“Why is finding the brachial pulse so hard?!” Diamond exclaimed, pumping up the blood pressure cuff on Scootaloo’s bicep a little more.

“Stop pumping it up so much! You know damn well my blood pressure isn’t 220!” Scootaloo said, trying to flex her arm beneath the cuff. “And, hurry up. I can barely feel my arm.”

“Just let me work in peace.” Diamond sighed.

“By all means, be my guest!” Scootaloo spat back, reclining in her chair. “Why don’t you take my arm, too? I think it’s just about to die, anyway.”

“That’s it!” Diamond declared. She began pumping and pumping the bulb, the little meter reaching 260 now.

“Fucking shit!” Scootaloo called out, jumping up and ripping off the blood pressure cuff. “You're a little skank, you know that? She’s a little skank, right, Chief?”

Chief Caduceus, who had been silently watching on, just looked away.

“No comment.”

“Oh, fuck you Scootaloo. It’s not like you can do much better.” Diamond declared, crossing her arms.

“A’ight, bet. Give me your arm.” Scootaloo ordered.

“By all means be my guest!” Diamond said, putting on a southern belle accent and fluttering her eyelashes.

“What an asshole.” Scootaloo conveyed, applying the blood pressure cuff to Diamond’s bicep, taking care to line up the directional arrows with the brachial artery.

With everything in order, she began to feel around the elbow crease for the brachial pulse. It took her a few tries but she managed to find it.

“Your heart is going like a jackrabbit’s, Diamond. Are you that turned on by me?” Scootaloo inquired.

Diamond seethed and scowled.

“No, I’m scared you’re gonna fuck this up like you fucked up when you dropped Chief Calcaneus last week.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes.

“That was the fourth day of class, fuck off. Plus, Chief Calcaneus is fine. Right, Chief?” Scootaloo said, now looking towards Chief Calcaneus.

He looked up from his phone.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. It’ll take a lot more than that to take me out. Now, I believe you were about to take Diamond’s blood pressure?”

Scootaloo nodded.

“Yes, of course, sir.”

She now turned her attention back to Diamond. The palpable pulse had slowed down somewhat, but was still a bit too fast. Whatever. Scootaloo placed the stethoscope ear pieces into her ears and placed the diaphragm onto the spot the brachial pulse could be felt at. She commenced pumping up the blood pressure cuff. She could hear the pulse faintly as she passed the 90 mark and heard a loud pulse drop at around 130. She pumped it up to 140 and let the air slowly leak out. She heard the pulse starting at 133, and let more and more air out until the pulse faded out at 91.

“Ok, Diamond the results are in. Your blood pressure is 133/91. You have Hypotension!” Scooty declared.

“You mean hypertension, dimwit. Hypotension is when the blood pressure is low.” Diamond informed, a shit eating grin plastered on her face.

“Diamond’s right, Scootaloo. Remember that the prefix ‘hyper’ means more or excessive and that the prefix ‘hypo’ means under or below normal. Keep in mind what hypothermia means for your body, it means you are much too cold."

Scootaloo gave a thumbs-up.

"Got it, Chief."

Chief Calcaneus gave a reciprocal thumbs-up.

"Good. Now, Scootaloo. Why might Diamond Tiara have a higher blood pressure than normal?"

"Well," Scootaloo started, "if it isn't that she's smitten with me, then it's these chichos she's carrying around."

Scootaloo swiftly leaned over to Diamond and lightly pinched one of her side fat rolls.

Diamond violently slapped Scootaloo’s hand away and pulled her knees to her chest.

“Don’t touch me, homo!”

Scootaloo sneered, now leaning back in her chair.
“You think I was fondling you for my amusement?”

Chief Calcaneus rose from his seat.

“Ok, I’m gonna go ahead and stop you right there. Let’s just keep our hands to ourselves when not practicing skills. That should keep us safe and sane.”

Diamond dropped her feet to the floor.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Scooty took notice of Diamond’s face. Her disgusting, fat, oily, cute face.

“R U Blushing Question Mark Question Mark Question Mark???”

Diamond furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms. No. She would not let Scootaloo win this round.

“Yes, I am. Because I am very self conscious of my weight.” She said, now turning her head away and closing her eyes. “There, I said it. Are you happy?” Wait, did she want to be honest with her? I guess it’s too late now.

The air left Scootaloo’s lungs rapidly. Was Diamond being forthcoming about how she felt about herself? And those feelings were...negative?

“Hey, I mean if that’s something you really feel bad about, and wanna change then I could...uh...um…” Scootaloo said trailing off.

Diamond opened an eye, taking in the sight of a flustered Scootaloo.

“Were...were you,” she started, “going to offer some kind of solution?”

Scootaloo stopped looking anywhere but at Diamond.

“Yeah, I was gonna offer to exercise with you. And also help you manage your diet.”

Diamond turned her head to face Scootaloo. With both eyes open, she met her gaze. What a turn of events. This bitch insults her fatness, then offers to help her get rid of it. Would she really help? Is this something Diamond would even want?

“Ok.”

“Ok…?”

“Ok. I'll accept your offer. I’ll let you help me.”

“Ok.”

The fillies had maintained eye contact for a total of 11.31 seconds, a personal record. But it was getting a bit too gay now, so they broke it off and turned their attention to the front of the room. There stood their teacher, giving off the impression he was very pleased with himself.

“Class dismissed.”

Scootaloo and Diamond both checked the time, Scootaloo on the wall clock and Diamond on her cell phone. They both spoke at once.

“But it’s only 13:25.”
“But it’s only 1:25”

Chief Calcaneus gave a nod in response.

“I know we’ve been going to at least 3, or should I say 15:00, since last week. But, that’s all I had in mind for today, anyway. Get an early start on the weekend.” He said with a smile. “It looks like you’ll need it. Enjoy the next three days, then show up here on monday at 0600, we’ll be doing CPR. That’s all I have for you. Skedaddle along now.”

“Yes, sir.” His student’s said in unison.

They packed their bags and skedaddled the fuck outta there. Now on the porch, Diamond pulled her phone out of her pocket and began tapping away.

“What are you doing?” Scootaloo asked.

“Just gonna call my mom for a ride.”

Scootaloo looked away.

“I mean. We could walk. It’s just like 20 minutes to your house anyway. We could talk about your fitness and diet plan on the way, as well.” Scootaloo said, looking back at Diamond, who was in turn looking at her.

“Sure, Scootaloo.

Lead the way.”

Author's Note

I'm lost in the sauce.