spike the Brave and Glorious? I’m sure you’ve heard of me,” Said Spike.

“Nope. But I was raised by an evil queen. I’m Thorax. I can’t believe you want to help me,” Said Thorax in happy disbelief.

“Why? Hasn’t anypony ever just been nice to you?” Asked Spike naively.

HISS!

Spike acting kind to him caused Thorax’s instincts to act up again, causing Spike to tumble onto the snowy ground out of fright. As he got up, wiping some snow off of his shoulder, Thorax pulled himself together.

“Uh! S-Sorry! Kindness like that kind of brings it out. Do you still wanna be my friend?” Asked Thorax.

“Of course! And I am one hundred percent sure I can get the whole Crystal Empire to be your friend too,” Assured Spike.

HISS!

Yet again, Thorax’s instincts acted up, startling Spike.

“Look out!”

Hearing a voice, Spike looked towards his left. Seeing the tunnel he slid down, a red and black blur appeared and went straight into the ice stalagmite.

THUD!

Spike quickly realized that the blur was Deadpool. Especially since he was saying profanities under his breath.

“Ow! Clearly my belly whopper skills need some improvement. Now, where did that scaly serpent wind up?” Asked Deadpool.

Feeling somebody looking at him, Deadpool looked to his right. He saw two things: Spike, and Thorax who was hissing at him still.

“Spike! Don’t worry little dude, I’ll save ya!” Assured Deadpool.

Not knowing why Thorax was acting the way he was, Deadpool pulled out one of his katanas, and made a mad gallop towards him. Seeing the masked vigilante snapped Thorax back to his senses, but he found his legs were locked up out of fear. Before Deadpool could deliver a surely lethal blow, Spike shielded his new friend with his body.

“Wade, wait!” Pleaded Spike.

“Spike?!”

Deadpool, came to a sudden stop to avoid impaling Spike. Confused, Deadpool grabbed Spike by the top of his head and brought him up to eye level.

“You know the changeling’s supposed to be the one in front of my blade, not you, right?” Asked Deadpool.

“Wade, I know what this looks like, but hear me out,” Pleaded Spike.

“... You have thirty seconds, then the bug’s head comes off,” Said Deadpool.

Setting Spike down, Deadpool reluctantly lowered his weapon. He still kept a tight grip on it, though.

“Aren’t you supposed to not kill people anymore?” Asked Spike.

“Spike, I may have been trying to refrain from doing that anymore, but the one self-imposed rule to that order is that if any of my friends’ lives are in peril, all of my limited self-restraint goes out the window. When it comes to the safety of you and the rest of our friends, I don’t fuck around. You have 15 seconds now,” Said Deadpool.

“Thorax here is a nice changeling. He didn’t want to be part of Chrysalis’ tyranny anymore, so he tried to find new friends in the Empire. So I am going to try to use my status as the local hero to try to help convince them to try to be friends with him,” Explained Spike.

(Spike went over by half a second. Let’s exterminate the cockroach!)

“Spike, it’s great that you’re compassionate towards others. Really, it is, but how do you know that he’s not trying to trick you into bringing him into the Crystal Empire, so he can feed off of everyone’s love. Or try to find weaknesses in the defenses, so Chrysalis and her army can invade the Empire like they did in Canterlot?” Asked Deadpool.

“I… suppose I can’t fully know. But I’m willing to give him a chance. Does that sound familiar to you?” Asked Spike.

“Don’t throw the resolution of chapter one at me,” Said Deadpool dryly. “But I understand what you’re saying. However…”

Deadpool walked over to Thorax and grabbed him by the neck. He then brought their faces close to each other, looking deep into Thorax’s soul.

“Look straight into my fabric covered eyes, and tell me you don’t wish to bring any harm onto Spike or anyone in the Crystal Empire,” Said Deadpool threateningly.

“I don’t wish to bring any harm! Really! All I want is to make some friends!” Said Thorax timidly.

“... Alright then,” Said Deadpool.

He let go of Thorax, causing him to fall onto his rump.

“Spike and the rest of his friends gave me a chance, so it's only fair I do the same with you. Besides I think you know what would happen if you lied to us,” Said Deadpool while stroking the blade of his katana.

(Aw… I was hoping to spill blood.)

(Jesus Christ! We may not be afraid to kill people, but we’re not unreasonable.)

“So, how do you intend on helping…” Said Deadpool, trying to remember Thorax’s name.

“Thorax,” Replied Thorax.

“Thorax here, make friends?” Asked Deadpool. “Changelings are not exactly a popular bunch.”

“That’s why I was hoping to talk to the Crystal Empire’s residents. Especially Princess Cadance and Shining Armor,” Replied Spike.

“Diplomacy. Sure. It’s not fun at all, but I suppose it is the more civilized approach,” Said Deadpool.

A little while later…

Spike returned to the Crystal Castle. He was in the palace’s throne room with the royal guards that accompanied him and Deadpool. He was trying to convince them that he befriended Thorax.

“What do you mean? Did you see the changeling?” Asked a guard.

“Did you defeat the evil creature?” Asked another guard.

“Defeating a changeling would be brave, but do you know what would be glorious?” Asked Spike smugly.

“Defeating two changelings?” Guessed the first guard.

“Defeating all the changelings?” Guessed the second guard.

“Not having to fight the changeling at all!” Answered Spike. “Because I made friends with him.”

…

“HA HA!”

All of the guards laughed hysterically, finding what Spike said amusing.

“Oh, wow! For a second I thought you were serious!” Said the first guard.

“(Laughing) Could you imagine? Friends with a changeling?” Said the second guard rhetorically.

“I am serious. He wants to be friends!” Insisted Spike.

“Right!” Snickered the second guard.

“Not only are you Spike the Brave and Glorious, you’re also Spike the Hilarious!” Said the first guard.

“I’m not joking! The changeling is nice!” Said Spike frustratedly.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s funny.”

Hearing a stern and familiar voice, everyone looked towards the entrance to the throne room. Shining Armor was there, giving the guards and Spike a look that matched the tone of his voice. All of the guards stood in proper formation, their laughter ceased.

“The Changeling Queen Chrysalis kidnapped Cadance and cast a spell on me, the same spell she used on Wade, so he would kill Princess Celestia. Chrysalis also kidnapped our sister, and sent her army to invade and round up the citizens of Canterlot, so they could be used as food,” Said Shining Armor angrily.

Shining Armor walked over to Spike.

“So as far as I am concerned, there’s no such thing as a nice changeling,” Said Shining Armor insularly.

“You’re right, Shining Armor. Sorry. That was a… bad joke,” Said Spike in defeat.

After Spike apologized to him, Shining Armor’s smile returned. He tousled his younger brother’s head crest affectionately.

“It’s alright, Spike. By the way, have you seen Wade anywhere? He’s not causing trouble, is he?” Asked Shining Armor annoyedly.

Spike tapped two of his fingers together anxiously.

“I think I have an idea of where he is,” Said Spike nervously.

A little while later…

In the icy cavern, Deadpool and Thorax were playing Blackjack, the former teaching the latter how to play.

“So all cards with a pony on it are worth 10?” Asked Thorax.

“Yes,” Replied Deadpool.

Thorax placed a Jack on top of an eight, ace, and two card, giving him a total face value of 21.

“Yes, I won!” Said Thorax enthusiastically.

“... This is why I’m not allowed to gamble,” Said Deadpool exasperatedly. “Good job, Thorax.”

“Thanks,” Said Thorax happily.

Just as they finished their game, Spike entered the cavern through the snowy tunnel. Believing he came bearing good news, Thorax eagerly flew over to him.

“So? So? Uh, what did they say? How many new friends do I have?” Asked Thorax excitedly.

“Well, it didn’t go exactly the way I thought,” Admitted Spike glumly.

“Let me guess, nopony has gotten over the Canterot invasion?” Guessed Deadpool.

“Yup,” Replied Spike.

Disappointed by the news he received, Thorax’s ears drooped.

“I understand,” Said Thorax disappointingly. “Well, thanks for trying. I-I guess it’s not surprising. How can you expect ponies who look like this…”

Thorax changed his appearance. He turned into a Crystal Pony stallion with a baby blue coat, short darker blue mane and tail, teal eyes and matching colored mane band, and an ornate vase cutie mark.

“... to trust something that looks like this?” Said Thorax, reverting to his true form.

Seeing Thorax change his appearance, Spike came up with an idea.

“I think I might know!” Said Spike.

Thorax cocked his head to the right, curious as to what his new friend came up with.

A little while later…

Two members of the Royal Guard were conducting their routine patrol in one of the Crystal Castle’s hallways. Once they left the hallway, a door opened up. Both Spike and Deadpool’s heads poked out from behind the door. Surveying their surroundings, they found the hallway to be vacant. Entering the hallway, Spike signaled to someone to come in. Thorax in his Crystal Pony disguise nervously entered the hallway.

“Spike! Wade!”

Hearing Twilight’s voice, Spike, Deadpool, and Thorax froze in fear. Twilight walked over to them.

“Have you two had any luck finding the changeling?” Asked Twilight.

“Nope!” Blurted Deadpool while walking over to Twilight. “Found nothing but ice and snow.”

“That’s alright. Shining Armor will be leading a patrol later. Hopefully, they will have better luck,” Said Twilight.

(How much do you want to bet Shining Armor’s field of view is as short as his dick?)

“Spike, if you’re free, Starlight and I could use your help. We’re working on a protection spell for Flurry Heart, and nopony takes notes like you do,” Said Twilight.

“Uh, actually, Twilight, I, uh, wanted to introduce you to my friend, uh…” Spiked looked at Deadpool, who was discreetly showing a flashcard that read “Crystal Ceramic”. “Crystal Ceramic! My good friend, Crystal Ceramic. He’s a potter’s assistant here in the Crystal Empire.”

“Nice to meet you,” Said Thorax timidly.

“Oh. Well, it’s, uh, nice to meet you too,” Said Twilight, shaking hooves with Thorax. “How do you know Spike?”

“Oh, uh, Spike and I go way back,” Said Thorax nervously.

Deadpool discreetly showed another flashcard with the words, “Equestria Games” on it.

“To the Equestria Games!” Blurted Spike. “That’s when we met. We’ve been pen pals ever since.”

“Pen pals? Spike! You could have been using my pen pal quill set! Why didn’t you tell me?” Asked Twilight.

“Well, I… I had my own quill, and I didn’t want to bother you about something so trivial,” Said Spike.

“Spike, nothing you ever say is trivial to me. If you need something from me, I’ll always do my best to lend you a hoof,” Assured Twilight. “I’m sure Wade won’t mind helping me and Starlight if you want to spend time with your friend.”

“Uh, you don’t need me! I can barely speak Ponish, yet along write it!” Said Deadpool, trying to weasel his way out.

“Wade, I’ve seen your hoof writing. Your penmanship is remarkable,” Said Twilight.

“... It is,” Admitted Deadpool.

“I wish you would use your exquisite writing skills to help me create a spell. I’d hate for it to turn out sloppy,” Said Twilight flirtatiously.

“Are you trying to seduce me into taking notes for you?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes,” Replied Twilight with a smile.

“Well, it worked. Let’s go,” Said Deadpool.

Taking Twilight’s hoof in his, the couple walked down the hallway. Once they were out of sight, Spike and Thorax sighed in relief.

“Oh, that was amazing!” Said Thorax excitedly, coming down from an adrenaline rush.

“I told ya,” Said Spike.

A little while later…

Deadpool, Twilight, and Starlight were all at the Crystal Castle’s private library. Starlight was looking for books to use to create a protection spell, Twilight was deciding which information to use for the creation of the spell, and Deadpool was jotting down notes.

“Alflin’s Affirmation might help reveal the changeling if it got within a few feet of Flurry,” Said Starlight, passing a purple leather book with her magic to Twilight.

“Yes, I believe you’re right,” Said Twilight.

She skimmed through the book, eventually stopping on a page towards the middle of the book.

“Wade, please write down sentences 12 through 14 on page 58,” Asked Twilight politely.

“Sure thing, Twi,” Said Deadpool.

After his marefriend handed him the book, Deadpool wrote down the requested sentence. He quickly looked outside of a window, wanting to see if he could spot Spike and Thorax. He saw them towards the road leading from the castle, conversing with a bunch of the Crystal Empire’s residents. Seeing that Spike’s plan was working, Deadpool decided to try something.

“Hey, Twi?” Said Deadpool.

“Yes, Wade?” Replied Twilight.

“Do you think we might be going overboard?” Asked Deadpool.

“Overboard? What’s making you think that?” Asked Twilight in response.

“Well, it’s just how can we be sure this changeling has malicious intent? Did they try to attack somepony? Have there been any disappearances recently? Did they try to break into the castle?” Asked Deadpool.

Both Twilight and Starlight passed confused glances to each other. Clearly, they were perplexed by Deadpool’s questions.

“Wade, the changelings are evil. Don’t you remember what happened at Canterlot?” Asked Twilight.

“Are they? Are they really evil, Twi? … Okay, I’m pretty sure Chrysalis is objectively evil. She tried to brainwash me into killing Princess Celestia, she imprisoned you and Cadance, sent brainwashed guests to presumably kill or keep you trapped, and sent her subjects to capture innocent ponies. But besides her, how do we know that the rest of the changelings are actually bad?” Asked Deadpool.

Twilight was surprised by Deadpool’s sudden new outlook on changelings.

“Wade, please forgive me for asking this, but can you please prove to me that you are you?” Asked Twilight softly.

With a frustrated sigh, Deadpool rolled up the scroll he was writing notes on, and set it aside. He then rolled up the sleeve on his right foreleg, and unsheathed his KM2000 knife from the side of his right hind leg. He then made a horizontal cut on his cannon, causing it to bleed. After a few seconds, his cut healed, proving he was not a changeling.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight sincerely. “Did something happen while you were out on patrol?”

“No, I’m just concerned we’re doing the wrong thing. Instead of capturing the changeling on sight, shouldn’t we try to befriend them? You know, Friendship is Magic and all that mumbo jumbo?” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, I understand what you’re saying, and quite frankly, I’m proud of you for wanting to try to befriend them,” Said Twilight with a reassuring smile. “But we can’t take the risk, especially since Flurry Heart might be in danger. Do you understand?”

“Yeah…” Said Deadpool in defeat.

Deadpool grabbed the scroll and unrolled it, preparing to take more notes. Twilight looked at her coltfriend concerningly, but she made her way back to where she was sitting.

A little while later…

Spike, Thorax in his “Crystal Ceramic” disguise, and two guards were walking down the castle’s halls. They were all making their way to the throne room.

“Crystal Ceramic is nearly as entertaining as Spike himself,” Said a guard to his colleague in a hushed tone.

“This place is everything I’ve ever dreamed of! But I can’t keep pretending to be a Crystal Pony, can I?” Asked Thorax quietly to Spike.

“Relax. You’re winning them over. Pretty soon, nopony will care that you’re a changeling,” Assured Spike quietly.

Reassured by his friend, Thorax smiled.

“Spike!”

Hearing Cadance, Spike and Thorax nearly jumped out of their non-existent socks. They nervously made their way to the throne. Cadance overlooked them in front of her throne. The two guards who were accompanying Spike and Thorax stood to the right of the Princess while two additional guards were to her left. Starlight Glimmer and Twilight were also standing to her left, while Sunburst and Deadpool stood to her right, the former holding Flurry Heart in her cradle.

“Twilight told me you were off with a friend,” Said Cadance to Spike, walking towards him and his friend.

Spike only replied with a nervous chuckle. While nopony was paying attention to him, Deadpool face hoofed himself.

“And any friend of Spike the Brave and Glorious is a friend of mine,” Said Cadance with a smile.

She gestured towards Sunburst and Flurry Heart, giving Thorax permission to see her baby. He walked over to the cradle. Upon seeing the baby for the first time, his eyes grew wide in awe. Flurry Heart cooed, causing a smile to appear on Thorax’s face. Cadance then walked over and stood next to Thorax.

“Oh, she’s so beautiful!” Said Thorax.

He could feel the love that empowered the entire Crystal Empire radiating from Flurry. His natural instincts to feed off of it were nagging on his psyche, causing him to struggle to keep his disguise up. He anxiously backed away from the baby. Realizing what was happening, Spike hastily walked over to his friend and placed a hoof on his shoulder.

“Hey, Crystal Ceramic! Are you feeling okay? Do you need to step outside and get some air?” Asked Spike with a nervous grin.

“There’s so much l-love around her…! I… I…!”

Thorax’s eyes were pulsating a greenish-blue color as he was struggling to keep his disguise from breaking. In spite of his best efforts, he succumbed to his instincts, dropping his disguise and revealing his true form.

HISS!

“Shit…!” Muttered Deadpool under his breath.

Everyone except for Spike and Deadpool gasped in shock upon seeing that Thorax was a changeling.

“I… I’m so… sorry!” Said Thorax, his words broken up by his hissing.

Trying to keep himself from possibly hurting anyone, he shakily backed away. Believing he was going to cause trouble, Twilight and Starlight intimidatingly advanced towards him.

“I can’t… Can’t stop!” Said Thorax.

Spike walked over to his friend, hoping to help calm him down.

“Spike, get away from the changeling!” Ordered Twilight.

In a misguided attempt to protect him, she grabbed Spike with her magic.

“Wait, no! You don’t understand!” Pleaded Spike.

Twilight didn’t listen. She placed Spike between Sunburst and Deadpool.

“This changeling replaced your friend to get close to the baby! What other explanation could there be?!” Asked Sunburst fearfully.

“I…”

Spike looked around and examined everyone in the throne room. He looked at Cadance, Twilight, and Starlight, seeing their seething faces. He then looked at Thorax, who was still fighting his instincts. Finally, he looked at Deadpool. He saw he was frantically gesturing to him to speak up with his hoof. The only way Thorax could possibly be saved is if he defended him, but he felt fear building up within him. After a few quick moments to contemplate, Spike tapped his index fingers together.

“... I don’t know,” Said Spike sadly, his words leaving an acrid taste in his mouth.

Seeing the first person to give him a chance at friendship leave him out to dry, Thorax’s mouth dropped in disbelief. His eyes then welled up with tears, and he tried flying towards the exit.

“After it! Don’t let the changeling escape!” Ordered one of the guards.

Thorax was near the exit when all of a sudden Shining Armor walked into the room. Thorax accidentally bumped into him, causing him to stumble back. Momentarily caught off guard, Shining Armor quickly pulled himself together, and blocked the exit. As the rest of the guards circled around Thorax, Deadpool looked at Spike in disbelief, then to Thorax. He pulled out one of his magic-imbued pistols, cocking it in preparation to fire. Hearing the sound of the gun’s hammer cocking back, two of the guards put some distance between themselves and Thorax. Deadpool pointed the gun towards Thorax, who looked even more betrayed.

“Remember, Wade, no killing,” Said Cadance sternly.

Wade looked at her, then at Twilight. He looked at the latter for a few painful seconds, then sighed under his breath.

“Wasn’t planning on it…” Said Deadpool.

BANG!

SHATTER!

Turning his gun slightly to the left, Deadpool shot one of the throne room’s windows, presenting an alternate escape route for Thorax.

“Get out of here!” Ordered Deadpool to Thorax.

Nodding his head in tearful relief, Thorax jumped over a couple of the guards. They tried to catch him, but he narrowly avoided them. He then flew out the window, securing his safety. Everyone looked back at Deadpool, utterly shocked about what he had just done.

“Wade…! What did you do?!” Said Twilight in disbelief, holding back a gasp.

Deadpool looked at his marefriend with a saddened look on his masked face. He slowly placed his weapon on the floor, and carefully kicked it towards the guards and Shining Armor.

“I had to do something illegal to do something right, Twilight; like I always did. Hopefully, you will understand in the second half of the chapter,” Said Deadpool, sitting on his haunches and raising his front hooves up in surrender.

Grappling back from her own disbelief, Princess Cadance sighed, then pointed towards Deadpool.

“Arrest him…” Ordered Cadance with a stern but saddened tone.

All of the guards flocked towards Deadpool, knowing how dangerous he can be. One of them held him down while another pulled out a set of hoofcuffs to restrain him with. Shining Armor overlooked the arrest with a disappointed and angered look on his face. Twilight watched her coltfriend’s arrest with watery eyes. As the guards stood Deadpool up and made him walk towards the exit, Spike watched helplessly, the guilt from his inaction fully weighing down on him.

Thirty minutes later...

After Thorax accidentally revealed himself, many of the Crystal Empire’s royal guards have been out searching for him in order to apprehend him for posing a potential threat to the inhabitants, especially Princess Flurry Heart. As a group of guards searched outside the Crystal Castle, Spike stepped outside. He was reflecting on everything that had transpired.

Thorax’s instincts to feed off of love overwhelmed him and caused him to accidentally reveal that he was a changeling. The guards, his friends, and even his family immediately tried to arrest him, even when Spike did try to explain what was going on. And when Thorax needed him to stand up for him, he did nothing. Due to his passivity, Deadpool had to help Thorax escape, resulting in him being arrested. Now his old friend is seen as a traitor, and his newest friend is a wanted fugitive. All because when the moment came for him to do what was right, he chose to do nothing. As the weight of his actions, or in this case inaction, beared down on him, a guard walked over to him.

“Spike, you should go find Crystal Ceramic while we hunt down the changeling,” Suggested the guard.

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see me,” Replied Spike glumly.

“Spread out!”

Oblivious to what Spike was saying, the guard immediately ran to the other guards upon hearing Shining Armor’s authoritative voice.

“The changeling is probably still nearby!” Said Shining Armor.

The guards saluted him, then spread out in three groups to cover more ground, with Shining Armor leading one of them towards the eastern side of the empire.

“Ah-hem!”

Hearing a gravelly voice behind him, Spike jumped out of fright. Turning around, he saw Deadpool. To say he was surprised to see him would be an understatement. He was relieved to see him, although this feeling quickly subsided as he saw the normally eccentric vigilante was sitting with his forelegs crossed, his masked face bearing a rarely seen stern expression.

“What the hell was that?” Asked Deadpool sternly.

“Wade? What are you doing here? Did the authorities let you go?” Asked Spike in reply.

“Oh hell no! I’m supposed to be searched and stripped of my costume right now, but the dumbass guards didn’t remove my teleportation device first,” Explained Deadpool. “Now, what is wrong with you, Spike?!”

“You’re that mad?” Asked Spike timidly.

“Mad doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now! You were presented with an opportunity that could have changed Thorax’s fate, but you threw him under the chariot and had it run him over two more times for good measure!” Said Deadpool angrily.

“I know…” Admitted Spike guiltily. “Not trying to shift blame or anything, but why didn’t you try to speak up for him when I failed to do so?”

“Because the guards, Cadance, and Shining Armor would have valued your word over mine. As much as I hate to say it, you are a celebrity here. You are the Ryan Reynolds of the Crystal Empire,” Explained Deadpool.

(Is it because he deserved better like when Ryan was cast to be the human version of us in X-Men Origins: Wolverine?)

“You’re right, Wade. I’m sorry for what happened,” Apologized Spike sincerely.

“As much as I appreciate your apology, I’m not the one who you should be apologizing to,” Said Deadpool.

“I don’t think Thorax would accept my apology, not after I failed to help him,” Said Spike glumly.

“Why didn’t you help him, Spike? You helped him up to that point, so what changed?” Asked Deadpool.

“Because I was afraid, Wade! I wanted to stand up for him, but I was afraid that everyone wasn’t going to believe me, and that they were all going to hate me! I was afraid that the Crystal Empire would no longer see me as a hero, that you, my friends, and my family would hate me… and Twilight would disown me,” Said Spike sadly.

As much as Deadpool was upset with him, he understood why Spike didn’t help Thorax. He took a moment to breathe to compose himself.

“Spike, Twilight would never disown you. Even if you were the cause of armageddon, she would never abandon you. But, what you did was selfish. I would know. You chose your own self image over a friend, and now Thorax probably feels like he has no one who cares about him. Everyone in the Crystal Empire is going to relentlessly hunt him down unless you make them stop,” Said Deadpool.

“What can I do?” Asked Spike.

“Find Thorax, apologize to him, then come back and advocate for his innocence,” Answered Deadpool.

“And what if it doesn’t work and everyone hates me?” Asked Spike.

“Then you relentlessly stand up for him. When you defend someone who others fear, you risk how others perceive you. Twilight risked her image when she believed Princess Luna was no longer evil, when she took on Starlight as an apprentice, and when she decided to befriend me at the beginning of this fanfiction. Everypony she has helped is living better lives now, and Thorax can do the same. He just needs somepony who will give him that chance,” Said Deadpool.

After listening to Deadpool’s encouraging words, Spike smiled.

“You’re right, Wade. I’m going to find Thorax and be the friend that I should have been!” Said Spike determinedly.

Deadpool smiled back. The sound of galloping ponies could be heard behind him and Spike, and was getting louder every second.

“As great as it was to have this talk with you, I’m going to have to head back to jail, now,” Said Deadpool

THUD!

Suddenly, Deadpool was tackled to the ground by five guards. Spike moved out of the way, then started heading towards the Arctic Wastes where he will hopefully find Thorax.

A little while later…

After traversing through the bitter cold, Spike arrived at the entrance to the underground cavern. Sliding down the tunnel, he made sure to stop himself before he could risk falling down the chasm within the cavern.

“Thorax! Hello?” Shouted Spike.

Looking around the cavern, Spike couldn’t see Thorax anywhere. Not responding to his calls, he thought that maybe he was hiding from him; not that he didn’t deserve it.

“I just want to apologize! I should have stood up for you…” Said Spike.

Still not hearing a response, Spike saw the rock that he kicked earlier. He lifted it up, not surprised to see nothing underneath.

“Aw, come on, Thorax! I know you’re in here!” Said Spike.

Turning his back to it, Spike didn’t see the rock become enveloped in a green fire. As soon as it disappeared, it revealed Thorax, who was glaring at Spike. Feeling somebody behind him, Spike turned around, accidentally bumping noses with Thorax.

“Leave me alone!” Shouted Thorax angerily.

HISS!

Thorax hissed aggressively at Spike, causing him to stumble backwards. Part of the ground crumbled underneath his weight, causing him to slip into the chasm’s maw. Before he could fall, he grabbed onto the ledge. Panting heavily, Spike tried to pull himself up, but the slippery snow was not providing a suitable grip for him. His claws raked through the frozen earth, leaving three scratch marks.

“A little help?” Asked Spike timidly.

“Why do you think I would help you? I’m an ‘evil changeling’!” Said Thorax angrily.

Spike could feel his grip weakening, his arms shaking as they struggled to hold on to the ledge. Feeling that falling into the chasm was a fate he deserved, he decided to use his last moments to at least try to atone for his actions.

“Because you’re my friend. I just wish I had been one to you,” Said Spike regretfully.

Catching his attention, Thorax listened intently to Spike.

“I should have stood up for you. I could’ve tried to convince everypony to give you a chance, but I didn’t because I was afraid that I would no longer be liked. I was selfish. I’m sorry that I turned my back on you, and I hope that someday, you will get the love and kindness you deserve,” Said Spike.

As soon as he said his last words, he lost his grip and fell down the chasm.

“Ahhh!”

Suddenly, Spike stopped falling, feeling something grab his right arm. He looked up, and saw Thorax. He then flew him over back a few feet away from the chasm. Being saved a second time gave Spike déjà vu.

“It’s okay, I know it’s hard. Everyone in the Crystal Empire loves you. I couldn’t ask you to give that up for me,” Said Thorax.

“You don’t have to ask,” Said Spike.

He began making his way back to the tunnel, each step he took radiating with determination.

“What are you gonna do?” Asked Thorax.

Spike stopped in his tracks, and looked back at his friend.

“What I should’ve done in the first place.”

Meanwhile…

Deadpool was sitting alone in an empty room. The walls were a dreary gray, a single one-way glass window was to the left of the door, and the only pieces of furniture in the room was a wooden table bolted to the floor and a couple of metal chairs. Deadpool was sitting at the table facing towards the entrance. He was stripped of his suit and weapons, exposing his tumor ridden skin. A metallic jingling sound echoed throughout the room. The source was a pair of hoofcuffs attached to Deadpool’s right hind leg and the chair he was sitting on, making noise as he swung his leg. Normally, this would be nowhere near enough to restrain him, but because he was cooperating, Shining and the guards cut back on the restraints.

CREAK…!

The door opened with a drawn out creak. Shining Armor stepped into the room, his royal guard armor still adorning his body. Making sure the door was shut, he walked over to the other chair opposite of Deadpool. He sat down, looking at him with a serious look in his eyes. Both stallions locked eyes with each other, sitting in complete silence for nearly a minute.

“... So do I talk first or do you talk first? I’m no stranger to interrogations, but I haven’t been interrogated by my future brother-in-law before,” Said Deadpool.

Shining sighed out of irritation.

“I’ll start. Did you know that Crystal Ceramic was replaced by a changeling?” Asked Shining.

“Yes,” Answered Deadpool.

“Do you know where the changeling-”

“Thorax,” Said Deadpool, cutting off Shining Armor.

“What?” Asked Shining.

“Thorax. His name is Thorax. Use it,” Said Deadpool sternly.

“... Do you know where Thorax is holding Crystal Ceramic hostage? Asked Shining.

“Crystal Ceramic doesn’t exist. That was just an identity that I helped create for Thorax,” Answered Deadpool.

“Really?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yeah. I’ve created several identities when I was a mercenary. He used his magic to make his own OC, and I came up with his identity and history based on what he created,” Explained Deadpool.

“If Crystal Ceramic doesn’t exist… Did Spike know too?!” Questioned Shining out of realization.

“He did,” Admitted Deadpool.

SLAM!

Shining Armor slammed his front hooves on the table, and looked at Deadpool with a furious glare.

“What did you drag Spike into?!” Asked Shining furiously.

“Calm the fuck down, Brother Bear,” Said Deadpool with his front hooves up defensively. “Spike was the one who wanted to help Thorax in the first place.”

“You better not be lying to me!” Said Shining.

“I’m not! I would not throw Spike under the chariot!” Said Deadpool.

“Then if that is the case, why did you both help Thorax get into the palace and allow him to get close to my daughter?! Conspiring with an enemy of Equestria is a serious offense. Based on everything you have told me, you and Spike could face imprisonment. So if you want to help yourself and Spike, you have to have a reasonable motive for helping Thorax,” Said Shining.

“Our motive for helping him was he wanted to make some friends,” Said Deadpool.

“He wanted friends?” Questioned Shining skeptically.

“He did. When Chrysalis invaded Canterlot, Thorax was inspired by your sister and her friends to share love instead of taking it. So he left so he can make friends of his own. Spike found him, prevented me from turning him into a shish kabob, then we tried to help him make friends with your subjects by pretending to be one of them,” Explained Deadpool.

(You and Spike acted as second and third impos-)

“Shut the fuck up,” Said Deadpool to the voice in his head.

He saw that Shining Armor still looked skeptical about his explanation.

“I know, it sounds weird. When I first met Thorax, I also thought he was secretly trying to get into the Crystal Empire so he can feast off of its love. But, after trying to help him, I realized how much of a softie he is, even if he sounds like an angry cobra when exposed to love and kindness,” Said Deadpool.

“If he is as nice as you say he is, then explain why he was involved in the invasion of Canterlot,” Said Shining.

“Because the ruler of the changelings is the literal poster child for evil queens. I can’t defend every changeling involved that day, and I know that day has left you and Cadance with plenty of PTSD. Take it from somepony who needs plenty of it, you both should probably seek therapy. Anyway, isn’t it reasonable to believe that at least one changeling is good?” Asked Deadpool.

Shining Armor didn’t respond to Deadpool’s question.

“Twilight has always advocated to offer everypony a chance at friendship. Hell, I’m an example of what sharing a little kindness can do. If we gave former villains such as Princess Luna, Discord, and Starlight a chance at friendship, then shouldn’t you give Thorax, who is pure of heart, that same chance,” Asked Deadpool.

Shining Armor contemplated this query for nearly a minute. This was the second time he had been given a different perspective about the changelings after all. He then got up from his seat.

“Thanks for answering my questions. The guards will escort you to a cell in a few minutes,” Said Shining.

As he was about to leave, Deadpool called to him.

“Shining.”

Shining Armor stopped in his tracks.

“If you’re not going to heed anything I had to say, then at least do me a favor and don’t be too hard on Spike. He was just trying to help someone in need,” Said Deadpool.

After listening to what Deadpool had to say, he walked out of the interrogation room. Upon stepping out into a bleak looking hallway, he encountered Twilight and Cadance.

"You both heard everything he said?" Asked Shining Armor.

"Yes. Wade's answers explain a lot about his and Spike's behavior. Especially why Wade thought we should be more diplomatic towards Thorax since he usually has an unhealthy fixation on violence, and why I never heard about Spike's friend until today'" Said Twilight.

Shining Armor and Cadance nodded their heads solemnly in agreement.

"... Have we gone too far?" Asked Twilight.

"In what way?" Asked Shining.

"Wade was arrested, and now we're hunting a changeling who may not actually have malicious intent. It makes me wonder if we have been handling everything appropriately," Said Twilight.

"You bring up a fair point, Twilight. In my and Shining's attempt to protect Flurry Heart, we may have been abusing our authority," Said Cadance.

"Can we trust that Thorax is actually good, though? I can believe that Wade and Spike were just trying to help him make friends, but how can we be certain that he wasn't using them as part of a ploy by Chrysalis to invade the Crystal Empire?" Asked Shining.

Before Shining Armor could have his query answered, the sound of galloping hooves filled the hallway. Looking past his wife and his sister, he saw one of his guards running frantically towards them. They stopped just a couple feet away from the two princesses.

“Princesses Cadance and Twilight Sparkle. Prince Shining Armor. The changeling has returned!” Said the guard.

“Where is he?” Asked Shining.

“He’s heading towards the throne room with Spike the Brave and Glorious! I think the changeling’s holding him hostage! Replied the guard.

The royals wasted no time. They ran down the hallway, making their way to the throne room.

A few minutes later…

The three ponies arrived at the throne room. Upon opening the doors, they found Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst, Flurry Heart, and a bunch of royal guards. There was no sign of Spike or Thorax, but the guards stood at attention, ready for their orders.

“Guards! Prepare for the changeling’s arrival, but be careful! We cannot risk endangering Spike’s life!” Ordered Shining.

Twilight, and Cadance positioned themselves behind the guards while Shining Armor stood in front of his troops. They stood there, waiting for Thorax and Spike. After a minute nearly passed, the doors flung open, revealing Spike and Thorax. Spike confidently made his way towards Shining Armor while Thorax nervously followed behind him.

“Spike, get away from him!” Ordered Shining.

“No!” Said Spike firmly.

“No?!” Replied Shining in disbelief. “Spike, this isn’t a matter of debate! You are going to step away from him, and you’re going to do it now!”

“I’m not going to do that, Shining Armor! I stepped away once, and because I did… I almost lost my friend,” Said Spike.

Everyone in the room gasped out of shock, surprised that Spike was friends with a changeling. The only ponies who weren’t surprised were Shining Armor, Cadance, and Twilight.

“Wade told Shining Armor about your involvement with him. I understand that you want to help him, Spike, but there is too much we don’t know about him. To keep everypony safe, he needs to come with us,” Said Cadance.

“But he’s not dangerous! He may have worked for Chrysalis, but he was inspired by Twilight and our friends to pursue friendship,” Said Spike.

Hearing what her assistant said about Thorax’s inspiration to pursue friendship, she listened intently to what he was saying.

“We have all been advocating to pursue love and friendship to all of ponykind. Equestria was founded on it, prospered because of it, and friendship has been what saved our nation several times now. It even saved others from their own misdeeds. If friendship has brought good things to all ponies, then don’t we have a duty to give it to others who aren’t like us, but want it just as much?” Asked Spike.

A dead silence filled the room. All of the guards passed looks to each other and their leaders, wondering who’s going to make the next move. Shining Armor and Cadance looked unsure, but Spike stood confident in his beliefs. Finally, Twilight walked towards Spike, stopping just a hoofstep in front of him.

“Spike, I’m so proud of you,” Said Twilight with a warm smile.

Overjoyed to see Twilight happy and friendly, Spike smiled.

“You are?” Asked Spike.

“Of course!” Said Twilight, embracing Spike in a hug, “You’re a celebrity here in the Crystal Empire, and you just risked all of it for a friend! I can’t imagine anything more brave than that.”

Twilight turned to face the guards, her friends, and family.

“As the Princess of Friendship, I try to set an example for all of Equestria. But today, it was Spike who taught me that a new friend can come from anywhere. I guess everypony still has things to learn about friendship. Even me! And if Spike says Thorax is his friend, then he’s my friend too,” Said Twilight.

She turned towards Thorax and extended her left forehoof. Seeing her invitation for a hoofshake, Thorax smiled and shook her hoof.

“Thank you,” Said Thorax, wiping a tear from his eye.

Seeing the Princess’s gesture of friendship, the guards relaxed. Cadance and Shining Armor, looked at Thorax, then at Spike and Twilight. They then looked at each other, trying to read what the other was thinking. Without uttering a single word, they reached an agreement. They walked towards Thorax, Twilight, and Spike, with Starlight and Sunburst following behind them.

“On behalf of the Crystal Empire, I would like to extend my hoof in friendship, and I’m sure all of my subjects are eager to do the same,” Said Cadance.

The guards cheered, filling Thorax with joy. Cadance used her magic to take Flurry Heart from Sunburst. She then levitated her in front of Thorax. He nervously took a step back, recalling what happened the first time he got too close to her. Seeing Thorax, she cooed in content. Seeing that she was happy, Thorax smiled in relief.

“Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax. I’m sorry we didn’t take the time to get to know you. Maybe we can change that now,” Said Shining earnestly.

“That’d be so amazing! I want to know all about friendship, and maybe one day I can take that knowledge back to the Changeling Kingdom! If my kind learned how to create love for one another, maybe they wouldn’t have to take it from others!” Said Thorax optimistically.

“To Spike the Brave and Glorious!” Cheered a guardspony.

The guards held up both Spike and Thorax as they cheered in celebration at the new friendship that was formed. Initially watching happily, Twilight’s mood slowly became sadder.

“Is everything alright, Twilie?” Asked Shining.

“I’m glad that we were able to rectify one mistake we all made, but there’s one more wrong that we need to make right,” Said Twilight.

Knowing what she was inferring, Shining Armor nodded in agreement.

A little while later…

Deadpool was sitting in a prison cell. The cell was bare-boned, only processing a bed that hung on the wall and a metal toilet and sink. However, the walls were covered with tally marks. He was laying on the bed, drawing a new tally mark right next to him.

(Why are you drawing tally marks on the wall? We haven’t been here for a single day.)

“I’m counting the minutes instead of days. Two hundred and forty minutes (sigh). What is taking Spike so long?! I thought I would’ve been out of here an hour ago!” Said Deadpool impatiently.

Deadpool looked towards the bars. In the cell opposite of his was a Crystal Pony stallion. He quickly noticed Deadpool staring at him.

“What are you in for?” Asked Deadpool.

He waited several seconds for an answer, but the stallion stayed silent. Giving up, Deadpool drew another tally mark on the wall next to him. Suddenly, the sound of a lot of hoofsteps could be heard in the hall. A jail guard, Shining Armor, Cadance, Thorax, Spike and Twilight stopped in front of his cell. The guard pulled out a ring of keys and used the single silver key to unlock his cell.

“You’re free to go, Mr. Wilson. All charges against you have been dropped,” Said the guard.

Deadpool giddy jumped out of his bed and ran out of the cell. He then swiftly embraced Twilight in a hug.

“Wade! Are you okay?” Asked Twilight concernedly.

“I’m fine, Twilight,” Replied Deadpool. “This is far from my first time in jail. I see that Spike was successful in convincing you all that Thorax is good.”

“He was, and thank you for saving me earlier, Wade,” Said Thorax.

Thorax shook Deadpool’s hoof in gratitude.

“It was no problem,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, I owe you an apology. I know that you would never have helped someone you believe had ill intent. Instead I allowed you to be arrested,” Said Twilight glumly.

Deadpool kissed Twilight on the cheek.

“It’s alright, Twi. In hindsight, it probably didn’t help that Spike and I tried to keep Thorax’s identity a secret instead of being upfront about it,” Said Deadpool.

“Shining Armor and I owe you an apology as well. We wrongly believed that you might have been working with the changelings, and because of that, it almost cost you your freedom and the life that you had worked hard to build,” Said Cadance.

“Thankfully, Spike made us see the error of our ways. If there is anything we can do to make it up to you, please let us know,” Said Shining.

“Well, there's one thing that you can do,” Said Deadpool.

“Name it,” Said Shining.

“You pay for all six of us and Starlight and Sunburst to go out to dinner. I could go for a beer. And a taco. And a shower beforehoof. Who knows what bacteria has been breeding on that toilet,” Said Deadpool with a shudder.

“We can definitely make that work. It would give us an opportunity to get to know Thorax,” Said Cadance.

“There's no greater tool for unity than food,” Said Deadpool.

As everyone chuckled at what Deadpool said, they failed to notice the royal guard that had stopped Spike, Deadpool, Twilight, and Starlight outside of the castle. Watching them from the entrance to the jail cells, they quietly shut the door behind them. He walked over to a door that was being guarded by two prison guards. They saluted him, then stepped out of the way. Opening the door, he swiftly entered the room and shut the door behind him. He was in a small break room that had a wooden table, a counter with a sink, a microwave, and a refrigerator. He laid his spear on the table, then twisted the lower half, separating the spear into two halves. He then turned the bottom half over, and caught something that fell out of it. It was an object shaped like a black scarab beetle. Placing it on the table, the wings opened up. A green light projected upwards, creating a black and green vortex akin to a portal. Suddenly, an image appeared, revealing Chrysalis - Queen of the Changelings!

“Do you have something worth reporting, General?” Asked Chrysalis annoyedly.

“Indeed, Your Highness. Remember that changeling that deserted the hive?” Asked the changeling general.

“Thorax? What about him?” Asked Chrysalis.

“He’s here at the Crystal Empire, and he's allied himself with the ponies, including Twilight Sparkle and Deadpool,” Said the general.

Chrysalis was surprised to hear that one of her subordinates had become friends with her enemies. Her shock was quickly replaced with anger.

“That slimeball!” Muttered Chrysalis bitterly.

“Shall I kill him when I get the chance? I can incinerate him to ensure that the ponies can’t find his body,” Said the general.

“Tell me, General, how much progress have you and your troops made with infiltrating the Crystal Empire?” Asked Chrysalis.

“We were successful in infiltrating the law enforcement branches of the empire. Based on my best predictions, every resident should be replaced within a week,” Said the general.

“Then do not worry about Thorax. He may be a traitor, but he chose a poor time to abandon our hive. He won’t be able to warn the ponies about what is to come. Continue your operation, General,” Ordered Chrysalis.

“As you wish, Your Highness,” Said the general.

The projection of Queen Chrysalis disappeared, and the wings on the scarab closed. He hid it back in the bottom half of the spear, then twisted both halves of the spear back together. He then swiftly left the room, the prison guards (who were most likely changelings in disguise) saluting him again as the door shut behind him.

Fin?

Author's Note

Hey everypony! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! This chapter took place in the season six episode "The Times They Are a Changeling". The next chapter will mark a momentous occasion for the two primary protagonists. So be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 33: What Happens In Las Pegasus, Stays In Las Pegasus Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 33: What Happens In Las Pegasus, Stays In Las Pegasus Part One

In the Castle of Friendship, Deadpool and Twilight were finishing eating dinner in the dining hall. The room was bathed in candle light, the glow of the orange-yellow light shimmering off of the ponies’ faces. Deadpool was stuffing his mouth with pasta while Twilight was wiping hers with a cloth napkin.

“Thanks for making dinner for just the two of us tonight, Wade. It was awfully sweet of you. The pasta was great,” Said Twilight.

"Thanks, but I can't take all of the credit this time around. You should be thanking my mother for the pasta. When she would drink herself into a drunken stupor, I had to learn how to make food for the both of us, including her recipe for Cacio e Pepe."

An awkward silence formed between both ponies. Twilight got up from her seat, and grabbed her empty plate with her magic.

"Well, thanks again for dinner," Said Twilight awkwardly. "If you want, you can join me in-"

"Wait!" Deadpool practically jumped out of his seat, and ran over to Twilight. "There's a part two to tonight's dinner."

"A part two? Alright, but I'm going to warn you now, I may not have much room left for dessert," Said Twilight, sitting back down in her seat.

“You don’t have to worry about that. After I nearly burned down the kitchen, I’m still hesitant on making any desserts,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t actually set the flaming cherry jubilee on fire,” Pointed out Twilight.

“I know that now! Anyway, this is for you,” Said Deadpool.

He pulled an envelope out of nowhere and gave it to Twilight. She looked at the envelope, which had her name written on the front.

“What's this?” Asked Twilight in confusion.

“It’s your anniversary gift,” Answered Deadpool.

“Wade, our anniversary isn’t for another two weeks,” Said Twilight.

“I know, I know. I’m giving it to you early because let’s just say you should make some adjustments to your schedule,” Said Deadpool.

Intrigued by what he was insinuating, Twilight opened the envelope. It contained a postcard. A sunny sky with clouds made up the background, and the central focus of the postcard was a triangular sign that read “Welcome to the Fabulous Las Pegasus”. Looking up in shock, she saw her coltfriend was smiling excitedly.

“Happy early anniversary!” Said Deadpool.

“Oh my gosh, Wade! I can’t believe we’re going to Las Pegasus!” Said Twilight, ensnaring her coltfriend in a hug.

“I figured I would get you a gift that is as lively as I am,” Said Deadpool with a smirk.

(I thought you were going to say loud.)

(I thought he was going to say slutty.)

“... I hate you guys,” Muttered Deadpool under his breath. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m planning on us staying for one night at a hotel. Given the cost of hotels in Pegasus, I’m surprised tourists don’t go broke taking a shower.”

“Hey, one night is more than enough. We will have plenty of time for fun,” Assured Twilight.

“And fun we shall have! I was thinking we would arrive in Las Pegasus around midday, and freshen up at the hotel I booked for us. Then we’d go have lunch, and check out a museum or two of your choice. Afterwards, we can put on some nice clothes, and have some fun at the Grand Las Pegasus casino. How does all of that sound?” Asked Deadpool.

“It all sounds great! I’ve always wanted to check out the Las Pegasus History Museum!” Said Twilight with enthusiasm.

“And I’ve always wanted to gamble at the Grand Las Pegasus. If I were to go bankrupt, I want it to be there,” Said Deadpool dreamily.

“I’ll be making sure you don’t gamble all of our money away,” Said Twilight with a wry smile.

“I’m joking, mostly. Hey, you never know. I could win big, especially since I’ll be bringing my lucky charm with me,” Said Deadpool while wrapping his foreleg around Twilight’s shoulders.

“Well then, your ‘lucky charm’ will go and plan the next couple of weeks to revolve around our trip. Thank you for the lovely gift, Wade,” Said Twilight with a bright smile.

“You’re welcome,” Replied Deadpool.

He kissed Twilight on the cheek. As she left to go take her plate to the kitchen, Deadpool went back to his seat to finish his dinner.

Two weeks later…

Today is the day of Twilight and Deadpool’s dating anniversary. Starlight Glimmer walked into the Castle of Friendship’s throne room, walking up to the aforementioned couple as well as Spike. The two ponies had one suitcase each. Twilight was rummaging around her suitcase, and Spike was holding what seems to be yet another checklist.

“Hey, don’t you two have a hot air balloon to catch?” Asked Starlight.

“We’ll be heading out in just a minute. I’m checking my bag one last time before we go,” Said Twilight.

“Twilight, this is the third time you’ve checked your bag! Give poor Spike a break and let’s go!” Said Deadpool.

“I second that!” Added Spike.

“Hold on.” Twilight moved aside a couple of items in her suitcase, spotting a plastic bag containing a magenta toothbrush and a partially used roll of toothpaste. “Okay, I’m all set.”

Twilight closed her suitcase. Deadpool and Spike sighed in relief, the latter rolling up the checklist.

“We should be back here by around noon, so enjoy having the castle all to yourselves!” Said Twilight.

“As much as I will enjoy having a mostly quiet day to myself, a part of me is envious that you two are going to Las Pegasus,” Admitted Starlight.

“Hey, maybe sometime in the future, the three of us and the rest of our friends could go for the weekend,” Suggested Deadpool.

“That would be great! Although I would need to remind myself to not loan you any bits,” Said Starlight.

“Wait, you would bring me along with you guys, right?” Asked Spike.

“Eh…” Uttered Spike’s friends.

“Oh come on! Why couldn’t I come?!” Asked Spike frustratedly.

“Well, let’s see: besides keeping on theme with keeping you out of the cool shit like in the show, if we brought you along, there’s a chance that at least one of us will have to miss out on having adult fun at a casino to keep an eye on you,” Said Deadpool while lowering himself down to Spike’s eye level.

Twilight lightly pushed Deadpool aside.

“Besides, wouldn’t you have more fun hanging out with Mom and Dad?” Asked Twilight, trying to improve Spike’s mood.

“Hm… You know what? I probably would,” Admitted Spike.

(Mama's boy!)

(You're just upset that our parents weren't as involved as Spike and Twilight's.)

(... Yeah [Choked sob])

“It’s settled, then. Let’s go!” Said Deadpool, making a dash towards the exit.

“Take care, you two,” Said Twilight.

“See ya!” Said Starlight and Spike in unison.

“Have a great anniversary, you two!” Added Starlight.

A couple hours later…

A light green hot air balloon carried Twilight and Deadpool across the Equestrian sky. As the couple took in the view from the basket, a pegasus mare piloted the hot air balloon. A couple of large clouds a couple hundred feet ahead drifted away from each other, revealing a large circular platform with multiple hot air balloons on it. As soon as they got close to the platform, the pilot skillfully landed their balloon in one of the few empty spots. Deadpool handed the pilot a pouch of bits while Twilight thanked them. Both ponies then stepped out of the basket.

They walked down a flight of stairs connected to the platform. After reaching the bottom step, both ponies took in the sights ahead of them. Describing Las Pegasus as lively would be an understatement. Buildings with flashing lights nearly overpowered the natural light from Celestia’s sun. Pegasi soared across the airway while paths built into the clouds were crowded by earth ponies and unicorns. Restaurants, carnival rides, hotels and resorts, casinos, and even reconstructions of national and international landmarks were all accessible to the eager tourist.

"Look at this place, Wade!" Said Twilight in awe.

(Eh. Personally, I think Coltey Island is more of a spectacle.)

“I would say that it’s definitely flashy, but I think that’s all of the neon lights overpowering the sun and burning my retinas!” Remarked Deadpool.

Twilight playfully bumped Deadpool on the side. Deadpool chuckled in response.

“Happy anniversary,” Said Deadpool lovingly.

“Happy anniversary,” Replied Twilight just as affectionately.

Deadpool lifted up his mask, and both ponies gave each other a peck on the lips.

“Now, where is the hotel?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

He pulled out a map and unfolded it. It was a map of Las Pegasus. Studying the map, he found the route he needed to get to the hotel he and Twilight were staying at. Which was marked by a red circle.

“There it is! Let’s go!” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool walked down the path that led straight from the hot air balloon platform, then turned right.

“Wade, you are supposed to go on the path to the left,” Shouted Twilight.

Deadpool swiftly turned on his hind hooves, heading towards the left path.

A few minutes later…

After a short walk, Deadpool and Twilight arrived at their hotel. Compared to most of the buildings in Las Pegasus, the hotel they were staying at was relatively small at five stories tall. A sign outside the entrance read “Pegasus Slumber”. Walking through a pair of doors, the couple entered the hotel’s lobby. It had a rather simple interior. The walls and floor were made of smooth stone, a hickory counter was positioned in the back of the room, and succulent and flowering plants were growing by the entrance and counter. Deadpool and Twilight walked up to the counter, where a stallion was looking through a clipboard that had a list with various names on it. Spotting a silver desk bell on the counter, Deadpool pushed on the button.

DING!

Hearing the bell, the stallion looked up from his list. Upon noticing Twilight, he nearly dropped the clipboard out of shock.

“Your Highness!” The stallion greeted the Princess with a small bow. “I apologize for not noticing you and your coltfriend!”

“Please, you don’t need to apologize. I’m no stranger to getting distracted while reading a list,” Said Twilight.

(This morning was testament to that.)

(Ha, ha! DORK!)

“Thank you. There will be no need to confirm your reservation. I saw your name this morning,” Said the stallion.

Hearing that the reservation was in her name, Twilight was surprised. She then looked at Deadpool.

“You put the reservation under my name?” Questioned Twilight.

“Yeah. Considering how early you have to mail letters for reservations, I wanted to make sure we would be able to get a room on our anniversary,” Said Deadpool.

Knowing what he was implying, Twilight gave Deadpool an annoyed look.

“What? Just because you won’t take advantage of your royal status doesn’t mean I won’t,” Said Deadpool.

The stallion handed over a key with a keychain of the hotel’s logo attached to it to Twilight.

“Here is your room key. You’ll be staying in room 166 on the fifth floor. If you misplace your key, please inform us so that we can give you a spare for the remainder of your visit. Otherwise, come to the front desk by 11 o'clock to return the key and pay for your expenses. If you need anything during the duration of your stay, please feel free to come to me or any of our staff,” Said the stallion.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight.

Twilight and Deadpool walked over to an elevator and pushed on the up button. Once the elevator opened up, they stepped inside and pushed on the button for the fifth floor. The door closed, then the elevator started going up. In less than 35 seconds, the elevator stopped on the fifth floor. When the elevator door opened up, a pegasus couple were revealed to be on the other side. Surprised to see Twilight, they swiftly stepped to the side to let her and Deadpool out.

"Thank you," Said Twilight.

Both ponies nervously nodded their heads, then bowed to Twilight. Seeing them bowing to her, Twilight suddenly felt sheepish. Even after having been a princess for just about a year, she still wasn’t fully used to ponies treating her in such a way. After a short walk down the hall, Deadpool and Twilight arrived at the 166th room. The latter opened the door, and stepped inside.

The room was a moderate size. Just big enough to fit a queen size bed, two nightstands, and a desk with a small cushioned chair. A large window opposite to the door offered an expansive view of the city landscape. Hearing the door shut behind her, she turned around to see Deadpool drop his suitcase on the floor and hop onto the bed.

“Aaahh…!” Uttered Deadpool in bliss, sprawling his entire body across the length of the bed. “There’s nothing as orgasmic as laying down on an semi-affordable hotel bed!”

(Speaking of, how many times do you think ponies came on this bed?)

“And the moment has been ruined,” Said Deadpool, swiftly getting off of the bed.

“Do you need to do anything before we head out?” Asked Twilight.

“Piss. Since apparently you can’t whip out your dick and let ‘er flow out of the hot air balloon, I’ve been holding it in for the past hour-and-a-half,” Said Deadpool.

As Deadpool walked over to a bathroom by the door to the hallway, Twilight shook her head in response to what her coltfriend said. There was a smirk on her face, though.

A little while later…

Twilight and Deadpool were at the Las Pegasus History Museum. They were currently in a room that contained exhibits about the history of Las Pegasus’ gambling industry. Twilight was studiously reading a sign about the legalization of gambling in the city. Deadpool on the other hoof looked like his eyes were glazing over, even with the mask on his face.

(It’s so boring…)

(Oh come on. It’s not that bad. It’s eye opening to learn about the past, even in a small scope. Besides, for all we know our government or education system will try to remove certain events from our history to make future generations think that their home was always sunshine and rainbows.)

(Maybe, but you would think there would be more entertaining ways to absorb knowledge. The only thing that has been interesting to me so far is the fashion exhibit.)

(You weren’t interested in that. You liked looking at the clothes that prostitutes wore throughout Pegasus’ history.)

(What can I say? I have my tastes.)

(Yeah, for a mare’s-.)

“Wade?”

“Huh?!”

Hearing Twilight’s voice, Deadpool snapped out of his trance.

“You okay?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh, yeah. I just realized I don’t think I have the attention span to visit a museum,” Said Deadpool.

“Sounds right,” Agreed Twilight. “Perhaps the next set of exhibits would garner your attention.”

Twilight walked over to a doorway on the other side of the room with Deadpool following behind her. Walking through the doorway, they entered a new room. Inside the room, a sign that read “Legacy of the Maggia'' greeted visitors. Along the left side of the room, there was a collage of photos of notable members of the Maggia, including dons and enforcers. On the other walls, photos depicted sitdowns, arrests, seizures, and crime scenes. Glass cases displayed objects such as weapons, outfits, and tools used by law enforcement to bust Maggia related crimes.

“Oh yeah. This stuff definitely has my attention,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool walked over to the collage of photos.

“Know that guy. Know that guy. Heard of that guy. Heard of her. This stallion’s grandson was hired to kill me. Didn’t end well for him. This stallion and his entire family were killed in Manehattan. It’s speculated that the Punisher killed all of them. Having met the guy in person, I totally believe it,” Said Deadpool.

“Hey, Wade, check this out,” Called Twilight.

Deadpool walked over to where Twilight was. She was looking at a display case containing weapons, including a tommy gun, a Model 19 revolver, and a browning automatic rifle. Upon laying eyes upon them, Deadpool eagerly stood at Twilight’s side.

“I love Maggia weapons! Deadly yet classy. Like your’s truly,” Said Deadpool boastfully.

Deadpool’s remark got a small chuckle out of his marefriend.

“Don’t you have all of these in your collection?” Asked Twilight.

“You bet. I stole all of the ones I own from the Maggia, especially from Hammerhead. Ever since I moved to Ponyville, one of my favorite things I do every now and then is visit the Everfree Forest and fire my tommy at the trees while quoting fictional mafia gangsters,” Said Deadpool while standing on his hindlegs and swiveling around as if he was holding a tommy gun.

“It amazes me how much control they used to have in Equestria,” Said Twilight.

“They were masters at counterfeiting, loansharking, illegal gambling, and scams. Basically, they figured out money runs the world,” Remarked Deadpool.

“They were so sophisticated compared to the threats you and I faced with our friends… Except for Luna and Starlight,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, but that is only after you look past one’s desire to bring about eternal night and the other’s desire to be Joseph Stalin. Now they’re our friends. The people we fought were simple compared to the ponies I used to deal with back in Manehattan. Not so much that they had complex motives or plans, but rather they are extremely persistent,” Said Deadpool.

(I think that has more to do with longevity of a project than characterization, but sure.)

“It must have been a nice change of pace when you started living in Ponyville,” Said Twilight.

“It was. I don't have to deal with a nutjob everyday, yet I still got to fight bad guys every now and then alongside a badass,” Said Deadpool while looking at Twilight..

(Applejack?)

(Normally yes, but in the given context, he was referring to our marefriend.)

(Oh…! I read the chapter where Twilight fought Lord Tierk, so she can be a badass.)

Deadpool and Twilight nuzzled each other affectionately.

Later that evening…

Deadpool and Twilight were back in the hotel room. They were getting dressed for their trip to the Grand Las Vegas casino, the latter getting dressed in the bathroom. Deadpool was sitting on the bed, putting on a pair of black dress shoes on his hind hooves. He was wearing a white tuxedo and dress pants, a black bow tie, and silver cufflinks. After tying his shoes, he stood up and grabbed his mask, which was resting on the bed.

“Hey, Wade?” Called Twilight from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” Replied Deadpool, shoving his mask into his right pants pocket.

“Can I get your opinion on what I’m going to be wearing tonight?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course,” Replied Deadpool.

Hearing the door open, Deadpool turned towards the direction of the bathroom. As soon as he saw Twilight, his jaw dropped in awe. Twilight wore a simple white dress with a necklace bearing her cutie mark. The dress fitting rather tightly around her figure was enough to make Deadpool’s cheeks rosy red.

“So, how do I look?” Asked Twilight, oblivious to her coltfriend’s blush.

“Stunning!” Blurted Deadpool.

Twilight was momentarily surprised by Deadpool’s quick response, but then she smiled.

“Thanks, Wade. I’ve never been to a casino before, so I wanted to make sure I would fit in with the crowd,” Said Twilight.

“Considering the fact that we live in a world where being nude is considered casual wear, I don’t think anypony would bat an eye at anything you were wearing. That dress, though, looks great on you,” Said Deadpool.

“Thank you. Have you seen my wallet anywhere?” Asked Twilight.

“Right here,” Said Deadpool.

He walked over to the desk and grabbed a dark blue wallet with a crescent moon and a few stars on it. He tossed the wallet towards Twilight, which she caught with her magic.

“Anything else we need before we head out?” Asked Deadpool, grabbing his own Hello Kitty wallet.

“Nope, I think we’re all set,” Said Twilight.

With both ponies all dressed and prepped, they went on their way to the casino.

A few minutes later…

After a short walk, Deadpool and Twilight arrived at the Grand Las Vegas. The Grand Las Pegasus was a hexagonal building that reached three stories tall. A large orange neon sign with the casino’s name was attached to the third floor. A water fountain was built in front of the entrance, with lights on each side alternating between the different colors of the rainbow.

Walking in through the front entrance under the stoic watch of two security guards, both ponies were taken aback by all of the table games that filled the first floor. There were multiple tables, with ponies in fancy suits and dresses gleefully gambling their earnings in the hopes that they could win big. A bar with expensive wines was positioned towards the left side of the room, and an ornate jeweled chandelier was hanging from the ceiling, casting orange-yellow light.

“Wow!” Exclaimed Twilight. “This place radiates…”

“Money?” Guessed Deadpool.

“Yup,” Replied Twilight.

“Don’t let it intimidate ya. They can only afford all this stuff by taking advantage of the compulsive or desperate,” Said Deadpool.

(So ponies like you?)

“Shut up!” Said Deadpool to himself.

“What should we do first?” Asked Twilight.

“Well, first we should get ourselves some drinks,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool and Twilight walked over to the bar. Upon arriving, they were greeted by the bartender.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle?! Welcome to the Grand Las Pegasus!” Greeted the bartender.

The bartender saying Twilight’s name caught the attention of some nearby ponies. They flocked around the bar and tried to talk to her.

“Everypony, it’s nice to meet all of you, but I am celebrating my anniversary with my coltfriend. I’m afraid we’re going to have to talk some other time,” Said Twilight.

The crowd wasn’t listening to her. The bartender waved a hoof, catching the attention of a security guard. The guard walked over and put himself between the crowd, Twilight and Deadpool.

“Come on everypony. Give the Princess some space,” Ordered the security guard.

The crowd reluctantly dispersed, and the security guard returned to his post.

“Sorry about that, Your Highness. If those ponies give you any more trouble, just let one of us know and we’ll take of ‘em for ya,” Said the bartender.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight.

“I could also shoot the ground a couple of times. That would scare them off,” Said Deadpool.

“I beg your pardon?” Said the bartender.

“Nothing!” Said Deadpool frantically.

“What can I get for you two?” Asked the bartender.

“I’ll have a glass of Las Pegasus Pelaverga,” Said Deadpool.

“Alright. And for you, Princess?” Said the bartender.

“I’ll have water, please,” Said Twilight.

“Alri-”

“Hold on!” Said Deadpool, interrupting the bartender. “Honey, not trying to peer pressure you or anything, but we’re in Pegasus! You should be treating your taste buds to something more plush,” Encouraged Deadpool.

“You know what? You’re right!” Said Twilight. Taking her coltfriend’s words to heart, she turned to the bartender. “I’ll have one pina colada instead, please.”

Deadpool put a hoof over his forehead and shook his head in exasperation.

“Coming right up,” Said the bartender.

As swiftly as only a professional can accomplish, the bartender served both of their drinks in under 30 seconds.

“Here you go. Would you like to pay for these drinks now, or should I keep a tab open?” Asked the bartender.

“Keep the tab open, my good stallion,” Said Deadpool, taking a sip of his wine.

“Will this be under your name or the Princess’?” Asked the bartender, grabbing a notebook.

“Mine - Wade Wilson,” Said Deadpool.

With drinks in hoof, Deadpool and Twilight surveyed the different games available to play.

“What would you like to play first?” Asked Deadpool.

“I don’t know. I’ve never gambled before. Maybe you should pick a game,” Said Twilight.

“Alright. Here, I think this would be a good game to start off with,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool led Twilight to a table over by the bar. It was a baccarat table. A group of 13 ponies were placing bets.

“Baccarat should be a good game to start off with,” Said Deadpool.

“Alright. How do I play?” Asked Twilight.

“See how there are two hands labeled Banker and Player?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes,” Replied Twilight.

“Choose a hand that you would like to bet on, then place some chips on your chosen hand based on how much you’re betting,” Instructed Deadpool.

Twilight grabbed chips worth 10 bits, then placed them on the Banker’s hand. Deadpool on the other hoof placed chips worth 25 bits on the Player’s hand.

“Now, what’s going to happen is the dealer will grab two cards for each hand. Whichever set of cards is closer to 9 wins,” Explained Deadpool.

The dealer placed 4 cards face up, two on the player hand and two on the banker hand. The player hand had a total of 7 while the banker hand had a total of 8.

“I won!” Said Twilight excitedly.

“Congrats, Twi! Already winning it big on your first try!” Said Deadpool playfully.

“Thank you. Sorry you didn’t win,” Said Twilight.

“Don’t worry about it. Losing is a normal part of gambling. Besides, it’s baccarat. I’m sure I’ll win at least one of the next few rounds,” Said Deadpool.

“Just be careful to not spend all of your money in one go. I’ll bet five bits this time to be on the safe side,” Said Twilight.

With Twilight betting 5 on Player and Deadpool betting 25 on Player as well, both ponies eagerly awaited to see if either of them would get a winning bet.

Several poor financial choices later…

Over the course of several games, Deadpool had bet over 250 bits. Not once did he manage to pick the winning hoof. Twilight had better luck. She successfully managed to win 133 bits worth of bitnotes. After placing her winnings into her wallet, she put a foreleg around her coltfriend, who was hitting his head against the edge of the baccarat table out of frustration.

“It’s okay, honey. Maybe we should move on and see if you’ll have luck at a different game,” Said Twilight comfortingly.

“Maybe you’re right,” Said Deadpool drearily.

(Maybe you should follow Twilight’s example and bet less and know when to accept your losses. We only have so much money left on us, and Twilight knows better than to loan you money.)

“Fair enough,” Muttered Deadpool.

BANG! BANG!

Just as Deadpool and Twilight were about to leave the table, gunshots were fired towards the entrance to the casino. All of a sudden, multiple gunponies wearing drama masks swarmed the entire room. A couple of security guards, including the one that helped Twilight and Deadpool out, attempted to stop them, but they were heavily outnumbered, and were easily shot down. The casino patrons screamed in horror, and Twilight let out a gasp.

BANG!

“Everypony on your haunches with your forelegs up, now!” Ordered a masked stallion.

Outnumbered and with guns pointed at innocent civilians, Twilight and Deadpool reluctantly got down on the ground and put their forehooves up as everypony else did.

“Room’s secured, Madame,” Said the same masked stallion into a walkie talkie.

The sound of hoofsteps could be heard coming from the entrance. A couple of gunponies stepped aside, revealing the source of those hoofsteps. A unicorn mare walked up to the front of the group of gunponies. She had cobalt blue fur, and a long black mane and tail. She wore a black-and-white bodysuit. A white utility belt with holsters wrapped around her hips. Her most distinguishing feature was a golden mask. The mask could be described as feminine, elegant, and uncanny. Through the eye holes, a pair of gray eyes could be seen with scar tissue around them.

“Shit…!” Whispered Deadpool.

“Let me guess, you know her?” Whispered Twilight.

“Know her? No. Know who she is? Yes,” Replied Deadpool. “That’s Madame Masque! Major C list crime lord who hides her scarred face behind a mask. So you know, she’s me if I were a crime lord and hotter,” Whispered Deadpool.

“Who here knows where the owner of this establishment is?” Asked Madame Masque, speaking with a light Cavallan accent.

Nopony spoke up. Surveying the area, she locked eyes with the bartender, who was forced to sit behind the bar. She walked over to the bar.

“Get up!” Ordered Madame Masque.

The bartender slowly stood up. Madame Masque leaned over the bar in a seductive manner.

“Hello, I’m looking for your boss, Big Stakes. Could you help a mare out and tell me where I can find him?” Asked Madame Masque flirtatiously.

“Yeah, I know where he is,” Answered the bartender nervously.

The bartender secretly reached underneath the bar, grabbing a double barrel shotgun.

“That’s great. Could you take me to him?” Asked Madame Masque.

“Sure. Just let all of these good folk go, and I’ll take you to him,” Said the bartender, putting some ammo into the shotgun.

“Aw. How kind of you. Your boss certainly picked a good pony to have under his employment. Unfortunately, your duties involve taking orders, not giving them,” Said Madame Masque.

The bartender unveiled his shotgun and attempted to aim at her. She used her magic to stop the gun. She then elbowed him in the face, causing him to let go of his weapon. Tossing his weapon aside, she grabbed him by the neck, choking him.

“Now, here’s my order: you will take me to your boss, or you and everypony in this establishment dies. Understood?” Asked Madame Masque menacingly.

Unable to speak, the bartender nodded his head in understanding.

“Good colt,” Said Madame Masque.

She lifted the bartender over the bar, then let him go. She took out a Glisenti M1910 from her right holster, and aimed it at the back of his head.

“Lead the way,” Said Madame Masque.

The bartender led Madame Masque towards an elevator. As they passed by the men, Madame Masque gave orders to them.

“Keep an eye on them. Nopony leaves. Alert me if the authorities arrive,” Ordered Madame Masque.

“Yes, Madame!” Replied Madame Masque’s men.

As Madame Masque walked by, she locked eyes with both Twilight and Deadpool. She appeared to be studying them, especially Deadpool. She then entered the elevator with the bartender. Once the elevator doors shut, Deadpool leaned towards Twilight.

“Can you take all of their guns?” Asked Deadpool quietly.

“I could, but I’ll need a distraction. If they see me try to use any magic, they’ll most likely shoot everypony,” Said Twilight.

“Wait a minute!”

Twilight and Deadpool heard one of Madame Masque’s men speak. Two of them walked up to them, looking at Twilight.

“What do we have here? A princess?” Questioned a henchpony.

“Sure looks like it,” Replied the other henchpony.

“Actually, this is the janitor,” Remarked Deadpool.

“Think you’re a funny guy?” Questioned the first henchpony rhetorically.

“Think? I am funny. Just ask all my fans,” Replied Deadpool.

SMACK!

Deadpool was struck with the back end of an assault rifle.

“I reckon Princess Twilight could be held for ransom at a hefty price,” Said the first henchpony.

“You’re thinking too small. This is a princess we’re talking about. If the bosses negotiate right, we could get the Equestrian monarchs in our pockets,” Said the second henchpony.

“You’re right…! We should subdue her while we have the upper hoof,” Said the henchpony.

“What you all should be doing is focusing on the task at hoof. If Madame Masque wants the Princess, she’ll tell us when she gets back,” Shouted a henchpony towards the entrance to the casino.

“You should listen to him. After all, this is all going to end badly for you,” Said Deadpool.

KICK!

Deadpool was suddenly kicked by the henchpony who smacked him earlier. He was then pinned down by his chest by the henchpony’s back hoof, and had the barrel of his gun in his face.

“Want to repeat what you said, punk?” Asked the henchpony menacingly.

“I wasn’t clear enough? You’re all going to have your asses handed to you. After all, you’re just a bunch of goons. Even when you’re employed by some of the biggest names in the underworld, and given all of the resources you need, henchponies are always easily beaten,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool was catching the attention of all of the henchponies.

“Hey! Do we need to start shooting hostages?” Asked a henchpony.

“No! I’m just going to shoot this one!” Said the henchpony pinning Deadpool.

Noticing that all of the men were focusing on her coltfriend, Twilight quickly cast a spell. All of the henchponies’ weapons were enveloped in Twilight’s magic and yanked from their grasp. She then cast a second spell, turning all of the guns into celery stalks.

“Shit! Get them!” Ordered a henchpony.

Now that they weren’t held at gunpoint, the casino patrons frantically ran towards the exit. Twilight fired a bolt of magic at the henchpony holding Deadpool down, causing him to fly across the room. Spotting the bartender’s shotgun a few feet away from the bar, Deadpool got up and ran towards it.

“He’s going for the shotgun! Stop him!” Shouted a henchpony.

Deadpool leapt towards the shotgun. Grabbing it, he thrust the butt of the shotgun up towards a henchpony’s jaw.

WHAM!

Deadpool struck him with enough force to cause him to stumble onto his flank. He then ran towards the bar, leaping over the bartop and taking cover.

“I could use some coverfire, Twilight!” Said Deadpool.

“On it!” Said Twilight.

Twilight repeatedly fired bolts of magic at the men. Any that got too close to the bar ended up knocked down or unconscious. While his marefriend was keeping their opponents at bay, Deadpool slipped on his mask, and put ammo into the shotgun. Once it was loaded, he stood back up and fired at the men.

BANG!

“AGH!”

Deadpool used the shotgun to cripple the henchponies by shooting large holes in their limbs or even shooting them off entirely. Combining their efforts, Deadpool and Twilight were mowing down Madame Masque’s men. Unbeknownst to either of them, the elevator door opened up. Madame Masque elegantly walked out of the elevator, only to stop once she saw the scuffle in front of her. Grabbing a small gas grenade attached to her utility belt, she tossed it towards Twilight. When it landed near the Princess’ front hooves, she and Deadpool noticed it.

“Twilight! Move!” Cried Deadpool.

FWOOSH!

Before Twilight could move out of the way, the gas grenade exploded. The gas hit her like a punch in the face. Tears and mucus poured from her eyes and nose respectively, and she found herself in a coughing fit, revealing that she was hit with tear gas. Taking advantage of her vulnerability, Madame Masque ran up to Twilight, pulling out her pistol.

WHACK!

Madame Masque used her pistol to hit Twilight in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground.

WHAM! WHAM!

The Princess tried to get back up, but her assailant struck her in the face twice. This was enough to put her out of commission.

“Twilight!” Cried Deadpool.

Deadpool leapt over the bar, smacking a henchpony with the shotgun in the process. Before he could get to her, Madame Masque aimed her pistol at Twilight’s head, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“I’ve heard alicorns are more durable than any of the other pony races, but I wonder, are they bulletproof? Do you want me to discover the answer to my query?” Asked Madame Masque rhetorically.

Deadpool looked to Madame Masque then his weapon. He could kill her with one shot to her head. Even then, there’s still the chance she would be able to fire her weapon just before or even milliseconds after he shot her. Sighing in defeat, Deadpool placed the shotgun on the floor, and slid it away from him with his fore hoof.

“Good colt,” Said Madame Masque condescendingly. With Deadpool subdued, she looked to what remained of her men. “Subdue and tie him up as well as the Princess. Make sure to put an inhibitor ring on her horn.”

Hearing their boss’ orders, her men swiftly got to work.

WHAM!

Deadpool was struck in the back of the head, knocking him out. As her men began to tie him and Twilight up, Madame Masque holstered her weapon, and began to make her way to the exit.

“Madame!”

Hearing one of her subordinates calling out to her, she looked over shoulder towards a henchpony who was tying up Deadpool’s forelegs.

“What do you want us to do with our guys who got shot?” Asked the henchpony.

Madame Masque glanced at the men Deadpool shot. Unlike some of the ponies Twilight defeated, they were unable to get off the ground, whether that was because they were bleeding profusely or they lost their limbs entirely.

“Kill them,” Ordered Madame Masque. “We can’t bring all of them back to the mansion, and we can’t risk any of them spilling Maggia secrets.”

“Yes, Madame,” Replied the henchpony.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Any henchponies who weren’t tying up Deadpool and Twilight were killing their injured coworkers with gunshots to the head. Satisfied with their work, Madame Masque walked out of the casino.

To be continued...

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed part one of the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony! I apologize for the big delay between chapters. I will get into more detail about it when the second part is posted next Saturday. With that being said, what does Madame Masque have planned for Twilight and Deadpool? Will they be able to stop her? Will the couple be able to continue their anniversary? Find out in part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a magical day!

Chapter 33: What Happens In Las Pegasus, Stays In Las Pegasus Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 33: What Happens In Las Pegasus, Stays In Las Pegasus Part Two

Deadpool slowly opened his eyes, feeling some slight pain in the back of his head. The first thing he noticed was somepony sitting in front of him. He saw Madame Masque standing in front of him. He quickly realized he was looking down on her. Looking around, he saw that he was in a stone room, hanging from a wall, held by chains around his hooves. The only light in the room came from torches that were attached to the walls.

“Am I in a dungeon? I’ll give you credit, I wasn’t expecting to be locked up in a dungeon of all places,” Said Deadpool, unfazed by where he was.

“You’re finally awake. Good. I was beginning to fear that I would have to wait until morning to get to speak to you,” Said Madame Masque.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. If you wanted a word with me, you could've just kept your men from knocking me out, and swing by my office instead. Visiting hours are from 9 to 5,” Quipped Deadpool.

“So you have a sharp tongue. Just like…” Madame Masque seemed lost in thought, swishing around a glass of wine she was holding with her magic. “I bet you’re wondering what somepony like you is doing here when we have a much more valuable hostage in the Princess.”

“Actually, what I’m wondering about is why does this eerily look like the same dungeon I was in during a dream I had involving my marefriend,” Replied Deadpool.

(Ha! Bottom!)

“In all seriousness, I’d thought that I also had some sort of value, considering that I’m-“

“Deadpool,” Said Madame Masque, cutting Wade off. “Former mercenary turned ally of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I’m aware of who you are. When you used to go around killing criminals or pulling off jobs for a price, the different Maggia families were divided on whether you should be under their employment, or eliminated on sight. If it was even possible.”

“It’s not,” Said Deadpool.

(Liar!)

(Like we would tell her that!)

“For the current situation, your marefriend has much more value long term than you do… At least to the Nefaria family. When I first laid eyes upon you, I couldn’t help but be entranced by you,” Said Madame Masque.

“Well, I do have that effect on ponies,” Said Deadpool egotistically.

“I could see you for what you are: ugly, an outcast, broken…”

Madame Masque raised her right fore hoof up, and placed it on the side of her face, caressing her mask.

“Hey! That may be accurate, but that’s not very nice!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

Madame Masque swiftly removed her hoof from her face.

“You have a mask that I’m willing to bet you wear to hide not your identity, but your face from others,” Said Madame Masque.

Madame Masque reached towards her utility belt. Hanging from it was Deadpool’s mask. She grabbed his mask and showed it to him. Realizing that she had removed his mask while he was unconscious, he glared at her.

“Give that back! I have a brand, and unfortunately, it’s not my face!” Said Deadpool angrily.

(Considering the fact we look like Freddy Krugger, we couldn’t use our face for branding purposes without people confusing us with him.)

“Clearly this mask means a lot to you, yet you weren’t wearing it at the casino. Why would you let your face be seen by everypony that was there tonight?” Asked Madame Masque. “Ponies who are judgmental, ostracizing, small-minded…”

Anger had nearly consumed her. Deadpool’s mask shook in her trembling hooves. She took a deep breath, calming her down as instantly as her anger had appeared. Deadpool nervously watched Madame Masque, unsure if she would snap. When he felt like it was safe, he spoke up.

“Okay, I’ll indulge you, and not because I’m afraid that if I don’t comply, you’ll put me in one of those stretching table things,” Said Deadpool. “You’re right, I wear that mask religiously. Normally, if someone asks me why I wear the mask, I would say it’s because it makes me look cool. Don’t get me wrong, I do think it does, but it’s not why I wear it. I wear it because I don’t want ponies to see my face. After I was disfigured by my cancer, everypony looked at me differently. Some looked at me out of utter shock. Surprised that somepony could look the way I did. Others looked at me out of pity. Well intentioned or not, I hated being seen as a victim. Then there is that small yet vocal collective of ponies who were disgusted by me. Whether they told me that to my face or if they gave me a look of absolute disgust, it hurt me all the same.”

“Ponies would wonder why I wear a mask that would obviously draw attention to me if that would be what I want to avoid. If I didn’t want anypony to see my face, then I wouldn’t leave home. I choose to wear my mask because I would rather have ponies think I was weird or, at best, cool then to be seen as that fucking word… ugly.”

“But tonight was different. I was with Twilight, the pony I love. Even though it was a shock at first, she and our friends looked past my scars to see me as the pony I am. They would encourage me to take the mask off. Although that may be because they both wanted me to not be afraid of showing my face in public, and don’t think it is socially appropriate or it clashes with any normal clothing,” Said Deadpool with a chuckle.

“Twilight, though, she loves me; scars and all. It’s because I love her, why I was willing to go out in public tonight without wearing my mask. Since our first date, I learned that it doesn’t matter how everypony would react to seeing, because in the end, the only pony who sees me is her.”

Madame Masque looked at Deadpool, her mask making it seem as if she looked at him with total apathy. But if one were to look closely at the eyeholes, they would see tears welling up.

“...You’re a lucky stallion. I wish the pony I love would think of me the same way the Princess and your friends do,” Said Madame Masque, suppressing her sadness.

“I know he’s a narcissist that walks the line between good and asshole, but I would think the reason-”

“I may not be able to have him, but I can have you instead,” Said Madame Masque, cutting off Deadpool.

“...What?” Said Deadpool nervously.

“Whenever I need consolation for my own appearance, I can turn to you. With your help, maybe I can finally be rid of my only weakness, and prove that I am the one true heir to the Nefaria crime family,” Said Madame Masque.

“... You want to hold me captive so I can be your therapist?!” Yelled Deadpool in disbelief.

“Of course you're empowered by your marefriend. Hopefully for both our sakes, she will prove to be useful,” Said Madame Masque.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Knocking could be heard from a wooden door on the opposite side of the room.

“Come in,” Said Madame Masque, looking over her left shoulder.

The door opened, revealing one of Madame Masque’s men. Light from a hallway cast into the room, creating a silhouette of the stallion across the floor and the lower half of a wall.

“I apologize for interrupting you, Madame, but Count Nefaria wants you to meet him in the throne room,” Said the stallion.

“Can it wait?” Asked Madame Masque out of annoyance.

“He said that he would prefer it if you went there as soon as you can. Said something along the lines of needing to consult with you about what to do with Princess Twilight after he’s done talking to her,” Replied the stallion.

“Very well,” Said Madame Masque begrudgingly.

She put Deadpool’s mask back on her utility belt. She then left the room, and the door slammed behind her.

SLAM!

(So… we’re in Count Nefaria’s castle.)

“Yup,” Deadpanned Deadpool.

(Madame Masque wants us as some kind of emotional support hostage.)

“Yup,” Deadpanned Deadpool.

(And there are probably a shit ton of Maggia men between us and Twilight.)

“Yup. Of course the museum trip was foreshadowing for this moment in the story. I hate foreshadowing sometimes. Why can’t some museums have no plot relevance?” Asked Deadpool exasperatedly.

(Do you have a plan?)

“Yes. I’m going to act like a coyote caught in a bear trap,” Said Deadpool.

(Oh, Celestia…!)

Deadpool tried to move his right foreleg towards his mouth. Unable to move it past his knee, he shifted his body closer, stretching his left foreleg and shoulder. After much straining, he was able to grab the sleeve of his tuxedo with his teeth.

RIP!

Tearing the sleeve, he exposed his fetlock.

“You guys ready?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(No…)

“Too bad,” Said Deadpool.

Taking a breath to prepare himself, Deadpool took the first bite.

CHOMP!

Meanwhile…

Twilight was in a similar situation as her coltfriend. She was hanging from a dungeon wall with chains attached to her limbs. She also had a harness around her midsection, binding her wings. Most annoying of all, she had a ring on her horn that prevented her from using her magic.

CREAK!

The dungeon’s door opened, and a stallion stepped inside. He was a tall pegasus stallion with golden yellow fur and wings, short and curly black mane and tail, blue eyes, and sporting a goatee. He wore a black bodysuit with a white neck, shoulder line and trunks, white gloves and boots with red trimming, a red belt with a yellow buckle with the letter N on it, and a high collared red cape with yellow lining. He held himself up with an air of confidence as he walked over to Twilight.

“Greetings, Your Majesty,” Greeted the stallion with a bow, speaking with a thick Cavallan accent. “Welcome to my castle. I am Count Luchino Nefaria, but you can refer to me as Count Nefaria. I apologize for your current predicament, but I had to ensure that you wouldn’t leave too soon. After all, opportunity is knocking.”

“Where’s my coltfriend?” Demanded Twilight sternly.

“Your partner is in a safe place, I assure you. After all, it’s you that I’m more interested in,” Answered Count Nefaria.

“What do you want with me?” Asked Twilight.

“That’s what I am hoping to find out, Your Highness,” Answered Count Nefaria. “As a princess of Equestria, you have greater influence and access to resources than most of the other politicians do. However, you’re not the ruler of Equestria, nor are you the ruler of your own sovereignty such as Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. It also doesn’t help that your ‘power’ pales in comparison to the ability to manipulate an entire celestial body.”

“Yet another madpony who underestimates the magic of friendship,” Thought Twilight. “Then maybe you should consider letting me go. Assuming you have him, I can take Deadpool with me and we’ll pretend like none of this ever happened.”

“Let’s not be hasty, Your Highness. Tell me, even though you don’t have a kingdom that is properly your own, you must have a lot of influence in Ponyville, don’t you?” Asked Count Nefaria sinisterly.

“... Well, I wouldn’t say I’m influential. I’m just liked by the community,” Replied Twilight nervously.

“No need to be modest, Your Majesty. With your status as a princess and a hero to all of Equestria, ponies must have a lot of faith in you. So much so that if I were to have you keep the Nefaria family's operations under the table in Ponyville, ponies would believe you that nothing was going on, right?” Asked Count Nefaria.

With her home in the crosshairs of a criminal mastermind, Twilight gulped out of fear.

“Wh-What would you have me do?” Asked Twilight fearfully.

“Not that much. All I would really need from you is to allow me to carry out my business unimpeded. Use your trust with the community to draw away the suspicion of the authorities, the media, or anypony else who’s sticking their muzzle in places they shouldn’t be. If you agree to my terms, then you and your stallion are free to go,” Said Count Nefaria.

“What if I were to refuse?” Asked Twilight.

“I will put it this way: my reach is long. All I’d have to do is get in contact with one of my hired guns, and your friends will be dead, no matter where they go. The same goes for your family, business associates, whoever I need to get rid of to get your full cooperation. Of course, I could also just kill your coltfriend. I have the means to do so,” Threatened Count Nefaria.

Hearing that anypony she cared about could be at risk of being killed no matter where they were, Twilight started to sweat out of fear. Count Nefaria pulled out a pocket watch. He looked at the time, seeing that the watch read it was 11:19 p.m.

“I’ll tell you what, Princess Twilight. I’ll give you until morning to come to a decision. If you agree to help me, you and your coltfriend will be free to go until you are needed, but if you refuse, then ponies start going missing,” Said Count Nefaria sinisterly.

On that note, he left the dungeon. As soon as the door shut behind him, Twilight tried to get free. She tested the structural integrity of the chains or the wall by pulling on each chain several times. Unfortunately, the chain links and stone bricks seem like they were all sturdy. Without her magic, escaping is more daunting of a task.

“Hopefully Wade’s having better luck than I am. If we don’t get out of here, I’d hate to think of what Nefaria would have planned for our home… or what he will do to him or anypony else I care about,” Thought Twilight anxiously.

Meanwhile…

Deadpool had painfully bitten through most of his right foreleg. Blood stained his mouth and the collar of his shirt. Most of the flesh a couple inches above the fetlock was gone, revealing the cannon bone. His healing factor attempted to feel his wound, but he had kept tearing through his own flesh. The pain caused his breathing to become ragged. He grabbed his cannon bone with his mouth, and bit down as hard as he could.

He was applying as much force as he could, but the bone wasn’t breaking. He knew that, as extremely painful as it was, it was the best way he could escape and help Twilight. Letting his motivation drive him, he bit down with so much force that his teeth started to feel like they would break.

CRACK!

“AAGHH!”

After a few grueling moments, Deadpool finally bit through his cannon bone. He then pulled his right foreleg, causing his hoof and part of his foreleg to tear off, freeing the rest of it. The severed portion of his foreleg fell onto the now blooded floor with a wet thud. Breathing through the pain, he wrapped the chain suspending his left foreleg around his severed limb, and pulled. Even though his hoof was gone, he was strong enough to break the cuff of the chain connected to his left forehoof from the stone wall.

“Whoa!”

WHAM!

With both his forelegs free, he fell forwards, nearly hitting his face on the ground. Awkwardly lifting himself up with his left foreleg, he saw his severed forehoof in front of him. Reaching out with his injured foreleg, his healing factor partially reattached his hoof. He grabbed onto both cuffs around his hind hooves and removed them from the wall. After all of that effort, he was finally free… mostly. All of his hooves except for his right forehoof were still bound by chains.

“CELESTIA! THAT FUCKING HURTS!” Shouted Deadpool in pain.

(Do you reckon that was how that mountain climber the movie 127 Hours is based off of felt?)

(At least he had a knife. Albeit a knife that was really dull.)

“Yet we still have these fucking chains on us,” Said Deadpool.

(So, what’s the plan?)

“Find Twilight, free her, then have her get these chains off us. From there we’ll try to escape, crack some skulls if we have to, and hopefully salvage the rest of this night somehow. Any questions?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(No, sir!)

(Can I use the bathroom first?)

Deadpool walked over to the door to the dungeon and knocked on it.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“What the hell?”

Hearing a guard on the other side of the door, Deadpool stood to the left. The door opened up, and the guard stepped inside. The stallion was wearing a rather classy black tuxedo. He pointed a B76 pistol in front of him as he searched the inside of the room. It didn’t take him long to discover that Deadpool wasn’t hanging from the wall.

“He’s-”

Before he could call out to anyone, Deadpool wrapped a chain around the guard’s neck and dragged him away from the exit. In an effort to try to remove the chain suffocating him, the guard dropped his gun. This ended up being futile as Deadpool had the chain around him tightly. After nearly a minute, the guard passed out from a lack of oxygen, and just in time. Deadpool could hear the sound of galloping ponies coming towards him. Letting go of the guard, he swiftly picked up the pistol off the ground.

A group of 7 well dressed guards entered the room, all of them with guns drawn. Deadpool could feel the weight of the chains restricting his movements. Knowing that the guards could take advantage of his vulnerability, he had to not take any chances.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Before any of the guards could react, Deadpool shot all 7 of them in the head, killing them all instantaneously.

“Celestia, damn it! Every time I make progress, I end up killing somepony! At least this should count as justifiable cause,” Said Deadpool, gesturing at the room and the chains.

He walked past all of the dead guards, making his way to the entrance. He poked his head out from the doorway, looking for any more guards and surveying his surroundings. He noticed that the dungeon was connected to a hallway, with multiple doors lining up along each side. He then spotted a guard at the end of the hall, guarding a door. Noticing him as well, the guard drew a firearm.

“Sto-”

BANG!

Deadpool shot the guard in the head, causing him to hit the back of his head against the door. His body slid down onto the floor as his life ended.

“Maybe…”

Deadpool ran over to where the guard was. He pressed his right ear against the door, and knocked.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Twilight, are you in here?” Asked Deadpool.

“Wade?! I’m here!” Replied Twilight on the other side of the door.

Relieved to hear Twilight’s voice, Deadpool grabbed the guard’s corpse and dragged it away. He then frisked the guard’s clothes, and found a singular key. He also grabbed the guard’s pistol, giving himself an additional weapon. Using the key to unlock the door, he ran inside. He saw Twilight hanging from the wall, and rushed over to her.

“Twilight! Are you alright?” Asked Deadpool concerningly.

“I’m okay. I’m relieved that you were here. How did you get out?” Asked Twilight. She quickly noticed the blood on Deadpool’s face and right foreleg as well as the chains around him. “And what happened to you?!”

“I’d rather not talk about it. Let’s focus on getting you free,” Said Deadpool, swiftly changing the subject.

Deadpool got up on his hind legs, and reached towards Twilight’s horn. He pushed against the inhibitor ring, and slid it off of her horn, causing it to fall onto the floor.

POOF!

Now able to use her magic, Twilight charged up her magic, and teleported out of her restraints.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight gratefully.

“You’re welcome. Now, could you be my lovely assistant and help remove these chains?” Asked Deadpool, pointing at his chains.

Nodding her head in response, Twilight lit up her horn. Her magenta magic enveloped the cuffs of the chains. They snapped in half, causing the chains to fall to the floor. Deadpool moved his joints around, glad to finally be free.

“Thank you,” Said Deadpool. “That feels soooo much better! I feel a whole 150 pounds li-”

Before Deadpool could finish his sentence, he was cut off by Twilight embracing him in a hug. He reciprocated the hug. Both ponies embraced each other for a few seconds before letting go.

“Let’s get out of here. Maybe kick a few butts along the way,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight nodded her head. Just as they were about to leave, Deadpool stopped.

“Wait, just so you know, I had to kill some guards due to my predicament. There’s a dead guard over by the door, so keep that in mind,” Said Deadpool.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight in understanding.

On that note, both ponies left the room. As soon as they stepped out the door, Twilight noticed the dead guard. Looking away from the body, she followed Deadpool down the hallway. It wasn’t long until they came across a stone spiral staircase. Climbing up the stairs, they stopped in front of a door. Twilight cautiously opened the door, and surveyed her surroundings.

On the other side was yet another hallway, but it was much less daunting than the dungeon hall. The walls were painted green with gold trimming, and the floor was made up of dark hardwood. Portraits hung from the walls, each depicting either a member of the Nefaria family, beautiful landscapes, or historical events (events that the Nefarias were likely involved in). Twilight spotted a couple stallions walking down the hall away from her. Seeing an opportunity to take them out, she fired a couple of magical bolts that crackled like electricity.

THUD! THUD!

Both ponies were instantly paralyzed, falling forwards onto the floor. She used her magic to drag both of them into the stairwell, and propped them up along the wall. Checking one more time to make sure the coast is clear, she waved for Deadpool to follow her. They both stealthily walked down the hall, stopping at the entryway to another hallway.

Looking around the corner, they saw another stallion coming towards them. Based on the fact that he was intensively looking around the hall, he might have been investigating the sound made by the two stallions. They waited for him to make the corner, then Deadpool grabbed him. Dragging him back to the wall, Deadpool covered his mouth with one foreleg and strangled him with the other. After some intense struggling, the stallion exhausted himself to the point of passing out. Twilight used her magic to levitate him to the staircase. Once he was placed with the other guards, she and Deadpool went down the hallway he came from.

“Do you have an idea of how to get out of here?” Asked Deadpool quietly.

“No,” Answered Twilight just as quietly. “I was hoping we could make somepony give us directions, but I don’t want to risk getting caught. I hope this castle isn’t big. I’d hate for us to get lost trying to navigate these hallways.”

“Considering the fact that Count Nefaria is wealthy with an ego to boot, there’s a good chance this place is huge. Hopefully, we’ll find one of those big map things you would find in super malls,” Remarked Deadpool.

There were three pairs of doors along the hallway, one of which was open. Both ponies quietly walked past the first two doors, then peered inside the open room. Four of Madame Masque’s thugs were sitting in what appeared to be a parlor. Two of them were engaged in idle chatter while the others were reading magazines. Seeing an opportunity to get information out of one of them, Twilight fired a magic bolt into the room that produced a bright white light.

“What the fuck?!”

“Quick, Deadpool! Grab one of them!” Ordered Twilight.

Both ponies ran inside, becoming fully immersed by the light. Twilight fired a couple bolts of magic, their magenta glow just barely appearing within the white light. After a few seconds, the light finally faded away. Three of Madame Masque’s henchponies were knocked out on the floor, while the remaining one was caught within Deadpool’s grasp. Twilight shut the door to hopefully prevent anypony from hearing them.

“Tell us how to get out of the castle,” Demanded Twilight.

“What makes you think I know how to get out of here?” Asked the henchpony.

“Assuming that this is your first time here, it doesn’t negate the fact that you would have entered here through an entrance of some sort. Since you aren’t a pegasus, you wouldn’t have been able to enter through a window,” Deduced Twilight.

“That… is a reasonable deduction,” Said the henchpony sheepishly.

WHAM!

Deadpool slammed the henchpony’s face against a coffee table.

“Deadpool, don’t you think you jumped the gun a little?” Asked Twilight.

“Sorry,” Replied Deadpool.

“As you can see, I don’t have much control over my friend’s impulses. So I’ll ask again, how do we get out of here?” Asked Twilight.

“Alright! Head back out to the hall and go left. Go past two rooms, then take a right. From there, enter the first or second door on the left. They both lead to the throne room. It’s a straight shot to the exit from there,” Instructed the henchpony.

“Anything else we should know?” Asked Twilight.

“Unless Count Nefaria or Madame Masque are in the throne room, the only thing you would need to look out for are the guards stationed along the castle’s walls, and the pegasi guards flying overhead,” Answered the henchpony.

“Thank you,” Said Twilight.

BAM!

Now that they had the answers they needed, Deadpool knocked the henchpony out with one punch. He and Twilight made their way back to the hallway. Following the henchpony’s instructions to the letter, they ended up at one of the throne room doors. Opening the door, they carefully stepped inside. The throne room had the same coloration and flooring as the rest of the castle, the roof was held up by stone columns, and a red carpet led to a golden throne towards the back of the room. A large yellow crest depicting a snake being pulled on both ends by two cockatrices hung on the wall behind the throne. Seeing a hallway on the other side, they quietly trekked across the room, hoping to not draw the attention of any nearby henchponies.

“Leaving so soon?”

Not getting very far before they were spotted, Twilight and Deadpool awkwardly stopped in their tracks. The former recognized the voice of the stallion speaking to them. Turning around, she saw Count Nefaria sitting on the throne.

“I’m afraid your extended stay at my castle isn’t finished yet,” Remarked Count Nefaria.

“As much as I appreciate your hospitality, I’m afraid I have to cut my visit short,” Remarked Twilight in return.

“How unfortunate. I’m afraid that you don’t have much of a say on the matter. I have quotas to meet, and I can’t do so without you,” Said Count Nefaria.

CLOP! CLOP!

Clapping his hooves together, Count Nefaria summoned a group of henchponies.

“Gentlecolts, please escort Princess Twilight back to her living quarters, and dispose of the unsightly stallion,” Ordered Count Nefaria.

“Of course, boss,” Replied one of Nefaria’s men.

“Not so fast!”

A familiar feminine voice could be heard from the door to the right of the throne. Suddenly, the door flung open, revealing the golden masked crime boss on the other side..

“Madame Masque, what is the meaning of this?” Asked Count Nefaria annoyedly.

“I am planning on keeping the stallion for myself,” Said Madame Masque.

“I made my decision, Masque. You should respect it,” Said Count Nefaria with authority.

“I believe you’re forgetting that we are equals in our operation. Therefore, I have the right to challenge your orders. Besides, once I have taken him back to my base of operations, he can’t affect your business,” Said Madame Masque.

“Wade, what is she talking about?” Asked Twilight.

“I’ll explain it to you if we can get ourselves out of this situation,” Replied Deadpool.

“In fact, I’ll help you apprehend the Princess,” Said Madame Masque to Count Nefaria.

CLOP!

With a stomp of her hoof, Madame Masque summoned a small group of her men.

“If I were you two, I would consider surrendering right now,” Advised Madame Masque.

“Oh yeah? Well, let’s see what you think of this!” Said Deadpool.

CLOP!

Deadpool stomped his hoof on the ground. He looked around the room, apparently looking for something. Confused, Deadpool stomped his hoof on the ground a couple more times.

CLOP! CLOP!

Looking around again, he saw nothing new.

“Uh… Twilight, stomp your hoof,” Ordered Deadpool.

“What?” Asked Twilight in confusion.

“Just do it,” Replied Deadpool.

CLOP!

Perplexed, Twilight did as she was asked. Deadpool looked around the room one more time, seeing nothing yet again.

“Oh, man! Why don’t we have backup?! You’re a princess, I’m a superhero; we should have backup!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Get them,” Ordered Madame Masque.

All of the henchponies rushed Deadpool and Twilight. The latter summoned a forcefield around them. Some of the men pulled out various firearms, and fired at the forcefield. It was holding up against a barrage of bullets, but for how long is uncertain.

“Want to cut our losses and teleport out of here?” Asked Deadpool.

“If I knew where we were, I would be comfortable with doing that. Also, I would like to personally give these ponies a piece of my mind for threatening us, the people back at the casino, and the ponies I care about. As well as for interrupting our anniversary,” Admitted Twilight.

“Fine by me. Do you have a plan?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’ll deal with the little fish. You can go and fight Madame Masque,” Replied Twilight.

“Boss fight against crazy masked bitch? Fun,” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

“Let me know when you’re ready to go,” Said Twilight.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Replied Deadpool.

Twilight shattered her force field, creating a shock wave that caused several men to get launched across the room. This gave Deadpool an opening to get to Madame Masque. He galloped towards her, then got up onto his hind legs and attempted to land the first blow with a front kick. Madame Masque blocked it, then kicked his other hind leg, causing him to fall onto his back. She attempted to shoot him, but he rolled out of the way.

One of Count Nefaria’s men tried to get their gun off the floor, but Twilight formed a magic tendril around their hind leg, then threw them into a different henchpony. A couple men tried to shoot her from behind, but she quickly turned around and summoned a shield to deflect the shot. She then fired back her own magical bolts, launching them backwards and putting them out of commission.

A few of Madame Masque’s men tried to shoot her as well, but she teleported their weapons out of their hooves and made them reappear above them, knocking out any who weren’t able to protect their heads. Twilight summoned a shield in front of her, then flew through a group of henchponies, ramming into any that got in her way. One unfortunate guard was picked up off the ground. She somersaulted in the air, then slammed him onto the floor, knocking him out.

A pegasus henchpony tried to divebomb her, but she teleported out of the way. Reappearing behind them, she casted a freezing spell onto them, encasing them in a block of ice. The block of ice rammed into a couple other henchponies.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was trying to shoot Madame Masque’s legs. She was surprisingly quick, dodging each shot with grace. She cartwheeled towards him, then kicked a pistol out of his right hoof. She followed up with a flurry of punches. Deadpool blocked each strike, and retaliated by kneeing her in the abdomen. He then punched the side of her face, and kicked her in the center of her barrel, causing her to stumble back. He prepared to get a shot off her, but she recovered quickly. She grabbed his left foreleg, and moved it so the barrel of the pistol faced towards the floor.

BANG!

The gun firing safely into the floor, she pinned his foreleg under hers, then broke it with a thrust of her hock. Once he dropped his weapon, she yanked him closer, and elbowed him in the face. She then lifted him over her shoulder, and slammed him onto the floor. Just as she was about to stomp on him, he kicked out the hind leg she was standing on. She rolled forward, then went to punch him in the face. Deadpool rolled to the side, causing her to punch the floor. Deadpool grabbed one of the pistols off the floor, and fired a couple shots. Madame Masque hastily hid behind the entrance she entered the throne room in for cover. She pulled out her own Glisenti pistol, and engaged him in a shootout.

While they were engaged in their shootout, Twilight was finishing off the rest of the henchponies. She summoned a tendril around the hind leg of two stallions, causing them to trip over each other. She then used her magic to slam their faces into the floor, knocking them out. A stallion sneaked up from behind, and wrapped his forelegs around her in an attempt to restrain her. Twilight’s alicorn strength enabled her to easily break free from his grasp. She then put all of her weight onto her forelegs, and delivered a powerful buck to the face, knocking him out.

Looking around, she saw that all of Count Nefaria and Madame Masque’s men were all unconscious. Speaking of, Count Nefaria looked at all of the unconscious underlings all around him with an inscrutable look on his face.

“I suppose it was wrong of me to believe that any of my underlings could have the slightest chance of subduing an alicorn. In that case, if I want the job done right, then I should do it myself,” Said Count Nefaria while standing up from his throne.

“Count Nefaria, I urge you to surrender. You saw what I did to your men, I’d hate to hurt you as well," Pleaded Twilight.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Your Highness…”

Suddenly, Count Nefaria’s eyes glowed orange. Lifting up his left fore hoof, it became enveloped in a light shade of orange light. Surprised by what she was seeing, Twilight watched as Nefaria aimed his hoof towards her.

POOF!

Nefaria fired a powerful laser beam from his hoof, Twilight teleported out of the way by the skin of her teeth. The laser punched a hole through the front entrance to the castle on the other end of the hallway, destroying the front doors.

“... After all, you couldn’t hurt me no matter how hard you try!” Said Count Nefaria with a sinister smile.

Faster than the equine eye can track, Count Nefaria flew across the throne room and tackled Twilight into a wall. She teleported out of the way of an oncoming punch to her face. Count Nefaria’s punch left a dent in the wall. Reappearing behind him, Twilight fired a beam of magic at him. The beam hit him in the back, but it didn’t even so much as faze him.

Nefaria turned around, and fired hot orange beams from his eyes. Twilight flew out of the way, and used her magic to bind Nefaria’s limbs to the floor. With only a little effort, Nefaria managed to break free. He fired multiple ionic energy blasts from his hooves. Twilight dodged each beam, then punched him in the face. She then delivered a few more punches, but they weren’t doing anything to him. He delivered a few punches of his own, knocking her into his throne.

POOF!

Sensing an oncoming attack, Twilight teleported. Just as she disappeared, Nefaira flew in and delivered a powerful kick. The kick reduced the throne to rubble. Reappearing above him, Twilight cast a more powerful beam of magic. Even this attack wasn’t enough to harm Nefaria. He grabbed a piece of his throne, and threw it at her. She dodged the oncoming piece of debris, but she was immediately tackled through the ceiling.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was still caught up in his own fight with Madame Masque. Debris from the ceiling forced him to take evasive action. Dodging the falling debris, he fired a few shots from his pistol, all of which missed his opponent. The clip of his gun now empty, he attempted to grab another gun off the floor. Taking advantage of his vulnerability, Madame Masque tossed a gas grenade towards him. Stopping in his tracks, Deadpool swiftly ran the other way.

FWOOSH!

BANG!

While he managed to avoid getting a face full of tear gas, Deadpool was shot in the chest. With her opponent falling onto his back, she came out from behind the doorway she was using as cover, and walked towards him with her gun aimed at his head. She stepped onto his chest, then lowered herself down until her face nearly touched his.

“You have given me a lot of trouble tonight. However, I will show mercy and give you the chance to surrender. If you do, I won’t have to use more extreme measures of rendering you unconscious,” Said Madame Masque while waving her weapon to get her point across.

“Tempting offer, but here’s my response.”

WHAM!

Deadpool headbutted Madame Masque directly in the face. However, her metal mask absorbed the blow, and caused excruciating pain to Deadpool.

“OW! FUCK!” Cried Deadpool in agony.

(That was a brilliant idea.)

“Stupid mask!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

Looking at Madame Masque’s mask, Deadpool thought back to everything she had told him while he was imprisoned. It was obvious to him that Madame Masque was paranoid about her own appearance. That was when an idea popped into his head.

“The mask…” Muttered Deadpool to himself.

Getting back up, Madame Masque went to take her shot.

BANG!

Deadpool used his arm to block the bullet. He then splattered his blood all over Madame Masque’s mask.

“UGH!” Cried Madame Masque in disgust.

Distracted by her bloodied face wear, Deadpool grabbed onto her hind leg and pulled, causing her to fall onto the ground. Deadpool grabbed onto her mask.

KICK!

Madame Masque kicked Deadpool off her. Once she got off the floor, she looked at her adversary. She quickly noticed that within Deadpool’s grasp was her precious mask. She self consciously rubbed her hoof across her face, horrified that her face was now visible to the world. Her face lacked any fur, revealing flesh that was riddled with scars caused by extreme burns. Her right nostril looked like it had caved in on itself, and the skin around her eyes were stretched as if it were worn leather. Her body shook as her horror was replaced with unbridled rage.

“AAARRRGGHH!”

(Oh Celestia she’s pissed!)

With reckless abandon, Madame Masque ran towards Deadpool, hellbent on getting her mask back. With a new sense of fear, Deadpool ran for his life. Deadpool ran down the hall on the opposite side of the throne room. Seeing the exit on the other side, he picked up the pace. Running through a pair of double doors, Deadpool found himself out on the castle grounds, or more appropriately, castle clouds. With the exception of a network of paths and a giant wall that encompassed the entire castle, the entire area was made up of clouds. Before Madame Masque could hope to catch up to him, Deadpool tossed her mask. She watched as it fell through the clouds down to the earth below.

“NO!” Cried Madame Masque in anguish.

Now angered to levels unimaginable, she tackled Deadpool’s side. She gave him a taste of his own medicine by tossing him over the side of the walkway. Deadpool managed to grab onto the walkway before he could fall through the clouds, but now he found himself at her mercy. Madame Masque loomed over him, breathing raggedly as her rage continued to course through her body.

“I… have made a grave error in judgment! You are not worth keeping around! You have no idea what you have brought upon yourself! I hope for your sake that the fall won’t be too painful,” Said Madame Masque manically.

Using her magic, she attempted to pry his front hooves off of the walkway. Deadpool tightened his grip as much as he could, but he can feel his hooves gradually get pulled off of the only thing that kept him from meeting the same fate as his enemy’s mask.

As this was occurring, Twilight Sparkle and Count Nefaria were continuing their fight from the skies above. As she tried to avoid her opponent’s powerful blows and energy blasts, she surveyed her surroundings. She could make out the bright lights of Las Pegasus in the distance, the neon colors cutting through the night sky. As she dodged an oncoming laser blast, she spotted her coltfriend and Madame Masque. Noticing the peril the former was in, she gasped out of fear. Needing to act quickly, she lit the tip of her horn with a bright light, and directed it at Count Nefaria as he was going to fly into her.

“Gah!” Cried Count Nefaria in pain.

With him blinded by the bright light, Twilight took the opportunity to fly towards the two ponies down below. Madame Masque had successfully caused one of Deadpool’s hooves to slip, leaving him dangling with only one hoof on the walkway. As she was prying back his other hoof, Twilight fired a beam of magic at her.

“Ugh!” Cried Madame Masque in pain.

She was launched away from Deadpool, rolling across the walkway. When her body stopped rolling, she attempted to get up. It didn’t take very long for her to slump back onto the ground and lose consciousness. Just as Deadpool lost his grip, Twilight swooped in and caught him. The former sighed in relief as he was brought back onto the path.

“Thank you,” Said Deadpool.

“You’re welcome,” Replied Twilight.

SMASH!

Suddenly, she was slammed through the walkway by Count Nefaria. She teleported out of his grasp, then fired a beam of magic at him. He crossed his forelegs to absorb the blow, then fired both a laser beam and an ionic blast back at her. His opponent dodging both of his attacks, he tried crossing both of them together. This struck Twilight with devastating force.

POOF!

Needing to put distance between herself and Nefaria, she teleported several stories up. Once she was at a safe distance, she began to charge up her magic.

“Wade! Run inside, now!” Urged Twilight.

Seeing her prepare to unleash a powerful attack, Deadpool leapt over the hole in the path. Grabbing an unconscious Madame Masque, he rushed back into the castle. Twilight created a ball of magic that was nearly three times her size. Just as Count Nefaria started to fly towards her, she fired her magic. The ball of magic converted into a devastating energy blast.

VROOM!

Twilight’s magical energy blast lit up the area like it was daytime, and the path that led from the castle’s front entrance to the front wall was completely destroyed. When the light faded away, Twilight barely had time to register Count Nefaria flying right towards her.

BAM!

Count Nefaria landed an uppercut to Twilight’s jaw, launching her even higher into the air. He then flew just above her and caught her. He lifted her over his head, then threw her towards the castle.

CRASH!

She was thrown through the roof of the castle and a few rooms before landing in the throne room. The floor cracked underneath her from the impact. Deadpool spotted her from the other side of the room.

“TWILIGHT!” Cried Deadpool.

Deadpool rushed over to Twilight. He gently helped her to her hooves.

“Hey, you alright? You know, other than the obvious?” Asked Deadpool.

(Wow, you picked up on something that would be obvious to others?)

“Not the time!” Said Deadpool in a hushed, irritated tone.

“I’ll be okay, but I don’t think I can stop him. He’s too powerful for my magic alone, and I don’t have our friends and the Elements of Harmony here to help us,” Said Twilight.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle!”

Count Nefaria gently flew down through the hole left in the ceiling. Twilight’s attack had merely tarnished his outfit.

“Now that you have seen my power for yourself, Princess, I’ll only give you one last chance. Surrender now, or you will be subdued painfully,” Threatened Count Nefaria.

“Twilight, as much as I love a good scrape, I think it would be within our best interest to get the fuck out of here,” Advised Deadpool. “Do you by chance know where we are now?”

“ I do,” Replied Twilight. “I would agree to a tactful retreat, but he will look for me and try to draw me out. I’d hate to think of what his powers could do on an ordinary pony. Based on the actions of his partner earlier this evening, I’m willing to bet he would resort to harming innocent civilians.”

His marefriend bringing up a valid point, Deadpool tried to think of a different way out of their current situation. In particular, he was trying to think of how other heroes could go about stopping someone as strong as Count Nefaria. That was when an idea popped into his head.

“Twilight, could you teleport all three of us to Manehattan?” Asked Deadpool.

“I can. Anywhere specific?” Asked Twilight in response.

“Anywhere near a police precinct,” Answered Deadpool.

“The police? Wade, normally that would be a good thing to do, but I don’t think they would have the means to stop somepony like him. Not to mention lots of ponies could get caught up in the crossfire” Said Twilight.

“Well, as of recently, the police do have something that could help us. As long as we can keep Nefaria on you or the two of us, we shouldn’t have to worry about him hurting anypony else. Trust me on this,” Said Deadpool.

Twilight thought about what Deadpool said hesitantly, but she decided to go with whatever plan he concocted. Losing his patience, Nefaria flew towards them. Just as he was about to fly into them, Twilight teleported all three of them.

POOF!

They ended up in the streets of Manehattan. As Nefaria tackled Twilight into a nearby building, ponies who were minding their own business ran for their lives. Twilight attempted to cast a spell, but Nefaria swiftly grabbed her horn, squeezing it so tightly that the pain caused her magic to crackle from the tip of her horn. Neafaria prepared to deliver a punch that likely would have done the Princess in.

SHATTER!

Suddenly, a glass bottle was thrown into the back of his neck. This did not hurt him in the slightest, but it did catch his attention. Looking back, he saw Deadpool a few meters away holding a hoofful of trash.

“You DARE toss filth at me?!” Said Count Nefaria angrily.

CLING!

In response to his question, Deadpool tossed an empty beer can at his face.

“Does that answer your question?” Asked Deadpool.

“Perhaps an example needs to be made,” Said Nefaria ominously.

Count Nefaria released Twilight from his grasp, and flew over to Deadpool so fast that it looked like he teleported. He hovered less than a foot away from the hero. Knowing the danger he was now in, Deadpool’s ears drooped out of terror. He was about to toss a banana peel at him, but he ended up dropping all of his ammunition, knowing that he was screwed either way.

WHAM!

Count Nefaria punched Deadpool into the air. The latter traveled above the street as fast as a speeding pegasus. Count Nefaria flew ahead of his trajectory, and grabbed him by the face, breaking his muzzle. He then slammed him into the road, creating a trench through the asphalt. Bracing himself onto his hind legs, Nefaria repeatedly punched Deadpool.

POW! POW! POW!

Nefaria battered Deadpool’s body with each blow. After nearly half a minute of this brutal beating, he ceased his punches. Most of Deadpool's body was nearly liquid-like, holes were made from where Nefaria’s hooves punched through him, and blood pooled around him. Count Nefaria’s hooves glowed orange, preparing to deliver a laser blast. His body broken and practically merging with the road, Deadpool could only look up at him in complete agony.

“Even you shouldn’t be able to recover from my laser beams. Any last words before your atoms are split apart?” Asked Count Nefaria grimly.

“... Freeze…” Muttered Deadpool weakly.

“MPD! Get on the ground and put your hooves up, now!”

Hearing an authoritative voice and guns being armed behind him, Nefaria turned around. He saw a squad of police officers. They were wearing the typical blue uniform worn by some law enforcement authorities and body armor that had the word “POLICE” engraved with bold letters. However, almost all of them wore blue brimmed hats that had a white phoenix on the front, and one stallion wore a helmet that had his jaw visible.

Seeing the officers, Count Nefaria raised his hoof towards them, deciding to kill them instead. Before he could carry out his attack, his hoof was enveloped by a familiar magenta magic. Over by the brick building he left her at, Twilight was concentrating on containing his laser beam. Seeing her, Nefaria attempted to fire his laser beam at her. After a few strenuous seconds, Twilight was able to cause his attack to fade out.

“What?!” Cried Nefaria in shock.

He attempted to fly over to Twilight, but his limbs and wings were wrapped up in Twilight’s magic. He pulled himself out of the grasp of a couple magical tendrils, but Twilight summoned more around him. Every time he removed one of his restraints, she summoned more and more tendrils. Eventually, his entire body except for his head was enveloped in her magic. As he struggled to break free, a unicorn officer used their magic to place a metal collar around Nefaria’s neck. With the collar secure around his neck, Nefaria felt himself becoming weaker. He tried to break free from his magical restraints, but without his super strength, he had no hope of escaping. Instead, he fell onto the ground, squirming as if he were trapped in a sleeping bag.

POOF!

Now that he was restrained, Twilight teleported over to Count Nefaria. He looked up at her in anger, which she returned. Twilight raised her foreleg, causing Nefaria to flinch.

POW!

With one swift punch, Twilight knocked Count Nefaria out cold.

“That was for hurting my coltfriend, and interrupting our anniversary, jerk,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

Seeing that Nefaria had been taken care of, one of the officers grabbed a walkie talkie.

“This is Lieutenant Stone! Captain Nefaria has been neutralized! I repeat: Nefaria has been neutralized!” Said the office.

The other officers walked over to Count Nefaria as more of their colleagues arrived on the scene.

A few minutes later…

The area where Twilight, Deadpool, and Count Nefaria fought was swiftly contained by the police. Barriers with officers watching over them kept any curious civilians from entering the crime scene. Restrained with a straitjacket, Count Nefaria was being escorted by two police officers with the aid of a dolly. He was lifted into the back of a prisoner chariot. Once the doors were shut, one of the officers signaled to a small group of armored officers to pull the chariot. Doing as they were instructed, the officers went on their way to bring Nefaria into custody.

Deadpool and Twilight watched off to the side. They were both propping each other up, their bodies feeling the effects of the severe beating they had taken. This was especially true for Deadpool. Lt. Stone walked over to the two heroes. He was an earth pony stallion with brown fur and a black goatee. He wore a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

“Are you feeling alright, Princess? EMTs should be here in a few minutes if you need any assistance,” Offered Lt. Stone, speaking with an authoritative tone.

(Hey! What about us?)

(He probably knows who we are; for better or for worse.)

“I’ll be alright,” Assured Twilight. “I’ve been in my fair share of battles. Thank you anyway, officer…?”

“Stone. Letuinent Marcus Stone. I serve as the leader of MPD’s Code: Blue division. It’s an honor to meet you, Princess Twilight,” Said Lt. Stone with a bow.

“And me?” Asked Deadpool.

“With all due respect, you have a bit of a reputation within the MPD, and it ain’t entirely great,” Replied Lt. Stone.

“Oh… Understandable, I guess,” Muttered Deadpool glumly.

(Guess that confirms my answer.)

“If you two don’t need any medical care, I was hoping you would be willing to provide some information on everything that transpired tonight?” Said Lt. Stone.

“Of course, officer,” Replied Twilight.

“Excellent. Let’s start off with where were you two and Count Nefaria prior to the fight? Eyewitness reports claim you all teleported out of nowhere,” Said Lt. Stone.

“We were at Count Nefaria’s mansion in Las Pegasus. He and his partner, Madame Masque, had kept Wade and I hostage. I teleported the three of us here at the behest of my coltfriend. He said Manehattan’s police were now capable of helping us stop someone like Nefaria,” Explained Twilight.

“He must have heard about Code: Blue. We were formed under the current mayorship to combat the super criminal crisis the city’s been in for the past several years. Does that seem about right?” Asked Lt. Stone to Deadpool.

“Yeah, I remembered reading about you guys while I was reading the paper during my morning dump. I figured Code: Blue would have power dampening collars on hoof for ponies such as mafia Superpony,” Explained Deadpool.

“Did not need to know that first bit, but thank you for bringing him to our attention. I’d hate to think about what Nefaria could have done if you all continued your brawl in Pegasus’ streets,” Said Lt. Stone.

“Next time I meet up with them, I could talk with Princesses Celestia and Luna about potentially having Code: Blue units in other major settlements,” Said Twilight.

“That would be great. Manehattan’s most wanted often lie low in other cities such as Pegasus since local law enforcement don’t have the means to stop them, nor have as many vigilantes operating in those areas. Now, do you know why you two were kidnapped in the first place?” Asked Lt. Stone.

“I was taken because both Count Nefaria and Madame Masque knew that there was value in having somepony of my status hostage. Nefaira specifically wanted to set up operations in Ponyville, and wanted me to keep his activities hidden,” Answered Twlight.

“And Madame Masque wanted me just so she could feel better about her own looks,” Answered Deadpool.

“Seriously…?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, it sounds completely crazy,” Replied Deadpool.

“Did they attempt to force you to comply in any way?” Asked Lt. Stone.

“Count Nefaria threatened that he would have everyone I cared about killed if I didn’t do what he wanted,” Answered Twilight.

“I would like to believe that Madame Masque was too entranced to make any threats against me,” Answered Deadpool.

“I’m sorry for everything that they put you two through. Do you know where Count Nefaria’s place of residence is, so an investigation can be carried out over there?” Asked Lt. Stone.

“I don’t know the address, but I know that it was roughly 2 miles north of Las Pegasus,” Replied Twilight.

“I’m sure LPPD can work off of that. Speaking of, is there anything that they should know about?” Asked Lt. Stone.

“You’ll hopefully find Madame Masque and a bunch of henchponies that had their flanks hoofed to them thanks mostly to Twilight,” Replied Deadpool.

“Alright. Is there anything else that you can think of?” Asked Lt. Stone.

“Yes, they probably are already aware of it, but make sure that the police in Las Pegasus go to the Grand Las Pegasus casino. Madame Masque took us from there, and based on what I overheard, somepony was probably murdered,” Explained Twilight sadly.

“I’ll verify that for you. That should cover everything for now. If we need to consult you about tonight’s events, court attendance, or anything else, we’ll get in contact with you,” Said Lt. Stone.

“Thank you, officer. Have a good rest of your evening, and try to be safe,” Said Twilight.

“Thank you, Princess. I’ll try, but if I wanted to ensure my safety, I wouldn’t have stuck around here, or gotten into law enforcement in the first place,” Said Lt. Stone.

On that note, Lt. Stone returned to his colleagues.

One hour later…

Deadpool and Twilight had returned to their hotel room in Las Pegasus. The former was sprawled out on the bed. He had abandoned the clothes he wore this evening, leaving them in an untidy pile at the foot of the bed. His face was blood free thanks to an intensive shower.

(Imagine that shot of the tub drain in Psycho.)

Twilight stepped out of the bathroom, and walked over to the right side of the bed.

“How are you feeling?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m doing a lot better, but that’s to be expected,” Answered Deadpool. “I should be asking you that question.”

“I’m feeling better as well. I know that you can recover from most things, but I like to ask since injuries are not the only thing that can be inflicted on you. After all, you were kidnapped,” Said Twilight.

“Different variants of me have been kidnapped for more nefarious purposes. I’ll be alright. If anything, I feel bad that Madame Masque’s fear of being judged by her scars is so bad that she felt like she had to kidnap me instead of talking to a therapist or finding somepony who wouldn’t judge her for her looks. I know that Tony Stark doesn’t. What about you?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’ll be alright as well. Nefaria isn’t the first pony to threaten Ponyville. Although, what does disturb me was the fact he was willing to hurt the ponies I care about just for the sake of getting me to comply,” Admitted Twilight.

“Well, regardless of how powerful he is, you’ll make sure that he won’t be able to act on his threats; we both will,” Assured Deadpool. “I’m sorry how everything panned out tonight. I wanted to give you not only the best anniversary, but also the best Las Pegasus experience. I guess, funnily enough, I made a bad gamble believing that things would go smoothly for us.”

“Wade, you don’t have to apologize. I still enjoyed what we were able to do, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t find some enjoyment from apprehending Nefaria and Madame Masque,” Said Twilight Sparkle.

"Really?" Asked Deadpool.

"Mm-hmm!" Replied Twilight.

“Well, I’m glad that you were able to do that. Now that all of the excitement is over, you and I should get some sleep,” Said Deadpool.

He shuffled over to the left side of the bed, giving Twilight a place she could lay down on. At that moment, something came to Twilight. Whatever it was she was thinking of, it made her blush. She hopped onto the bed, sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Hey, Wade?” Said Twilight.

“Yeah?” Replied Deadpool.

“I just realized after all of the excitement from this evening, I never got a chance to give you your anniversary gift. I know it’s late, but would it be alright if I give it to you?” Asked Twilight.

“Of course. I like presents, especially from you,” Said Deadpool.

“Okay!” Blurted Twilight.

Twilight remained fixed to where she was sitting, smiling in a sheepish manner. Both ponies sat in awkward silence.

“Are you going to get it, or is it one of those gifts I’m supposed to discover by me retrieving it?” Asked Deadpool confusedly.

“I-It’s not a… traditional gift,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

(Is she trying to get us to guess what it is? I hate the guessing game!)

(I don’t know, but she’s behaving rather oddly all of a sudden.)

Deadpool tried to figure out what Twilight was trying to convey. He felt her tail wrap around his left hind leg. He couldn’t help but follow her tail up to her flank.

GASP!

Suddenly, a thought came to his head. A rather lewd thought that even he was surprised by.

“No…!” Said Deadpool in breathless disbelief.

“Mm-hmm!” Said Twilight while nodding her head.

“... This isn’t a joke, right? If this is a joke, it is rather cruel of you,” Said Deadpool.

“No, I’m not joking, Wade. I want to have sex with you,” Said Twilight, her blush turning an even darker shade of red.

(... All of the different sex and genital jokes and innuendos were FORESHADOWING?!)

([Joyful sobs] YES! I have been dreaming of this moment!)

Deadpool grinned from ear to ear. A moment he had waited a long time for had finally come. As he looked at Twilight, he picked up on her anxious ticks. Seeing that she was obviously nervous about the ordeal, he now seemed hesitant. Twilight was quick to pick up on this.

“Wade, are you okay?” Asked Twilight concerningly.

“Yeah, I am. I’m fuckin ecstatic!" Said Deadpool. "However…”

“However?” Questioned Twilight.

“However, are you sure you want to have sex with me?” Asked Deadpool.

“Of course I do," Answered Twilight sincerely. "Why would you think that I wouldn’t?”

“Well, you know, I am not exactly… What’s the word? Subtle? Yeah, subtle about my desires. Whether it be suggesting that we go somewhere private where you and I could get busy or I touch your butt, I’ve made my sexual attraction towards you evident. But just because I want to have sex with you, that shouldn’t mean you have to as well. I know that expectations from either pony can lead to some horrible shit. I’m by no means a perfect pony, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror every morning for at least one extra second knowing that I didn’t take advantage of somepony’s body. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I ever made you do anything with me in the bedroom that you weren’t ready or willing to do. So, if you’re not ready, please, tell it directly to my face,” Urged Deadpool.

Both ponies sat in silence for a few moments. Hearing genuine concern from her coltfriend about her own wants, it made Twilight’s heart swell. She eventually smiled, and leaned towards Deadpool.

“I’m ready,” Whispered Twilight lovingly.

“You mean it?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yes, I do, Wade. I’ve known you long enough that I feel like I can trust you with being this intimate with me. The fact that you didn’t want me to do it if I wasn’t ready proves that my trust isn’t misplaced. I want to do this with you. That is, if you’re willing to as well,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool looked into Twilight’s eyes. He noticed that her anxiety had subsided, and was replaced with a warm aura. This caused him to smile.

“Well then, let’s do it!” Said Deadpool excitedly.

Deadpool sat upright, and Twilight scooted closer to him. They both leaned in to kiss. Just as they were about to lock lips, a realization came to Twilight. With a gasp, she pulled herself away.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Deadpool.

“I just realized, I don’t have any protection! I think it's safe to say that neither of us wants to go out this late to get some. Maybe we should save this for tomorrow,” Said Twilight.

(Celestia damn it! We haven't even got started, and we're already getting cucked!)

“Don’t worry. I keep some condoms in the pouch thingies on my suit. It’s over in the chair over there,” Said Deadpool while pointing at the chair in front of the desk.

“You carry protection on you?” Asked Twilight.

“... I used to have a promiscuous love life, Twilight. Ever since I got together with you, I carried protection on me in anticipation of our first time,” Admitted Deadpool.

“I guess I can’t say that you never plan ahead for anything,” Said Twilight.

Twilight used her magic to grab Deadpool’s suit. Levitating it over to him, he rummaged through his suit’s many pouches.

“Hey, Wade?” Said Twilight.

“Yeah?” Replied Deadpool.

“Would it be alright if you guide me tonight? I’m… inexperienced,” Admitted Twilight.

“A virgin?” Clarified Deadpool.

“Yeah…,” Admitted Twilight.

As Deadpool finally found a condom, a thought came to him. Placing the condom on the nightstand next to him, he smiled mischievously at his marefriend.

“Don’t trust your notes will be much help?” Teased Deadpool.

As soon as he asked, Twilight blushed.

“Wh-What makes you think I studied ahead of time?!” Asked Twilight, stammering out of embarrassment.

Deadpool titled his head, and gave Twilight an blank look.

“I know, I know. You’re right, I totally looked through all of my medical books and explicit romance novels,” Admitted Twilight in defeat.

Deadpool couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“It’s fine. Here, I’ll lay down,” Said Deadpool, laying back down onto his back.

“Okay. Should I be doing something?” Asked Twilight.

“Get yourself comfortable, and lay on top of me,” Instructed Deadpool.

Twilight carefully placed herself on top of Deadpool. Their faces were only a few inches apart.

“Now what?” Asked Twilight.

“Now, let’s get back to that kiss,” Replied Deadpool.

Twilight and Deadpool slowly locked lips. Any nerves that they had faded away as they kissed each other. It only took a few moments for passion to build up between them.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everypony! Hope you all enjoyed part two of the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! Now, on to some important stuff. Last week, I apologized for the delay between chapters thirty-two and thirty-three. All I really have to say is coming up with an idea for this chapter that I was satisfied with, the length of parts one and two combined (originally chapter thirty-three was one big chapter), and life in general resulted in a massive delay. I have also wondered if I am losing motivation to write this story. Don't worry, it would not be permanent nor is it definitive, I just might need a break. If I decide to do so, I was thinking I would either have this story on hiatus and start a new one, or take a break from writing all together. Sorry for the rant, just wanted to make sure everyone knows I didn't disappear, and that you all know my current mindset when it comes to this story. Regardless of what I decide to do, I want to thank all of you for reading my fanfiction. I never expected it to get the amount of views, likes, favorites, and positive comments it has gotten both on here and on Fanfiction.net. Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a magical day!

Chapter 34: Invasion of the Pony Snatchers Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 34: Invasion of the Pony Snatchers Part One

Deadpool reluctantly opened his eyes. Even though he didn’t feel tired, he did feel like he didn’t get enough sleep last night. As a result of having been kidnapped by Madame Masque, he went to bed much later than he normally did. Well, that and another small reason.

(We got laid!)

Erm, yes. Deadpool looked over his left, seeing Twilight sleeping right next to him. Her mane has some stray strands, and her fur had some slight damp patches created from sweat. Deadpool’s own hairless skin had a slight sheen to it. All of these were signs from their intimate activity. With a smile, Deadpool wrapped his left foreleg around Twilight, being careful not to wake her up. He took in the serenity of the moment, enjoying the quiet of the hotel room and the company of his marefriend.

BRING! BRING!

The moment was quickly ruined by a familiar ringing sound. Looking over at the nightstand on his side of the bed, he saw an alarm clock. The time was 11:40 a.m. Seeing the time, Deadpool quickly stood upright.

“Oh, fuck!” Cried Deadpool in panic.

After turning off the alarm clock, he grabbed Twilight by the shoulder and tried to shake her awake.

“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight!” Said Deadpool frantically.

A groan escaped Twilight’s lips. She slowly opened her eyes, then looked at Deadpool.

“Wade, what’s wrong?” Asked Twilight tiredly.

“It’s 11:40! We were supposed to check out of the hotel an hour-and-a-half ago!” Said Deadpool panickedly.

With a panicked look on her face, Twilight swiftly hopped out of bed. Deadpool hopped out of bed as well. They both packed their bags as quickly as they could.

A few minutes later…

Starlight Glimmer was sitting at a table in the Castle of Friendship’s library. She was enjoying having some time to herself. While she enjoyed being with Twilight and Deadpool, she liked being able to work on her own activities without having to compete with space with her other roommates. She was currently assembling a kite. With the aid of her magic, she delicately attached the tail of the kite.

POOF!

Suddenly, Twilight and Deadpool appeared in the middle of the room. The former having teleported them from Las Pegasus. Startled, Starlight looked up from her kite, only to see her friends.

“Oh, hey guys!” Greeted Starlight.

“Hey, Starlight,” Greeted Deadpool and Twilight in unison.

“I thought you two were coming back by balloon. Why did you teleport here?” Asked Starlight.

“We overslept,” Answered Deadpool.

“Speaking of. I’m currently behind on my schedule. Would you two be able to help me catch up on my chores? Mainly moving some of my old books into storage?” Asked Twilight.

(Uh oh! Quick, come up with an excuse!)

(Considering the fact that we had sex with Twilight for the first time less than 12 hours ago, it wouldn’t be a smart move to bail out of helping her.)

(Aw!)

“Sure thing, Twi. Consider it as my way of thanking you for, you know,” Said Deadpool suggestively.

“Wade,” Said Twilight sheepishly.

Deadpool wrapped a foreleg around Twilight while chuckling.

“I presume I don’t want to know what you two are talking about?” Asked Starlight.

“I can tell you if you want,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade!” Shouted Twilight.

“That answers my question. I will happily help you out,” Said Starlight.

“Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make up for lost productivity,” Said Twilight anxiously.

On that note, Twilight left the library.

One hour later…

Twilight, Deadpool, and Starlight were carrying boxes of books down a flight of stairs. Spike was also assisting them. Unfortunately for the young drake, he didn’t have magic or a strong back to carry the heavy boxes. He had to awkwardly carry a box that was nearly as tall as he is. One misplaced step caused him to slip and fall.

“Ah!” Cried Spike.

Before he could land on the floor below, Twilight managed to catch him with her magic. Starlight also caught the box he was carrying with her own magic. Twilight gently put Spike down, and Starlight placed the box of books in a small pile over by a door leading to one of the castle’s storage rooms.

“Well, we don’t all have magical horns,” Said Spike while dusting himself off.

“Skill issue,” Said Deadpool.

“What did you say?” Asked Spike rhetorically.

“You heard what I said. I don’t have magic, yet I was able to get the boxes down just fine,” Replied Deadpool.

“That’s because you can put stuff on your back. I would like to see you have to carry something heavy the way I have to,” Said Spike.

“Is that a challenge?” Asked Deadpool, getting in Spike’s face.

“Yup, and here’s my wager: if you can carry the rest of Twilight’s books down the stairs while walking on your hind legs, I’ll do your laundry for the rest of the month,” Said Spike.

“Alright, and if I can’t do it, I’ll…”

Deadpool’s speech trailed-off as he tried to come up with something he would do if he lost.

“Do my laundry?” Suggested Spike.

“You have laundry?” Asked Deadpool in confusion.

“Yes,” Answered Spike.

“Oh! You’re talking about your Rarity shirt,” Said Deadpool in realization.

“No!” Said Spike while putting his hands up. “I was referring to my towels, sheets, pajamas, that stuff. I have no idea what you’re talking about with that other thing.”

Spike nervously looked at Starlight, never having told her about his crush on the fashionista. Starlight gave him a knowing smile, and he chuckled nervously.

“Sure. It’s a bet then,” Said Deadpool.

He and Spike shook extremities. Getting up onto his hind legs, Deadpool raced up the stairs, with Spike following after him. Twilight and Starlight shook their heads out of amusement.

“Boys,” Said Starlight amusedly.

“Tell me about it. I’ve been meaning to move these older books to my reference section for a while. Got to keep the new books front and center! Thank you for the help,” Said Twilight gratefully.

Deadpool raced by while carrying a box of books, with Spike keeping an eye on him to make sure he was abiding by the bet.

“Thanks to you guys as well,” Said Twilight.

“You’re welcome,” Said Deadpool and Spike quickly.

“Are you kidding? After all you’ve done for me, this is the least I can do,” Said Starlight.

“Oh, please. I haven’t done that much,” Said Twilight modestly.

Starlight was about to respond to her mentor, but Deadpool narrowly ran into her.

"Excuse me! Pardon me!" Said Deadpool.

“Hmm. Nah. You just taught me the value of friendship. Not much at all,” Said Starlight sarcastically.

“I may have offered some guidance, but-”

Before Twilight could finish what she was saying, Deadpool ran past her with a box. He placed it on top of another box, then leaned against it. Spike came up to him, dragging his feet in frustration.

“That’s all of the boxes! I won!” Cheered Deadpool triumphantly.

“How did you manage to do that?! Ponies can’t walk on their hind legs for long periods of time?!” Asked Spike in frustrated disbelief.

“Spike, I’m skilled in various forms of martial arts. Learning how to stand on my hind legs for an extended period of time is one of the basic lessons,” Explained Deadpool.

“Aw, man! I set myself up for failure!” Said Spike, smacking himself in the forehead.

“Yup, and now you have to do my laundry!” Teased Deadpool in a sing-song voice.

“Yeah, yeah,” Muttered Spike annoyedly.

“As I was saying, I may have offered some guidance, but you are responsible for the pony you’ve become. I’m proud to call you my student and friend,” Said Twilight, placing a hoof on her pupil’s shoulder. “ Now we just need to get rid of these boxes. Spike, can you-?

Twilight turned to talk to Spike, only to find he wasn’t where she last saw him. Looking around, she saw him looking out of a window.

“Spike?” Said Twilight, curious as to what he was doing.

“What’s that?” Asked Spike, pointing out the window.

Twilight, Starlight, and Deadpool walked over to the window to look at what Spike saw. They could see a small speck in the sky.

“Is it a bird?” Pondered Twilight.

“Is it a parasprite?” Pondered Starlight.

The speck gradually became more recognizable as it got closer to the castle. They recognized that it was a pegasus mare. She was flying rather quickly towards the window.

“It’s Derpermare!” Cried Deadpool in panic.

“Incoming!” Cried Spike just as panically.

Just as the mare was about to reach the window, everyone ducked down onto the floor.

CRASH!

The mare flew through the window, and crashed into the pile of boxes. Some of Twilight’s books were launched into the air, raining back down to the ground. As soon as the books stopped falling, everyone looked up. Some of the boxes managed to remain intact with their cargo safe inside, but the ones that weren’t so lucky were bent out of shape. Piles of books were scattered across the crash site. A cardboard box was kicked to the other side of the room, revealing the mare responsible for the crash.

It was none other than Derpy Hooves! She had light gray fur and feathers, as well as a long yellow mane and tail. Her eyes were a slightly darker yellow, and both her pupils were facing irregular directions. She wore a mail pony uniform, and carried saddlebags filled with letters and small packages. The saddlebags covered up most of her cutie mark, although a couple symbols resembling bubbles could be seen. She closed her eyes, then shook her head. She then reopened her eyes, revealing they were in the proper position.

“Hi guys!” Greeted Derpy, acting as if she had not endured a rough landing.

“Derpy! Are you okay?!” Asked Twilight concerningly.

She practically ran over to Derpy, and offered a hoof. Derpy grabbed her hoof, and was brought back onto her hooves.

“I’m okay,” Assured Derpy. “I’m so sorry for the mess.”

“It’s okay, Derpy. As far as I can tell, nothing other than the boxes were damaged, and most importantly, you’re not hurt,” Said Twilight.

Derpy reached into her mail bag, and grabbed an orange envelope with her mouth.

“That’s good. I have a letter for Starlight,” Said Derpy through her teeth.

“For me? Who’d be sending me a letter?” Pondered Starlight.

Opening the letter, she quickly perused through its contents.

“It’s… the ponies from my old village,” Said Starlight in disbelief.

“Are they in danger?” Asked Twilight.

“Are they upset with you?” Asked Spike.

“Are they asking for money?” Asked Deadpool.

“No… it’s worse! They’ve invited me to the annual Sunset Festival!” Answered Starlight fearfully.

Starlight’s friends exchanged confused looks.

“Oh, no?” Said Twilight, unsure of how she should respond.

“What’s the Sunset Festival?” Asked Spike.

“Around this time of year, sunsets are at their most vibrant over at Our Town. Everyone comes together to celebrate and watch them,” Explained Starlight.

“Well then, it’s great that you were invited to intend, right?” Asked Spike.

“It would be… except for the fact that I would be heading back to the same town where I took everypony’s cutie marks and stripped them of their individuality,” Said Starlight dreadfully.

“I thought you made amends with everypony,” Said Twilight.

“I did, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s extremely awkward, or that some of the villagers could still be carrying grudges. Not that it wouldn’t be warranted,” Said Starlight with guilt.

“Starlight, Starlight. You have nothing to worry about. You’re forgetting this is a festival! Everyone’s going to be too high to be upset with you in any capacity,” Said Deadpool.

“We never had drugs anywhere near Our Town,” Said Starlight.

“Well, now that you’re not in charge anymore, ponies probably will get a hold of them. Speaking from personal experience, watching a sunset under the effects of cannabis is so fun!” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, you’re not helping,” Said Twilight sternly.

“Are you not going to go?” Asked Spike.

“I will go,” Answered Starlight. “Deadpool’s right. Well, partially. I have nothing to worry about because everypony will be focusing on having fun at the festival. I’ll be fine,”

“Are you sure? We understand that it is a rather uncomfortable situation to put yourself in,” Said Twilight.

“I’m sure. I mean, yes, it will probably be tense leading up to and being there for the first few minutes, but as I participate in whatever they have all planned, I’ll be able to move on and have a good time,” Assured Starlight.

“Good for you, Starlight,” Said Derpy.

“Derpy, not trying to be rude or anything, but don’t you have a mail route to run?” Asked Twilight.

“Oh! Yes, I do!” Said Derpy in realization.

She was about to fly out of the window, but she stopped before she got off the ground. She pulled out a white envelope from her mail bag.

“Oh, I almost forgot! I have something for Deadpool, too,” Said Derpy while walking over to him.

“Oo! Is it fan mail? A check? Coupons?” Pondered Deadpool.

“I think it’s a bill,” Said Derpy.

Deadpool opened the envelope, revealing an invoice.

“Celestia damnit!” Said Deadpool frustratedly.

The next day…

Starlight had arrived at her old village. She could see the villagers putting up the last of the decorations for the Sunset Festival. Banners and streamers hung from the buildings, balloons were scattered across the area, and tables were adorned with food and desserts. As she walked towards the village, she felt nervous about seeing the ponies she formerly ruled over.

She, reasonably, was afraid that they weren’t going to take kindly to her attendance, even though they sent an invite. After she turned over a new leaf, among the first things she did was apologize to everyone in Our Town for taking away their cutie marks and their individuality. They all did forgive her, but that doesn’t guarantee they don’t still carry a grudge. Feeling her nerves acting up, she decided to pause for a moment to take a deep breath to calm herself down. Afterwards, she ventured into the village.

Up ahead, she saw two very familiar faces - Double Diamond and Party Favor. The latter was hanging up a banner with the aid of his magic while the former oversaw the banner’s placement. Once she was a few feet away from them, she stopped in her tracks. She not only caught Double Diamond and Party Favor’s attention, but everyone else in the area as well. They were all surprised to see her.

“Uh, hey there, everypony,” Said Starlight timidly.

“Uh… Hey, Starlight. What are you doing here?” Asked Party Favor.

From the corners of her eyes, Starlight noticed a couple ponies staring at her.

“I-I… I was invited. To the Sunset Festival?” Answered Starlight.

She felt that something was off. Why was everypony, including Party Favor and Double Diamond, surprised by her attendance? She pulled out her invitation and presented it to Party Favor and Double Diamond with a nervous grin.

“Uh, yeah, but we didn’t think you’d actually show up,” Said Double Diamond with a glare.

Party Favor took Starlight’s invitation in his own magic to look at it with Double Diamond.

“You didn’t think we really wanted you here, did you?” Asked Party Favor with a glare of his own.

Party Favor gave Starlight’s invitation to Double Diamond. The latter tore the invitation to itty-bitty pieces in front of Starlight.

“But… I… apologized. I thought everything was fine,” Said Starlight, confused by their behavior.

“Ha ha ha!”

Double Diamond and Party Favor started laughing at her. They slowly approached her, and other villagers started joining in on the laughter. Frightened by the shift in their behavior, Starlight tried to back up. She ended up bumping into something, seeing that it was Sugar Belle and Night Glider. The villagers’ laughter escalated from ridicule to deranged. Fearing what they were going to do to her, Starlight closed her eyes, embracing her body for what was to come.

“Please…! Stop…! Stop!” Pleaded Starlight.

Starlight waited for the beating or verbal assault that the villagers might have had planned. A few tense seconds passed, but she felt nor heard anything. She opened her left eye to see what was going on. She then opened her other eye when she saw something bizarre; nopony was here. Double Diamond, Party Favor, everyone was gone. Just as bizarre, the time shifted from day to night. As she looked around at her surroundings, she saw fog rolling in. It stuck low to the ground, concealing the ground beneath her.

“What happened? Is anypony there?” Asked Starlight.

A silhouette slowly appeared behind. As it grew larger, Starlight noticed it from the corner of her eye. She turned around, seeing a thick layer of fog. She could hear the sound of hoofsteps, and a figure slowly emerged from the fog. The source of the shadow was none other than the Princess of the Night - Princess Luna. She calmly walked over to Starlight with a warm, gentle smile on her face.

“Princess Luna? W-What are you doing here?” Asked Starlight.

“Dreams are my domain, Starlight Glimmer. I am here because you need me to be,” Explained Luna.

“Oh. It’s only a dream,” Said Starlight in relief.

“It may only be a dream, but the feelings in it are real,” Said Luna.

“(Sigh) Great. So I guess I’m more afraid of going back to the village than I thought. What do I do now?” Asked Starlight.

“I have been helped time and time again by six very special ponies. They helped me overcome my past. You’re fortunate to have them as friends. I suggest you share your concerns with them,” Advised Luna.

Princess Luna began to walk up into the sky towards the moon. She stopped to look back towards Starlight.

“I see much of myself in you, Starlight Glimmer, and I can tell you from personal experience that things do indeed get better,” Assured Luna.

Starlight and Luna exchanged a smile. The Princess of the Night continued her walk towards the moon. Once she reached her destination, a bright light enveloped the area.

GASP!

Starlight woke up with a jolt. She looked around, seeing that she was in her bedroom. It was still the middle of the night, but she couldn’t try going back to sleep just yet. Instead, she thought about what Luna had discussed with her.

The following morning…

Starlight, the Mane Six, Spike, and Deadpool were all gathered in the throne room. Following Luna’s advice, Starlight informed her friends about what had happened in her dreams last night.

“...and Princess Luna said I should tell you all how I was feeling. So… there it is. I’m afraid to go back to the village for the celebration,” Admitted Starlight.

“But why, darling?” Asked Rarity. “You went back to apologize; they accepted. Everypony has moved on.”

“But have they? They don’t really know how much I’ve changed, or even worse, maybe I haven’t changed as much as I think I have!” Said Starlight anxiously.

“Trust me, you are a totally different pony now,” Assured Rainbow Dash. “I mean, you were pretty awful.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Shouted Applejack sternly.

“What? She was! It’s a compliment!” Said Rainbow defensively.

“Rainbow Dash is right, AJ. Starlight used to be a cunt, but now she’s cool,” Said Deadpool.

Applejack and Twilight rolled their eyes at Deadpool and Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t think they would’ve sent the invitation if they didn’t want you to come. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you,” Assured Fluttershy.

“And getting an invitation to a party and not going?! That’s like… I-It’s like… Well, I don’t know what it’s like, but it is definitely bad,” Said Pinkie Pie.

“Just be honest with them. I’m sure they’ll understand where you’re comin’ from,” Said Applejack confidently.

“I understand how hard this is for you. Maybe if you took a friend along, it might make things easier. Somepony you trust who would look out for you?” Suggested Twilight with a large grin and batting her eyes.

(Who is she suggesting? I can think of plenty of ponies in Starlight’s social circle that would match that description?)

(Is it really not that obvious to you?)

(Maybe, maybe not. Depends on if my guess is wrong or not. Which we can find out right about… now!)

Later that day…

Everyone had gathered outside, where they met up with another pony. She was a unicorn mare with an azure coat, pale blue mane and tail with pale cerulean stripes. She also had dark violet eyes, and a cutie mark that depicted a magic wand and a crescent moon made of magic. Starlight was helping the mare pack bags, clothes, and other items in a caravan wagon. It was primarily purple with gold trimming. It also had blue wheels, and a grayish blue roof. Two windows were integrated on the left and right sides, and a pair of doors were built into the front and back of the wagon. Stars adorned the wagon, as well as symbols of the mare’s cutie mark.

“Thanks so much for doing this, Trixie. When Twilight said I should bring a friend, you were the first pony I thought of,” Said Starlight.

Trixie poked her head out of the window closest to Twilight.

“Great idea, Princess Twilight. Asking me - Starlight’s best friend - to help her on this difficult journey really shows how wise a princess you have become,” Said Trixie, booping Twilight’s muzzle with a shit-eatting grin.

“He he! Great one, author,” Chuckled Deadpool.

Twilight gave Starlight’s friend her best forced smile.

“Thanks, Trixie,” Said Twilight through gritted teeth.

Her left eye twitched in strained frustration. She put her hoof up to her mouth so only Spike and Deadpool could hear her.

“I was talking about me,” Said Twilight frustratedly.

Spike simply smiled in response. Deadpool gave Twilight an amused smirk that was visible under his mask. Seeing her brother and coltfriend teasing her with their facial expressions made her flatten her ears out of irritation.

(Welp, guess I am oblivious. I thought Twilight was suggesting Starlight brought along Pinkie Pie.)

(Please! As lovely as she is, Pinkie would be too distracted by the festivities to be looking out for her. It was obvious Twilight was suggesting herself.)

Trixie stepped out of the wagon while putting on a cape and a wizard-like hat that had blue and yellow stars on them. A teal gem secured her cloak around her neck.

“The festival lasts a whole week, but I’m sure we won’t stay that long,” Said Starlight to the rest of her friends.

“Oh, I don’t know, Starlight. Time really flies when you’re spending it with your best friend!” Said Trixie with a giggle, giving Starlight a one foreleg hug.

After embracing her friend, Starlight walked off. Trixie took the opportunity to give Twilight a smug grin. Twilight kept her composure, but it was becoming extremely difficult for her to not turn her into a statue. Deadpool noticed her marefriend’s distress. Even though he found it amusing, he decided to help her out.

“How petty are you feeling?” Asked Deadpool.

“Very. Why do you ask?” Asked Twilight.

“How about I join Starlight and Trixie on their trip? Who knows, maybe Trixie and I could end up becoming best friends,” Suggested Deadpool with a mischievous grin.

“Wade, are you planning on using your talkative nature to torture the poor mare? …Go ahead!” Said Twilight with a genuine smile.

“Oh, Starlight!” Called Deadpool.

“Yes, Deadpool?” Replied Starlight.

“Could I tag along with you and Trixie?” Asked Deadpool.

“Why…?” Asked Starlight, suspicious of Wade’s sudden request.

“I want to check out the Sunset Festival! After all, I like parties!” Said Deadpool.

“Party!” Shouted Pinkie Pie.

“Wade, are you trying to smuggle drugs to the festival?” Asked Starlight sternly.

“(Gasp!) Starlight, I can’t believe you would think so little of me!” Said Deadpool in faux offense. “I would never stoop so low as to sneak drugs somewhere they may not be permitted at! Besides, that would be a waste of my stash.”

Starlight studied Deadpool for a few moments, trying to figure out if he was up to something. Afterwards, she caved in.

“(Sigh) Fine, you can tag along, but only if you behave yourself,” Said Starlight sternly.

As she was attaching the harness that connected to her wagon, Trixie looked utterly terrified.

“Starlight, Trixie thinks you should-”

“Great!” Said Deadpool joyfully.

After giving Twilight a quick goodbye kiss, Deadpool climbed on top of Trixie’s wagon. Feeling Deadpool’s added weight to her load, Trixie looked back at Twilight. She saw her smiling and waving at her.

“Why that cunning bitch,” Thought Trixie irritatedly.

Now that they were all set, Starlight and Trixie started their journey to the former’s old village with Deadpool in tow. Starlight and Deadpool waved goodbye, and their friends waved back while saying their farewells.

Later that evening…

Starlight, Trixie, and Deadpool were on a dusty trail in the middle of a desert. As the two mares were walking the trail, they not only had to endure walking for many hours, but also Deadpool talking.

“Having successfully pissed him off, Count Nefaria came over to me. While he may be among the many Superman pastiche, it doesn’t change the fact that he is probably the strongest pony I’ve ever faced; I was practically shitting bricks. My fear was justified as he beat the ever-living shit out of me across an entire street. I can take a hit, but when he was done with me, I looked like a hippo’s chew toy. He then-”

“Can you please be quiet?!” Shouted Trixie.

“Sure… after I finish my story,” Replied Deadpool.

Starlight looked over at her friend. She could see that Trixie was grinding her teeth in anger. Wanting to prevent a scuffle, she decided to intervene.

“Wade, as much as I would like to hear the end of your tale, could we save it for another time?” Asked Starlight. “I would like to find a spot to set up camp for the night and wind down.”

“Oh, alright. If you insist, Glimmy,” Replied Deadpool.

“Thank you!” Said Trixie gratefully.

The lack of humidity made the area freezing cold. The cold air was taking its toll on Trixie, causing her to shiver.

“T-Trixie w-would like t-to take you up-p on stopping f-for the evening. I can f-feel my hooves about to fall off-f!” Stammered Trixie from the cold.

“Are you sure it’s not just from having to carry Deadpool since we left Ponyville?” Asked Starlight.

“Hey! I may be a big guy, but I’m not that big!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“We can stop here for the night to warm up and rest. If we leave first thing at sunrise, we can make it to the village by mid-morning,” Said Starlight.

“Thank g-goodness!” Said Trixie in relief.

She hastily pulled the wagon off of the road. Parking the wagon several feet away from the road, then practically jumped inside. After scrummaging through most of the stuff inside, she came back out. She held a plastic bag filled with flammable materials such as shredded newspaper bits and dryer lint in her magic, which emitted a pale magenta aura. She placed some of the makeshift kindling on the ground, then cast a spell that set the materials on fire.

“Ahhh… Much better,” Said a satisfied Trixie, sitting down by the fire.

“Aw, man! If I knew you were going to build a fire, I would have lit it!” Said Deadpool in frustration.

“I think I did us all a favor by keeping you from starting any fires,” Said Trixie.

“Did you think I was going to burn the desert down?” Asked Deadpool annoyedly.

“No, but you could burn Trixie’s wagon, set off her fireworks stash, or send her and Starlight to the ER,” Answered Trixie.

“You got fireworks?! Can I please set them off?!” Asked Deadpool excitedly.

“You keep your grubby, dangerous hooves out of Trixie’s stuff!” Yelled Trixie.

“Deadpool, how about you go find something we can use as spare kindling?” Suggested Starlight.

“Fine, but if I get eaten by a giant worm alien, you have to answer to Twilight,” Said Deadpool.

Hopping off of the wagon’s roof, Deadpool walked off to go find something that they can use as fuel for the fire. Starlight sat down to a still shivering Trixie.

“How are you not freezing?” Asked Trixie.

“I lived out here for a long time. I acclimated to the desert’s temperature extremes,” Answered Starlight.

Trixie used her magic to open the windows on the left side of her wagon. She then grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her to help her warm up quicker.

“Do you have some beef with Deadpool?” Asked Starlight. “I noticed how you’re both afraid of him and irritated by his presence.”

“That masked nutcase is one of several ponies who's bad side Trixie got on,” Answered Trixie. “Especially when I-”

“Shut me up!” Said Deadpool angrily.

Deadpool dragged a large, dry wooden log over by the fire. Sitting down, he pulled out a knife, and began cutting some branches off of the log.

“The last time I saw her, this bitch used an amulet to remove my mouth!” Said Deadpool.

One year earlier…

Deadpool, Twilight, and their friends were gathered around Ponyville’s town hall alongside some of Ponyville’s other residents. Trixie stood before the yet-to-be Princess of Magic, wearing a black cloak, and an amulet that had a red jewel and a black alicorn with red eyes and wings. Some ponies were the victims of magical incursions. Rarity was wearing a dress whose green, brown, and orange stripes clashed with pink frills, Rainbow Dash’s right wing was twice the size of her body, and a couple of unicorn colts were running around in panic after having their horns fused together.

“Stop picking on my friends, Trixie!” Ordered Twilight furiously.

“You and I have some unfinished business. My magic has gotten better since I was here last, and I’m going to prove it,” Said Trixie while walking over to Twilight. “Me and you, a magic duel. Winner stays, loser leaves Ponyville forever!”

Trixie’s eyes flashed red as she smiled sinisterly.

“Forget it. I’d never make a deal like that,” Said Twilight, turning her back towards Trixie.

“Yeah, you tell her, Twilight!” Said Deadpool.

“Hm. Your choice,” Said Trixie ominously.

The amulet glowed, enveloping Trixie’s horn in a red aura. She used her magic to grab Spike, the young dragon screaming as she did so. She then contorted his body into a ball. Twilight watched in horror as Trixie dribbled him like a basketball.

“Trixie! Put him down!” Demanded Twilight worriedly.

Trixie summoned a wooden basket with a hole missing on the bottom. She tossed Spike through it as a makeshift hoop.

“Uh, score Timberwolves!” Remarked Deadpool.

Hearing his joke, Trixie grit her teeth in annoyance.

“Why are you doing this?” Asked Twilight angrily.

“Why? Because you humiliated me!” Said Trixie angrily, pointing at Twilight.

She used her magic to project her memories for Twilight to see.

“After you showed me up with that Ursa Minor, I became a laughing stock. Everywhere I went, I was laughed at and ostracized. I even had to take a job on a rock farm just to earn a living. A rock farm!” Said Trixie angrily.

“Hey! You’re lucky a rock farm would take the likes of you!” Said Pinkie angrily.

“Yeah! Have you tried not being a showboating bitch?! Maybe then, ponies would like you more!” Added Deadpool.

(Pot, meet kettle.)

With an annoyed look on her face, Trixie summoned a red cursor in front of Pinkie. It grabbed her muzzle, then took it off cartoonishly. A computer trash icon then appeared, and the mouse disposed of her muzzle in it. It did the same with Deadpool’s muzzle, then it and the trash bin disappeared. Both ponies looked at each other, then silently screamed. Their mute screams turned to tears. Both ponies cried in each other’s embrace, saddened over the loss of their speech.

Present day…

“That remains one of the worst things to have ever happened to me. And I’ve had my entire body regenerated from drops of blood!” Said Deadpool.

“As guilty as I am for my actions that day, I still stand by my belief that I did Ponyville a favor by shutting you up,” Said Trixie.

“Can you teach me that spell when we hang out again?” Asked Starlight, whispering into Trixie’s ear.

“Unfortunately, that spell is only possible with the Alicorn Amulet, and I do not know of its current location,” Answered Trixie.

“Don’t get any funny ideas! If either of you think about trying to silence me, I’ll see to it that you get a similar treatment!” Said Deadpool.

“Alright, alright. Sorry, Wade,” Apologized Starlight.

“That’s what I thought,” Said Deadpool.

“I know you two have some grievances with each other, but if you’re not willing to make amends, could you at least put aside your differences so we can hopefully have a relaxing time at the festival?” Asked Starlight.

“I guess,” Replied Deadpool.

“Trixie can agree to that,” Replied Trixie.

“Great. Now I can hopefully get some rest without having to worry about waking up to a murder scene,” Said Starlight.

“Speaking of murder, I could kill for some campfire food right about now. Please tell me you two had packed some food? I’d hate to have to resort to eating myself… again,” Said Deadpool.

Both Starlight and Trixie got a little green around the gills from hearing Deadpool admitting he had once self-cannibalized.

“I believe I have some carrots that we can cook to make some carrot dogs,” Said Trixie.

“Carrot dogs cooked over a campfire? You just got some respect points from me,” Said Deadpool.

“Thank you,” Said Trixie with a small smile.

The following morning…

The trio of ponies looked over the top of a rocky hill. Starlight’s village was visible down below. Choosing to park her wagon atop the hill, Trixie removed the harness.

“There it is!” Said Trixie, gesturing towards the modest village. “The town where you-”

“Magically stole everypony’s cutie marks, replaced them with equal signs, and forced them all to hide their natural talents? Yes,” Said Starlight glumly.

“I was going to say where you came from, but yours is a more… emotionally traumatic answer,” Said Trixie.

(He he! Came! That’s what we did between this chapter and the previous one!)

“Ah, emotional trauma. A burden that many important characters carry. This is especially true if you’re a comic book character such as moi. I can list off all of the superheroes I know who struggle with that,” Said Deadpool.

“Please don’t,” Pleaded Trixie.

“(Sigh) I just want to… blend in. Be just another pony in the crowd enjoying the Sunset Festival with my friends,” Said Starlight hopefully.

“Sounds good to me, and if things get weird for you, just let me know. I’ve got your flank,” Said Trixie.

“Is that a promise?” Asked Starlight.

“Not just a promise. A great and powerful promise!” Exclaimed Trixie.

POOF!

Trixie’s theatrical side kicked into full gear. She threw down a few blue smoke bombs. The smoke irritated everypony’s lungs, causing quite the coughing fit.

“Well, I couldn’t ask for more than that. If we’re gonna do this, let’s do it,” Said Starlight nervously.

“You two go on ahead. I need to get into the right headspace,” Said Deadpool.

Confused by what Deadpool had said, Starlight and Trixie walked down the path leading into Our Town. Upon entering, Starlight quickly noticed how one-to-one the decorations were to her dream. She stopped in her tracks, fearful that the events of her dream were about to repeat in the real world. She looked to her friend, Trixie, who gave her a reassuring nod. She hesitantly continued walking down the path until she came across Double Diamond and Party Favor hanging up a banner, just like in her dream. Hearing her hoofsteps, both ponies looked back and were surprised to see their former leader.

“Oh! Starlight, you came!” Said Double Diamond in surprised delight.

(He he! She came!)

(Ugh… Is this what our jokes have devolved to now?)

Starlight nervously giggled and waved hello.

“We were worried you wouldn’t be able to make it! Are you staying the whole week? We have different events planned each day!” Said Party Favor excitedly.

Starlight’s presence caught the attention of some of the other villagers, including Night Glider and Sugar Belle. They walked over to speak to their former leader.

“How is it living in a castle?” Asked Sugar Belle.

“It is so good to see you!” Said Double Diamond, clapping his fore hooves.

“Oh, yeah! These ponies are terrifying,” Mocked Trixie.

Trixie giggled in amusement at her friend’s expense. Starlight rolled her eyes while uttering a small groan.

“It’s good to see all of you, too,” Said Starlight.

“You got here just in time. We were having some debate about these banners,” Said Party Favor, pointing at a trio of pegasi holding two banners. “Which do you think feels more ‘sunsetty’?”

After being asked about her opinion, Starlight felt a pit form in her stomach. It may have been a simple question, but it reminded her of the decisions she made as the leader of the village; choices that had turned her into a tyrannical dictator.

“O-oh, you don’t need me to decide that. Heh. Whatever you think is probably best,” Said Starlight nervously.

“Uh, well, how about helping us with the routes for the relay races tomorrow? Can you take a look?” Asked Double Diamond.

“Oh, I-I shouldn’t. You all go ahead. I-I just want to enjoy the festival,” Stammered Starlight, her anxiety increasing.

“But you will be a judge for the baking competition, right?” Asked Sugar Belle.

“We had a few questions about the order of the acts for the talent show,” Said Double Diamond.

“And the unicorns have a fireworks show planned! We could really use your help!” Added Night Glider.

The villagers gathered around to ask Starlight, causing her to shake in panic. Seeing her friend’s anxiety getting to a serious level, Trixie attempted to intervene, but the crowd was too packed to let her get through. Starlight’s teeth chattered, and her eyes, reduced to the size of pin pricks, darted around to look at all of the faces of the ponies she had done wrong. Overwhelmed, she slammed her eyes shut.

“NO!”

Now in fight-or-flight, Starlight’s subconsciously conjured a force field around herself. It lightly pushed everyone away from her, knocking them over or pressing them up against the wall of a house. Only Trixie was left standing. Starlight cowered in front of everyone, laying her front half on the dirt and covering her eyes. As everyone began to recover, Trixie decided to intervene while the opportunity presented itself.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie would like to thank you all for being such an amazing audience. Sadly, it is time for us to depart. Good night, fillies and gentlecolts!” Said Trixie theatrically.

POOF!

Trixie threw one of her smoke bombs, concealing her and Starlight, and causing the town folk to cough. As soon as the smoke dissipated, the crowd saw both mares were gone. As they murmured in shock and confusion, a certain hero decided to make an appearance. Deadpool, oblivious to what had happened, walked up to the crowd. The lower half of his mask rested on the bridge of his nose as he casually smoked a blunt, filling the air with the strong, recognizable stench of cannabis.

“Hey, everypony! Guess who’s back in-”

Deadpool stopped in his tracks. He quickly noticed that the villagers were looking at him. Looking through the crowd, he realized that Trixie and Starlight were nowhere to be seen.

“Does anypony know where Starlight and her friend Trixie are?” Asked Deadpool.

Meanwhile…

Up on the hill overlooking Our Town, Trixie and Starlight were making the trek back home. As Trixie pulled her wagon, her friend quietly walked by her side. Now out of the throughs of her adrenaline, she reflected on what she and Trixie had done. She felt embarrassed and ashamed for running away, but she didn’t have the courage to go back.

“Hey!”

Hearing a familiar voice, Starlight and Trixie looked over their shoulders. They saw Deadpool running up the hill after them. Blunt still in his mouth, Deadpool caught up to the mares.

“What the fuck, gals! You two decided to dip, and you didn’t even bother to let me know?! Were you trying to get rid of me?! Was this Trixie’s idea?!” Asked Deadpool furiously.

Deadpool looked at the mares’ faces. Trixie scowled at him, while Starlight bore a glum look, her guilt from how she handled the stress brought about from encountering her villagers still lingering. Deadpool’s anger quickly subsided.

“Um… did I miss something?” Asked Deadpool.

“If you had not jumped to conclusions, you could have learned that Starlight had to leave because everypony was overwhelming her with various propositions to oversee the festival,” Said Trixie irritatedly.

“Wait, they offered you to run the festival?” Asked Deadpool confusedly. “I figured that you all buried the hatchet along with the hammer and sickle, but letting you help run the Sunset Festival? I was not expecting that.”

“Ugh! I was horrible when I led the town! I was ready for them to not trust me, but… I wasn’t ready for them to put me in charge again! With my past, I should never be in charge of anything!” Said Starlight.

“Deadpool, could you give Starlight and I a moment?” Asked Trixie.

“Sure. I’ll walk ahead of you,” Replied Deadpool.

Deadpool walked ahead of Starlight and Trixie. Once he was out of earshot, Trixie spoke to her friend.

“So you messed up. Big deal,” Said Trixie. She looked towards Deadpool, making sure he couldn’t hear her. “Don’t you ever tell another pony I said this, but even Trixie’s made mistakes. (Giggles) I know! The trick is to just move on, and pretend they never happened.”

“I feel like that’s almost good advice,” Said Starlight, a smile finding its way onto her face.

Trixie smiled back in self satisfaction. The happy moment between friends was swiftly interrupted when a smoke cloud blew into their faces. The signature smell of marijuana caused Starlight to cough.

“Wade! You brought drugs with you?!” Shouted Starlight.

“Oh, grow the fuck up! It’s marijuana! This shit is legal, and I didn’t give it to anypony else! As a citizen of Equestria, if I want to smoke something that does absolutely nothing for me anymore, then I fucking can!” Shouted Deadpool angrily.

“Then at least don’t do it in front of our faces!” Shouted Starlight irritatedly.

“Blame your friend for that!” Shouted Deadpool.

The next day…

After repeating the same long trek, the trio arrived back at Ponyville. The streets were lively today, with ponies going about their daily lives. With all of the ponies gathered in place, Pinkie Pie still stood out like a sore hoof, bouncing up and down as she traveled down the road. Spotting her friend, Starlight called out to her.

“Hey, uh, Pinkie Pie!” Called Starlight.

Starlight galloped over to Pinkie to catch up to her. The party pony stopped bouncing and looked back at her.

“Hey… you!” Said Pinkie with some slight hesitation.

“So… you’re probably wondering why I’m back so soon,” Said Starlight, nervously rubbing her right foreleg.

“Where were you?” Asked Pinkie.

Pinkie’s question confused Starlight. She should have known where she had gone, considering she had asked for her help with her fears of going to the Sunset Festival.

“I… went to my old village? For the festival?” Answered Starlight, trying to job Pinkie’s memory.

“Ooh, sounds fun! How was it?” Asked Pinkie with an eerily big grin.

As weird as it was that she seemed to have forgotten about it, Starlight concluded that Pinkie’s hyperactivity probably caused her to forget about what happened a couple days prior.

“It was kind of a disaster. I came back early because I freaked out!” Explained Starlight.

“Ooh, sounds awful! Bye!” Said Pinkie rather cheerily.

Pinkie went on her way, leaving a flabbergasted Starlight. She’s no stranger to Pinkie’s eccentricities, but she found her response and abrupt goodbye baffling. As she watched the party pony hop away, Trixie and Deadpool walked up to her.

“Wade, did you hear everything?” Asked Starlight.

“Yeah,” Replied Deadpool.

“Did that seem strange to you?” Asked Starlight.

“It’s Pinkie. She’s normally strange,” Answered Deadpool.

“Takes somepony strange to recognize it in others,” Remarked Trixie while taking off her hat and cape.

“Pot, meet kettle,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“I know she’s normally strange, but that was strange, even for her,” Said Starlight.

“At this rate, if we keep saying strange long enough, we might summon Doctor Strange,” Remarked Deadpool.

(Holy shit! There’s a portal forming right above us!)

“Really?” Said Deadpool while looking up.

(Gotcha!)

Seeing that a portal wasn’t above his head, Deadpool was disappointed. Starlight spotted Rarity and Applejack together ahead of her.

“Hey!” Cried Starlight, walking over to her friends. “I’m back early.”

“Ah. Welcome back?” Said Rarity hesitantly, just like with Pinkie Pie.

Trixie and Deadpool walked over to listen in on the conversation.

“Have you two noticed Pinkie acting a little strange?” Asked Starlight.

“Pinkie Pie always acts strange,” Answered Applejack.

Rarity agreed with Applejack with a nod of her head.

“See?” Said Deadpool.

“Anyway, I wanted to talk to you two. Things didn’t go the way I thought they were going to at the Sunset Festival,” Said Starlight sadly.

“What happened?” Asked Rarity concerningly.

“I kind of freaked out and ran out of the village,” Admitted Starlight shamefully.

"HA HA HA!"

To her utter disbelief, Starlight heard Rarity and Applejack laugh at her.

“You freaked out and ran away from a festival? Ha! That’s the funniest danged thing I’ve heard all day!” Said Applejack, smacking Rarity in the shoulder in amusement.

“(Laughing) Oh my. Let me guess: the decorations were terrifying?!” Asked Rarity out of ridicule.

The trio of ponies watched in disbelief as they watched Rarity and Applejack laugh at Starlight’s expense. Just then, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew down towards the group, landing next to Applejack and Rarity respectively.

“Rarity and Applejack for friendship business,” Whispered Fluttershy to Rarity.

Rainbow Dash roughly pushed Applejack aside.

“Hello, Wade and friends. We need Applejack and Rarity. Very important friendship business,” Said Rainbow Dash rather vaguely.

The four Elemental Bearers left, with Rainbow Dash flicking her tail in a disrespectful manner. Both Starlight and Deadpool watched them leave, confusion plastered all over their faces.

“I have to say, I’m really not as impressed with your friends as the rest of Equestria is,” Admitted Trixie.

“Okay, that was all kinds of weird,” Said Deadpool.

(Great, a word other than-)

(Don’t say it!)

“We need to talk to Twilight!” Said Starlight concerningly.

Starlight galloped towards the Castle of Friendship. It took her no time to arrive at the front doors. She tried opening one of them with her magic, but it wouldn’t budge. Realizing that it was locked, she knocked on the door.

KNOCK KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Twilight? Hello?” Shouted Starlight, hoping to get her friend’s attention.

Suddenly, a peephole slid open, revealing a familiar pair of draconic eyes.

“What do you want? Twilight’s very busy!” Asked Spike impatiently.

“Spike, I really need to speak with her,” Answered Starlight urgently.

“Make an appointment! She’s a princess after all,” Said Spike uncharacteristically curtly.

SLAM!

Spike slammed the peephole closed, adding on to Starlight’s confusion.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“What’s wrong with you?” Asked Starlight in bewilderment. “Why are you being so-”

“Hey, Trixie wanted me to tell you that she said goodbye, and that she understands why you didn’t do so yourself,” Said Deadpool.

Suddenly, the peephole opened up again, revealing a now petrified Spike.

“D-Deadpool?” Stuttered Spike.

“Yeah, it’s me. What are you doing on the other side of the door?” Asked Deadpool. “I know you’re Twilight’s servant, but I didn’t think she would have you greet us at the door.

“He’s doing the opposite; he’s not letting me in!” Informed Starlight.

“Oh, really?” Said Deadpool with a scowl.

He looked Spike directly in the eyes through the peephole.

“Spike, you better let Starlight in, or else I’ll tear this door off its hinges and float you out to sea on top of it!” Threatened Deadpool.

“Y-Yup! Un-Understood!” Stuttered Spike fearfully.

Spike quickly opened the door, revealing that he was standing on a stool. Just then, Twilight walked up to the door with a stern look on her face.

“I think a certain dragon didn’t get his nap today,” Scorned Twilight.

“Nope! I certainly didn’t!” Said Spike fearfully.

Spike hopped down from atop the stool, and dragged it away. With him out of the way, Starlight and Deadpool stepped into the castle.

“Hey, Twilight,” Greeted Deadpool.

“Hey-”

Before Twilight could finish her greeting, Deadpool kissed her on the lips. She seemed rather shocked by this act of affection, but she eventually reciprocated the kiss.

“Sorry about Spike. He’s been acting a little off all day. I think he missed a meal or something,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

“He’s not the only one. Everypony’s acting a little strange today,” Said Starlight.

(She said it again!)

“Yeah, our friends have been remarkably inconsiderate. As a certified asshole, I would know a thing or two about being inconsiderate,” Said Deadpool.

“Yes, it’s definitely been one of those days! How are you?” Asked Twilight slightly nervously.

“Not great, actually. You’re probably wondering why we’re back from the village so early,” Said Starlight.

“I didn’t want to bring it up, but yeah, it did seem strange. Did it not go well?” Asked Twilight concerningly.

(For the love of Celestia, make it stop!)

“The townsponies kept asking me things, like they expected me to be in charge again, but being a leader is the last thing I should ever be. So we left. Very suddenly. In a literal puff of smoke,” Explained Starlight.

“Poof!” Added Deadpool with an arching motion of his fore hooves.

“Wow, you should definitely never go back to that village,” Said Twilight with a friendly smile.

Both Deadpool and Starlight looked at their friend in complete shock.

“What?!” Said Starlight in utter confusion.

“If you were worried about what they thought of you before, it’s probably way worse now. I’d cut my losses,” Explained Twilight with a dismissive wave of her hoof.

“That’s… surprising advice coming from you,” Said Starlight.

“Trust me. I’m the Princess of Friendship,” Said Twilight, extending her wings. “You don’t need those ponies. You can always make more friends.”

CREAK!

The door to the throne room opened up, revealing Rainbow Dash leaning from the other side. She waved Twilight over.

“Ah! Speaking of friends, if you’ll excuse me, important business to attend to!” Sang Twilight nervously.

Twilight raced over to the door. Spike walked over, and gestured to Starlight that he was watching her. He then ran over to the throne room, and shut the door behind him.

Deadpool and Twilight looked at each other in absolute bewilderment.

“... What. The. Fuck?!” Said Deadpool quietly.

Later that evening…

Starlight Glimmer was in her bedroom, ready to get some much needed rest. As she walked up to her bed, she thought back to what Twilight had told her.

“Cut my losses? That can’t be right,” Affirmed Starlight.

Nonetheless, she hopped into bed, and tucked herself in. Using her magic to turn the lantern hanging on the wall above her off, she closed her eyes, and drifted off to sleep. As she slept, she ended up in yet another dream. She was in her village in the dead of night. As she walked down the main street, she saw that the area was devoid of other ponies. The decorations for the Sunset Festival were still up, and tumbleweeds rolled across the street in front of her. Suddenly, the doors to the various houses opened, and all of the villagers walked across the town. Seeing Double Diamond, Starlight tried to speak to him.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier,” Said Starlight sincerely.

Double Diamond ignored her, continuing to walk in a seemingly random direction. Seeing Party Favor, Starlight tried to talk to him instead.

“Party Favor, can you hear me?” Asked Starlight, waving a hoof in front of his face.

This got no reaction from him.

“I told you you can never speak to them again!”

Hearing the surprisingly angry voice of her mentor, Starlight looked straight ahead. She saw Twilight and the rest of her mare friends walking angrily towards her.

“What are you all doing here?” Asked Starlight, taking a few steps back.

“Making sure you do what I said! I’m your teacher, aren’t I? Didn’t I say to never come back here?!” Asked Twilight rhetorically.

Twilight and her friends continued their advance towards Starlight. Starlight nervously backed away from them.

“Yes, but that just doesn’t seem right. You aren’t acting like yourself,” Answered Starlight.

“Something is wrong!”

As Starlight said those three words, a panicked, regal voice mirrored her. A gust of wind picked up, causing the Mane Six to blow away like dust.

“A dream? This is another dream!” Said Starlight, catching on to what was going on.

“Starlight Glimmer!” Whispered the voice.

Instantly, Starlight Glimmer knew who she heard.

“Princess Luna?” Said Starlight.

“Starlight Glimmer!” Whispered Luna again.

“Princess Luna, where are you?” Asked Starlight.

Looking up at the night sky, she saw the moon. Princess Luna appeared, poking her head out as if it were a window.

“Starlight Glimmer there is no time! You must get help!” Said Luna urgently.

“What? What are you talking about? This is just a dream!” Reasoned Starlight.

“Not here! In the waking world! They’ve taken my sister and I! It’s worse than the last time! Your dream called to me, and I was able to break through! You must find help!” Explained Luna hastily.

Princess Luna was being pulled by something unseen to Starlight.

“What are you saying?! Who’s taken you?!” Asked Starlight worriedly.

“Be careful who you trust!” Warned Luna. “ You need all the help you can find! The changelings have returned and-”

GASP!

Before she could finish, Luna was grabbed by two changelings, and dragged away, disappearing from the moon.

“Princess Luna!” Cried Starlight.

Starlight ran, only for her dream to get sucked up in a black hole-like vortex. She stopped mid stride, and ended up getting sucked into the vortex. All that was now left was a black void.

GASP!

Starlight woke up late into the night with a startled jolt. Grappling from the nightmare that was created not by her dream, but what was transpiring in the waking world, she hyperventilated as the severity of the situation sank in.

“They’re back!”

A few minutes later…

Starlight Glimmer quietly sneaked out onto the balcony on the left side of the castle. She used her magic to gently levitate down to the ground, concealing herself inside a bush. Slightly poking her head from the top of the bush, she surveyed her surroundings. Seeing no one in sight, she quietly walked towards Trixie’s wagon, which was parked at the base of Twilight’s castle. Her mane and horn had a couple of stray leaves on them, but they quickly fell off when she walked over to the wagon's back door. Biting her bottom lip, she quietly knocked on the door.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Trixie? Trixie, it’s Starlight! Are you awake?” Asked Starlight quietly.

“Of course, Princess Celestia… I’d love to perform for peanut butter crackers…” Muttered Trixie with a sleepy slur.

Slightly taken aback by what her friend said in her sleep, Starlight knocked on the door more roughly.

“Trixie, wake up!” Ordered Starlight.

The wagon rocked heavily.

POP! BANG! CRACKLE!

Due to the wagon’s sudden movements, some fireworks went off! Starlight jumped out of freight as multiple fireworks exploded, their light emitting through the wagon. The window facing away from the castle opened up, and a bunch of smoke poured out of it. Trixie leaned out the window in a coughing fit, the light, smoke, or even both causing her eyes to water. Surprisingly, that was all the damage the fireworks did to her. Not even her star patterned night cap was tarnished! Returning to a dreary state, she looked at her friend.

“Starlight? What time is it?” Whined Trixie while rubbing one of her eyes.

“It’s late. I think I figured out what’s wrong with my friends!” Said Starlight.

“(Yawn) I have a whole list of things that are wrong with your friends, especially Twilight and that maniac she has for a coltfriend. We can go over it in the morning,” Said Trixie drearily.

Trixie slowly closed the window.

“No, Trixie, we’re in danger!” Explained Starlight.

Starlight used her magic to open the front door of the wagon. She then levitated a surprised Trixie over to her, and gently set her on the ground.

“(Sigh) Okay, fine! Aside from the lack of sleep, how are we in danger?” Asked Trixie annoyedly.

“I think the-”

Starlight cut herself off when she realized something. For all she knew, Trixie could have been replaced by a changeling. Looking suspiciously at her “friend”, she decided to give her a simple test to see if she is who she appears to be.

“What did you tell me never to tell another pony?” Asked Starlight.

Instead of giving her an answer, Trixie scowled at her friend.

“Starlight, if you woke me up to play guessing games-”

“After we left my village, what did you tell me to never tell another pony you said?” Pressed Starlight, pushing herself up against Trixie.

Her friend scowled, then uttered a reluctant sigh.

“That even Trixie’s made mistakes,” Said Trixie through gritted teeth.

Not satisfied with the muffled answer, Starlight pressed her further.

“Trixie, there’s no time for this! What did you say?” Demanded Starlight.

Fed up with her, Trixie pushed her friend off her.

“That even Trixie’s made mistakes! Okay? Are you happy?!” Said Trixie, seething with anger.

Finally given the answer she wanted, Starlight sighed in relief.

“Yes. Sorry, I just had to make sure you weren’t… one of them!” Said Twilight in a hushed tone.

“One of who?” Asked Trixie irritatedly.

“A changeling! I think they’ve taken Princess Celestia and Princess Luna!” Said Starlight fearfully.

“What?! Are you sure?! I mean, what do we-? We have to tell Twilight!” Said Trixie fearfully, pulling her friend in close till their muzzles touched.

“If I’m right, then it’s too late for that,” Said Starlight grimly.

A few moments later…

After taking some time to collect themselves, Starlight and Trixie attempted to sneak back into the castle. Starlight opened one of the front doors as quietly as she could.

Creeaak…

It unfortunately made a creaking sound, but it was at a low enough register that no one likely heard it. She stuck her head out, and looked around, spotting none of her “friends”, she gestured to Trixie to follow her. Trixie quietly shut the door, and followed Starlight to the throne room. One of the doors was slightly ajar, the light of the throne room’s chandelier partially radiating out into the hallway. Voices could be heard from the other side. Stopping a couple feet away, Starlight told her friend to stay silent and look through the gap between both doors.

Peaking through the gap, they saw Starlight’s “friends” were gathered in the throne room. Most of them were engaged in idle chatter. Fluttershy was leaning back in her throne with her hind legs propped up on the Cutie Map, and Applejack took a bite out of a pear before tossing it aside. Spike was using a green crayon to draw a crude drawing of Fluttershy, with squiggly lines above it indicating she smelled. Seeing it, Fluttershy pushed Spike into Pinkie’s throne.

WHACK!

Catching Pinkie’s attention, she grabbed Spike by the back of his head, and pushed him face first into the edge of the Cutie Map.

WHAM!

THUD!

Spike fell onto the floor with a groan of pain. Witnessing the brutal assault, Rarity laughed hysterically at his expense. Seeing everyone’s behavior, Starlight and Trixie knew that they were most likely changelings. Laid out on the Cutie Map were three objects that resembled black scarab beetles. Twilight walked over to her throne.

“Is it ready?” Asked Twilight.

“Just one more,” Said Applejack ominously.

Placing a fourth beetle onto the map, the beetles formed the four corners of a square. One of the beetles’ elytra opened up, creating a beam of green magic. It connected to one of the beetles, which then opened its elytra and created another beam of magic. This continued until all four beetles were connected in a proper square. They rose into the air, enveloped in a rotating magical orb. Web-like strands formed a base underneath the orb, and the orb rotated faster. The orb then burst into a flash of light, and a large black-and-green vortex took its place. An image appeared in the center of the vortex, revealing the Queen of the Changelings - Chrysalis!

“Queen Chrysalis!” Said Starlight in silent shock.

Chrysalis looked upon the Mane Six and Spike, all of whom bowed in her presence.

“Ugh. I can’t take any of you seriously when you look like that,” Said Chrysalis.

“Oh, right,” Said Twilight with a sinister smirk.

She and everyone else were enveloped in a green fire, revealing their true changeling forms underneath.

“Much better. Now report!” Ordered Chrysalis.

“Everything here is going according to plan! We’ve replaced the six ponies and their dragon, and have taken control of the castle!” Reported the changeling impersonating Twilight, who seemed to be the leader of the group.

The changeling’s associates nodded their heads in confirmation.

“Excellent. And I’ve just received word that the princesses from Canterlot have successfully been replaced as well,” Informed Chrysalis.

The changeling drones laughed and cheered in celebration. Starlight and Trixie looked at each other in horror as they got confirmation that some of Equestria’s greatest champions have been replaced.

“We thought too small last time. One ponynapped princess wasn’t enough. With all the most beloved ponies of Equestria taken care of, nopony can stop us! Mwahaha!”

As Queen Chrysalis laughed maniacally, her underlings joined in. After having a good laugh, she went back to business.

“Is there anything else to report?” Asked Chrysalis.

“Yes, Your Majesty!” Said the changeling impersonating Spike. “We have yet to-”

“Shut up!” Yelled the changeling leader.

“Silence! Let them speak,” Ordered Chrysalis.

“Thank you, Your Highness. As I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted, we have yet to replace Deadpool,” Informed the changeling impersonating Spike.

“What?! Why not?!” Asked Chrysalis furiously.

“W-Well, you see. When we arrived, he had been out of town. He just came back earlier today with Twilight’s pupil. We were going to replace him after we updated you on our progress,” Said the changeling leader nervously.

“You better! As long as Deadpool remains free, our entire operation is in jeopardy! With his capabilities, we can’t risk him finding out that his friends have been taken! Go do it, now!” Ordered Chrysalis.

“(Gulp) Yes, Your Highness,” Said the changeling leader fearfully.

On that note, the vortex disappeared, and the scarab beetles separated and closed their elytra.

“What is wrong with you?!” Asked the changeling leader.

“She had to know. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re not loyal to our Queen,” Accused the changeling snitch.

“How dare you accuse me of treachery! I just didn’t want to concern the Queen with something so trivial as replacing one pony,” Said the changeling leader.

“If he’s so trivial, then why didn’t we take him while he was asleep?” Asked the changeling snitch.

“Well, I… needed to come up with a back up plan in case he woke up!” Said the changeling leader nervously.

“Are you afraid of him?” Asked the changeling snitch mockingly.

A couple of the changelings laughed at their leader.

“No! I have all of you! We outnumber him seven-to-one!” Said the changeling leader defensively.

“Ooh! I get it, you’re hesitant to face him because he kissed you,” Mocked the changeling impersonating Rainbow Dash.

“And you’re embarrassed to admit that you liked it,” Said the changeling impersonating Rarity, making smooching noises to mock their superior.

All of the changelings were laughing hysterically at the leader, which made their blood boil.

“NO, I DON’T!” Shouted the changeling leader furiously.

“Alright, we’ve heard enough. Let’s get out of here!” Said Trixie fearfully.

“Wait! You heard what they said; they haven’t taken Deadpool yet! We should go wake him up! We can then all escape, and-”

YAWN!

Hearing a yawn, both Starlight and Trixie saw the changelings look towards the entrance. Fear overtaking them, they slowly looked behind them, and saw Deadpool. He was only wearing a pair of leopard print underwear, and he looked like he had just woken up.

“Excuse me, you two,” Said Deadpool drearily.

Deadpool pushed the throne room doors open, revealing himself as well as Starlight and Trixie.

“Don’t mind me, gals,” Said Deadpool with a yawn. “I was just going to grab myself a late night beer.”

Once his vision started to get less blurry, he realized there was something off. Rubbing his eyes, he noticed that his “friends” did not look like they normally do.

“... Um, Rarity. I can’t believe I’m asking this, but remind me how much makeup you use?” Asked Deadpool hesitantly.

HISS!

Caught red hoofed, the changelings leapt from their seats, preparing to attack the three ponies. Thinking on her hooves, Starlight fired a bolt of magic at the Cutie Map. The bolt destroyed all of the scarab beetles, preventing the changelings from being able to contact Queen Chrysalis. Just as the changelings ran over to grab them, Starlight teleported herself and her friends out of the castle, ending up by Trixie’s wagon.

“Holy shit! The changelings are back!” Said Deadpool in shock. “No wonder why all of our friends were acting-”

THUD!

Before he could finish what he was saying, Deadpool was tackled into the side of the wagon by an enraged Trixie.

“You idiot! You blew our cover! If Starlight hadn’t saved us, we would have been captured!” Said Trixie furiously, trying her best to keep her voice down.

“How was I supposed to fucking know?! As far as I was aware, our friends were just not themselves. In hindsight, that should have tipped me off that they were changelings, but that doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t know you were uncovering a conspiracy!” Said Deadpool defensively.

“Deadpool’s right, Trixie. It was an unfortunate accident. We have to focus on the greater problem at hoof. All of my friends have been replaced, the Princesses have been taken, and all of Ponyville could have been replaced by changelings! Now that they know that we’ve caught on to them, we have to come up with a way to stop them, and quickly. It’s not going to take them long to find us out here,” Reasoned Starlight.

Knowing that her friend was right, Trixie let go of Deadpool.

“You’re right, Starlight, but what can we do? What can I do?” Pondered Trixie. As the gravitas of the situation sinked in, she found herself starting to panic. “I can’t deal with this! I’m just a performer! This is- This is princess-level stuff, but the changelings have all the princesses! We’re doomed!”

Trixie hunkered down onto the ground and shaked in fear. Wanting to help her friend out, Starlight tried to calm her down by coming up with something.

“Maybe not,” Said Starlight, patting her friend on the flank. “Uh, Queen Chrysalis said they only took Luna and Celestia, and obviously Twilight and the others, but maybe Cadance is still safe. Our best bet is to get to the Crystal Empire before the changelings do. That way we can-”

“There’s no help coming from the Crystal Empire.”

Hearing somebody speaking to them, all three ponies raised their guard up. They tried looking for whoever spoke to them. That was when a bush in front of them shook, and a changeling stepped out. Unlike the other changelings, their wings sparkled like the stars in the night sky.

“AAH! AH! AHH! AH!”

Upon seeing the changeling, Trixie screamed hysterically. Starlight enveloped her in a force field that muted her screaming. She and Deadpool didn’t panic as they recognized the changeling.

“Thorax?” Questioned Starlight and Deadpool in unison.

“Yes,” Confirmed Thorax.

“Your wings look… different,” Said Starlight, smiling when she noticed how pretty they were.

Thorax looked at his wings, and flapped them a bit.

“I guess they do,” Said Thorax.

Starlight and Deadpool were overjoyed seeing their friend again, but then remembered that their friends and allies were replaced by changelings. For all they know, changelings could be just as willing to imitate other changelings. Starlight lit up her horn, and both she and Deadpool slowly approached Thorax.

“How do we know you aren’t some other changeling pretending to be Thorax?” Asked Starlight.

Thorax took a moment to think of a way he could prove his identity.

“You were there when Spike defended me to the ponies of the Crystal Empire. Princess Twilight said-” Thorax used his shapeshifting to impersonate Twilight. “As the Princess of Friendship, I should set an example for all of Equestria, but today it was Spike who taught me-”

“Okay, okay. I believe you. We don’t need the whole speech,” Said Starlight.

“Hold on. Say my name,” Ordered Deadpool.

“Deadpool,” Replied Thorax.

“No, I meant my real name,” Corrected Deadpool.

“Oh. Wade,” Said Thorax.

“Oh, yeah…” Said Deadpool in bliss.

Weirded out by Deadpool, Thorax turned back into his changeling form. Seeing that she was no longer screaming, Starlight decided to introduce Trixie to Thorax.

“Trixie, this is Thorax. He’s a reformed changeling. He’s on our side. Understand?” Asked Starlight gently.

Seeing as she couldn’t be heard outside the forcefield, Trixie nodded her head in understanding. Starlight removed the force field, causing Trixie to fall onto her butt. Thorax decided to properly greet her.

“Hi. It’s a pleasure to-”

He tried to walk over to shake Trixie’s hoof, but she was still nervous around him, so she pressed herself up against her wagon.

“If Starlight says you’re on our side, I believe her, but maybe just stay over there for now, okay?” Asked Trixie nervously.

Thorax was saddened by Trixie’s fear towards him, but he understood. He walked back over to Starlight and Deadpool.

“What did you mean there’s no help? Did the changelings get Cadance too?” Asked Starlight.

“They took Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart! They tried to get me too, but Sunburst saved me from the changeling in charge of the infiltration! He sent me here to get Princess Twilight’s help, but it sounds like it’s too late for that, too! So, what should we do?” Asked Thorax.

Hearing that Cadance and Flurry Heart were taken by the changelings, Deadpool felt an intense rage build up inside him.

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do! I’m going to get my hooves on Chrysalis and the changelings responsible for taking Cadance and Flurry Heart, and pluck their wings!” Said Deadpool angrily.

“What about Shining Armor and Sunburst?” Asked Thorax.

“And the Princesses and potentially the rest of Ponyville and the Crystal Empire?” Added Starlight.

“... Oh, yeah. Uh, I’m going to deliver justice for everypony, but I’m only going to get slicey-dicey on a select few changelings,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool tried to head back inside the castle to fight the changelings who impersonated Twilight and his friends, but she stopped him.

“As great as it is that you want to stop the changelings, we can’t just go charging into any fights. Heck you don’t even have your weapons!” Reasoned Starlight.

“Plus, as much as I understand how angry you are, the changelings are still my people. I don’t want you to go to any extremes if it’s not necessary,” Added Thorax.

“(Sigh) I guess you’re both right. Well then, Starlight, do you have any ideas on what we should be doing?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah, Starlight. What are we going to do?” Asked Trixie nervously.

Starlight tried to think of a plan. Particularly, she tried to think of somepony who could help them, but the only ponies she can think of who could help have been taken. She now found herself starting to panic.

“I… I don’t know! There has to be somepony else who can handle this,” Said Starlight panickedly.

“There is nopony else! Everypony with powerful magic is already gone!” Said Trixie.

“You know whenever ponies talk about powerful magic, they always leave me out. If I weren’t so evolved, I might decide to take it personally.”

Hearing another voice, the group looked towards Trixie’s wagon. To their surprise, they saw the Lord of Chaos himself - Discord - laying atop the roof of the wagon, knitting a stuffed bunny.

“Well, isn’t this quite the combination of secondary characters?” Mused Discord.

“... Secondary character? SECONDARY. CHARACTER?!”

Insulted by being called a secondary character, Deadpool waltzed over to the wagon.

“You’ve clearly not been paying attention, bub, but this is my fanfiction! Not yours, not theirs, mine!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

Discord was enjoying getting on Deadpool’s nerves, as evidenced by the smirk he had on his face.

“Oh please. Ignoring the fact that this is an unlicensed product, don’t let this fanfiction along with the movies and your video game get to your head. If it weren’t for Ryan Reynolds and meme culture, your best role outside the comics would have been as a supporting antagonist in the Wolverine segment of Hulk Vs. And I’m sure I don’t have to remind you of your other notable appearance that same year,” Said Discord.

Deadpool was now foaming at the mouth. This along with growling like a rabid dog made it seem like he would attack Discord at any moment.

“Alright, Discord. If you want to avoid having Deadpool unleashed upon you, prove that you aren’t a changeling,” Ordered Starlight.

With an annoyed look on his face, Discord snapped his fingers.

SNAP!

The entire area was altered by Discord’s magic. Among the most chaotic were three flowers uprooting themselves from the ground and dancing, a tree turned into a cuckoo clock that had Discord’s lion paw holding a squirrel, the ground turning into soap (causing everyone but Discord to slip), and Trixie’s wagon turning into a purple pumpkin.

“Shall I continue?” Asked Discord smugly.

Starlight shook her head no.

“Good. By the way, if you really want to make an immortal god who can bend reality at his fingertips do what you want, I’d suggest coming up with better threats,” Said Discord.

“Oh, so now I’m not a threat to you?! I’ll bet I can change your mind by spitroasting you with your horn and antler!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

(What’s with all the shade thrown at us all of a sudden?)

(I don’t know, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it!)

“Where are Twilight and the girls?” Asked Discord, ignoring Deadpool.

“Chrysalis and the changelings are back. They’ve ponynapped all of the most powerful ponies in Equestria!” Informed Starlight.

Discord seemed rather bored by this news. He struggled to keep his eyes open, and he yawned.

“Celestia Luna, Cadance, Shining Armor, Flurry Heart, Twilight and her friends. We need to-”

Hearing Starlight say that Twilight and her friends were kidnapped, Discord gasped in shock.

SNAP!

Before Starlight could finish what she was saying, Discord returned everything to normal, and got uncomfortably close to her face. He was now angry, and he looked like he could snap at any moment.

“They took Fluttershy?” Asked Discord angrily.

“Yes!” Answered Starlight.

“Where?” Asked Discord menacingly. His eyes flashing red.

“The Changeling Kingdom,” Answered Starlight. “With you on our side, I can-”

SNAP!

Discord didn’t let Starlight finish, yet again. He snapped his fingers, teleporting him and everyone else into a forest. His chaos magic conjured saddlebags on everyone but Thorax, a scarf for himself, Trixie’s cape and hat, and Deadpool’s costume and weapons. While the ponies and Thorax looked around their surroundings in confusion, Discord looked around more meticulously.

“Odd. I was trying to take us right to Fluttershy, but there is no Fluttershy,” Said Discord inquisitively.

He effortlessly lifted up a large rock with one hand, and stretched his eyes out so that they wiggled across the bare earth. After he was done looking in that one spot, he nonchalantly dropped the boulder back where it had laid. As Discord stroked his goatee in thought, Trixie saw something that frightened her.

“I think I have a pretty good idea where she might be…” Said Trixie nervously.

Pointing slightly to the left. Looking over the edge of a cliff, everyone saw that the land in front of them was nearly devoid of life compared to the forest. The ground was riddled with large mounds that had sharpened points, and a few trees were dispersed across the landscape. What stood out the most was a large stone castle that was irregularly shaped and riddled with holes. A large number of creatures could be seen flying in and out of the castle - changelings.

“I’d hoped to never see that place again. What now?” Asked Thorax.

Everyone looked at Starlight, hoping that she could offer guidance. Starlight bit her bottom lip as she tried to figure out what she should do.

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed part one of the last chapter of the season six arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season finale episode "To Where and Back Again"! Will Deadpool and friends be able to save the Mane Six and the Princesses? Will Starlight be able to get past her fear of being a leader again? Be sure to stay tuned for part two! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a fantastic day!

Chapter 34: Invasion of the Pony Snatchers Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 34: Invasion of the Pony Snatchers Part Two

The group of heroes looked at Queen Chrysalis’ castle. Discord personally was trying to figure out why he didn’t successfully teleport himself and the others inside.

“Oh, this is so strange. We’re here and that’s there, and I clearly meant for us to be there and not here,” Said Discord inquisitively.

“Oh, I-I can probably explain-”

Discord stretched his arms, completely ignoring Thorax.

“Oh, well. If at first you don’t succeed…”

Discord prepared to snap his fingers, but Starlight enveloped her magic around his lion paw.

“Maybe we should come up with a plan first?” Suggested Starlight.

Discord effortlessly blew away Starlight’s magic.

“A what?” Asked Discord.

“You know, figuring out the best way to do something before you actually do it,” Answered Trixie.

Discord chuckled at the idea of forming a plan.

“Oh, that’s adorable,” Said Discord while patting Trixie’s head. “But you see, unlike you, I can do anything.”

“Uh, actually-”

Thorax tried to interject, but Discord placed a phalange in front of his mouth to silence him.

“That’s all very nice, but really a waste of time. We have me, and what else could we possibly need?” Asked Discord rhetorically.

“You alone cannot-”

“No, no. He’s got a point,” Interrupted Deadpool.

“See?! He gets it! If I were to do my thing, and Deadpool does his, there would be nothing we can’t accomplish!” Said Discord.

“Nothing except having the cognitive power of half a lobe,” Remarked Trixie.

“Why are you here again? I mean, it’s not like you’re going to stop the changelings by pulling a rabbit out of a hat,” Said Discord. He took Trixie’s hat off, and pulled a duplicate of her out of her hat. “At least my magic can do something.”

“The thing about magic here is-”

“Like this!”

SNAP!

Cutting Thorax off yet again, Discord summoned a flying pig to serve as a mount along with a helmet and a lance to wear. He also summoned a flying tiger for Deadpool.

“For Fluttershy!” Cried Discord.

“For Twilight and Narnia- I mean Equestria!” Cried Deadpool, pulling out one of his katanas.

“YAAAH!”

Both men flew into battle. As they crossed over the edge of the cliff, their mounts disappeared.

“Ah!”

Before he could fall, Discord grabbed onto the cliff and Deadpool. Holsting himself and Deadpool back onto the top of the cliff, Discord decided to test something.

SNAP!

He summoned another flying pig, and directed it to fly towards the castle. The pig followed his orders, but as soon as it crossed over the edge of the cliff, it disappeared in a cloud of magical dust.

“I’ve been trying to tell you! Nothing other than changeling magic works here. Chrysalis’ throne is carved from an ancient dark stone that soaks up outside magic the same way changelings soak up love. It’s how she keeps the hive safe,” Explained Thorax.

Curious to try it herself, Starlight lit the tip of her horn. She walked over to the edge of the cliff, and stuck her horn over it. Sure enough, her magic dissipated.

“So, uh, what kind of plan were you thinking?” Asked Trixie.

“Without magic, I have no idea, but nopony else is coming. So somepony better come up with something,” Said Starlight.

The rest of the group didn’t say anything.

“Anypony? Anything?” Said Starlight.

Starlight’s friends remained silent. Seeing as she was going to get nothing out of them, she decided to come up with her own plan.

“Hmm… This throne - if we can get into the hive and destroy it, can we get our magic back?” Asked Starlight to Thorax.

“Uh-huh!” Answered Thorax.

“Oo, oo! I have an idea!” Said Deadpool, raising his hoof eagerly like a student who figured out the answer to a math problem.

“Wade, you have a plan?” Asked Starlight in surprise.

“Yeah, yeah!” Replied Deadpool eagerly.

“Well, then. Tell us,” Said Starlight with a smile.

“This oughta be interesting,” Said Trixie sarcastically.

“Discord, if you’d please,” Said Deadpool.

Discord summoned a chalkboard behind Deadpool, and levitated a piece of chalk.

“Alright! Step one: stealthily walk to the front entrance. Step two: take out any guards.”

As Deadpool conveyed his plan, Discord drew illustrations for each step of his plan on the chalkboard.

“Step three: have Thorax guide us to the throne room. Step four: you all distract Chrysalis while I blow up her throne with C4.”

“You carry C4 on you?” Asked Trixie.

“Uh, yeah!” Said Deadpool as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

(Considering who we’re talking about here, it should have been obvious to her.)

“I have both my magic pistols and Desert Eagles, as well as grenades, matches, inhibitor rings, lamp oil, rope, bombs; you want it? It’s yours my friend! As long as you have enough rubies!” Said Deadpool.

“Wait, what?” Asked Trixie in confusion.

“Just continue with your plan, Deadpool,” Said Starlight.

“Right,” Agreed Deadpool: “Step five: engage Queen Chrysalis in an epic boss battle! Step six: free all of our friends and anypony else the changelings kidnapped. Step seven: get a pizza to celebrate.”

“Oo! I can get behind this plan! As long as we get olives, licorice, and cucumbers for toppings, and peanut butter for the sauce,” Said Discord.

“ Sure, sure,” Said Deadpool: “Step eight: let myself get lavished in praise and love from Twilight.”

“Okay?” Said Starlight.

“Now here’s the most crucial part of the plan! Step nine: sweep Twilight off her hooves, take her to bed, and plunge my dick into her-”

“That’s enough! That’s enough!” Shouted Starlight frantically.

Thankfully, Discord didn't draw anything for the ninth step. Deadpool looked at Starlight in confusion. He seemed to not know why she made him stop.

“I can get behind the first seven steps of your plan, but please keep anything you do after to yourself,” Asked Starlight.

“I can accept your request,” Said Deadpool.

A few minutes later…

Everyone trekked across the barren landscape. Discord was practically dragging his feet. He was finding the simple act of walking to be an arduous task.

“Oh, I don’t know how any of you manage not being able to disappear and reappear whenever you want!” Complained Discord.

“Stop bitching! Just appreciate that this is a relatively short walk. When I was in the service, I was on a mission that required me to travel 18 miles on hoof,” Said Deadpool.

“I for one definitely miss you being able to disappear!” Added Trixie irritatedly.

“Give Discord a break. None of us knew we weren’t going to be able to use magic,” Said Starlight.

“I did,” Rebutted Thorax.

Starlight walked ahead of the group and stopped them.

“If we get separated, it might make sense to have a way to make sure we are who we say we are,” Suggested Starlight.

“Like a secret code?” Asked Discord and Deadpool in unison.

Starlight nodded her head. Both Discord and Deadpool squealed in glee.

“Here’s an idea! I say ‘X-Force’, and you all say ‘hell yeah’!” Suggested Deadpool, standing on his hind legs and crossing his forelegs to form an X shape.

“If I have to do that, then no,” Deadpanned Trixie.

“How about I say ‘Discord’ and you all say ‘is the best?” Suggested Discord. “Or how about you all say ‘chaos’ and I say- Woah!”

THUD!

Not watching where he was stepping, Discord ended up tripping over a rock.

“How about if we say ‘klutzy’ and you say ‘draconequus’?” Suggested Trixie in a mocking manner.

“‘Klutzy draconequus’. Works for me,” Said Starlight.

“I’ll definitely remember that,” Added Thorax.

Discord was not amused by the secret code. Everyone walked away except for Deadpool to continue the trek towards the castle without Discord. He stayed behind to laugh at the draconequus.

“Oh, laugh it up,” Said Discord irritatedly.

“Oh, I sure will! Especially since I'm usually the one that's the butt of the joke," Said Deadpool.

A few minutes later…

After continuing to walk across the wasteland, the group was finally close to the castle. They hid behind a large triangular mound to survey the area. They saw two guards wearing insect-like armor guarding the way to the front entrance. Deadpool noticed the guards were standing in front of two large rocks.

“If we can distract them, I can use the rocks as cover to knock them out,” Said Deadpool.

“Allow me,” Said Trixie.

Grabbing a small rock, she threw it a few feet to the left of the guards. Hearing the rock land nearby, one of the guards went over to investigate. Taking the opportunity, Deadpool quickly but quietly ran over behind the rock where the remaining guard was standing. He grabbed them around the neck, and locked them in a chokehold. The guard tried to call out to their partner, but Deadpool muffled his voice. After a few moments of struggling, they fell unconscious. Deadpool then ran over to the other guard and tapped their shoulder.

POW!

As soon as the guard whipped around, they were knocked out with a punch to the face. Once the coast was clear, Deadpool’s allies came out of hiding.

“How's that for a stealth takedown?” Asked Deadpool smugly.

“Eh. I’d consider that subpar compared to the Arkham games,” Replied Discord.

Deadpool scowled at Discord. The group followed Thorax to a hole that was on the side of the front entrance. Being a little ways off the ground, Discord used his body as a makeshift bridge to allow Starlight, Trixie and Deadpool to reach it.

Upon entering the castle, everyone but Thorax was in awe. The castle was built out of rocks and a material akin to that found in some wasp nests, and the tunnels were even reminiscent of those in an ant nest. What was most surprising was that holes within the walls appeared and disappeared continuously.

“Okay, I am definitely glad you came. I don’t think we’d be able to find our way without you,” Said Trixie to Thorax.

“You definitely wouldn’t,” Said Thorax, pointing back towards the way they came.

Everyone looked back, and watched as the hole they entered closed up.

“Um, where’s the way out?” Asked Trixie fearfully.

“It’s a changeling hive. It shifts and changes like we do, and we’re the only ones who can navigate it. It’s total chaos to non-changelings,” Explained Thorax.

He led the group through a hole that appeared in front of them, only for it to disappear as soon as they walked through it.

“Well, it’s decent chaos. I don’t know if I’d call it ‘total’,” Critiqued Discord.

A few minutes later…

With Thorax guiding them, the group of allies navigated their way around the hive. As they walked through the hive’s dizzying tunnels, they kept an eye out for any changelings that they could bump into. As they walked down a flight of stairs, Discord decided to throw a question out to the group.

“Are we sure that I’ll get my magic back when we destroy this throne thingy?” Asked Discord.

“If Thorax is right, then yes,” Answered Starlight.

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Said Discord sarcastically.

“Here’s something: if Deadpool’s explosives prove to be ineffective, how are we supposed to destroy the throne?” Asked Trixie.

“Have some faith! They’ll work,” Assured Deadpool.

“I was talking to Starlight,” Said Trixie.

“I… don’t know,” Admitted Starlight.

“That’s reassuring,” Said Trixie sarcastically.

Trixie suddenly felt someone opening and rummaging through a saddlebag she was carrying. She looked over her shoulder, and found Discord tossing aside a deck of cards, a microphone, and a prop wand.

“I don’t suppose you brought any throne-destroying tools along with these useless sideshow props,” Said Discord bluntly.

“Asks the Lord of Chaos who can’t go for a walk without whining nonstop!” Countered Trixie.

“Yes, but when the throne is destroyed, I’ll be able to rip the very fabric of reality to save our friends, while you’ll still be a self-absorbed, below-average illusionist!” Argued Discord, pulling Trixie’s hat down over her face.

“Self-absorbed?! Why you-”

“Cut. It. Out!” Ordered Starlight, pushing Discord and Trixie from each other. “I’m just barely keeping it together, and it would be wonderful if you two could actually try to help instead of bickering like foals!”

Realizing how they were inadvertently adding onto Starlight’s anxiety, Discord and Trixie decided to let their squabble go.

“Okay,” Said Discord in defeat.

“How can we help?” Asked Trixie.

“Don’t ask me! I couldn’t even handle giving advice at the Sunset Festival, and I had magic then! And the three of us are as good as useless! At least Thorax knows where we’re going,” Said Starlight anxiously.

“Um, guys? I think we’re lost,” Said Thorax.

The group walked over to the edge of the path made out of rocks. It overlooked a massive open area with multiple holes in the walls and a singular spiral structure to the left of the path.

“You just had to say something,” Said Deadpool to Starlight.

“Oh, great. We might as well just sit here and wait for the changelings to soak up all of our love or whatever gross thing it is that they do,” Said Trixie irritatedly.

She threw her bags onto the ground, and sat down in frustration.

“How often do you all get hungry?” Asked Trixie to Thorax.

“Actually, I haven’t been since I met Spike and Deadpool, and changelings are always hungry. We can never get enough love,” Answered Thorax.

“Well that’s just super-”

Before Trixie could finish her sentence, Starlight covered her mouth with a hoof.

“But you aren’t hungry at all now?” Asked Starlight.

“Huh. Once I made a few friends, I guess I just sort of forgot about the whole feeding thing,” Realized Thorax.

“Is that about the same time your wings changed?” Asked Starlight, pointing at Thorax’s wings.

“I guess so,” Replied Thorax.

“(Yawn) While I would love to sit around chit chatting about feeding and not feeding, I have a Fluttershy to save!” Shouted Discord.

Discord’s voice echoed throughout the hive. The insect-like calls of changelings could be heard immediately after, but they quieted down just as quickly.

“Can you please lower your voice?! You’re gonna get us all captured!” Said Trixie in hushed irritation.

“Oh, you keep saying that, but I haven’t seen an actual changeling since the ones Deadpool took care of,” Said Discord dismissively.

Suddenly, a humming sound could be heard coming towards them.

“W-What’s that?” Asked Trixie nervously.

“A changeling patrol!” Said Thorax in alarm.

Thorax began to hyperventilate. Starlight tried to help calm him down by rubbing his back.

“This seems like one of those moments where we need a plan,” Said Discord.

“What kind of plan?! We have no magic, and it’s not like my illusions are gonna save us!” Said Trixie.

“I can deal with them,” Said Deadpool, punching one hoof into the other.

“As capable as you are in combat, we can’t risk one of them escaping or being overheard by other changelings!” Said Discord.

Thinking of what her friends have said, an idea popped into Starlight’s head.

“Do you have any of your smoke bombs?” Asked Starlight, enthusiastic about her idea.

“Are you kidding?” Asked Trixie with a smirk.

A small group of three changelings flew down the path leading to the group of heroes. Once they arrived, they saw only Trixie. She looked down at the ground, the brim of her hat concealing her face.

“Looking for somepony?” Asked Trixie, looking up at the changelings with a smirk.

"HISS!"

The changelings flew towards Trixie.

POOF!

Before they could grab her, she dropped a smoke bomb, vanishing from sight. The changelings flew through the smoke, and looked around in confusion. She appeared on the other side of the open area.

“Is that the best you got?!” Asked Trixie with a laugh.

She ran down a tunnel with the changelings in hot pursuit. This lasted for a few seconds until a wall appeared in front of her. Appearing to have cornered her, the changelings landed on the ground and walked over to her. Once they were within a foot of her, she smugly pointed behind them. They looked to see none other than Deadpool behind them, blocking the way out. He calmly walked over to them.

“I see you’ve met my acquaintance. Allow me to introduce you to a couple more: bug zapper and fly swatter!” Said Deadpool while showing his forelegs.

BAM!

Deadpool punched two of the changelings in the face, knocking both of them out at once. Seeing what happened to their associates, the remaining changeling put their forelegs up.

“I surrender!” Said the changeling.

As Deadpool and Trixie walked over to the changeling, Discord, Starlight, and Thorax watched from a hole in the ceiling above.

“Not exactly great and powerful, but effective,” Critiqued Discord.

“Hm. I’ll take it,” Said Trixie.

“I will as well. After all, that’s only a taste of my skills,” Added Deadpool.

Trixie and Deadpool appeared behind them. Seeing only two unconscious changelings tied up with handkerchiefs in the tunnel below, Discord, Starlight, and Thorax stepped back out of caution. Starlight decided to try out the new code.

“Klutzy…”

“Draconequus,” Replied Deadpool and Trixie in unison.

“Ugh. I really think we need a new code word,” Said Discord in embarrassment.

“That was a pretty good plan,” Said Thorax.

“But we still don’t know where we’re going,” Said Discord.

“Thankfully, the plan covered that as well,” Said Deadpool.

Reaching behind him, Deadpool placed the changeling who surrendered in front of the group. Just like the others, they were bound by handkerchiefs.

“Alright pal, tell us how to get to the throne,” Ordered Deadpool.

“Take the hole on the right side of the tunnel below us, and follow that tunnel to the entrance to the throne room!” Answered the changeling fearfully.

“Good, and just to make sure you’re telling the truth, you’ll be coming along with us,” Said Deadpool.

Tying some of the handkerchiefs like a rope around his waist, Deadpool dragged the changeling behind him.

“Good job with coming up with that plan, best friend Starlight!” Praised Trixie.

Starlight chuckled sheepishly in response to the praise she received. As they made their way to the throne room, the group failed to notice a changeling watching from a hole several feet above them. They wore the standard armor worn by changeling guards, but it was purple instead of blue. They watched the group of heroes quietly with a glare.

A few minutes later…

The group climbed up the spiral structure while avoiding being spotted by changelings. After a long climb up a flight of stairs, they reached the top. They angled themselves to peek over the top step without risking getting spotted. They saw a tunnel marked with doors resembling the wings and elytra of a beetle. To their surprise, they saw that the entrance was being guarded by six changelings. Changeling drones flew in and out of the entrance, adding another layer of difficulty. Seeing the amount of changelings at the entrance, Thorax cowered behind the stairs.

“This is the entrance?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah,” Replied Thorax.

“Then we don’t need him anymore,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool looked at the changeling he was dragging around, who thankfully had been gagged to keep him from making any noise. Wanting to avoid catching the guards’ attention, he decided to incapacitate his opponent by choking him out.

“There are normally not this many guards! Did a changeling escape and alert the rest of the hive?” Asked Thorax.

“Deadpool and I only encountered three changelings,” Answered Trixie.

“Perhaps they tightened security after you left the hive?” Suggested Deadpool, finishing knocking out the changeling.

“Now what do we do?” Asked Trixie.

“We… go in,” Said Starlight, initially hesitant before being replaced with confidence.

“Even if I wanted to, there’s no way past the guards. We’ll be spotted for sure,” Said Thorax, shaking in his non-existent boots.

“We need some kind of distraction,” Said Starlight.

“I’m fresh out of smoke bombs,” Said Trixie.

“Not to worry. I keep smoke bombs on me as part of my absurdly large arsenal,” Said Deadpool.

Grabbing one of several smoke bombs on his person, Deadpool inspected it. His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he saw a date written in white sharpie.

“Wait a minute! This is expired!” Said Deadpool in shock.

Grabbing a couple more smoke bombs, he checked their expiration dates. Sure enough, they were expired as well.

“Discord! You summoned my expired stash of smoke bombs?!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Smoke bombs expire?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Yes!” Yelled Deadpool and Trixie.

“I think a better question to be asked is you keep expired smoke bombs?” Asked Trixie.

“Yeah. I like to scrap them for parts, so I can use them to make more smoke bombs or use them in different explosives,” Explained Deadpool.

(Reduce. Reuse. Recycle your explosives!)

(Don’t give the viewers any ideas.)

Seeing as he is great at drawing attention, Discord decided to offer to create a distraction.

“Well, normally I’m the most distracting thing I can think of, but without my magic…”

Starlight placed a hoof on Discord’s shoulder, and gave him a warm smile.

“You may not have your magic, but you’re still you. You shouldn’t underestimate yourself,” Said Starlight.

Taking Starlight’s words to heart, Discord nodded his head in determination. Meanwhile, the tunnel was sealed up after a changeling drone passed through. The guards vigilantly kept watch for any suspicious activity. That was when Discord walked over to the guards, catching their attention. He held the microphone that belonged to Trixie, and tapped on it to test if it worked.

“Hello, changelings and changelettes! Believe me, I was just as surprised as you are that I’m here! When I heard that I’d be playing for a bunch of changelings, I was beside myself! Then I realized it was just one of you,” Remarked Discord.

“Grrr…”

Discord’s joke was met with hostile reception. The guards took a couple steps towards him, growling out of aggression.

“But seriously, this isn’t the toughest crowd I’ve ever been in front of, but it’s definitely the easiest to bug!” Remarked Discord.

This time, the guards gave each other confused looks.

“‘To bug?’ Is this thing on?” Asked Discord, tapping the microphone.

As the guards were focused on him, the rest of the group sneaked around to the entrance. Starlight quietly opened the doors slightly ajar, allowing her and the others to get through, and not a moment too soon. The guards’ aggression returned, ready to attack Discord.

“Well, if you think that you can do any better, be my guest!” Said Discord irritatedly.

Tossing the microphone at the guards, Discord ran away. The guards flew after him, leaving the entrance unattended. The group watched from behind the doors.

“It is absolutely ridiculous that that worked,” Deadpanned Trixie.

“Yeah, I had much better jokes that would have incapacitated those guards,” Said Deadpool.

“Uh-huh,” Deadpanned Trixie.

Meanwhile, in his attempt to run away from the guards, Discord ended up in a changeling nursery. Green, glowing eggs were held within holes bored into rocks, and cocoons hung from the ceiling. Having put some distance between himself and the guards, Discord hid behind a rock that was connected to the floor and ceiling. The guards flew by, not noticing him. Once they flew out of sight deep into the nursery, Discord confidently stepped out from behind the rock.

“It is certainly a pleasure to have such dedicated fans. I’ll have to come back with some new material after I rescue Fluttershy,” Said Discord.

“Please, help!”

Before he could walk back to the entrance to meet up with the others, Discord heard a cry for help along with some sniffling. His curiosity piqued, Discord decided to investigate. Walking back towards the direction the guards went, he quickly saw Fluttershy, sitting on the ground while shaking and crying.

“Fluttershy!” Cried Discord joyfully.

Hearing the voice of her friend, Fluttershy ceased her crying and smiled at him.

“Discord! I’m stuck!” Said Fluttershy.

Fluttershy looked at her tail, and Discord walked over to have a peak himself. The end of her tail was pinned underneath a large rock.

“You certainly are, and I should probably help you get free,” Said Discord.

He reached down to grab the rock when he realized something. Seeing as he was in the middle of a changeling hive, and he had made his presence known to the changelings, Fluttershy could very well be one of them.

“But… oh-ho-ho-ho-ho…” Said Discord, standing up and wagging his finger.

“But what?” Asked Fluttershy.

“But you are obviously not Fluttershy!” Said Discord while placing a finger on Fluttershy’s muzzle.

“Oh,” Said Fluttershy dejectedly.

“I mean, I’m separated from the group and just happen to come across the one pony I care most about? I can smell this setup a mile away,” Said Discord, crossing his arms and looking away.

“(Sniffles) No, you’re right,” Said Fluttershy sadly. “There’s no way you should trust me. Just go find the others. I understand!”

Fluttershy began to ball her eyes out. Discord remained unfettered, firm in his belief that Fluttershy was actually a changeling.

“Oh, come on!” Said Discord annoyedly.

Suddenly, he heard more crying behind him. Turning around, he saw multiple Fluttershy’s, all of whom were crying. Discord’s stoicism was quickly flipped on its head as doubt creeped its way in.

“We’re probably all changelings. You shouldn’t rescue any of us.”

Discord looked back at the “Fluttershy” that was pinned under a rock. Her tears faded away, her sadness being replaced with a malicious smile.

“Unless, you think, maybe one of us might be the real Fluttershy. Oh, that certainly would be a nasty changeling trick, wouldn’t it?” Asked Fluttershy deviously.

“I’m the real one.”

“I’m the real one.”

“I’m the real Fluttershy.”

Discord found himself practically frozen in place. He knew that more likely than not, all of these Fluttershys were changelings in disguise. However, maybe it was there crying messing with him, but he now found himself thinking there was a possibility that one of them was Fluttershy, and the changelings were trying to trick him into saving the wrong one. If he ran away, he could be abandoning Fluttershy. If he tried to fight them, he could accidentally hurt the real her. Time wouldn’t have permitted him to try to deduce if any of them were the real Fluttershy before the changelings attacked. All he could do was stand there in defeat.

A few minutes later…

The rest of the group waited by the entrance for Discord, unaware of his current predicament.

“We can’t wait for Discord. Between seeing him and potentially Trixie and Deadpool, the castle will be swarming with guards soon,” Said Thorax.

“But if we do manage to destroy Chrysalis’ throne, we’ll need him. He could take on the entire changeling army by sneezing if he wanted to,” Said Starlight.

“He’s probably already been captured!” Said Trixie, shaking with fear.

“Hello? Fellow rescuers?”

Hearing Discord calling out to them quietly, the group peeked from around a corner. They saw him opening the doors. Deciding it was safe, the group stepped out from behind the corner.

“We can’t stay here. We gotta find the throne,” Said Thorax.

“Ooh! I heard some of the changelings who were chasing me say where it is!” Said Discord.

Trixie and Starlight glanced over at each other. They could tell that something was off with Discord, and that’s saying much. Trixie decided to test him with the code.

“Klutzy…?”

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. (Chuckles) I-I can be klutzy. Now, follow me,” Said Discord.

Discord walked down the tunnel. Even though they now knew that he wasn’t the real Discord, the group followed behind him.

“You know that’s not Discord, right?” Asked Starlight quietly for confirmation.

“Obviously,” Replied Trixie.

Stopping in front of a fork in the tunnel, “Discord” waved the others over to a tunnel on the left.

“This way! We’re almost there!” Said the faux-Discord.

They walked into the tunnel, disappearing out of sight. Deadpool pulled out a grenade, and looked at it.

“Ugh… So tempting,” Said Deadpool.

“You are a psychopath!” Said Trixie.

“Hey! I am a sociopath, not a psychopath!” Corrected Deadpool.

“That’s not better!” Said Trixie.

“I know! However, if ponies are going to judge me, I’d prefer them to get their facts straight!” Said Deadpool.

“I know this trick. If he says to go left, we should definitely go right. He’s leading us to a swarm waiting to attack!” Explained Thorax.

“Something tells me that going the opposite direction will not be enough to deter him,” Said Deadpool.

As Starlight tried to come up with a plan, Trixie sighed in defeat.

“Okay, I’ll handle it. You three just get ready to run into the other tunnel,” Said Trixie.

As Trixie walked over to the tunnel, Starlight looked at her in shock.

“Wait, what?!” Starlight walked over to Trixie, stopping her before she could enter the tunnel. “Trixie, you can’t! I won’t know what to do! We’ve already lost Discord; I can’t lose you too! Without magic, I-”

“Starlight, you got us this far with just my illusions, Discord’s annoying personality, and Deadpool’s just-as-annoying personality-”

“Hey!”

“And his fighting skills. You don’t need magic to figure out what to do next. I know you’re afraid to be in charge, but you are really good at it. Listen to your best friend,” Said Trixie with a smile.

Smiling back at her, Starlight gave her a hug. After reciprocating the hug, Trixie turned back towards the tunnel.

“Hey, Discord!” Called Trixie.

Hearing her call to him, the faux-Discord walked back to the entrance to the tunnel.

“Want to see the new trick I’ve been working on?” Asked Trixie rhetorically.

She placed a lavender cloth over Discord’s hand and her right hoof. As he looked at the cloth inquisitively, she made circular motions over the cloth with her free hoof.

“I call it the ‘Changeling Catcher’!” Said Trixie.

Removing the cloth, she revealed that she secretly tied a handkerchief around both their wrists. Shocked that he had been made, the faux-Discord growled in anger.

“Run!” Cried Trixie.

Wasting no time, Trixie’s friends ran to the other tunnel. Removing their disguise, the changeling tried to fly after them. This revealed several handkerchiefs were tied to each other, keeping the changeling bound to Trixie. Wanting to ensure they couldn’t follow after her friends, Trixie tried to pull the changeling back.

HISS!

Hearing several hissing sounds, Trixie looked up towards the pitch black ceiling, spotting the blue glowing eyes of several changelings.

“Ta-da…”

SCREECH!

Meanwhile, Starlight, Deadpool and Thorax ran down the opposite tunnel. Knowing that it wouldn’t take long for the changelings to capture Trixie, they tried to get as far away as they could, and hoped that they would find the throne room in the process. As they ran deeper into the tunnel, they saw several silhouettes in front of them. Forcing themselves to a stop, they saw several changeling guards blocking the tunnel. They looked back the way they came, only to see several changeling drones blocking the way back. A couple guards stepped aside, revealing the changeling wearing purple armor. They stepped out in front of the guards.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay put and surrender,” Said the changeling.

Knowing that they couldn’t get around them, the trio stayed put.

“I must admit, I’m surprised that you made it this far. I’d figured you would have all been caught after I alerted the hive to your presence, but then again, I suppose not all of you are here,” Said the changeling.

Knowing that Discord and now Trixie were captured, the trio exchanged saddened looks.

“Thorax escaping the Crystal Empire was enough disappointment for me. At least now, I can rectify that mistake and take you three to the Queen,” Said the changeling.

Thorax locked eyes with the purple-clad changeling, and felt his heart nearly stop. While he was afraid of his fellow changelings, that changeling in particular seemed to petrify him. This didn’t go unnoticed by Starlight and Deadpool.

“Thorax, what’s wrong?” Asked Starlight.

“That changeling! We’re all doomed!” Said Thorax fearfully.

Deadpool looked at all of the changelings in the tunnel. He could have beaten most of them, but he would likely be overwhelmed. If he were to get captured, then Starlight and Thorax wouldn’t have a means of destroying the throne… Unless he gave the explosives to Starlight.

“I’ll hold them off,” Whispered Deadpool.

“What?! No!” Said Starlight. “Deadpool, we need you! You’re the only one who can-”

“No, you don’t. You can blow up the throne,” Said Deadpool.

“We don’t know how to use C4,” Rebutted Starlight.

“It’s not that difficult,” Said Deadpool. He pulled out a few blocks of C4, and gave them to Starlight. “Just place them on the throne, back the hell away from it, and use this detonator.”

Deadpool handed over a small detonator that was roughly the size of a pen. Holding the explosives made Starlight extremely nervous. She carefully placed the C4 blocks in a saddlebag, and held the detonator, being extremely careful not to push the red button on top of it.

“This seems extremely dangerous!” Said Starlight nervously.

“Welcome to the world of explosives. As long as you don’t accidentally activate the detonator, you’ll most likely be fine,” Assured Deadpool. “Now, once I start shooting, you two run like hell!”

“Wait, you’re going to-”

“Grab them,” Ordered the changeling.

Before any of the changelings could apprehend them, Deadpool pulled out his twin Desert Eagles.

“TAKE COVER!” Ordered the changeling.

BANG! BANG!

Deadpool aimed his guns towards both groups of changelings. They took cover by jumping through the various holes in the tunnel. A couple changelings that were within the line of fire were fatally shot. Now that the changelings weren’t blocking the tunnel, Starlight made her escape. Thorax started following her, but he ended up stopping to look back at Deadpool.

“Thorax! We got to go!” Said Starlight.

“But, Deadpool! He needs to know that changeling can-”

“There’s no time, Thorax! Deadpool can take care of himself,” Assured Starlight.

He hesitated, but then Thorax reluctantly followed her. The purple armored changeling watched them getting away from the hole he jumped into.

“Get them! I’ll deal with the superhero!” Ordered the changeling.

The rest of the changelings leapt from cover and followed after Thorax and Starlight. A couple changelings were shot in the process, but most of them got away. Unbeknownst to Deadpool, a hole appeared off to the side. The purple-clad changeling leapt from the hole and tackled Deadpool, resulting in the hero losing his guns. Before he could attempt to get them back, the changeling spat out some green mucus-like substance, sticking them to the ground.

“You’ve created quite a stir in the hive ever since the Canterlot invasion. The drones were afraid that you’d come back and finish us off while we were weakened. Even now, our own Queen has been adamant about capturing you specifically. Let’s find out if everyone’s concerns were warranted,” Said the changeling.

Deadpool and the changeling stood up on their hindlegs, readying themselves to fight. The latter delivered the first hit, punching Deadpool in the jaw. He threw a couple more punches at Deadpool, but they were blocked. Deadpool retaliated with a few punches of his own, managing to hit the changeling once. He followed up with a couple of kicks, causing the changeling to stumble back. He went to deliver a right hook, but the changeling caught his hoof and tossed him into a hole on the right side of the tunnel, landing in a different tunnel.

The changeling flew through the hole and tackled Deadpool into a wall. He punched him in the face several times, only to get headbutted in retaliation. Kicking him back, Deadpool delivered several punches. The tip of the changeling’s horn lit up, and fired a bolt of magic. Causing his opponent to stumble back, he bucked him in the chest. Knocking him back into the wall, he delivered yet another slurry of punches, disorienting Deadpool.

“Is this the best you can do? I expected more from the stallion who killed several of my brothers-in-arms without any weapons,” Said the changeling.

“I think you don’t have your facts straight. I had my weapons during the Canterlot invasion. Wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did without them,” Said Deadpool.

“You don’t remember…? Hm, interesting,” Muttered the changeling. “It doesn’t matter. You may not have lived up to my expectations, but I will still enjoy beating you for what you did to my kind.”

“And you and the rest of the changelings are going to pay for taking my friends!” Said Deadpool.

While they were talking, Deadpool had secretly pulled out his combat knife. Thrusting it upwards, he stabbed the changeling in the abdomen, causing him to cry out in pain. Taking advantage of his vulnerability, Deadpool pulled his knife out and attempted to stab him in the chest. The changeling reacted quickly, grabbing him by the wrist and twisting it, causing him to drop his knife. Deadpool retaliated by kicking his stab wound. Grappling with pain, the changeling spat out some slime, covering Deadpool’s face.

“Ew! Ew! Ew!” Uttered Deadpool in disgust.

While Deadpool was frantically trying to remove the slime off his face, the changeling backed away, leaving a trail of green blood. Facing towards a wall, he covered his wound with a hoof. After much struggle, Deadpool managed to remove most of the slime off his face. At about the same time, the changeling turned around, revealing that the wound was sealed up with burned chitin.

“You cauterized your wound? How the hell did you manage to do that?” Asked Deadpool in confusion. “Let’s see you recover from these!”

Pulling out his twin katanas, Deadpool leapt into the air. He swung both of his blades down towards the changeling, but his opponent swiftly dodged out of the way. Once Deadpool landed on the ground, he was kicked in the side. Using the momentum to get himself back upright, Deadpool ran towards his opponent. He swung his swords several times, but each attack was skillfully dodged. On the final slash, the changeling grabbed Deadpool’s left foreleg and broke it.

CRACK!

As a result of his broken foreleg, Deadpool dropped one of his katanas. The changeling grabbed the katana and swung it at him.

CLANG!

Deadpool blocked the attack in the nick-of-time. He retaliated with a strike, only for it to get blocked.

CLING! CLING! CLING!

Both opponents engaged each other in a clash of blades. The sound of their blades making contact with each other echoed throughout the tunnel. Even though he only had one functional foreleg, Deadpool was able to hold his own. Both katanas locked together, their welders attempting to bear down on the other. As impressive as his swordsmen skills were up to this point, Deadpool’s use of one foreleg left him severely outmatched. The changeling twisted the blade of his opponent’s stolen katana, and thrust his weapon out of his hoof. Deadpool’s blade punctured through one of the tunnel’s walls.

BAM!

Feeling a sharp kick to his abdomen, Deadpool fell onto his back. The changeling brought the tip of his katana to Deadpool’s neck, leaving only an inch between the tip and his jugular.

“You’ve put up a decent fight, pony. Surrender, and I will spare you from being delivered to the Queen in pieces,” Said the changeling.

“Yeah, no. I don’t need to surrender. I’ve been in this sort of position enough times to know that a solution will pop up after a couple lines of dialogue,” Said Deadpool.

“You are foolish to believe that you could get yourself out of your current predicament,” Said the changeling.

“Maybe so, but I’m a very resourceful pony, and, hey, even if I can’t get myself out of this, my friends will save me,” Said Deadpool.

“Ugh! I don’t think you’ve been paying attention. Half of your ‘rescue squad’ has been captured, I will have you wrapped in a cocoon soon enough, and if my troops are competent, the rest of your friends should be captured by now. This will not be like the Canterlot invasion, nor will it be like your imprisonment at the Crystal Empire,” Said the changeling.

Deadpool looked up at the changeling in shock, surprised that he knew about his arrest.

“Don’t be so surprised. We had already set foot into the Crystal Empire prior to your last visit. I thought that Thorax would have undermined our entire operation by trying to ‘make friends’, but it turned out to have been beneficial. By getting on the Empire’s good side, the Princess and her consort dropped their guard, allowing me and my men to take them and their baby,” Said the changeling.

As the changeling was monologuing, Deadpool felt his foreleg begin to heal. Spotting his knife, he carefully reached towards it.

“It would have also been great if you had remained imprisoned, but I can’t say I was disappointed that it had come to this,” Said the changeling.

Grabbing the knife, Deadpool tossed it towards the changeling. The latter effortlessly blocked it with Deadpool’s stolen katana, but it was enough of a distraction for the hero to get back up. Feeling his foreleg finish healing, Deadpool pulled his katana out of the wall. Gripping the hilt of his blade with both hooves, he stood in a defensive stance. The changeling charged at him, blade pointed towards his adversary. Once he got close enough, Deadpool dodged to the side, and swung his blade downwards.

DING!

Deadpool had attempted to cut the changeling’s forelegs off, but to his utter surprise, his katana bounced off of his opponent’s chitin.

“What the fuck?!” Exclaimed Deadpool in shock.

BAM!

Deadpool elbowed his opponent in the face, causing him to drop his ill-gained katana. He followed up with a kick to the chest, causing his opponent to fly several feet. Grabbing his second katana, Deadpool cautiously approached the changeling.

“Alright, buggy! You’re going to tell me how the hell your forelegs didn’t get sliced like packaged cookie dough! I was able to stab you with my knife, and my katanas are way sharper!” Said Deadpool.

As Deadpool got closer to the changeling, he noticed something truly startling. The changeling’s fore hooves were glowing a bright orange, and smoke emitted from the rocky floor beneath them.

“RRRUGGH!”

FWOOSH!

Aiming his hooves towards Deadpool, he fired a blast of fire at him! Deadpool was hit by the scorching flames, launching him backwards. When the smoke cleared, it revealed that the majority of the front half of his costume and mask were burned away. Batting out a couple of small flames that remained attached to his costume, Deadpool looked at the changeling in absolute bewilderment.

“What. The. Fuck?!” Said Deadpool.

(Changelings can wield fire?! Thorax has been holding out on us!)

“Wait. Shapeshifting, super durability, pyrokinesis… Uggghhhh! Hey, by chance do you go by the name Super Changeling?” Asked Deadpool annoyedly.

“My name is Kl’rt - General of the changeling army. That name was given to me by four particularly troublesome ponies.”

FWOOSH! FWOOSH!

The Super Changeling tossed a couple of fireballs at Deadpool. Dodging them, Deadpool leapt towards him, and thrust both his swords downwards. Raising a hoof up towards him, Kl’rt summoned an invisible force field in front of himself.

THUD!

Landing on the force field, Deadpool slowly slid down onto the floor.

“Gents, as great of a fighter as I am, I’m pretty sure that I’m outclassed by this guy. I suggest that we find our friends, get to the throne room, and get the fuck out of here!” Said Deadpool.

(I’d advise doing that now!)

Looking upwards, Deadpool saw the chitin on Kl’rt’s right foreleg turn into orange rock-like skin. He then swung his foreleg downwards, forcing Deadpool to roll out of the way.

WHAM!

Missing, Kl’rt ended up punching the ground, shattering rock. Deadpool attempted to flee, running down the tunnel. Before he could get out of sight, Kl’rt stretched his foreleg to superpony proportions. Deadpool dodged out of the way. Kl’rt flew after him, his wings emitting a buzzing sound that echoed throughout the tunnel. The changeling gaining on him quickly, Deadpool attempted to use his teleportation device. Unfortunately, it was powered by magic, so it failed to work.

“Fucking fantastic! Ignore the pun! Just dealt with two villains from my franchise in the previous chapter, and now I’m dealing with yet another Marvel villain! Can’t a guy just enjoy living life with his marefriend and friends without having to deal with opponents who are above his power level?” Asked Deadpool annoyedly.

The Super Changeling created a disc-shaped invisible construct, and tossed it at Deadpool. It struck the pony in the hindlegs, causing him to fall onto the ground. He followed up with a couple fireballs, which Deadpool was able to dodge. Gritting his teeth, Kl’rt stretched his foreleg out to grab Deadpool. Heading towards his head, Deadpool dodged out of the way.

“Ha, ha! You missed!” Mocked Deadpool.

Unbeknownst to Deadpool, a hole appeared several feet behind him. Kl’rt’s foreleg went through the hole, then popped out from another hole to his left.

POW!

Punched straight in the head, Deadpool was left disoriented. Retracting his foreleg, Kl’rt wrapped it around Deadpool like a python with its prey. He combined his super strength with his elongated foreleg to secure him in a vice-like grip. While he reeled in his opponent, Deadpool tried in vain to struggle out of his grasp.

“You have lost. Accept your defeat and cease your struggling. It will do you no favors,” Said Kl’rt.

“You only won because you stole somepony else’s powers! If you were a stallion, man, what pronouns do you use? Either way, you should’ve continued fighting me with nothing but your fists and your changeling magic!” Said Deadpool.

Ignoring Deadpool, Kl’rt carried him down the tunnel.

“You may have stopped me, but you won’t stop my friends!” Said Deadpool. “They’ll destroy the throne, set the rest of our friends free, and we’ll beat you, your Queen, and the rest of the changelings! You may have the combined powers of Marvel's first family, but I’d like to see you take on the Princesses, and the bearers of the Elements of Harmony all at-”

Deadpool suddenly stopped talking. He felt a pressure building up in his head. He saw that his captor had stopped walking, and held his free forehoof at a slight curve. The pressure in his head increased in intensity. Realizing that he was creating an invisible construct from within his head, Deadpool let out a gasp as he felt his head about to burst.

POP!

Meanwhile, Thorax and Starlight were running down the tunnel. Feeling exhausted, they stopped to catch their breath. They didn’t have much time, however, as they heard the buzzing wings of changelings behind them. Seeing multiple holes, Starlight gestured to Thorax to go through one of them. Splitting up, they were able to trick the entire swarm of changelings into going in the wrong one. Following the tunnel the hole connected to, Starlight saw that she was about to enter a large area. Nervously poking her head out from behind a pillar like structure, she cautiously walked around.

SPLAT!

Starlight stopped in her tracks when she felt something drip onto the back of her horn. Wiping the spot, she saw that it was changeling slime. She slowly looked up, and saw something from a horror film. Discord, Trixie, and the rest of her friends were hanging from the ceiling in cocoons! She wanted to get her friends down, but she couldn’t while her magic was nullified. Speaking of, straight ahead, she saw the sharp, hole littered throne. Determined to destroy the one thing keeping her from saving her friends, she began to walk over to the throne.

“Mwahahaha!”

Hearing the evil laughter of Queen Chrysalis, Starlight stopped in her tracks. She looked around the throne room, but she couldn’t spot the changeling queen anywhere.

“One little pony all by herself,” Said Chrysalis, her voice echoing throughout the throne room.

With nowhere else to look, Starlight brought her gaze back to the cocoons. Spotting Princess Celestia and Luna, she noticed their cocoons were being separated. Two black, hole ridden hooves stuck out from in between them, then the entirety of Chrysalis’ frame squeezed through the relatively small gap. Her body hung upside down, and her joints were bent in unnatural angles.

“Oh, how will I ever prevent this daring rescue?” Said Chrysalis sinisterly, her head twisting 270° to look at Starlight.

HISS!

Changelings swarmed out of the holes riddling the throne room, surrounding Starlight from all sides. A couple changeling guards spat slime onto her forehooves, trapping her in place. She tried to struggle out of the slime, but it was proving to be an arduous task.

“Well, well, well. The Princess of Friendship’s sole pupil. Honestly, I didn’t think you were worth replacing with one of my drones,” Admitted Chrysalis, flying down from the ceiling to sit in her throne.

“You won’t get away with this!” Proclaimed Starlight.

“I already have,” Said Chrysalis, pointing at the cocoons. “Nopony is coming to save you. Your little squad was it, and now, there’s just you.”

“Deadpool and Thorax are still out there,” Said Starlight with a smirk.

“Don’t mention that poor excuse for a changeling’s name in my kingdom!” Shouted Chrysalis.

She flew over to Starlight and looked down at her, her eyes shooting daggers into her soul.

“He was a fool to leave, and even more a fool to return! When I find him, he’ll learn just what happens to those who betray the hive!” Said Chrysalis spitefully.

Starlight whimpered out of fear. Looking into her eyes, Chrysalis saw her eyes give off an unusual blue reflection. Momentarily surprised, she quickly regained her sinister smile.

“And it seems like I don’t have to look far, do I…”

Her crooked horn glowed green, and she cast a spell on Starlight. Suddenly, she was enveloped in a green fire, fading away to reveal…

“THORAX?” Cried Chrysalis.

HISS!

Seeing the traitorous changeling, the changeling drones hissed out of aggression. Unbeknownst to them or their Queen, the real Starlight was attempting to destroy the throne. She quickly but carefully placed the C4 given to her by Deadpool. Once all of the blocks were placed, Starlight sneaked over behind one of the pillars. Hastily lifting up the detonator, she went to push the button.

DONG!

When she went to push the button, her hoof bounced off of something. To her surprise, she saw that the detonator was floating in midair, surrounded by something she couldn’t see. She then felt someone grab her shoulder, causing her fur to stand on end.

“Nice try, little pony.”

Hearing a voice behind her, she slowly turned her head. She originally saw nothing, but then a changeling appeared before her very eyes - the Super Changeling! Wrapping his hoof around her torso, he carried her and a regenerating Deadpool over to his fellow changelings. He dropped both ponies over by Thorax.

“I’m impressed, Kl’rt. It seems you do have some worth after all,” Said Chrysalis.

“Thank you, my liege,” Said Kl’rt, bowing to his Queen. “You three, remove the explosives!”

Three changeling guards saluted to the general, then walked over to remove the C4. At that moment, Deadpool’s head finished regenerating. Looking up in a daze, he saw Queen Chrysalis smirking at him and his friends.

“Oh, hey Chrssy. How have you been?” Asked Deadpool timidly.

“Splendid! I thought that you and your friends ruined everything, but it was merely a minor setback. Everything is going to plan, and it doesn’t involve you!” Said Chrysalis gleefully.

“Harsh, but I’m totally fine with not being a mind controlled assassin,” Said Deadpool.

“What plan? Why did you do all this?!” Asked Starlight.

Chrysalis walked over to her throne. Seeing that her guards finished following Kl’rt’s orders, she sat down.

“So I could feed, of course! By replacing the most beloved figures in Equestria, my drones will be able to store all the love meant for them and return it here to me. Everypony will do as I command, and my subjects and I will feed on their love for generations! Mwahahaha!”

Thinking about Chrysalis’ motives, she looked to Thorax. Seeing his wings, she was reminded of how Thorax was able to satiate his hunger. This gave her an idea.

“What if you didn’t have to?” Asked Starlight.

“Ridiculous! The hunger of changelings can never be satisfied!” Said Chrysalis.

“Exactly! Thorax left the hive and made a friend. He shared love, and now he doesn’t need to feed. You don’t have to live your lives starving all the time!” Explained Starlight.

Some of the changelings shared glances with each other, wondering if what Starlight was saying could actually be true. Chrysalis grabbed Starlight with her magic, and brought her over to her.

“You know nothing of the changelings, or what it takes to be their queen!” Said Chrysalis angrily.

WHAM!

Chrysalis tossed Starlight into a rock. Getting up from her throne, she flew over to her.

“I decide what is best for my subjects, not some mewling grub!” Said Chrysalis.

Seeing her former self in Chrysalis, Starlight tried a different approach to reaching her.

“I know what it’s like to lead by fear and intimidation, and I know what it’s like to want everypony to do what you say! But I was wrong. A real leader doesn’t force her subjects to deny who they are! She celebrates what makes them unique, and listens when one of them finds a better way!” Said Starlight.

Looking at Thorax, she smiled at him, which he reciprocated. More changelings were now contemplating what Starlight was suggesting. Chrysalis, though, was still not listening. She slowly walked over to Thorax.

“The only thing Thorax has found is what happens to those who turn their back on the hive!”

Lighting up her horn, Chrysalis picked up Thorax, releasing him from his gooey restraints.

“No! Stop!” Pleaded Starlight.

She tried to rush over to help him, but two changeling guards restrained her.

“Just as soon as I drain every last ounce of love from him, and show my subjects what a real leader is!” Said Chrysalis.

Opening her mouth, Chrysalis began consuming the love within Thorax, radiating out of him in a pink aura.

“I can feel the love inside me slipping away…! I can’t hold it much longer…!” Said Thorax, trying to keep Chrysalis from stealing his love.

Knowing that there isn’t much time left, Starlight tried to quickly come up with a way to help him.

“Then don’t! Sharing love is what made you different to begin with! You should share yours with Chrysalis! Give her all of it!” Said Starlight with a smirk.

Left with no other option, Thorax took Starlight’s advice. Giving Chrysalis his love, it triggered a flash of bright light. Before she could react, Chrysalis was suddenly struck by a pulse of love magic.

SLAM!

The magic launched her into her throne, leaving a large crack. Chrysalis looked up, and saw Thorax become enveloped in magic, creating a cocoon-like case around him. The cocoon radiated with light, causing anyone nearby to shield their eyes. Stunned by what they were seeing, the guards let go of Starlight. She walked over to the cocoon, carefully placing a hoof on it.

As soon as she placed her hoof on it, the throne room was bathed in light, momentarily blinding everyone. As soon as the light faded away, Thorax gently floated down, revealing that the magic had changed him. Instead of looking like any other changeling drone, he was now tall with a light lime green carapace, gamboge chest, dark azure carapace with an emerald green underside. He also sported rose-colored eyes, and dark fuschia elytra. His now violet wings were long and elegant, his body was no longer riddled with holes, and he sported a pair of light orange mandibles atop his head that were reminiscent of deer antlers. Everyone looked at Thorax’s new form in awe. Inspecting himself, Thorax smiled out of shock and glee.

“This is what happens when you give love freely instead of taking it!” Said Starlight, pointing to Thorax.

After a few seconds of hesitation, a changeling decided to follow Thorax’s example and give love. Other changelings were quick to follow, and the throne room was quickly becoming bathed in love. The love magic seeped into Chrysalis’ throne, causing cracks to form. Before Chrysalis could get off the throne, it exploded.

KABOOM!

The throne along with the entire throne room and the top of the hive exploded. Thankfully, with the throne destroyed, Starlight was able to use her magic to summon a force field to protect herself and Thorax. Upon lowering the force field, Starlight and Thorax were greeted by familiar yet new faces. The changeling drones and guards had undergone similar transformations to Thorax. Looking around, Starlight saw that all of her friends were beginning to break free from their cocoons. Spotting Trixie pushing away the top of her prison, she walked over to her. Even though Trixie was covered in slime, it didn’t stop her from giving her a hug. The changelings were aiding their former captives with getting out of their cocoons. Free from his cocoon, Discord shoved a couple changelings aside, spotting Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy?” Said Discord.

Running over to his friend, Discord picked her up and hugged her. The feeling of embracing her brought him immense relief.

“It’s, um, good to see you, too,” Said Fluttershy, reciprocating the hug.

Deadpool walked around, looking for Twilight. It didn’t take him long to find her laying by the cocoon she was trapped in. He ran over to her and helped her onto her hooves.

“Twilight! Thank Celestia! Are you alright?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’ll… be okay,” Said Twilight.

Relieved that Twilight was fine, Deadpool gave Twilight a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

“Hm. You’re stickier than the aftermath of our anniversary,” Remarked Deadpool.

Twilight playfully shoved him. Starlight and Thorax walked over to them.

“What happened?” Asked Twilight.

“We defeated the changelings with no magic at all, they found a new leader, and… they’re all kinda good now,” Explained Starlight.

She looked over to Thorax, who nodded his head. Twilight looked at her pupil in shock while Princess Luna walked to her side.

“Well done, Starlight Glimmer. It seems as though you’ve learned a great deal since we last spoke,” Said Luna.

Suddenly, the group heard the sound of rubble moving. Looking to where the throne used to be, they saw Queen Chrysalis standing up, the remains of her throne rolling off of her back.

HISS!

Spotting them, she hissed out of intimidation. Ponies and changelings alike gathered, prepared to act should she try to cause harm. Not afraid of her, Starlight walked over to the former queen. The wind picked up, blowing both of their manes.

“When Twilight and her friends defeated me, I chose to run away and seek revenge! You don’t have to! You can be the leader your subjects deserve,” Said Starlight.

Thoughts ran through Chrysalis’ head, and whatever they were, they seemed to be nearly bringing her to tears. Starlight extended a hoof towards her with a compassionate smile. Chrysalis looked at Starlight’s hoof, then raised her own. She slowly reached towards Starlight’s hoof.

SMACK!

Rejecting her act of kindness, Chrysalis smacked Starlight’s hoof away.

“There is no revenge you could ever conceive of that will come close to what I will exact upon you one day, Starlight Glimmer!” Said Chrysalis spitefully.

As she stared down her now found archenemy, something caught Chrysalis’ attention.

“On second thought, why wait when I can serve it up fresh from the oven,” Said Chrysalis with a smirk.

Starlight had prepared to defend herself, but she saw Chrysalis slowly back away. Confused, she dropped her guard, falling to notice an intense orange light on her left side.

“Starlight! On your left!” Shouted Twilight.

Looking behind her, Starlight saw a beam of fire heading straight for her. Before it could reach her, she teleported out of the way.

FWOOSH!

Reappearing over by Twilight and the others, Starlight looked for the source of the fire. She saw the Super Changeling walk towards her and the others.

“How is he doing that?!” Asked Starlight in shock.

“I would say read Fantastic Four #18, but something tells me that certain events from that story didn't happen in this universe,” Said Deadpool.

“I’ll take care of him!” Said Twilight.

“I’m with you, Twilight Sparkle!” Said Luna.

“Wait, don’t!” Warned Deadpool. “He can-”

Before Twilight and Luna could move, they felt pressure build up in their heads. The Super Changeling had formed miniscule constructs in their heads just like with Deadpool. Speaking of, he did the same to Deadpool and Starlight.

“Your Highness, your orders?” Said Kl’rt.

“Kill them! Kill them all!” Ordered Chrysalis.

With a nod of his head, Kl’rt prepared to start his slaughter.

SNAP!

Before he could expand the constructs, he sensed them disappear.

POP! POP! POP! POP!

The invisible constructs reappeared around him, and they burst like bubbles. Discord appeared floating above him.

“Oh, floating, I'll never take you for granted again! Ah-hem. You can try using your powers all you want, but you’ll find that they will be negated by mine. You may be a one pony army, but I can bend reality at my fingertips,” Said Discord.

“RUGH!”

SNAP!

Kl’rt attempted to engulf Discord in a beam of fire, but the Lord of Chaos effortlessly turned it into a stream of bubbles. Watching the scene unfold, Chrysalis growled in anger.

“Kl’rt! Fall back and find her!” Ordered Chrysalis.

With a reluctant nod, Kl’rt turned invisible. Chrysalis took a few steps back, then did a backflip over the edge of the former throne room. Everyone rushed over and looked for her. They quickly spotted her flying over the badlands.

"Find her? Who was she talking about?" Asked Starlight.

"I don't know. As far as I'm aware of, everypony is accounted for. We'll keep an eye and ear out for her or the other changeling," Said Twilight.

Starlight watched Chrysalis fly away, feeling dejected from her turning down her offer of friendship. Seeing her pupil’s sadness, Twilight wrapped a foreleg around her, and gave her a warm smile. Even though she was still hurt, Starlight returned a smile of her own.

With Chrysalis displaced from her throne, Thorax was now definitively the leader of the changelings. While he was talking to Spike, Celestia walked over to speak to him.

“Thorax, as the new leader of the changelings, I look forward to discussing how we can improve our relationship in the future,” Said Celestia.

Thorax responded with a bow.

“However, for the moment, perhaps it is best that we leave the Changeling Kingdom to the changelings,” Said Celestia.

Suddenly, Discord teleported in between Rarity and Applejack, and clapped his hands in applause.

“Splendid idea! Now who’s ready for some celebratory tea at Fluttershy’s?!” Said Discord, pointing at his friend.

Everyone looked at Fluttershy, who seemed to be understandably confused.

“Oh! Uh, everypony?” Questioned Fluttershy.

“Hey! Wait a minute! I thought we were going to get pizza?!” Said Deadpool.

“Actually, now that you can snap your claws and send us absolutely anywhere again, I think I have a better option,” Said Starlight.

“Does this mean we’re not getting pizza?” Asked Deadpool.

A few moments later…

At Starlight’s old village, Double Diamond and Party Favor were setting up for the final day of the Summer Sunset Festival.

CLOP!

Hearing a hoof stomping on the ground behind them, they turned around, seeing Starlight Glimmer.

“Uh, hey, Starlight. What are you doing here?” Asked Party Favor.

“You left in such a hurry before, we kinda thought you didn’t wanna come back,” Said Double Diamond.

“Yeah… I guess after the way I used my magic on all of you I wasn’t sure I was somepony who should even be in charge of a baking contest. I was afraid I might go back to being the pony I used to be, but I realize sometimes you don’t have a choice. You have to step up, and I have changed! I can handle it. Whether that means saving Equestria or helping friends out with the Sunset Festival. Speaking of which, I know the festival’s almost over, but I kinda invited a few of my friends to join,” Said Starlight, pointing behind her.

All of Starlight’s Ponyville friends along with the Princesses were gathered behind her.

“Hope that’s okay,” Said Starlight.

Double Diamond and Party Favor smiled. The former even chuckled in delight.

“Are you kidding? Of course!” Said Double Diamond.

“Great! Now where’s that baking contest? This pony needs a cupcake!” Said Starlight.

Starlight walked off with her old friends, with Sugar Belle and Nightglider joining them as well. Just about everypony else scattered to partake in the festival, with only Discord, Trixie, and Deadpool lingering around.

“So I’m able to rip the very fabric of reality again,” Said Discord.

“Yeah, yeah. And I’m still a self-absorbed, below-average illusionist, right?” Asked Trixie.

“Actually, I was going to say a couple of those illusions were slightly above average,” Said Discord.

“If this is an attempt at an apology, you need to try better than that,” Said Trixie.

“Erm. Yes, well, I’m… sorry. Just because my abilities transcend above what the majority of beings can accomplish, that doesn’t mean your magic is worth less,” Said Discord apologetically.

“That’s better,” Said Trixie.

“Speaking of apologizing…” Deadpool took a bite out of a slice of pineapple and olive pizza. “I’m sorry for being an ass to you over the past few days. You’re actually a pretty creative mare. I think we’re better off not being friends, lest we destroy all of Ponyville like a couple of gamma-irradiated monsters, but since we’re probably going to keep seeing each other because we’re major characters from our respective franchises, can we start over?”

“I would like that,” Said Trixie with a smile.

Both ponies shook hooves.

“And I’m sorry for taking your mouth away. Regardless of my own personal feelings, it doesn’t change the fact that what I did was wrong,” Said Trixie apologetically.

“Thank you. At least when you did it, it wasn’t permanent. To this day, Deadpool losing his mouth is still canon in one particular timeline. Thank Celestia there’s still that complicated but superior timeline. Well, superior only because the actual me is in it,” Said Deadpool.

“You know, with your illusions, Deadpool’s healing abilities, and my chaos magic, if we were to team up, we could be the biggest entertainers in history!” Said Discord.

“Ha! When pigs fly!” Said Trixie.

“Hold up! He might be onto something. Too bad I don’t have Twilight’s calculator on me. I could crunch numbers on the profits we could make,” Said Deadpool.

“Your wish is my command!” Said Discord.

SNAP!

Deciding to take Trixie by her word, Discord summoned three flying pigs for him and his friends. With a mischievous smirk, Discord smacked the backside of Trixie’s pig.

“Whoooooaaaa!” Cried Trixie.

Trixie’s pig flew away very fast. Discord and Deadpool raced their pigs after her. They flew by Twilight and her friends, who all watched in confusion as they were eating various confectioneries.

“Somepony is really gonna have to catch us up on what we missed,” Said Rainbow Dash.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony"! With the conclusion of this chapter, this marks the end of the season six arc of this story. The next set of chapters will take place during season seven of the show, with the upcoming chapter featuring cameos from two important characters in the Deadpool mythos. Be sure to stay tuned! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 35: Weapon X
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 35: Weapon X

The Castle of Friendship was the site of a momentous occasion this evening. To commemorate the heroics demonstrated by Starlight Glimmer, Trixie Lulamoon, Discord, Thorax, and Deadpool during the invasion by Queen Chrysalis and the changelings, the Princesses of Equestria were bestowing the ragtag group of heroes with medals for their valiant efforts. Ponies and the now reformed changelings were gathered in the castle’s dining hall, while the Princesses and Equestria's latest saviors were on a stage in the back of the room.

“Starlight, Trixie, Thorax, Wade, and Discord were brave in the face of danger, resourceful when things got challenging, and proved that the bonds of friendship, no matter how unlikely, are stronger than any adversity. By stopping Queen Chrysalis, not only did they save Equestria, they set the changelings free from her reign,” Said Twilight.

ZAP!

“Go Discord! Yahoo!”

Discord teleported into the crowd. Wearing sport apparel with his likeness on it, he cheered to himself. He was not alone, however. Deadpool stood next to him, cheering while wearing a medium length gray wig.

“Great job, sweetheart! I’m so proud of you!” Said Deadpool in a feminine voice.

Deadpool swiftly took off the wig, then put on a white shirt collar and black tie.

“Hailey, settle down! You’re going to embarrass the kid!” Said Deadpool in a gruff voice.

“Thomas, relax. Wade should know how proud of him we are. (Sob) Our little superhero grew up so fast,” Said Deadpool, wearing the wig and speaking in the feminine voice again.

(Hey, Nuclearpool! Look around you!)

Deadpool looked around the room. He realized the ceremony came to a grinding halt because everyone in attendance was staring at him.

“...Sorry. I… had a rough childhood,” Said Deadpool sheepishly.

Discord teleported himself and Deadpool back onto the stage without their accessories. Starlight was doing everything in her power to stifle a giggle while Trixie rolled her eyes.

“And that’s why we’re so proud and honored to give them the Equestrian Pink Hearts of Courage!” Said Celestia.

She pointed at a podium. Resting atop a lilac pillow were five heart-shaped medals trimmed with gold. Princesses Celestia and Luna grabbed the medals, and gave them to the heroes. Given the horn and antler as well as his long head, Discord momentarily detached his head to allow Princess Luna to put his medal around his neck. Luna attempted to give Thorax his medal, but the new mandibles atop his head were proving to be an obstacle. Due to how wide they were, the medal’s ribbon couldn’t stretch around them.

“Hold on, Your Highness. I got it,” Said Deadpool.

Grabbing Thorax’s medal, Deadpool pulled out his knife and cut the ribbon. He then wrapped it around Thorax’s neck and tied it.

“There we go,” Said Deadpool.

Luna and Thorax bowed to Deadpool in gratitude.

“We are so proud of you all!” Said Twilight.

The crowd cheered for the heroes. They basked in the applause while also fidgeting with their medals.

A few minutes later…

With the ceremony over, the attendees were partaking in the reception party. Music from the renowned DJ Pon-3 created a lively atmosphere. While some of the attendees were dancing along to the music, others were either engaged in idle chatter or eating. Trixie was speaking to a crowd made up of some changelings, Sunburst, and Starlight’s friends from Our Town, while Starlight, Thorax, and Deadpool were listening.

“It was the Great and Powerful Trrrrixie’s pleasure to save you from your imminent doom,” Said Trixie.

“Yes, because you did it all by yourself,” Said Discord, popping out of Trixie’s hat and booping her.

Starlight giggled at Trixie’s expense.

“I can’t believe you managed to do it without magic,” Said Sunburst to Starlight.

“It was amazing!” Said a changeling.

“No one has ever stood up to Chrysalis like that!” Added another changeling.

“I can’t take all of the credit. If each of us had not pitched in our unique skills and ideas, we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near the throne,” Said Starlight modestly.

“Well, let me tell you, I thought we were going to be screwed once the Super Changeling came into the equation,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool’s friends nodded in agreement. Deadpool took a sip out of a cup of fruit punch. Drinking the last of the punch, he decided to go get some more.

“I’ll be right back,” Said Deadpool.

A couple of his friends nodded their heads. He walked over to a table with various foods and desserts. Spotting a large punch bowl in the middle of the table, he grabbed a ladle and proceeded to refill his cup.

“Wade Wilson - Hero of Equestria.”

Hearing a masculine voice behind him, he turned around. He spotted a stallion sitting at a nearby table. He couldn’t make out any of his features since he was wearing a trenchcoat and fedora.

“The one-and-only. You a fan?” Asked Deadpool.

“Not necessarily. I’m just somepony who’s been keeping a close eye on you.”

The stallion lifted up his fedora, revealing his face. He had brown fur and a black goatee. His most distinguishing feature was an eyepatch covering his left eye. His right eye had a brown iris. Upon seeing the stallion’s face, Deadpool had a visible look of shock on his masked face.

“Fury? Am I under arrest or something?” Asked Deadpool.

“No, your criminal record is expunged,” Answered Nick Fury.

(I am willing to bet that he and S.H.I.E.L.D still keep tabs on us just in case.)

(I’ll add onto that bet.)

“Okay… I assume you didn’t come here just to congratulate me on saving the day, so what gives?” Asked Deadpool.

“Supposedly, even though you are no longer a mercenary, you still hire out your services. Is this true?” Asked Fury.

“In a Heroes for Hire manner, yes,” Answered Deadpool. “Not a member of the actual group, but if you’ve been doing your homework, you would know that.”

“In that case, I’d like to hire your services,” Said Fury.

“Okay, then. Lay it on me, Jackson,” Said Deadpool, plopping down in a chair opposite of Nick Fury. “Just so we’re clear: no assassinations. Oh, and no disintegrations either. I denied a few changelings the opportunity to reform during my raid on the Changeling Kingdom, so I’d like to avoid taking more lives for at least a little while.”

“That’s not what I’m hiring you for, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you did have to use lethal force. This mission involves Weapon X,” Said Fury.

Deadpool nearly spat out some punch. Hearing the name of the program that gave him his powers, horrid, traumatic memories flooded his mind. He gently placed his cup down, locking eyes with Fury the whole time.

“Tell me everything,” Said Deadpool seriously.

“A couple months ago, S.H.I.E.L.D had received reports of suspicious activity in the Lamaretian Mountains. Mysterious disappearances, dead, mutilated bodies, typical stuff associated with the insidious. Originally, we thought it might have been yet another Wendigo hunting ponies, so I had a team sent out to investigate the area. Instead of cannibals, we discovered this.”

Nick Fury reached into his trenchcoat, and pulled out a photograph, handing it over to Deadpool. The latter examined the photograph meticulously. It depicted a cliff face with a large metal door built into it.

“You’re certain this is Weapon X?” Asked Deadpool.

“I had the team scout out the area for a few days to confirm my suspicions, and this stallion proved me right.”

Fury handed Deadpool another photograph. A blue furred earth pony stallion was being escorted by some armed guards towards the entrance. Deadpool instantly recognized the stallion as the pony responsible for disfiguring him.

“Well, hello, Francis,” Muttered Deadpool.

“I assume you’re acquainted with Ajax?” Asked Fury.

“Uh uh uh! Clearly you need to update your intel, Fury, because he only goes by Francis. I have no idea where you got that name from. But, yeah, I’m well acquainted with him. He oversaw my ‘cancer treatment’,” Said Deadpool.

“Well then, I would like to hire you to capture Francis. If we can apprehend him and get him to talk, maybe we can find what remains of Weapon X and put a stop to them for good,” Said Fury.

“And maybe I can finally get my mug fixed,” Said Deadpool in a near whisper. “Don’t need to convince me. I’ll take the job!”

“Glad to have you on board,” Said Fury, shaking Wade’s hoof. “I’ll have somepony take you to Caneighda tomorrow. I’ll meet up with you to debrief on a plan alongside another operative you’ll be working with.”

“Who am I working with?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’ll introduce you to them tomorrow,” Replied Fury.

“Geez, Fury. If I hadn’t known you were cryptic, I would have thought you were teasing a character reveal,” Said Deadpool.

“Unless you have any more questions, I'll be taking my leave,” Said Fury.

"Actually, there is one thing. I am getting paid for this, right? Having an opportunity to get back at Francis is all I need, but if I were to be retraumatized, I would like to at least be compensated handsomely,"

"Trust me. Considering how much apprehending a figurehead of Weapon X would be to S.H.I.E.L.D, you'll be paid several figures for your efforts," Assured Fury.

"Considering S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't have a squeaky clean reputation, I want to make my expectations clear," Said Deadpool.

"The same could be said with you," Rebutted Fury. "A former contract killer and mercenary. However, I'm willing to put my faith in you to get the job done. If you want to be able to put a stop to Aj-"

"Uh, uh, uh! Francis," Said Deadpool.

"... If you want to be able to put an end to Francis' activities, you'll have to have some faith in me," Said Fury.

Deadpool raised his hoof, prepared to rebuttal what Fury said. However, he thought over what the director said, and opted to keep his mouth shut.

(For once.)

"Hey!"

“Enjoy the party,” Said Fury.

Getting up from his seat, he walked past Deadpool towards the exit. Deadpool watched as he seemingly disappeared into the crowd of party goers.

“Celestia, I wish I had his charisma,” Said Deadpool in awe. “Maybe then I could have gotten away with a lot more shit.”

The next day…

True to his word, Fury had arranged for Deadpool to be transported to Caneighda. He was currently being escorted by a small group of guards towards a S.H.I.E.L.D base. The agency’s logo of an eagle hung above the entrance. The agency’s director was waiting by the entrance. Unlike yesterday, he wasn’t wearing a fedora, revealing that he lacked a mane. His trench coat was also unbuttoned, revealing a uniform with S.H.I.E.L.D’s logo on it.

“Thank you, gentlecolts. I’ll take it from here,” Said Fury.

The guards saluted to Fury, then went on their way.

“Follow me,” Said Fury.

Deadpool followed Fury inside the base. They were far from the only people inside the base’s hub area. Guards, agents, and office workers alike were going about their business. Some of them stared at Deadpool, but they went back to what they were doing. After a short walk, Fury led Deadpool into a conference room.

“So, what’s your plan, Fury?” Asked Deadpool.

“Before we get to that, I’d like you to get reacquainted with-”

“RRUGHH!”

SNIKT!

“AH!”

Deadpool was suddenly tackled into a wall. A brown gloved hoof was mere inches from the bottom of his muzzle. Two one foot long metal claws extended from the hoof, nearly grazing the sides of Deadpool’s face. A petrified Deadpool looked downwards, seeing the pony attached to the clawed hoof. They were an earth pony stallion wearing a yellow and brown sleeveless costume. They wore a mask that concealed his face with the exception of his muzzle. The exposed parts of his costume revealed beige fur. Fin-like protrusions stuck out from around the eyes and the tops of a pair of brown boots, and he wore a red belt with a black X on the buckle.

Deadpool’s assailant only stood up to his shoulders, but he made up for it with his behavior. He snarled like an agitated wild animal, bearing a pair of canine teeth atypical to ponies. While he had Deadpool pinned with one hoof, his other hoof was locked back in a fist, ready to punch him in the face.

“Wolverine?!” Said Deadpool in fearful surprise.

“What the hell is he doing here, Fury?!” Asked Wolverine, speaking with a growl.

“Deadpool is here to assist you in apprehending Francis,” Explained Fury.

“Have you lost your damn mind?! You can’t trust this nutcase!” Said Wolverine.

“I know he has a record of botching jobs, disregarding authority, and putting others in danger, but he’s a changing stallion, Logan. I think you’ll find that he’s a capable partner. Now, I’ll only tell you once: let him go,” Ordered Fury.

Wolverine snarled out of annoyance and fury. Three more metallic claws sprung from his free hoof. He looked into Deadpool’s eyes for several seconds, contemplating whether he should follow Fury’s orders or disregard them. He decided to listen to Fury, sheathing his claws and letting Deadpool go.

“Let me make something clear, bub. If ya start making problems, I’ll be ending them. Understand?” Asked Wolverine.

“Yeah, yeah!” Said Deadpool frantically nodding his head.

Wolverine walked away, heading towards a large circular table in the center of the room. Deadpool placed a hoof over his heart, feeling like it was about to burst after nearly being skewered by Wolverine’s claws.

(Holy fucking shit! I saw my life flash before my eyes!)

“Yeah...” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool joined up with Wolverine and Fury at the table. Nick Fury pulled out a map of the Lamaretian mountains and laid it out on the table.

“The Weapon X base was discovered in a cliff face here,” Said Fury, pointing at the tallest mountain. “I’ll have you two dropped off 3 klicks south of the base at around 15:00, and you’ll walk the rest of the way on hoof.”

“Are there any foot patrols we should be aware of?” Asked Wolverine.

“There are two patrols that survey the area from the base towards the drop off point,” Answered Fury. “They’re heavily armed and armored. You’ll have to sneak around or neutralize them quietly.”

Fury and Wolverine looked at Deadpool with stern glares.

“Clearly neither of you read the previous chapter,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Once you get past the patrols and arrive at the base, you’ll have to search for Ajax-”

“Francis,” Interjected Deadpool.

“I don’t have any info on the base’s layout or Francis’ routines, so you’ll have to find him to the best of your abilities,” Said Fury.

“If I can pick up on his scent, I’ll have no problem finding him,” Said Wolverine, pointing at his muzzle.

“Don’t you know that sniffing ponies is weird, Wolvie?” Said Deadpool.

Wolverine growled in response.

“Once you find Francis, go west over to this clearing on the other side of this river, where I as well as a S.H.I.E.L.D convoy will meet and return all three of you to the base. Any questions?” Asked Fury.

Deadpool raised his hoof.

“Yes, Deadpool?” Asked Fury.

“What condition do you want Francis to be in?” Asked Deadpool.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to kill anypony,” Said Fury.

“(Scoffs) That’s a first,” Said Wolverine.

“Pot meet kettle,” Countered Deadpool. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on killing Francis. I was just wondering if I could, you know, make him wish he was dead.”

“Only do what is necessary to subdue him,” Said Fury.

“That’s open-ended enough for me,” Said Deadpool.

“Any other questions?” Asked Fury.

“What will be the course of action if we get ourselves captured?” Asked Wolverine. “Weapon X’s internal security makes it damn near impossible for anypony to escape. I would know.”

“I just fucked some shit up, and that’s how I got out,” Remarked Deadpool.

“I was referrin’ to something more along the lines of an actual strategy,” Said Wolverine.

“I’ll be waiting at our meet up spot until 18:00. If I don’t see or hear anything from either of you, I’ll send in a rescue team. Even if they are unsuccessful, they should hopefully at least provide a big enough distraction for you to escape,” Explained Fury.

Wolverine nodded in understanding.

“Anything else?” Asked Fury.

Deadpool shook his head while Wolverine gave no response.

“Come along, then. We’ve got a fugitive to catch,” Said Fury.

Deadpool and Wolverine followed Nick Fury out of the conference room.

Lamaretian Mountains - 13:05

Wolverine and Deadpool were traversing across the Lamaretian landscape. They were traveling through a lush forest. Trees with bright green leaves dominated the area for miles, leaving little sunlight to seep through to the forest floor. The forest was undisturbed by ponies or other sentient beings, with the only signs of life coming from the occasional bird call or the scampering of a small rodent disturbed by the two ponies present.

“The perfect place to build a base,” Said Deadpool.

“Excuse me?” Said Wolverine.

“Nothing, nothing,” Replied Deadpool.

Both ponies walked in silence. Wolverine was surveying the area, vigilantly watching for any Weapon X personnel. Deadpool on the other hoof was just aimlessly looking at the sky, trees, basically anything that he hoped would keep him entertained.

“So… what’s going on with you and Jean?” Asked Deadpool, hoping to start a conversation.

Wolverine ignored him.

“Is she with Scott? Sorry.” Said Deadpool awkwardly.

The silence on Wolverine’s end was driving Deadpool mad. Even though it would likely get him killed, he wanted to get a conversation out of him.

“I’ve been dating a Princess,” Said Deadpool.

Once again, Deadpool was met with complete silence.

“Either you don’t care, or you already know. I’m going with the latter. Twilight’s a great gal. Don’t ask me how I got her to go out with me, I’m still figuring that out. I’ve also made a lot of friends. I think you would like most of them. Actually, maybe only half of them. Some of them have very strong personality traits that might make your furry hide crawl.

SNIFF!

Picking up on a scent, Wolverine sniffed the air.

“Speaking of friends, how are Colossus, Yukio, and NTW- Excuse me, NEW do- Yelp!”

Wolverine grabbed Deadpool by the foreleg and dragged him behind a large tree. Pressing a hoof up against his mouth, he pointed towards Deadpool’s left. Deadpool peeked from behind the tree, spotting a group of troopers. The group consisted of six ponies wearing camo armor. They were searching the area with firearms drawn.

“Did you hear that?” Asked a soldier.

“Sounds like a pony. Keep your guard up!” Ordered another soldier.

The guards cautiously walked towards the tree the heroes were hiding behind. Rummaging through his arsenal, Deadpool pulled out a smoke bomb. He looked at Wolverine, presenting the smoke bomb to him. Wolverine nodded his head in approval.

“Hopefully, this one actually works,” Thought Deadpool.

He tossed the smoke bomb at the troopers, landing at their hooves.

POOF!

“What the hell?!”

POW!

SNIKT!

With the troopers disoriented, Deadpool and Wolverine attacked. The troopers shot aimlessly, but none of their shots hit the heroes. Eventually, the smoke dissipated, revealing Deadpool looking down at two unconscious soldiers.

“Thank Celestia that wor- Oh, fuck!” Cried Deadpool.

Deadpool looked over his right shoulder, seeing a headless soldier standing next to him. The body fell to the ground next to two soldiers that were stabbed in the chest, and another soldier who was unconscious but missing a foreleg. Deadpool spotted Wolverine flicking some blood off of his claws before sheathing them. The latter spotted the two guards Deadpool had knocked out.

“You didn’t kill ‘em?” Asked Wolverine in disbelief.

“It’s like what Fury and I said, killing’s not my style anymore. At least, I’m trying not to make it my answer to every problem,” Said Deadpool.

“Hm. Come on, we gotta get going in case anypony heard us,” Said Wolverine.

Wolverine continued his trek towards the base with Deadpool swiftly following behind him.

One hour later…

Over at the Weapon X base, a small patrol of troopers marched from the entrance towards the forest.

“Investigating patrol 72’s last confirmed location now. Be on hoof in case we’ve been compromised,” Said a trooper, speaking into a walkie talkie.

“You think a bear got to them?” Asked a trooper.

“Are you kidding? They’re military trained personnel decked out in high grade armor and weaponry. A bear shouldn’t be able to take out the entire group,” Said the first trooper.

Unbeknownst to them, Deadpool and Wolverine were listening from atop some tree branches. They waited until the patrol was out of sight.

“They’re on the right track. Instead of a bear it was a pony and a Wolverine that took ‘em out,” Remarked Deadpool. “How much are you willing to bet that there’s a fuck ton of soldiers on the other side of that door?”

“Every bit I own to my name,” Replied Wolverine.

“So, twenty bits?” Jabbed Deadpool.

Wolverine ignored Deadpool’s remark.

“I can’t believe that after all this time, I’m going to finally see Francis. It’s like seeing your high school crush after years of being apart, but instead of resurfacing love, it’s unbridled hatred. What should I say?” Pondered Deadpool.

“I have a few choice words myself. While you sort yourself out, I’m going t’ go speak to him myself,” Said Wolverine.

Wolverine hopped down to the forest floor below. Shaking some nerves out of his system, Deadpool hopped down to the ground and followed after him. Walking over to the massive metal door, Deadpool thought about how he could open it up.

“I have some explosives that we can use to pop this sucker open, but there won’t be much-”

SHING! SHING!

Wolverine used his claws to cut through the door. Several inches of reinforced steel were cut like a hot knife through butter.

“Or we could do that,” Said Deadpool.

Stepping inside the base, both ponies found themselves in a hangar housing armored carriages. They quickly discovered they were not alone. Several soldiers and workers were working, stopping their duties when they spotted the two heroes.

“Weapon X has found us!” Shouted one of the soldiers.

BBBRRRIIINGG!

The workers ran out of the room, one of them activating an alarm. The soldiers aimed their firearms at Deadpool and Wolverine.

“And the Merc With a Mouth! Geez, what am I, chopped liver?!” Said Deadpool irritatedly. “(Groan) Stealth is overrated anyway. I did enough sneaking around in the previous chapter, but I will never get enough of bashing some skulls in.”

Pulling out his magic pistols, he engaged the Weapon X soldiers in a firefight while Wolverine charged with his Adamantium claws. The former hid behind an armored carriage for cover. Spotting a couple guards on his side of the chariot, Deadpool fired a couple magic blasts at them. Thankfully, the armor wasn’t resistant to magic, knocking out the guards. Now that they were dealt with, Deadpool provided cover fire for Wolverine.

The guards sprayed Wolverine with gun fire, riddling his costume with holes and his body with lead. He ate each shot, and leapt towards a guard.

“RRUGH!”

SHUNK!

Wolverine stabbed the guard in the chest, pinning them to a wall. Another guard tried to shoot him in the head, but he cut off their right foreleg with a swipe of his claws, causing them to drop their weapon. Now vulnerable to attack, the guard was stabbed in the abdomen by both sets of claws. Wolverine then used his enhanced strength to tear the guard in half, causing their guts to spill out onto the floor. He tossed both halves at two separate guards, then stabbed a third guard in the chest. A guard shot at Wolverine, but he used his foreleg to absorb the shot. He then ran towards the guard, and stabbed them in the face, pinning their head against an armored chariot.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was still engaged in a shootout. Unbeknownst to him, a couple guards were sneaking up behind him. Deadpool glanced over to his left, noticing the reflection of the guards in the carriage’s reinforced plating. He swiftly turned around, and shot one of the guards point blank in the face. The magic bolt overloaded their nervous system, rendering them unconscious. The other guard charged him, pinning him to the side of the carriage.

THUMP!

The guard attempted to punch Deadpool in the face, but he moved his head out of the way, causing the guard to punch the carriage. The guard shook their hoof in pain, giving Deadpool the opportunity to push them off of him.

SHINK!

Deadpool indirectly threw the guard towards Wolverine, who stabbed them in the abdomen and cut up to the sternum.

“Fuck…!” Exclaimed Deadpool.

Wolverine climbed atop the carriage, then leapt down on top of two guards, slamming them to the ground and piercing his claws through their heads and the floor. Two more guards appeared through a pair of doors opposite to the entrance. Seeing that they were about to shoot Wolverine, Deadpool shot both of them at once. The room was now devoid of security, most of the guards rendered a bloody mess, and the ones who were lucky enough to have been beaten by Deadpool were left unconscious.

(Well, that’s different.)

“Come on! We have to move, now!” Said Wolverine.

Retracting his claws, Wolverine ran past the doors that the last two guards came through. As he ran out of sight, Deadpool was thinking to himself.

“‘Thanks for taking care of those guys, bub.’ ‘You’re such a badass!’ ‘Oh, yeah, sorry that I killed that guy you were fighting a moment ago.’ ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take the blame for it,’” Muttered Deadpool irritatedly.

Deadpool ran after Wolverine, traveling down a hallway. Emergency lights bathed the hall with red light, and the sound of alarms ringed in his ears. He quickly caught up to Wolverine, who was surprisingly fast for a pony whose skeleton is coated in metal. Both ponies were forced to come to a complete stop when a group of guards blocked their way forward. Just before they could fire any shots off, Deadpool pulled out both of his katanas.

PING! PING! PING!

Swinging with the skill of a master swordspony enhanced with superpony reflexes, Deadpool was deflecting a barrage of bullets. The bullets would either end up embedded in the walls or deflected into a guard’s limbs.

“Once they need to reload their guns, go through them!” Ordered Deadpool.

As soon as the guards closest to them ran out of ammo in their clips, Deadpool and Wolverine sliced through them. The former dismembered his opponents while the latter opted to go for the kill. Using a rinse, repeat method of blocking incoming gunfire followed up with slicing through as many soldiers as they could, they were able to get through all of the guards. Traveling further down the hall, they found themselves at an intersection.

“Freeze!”

Guards came from all directions, guns aimed at both heroes.

“Uno, dos, tres, twenty-six guards. (Gasp) Did Francis send you all to welcome us?!” Said Deadpool giddily.

“Cool yer jets. Focus on the fight,” Said Wolverine, standing in an attack stance.

“Sorry, Wolvie, but the fans expect me to say a certain amount of smart ass or meta quips in every-”

BANG!

PRICK!

“Ow!”

One of the guards fired a tranquilizer dart into Deadpool’s left shoulder. Plucking it out of his shoulder, Deadpool inspected it, seeing that the barrel was empty.

(Uh oh! That looks like the same needle our tat guy uses! We're gonna get hepatitis!)

(We have a healing factor, dumbass! We can't get hepatitis or STIs!)

(If that’s the case, then why do our balls itch all the time?)

(Because we wear spandex nearly 24/7.)

Ignoring the voices in his head, Deadpool giggled a little at the dart. He then looked over at Wolverine.

“Ha! They think one little dart is enough to-”

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Before Deadpool could finish his sentence, several guards repeatedly shot at him. Multiple tranquilizers stuck out of his front and left portions of his body. Feeling a massive dosage of sedatives coursing through his body, he dropped both of his katanas, and weakly raised a forehoof.

“Euuggugghh…”

THUMP!

Unable to say a single coherent word, Deadpool fell over onto his right side, and slipped into unconsciousness. Having witnessed his partner’s downfall, Wolverine scowled in annoyance.

“RRUGH!”

With a mighty battle cry, Wolverine lunged at the guards. While he was being shot with multiple tranquilizers, he sliced the throats of a couple guards. Using his claws to block only a few darts, he lunged on top of a guard, repeatedly stabbing them until their body expired. He followed up by stabbing a guard to his left below the abdomen, and tossed them at a couple more guards. The effects of the sedatives kicking in but the spirit to fight just as strong, Wolverine groggily walked over to another guard.

THUD!

Just as he was within a foot of the guard, he fell onto the ground, his Adamantium skeleton creating a moderately loud thud. Still having a sliver of consciousness, Wolverine dragged himself over to the guard, and stabbed them in the hoof.

“AGH!” Cried the guard in pain.

At that moment, Wolverine finally slipped into unconsciousness.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool groggily opened his eyes, still feeling small traces of the sedatives in his body. He quickly realized that he was moving when he looked towards the ceiling, noticing lights hanging from the ceiling slowly moved out of sight. He tried to get up, but he was held down by restraints. Looking down towards his hind legs, he not only saw that he was stripped out of his costume, he also saw a guard pushing him on a gurney.

The guard was transporting Deadpool through a prison. Instead of iron bars, prisoners were contained behind a forcefield. Each prisoner looked completely miserable, most likely a result of being unwilling subjects to metapony experiments. Seeing the prison and the ponies it held brought back memories of the torture Deadpool endured during his first time in Weapon X’s captivity. The guard stopped the gurney in front of an empty cell. Looking at the cell, it was similar to the one he was kept in several years ago.

“Celestia dammit. Not again,” Thought Deadpool anxiously.

“Hm.”

An all too familiar smug grunt caught his attention. The pony responsible appeared to his right, revealing that it was none other than the pony he was after in the first place - Francis. He looked exactly as he remembered him seven years ago with his navy blue fur, short dark blue mane and tail, the former having a single curl at the front, and the apathetic stare in his blue eyes. The only noticeable difference that Deadpool was aware of was the black spandex suit he was wearing that had a white upside down A on his chest and back that connected at the shoulders. Ajax looked down at him, giving him a smug grin.

“Wade fuckin Wilson. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought my own eyes were deceiving me,” Said Ajax.

“Francis… Oh my Celestia! How long has it been? Seven years?” Pondered Deadpool.

“Seven years indeed, yet you’re still the same areshole,” Said Ajax. “At least you’ve made a name for yourself thanks to that healing factor I gave you. Guess tearing out your heart was the motivation you needed to be the best version of yourself. Well, except for this.”

Ajax placed a hoof against Deadpool’s face. It made him very uncomfortable, but he didn’t give any noticeable signs of discomfort, not wanting to give his nemesis any satisfaction.

“You haven’t changed that much yourself, save for that outfit you’re wearing from the comics. Did that come with a promotion from ass wipe to cock sucker?” Remarked Deadpool.

“Funny that you should mention that. Since our last encounter, old stallion Killebrew met a rather bloody end, and because of it, I run the show now,” Said Ajax while spreading his forelegs. “The profits, the soldiers, the ‘weapons’, all of it is mine.”

“…Shit,” Said Deadpool under his breath.

“I have to thank you for bringing your friend to me,” Said Ajax.

Stepping to the left, Francis revealed Wolverine in the cell behind him. Like Deadpool, his costume and mask were removed, revealing his ducktail-styled black mane and mutton chops. He laid on the floor unconscious, the sedatives seemingly still in his system.

“Now that the Weapon X is back in custody, my scientists can go about creating more soldiers like him, and brainwash him to serve our purposes,” Said Ajax.

“And what about me?” Asked Deadpool.

“Hm… You do have a healing factor, and you have all of the skills you acquired as a former mercenary and soldier, but you still have one major issue,” Said Ajax.

“My polarizing sense of humor?” Remarked Deadpool.

“Your insanity,” Answered Ajax. “You would be too dangerous to keep under control. Even with all of the brainwashing magic and technology we have on hoof, you could break out of it at any moment. At least with your friend over there, we can keep him under control in spite of his feral tendencies. Even if I could rein you in, you still have that ugly mug that makes you stand out like a sore hoof. Considering how much Weapon X relies on secrecy, you would be a big liability.”

“You could always patch me up. Normally, you’re not supposed to get more plastic surgery from the same people that botched it in the first place, but since actual doctors haven’t figured out how my healing factor works, I don’t have that much of a choice,” Said Deadpool.

“(Chuckles) Oh, Wade. You really think that anything could be done to fix your mug?” Questioned Ajax. “Even if I were interested in helping you out, I wouldn’t be able to for a couple of reasons. One, most of the scientists that were involved in the experiment that gave you your powers were killed by your fellow subjects. Two, the acceleration of your cancer was an unforeseen variable. A large amount of time and resources would be needed in order to replicate and find a way to reverse it; if it could be reversed. Face it, Wade, you’re going to be an ugly wanker for the remainder of your years.”

The guard that escorted Deadpool held up a badge to a panel by the cell. Doing so caused the forcefield to disappear. Removing the restraints pinning Deadpool to the gurney, the guard forced him up and shoved him into the cell. Once the guard closed the cell, Ajax walked up to the forcefield.

“If it helps, I plan on acquiring some of your blood tomorrow. If you're DNA can be used to create more super ponies, then you’ll have a purpose here,” Said Ajax.

On that note, Ajax left with the guard following behind him.

“If you wanted my DNA, all you needed to do was just give me the latest cover of Play Colt!” Shouted Deadpool.

“Ugh… Can ya keep yer voice down?”

Looking at the cell across from him, Deadpool saw Wolverine was conscious. He looked like he was in the midst of a hangover, struggling to keep his bloodshot blue eyes open.

“Wolvie, buddy! Did you have a nice nap?” Asked Deadpool.

“If ya consider having enough sedatives to put down an Ursa Minor as ‘nice’, then sure,” Said Wolverine.

“Now that you’re awake, you can slice your way out of that cell and get me out of here, right?” Asked Deadpool.

“No can do, bub,” Said Wolverine.

Raising his forelegs, Wolverine revealed that he was wearing hoofcuffs that encased both his forehooves.

“I don’t suppose you have some sort of plan to get us out, do you?” Asked Deadpool.

“Other than hope that S.H.I.E.L.D can get in here and break us out, nothin’ yet,” Answered Wolverine. “If I were you, I would try to get comfortable. We may be here for a while.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Mumbled Deadpool anxiously.

Spotting a wooden board hanging on the wall, Deadpool decided to lay down and try to relax.

A few hours later…

Deadpool groggily opened his eyes. Having unintentionally fallen asleep, he tried to get up. Finding himself unable to get up, he looked down, only to find that instead of the board he was laying down on a metal table with restraints. Trying to get his bearings, he surveyed his surroundings. He couldn’t see anything but darkness all around him. The only light came from a lamp hanging from the ceiling.

As if it were something right out of a horror flick, Ajax stepped out of the shadows. Holding a needle, he calmly grabbed a hold of Deadpool by the neck. With fear taking over, Deadpool tried to struggle out of his restraints, even though he knew it was futile.

“Relax, Wilson. Since it must have been ages since you last had your blood drawn, I’ll assure you you’ll feel only a slight prick. The only real painful part will be the time it will take to drain you of most of your blood. I’m sure it will be something you’ll acclimate to over time,” Said Ajax calmly.

With stifled breath, Deadpool watched as Ajax brought the tip of the needle to his jugular vein.

“AHH!”

THUD!

Suddenly free to move, Deadpool shot right up with a jolt, and fell onto the floor. With a pained groan, he lifted himself off of the floor. Dazed, he looked around, seeing that he was in the cell he was put in earlier. He came to the conclusion that what he had just experienced with Ajax was a nightmare.

“What the hell happened to you?” Asked Wolverine.

“Nothing that I’m sure you haven't experienced yourself, but more stabby-stabby,” Remarked Deadpool.

Trying to distract himself from his fear, Deadpool sat back down on the “bed”, and closed his eyes. He tried to imagine various things to distract himself.

“Tacos. Scrumptious, crunchy tacos. Star Wars. Fantastic franchise of three movies and two TV shows; nothing else. Twilight… Beautiful, studious, kind. Basically everything I am not. Celestia, I miss her… and her perky butt.”

Overhearing Deadpool’s attempt at calming himself down, Wolverine momentarily looked at him out of sheer confusion. Familiar with his antics, he quickly ignored it.

“AAIEEEEE!”

Deadpool was snapped out of his thoughts by a high pitched feminine scream. Catching Wolverine’s attention as well, both stallions walked up to the forcefields keeping them in their cells to investigate. They spotted a unicorn filly being forcefully moved by a couple of guards. She had a long navy blue mane and tail, apricot colored fur, magenta eyes, and a cutie mark of a black hole.

She looked like she was barely nine years old, yet she was a prisoner like Deadpool, Wolverine, and everyone else in the cells. With an inhibitor ring around her horn and a metal collar around her neck, she could only try to flail out of her captors’ grasps, but it was futile. Seeing an innocent filly being manhandled stirred up an intense rage within both heroes. As the guards passed by their cells, Deadpool yelled at them.

“Hey! Let her go! She’s just a child!” Yelled Deadpool furiously.

“Mind your business, freak,” Ordered one of the guards.

“AIE! Let me go! AAIEE!” Pleaded the filly.

“Zip it, kid,” Ordered the guard.

Unsurprisingly, the filly didn’t listen to the guard. She only increased her screaming and thrashing. Losing their grip, one of the guards pulled out a stun baton.

ZAP!

“AEUGH!”

Receiving a powerful shock, the filly collapsed, her limbs twitching uncontrollably. Having witnessed this cruel act, Wolverine snarled at the guards.

“When I get out of here, you assholes are gonna pay for everything you’ve ever done to her!” Sworn Wolverine.

“I don’t think you realize how empty of a threat that is, Weapon X,” Said the guard with the baton.

“I don’t think you realize how screwed you all are!” Shouted Deadpool. “Wolverine is one of the worst ponies whose bad side you could get on. I would rather be locked in a room with a grizzly bear fresh out of hibernation than be anywhere near Wolverine on his worst day. No amount of magic or conventional confinement will keep him from getting his claws through you. Once he’s done with you two, you’re gonna beg S.H.I.E.L.D to save you.”

Realizing that he let some sensitive information slip past his lips, Deadpool went silent. Wolverine smacked his forehead in exasperation while the guards looked at Deadpool.

“What did you say?” Asked a guard.

“Nothing,” Replied Deadpool.

“I’m pretty sure he said something about S.H.I.E.L.D,” Said the other guard.

“No I didn’t,” Said Deadpool defensively.

“Come on. We’ll alert the others on our way to the lab.”

Both guards hastily went to alert security of S.H.I.E.L.D’s arrival, dragging the unconscious filly with them.

“Wade!” Said Wolverine furiously.

“Shit,” Said Deadpool under his breath.

(Where’s Harry when you need him?)

“Do you know what you just did?!” Asked Wolverine rhetorically.

“Well, I was trying to back up your threat, but I ended up spilling the beans on S.H.I.E.L.D instead,” Explained Deadpool.

“Now because of yer mix up, our best chance of getting free has gone to shit!” Yelled Wolverine.

“Yeah… Sorry,” Said Deadpool apologetically.

“Do you seriously think that an apology will fix everything?” Asked Wolverine irritatedly.

“Well, according to my marefriend, a sincere apology is the first step towards mending a mistake,” Said Deadpool.

“An apology ain’t gonna amount to anything if we can’t get ourselves free before some scientist puts us under their control,” Said Wolverine.

“Oh, don’t get yourself in a huff, Wolvie. As these stories go, we’ll get free, stop the bad guys, and then go home and have a beer. Honestly, I think being with the X-Chumps has made you uptight,” Said Deadpool.

“Ugh! This is exactly why I didn’t want t’ work with you! You are the most difficult pony to work with, and I’ve worked with the likes of Sunfire!” Said Wolverine irritatedly.

“(Gasp!) I am NOT worse than Sunfire!” Yelled Deadpool in offense.

“Yeah, you are. Just like him, you’re arrogant and difficult to work with. What makes you a pain in the ass is you never know when to shut up. If you hadn’t spilled that S.H.I.E.L.D was on to them, everyone in this damned place could have been taken off guard! Plus, if you hadn’t taken the time to make one of yer stupid jokes, we might not be in these cells in the first place!” Accused Wolverine.

“Ooohhh hoo! At least I don’t have a stick shoved up my ass by being a joker! Besides, you’re one to talk about arrogance! I mean, for crying out loud, your most famous quote is ‘I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do best ain’t very nice!’ Speaking of, I may be difficult, but at least I put being a killer behind me. You on the other hoof are still going around tearing people apart like a paper shredder!” Said Deadpool angrily.

“Don’t play the morality card on me, Wade,” Said Wolverine. “I have killed plenty of people, but at least I never made a profit off of ending lives. I’m a killer, but-”

“But that didn’t stop the X-Ponies from recruiting you!” Interjected Deadpool.

Wolverine was caught off guard by Deadpool’s comment.

“You’re a miserable, irritable… jerky asshole. Get angry, you take it out on people or their property. Someone disagrees with you, you chew their head off. When Jean chose Scott over you, you practically threw a hissy fit and went to the Frozen North! Yet for all the shit you’ve given, you were taken in by the X-Ponies and the rest of the world. All because you do the right thing when it’s needed the most. Yet when I try to be the good guy, everyone treats me like I’m a flaming bag of dog shit!” Yelled Deadpool.

“You and I are both terrible ponies, yet everypony adores you! You haven’t had to lift a hoof to get a supportive group of friends. I on the other hoof have had to work my ass off to get what I have now. At some point or another, you’ve had ponies who cared about you. Who have accepted you; faults and all. For nearly my entire life, I never knew of the word acceptance,” Said Deadpool.

A deafening silence formed between the two stallions. For once, Wolverine reflected on what Deadpool had said. As Wolverine absorbed what Deadpool had said to him, a guard walked over to the latter’s cell.

“Hey, keep it down. This is your first and only warning,” Said the guard sternly.

Just as the guard went to go back to their post, Deadpool came up with an idea.

“How about you mind your own fucking business!” Shouted Deadpool irritatedly.

The guard stopped in their tracks.

“Excuse me?” Said the guard.

“Seriously, what are you, my mom?! Let me vent at whatever volume I want! After all, this old geezer will need it to hear a fuckin thing I’m saying!” Said Deadpool while pointing at Wolverine.

“That’s it,” Said the guard irritatedly.

Using their badge to unlock Deadpool’s cell, the guard pulled out their gun and fired at him.

TARRTTARRTTARRT!

Taking advantage of the guard’s temper, Deadpool allowed his body to get hit with several bullets, then lunged onto the guard. He and the guard rolled around on the floor trying to subdue each other.

“Hey! I’m being atta-”

BAM!

Before the guard could call for any of their colleagues, Deadpool jabbed his elbow through the visor of their helmet, knocking them out. Grabbing their badge, he walked over to Wolverine’s cell and unlocked it.

“Did you plan that from the moment we started yelling at each other?” Asked Wolverine.

“Nope. I’m just good at scoping out an opportunity,” Replied Deadpool.

“I don’t suppose that guard has somethin’ that can get me out of these cursed restraints?” Said Wolverine, raising his bound forehooves.

Deadpool crouched down and inspected the guard for anything that he could use to free Wolverine.

“That’s a negative. Guess Francis wanted to make it as difficult for you to escape as possible… Which pisses me off he didn’t give me the same treatment,” Said Deadpool frustratedly.

“I could help you out.”

Hearing a voice, Deadpool and Wolverine looked over to a cell that was near Deadpool’s. They saw a unicorn stallion with green fur, long black mane and tail with faded lime tips, and blue eyes. His cutie mark depicted a layer of graphene with a chunk missing out of the middle. Around his neck was a large metal collar, and his horn had an inhibitor ring around it.

“If you can get me out of here and remove my collar, I can use my powers to remove your friend’s restraints,” Said the stallion.

“Aight, bet,” Said Deadpool.

Walking over to the stallion’s cell, Deadpool unlocked it. Once the stallion stepped out of his cell, Deadpool grabbed the inhibitor ring and removed it.

“There, can you get the collar off of your neck now?” Asked Deadpool.

“No. The collar requires a key to unlock and remove it. I was admittedly hoping that the guard you took out had it,” Admitted the stallion sheepishly.

“Great. We won’t have time to search around the place for whoever has the key,” Said Wolverine in frustration.

“Wait a second, Logan. Are you able to pop your claws?” Asked Deadpool.

Standing on his hind legs, Wolverine protracted his claws.

SNIKT!

He managed to make his claws pop out of the restraints. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to break them, and his claws weren’t dexterous enough to finish the job.

“What exactly are you thinking?” Asked Wolverine.

“I was thinking we would use your Adamantium claws to cut through this guy’s collar,” Said Deadpool.

“Uh… perhaps we should come up with some other ideas first?” Said the stallion nervously.

“Don’t worry,” Said Deadpool, wrapping his foreleg around the stallion’s shoulders to keep him from running away. “Shortstack here is a master at using his claws with precision. He’s had over a century of experience.”

“Okay…” Said the stallion hesitantly.

Wolverine walked over to the stallion while Deadpool kept him still. Retracting all but one of his claws, Wolverine eyeballed where to line up his claw with the collar.

SHING!

With one stroke, Wolverine’s claw cut through the collar. The stallion’s neck was left untouched, something that the stallion was visibly thankful for.

“Alright. My turn. My touch will melt those restraints. Don’t worry about your skin or claws. My powers can’t melt organic stuff or Adamantium,” Said the stallion.

“Clearly, you’ve never heard of me,” Said Wolverine, retracting his singular claw.

Grabbing Wolverine’s cuffs, the stallion activated his powers. Like snow on a warm day, the hoof cuffs melted, forming a puddle of liquid metal onto the floor. His hooves now free, Wolverine rotated them to work out the kinks in his carpi.

“Thanks bub,” Said Wolverine in gratitude.

“Do you know where we can find my weapons and the asshole who runs this place?” Asked Deadpool.

“Ajax?” Questioned the stallion.

“Uh, uh. Francis,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, well, I don’t know where he is, but I heard that there is a room on the third floor where confiscated items are stored,” Said the stallion.

“Thank you. Here, take this,” Said Deadpool, giving the stallion the guard’s badge and gun. “Get as many ponies out of here as possible, then make your way to a clearing on the other side of the river west of the base. Unless they come across you first, they’ll be a group of S.H.I.E.L.D agents led by an eye patch wearing movie star who can keep you safe.”

The stallion looked at Deadpool in disbelief. For a brief moment, a look of hope appeared on his face.

“Thank you,” Said the stallion breathlessly.

As the stallion began to free the other prisoners, Deadpool and Wolverine made their way down the hall. After a short walk, they came across a guard who was guarding the way out.

“Hey-”

SNIKT!

Wolverine swiftly cut their throat. Deadpool grabbed the guard’s automatic rifle and badge, then followed Wolverine out the door. As they searched for a way to get to the proper floor, both stallions would deal with any guards they came across. Deadpool would incapacitate the guards by shooting their joints or limbs while Wolverine would cut through them. After a few minutes of navigating the floor, they found an elevator.

DING!

The elevator doors opened up, revealing a scientist on the other side.

“Oh shit!” Cried the scientist fearfully.

BAM!

Knocking them out with the butt of his gun, Deadpool and Wolverine stepped into the elevator. As the former propped the unconscious scientist up against a corner, the latter pressed the button for the third floor. After traveling down 24 floors, the elevator stopped on the proper floor. Once they stepped out of the elevator, they proceeded to look for the armory. After walking down a couple hallways, they found an unfortunately familiar sight.

The two guards that were escorting the filly were ahead of them, still carrying her around. She had regained consciousness, but the will to fight seemed to have left her. Hearing their hoofsteps come to a halt, the guards turned around and spotted them. Both of them were quick to grab a gun and aim them at the filly.

“Don’t move!” Demanded one of the guards. “Make any wrong moves, and we’ll shoot her!”

“Bud, you do realize that if you so much as remove a single hair from her head, there will be nothing to keep him from removing your flesh, right?” Questioned Deadpool, pointing at his compatriot.

“... Um. He kind of has a point,” Said the other guard.

“Keep yourself together! Remember your training!” Said the first guard.

“Yeah, we were never taught how to carry out a hostage situation where we can still end up dead if we kill the hostage,” Said the second guard, putting away his gun. “Empty threat my ass.”

“I outta execute you for treason!” Said the first guard furiously.

“Hey, I’m doing the smart thing! If you want to die a pointless death, then by all means, knock yourself out,” Said the second guard, letting go of the filly and backing away slowly.

BANG!

Following through with what they said, the guard shot their coworker.

SHINKT!

While they were distracted, Wolverine sneaked up on them and stabbed them through the back of the head. Both the guard and their firearm fell onto the floor. With the threat taken care of, Wolverine checked on the filly.

“You alright, kid?” Asked Wolverine.

The filly looked up at him with scared, teary eyes. She moved her lips as if she were about to speak, but opted to nod her head instead.

“Let’s get that awful thing off ya,” Said Wolverine.

Wolverine went to remove the collar around the filly’s neck, but she backed away while clutching onto it with one of her forehooves.

“Ehm-ehm!” Said the filly fearfully.

Wolverine couldn’t help but let a light growl of annoyance slip out, but he respected her wish. He’s worked with mutants long enough to recognize that she’s afraid of her own abilities.

“Can I at least take that ring off your horn?” Asked Wolverine.

The filly responded with a slow nod of approval. Retracting his claws, he grabbed the horn and removed it.

“Here, I’ll take it. Never know if we’ll need it,” Said Deadpool. Once Wolverine gave him the ring, he asked. “You want to get her out of here? You’re better equipped to deal with any goons that would try to stop you.”

“If we separate ourselves, we’d be heavily outnumbered,” Argued Wolverine. “I’m a great fighter, but even I have my limits.”

“Well, bud, the way I see it, either we split up and risk getting dogpiled, or we bring her along with us and risk getting her killed. I think I can speak for the both of us that we don’t want to leave and let Francis go scotch free and do all of this again,” Said Deadpool, gesturing at his surroundings.

Deadpool and Wolverine thought over what would be the proper course of action. Looking at the filly (who was staring at the ground), an idea came to the former’s head. Sitting down on his haunches, he spoke to her.

“Hey, kid. Do you know how to get out of here?” Asked Deadpool.

The filly shook her head no.

“Do you at least know how to get back to the prison cells?” Followed up Deadpool.

The filly nodded her head. Deadpool looked over to the dead body of the guard that had held her at gunpoint. Reaching over to him, he searched his pockets for a weapon the filly could use. Finding a baton, he held it out in front of her.

“I want you to hold onto this, and go back to the cells. There are prisoners escaping as we speak. They can get you out of here, and will hopefully protect you. If you find yourself in danger, I want you to use this.”

Deadpool handed the baton over to her. She held it in her magic anxiously.

“Trust me, kid. I know that thing is scary, but I think I can speak on your behalf that those people who trapped you here would do way worse to you. So if you find yourself about to be hurt by them, I want you to use it without any hesitation. I pray to every deity in our universe and beyond that you won’t have to use it, but it might be your best chance of leaving this place alive. Do you understand?” Asked Deadpool.

The filly hesitantly looked at him for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, she nodded her head in understanding.

“Good. Now go,” Urged Deadpool.

The filly ran away towards the elevator. Once she was out of sight, the two heroes continued their search for the room containing their weapons. Deadpool was caught in his thoughts, thinking about her.

“You alright,” Asked Wolverine.

“Dandy. It’s just now I have a whole new reason to kick Francis’ teeth in,” Replied Deadpool.

“Well, I think now you can have the tools to do so,” Said Wolverine.

Walking over to a door, Logan examined a label. The label read “Prisoner Item Confiscation Storage”.

“Yup, Reckon we’ll find our stuff here,” Said Wolverine.

CRACK!

Kicking down the door, Wolverine entered the room with Deadpool following behind him.

A few minutes later…

Deadpool and Wolverine stepped out of the room fully garbed and armed.

“Now that’s more like it,” Said Deadpool while adjusting one of his gloves. “This ain’t gonna be like the first movie we were in together.”

EHN! EHN! EHN!

“Sounds like our prisoner friends have caught Weapon X’s attention,” Said Deadpool.

“Or Fury’s finally gotten his ass here,” Countered Wolverine. “We better go find Francis and-”

SNIFF!

Catching three different scents, Wolverine turned towards the opposite end of the hall.

“I want as many ponies towards the front entrance as possible. Don’t worry about the prisoners. We can always get more.”

Francis was walking down the hall with a couple of security guards. Upon spotting the two heroes, they stopped in their tracks.

“Well, hello, Francis,” Said Deadpool menacingly.

“Shit. Keep ‘em busy!” Ordered Ajax.

BANG! BANG!

The guards fired at both heroes. Wolverine dealt with them while Deadpool tried to nab Ajax. Swiftly dodging him, Ajax ran towards the direction of the elevator. Not going to let him slip past his hooves again, Deadpool chased after him, with Wolverine following behind him.

“What’s the matter, Francis? Scared shitless?” Asked Deadpool mockingly.

“By you? Never. Him on the other hoof I know better than to go up against,” Responded Ajax.

The elevator was within sight. His salvation within sight, Ajax picked up the pace. Pushing on the up button, he was graced by the doors opening up. Running inside, he hastily pushed the button for the top floor. Before the elevators could completely close, Wolverine leapt towards him.

“RUGH!”

As soon as he tackled him, the elevator doors closed. Left behind, Deadpool attempted to get the elevator to open, but was unsuccessful.

“Come on! Come on!” Said Deadpool impatiently.

(Aren’t you supposed to not take the elevator during an emergency?)

Deadpool looked towards a nearby door. Opening it, he found a stairwell.

“Ugh!”

Meanwhile, Ajax kicked Wolverine off of him. Getting back up, he squared himself up. Wolverine made the first move, attempting to stab him in the abdomen. Deflecting his foreleg, he retaliated with a couple of jabs to the face. Wolverine slashed at his opponent several times, but Ajax narrowly dodged each strike. Wolverine went to jab him with both his claws, but ended up puncturing the elevator wall. This brief window gave Ajax the opportunity to get in a couple of punches.

While they fought, a couple of security guards were waiting for the elevator several floors up.

“Come on. Hurry up you stupid piece of junk,” Said a guard frustratedly.

CREAK!

A nearby door opened, and Deadpool poked his head out.

“Damn it. Not here,” Said Deadpool. He quickly noticed the guards. “Hey, I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”

Giving his warning to the guards, Deadpool shut the door.

“Hey!” Shouted one of the guards.

DING!

Just as they were about to chase after him, the guards heard the elevator alerting them of its arrival.

“Forget about him! We have to get downst-”

SHLORP!

“OH MY CELESTIA!”

One of the guards was accidentally stabbed in the chest by Wolverine. As he pulled his foreleg back, he pulled the guard in. Unfortunately for the guard, the elevator doors shut around their waist. As soon as the elevator moved up, their front half was separated from their lower half.

Meanwhile, Deadpool continued climbing up several flights of stairs. Every time he reached a new floor, he would open a door to check for any signs of Francis and Wolverine. This proved to be a rather arduous task, leaving him panting like a dog in a summer heat wave.

“Stupid elevator. Stupid Francis. Stupid brain for not thinking to use my teleporter,” Lamented Deadpool in frustration.

DING!

Back with Ajax and Wolverine, the elevator finally reached the top floor. Rushing out of the elevator, the former pulled out a submachine gun and fired.

BBBRRRIIINGG!

Standing his ground, Wolverine protected his face with his claws, deflecting most of the bullets. Once the clip was empty, he swiped at the gun, slicing it into three pieces. At that moment, a door near the elevator swung open, and Deadpool walked through.

“(Pant) Fuck. (Pant) Stairs.” Said Deadpool in exhaustion. Looking up, he spotted Wolverine and Francis. “Finally!”

Relieved to have finally found them, he pulled out both of his katanas. As Deadpool approached him, Ajax pulled out two battle axes.

“Guess I’m going to have to tear your heart out again, Wilson. You and your friend’s hearts,” Said Ajax.

He ran towards Deadpool, then swung both of his axes.

CLANG!

Deadpool blocked the axes with his katanas.

"Sorry, Francis, but somepony else has taken my heart. I'll happily give you a few 'love taps', though," Remarked Deadpool.

Deadpool swung his katanas, but Ajax swiftly blocked both of them. Both combatants swung their weapons rapidly, each swing nearly a blur. While both ponies were fighting each other, Wolverine went in to stab Ajax’s side.

CLANG!

Reacting quickly, Ajax used one of his axes to block Wolverine’s claws, revealing that the axes were likely made from one of the world’s most durable metals. Either vibranium or potentially Adamantium. Despite having the numbers disadvantage, Ajax was able to keep up with both heroes. As Wolverine went to strike him, he dodged to the side then swung one of his axes into his foreleg.

SHULCK!

“GRH!” Growled Wolverine in pain.

With the aid of super pony strength, Ajax lifted Wolverine and flung him to the side, removing him from his ax. He raised both of his weapons just in time to block an attack from Deadpool. He stayed on the defensive, blocking his attacks until he could find an opening. Sure enough, Deadpool tried to kick him, allowing him to cut through his hindleg.

THUD!

Falling onto the floor, Deadpool looked up just in time to see Ajax going in for the kill. He rolled out of the way, causing his opponents blades to cut into the floor. Swiftly pulling out one of his pistols, he fired several shots.

BANG! BANG!

DING! DING!

Ajax blocked each magical shot with the side of one of his axes, then tossed it at Deadpool’s hoof, splitting both the gun and his hoof in half.

“Motherfucker!” Yelled Deadpool in agony.

Making his way to him, Ajax picked up his ax and tried to kill him again. This time, Wolverine tackled him in the side, knocking him away from Deadpool. While he kept him occupied, Deadpool dragged himself over to his dismembered hindleg. With Ajax pinned down, Wolverine attempted to stab him in the shoulder.

THUD!

CLANG!

Ajax headbutted Wolverine in the face, causing him to tumble off of him. As the latter regained his senses, he was surprised to see that the former seemed to have suffered no pain from headbutting his Adamantium-laced skull. Even with his nose bleeding, he took it like a champ. Setting aside his disbelief, he rushed towards him. Claws extended, he swung them in a flurry of attacks. Ajax blocked each strike, keeping up with Wolverine’s swift moves. He managed to get a couple of cuts into his forelegs, but Wolverine powered through the pain and kept him on his hooves.

While they were engaged with each other, Deadpool reattached his hindleg. Getting up off the floor, he looked at his partner and his mortal (immortal?) enemy. Noticing that Ajax’s left shoulder was exposed, he grabbed one of his katanas.

“Thank Celestia that Wolverine is short,” Said Deadpool.

Tossing his katana, it went past Wolverine’s head and impaled Ajax in the shoulder.

SHLORP!

Ajax momentarily stopped fighting to look at the katana in his shoulder. Instead of grappling with pain from having a 24 inch long blade go through his shoulder, he seemed inconvenienced.

“What the shit?!” Exclaimed Deadpool in shock.

“What’s the matter, Wilson? I would have thought with the colorful career you’ve made for yourself, you would be jaded to something like this,” Said Francis.

“Believe me, I have seen plenty of surprising abilities, such as how Amy Schumer is able to maintain a comedy career even though she’s not funny,” Said Deadpool.

(Takes somepony who isn’t funny to recognize it in someone else.)

“Fuck you! Anyway, what superpower do you have that allows you to take an entire fucking sword better than I could take one of my ex’s strapons?” Asked Deadpool. “Or have you been taking cocaine? Do you have any on you? Asking for a friend.”

“Remember when we first met I told you that I can’t feel anything?” Asked Ajax.

“Vaguely. I was too fixated on your name to focus on anything else,” Answered Deadpool.

“Well, I wasn’t just saying that figuratively. Dr. Killebrew altered my pain receptors, so now almost nothing hurts me anymore,” Explained Ajax.

“Almost? So I can hurt you! Let’s find out how much punishment I can put you through!” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool rushed towards Ajax, remaining katana drawn. Pulling out the katana in his shoulder, Ajax tossed it aside and blocked the attack. Using one ax to block the blade, he used the other ax to cut into Deadpool’s foreleg and swing him away from him. Taking his place, Wolverine rushed up to Ajax, slashing at his opponent wildly. Staying on the defensive, Ajax blocked most of the strikes. Wolverine’s claws managed to cut into his forelegs a couple of times, but he took it like his previous injuries.

As he got closer to a wall, Ajax became determined to put some distance between him and his opponent. Ducking down to avoid a swipe, he swung both of his axes into Wolverine’s torso.

SCLUUH!

Cutting up towards his neck, Ajax followed up with a kick, knocking Wolverine onto the floor. Recuperating from his own injury, Deadpool noticed how close Ajax was to the wall. Seeing an opportunity to subdue him, he rushed towards him, grabbing his other katana off the floor.

SHLORP!

Thrusting his katana into Ajax’s left shoulder, he pinned him to the wall. Pulling out his other katana, he went to stab the other shoulder.

BARP! BARP! BARP!

Even though his left foreleg had limited movement, Ajax was able to grab a spare submachine gun. He fired into Deadpool’s abdomen, causing him to stumble onto the ground. With his opponent momentarily down, he used the dull pointed end of one of his axes to remove the hilt of the katana, then forced himself off of the blade. He then ran down the hall, attempting to escape. Deadpool and Wolverine painfully got off of the ground. The former panickedly grabbed the blade and hilt of his beloved katana.

“Bea! Don’t worry baby, you’ll be okay! I’m sure mommy knows a spell that could put you back together” Said Deadpool.

“Come on, bub! He’s getting away!” Said Wolverine.

Stashing his broken katana away, Deadpool followed Wolverine down the hall. After a short dash, both heroes came across an open door. Figuring Ajax opened it, they walked through the entrance. Upon stepping inside, they saw that the door led into a hanger. Two pegasi were pulling a chariot down a runway. Realizing that Ajax was in the chariot, they ran after it. Just as it was about to lift off, Deadpool grabbed Logan, then teleported on top of the chariot.

Despite the additional weight, the pegasi were able to take off. They flew out of the hanger, which was built into the side of the mountain. While they were preoccupied with keeping the chariot aloft, Wolverine removed one of the doors, letting it fall to the ground below. Deadpool hanged from atop the chariot, looking into the chariot.

“For fuck’s sake!” Exclaimed Ajax irritatedly.

“Peekaboo!” Said Deadpool.

POW!

Punching him in the face, Deadpool hopped inside the chariot. He engaged his enemy in a fist fight, trading blows within the confined space. Wolverine hopped onto the draft pole, then delicately walked towards the pegasi. Once he got close enough, he extended his claws in front of their faces.

“Bring this bird down, now, or else I’ll bring ‘er down myself,” Demanded Wolverine.

Both pegasi nodded their heads furiously in understanding. They turned around, heading down towards the ground.

Meanwhile, in front of the entrance to the base, a fight was raging between Weapon X and S.H.I.E.L.D. Both sides exchanged gunfire, devastating the natural landscape. Adding to the chaos were the mutant prisoners, most of whom were dashing to safety. A few of them were taking their revenge on their captors, using their enhanced abilities to bring them down. While trying to fight off the opposing force, a couple Weapon X soldiers spotted a large, brolic earth pony stallion.

“Fire at that mutie!” Ordered the soldier.

BANG! BANG!

Both soldiers fired several rounds at the stallion. Instead of killing the stallion, each bullet came to a complete stop upon making contact. Suddenly, the stallion began to glow an orange color.

“AAAHHH!

VWOOM!

Suddenly, an orange beam of energy shot from the stallion’s body. It headed straight for the chariot. The beam hit one of the pegasi, causing them to lose consciousness. The other pegasus tried to keep themselves and the chariot from crashing to the earth below, but it took a lot of effort to keep them and the chariot aloft. Without their partner to distribute the weight, the chariot shifted downwards.

“AH!”

Wolverine fell off of the chariot, heading to the ground below. Both Deadpool and Ajax fell out of the chariot, but the former grabbed onto the chariot with one hoof and caught Ajax with the other.

“I’ve always wanted to see you fall, Francis, but I wasn’t thinking in the literal sense,” Remarked Deadpool.

“Then by all means, let me go. Fulfill your greatest desire,” Said Ajax.

“Don’t get me wrong, one of my greatest desires is to get revenge on you, but I’d rather do that by beating the ever living snot out of you and letting you rot in a jail cell for the rest of your life,” Said Deadpool.

Meanwhile, on the ground below, the soldiers are still using the mutant stallion’s powers to wreak havoc. With additional soldiers firing upon him, his powers were overloading, causing energy beams to fire sporadically across the battlefield. S.H.I.E.L.D. continued their assault on Weapon X, but had to avoid the energy blasts. While the agents were fighting, Nick Fury was speaking into a walkie talkie.

“Wolverine! Deadpool! Do either of you copy?!” Said Fury.

“Do you copy!”

Fury was surprised to hear a faint echo.

“AAHH!”

THUD!

Hearing something land on top of the chariot, Fury saw it was none other than Wolverine. The force of impact was great enough to leave a dent in the reinforced roof and knock him unconscious. Fury grabbed Wolverine, and placed him on the ground upright against the carriage.

“Logan! Logan! Can you hear me?!” Asked Fury.

VWOOM!

An energy blast struck the side of the mountain. Rocks were loosened by the blast, heading towards the base. Witnessing it from above, Deadpool followed the path the debris would likely take. To his dismay, he saw that the debris was heading towards the filly he helped earlier, who was forced to hide behind a log to avoid getting shot at.

“Oh come on!” Said Deadpool.

“Looks like you have a choice to make, Wade,” Said Ajax with a smirk.

Catching his attention, Deadpool looked down at him.

“You can either let me go and save the filly, or you can try to save me and let her die,” Said Ajax.

Deadpool felt his hoof slipping. He had to come to a decision quickly, or he and Ajax would both fall.

“What’s it gonna be? Do you want to preach your new found sense of ‘justice’, or are you willing to be the stallion you and I both know you are?” Asked Ajax.

Deadpool looked at the Ajax, then the filly. He waited several years for this moment. To finally get back at Ajax for the torture he put him through, and the scarring of his body as a consequence. He could finally get salvation for himself and countless other ponies. However, is putting a stop to Ajax while trying to live by a more merciful code worth letting one life be lost?

“... Oh, screw you!”

“AH!”

Deadpool let go of Ajax. He watched as his most hated enemy fell back to the earth, becoming enveloped by the forest below. With his hoof now free, he activated his teleportation device. Teleporting to the log the filly was hiding behind, then teleported her out of the way of the oncoming rubble. Placing her behind the armored carriage Fury and Wolverine were behind, Deadpool teleported over to the stallion the soldiers were shooting and took him to safety. Now protected from the gunfire, the stallion stopped producing energy beams.

Now that his powers were under control, S.H.I.E.L.D was able to finish off what was left of Weapon X’s defenses with supporting fire from Deadpool. With the threat subdued, Deadpool checked in on the filly and the others.

“You alright, kid?” Asked Deadpool.

The filly nodded in reply.

“What about you, Agent Jackson? What’s up with Honey Badger over there?” Asked Deadpool.

“I’m sure Logan will be fine. The fall knocked him out real good,” Answered Fury.

Deadpool keeled down in front of Wolverine.

SLAP!

“Rise and shine, Stubby!” Said Deadpool.

SNIKT!

Deadpool slapped Wolverine in the face. Waking up in a jolt, Wolverine accidentally stabbed him in the chest.

“AHHHHH!!” Said Deadpool through gritted teeth.

“Sorry. Did ya manage to get Francis?” Asked Wolverine.

“No… I had to let him fall like Yamcha. He’s probably up in one of the trees near here. Gaugh… Celestia. You need to figure out how to get your fight or flight under control. If I didn’t have my healing factor, I would have ended up like Jean in X-Men: The Last Stand,” Said Deadpool.

(You're lucky he doesn't know what you're talking about, otherwise he'd stab you intentionally.)

Unbeknownst to Deadpool, a Weapon X soldier had stirred from unconsciousness several feet behind him. Spotting him, the guard aimed their gun at the back of his head. Just as they were about to shoot, Wolverine noticed them.

“Wade! Get down!” Said Wolverine.

ZAP!

“AH!”

Before he or Wade could react, the Weapon X soldier was struck in the face by a baton. The tasered end was active, causing them to drop to the ground by an electric shock. Looking in the direction where the baton was tossed from, they saw the filly had thrown the baton Deadpool gave to her earlier. She covered her mouth with her forehooves, seemingly horrified by what she had done.

A little while later…

S.H.I.E.L.D sent up a base camp across the nearby river. In the more secure location, the agents were able to contain any prisoners and provide aid to the freed mutants. Deadpool and Wolverine entered the camp, walking towards Nick Fury. Deadpool seemed irritated.

“Well?” Said Fury.

“Ugh!”

Deadpool punched a nearby tree in anger, removing a couple inches of bark.

“Porcupine and I searched every nearby tree. We found some blood on top of one, but no Francis. That fucker survived and escaped!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“I managed to find some blood trail and a scent to track, but they stopped at the river. Must’ve swam downstream to avoid us,” Said Wolverine.

“Of course. As frustrating as this is, we managed to secure a Weapon X facility. That in of itself is a big score,” Said Fury.

“Yeah, especially since they have a habit of blowing up,” Said Wolverine.

“Thank you, gentlecolts for your efforts today. You may have not been able to accomplish the objective you had set out to do, but you saved a lot of ponies today. Hopefully, we can find something within the base that can help us get closer to shutting down Weapon X for good,” Said Fury.

“Appreciate the optimism, Fury, but I doubt that Weapon X could be stopped for good. Their greatest asset is being able to go into hiding for years on end. As long as they can find new places to avoid any prying eyes, they will always come back one way or another,” Said Wolverine.

“Eh. As long as those people get the help they need and I get paid, I can keep my frustrations to myself,” Said Deadpool.

“I’ll be sure to have your money transferred to your account, Deadpool,” Said Fury. “And Logan, consider this a token of my gratitude.”

Fury gave Wolverine a box of cigars.

“You always know how to speak to my heart, Fury,” Remarked Wolverine.

Meanwhile, the unicorn stallion who assisted Wolverine and Deadpool earlier was going around helping remove collars and other restraints on his fellow captives with the aid of his powers. After removing a harness from a pegasus mare, he noticed the filly. Noticing that she seemed lost in her thoughts, he carefully approached her.

“Hey,” Said the stallion while waving his hoof to get her attention.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she looked up at him.

“You okay, kid?” Asked the stallion.

The filly didn’t respond, not even through body language.

“Here, I’ll get that thing off of you,” Said the stallion.

Realizing that he was going to remove her collar, the filly tried to put her hooves up defensively. It was too late, however. Once his hoof came into contact with the collar, it melted away. She began to hyperventilate, catching the attention of Wolverine, Deadpool, and Nick Fury. Wolverine rushed over to the stallion, grabbing him by the neck and bringing him down to eye level.

“What the hell did you do?!” Asked Wolverine furiously.

“I-I just removed her collar!” Stammered the stallion defensively.

“She didn’t want her collar removed!” Informed Wolverine.

Looking at the filly, he saw what looked like black spots appear on her body. They gradually expanded, enveloping her entire body. Her mane and tail began to flow like water, her eyes glowed an ethereal white, and small dots that sparkled like stars appeared across her body. Just as Wolverine and Deadpool were going to go help her, she fell onto her haunches.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

“WHOA!”

THUD!

The filly let out a scream in anguish. Suddenly, everyone in the area fell to the ground as if their legs gave out on them. They tried to get up, but it was like they were being held down by an elephant. Her mutant gene seems to allow her to alter the gravity of the area around her.

CRACK!

Nearby trees fell over. Some fell atop of S.H.I.E.L.D’s vehicles while a couple fell on top of some unfortunate people. Needing to calm her down immediately, Wolverine tried to speak to her.

“Kid, you need to try to get a hold of your powers,” Strained Wolverine.

“I can’t!” Said the filly through sobs.

Overwhelmed, the filly was crying, which was likely making her lack of control even worse. Feeling his insides were about to be crushed, he tried to break through to her.

“They’re your powers! You can control them! You just need to calm down! Try to focus on controlling your breathing, and fixate on that instead!” Instructed Wolverine.

She tried to follow his instructions. It was taking a lot of effort to get her breathing under control. Based on the pained cries and grunts from multiple people, they might not have much time left before they get crushed like a tin can. After nearly a minute, she got her breathing more precise, breathing in through her nose, and exhaling from her mouth. Just as quickly as they appeared, her powers faded away. Her starry appearance faded away as well, returning her to her normal look. Everyone who wasn’t harmed by the fallen timber painfully got up. The unicorn stallion looked at the filly with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” Said the stallion sincerely. “I shouldn’t have jumped to-”

Wolverine placed a hoof up, signaling him to stop.

“Feeling better?” Asked Wolverine.

“Yeah…” Said the filly.

Dusting off his trenchcoat, Nick Fury walked over to Wolverine.

“I’ll see to it that any mutants that need help controlling their abilities receive proper-”

SNIKT!

Wolverine unleashed his claws, stopping them a few inches from Fury’s throat. Deadpool also had the blade of his unbroken katana aimed at the back of his neck. Any S.H.I.E.L.D agents that were not killed or incapacitated aimed their weapons at both heroes.

“What’s the matter? Do neither of you trust me?” Asked Fury with an uncanny level of calmness.

“It’s not you I don’t trust, Fury. You and yer ol’ stallion earned my trust. It’s yer bosses I don’t trust with having any of these mutants’ best interests in mind, especially hers,” Said Wolverine.

“If you have any sense, you will let the professional help her, or else your foreleg will come off like Ray Arnold’s arm,” Said Deadpool.

“... Fine then. I’ll concede,” Said Fury.

Wolverine and Deadpool put away their weapons. Seeing that their boss is no longer in danger, the agents put their weapons away. Now that he could finally have a moment, Wolverine sat on his haunches so he could speak to the filly.

“What’s your name, kid?” Asked Wolverine.

“Ergess,” Replied the filly.

“I go by Wolverine, but you can call me Logan. I hate t’ ask this question, but I have to know, do you have anypony who would be looking for ya?” Asked Wolverine.

Ergess didn’t immediately respond. After several seconds of silence, she solemnly shook her head no.

“Listen, I know that you’re going through a lot, and I’m willin’ to bet that ya don’t want to have anything to do with your powers, but you will have to learn how to control them if you want to have a safe, functional life. I work for a school in Manehattan, where-”

“X-Men,” Said Ergess.

“So you’re familiar with me and my friends?” Asked Wolverine.

Ergess nodded in response.

“I don’t want to be a X-Man…” Said Ergess, her eyes getting moist with tears. “I don’t want to hurt ponies anymore…”

“Ya don’t have t’ be a X-Man. As far as anypony is concerned, you’re just another student at the school. If ya change your mind and want to be an official X-Man, then great, but if ya only want to learn how to control yer powers to live a fulfilling life, then that’s okay as well,” Said Wolverine.

Ergess thoughtfully contemplated Wolverine’s offer.

What do you say? Will you give us a chance?” Asked Wolverine.

“...Okay,” Said Ergess.

Wolverine smiled. Getting up, he looked over at the other mutants.

“The invite extends to any of you as well,” Said Wolverine.

Most of the mutants gave their thanks. Spotting a few foals around Egress’ age, he spoke to her.

“How about ya go over to those kids and try to make some friends,” Suggested Wolverine.

Spotting the foals Wolverine mentioned, she went over to greet them. Deadpool walked over to Wolverine.

“Fuck. I think my pelvis was flattened like a pancake,” Said Deadpool painfully. “Since when have you all referred to yourselves as the X-Men? When I last met up with Domino in chapter twenty-one, you lot still called yourselves the X-Ponies.”

“The name was changed after it was found that the X-Gene wasn’t limited to ponies. Originally, it was thought that people such as Ororo and Kurt had it because of their pony heritage, but within the past couple of years, we saw that any equine race can get the X-Gene, regardless of ancestry. Xavier, Jean and the others wanted to be more inclusive, so the team name was changed,” Explained Wolverine.

“Huh. That’s actually pretty cool,” Said Deadpool. “It’s nice to see that progress is being made some-”

“Listen. I owe ya an apology,” Interjected Wolverine.

Deadpool’s eyes practically bulged out of their sockets.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just as surprised as you are. You were right for calling me out. I may find some of yer personality traits to be overbearing, but that doesn’t mean that I have similar issues. It’s easy to point out somepony else’s flaws, but when it’s yer flaws, it’s difficult to confront them. I’m working on my problems with help from the X-Men, and if you’re with the likes of the Princess of Friendship of all ponies, then I’m sure you’re working on yourself as well, even if it ain’t by my standards. So with that being said, I’m sorry,” Said Wolverine.

Deadpool was astonished by Wolverine’s apology. Of all the ponies that would ever apologize to him, he never would have thought it would have been Wolverine. He felt the corners of his eyes well up with tears, but he was able to blink them away.

“... Thanks, Logan. I know that I make a lot of mistakes and have done plenty of terrible things, and even with all of that aside, I’m aware that I can irritate plenty of ponies just by being myself. At least in the end, we both found ponies who help us strive to be better,” Said Deadpool.

“Amen,” Said Wolverine.

Looking at the ground, Wolverine saw the cigar box Fury gave him. Likely having dropped it when Ergess lost control of her powers, he picked it up and opened it. Pulling out a cigar, he looked over at Deadpool.

“Care for one?” Asked Wolverine.

“Hell yeah!” Said Deadpool enthusiastically.

Giving Deadpool the cigar, Wolverine grabbed another for himself. Both ponies grabbed their own lighters, then lit their cigars.

TH!

Taking their first puffs, the nicotine smoke filled the air. As they smoked their cigars, both ponies watched the sun setting in the valley, Celestia’s golden rays cutting through the trees and making the water seem to glow.

Fin.

Author's Note

What's up everypony?! Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter of Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony! This chapter takes place partially during and immediately after the season 7 premiere episode of Celestial Advice. While this chapter took a while to make, I am proud of the final product. BTW, since I foresee at least one person asking this, no, I did not get the idea to make this a Deadpool-Wolverine team up after seeing the teaser trailer for Deadpool & Wolverine. Speaking of, the part where Deadpool vents his frustrations at Wolverine is based off of the beginning of the comic Wolverine: Origins #24. The next trio of chapters will be more character driven, so if character interactions are your thing, chapters 36-38 are for you! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and I hope you all have a great day!

Chapter 36: Canterlot Party
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 36: Canterlot Party

“You’re certain that everything is okay between you and Luna? You’re not upset with each other anymore? Oh! Do you have any lingering symptoms from having your cutie marks swapped?”

Twilight and her former mentor, Princess Celestia, were drinking a fresh batch of tea in Canterlot Castle’s dining hall. The sun had just been raised, but Twilight paid a visit to her teacher because her student, Starlight Glimmer, had been sent by the Cutie Map to solve a friendship problem. Her student discovered that the royal sisters had not been appreciating each other's duties. In a rather rash attempt to patch things up, Starlight had swapped the two princesses’ cutie marks in the belief that spending some time in each other's horseshoes would help them heal.

After a rather turbulent series of events, both princesses were able to reconcile. Yet in spite of this success, Twilight could not help but micromanage the situation. She had teleported all the way from Ponyville to check in on her student’s progress… and find out if Equestria’s rulers had killed each other. She was currently talking to Celestia to confirm that everything was back to normal. With an amused chuckle, Celestia took a sip of some tea.

“I assure you my dear student that the conflict between Luna and I has been resolved. Starlight helped me realize that I was taking my sister for granted. Not like it was the first time…” Said Celestia with a tinge of sadness. “While Starlight’s solution was rather, for a lack of better words, unconventional, it was just what we needed. As far as I’m aware of, I feel just fine. Save for the (Yawn) fact that I am tired from having been in the dream realm the whole night. Staying awake today will most certainly be a challenge.”

“Good, good,” Said Twilight rather anxiously.

Recognizing her student’s anxiety, Celestia spoke up.

“Is everything okay, Twilight,” Asked Celestia.

“... Okay, I’ll be straight with you: I feared that you and Luna would never make up, and as a result the entirety of society would collapse without one or both of their rulers, and that Starlight was going to be banished to the moon! So I was trying to give her advice in order to help fix things,” Said Twilight swiftly with anxiety.

“Jeez, you might be worse than my dad.”

Hearing her voice, Twilight saw Starlight pass behind her towards the exit to the dining hall. Celestia laughed, amused by her student’s worries and Starlight’s remark.

“Sometimes, Twilight, the best thing a teacher can do is give their student the room to solve a problem on their own. As a teacher, you’re supposed to guide and assist your students, not control their actions,” Said Celestia.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Admitted Twilight.

“Only because I’ve had several lifetimes of teaching ponies, and even then, I still have my shortcomings,” Said Celestia humbly.

“Well, still, thank you,” Said Twilight gratefully. Taking one last sip of her tea, she got up from her seat. “I suppose I’ll get out of your mane now.”

“Hold on, Twilight,” Said Celestia, pausing to take a sip of tea. “Since you’re here, I wanted to let you know that Luna and I will be hosting a party between Equestria and the Changeling Kingdom to commemorate our alliance.

“Oh?” Said Twilight with intrigue.

“Um-hum. It will be held in a couple weeks, and I was hoping that you would be able to attend,” Said Celestia.

“Of course I can!” Said Twilight.

“Wonderful! I’ll inform Starlight that she’s invited as well, and I will be sending invitations to your friends as well as Trixie and Discord. Since I assume you’ll be heading home, would you let your coltfriend and Spike know that they’re invited as well?” Asked Celestia.

“Of course,” Replied Twilight. “I’m sure they’ll like getting out of the castle.”

“This is bullshit!”

A couple weeks have passed, and tonight is the night of the party. Twilight and all of her friends met up at the Carousel Boutique to get ready for the evening. Deadpool, however, was making things a little difficult. He was sitting in a chair in one of the Botique’s dressing rooms, wearing a tuxedo. He was clearly upset.

“Darling, it’s only a bowtie,” Said Rarity, holding said bowtie in her magic.

“That’s the problem. It’s a normal bowtie! I want to wear the one you got me with the garnet embedded in it!” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

“Wade, you put it in the washing machine, remember? The fabric was ruined,” Said Twilight.

“Well then, I’ll just wear a necktie,” Argued Deadpool.

“I’m sorry, Wade, but it’s customary to wear a bowtie to black tie events,” Said Rarity.

“And I’m sorry to tell you this, Tabitha, but if I were to wear any other bowtie, I’ll look bland. I’m not like a nerd who gets a wedgie in the playground for looking like a dork. I am like Bill Nye. Only the best bowties are suitable for me.” Said Deadpool with a huff.

Locking eyes with his marefriend, Deadpool realized Twilight was glaring daggers into him.

"What? You used to wear bowties when you were in school?" Asked Deadpool.

“(Sigh) I was hoping that I didn’t have to do this, but you’re leaving me no choice,” Said Rarity exasperatedly.

Walking over to a nearby drawer, she pulled out a piece of paper. Walking back to Deadpool, she held out the paper in front of him. Intrigued, he grabbed it and examined it.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” Shouted Deadpool in absolute shock.

“That is a sketch for a redesign of your costume I made when we first met. Unless you put on that bowtie, I will make it and swap it out with your other outfits,” Threatened Rarity.

“... Alright! Jesus Christ! I’ll put on the fucking bowtie,” Said Deadpool irritatedly.

As he reached to grab the bowtie, Rarity moved it away from him.

“And you cannot complain about it for the rest of the evening,” Added Rarity.

“(Sigh) Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” Said Deadpool reluctantly.

SLAM!

Hearing the dressing room door open, everyone saw Pinkie poking her head in. She gave Deadpool the “I’m watching you” gesture, then shut the door.

“Thank you, darling,” Said Rarity with a smug smile.

Giving Deadpool the bowtie, she joined up with Twilight in getting dressed.

A little while later…

BAMF!

After finishing getting dressed, Discord teleported everyone to Canterlot Castle. Like Deadpool, he and Spike wore tuxedos. However, reflecting his chaotic nature, Discord’s tux was pink with a polka dot bowtie. Twilight’s attire reflected her status as a princess, wearing a floor-length gown with a night sky theme, light blue heels, and a crown rested regally atop her head. Her mane and tail were also curled.

Rarity, being the extravagant fashionista she is, was wearing the most glamorous outfit. She wore a falu red dress, garnet encrusted necklace and earrings, and pink heels. Her mane was tied back in a bun, and she had pink lipstick and eyeshadow to compliment her outfit. The rest of the Mane Six as well as Starlight Glimmer and Trixie simply wore floor-length gowns that matched their interests or personalities.

“Thank you for taking us to the Ga-”

As Twilight faced Discord to thank him, she saw his eagle taloned hand stretched out in front of her.

“Are you really expecting me to pay you?” Asked Twilight annoyedly.

“Of course not. Our friendship is all the payment that I need,” Said Discord, his pupils turning into dollar signs. “Tips on the other hoof, are entirely on the table.”

“Don’t worry, Twi. I got this,” Said Deadpool.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a pickle.

“For you, good sir,” Said Deadpool in a terrible British accent.

“Hey!”

“Ooh! You’re too generous, my meta friend,” Said Discord, eating the pickle in one bite.

“(Gasp) Don’t tell me you stuck that slimy cucumber in your new trousers!” Said Rarity in dismay.

Using her magic, Rarity illuminated the pocket that Deadpool had stowed the pickle in. To her surprise, she didn’t see a stain.

“How are your pants dry?” Asked Rarity in bewilderment.

(That’s what we used to ask ourselves when we could get wasted.)

“I don’t know,” Said Deadpool with a shrug. “I’m honestly as surprised as you are.”

“... Let’s get inside,” Said Rarity exasperatedly.

A few minutes later…

Ponies and changelings were gathered in the Castle’s ballroom. The room was nearly perfectly divided between the two different races, perhaps as a result of lingering tensions from past events. The group of heroes, with the exception of Twilight, sat towards the back of the room.

BRRR BRRR BRRR!

A royal herald played a few notes from a trumpet, catching the attention of the audience.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to this evening’s festivities to commemorate the allegiance between Equestria, and the Changeling Kingdom. To start this evening off, the royal representatives of our kingdoms would like to share a few words. Without further ado, please give a round of applause to Princesses Celestia, Luna, Mi Amore Cadenza, Twilight Sparkle, Prince Shining Armor, and our prestigious guest, the newly inaugurated King Thorax.”

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

The royals walked out on a stage. While the Princesses and Shining Armor walked with grace, Thorax followed with an awkward gait. It was evident that he was still learning how to present himself in front of others.

“Greetings, everypo-. Excuse me, everyone,” Said Celestia.

“Hi, Celestia!” Greeted Deadpool, waving his foreleg rapidly.

“Hello, Wade,” Greeted Celestia with an amused smile. “Thank you all for attending this evening. It is an honor to be able to host such a momentous celebration between our two kingdoms.”

“After starting off as enemies, it gives me and my colleagues great pleasure to be able to put aside our past grievances to create a new future where we build off of each other’s strengths and similarities rather than let our differences divide us,” Said Luna.

“As the Princess of Love, it brings me great joy that both of our kingdoms can now experience reciprocated love. In the future, Prince Shining Armor and I will strive to share the love in our kingdom, and much more,” Said Cadance.

“As the Princess of Friendship, it is my duty to promote the magic of friendship to all of Equestria. While my friends and I used what we learned to strengthen the bond of all of ponykind, friendship is a privilege that everyone should get to experience. Which is why I hope that today can be a jumping off point to form a bond between Equestria and the Changeling Kingdom where we encourage each other to be our best selves,” Said Twilight.

“Ehm. As the king of the changelings, I am grateful for this opportunity to improve relations between ponies and changelings. An opportunity that we wouldn’t be able to have if I never met my friends who showed me friendship and freed us from Chrysalis’ rule. Of course we’re still learning about friendship. So on that note, I’d like to express how eager I am on behalf of my subjects to continue to learn about love and friendship,” Said Thorax.

Looking towards the back of the room, Thorax saw Spike, Starlight, Trixie, and Discord silently cheering for him.

“Oh! A-and also thank you for throwing this party,” Stammered Thorax.

With a warm smile, Celestia reached out a hoof to Thorax. Once he grabbed it, both rulers shook hooves. The crowd applauded, and photographers eagerly caught the moment on film. Once enough time passed to give any newspaper proprietor the opportunity to get a shot for tomorrow's cover page, the royals stepped off the stage. Twilight joined back up with her friends.

“Hey everypony. What did you think?” Asked Twilight.

“Your words were superb, darling!” Praised Rarity.

The rest of Twilight’s friends agreed with Rarity through head nods or by uttering “Mmm-hmm”.

“Eh. It got your message across, but I could’ve done it better,” Said Trixie.

“Trixie, it’s not a competition,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

“Only because Trixie chooses it not to be,” Said Trixie smugly.

“Because you lost both times you did challenge me?”

“OOHH!”

As Trixie was taken aback by Twilight’s remark, Deadpool and Discord shouted at the top of their lungs in excitement.

HAHAHA!

Discord summoned a laugh track from a sitcom to play while Deadpool ran around. Their antics were getting the attention of the partygoers.

“SHUT UP!”

Yelling in frustration, Trixie caused Discord and Deadpool to stop.

“Come on, Trixie. Let’s congratulate Thorax. I’m sure he’d appreciate some praise for his first time in front of the public eye,” Said Starlight.

“Very well,” Said Trixie. “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall shower Thorax with only the most sincere compliments.”

“Oh! I should do the same!” Said Spike.

Starlight and Trixie got up from their seats and left to go find Thorax, with Spike following behind them. Now that the threat of Trixie’s wrath is gone, Deadpool walked up to Twilight and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Celestia, I love you!” Said Deadpool lovingly.

Smiling in response to his praise, Twilight shared a kiss with her coltfriend.

“I love you too. Not going to lie, that was very satisfying,” Admitted Twilight.

“There’s nothing like a good roast, and I’m not talking about the meat kind,” Remarked Deadpool. “Speaking of food, I’m going to stuff my face with hors d’oeuvres and desserts while making a fool out of myself in front of everyone. Care to join me?” Asked Deadpool.

“Wade, are you going to clean up any messes you make, and avoid ruining your tux?” Asked Twilight sternly.

Quickly looking at Rarity, who was giving him a soul piercing glare, Deadpool whispered to Twilight.

“Trust me, it’s within my best interest to do all of that.”

“Then I’ll leave you to it. I have to speak with the Princesses, but afterwards, you and I could share a dance once everything is set up,” Said Twilight.

“It’s a date,” Said Deadpool, kissing one of Twilight’s hooves. “Hopefully, I won’t end up getting frozen for 70 years before then.”

On that note, Twilight and Deadpool separated to go about their business. Meanwhile, Thorax was finishing speaking to a couple of his subjects. As soon as they finished their conversation, Starlight, Trixie, and Spike walked up to him.

“Hey, Thorax!” Greeted Spike.

“Oh! Hey, Spike! And hello to you as well, Starlight and Trixie,” Greeted Thorax.

“Hello Thorax,” Greeted Starlight.

“Or should we say, ‘King Thorax’?” Said Trixie, repeatedly raising her eyebrows with a grin.

“P-Please, call me Thorax. It’s already weird to have my hive-mates treating me as a king, I don’t want my friends to do the same,” Said Thorax.

“If it helps, Twilight had similar feelings when she became an alicorn princess. Perhaps it would be worth confiding in her about your feelings,” Suggested Spike.

“Really? That would be great! Although that would be one more thing that I’d have to ask for help with,” Said Thorax discouragingly.

“It’s okay to ask for help,” Assured Starlight. “Being a king, especially since you’re still in the process of learning, is difficult.”

“Yeah… It’s not like there’s a book on how to run the Changeling Kingdom,” Said Thorax.

“Considering the book to rule the Changeling Kingdom would have been written by Chrysalis, it’s probably for the best,” Remarked Trixie.

Starlight elbowed her friend in the side.

“Hey! Eh-hem. As somepony who is both Great and Powerful, I can assure you you will be a great ruler in no time,” Assured Trixie, her ego slipping in.

“Plus, you are seeking help, so that will make the learning process much more manageable,” Added Spike.

Taking a moment to think over what his friends had said, Thorax smiled.

“You’re all right. Thank you. It’s going to be a difficult journey, but with your support and the motivation to do right by my hive, I know I can do it,” Said Thorax confidentiality.

Only a couple feet away, a changeling and a pony accidentally bumped into each other, catching the group’s attention. The changeling apologized for bumping into the pony, but they scoffed at them and proceeded to walk away.

“Hopefully, once I become a proper king, I can help restore relations between my kingdom and Equestria,” Said Thorax, his confidence disappearing as quickly as it came.

“Are ponies giving you and the rest of the changelings a hard time?” Asked Starlight.

“Not all. Plenty of ponies have been very forgiving and welcoming, especially the residents of Ponyville and the Crystal Empire. It’s just… I think most of Canterlot’s citizens are resentful of us. Can’t say I blame them. After all, we did try to take over the city and turn everyone into food,” Said Thorax.

“But that wasn’t your choice! You and every other changeling were only following Chrysalis’ orders!” Said Spike.

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t change the fact that we followed them, and that we probably traumatized many ponies,” Said Thorax remorsefully.

“You or anyone else haven’t been harmed, right?” Asked Starlight.

“Thankfully, no. Based on what I’ve witnessed, the Canterlot ponies have been mostly giving cold glares or off-hooved remarks. Nopony has tried to do anything to me, but that’s probably because they’re afraid of starting a war or instigating the wrath of the Princesses,” Explained Thorax.

“Well, if anypony gives you or anyone else problems, just let me know. The Great and Powerful Trixie would be more than willing to give a few choice words if you need it,” Said Trixie with a grin.

“And we’ll help too, but in a more restrained way,” Added Starlight.

“Thank you. Hopefully tonight will help change everyone’s opinions of us,” Said Thorax optimistically.

A little while later…

Fluttershy was hanging out in one of the castle’s private gardens. She was taking in the starry night sky while listening to the sounds of the garden’s exotic inhabitants, such as the calls of tropical birds.

CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!

“Eep!”

Hearing a loud sound akin to a machine gun behind her, Fluttershy jumped in the air like a frightened cat. Using her wings to hover in midair, she fearfully looked towards the direction of the sound. Spotting a shrub shaking, she hovered in place. After a few tense seconds, she spotted a lanky black-scaled leg sticking out from the shrub.

CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!

Slowly, the owner of the leg stepped out of the shrub, revealing itself to be a shoebill. Its blue-gray plumage made it difficult to make out in the dark, but its massive yellow clog-like bill helped make out its outline.

“(Gasp) Hello, there!” Whispered Fluttershy excitedly.

Her fear disappearing in an instant, Fluttershy gently floated down to the ground. The shoebill was slightly taller than her, looking down at her with a stare reminiscent of a nefarious villain, but she wasn’t intimidated in the slightest.

CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!

The shoebill bowed towards her, then stood upright while making the sound she heard earlier with its bill. Being the animal enthusiast she is, Fluttershy knew it was greeting her. Bowing in return, Fluttershy imitated the bird’s call by clapping her hooves together.

CLOP! CLOP! CLOP CLOP!

After attentively observing her greeting, the shoebill cautiously approached her.

CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!

CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP!

Both pony and bird continued to greet each other. The greeting ceased once the shoebill was mere inches away from Fluttershy. It gazed down towards her, deciding if she was safe to be around. After a few seconds, it lowered itself down to eye level, extending its head towards her.

“There we go,” Said Fluttershy softly.

Reaching out a hoof, she gently petted the back of the shoebill’s head. Enjoying her hoof running through its feathers, it closed its eyes and panted inaudibly. At that moment, the fluttering of wings could be heard. Looking around, Fluttershy saw Discord perched in a tree. He changed his form to resemble a bird with reptilian traits.

“Hi, Discord,” Greeted Fluttershy.

“Hello, Fluttershy,” Greeted Discord. “Don’t mind me. Just taking a minute to roost!”

Satisfied with himself, Discord shapeshifted back to his outrageously dressed self. Seeing a new face, the shoebill walked over to Discord. Just like it did with Fluttershy, it bowed to him.

“As much as I believe you are one of the most perfect lifeforms on this planet, I don’t bow to anyone,” Said Discord.

Standing upright, the shoebill walked away. Passing through the foliage of the garden, it disappeared out of sight.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing out here?” Asked Fluttershy “I would’ve thought that you would spend your time pranking the partygoers instead.”

“Oh, yes. Nothing would bring me greater joy this evening than to see the shocked faces of the guests as I engage in lighthearted gags and other tomfoolery. However, after the incident with the Smooze, Twilight made it very clear that I could not cause any disruptions this evening. Even though Celestia was overjoyed by the mess I caused!” Said Discord, shaking a fist out of frustration.

“It’s probably for the best that you show some self restraint this evening. This is the first major event between Equestria and the Changeling Kingdom since the award ceremony, so everyone needs to be on their best behavior,” Said Fluttershy.

“Yeah, yeah. I suppose the risk of starting a war between both kingdoms due to one person not being able to take a joke would be too great,” Said Discord, momentarily wearing a set of Spartan armor and banging a dory spear against a shield. “However, being on my best behavior is proving to be a rather arduous task. I figured I could relieve my boredom by being with you.”

“Oh, well, I’m flattered, but I’m not that exciting to be with,” Said Fluttershy.

“Nonsense! You are a sweet and caring mare who cares for and can speak to animals. Not to mention your tea parties are sublime,” Said Discord, summoning a teacup and raising one of his fingers on his lion paw. “Anyone who wouldn’t find you exciting simply has poor taste.”

“Well, when you put it that way, I suppose someone would find me entertaining,” Said Fluttershy with a light blush. “If you do want to stick around, you can join me for a little stargazing.”

“Hm. As the immortal personification of chaos, I’ve looked to the stars an innumerable amount of times… Actually, I could count how many nights I’ve stargazed, but that involves a lot of math I don’t feel like doing,” Said Discord, punching numbers into a calculator before tossing it aside. “Although, I haven’t looked at the stars with a friend before.”

“Well then, let’s change that,” Said Fluttershy.

Discord teleported a couple feet to the left of Fluttershy. Propping themselves up against a fence, they looked up to the stars. Without a single cloud in the sky, they had a stellar view of the night sky. Each star shined like a beacon, twinkling with such an intensity it seemed like they were trying to draw attention to themselves. While Fluttershy observed the night sky attentively, Discord was pondering something. With a few strokes of his goatee, an idea came to him.

“Fluttershy, would you mind if I changed the scenery just a little bit?” Asked Discord.

Normally expecting him to just commit chaotic acts on a whim, Fluttershy was momentarily surprised by his request.

“Um, what kind of change?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Nothing consequential, I assure you. I just thought of something that I believe you and I would enjoy,” Answered Discord.

“Well… if it’s something you can reverse, then I suppose you can do it,” Said Fluttershy.

“Yes!” Said Discord giddily.

SNAP!

With a snap, Discord caused the stars to change color. Each star alternated between the different colors of the rainbow like LED lights, turning the night sky into a vibrant lightshow.

“Wow…!” Said an awestruck Fluttershy.

She looked up to the sky with a joyful expression. She was so enraptured by Discord’s colorful stars that she subconsciously hovered a few inches off the ground. Discord looked at Fluttershy, smiling from seeing her so happy. He leaned his head down next to her ear and whispered.

“Don’t tell Princess Luna about this. As far as she needs to be concerned, the stars decided to show their true colors,” Remarked Discord.

Fluttershy softly giggled out of amusement. Discord looked up at the lightshow he created, wanting to make the most out of this moment before the Princess of the Night inevitably finds out about his tampering.

Meanwhile, things have picked up in the castle’s ballroom. A band is currently on stage, playing music for the partygoers. Tables and chairs were moved to allow people to dance in front of the stage. With fewer people crowding the food table, Rarity decided to indulge in some hors d’oeuvres. As she was prepping a plate of the castle’s finest hoof foods, she was unaware of a familiar face approaching her.

“Ms. Rarity.”

“Eek!”

Startled, Rarity nearly dropped a canapé, but she thankfully saved it from landing on the rest of the food. Turning around to see who was speaking to her, she saw the well groomed yet dreadful face of Prince Blueblood. Remembering the first time they met, her blood went cold.

“Prince Blueblood,” Said Rarity, trying to keep her fear from surfacing.

“Glad to see you remember me,” Said Blueblood.

“Oh, how could I ever forget the face of one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made,” Thought Rarity. “I must say I’m surprised to see you here this evening.”

“Yes, well, considering the significance of this evening, it was only right of me to attend. Even if it is a bizarre way of treating our enemies,” Said Blueblood.

“Charming as ever,” Thought Rarity, mentally rolling her eyes. “I’ll be frank with you, Prince Blueblood: why are you conversing with me? I thought I made it clear that I was no longer interested in being associated with you.”

“Yes, the time I spent cleaning myself and the laundry that my servants had to wash made it very clear. Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that I do owe you an apology,” Said Blueblood.

Surprised by what she had just heard, Rarity’s brain felt like it came to a screeching halt.

“You… do?” Said Rarity.

“Yes. You are a gorgeous mare of many talents, yet I stepped all over you during our meeting rather than get to know you. You have every right to be appalled by my actions that evening, yet I would like you to know that I apologize for everything I did at the gala that evening,” Said Blueblood.

If Rarity didn’t have any self control in that moment, her jaw would have dropped to the floor. A stallion as egotistical and apathetic as Blueblood… was apologizing? She secretly pinched herself.

“Yeow! Wow, okay. Deadpool’s antics didn’t cause me to pass out,” Thought Rarity in disbelief. “My, that is rather considerate of you to say, Prince Blueblood.”

“Well, I can’t take all the credit. Auntie Celestia suggested that I apologize to you. She was most certainly right, as I would hate to leave such a horrible first impression on somepony as prolific as you,” Said Blueblood.

“Ah. That explains it. Might as well take it. Celestia knows that getting him to apologize through his own inclination would be another meracle,” Thought Rarity. “Thank you, Prince Blueblood.”

“Why of course,” Said Blueblood. “It’s only right that we bury the-”

“Well, who do we have here?”

Hearing the sound of Deadpool’s voice, Prince Blueblood turned as pale as a ghost. Sliding himself between him and Rarity, the Merc With a Mouth gave the Prince a rather sinister smile.

“Prince Blueballs! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Haven’t seen ya since chapter seven. How’ve you been?” Asked Deadpool.

“I-uh. I have been doing alright,” Said Blueblood.

“Good, good. Would you like me to get you a drink? The wine is impeccable,” Said Deadpool.

Remembering his last encounter with the merc, Blueblood winced at hearing him mention wine.

“T-That’s a generous offer, but I think I heard my aunts calling for me. Bye!” Said Blueblood panickedly.

Like a scared dog with his tail between his legs, Prince Blueblood swiftly left.

“You okay, Rarity?” Asked Deadpool concerningly.

“I am,” Replied Rarity.

“Are you sure? If he hurt or threatened you, I can hang him with his suitless collar if you just say the word,” Said Deadpool.

“I appreciate your concern, darling, but I really am okay,” Assured Rarity. “If anything, I’m just in shock over the fact that he apologized about his behavior at the Grand Galloping Gala.”

Deadpool shook his head in disbelief.

“Seriously? Are we talking about a short ‘I’m sorry’, or on his knees begging for forgiveness?” Asked Deadpool.

“Neither. He apologized because Celestia told him to do so,” Answered Rarity.

“Oh. That makes more sense. (Snort) And here I thought that Blueblood of all ponies was going to have character growth,” Said Deadpool in amusement.

(Did you really expect somepony from the one percent to grow as an individual?)

(Even in a franchise all about friendship and being your best self, there are very few good rich people.)

“Pardon me, Wade.”

“Oh, of course,” Said Deadpool, instantly recognizing the southern twang of Applejack’s voice.

Stepping aside, he allowed Applejack to pass between him and Rarity. Following her path of travel, he ended up spotting Rainbow Dash. She was sitting at a table by herself, watching the farmhoof. Remembering that she has a crush on her, Deadpool smirked.

“I’ve got some pressing matters to attend to, Rarity. If Blueblood gives you any trouble, just give me a shout,” Said Deadpool.

“Alright. Thank you, darling,” Said Rarity.

Seeing that Rainbow was distracted watching Applejack, Deadpool sneakily walked over to her.

“Whatcha watching?” Whispered Deadpool.

“Ah!”

BAM!

“Umph!”

Startled by him, Rainbow punched Deadpool in the face. Falling onto the floor, they inadvertently caught the attention of most of the partygoers.

“He’s okay! He heals quickly!” Assured Rainbow with her hooves up.

Seemingly satisfied with her defense, the attendees went back to their business. With a groan, Deadpool got back up.

“For the record, I may heal quickly, but I’m not immune to pain,” Said Deadpool with a pained hiss.

“Let that be a lesson to not sneak up on ponies,” Said Rainbow irritatedly.

“Okay, Ellie Scotney, I may not be as stagnant as Prince Blueberry, but do you really think I’m gonna learn that particular lesson?” Asked Deadpool.

“(Sigh) What do you want, Wade?” Asked Rainbow.

“At somepoint in my life - an animated series. What I want right now is to talk about your love towards a certain southern belle,” Said Deadpool.

(Rogue?)

(Blanche?)

“Neither of them. Although I’d take a ship between any of them with Rainbow Dash over Mordetwi” Thought Deadpool.

Knowing what he was referring to, Rainbow Dash blushed.

“Are you still on that?” Said Rainbow.

“Of course I am. I’m like a persistent itch. No matter how much you scratch, I always come back,” Said Deadpool.

“Of all the days I didn’t bring my corticosteroid cream,” Remarked Rainbow with an eyeroll.

“Come on, Rainbow. You can open up to me. You and I both know that if I do anything to earn your wrath, you can set up some clouds to douse me with rain or smite me with lightning,” Said Deadpool.

“(Sigh) Fine. I like her. Happy?” Asked Rainbow rhetorically.

“Well, I’m not sad. I’ll be happy if you tell me why you like her,” Said Deadpool.

“Ugh… What is there to say? She’s a hard worker, she’s loyal to her friends, family, and her beliefs. She's a superb athlete who can challenge me as an equal. Don’t tell her I said that last bit. And, well, you have seen her, right?” Asked Rainbow in a whisper.

“Uh, yeah. In an alternate universe, I can see myself bucking her apple tree,” Said Deadpool crassly.

Rainbow glared at Deadpool.

“Poor taste?” Asked Deadpool.

(Unlike AJ’s “apple pie”?!)

“Look, I don’t know how to articulate how I feel about her. All I can say is she makes me feel… great. Uh, not that I don’t feel good around you or our other friends! It’s a kind of good that you only find in a pony that you want to be your special somepony,” Said Rainbow sincerely.

“Daw! That actually does make me happy,” Said Deadpool with a big smile. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate you saying that to her. Besides, Applejack doesn’t come across to me as the kind of pony who likes eloquence in her admirer’s confessions. Rarity on the other hoof, you better have flowers, your best outfit, the whole shebang.”

A flash of fear appeared on Rainbow’s face.

“Now hold up! Who said I was gonna tell her I like her?!” Said Rainbow rhetorically.

“Uh, social convention? The author of this story?” Said Deadpool.

“Well, you’re wrong!” Said Rainbow.

“Nani? Why not? Are you scared?” Asked Deadpool, raising a non-existent eyebrow.

“Scared?! Ha! If there’s anything that you should know about me by now, I never get scared!” Boasted Rainbow.

“Yeah… I recall you being on the receiving end of a prank not too long ago where all of Ponyville tricked you into thinking you turned them into cookie crazed zombies,” Countered Deadpool. “He he he! That was so fun!”

Rainbow Dash huffed out of annoyance.

“In all seriousness, are you afraid she’s gonna reject you?” Asked Deadpool.

“Pfft! No. If I asked her out right now, she’ll more likely than not accept. However, she could totally say no, so there’s no point in worrying over it,” Said Rainbow.

(That… is surprisingly mature of her to say.)

“Yeah. She must be hiding something,” Thought Deadpool. “Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself to the point you’d need to move back to Cloudsdale and take on a new alias?”

“What?! No. Even if I did embarrass myself, I wouldn’t need to react that drastically. Why would you think that?” Asked Rainbow.

“Not important,” Said Deadpool. “Well… Are you afraid that if you tell her, she will react poorly towards you being gay?”

A lump formed in Rainbow Dash’s throat. Grabbing Deadpool by the shoulders, she said through gritted teeth-

“If you think for a second that AJ is homophobic, I will fly you all the way up to Cloudsdale, then let you fall to the ground.”

“Then what is the fucking problem, Dash?” Asked Deadpool.

“There isn’t a problem!” Said Rainbow angrily.

“I know you’re lying,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, yeah? How?” Asked Rainbow.

“‘Cause I am a chronic liar,” Answered Deadpool. “Takes a liar to recognize a liar.”

“That’s… a fair point,” Said Rainbow.

“So come on, just tell me,” Said Deadpool.

“Ugh! Fine! The reason I’m not asking Applejack out is not because of what I’ll do or what she will do. It’s everyone else,” Admitted Rainbow.

With the cat now out of the bag, both ponies went silent for a few moments. Rainbow Dash anxiously elaborated on her explanation.

“Asking her out would be a breeze to me, and I know that regardless of what pans out, AJ wouldn’t think less of me for being gay. I think it’s safe to say that if our friendship is essential to the timeline, then me coming out to her wouldn’t end it. I would also think that’s the case with the rest of our friends too. Then there’s everypony else. I have a lot of fans, but some of them will abandon their adoration the moment I come out, and some will be very upfront about their distaste. Doesn’t matter at all that I’ve helped save Equestria several times, nor the fact that I am a member of the Wonderbolts. The simple fact that I am attracted to mares is enough to make some ponies think I’m scum.”

“I don’t want to have AJ keep the two of us a secret, but at the same time I can’t deal with every single pony who can't keep their opinions to themselves. Queen Chrysalis invades Canterlot, taken care of. Tierk steals all of the magic in Equestria, he’s back in Tartarus. But an entire way of thinking, that can’t be stopped. Even I have limits. I don’t want to have to deal with that, and I don’t want AJ to have to deal with it too.”

Rather atypical for him, Deadpool listened intently to Rainbow Dash expressing her insecurities. Listening to her fears of discrimination, he felt something stirring within him - empathy. Once he was certain she was done, he decided to chime in.

“Wow. I-I never would have thought that you of all ponies would have been afraid to be open about expressing your sexuality,” Said Deadpool.

“Well, I am,” Admitted Rainbow solemnly.

“If it helps, I understand how you’re feeling,” Said Deadpool.

“Really?” Asked Rainbow.

“Yeah. As somepony who is pansexual, I know what it feels like to be afraid that everypony you know and will ever meet will curbstomp you for being yourself,” Said Deadpool.

Upon hearing him reveal his sexuality, Rainbow’s jaw practically dropped to the floor.

“Y-You’re pansexual?” Stammered Rainbow in disbelief.

“Yup, and if anyone says otherwise, they have either never picked up a fuckin comic book of mine nor took it up with Fabian Nicieza, Rob Liefeld, or Ryan Reynolds” Answered Deadpool.

“Does anypony else know?” Asked Rainbow.

“No. As far as I am aware of, you’re the only one who knows about my sexuality. I wouldn’t be surprised if Twilight knows, but that’s because she lives with me, so she has more opportunities to pick up on that,” Said Deadpool.

“Well then, why do you keep your sexuality a secret?” Asked Rainbow.

Deadpool blew a raspberry in contemplation.

“Well, something that you have to understand, Rainbow Dash, is there was always something about me that somepony else hated and ridiculed me for. Before I became a mercenary for hire, which I'll admit is a justifiable reason to do so, ponies would hate me because they thought I was weird, obnoxious, impulsive, immature, stupid, or dangerous. There’s also the fact that some ponies find my sense of humor ear grating, or my love of comic books childish. And then… I was targeted for being the son of the local drunk, and for having a dad who left. Hell, ever since I came to Equestria, I’ve been harassed for being an immigrant. To tell you the truth, Dashie, if I had been open about being pansexual at that time… I probably would not have been strong enough to live to get my healing factor,” Confessed Deadpool in a near whisper.

Both ponies sat in uncomfortable silence. She was unsure how to respond, but Rainbow decided she needed to say something.

“I’m sorry you went through all of that,” Said Rainbow.

“Well, like most things about me, that’s in the past,” Said Deadpool. “You’re in a better place now than I was at that point in time, Dashie. You live in a community that is open-minded-”

(What about when Zecora first moved into the Everfree?)

“... Usually open-minded. Even if Ponyville fails you, you have all of your friends who have your back. Plus not to mention you have arguably the most supportive parents in all of history. Also, I’m pretty sure Scootaloo is cool with anything that you do. Even if you decided one day to conquer the world, she’ll still be your biggest fan. So with all of those ponies behind you, if you decide you want to be with AJ or a different mare, you can be open about it,” Said Deadpool.

“I-I don’t know, Wade,” Said Rainbow hesitantly.

“Can you at least do me a favor and just think about it?” Asked Deadpool.

Rainbow Dash shifted her gaze from her friend to the table. A heated debate was going on within her mind whether she should accept Deadpool’s request or decline and forget about this night all together.

“... Okay. I guess I can do that,” Said Rainbow in defeat.

“Thanks, Skittles,” Said Deadpool.

As both ponies were finishing their conversation, Twilight walked over to greet them.

“Hey, you two! Have you been enjoying the party?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh, yes. I overindulged on a bunch of prissy food, scared the shit out of Prince Blueblood, and had a, um, meaningful discussion with Rainbow Dash,” Answered Deadpool.

“And I, uh, only talked to Wade. I did nothing else noteworthy,” Lied Rainbow.

“Really?” Asked Twilight.

“Nope! Nothing whatsoever! I’m, uh, going to grab a bite to eat. If you will excuse me,” Said Rainbow.

ZOOM!

Flying fast enough to leave a rainbow trail in her wake, Rainbow Dash headed straight to the banquet table.

“What’s got her riled up?” Asked Twilight.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. She was probably super hungry. I myself get anxious when I’m hankering for a beer,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, that’s an addiction,” Deadpanned Twilight.

“It’s only an addiction if it harms me. I have a healing factor, therefore I’m not an addict,” Said Deadpool.

(I think a psychologist or a physician would say otherwise.)

“Pft. What would they know? Anyway, what brings you to the cool kids table?” Asked Deadpool.

“Well, the band’s playing something slow, so I thought you’d like to have that dance?” Said Twilight with a smile.

Deadpool raised his ears. Hearing the combined sounds of brass instruments such as the trumpet with strings such as the violin, he smirked.

“Well then, lead the way, Princess,” Said Deadpool, holding out his hoof.

Taking his hoof in hers, Twilight directed him to the dance floor. They caught the attention of other partygoers, but the couple paid them no mind. Wrapping their hooves around each other, both ponies began to dance.

“Eep!”

Tripping over one of her back hooves, Twilight tumbled onto the floor. Deadpool swiftly helped her back onto her hooves.

“Sorry. I-I’m not the best dancer,” Said Twilight, blushing profusely out of embarrassment.

“I’m well aware of that. I attended your birthday in Canterlot,” Said Deadpool.

“Guess you’re going to have to lead,” Said Twilight.

With Deadpool taking the lead, the couple started to slow dance. Their bodies swayed to the music. As their ears listened to the calming melody, their eyes locked onto each other’s faces. Deadpool relished the beauty of Twilight’s features. Her blush induced by her earlier blunder was still visible, but it gradually faded into her lilac fur. Wade found himself enraptured by her violet irises. Seeing her royal purple irises made Deadpool grin goofily. Seeing his smile made Twilight lightly chuckle. As they continued to behold each other, the couple found themselves leaning towards each other. As their faces drew closer together, they puckered their lips in anticipation of a passionate kiss.

CLICK!

Hearing the sound of a camera, Deadpool looked over his right shoulder. He saw a group of paparazzi, taking photos of him and his marefriend.

“Excuse me for a moment, my dear,” Said Deadpool, patting Twilight’s shoulders.

Letting go of her, he turned to face the paparazzi.

“Will you all go fuck off!” Shouted Deadpool furiously.

A few photographers ran off, but most of them stuck around.

“Just so it’s clear, I have very little regard for the law. I have no reservations about using your cameras to give you all colonoscopies,” Threatened Deadpool.

The remaining paparazzi ran away in terror. Now free from prying eyes, he joined back up with Twilight.

“That should take care of that issue,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, you do realize the press have the right to photograph public figures during private events such as this, don’t you?” Asked Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight, honey. The paparazzi are just legalized stalkers. I’ve caught them taking photos of us on our dates, hanging out with our friends, at the market. I’ve even seen them outside our castle,” Said Deadpool.

“O-Oh,” Said Twilight anxiously.

“Don’t worry. Those particular ponies have been dealt with,” Assured Deadpool.

“…How?” Asked Twilight out of concern.

“Don’t worry about it,” Said Deadpool.

“Wade, considering what you used to do for a living, I do have to be concerned,” Said Twilight.

“Okay, okay. I did nothing drastic. I just smashed a couple cameras, threatened some lives, you know, the small stuff,” Said Deadpool.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight took Deadpool’s hoof and continued their dance. Meanwhile, a changeling couple were dancing only a few feet away from Deadpool and Twilight. Wanting to put some distance between themselves and the other dancers, they tried to back up. Unaware that a different couple were behind them, they accidentally collided with each other.

“Hey! Back off, creeps!” Said a stallion.

“S-sorry,” Said a male changeling timidly.

“What do you think you’re trying to pull here?” Asked the stallion.

“I beg your pardon?” Said the changeling.

“What were you trying to do to me and m’lady? Feed off of our affection?” Accused the stallion.

“N-no! Of course not!” Said the changeling defensively.

Both of them engaged in a heated argument. Their bickering ended up attracting the attention of the other partygoers. Some of them supported the stallion’s narrow-minded accusations while others were defending the changeling couple. Seeing the escalating situation, Twilight went over to the crowd.

“Everyone please settle down!” Urged Twilight.

Not able to hear her over the sounds of their own shouting, the crowd continued arguing with each other. Observing the situation unfolding in front of him, Deadpool decided to intervene.

“Alright, everybody break up!” Ordered Deadpool.

As he separated partygoers who were invading each other's space, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash walked over to Twilight.

“Oh my, what’s going on here?” Asked Rarity.

“A changeling accidentally bumped into somepony, and now a large argument has broken out!” Explained Twilight.

“I haven’t seen a crowd this hostile since ma family and I ran outta cider last year,” Said Applejack.

“Want me to get in there and break ‘em up?” Asked Rainbow to Twilight.

“Oof!”

As he was attempting to separate an arguing duo, he was pushed aside by one of them. He fell flat on his ass in front of the girls.

“You’re lucky I’m not royalty yet, or else I’d have you hanged!” Said Deadpool furiously.

“Perhaps it would be better if we alert the royal guard,” Suggested Rarity.

“(Sigh) What I wouldn’t do to have Princess Luna’s Canterlot voice,” Said Twilight.

“CEASE YOUR SQUABBLING!”

The authoritative voice of Princess Luna rang in everyone’s head, ceasing the fighting immediately. The princess of the night was accompanied by her older sister and her niece. The princesses stood before their subjects, looking down upon them sternly.

“What is the meaning of this?” Asked Luna.

“Your Majesty! The changelings were trying to use us as a food source!” Accused a mare.

“What!” A surprised Thorax hastily made his way towards his subjects. “Please tell me that isn’t so.”

“King Thorax!” Exclaimed a female changeling, kneeling before her leader. “I swear that we didn’t do anything! These ponies are just jumping to conclusions.”

“I can attest to that, Thorax,” Said Twilight. “One of your subjects accidentally bumped into somepony. That’s all they did.”

Thorax sighed in relief. The princesses on the other hand were greatly disappointed in their subjects’ behavior.

“To say that I am disappointed in everypony’s behavior would be a great understatement,” Said Celestia sternly. “I had expected better from our subjects, but I guess I was naive to think that all of you would welcome King Thorax and his people with open arms.”

“Permission to speak, Your Majesty?” Asked a stallion.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna exchanged glances with each other before the former sighed.

“Permission granted,” Replied Celestia.

“As I am sure you remember, the changelings invaded our fair city over a year ago, snatching our denizens right from the streets! While your efforts to establish an alliance with the Changeling Kingdom is admirable, you are not holding King Thorax or any of the other changelings accountable for their crimes,” Said the stallion.

Rather than dismiss their subject’s concern, the princesses respectfully thought it over. After hearing it himself, Thorax decided to speak up.

“If I may interject, I can’t speak for the princesses, but I’d like to believe that they haven’t ignored nor are downplaying the trouble we’ve caused. I’m well aware that we had hurt many ponies when we invaded Canterlot, and that’s something that I will never be able to forgive myself for,” Said Thorax with guilt. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t plan on trying to make things better. By working alongside the princesses, I hope to be able to restructure our society so that something like the invasion never happens again.”

“(Scoff) Clearly your ‘restructuring’ also needs to change your idea of punishment,” Said a mare. “A bunch of kidnappers such as yourselves should be imprisoned! If not for any of us, then it should be for kidnapping and impersonating Her Majesty Princess Cadance.”

“I have forgiven King Thorax and the rest of the changelings for their involvement in my kidnapping,” Interjected Cadance. “If there is any changeling who should be held accountable, it should be their former ruler, Chrysalis, who has gone out of her way to avoid facing the consequences of her actions.”

Murmurs of the differing viewpoints of the crowd cut through the air. Wanting to say her piece, Twilight walked over to the other princesses.

“I understand that this is an uneasy time for everyone. Both of our kingdoms were enemies with little interaction prior to the events that occurred here in Canterlot. Being allies is unfamiliar territory, and with it comes some growing pains. We may not yet know how we will make this work yet, but we will when given the time to do so,” Said Twilight.

Twilight paused to look at Thorax and his subjects.

“The Changeling Kingdom will have to be accountable for helping Chrysalis attempt to take over Equestria, but the Princesses and I also realize your choices were made based on the lack of choices, and are willing to negotiate based on that.”

She then looked to her fellow ponies.

“I also know that many of you were hurt during the invasion, whether that has been through direct assault or the trauma of having to observe it. When I was taken to the mines prior to the invasion, I had to come to terms with the possibility that I might not have been able to find a way out. Then when my friends and I were captured, I recognized that our lives were in Chrysalis’ hooves… She probably would have killed us had she been given the chance. That's the thing, though. The changelings may have attacked me and my friends, but they were following her orders. I'm done letting my trauma turn into prejudice. Ponies and changelings alike were harmed by Chrysalis. We should be helping each other heal rather than despising each other.”

With both parties directly spoken too, she shifted back to addressing the whole crowd.

“No outcome from our alliance will be to everyone’s satisfaction, but we will put the past behind us and create a future together where we all live together in peace. As such, intolerance will no longer be permitted here. This room, and all of Equestria will be a safe space where no pony or changeling will bring harm upon the other. However, I know that I'm not going to change everyone’s minds, so if you have any reservations about each other, you are permitted to leave.”

After finishing her speech, some partygoers decided to heed her words and left. A little over a dozen ponies took their leave. One changeling that still bore his species’ original form attempted to leave, but Thorax grabbed him by the shoulder. The changeling snarled at him, but rather than tell him off, Thorax gave him a pleading look. With an annoyed sigh, the changeling stayed put. Not knowing how to wrap things up, Twilight dismissed the guests with a wave of her hoof.

One hour later…

Thankfully, in spite of what had occurred, everyone was able to enjoy the rest of the party. Once most of the guests were gone, the castle staff began to clean up. Twilight oversaw the clean up, lending her assistance wherever she could. Spotting her protege, Celestia walked over to her.

“Are you doing alright, my dear student?” Asked Celestia.

“I’m fine, Princess. I just hope the changelings that were harrassed earlier are okay,” Said Twilight with concern.

“Looks like you will be able to find out,” Said Celestia, pointing straight ahead.

Thorax walked over to the two princesses. He was accompanied by the changeling couple she helped out earlier.

“Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle. I hope we're not interrupting anything, but my subjects were hoping to have a word with you,” Said Thorax.

“I’m all ears,” Said Twilight.

“Hi Princess. I am Carina, and this is my life mate, Fron. It is an honor to meet you,” Said the female changeling.

“It’s a pleasure to get to speak to you two. I hope you are doing okay,” Said Twilight.

“We are,” Replied Fron. “Carina and I wanted to thank you, Celestia, and the other princesses for standing up for us. Considering our history with this place, things could have gotten a lot worse if you all didn’t intervene.”

“We were admittedly afraid of attending because we knew that there were plenty of ponies who haven’t forgiven us changelings, but I’m glad that we got to see for ourselves that there are ponies who are accepting of us,” Said Carina.

“You don’t need to thank me. I was only doing the right thing. I meant what I said when I told everyone that Equestria is supposed to be a safe place for everyone. I cannot promise that it will always be the case, but I can assure you that as long as I am the Princess of Friendship, everyone’s safety will be among my top priorities, regardless of who you are, who you used to be, and who you decide to be in the future,” Said Twilight.

“Thank you, Princess. I want the Changeling Kingdom to be the same. Perhaps that’s something you and I could work on together for both of our kingdoms,” Said Thorax.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Said Twilight with a smile.

Meanwhile, Deadpool and Rainbow Dash were conversing with each other. Not far from them, Applejack, being the workhorse that she is, was folding empty chairs to be stashed away. Spotting her, Deadpool gestured for Rainbow Dash to speak to her. She looked at Applejack hesitantly, but then she thought about what Deadpool had asked her. Deciding that she needed to tell her, Rainbow Dash mustered the courage to walk over to her.

“Hey Applejack,” Greeted Rainbow.

“Hey there, Rainbow,” Greeted Applejack. “You want to help pick up these chairs?”

“You do know that the castle has ponies to do that, right?” Asked Rainbow with an amused smile.

“I know. I just saw an opportunity to help, an’ took it,” Replied Applejack.

“Are you sure you’re not just a workaholic?” Remarked Rainbow.

“It ain’t a problem if it helps folks out,” Said Applejack.

“What about when Wade ever tries to lend a hoof with something?” Asked Rainbow.

“... No comment,” Said Applejack.

“Actually, AJ, there’s something I need to tell you,” Said Rainbow.

“Oh? Well then, tell me what’s on ya mind,” Said Applejack, giving her friend her full attention.

Before she could confess her feelings, Rainbow found herself unable to speak. Looking into her friend’s lush green eyes, she felt her fears return. Applejack was quick to notice her sudden change in behavior.

“Rainbow, are you alright? You’re tremblin’ more than Apple Bloom on Hearth’s Warming morning,” Said Applejack.

“Y-Yeah. Of course I’m fine. I was just wondering if- I wanted to know- Would you… Would you be able to look at a new flying routine I’ve been practicing and tell me if it looks good? You know, if you’re free this weekend,” Said Rainbow.

She could tell that Applejack was looking her over. For what purpose, she wasn’t entirely sure.

“Sure thing. I’m always happy t’ help,” Said Applejack.

“Cool, cool,” Replied Rainbow, momentarily shifting her gaze to the side.

Deadpool watched everything unfold in front of him.

“I swear the build up for Appledash better payoff or else I’m going to catch a body,” Said Deadpool.

“Hey Wade.”

“Fuckin’ Christ!”

Failing to notice Twilight had approached him, Deadpool jumped out of fright.

“Sorry!” Said Twilight.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. If things had gone a little differently, I would be the one apologizing to you while giving you an ice pack… or while we’re at a hospital,” Said Deadpool.

“What were you doing?” Asked Twilight.

“Watching my friends,” Said Deadpool rather casually.

“You know, if I didn’t know you for the past couple of years, I would have thought that was creepy,” Said Twilight.

“So what do you think of it as?” Asked Deadpool.

“Pretty weird,” Remarked Twilight.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who cast an obsession spell on your doll,” Countered Deadpool.

“Touché. Would you like to go out to the gardens while we wait for the others?” Asked Twilight.

“I’d love to,” Said Deadpool, raising one of his forelegs towards her. “M’lady.”

With a giggle, Twilight wrapped her foreleg around his. Both ponies walked in near synchronization, heading towards the gardens to enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet together.

“Not if I have something to say about it.”

“Don’t even think about it, Discord!” Said Deadpool.

Fin.

Author's Note

Hey everypony! Thank you for reading the latest chapter of Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony! Sorry this chapter took so long to publish. I'm currently taking a break from writing this story for the sake of both my mental health and keeping my fanfic at the best quality I can provide. Once I'm ready to continue working on it, I'll be sure to notify you through my account's blog posts. Thank you all for reading my story, and I hope you all enjoy your day!

Chapter 1: The Merc and Harmony Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 1: The Merc and Harmony Part One

It was a bright and sunny day in Ponyville. The shops were busy, kids were outside having fun, and everyone was in a great mood. At the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle was reading yet another book. She had no particular reason to read it, she just wanted to.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

She heard knocking from the other side of the library's front door. She set her book down to go answer the door.

THUD!

All of a sudden, the door slammed open, revealing a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail.

"Twilight!" Said the pegasus.

"What is it, Rainbow Dash?" Asked Twilight.

"You won't believe this! A robbery is happening at the market!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I mean it! Come on!"

Not giving Twilight a chance to speak, Rainbow Dash grabbed one of Twilight's hooves, and dragged her towards the market. Eventually, they arrived at the market, and, sure enough, just like Rainbow Dash said, Twilight saw three masked robbers in the middle of the market. One of them, who appears to be the leader, was a unicorn while the others were earth ponies. They were forcing everyone to put bits, gems, and other valuables into bags.

"We need to do something, Twilight," Said Rainbow.

"I know, but we can't stop them without a plan," Said Twilight.

"Here's the plan: we go and kick their butts!" Said Rainbow.

"If I didn't know any better, I would of though you guys were tax collectors."

"Huh?"

Looking towards a market stand behind the robbers, Twilight and Rainbow Dash saw a rather surprising sight. A stallion, who appears to be an earth pony, was wearing a red and black suit with an assortment of weapons on him. His face was unknown as it was behind a mask with large black circles around the eyes.

"And what's this? None of you are armed? Ha! This is going to make it so much easier to beat you," Said the vigilante.

The robbers stopped collecting from the citizens, and headed straight towards the vigilante.

"Now this will be fun!" Said the vigilante in a deep voice.

Jumping into the air, the vigilante landed forelegs first onto the back of one of the earth pony robbers. The vigilante then does a backflip to land.

"I give that a nine. I could've stuck the landing better, though," Said the vigilante to himself.

The other earth pony tried to deliver a punch to the vigilante's jaw. His attack was blocked, though, and he got punched in the stomach. Having the wind knocked out of him gives the vigilante the opportunity to grab him and toss the robber into a market stand, knocking him out.

WHAM!

While the vigilante had his back turned, the other pony got up and quickly gave him a kick to the back of the head.

"Ow! I'll admit, that was a good hit, but I will still win."

The vigilante pulled out a pistol and smacked the pony in the back of the head twice to knock him out, resulting with a little blood. Finally, the leader came in and quickly slammed the vigilante into the ground, pinning him down. Using the magic from his horn, the leader was choking the vigilante. This somehow resulted in the mask turning blue.

"Okay this isn't (Gasp!) looking good for me. But let me (Gasp!) ask you something. Did you remember to grab... these jewels?"

"Huh?"

WHAM!

The vigilante kicked the leader in the balls with his back leg. Causing him to crouch in pain, the vigilante took the opportunity to deliver a chop to the neck, knocking out the last robber. Everyone who witnessed the battle stared at the mysterious hero, surprised and uneasy towards him and the conflict that occurred.

(Big question: how are we able to handle and use guns? We don't have fingers; we shouldn't have been able to hold that pistol.)

(How was Princess Luna able to play the banjo with hooves in the episode "Between Dark and Dawn?")

(Touche.)

"Excuse me?" Said Twilight.

"Huh? Oh hey, you're that apprentice of Celestia! Um, um... Hold on. Ah, Twilight Sprinkle, right?" Asked the vigilante.

"Sparkle," Corrected Twilight in a slightly annoyed tone.

"My apologizes."

"And I'm Rainbow Dash! Might I say that fight was AWESOME!" Said Rainbow.

"I know, right?!"

"Anyway, who are you?" Asked Twilight.

"Who am I? Who am I?! Well I am The Merc with a Mouth, aka..." The hero striked a heroic pose. "Deadpool!"

"That can't be your real name," Said Twilight skeptically.

"Uhh... Hey, what's that?"

Deadpool pointed behind the two mares. They looked behind them to see nothing, then looked back to see Deadpool was gone.

"Was it something I said?" Wondered Twilight.

Later, back at the Golden Oak Library, Twilight and Rainbow Dash were telling the rest of the Mane Six and their baby dragon friend, Spike, about the new hero in town going by Deadpool.

"So, y'all are telling me that this stallion single hoofedly beat three robbers, even though he was almost strangled to death?!" Questioned Applejack.

"Yes, but that wasn't where I was going with this, Applejack. I know his name isn't Deadpool, but he's hiding it for some reason," Said Twilight.

"Well, duh, Twilight. It's because superheroes keep their identities secret," Said Rainbow matter-of-factly.

"Rainbow, please be more polite when explaining to somepony," Asked Rarity strictly.

BURP!

POOF!

Suddenly, Spike belched up a letter.

"Spike! Oh, a letter from Princess Celestia!" Twilight opened the letter, and read it to the room. "'Dear Twilight, I heard about what happened to Ponyville. I find myself intrigued by this Deadpool character. Please find and bring him to me. I would very much like to learn about him. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.'"

"Well, the news spread quickly, Twilight. But how are we supposed to find him?" Asked Rainbow.

THUD!

"Somepony called me?"

"Ahhhh!"

As if the universe just answered Rainbow Dash's question, Deadpool slammed the door open, giving the girls and Spike a good scare.

"Deadpool?! How did you know we needed to find you? And how do you know where I live?!" Asked Twilight in shock.

"One, you live in a giant tree, Twilight. Second, fourth wall abilities," Said Deadpool.

"What's that?" Asked Rainbow.

"For the sake of your sanity, I should probably not disclose that. Anyway, I met you and Twilight, but who are they?"

Deadpool pointed to the rest of the Mane Six and Spike. Rainbow Dash introduced him to each of them.

"Okay, first this is Applejack."

"Howdy," Greeted Applejack.

"Howdy to you," Replied Deadpool while tipping an imaginary hat.

"Next we have-"

"Hi, my name's Pinkie Pie! It's really nice to meet you! I heard about what happened at the market, and you sound very, very awesome! You must be new to Ponyville! (Gasp!) I should throw you a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party! I hope we become BFFs!"

(Ouch! I just got a headache after processing all of that at once.)

(I like her! Exuberant, fourth wall breaking, and maybe as insane as us, no wonder why people ship us with her!)

"A pleasure, Miss Pie," Greeted Deadpool.

"This is Rarity," Said Rainbow.

"Charmed," Greeted Rarity.

"M' lady."

Deadpool walked up to Rarity, slightly lifted up his mask, and, to everyone's surprise, grabbed one of Rarity's front hooves and kissed it. She was just as surprised as everyone else. She blushed from the gesture.

(Ohh! I sense a potential marefriend!)

(I personally am a Pinkie Pie and Deadpool shipper.)

"Eh, I'll admit she is very attractive, but I don't think I'm interested in being in a relationship with her. Also, Pinkie Pie is my waifu," Said Deadpool.

"This is Spike; he's Twilight's assistant." Said Rainbow.

"Sup," Greeted Spike.

"And finally, this is Fluttershy."

Fluttershy hid her face behind her mane, living up to her timid nature.

"..."

(...)

(Damn! Her name suits her perfectly.)

"... Hi," Muttered Fluttershy softly.

"Hello," Greeted Deadpool.

"Deadpool, your suit, it's-"

"Awesome right?!"

"I was going to say 'interesting', but it could be better," Said Rarity.

([Gasp!] She dissed the tights! Now she's definitely off the "would have 'fun' with" list.)

"Hmph! Well, I suppose everypony is entitled to their opinion, even though you are wrong," Said Deadpool arrogantly.

"Hmph!" Muttered Rarity.

"Anyway, you needed to find me for something?"

"Oh, yes. Princess Celestia wanted to meet you after hearing about how you stopped the robbery at the market earlier," Said Twilight.

"(Gasp!) I'm going to meet Princess Celestia?!"

"Yes."

"Yay!"

In excitement, Deadpool jumped and freeze-framed midair.

"How are ya doing that?" Asked Applejack.

"I-I don't know. Somepony help me down!" Shouted Deadpool in panic.

"What are we supposed to do, darling?" Asked Rarity.

"W-We should find somepony who can h-help us," Said Fluttershy nervously.

"Who do we ask for help?" Asked Rainbow.

"Um, get a scientist? Yeah, find a scientist!" Said Deadpool.

"I will find one."

Spike rushed out the door to find a scientist.

(I haven't been this scared since we got our foreleg stuck in the wood chipper!)

(That wouldn't have happened if we didn't stick our hoof in to grab a taco that got stuck in it.)

"Twilight," Said Deadpool.

"Yes, Deadpool," Replied Twilight.

"Be honest with me, am I going to die?"

After a few minutes of being trapped in midair, Deadpool was brought down by Pinkie Pie. She said she knew how to get down through experience. He, the Mane Six, and Spike have now arrived at the Ponyville train station.

"Okay ladies and dragon colt, this ride is on me."

Deadpool walked up to a booth to purchase some tickets.

"Eight tickets to Canterlot, please," Said Deadpool.

The pony behind the booth window looked up and noticed the masked pony in front of him.

"Uh, that will be one-hundred sixty bits."

Deadpool grabbed a satchel out of nowhere, and turned it upside down, emptying its contents. Among the items that fell out of it include a taco, and anvil, and a cartoon bomb.

"Where is my bit-pouch?" Questioned Deadpool.

(It got stolen from our old apartment, remember?)

"Oh, yeah. Teaches me to never leave my door unlocked ever again. Hey guys, do you have money on you? I'm not liquid on the moola at the moment."

Thankfully, because Twilight is the protege of Princess Celestia, she has a pass that allows her and company to travel to Canterlot at no cost. Everyone got on the train, and took a seat in the third passenger car from the engine. Once they took their seats, the train started heading to Canterlot. After a while, Deadpool got sick of the ride. He was so bored that he was playing with a paddle ball.

"Ugh! Why's the train going so slow?! That's it, I'm going to talk to the engineer," Said Deadpool irritatedly.

As Deadpool got up, he noticed the other passengers looking at him in either confusion or nervousness.

"What? Never seen a stallion dressed in red and black tights before?"

Making his way to the engine car, Deadpool noticed the train engineer operating the train at a steady pace. The engineer noticed him as well.

"What are you doing here?" Asked the train engineer.

"I came to ask if you can make the train go faster? All of us have places to be," Said Deadpool impatiently.

"Sorry sir, but I have to keep the train at this pace. So I must ask you to go back to your-"

Before he could react, Deadpool grabbed the train engineer and put him in a choke hold. In a matter of seconds, the train engineer lost consciousness. Deadpool then carefully moved him out of the way.

(Should we really be doing this?)

"It's totally fine. I mean what's the worst that can happen?"

(Have you not played up to the part of the Deadpool video game where the human version of you piloted the Blackbird?)

Deadpool looked over the controls for the train and found a lever.

"Hmm... What if I push this all the way up?"

(I don't think you should-)

It was too late. Deadpool had already set the train at full speed. When Deadpool was just off the floor, one thought came to mind...

"Shit! Did I leave the stove on in my old apartment?"

THUD!

Deadpool slammed into the back of the engine. Everyone else on the train was holding on for dear life to prevent themselves from being tossed around.

"What is going on?!" Asked Twilight.

Just then, a voice came over the intercom.

"Um... Attention passengers: there are some technical difficulties with the controls. Please remain calm, and we will have this sorted out. Thank you for riding the Deadpool Express!"

"Deadpool!" Shouted Twilight.

Meanwhile, in the engine car...

"Got to stop this baby before we crash!"

Deadpool frantically tried to move the lever down, but it was stuck.

"Come on!"

SNAP!

After many futile attempts to move it, the lever broke.

"Oops."

(Good going, you just doomed everypony on the train.)

"What do I do now?!"

(Why don't you use the emergency brake over there?)

Looking over his right shoulder, Deadpool saw the emergency brake. He grabbed it, and slammed it down.

SCREE!

The train suddenly stopped, lurching some ponies forward in the passenger cars. Unfortunately for Deadpool, he was thrown right through the windshield. At this moment, time froze, and he saw his life flash before-

(This happens to us a lot. We will be fine.)

(Don't interrupt my narration.)

(Holy shit! The Lord is real! Oh wait, it's just the author.)

"The author?! Why say something now than before?"

(Because you and the voices in your head didn't annoy me until now.)

(That's harsh.)

(No, this is harsh. [Clears throat] Time returned to normal. Deadpool saw he would end up crashing into the ground near the Canterlot train station.)

"We're in Canterlot? Wait, you motherfu-"

CRACK!

Deadpool was launched towards the ground. His neck broke on impact, leaving his head at an awkward angle. Meanwhile, back on the train, the Mane Six and Spike were heading to the engine car, with Twilight looking absolutely furious.

"When I get my hooves on him, I am going to... to... I don't even know what I'm going to do, but so help him!" Said Twilight angrily.

"Twilight, please calm down," Said Fluttershy timidly.

As soon as they walked in, they noticed the unconscious train engineer.

"Oh my! Is he alright?" Asked Fluttershy worriedly.

Twilight lit up her horn, and walked over to the train engineer. She pressed the tip of her horn on his forehead, then looked at her friends.

"He's alright; unconscious but unharmed," Said Twilight.

"That's a relief. There doesn't seem to be any sign of Deadpool, though," Said Rarity.

"Maybe he already got off the train?" Wondered Pinkie.

So, they got off the train, and searched around the train station. They didn't have to look far, though.

"Um..."

"Did you find him, Applejack?" Asked Twilight.

"Yes, but..."

Applejack pointed to her right towards the hero.

"Oh no..." Muttered Twilight.

The girls and Spike quickly ran to Deadpool. They saw a truly terrifying sight. They saw Deadpool was laid out across the ground on his back, his neck broken. Shards of glass from the windshield were sticking out of his body, and his suit was dripping with blood. There appeared to be no sign of life.

"No, no, no! Deadpool, wake up! Wake up!"

Twilight tried to get a response out of Deadpool, but to no avail.

"Twilight, he's not going to wake up," Said Rarity sadly

Fluttershy couldn't keep them in anymore, tears fell from her eyes like a waterfall. Rainbow Dash did her best to comfort her friend. Twilight was also shedding tears over the body of the hero. This attracted everyone in the area, and they themselves couldn't help but mourn for the group of friends.

"I-I didn't even to get to know your name," Said Twilight through her tears.

"U-Ugh. Twilight?"

"Ahh!"

Twilight couldn't help but scream when she heard Deadpool speak. And to everyone's surprise, they watched as his neck snapped back into proper position, and got up like nothing happened. Deadpool noticed everyone looking at him.

"Is there something on my suit? Oh, wait a sec."

Pinching his nose, Deadpool took a deep breath, and all of the glass flew out of his body. Some ponies had to move out of the way because some shards were launched towards them.

"There, that's better," Said Deadpool.

"We thought we lost you!"

Twilight immediately hugged Deadpool, relieved he was alive. Soon, the rest of the Mane Six and Spike joined in. They only stopped when they noticed Deadpool was getting uncomfortable.

"B-But wait, how are you still alive?" Asked Fluttershy.

"Oh yeah. I have a healing factor. It helps me survive a lot of stuff. I will explain it when we see the Princess," Said Deadpool.

"Thank goodness you're alright," Said Rarity.

"And since you are alright... What were you thinking?!" Asked Twilight angrily.

"Um, sorry," Apologized Deadpool.

"Sorry? Sorry?! You drove the train at max speed, putting everyone's lives at risk. You think sorry is going to cut it?!"

Looking towards the ground in shame, Deadpool said...

"No."

"Why don't we all just go to Celestia and talk about this later?" Suggested Applejack.

"Fine," Said Twilight reluctantly.

As the group headed towards the Canterlot Castle, Deadpool trailed behind everyone else. He was still looking towards the ground.

(We fucked up big time.)

(What was your first clue? When we nearly crashed the train, when we knocked out an innocent civilian, or when we upset the girls; especially Twilight?)

"I haven't known her for more than a day, and Twilight probably hates me."

(Look, I know things don't look great, but just give her time and try to apologize to her again later.)

Snapping out of his mental conversation, Deadpool realized he was stopped by two guards at the castle's entrance.

"Stop," Said one guard.

"State your business here," Said the other guard.

"It's alright. He's with us," Said Twilight.

Looking at her, the guards nodded their heads, and let Deadpool pass. As he made his way to the entrance, Deadpool looked back at the guards, raised his mask a bit, and stuck his tongue out at them. Luckily for him, they didn't notice.

(See? She's already starting to get over it. If she still hated your guts, she would have left you out here and you would probably get arrested because you look like a threat.)

Everyone was walking through the castle halls to speak to Celestia. Deadpool was looking at the stained glass windows, taking notice of the window depicting the Mane Six with the Elements of Harmony in particular.

"I would look good in a stained glass window," Said Deadpool.

The group stopped walking, and saw Celestia sitting on her throne. She was a tall alicorn with a white coat. Her mane and tail consisted of blues, light green, and pink, and flowed as if they were ethereal. Sitting atop her head was a crown with a purple diamond shaped gem. She also wore gold shoes on her hooves. On her flank was a cutie mark depicting the sun.

"Twilight, you're here! And I see you and your friends brought the stallion who calls himself Deadpool," Said Celestia.

"Your Highness."

Deadpool bowed to Celestia in respect. Celestia chuckled at Deadpool's gesture of respect.

"You may rise, Deadpool. Now, I must congratulate you for defeating those thieves," Said Celestia.

"Oh, shucks. Thank you."

Somehow, Deadpool was visibly blushing, even though he's wearing a red mask.

"I find myself curious, though. I know you have another name, but why hide it?" Asked Celestia.

"I'm keeping it a secret because... Because... Hey, why was I keeping my identity a secret again?" Asked Deadpool to himself.

(You were keeping it a secret, so it would be a big reveal to the girls when you met the Princess! You came up with the idea when you secretly looked at the draft for this story.)

(He did what?!)

"I wanted to wait until I met you, so it would be a big surprise," Said Deadpool.

"Then do you mind telling us who you are?" Asked Celestia.

"Yeah, I would like to know, so I can give you a proper scolding later," Muttered Twilight.

"What did you say?" Asked Deadpool.

"Nothing."

"If you have something to say about me, you might as well say it to my face," Said Deadpool irritatedly.

"Fine then. I said it would be great to finally know who you are, so I can scold you later."

"Oh, you're still on that, are you?!"

"How could I not?! You almost killed all of us!"

"Even though I saved your ass?"

Everyone in the room, even Celestia, flinched from Deadpool's use of foul language. Rainbow Dash covered Spike's ears.

"Do I have to remind you it was YOU who caused the train to go too fast?!" Asked Twilight rhetorically.

"So I fucked up, big whoop! We all make mistakes, but I should at least get some credit for fixing my mistake," Said Deadpool.

"Uh, y'all should wait til we leave to have this argument," Advised Applejack.

"Oh, yeah. Thank you, Deadpool, for nearly getting everypony on the train killed!" Said Twilight sarcastically.

"You're welcome, Sprinkle!" Remarked Deadpool.

"Don't call me that!"

"Don't get on my back!"

You know, Deadpool, I thought you were a good guy. Heck, I even wept for you when I thought you died from being flung out of the train window. But now I see you are a - Great! Big! Jerk!"

"I don't need to take this sh-"

"Enough!"

Celestia stopped the argument, seeing how it probably wouldn't have stopped anytime soon.

"You two shall cease your argument at once. And Deadpool, while I understand your anger, you should choose your words wisely, especially around royalty. Now, I don't know what is going on between you two, but I hope you sort it out," Said Celestia.

"Yes Celestia," Said Deadpool and Twilight in unison.

"Well then, I guess I will tell you my name. My name is Wade, Wade Wilson. Although I prefer to go by Deadpool," Said Deadpool.

"Wade - I mean, Deadpool, do you have some sort of special ability? If what Twilight said about you surviving from being flung out of a train is true, then you are an extraordinary pony," Said Celestia.

"I have a healing factor. My healing factor makes it so I can't die from anything. Injuries, decapitation, even age and disintegration can't kill me. Anyone prescribed healing factor may experience headaches, upset stomach, tiredness, and, in severe cases, insanity and a craving for cherrychangas."

Everyone had surprised looks on their faces, both from learning that Deadpool can't die and also making his healing factor sound like a medication.

"Well then, how did you acquire your healing factor?" Asked Celestia.

"I don't really like talking about it. It brings back bad memories," Said Deadpool.

"I understand. That will be all. Thank you for your time, Deadpool. You may all go, although, Twilight, may I have a word with you?"

"Yes Celestia," Said Twilight.

(Ooh, I think she's in trouble!)

"Well, to be fair, if she was I probably would be spoken to as well."

As everyone left, Twilight and Celestia stayed in the throne room.

"Am I in trouble, Celestia?" Asked Twilight.

"Of course not. I merely want to talk about what happened here between you and Wade," Answered Celestia.

"I didn't want to argue with him here, really, but he was testing my patience. I just can't get over how he put everyone's lives at risk for his own selfish reasons, regardless that he didn't mean to do so."

"Yes, I can see how that would upset you. But, in the end, he right his wrong. And tell me, did he regret his part in the problem?"

"He didn't say, but I could tell on the way here that he regretted his actions. And he did apologize, but I shot him down."

"Well then, if he showed remorse and he asked for forgiveness, can't you meet him halfway and forgive him?"

"I don't mean to question you, Princess, but why are you taking his side?"

"I'm not saying what he did was not bad, but the important thing is he righted his wrong before it could have gotten worse, and no one was hurt. Wade has a lot to learn about controlling his impulses and making better decisions for the sake of himself and others. Something you could help him with."

"How could I help Wade?"

"By being what you have been with the others - be a friend."

Twilight reflected on the Princess's words before walking out of the throne room. Once she was outside, she caught up with everyone.

"Twilight, is everything okay?" Asked Fluttershy.

"Yeah, everything's alright. What doe's everyone want to do now?" Asked Twilight.

"How about we head back to Ponyville, so I can start preparing for the party I promised Deadpool?" Suggested Pinkie.

So, doing what she suggested, everyone took the train back to Ponyville. The train ride was quiet and awkward, due to the argument that occurred between Deadpool and Twilight earlier. Later that evening, Twilight was stepping outside of her home for a few minutes when she spotted a familiar Merc with a Mouth on a nearby roof, finishing what appeared to be his fourth cherrychanga. Wanting to know what he was doing, she found a ladder behind the house he was on the roof of, and climbed up it.

"Hey, Deadpool," Greeted Twilight.

"Hey," Greeted Deadpool.

"What are you doing up here?"

"I was just looking at the moon, admiring its beauty."

There was a long pause. Neither pony knew what to say, seeing how for some good amount of time they kept to themselves. The only noise that could be heard was the sound of crickets chirping in the darkness. Finally, Twilight spoke before speaking.

"Deadpool, I want to apologize," Said Twilight.

"Apologize? For what?" Asked Deadpool.

"For being upset with you at the train station, and what I said in the throne room. Both the scolding you comment and calling you a jerk."

"What? No! If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me. I went "Grand Theft Auto on the train, and put you and everyone else's lives at risk just because I thought it was going too slow! And you are not wrong, I am an asshole."

(Everyone's favorite asshole!)

"Anyway, can you find it somewhere in yourself to forgive me?" Asked Deadpool.

"I do, and thank you. I think we should head home. It's getting very late," Said Twilight.

"Yeah, here's the thing. I don't have a place to live."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, I had only moved to Ponyville recently. I did not find a place in advance."

"If you want, I can let you stay at my place until you find somewhere to live."

"No, I couldn't impose on you and Spike. After all, you barely know me."

"It is fine, Deadpool. I know you are a good guy. Besides, I would rather have you stay with me, even if we barely know each other, than to stay out here."

"... Thanks, Twilight."

"No problem, Deadpool. No problem."

They continued to look at the moon for a little while longer. Unbeknownst to either of them, about a few blocks away, an earth pony in a white cloak, skull mask, and carrying a sword and shield, the latter having a T engraved on it, was watching them from a rooftop.

"I found you, Wade Wilson. Come tomorrow, your head will be mine."

To be continued...

Chapter 8: The Return of Chaos Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 8: The Return of Chaos Part One

It was a bright and sunny day in Canterlot. The Cutie Mark Crusaders and their classmates were on a field trip to the capital of Equestria. They were there along with their teacher, Cheerilee. They were currently at a sculpture garden. Next to the garden was a large hedge labyrinth.

“I want to start our field trip here, in the world famous Canterlot sculpture garden. That one over there represents ‘Friendship.’”

Cheerilee pointed to a sculpture with three young ponies stacked on top of each other. Speaking of three young ponies, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle accidentally walked into the statue and each other. They glared at each other.

“All right, my little ponies, this one represents ‘Victory.’”

The sculpture Cheerilee showed to her class depicted a pony wearing a cape and holding a flag.

“How cool would it be to have that for a cutie mark?” Asked Scootaloo.

“Cool, if you were actually victoryful at somethin’,” Remarked Apple Bloom.

“That’s not a word!” Said Sweetie Belle.

“What are you, a dictionary?” Asked Scootaloo mockingly.

“Girls! Now this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?” Asked Cheerilee.

The statue Cheerilee was referring too depicted a rather odd creature. It was made up of an assortment of animal parts; a chimera. It had a horse’s head, a single fang, a deer antler, a blue goat horn, a serpentine body, a lizard and deer’s legs, and a bat and pegasus’s wings.

“It’s got an eagle claw!” Said Apple Bloom.

“And a lion paw!” Added Scootaloo.

“And a snake tail!” Added Sweetie Belle.

“This creature is called a draconequus. He has the head of a horse and a body made up of all sorts of things. What do you suppose that represents?” Asked Cheerilee.

“Confusion!” Answered Apple Bloom.

“Evil!” Answered Sweetie Belle.

“Chaos!” Answered Scootaloo.

“It’s not chaos you dodo!”

“Don’t call me things I don’t know the meaning of! And it is too chaos!”

“Is not!”

“You’re both wrong!” Said Apple Bloom.

All three fillies started wrestling with each other, stirring up dust. Everyone failed to notice the area where the draconequus’ heart would be was flashing. Cheerilee spoke up in order to break up the fight.

“Actually, in a way, you’re all right. That statue represents ‘Discord’, which means a lack of harmony between ponies. In fact, you three have demonstrated discord so well that you’re each going to write me an essay explaining it.” The entire class laughed at the expanse of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Now let’s go, and I don’t want anymore fighting,” Said Cheerilee sternly.

As the class was leaving, the statue of Discord was cracking.

“Mwahaha!”

A few hours later, in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash was zooming across the sky. While she was doing tricks, a pink cloud flew past her, causing her to spin in circles.

“Hey! Come back here, you!”

Rainbow Dash chased the cloud and quickly caught up with it. When she grabbed it, the cloud broke up and stuck to her fur.

“Eww! What is this?” She managed to shake some of the cloud off and tasted what remained stuck to her. “Cotton candy?”

Rainbow Dash noticed a bunch more cotton candy clouds flying around her. A lone cloud above her grew bigger, and a single brown rain drop fell on her head.

“Wait a second! It’s not supposed to rain until tomorrow. You can’t just-” Much to Rainbow Dash's dismay the rain fell. It wasn’t ordinary rain, it was chocolate milk rain. “You did.”

Meanwhile, at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was in a cornfield picking corn from the stalks. She noticed Rainbow Dash flying by, chasing a cotton candy cloud. She too was being followed by a mass of cotton candy clouds, creating a downpour.

“Rainbow Dash, what’s going on with this rain? I mean chocolate milk? I mean chocolate milk rain?!” Asked Applejack.

“There’s crazy weather all over Equestria! Cloudsdale is getting soaked by a major cola storm right now! But don’t worry, I’m not leaving you until I get control of Ponyville!” Assured Rainbow.

Suddenly, all of the corn began to pop. Every kernel became popcorn. Pinkie Pie appeared, and hopped through the large pile of popcorn.

“Why would you want to stop this?” Asked Pinkie Pie.

“Ahem.”

Applejack turned around and noticed Rarity. She was wearing purple rain gear and had an extravagant umbrella attached to a saddle.

“I heard about your troubles, Applejack, and I came to see if there’s anything I can do without getting wet. Or dirty. Or out from under my umbrella,” Said Rarity.

The girls’ attention was turned to the apple trees. The apples on the trees grew very large. So much so that the trees bent over all the way to the ground. Some squirrels along with a white rabbit belonging to Fluttershy, named Angel, started to eat the apples. Applejack frantically asked Fluttershy for help.

“Fluttershy! Do somethin’!” Pleaded Applejack.

“Now, Angel, you really shouldn’t-”

Fluttershy’s thoughts were cut off when she noticed Angel’s legs grew so long that they were like stilts. In fact, every rabbit in the area grew stilt like legs.

“No! It’s not possible! I must be seeing things!” Said Fluttershy in disbelief.

Twilight and Spike had just arrived, and saw all of the chaos. Twilight had brought a spell book which she was carrying with the help of magic.

“Don’t worry, everyone. I’ve learned a new spell that will fix everything,” Assured Twilight.

She concentrated and cast a beam of magic over everything out of the ordinary. The area was covered in a flash of light. But when the light faded, everything was still the way it was.

“My fail-safe spell… failed. What do we do?” Asked Twilight.

“Uh, give up?” Suggested Spike.

“It would probably help if everyone tried to help,” Said Applejack to a certain mercenary.

Deadpool was watching everything while seated in a lawn chair, drinking a can of beer.

“I’m just enjoying the show. Plus the chocolate milk that gets into my beer actually makes my drink even better." Deadpool tossed the can he had in his hoof, and grabbed a new one. It opened with a "P-sss" sound. "Want one?” Asked Deadpool holding a freshly opened can of beer.

“I’ll pass,” Said Applejack.

“Hmm, time for plan B. Rainbow, can you corral all those clouds in one corner of the sky? Applejack, I need you to bring those high-strung storm clouds to Earth,” Instructed Twilight.

In no time, Rainbow Dash corralled all of the clouds into a ball in the sky, and Applejack used her lasso to bring them down to earth. Although, Pinkie Pie wasn’t able to continue drinking the chocolate milk rain because it ceased after being caught in the lasso. At the same time, Twilight whispered something to Fluttershy.

“Oh dear. I hope none of the animals see these delicious chocolate filled cotton candy clouds. I’d hate to have to share them,” Shouted Fluttershy quietly.

“You and me both, sister!” Said Pinkie.

Applejack had tied the clouds she got with her lasso to a fence post. Pinkie Pie was eating the clouds. All of the animals noticed, and pushed Pinkie Pie out of the way and began eating.

“And when y’all are done with that, feel free to have some popcorn for dessert.” Said Applejack.

“You see, Spike. You should never give up. There’s nothing we can’t overcome if we all work together… Then there’s Deadpool,” Said Twilight annoyedly.

“I like to think I helped by existing in this universe; I’m a big fuckin' deal. I’m sure your franchise got even more popular because of me being in this fanfiction,” Said Deadpool arrogantly.

(Humble much?)

Spike burped, and a letter appeared to which Twilight read.

“(Gasp) Come on, everypony. Princess Celestia wants to see us all in Canterlot. Immediately,” Said Twilight.

A little while later, in Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia paced in her throne room in anticipation for Twilight and her friends to arrive. She was nervous about something. She noticed the group of friends running into the throne room. Deadpool though was lagging behind. He looked very exhausted.

“Princess Celestia, we came as fast as we could!” Said Twilight.

“Yeah… I ran… all the way… from Ponyville,” Said Deadpool in between breaths.

(How are we tired? Our healing factor makes it so our muscles rarely produce lactic acid, thus preventing us from getting tired.)

“It’s for the story. Don’t question it,” Said Deadpool to himself.

“Wait, you ran all the way from Ponyville?” Asked Rainbow.

“Yeah?”

“So that’s why we didn’t see you,” Said Pinkie.

“We took the TRAIN to Canterlot,” Said Twilight.

“”Really?” Asked Deadpool.

“Yeah,” Replied Twilight.

“... Excuse me for a moment.”

Deadpool walked out of the throne room and turned around the corner.

BAM!

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

…

Deadpool walked back into the throne room. He took a deep breath, relieving some tension.

“... There’s a hole in a wall I found that needs to be patched,” Said Deadpool calmly.

“... Thank you, Twilight. Thank you, all,” Said Celestia.

“Is this about the weather? And the animals’ weird behavior? What’s happening out there? Why isn’t my magic working? Is there-”

Twilight’s rambling was silenced by Celestia through the use of raising a hoof.

“Follow me,” Instructed Celestia.

The group of ponies were walking down a long hallway. Where many windows depicted major events in Equestria’s history.

“I’ve called you here for a matter of great importance. It seems an old foe of mine, someone I thought I had defeated long ago, has returned. His name… is Discord,” Said Celestia.

Fluttershy saw a stained glass depiction of Discord. She was frightened to say the least, giving a little shriek out of terror.

“Discord is the mischievous spirit of disharmony. Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness. Luna and I saw how miserable life was for earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns alike, so after discovering the Elements of Harmony, we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone,” Explained Celestia.

“You go, girl!” Cheered Deadpool.

“I thought the spell we cast would keep him contained forever, but since Luna and I are no longer connected to the Elements, the spell has been broken,” Said Celestia grimly.

“No longer connected?” Wondered Twilight.

At the end of the hallway was a big door that seemed to contain something important.

“This is Canterlot Tower, where the Elements are kept inside since you girls recovered them. I need you to wield the Elements of Harmony once again and stop Discord before he thrusts all of Equestria into eternal chaos,” Said Celestia.

“But why us? Why not you-”

“Hey, look! We’re famous!”

Twilight was cut off by Pinkie Pie. Pinkie was looking at a window that depicted the girls defeating a once corrupted Princess Luna.

“You six showed the full potential of the Elements by harnessing the magic of your friendship to beat a mighty foe. Although Luna and I once wielded the Elements, it is you who now control their power, and it is you who must defeat Discord. Also, Deadpool can help you defeat Discord should things go awry,” Said Celestia.

“Yay!” Cheered Deadpool.

“But no killing,” Said Celestia sternly.

“Aw…” Said Deadpool in disappointment.

“Princess Celestia, you can count on-”

“Hold on a second! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys. Chocolate rain!” Said Pinkie.

“Don’t forget the popcorn! Oh, you know what would be awesome? Taco rain!” Said Deadpool.

(It's raining tacos!)

“Don’t listen to them, Princess. We’d be honored to use the Elements of Harmony again,” Said Twilight.

Walking up to the door, Princess Celestia stuck her horn in a keyhole and cast a spell. With a click, the door lit up and opened, revealing a case with gems on the front.

“Ooh. You can keep the Elements. I’ll take that case!” Said Rarity with excitement.

“Have no fear, ponies. I have total confidence that you will be able to beat Discord with these!”

Upon opening the case, it was revealed to be empty. The group of ponies gasped, and Princess Celestia dropped the case. Everyone but Deadpool and Pinkie Pie had their mouths agape.

“Are the Elements of Harmony invisible?” Asked Deadpool.

(No you dumbass! Someone stole the Elements!)

“... Oh, well. If anyone needs me, I’ll be outside in the chocolate puddles with a giant sizzle straw.”

Pinkie Pie was about to leave when, surprisingly, Deadpool stopped her from leaving.

“Listen, Pinkie, as tempting as it is to leave, you have to stay,” Said Deadpool.

“Pfft. Why? Because the plot of the story requires me to stay?” Asked Pinkie.

“Exactly,” Answered Deadpool.

“Ohhhhhh! Okie Dokie Loki!"

"Loki? He's not in this fanfic."

“The Elements! They’re gone!” Said Twilight in shock.

“That chamber is protected by a powerful spell that only I can break! This doesn’t make sense!” Said Celestia in disbelief.

Suddenly, maniacal laughter could be heard throughout the room; it's source unknown.

“Make sense? Oh, what fun is there in making sense?” Asked a sinister voice.

“Discord… show yourself!” Demanded Celestia.

The window art depicting Discord came to life, having been possessed by the real draconequus.

“(Chuckling) Did you miss me, Celestia? I missed you. It’s quite lonely being encased in stone, but you wouldn’t know that, would you? Because I don’t turn ponies into stone,” Said Discord bitterly.

Keeping his current form, he went to the window of the Mane Six.

“Enough! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?” Asked Celestia.

“Oh, I just borrowed them for a teensy little while,” Answered Discord.

SNAP!

With a snap of his fingers, he made the Elements of Harmony in the window disappear. Celestia was growing impatient, stomping her hoof in intimidation.

“You’ll never get away with this, Discord!” Said Celestia.

“Oh, I’ve forgotten how grim you can be, Celestia. It’s really quite BORING,” Said Discord.

“Hey! Nopony insults the Princess!”

Rainbow Dash flew towards the window, but Discord teleported away, and she ended up crashing into the window. Discord reappeared, altering his size to cover the entire window.

“Oh, you must be Rainbow Dash. Famed for her loyalty. The Element of Harmony you represent,” Said Discord.

“That’s right! I’ll always be loyal to the Princess!” Said Rainbow.

“We’ll see about that,” Said Discord ominously with a mischievous smirk.

“I can’t believe we’re wasting our time talking to a tacky window,” Said Rarity annoyedly.

“The beautiful Rarity. Representing the element of generosity, if I’m not mistaken?”

“So you know who we are, big deal,” Said Applejack.

“Oh, I know much more than that, honest Applejack.”

“You seem to know our strengths too,” Observed Twilight.

“Yes, Twilight Sparkle, and yours is the most powerful and elusive of the Elements - magic. Fluttershy’s is kindness, and Pinkie Pie’s is a personal favorite of mine - laughter.”

Discord began to laugh, while Pinkie Pie was snickering about something.

“Pinkie!” Said Twilight.

“(Laughing) He’s standing on your head!” Said Pinkie in amusement.

Twilight looked and saw Discord doing a little dance on the stained glass art of herself. Like Pinkie, Deadpool was laughing at Twilight’s expense.

“Stop stalling, Discord! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?” Asked Celestia.

“Oh, so boring, Celestia. Really? Fine, I’ll tell you, but first… Who is he?” Asked Discord pointing at Deadpool.

“Who am I? Who am I?! I’ll show you who I am mother-fucker!”

SNAP!

As Deadpool made his way to the window, pulling up his sleeves, a bar of soap appeared in his mouth, to which he spat out.

“My my, what a potty mouth. But yes, who are you?” Asked Discord.

“(Spit) Okay, the name’s Deadpool. Hero of Equestria, the wearer of red tight leather, and your worst nightmare.”

BANG!

Deadpool pulled out one of his pistols and shot the window. Discord teleported out of the way, and reappeared in the next window.

“Can’t wait to face you. Anyway, I’ll tell you the location of the Elements of Harmony, but in my way. To retrieve your missing Elements, just make sense of this change of events. Twists and turns are my master plan, then find the Elements back where you began,” Instructed Discord.

The form Discord took on had returned to its window, followed by filling the room for a few seconds. Discord disappeared… for now.

“Can we go home now?” Asked Fluttershy fearfully.

“What do you reckon he meant? Twists and turns and ending back where we started?” Pondered Applejack.

“Twists and turns… twists and turns… twists and turns! That’s it! I bet Discord hid the Elements in the palace labyrinth!” Said Twilight.

“Good luck, my little ponies. The fate of Equestria is in your hooves,” Said Celestia grimly.

"Eh, eh! She said it! She said it!" Said Deadpool.

“Thanks, Princess. We won’t let you down,” Vowed Twilight.

As soon as the group left the throne room, evil laughter could be heard again. Upon arriving at the labyrinth, the group realized how large it was. The hedge walls of the labyrinth towered over all of them.

“W-We have to go in there?” Asked Fluttershy nervously.

“Nope! Dopey Discord forgot about these babies!” Rainbow Dash looked at her wings before taking off into the air. “I’ll just do a quick flyover and we’ll have the Elements in no time.”

Suddenly, her wings disappeared, and she fell to the ground.

“My wings!” Cried Rainbow.

Fluttershy’s wings disappeared as well along with Rarity and Twilight’s horns.

“Ahhh!” Cried Fluttershy.

“Your horn! My horn! Ahhh!” Cried Twilight and Rarity in unison.

A green light flashed in front of them, revealing Discord.

“Mwahaha! You-You should see the looks on your faces! Priceless!” Snickered Discord.

“Give us our horns and wings back!” Demanded Twilight.

“You’ll get them back in good time. I simply took them to ensure there’s no cheating. You see, this is the first rule of our game: no flying, and no magic,” Explained Discord.

“The first rule?” Questioned Rainbow.

“The second rule is everypony has to play or else the game is over, and I win. Good luck, everypony! (Laughs)”

In a flash of light, Discord disappeared.

“Great. Now we have to play a stupid game or else Equestria goes to hell. I hope this isn't like 'Saw',” Muttered Deadpool annoyedly.

“Don’t worry. We have each other,” Said Twilight confidently.

“Yeah! Like Twilight said, there’s nothing we can’t overcome if we all stick together!” Said Rainbow.

“All right, everypony! Let’s do this…”

“... Together!”

“Ahhh!”

Just as they stepped into the labyrinth, walls sprung up around each pony, separating them.

“Stay calm. Everypony, head to the middle as fast as you can, and we'll regroup there!” Said Twilight.

Everyone began navigating through the labyrinth at their own pace, except for Fluttershy. She was too scared to pay attention to Twilight’s instructions. She was scared even more when she thought she saw something.

“What’s that?! Who’s there?! Guys!” Cried Fluttershy.

As she ran through the labyrinth, Applejack noticed some, well, apples. But they began to move, so she chased them. Eventually, she ended up in what appeared to be an apple orchard.

“What in tarnation? Where am I?” Asked Applejack to herself.

More and more apples appeared and they moved around her in circles. The apples joined together into three piles. Two of them were slightly different shades of red, while the third was green. All three of the piles had faces with sinister expressions.

“Who are y’all?” Asked Applejack.

“The keepers of the grove of truth. You may ask us…”

“... one question…”

“... past, future, or present.”

“But be warned…”

“... that the truth…”

“... may not always be pleasant.”

“All right then. I don’t trust this place worth a hill of beans, but I’ve got a really bad feelin’ about this feller Discord. What’s gonna come of this mission we’re on?” Asked Applejack.

“For the answer you seek…”

“... go ahead, take a peek.”

The apples guided Applejack to a pond. Applejack looked into it, and an image appeared through the reflection. It was her and her friends. They were all at Ponyville, but it was distorted, and they were mad at each other.

“I hope I never see you again!” Said Rainbow.

“Me too!” Added Fluttershy.

“Screw you guys!” Said Deadpool.

“Fine!” Said Pinkie.

“Fine!” Said Rarity.

“It’s settled then,” Said Twilight.

“No! Our friendship - over?!” Questioned Applejack in disbelief

Unbeknownst to her, Discord held three bars with strings attached to them, holding one with his tail. He was manipulating the apple piles like marionettes from above.

“It can’t be true. It just can’t. This can’t be the truth,” Said Applejack in disbelief.

“When all the truth does…”

“... is make your heart ache…”

“... sometimes a lie is easier to take.”

A ghostly image of Discord appeared. When she looked into his eyes, Applejack was hypnotized. Her usual colors faded to grey. When the mind control was complete, the orchard, pond, and apples disappeared. Twilight came from behind, and saw Applejack.

“Applejack! Thank goodness! I thought I heard voices over here. Who were you talking to?” Asked Twilight.

“I was talking to… uh… nopony! Nopony whatsoever!”

Applejack tried to hide the fact she was lying, but it was obvious she was trying to hold back a grin.

“What?” Asked Twilight in confusion.

“Nothing. Come on, uh, we best be going.”

As Applejack walked by her, Twilight looked at her friend skeptically.

“Did Applejack just…? Come on, Twilight! Applejack wouldn’t lie,” Assured Twilight to herself.

Meanwhile, Pinkie was navigating the labyrinth. She was hopping and whistling as she went. She then stumbled upon something. There were balloons everywhere. They had smiley faces on them, drawn with sharpie. What was most odd about these balloons was they were laughing.

“(Chuckling) Whee! This is the greatest balloon garden I’ve ever seen! It’s the first balloon garden I’ve ever seen, but still.
Wah!”

SPLAT!

Pinkie Pie tripped and landed in a mud puddle. She noticed one of the balloons had attached itself to one of her back legs, the cause of her tumble, and all the balloons kept laughing, but looking at her.

“Hey! What gives?” Asked Pinkie.

Discord appeared next to her.

“What’s the matter, Pinkie Pie? I thought you appreciated a good laugh?” Said Discord.

“It’s different. They’re laughing at me,” Said Pinkie.

Discord put his head behind a green balloon, and when it spun around, it had his face on it.

“It’s hardly different. Your friends laugh at you all the time,” Said Discord.

“My friends laugh with me, not at me,” Said Pinkie.

“Oh, really?”

Discord and the balloons began to laugh at Pinkie Pie once more.

“No! Stop it!” Demanded Pinkie.

The faces of her friends appeared on the balloons, laughing at her.

“Stop laughing at me!” Demanded Pinkie.

“Oh, poor Pinkie Pie. And here I thought laughter made you happy.”

Just like he did to Applejack, Discord hypnotized Pinkie Pie. She too lost her colors.

“Happy? I don’t think so,” Said Pinkie grimly.

The balloons popped (the ones with Deadpool's face popping first), and Discord disappeared. Twilight and Applejack arrived just as they all popped.

“Pinkie Pie! Are we glad to see you!” Said Twilight.

“Oh you are, huh? Why? Need a good laugh?” Asked Pinkie angrily.

“Pinkie? What do you suppose has her so upset? It’s not like her,” Said Twilight to Applejack.

“I didn’t notice anything strange about Pinkie,” Lied Applejack.

“Weird. Better pick up the pace before the stress of this gets the better of all of us.”

Discord in the balloon he was in followed behind them with a smirk. Meanwhile, Rarity wasn’t happy about going through the labyrinth.

“I was expecting an audience with the Princess, not outdoor sport,” Complained Rarity.

“Agh!”

Rarity walked into something. As she got up she saw a stone wall with three gemstones in it. Discord’s face appeared in the gemstones.

“Welcome to your lucky day, Rarity. You’ve found the one thing in Equestria that could rival my face for sheer beauty.”
Discord started to hypnotize Rarity. “What do you think? You like?”

“Yes… I like very much… No! No I shan’t succumb to such fabulousness." It seemed Rarity was able to resist Discord's mind control, but as she was walking away, her steps seemed to be heavy. "Must… get to the center… to meet… the others. Mine!”

Just like that, Rarity had succumbed to Discord’s mind control, and began to break the wall. After some time, it revealed a diamond a little bigger than her.

“Well, Rarity. It took forever, but it was worth it. Who knew three little gemstones would turn out to be this handsome hunk of a diamond? Now to get you home. (Grunt)"

Rarity lifted the diamond onto her back and began carrying it.

CRASH!

Another stone wall had broken, revealing Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie on the other side.

“Rarity! Are we glad to see… Why are you carrying a humongous boulder?” Asked Twilight.

Rarity was in fact carrying a boulder. It seems she is seeing it as a diamond due to Discord's magic.

“What do you mean ‘boulder’? This big bedazzling rock is a diamond! And it’s mine. Keep your envious little eyes off it! I found it and it’s mine fair and square!”

Rarity continued to carry the boulder with much difficulty. Twilight was very perplexed to say the least. Meanwhile, Fluttershy was hiding in a hedge. She was afraid, but she leapt out of the hedge to search for her friends.

“Okay, I can do this. I can… ahh!”

Fluttershy ran back into the hedge when something flew by her, but it was just three butterflies.

“Oh, wait a minute, butterflies? Wait! Don’t leave me here!” Pleaded Fluttershy.

Unfortunately for her, the butterflies flew away. She chased after them and ended up getting lost. To her relief, the butterflies flew back to her. Upon closer examination, they had Discord’s face, and their antenna was his horn and antler.

“Fluttershy, looks like you’ve been left behind by your so-called friends, huh?” Said the butterflies.

“Oh, no. I’m certain they’re doing their best to find me,” Said Fluttershy.

“Well, it must be so upsetting to know how weak and helpless they think you are.”

“Not at all. I am weak and helpless, and I appreciate their understanding.”

(Talk about high self esteem.)

“Yes… Well, surely it burns you up… I mean, that they’re always pointing out your flaws, right?”

“Not really. In fact, I think I’m awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be.”

The butterflies disappeared, replaced by a rather frustrated Discord.

“Oh, for goodness sake! You’ve been kind for far too long, my dear,” With a simple touch to the head, Fluttershy was under his control. “Time to be cruel. Arrivederci!”

Discord teleported away. One of the labyrinth’s walls fell down, revealing Twilight and company.

“Fluttershy! I’m so glad to see a friendly face. This awful labyrinth is getting to everypony,” Said Twilight.

“Aw, boo-hoo-hoo! Why don’t you wave your magic little horn and make everything alright?” Asked Fluttershy sarcastically.

“Uh…”

“Oh, that’s right, you can’t. You don’t have one,” Said Fluttershy with attitude.

“What is happening to my friends?” Asked Twilight concernedly.

Fluttershy walked past Pinkie Pie and kicked her into a wall, to which Applejack laughed at.

“And what are you laughing at?” Asked Pinkie menacingly.

“Chocolate milk,” Lied Applejack.

“Little help here!” Twilight helped Rarity with holding her ‘diamond.’ “Thanks, Twilight,” Said Rarity.

“You’re welcome-”

“But don’t get any ideas about my gem! I know where you live.”

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash navigated the maze quickly. From time to time she hid behind some cover. She looked over her shoulder and saw a cloud with rainbow lightning striking out of it.

“I’ve got you now, element.”

She chased the cloud to a clearing, and found Discord lying in a hammock made out of clouds, held up by two apple trees.

“Oh. I can see why you like these clouds so much. Very plush,” Said Discord.

“Get off there and put ‘em up! Come on! Let’s go!” Said Rainbow.

She put her hooves up, ready to attack.

“Hey, I’m here to deliver a message,” Said Discord.

“I’ve got a message for you too!” Remarked Rainbow.

“Listen closely, this is important. A weighty choice is yours to make: the right selection or a big mistake. If a wrong choice you choose to pursue, the foundations of home will crumble without you.”

With a snap of his fingers, Discord made the cloud from a moment ago appear. It spun to reveal an image. Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash’s hometown, was falling apart. Buildings were collapsing, the cloud the city stood on was heading towards the earth, and ponies were running in fear.

“Cloudsdale? Crumble? Without me? No!”

Rainbow Dash was starting to succumb to Discord’s mind control. A present appeared in front of her. It was teal with a yellow ribbon and bow.

“This box contains your wings. You can take them and leave the game, or you can carry on aimlessly wandering this maze. Your choice.”

As Discord walked away, Rainbow Dash had lost her colors. Meanwhile, just like everyone else, Deadpool was wandering aimlessly through the maze. He was muttering to himself.

“This is stupid. Why are we playing some manic’s game? He’s obviously got some rule or trick that will let him win, so it doesn’t matter if we play or not. ‘No flying!’ ‘No magic!’ Complained Deadpool.

(He didn’t say no teleporters. Why don’t we just use that?)

“Can’t. The teleporter’s still broken from the previous chapter.”

Deadpool heard someone giggling. He looked behind him, and saw the origin of the giggling. Standing a few feet away from him was a unicorn mare. She had a white coat, blond mane, teal eyes, and a tornado cutie mark. Deadpool’s jaw fell to the floor. The mare giggled again before running off.

“Hey! Where are you going, beautiful?!” Asked Deadpool excitedly.

(Wade, this is a trap.)

Wade followed the mare through the labyrinth. He entered a clearing, and found her with a flirtatious smile.

“Hellooo… You wouldn’t happen to know the directions to the middle of this here maze, do you?” Asked Deadpool flirtatiously.

“I do, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you,” Said the mare.

“Oh? Why not?”

“Because that would be cheating...”

“Ahhhhhh!”

The mare was actually Discord in disguise. Deadpool was horrified, while Discord was laughing his butt off.

“Y-You should see the look on your face!” Said Discord.

(Told you it was a trap.)

“Shut up.”

Deadpool pulled out both his pistols, and aimed at Discord.

SNAP!

With a snap of his fingers, Discord turned them into bananas. Discord then pulled out his katanas.

SNAP!

They too changed, becoming balloon swords. In a last attempt, he pulled out a bazooka.

SNAP!

SPLAT!

The end of the bazooka switched places with the front, and a pie was launched out, hitting Deadpool in the face. He was then teleported into the sky. Instead of falling to the ground, he was floating. He couldn’t move his limbs, however.

“What have you done to me?” Asked Deadpool.

“Don’t worry, it won’t last for long. I just wanted to get to know you,” Said Discord.

“Why?”

“Because now that you are my enemy, I wanted to get some… information.”

“I’m surprised you don’t know much about me. You know everything about my friends. Even though you met them once,”

“That’s because I used my powers to learn about the current wielders of the Elements of Harmony. You, I didn’t learn about. So I decided to take the time and learn about you face to face instead,” Explained Discord.

“You want to learn about me? Okay. First, my interests: I like taking long walks on the beach, eating tacos and cheerychangas, drinking beer, and filling villains with lead, posting a selfie of the kill with the hashtag ‘Gotcha Bitch.’”

Some duct tape was magically tapped over Deadpool's mouth, his mask having been partially lifted.

“Still with that potty mouth. I thought you would have learned from our first encounter.”

Discord put a hand on a corner of the tape. Deadpool was shaking his head furiously.

RIP!

“Ahhhhhhhhh!”

The tape was ripped off, leaving Deadpool's mouth red.

“Now, give me some information that would be of interest,” Demanded Discord.

“Okay, my real name is Wade Wilson. I’m a hero like no other. I used to kill criminals. Hell, I often did it for fun. But I'm a changed pony now. I also have a healing factor that prevents me from dying,” Explained Deadpool.

“Ah, there’s a start. You seem to be a very powerful pony. If you can’t die, then you are very hard to defeat,” Reasoned Discord.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“If you were to, oh, I don't know, be removed of your moral filters, then you would spread a lot of chaos.”

Discord looked Deadpool straight in the eyes and mind controlled him. The red parts of his suit faded.

“Ugh! I don’t think so!”

Astonishingly, Wade was able to break free of Discord’s influence.

“What?! How?!” Asked Discord in disbelief.

“Simple. My brain is too fucked up for you to be able to control. You could say it's too chaotic for even you, Discord,” Quipped Deadpool.

“Argh! No matter, I don’t need you to change. I can still win this game and take over Equestria.”

Discord grabbed Wade by the head and threw him towards the ground. Meanwhile, everyone was still trekking through the labyrinth. Unfortunately for Twilight, she was carrying Rarity’s ‘diamond’ by herself.

“Must… find… Wade and… Rainbow Dash.” Said Twilight in between breaths.

“Ahhhhh!”

“Huh?”

“Oof!”

THUD!

Unable to react quick enough, Twilight was hit by Deadpool, the boulder she was carrying fell with a thud. Deadpool had landed on top of her.

“Found Deadpool,” Said Applejack.

“Wade,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah?” Questioned Deadpool.

“Get off of me.”

Deadpool got off of Twilight quickly.

“Okay, we have Deadpool. Now we need to find Rainbow Dash,” Said Twilight.

“Yeah, just give me a minute. I hit my head hard when I collided with-”

“ARGH!”

In a fit of rage, Rarity attacked Deadpool. She had him by the throat, strangling him.

“How dare you, Wade! You could have damaged it! Ruined it!” Shouted Rarity.

“Rarity!” Shouted Twilight.

“I knew I would die this way!” Thought Deadpool.

"Can one of you please help?" Asked Twilight.

"He looks fine to me," Lied Applejack.

"Don't help him; he had it coming," Said Fluttershy.

After much struggle, Twilight managed to pry Rarity off of Deadpool. He breathed heavily to get his oxygen levels up.

“... What the fuck, Rarity?! I could’ve probably, maybe, somewhat had a chance of, okay, I wasn't going to die. But seriously, why did you attack me?!” Asked Deadpool.

“You almost ruined my diamond!” Shouted Rarity while pointing at the boulder.

“Diamond? That’s a stupid boulder. Are you high?”

“Guys, focus. We have to find Rainbow Dash. She won’t let us down. Maybe she already found the Elements?” Thought Twilight optimistically.

“Well, looky there: Rainbow Dash is flying away. She’s abandonin’ us,” Said Applejack.

“Now I know that’s a lie. (Gasp) How can it be?” Asked Twilight in disbelief.

Just as Applejack said, Rainbow Dash was flying away from the labyrinth. The ground began to shake, thunder clouds formed in the sky, and the labyrinth’s walls descended into the ground. Appearing in front of the ponies was none other than Discord.

“Well, well, well. Somepony broke the ‘no wings; no magic’ rule,” Said Discord.

SNAP!

With a snap of his fingers, Discord gave Twilight and Rarity their horns back, and Fluttershy her wings. He then grabbed an umbrella that opened inside out from no where

“Game’s over, my little ponies. You didn’t find your precious elements. Looks like we might be due for a big old storm of chaos. Mwahaha!”

Lightning cracked across the sky. Twilight and Deadpool could only look on in horror.

To be continued…

Chapter 20: The Tree of Harmony Part One
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 20: The Tree of Harmony Part One

In Canterlot, Deadpool, Spike, and the Mane Six minus Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle, were looking up towards the sky. Up above, Rainbow Dash was teaching Twilight how to fly with her newfound wings. The latter was managing to fly ever higher towards the clouds, but flapping her wings proved to be a laborious task.

“You gotta really flap ‘em hard,” Instructed Rainbow Dash.

Nodding her head in determination, Twilight flapped her wings harder as instructed. However, she was flapping her wings too much. It wasn’t long before she lost control.

“Whoa!”

THUD!

Twilight crashed on top of a tree branch. She had managed to have a bird’s nest with three eggs in it land on top of her head, much to the annoyance of the parent bird. Once she recovered from the impact of the crash, she looked at Rainbow Dash with a sheepish grin.

“Uh, maybe not quite that hard,” Said Rainbow.

After placing the bird nest on her head back on the branch, Twilight tried to join up with Rainbow Dash. She wasn’t able to keep herself aloft, and ended up crashing on the ground.

“You’re doing good, sweetie,” Said Deadpool.

“It... doesn’t feel like it,” Replied Twilight.

“You will get the hang of it in no time. You just need to keep practicing. After all, a fledgling bird doesn’t immediately know how to fly when it first spreads its wings.”

(If that’s the case, then she is a fledgling bird with a blood alcohol content of 0.08%.)

Applejack walked over to Twilight, and helped her up.

“As Deadpool said, you’re lookin’ good up there, Princess Twilight,” Said Applejack.

“Applejack, you know that you don’t have to call me that,” Said Twilight.

“Why do you protest so? You’ve already given up wearing your crown all the time. The least you can do is embrace your new title,” Said Rarity.

“If other ponies want to address me that way, I suppose it’s fine, but not my friends. It just doesn’t feel right. (Sigh) And neither does all this flying business. The Summer Sun Celebration is only two days away, and I’m never gonna be ready to perform my part.”

“Not if you spend all your time down here, you won’t! Now get up there and show everypony the big finish!” Encouraged Rainbow.

Nodding her head and with a look of determination, Twilight spread her wings, and flew into the sky. She was able to keep herself stable, and she made tight turns across the sky while flying quickly. Her friends cheered for her from the ground, and she herself was starting to feel confident in her flight capabilities.

“Woo-hoo! Whoa!”

Not paying attention in front of her, Twilight was unable to react in time to avoid flying into three clouds. After crashing into the third cloud, she suddenly stopped flying, and coughed up little bits of cloud. She then fell towards the ground.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Twilight struggled to flap her wings enough to keep herself aloft, and she was falling towards her friends. As they ducked, she managed to regain control long enough to avoid crashing into them. However, she then started to do somersaults in the air, and fell towards the ground again.

“Ahhhhh!”

CRASH!

As she crashed, she plowed a furrow into the ground, raising dirt and dust. Her friends rushed over to help her, and saw her lying on the ground with her face in the stirred up earth.

“Wow! That WAS a big finish!” Said Pinkie Pie.

(On second thought, make that a BAC of 0.27%)

(This kind of reminds me of the first fight test scene from the first Iron Man movie.)

The only thing Twilight could do was groan in both frustration and pain. A little while later, the group of friends were at Canterlot Castle, looking at a newly erected stained glass window. It depicted Twilight’s ascension and coronation as princess, along with the spell book created by Star Swirl the Bearded and a purple covered book with her cutie mark on it.

“You look amazing, darling! They’ve really captured your regality,” Said Rarity.

“I suppose,” Said Twilight.

“Oh, don’t be so modest. It’s everypony’s dream to someday wear a crown and have their coronation ceremony preserved in stained glass for all to see,” Said Rarity with a dreamily sigh.

“I don’t know if it’s ‘everypony’s’ dream,” Said Rainbow.

“Most of my dreams are about frosting!” Said Pinkie while licking her lips.

“Most of my dreams involve one of three things: violence, cherrychangas, or mares,” Said Deadpool.

“We’d better get going. We don’t want to miss our train,” Said Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy’s right. Don’t know about y’all, but I’ve still got bushels to do to get ready. The official celebration may be here in Canterlot, but hoo-wee, has the Mayor put us in charge of one heck of a party back home,” Said Applejack.

Twilight became sad, hearing that her friends were heading back to Ponyville.

“Aw, don’t look like that, sugarcube. You get to be right there with the other Princesses when Celestia raises the sun,” Said Applejack.

“And I’m honored. Really, I am. It’s just that the Summer Sun Celebration is what first brought us all together. It just doesn't feel right not getting to spend such a special day with my Ponyville friends,” Said Twilight.

“It doesn’t feel right to us either, darling. If the Mayor wasn’t so desperate for our assistance, we’d most certainly stay here in Canterlot. And of course we do understand that your royal duties must come first,” Said Rarity.

“The Summer Sun Celebration may have brought us together, but it’s something much bigger that’ll always keep us connected. Exhibit A:”

Applejack gestured towards the stained glass window that depicted the Mane Six using the Elements of Harmony to cleanse Princess Luna from her former alter ego - Nightmare Moon.

“The six of us are united by the Elements of Harmony. No amount of royal duties is gonna change that. Right, everypony?” Asked Applejack.

Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash agreed with Applejack. One particular pony had yet to put in her input.

“Right, Pinkie Pie?” Asked Applejack sternly.

“Creamy, creamy frosting…”

Pinkie was too caught up in fantasizing about frosting that she failed to notice she was drooling excessively. Fluttershy ran up to her, and wiped her mouth with a handkerchief.

“You should take that as a yes,” Said Fluttershy.

“And while we may have not met through the Elements of Harmony, we will always be bound together. And if you need me, I would walk five hundred miles to you. Actually, I would just use the power of scene transition, but you get the point,” Said Deadpool.

Hearing the reassurances from her friends made Twilight feel a little better. A smile even found its way on her face when Deadpool kissed her. She reciprocated the kiss with a light blush.

“Eww! Go get a room, you two!” Said Rainbow.

Everyone laughed at Rainbow Dash’s comment. A few minutes later, everyone was at the Canterlot train station. The sound of the train whistle echoed around the station.

“We’re gonna write to you and give you so many details, it’ll be like you’re in Ponyville with us! Right, guys?” Asked Pinkie.

To show that they will write very detailed letters to Twilight; Applejack, Deadpool, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity recited the Pinkie Promise.

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“And you will be with us right after the celebration. We already have an appointment on the books to discuss the royal upgrades to your loft decor,” Said Rarity.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay, Twilight? I wasn’t called upon by the Mayor, so I could stay and keep you company,” Said Deadpool.

“I appreciate it, Wade, but the majority of my time will be spent on preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. I know that you would have more fun at home alone than here in Canterlot,” Said Twilight.

“Maybe so, but I am a patient pony. I can wait until late in the evening in order to hang out with you.”

(Patient? Are you forgetting that the human version of you in the Deadpool video game shot himself in the head when he got sick of listening to Cable talk?)

“I was thinking when you weren’t busy, you and I could have 'fun' together,” Said Deadpool with a seductive smile that was visible under his mask.

“Come on, Twilight. If Deadpool has fun things planned, can he stay?” Asked Spike.

Deadpool’s eyes practically popped out of their sockets, and he was frantically waving his arms in the air.

“On second thought, I should take this opportunity to catch up on some stuff back at the library! “Damn it! I forgot Spike was staying with Twilight! So much for some alone time with her,” Thought Deadpool.

CHOO CHOO!

“All aboard for Ponyville!”

Hearing the conductor calling for everyone to board the train, everyone gathered in a group hug before all but Twilight and Spike hopped on the train.

“Whee!”

Pinkie Pie jumped back towards Twilight, tackling her and giving her one last hug before hopping back on the train. As the train started moving, Twilight’s friends waved goodbye to her. Instead of waving back, she only looked at the ground sadly.

“(Sigh) I can’t help it, Spike. They’ve only been gone for a minute, and I already feel like I’m missing something,” Said Twilight.

Spike put a comforting hand on Twilight, causing her to smile a little. Suddenly, a pegasus mail pony flew up to them.

“For the Princess.”

The mail pony gave Spike a pink envelope with a yellow seal on the back before heading off. Spike ripped open the envelope with a claw, and pulled out a letter which he began to read.

“Dear Twilight, you aren’t missing anything. Your friend, Pinkie Pie.”

“That’s me!”

Looking off towards the distance, Twilight and Spike could just barely see Pinkie on the back of the train, waving to her.

“But I am missing something. I just know it,” Said Twilight.

Later that evening, in the Canterlot Castle guest quarters, Spike was going over a checklist.

“Check, check, check, check, and… check! Huh, whaddaya know? We’re way ahead of schedule! I credit your extremely competent assistant,” Said Spike.

Twilight was flying around her room for a bit. She nearly tripped when she landed, but managed to keep herself from tripping.

“So do I. If I knew we were going to be finished so quickly, I would have taken Wade’s offer and had him stay,” Said Twilight.

“The Celebration isn’t until the day after tomorrow. We could still fit in a quick trip to Ponyville and be back in plenty of time to finish off these last few things before the main event!” Said Spike.

“(Sigh) That would be nice, Spike, but what if something else came up while we were gone? What if we were delayed getting back and I wasn’t able to finish everything on that list?”

Out of anxiety, Twilight was subconsciously flying upwards.

“What if we lost the list on the way to Ponyville and then couldn’t remember which things we’d done and which things we hadn’t done, and then spent so much time trying to figure out what we hadn’t done and what we had done, and we ruined the entire Celebration by not doing the one really important thing that we were supposed to do?!”

THUD!

Out of height to fly, Twilight bumped her head off the ceiling, and crashed back down on the floor.

“Uh… so that’s a ‘no’ then?” Asked Spike.

“These are the first royal duties Princess Celestia has given me. I can’t risk letting her down!” Said Twilight.

“And I’m sure you won’t.”

Hearing the familiar voice of her former mentor, Twilight turned around, and found Princess Celestia standing in the doorway.

“Your highness!”

Spike ran up to Celestia, and bowed in her presence. Twilight bowed as well.

“No need for that now, Princess Twilight,” Said Celestia.

“Sorry,” Said Twilight while standing up.

“(Giggles) No need to apologize.”

“Sorry!” Said Twilight with a sheepish grin.

“I must admit that it is wonderful to actually be looking forward to the Summer Sun Celebration,” Said Celestia.

“What do you mean?”

Looking out the window, Princess Celestia could see her sister, Princess Luna, out on a balcony of an adjacent tower. She was raising the crescent moon.

“For my subjects, it has always been a celebration of my defeat of Nightmare Moon. But for me… (Sigh) It was just a terrible reminder that I had to banish my own sister,” Said Celestia sadly.

“I guess I never really thought about it that way,” Said Twilight.

“But now it has become a wonderful reminder of her transformation back into Princess Luna, and our happy reunion. I am so pleased that you will be playing a role in the festivities. I know it must have been difficult to see your friends return to Ponyville without you.”

“Maybe a little.”

“You may no longer be my student, Princess Twilight, but I hope you know that I will always be here if you need me. Just as I hope that you will always be there when I need you.”

Both Celestia and Twilight shared a quick nuzzle out of affection. Twilight felt a claw tap her shoulder, and saw Spike was getting her attention.

“Ah-Ahem. I think this guy needs you?”

Spike pointed behind him. Standing behind him was the mail pony from earlier.

“Uh, a message for Princess Twilight.”

The mail pony presented a blue envelope to Twilight, which she grabbed with her magic. The mail pony then went on his way. She looked curiously at the envelope before tearing it open. The sound of a party popper emitted from the envelope along with multicolored streamers and confetti. Knowing who sent the letter, Twilight smiled. Then another set of confetti and streamers burst out of the letter, but strangely only in the colors red and black. Twilight pulled out a letter from the envelope, and read it.

Dear Twilight,

Bet you were expecting Pinkster, weren’t you? It’s me! The incredible, powerful, sexy Deadpool! Just wanted to let you know that you’re not missing out on anything. Hanging at home while the others are doing preparation crap for the Summer Sun Celebration. I promise that the place is not too much of a mess. I will clean up before you come home. Hope you are not too bored without me. Can’t wait to see you!

XOXO -- Insert dick pic
Deadpool

Twilight was left in shock by the letter, particularly the end. She was blushing profusely.

“A letter from Deadpool?” Asked Celestia.

“Never mind!”

Twilight used her magic to make the letter disappear before Princess Celestia could read it.

“It’s not important! Spike… where were we?” Said Twilight nervously.

“About to call it a night?” Suggested Spike.

“We should probably go over the checklist one more time.”

“I knew you were gonna say that,” Said Spike exasperatedly.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

Princess Celestia left the room, and walked down the royal halls. As she walked down the corridor, she failed to notice a black vine burst through the floor. It followed her, and grew bigger as it did so.

YELP!

A few hours later, Twilight was asleep at a desk. She opened her eyes, and saw something that surprised her.

“Huh?! Spike?”

Twilight looked over at Spike, who was sleeping in a regal looking basket by a canopy bed. He was holding a pencil in one hand, and his hand instinctually moved as if he was checking off items from a checklist. In his sleep, he muttered -

“Check, check, check, check, check, check.”

“Spike!”

Hearing his name, Spike woke up.

“Ungh… What time is it?” Asked Spike tiredly.

“It’s the middle of the night, but it could be morning. That’s just it; I can’t tell!”

Both Twilight and Spike looked out the window, and saw a truly shocking sight. The sun was up on the left side of the sky while the moon was on the right side, splitting the sky into half day and half night.

“Whoa. That is weird,” Said Spike in astonishment.

“Come on, Spike, we have to find out what’s going on,” Said Twilight.

Wasting no time, Twilight and Spike ran out of their room and out onto the castle grounds. As soon as they stepped outside, they noticed a large crowd of ponies. They were perplexed by both the sun and moon being up in the sky.

“What do you think it means?” Asked a mare.

“Princess Twilight will know!” Said another mare.

As soon as they noticed them, the crowd swarmed Twilight and Spike. They bombarded the former with questions as to what was going on.

“I’m-I’m sure it’s just… Well, there’s certainly a logical ex-”

“Your Highness!” Two members of the Royal Guard pushed their way through the crowd, grabbing the attention of Twilight. “You must come with us at once.”

Both guards directed Twilight and Spike to the throne room. Once they were inside, the guards shut the doors behind them, keeping out the crowd of ponies.

“It’s Princess Luna and Princess Celestia,” Said one guard.

“They’re gone!” Said the other guard.

Both Spike and Twilight gasped out of shock.

“But I don’t understand! Where are they?!” Asked Twilight.

“We don’t know. It seems that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna simply… vanished,” Said the first guard.

“Vanished?!”

THUD!

Spike felt lightheaded, and then fainted. He was out for only a few seconds before slipping back into consciousness and getting back up. Both guards bowed down to Twilight.

“This is why we have come to you,” Said the guard.

“We await your command,” Said the other guard.

“MY command?!” Questioned Twilight anxiously.

“We’re officers of the Royal Guard. We take our orders from royalty. With Princess Luna and Princess Celestia gone, and Princess Cadance overseeing the Crystal Empire now, that means we take our orders from you.”

THUD!

Spike fainted once again after hearing that Twilight is now in charge of the Royal Guard.

“Princess Twilight, there’s no time to waste. We need to know what you want us to do.”

Despite feeling overwhelmed, Twilight pulled herself together, sprouting a look of confidence.

“I want you to continue the search for Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. We have to find them before ponies start to panic. There must be some clue that can tell us what’s happened to them. If you find something, anything, let me know immediately,” Ordered Twilight with an authoritative voice.

Both guards saluted to Twilight before exiting the throne room to search for the missing Princesses. Twilight took a breath out of relief, and Spike got up from the floor.

“Way to take charge, Twilight,” Said Spike while jabbing Twilight in the side lightly.

SLAM!

“Your highness!” Another guard slammed the doors open, and galloped up to Twilight. “News from Ponyville! The Everfree Forest appears to be… well… INVADING!”

Twilight gasped out of shock, while Spike fainted yet again. Not wasting anytime, Twilight summoned her Element, and ran outside. Spike got up from the floor and ran after her.

“Where are we going?!” Asked Spike.

“The Everfree Forest is… ‘invading’. Whatever is going on, I’m sure we’re going to need our friends and the Elements of Harmony to stop it! I just hope we haven’t missed the train,” Said Twilight.

“Twilight? There is another way for us to get to Ponyville, remember?” Asked Spike.

“There is?”

Twilight stopped suddenly on a bridge leading outside Canterlot Castle, causing Spike to bump into her. He was about to fall into a moat below before Twilight caught him with one of her wings.

“Yeah, you can fly,” Said Spike.

“Oh. Right.”

Twilight put Spike on her back, and, although a little unsteady, she succeeded to fly off the ground and flew towards Ponyville. Meanwhile, at the Golden Oak Library, Deadpool was lying on the couch downstairs, staring at the ceiling.

“Well boys, it’s been a day since we have had the library to ourselves, and I’m bored as hell. I think the most entertaining thing we’ve done was writing that trick letter to Twilight. Do you guys have any ideas of what we can do?” Asked Deadpool to himself.

(We could watch “Atlantic Rim”, and make fun of Lieutenant Wexler every time he says “the horn”.)

“Sadly no. TVs don’t exist yet in this world.”

(We could do something outside, like play a sport or go for a walk.)

“No, something tells me that we’ll be going outside later because the plot will demand it. I want to do something inside until then. Any other suggestions?”

(Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!)

(You seem awfully ecstatic.)

(That’s because I just came up with the best idea! Let’s catch up on some “reading”!)

“Okay, first off, since when have you been a fan of reading? Second, I don’t read anything other than comics. Usually they’re my comics.”

(No, we should “catch up” on some “reading”. Wink, wink.)

(Did you seriously say “wink”?)

(Oh, my bad. I will just physically wink next time. Oh, that’s right. I can’t because I’m a fuckin’ voice in his head, and I can’t let him know I’m winking without fuckin’ saying it!)

“Reading? … Oh!” Deadpool grew a devious grin under his mask. “Twilight and Spike aren’t home, and it’s been a while since I had the chance to read anything. I guess it couldn’t hurt to catch up on my stories.”

Deadpool got up from the couch, lifted one of the cushions, and set it down on the floor. Underneath where the cushion rested was a couple magazines.

(Which one do you want to read?)

“Hmm, I think I will have a look at the critically acclaimed “Vanner’s Secret” magazine.”

Deadpool grabbed one of the magazines before putting the couch cushion back. Upon closer inspection, the cover of the magazine had an earth pony mare wearing a white two piece swimsuit. Deadpool laid down on the couch in a comfortable position before opening the magazine.

“Ahhhhh!”

“What the hell?”

Deadpool heard a feminine scream coming from outside. Curious as to what was going on outside, he put his magazine down. He walked upstairs, and made his way to the front door. As soon as he opened the door, a giant black vine covered in giant thorns rushed into the library.

“What the fuck?!”

SLASH!

Before the vine could grab him, Deadpool grabbed one of his katanas and cut it in one stroke. He rushed outside, and found a startling sight. He noticed that half the sky was day while the other half was night, storm clouds with spikes on them were floating across the sky, and vines were sprouting everywhere. Buildings within the surrounding area had vines climbing up them. Rainbow Dash was chasing the clouds, while the rest of the Mane Six minus Twilight were either fending off or avoiding the vines.

“What the fuck is going on out here?!” Asked Deadpool.

“As you can see, Deadpool, something very strange is going on, and -” Rarity let out a shriek of terror when a giant vine sprouted in front of her. Before it could grab her, Deadpool leapt in and grabbed her, moving her to a safer location. “I too would appreciate an explanation!”

“All I know is the sky’s split in two, and these clouds moving in sure aren’t from around here,” Said Rainbow.

“Neither are all these crazy plants! They’re comin’ from the Everfree Forest! And try as we might, us earth ponies can’t do anythin’ to get rid of ‘em! Don’t suppose you know any magic that might stop ‘em from spreadin’?” Asked Applejack to Rarity.

“Alas, this whole raging forest situation seems to have left my horn on the fritz!”

As evidence to her statement, Rarity’s horn crackled with blue electricity.

“We have to figure out something! I don’t know how much more of this Ponyville can take!” Fluttershy yelped when a vine grabbed onto her left hind leg. Deadpool freed her by cutting if off of her with his katana. “I don’t know how much of this I can take!”

“The forest is expanding, y’all, and judgin’ by how fast it’s movin’, it doesn’t seem content with just takin’ over Ponyville. I reckon before long, it’ll cover half of Equestria!” Said Applejack.

“Hurry, everypony! Get inside the library! We’ll use it as shelter until we come up with a solution!”

Deadpool opened the door, and let everyone inside. He looked at the chaos outside one more time before shutting the door.

“(Sigh) Of course when the opportunity comes where I can get a hard-on in private, Ponyville gets invaded by magic vines,” Said Deadpool exasperatedly to himself.

“I wish Twilight were here. She could help us figure out the cause of this,” Said Fluttershy.

“Well, without Spike here, we don’t have an effective way of reachin’ her,” Said Applejack.

“I could fly over to Canterlot and be back with Twilight lickety-split,” Suggested Rainbow.

“And have you snagged by one of those plants, or impaled by one of those clouds? No, no! You reckon she has something here in her extensive book collection that might help us?” Asked Rarity.

“Only one way to find out,” Said Applejack.

Everyone went to the library’s bookshelves, and grabbed some books, hoping to find a solution to their problem within any of their pages. Meanwhile, Twilight was soaring across the sky at a quick pace. Having arrived at Ponyville, she noticed the spikey clouds in the sky. She nearly collided with a couple of them. Due to her lack of experience with flying and having to dodge some of the clouds quickly, Spike was having a bumpy ride. His face was visibly green from nausea.

“I’m starting to wish…” Spike had to pause in order to keep the contents of his stomach down. “... we’d taken the train!”

“Almost there! Come on, Spike, we need to get the Elements of Harmony and find the others!”

Twilight practically dive bombed towards the Golden Oak Library. She was unfazed by how fast she was flying. In fact, she had a look of confidence on her face.

“Incoming!” Cried Spike.

Twilight prepared herself to slow down, only to realize she didn’t have the experience to land safely at high speeds. Just as she was about to crash into the library, she teleported.

“Whoa! Ahh!”

THONK!

Twilight teleported inside the library, and crashed into a pile of books. Spike arguably had the most painful landing. Unlike Twilight, he wasn’t teleported inside the library, so he ended up smacking into a window. He then fell onto the ground below. When Twilight stuck her head out of the pile of books she crashed into, she saw her friends, who were originally going through her books before she and Spike crashed.

“Oh, thank goodness! I’m glad to see that the overgrown weeds didn’t snag you!”

Deadpool practically tackled Twilight, and trapped her in a bear hug.

“It’s… great to see you’re alright too… Wade. Could you… please stop strangling me?” Asked Twilight in between breaths.

“Oh, sorry.”

Deadpool let go of Twilight as requested, allowing her to replenish her oxygen supply.

“Oh, I hope you know we wouldn’t normally go through your books without permission,” Said Fluttershy.

The sound of the front door opening got Twilight’s attention. Spike was on the other side, dragging himself inside.

“Sweet ground!” In relief of being back on solid earth, Spike kissed the floor. “Sweet, sweet, wonderful ground!”

“Okay, I get it! I need to work on my flying,” Said Twilight irritatedly.

“I dunno if you’ve noticed, but the Everfree Forest is just a teeny-tiny bit out of control,” Said Pinkie.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

“I’ll get it.”

Deadpool walked over to the front door and opened it. On the other side was a large vine that towered over Deadpool. He quickly shut the door, then looked at an “Adventure Time” watch on his right wrist.

“Who was at the door, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“A humongous plant that is about to break through the door in three, two, one…”

CRACK!

“Gugh!”

The vine broke through the door as Deadpool predicted. It impaled him in the chest, then pinned him to a wall.

“When I called earlier and said I wanted to be penetrated, this wasn’t what I had in mind. Can one of you be a dear and cut this thing for me?”

One of Deadpool’s katanas glowed a magenta color around the hilt. It was the magical aura of Twilight’s horn. She used the blade to slice the vine with one stroke. She then used her magic to pull out the vine, revealing a large hole in the center of Deadpool’s chest. His healing factor was already at work, parts of his flesh and organs regenerating in the gaping hole.

“Guess it turned out you were missin’ something here in Ponyville after all,” Said Applejack to Twilight.

“But perhaps you already know what’s causing all of this calamity. Has Princess Celestia sent you to dispel it posthaste?” Asked Rarity to Twilight.

“Not exactly. You see, Princess Celestia is, well… she and Princess Luna are both…”

“They’re missing!” Blurted Spike.

Spike covered his mouth, but the news has already been spread. His friends gasped out of shock.

“Princesses Sun-Butt and Astral-Ass are missing?!” Asked Deadpool in shock.

“WADE!” Shouted the Mane Six sternly.

“What?! Have you seen their flanks?! There are many reasons why they are essentially divine deities, and that’s one of them!”

“‘Anyway’, I don’t know who has taken them, but I’ve got a hunch we’re going to need the Elements of Harmony to get them back.”

Twilight lifted the glass of a display case the rest of the Elements of Harmony were kept in. She then used her magic to attach her friends' Elements around their necks.

“Oh yeah! Just like old times!” Said Rainbow.

“A-boo-yah!” Cried Pinkie while giving Twilight a hoof bump.

“I told ya we’d always be connected by the Elements. (Sigh) Now we just gotta figure out who to aim these bad boys at, so we can get Celestia and Luna back, and keep the rest of Equestria from becoming plant food. Any ideas?” Asked Applejack to Twilight.

“Hmm…”

“We haven’t found squat in any of the books we’ve been looking through! Right, Deadpool?” Asked Pinkie.

“Yeah, we haven’t found shit! Oh, you missed a spot, Pinkie.”

The “books” Deadpool and Pinkie Pie were looking through were coloring books. They were both happily coloring in their pictures. Pinkie was coloring a baby chicken with a purple crayon, while Deadpool was coloring Iron Pony with a lime green crayon. Twilight looked outside at the strange phenomenon, and an idea started to form in her head.

“Half day, half night… strange weather patterns… out of control plants. I think I’m starting to get a pretty good idea of who we’re up against.”

A few minutes later, everyone stepped outside, and stopped at a spot clear of any vines. The Mane Six stood in a circle, and Twilight activated her Element. The rest of her friends’ Elements activated too, and they floated in the air. A rainbow branched from Rarity’s Element, then both ends conjoined at Twilight’s Element. A rainbow vortex formed in the middle of the circle before fading away. Now in the center of the circle was Discord, who was taking a shower while singing.

“Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap-ooh…”

Discord realized he had company, and could only look at everyone with an awkward stare. This was also the action taken by the group of friends. For some reason they could not explain, they looked down, and instantly regretted it.

“Oh!” Cried everyone in embarrassment.

(Sweet Celestia! That’s the strangest looking dick I’ve ever seen!)

(In the words of Fred in “The Spongebob Squarepants Movie” … MY EYES!)

“I can’t believe that Fluttershy most likely fell head over hooves for that dick like the rest of him as possibly hinted in the series finale!”

Deadpool began to walk away, which didn't go unnoticed by Twilight.

“Where are you going, Wade?” Asked Twilight.

“I’ll be back. I just need to wash my eyes out with bleach.”

After Deadpool walked away, Twilight turned towards Discord, but, like the rest of her friends, covered her eyes with a hoof.

“If it will make you all feel better, I put ‘it’ away. So, you can look now, peeping toms,” Said Discord.

“I don’t believe ya,” Said Applejack.

Discord snapped his fingers, which made everyone’s hooves go down unwillingly. As soon as they took in Discord, they saw he was telling the truth; Discord’s penis was no longer there.

“See? Did you really think I can’t make it appear and disappear whenever I want? I mean, I am a character that doesn’t wear clothes in a children’s cartoon. Although, it doesn’t explain how you girls can run around naked all the time.” Discord magically made a pink towel appear, and wrapped it around his body. “Now, Twilight, you know Celestia said that you were to give me a heads up before you summon me with that little spell she gave you. As you had just witnessed, I was in the middle of a particularly invigorating shower.”

To annoy Twilight, he purposefully faced his back towards her, and wiped his towel across his butt.

“Enough! Release Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and stop the Everfree Forest from invading!”

A vine coiled around Twilight like a python. In a puff of smoke, it was revealed to be Discord.

“Why, (Chuckles) whatever are you talking about?” Asked Discord amusingly.

“Don’t you play dumb with us, Discord! We know you’re the one behind all of this!” Said Applejack.

Discord unraveled Twilight from his coils, then teleported onto a roof.

“Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love what you’ve done with the place… ”

Discord took pictures of the scenery, then teleported next to Fluttershy.

“... but I couldn’t possibly take responsibility. I’m reformed, don’t you remember?” Asked Discord while elbowing Fluttershy lightly.

“Yeah, right! This has gotten your cloven hoofprints all over it!” Said Rainbow.

“I’ll have you know that I have only ‘one’ cloven hoof.” Discord’s goat-like left leg detached itself from his body, then kicked Rainbow Dash in the ass. “Such accusations. And here I thought we were friends.”

“Drop the act, buster! We’re onto you!” Said Pinkie.

“Ladies, ladies, I’m innocent. Would I lie to you?”

“Yes!” Said all of the Mane Six in unison except for Fluttershy.

“Um, maybe?” Said Fluttershy uncertainly.

“Well then, it seems we’ve reached an impasse. I’m telling the truth, but you think I’m lying. What do friends like us do in a situation like this, ‘Princess’ Twilight? Congrats by the way on the promotion. You totally deserve it,” Said Discord.

“I say we blast him back to stone!” Said Rainbow impatiently.

“Works for me,” Said Applejack.

“Hear, hear!” Said Rarity.

Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity’s Elements glowed in preparation to turn Discord back into stone, but Fluttershy stood in their way.

“Hey! We can’t do that! What if he really is telling the truth?” Asked Fluttershy.

Hearing Fluttershy defend him caused a halo to appear on top of Discord’s head.

“Well, FINALLY! Somepony willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. The rest of you could learn a lot about friendship from my dear friend Shutterfly here,” Said Discord while bringing in Rainbow Dash unwillingly into a hug with one arm.

“Um, it’s Fluttershy,” Said Fluttershy.

“Oh, right, whatever,” Said Discord nonchalantly, while tossing Rainbow Dash and bringing Fluttershy into a hug.

“I agree with Flutters.” Everyone looked behind themselves, and found Deadpool standing behind them. “Discord should be given a chance to prove he’s innocent. I’m technically still going through the redemption process as well, so I know how I would feel if everyone assumed I was the one who killed somepony.”

“Ah, yes, another friend who will actually give me a chance!” Discord teleported next to Deadpool. “By the way, congratulations on getting together with Twilight! I read chapter seventeen, the confession of your feelings towards Twilight really tugged on the heartstrings.”

Discord grabbed a cartoon heart from out of nowhere, and strummed on some harp strings.

“Thanks, man! Oh, and sorry about how I reacted towards seeing your dick earlier,” Said Deadpool.

“Oh, pish posh, that’s alright. You and the girls weren’t the only ones to have ever reacted the way you all did.”

“Ah-Ahem!” Discord and Deadpool turned their attention towards an impatient Twilight. “Wade, will you please stop making small talk with Discord? He clearly is the one who caused all of this, so he needs to be turned back to stone.”

“Come on, Twilight, he should be given a chance to prove that he is innocent.”

“But-”

“Please, Twilight? Give him a chance.”

Deadpool and Discord looked at Twilight with puppy dog eyes. Surprisingly, that was enough to convince her to give Discord a chance.

“(Sigh) Okay, Discord, we’ll give you a chance. If you’re not the one responsible, then help us figure out who is,” Said Twilight.

“I suppose I could, but after all the hoof pointing and besmirching of my good name, I just don’t know if I’m up to it.”

Discord grabbed a vine with a pair of knitting needles, and began to knit, much to the annoyance of Twilight.

“Rrrgh!” Growled Twilight frustratingly.

“Why don’t you ask your zebra friend if she knows anything?”

Discord knitted a large arrow that pointed towards the edge of the Everfree Forest. Stepping out of the forest was Zecora, struggling to carry a bag of her possessions on her back and pulling a cart of even more of her belongings.

“Zecora!” Cried Twilight happily.

She and the rest of her friends rushed to Zecora, helping to carry her bag and cart.

“From my home, I have had to flee! The forest has grown too wild, even for me!” Said Zecora.

“Any idea why all this is happenin’?” Asked Applejack.

“I’m afraid it is a mystery to me as well, but I may have something that, if combined with a spell…” Zecora rummaged through her cart of belongings, and pulled out a golden potion bottle containing a purple potion. “I do not dare to use it myself, the results would be tragic. It only responds to Alicorn magic. Princess Twilight, you can turn the potion from purple to white. After a sip, you may see why the sky is day and night.”

Twilight looked at the potion hesitantly before lighting her horn. She concentrated intensely, then cast a beam of magic at the potion. Her magic caused the potion to turn white as Zecora stated. Twilight lifted the potion bottle with her magic before moving it close to her lips.

“Hold up!” Deadpool grabbed the bottle before Twilight could take a sip of the potion. “Before you drink this, Twi, I should take a sip. I want to make sure it’s safe to consume, healing factor and all.”

Deadpool was going to take a sip before Zecora took it out of his hooves with a stern expression.

“Oh, come on! It’s not like I would’ve died from drinking that!” Said Deadpool frustratedly.

Zecora gave Twilight the bottle back, and gave her a reassuring nod. Twilight took a big sip of the potion, then looked at her friends. A few seconds went by, and nothing seemed to be happening.

“Doesn’t seem to be worki-”

Suddenly, Twilight’s eyes turned white, and she dropped the potion. This only lasted for a couple seconds before she shook her head. The first thing she noticed was she was no longer in Ponyville.

“Where am I?” Asked Twilight to herself.

She looked at her surroundings, and noticed she was in a regal looking room. She stood in front of two thrones, one blue and the other gold. Above the thrones were two banners that matched the colors of the thrones. She concluded that she was in a throne room.

“Not another step!”

Twilight looked in the direction of the blue throne, and saw the owner of the voice she heard. Princess Luna stepped out from behind the throne with an angered expression.

“Princess Luna! I don’t understand, where are we?” Why did you and Celestia disappear?” Asked Twilight.

“Did you really expect me to sit idly by while they all basked in your precious light?” Asked Luna rhetorically.

“Precious light?”

Princess Luna walked in between the two thrones, and glared towards Twilight’s direction.

“There can only be ONE princess in Equestria! And that princess… WILL! BE! ME!”

CRACK!

Out of spite and rage, Princess Luna stomped her hooves on the ground, causing the ground to tremor, and a crack formed in the wall behind her. A giant hole formed from the crack, causing the light of the sun to blind Twilight. Luna stood on her hind legs, and raised the moon in front of the sun, creating a solar eclipse. The shadow of the eclipse enveloped Luna in a structure similar to a cocoon.

The shadows flowed around Luna until they glowed red, revealing a shadow. The shadow didn’t belong to Luna, though, it belonged to someone else. The shadow belonged to an alicorn with a coat pitch black as an empty void, an ethereal mane and tail with twinkling stars, and wearing light blue armor with a crescent moon on her chest. Her eyes opened to reveal teal eyes with vertical slit pupils. The alicorn laughed maniacally as fangs formed in her mouth.

Twilight could only watch in disbelief as Princess Luna was no more, having been transformed into the dreaded Nightmare Moon.

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hoped you all enjoyed part one of the first chapter of the season four arc, centered around the season premiere episode "Princess Twilight Sparkle"! I apologize for posting one part this week instead of both parts like with the previous two-part chapters. As of last week, I got caught up with all the chapters I had written in advanced, so chapters with more than one part will be posted separately instead of all together. So, in typical media fashion... Why has Princess Luna become Nightmare Moon again? Will Twilight, Deadpool, and friends figure out how to stop the Everfree Forest from invading Equestria? Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and stay tuned for the next part of chapter twenty!

Chapter 29: Time Is Not On Our Side Part Two
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Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony

Chapter 29: Time Is Not On Our Side Part Two

As Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie from the new present walked towards Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike, spears in hoof and four other ponies following behind them, Deadpool stood in front of his friends and placed himself between them and the spears.

“Wait! We’re not changelings! We’re ponies, and he’s a dragon!” Said Twilight defensively.

“A likely story! Do something dragonish!” Ordered Pinkie to Spike.

Nervously, Spike burped up a bunch of smoke. The smoke caused Pinkie to cough profusely.

“(Cough) That works,” Said Pinkie.

“Great. Now that we have that out of the way, we have a timeline to fix.” Deadpool attempted to turn towards the Cutie Map when Pinkie and the rest of the ponies aimed the tips of their spears towards his neck. “Whoa, whoa! We’re cool, guys!”

“We’re not cool, traitor!” Said Pinkie.

“Traitor?”

(Traitor!)

“The dragon may be clear, but you and your other friend aren’t,” Said Pinkie.

“Even if your friend isn’t a changeling, you think we would let you go after what you have done?” Asked Fluttershy rhetorically.

“Hey! What did I do?! I mean what did this timeline’s version of me do?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Don’t play dumb, traitor! It’s because of you why we’re living in this dystopia!” Said Pinkie.

Fluttershy, Pinkie, and the rest of the ponies walked towards the heroes. Twilight leapt out in front of her coltfriend and began to summon a shield.

“Stop!”

Hearing a voice behind them the ponies stopped in their tracks. Looking towards the direction of the voice, everyone saw a figure perched on a tree branch. Exposed by the fragmented light of the forest canopy, the figure was revealed to be a zebra mare with a large black-and-white striped mohawk, gold earrings and neck rings, a green saddle, and the same green face paint substance around her eyes. Twilight, Spike, and Deadpool instantly recognized her as Ponyville’s herbalist and their friend, Zecora. She jumped down from the branch, and landed in front of the three heroes.

“If they are changelings and the traitor we’ll soon see. Though I think they’re not what they appear to be,” Said Zecora.

“Zecora! Please, you have to listen.”

As Twilight tried to get closer to Zecora, a couple ponies forced her to back up with their spears.

“At this point, Twilight, just keep your mouth shut and let them do what they need to do. I don’t want any of them to turn you into a pin cushion,” Said Deadpool.

Zecora walked closer to the trio, and pulled out what appeared to be a container made out of a hollowed out gourd. Within the container was the substance that she and the others were wearing.

“With this salve, no changeling magic can shield, for the true pony underneath will be revealed.”

Scooping up a handful of the salve, Zecora drew a mask around Twilight’s eyes, and zebra-like stripes on the rest of her body. She then did the same with Spike and Deadpool. Suddenly, the three of them began to glow white. This caused all but Zecora to step back in fear. The herbalist brought a hoof to her chin as she tried to make sense of what was happening.

“What does it mean?” Asked Pinkie.

“The meaning is far worse, I see, for it is we who should not be,” Answered Zecora.

“So, they’re not changelings?” Asked Pinkie.

Zecora shook her head no in response.

“What about him?” Asked Pinkie while pointing at Deadpool. “Is he at least the traitor?”

Once again, Zecora shook her head no.

“Then who are they?” Asked Fluttershy.

“I think I can explain,” Said Twilight.

“I’m sure you can, but let’s not talk here. Chrysalis and her army will soon draw near!”

Zecora gestured for Twilight and her friends to follow her into the forest. With the rest of the ponies following alongside them, they stepped into the dark woods.

A few minutes later…

As they traveled through the forest, Spike, Twilight, and Deadpool looked up at the trees. Every now and then, they would spot a pony perched on a branch. They appeared to be on the lookout for changelings. As Deadpool was looking at the scout ponies, he failed to notice that Fluttershy was directly in front of him. He walked into her backside, causing her to stumble before regaining her balance.

“Shit. Sorry, Shy. I wasn’t paying attention,” Said Deadpool.

(Well, that’s new.)

“Don’t talk to me, traitor,” Said Fluttershy irritatedly.

As Fluttershy fastened her pace to put some distance between her and Deadpool, he looked at her in complete bewilderment. His mask then showed a visible scowl, before stopping in front of Zecora and turning to face her.

“Okay, listen here, Brenda Crichlow!” Said Deadpool angrily.

Just as soon as he raised his voice, all of the ponies grabbed their spears and pointed their sharpened tips towards him. Twilight cautiously walked over to him and whispered in his ear.

“Wade, calm down! Your temper is provoking them!” Whispered Twilight nervously.

“No, Twilight, I’m putting my hoof down,” Said Deadpool angrily. He then directed his attention back to Zecora. “As I was saying, I have only been here on my time-hopping working vacation for thirty minutes, yet I’m being persecuted like a criminal!”

(Well, to be fair, our record isn’t exactly squeaky clean.)

(Even after we were pardoned by Princess Celestia.)

(Drug possession, assault, trespassing.)

(Vandalism, disturbing the peace, possession of unregistered weapons.)

(Plus there was the time we brutally slaughtered a horde of changelings during Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding.)

“Shut the fuck up for once, you two! And I had all of that settled in court!” Said Deadpool.

(You only had all of those charges dropped because Twilight represented you in court. You were just going to say, “I’m sorry”.)

“PLEASE! …What was I saying? Oh, yeah! I don’t know what the Deadpool of this timeline had done, but apparently it was something so fucking bad that it’s resulting in the persecution of Deadpools! So, for the love of Celestia, please tell me what the fuck happened here?! Asked Deadpool irritatedly.

Deadpool looked at Zecora with a glare in his eyes. Unwavered, she returned his gaze. For a few seconds, they stared at each other. Zecora raised her left foreleg, signalling the others to put their spears down. Hesitantly, each one lowered their spear.

“To answer your query, we will have to look back in recent history. Several months ago, Queen Chrysalis sneaked into Canterlot by using Princess Cadance as an alter ego,” Said Zecora.

“Then she revealed herself to all of Equestria on the day of the royal wedding, her army invades the capital, ponies get grabbed from the streets and wrapped in cocoons like a bug in a not-so-snug rug, yeah, yeah, yeah. How exactly did all of that involve me?” Asked Deadpool.

“BECAUSE YOU ASSASSINATED CELESTIA!”

The sound of a familiar voice shouting in anger caught everyone’s attention. Everyone looked towards the front of their group, and saw Fluttershy. Uncharacteristic of the friend Deadpool, Spike, and Twilight knew, they found her breathing heavily and grinding her teeth out of anger.

“Wh-What…?” Asked Deadpool in disbelief.

Fluttershy took a deep breath to calm down, then looked at Deadpool.

“The only pony who could match Chrysalis was Celestia. She knew that. When Chrysalis revealed herself at the wedding, Celestia leapt in and tried to overpower her with her magic. Once she had her attention focused on her, you- I mean our Deadpool burst in and shot her. She was killed with one shot to the head.”

“After that, Chrysalis and the changelings took over Canterlot that day. Now, she has managed to capture eighty percent of Equestria’s population. We are some of the few ponies left, with other small groups spread out across the country. Those of us who weren’t lucky are being used as food. And some of us who fought to overthrow Chrysalis were killed doing so.”

Hearing how this timeline’s version of him helped Chrysalis take over Equestria by assassinating Princess Celestia, Deadpool slowly raised his front hooves, then removed his mask. With a saddened look in his eyes, he looked to the group of survivors.

“I’m sorry for my hoof in the downfall of Equestria, and ruining all of your lives. I will go back to the map and leave you all in peace.”

Deadpool walked through the group and made his way back towards the map.

“Wade, wait.”

Twilight was about to follow after him when Zecora stopped her by placing a hoof on her shoulder.

“Let him go. What he needs to break out of his depression is some alone time for reflection.”

As much as she wanted to follow after Deadpool, she knew Zecora was right. Nodding her head in agreement, she and the rest of the group continued their walk.

Five minutes later…

As they continued on their way, Twilight and Zecora compared their timelines.

“While the changelings took over our world not long ago, I’ll wager in your world that isn’t so,” Said Zecora.

“Chrysalis and her army tried to take over Canterlot, but Deadpool, my friends and I stopped her,” Said Twilight.

“Don’t forget Cadance and Shining Armor,” Added Spike.

“Those friends as you know them are not here, alas. But tell me how all this came to pass,” Said Zecora.

“Starlight Glimmer, a pony who traveled back in time to stop my friends and me from ever coming together!” Explained Twilight.

“And it is these friends you have in life that keep Equestria free from strife?”

“I guess so. But this is the second time we’ve come back and this world is even worse than the last one! If Starlight keeps doing the same thing in the past, how could the present be so different?” Asked Twilight.

Zecora stopped walking and pointed towards a small ditch to her right. Within the ditch was a tiny stream of water.

“Time is a river, where even the tiniest changes seen can lead to a cascade of effects downstream.”

To visualize her point, Zecora placed a hoof directly in the stream, causing the water to flow around the front of her hoof. Zecora then walked away, leaving Twilight astounded.

After a few more minutes of walking, Zecora and the rest of the group stopped in front of some large leafy vines.

“This part of the forest is dark and damp, but it’s done well to hide our camp.”

Zecora pushed aside some of the vines, revealing an incredible site. Hidden by the trees and vines was an entire village! What little sunlight that penetrated through the canopy revealed homes built into the trees, and a stream that ran through the middle of the village. Lights hanging from the branches illuminated areas of the village where the sunlight couldn’t reach. As the group walked through the village, the residents watched Twilight and Spike with a cautionary glare.

“This is cozy,” Said Spike.

“AAHH!”

A feminine scream caught everyone’s attention. Some bushes ahead of them shook. Three ponies ran out of the bushes, all of whom Twilight and Spike recognized. They were their friends, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Applejack. All three of them were disheveled with their manes unkempt, and they had scratches and bruises all over their bodies.

“Please! You have to help us!” Begged Rarity.

“The changelings attacked Ponyville! We barely escaped with our lives!” Said Rainbow.

Seeing her friends, Twilight eagerly trotted towards them with a smile. She was then stopped by Zecora, who placed an arm in front of her.

“The only changeling attack I see is the one that came here looking for me!” Said Zecora.

With her stetson hat blocking her face, Applejack walked past her friends.

“It’s taken quite a while to find you, Zecora.”

Applejack pushed up her hat, revealing her face. She then cackled as green fire suddenly surrounded her form. All of the ponies Twilight and Spike met ran up to Zecora with spears drawn. Just as they got into their battle stances, the fire disappeared. Applejack was revealed to be none other than the Queen of the Changelings, Chrysalis.

“What a lovely village you’ve chosen to stage your little resistance.”

Chrysalis fearlessly walked up to Zecora, and lowered her head to be at eye level with Zecora. Her adversary didn’t bow down. Instead, she bared her teeth towards the queen.

“It looks absolutely delicious!” Said Chrysalis while licking her lips.

Two members of the resistance walked towards her with their spears drawn. Chrysalis backed away from the spears.

“Oh, come now, Zecora. You’re vastly outnumbered,” Said Chrysalis.

Green fire consumed Rarity and Rainbow Dash, revealing them to be changelings wearing metallic blue armor. A deafening insect-like buzzing noise could be heard throughout the village. From all around them changelings flew in the air above. They had the entire village utterly surrounded.

“I know you don’t want your charges hurt. Come quietly to the dungeons of Canterlot and I promise to leave the others alone,” Said Chrysalis.

“Why would she ever trust you?!” Asked Fluttershy rhetorically.

“Even if there’s a chance Chrysalis will honor her word, shouldn’t you try?” Asked Twilight.

“Race to the map while we hold off the attack. Stop Starlight and put the whole world back on track!” Ordered Zecora quietly.

Nodding her head in understanding, Twilight sneaked her way towards the back and picked up Spike, placing him on her back.

“Time to make a decision, Zecora!” Said Chrysalis impatiently.

“Even if what you are saying were true, we’d never surrender to a creature like you!”

Rearing up on her hind legs and shouting out a battle cry, Zecora charged towards Chrysalis with Fluttershy, Pinkie and the rest of the resistance behind her. Grinning gleefully, Chrysalis charged towards Zecora with her army following behind her.

Both leaders were the first to collide, rearing up to attack. Chrysalis charged up the magic in her crooked horn, then hit Zecora with a bolt of magic powerful enough to knock her to the ground. All around them, ponies and changelings engaged each other in battle. Members of the resistance were spearing down changelings while the insect-like equines tackled some ponies to the ground or grabbed and flew off with them.

Meanwhile, Twilight ran her way back towards the Cutie Map with several changelings in hot pursuit.

WHAM!

An arm suddenly stuck out in front of her, colliding with her neck and causing her to fall on her back with Spike pinned underneath her. Before she could get up, she was pinned to the ground by a changeling. Sticking out their forked tongue while hissing, they went for a killing blow to the neck.

SHING!

Before the changeling could bite her neck, a large blade cut through their throat. As green blood spouted out every second, the blade swiftly cut upwards, causing their skull to be split in half. As the changeling fell over on its side dead, Twilight saw the wielder of the blade. It was none other than Deadpool, holding one of his katanas in his right hoof.

“Wade?! What… What did you…?!” Said Twilight in shock.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, but I had to be certain that I would’ve stopped them before they could hurt either of you,” Said Deadpool.

The other changelings that chased Twilight charged towards them. Twilight swiftly got up onto her hooves, and raised a force field around them.

“I went to find you guys when I saw some changelings flying this way. I ran here as quickly as I could, and I saw you and Spike getting attacked. What’s going on?!” Asked Deadpool.

“Chrysalis and the changelings found their camp! Zecora told me to get to the map and stop Starlight! We need to go, now!” Said Twilight.

As Twilight explained what happened, Deadpool looked towards the village. He saw the carnage that was unfolding, with changelings and ponies killing each other in cold blood. He watched as ponies were savagely killed with bites to the neck or their necks broken. He then noticed his reflection on the surface of the force field. Remembering what he was told about this world’s version of him’s involvement in the conquest of Equestria, he felt a wave of guilt rushing over him.

“Let me help them!” Said Deadpool.

“What? Wade, we need to-”

“I know, Twilight, I know. The changelings took over with the help of this world’s Deadpool. The resistance is going to need all of the help they can get in order to get out of here alive. I need to help them.”

“Wade, we will be helping them by stopping Starlight and preventing any of this from happening.”

“You’re right, but there is a feeling in my jellies that is telling me to help them. You and Spike can run to the map while I help them fight off the changelings. If all is lost, I will make my way back to you and we can go.”

Twilight thought about Wade’s plan, but she couldn’t help but give him a hesitant look.

“Twilight, please… I need to do this. Please…” Begged Deadpool.

Listening to Wade’s pleas, Twilight sighed in defeat. She then used her force field to launch the changelings several feet away.

“Go! We’ll wait for you,” Said Twilight.

“Thank you,” Said Deadpool graciously.

As Twilight and Spike ran towards the map, the changelings surrounded Deadpool.

“I bet you’re all wondering why I, the guy who helped you conquer this land, would stop you from grabbing that mare and baby dragon? Well, that’s because… You got the wrong guy!”

Deadpool pulled out one of his magic pistols and shot at three changelings. The magic charges knocked them out with a shot to the head. A changeling rushed towards Deadpool from his right. He elbowed them in the face, then elbowed the top of the head, knocking them to the ground. Another changeling grabbed his left arm, and tried to take his gun. He effortlessly lifted them with his one arm, and rushed towards a tree. He slammed them against the tree, causing them to let go and tumble to the ground.

The changeling he elbowed to the ground grabbed his hind legs and tripped him. Falling forwards, he was then pinned to the ground by three other changelings. As more changelings held him down, he looked ahead towards the fight in the village. He saw Fluttershy cut a changeling down with her spear only to then get ambushed from behind and get caught in a chokehold. Seeing his friend from a different timeline caused anger to be built up inside of him.

With his newfound rage, he tossed the changelings off of him. Crying out in anger he ran towards Fluttershy. He pulled out a kunai, then tossed it at the changeling.

SHLUNK!

The kunai hit the changeling strangling Fluttershy right between the eyes. They fell backwards with Fluttershy being pulled down with him. After hitting the ground, she looked up and saw Deadpool reaching out a hoof towards her. With a shocked look on her face, she grabbed his hoof. He pulled her up, and grabbed her shoulder.

“You’re not dying this day, Flutter-Soldier,” Said Deadpool.

“I… Thank you,” Replied Fluttershy.

“What’s this?!”

The sound of a familiar voice caught their attention. Queen Chrysalis walked towards them with an angry scowl on her face.

“Is my husband turning against his queen, and helping these ponies?!” Asked Chrysalis angrily.

(Husband?!)

“Is she serious?!” Asked Deadpool in disbelief.

Fluttershy nodded her head to answer his question. This caused Deadpool to shutter out of disgust.

“Well, that will be in my nightmares for a while. Now, listen here, Queen of the Creepy Crawlies! I am not the Deadpool you know. Unlike that traitorous scum, I’m here to stop you from harming these ponies!” Said Deadpool.

BANG!

Suddenly, a gunshot could be heard from behind Chrysalis. She looked back, and a smirk formed around the corners of her mouth.

“Is that so? In that case… dearly!” Shouted Chrysalis.

A hoof stuck out from the same bush Chrysalis emerged from. The owner of the hoof stepped out from the bush, revealing someone Wade would definitely know. He saw this world’s version of him. He was wearing his iconic suit, but the sleeves were torn off, and he wore a black bandana around his head.

Seeing this Deadpool, a member of the resistance threw his spear at him. He effortlessly caught it in his right hoof, then tossed it back towards the resistance member. He cried in anguish as the spear pierced through his chest and pinned him to a tree.

(Oh, shit! We’re gonna die!)

“Don’t get me worked up!” Shouted Deadpool to himself.

“Wade, dear, do me a favor and deal with this imposter,” Said Chrysalis.

His evil counterpart grunted, then walked towards the main Deadpool.

“Go! Let me deal with him,” Said Deadpool to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy ran off, and Deadpool walked towards his counterpart. Both Deadpool’s walked around in circles, studying each other intently.

“So, you’re the traitorous me I’ve been hearing so much about,” Said Deadpool.

“...”

“What? Have nothing to say? Very un-Deadpool-like. You’re not surprised to see another Deadpool? Considering what happened at the end of 'Deadpool Kills Deadpool #4',” Said Deadpool.

(But we nor this story are officially part of Marvel. I would be genuinely surprised if there is ever an official My Little Pony/Marvel universe. Besides, it’s comics. At some point in the future, they will make more alternate universes with Deadpools running around causing chaos.)

“...”

“Seriously? Not even a 'Quantum Leap' reference?” Questioned Deadpool.

Despite Deadpool’s attempts to get his alternate self to talk, he would not say a word.

“Oh, no! Don’t tell me she sewed your mouth shut!” Said Deadpool fearfully.

(Marriage, am I right?)

Deadpool looked closely at his adversary’s face. His alternate counterpart’s eyes flashed green. This reminded Deadpool of something.

“Hey, does that look like-”

(The same green eyes Shining Armor had when Chrysalis mind controlled him! As well as-)

“Us… You were never in control of yourself, were you? Chrysalis took control of your mind. She made you kill Celestia. Like what she tried to do in my timeline. She forced you into being her pitbull,” Said Deadpool.

His evil counterpart remained expressionless. This confirmed his suspicions.

“Come on! Break free! No one makes a Deadpool their bitch! I know somewhere in you is a pony who is infuriated and horrified by what she made you do. Fight back!” Pleaded Deadpool.

His alternate counterpart stopped in his tracks. He looked to his right, looking like he was hesitating. He then shook his head, and stood his ground.

“Fine then. Mirror match it is,” Said Deadpool.

(Fight!)

Both Deadpools pulled out two FN P90s, and fired. Each of their bullets collided. Not a single one hit their target. Once they ran out of ammo in their clips, the Deadpool from the main timeline chucked his P90s at his counterpart. Both of them hit his adversary in the face, causing him to drop his guns and stumble back.

(First hit!)

Deadpool ran towards his counterpart. The alternate Deadpool took out a IWI Desert Eagle Mark XIX and aimed at Deadpool.

BANG!

Deadpool grabbed his counterpart’s hoof and made him move his arm just as he fired his gun. He then punched him several times in the abdomen. His counterpart pulled out another Desert Eagle and shot him in the chest. Letting go out of pain, Deadpool was shot in the chest several more times before getting kicked in the same area. Oddly, his chest momentarily became partially see through, revealing two of his ribs break.

He pulled out a combat knife from a sheath attached to his right hind leg, then cut his adversary’s abdomen. He then drove his knife right underneath his adversary’s jaw. His mind controlled counterpart stumbled backwards, and dropped his guns. Confident he secured his victory, Deadpool walked up to his counterpart to grab his knife.

Deadpool’s counterpart suddenly grabbed him by the neck, then tossed him into a tree. He then grabbed the knife and pulled it out of his jaw.

“Okay…! I know I can be tough, but that me is TUFF!” Said Deadpool.

The alternate Deadpool tossed the knife aside as he walked calmly towards his adversary. Deadpool frantically searched his surroundings. To his left, he saw a changeling pinning down a member of the resistance. He swiftly ran over and grabbed the changeling, lifting them effortlessly. He then threw him at his evil counterpart. His adversary pulled out a katana, and sliced the changeling in half from the waist before they could hit him.

(Holy shit! Just like I said, we’re gonna die!)

“Okay… Maximum effort!”

Deadpoool pulled out both of his katanas and ran towards his counterpart. He swung his blades at his adversary, but he blocked the attack with his one blade. He kept attacking, each strike being blocked. Deadpool’s counterpart quickly pulled out a second katana and sliced Deadpool’s eyes.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Can’t see!”

With his opponent unable to see, this world’s Deadpool swung both of his katanas, cutting off Deadpool’s front hooves. He backed up, then switched out one of his katanas for his pistol.

(Oh no!)

“What? What’s he doing?” Asked Deadpool.

(I think he’s gonna perform his special move!)

BANG!

Deadpool’s counterpart shot him in the chest. He then ran towards him and sliced open his abdomen with his katana. He followed up with a gunshot underneath the chin. He then pulled out a grenade. Pulling the pin, he tossed it behind Deadpool, then kicked him in the abdomen. Stumbling backwards, Deadpool accidentally stepped on the grenade.

BOOM!

The grenade exploded, and Deadpool was sent flying into a tree. The explosion blew off the lower half of his hindlegs. His eyes finally healing, he saw his counterpart walk towards him with his katana by his side.

“Oh, fuck…”

Deadpool was grabbed by the neck and lifted up to eye level.

“Okay, I’ll throw in the towel. Between the two of us, you are the better Deadpool. Just let me go on my way, and I will let you continue serving Chrysalis as her ‘king’. Quotation marks. You know that you can’t kill me,” Said Deadpool.

Deadpool’s counterpart looked at him with a cold, distant glare. He watched as his counterpart put away his katana and pulled out a blade he knew all too well.

“The Muramasa Blade… Me and my big fucking mouth,” Deadpanned Deadpool.

Meanwhile, this world’s Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie watched from a few meters away as their Deadpool was preparing to finish his adversary off. They looked at each other, then nodded their heads. Fluttershy sneaked her way towards the two Deadpools while Pinkie threw her spear towards this world’s Deadpool.

SHULK!

Just as he was about to deliver the killing blow, Pinkie’s spear pierced through this world’s Deadpool’s neck.

“Hey! Come over here and prove why you were chosen to kill a princess!” Shouted Pinkie.

Deadpool’s counterpart pulled the spear out of his neck, then snapped it in two. Tossing the two pieces aside, he walked towards Pinkie. Once he was far enough from Deadpool, Fluttershy popped out from behind the tree.

“How can I help you?” Asked Fluttershy.

“Grab my hooves and the parts of my hind legs that were blown off,” Instructed Deadpool.

Doing as she was told, Fluttershy ran and grabbed Deadpool’s severed body parts. She then ran back over to him.

“Now, put them where they are supposed to go, and my healing factor will reconnect them. We don’t have time for foal hooves if we want to save Pinkie,” Said Deadpool.

Fluttershy attached each hoof and hind leg to where they are supposed to go. Deadpool’s healing factor swiftly reattached them to his body.

“Thank you,” Said Deadpool.

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. Please, stop him then go and prevent any of this from happening. Save us from this way of life, save yourself,” Said Fluttershy.

Nodding his head, Deadpool ran towards his counterpart. Just as the latter was about to reach Pinkie, Deadpool ran up to him and cut the back of his neck with his katana.

“I’m not out of this fight yet, pal!” Said Deadpool.

THUMP!

Just as he was about to attack, his counterpart dropped to the ground and low kicked his back hooves. This caused Deadpool to fall onto his back.

“Fuck!”

Deadpool swiftly got up and charged at his adversary.

THUMP!

Deadpool’s counterpart low kicked his back hooves again, causing him to fall yet again!

“Hey!”

Deadpool got up, but before he could try to attack his counterpart…

THUMP!

Deadpool yet again was brought down with a low kick.

“Knock it off! That’s a cheap move, and you fucking know it!” Said Deadpool annoyedly.

This time, instead of getting up, he used his katana to slice the back of his counterpart’s hind legs. Now struggling to stand in a bipedal stance, Deadpool had an opportunity to end this fight.

(Finish him!)

Deadpool calmly walked up to his counterpart and cut off his forelegs. Causing his opponent to fall onto his hocks, he grabbed one of his dismembered forelegs and beat him in the back of the head with it. With his opponent now looking down at the ground, he pulled out a double barrel 12 gauge shotgun out of nowhere.

“Shotgun!”

BANG!

Deadpool’s counterpart’s head blew up from the gunshot. What was left of his body fell forwards.

(Fatality!)

(Oh my, Celestia! We fucking won!)

Looking at his counterpart’s corpse, Deadpool felt a wave of sadness take over his body.

“It’s too bad you didn’t have Twilight to help you break free from Chrysalis’ control. Hopefully when you regenerate, you will be free and you can help undo everything you did by joining the resistance,” Said Deadpool solemnly.

“What’s this?!”

Deadpool looked ahead and saw Queen Chrysalis baring her teeth in anger.

“How dare you beat my most powerful weapon! Changelings! Take care of this pest!”

Answering Chrysalis’ order, every single changeling in the area stopped fighting against the resistance and faced Deadpool. Deadpool’s shoulders gradually lowered as he realized how greatly outnumbered he was.

“SSSHHHIIITTT…”

Meanwhile, at the Cutie Map, Twilight and Spike were waiting for Deadpool to arrive.

“Wade’s been gone for a while. Do you think he’s alright, Spike?” Asked Twilight concerningly.

“Pft! Of course he’s alright. He’s Wade. Not much can stop him when he’s really determined. I’m sure he and the resistance are driving back Chrysalis’ forces as we speak,” Said Spike confidently.

“I don’t know. You saw how many changelings were there. Maybe I should go check on him while you wait here at the map.”

“Hey!”

Spike heard a faint sound. He put a hand up to his ear and tried to listen for the sound.

“Did you hear that?” Asked Spike.

“Hey!”

Spike heard the sound again. Twilight heard the sound as well.

“Yeah. I think I heard a voice. In fact, it sounds like-”

Twilight looked in the direction of the resistance’s village, and cut herself off when she saw a startling sight. She saw Deadpool desperately running for his life as a swarm of changelings followed him in hot pursuit.

“START THE FUCKING SPELL!” Shouted Deadpool frantically.

Not needing to be told twice, Twilight grabbed Spike and jumped on top of the Cutie Map. She then summoned the scroll containing the time travel spell and cast it. Just as a portal opened up above them, Deadpool leapt towards the Cutie Map. He, Spike and Twilight were sucked up into the portal, and it closed up behind them before any of the changelings could follow them.

The portal opened up above Cloudsdale's flight school, bringing them back to the day Twilight and her mare friends were supposed to earn their cutie marks. Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike fell out of the portal and landed on top of the flight school's runway. The only solid object for them to stand on without falling through the clouds.

"Ugh… Is everypony alright?" Asked Twilight while standing up.

"I think so."

Deadpool lifted his head off the pavement and looked around. He saw Twilight, but didn't see a certain endearing dragon.

"Oh, shit! Did we leave Spike behind?!" Asked Deapool in panic.

"I'm underneath you… Again."

Hearing a muffled voice from underneath him, Deadpool got up, and found Spike laying face down on the pavement where he landed.

"This is the third time somepony fell on top of me," Said Spike annoyedly while getting up.

"Now you know how I felt in part one of this chapter," Remarked Deadpool.

He looked himself over and realized the salve that Zecora put on his suit was gone. In fact, the salve was no longer on Twilight or Spike.

"Wait, where did that green stuff go?"

"Wade." Hearing Twilight's voice, Deadpool turned to face her. "Were you successful, or were the changelings too much for you to handle?" Asked Twilight.

"Yes and no. I was able to save the resistance, well, what's left. But I was only able to do so by giving the changelings a new target to buy the resistance some time to escape," Explained Deadpool.

"Oh, well, great job."

"Actually, I fought against the Deadpool from that timeline."

"You did?!" Asked Twilight in disbelief.

"Yeah. It turned out he didn't kill Celestia willingly. Chrysalis had him under her mind control the whole time," Said Deadpool.

Twilight noticed Wade's ears droop and a saddened look appeared on his masked face.

"Oh, Wade…" Said Twilight.

"I always knew what I was capable of. I am a master of many forms of martial arts, I am nearly unpredictable, and I have a healing factor that almost makes me completely immortal. That's why I always had my code. Even when I was killing bad ponies for a living, it would usually make sure that I never hurt the wrong ponies. Without that code keeping me in check, I'm almost unstoppable.”

“Chrysalis took that Deadpool’s morals away, and used him to conquer an entire country. He's what Weapon X attempted to make me. Our Chrysalis was going to make me do all those things. The only reason she didn’t succeed was because you were able to help me break free of her control. I hate to think of what she would have made me do. She probably would have made me do whatever he did,” Said Deadpool sadly.

Twilight placed a comforting hoof on Deadpool’s shoulder, and gave him an equally comforting smile.

“Luckily, Chrysalis was unsuccessful in making you do her bidding. And once we stop Starlight and repair the timeline, no Deadpool will ever have to carry out Chrysalis’ commands,” Said Twilight.

Deadpool’s ears perked up, and the fabric of his mask stretched from the corners of his mouth forming into a smile. He wrapped his left foreleg around hers, and they looked into each other's eyes.

ZAP!

“Ah!”

Suddenly, a teal-colored bolt of magic struck Deadpool. The force of impact launched him into the air. He managed to grab onto the side of the runway, preventing himself from falling through the clouds. Twilight saw another bolt of magic coming straight for her. She raised a shield in front of her, deflecting the attack. Looking straight ahead, she saw Starlight Glimmer levitating above a cloud a few meters away from the runway.

Gritting her teeth in frustration, Twilight flew up into the air and fired a beam of magic at Starlight. The latter casually moved to the left, avoiding the attack which had removed the right half of the cloud she was levitating above.

"Not bad, but it's gonna take a lot more than that!" Said Starlight.

"Lucky for you, there's more where that came from!"

Twilight somersaulted in the air, then flew towards Starlight while firing a barrage of magic bolts. The latter summoned a force field to protect herself. In retaliation, Starlight fired a beam of magic at Twilight. She flew out of the beam's range, and tried to circle Starlight. A beam of magic cast by her opponent followed her in hot pursuit. The beam of magic acted like a laser, cutting through clouds like a hot knife through butter. Their battle was attracting the attention of the flight school’s students. Fillies and colts of all ages eagerly but recklessly made their way towards the battle to watch.

Meanwhile, Deadpool managed to pull himself back onto the runway. Catching his breath from the adrenaline rush caused by nearly falling, he looked towards where Starlight was.

“Hey! We were having a moment! You don’t interrupt a moment between two lovers!”

Deadpool dropped onto his hocks and pulled out his magic-based guns. He fired several rounds at Starlight. Just before any could hit, she teleported out of the way.

“You two really got to work on your aim!”

Levitating in the air, Starlight fired a bolt of magic at Deadpool. He rolled to the right to avoid the attack, then fired a few more rounds at her. At the same time, Twilight fired a beam of magic at Starlight. Starlight just managed to dodge both attacks. She then fired her own beam of magic at Twilight, who conjured a shield to absorb the attack.

(Should we really be fighting at a school?)

“No, but let’s face it: nowhere is safe from hero and villain fights,” Said Deadpool to himself.

As Deadpool and Twilight fought Starlight, the two heroes failed to notice that Rainbow Dash and her fillyhood bullies stopped their race. The battle between the three ponies continued for several minutes until eventually Starlight and Twilight grew exhausted. Sweating profusely and panting, both ponies slowly levitated down to the runway. Now exhausted from her fight with Twilight, Starlight was tackled by Deadpool to the ground.

“Ha! It pays to have a healing factor! I couldn’t fight you in the air or have anything to counter your teleportation, but I just had to wait for you to get exhausted!”

Starlight lit up her horn and was about to cast a spell when Deadpool gripped down tightly on her horn.

“OW!”

“After years of having to fight unicorns both with and without super powers, I’ve learned that their horns are really sensitive,” Said Deadpool.

(Well, we learned it from fighting among other ways.)

(Jesus Christ…)

Starlight growled in anger, then tried to light up her horn again. She then felt cold steel pressed up against her jugular as Deadpool pressed a knife against her throat.

“Ah, ah, ah! Try to escape or fight back, and I will either break your horn or cut your neck open. Or maybe I’ll do both. So, don’t test me,” Said Deadpool.

“Good job, Wade,” Said Twilight out of breath.

“Thanks! Do I get a cookie when we get home?!” Asked Deadpool eagerly.

“Whoa!”

In that moment, Deadpool and Twilight heard a voice that they heard earlier in their time travel adventure. They looked back and found Rainbow Dash and the bullies sitting on some stands, the former eating popcorn. They realized their fight with Starlight caught the attention of the foals and stopped their race.

“Oh, no! Our superhero fight was too awesome!” Said Deadpool.

In a panic, Twilight teleported in front of the foals.

“What are you doing?! You have to finish your race!” Said Twilight.

“No way! This is way more exciting!” Said Rainbow.

“See? You can’t stop me no matter what you do,” Said Starlight, her voice strained from talking with a knife pressed against her throat.

Suddenly, a portal opened up above them. Deadpool, Spike, and Twilight were sucked into the portal, then it closed behind them.

“Aw, man,” Said Rainbow while tossing her popcorn in frustration.

The portal that sucked in Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike returned the three heroes to the present. When the portal opened up, all of them fell onto the ground. As they got up, Spike noticed that the area was forested like it was in the changeling timeline, but it was nighttime instead of daytime. Barely any light could breach through the branches, casting the forest in near pitch black darkness.

“That’s strange,” Said Spike.

“What’s strange? Us falling out of the sky, or the fact that it’s darker than 'Suicide Squad'? And I’m not referring to the plot,” Said Deadpool.

“It’s because it’s dark out. The other times we’ve come back, it’s been day, but now it’s night!” Said Spike.

“Why would the map bring us back to a different time of day than when we left?” Pondered Twilight.

CRACK!

Hearing the sound of a branch cracking from behind, Spike turned around, and his pupils retracted out of fear upon seeing a large shadow.

“Um, maybe we should figure it out later!” Said Spike.

The shadow moved forward, revealing a large canid-looking creature made entirely of twigs and logs. Nearly twice as tall as the average pony, it looked down upon them with glowing, pupiless green eyes. Just then, another one appeared, leaping on top of the Cutie Map.

“Timber wolves. Of course it had to be timberwolves,” Muttered Deadpool to himself. “Okay, people, logic would tell us that in a situation where we are confronted by large predators, we slowly back away while keeping our eyes on them. But since this is a fictional story where logic does not always apply, we’ll just run with our backs turned like a prey animal!”

AARRRROO!

Deadpool and his friends swiftly ran in the opposite direction while the two timberwolves howled behind them to most likely summon other timberwolves from the same pack. As they ran, the heroes followed a dirt path that led from outside of the forest. Looking back to see if the timberwolves were following them, Twilight didn’t notice a ravine in front of her. She nearly ran over the edge when Deadpool grabbed her by the shoulder and stopped her.

Looking to their left, they saw a stone bridge that stretched across the ravine. The dirt path continued from the opposite side of the bridge, leading to a large castle that Twilight was familiar with. Looming above the largest tower, the crescent moon shone it’s ethereal light down upon the castle.

“The Castle of the Two Sisters!” Said Twilight.

AAARRRRO!

“Well, don’t just stand there!”

Hearing the timberwolves howling getting closer, Spike ran across the bridge with his friends following behind him. Once they got to the castle’s entrance, Deadpool opened the door and gestured for the others to get in. Once they were inside he shut the door. As the group caught their breath, they realized that the castle wasn’t in ruins. All of the walls of the throne room were intact, freshly painted with various shades of blue and purple, and the tapestries were not tattered, bearing symbols of the planets and the crescent moon. Torches along the wall suddenly ignited. The flames were an ethereal blue.

“This place looks a lot cleaner than I remember,” Said Spike.

As they walked down the throne room, they saw somepony in front of them walk across the room. They were a unicorn mare wearing a light blue shirt with a dark blue overcoat and purple shoes on her front hooves. Even though they were tied in a bun, her purple mane and tail along with her white fur were recognizable.

“Rarity?!” Said Twilight gleefully.

“Hey, Rarity. Nice buns. Your hair buns! I was referring to your hairstyle!” Said Deadpool as he passed nervous glances towards Twilight.

(Nice save, dumbass.)

Rarity was hanging up a tapestry on the wall in front of her..

“The castle isn’t open for viewings today. The tapestries all need changing. Again,” Said Rarity annoyedly.

In spite of her being from an alternate timeline, Spike ran up to his crush excitedly.

“Rarity, it’s me!” Said Spike.

“I don’t socialize with dragons. I don’t know anypony who would,” Said Rarity annoyedly.

Rarity walked away, leaving a hurt Spike. As Deadpool placed a comforting hoof on his shoulder, Twilight ran up to Rarity.

“Rarity, you have to listen to me! The future of Equestria’s at stake!” Said Twilight urgently.

“I don’t know how you know my name, but I am far too busy to entertain some tourist’s ridiculous fantasies,” Said Rarity irritatedly.

“We have to get back to the map, so we can stop Starlight from changing the past, because every present we come to is worse than the last!” Said Twilight.

“Time travel, you say?”

Twilight’s blood ran cold when she heard a voice she thought she would never hear again. Looking towards the opposite end of the room, she saw the shadowy form of an alicorn sitting on a throne. They leaned forwards, revealing the wicked face of Princess Luna’s past alter ego, Nightmare Moon.

“Now that’s something I would like to see,” Said Nightmare Moon.

As Nightmare Moon cackled, six guards wearing armor that resembled bats surrounded the three heroes. She got up from her throne and walked over to Twilight.

“Tell me how you came by this magic to travel through time,” Said Nightmare Moon to Twilight.

"Funny story: we came across time travel not by magic but by accidentally spilling a Russian energy drink on the console of a jacuzzi," Said Deadpool.

WHACK!

Deadpool was smacked in the back of the head by one of the guards, causing him to fall to the ground.

“Silence! The princess wasn’t talking to you!” Said the guard.

“I will only repeat myself once, tell me how you came by this magic to travel through time,” Said Nightmare Moon.

Twilight didn’t answer her. She instead chose to glare at the corrupted Princess of the Night.

“The princess asked you a question!”

The guard that smacked Deadpool took off their helmet. To Twilight and her friends’ shock, they were revealed to be Rainbow Dash, albeit with her rainbow-colored mane styled in a short mohawk.

“And unless you wanna end up in the dungeon, you’ll tell her what she wants to know!” Ordered Rainbow.

“A dungeon? Wow… What a creative threat. That would totally make anyone spill,” Said Deadpool sarcastically.

BAM!

Deadpool’s sarcasm earned him a kick to the stomach.

“Nopony in my kingdom but me should possess magic powerful enough to change time,” Said Nightmare Moon.

“Your kingdom?” Questioned Spike.

Twilight lightly jabbed him with her elbow.

“Who else?” Asked Nightmare Moon.

“Um… Celestia, of course!” Said Spike.

Nightmare Moon’s guards, including Rainbow Dash, gave each other nervous glances. The princess loomed over Spike thanks to her great height, and she gave him a glare that cut into his soul.

“... Ha ha ha ha! My sister has been imprisoned on the moon for years!”

Nightmare Moon pointed at the nearest window. Outside, Spike and the others could see the full moon. Just like when she was imprisoned, the face of an alicorn could be seen on the moon’s cratered surface. However, pink light illuminated from most of the moon’s surface.

“But it is no less a fate than she’d sentence me to!” Said Nightmare Moon spitefully.

“Vindictive bitch,” Muttered Deadpool.

WHAM!

Deadpool was yet again kicked by Rainbow Dash for his comments.

“Wade, for your sack can you please stop talking?!” Asked Twilight.

“Honey, you and I both know that is highly unlikely,” Replied Deadpool.

“Enough of this! Reveal to me the source of this time magic!” Said Nightmare Moon impatiently.

Twilight looked to the ground in hesitation, then an idea popped into her head.

“... Alright,” Said Twilight reluctantly.

“Twilight, no!” Said Spike.

“Twi, if she gets her hooves on the map, who knows what she is gonna do! Actually I have a couple ideas,” Said Deadpool.

(Like updating her character design in season one to be more accurate with her design in the rest of the series?)

“We have no choice, guys.” Twilight calmly walked up to Nightmare Moon. “I can take you to it, but you’ll have to get past the timberwolves.”

“I am the ruler of all of Equestria. Do you think I can’t deal with timberwolves?” Asked Nightmare Moon.

“No. I know you can,” Replied Twilight.

“And if you were thinking of trying to escape…” Nightmare Moon used her magic to forcefully grab Spike and bring him to her. She then summoned two chains and wrapped them around his arms and torso. “... It would be very unfortunate for your little friend.”

Twilight and Deadpool looked fearfully at Spike being used as a hostage, then the former helped the latter to his hooves. They then made their way out of the throne room, escorted by the guards and Nightmare Moon following closely behind.

A few minutes later, everyone arrived at the Cutie Map. Guarding the map were the two timberwolves, with a third one emerging from the brush. Seeing the group of ponies, one of the timberwolves leapt towards them.

ZAP!

Nightmare Moon stood her ground and cast a bolt of magic at the timber wolf, causing it to explode into mere splinters. The remaining two timberwolves barred their wooden teeth and growled at the princess. Unfazed by the wolves’ aggressive behavior, she fired another bolt of magic at one of the timberwolves.

ZAP!

YELP!

Seeing its other pack mate effortlessly killed, the remaining timber wolf attempted to flee back into the dense forest. Nightmare Moon apathetically killed the timber wolf in the same manner as its pack mates with a single magic bolt. With the timberwolves dealt with, she walked up to the Cutie Map, which depicted Equestria in a blue color.

“How does it work?” Asked Nightmare Moon to Twilight.

“A pony from our time used a spell in combination with this map to travel back and change the past,” Explained Twilight.

“And now you will give this spell to me! With it, I will ensure that the Elements of Harmony are never found and my reign lasts forever!”

“But it won’t.”

“What?!” Questioned Nightmare Moon irritatedly.

“In my world, my friends and I found the Elements and used them to defeat you! And I will do everything in my power to bring that world back!”

Twilight lit up her horn while flaring her wings.

“No!”

ZAP!

Nightmare Moon attempted to strike Twilight with a beam of magic. Fortunately for the latter, she teleported out of the way just in time. With the guards distracted by Twilight attempting to escape, Deadpool dropped to the ground to cut the Achilles tendons of a guard that was guarding Spike and kicked Rainbow Dash a few meters back. Quickly untying the chains around him, he then grabbed Spike and ran on top of the Cutie Map. Twilight then joined him on top of the map, and cast the time travel spell. A portal opened up above them, and they were lifted up towards it.

“Noooooo!”

Nightmare Moon and two of her guards attempted to stop them, but they were too late as the three heroes entered the portal and it closed behind them. The portal opened up above Cloudsdale’s flight school, and this time, with the help of Twilight’s magic, they landed smoothly on the runway.

(Aw. Couldn’t we have stayed a little while longer?)

(Why would you want to stay in that literally dark dystopia?)

(Because, Princess Luna when she was Nightmare Moon was just as hot as she is now back in our world! I would not mind having to look at her moon for an eternity.)

(Ugh… Thank Celestia you are not in control. Otherwise, we most likely would have lost Twilight a long time ago.)

“First we get sent back to a world where Equestria is at war with King Sombra and the enslaved citizens of the Crystal Empire, then we get sent back to a world taken over by Queen Chrysalis and the changelings, and now we just came back from an Equestria where Nightmare Moon is the sole ruler. We need to come up with a better plan to stop Starlight from preventing the rainboom because who knows how much more the timeline can handle being altered,” Said Twilight.

“Well, we better come up with something soon. I thought this was going to be a simple fix. We would be sent to one or two alternate timelines, stop Starlight and undo her changes. So far, we have gone to not one, not two, but three alternate timelines, and all we have succeeded in doing is creating worse and worse futures. If we don’t fix things, something or someone else will,” Said Deadpool.

Suddenly, a light blue portal opened up behind Deadpool.

“It is right behind me, isn’t it?” Asked Deadpool.

Deadpool turned around to face the portal while taking out both of his katanas. Twilight lit up her horn while Spike raised his fists. A large shadowy figure resembling an equine stepped out of the portal, even towering over Deadpool. Their left eye then glowed yellow. Deadpool gulped out of fear.

“Cable…?!”

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hey everyone! Hope you all enjoyed part two of the last chapter of the season five arc of "Deadpool: Mercenary of Harmony", centered around the season finale episode "The Cutie Re-Mark"! Will Deadpool, Twilight, and Spike be able to restore the timeline and stop Starlight Glimmer? Be sure to stay tuned for part three! Until next time, this has been ThePhantomArchives, and (at the time of posting this chapter) I hope you all have a Happy New Year!