AKA - Why Fancy Pants Should've Worn Actual Pants
“Whoooaaaaaaa…”
The gryphon’s blue eyes widened in amazement, as did his beak the moment he stepped through the ornate entryway. Even though the restaurant was an indoor venue, the high-class establishment had a domed ceiling that went up high above the rich patrons’ tables. Much like the gryphon’s feathers (aside from a light hint of gold that came from the tips atop his head), the ceiling was painted a soft shade of blue to emulate the illusion of everypony being under a clear open sky. And over the sounds of various ponies chattering at their tables, a gentle jazz arrangement was playing from a pianist performing in the middle of the establishment.
“Yes?” asked a deep and posh-sounding voice, which caused the gryphon to jolt a little in surprise. He looked over to his left to see a well-groomed grey stallion standing behind the hostess stand. The pony had his black mane slicked back with enough gel to make it glisten brightly, while his upper lip carried a mustache thin enough to almost make him look like a pervert. His eyes narrowed on the blue and yellow gryphon, already showing silent judgement from the way his muzzle skewed ever so slightly. “Do you have a reservation, Mister…”
“Uhhh… O-Oh!” Since this was the first time he ever stepped paw inside a place this fancy, it took a second for him to realize how mandatory reservations were. Luckily though, despite his light blush, the gryphon went up to the stand and answered the Maitre D. “Umm, my name is Gallus, sir. I was actually here to meet with somepony for a… private lunch.”
Gallus tried not to wince after giving that weak-sounding detail at the end, and looked away while the stallion scanned through his book. Even though he knew he could’ve just told the pony the truth, he wasn’t sure how well it would be received if he said he was here for a date. The gryphon may have been wearing the nicest black blazer he could find at the thrift store, but he knew he still stood out like a sore talon among these stuffy Canterlot types. Not to mention, considering how young he looked, Gallus was sure he’d be questioned if the stallion asked who he was here to meet.
“Oh! Here it is!” Luckily for Gallus’ sake, the Maitre D smiled more naturally when he looked up from his book. “Yes, you’re listed as a plus one for Fancy Pants. Please, come this way.”
Since the host was one of the few earth ponies among a sea of unicorns, he took one of the menus with his mouth before leading the way. Gallus was quick to follow the pony, even as his eyes repeatedly darted around the restaurant to admire the lavish setting. Beautiful pieces of art adorned the spacious walls, while multiple small chandeliers illuminated the place with a glittery glow. As he followed the host to his seat, Gallus couldn’t help sneaking glances at some of the well-dressed unicorns enjoying very pricey-looking meals. He could smell the various aromas of garlic, champagne, and melted butter from all around, which was already making his beak water due the small breakfast he had earlier.
Of course, when his eyes peered over at the table they were heading towards, Gallus’ beak grew a small smirk when he caught sight of the posh stallion.
“Ah, there you are!” The very moment he saw Gallus, the pearl-white stallion pulled himself up from his seat to greet him formally. The unicorn may have looked old enough to be Gallus’ dad, but there was barely any hint of grey in his well-styled mane. There was also a spark of youth in Fancy Pants’ eyes, which carried the same shade of light blue as his mane and pencil-thin mustache. Due to how friendly the stallion was looking upon introduction, Gallus couldn’t help smiling with a blush while shaking his hoof. “It’s very nice to meet you, Gallus,” he said with a sincerely kind tone, “I hope there wasn’t any trouble.”
“Oh, not at all. Thank you.” Gallus made sure to tip the host a couple of bits as common courtesy, before seating himself in the table across from Fancy Pants. After both of them were handed their menus, the Maitre D trotted off to leave the two alone. There were already two wine glasses set up, as well as a bottle of red merlot with a date before Gallus was even born. While Fancy Pants returned to his seat, Gallus tried not to look too flustered as he glanced around the restaurant. “Wow… I’m not gonna lie, this is probably the fanciest place I’ve ever been in.”
“Is it?” Fancy Pants seemed a little confused by the gryphon’s statement, and used his horn to lift up Gallus’ wine glass with his magic. “I would’ve expected one of Equestria’s heroes to have at least been in Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle.”
Gallus’ blush grew heavier in bashfulness, and he scratched the back of his neck while Fancy poured him a glass. Even though he had only just gotten old enough to drink, the gryphon didn’t try to stop Fancy’s gesture while giving a response. “Well, of course I’ve been there, heh heh… I-I just meant I’ve never been to a place like this by myself, you know?”
“Well, I’m grateful I’m able to provide you with this sort of experience.” Fancy Pants shot the gryphon a friendly smile after filling both their glasses. “Not to mention, it’s quite the honor to have a young man like yourself accept my offer. I was honestly a little worried you would laugh it off as a joke or something.”
“Hmph~” Gallus shrugged his head, with his smirk growing the tiniest bit more peculiar for a moment or so. “Well, it would’ve been kinda rude to say no, wouldn’t it? Ooh!” The gryphon leaned to the side to look past Fancy, his eyes widening at the sight of a large aquarium tank across the room. “Is that a lobster tank?! Like, with real lobsters and stuff?”
“Hmm?” Fancy Pants turned around to see where Gallus was pointing at, and huffed with an amused smile upon seeing the open display. “Ah, yes! That’s actually one of the big reasons I requested this place. It’s one of the only restaurants in Canterlot with a permit to cook meat products.”
When he turned around to face Gallus, the gryphon pulled his claw back while smiling with intrigue. “Is that so?” he asked curiously. “That’s really thoughtful of you, Fancy Pants.”
The older stallion chuckled in delight. “Well, you and your friends did help save Canterlot from those bandits last month. It seemed only fair to show my appreciation.”
Gallus kept his thankful smile, not needing to say much in response to Fancy’s words of praise. It had only been a couple years since Twilight Sparkle ascended the throne, but the Elements of Harmony have already been working hard to help Gallus and his friends become just as competent as a team of their own. And since their efforts helped to earn Gallus a scholarship for Guard Training in Canterlot Castle, he wasn’t afraid to raise up his glass for a toast. “And your appreciation is greatly reciprocated~”
Fancy and Gallus clinked their glasses like gentlemen, and shared a sip of their wine before looking through their menus. Fancy seemed rather pleased by his selection, closing his eyes to better savor the subtle bitterness of the dry merlot; meanwhile, Gallus’ eyes remained partially open to watch the stallion, while still enjoying his own glass without pause. As soon as the two finished their drinks, Gallus’ smile became much more confident when he put down his glass.
“Sooooo…” The gryphon picked his menu back up, and scrolled through the selection of extravagant meals without any prices listed. “Was this invitation for me solely because of the Canterlot rescue? Or was it because of my personal stuff as well?”
Fancy’s brows perked up a little in surprise, but he wasn’t afraid to shrug his head with a smirk. “Well, that might have something to do with it as well,” he remarked while glossing through his own menu. “I know how difficult it can be to come out at such a young age, so I wanted to show my support for your courage. But with that being said, it’s nothing short of admirable that your friends have your back as well.”
That answer got Gallus to show a more appreciative expression as he peered back at Fancy. Shortly after the ‘Student Six’ (as the newspapers referred to their group) rescued Canterlot on their own, Gallus had the support of his friends when he decided to come out of the coop as an openly gay gryphon. The admission may have caused some slight backlash in his homeland, but he couldn’t have been happier about his friends all staying by his side. “Yeah, they really are great friends,” he admitted with a light blush, even though it did nothing to hide how much his eyes narrowed on Fancy Pants. “In fact, one of the biggest reasons I agreed to come here is because I wanted to have my friends’ backs…”
With that brief pause, Gallus was able to put his menu back down to eye Fancy Pants more directly. “Unlike certain others, who would choose to treat them like crap.”
Fancy Pants almost choked on his wine while taking another sip, and had to do a double-take back at his date. Gallus’ smile no longer showed any of the flustered innocence he carried when he first entered the restaurant; instead, the gryphon’s beak had a more vindictive smirk that matched how intensely he was staring the stallion down. Fancy had to blink a couple times in confoundment, before shaking his head to ask, “Ummm… Excuse me, what was that?”
“You heard me, asshole.” Gallus didn’t even wait for Fancy to react to such a sudden change of attitude, and reached inside his jacket to pull out a small pile of photographs. The gryphon’s confident stare only grew more notable when he placed the photos on the table between them, revealing some candid shots of Fancy Pants just a few days prior. The stallion was shown seated at an outdoor bistro nearby, where he was obviously yelling at a distressed-looking Sandbar wearing a waiter’s vest. Even though the teal stallion appeared close to the verge of tears, Fancy’s expression showed pure unbridled rage at the waiter as an irate customer.
Fancy Pants’ expression dropped in an instant, his face paling at the reveal of those secret photographs. Meanwhile, Gallus kept his determined smirk while glaring at him from across the table. “I gotta say,” he continued while Fancy was left stunned silent, “I wouldn’t have expected you to be stupid enough to ask me out on a date, right after getting my best friend fired from his first job. Especially when he didn’t do anything to warrant that kind of treatment.”
Even though Gallus’ tone of voice was carrying a strong sense of anger, he was able to keep it from rising in such a posh venue. Because of that, none of the other patrons were prompted to glance over at their table while Fancy Pants grew an instant scowl on his face. The stallion’s eyes revealed a level of intensity just as high as Gallus, which he was just barely able to conceal behind his livid stare. But before Fancy Pants could do anything in response to the gryphon’s remarks, Gallus pulled the photos back to tuck into his suit jacket. “So with all that being said,” he continued with a cockier tone that matched his grin, “I really am grateful we’re able to talk one-on-one. Especially since I haven’t shared around these photos yet.”
That detail really got Fancy’s eyes to widen immensely, and his head tilted to the side while burning a glare through Gallus’ skull. “Excuse me?!” he said with his teeth tightly gritted, which helped to keep his voice from being overheard by anypony else. “Young man, are you seriously suggesting blackmail?!”
“Oh, it’s not a suggestion,” retorted Gallus, his grin now growing to proper shit-eating levels. “It’s my main goal for today.”
“Alright, that’s it!” Fancy Pants quickly pulled himself out of his chair, while Gallus remained seated without the slightest look of concern. But even with how cavalier the gryphon was acting, Fancy Pants narrowed his eyes on him as he began to walk away. “If you really think I’m going to tolerate such insolence, I’ll be sure to pay a visit to the Royal Guard Academy regarding your admission.”
Before Gallus could say anything else, Fancy Pants lit up his horn to quickly snatch those photos with his magic. The stack flew out from the inside of Gallus’ pocket, but the gryphon didn’t even flinch while keeping his confident stare on him. Fancy Pants paused while holding the stack in his blue aura, realizing that his action didn’t warrant the reaction he expected. After a couple seconds of silence, Fancy sighed with a flatter look on his face. “You have copies, don’t you?”
“Nice to see you’re not as dumb as you look,” replied Gallus with his smirk widening across his beak. “Oh, and Smolder is waiting outside the PMZ office with one of the stacks as we speak. I also have a folder that can be sent to Princess Twilight in an instant with Ocellus’ help.”
“Hmph~ Clever bird…” Fancy Pants’ muzzle was tightly clenched, but he tried his hardest to give a look just as unaffected as Gallus was sporting. Since he had no reason to deny Gallus’ claim, Fancy tossed the photos back on the table. After looking around the restaurant, and seeing that none of the other patrons were paying any attention, Fancy leaned in close while narrowing his eyes on the gryphon. “And what exactly makes you think that I can’t just retaliate towards you? Even with those photographs, you can’t guarantee that any of the evidence can stick. Not to mention, there’s no way that your connections are more effective than what I have at my disposal.”
With the way the stallion was staring him down with a venomous glare, Gallus could tell how seriously Fancy Pants was laying down such a threat. Not to mention, the gryphon had watched enough movies to know that ponies of Fancy’s reputation could still lay a lot of hurt towards an orphan like himself. Nevertheless, as the gryphon’s smile remained untarnished, his head tilted curiously while peering back at him with amusement. “Is that so, Fancy Pants?” he asked while keeping his undeterred stare. “Because I have a feeling you won’t be saying that when you visit the bathroom~”
Fancy Pants reeled his head back a little, his expression now showing a look of confusion. “Ummm… What now?”
“You heard me,” stated Gallus before grinning even wider, revealing his teeth behind the rim of his beak. “So before you start laying down any bullshit threats, I would recommend going to the bathroom and having a little tinkle~”
Gallus made sure to shoot the stallion a sly wink after that part, which was more than enough to get Fancy worried. The stallion’s eyes darted back and forth while glancing around the restaurant, before his sights returned to that grinning gryphon. He didn’t want to think that Gallus had actually done anything too serious, but the implications of such a remark were causing him to second-guess his own plans. So after taking a quick breath, Fancy Pants pulled away from the table and walked towards the restroom. Meanwhile, Gallus had to cover his face with the menu to keep ponies from seeing him snickering devilishly.
“Little tinkle?” Fancy asked himself in confoundment, unsure of how to process that threatening remark from his “date”. If it was just those photographs of himself berating Sandbar -- which felt fairly justified at the time due to the pony spilling wine on his undershirt sleeve -- he wouldn’t have been so nonplussed about what Gallus was planning. However, by the time he actually reached the restroom, Fancy couldn’t help glancing at himself in the mirror with a worrisome blush. The bathroom attendant was standing stoically by the door, but didn’t say anything to the stallion due to his flustered state. Because of that, Fancy Pants was left uninterrupted as he rushed into one of the stalls.
“I swear, this better not be some ‘Dine-and-Dash’ scheme,” he muttered to himself, before shaking his head and getting up on his hind-legs. Despite not wanting to humor that cocky little shitbird, Fancy Pants could admit that he did need to go a little. So as he braced himself up against the wall with one foreleg, his other went down towards his crotch to get himself properly aimed. “Now then, let’s--GNAAAAHHHHH!!!”
“Hmm?” Outside the row of stalls, the bathroom attendant glanced over at Fancy’s with a concerned look on his face. Meanwhile, Fancy himself was now leaned back against the stall door, his eyes peering down at himself in absolute horror. His eyes were as wide as frisbees, and every ounce of color had drained away from his face as his muzzle quivered intensely. Since he wasn’t wearing any pants, there was nothing to obscure his view of what had become of his stallionhood following Gallus’ threat…
Or more specifically, the measly-looking excuse of a stallionhood that was now smaller than a jellybean.
“Oh no… Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no…” Fancy Pants was beginning to hyperventilate, his chest contorting in and out due to his rapid breaths. His eyes refused to blink while gawking at the state of his dick, which was now less than a fraction of its original size. Before this blasted excuse of a date, Fancy could safely say that his penis was around eight inches in length when fully erect. But as his mortified stare grew more immense, he could see clear as day that his stallionhood was erect; it may have been less than half an inch now, but it was still standing as rigidly as it could with the pencil-thin shaft twitching. And just beneath that pathetic looking dicklet, Fancy Pants’ balls had also shrunken down to the size of snow peas.
Fancy’s left eye twitched incessantly, as did his muzzle while it hung agape. “What the… How… H-How did he…”
His pupils shrank in realization, not needing to think too hard about the cause of such a sudden case of under-endowment. Fancy Pants could recall turning away from his wine when Gallus purposely pointed out the lobster tank; and the instant he downed his glass, that was when his date’s attitude changed like a flip of a coin. He had no idea what the gryphon put in his drink, but the side-effect was definitely enough to leave his knees quivering in absolute dread. He wasn’t sure how long he spent staring down at that tiny little nub, but it was apparently long enough to cause the attendant to cautiously knock on the stall door.
‘Knock, knock, knock’
“NNGHHH!!” Fancy Pants jolted away from the door he was braced up against, and nearly fell face-first into the toilet when he stumbled back on his hooves. Unfortunately, that surprise did nothing to keep his teenie weenie from staying “erect” between his quivering legs. But since his stall was still locked, his embarrassment was left unnoticed to the attendant outside.
“Is everything alright, Sir?” asked the stallion outside in a frail voice older than Fancy Pants’. “Should I get some assistance?”
“N-NO!” he blurted in an instant, before instinctually trying to cross his hind-legs together. As his face grew a tremendously heavy blush, Fancy Pants tried to say without stuttering, “I, uhhh… I-I just saw a… a skin tag…”
Fancy Pants winced hard from that lousy excuse; part of it was due to how unconvincing he sounded, but the biggest cause for his embarrassment was how close it was to the truth. After all, his dick did resemble a skin tag more than it did his actual endowment.
“Is that so?” asked the pony outside with a more concerned tone of voice. After a brief moment, a small business card was floated over the stall with the attendant’s aura. “My sister went to this dermatologist for her moles. I’ll see to it that you get an appointment, Mister Fancy Pants.”
“Ughhh… T-Thanks…” Fancy Pants tried not to sound too upset while snatching the card from the pony’s aura. Even though he didn’t want to accept the offer, it was a better alternative than being truthful at the moment; not to mention, he was due for a proper checkup soon. But due to his current predicament, Fancy Pants was more concerned about confronting Gallus back in the dining room. Not to mention, after seeing his measly little dicklet up-close, the last thing that Fancy could think about was peeing right now.
Meanwhile outside the restroom, Gallus had just ordered a couple lobsters for himself to enjoy; he also made sure to order for Fancy Pants, mostly to keep any of the wait staff from growing suspicious. Fortunately, since the waiter already brought out some complimentary breadsticks, the gryphon was happily munching on one by the time Fancy Pants finally emerged from the bathroom. The stallion had his head hunched low while sporting a particularly heavy blush; and with the way his tail was nestled so tightly between his legs, Gallus had to keep from giggling when he saw Fancy’s frantic waddle back to their table.
“Hmph~” Gallus was grinning rather cockily when Fancy Pants returned to his seat; of course, if looks were able to kill, then the murderous glare the stallion had would’ve left Gallus splattered all over the walls of the restaurant. But despite how livid Fancy looked while seated across from the gryphon, the only response he received from Gallus was a chipper-sounding, “Hey there, Fancy. You seem really upset about something~”
“GIVE IT BACK.” Fancy’s furious words nearly growled out through his teeth, which matched his furious sneer perfectly. “NOW.”
“Or what?~” Gallus’ smile widened after asking such a ballsy question to the already enraged stallion. “Seriously, what are you gonna do? ‘Please help me, this gryphon shrank my dick?’”
Fancy Pants lurched his head down, trying his hardest to keep from losing his shit in the middle of the restaurant. Both hooves came up to grip his mane tightly, almost as if he was envisioning how badly he wanted to clutch the gryphon’s throat. Gallus didn’t say anything, and merely watched in amusement while taking another sip from his wine. After putting his glass back down, Gallus made sure to point out, “Oh, and the waiter already came by to take our orders. I got you the baby carrot platter~”
Fancy loomed his head back up to eye the gryphon venomously; unfortunately, all that his expression did was make Gallus add teasingly, “I wonder how they they compare to your little nub, hmmm?~”
Just as the stallion was about to lunge across the table, Gallus pulled out a secondary item from the inside of his jacket. “Ah, ah, ahhhhhh…” The gryphon held out a tiny glass vial pinched between two of his talons. Fancy had no idea what it was, but the blue liquid glowing from inside the glass kept him in his seat. His eyes widened while darting between the sight of that vial, and Gallus’ confident smirk. “Yeah, that’s right,” he said in a cocky tone, before tucking the vial back in his pocket. “You might have already realized I laced your drink, right? Well, unless you want that side-effect to remain permanent, I would recommend you remain civil if you want the antidote.”
Gallus expected that little detail to keep Fancy silent, if not for the fate of his penis more than anything else. But much to the gryphon’s surprise, Fancy instantly threw a hoof up like he was about to answer a question in class. “May I request a manager, please?”
Fancy’s raised voice prompted a few ponies to glance over at their table, as well as Gallus’ brows to perk up. As the stallion kept his hoof raised in wait, his eyes were burning into Gallus’ blank expression while carrying a smug grin. The gryphon didn’t say anything, and merely sat still to keep from making a scene. However, after pouring himself another glass of wine, Gallus made sure to give Fancy a respectful nod of his head, almost as if he was showing a silent “Touché” to the pony’s plan.
The Maitre D from earlier, whose expression appeared much sterner than before, was quick to arrive at their table to help disarm any conflict. Gallus kept a friendly smile for the stallion, and sipped his wine instead of defending himself. Because of that, Fancy Pants huffed with a confident grin of his own, and motioned for the pony to lean in close. Gallus narrowed his eyes on the unicorn in wait, while his free claw nestled inside of his jacket pocket.
“Now listen to me very carefully,” he whispered in a firm voice to keep from sounding too frantic. “I’m currently being held hostage by this--”
“My apologies, Sir,” began the Maitre D, who used his regular voice to overshadow Fancy’s whisper. He pulled back from the stallion’s muzzle to look down at him with a peculiarly snide grin beneath his mustache. “But considering your predicament, I feel it would be much wiser to listen to Gallus before he breaks that vial in front of you~”
Fancy Pants reeled back in shock, just as the stallion narrowed his eyes on him with a vengeful grin. The fake Maitre D looked around the restaurant for a moment, just to make sure that any nearby patrons weren’t eavesdropping on them. When it was confirmed that they were being left alone, his grin was much more apparent when he said over to Gallus, “Don’t worry, dude. None of the staff are aware I’m here, and I have my stack of photos right next to the portal by Twilight’s throne~”
He then turned his attention back towards Fancy Pants, who was left as pale as a ghost and frozen in his seat. “Oh, and your baby carrots are just about ready. Please enjoy~”
With that, the Maitre D trotted away from the table with a confident strut. None of the other patrons were even giving a second glance at Fancy’s table, leaving the unicorn completely helpless before the smiling gryphon. “What? You really think I’d be stupid enough to try this setup alone?” Gallus motioned his head back to where his friend disappeared off to. “Besides, Ocellus was the one who took those photos of you harassing Sandbar in the first place. If anything, you should be thankful I’m giving you the chance to cover your ass.”
Fancy Pants’ eyes were wide-open, and his muzzle twitched incessantly from the barrel-rolls his thoughts were going through. But even as he looked back around the restaurant some more, it was obvious from Gallus’ point of view that Fancy had nothing thought out. Since the pony’s best plan was just to ask for a manager like a Karen, Gallus wasn’t too worried about him trying to think of any other weak ploys. But alas, just to make sure he stayed in his place, Gallus pulled that vial back out to hold in his claw once more. “Also, this glass has an enchantment where it shatters if touched by any magic auras, so don’t even think of trying to snatch it with that horn, bud.”
The stallion’s muzzle clenched in tightly, silently confirming that the thought crossed his mind before Gallus said that. But after sucking in a deep breath through his nostrils, Fancy Pants tried his hardest to keep a civil expression while glaring daggers at the gryphon. “Well then…” The corner of his snarling lip twitched a couple times, and he had to take another breath before his teeth stopped gritting so tightly. “It seems that you have everything thought out, don’t you?”
“Well, not everything,” noted Gallus with an honest shrug. “But definitely more than you, beanie weenie~”
Fancy Pants had to close his eyes to keep from staring at Gallus’ smug grin, just in case it caused his hoof to involuntarily pelt his “date’s” beak off. Luckily, since Gallus was holding onto that so-called antidote, Fancy was able to keep from reacting negatively to the teasing. He may have had no idea what sources Gallus may have had to procure such a potion, or even if that “antidote” was really what he said it was; but for the sake of his dignity (and the chance of being able to have sex without using a strapon), Fancy could only assume that the gryphon’s confidence was due to his honesty. So after brushing aside Gallus’ ‘Beenie Weenie’ comment with a strong shudder, the stallion firmly asked, “Alright then, what in Tartarus do you want?”
“You mean aside from you giving Sandbar a proper apology for being a dick and getting him fired?” Even with his cocky attitude, that question was asked with a much sterner glare from Gallus. “Seriously, he’s just as much of a national hero as me or any of the others. I’m honestly kinda shocked you thought you could get away with that.”
“Well, I’m clearly still here, aren’t I?!” Fancy Pants cringed after that outburst, and he had to refrain from looking around to see how many ponies were glancing at them. Bue while the gryphon sat in wait with an amused stare, Fancy was able to take a brief moment to recollect himself. “Alright, alright… I promise, I will take the first train to Ponyville to apologize. I’ll even find him a new job where he won’t spill wine on ponies’ Maremani suits. Now if you--”
“Okay, seriously dude?!” Gallus held out the vial from the edge of the table, causing Fancy Pants to tense up greatly in his seat. As his eyes glued to the sight of that fragile glass bottle dangling from Gallus’ talons like a broken prize machine, the gryphon’s glare turned much less forgiving. “I don’t give a single shit what kind of suit you had. You made him bucking cry. Yona had to hug him for hours to console him. Half of us had to keep Smolder from trying to set your house on fire! He didn’t deserve that over a wine stain.”
“Nnnnghhhh!!” Fancy’s elbows braced atop the table while he sunk his face into his hooves. The amount of disrespect Gallus was giving him was downright deplorable, but it wasn’t like he could defend himself while his stallionhood was on the line. Even now, when he knew he was sporting a teensy little pecker between his legs, Fancy Pants could feel it throbbing harder than a teenager’s on Prom Night. He wasn’t sure if that erection was from the potion itself, or just some perverted recess of his mind wanting to get off to this sick power play; nevertheless, by the time he pulled his head back up, his teeth were tightly clenched when he tried to speak. “Point… Taken…”
“Mmhmm~” Gallus gave a strong nod while smiling back at Fancy, almost akin to a teacher giving positive feedback to an unruly toddler. “That’s right. So unless you want those photos to go out, AND be known as the Canterlot Noble packing a tic-tac, I suggest you keep your bullshit ‘justifications’ to yourself~”
Fancy Pants had to take a moment to settle down following Gallus’ threat, but was able to respond with a firm nod. “Right… Okay then, I’ll apologize properly to Sandbar, AND find him a new job. Is that all?”
“Ohhhhh, not by a long shot~” That was when Gallus’ grin grew wickedly wide, which caused Fancy Pants to cringe fearfully. “Ocellus and I have a few other measures before we’re comfortable with giving you this antidote~” The gryphon then tucked the vial into the front pocket of his blazer, allowing the bulge of its shape through the fabric to be seen by the pony. “Not to mention, even if you’re able to keep your inchworm a secret, the same can’t be said about those photos. Remember?~”
Given how badly he was being held over a barrel, Fancy Pants knew he couldn’t necessarily negotiate with this smug little gryphon. So instead of even attempting such a meager defense, he merely asked through his seething expression. “Fine… Just state your conditions so we can end this.”
“That’s the spirit~” Gallus was sitting rather smug when a waitress came up to their table with their meals. The petite yellow mare used her magic to float over Fancy’s plate first, which was a dainty little arrangement of baby carrots meticulously arranged across some sauce splatters. Meanwhile, a large metal tray was placed before the gryphon, with a massive lobster steaming with a bright red shell and drizzled in butter. Gallus shuddered happily to the sight of that long-missed shellfish, and was quick to pick up his bib and nut-crackers. “Man, it’s been years since I had actual lobster!”
“Yeah, I remember you telling me that the other day,” noted the waitress with a pleased-looking shrug. “And don’t worry, I’ll have your second lobster in a to-go box when we’re finished here. I also included some meals for the others as well.”
Fancy Pants could barely look down at his own plate, so he was able to catch what the “waitress” was saying to her friend. The mare then shot a teasing grin of her own back at Fancy, along with a quick flicker of green flame over her eyes to indicate she was the same Ocellus from earlier. “Oh, and thanks for footing the bill, by the way~”
The changeling didn’t say anything more, but her smirk remained as she used her magic to conjure out a large item for her friend: a bulky-looking Polaroid camera that she placed right beside Gallus. “Thanks, Ocellus,” said the gryphon with a wink, before the “waitress” left their table to resume their plans. Fancy Pants was seething in rage, and glaring back at Gallus while he began to break one of the lobster claws with his tools. The gryphon was sure that his date wished that he was holding the nut-cracker instead of him, but didn’t pay any heed to the pony’s livid stare. Instead, he just picked up his cup of melted butter to drizzle over the exposed white meat beneath the shell.
“Well, for starters,” began the gryphon as he pointed a talon down at Fancy Pants’ plate, “you might not wanna eat that little arrangement just yet. If you want the photographs I have in my jacket, I’m going to need some new photos to replace them. You get what I mean?~”
“W-What?!” Fancy Pants was only concerned with getting that vial from Gallus’ sticky claws, but he couldn’t do anything while his eyes darted between the gryphon and his camera. “What do you mean by that?!”
“Oh, don’t worry about thinking too hard about it…” Gallus reached into his jacket again, riffling a little before pulling out a folded piece of paper. He slid it across the table towards his date, and said with a shit-eating grin, “You want my photos of you harassing Sandbar? Then you go somewhere private with that camera and follow the instructions~”
Fancy begrudgingly took the paper, and looked around in paranoia before unfolding it. He quickly briefly through the small list Gallus and Ocellis prepared, which made his expression tense up greatly beneath his blush. “WHAT THE--”
Fancy Pants had to cover his muzzle with a hoof, and instantly lurched his head down to keep from making a scene. Fortunately, Gallus was the only one staring at him after that split-second outburst. “And when you finish with that, then we’ll talk about your antidote, clit-dick~”
The paper crumpled up within Fancy Pants’ tight grip, while the stallion struggled not to wring his neck with his magic. But with the sight of that vial still sticking out through Gallus’ pocket, Fancy only needed a moment to settle down before obliging. He used his magic to pick up the Polaroid camera, and began to get up from his seat. Unfortunately, Gallus made sure to point out, “Don’t forget your baby carrots~”
“Ugh…” Fancy showed great reluctance, but used a hoof to pick up a couple of the pieces from his plate. He then walked away from the table, allowing Gallus to enjoy his expensive lobster without interruption. The stallion was blushing hard, and had to keep his muzzle pointed to the ground as he silently walked past the other tables. Even though he knew he could’ve tried to find some help, he had no idea where Gallus’ changeling friend may have been hiding. Not to mention, he really didn’t want to give that little shit any excuse to break the vial and leave him with a permanent nub in place of his dick.
When Fancy Pants reached the back exit of the restaurant, he found that the metal door was already propped open with a crate so no alarms would be set off. Because of that, the posh stallion soon found himself standing outdoors in the dingy alleyway. Even though the alley itself was fairly closed-off, with large dumpsters blocking the view from the streets at both ends, Fancy still felt rightfully exposed when he glanced up at the clear skies. But regardless of the looming worry of some pegasus flying past, Fancy Pants groaned through his gritted teeth as he looked at the list in his hoof.
Picture #1 - Take a full body shot of yourself with your tiny penis. Make sure to show your face with a smile~
“Ugh!” Fancy didn’t even want to humor those kids by doing such a thing, knowing how badly such a photograph could harm his reputation. Although, given how damning those photos of him harassing Sandbar may have looked, it wasn’t like Fancy could risk those beingreleased instead. So after sighing with great disdain, Fancy made sure that nopony was poking their head through the door before lighting up his horn. He hovered the camera a few feet away from his blushing face, and took a breath as he got himself up on his hind-legs.
The unicorn was standing with his face as red as a tomato, while his tiny little nub was still standing rock-hard (or perhaps more appropriately, pebble-hard) between his legs. The half-inch endowment stood out surprisingly well against his white fur, and proved to be the sole focus even while he was standing upright. Fancy Pants couldn’t keep from wincing when he looked down at his measly little dicklet, and then back up at his floating camera pointed right at him. Fortunately, despite how shameful he may have felt about succumbing to Gallus’ blackmail like this, the stallion was able to muster up the briefest smile before seeing the camera flash.
‘CLICK!’
With a mechanical whir, the first photograph on his list was completed as the candid Polaroid printed out from the front of his camera. Fancy used his magic to float the photo back towards himself, and he instantly cringed when he saw the result. Not only was he shown clear as day with a blushing smile, undoubtedly confirming it was actually him, but his pathetic little cock was right in the middle of the photo to serve as the main focal point. If this picture ever went out, there was no denying how badly Fancy Pants would be lauded for such a humiliating display of his under-endowment; but instead of ripping the Polaroid in many pieces like he should, Fancy could only tuck it into his pocket before checking the second entry on his list:
Picture #2 - Get a close-up shot of your penis from between your legs. Make sure your face is in view again~
“I swear to Twilight, if Gallus ever sends this out…” As he snarled to himself furiously, Fancy floated the camera downward to oblige with the new perspective. The Polaroid camera was carefully positioned between his legs, with the lens pointing straight up at his so-called “penis.” Given how closely the camera was nestled between his thighs, Fancy could only assume that this was the closest way to make it look somewhat serviceable. Unfortunately, given how he knew his face was still in full view past that tiny pecker, all he could do was force another fake smile before taking the shot.
‘CLICK!’
Another photo printed out from the front of the Polaroid, which Fancy took once more with his magic. He only took a split-second to look at his exposing picture, just to make sure that it fit the qualifications that sadistic gryphon insisted on. Fortunately, despite how revealing it was to see his tiny penis in that ‘selfie’ shot, neither that nor his face were blurred from the camera’s awkward positioning. Of course, even with how embarrassed he felt while tucking that photo in his pocket, it was the last entry on that list which prompted him to groan harshly. “Ugh! What the heck is wrong with those kids?!”
Picture #3 - Take a side-by-side photo of your penis next to one of those baby carrots. :3
Fancy Pants looked down at the baby carrots in his hoof, which caused him to cringe in absolute dread. Even with how small those bite-sized veggies may have looked, he could already tell from a single glance that all of them were much larger than his exposed nub. He used his magic to float one of them beside his teeny weenie, further confirming his worries when they were next to one another. Even the girth of that baby carrot was significantly thicker than his cock, while the overall length exceeded past the head by a quarter of an inch. The idea of photographing such a comparison felt absolutely degrading, especially when combined with the previous two pictures he was forced to take; but alas, with the looming fear of permanent shrinkage engrained in his mind, Fancy Pants could only take a breath before positioning the camera above his dick.
‘CLICK!’
Another printed photo whirred out from the front of the Polaroid, giving a clear visual confirmation of his penis being smaller than a baby carrot. Fancy Pants couldn’t even bear to look at the photo in his aura, and merely tucked it into his pocket. After taking a deep breath, Fancy frantically ripped up that damning list and tossed the pieces in the dumpster. He then returned to the inside of the restaurant, not wanting to give any secondary thoughts to the deplorable acts he just committed.
By the time Fancy Pants returned to his table, Gallus had already devoured a good portion of that lobster by himself. Due to how happily he was munching on pieces of buttered meat between loud cracks of the shell, there were a couple ponies from other tables staring at the gryphon in disgust. Fortunately for both Gallus and his date, the patrons were quick to glance elsewhere when Fancy got in his seat. The stallion didn’t say a word, and kept his blushed muzzle tightly shut when he pulled the photos from his pocket. He tossed them across the table with a flick of his hoof, letting them scatter before Gallus face-up.
The gryphon took his sweet time while wiping his claws and beak clean with a handkerchief, not seeming to mind the presence of Fancy Pants’ tiny penis right beside his tray. The pony was looking ungodly pissed, but his eyes darted back and forth in paranoia the longer those photos remained fully shown. By the time Gallus finished cleaning his talons, he was carrying a satisfied smirk when he picked up the photos to scan studiously. “Hehehehe… It’s nice to see that potion worked so well~”
Fancy Pants reeled his snarling muzzle away from Gallus, not wanting to snap upon hearing his devilish chuckling. Despite how badly that nasley voice was making his blood boil, the constant throbs of his tiny cock prompted him to remain as calm as he could. Since he already took those blasted photos, he could only hope that it was enough to get Gallus on his “good” side. “Nnnnghhh… So, Gallus… May I have those photographs in your jacket?”
“Hmm? Oh, of course~” Gallus didn’t hesitate to put up his end of the exchange, and tossed the folder of pictures back at Fancy Pants while smirking smugly. “Ocellus still has her copies, so I’m not too worried. Thanks for asking so politely, though~”
Even though he already knew of that detail, Fancy still groaned with a strong eye-roll due to how pointless his actions actually were. However, before he could say or do anything he knew he’d regret, the stallion saw Gallus pull that tiny vial out of his pocket. “But in the case of this, I’ll be perfectly fine with handing it back… After you pay the bill~”
Fancy Pants hadn’t even taken a bite from his measly plate (not that he was too hungry anyway), but he still nodded in reluctance to that measure. After all, he was originally planning to foot the bill anyway due to common courtesy. But before he could even think of taking one of the remaining breadsticks, the waitress came by their table with the bill in a plastic tray. When the mare placed it before Fancy Pants, her mischievous smile made it apparent it was Ocellus again. “Here’s your bill, Sir~”
She didn’t wait for his reaction to the price, and merely walked away with a smug grin on her face. Meanwhile, Fancy Pants only needed a second to glance at the total before reeling back in shock. “WHAT?!?”
A couple ponies turned to see Fancy’s reaction to the bill, which elicited a couple snickers from uncaring patrons. Gallus didn’t see what the total was, but his shit-eating grin made it clear he was aware of the ‘additional’ charges Ocellus added to the total. Fancy Pants’ left eye twitched violently, before his glare back at Gallus became straight-up murderous. “You… You slimy little--”
“What was that?~” Gallus held the vial out again, allowing it to dangle several feet above the uncarpeted floor. “Go ahead. Say it~ I’d love to make that tiny dick permanent.”
Fancy couldn’t even look at the gryphon’s gloating smirk, and just sunk his face in his hooves. Even though the bill was technically something he could afford, he certainly wasn’t expecting to pay that many digits on what he assumed to be a date. But even if Ocellus racked up the restaurant’s entire menu for herself and her friends, there was no way the total would’ve amounted to the absurd number listed at the bottom of his bill. Of course, before Fancy could try to read through each individual entry, Gallus made sure to point out, “And don’t worry, the ‘tip’ is already included alongside all the food. Consider it a good startup for Sandbar’s college fund. You know, that thing he was trying to raise bits for himself before you got him fired?”
A painfully long sigh escaped Fancy’s muzzle, and his head sunk even lower in realization. In retrospect, he should’ve known better than to berate a waiter without realizing he was one of the new Elements of Harmony. But at the same time, the idea of paying such a large number in ransom felt like downright theft. Although, considering what Gallus and Ocellus already took, it wasn’t like the number on the bill was too much to get it back. So for the sake of his length to be returned to its rightful place, Fancy Pants swallowed his pride and pulled out his checkbook. He didn’t say anything, but a venomous growl could be heard through his clenched muzzle while he hastily jotted down the payment.
“And, one moment please…” Gallus waited until the check was fully written and signed, and took it from Fancy’s hoof to inspect himself. His eyes narrowed studiously, making sure that the stallion didn’t try to purposely misspell anything to make the check invalid. Fortunately for Fancy Pants’ sake, the name and amount listed were perfectly legible across the check, as well as the signature at the bottom. “Alright then! I think we have a deal~”
Gallus waited for Ocellus to return in her waitress form, as she inspected the check for authenticity as well. After she gave an affirmative nod to Gallus, he casually tossed the vial in Fancy Pants’ direction. The stallion gasped with a panicked yelp, and nearly dropped the fragile glass when he stumbled collecting it with his hooves. Luckily for the stallion’s sake, that tiny little glass of blue liquid remained unbroken while he clutched it tightly against his chest.
“Just so you know, it might take a couple hours before you see results.” As Gallus pulled himself up from his seat, and Ocellus carried several large styrofoam boxes on her back, the changeling made sure to add cheekily, “Oh, and I have multiple friends of mine from the Hive who agreed to keep an eye on you for the next month. So if this check bounces, or if you try anything funny, we won’t hesitate by any means~”
With that, Fancy Pants was left in his seat alone while he frantically downed the most expensive vial he ever purchased. He didn’t try to stop either of them as they left, and just remained at the table while breathing heavily. Meanwhile, Gallus and Ocellus casually walked out of the restaurant, feeling like a couple of criminals who pulled off the perfect heist. Gallus managed to take the remains of his lobster with him, and was dipping a couple of the breadsticks in the pool of melted butter alongside the corners of the box. Meanwhile, Ocellus waited until they were out of sight before reverting to her regular form, luckily not toppling any of the boxes stacked on her back.
“Well, that was a successful day,” she said with a smile, while her magic held up Fancy Pants’ check. “The bank is only a block away, so we can probably surprise Sandbar and Yona before they finish their date.”
“Ooh, nice idea!” Gallus was smiling happily back at his friend, as well as the number he could see listed on that check. “So, you have any other ponies photographed from Sandbar’s waiting job?”
“As a matter of fact, I do~” Ocellus’ smile was just as wicked as Gallus’, and her magic conjured up a new stack of photos to reveal another former patron. “And I just happen to have some more of that potion on the ready when you are~”
The End
