The pale blue of the morning greeted the Princess when she awoke, finding herself much closer to the edge of the bed than perhaps some would have expected. For one who was used to luxury, as much space and comfort as she could asked for, the gossamer woman hardly took up much room. A long, slow blink, one that gave her the sentience required to take in her surroundings, memory giving name to where she lay. This was not her royal bedchambers, held deep within the confines of polished stone and brick that made up the Canterlot palace, but aged wood repaired over the years by a loving family with whom she had chosen to spend her days- and now offered a place for her as well. A small stretch and she felt the peaceful, still-slumbering form of her beloved curled beside her, Applejack snoring softly as the gentle sunlight poured in from the nearby window.

Now she remembered. Last night, uncomfortable with the excess of intrusions at the formal engagement party in Canterlot- they had disappeared together to the Apple family homestead and taken solace alongside Big Mac and Sugar Belle. The two couples had enjoyed the simplicity of unimpressive company, no rank or structure or ego to stifle good nature and kind word. Celestia, for her part, found the atmosphere of the unassuming Apples delightful; she could be a girl, carefree and playful without looks of reproach or reminders of some unimportant ‘station’ she was supposedly meant to maintain. She was not Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria among her future in-laws- she was merely Celestia, whom Applejack loved. Applejack wasn’t a Princess-in-Waiting, just a hardworking owner of a family business. The frivolity and nonsense of Canterlot was lost and forgotten here, just as they liked it.

Celestia smiled as she watched her fiancé sleep on, that freckled face she found so lovely to the eye not burdened by worry or weariness that could so easily become a fixture in her waking hours. Applejack cared so deeply for her family, for this farm, that its wellbeing was always on her mind; now and evermore, this homestead and those who dwelled here would forever be secure. Never again would they know want, she would make sure of that. Perhaps subconsciously, the besotted Princess stroked the stray hairs out of Applejack’s eyes, allowing no obstruction of the view she adored. This woman was the one she loved, would marry! It was almost too good to be true.

The movement of gentle fingers across her face was enough to awaken the hardworking woman, Applejack’s eyelids fluttering several times over before true consciousness came into action. Those deep-green eyes found her companion and found reason to smile. “Morning,” she whispered.

“Morning, my darling,” Celestia replied, placing a kiss on Applejack’s nose. “How are we today?”

“Better, now that I’ve seen you.”

“Flatterer,” Celestia giggled, though she felt a glow of delight at the compliment. “Time to start our day, you think?”

“And it’s gonna be a busy one, I’ll bet,” Applejack said, sitting up straight and stretching her arms out wide. “Well, let’s get to it. I’m feeling breakfast first, what about you?’

“Breakfast sounds lovely,” Celestia sighed, mouth beginning to water at the thought of fresh biscuits topped with homemade jam. She slid out from her place beneath the covers and made to pull open the bedroom door-

“Uh, Celestia? Don’t open the door!” Applejack called-

“What, why? What’s wrong?”

Applejack bit back a laugh. “Well, sugarcube… you’re still pretty naked,” she said.

Celestia peered down at her flawless body, exposed to the elements, and discovered that her fiancé was quite right. “My, I have gotten comfortable here,” she remarked.

“Maybe you should put on your nightgown before you go?”

“If I must,” Celestia said, sighing dramatically. “Oh, it would be much easier to go through life nude.”

“Not for everyone around you, it wouldn’t.”

Unsurprisingly, the kitchen was already bustling with morning activity when the loving couple made their way downstairs, Sugar Belle standing over a pot of grits when they arrived. “Morning, you two!” she said warmly. “Coffee’s on the pot if you want any- and tea if you’d like some, Celestia. I don’t mind sharing.”

“I would indeed, thank you,” Celestia replied, unsure whether she delighted more in the thoughtful act or the speaking of her name. It had taken Sugar Belle some time for her to lose her gentle-hearted formality in regards to the Princess, despite their oncoming bond as members of the same family.

“Morning, Sugar Belle. Where’s Big Mac- or Apple Bloom, for that matter?” Applejack asked, coming over to pour herself a large bowl of grits. “Saw her door was closed.”

“Apple Bloom had to go into town already, I think the Cakes were asking for some repairs on their kitchen,” the cheery-eyed woman answered. “Big Mac’s outside, loading up the cart.”

Applejack paused. “Y’all are leaving already?”

“Heard from Flitter yesterday that the weather’s supposed to turn bad this afternoon,” Sugar Belle said. “Big Mac and I decided we’d head out early, just in case we got slowed down somewhere. Ginger and Crispin are out there with him, of course, you know how they love riding on the horses beforehand.” Ginger Spice and Crispin, the youngest children of the Apple family, were a rambunctious pair. It was a surprise they hadn’t awoken the entire household, if they were already up and moving about.

“And you made all this food for everyone?” Celestia asked, feeling somewhat ashamed to take use of such hospitality. “Sugar Belle, you shouldn’t have. You’re taking some of this with you, correct?”

“Oh, it’s alright! I’ve already packed up our breakfasts and put them in the carriage,” Sugar Belle replied swiftly, waving away the Princess concerns’ for her without a thought. “I know this family well enough now, don’t I? Never such a thing as a full belly.”

In due time, the rest of the family returned indoors and greeted the late arrivals, Ginger happily crawling her way into Celestia’s lap to gabble away like young children do. Though Sugar Belle looked apprehensive about the situation, Celestia could hardly contain her delight. Young children never saw the crown she wore, or the status her name carried- she was just Celestia to these dear souls. It was far too soon that the small family waved their good-byes to the couple and headed for the door.

“Y’all will back here in time to start going over wedding details, right?” Applejack called.

“Eeyup,” Big Mac replied, his usual vocabulary hardly enough to fill a sticky note.

“And Big Mac- be careful, for heaven’s sake. You’re gonna be a part of that wedding and you know it, so don’t go off and get yourself hurt.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Sugar Belle called. “See you all next week, enjoy yourselves!”

“Tell your family I said hello!” Celestia said.

In the wake of silence, the two women simply ate through their meal and then began to make themselves ready for the day. Celestia, though she did not wish it, would have to return to Canterlot, while Applejack would have her duties on the farm to attend to. The separation they endured was not enjoyable, especially when they considered that some measure of it would continue on even after the marriage had begun. Celestia’s plans for a summer court away from Canterlot was not yet accepted by some of the nobility.

“Remind me of what’s on that list again?” Applejack asked.

“Mm? Oh, yes,” Celestia said, a snap of her fingers bringing forth a substantial piece of parchment covered in written ink. “Let us see: guest list needs to be finalized, invitations made and sent out… we’ll need to purchase our wedding dresses, choose the bridesmaids dresses, choose a cake design, get the rings made- just to name a few,” she added. Even Princess Celestia, one overly familiar with an excess of lists and duties to cover, found herself intimidated by the number of things that would need to be accomplished. “And we only have three months.”

Applejack sighed aloud, knowing she’d have to take on help for the farm- many of those tasks on that massive list required her presence. “We should’ve thought of some of these sooner,” she murmured. “It’s going to be an awful rush.”

“One that we will manage,” Celestia replied, leaning over and kissing the farmgirl’s lips gently. “At least we have some comforts already; Pinkie Pie is working diligently with the Cakes and has promised the catering will be covered, Rarity has some designs already drawn for us, and –most importantly- we have our friends to help us along the way.”

“I guess so,” Applejack said uncertainly. “It just feels like so much right now. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you’re looking at it from this end, that’s all.”

“So it is a very good thing we have so many people who are glad to help,” Celestia assured her. “And, we have one another. I am sure we will see it done.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Celestia whispered. “We’ve no reason to worry.”

Applejack studied the Princess’s confident expression, her own freckled visage splitting into a grin. “Mind convincing me of that, sugarcube?” she asked coyly.

Celestia, it turned out, didn’t mind at all.

Rainbow Dash discovered, much to her annoyance, that vengeance often had to wait a little while. It also didn’t help that she awoke to the worst hangover of her existence. For a time, she wasn’t sure whether or not she’d bitten off more than she could chew. Vengeful promises made during one’s drunken rambling to the ether hardly sounded problematic- the issues usually arose when a more sober temperament thought of them much later.

Celestia wasn’t exactly going to be an easy target. That slight problem of her being the most powerful person in the kingdom didn’t help things, and her magical abilities that transcended reality didn’t allow for many mistakes. Not to mention the surplus of guards she possessed, the political power, being the final word in who lives or dies in the whole damn country- All the small, little intangibles that built up over time. And who was her opponent? The Rainbow Dash, the greatest athlete in Equestria, member of the Wonderbolts, and Wrecker of Shit. Or so she hoped.

A week went by, and then another. Over a month passed and Rainbow’s predilection to assassination had yielded little fruit. It wasn’t the lack of thought that was the issue, really. She wasn’t scared or anything. No, of course not. She just needed something absolutely foolproof, something so perfect and dashing and special that the moment she’d done the deed, there Applejack would be to fall into her arms and never leave. Nothing too challenging. She had ideas, she just needed a few… tweaks. Rainbow would have it together soon enough. Definitely.

Mornings were her least favorite part of the day, so the best solution she’d ever discovered was to sleep through them. The infallible plan had never failed her before, so of course it now failed spectacularly since she couldn’t stay asleep anymore. It didn’t matter when she awoke- three in the morning or eight, five or eleven, awake she would be in utter totality and have no capabilities bringing herself back to slumber. The covers wouldn’t feel right, the ultra-king-size would be too big, it was too cold in her bedroom, on and on the list went. The bed needed Applejack, she concluded: Applejack, having been thoroughly loved and exhausted by her magnificent skills in the art of sex. It’d happen, if she could only think of a way!

When she left her miniature palace, Rainbow grimaced at the sight of it. The place was too large now, feeling too empty. She needed someone to dwell in it with her, to make it feel a little less spacious. But how? Any idea she’d had didn’t seem to amount to much, no matter how far she let it play out in her mind. If she were honest, the whole thing felt like a failed attempt and she hadn’t even started.

Rainbow, deep down, knew that she was kidding herself. To actually try to kill Princess Celestia was likely to end in disaster and put an end to whatever hopes she had at a decent life. Hell, actually succeeding was probably worse an outcome than her trying and failing- if she were serious with herself for a moment, the outcomes of what she was wanting to do were horrible: even if she didn’t immediately get arrested –if she pulled the whole thing off- she’d have to live on the lam for the rest of her life. What sort of life was that? Especially for Applejack, the woman who more dearly loved her roots and her home than anyone else. It would be a miserable thing to endure, their being together likely not enough to overcome the squalor of such an existence. No warm bed, no peaceful days and nights in blissful, sex-crazed harmony, no sort of happily-ever-after… just awful.

And that would be if she survived. No doubt they’d execute you for regicide, laws against execution be damned. Rainbow gave a shudder; the idea of one’s head being rolled off a cliff like a child with a stone didn’t appeal to her in the least.

Just accept it, she counseled herself. You’re out of your depth here, it’s over. Celestia is gonna marry Applejack and that’s the end of it. Might as well just deal with it and move on with your damn life. It’s not like there aren’t other fish in the sea or something- right?

She walked to her mailbox and found the morning newspaper sticking out like a malformed, grey turd and she grabbed at it listlessly- only to be graced with a picture of Celestia and Applejack standing together as they overlooked a series of cake designs, the headline below the photograph reading: Royal Couple Selects Wedding Cake.

Rainbow quivered. Celestia, the stupid cow, was actually paying attention to the row of intricate designs, mulling it over with whatever she could call ‘thought’ and trying to select one out. But as she minded the useless frippery, Applejack was looking at the Princess with such an oily, slavish, infatuated gaze that made it appear as though the only thing in the entirety of the wedding she truly cared about was that rotten, no-good, woman-stealing, street-walking whore of a Princess.

“I’m gonna kill that bitch.”

“Oh- good afternoon, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight Sparkle was there at the counter in a chat with Mrs. Cake, the young woman seeming surprised at the arrival of her friend. “I haven’t seen you in ages, where have you been?”

Going around her house in a strange, despairing stupor is where she’d been, but that wasn’t the sort of thing a strong, capable woman was going to admit. Rainbow gave a small little wave of greeting but said nothing, her attentions focused less on people and more on the immense wedding cake that was on display in the dead center of the bakery, a beautiful pillar of soft white-and-gold fluff that still awaited its last layer of icing. “Whoa.”

“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” Twilight said pleasantly, coming over to the prismatic woman’s side and regarding the colossal confectionery with a bright smile. “The Cakes have really outdone themselves on this one, it took them almost a week just to figure out how they wanted to make it! But just… it’s going to be almost as beautiful as the brides!”

A taste in her throat like vomit, but Rainbow held firm- and then immediately a bolt of horror. “Is the wedding real soon?” she asked.

“Not for another two months, though even that seems like it’s really close, if you think about it,” Twilight replied. “But we’ll manage; I got asked to come over today and put a Preservation Spell on the cake, so it’ll be able to stay on display for people to take a look- and still stay fresh!”

“Neat.”

“It’s not quite done yet, I’m afraid,” Mrs. Cake interrupted, coming over to speak to Twilight. “We’ve had a bit of an accident, Ms. Sparkle- the secondary layer of icing we were supposed to add isn’t quite ready, we’ll have to start a new batch for tomorrow.”

“Does it have to sit overnight or something?” Rainbow asked, suddenly poking into the conversation. Her mind was onto something here…

“The icing we make is special, Ms. Dash,” Mrs. Cake answered. “Something magical that we only use for weddings, you know! One good layer across the whole cake and it’ll be the best-tasting cake ever made!”

“Hmm…”

“I’ll still put the spell on it for you before I go, Mrs. Cake,” Twilight said. “And if you need me to remove it tomorrow so you can finish it, just ask. But you won’t have a lot of time to work in.”

“Oh please, like I’ll need a lot of time,” Mrs. Cake replied airily. “Who do you think will be helping me make it?”

“Too true,” Twilight whispered. As Mrs. Cake walked away, Twilight stole a look around the bakery to ensure she and Rainbow Dash had some level of privacy. “Rainbow… I know the last time we talked, you weren’t doing alright. Do you- you know, feel any better?”

Oh. That. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied. Of course one is fine when you’re concocting plans to kill your romantic rival.

“I want you know that I know how you feel, Rainbow,” Twilight said sympathetically. “It’s a hard thing to accept, but I’m glad you came around. I was afraid you’d overreact and do something silly!”

She wasn’t overreacting at all, and Rainbow Dash knew it. Her course of action was perfectly logical.

“Ohmygosh- Hi, Rainbow Dash!” The violently cheerful sound of a delighted young woman suddenly cut through the attempt at meaningful conversation and outpouring of touching emotion to a grinding halt; Rainbow Dash, however, did the complete opposite and nearly got thrown into the nearby wall as a frizzy, pink-haired woman practically crashed through the display cases and took Rainbow Dash into a bone-crushing, brilliantly enthusiastic hug that more than squeezed the breath out of her lungs. “It’s so good to see you, I was so worried about you! I hadn’t seen you in ages and I was wondering if I needed to come over and see that you were alright and make sure that you weren’t upset about anything and maybe I could help you feel better since we’re all invited to the wedding and everything-”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“-So I started working on making you some cupcakes so you and I could have a picnic together and when I got to working was when Mr. Cake accidently grabbed my icing instead and tried to use it on Applejack and Princess Celestia’s wedding cake and so now-”

“Pinkie!” Twilight cried. “Ease off for a moment!”

“Oh yeah, I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”

“No- well yes- Rainbow’s not breathing!” The neurotic woman said.

“Oh jeez!” In an instant, Pinkie Pie had relinquished her unconsciously tight grip on her friend and Rainbow Dash collapsed to the ground as she spluttered, wheezing and coughing in the hopes she’d find her next breath. “Sorry, Rainbow Dash! I promise I didn’t mean to be so- you know, squeezy!”

“Fine,” Rainbow gasped, wondering if her lungs would ever recover.

“Sorry, just uh- here, let me help you up,” Pinkie said, a bit more softly this time around. The young woman’s morose expression only lasted for a moment and was soon replaced by shining happiness, her eyes wide as she beheld Rainbow Dash before her. The two women were polar opposites in terms of physical appearance: Pinkie Pie carried a bit more weight than most, and perhaps could be considered on the shorter side- a complete reversal of tall and sleek Rainbow Dash. But Pinkie made up for her deficiencies in other ways, including her indomitable attitude. “Hi, Rainbow Dash.”

“Pinkie, please be more careful next time, will you?” Twilight asked of her. “You nearly knocked over the cake and just about crushed Rainbow Dash.”

“I’m sorry! I just wanted to say hi to Rainbow Dash, you know that!” the frizzy-haired woman answered, looking genuinely ashamed of herself.

“Well… I guess you didn’t hurt the cake or anything,” Twilight remarked. “But Rainbow…”

Pinkie looked back at her prismatic friend with the softest, most round eyes that could be seen in a human being, looking more dejected than a disciplined puppy. Even Rainbow Dash, whose thoughts were on much more important matters, hardly had it in her to hold a grudge. “I’m fine, Pinkie,” she said at last.

Pinkie beamed and gave her friend another hug, this time far more gently. When she broke the embrace her hands went to Rainbow’s and held them fast, she saying, “I know I promised you some cupcakes to make you feel better, but I guess that got messed up. Can I still take you on that picnic?”

Rainbow’s plan for that wedding cake wasn’t something she could achieve now, not with so many prying eyes keeping watch on that miserable monument to romantic theft. She’d have to wait till the cover of darkness before returning and completing her objective. “Sure, might as well,” she replied. At least it would distract her from the infuriating thought of Princess Celestia’s sneering, punchable face.

Twilight smiled, perhaps a little knowingly. “The weather’s great out today,” she remarked. “You two have a good time, alright?”

“You don’t want to come with?” Rainbow Dash asked, surprised that Twilight would pass up the opportunity to be with her friends. “I thought you said they wouldn’t need you here today.”

“Yeah, well…” Twilight’s smile was more a smirk. “I think I’m wanted elsewhere, for now. But you can certainly have fun. Right, Pinkie Pie?”

“You bet! Thanks, Twilight!” Pinkie said, guiding Rainbow back behind the front of the bakery and up to her own personal apartment set atop it, the food-enthused woman searching for the basket she wanted to fill. “Grab whatever you want for food, Rainbow! Oh, I’m so excited!”

Rainbow Dash believed there were better spots for a picnic.

For example, hills that weren’t overlooking Sweet Apple Acres.

She half-wondered if Pinkie was mocking her purposely. Putting her so close to the farm that called the love of her life home, letting her see its verdant orchards so full of life, the farmhouse that gave shelter to that wonderful family easily in view… it was all too miserably wonderful a sight. So pristine and peaceful and perfect that it was all Rainbow could do to not rush down the hillside and into that farmhouse where Applejack waited to be ravished so as to take her away from that miserable Princess forever. She certainly knew Applejack better. Rainbow Dash had women figured out perfectly, so deeply that she would have bet money that she knew where Applejack liked to be touched- and just exactly how. But no, that wretch of a crown-holder had to just waltz on in and be some syrupy, dripping mess of an idiot that didn’t have the brains to fill an espresso cup. And where did she get the gall-

“Rainbow! Come on, silly, you’re zoning out again!” Pinkie’s voice cut through the furious monologue and crashed Rainbow Dash back to reality. No, she was not down in a farmhouse thrashing Princess Celestia, she was on a grassy hilltop next to Pinkie Pie, who was wearing a bright-pink dress with a frilled skirt that matched her frizzy hair so perfectly that the over-exuberant girl looked like bubblegum with legs. “You’re supposed to have fun at a picnic, not be all mopey and unhappy!”

Clueless, as usual. Pinkie Pie didn’t have an idea as to what was giving Rainbow Dash the runaround, nor did she have reason to know. Pinkie Pie was just being Pinkie Pie to the core. Rainbow Dash shrugged and gave a half-smile to let her friend know that at least her words had been heard.

“Are you OK, Rainbow Dash?” Pinkie asked, her usual verve softening as she seemed genuinely concerned by her companion’s dismal demeanor. “You look unhappy about something. It’s not me, is it?”

“Huh? Oh, no way,” Rainbow answered, and meaning it. Actually hurting Pinkie’s feelings like that probably could be considered some sort of crime. “Just thinking about some stuff, that’s all.”

“If… if you want to leave, that’s OK, too,” the energetic woman added even more quietly. “I don’t want to accidentally make you feel worse.”

“You’re not, Pinkie. I promise!” Rainbow said. “Honestly, thanks for the picnic. It’s… nice. I haven’t eaten anything today, so it helps.”

Pinkie Pie’s displeasure evaporated in an instant and she gave her friend a joyful hug in response, perhaps holding Rainbow longer than what one would consider normal. “Just checking! Twilight and Fluttershy have said you’ve kinda been down in the dumps lately, so I was hoping I’d be able to cheer you up! And I actually got to- I’m so happy!”

Rainbow Dash wasn’t truly cheered up, but the vivacious girl was a welcome distraction until nightfall when she’d have to get to work. Spending time with Pinkie could be exhausting, but it wasn’t what one would call dull, so she knew she’d have her time spent without watching it tick by. Small talk and light conversation was the fare over a simple, freshly made lunch, Pinkie Pie’s enthusiasm for swapping stories and jokes helping it all roll by smoothly.

“So when’s your next performance with the Wonderbolts, Rainbow?” Pinkie asked. “You were just with them a few months ago in Manehatten, are they gonna ask you to start being a regular performer?”

Rainbow grinned. “Maybe. I know Spitfire was thinking about it but I haven’t heard anything yet. But I don’t know why they wouldn’t want me with them!”

“I know, right?” Pinkie replied, nodding eagerly in assent. “Why not have the Rainbow Dash with you for every performance? You know they’d never be able to sell enough tickets if you were always around!”

“I- well… thanks, Pinkie,” Rainbow said, taken aback by the sincerity of the woman’s words. She had meant it. The smile that was on Rainbow’s face was unbidden but welcome, and just as eagerly returned.

“I remember when you invited us to go up with you, after your performance- all the girls came running to you, didn’t they?” Pinkie teased. “And they all seemed to really like you.”

“Who can blame them?” Rainbow replied. “Anyone would look great with me on their arm.”

“Uh-huh! And you’d deserve to have a great girlfriend, too! One who really likes you, wants to be there with you- and, well, you know- everything!”

“I can’t agree more,” Rainbow said smugly, not noticing Pinkie Pie seemed to be bracing herself for something-

“Oh no- Wait, grab that!” Pinkie cried, a sudden gust of wind along the hilltop grabbing hold of some unkempt trash and sending it casting into the skies. Without another word Pinkie Pie was after it, desperate to not let her litter fly halfway across Equestria, the trash seemingly trying to avoid her scrambling by remaining high in the sky.

Rainbow tried not to laugh as she watched Pinkie go about below in a maddened rush. At the very least, spending time with Pinkie wasn’t going to be dull. But now that her mind was unoccupied and allowed to roam free, her mind drifted downwards to a particular farmhouse where a particularly beautiful blonde lived.

The prismatic athlete lay down and gazed downwards to Apple family homestead, wondering if she’d be able to spot Applejack hard at work down there. In her trademark hat and boots, soft plaid shirt and jacket to go along with the jeans that so finely accentuated her luscious ass, so perfectly made that you couldn’t find an equal meal in a posh restaurant. And those beautiful, squeezable, tantalizing breasts that demanded Rainbow’s masterful adoration! It’d all be hers soon, there for her wonderful skills, her admiration of the female form. She could imagine exactly how it would feel, down to the smallest detail. She would be the more dominant one, all of Applejack’s country bravado fading in the bedroom. Oh, but she’d be gentle at first, careful and loving- only to descend into wonderful, vicious pits of passion that would leave the farmgirl squealing loud enough to wake the whole kingdom. And one session would be all it would take to make Applejack adore Rainbow and Rainbow alone for the rest of their lives, all thought about some miscreant Princess completely forgotten-

“Am I interrupting something private, Rainbow Dash?”

Eyes flashed painfully wide, reality crashing down in what was possibly the most horrendous situation to be caught in. Rainbow Dash returned to some semblance of reality and felt the all-powerful sense of horror. She was not with Applejack. She was not in the farmhouse. She was instead on the hilltop overlooking it with Pinkie Pie lying beside her- and all the while, Rainbow Dash’s hand has subconsciously moved down to the depths of her pants to flick away.

She was certainly in Hell. Should she move, say anything? If she removed her hand from its desirous explorations, it’d be an unmistakable move. Pinkie Pie, innocence and laughter, couldn’t possibly be allowed to know.

As if she needed to be humiliated, Pinkie Pie took Rainbow’s arm and extracted it from beneath her, the young woman seemingly marveling at the viscous liquids that had dampened eager, plying fingers. “Getting a feel for ourselves?” she asked lightly.

“Pinkie-” she was doomed.

“And I bet you’re all sorts of dirty down there, aren’t you?” Pinkie continued, her eyes now little more than gleaming slits to match her mysterious grin. “I think you’ve been making a mess out here, Rainbow Dash.”

Kill me. Rainbow Dash was fumbling around for something to say, trying to salvage what was probably the worst moment in her life. And she was going to have to walk back home like this, with pants that may have been soaked through. She wanted to die, to just be sent straight to Hell and- and she noticed her pants were being taken off. Slowly, gently, something was moving beneath her so as to-

It was someone. “Pink-”

“Don’t worry, Rainbow,” Pinkie said sweetly. “I’ll help you clean it up.”

Not OK, not OK! Rainbow wanted to be a million miles away from here, no matter what it looked like she wanted. She just wanted to hide or die, she hadn’t actually meant to touch herself, it was just subconscious and stupid-

Rainbow felt the first caress like the touch of a feather on her skin, but against nerves so sensitive that it made her pause mid-breath. She hadn’t actually felt that… right? That had been nimble. “Pinkie..?”

Another one, this time a bit deeper, and a little more time spent in it. And then another, just as deep but more varied. Pinkie was exploring, looking for the most sensitive spots Rainbow Dash had. A new caress, deep and slow so as to make a mark of breadth rather than speed- and leaving Rainbow Dash quite uncertain as to what she thought about this. This wasn’t normal, right? Was she supposed to protest? It wasn’t like she hadn’t had sex with random girls before, but this was Pinkie Pie and that was someone she knew. Look at how Rarity despised her now, this wasn’t something that could just go on and-

A new tonguestroke, more exploratory but succeeding in finding the mark; without meaning to, Rainbow Dash squirmed. It had been a good sensation to feel. Oh shit, wait-

Pinkie Pie knew she’d struck gold and gave such a marvelous lick that Rainbow tried to suppress a moan and failed, the happy sound becoming strangled and exiting as a murmur. Pinkie Pie was good at this. Holy FUCK-

It was over almost before it began. Pinkie Pie, the feminine maestro of all things edible, suddenly put her hidden knowledge of female anatomy to work and brought Rainbow Dash to near tears. Sighs had to be muffled, squeals turned to gentle moans, anything to try and hide at just how good Pinkie Pie was, and to hold on a little bit longer. She was the Rainbow Dash, the one who could outlast anybody! If she gave up so quickly-

And that was when Rainbow Dash broke, giving a cry of absolute ecstasy to match the waves of pleasure that rode across her body as she released, unable to hold back for another moment. Again and again she could still feel Pinkie face-deep, not once having come up for a breath- in fact, she’d done nothing but eat throughout the whole thing, likely the most silence she’d ever given save for when sleeping.

Rainbow collapsed on the ground as she gasped, unsure of what superlatives she was supposed to use to describe what had happened. Yes, she knew Applejack would be better, would feel better, but… “Holy shit!”

Pinkie Pie wriggled her way out from beneath the thoroughly pleased woman with a grin- and not a drop of anything on her face to be seen. One quick kiss on Rainbow’s lips and she giggled madly. “I’m gonna go home, but thanks for letting me help cheer you up, Rainbow Dash!” she said, rising to her feet and packing up her picnic things with astonishing nonchalance. “See you soon! I had a great time!”

Rainbow Dash did not move, did not speak, did not do anything but lay there are stare as the frizz-maned woman walked away with a particular bounce in her step that made the frilled skirt leap along with her. She hadn’t even shown the least amount of shame- or hesitation, for that matter. “What the fuuuuuuck…”

Darkness was the cover she needed. Rainbow didn’t want to be seen in… in her condition. She hadn’t moved from that hilltop for over six hours so as to make sure. She felt the desperate need for a shower, a good scream –or maybe a cry- but she had other things she had to attend to first. And she’d need to be quiet about them.

The Cakes rarely locked their backdoor, something she had discovered some years ago when trying to sneak sweets. She would only be able to push it open so far before it would make a sound, so she had to slither her way in. One breath held in and she’d made it –avoid that board, it squeaks-! Rainbow used what gentle footfalls she could manage to make it through and into the kitchen. She knew what she was looking for.

“Boo-yah,” she whispered. Piping bags full of icing were sitting there for her to claim, stuffed with icing meant for that wretched cake that vain-ass Princess wanted. Well she was going to make that old bag regret that, even if she failed in every other way. A good dose of poison powder would see the deed done, no matter what else failed. A quick opening there and she’d done it to the first one-

Wait a minute. Realization set in and Rainbow Dash considered a possible, ugly alternative. One person dying was a tragedy- an entire wedding party dying was an act of war. And to make matters worse, Applejack would probably have some of the cake as well, she’d be killing her future wife! But she needed to think of something, that Rainbow Dash knew. She paced about with piping bags in hand and tried to get herself to mull the idea over. If she only had a better, more subtle way, but what was more subtle than poison? If she’d only-

Water on the floor finally made its mark, Rainbow Dash falling to the floor in a crash that must have echoed across half the village. Piping bags went flying, she went skidding into the cupboards, and made so much damn nois. She was so screwed, and it was definitely time to hide- or hell, just run! Grabbing the piping bag nearest to her before setting the other back on the countertop, Rainbow careened through the door and ran as fast as she could, with the intent to put significant distance between her and the scene of the near-crime.

The poisoned piping bag would need to be disposed of- discretely. But Rainbow’s plans to kill that sleazy Princess weren’t going to be just casually tossed aside. She realized subtlety was necessary, but something more focused would be better. One strike on Celestia, and just Celestia… that’s what she needed! But her mind wasn’t made for it, at least not easily. She needed a partner in crime, another thinker who could help her conjure the wild and weird and viciously strange that would be needed to pull this off. And she had a good idea of just who that would be.

Author's Note

Enter the Ponk.

Looney Tunes vibes coming up next.