Deadpool: Equestria's Daddy

Spikey was sitting on his bed as his girlfriend paced back and forth, she was on the phone to one of the doctors of Fillydelphia; trying to get her lover some good medical care. Judging by the look on her face, she didn’t seem happy with the news she was hearing.

“Look, you’re a doctor; can’t you help him. He’s a human being with some kind of fatal dog disease." Sunset then listened to what the doctor asked. “No I don’t think it would make a good TV show, no one would believe.” She then turned towards Spikey and continued the call, the doctor of the phone replied with…

“I’m really sorry, Miss Shimmer; but I’ve never seen a case like this before, it should be impossible. Sorry, but I can’t do anything to help him.” That’s when the doctor hanged up, causing Sunset to sigh.

Went she sat down, Spikey turned to her and said, “I’m sorry, baby; I didn’t mean to drag you into this. It was fun while it lasted, but I don’t blame you if you want to go.”

Sunset then replied, “Spikey, stop it; this hasn’t just been a whole load of one night stands. We have something special, I don’t want to lose that.” She rested her head on his shoulder. Suddenly, she started kissing his cheek and his neck; which made him instantly realise what she wanted.

“Really, you can’t fuck your way out of everything.” Spikey stated.

But she replied, “Try me.”

Later that day, Spikey decided to drown in pity in alcohol; he went to his friend’s pub to drink and drink, and drink.

“Canine Parvovirus; that’s what they call it. The most fucked up dog cancer; and now it’s genes are splashing about in my blood, fuck-a-doodle-doo.” The merc stated to the bar keep.

Garble replied, “Look man, I’m sorry; can I get you anything.” Spikey was about to take a sip of the strong alcohol, until Garble took it out of his hand. “I mean something other than the stuff that’s gonna kill faster the cancer will.”

Spikey didn’t want to be lectured, he just wanted to drink, then go home and fuck; doesn’t have to be in that order.

Iron Will walked past the two of them, turned to Spikey and said, “Fuck, dog; you look like you need a blowjob and a shower.” But the merc just ignored his comment. The big guy then said, “nay of you ladies want to buy some grade-A weed, good for the immune system.”

“Really?” Spikey replied, reaching for the small bag.

However, Garble just smacked his hand down and shooed Iron Will away, “No man; you knows rules, sell your drugs on the streets where its meant to be sold.” With that said, the big guy stomped away.

Suddenly, Spikey reached into his pocket and pulled out some leaflets, “Check it out, Sunset’s looking into all the clinics and free doctors we can check out; I’m sure they’re all NHS approved.” While looking through the leaflets, a picture of Spikey and Sunset fell out of his hand.

Garble picked it up and looked at it, “Mind if I keep this, something to remember you by.” He said, not waiting for an answer and just putting the picture on his beer fridge. “At least now, I’ll win the dead pool, since you’re gonna die tragically of dog cancer.”

Spikey just smirked at his joke, then Garble remembered something; he took a back card out of his pocket and gave it to Spikey. “By the way, the guy over there came in looking for you; real Grimm Reaper type.” The black card only had a phone number on it, written in white letters. He turned to see a guy in a ‘men in black’ suit; sitting with his back to them.

Seeing how he had nothing better to do, Spikey picked up his drink and walked over to the man in the suit. When he sat down, he greeted the guy with, “Sup, Agent K.”

“Hello, Mr… the dog, is it?” the man replied.

The merc then said back to him, “Look, man; as you can see, I’m very busy dying of a dog cancer, so what the fuck do you want?”

“I represent a secret group that works with the government, we specialize in cases such as your own.” He place his hands on the table and continued, “What if we were to tell you, we could cure you?”

Spikey thought for a second and then said, “I’d say call merlin, your stealing his act.”

The man then said, “Hear me out, not just cure you, but give you abilities that most men would only dream of. We’d make you a superhero.” Spikey suddenly chuckled at his comment, this was some grade A shit he was hearing.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve seen the whole hero thing; it’s not for me.” Spikey handed the man back his card, but he just put his hand up, gesturing him to keep it.

After the little meeting, Spikey walked back over to Garble; he started with, “His drink’s on him, and so is mine.” He said after slurping down the last of his alcohol. “I’m going home.”

That night as the rain came down, Spikey was lying in bed; Sunset lying naked, but covered by the blanket by his side. She was sound asleep, her head by his shoulder; while he was still wide awake, just staring out the window.

All night he had been thinking about what he had been told by that guy in the bar; ‘we can make you a superhero’. Back when he was still a dog, he knew all about superheroes; his owner was one.

Carefully, Spikey got out of bed; he walked over to the window and just watched the rain fall out to the city. He then turned back to his dream girl a thought; for once in his careless life, he actually had something worth a lot to him. After some much needed thinking, he came to a conclusion; no doctor could cure a human with dog cancer, he had only one option if he was going to survive this.

You see, this is the part of the story where the hero does something some noble; even though he’s as selfish as fuck. It’s where he decides he’s got a lethal problem, and he not going to drag something he cares about into the mud as well.

Spikey quietly go dressed, put his shoes and jacket on, and then left the apartment; he tried not to let the door make a noise as it closed. However, that didn’t stop Sunset from waking up after he’d gone.

Holding the covers over her body, Sunset Shimmer looked around for her lover; but he was gone. Suddenly, tears fell down her face; she was heartbroken, why would he just leave. I guess it’s back to Canterlot City then.

Spikey walked down the street, he pulled out his phone and the card that ‘Agent Smith’ gave him; he typed the number into his phone and waited for it to answer. When someone answer the phone, the merc was greeted with, “Hello.”

“This is Spikey the dog, I’m in.”