Time has marched forward for the Saints. With the death of Dane Vogel, Eric Gryphon had become the highest ranking executive of Ultor.

The atmosphere of the gang had made some drastic changes over the years. Gryphon had decided to have Ultor profit off the Saints’ growing popularity in Stilwater. The leadership of the Saints were given a number of promotional deals by marketing their brand in the city and beyond.

Because of the deal, Pierce had become the face of the Saints as he starred in numerous commercials.

Shaundi had become more focused and was forced to clean herself up of her drug addictions because of a dating show that she ended up hosting.

Carlos had recovered from his ordeal with the Brotherhood. However, his near death experience coupled with his low self esteem that he never had the time to improve had left him convinced that the life of a gang member wasn’t for him so he dropped his flags and found himself a nice apartment to live in while he figured out the rest of his life.

Lin and Donnie, despite how helpful they were against the brotherhood, also ended up dropping their flags as a night of intimacy had left Lin pregnant with Donnie’s child and they had to consider the child’s future over their own with the Saints.

Unfortunately, Neither Pinkamena, Treehugger or Gilda were allowed to be part of the marketing because Ultor found out that the rights to their images went to a company named Hasbro. Pinkamena didn’t mind this but at the same time, she called Hasbro and started demanding her royalty checks.

For the Saints, Ultor began selling things like Johnny Gat bobbleheads, clothes with the Saints logo, some weird-tasting energy drink called “Saints Flow” that Pierce promoted, and other products.

“This her?” asked a muscular man with dark skin and wearing a light purple t-shirt with the number six on it, a pair of denim jeans and black shoes. He also had a tattoo of a smiling cat with huge glasses and cartoonishly slit eyes. He was looking at some photos of a certain pink pony.

“Yeah, I’ve been doing some research on her ever since the Saints started becoming famous beyond Stilwater,” said a man who kept his image concealed in a fedora and a trenchcoat. “She’s earned the nickname ‘Butcher of Stilwater’ because of her large kill count. But that’s not all.”

“There’s more?”

“Yeah, it took a lot of research but I found that she and her two friends are not of this world. At first, it was just her. Years ago, she brutally murdered one of the Vice Kings by throwing a knife into his calf, stabbing him in the dick then let him bleed out for a few minutes before she executed him with a shotgun. She gave someone from that Carnales gang a Colombian Necktie, tricked some Colombian drug cartel into killing one of the leaders then engineered a plane crash for the last leader. The list goes on about her brutality.”

“So what’s the worst one she’s done so far?”

“It happened with the Brotherhood not too long ago. I had to get this from their leader’s laptop but I saw the file. She tortured and killed their leader’s girlfriend and baked her remains into a batch of cupcakes which she tricked the leader into eating.”

“Wow, that’s hardcore. She’s perfect. The Professor’s been looking for contestants to pique his interest. Thanks for the info.” He dismissed the concealed man before he pulled out his phone. “Hey, I checked out that lead for a new contestant and this one’s brutal. I think we should invite her to Steelport for a season, see how good she is.”

Pinkamena was bored.

Ever since Ultor started promoting the Saints instead of fighting them, there had been no more legitimate enemies to kill and no reason to destroy things. There was hardly a reason for the Saints to act like a gang anymore since Playa and the human lieutenants became celebrities.

Gilda shared in the boredom while Treehugger spent her time meditating or trying the various ways to get high. Pinkie was able to get more done since the Saints had few enemies left in Stilwater, so Pinkamena didn’t need to go around murdering people. The party mare spent her time assisting Laura with matters of the school district’s PTA by planning parties or providing the baked goods for bake sales.

Pinkamena was pulled from her lethargy when she heard some gunfire going off in the hideout. As quickly as the fighting began, it ended. The madmare felt disappointed for a minute until a strange person walked down the stairs.

The person was in a mascot costume of a smiling pink cat wearing a white button-up shirt with red buttons. He wore green slacks and a lab coat that went down to his hips as well as a blue bow tie. His head was disproportionately large and wore taped glasses that were large, even for his massive head. The glasses enlarged his green eyes with tiny slits.

“So,” Pinkamena began, “before I send you back to where you came from one organ at a time, you wanna tell me what your deal is?”

The mascot casually took a seat and spoke with a squeaky voice, “My name is Professor Genki, and I’m here to invite you to the city of Steelport to take part in a season of Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax.”

Pinkamena tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, “What the Tartarus is that?”

“It’s a super popular game show that pits the contestant against an army of mascots in a course filled with danger. You win if you survive and beat the game.”

“Still not selling me. You’re gonna have to do better than that if you want me to take part in your dumb show.”

“Did I forget to mention that to win you have to score enough points and you get points for each mascot you slay?”

Pinkamena’s ears perked. “You have my attention.”

“It seems my reputation has not reached you yet. I am Professor Genki and my doctorate is in murderology. I specialize in killing people in every way I can think of. My people have been scouting you out ever since the Saints got famous.”

“So let me get this straight, if I take part in your game show, I get to murder your mascots to my heart’s content?”

“Yep, that’s exactly what it means and you’ll be doing it in front of every viewer who watches the show, and I have a lot of viewers.”

Pinkamena placed a hoof on her chin and thought for a moment. “I think I can stick around for a season. Hope you have enough mascots to entertain me.”

“I am sure I can entertain you that long, I have a whole army of mascots to call upon.”

One season later in Steelport…

“I don’t believe what I’m seeing here, Bobby. Is such a thing possible?” said a man in a turquoise suit with the number six on it with a bright green undershirt and blue striped tie.

“If you’re hallucinating Zach, then so am I. In this one season we have seen so much from this mare as well as giving the audience a series of lessons in human anatomy and the body’s limitations in flexibility. I feel like I took a course in college just from watching her.”

“This is a first in Genki history. For the first time ever, a contestant actually slaughtered every mascot we had available for the season. She even killed the Genki Girls and the Hunters.”

“This is a sad day for everyone who watches this show. Without mascots we will have to postpone Genkibowl VII until we can get more mascots. That shouldn’t take too long since mascots are a dime a dozen.”

After their outro, Zach and Bobby made a call to their network. Once they finished, they approached the madmare and handed her her prize money. As Pinkamena started walking out of the building, the announcer duo stopped the mare to make their request. “Your creativity with murder has convinced the network to offer you a contract,” Zach said.

“You do know that Hasbro has rights to my image, right?”

Bobby responded, “We’re not marketing image, that’s Professor Genki’s job. We want to market your murderous tendencies. The people of this city want to see you murdering the Syndicate that runs this city.”

“If I wind up going to war against the Syndicate, I’ll accept the contract.”

“There’s more,” Zach added. “After what you did this season, we would like for you to not participate next season. In exchange, we want you as a guest commentator for next season as well as Genkibowl VII.”

“Why would I do that? Sounds boring.”

“You’re still watching people get slaughtered, you’re just talking about it instead of doing it,” Bobby said.

“Please, Mena. I miss commentating for the Running of the Leaves. It would make me happy to see you commentating,” Pinkie begged.

Pinkamena groaned, “Fine. I have to go back to Stilwater first though, I have to let the Saints know what I’m doing and bring my friends slash henchcreatures.”

“That’s fine, just let us know when you’re back in Steelport.”

Pinkamena bid farewell to Zach and Bobby and left for Stilwater.

Pinkamena returned to the hideout to find Gilda lying lazily on her back on the couch with her beak hanging open. Treehugger was meditating in quiet peace.

“I’m back, where are the others?”

“Dunno where Pierce went,” Gilda said. “Playa, Johnny and Shaundi took some actor dweeb named Josh Birk to the bank to rob it. Me and Tree couldn’t go with them because it had to do with their publicity.”

“Mena, it’s starting!” Pinkie said.

“What’s starting?”

“Saints Row: The Third silly.”

“Oh, right. Shoulda realized that sooner after that whole Steelport business.”

“Pack up your belongings, you two. We’re moving to a new city,” Pinkamena ordered.

“Really?” Gilda questioned. “We’re leaving the Saints behind?”

“No, they’ll be coming with us, they’ll just be taking a different route there. We’ll meet again in Steelport. Gilda, you can provide aerial reconnaissance of the city during the transition.”

“Got it, boss.”

“Treehugger, find Pierce and let him know where we’re going.”

Treehugger silently nodded.

“I have some business to take care of before we set up shop there.”

Johnny was in the middle of a brawl with a number of Morningstar and Phillipe Loren. While outnumbered, Johnny’s fighting skills were still too much for the Morningstar.

“Johnny, we’re about to jump!” Shaundi said over the intercom.

“Right on, I’ll see you in Stilwa-” Johnny was interrupted by a barrage of fire from Loren. Johnny used the body of a Morningstar as a meat shield before tossing the body at Loren. The psychopath proceeded to pound Loren’s face in before a slow clap was heard nearby. He stopped punching to look at the new arrival.

The new arrival was-

“Save the description for Saints Row 4,” Pinkamena said to the author.

“Bravo,” the mysterious figure said. “It would seem your reputation doesn’t do you justice.”

The figure yelped in pain as he found a knife jammed up his posterior. “You…” he growled. “How did you get here?”

“Do you really wanna ask that question?” Pinkamena asked.

“I suppose not, I take it you’re here to stop me from abducting him.”

“Yeah, I wanna let him have some fun in Steelport before we pay you a visit later.”

While irritated that the threat to his invasion would still be a threat, the pony might end his invasion before it began if he wasn’t careful. He would have to make a change in plans. “Very well, I’ll let him stay with you but in exchange, someone or somepony will take his place.”

“That’s fine, we’ll rescue them regardless.”

With that, the figure teleported out of the plane.

Johnny and Pinkamena each grabbed a parachute from a dead Morningstar and ran out the back of the plane, ignoring the fact that Loren was still alive.

The duo landed in the streets of Downtown Steelport.

Once they got their parachutes off, Johnny addressed the mare, “The fuck was that thing? Seemed like he wanted something from me.”

“He’s not someone we need to deal with right now, not yet. Trust me.”

“Fine,” Johnny relented. “So where are we?”

“I think this is Steelport, the Syndicate that Eurotrash runs, operates here.”

“Fuck! I forgot to make sure I finished that guy off.”

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll finish him here in Steelport.”

Johnny’s phone rang. He answered to hear a panicked Shaundi screaming at him about how he scared the shit out of her because she was afraid he was dead.

“Will you calm the fuck down? I’m fine,” Johnny shouted into his phone.

“Where are you?” Shaundi asked.

“Pinkamena called this city Steelport. You here too?”

“I think so, Gilda just found us. She spotted you parachuting nearby so we’ll meet up soon, as soon as I can get the boss to stop punching this ATM.”

“Gotcha, we’ll see you soon then.”

Johnny hung up.

Author's Note

Saints Row: The Third has officially begun and Johnny gets to be part of it this time.

Before anyone asks, no Pinkamena did not clear all six of the PGSERC activities before the game started. This was only the previous season as the actual six instances will still take part during the SR3 arc. The reason I did this was because I thought it would be more amusing for Pinkamena to be set up as a commentator and watch Playa get abused by the labyrinth. There's another reason I did this that will be revealed a little later.

As for Lin, Donnie and Carlos, I do apologize to those who hoped to see me do more with them but there's only so much I can do with characters who made so little impact in the canon aside from their deaths. The least I could do was leave them with a happier ending.