Too Big Mac

The late morning light beamed softly on Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack sent bushels of apples tumbling down with buck after well aimed buck. She wiped the sweat from her brow and surveyed her work so far. Not a bad start to the morning work. She had to handle her brother's share of the harvest, as him and his new wife were off on their honeymoon in the Coltarado Rockies. Applejack still giggled at the idea that her brother was married.

She spared just a moment to ponder how happy she was for her brother who was walking with his new wife towards the farmhouse. Wait. Big Mac and Sugar Belle are here? "What in tarnation?" Applejack thought to herself. They shouldn't be back for another full week. She started off at a quick trot towards the couple to see what could possibly have brought them home so early. "Hey! Big Mac! Sis N Lawr! Whus. . . ?" she called out, but neither turned to answer.

They just kept walking right past Granny Smith, who sensing the imminent tension approaching her, awoke from her morning nap. Granny eyed the two ponies warily and knew the situation at a glance. The couple entered the house in silence and Applejack trotted up soon after. "Now what in Equestria is goin on with those two?" Applejack asked Granny Smith rhetorically while reaching for the door.

A withered green hoof stopped her from entering the farmhouse. "Not now yungin. This here's a private matter." Granny made a pained face at her phrasing. "This here's gonna be one tough storm to weather and we." She went silent as Big Macintosh exited the farmhouse, still not acknowledging either pony. He walked dreamily as in a daze towards the south field and Applejack moved towards Granny Smith.

"What in tarnation has gotten inta them?" Applejack whispered in a tone tempered with slight annoyance at being the only pony out of the loop. Granny whispered something Applejack was not prepared to hear and her face lit up redder than Big Macintosh's coat. She shuddered hard and pranced in place in revulsion.

Granny Smith stomped a hoof for silence. "NOW YUNGIN! NONE A THAT! We's kin, and kin sticks together. Even through." The conversation was interrupted by the sound of Sugar Belle weeping from within. Distantly on the wind they could hear the sound of Big Mac bawling from where he'd retreated off to. Granny Smith sighed hard. "That. Now I'll talk to the missus, N you talk to the groom."

Applejack's face went blank, and she crouched defensively. "NUH UH!"

Granny Smith smacked the cringing pony upside the head and snapped a hoof towards the sound of manly bawling coming from the orchard. Applejack stepped hesitantly towards the field, having absolutely no knowledge of how, or the emotional fortitude requisite to handle this situation. She turned once towards the house, but Granny gave her a stern look that meant the conversation was over, then went inside to tend to her granddaughter in law.

Applejack groaned uneasily and made her way towards her sobbing brother. "After all we're kin," she said, failing to reassure herself. "N kin." She gulped. "Sticks together." She followed the sound of comically loud and guttural sobbing until she saw, to her considerable surprise, her brother didn't seem to be bawling at all. There he was as always, bucking for apples like normal. For a split second Applejack grasped at the hope that Big Mac had just had himself a good cry and had suddenly gotten over it.

It was then however that she noticed his scowl. Not to mention the hoofprints he kept leaving on each tree as he bucked them, the bark limply falling from the tree where the pony's cannon of a back leg shot out. Applejack winced as tree after tree had a deep gash carved into it. Applejack warily called out to her brother between cringes at what he was doing to her beloved orchard. "Uh" -crunch- "Hey there uh Big." -crunch- "Mac. You're back."

Big Mac's merciless onslaught on the trees of the orchard stopped only long enough to say, "Eeyup," without looking at her. He then immediately resumed knocking deep gashes in the Apple family's pride and joy.

She inhaled to try again. "Uuum" -crunch- "How was your." -crunch- "trip." The last word came out as an unenthused deadpan.

Big Macintosh put his leg down before striking a tree without any apples on it. He didn't answer for several seconds. "Short," he growled, then kicked the tree several times.

"Yeah ah noticed," Applejack deadpanned. She sighed hard. Now more than ever she felt the sting of orphanhood. This was not an issue a sister should have to deal with. This was a task for Pa, or even old Grandpappy. She was thrown out of her revelry when she noticed something was out of place. She tried not to see it but it couldn't be ignored. She turned sharply around. "Uh Big Mac?"

The stallion didn't hear her over the sound of a tree being all but split in two. Applejack cleared her throat loudly and called out again. "Big Mac!" This time the fuming pony chose not to answer from sheer petulence. He silently continued bucking the same poor appleless tree again and again. To Applejack's horror she noticed Applebloom coming over the crest of the hill towards them. She couldn't be allowed to see this.

"Howdy y'all what's~" Applebloom's greeting was cut off by an apple, expertly bucked by Applejack, knocking her out cold.

Applejack slammed her eyes shut as she screamed, "BIG MACINTOSH!!!"

The enraged earth pony turned sharply and barked, "WHUT?!" just as loud. Applejack, eyes still shut, merely pointed at her brother's half erect unsheathed stallionhood dangling carelessly between his legs. His face lit up pink with humiliation, and he dropped to the ground to conceal the cause of the early cessation of his honeymoon. He winced at dropping his considerable bulk onto his fifth leg and awkwardly stood back up. He darted his head around for a solution, then dashed off towards the small creek that marked the Apple family's southern border to cool himself down.

Applejack groaned hard, and followed her brother to where he was trying desperately to resheath himself. He trudged slowly, dejectedly out of the water. The two sat down beside the creek bank in silence for a moment to short for Applejack's liking. Big Mac suddenly burst out with another bout of bawling and grabbed Applejack in his forelegs, blubbering pathetically into her shoulder. "OH APPLEJACK! We tried! We tried so hard! But it just wouldn't fit! What kind of a husband can't make love to his own wife?!"

He continued his blubbering and Applejack internally squirmed head to hoof. This was the single most uncomfortable she'd ever been in her fucking life. "Now now. There there," she said as she pat him on the back. "We'll figure th~" Her revulsion increased by an order of magnitude when she noticed her brother's still unsheathed member laying lazily on her leg. She breathed a silent prayer to any god that would listen to just kill her now. Khorne raised his chain axe to strike, but Tzeentch and Slaanesh pulled his arm back down. Slaanesh delighted too dearly in her torment, and it wasn't according to Tzeentch's plan for her to die just yet.