And now, back to your regular old ass kicking’s.

Deadpool crashed into the front of a car in the middle of the road, he moaned in pain, even though it went away after a few seconds. The merc rolled of the car, and took a look at the people who were confronting him.

“Bad dog.” Jack-T said as he walked over to him.

However, Spikey held out his hands and said, “Nope, you don’t get to call me that anymore.” He began gesturing to himself, “Not since I got arms, and tiny ears; however I do miss my tail. I could chase that thing all day; just running round and round and round…” Deadpool started to feel dizzy.

New Goblin then said, “Spikey, snap out of it.”

Returning to reality, Spikey turned to the two heroes, “What do you want?” he said in a bored tone.

“To bring you back where you belong, Earth 1.” New Goblin explained.

Deadpool walked around them and said, “Sorry, not happening.”

Jack-T grabbed his arm and pulled him back, “You think you can be cocky just because you have thumbs now, it ain’t happening. You are no better that the criminals you’ve been murdering.” Using his Goblin Strength, Jack-T pushed him into the car again. “This is a reckless use of the powers you’ve been given.”

“Look, buddy; I don’t have time for the boy-scout pep-talk right now. I got shit to deal with.” He then looked at the girl that was standing beside New Goblin, Spikey said, “Didn’t you used to bone my owner.”

Heather just said, “Oh my god.”

Spikey walked back over to Trenderhoof and gave him a quick punch to the face, “I’m just going to pretend you guys aren’t here until you leave.” He said to the two heroes.

“Spikey, look at all this chaos.” Jack-T said.

“Please, no one’s getting hurt. Damn it, I broke character.” Spikey replied, Jack-T then gestured to the thugs that were lying dead in the street. “Would you believe that those guys were like that when I got here?”

New Goblin had tried the mean approach, maybe it was time to try the kind one; he explained, “Spikey, you could do some much more with these abilities; join us, the O.S.C, the Avengers. Be the hero Adam would want you to b…”

Deadpool then cut him off, “Listen Daddy’s boy; the day I decide to be a crime fighting, goodie-two-shoes. Taking orders from your ungrateful heartbeat of a wife, on that day; I’ll send your pumpkin throwing ass a friend request.”

No one seemed to noticed Trenderhoof start to get up, walk to an unbroken bike and mount.

“But in the meantime, I’m going to do what I came here do, and kick this guy right in the co…” Deadpool was cut off when all three of them could hear the sound of a motorcycle; they turned to see Trenderhoof get away.

Jack-T said, “Quite unfortunate.”

Spikey could not believe, they guy he had been looking for the last month; the guy that could fix what had been done to the merc, had just got away. And there was only one person to blame at the moment; he turned back to Jack-T and shouted, “That does it!”

Deadpool went to throw a punch to the side of New Goblin’s head, when the hero raised his left arm three hooked blades emerged from the flesh; Spikey ended up stabbing his right arm on one of the blades.

He pulled it free from the blades and tried to hide the pain; until he screamed out, “Ow! Oh Manchester!” he took a quick look at the wound, “That’s not good.”

“Spikey, stop.” Jack-T said to him.

“Cock-shot.” The merc replied, attempting to punch Jack-T in the manhood. But the hero fought back, kicked his fist away and punched him in the nose. “Ow! My beautiful use-to-be dog snout.” Deadpool then raised his fists as if he was in a boxing match.

New Goblin then asked, “Do you have an ‘off switch’?”

“Yeah, it’s right next to the prostate; or is that the ‘on switch’?”

“Enough!” the both heard Heather say; before she used her powers to lift Spikey into the air and throw him against another car.

Jack-T walked over to the broke merc and put a cuff on his wrist; he put the other cuff on his own wrist and started to drag him along. “Let’s go see Olessia.”

“How are you two doing by the way? If you have problems, I can convince ITV to put Jeremy Kyle back on the air.” Spikey joked. He then reached for the small knife that he kept in a pocket on his leg.

You may not want to think to graphically for this bit; we all saw how it looked in the movie.

Deadpool took the knife and began cutting off his own hand; Heather noticed him doing and stopped, she said, “Holy hell.”

The merc then joked, “You what this reminds me of, that bit in Futurama where Bender saws of the Professors hand to steal a doomsday device.” Just as he was finishing, he put his feet against New Goblin and pushed himself away, allowing the knife to cut right through the bone.

He fell off the bridge and landed in a passing by garbage truck; Jack-T held up the severed hand, he it was holding up the middle finger. “He is such a child.” He then looked around, but couldn’t find Heather. “Heather, where are you?”

“Over here.” He noticed her, being slightly sick on the road. She turned back to him and said, “Can you please get rid of that.” Gesturing to the hand.

Meanwhile, in the back of a garbage truck; Deadpool was just thinking about how he fucked a month long plan.

What? You want to know the rest of the story of how I got like this? Fine, next chapter…

Author's Note

I know I said I'd upload them all at once, but it was taking too long.