With Kinzie saved from Zinyak and Keith David now wary of a vengeful Pinkamena punching him in the groin again, Everything was in place to bring an end to the alien menace once and for all. Ben King’s plan to overload the simulation was still on and the madmare was eager to end the alien overlord.

Moondancer had completed the two programs that were made to Pinkamena’s specifications. She had intended to use one to help with Ben’s operation and the other was meant for Zinyak. Moondancer was sworn to secrecy about the programs until it was time to unleash them as she wanted them to be a surprise. The only clue to their purpose were the labels: “S3E3” and “S3E3A”.

The final preparations would be ready soon.

There was just one problem.

Pinkie was decorating the ship in Hearth’s Warming decorations. Tinsel was being hung from the ceiling and the cargo in the cargo hold was shoved aside for a Hearth Warming tree. No one questioned how the party mare had kept so many decorative lights in her mane.

The Saints used the term Christmas since that was the human parallel to the Equestrian holiday. Even if the two holidays were celebrated similarly, they were also fundamentally different.

Shaundi and Pierce were hanging stockings over the image of a fireplace on a monitor. Kinzie was inspecting the tree while Matt was assisting with the decorations.

“Boss, were you planning on helping?” Kinzie asked.

“Nope.”

“Come on, don’t be such a Grinch,” Shaundi said.

“What does that even mean?”

“What sort of childhood did you have?” Pierce asked, disappointed.

“I just think there are more important things to think about than some bullshit holiday.”

“At least try to have some holiday spirit, Playa.” Pinkamena said. “I might be a cruel, violent psychopath, but even I can get into the spirit of the season. At least your traditions were better than the ones my family had.”

“At least they were our’s, Mena,” Limestone growled.

“Right, traditions that involved depressing and foalhood ruining activities where you were lucky to have presents because they were often hidden too well that we never found them or they were simply never there. I do enjoy the rock soup though.”

“Please don’t fight you two,” Marble begged.

Pinkamena and Limestone looked away from each other and walked away.

“Whatever,” Playa grumbled. “At least your pony holiday is more believable than ours.”

“Someone never got on the Nice List,” Matt mumbled.

“There is no Nice List.”

“So Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Yule, Festivus? You don’t care about any of it?” Shaundi asked.

“What about Santa?” Kinzie asked.

“Fuck Santa,” Playa responded.

The ship started shaking and Kinzie was surprised that the proximity alarms didn’t go off.

Suddenly, a purple glowing dome appeared in the room. The light quickly disappeared to reveal another Shaundi. This one had all of her hair on the left side of her head with none on the right side. Her right arm was gone and replaced with a robotic arm. Her left eye was also replaced with cybernetics. She also had a pair of metallic rings on her forehead; one above the center and one above her right eye.

“Shaundi?” Pierce asked cautiously.

“Fuck me,” Shaundi groaned.

“We don’t have a lot of time. Clawz is coming.” The other Shaundi warned.

“What?” Playa asked in disbelief.

“Clawz. A warlord from my time, your future. By the time we learned about him it was too late, he was too powerful. The only chance we had to stop him was to send me back here to warn you.”

“A Shaundi from the future? When this is over, consider doing a rendition of A Christmas Carol with Present and Past Shaundi,” Pinkamena commented.

“I’ll consider it,” Future Shaundi said.

“Why didn’t you just go back further and warn us about Zinyak?” Playa put his hand on her shoulder.

Future Shaundi took his hand and slammed him against a crate. “You don’t get it. This isn’t about Earth. Come midnight, Christmas Day, Santa Clawz is coming to town and unless we stop him, he’s going to put the entire universe on the Naughty List. And trust me. You don’t. Want. To be. On. The Naughty List.”

“Sorry I asked.”

“I think I know who our Scrooge will be...” Pinkamena singsonged.

“So Santa is evil?” Matt asked with a sad tone.

“No, Zinyak’s had Santa trapped for decades, slowly but surely degrading his mind. If we don’t free him soon it’ll be too late, and he’ll never be Jolly Old Saint Nick again,” Future Shaundi warned.

“So we get to be part of a Hearth’s Warming Special?” Pinkie asked with glee. “Yippee!”

“This is so stupid…” Playa complained. That earned him a glare from everyone and everypony. “Alright, alright, we’ll save Santa.” Playa got in the chair.

“Since this is a time of family, I say me and my whole crew comes along to help you save Santa,” Pinkamena said before mumbling, “And help you get into the holiday spirit.”

Moondancer got into the chair and Pinkamena and her friends laid down around her. Pinkamena’s sisters were hesitant at first, but that changed when Pinkamena talked to them, “When I said ‘family’ that means you four too. Get over here.”

With that, Maud, Pinkie, Limestone and Marble gathered around the chair before Moondancer connected her consciousness with theirs. Playa and the Equestrians were directly sent into Santa’s simulation along with Future Shaundi.

The group found themselves in a part of a town that was decorated in Christmas apparel. Another thing that everyone noticed was that everyone but Future Shaundi was wearing a festive sweater. Playa complained about his attire.

“In Santa’s nightmare world, the Holiday Spirit doesn’t exist. So if you want to bring it back, you wear whatever it takes,” Shaundi countered.

Pinkamena checked her mane and found that her Knightmare was a festive hobby reindeer while her Vorpal Blade remained unchanged. It made sense, how else would one cut fruitcake?

Pinkie’s party cannon was also festively decorated. The party mare’s weapons were largely unchanged since they weren’t weapons technically but could be used as such if used improperly.

Octavia lacked her sniper rifle while her AT rifle was a snowball cannon. Vinyl’s Wubstep Gun had a festive track in it. Moondancer’s magic and Treehugger’s magic have remained unchanged. Gilda had no weapons but felt that her talons would work just as well.

Future Shaundi warned that real guns were not allowed in the simulation and that for those unarmed, they would have to find a shop to buy toy weapons to defend themselves. She also warned against the use of profanity.

Once they reached the store, the Equestrians were about to head inside and purchase a few Crimson Cowboy Carbine-action two-hundred shot range model air rifles but Playa had a different idea. He smashed the display window holding the rifles and took the toy weapons before throwing a few to Maud, Limestone, Marble and Pinkie.

“What have you done?!” Shaundi gasped.

“Something ‘naughty’. Not like that changes anything.”

“You have no idea what that causes. Look!” Shaundi pointed into the sky.

The sky suddenly darkened and a snowstorm started blowing through the town.

A malevolent voice was heard from above. A sleigh, powered by rockets, was flying past them. “Those who are naughty look to the sky, and see your doom with the naked eye. You willfully break the world’s laws. Now feel the wrath of the mighty Clawz! Come, try to stop me if you can. You cannot stop my gingerbread men.”

“Is Clawz a Zebra?” Pinkie asked.

The party pony suddenly saw the townspeople turning into hostile gingerbread people. With a gleeful smile and a lick of her drooling lips, she charged forward and started devouring the pastry people. “Tastiest enemies ever!” she yelled.

Playa looked at the party mare with a stunned expression. “Right, you go have your fill of gingerbread. I’m gonna go shoot the cunt.”

“Wait, Clawz is still too strong and you’ll shoot your eye out!” Shaundi warned.

The Equestrians who received rifles decided against using the rifles and opted to break the cookie people with their hooves or talons.

Playa soon saw the sleigh and tried firing at it only for the shots to ricochet and have one hit him in his right eye, “My eye!” he yelled.

“Maybe now you’ll heed Future Shaundi’s warnings?” Pinkamena asked rhetorically.

The group saw the real Santa collapsed nearby so Playa ran to him and helped him stand up as soon as the pain in his eye went away.

“I always warned children about the dangers of such toys,” Santa commented.

“Guess you missed one,” Pinkamena quipped.

Future Shaundi asked Santa why he looked thin instead of his jolly old self. Santa explained that the lack of Holiday Spirit caused by Clawz was the cause of his emaciated state. He suggested ringing the Holiday bells in the town park to bring back a little of the Holiday Spirit.

While Playa was going around ringing the bells and collecting presents that unlocked everyone’s powers, Future Shaundi was explaining to Santa that the war against Clawz made her harden her heart but Santa assured her that she was still the same little girl who loved Christmas on the inside and that she should expect a new hacky sack under her tree.

“And you, Pinkamena Diane Pie,” Santa continued. “I know you have done many naughty things since you came to Earth. But I also see a compassionate soul who will do what it takes to protect your friends and family from danger. I can see it in the way you protect your younger sister. You do not smother her so that you leave her with room to grow as an individual. You are as cruel as you are kind. You are loyal to your friends and treacherous to your enemies. I think I see a pepper grinder minigun in your future.”

Pinkamena was taken aback by Santa’s words. “Wow...Thanks Santa.”

Once the town bells started ringing, Santa mentioned a projector that Clawz hid in a frozen pool that played a Holiday classic movie and that restoring the projector should help bring in more Holiday Spirit.

Clawz sent more gingerbread troops to guard the projector but they were quickly devoured by Pinkie.

“My, she certainly has a healthy appetite,” Santa commented.

“If you ever get too full on cookies and milk, she can eat the rest,” Pinkamena quipped.

“”It’s true,” Pinkie said after swallowing her latest mouthful.

With the guards gone for the time being, Treehugger melted the frozen pool while Moondancer took the submerged projector in her Telekinesis before she glided with the others to the movie theater and placed the projector back in its intended spot. Vinyl turned the projector on which started playing the movie.

“The Holiday Spirit, it stings and burns. But that’s not enough for the tide to turn!” Clawz said as he approached the theater in his sleigh. Vinyl shorted out the vehicle with an Electrical Blast, causing it to crash.

The projector needed more power so CID set up an antenna at the town hall. With a storm brewing, a bolt of lightning would be all that would be needed to power it.

In order to conduct the electricity, CID had Playa put his tongue on the pole. He refused, even after CID dared him and Shaundi threw in a double dog dare. He displayed his middle finger to both of them. CID invoked a triple dog dare and Santa called him out. With the respect of his peers on the line, Playa had no choice but to lick the antenna. He started convulsing as soon as his tongue touched the antenna at the same time that lightning struck it.

The projector was now running at full power but there was something bothering Pinkamena, “You could have powered the projector with your power, why didn’t you?” she asked Vinyl.

“I was about to, but when CID mentioned Playa putting his tongue on an antenna, I decided to let that play out.” Vinyl and Pinkamena burst into laughter.

“Viuh, I hay yuh ho muh rai ow,” Playa said with a numb tongue.

“The Spirit’s alive, but still I live. Come face me now, there’s punishment to give!” Clawz declared.

Playa violently beat on Clawz but the evil Santa clone became empowered by Playa’s actions and used that little boost to escape.

“I had a feeling that wouldn’t work,” Pinkamena commented.

“You cannot defeat Clawz by doing naughty deeds for those are what he thrives on,” Santa said.

“If Clawz is going after the North Pole then we have to stop him,” Shaundi said.

“Indeed you are correct. We cannot leave Mary and the elves to face him alone.”

“I finally get to see it before it’s been destroyed.”

“Ho ho ho ho ho! And perhaps make sure it never is.”

Playa, Shaundi, Santa and the Equestrians soon found themselves in Santa’s Village at the North Pole.

“Reminds me of Ponyville, but more upscale,” Pinkamena commented on the scenery.

Looking around further, they could see that the scene was darker than at first glance. Marble hid behind Maud at the sight of Clawz’s troops roaming around.

“What happened here?” Playa asked.

“Clawz has taken over Santa’s workshop. He plans to deliver bombs and guns to children instead of, you know, dolls and trucks or whatever it is kids from your time like,” Shaundi answered.

“Shaundi, I’m pretty sure you didn’t erase your memories from the past. It shouldn’t be that hard to remember what Christmas was like before Clawz,” Pinkamena said.

“I was baked off my ass from high school until that dating show. Forgive me if there are holes in my memory,” Shaundi defended. “Anyway, the elves have mounted a resistance, but they will fail unless we help them. If Clawz succeeds, the holidays are doomed. We must stop him!”

“How’s Mrs. Claus?” Playa asked.

“I wouldn’t worry about her. If I know my wife, I bet she’s decking the halls as we speak,” Santa assured.

“Somehow, I have a feeling that you mean that in a more impressive way that you’re letting on,” Pinkamena suspected.

The group soon entered the courtyard and found the decorated pine tree lit in green fire while the severed heads of nine reindeer, spines and entrails hanging from their necks, were placed on pikes around the tree.

While Santa lamented the loss of his prized reindeer, Pinkamena had a feeling that if Fluttershy saw this gruesome display, the madmare would see a whole new side to the shy animal caretaker. Since she wasn’t here, Pinkamena could only imagine.

The gingerbread men were once again devoured by Pinkie, the party mare still not showing any signs of being full. Vinyl shorted out any nutcracker troops that were behaving like Zinyak’s murderbots with her electrical powers.

Determined to take back the workshop, Santa took one of Playa’s many weapons and started blasting Clawz’s troops.

An elf came out of hiding and greeted Santa. The elf turned out to be Tinsel, the leader of the resistance and Santa’s most loyal elf. Tinsel reported that Clawz brought Twinkle and the elves from shipping and receiving to his side. He also reported that Twinkle made a herd of mechanical reindeer.

The Saints headed to the front door to the workshop but found that Mary had put the place on lockdown. The door was barred by two thick sticks of candy canes. Playa began licking at the doors and while Pinkie wanted to join in, she was stopped by Pinkamena who shook her head and had her follow the group to the stables, leaving Playa behind to enjoy his treat.

While the Equestrians were at the stables, most of the group used their weapons that they regained after leaving Santa’s nightmare to destroy or devour gingerbread troops and nutcrackers. Pinkamena and Maud focused on destroying the mechanical reindeer by smashing them with Knightmare and bare hooves respectively.

Twinkle and his crew soon showed themselves to engage the group. When asked about the betrayal, the head elf showed his true colors by revealing his greed when he accepted Clawz’s offer. Clawz turned the crew into human-sized elves which only made them bigger targets. It meant nothing when Gilda created a singularity between the elves which sucked the entire crew and Twinkle in before a Blast from Moondancer deleted the entire group.

Inside the shipping and receiving building, the group found a way inside the workshop through a package conveyor belt. With enemies cleared from the building, each pony, griffon or person put an empty box over themselves and entered the conveyor belt.

Santa had Shaundi stay behind in case something happened to him. The futuristic Saint protested at first but soon acquiesced to Santa’s request.

Mary Claus was soon found with the resistance dealing with Clawz’s forces. Santa was glad that she was alive and kicking, literally. She stuck her boot into a gingerbread before she grabbed its head and ripped it off. “Glad to see you made it back honey, and I see you brought the Candidate with you.”

“Candidate?” Pinkamena asked.

“Now now dear, she doesn’t need to know about that yet. With Earth gone, ‘He’ will make his move soon. She can decide when that crisis is averted,” Santa said mysteriously.

“What are you two talking about?”

“You’ll know soon enough dear. For now, you need to focus on Zinyak,” Mary answered. “By the way, would you be a dear and give this place a nice fresh coat of red paint?”

Pinkamena shrugged before she pulled out her Vorpal Blade and dismembered the human-sized elves. Pinkie devoured the cookie men and Vinyl disabled the nutcrackers.

“Is the North Pole safe dear?” Santa asked.

“You know it, hon. But this fight is far from over,” Mary responded. She then unlocked the front door with the workshop secured.

Playa stumbled inside. “I did it! I finally licked through the door!”

Mary blinked and stared at the Saint leader. “Did he just try to lick through two bars of peppermint candy canes that were eight inches in diameter?”

“He certainly is persistent when he wants to be,” Pinkamena said with a raised eyebrow.

“Ho ho ho ho, I believe he should receive his present early for the effort he went through, don’t you think dear?”

Playa was directed to his gift, a Dubstep Gun with a Christmas-themed track in it. Vinyl pulled out a Hearth’s Warming themed track for her Wubstep Gun.

Right as the group loaded their weapons, Clawz showed up with reinforcements. However, he was quickly overwhelmed by the Saints and Equestrians. He quickly retreated to another simulation to recover while the group took Santa’s modified sleigh and went after Clawz.

It took some travel time but the Saints soon arrived back in the main simulation and Clawz had already set up shop in Steelport. He was protected by a shield while gathering what strength he could for one final confrontation.

Future Shaundi wanted Playa to deliver holiday cheer to the people of Steelport by delivering presents to people on the Nice List and punish the naughty with coal.

Playa flew the sleigh to different parts of Steelport delivering presents and coal to the correct houses. Once that was done, Clawz’s shield started to weaken. The evil Santa shot down the sleigh while everyone evacuated the vehicle and landed next to Clawz.

More needed to be done to weaken Clawz. Mary suggested lighting the various symbols of the holidays. Treehugger lit the Kwanzaa Kinara and the Hanukkah Menorah while Playa stomped the ground near a Festivus pole which led to the Saints and Ponies airing out their grievances.

Santa complained about Mary’s “diet” cookies, Kinzie complained about everyone taking her for granted. Playa countered that she was the owner of the spaceship. Pierce actually had nothing to complain about.

“I am sick and tired of Vinyl slacking off when I have to do all of the housework,” Octavia complained.

“That’s fair,” Vinyl said. “I’m actually tired of club goers telling me what tracks to play. I have my own style and I would appreciate it if Ponies would stop telling me what to play.”

“I got nothing,” Treehugger said.

“Well I’d rather my people stop acting like a bunch of stupid dweebs and work on getting our nation out of the pit they dug themselves into,” Gilda complained.

“I know three ponies back in Canterlot who I would appreciate if they stop pitying me and try to get to know me better. I would also like an apology for snubbing me at my birthday party from Twilight if she can find it in herself to get her muzzle out of her book for once in her life,” Moondancer complained.

“I’d like for our parents to stop trying to control me and my sisters by getting one of us to run the rock farm. None of us want to live there anymore,” Limestone complained.

“Umm...It would be nice if other ponies, my parents and sisters included, would take the time to listen to what I have to say.” Marble complained. “While I don’t want to run the rock farm I do want to run a gardening supplies store one day.”

“Wow...I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m sorry we never took the time to ask you for what you wanted,” Limestone apologized. The other Pies followed suit. Marble smiled.

Maud took out a pebble from her pocket. “Everypony thinks I’m weird for thinking of Boulder as a pet. I’d appreciate it if ponies would stop giving me weird looks because of my interest.” She put her pebble back into her pocket.

“I’d like for Twilight to take my Pinkie Sense seriously. Just because she can’t explain it doesn’t mean she can keep doubting it. Science can’t explain everything, Twilight!” Pinkie complained.

Finally, it was Pinkamena’s turn. “I’d like for the Clauses to not be so mysterious about things that might be important in the future.”

Santa tried to explain, “I’m truly sorry Pinkamena, but you have more important things to think about right now than worry about the future. “Let’s just say that in the near future, provided you stop a great evil, you may be given an offer to fill an important role that has remained vacant since the beginning.”

“And that is?”

“Erm...we need to finish delivering the presents before Clawz becomes too powerful.”

Pinkamena deadpanned at the living symbol of Christmas for the obvious dodge but let it lie for now.

Using Telekinesis and Kinzie’s generosity, the Saints delivered presents to the nearby people who were observing the fight against Clawz. The cheerful people were happily celebrating around Clawz who lost his shield and turned the people around him into puddles of blood.

Clawz was still invincible so the Saints had to use another tactic, caring and sharing. The Saints gave something of themselves to Clawz. From Kinzie, a laptop and a bondage harness. From Mary, new bakeware and a flamethrower. From Future Shaundi, a brand new bio-engineered arm.

One more gift was needed to weaken Clawz to be killable. From Pinkamena, an Xbox 360, a copy of “Alice: Madness Returns”, and an engraved knife set.

Once that was delivered, Playa grabbed Clawz, leapt into the air and threw Clawz down onto the star of a large Christmas tree, impaling and killing him.

Once it was over, Santa told Playa that he can’t murder his way onto the Nice List, but there was still time for him to make amends by spending the rest of Christmas Eve embracing the spirit of the holiday.

And so, the Saints and Equestrians spent the evening having fun with snowball fights, caroling, gift giving, and showing everyone and everypony their caring side.

Pinkamena looked at Maud, Marble and Limestone, “See girls, this is what Hearth’s Warming should be like.”

“I agree,” Marble said.

Maud nodded.

“I’ll admit, it’s not bad,” Limestone said reluctantly.

“I know, let’s all get together like this every year as a family,” Pinkie shouted.

“I can do that as long as we can steer clear of family drama,” Pinkamena agreed.

Maud smiled, “We sisters will stand up for each other, right?” The other Pie sisters nodded or spoke in agreement.

“Alright everypony, let’s bring down Zinyak before the end of the year,” Pinkamena declared.

Santa found himself naked and covered in goo. While trying to find out where he was and what was going on, he was greeted by a strange figure.

“Santa! It’s been decades since you were last seen. You missed the last meeting, it was so boring that I had to add a little chaos to it.”

“Discord? What are you doing here? Umm...you wouldn’t happen to have an extra set of clothes, would you?”

Discord snapped his talon and Santa was cleaned up and wearing his suit. “As for why I’m here, I have a proposal for you. Since Earth was destroyed, perhaps you would like to set up shop on another world? Of course your wife and your elves would join you too.”

“That sounds tempting, but what does your world gain from my presence?”

“I get to see the chaos that unfolds when Hearth’s Warming receives some changes. Plus, ol’ Sunbutt needs a figure of wisdom to show her when she’s being self-righteous so she doesn’t do something she will regret later.”

“Ah, Celestia, if only she had talked things out with her sister before things festered like they did. Though you weren’t the nicest deity yourself back then either, though I have noticed that you have gotten better in recent years. Thanks to a certain mare I would think.” Santa winked. Discord frowned and looked away with a blush. “Very well, I accept your proposal.”

His jovial mood ruined by embarrassment, Discord said nothing as he snapped his paw and both disappeared.

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed the holiday shenanigans.

Up next: A system crash and an end of an era for the Zin Empire.