Author's Note

Hello! Apologies that this took so long, I've been experiencing writer's block again. Not to mention that there's so many other things I want to do, finding time to write has proven to be difficult this time around. Tell me if you spot any issues such as story or grammar, feel free to put your thoughts in the comments, and thanks for reading!

Chapter Nine: Pusillanimity.

The silence after she made her request was deafening. Pinkamena waited in anticipation for Discord to say something, Rainbow’s suit still draped over her shoulder and gun against the wall. Her entire body is as rigid as one of Maud’s rocks. Despite the fact that she slept last night, if it could even be called that, she somehow felt more exhausted than before.

However, she didn’t have the time to relax, she’d save her best friend’s life if it was the last thing she ever did.

“What makes you think I can or even would be willing to do that?”

He said over the phone, a grim, threatening tone in his voice she rarely hears. Before responding Pinkamena took a deep breath, getting to her feet as she picked up the gun. “I know about Windrider.”

She heard him let out a loud, nigh exasperated sigh. “Of course you do. Listen, this isn’t a service I just give out like candy. It’s hard to pull off and I’d have my ass given to me like a sacrificial offering if I get caught, but...I’m willing to hear you out.”

Pinkamena opened her mouth, nothing coming out for a few moments as she tried to think of what exactly to say and how to say it. “The good news is I handled TSK, I don’t think they’re going to be a problem anymore.”

There was a somberness to her voice she couldn’t mask, Discord didn’t seem to hear it. “You know, I actually prefer bad news first. So, what is it?”

“They’re…” She hesitated in telling him as she pulled the phone away, deeply inhaling and listening for any nearby heart beats to make sure no one is listening. “It’s Rainbow, Discord. TSK is Rainbow.”

“...Guess that means you didn’t kill them then?”

There was an almost ambivalentness in his voice, what was more evident is what she didn’t hear: shock. A conversation with The Whispers came to mind that took place earlier that day, one where she asked them how Igneous knew that TSK was Rainbow. Like usual they didn’t give a direct answer, but they did mention that telling her would be snitching on Discord, suggesting that he knew too.

“You don’t sound that surprised.”

“I think you’ll find the longer you know me, the more you’re going to realize very little surprises me anymore.”

The emptiness in his words was startling, an immense and unexpected shift from the usual jovialness it carried. It wasn’t like with the blood where he became genuinely afraid for a reason she still didn’t know. It sounded a lot more like he’s just....tired, of everything.

“So, I’m guessing you want me to fake her death, and in turn, TSK’s?”

In a snap it had returned, somewhat animated but simultaneously airy and fake. It reminded her of herself in a way. She wouldn’t push it, not now, but this wouldn’t be something she forgets either.

“You make it sound so simple. Then again, I’m not sure I remember the last time anything was simple for me.”

There was too much truth in that statement, made even stranger by the fact that she missed the days where threats from a magical pony land would attack her high school and they had to use the power of friendship to save it, like the plot of some anime.

At least then nobody was at risk of dying, a reality Pinkamena thought she wouldn’t have to face until much farther in the future.

“Well...it is simple in the sense that I know what to do, the problem comes in actually doing it. Where is the skittles jock?”

She failed in suppressing a giggle at the nickname, more out of the nostalgia that came with it than being funny. “She’s in one of the cells where…” She hesitated in saying his name, doing so without triggering all the memories that came with it is a hurdle she’d yet to cross. “Blake put his victims. I don’t like putting her there, but I don’t exactly have a lot of options. I told her it’d take three days to have everything worked out, but I’m hoping sooner.”

Her right ear twitched as she heard something from the phone, vaguely something like an object thudding against a table. “For someone who just found out their best friend is secretly a vigilante who’s been killing criminals, you’re awfully calm.”

“I’d like to attribute that to The Whispers, but it’s mostly thanks to Starlight. I had a total meltdown last night, and if she hadn’t let me stay the night I don’t think I’d be here right now.”

Her cheeks got warm as she laid against the wall, the memory of cuddling up to her and bawling like a child still embarrassingly fresh in her mind.

“You stayed the night at Starlight’s?” He asked with a bit of disbelief, not even giving her a chance to respond. “Tell me the deets on that later. Listen...I think I can do this, but I need you to listen to everything I say. And I mean everything, I’m a huge stickler for details, especially when our lives are on the line. Get it?”

He put strong emphasis in his words that showed how serious he is about this, it only really made her relieved. She hadn’t expected him to be easily willing to help her with this. “Of course. I came to you for help, I’m aware of exactly what that entails.”

“Good, you should be. You’re lucky that things are going ahead of schedule for me, or I wouldn’t have agreed. Now first: Do you have the gun and suit they’ve been using? If so, bring them to Zecora, it’s a closure she needs now more than ever.”

Bringing up Zecora caused a painful sting in Pinkamena’s heart, she had nearly forgotten the conversation they had before. She had intended to do that anyway, but she owed it to her to give her the gun before anything else, that woman nearly worked herself to death because of a man who didn’t deserve such dedication. “Done. Just remember that I’d prefer the less people knowing it’s Rainbow the better, especially Starlight.”

He made a distinct hissing sound like he was inhaling through his teeth, which meant he’s probably going to tell her something she won’t like. “See, kind of an issue. For this to work I need Juno to know, assuming he doesn’t already.”

Pinkamena furrowed her eyebrows out of concern, her grip on the gun tightening. She’d considered the possibility that he already knew, but if he did he didn’t act like it or seem to care.

“Why?”

“Don’t worry about it. Not yet, anyway. I have to set some things up, like come up with a fake information source that doesn’t sound fake, get a fake ID and passport for her, all that. Good news is it should only take me a day to get everything ready if I don’t sleep, not like I was going to anyway. Right now, the only thing I need you to do is lay low and don’t draw any attention to yourself. Come to my office around...threeish, I’ll probably be ready. Until then, just stay out of trouble, if you’re capable of that.”

“Are you...saying I have a day off?” Pinkamena asked hesitantly, half expecting to be disappointed.

“If you want to look at it that way, sure. Take a break while I get things organized, sleep in, binge something on netflix. Actually, you’ve been skipping school, haven’t you?” It didn’t come out as an accusation so much as him stating a fact. Once again, not giving her time to even think of a response. “Go to school like a normal person your age. Relax a bit, it might be your last chance for a while.”

He abruptly hung up, leaving Pinkamena alone. She was about to slip her phone back into her jean pocket, wavering as a thought crossed her mind: Should she tell Applejack? AJ deserves to know, they were close and she probably feels terrible since she hasn’t been able to look for her. It would be a huge relief.

She contemplated this for a minute or so before dismissively shaking her head and putting the phone in her pocket. As much as she hated to admit it, letting AJ know is a bad idea. Not only did she need as little people knowing as possible, Applejack is infamous for being terrible at lying, even by omission. Maybe after, but right now she’s one of the worst people who could know.

Then...what can she do? Giving the gun and suit to Zecora would be first on the list, after that there isn’t much else. Michael is still recovering, she didn’t want to bother Fancy, and things with Starlight are awkward because of last night. Until she could give her a straight answer, Pinkamena knew the question she asked her would be at the forefront of her mind if they talked.

The problem is that she barely even understood what she meant, even with the next to useless advice from The Whispers.

“...sleeping in sounds kind of good, actually.”

__

As it turned out, the striped gunsmith had taken her orders quite seriously. According to the old man in the booth, who she now knew as Randolph thanks to a previous conversation with Fancy, Zecora hadn’t shown up. She’d never taken a day off before so it isn’t like she couldn’t afford to, it was actually a bit relieving to hear her relax for once.

Pinkamena decided to give the gun and suit to him, telling Randolph to give it to her whenever she came in. Zecora is one of the few people in Pinkamena’s life she can truly rely on, she had little doubt Zecora would start working on it as soon as she came in.

When she left The Syndicate’s HQ, she went to the closest convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes, a different one from the one her and Rainbow used to visit. She was trying her best not to think about her or anything related to her. Every reminder could easily trigger a flashback of the night prior, and that wasn’t something she could let herself succumb to, not when everythings at risk.

After smoking half of it on the edge of the building across from her own house sometime around five, she entered, already able to hear Maud’s heart beat and tell she was home, and that it was...faster than normal. Pinkamena walked into the living room where she was, finding her sitting on the couch, her laptop open as her fingers were placed on the arrow keys and pressing them rapidly.

When she entered Maud barely gave her a glance, turning back to the screen in an instant as the sound of her rapidly tapping the keys quickened. She was clearly putting a lot of effort into whatever she was doing, a rare sight to see from Maud.

Out of sheer curiosity, Pinkamena went behind her to see what she was doing. She was playing a game, which was somewhat expected, just wasn’t one she recognized. A small boy with blue hair in a backward ball cap, white shirt, and oversized shoes like a stereotypical rapper. A girl with poofy and long brown hair, a red dress and heels sitting on top of a speaker. The boy was facing a purple looking woman with a leather jacket and satin skirt, arrows of various directions and colors on the screen disappearing in time with Maud’s clicks, an upbeat and rapid song playing along with unintelligible noises from their mouths that are supposed to be lyrics.

“...What are you doing?”

As soon as she asked that the song picked up, the flashing arrows started coming in much more rapidly. Maud hunched forward and devoted her entire attention to the screen, her eyebrows furrowing deeper as the clacking of her fingers grew more intense. A thick tension as even a single spoken word felt like it would break her focus.

The song ended and Maud hadn’t missed a single arrow, letting out a relieved sigh as her body relaxed. Her face went back to her normal apathetic expression, a barely noticeable uplift of the corners of her lips in a smirk. “Winning.”

A rarely heard smugness was in her voice, one of the few times her more competitive side showed itself. She turned the laptop off and closed it, laying it on the coffee table near the couch, looking up at her sister with a tint of curiosity in her eyes. “How are you doing? I do-” She paused as she sniffed the air like a dog. “You’re smoking again, at least carry some mints if you’re going to be talking to people after you do it.”

Maud’s words hit her in the chest like a bullet, made even worse by the fact that she was the one who had fervently gotten her to stop in the first place. Pinkamena broke eye contact, afraid of the potential disappointment she’d see. “I’m...sorry, I’ve been really stressed lately and it’s the only kind of peace I can really get.”

“Well, it’s not going to give you lung cancer anymore, but it will yellow your teeth. I’d tell you to take better care of yourself, but I’m sure you’d find some excuse not to.”

Her tone was harsh, but to anyone who didn’t know Maud it was as bland as usual. She stood up from the couch, not even giving Pinkamena a chance to retort, not that she had one. Maud stopped at the doorway, glancing over her shoulder. “Do you want some coffee?”

“...yeah, coffee sounds good right now.”

She followed her expressionless sister into the kitchen, her movements sluggish as fatigue hit her hard now that she wasn’t keeping her body active. Pinkamena slumped down into a chair opposite of Maud, who was already brewing a pot.

“Maud...are you mad at me?”

Maud noticeably tensed up, like she had forgotten she wasn’t alone. She remained that way for a few moments before relaxing, opening the cabinet above her and pulling out two cups. “No, I’m mad at myself. I’m supposed to be helping you, but I’m not. You’re out there trying to take out some self-righteous vigilante, and the most I can do…” She paused as she set the cups on the table, putting one in front of Pinkamena and then herself as she sat down. “Is buy you clothes.”

The bitter frustration in her voice was unnerving. Pinkamena couldn’t help but wince at the mention of TSK, trying to cover it by taking a drink and still being surprised by how little it burned despite the heat.

“Well, you’re my advisor. You’re supposed to advise me on stuff, not be out there risking your life for me.”

Even Pinkamena knew that was an empty attempt to make her sister feel better, but she didn’t know what else to say. She used to be so good at cheering people up.

“That’s true, but you’re my sister, and my only family left. I should be able to do more than that. Unless you need advice for anything, all I can do is mindless grinding on MMO’s. I’m useless and I hate it.”

Her grip around the mug tightened as her gaze drifted to the side, her lips pressing together in guilt. Pinkamena lifted the cup to her face, the steam from the hot liquid going straight into her eyes and burning them, somehow still failing to wake her up at all.

She tried to think of anything she could say to make Maud feel better, but nothing came to mind. Even if she were combat capable, nothing in the entire world could ever convince her to put Maud in any more danger than she’s already in just for being associated with The Syndicate. Pinkamena didn’t know what all being an advisor entailed, but she was sure Maud did a variety of things when she wasn’t here.

As much as she hated to admit it, Maud was right. Other than giving her advice for things, which Pinkamena appreciated a lot, there wasn’t a lot she could do. She didn’t hate it like Maud did because it meant she was relatively safe, but she understood how terrible it could be to feel useless.

“Actually,” The black and pink haired girl started, a situation coming to mind which she desperately needed help with. “There is something I need advice for.”

Maud looked back at her. “What’s that?”

“I...., uhm.” It was strange to say, but thinking about Starlight after last night made her feel almost embarrassed. “See, there’s this girl. And...I don’t know what I feel for her. I’ve never been in a relationship or anything, so I’m...completely lost.”

Maud stared at her blankly, giving a very long, drawn out blink. “Wow, this is surreal. I actually thought I’d be the one to come to you for romantic advice. I’m completely blown away by this.”

Of course, her voice was completely void of any emotion and her face didn’t so much as flicker, so it was hard to tell if she was being serious or not.

Something about that was refreshing, Maud hadn’t changed one bit.

“What, you think just because I threw a lot of parties and was friends with basically everyone in the school, that I dated a lot?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Maud responded with a dismissive nod of her head. “It’s just...you were always the abnormal one of the family, so open and social and friendly. I have no idea where you got it. You had sleepovers every other weekend, save the school from some magical threat every other month, I don’t think I’d ever seen you be mean to a single person. Once in a while I’d see you with your friends, making them smile, and I’d think ‘You’re going to make someone really happy one day.’”

There was a nearly nostalgic tone in her voice, obviously missing those times and how different they were. Absentmindedly tapping her fingers against the rim of the coffee mug.

A ghost of a smirk creeped its way onto Pinkamena’s face, a solemn reminder that even her own sister preferred how things were before, when she was someone she couldn’t be anymore.

“Yeah, she said the same thing too. She was pretty shocked when I told her that a social butterfly like me never dated anyone, is it really that surprising?” Pinkamena asked as she raised the cup to her mouth.

“I’ve only had one boyfriend, so I ca-”

Pinkamena choked on her coffee, breaking into a coughing fit as some of it spilled on the table. “You had a boyfriend? When?”

“Before I became an advisor. His name was Mudbriar, we met at a geology convention, he was…” She paused, not like she couldn’t find the right adjective to describe him, but more like there were so many words she could use that picking one was hard. “Nice.”

The genuine smile and warmth behind it showed how much she really meant to him, Maud smiling was a rarity very few got to see, which is why she hesitated in asking the question her sister was likely dreading to hear.

“What happened?”

The smile disappeared, though it took a few seconds as the memory faded, not immediately replaced by a sad one. “I broke up with him. Nothing was wrong with the relationship, a lot of things were required of me and I just didn’t have time for him anymore. I didn’t want to put him in danger by being associated with me either, he might have been ok with that but I wouldn’t.”

“...do you miss him?”

“Every day.”

“I’m sorry you had to break up with him.”

That apology was more of an obligation than something she genuinely meant. She felt bad for her sister that she had to do that, but she didn’t really understand what it meant.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.” Maud closed her eyes as she took a sip.

“What was he like?”

A muffled chortle escaped her lips. “Funny. He liked making rock puns, rock music, he was as obsessed with rocks as I am. Sweet too, in his own way. He was terrible in social situations and was really awkward, but with me he never had that problem. Briar made me feel special, and that’s all I could ask for.”

“How…” Pinkamena was trying not to ask the wrong question. She didn’t want to make Maud upset, nor did she want to give away that she was talking about Starlight. Maud would likely not approve with their therapist-patient relationship going on, and she was trying her best to separate that from anything romantic. “Did you know when you wanted to be with him like that?”

“I don’t really know, that’s not really an easy question to answer. It’s…” Maud was looking at her, but her mind was drifting somewhere else. “There wasn’t a specific moment where I knew. One day we were at a rock museum and he asked me if it was a date. I realized I had feelings for him and I said yes, then we were dating.”

“So you don’t know you like someone until you already do?”

“Sort of. It’s more like something happens that makes you question if what you feel for them is more than just friendship.” Maud peered up at her, the curious tilt of her head betraying the stoic look she always had like a mask she couldn’t take off. “Did something like that happen for you?”

Last night flashed in her mind like a hot wound: how soft and comforting her embrace was, the gentle way she spoke and put careful thought in each word so she wouldn’t say the wrong thing. It was the only time in recent memory where she felt safe, ironic that it was during a complete mental breakdown.

“You could say that, yeah.” She said in an almost soft spoken voice, her face getting warmer than usual.

“What did you think of her before it happened?”

“That’s…” She took another sip of the coffee as she gave her response some thought. “I’m not sure. She’s kind, sometimes in a way that’s self-neglectful. She cares a lot about her appearance, wearing makeup and putting so much effort into what she wears because she’s worried what people think of her. She wants to see the best in people, and thinks that there’s good in everyone. Even…” The energy in Pinkamena’s voice dropped off as she lowered her head, her eyes half closing as her hands wrapped around the coffee mug, the pain of the burning when her fingers dipped into the burning liquid barely registering. “Someone like me.”

Maud’s eyebrows furrowed out of concern, her eyes parting as she drew a breath, then stopped. She clearly wanted to tell her that she was a good person, but didn’t think now was the time, not that it wasn’t something she’d remember to talk about later.

“You think pretty highly about her, do you spend a lot of time together?”

“Every other day recently. We’ve…” Pinkamena bit her lip as she stopped herself, almost letting it slip that Starlight was her therapist. “Been talking a lot. We haven’t known each other very long, but she’s been a good friend to me.”

“Have you given each other nicknames? I know you used to do that for basically everyone you considered a friend.”

“Yeah.”

“And do you know if she has any romantic feelings for you?” Maud asked blatantly, resting her head on her right hand.

“No, but we talked about it last night. She asked me if ‘I like her, or the idea of her’, and I’m not sure how to answer that.”

“Hm.”

Maud stayed quiet as she took a sip, pondering for a moment. “Sounds like she’s had some bad relationship experience. That, or she knows a lot about psychology.”

Pinkamena cringed at how on the dot that last statement was, but tried her best not to show it. “She hasn’t said much about her relationships, so I can’t say. She has more experience than me, I’m sure.”

“I’m not exactly a good point of reference, but my first relationship went very well. Even if it hadn’t, we would still be good friends like we are now. I can’t tell you if you have feelings for her or not, that’s something you have to figure out yourself, but you should sit down and talk about it with her. You’re in high school, you’re still figuring a lot of things out, and part of getting into relationships is to learn things about yourself.”

Maud got out of her chair, taking the coffee with her and opening the fridge. Which was, of course, filled with whip cream. She casually pulled a can out of it and sprayed it into the coffee, getting a spoon from a drawer and mixing it in. Her face didn’t change after drinking it, but a strange grunt-like noise came from the back of her throat.

“Huh.” Maud muttered, her eyes peering into the distance and then focused back on Pinkamena, remembering that she was in the middle of talking. “At the very least, it’ll be a learning experience. This person also doesn’t sound like the type that would let that affect things. Awkward for a while maybe, but I don’t think it would ruin your friendship with her.. I’m also assuming this person is someone in The Syndicate, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to involve anyone outside of it by dating them. Actually…”

She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. “Are you going to school tomorrow?”

“I more or less have the day off, so yeah.”

“Then you should probably get to sleep soon, it’s getting pretty late.” Maud flashed her phone, showing it was half past ten. “If you want to get an acceptable amount of sleep anyway. I can tell you're tired and this isn’t something you want to think about while you’re sleep deprived, you’ve never liked putting half-assed effort into anything.”

The phone was back in her pocket as she began to walk around the table, hesitantly taking another sip from her coffee and whip cream concoction, smacking her lips like she couldn’t quite decide if she liked the taste.

Pinkamena followed her with her eyes as she drank the rest of hers, more because she didn’t like being wasteful than actually enjoying it. She’d always preferred her coffee with heavy cream. “If you say so. What are you going to be doing?”

“Not sure. Might just do some mindless grinding while watching some Breaking Bad clips, I was doing some chores yesterday to clear up my schedule for it. I’ve been having a few weird dreams recently, and they have me feeling paranoid. Hopefully it’s the whip cream.”

There was an ominous undertone that bled through her monotone voice, filling Pinkamena with a foreboding sense of dread that threatened to make its home in the back of her mind. She tried to ignore it as she stood up, swiftly washing the cup and placing it back and then heading to her room.

She didn’t even bother to take off any of her clothes, landing head first into her old bed, not having actually slept in it since she got back. The smell of clean pillows and blankets filled her nostrils as her fatigue hit her full force, an invisible pressure pushing down on her eyelids that she couldn’t ignore anymore.

Pinkamena let out a shaky breath of relief, knowing that tonight The Whispers might actually leave her be and let her sleep in peace. As darkness consumed her vision, she realized she wasn’t so lucky.

The second her eyes closed a sharp chill went down her body, the burned image of Scootaloo’s face, the color draining from it every passing second, almost visible in her mind like a photo. She could nearly feel her small heart in her hands, the desperate and weak grasping from her as she struggled for her already taken life. Her last words begging to know why it had been stolen from her, the last bit of life fading from her eyes as her movements stopped, resembling a marionette with the strings cut.

The windows to her tormented soul opened as she rolled over, desperately clutching her necklace, but it did little to alleviate the tight, coiling pain in her chest. Her eyes began to violently pulsate, spreading to the rest of her head until it turned into a searing migraine. Pinkamena pressed her hands against her eyes, unable to forget the feeling of warm blood soaking her hand and the feeling of a child’s cold corpse.

She sobbed silently as she laid in her bed, unable to get even a second of sleep, she wasn’t sure if she ever would again.