Contagious Contentment

Spectrum Sweep, the resident Restricted Area ranger, got off the phone and gathered her courage. Thank Twilight’s grace, the doc was reasonable. She was gonna owe a favor, but hey, give it some time and stuff can get forgotten. Life’s tempo was pretty swift, no reason not to cruise by on freebies now and again. Not to mention, this favor wasn’t for her.

The speedy tempo is what kept her from getting worried earlier. Honestly, could she blame herself? That guy they sent in from Canterlot was practically invisible. She’d forget he was there if not for that one time he had a panic attack and needed to be escorted out. Silly bugger. He didn’t look like the type to be spooked by trees – ex-mil, no doubt. But she didn’t budge, and besides, he had himself tested right after, so the… oddities took time to register.

It was cool having someone new to chat with at first. He even asked her out, which was cute and everything. Not enough of a date to satisfy her, though, but, still, all quite sweet. Sweep was enjoying his company, especially as he’d talk less and less about work and more and more about… whatever.

Yeah, and then one of his eyes was fuckin’ blue. Dude lost his glasses, began talking to himself, and everyone else, really. He started bouncing around like if a snakewisp crawled up his butthole. He’d laugh and holler at anything remotely resembling a joke. He’d switched to a strict diet of pastries and confections, and honestly, not even that explained how much larger he’d become. Sweep had to sigh at herself. She liked bigger stallions! Maybe if she wasn’t so self-absorbed, she would’ve noticed that the bugger was infected by the same damn thing he’d been sent here to research.

Halfway up to his floor, the ranger just had to blame herself. Mood swings. Down periods. Berry fuckin’ Bun! Yeah, right. The desk had a booking for ‘Beryl Bastion’. The mare fondled her tazer to calm down. With any luck, she won’t need to use it… the dude was sharp when they first met, but as of late- well, maybe she could trick him.

It was all so weird, though. Pink. The poor bastard started turning pink. Sweep had heard of weird-ass sicknesses that can do something similar, but this wasn’t exactly the Uncharted Territories. Pink, bouncy, chubby and giggly. This is what made it hard to be entirely on edge.

Like, what, was he turning into Pinkie Pie? Sovereign Princess Twilight’s honorable Wielder of Laughter? Bitch, please. They were likely dealing with… well… Actually, it was his job to find out. Maybe after the good doctor pumped him full of the right stuff, he’d explain.

The elevator stopped.

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyooooo!!!” a high-pitched screech spooked the absolute shit out of Sweep. The ranger hugged the wall. The light flickered.

The escape vent dislodged, Beryl’s face stared down at her. His morbidly outgrown, curly, pink mane spilled inside – goodness, this guy used to wear a tail, how could she… Well, really, looking at how his Sun-damned snout had shaved off most of its right angles, there really were bigger problems to look at.

They had transfiguration magics back in the day. Harmony watch poor Beryl, they’d fix his face, because that there was bones moving around.

“…oookay. H-hi. H-how you doing.” Sweep caressed the tazer. “I was just coming to—“

“Oh yeah yeah yeah whatever. Ah!” The light flickered again, and Beryl was directly in front of her. That spooked her some more, because he was not borderline anorexic like he once was. In fact, she could tell he couldn’t possibly have squeezed through. “Surpriiiise! That’s me!”

“Y-yep. I… I sure was going to surprise you… with a visit… yeah.”

“You get it? Surprise?” Beryl flexed his wings, adorned with tacky, glittery wing slips. Even the base feathers turned pink… “Me? Aaahhhh. You’re no meta at all! Man I love these SO MUCH!”

There was one good thing about this. They’d probably give her a bonus when she brought him in. The extra bits won’t hurt, especially if her coltfriend – or her marefriend… - can stay in the dark. The thought help put up a smile.

“So, uh. Yeah. Stuck in an elevator, huh.”

“Pfffff! Stuck. I’m never stuck!” Beryl pulled her in, hugging tight and soft. Goodness, he was pretty good at it too. She expected to be choked, or punched out, but no. Would be feeling good if not for the whole… thing with him. Poor guy. “See, one thing I learned over the maaahahahahaaaHAAAny years of being around is – you are never truly stuck. Even in this… super-duper tighty-wighty connected-shmonnected modern world of yours... I mean ours.”

Sweep nodded and just waited for a good time to zap. Thank goodness the elevator sent out an alarm by itself. Her wings were pretty much just for show.

“Wow, that’s really, uhm, profound. Saaay. You wanna… go out somewhere, once they pry us outta here?” the ranger suggested. Her mane clung to her face, damp with sweat. She elected not to wonder why the elevator stopped. Or how Beryl was on top of it.

“Hmmm… sounds fun.” Beryl smiled, and you could fit most of Sweep’s head in that smile. “But I got a better idea!”

“Uhhh… huh?” All she needed was for him to turn around.

“You ever been to Canterlot? I’m from Ponyville – I mean Canterlot! And wow, have you SEEN Princess Twilight’s castle?!” the stallion motor-mouthed.

Come to think of it… Harmony’s sakes, he had breasts. Not these ugly male pattern chub breasts. Should-be-wearing-a-bra breasts, that’s what Beryl had. Actually… he was wearing one. Sweep stared at the fellow pegasus’ crotch (like she did many times, knowing he couldn’t possibly pick up on that). Her jaw dropped.

“U-uhhh… h-huhhh…” Sweep cleared her throat. Her mouth was dry. “Sovereign Princess Twilight’s m-marvelous castle… really fun…”

“Yeah, yeah, fancy words. Anyway, I wanna go and meet her!” Beryl declared.

There was a long, tense pause. Spectrum Sweep tilted her head, and if she could, she’d merge with the wall.

“I don’t think that’s—“

“Exactly! Just me… isn’t enough! There’s so many things to check off first! Hoo-wee, believe me, Twilight likes her checklists!” the afflicted stallion nudged her shoulder as if Sweep was in on some kind of joke. “So I was thinking, before we do that, we meet with a friend of mine.”

“You know that’s quite a coincidence. I wanted you to meet with a... friend of mine! Yeah.” Sweep nodded. Maybe this could be peaceful?

“Oh, who’s the friend?” Beryl asked. “Are they fast? Mine is really really fast. I miss her so much!!!”

The… stallion?... began to motion with his arms, mimicking the motion of an old train. Or something. Sweep didn’t really care at this point. She took a deep breath, put the tazer up against the pink pony’s neck, and let it off.

“HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!” the pegasus’ distorted voice warbled. “GOHOHOHOTTTCHAAAA!!!”

And as lightning coursed through formerly Beryl’s body, delivering a slight tickle at worst, the pegasus turned to face her. Grinning wide, he grabbed her with a strong, jiggling hand, and plastered a rock up against her face.

“That was fun.”

Sweep slid down against the wall, jolting and shaking, her whole mind clouded, her body tingling from being hugged by someone she just tazed. The rock… The rock clung to her forehead, still fizzling with electricity. She felt like she’d downed a gallon of energy drink in one go. Her heart hammered, odd colors seeping into her vision before everything went dark.

Pinkie Pie grabbed the unconscious ranger, took a skip, hop and a jump, and arrived back at her room.

“Now let’s dash you up to speed! Pfff… PaaaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! AAAAHAHAHAHH!” She rolled on the floor, only stopping when she had to blow her nose on some of the old owner’s discarded clothes. “Aaaahhh, I kill me. Oops! Too soon…”