Channel Surfing

Chapter 4: Tomb Raiding with the Rune Soldier Part 1

Slowly the world stopped spinning, and Andrew stood. He stretched what he assumed was his foreleg out and looked. It wasn’t a foreleg. It was his own arm. He smiled as he looked at his own wonderful arm. He stood and looked around at the area. It wasn’t home, and it looked similar to the world that they just left. They weren’t in the forest anymore, which was most likely a good thing since Sweetie Pie had basically said that the forest was full of dangerous critters.

He doubted that it was a lie. He glanced over to Sweetie Pie, expecting to see the pony, and instead he was looking at what had to be a Furry’s wet dream. She was dressed in her power armor, the helmet was still off, and her face looked a little less ponish. Instead it was a little more human. She was about six feet tall, but if he remembered fallout correctly that power armor added about half a foot to a person’s height. That meant she was closer to five and a half feet tall. The armor didn’t do what he figured most Furry fandom artists would have done and molded to her curves.

Silently he was thankful for that. If she was stacked, and he got a massive boner from seeing a stacked Sweetie Pie, then well he likely wouldn’t forgive himself. Instead she slowly stood and looked around. They were in some place he hadn’t really seen before. The grass was green, the sky blue, and there was a large rough cut stone castle in the distance. He looked at it, and then at the village that surrounded it. It was better than just waiting, so he began walking with Sweetie Pie toward the village itself. There was something off, something wrong about the place. The air here felt like it was full of danger and violence. It was like something was screaming for him to get out and disappear.

They neared the village and he could see dozens of ponies, and again he was thankful that her power armor didn’t change like how he believed most furry artists would have drawn it. He could see several of the ponies, which all seemed to earth ponies like her, that were well endowed with large mammaries. They were busy getting their little ones behind them, but they weren’t running.

Instead they stood in front of their foals, holding what simple weapons they had, almost daring the two of them to try something. They didn’t act scared, or cute, but instead they seemed to be made of stronger stuff. In several ways they acted like the ponies of the wasteland. He looked at Sweetie Pie who seemed to appraise the lot of them with a nod. It was as if she was more used to this, and it seemed more natural for ponies to act this way. After a few minutes several ponies dressed in what looked like old armor came out to meet them. Most of them were pegasi, and all of them were carrying far better weapons than what the others around them had.

That wasn’t to say that their weapons would do much against Sweetie Pie’s power armor or his M1 Garand. What they seemed to have was long swords, crossbows, maces, shields, and pretty much every weapon that had ever been shown on Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. Push came to shove he knew that he could end the lot of them. Hell, considering the weapons that Sweetie Pie was carrying. He took another look at that. The weapons she was carrying. Before they were more or less mounted inside of what looked like metal box versions of saddlebags. They popped open and there was a grenade launcher, and what looked like a plasma rifle.

Looking at both he noticed that the Grenade Launcher was unlike any that he’d ever seen before. That included from the various video games that he’d played. There was a belt that fed into it, and each section of the belt held what looked like a metal apple. The stem of each apple looked like a small button, and he realized that she had a belt fed grenade launcher. His Dad had actually talked about those things. When he was in Vietnam he said that they developed, and issued a few, belt fed grenade launchers.

He’d never expected to see one in his life, but there it was. Perhaps one of the most dangerous weapons he’d ever seen up close, and looking at the ponies in front of us he realized that just one or two shots from that would get rid of every single one of them. He wondered if she would shoot if she had to. he also noticed that she was looking at him differently. She’d come to respect him more, or at least he believed that she did. But then that had been in her batshit crazy world. The last world wasn’t much better, what with the rapping zebra that was trying to offer up her ass.

He shook his head. The fact remained that she looked differently at him. Maybe it was realizing that he wasn’t a zebra, or what did that one pony call him, a zony. Hell, that was still accurate. It was a dickish thing to say to someone, but it was accurate. From what little she’d said he knew that the Zebras had more or less destroyed their home. So he could understand there being some underlying resentment. Even if it had been generations ago, and even if she hadn’t been part of that war, he knew that it was likely that those in charge reminded them of what they once had, and who was to blame for it disappearing.

Conditioning like that didn’t just disappear. No amount of magic and pretty ponies took away the realization that a group of people had destroyed millions of lives, destroyed a nation, and that he had ended up there as one of them. Or worse, he ended there as the offspring between an enemy and a traitor. He studied the ponies in front of him, and actually for a moment he got a sort of Army of Darkness feel. He closed his eyes and hoped that this wasn’t some weird blend of My Little Pony and Army of Darkness. He didn’t want to deal with thousands of pony deadites, and he sure didn’t feel like Ash Williams.

“Who are ye?”

He looked at the one that had asked. He was fairly tall, as in over six foot tall. It was likely that he stood close to six and half feet tall, his armor looked well used, there were places where it looked like swords, and other things, had glanced off of the metal. Regardless it shined like the midday sun, and it was obvious that he took care of it. Looking at the pony himself he could see that he was missing an eye, his right hand, they had hands which was weird, was missing a pinky and the ring finger. Still he wore his helmet well, his armor bravely, and he was built like a fucking brick shithouse. There was no doubt that push came to shove he was sure this pony could wipe the floor with him.

“I’m Andrew,” he said, “This is Knight Sweetie Pie, and we’re actually not sure where we are.”

The large pony laughed, “A knight is she?” he asked before he stepped closer and looked at the power armor, “Look lads, what a piece of armor this is!”

She growled slightly, “This armor belongs to the Applejack Rangers,” she said, “And I am a knight with them. It is my sworn duty to protect those unable to protect themselves.”

The knight nodded, “Just as a knight should then,” he said, “Well, Ye got two choices Lad and Lass. Ye can follow us all nice like, or we can fock ya up and drag ya behind us. Bein’ that my crew jest had a long fockin’ shift, I’d be much obliged if ye jest followed us.”

She looked at him, and then at me. He could see that she was still trying to figure out what he had become, but after a moment she nodded, “Very well,” she said, “Lead on, and we will follow.”

They began to follow and she cleared her throat, “Also, if this is a trap, I want you to understand that I will personally take offense to it, and I will take action.”

The large pony laughed again, “Wouldn’t have any other way, Lady Knight,” he said, “Name’s Swift Wing, and these are the best of the best on the Isle of Goats.”

“Isle of Goats?” he asked, “Where’s that?”

He laughed, “The Shetland Isles,” he said, “Toughest place in the world to live, but ye’d be hard pressed to find a freer place.”

They were led toward the castle. One of the first things that Andrew noticed was the huge drawbridge that led into the castle itself. The giant drawbridge had carvings of what looked like a unicorn, buffed out to impossible levels, ripping wolves in half. The door opened and they followed them into the courtyard. Memories of old movies indicated that there would be soldiers, knights, lords and ladies inside of the castle.

What he saw was more ponies, similarly dressed to those outside, working together. Some were gathering wood together, others were lifting what looked like bundles of wheat into a wagon, and then he finally saw other soldiers that looked as though they were preparing for duty. One of the things he noticed was most of them were similar to the ponies leading them. They had been wounded. Some had half an ear missing, most were missing a finger or two, and there were a couple that looked as though they were missing an eye or two.

There was evidence that what Swift Wing had said was completely honest. From what he could see here life most likely was fairly hard for those that lived here. Even inside of the castle it looked as though life itself wasn’t an easy life. Instead it looked to be something that every single one of them worked together on. It was obviously a life of toil and tribulation, but one that they seemed happy to have.

They crossed the courtyard, entered into another set of large wooden doors, and then walked straight toward a large open room. Sitting on a throne was a winged unicorn. She was a purple, or perhaps a lavender, her hair and pink stripe down the middle. He noticed that Sweetie Pie seemed to freeze in place for a moment. Near that pony was one that looked similar to Applejack that they met in the last universe. There was a shorter blue pegasus, actually she looked closer to cyan, with a rainbow mane and tail, there was a human beside the winged unicorn, a very pink pony beside both of them, another pegasus that reminded him of Fluttershy, and finally a white unicorn with a styled purple mane.

“M…Ministry Mares,” she said, “Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie you’re all here.”

Her eyes were wide, but it was the pink one, Pinkie Pie, that smiled and looked at her.

“Ahh, you look like Limestone, well, if Limestone’s coat was pink like mine, and you’ve got her gray mane. Plus you’ve got her yellow eyes. Oh, you turned out reeeaaally pretty,” she said, “I bet that you’ve got my figure here though, huh? Yeah that’d make sense, although I know that this isn’t like your world, and don’t worry I’m not like that Pinkie Pie.”

Sweetie Pie stood there confused for a moment, “I..Ummm, what?”

The human that sat beside Twilight and Pinkie Pie studied them for a moment. Finally he gave a small smile, “I am certain that Sergeant Swift Wing has given you an amiable welcome, but allow me to do so as well. I am Prince Endymion Everfree, son of Luna, husband to Twilight Sparkle-Everfree, Pinkie Pie-Everfree, and Fluttershy.”

Endymion looked at her, and then at Andrew. He stood, and despite the fact that the winged unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, tried to steady him he stepped down.

“Another human,” he said, “Huh, and you’re not like the ones that we’ve met. Although you do seem a bit like Charlotte. I would dare say that you are not of this world, are you?”

Andrew shook his head, “I could try to explain, but I don’t think that you would understand,” he said, “I’m not saying that you’re unintelligent, but it, uh, oh what the hell.”

He looked at them, “I had someone show up and offer me a free trial at a killer satellite tv system, and it went on the fritz, so I went outside, tried to recalibrate it, and I ended up getting sucked into a world where I met Knight Sweetie Pie here.”

Endymion looked at him, “So, magic.”

He laughed, “Yeah, as best I can tell, it was magic.”

Endymion gave a small laugh, “Well, that is one thing that we have experience with here,” he said, “I am uncertain about the type of teleportation magic that you spoke of though. There are some advanced teleportation spells, and artifacts, that we have, but none of them are truly able to stretch out and connect to entirely different universes.”

Twilight studied him for a moment before she cleared her throat, “Endymion, that’s not entirely correct,” she said, “Since we’ve installed the Rune Portal I’ve spoken to Luna. Both she and Celestia have informed me of a special mirror that is housed at the Crystal Empire. Apparently Cadance and Shining Armor are the two protectors of it. Both of them have informed me that Star Swirl created the mirror as a portal to a realm where he could send dangerous enemies of Equestria.”

Endymion looked at her, “Okay, I get that mom would want me to not know about it but why didn’t you tell me?”

She grinned sheepishly, “Well to be honest between acting as one of the ruling ponies of the Isles, and you doing your best to pump a foal into me, I more or less forgot.”

Sweetie Pie stood there, seeing Twilight Sparkle as an Alicorn was enough to make her nervous. Although she could tell that Twilight wasn’t one of the goddess’ children. She wasn’t an extension of a central consciousness, but instead she was a real princess. A real princess that just admitted that she was a sexual creature. That was wrong. The Princesses didn’t have sex. Nope, they were virginal. Everypony knew that. They were above sneaking off with some colt.

“But you’re a princess,” she said, “Princesses don’t do that, right?”

Twilight studied her, and a look of knowing and compassion flitted across her face. She stood, stepped down and looked at the mare before her. She smiled softly and then shook her head.

“I had thought the same thing, once,” she said, “I believed that Luna, and Celestia, were both above taking consorts, and that they were both above finding release. But I’ve discovered something since I’ve ascended. I’ve discovered that like myself they’re ponies, and ponies are sexual creatures.”

She gently touched Sweetie Pie’s face, “The simple truth is that I would be far more worried if they didn’t do what they needed to in order to find release.”

Sweetie Pie shook her head, “That goes against everything I was taught,” she said, “It flies in the face of every lease we were ever taught about Celestia and Luna.”

Twilight grinned, “I know, but if Celestia’s time with Flintheart is anything to go by then I am confident that I am right.”

Sweetie Pie was a multitude of things. She was a proud member of the Applejack Rangers. She was also one of the youngest knights. She had proved herself in missions, rising up from a Squire, being promoted to Knight, and then being assigned to Elder Steelhooves as back up for the missions that the Elder often went on. She was justly proud of her accomplishments, and the fact that she was a very distant descendant of one of the Ministry Mares wasn’t something she liked to broadcast.

But one of the few things she wasn’t became incredibly clear. She wasn’t someone that could fully come to terms with the fact that the Princesses were ponies like her, had sexual urges like her, and a true example of them stood before her, and there was more evidence than not that pointed to it being true. And trying to accept it felt wrong.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t think that I can fully accept that.”

After a moment there was raspy laughter and she looked to see Rainbow Dash laughing her flank off.

“Oh, that’s a doozy you daft cunt gargler,” she said, “Look, it's a fact regardless if you can accept it or not. But regardless you’re gonna have to make peace with it eventually.”

She noticed that Twilight’s attention to her changed. She was examining her armor and seeming to look at it from various angles.

“Huh,” she said, “This is fundamentally different from the armor we saw some of those humans use, isn’t it Endymion?”

Endymion looked over at Sweetie Pie and nodded after a moment, “On, it certainly is,” he said, “In truth it looks like the mana batter was better installed. For one I don’t see a single place where it is exposed. Also, it looks like the armor was designed specifically to increase mobility, protect against projectile and blunt force, but it also seems to be designed to defend against most magic blasts as well.”

Knight Sweetie Pie grinned, “You’re not wrong,” she said, “This power armor was designed to withstand most attacks. In fact I’d dare say that it was one of the finest creations to come out of the Ministry of Technology.”

Twilight smiled, “If you don’t mind I’d love to take some notes.”

Knight Sweetie Pie looked at her for a second, “Ummm, well, the thing is that part of our creed is to protect ponies, but also help protect them from dangerous technology they might not understand,” she said, “As such, I don’t know about just letting you study it.”

Twilight smiled, “Well, the best way to protect someone from something they don’t understand is to help them understand it!” she said excitedly, “We can use Jolie Maison’s old lab to study it in!”

Endymion grinned, “Believe me when I say that she won’t do anything you are uncomfortable with, but in truth we have armor that is nearly as advanced, just different. It was captured, but if we can find a way to replicate the way yours is designed to more security hold the mana battery, then I believe that we could potentially make them safer,” he said, “Also, the two of you look tired. I will have a room prepared.”

Andrew began to say something, but then he heard a hiss, and watched as Sweetie Pie stepped out of the power armor. She was shorter, like he expected, but he was right about her being stacked. She was curvy, but that didn’t really convey what he saw. Her breasts were large, but not impossibly so. They were certainly larger than Tina’s though. Despite the fact that he had been married, and dated before that, he knew absolutely jack about cup sizes when it came to bras.

Oh, he knew how to get them off well enough, but actual cup sizes was something he had little to no experience in. They were large, looked soft, and from what he could see she was wearing no support. She was also nude in there. That had been something he wasn’t expecting. He’d assumed that there would be some kind of clothing, but instead she was as nude as he assumed the day she was born.

“Yepporini! I was right, you’ve got my build!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “That’s good because that means you can borrow some of my clothes. Cause your coltfriend there looks a little dazed by your goods.”

Sweetie Pie, for the first time really, felt the need to cover up. She often went nude in the power armor because honestly it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to wear much. She knew that some stallions and mares would wear robes and other things under the armor, but she preferred to not be too hot. A moment later she found a top being pulled over her, which she accepted and pulled down over her teats that decided to form on her chest, and then there was a skirt that she stepped into. Feeling a little more comfortable she looked at Andrew and noticed that he looked a little shocked, but if being around a lot of stallions was any indicator then she could see interest as well.

That made her feel better. She was beginning to like him, and one thing she’d learned in the wasteland was that you didn’t wait for things. If you wanted it then you had to just go for it.

Author's Note

(AN: and I couldn't help myself. I had to do a crossover with Rune Soldier. I was trying to decide between it and Bumbling through my Education, and finally I thought I'd go with Rune Soldier. That said, this arch is actually going to be a few chapters long, so get ready for that.)