Manehattan Vice

Today has been going awesome. Not only did I get to smack some sense into that idiot of an armorer, I got promoted for accidentally being brash over the microphone, made a new family, get to help take part in saving a balefire spell from falling into the wrong hooves, and not only do I get to live on my terms, the radio playing ‘It’s My Life’ is even agreeing with me. What can I say? My life’s just as good when I was still living on a prayer. I chuckle at my bad joke, my mind is the only place I get to enjoy coming up with these bad puns. A time like this requires a little celebration. When I came to a red light, I looked over both shoulders, like I’m about to do something I know is naughty and I know it. I reach into my glovebox and grab three things between my talons: a humidor, a lighter, and a flask. I set the items down on my passenger seat, the humidor, and lighter I stuff into the pockets of my navy blue cargo pants. If I’m going to be risking my neck and get paid Special Forces Salary, I deserve to upgrade to cigars. The flask I unscrew the cap off of, pouring about a shot’s worth of Mac Daniels Whiskey into my Tim Hoofton’s coffee. Yes, I know we all shouldn’t drink and drive, but one shot never hurt anyone. I waft a bit of the steam over to my nose, an oaky blend with the already warm, cleansing smell of a dark roast coffee. It’s of things that reminded me of better times with my girlfriend Aurora. It’s what I had made over the fire of our first-anniversary trip. The warmth of a crackling fire, the beautiful starry night, and the warmth and connection of sharing that drink under one long blanket. Even though we, unfortunately, got toxic and had to break it off, I was sorry for what I did. Not just hitting her, but everything bad I did leading up to it like neglecting her for my job. I was so desperately trying to live a better life, I forgot to live it. Traffic seemed to slow to a crawl, while the radio then started playing Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, as more and more happy memories of the good times we had begun to play in my mind. Even now, I ask you, “If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I began to finish my drink, the approaching light switched to yellow and the song began to draw to a close. I set the empty coffee cup down, pull myself out of memory lane, and continue driving. Eventually, I reach the gated community that Talon’s family lived in. The guard was wearing the standard ceremonial gold armor, but make no mistake, they know how to shoot to kill. Every one of them actively served tours in Saddle Arabia and got protecting gated communities like this as a sort of retirement job.

I flashed my EBI badge to the guard and he let me in, before I pulled up in front of the house, double-checking the address to make sure I was at the right house. As soon as I step in I see Diamond and Biggins arm wrestling in the dining room table, both of them with war faces so scary they alone could require destructive device permits.

Biggins snarled “Had Enough?”

“Not even close”, retorted Diamond.

Still deadlocked, they both reached for a 2-liter bottle of sarsaparilla root beer, Biggins struggled a bit with the unscrewing, but Diamond was able to unscrew hers very easily.

“Phase two of the challenge begins, first one to finish chugging their drink wins the arm wrestle too” boasted Diamond, clearly the amazon of a pegasus is always ready to rip, and is more than capable of holding her own against Biggins.

“Are you sure this here’s a good idea?” Asked Biggins nervously, following it by explaining “All that sugar isn’t going to be healthy for us when we need to be at our fittest and strongest”.

“Come on, we’re all gonna die someday, why don’t we live little, unless you’re too chicken to try and live little.” Retorted Diamond, clearly trying to get under Biggins not-so-thick skin. She’s the kind to fight dirty, even if there is nothing to gain from it other than pride.

“Just so you know, I think you’d be a bad role model for being so reckless,” said Biggins in a tone that felt like he was trying to be mean but just didn’t quite get the hang of it.

“And I could say the same for you for being so scared.” Barked Diamond in response before challenging him again by asking “How will your kids believe you’re a veteran if you’re too scared to make this interesting?”

The two then started chugging sarsaparilla and with no more conversation, I was done here. I decided to look out the window and saw Buckshot frying some burgers in the barbecue while Talon was playing water polo with his son. I felt so lonely and out of place at this party, I had to go to the bathroom to collect my thoughts.

I shut the door and pressed my back up against the door, slowly sliding to the ground. I haven’t been to a party in 10 years, ever since I started working as a special agent, because I had no idea how to party sober. Soon a feeling of dread began to tug at my guts, as the social anxiety was too intense. But then, I had a brilliant idea! I opened the door to the medicine cabinet and began perusing all the drugs, looking for anything that would give me a much needed high. Eventually, I found something that would work, Concerta, 54mg pills. I took one out and chewed it thoroughly before washing it down with a glass of water. My mouth was thoroughly numb and tingly, but I assume that was a good sign. I decided to do my business in the bathroom while I waited for the high to kick in, shouldn’t be that long, especially since Concerta is mostly filler to delay it so it gives a boost throughout the day.

When I walked out, I felt amazing. Like I was finally ready to party. I walked outside to the backyard where everyone was eating burgers, and a spot was set aside for me. Everyone was talking and eating, I didn’t want to disturb them too much so I pretty much just sat down and horked down my food, and oh my gosh, there are no words to describe how good Buckshot is on the grill. The burger patties were seared but still juicy and medium-rare, the white melted cheddar added a layer of savory, the crunchy bacon provided another flavourful packet of fatty tastiness, the toasted buns gave the sandwich an amazing texture, and last but certainly not least, barbecue sauce and garlic aioli brought everything together. Forget drugs, I should’ve been a cook! Like Oliver Twist, I looked Buckshot in the eyes and asked, in the best posh accent I could muster when high as a kite, “Please sir, may I have some more?” Buckshot smiled pleasantly and got up to fry me a couple more, whereas Biggins simply grew worried like he was able to read how high I was. My eyes darted rapidly trying to scan the room, why did I think popping a pill was a good idea? I just found a new family and blew it by getting high. I nervously gulp and shrink in my spot. I was however snapped out of it by the sudden firm embrace of Diamond. I looked over to her and she said “because you seemed to have trouble socializing, I figured we’d play a game of laser tag at the rec center on base. You in?” I nodded with extreme enthusiasm! I was so worried about being included and these wonderful ponies thought of me!

My excitement and heart rate kept climbing as we drove over to the rec center. I was craving water by the bucket and burning up, so I figured it would be a good idea to hydrate. I drank water for literally a minute straight. The cool water, with the ever familiar refreshing feeling of metal washing down my overheating throat, oh my god does it feel so amazing! Someone should watch out, I might become addicted to water next. Like a blur, the boring bits went by quickly. The lights proceeded to dim, I got my gear and attached gun setup, I was given a minute to hide. When my minute was up, Darude’s Sandstorm started playing as the laser lights came on. I felt nauseous as the music, lights, and mental state triggered a flashback to a rave in Cloudsdale, one where a drug deal went seriously wrong. I couldn’t turn my back on my friends who thought to include me by planning something for all of us to do, so instead, I let go, I embrace my fear and I embrace my fight or flight urge, going all the way into ‘fight’. Reality flashes before me to the rave shootout; the barricades flashing into tipped over tables, and my laser gun fading in as a Glock 13. I never stopped running and shooting, sometimes I even bore down on the trigger, setting it to full auto, and got a few kills. However, just when the song ends, I begin to feel dizzy. Reality flashing back to me, I fall to my talons and knees, the oppressive heat of running around shooting everything with a laser gun was setting in. I wasn’t able to keep myself awake much longer, and blackness took me.

Soon, however, I scrambled awake in Talon's place. I was naked with an ice-pack on my head and a metal barf basin by my bed. I scrambled into an upright position before the lights flicked on and revealed Biggins had been watching over me. “Are you okay there partner?” The shaggy maned gentle giant asked. I simply nodded, turned to face the wall, and just focus on my breathing, hoping to just outlast the bad feelings. When at that point, Biggins sat on my bed and placed a hoof on my shoulder, his hard digits resting firmly on my exposed shoulder, and then clarified in a soft tone “I meant, is everything alright with your thinking noodle?” I looked over at him in confusion. Not because I didn’t understand his country-ism, but because no one cared about my mental health before. Biggins reached into a pocket on his ballistic vest and pulled out a rectangular box labelled ‘Narcan’ and then went on to explain “I and Buckshot have been through a lot together, stuff that ‘never happened’, stuff he has trouble to cope with. So I pack extra painkillers as well as some of this here Narcan so he always has a safe fix available, and always able to save him from an overdose.” Biggins places the syringe in front of me and continued with “Nowadays, Buckshot smokes some of that fancy-schmancy zeeb weed, but that’s only cause it’s even safer than popping pain pills. The point I’m trying to make is whatever you need to do to cope with your past we’ll support you 100%. We’re family after all.” He got off the bed and turned the light off, saying “I also never seen anypony shoot like that in laser tag. You even managed to beat Diamond, our regular ol’ Annie Oakley. You’re a good’ un, hoss.” Before Biggins left the room. I put the Narcan syringe on the night table next to the bed. Even if I never use it, I’ll keep it as a token I’ll always be loved here, no matter what I do. For the first time in a while, I went to sleep with a genuine smile.