It's Sunday and I wake up to-

To-

Uh, I guess I dont really wake up to anything huh? I mean I never wake up to anything so why did I expect a change?

...
Maybe I only really woke up just now to this?

Well great, wake up to a depressing realization, awesome. It's just a thought like always so no reason to dwell on it.

...
Yet it keeps nagging at me, nowadays I feel like I'm missing something, something I haven't had for awhile but what? At first I thought it was just because Luna talked to me about my dreams a month ago but that I felt like I missed my chance to tell her something, but it's not just that, it can't be because I feel it everyday so it can't be just about her. But It's still attached to her and not just her but me and Fluttershy, and Applejack and-

Wow.

Maybe I've just holding it inside, feeling so hollow, I mean I never realized but I'm just going through the motions and not the dull boring tasks but just everything in general, no motive, no reason, just eat sleep and work but I've never had a reason to keep doing it all. Maybe there isn't, maybe all there is, is loneliness for me. I'm alone, I've been taken from my family with all the culture and work and...happiness.

Back home, back at my bed there was my online friends, chats and games, I used to socialize even if it was a small bit, there I made the active choice to try and that constant want to try made me get through middle school, high school, and I was sorta ready to keep going.

But here? It's all so foreign and scary. I hate to be honest but it's all so trusting and unfamiliar, I'm so tired of constantly feeling like my emotions will slip and everything will just crumble around me like I will cause all the sweetness to go away.

I hate feeling like I cause things out of my control and I hate it even more when it is in my control and I can't do shit!

"I-I" I choked out in a sob.

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, great! Now I'm crying like a bitch!, I-i can't even keep myself together from just thinking about the bad stuff. Why couldn't I just look at the bright side of all this? It's so meaningless to think about all of this, why think about my family? Why think about the relationships I could've had? Why want a companion with comfort?

"W-w-why want friends?" I laughed bitterly at that, why? Why why why?

It feels so dumb to want this, to want fullfiment in life because in all honestly I wasnt going to get any of it...not the way I am, not the way I handle things, not the passion I have now. BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING! SO WHY!

"why?", I feel sick, I feel like my body is shutting down, I close my eyes to shut off my vision, for a second I just want to feel like I can't be seen, so that I can feel like I'm the only one in the world so that it can give me an excuse to wallow over my own stupid wants and desires. I lay down back in bed and I relax, over all the tears that spilled freely and even more coming I, out of all things at this moment, just wanted peace, just to sleep no matter how long or how short

"when do I get to be happy", I whisper so small so insignificant that I'm not even a mouse could hear it and to be honest? I wouldn't want it any other way, because I know I shouldn't show this side of me, to any creature no matter how big or small.

The last thought before I cried myself to sleep was the, 'When do I get to be happy?'

I open my eyes and I could immediately tell I was in a dream, one of few to little, due to the fact that when I opened my eyes I was greeted to a familiar ceiling with glow in the dark stars that clung to the ceiling.

Home.

That was the immediate thought that came, my childhood bedroom had stars that would light up in the dark so that I wouldn't be afraid of the dark when I was small and it was pretty cool to think of it as the outside when I laid in bed while listening to depressing songs. I slowly stood up knowing if this was up to my recollection then I'd like to review the nostalgia. Infront of my bed stood my black wooden desk with my desktop underneath in a small compartment on the right of it and to the left stood my notebooks of drawings that I did during school, well more like doodles since they didnt amount to anything but they were somewhat special to me nonetheless. On top of the desk at the middle stood my 27 inch screen, ah the constant shouting of who betrayed who on such simple games. And to the left of the desk stood my drawer but I mean it's just clothes so why even bother looking into it, but for the real nostalgia came from the closet to the right of the desk, taking a step inside I reached for the top where a simple wood plank served as a sheld of sorts only being upheld by the wood pole that served as the placement for the hangers. On the top I found something so forgettable, so minuscule but held so much memories, I found a CD bag where it would have multiple slots for CD's on each page and it was filled with nostalgic and never touched CD's alike, merely nostalgic because of the movies that I used to watch as a kid when TV wasn't a option due to my family's economic problems. It was odd to see movies I never truly got a grasp on concept wise but years later seem to understood the deep meaning of the story. But the most personal and intimate thing about all of this was it all felt so real, I could really feel the CD'S, I could really feel the wood on the desk or the metal on the machine that gave me access to people around the globe and I could really FEEL the emotions welling up in me. I sat back down to my bed, the CD bag still in hand, relaxed and began to lay down to take all this memory in, only that began to come into mind. All this was a dream, no matter how much I wanted it to be real again, no matter how I wanted to make it all feel like I was back home where I could talk to my online friends again, I was merely in a dream with no idea how long the simple heaven would last.

A knock came from the door, and from instinct of countless alarmed moments from my middle school years I asked, "W-who is it?" I asked quickly and concerningly.

But then my mind took control again, who could It be? Wait this was a dream right?

Then a throat was cleared from behind the door,"It is I Jack, I wish to speak to you about your dreams as of late. I know you have told Us that the particular matter is sensitive but I feel as it is my duty to make sure you are safe from nightmares as a Princess and a friend, We also believe We may need to speak to you on a personal matter, as a friend."

A sigh came from my mouth because I mean what else of a noise would I be making?

"Door is open", the knob turned and somehow I knew this was going to be a long night.

Author's Note

Wrote this at 1:23 am so if I made inconsistencies or errors please tell me so I dont look like an idiot for keeping them.

Alright good night!