Well that was quite strange. Both Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara thought at the same time, though both would deny having the same musing.

With not much else to do, the pair of lesbians (Wait. Shit. That’s a spoiler) made their way up the stairs of the PCAA station. Both were moving at about the same speed, so naturally they’d reach the door in just a few seconds. Someone would have to yield to the other and let them through first. The females weren’t mongoloid idiots, they realized this, somepony would have to take the initiative.

“Me first!” Diamond called out as she sprinted through the threshold. Secure in the idea that she should add insult to injury, she halted and spun around as Scootaloo crossed into the station. Putting her hands on her hips and shaking her pelvis all about, Diamond stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry.

Scoots smirked at this young mare acting a fool. What a bitch.

“Wow Diamond, I’m impressed. I’ve never seen you move so fast in my life. Are you winded? That was quite a distance.”

Diamond sucked her tongue back in.

“No.” Diamond huffed out, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Sure.” Scootaloo responded, making her way past Diamond. She didn’t make it very far.

“You two are going to be so cute together.” Came the voice of the stallion from the porch, who was once again looming over the situation, now from his new position in the middle of the halfway.

Scootaloo must be tired or something because this guy keeps saying such weird shit to her. She must have misheard him.

“Did you just say that me and this trashy Dodo are gonna be so cute together?” Diamond questioned as she walked up beside Scootaloo. But like not too close beside her, just close enough to take in the scent of her cleanliness. Is that a hint of watermelon, I smell?

So Scoots hadn’t heard the dude wrong, that is unless she and this fucking useless spoiled bitch cuntface were having some kind of shared psychotic episode. But that’s unlikely.

“No, I said welcome to the Ponyville Community Ambulance Association. I will be your teacher for the EMT training. You may address me as Chief Calcaneus, that’s what everypony here calls me. I will not coddle you, this class will be difficult, but I trust you realize this since you willingly signed up for the accelerated summer class. I will teach you everything you need to know. Any questions?” Came Chief Caduceus’ reply.

“Yes, just one.” DIamond spoke up. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Because that is most definitely not what you said.”

Chief Calcaneus nodded.

“It is what I said. Now follow me.”

The commanding stallion turned on his heel and led the way down the hall. His students knew better than to just stand around, so they obediently followed him in relative silence. That is until Scootaloo spoke up.

“I heard it, too.”

Diamond raised her nose at Scootaloo.

“I don’t need you to tell me what I already know, you--”

“Here is the common room where you may kick your feet up between calls. That is if you can cut it in my class and get hired.” Chief Calcaneus announced from ahead of them, walking into a wide room with couches lining the three walls that didn’t have a TV on them. Cuddled up on the couch opposite from the TV was a mass of white and black that turned out to be a pair of young pegasi stallions. It was clear they were much more interested in each other than the bloody action movie playing on the screen up until the Chief walked in. The stallion, who made up the black half of the mass, greeted his Chief.

“Hiya, Chief Calcaneus! Long time no see, what are you doing on this side of the Great Expanse?”

Scootaloo and Diamond finally caught up with Chief Calcaneus. The rather homoromantic vibe in the room surprising them, somewhat. Still a bit uncomfortable, they leaned on opposite sides of the doorway.

“Oooh, I see! You’re holding another class! These two will look even cuter together than us, babe!” The black stallion exclaimed, turning to his white lover.

“Oh, yeah. Shore thing that is.” The white lover replied. “They’ll be the talk of the town once they consummate their relationship.”

The black stallion’s mouth widened in a shocked expression. But that was no match for how hard the jaws of Scooty and Diamond hit the floor.

“Don’t say such dirty things!” The black stallion ordered.

“Well, they’re gonna frick sooner or later. It’s just the natural order of things.” The white lover shrugged.

“What the hell is going on? Why do you all keep saying we’re gonna get together?” Scootaloo asked. She is so wound up, like a goddamned clock, this one.

The black stallion gave her a sly look.

“Oh, well you see--”

A screeching alarm began blaring loudly, so loud, in fact, that it caused Diamond to drop the cookie she was clandestinely attempting to munch on.

“Existence is pain.” Diamond said to herself just as the cookie hit the floor. She kept her eyes on it for a moment before losing interest. She turned her gaze to the black stallion and the white lover, both of which were now standing.

“Says that Cranky woke up with some severe chest pain. Looks like ALS has already been called upon, so we’ll probably get there at the same time. Let’s do this.” The black stallion declared, looking at his phone. The white lover gave a thumbs-up and went for a high-five with his coltfriend that was met with a strong response.

The stallions swiftly gathered their personal effects and rushed out of the common room, slapping a button on the wall that silenced the alarm. This leaves just the Chief and his students once more. Scootaloo and Diamond shared a confused look that said more than “what the fuck is going on” ever would.

“They are a couple of cards, aren’t they? Well, daylight is burning, let’s get to it.” Chief Calcaneus announced, gesturing out of the room.

With that, they entered the hallway as Chief Calcaneus led the way once more. An engine could be heard roaring to life and shortly thereafter a series of loud sirens was heard. And they tried to tell me being gay made you useless. Anyway, the gaggle came to another large room, this one decked out with a conference table that was flanked by no less than exactly 14 chairs. The far wall was lit up with a grainy projected image of a black and white photo of a stallion with a dark coat who looked like his face had been blown off. Just below this read the words:

WELCOME TO EMT CLASS, SCOOTALOO AND/OR DAIMOND TARA.

Scootaloo bellowed out a hearty laugh.

“Ohh Daimond Tara, my darling!” Scoot was losing her shit. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I’m gonna pee!” She fell to the floor, curling up in the fetal position, still convulsing with laughter.

“What is the problem?” Chief Calcaneus inquired, clearly confused as to why his student was on the floor, sqeeing.

“You spelled my name wrong!” Daimond Tara cried. “It’s Diamond Tiara not whatever you put! I honestly have no idea how you could fuck it up that bad!”

“Oh.” Chief Calcaneus said, looking around. “I don’t see anyone else around but us three, but you weren’t talking to Scootaloo, so there’s just me left. But I KNOW you weren’t just speaking to me like that. You will respect and address me as ‘sir’.” He leaned toward her and scowled.

Diamond shrunk back.

“I-I-umm-I’m sorry for disrespecting you...um sir.”

Chief Calcaneus leaned back and smiled.

“Good girl.”

By now Scootaloo had regained her shit. She considered making fun of Diamond, then reconsidered and just decided to stand up.

“Hey, Chief Calcaneus, sir, could you please email me a copy of this slide? I want to print it out and put it on my wall.” Scootaloo related.

“Sure thing, Scootaloo.”

“Thank you. Now what’s up with that photo? Is that from an old movie?” Scootaloo asked.

Diamond was also curious.

“Yeah, it looks kind of like the early practical effects they used in movies from the ‘60s.”

Chief Calcaneus frowned.

“No. Unless stated otherwise, everything I show you is real.” The fillies' faces went white. “This is an image from the last incident I was at. It was not a happy day.”

Scootaloo was the first to speak up.

“So it’s possible to be called to a situation like this?”

“Yes. Unlikely, or more so uncommon, but yes, It is possible.”

DIamond was speechless. How could this asshole just show her a picture like that?

“Anyway, let’s sit down and let me get to know you. Sit anywhere you like.” Chief Calcaneus told them.

Scootaloo took a seat at the middle of the table while Diamond took the head, typical. Chief Calcaneus sat across from Scootaloo.

“So, we’ll start with you, Scootaloo. What brings you here?”

“Well, I definitely want to help my community and to my part to keep people healthy. But, a big part of it is because of an incident that happened about a few weeks ago. Um, do you know Rainbow Dash?”

Chief Calcaneus nodded.

“Who doesn’t know Rainbow Dash?” He asked.

“Oh, yeah. Kinda a dumb question.” Scootaloo said, rubbing the back of her head.

“I’ll say!” Diamond Tiara piped up.

“Settle down, Diamond. Scootaloo is talking right now.” Chief Calcaneus sternly commanded.

Diamond sank into her seat

“Of, course, sir.”

“Ok,” Scootaloo started, “so I was at Sweet Apple Acres with Rainbow Dash, watching her fly around, enjoying the show but also analyzing her technique. Anyway, long story short, she came down low to the ground and clipped a wing on one of the trees in the process. She tumbled and hit the ground hard. She was in so much pain but I couldn’t do anything for her, I felt so,” she looked down and clenched her fists, “helpless.”

Chief Calcaneus gave a solemn nod.

“So you were present when Ms. Dash had her accident. It was severe from what I heard, but she’s making a stellar recovery. Ponyville General may be a small town hospital, but they have a superb trauma ward.”

Scootala-li-lu-le-loo smiled in acknowledgement.

“Thank you, sir.”

“All in a day’s work.” Chief Calcaneus grinned. “Now. Diamond. Are you going to share with us why you want to be an EMT?”

“Pass.”

“I figured as much.” Chief Calcaneus said, leaning back in his seat. “I’ll just get started with the class then. Alright, so, this EMT class is the fastest paced EMT class within 100 miles. This moves quickly. It will require a fair bit of your time and a fair bit of your energy. But, I feel it will be a good experience for you. Now the goal of today is for me to introduce the program and your obligations. After that we will open up the textbook and go over the first couple of chapters. You both brought your textbooks, correct?”

Scootaloo nodded and withdrew her textbook from her bag. At the end of the table Diamond did the same. Chief Calcaneus beamed and clapped his hands.

“We’re already off to a great start, well, if we don’t count basically everything that came before this.” Chief Calcaneus stood up and made his way over to the projector screen. “So, first things first, how you will be graded.” He tapped the screen and a grade break-down came up.

Ok, gamers. I’m not going to subject you to the first day lecture of an EMT class. Let’s just assume that our heroines stayed quiet and paid attention. Our dude Chief Calcaneus did just what he told the girls he was gonna do, which is give an overview of the class. The only interruption of note was upon the return of the black stallion and the white lover where they made kissy faces at the girls from the doorway. Now Chief Calcaneus is doing his best to explain the psychological risks of being an EMT without scaring the girls away from the profession.

“Now don’t let the 3% suicide attemt rate of EMS workers (Stanley, Hom, & Joiner, 2016 ) get you spooked. There is plenty of help out there for you, should you need it. Take it from me,” he said, pointing to himself, “killing yourself won’t solve your problems. It’s just like they say, when you commit suicide, you don’t get rid of the pain, you just give it to somepony else.”

Scootaloo looked up from the notebook she was scribbling notes in.

“So, the study also says that almost 30% of EMS workers feel that life isn’t worth living?”

“That is correct.” Chief Calcaneus responded.

Scootaloo gave an incredulous look.

“Doesn't anyone care?” She asked.

Chief Calcaneus gave a light shrug.

“It’s hard to say that they do. Counselors aren't normally provided to us and they cost a pretty bit. We are barely funded as it is so getting everyone the help they need is very difficult. Hell, just keeping the ambulances stocked is hard enough. Most of our funding comes from donations, and even those are few and far between. You two are familiar with Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, one more so than the other.” He said, pointing to Diamond, who in turn sat up a bit straighter. “The main general store of Ponyville where everyone shops. Care to guess how much the Ponyville Community Ambulance Association received from them this year?”

Now it was Scootaloo’s turn to shrug.

“Dunno...like, uh, 5-10 grand? Something like that?”

Chief Calcaneus shook his head.

“100 Bits. That much is almost used up in a standard emergency call where we transport the patient. As for how many of those we do yearly, well, the lowest number in recent memory was 1,500 calls about 20 years ago. But for the past 6 years it’s been steady at about 3,000 per year.”

Scootaloo slammed a fist onto the table.

“I knew your dad was a piece of shit!” She screamed, jutting a finger at Diamond Tiara.

Diamond jumped up from her chair.

“Don’t talk about my daddy like that, you whore!” Diamond screamed back.

Scootaloo rushed onto her feet.

“Keep talking you fu--”

“FILLIES, ENOUGH!” Chief Calcaneus snapped.

Said fillies flinched at the sudden boom that came from their teacher.

“It’s not Filthy’s fault that we are poor here, and fighting with each other isn’t going to solve anything. Nopony donates to us. Nopony cares about us. The check we get from the government barely covers anything, either. And don’t even get me started on the shit insurance reimbursements.”

Scootaloo threw herself back into her chair.

“Insurance doesn't even pay?” she sneered.

“Many don’t pay the full amount charged.” Chief Calcaneus answered.

Diamond eased back into her seat.

“How does that work? How do they get away with that?”

Chief Calcaneus laughed.

“You’d be surprised what insurance companies could get away with. But that is a discussion for a different day.” He took a look at the wall clock. “12:30. What do you say we end today early? You two can go home and eat lunch. Just take it easy for the rest of the day. You ready?”

“Sure.” Diamond and Scootaloo said at the same time.

Chief Calcaneus smiled.

“See? Your minds are already in sync. You'll do good yet!”

“Pshh!” Scootaloo and Diamond verbalized at the same time.

“Very cute.”

Diamond and Scoots looked like they wanted to respond, but were so afraid of having another moment that they kept quiet as they gathered their things. Diamond slipped her books and schoolwork into her bag. She raised her gaze to Scootaloo, who was now gently putting her textbook and related papers into her knapsack. One day.

Scoots zipped up her bag and turned, catching Diamond looking at her. She thought about calling her a skunk pussy, but didn’t, so as not to be offensive. So she did the only thing she could do.

Scootaloo winked.

Diamond felt a slam in her chest as her cheeks heated up. She hid her face.

Looking at this, Scootaloo was quite flummoxed. Why is Diamond reacting in such a way? Like an anime girl with a crush on the main character...wait. Scoots took a look at the shrinking Diamond, who was still avoiding eye contact.

Oh shit. Scootaloo thought to herself. Does she have a thing for me?

She figured she probably did. I mean who could blame her?

Scoots felt a devilish grin pull itself onto her face.

I’m gonna fuck with her so hard.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and began to make her way to the door. Despite the bag having two straps, she only used one.

“Have a nice afternoon, everypony. Bye, Chief Calcaneus.” she said with a wave from the door, which he promptly returned. “Oh, and…” She cooed at Diamond, who had recovered and was now no longer afraid of eye contact. “Byye, Miss Tiara.” and with a seductive wave of her hips, she was off. She didn’t stick around to see what had happened, but by god she heard it.

“I HATE YOU, SCOOTALOO!”

Author's Note

Diamond is so in love! Also, I didn't pull the 100 bit number out of my ass. The Ambulance Association in my small town received a $100 donation from one of the main grocery stores in town. That was all they gave in a year. It made me sick to my stomach when the chief told me about it.