An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Chapters

Step one: Wrapping the Package
Step Two: Posting the Stamp
Step Three: Finding the Post Office
Step Four: Handing in the Package
Step Five: Filling in the Papers
Step Six: Paying for the Delivery
Step Seven: Leaving the Post Office
Epilogue
Author's notes
P.S. Realise the Package Was the Wrong One

Step one: Wrapping the Package

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step one: Wrapping the package

***

It was a beautiful morning in Ponyville. Nopony could say for sure why, but everypony knew that the morning was indeed beautiful. Ponyville mornings have never been ugly before, if ugly is the adjective for describing mornings, that is. So, let's roll with the fact that the morning was beautiful, shall we?

Twilight Sparkle was lost in thought over her latest assignment. Being such a diligent student, she just couldn't pass the opportunity (given to her by her everpresent mentor, by the way) to study the history of Equestria's international relations from the viewpoint of the Game theory. Twilight positively loved her task. She loved political science. She loved applied mathematics. Even more she loved reading.

And, well, she loved mares. Sure, this was a subject the lavender unicorn would rather avoid, but a fact was a fact nevertheless. And Twilight trusted facts.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was soaring in the sky. She liked flying. Feeling the wind rush through mane, gambling with gravity, performing tricks that may tangle the mind of an unprepared pony... Rainbow loved flying. She loved the feeling of freedom. She loved the lack of responsibility.

And, well, she loved mares. This was a feeling she was totally okay with. Sure, it may have seemed strange, but the world was enough of a strange place as it was. Moreover, who was she to question the longings of her own nature? That would be totally uncool.

And, as it always happens, they were brought together. By chance? By an unknown destined plot device? Subconsciously? Hey, don't ask me. I'm just a narrator. I offered you a lot of options to choose from. One way or another, it was the very moment they realised they affections, and that moment was now.

Trying to perform an especially difficult trick, the cyan pegasus suddenly lost control in the air. Struggling to regain her position, she somersaulted but, losing the precious momentum, landed right through the window of Ponyville Library, also known as Twilight Sparkle's house.

The sound of shattering glass diverted Twilight from her research. Upon seeing Rainbow Dash groaning on the floor of her library, she rushed to aid her pegasus friend.

"Rainbow, are you okay?" she asked as she levitated the pegasus from the floor.

"Not counting my current state of being disabled, yeah, I'm quite okay," Rainbow Dash replied, being laid on a sofa by her caring friend.

"Wait here, I'm bringing a doctor," Twilight said, heading towards to the door at a fast trot.

"I'd rather have a personal treatment..." Rainbow whispered, eyeing the unicorn's flank with admiration.

But Twilight was too far to hear her. And too... straight? Rainbow Dash had never thought of her friend's sexuality before (not counting her weekly clop sessions in her cloud home, of course), but she was genuinely sure that if Twilight had any traits of sexual longings, they would be directed to the opposite gender.

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to get the lavender, one-horned picture out of her mind.

***

Meanwhile, in Manehattan, a prim earth pony cellist stood before a metal door, the kind of door that screamed Warning! Heavy music ahead! Haters can trot by and what-not. She checked her bow-tie and sighed. One visit. It was only one visit. A bet was a bet, after all. She imagined the look on her friends' faces when they learned she really spent the night in such a... low-profile establishment. This was her chance to prove that she was a mare of a broad mind and interest. After all, the music couldn't be that bad... could it?

Entering the club, Octavia immediately felt out of place. Not only in metaphorical sense, being a well-raised pony with a refined taste who had just entered a shrine of peril and wubs, but in a very physical sense, her mind and body reeling from the overwhelming sound of bass, and not the usual double bass, warm and gentle, but the kind of sub-bass and synth that could easily penetrate through one's ears, cleansing the brain from all hope of forming any thoughts.

Staggering, Octavia found a place to occupy in the far end of the... erm... establishment and closed her eyes, rubbing her temples in a hopeless attempt to overcoming the approaching headache.

"Hey, 'sup, filly? Had too much drinks already?"

Octavia raised her head to locate the source of sound and saw a white unicorn with a striking blue mane, standing before her, bobbing her head to the music... if that stange compilation of synth, bass and high-pitched whines of a dying whale could be qualified as music, that is.

"For your information, I would never fall so low as to give in to a slightest shade of mal aux cheveux," the grey earth pony replied with a huff, tossing her black mane aside in a show of offence.

"Now you're just speaking in fancy," the white mare said with a cocky grin. "Mind if I take a seat?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Octavia tried to protest but the unicorn had already occupied the place next to her on the strange resemblance of a sofa she was sitting on.

"Too late!" The white mare smirked. "I'm Vinyl, by the way. Vinyl Scratch, aka DJ PON-3." She extended a hoof, which Octavia inspected suspiciously. Seeing that it was more or less spotless, she shook it with a sigh.

"Octavia Philarmonica," she stated with unspoken pride in her voice. "The first cellist of the Royal Orchestra."

"Oh, so you must be one of those snooty ponies!" Vinyl exclaimed, unashamed and oblivious to Octavia's possible reaction. "So, how's the real music feel like?"

"If you think this music to be good, I begin to question your competence," she replied.

"Thanks... I guess..." Vinyl scratched the back of her head in lack of understanding, taking it as a compliment.

Octavia chuckled, thinking how cute that white mare was when she...

Wait! Octavia exclaimed in her head. She wasn't supposed to think of other mares like that, much less of such an ignorant, tasteless... sexy... Oh, sweet Celestia! Mares aren't supposed to like other mares like that... are they?..

"So, how about I buy you a drink?" Vinyl asked, smiling at Octavia from the cover of her grotesque shades.

Octavia smiled despite herself.

"With pleasure."

***

Bon-Bon woke up uneasily, looking at the ceiling. Something had been bothering her, for some time now. And, what was the worst, it was connected to her marefriend, Lyra. Of course, their love was just as intense as ever, as Bon-Bon wouldn't let go of her love, but... There were always those little 'buts' (one "t", mind it!) that could bring unrest into a pony's life ever so quickly and suddenly.

The mint unicorn in question was peacefully sleeping next to her, snorting in her sleep. Bon-Bon brushed her mane, watching Lyra shift in her sleep, and giggled. Her marefriend was so cute... and caring... and loving. But.

But for the past few weeks, Bon-Bon and Lyra had stopped having... fun. At least, so had the cream-coloured mare. Sure, she still faked orgasms and everything... but she wanted everything to be real once more. Now she saw her mistake: Lyra and she had overused all of their turn-ons too fast, and now they were out of inspiration, if sex could be considered a form of art. In Bon-Bon's mind, it certainly could. She closed her eyes and tried to remember when exactly that happened. The night when she, Bon-Bon, realised she was no longer turned on by her life partner.

And now, ladies and gentlecolts, it is time for an old good flashback.

"Oh, Bonnie, can you feel it, you dirty filly?" Lyra hissed into the earth pony's ear as she shoved her hoof inside the cream mare's inner folds with all of her might.

"Yes, Lyra, yesss!" Bon-Bon moaned, squinting her eyes in delight, grasping at Lyra's mane, tugging it violently, exerting a high-pitched squeal of delight from the mint unicorn.

Have I turned off the oven? Bon-Bon thought, tracing back to a while ago. Sure, I think I remember taking the muffins out but-

"Bon-Bon, please, do it!" Lyra yelled on the top of her lungs, shifting in such a manner as to present herself fully and completely before her marefriend.

The cream-coloured mare pressed her muzzle firm into Lyra's most private shrine, taking a few enthusistic licks.

"Oooooooooh, Bonnie~" Lyra cooed as her tongue dropped out of her muzzle, just holding there numbly.

I wonder if she would bite her tongue... Bon-Bon mused. Maybe I should tell her...

But it was too late: the mint unicorn began shaking violently, shvering in the blanket of the upcoming orgasm that covered her like a tidal wave of the ocean.

"Bonnie..." she managed to whisper thankfully before passing out from sheer pleasure and exhaustion.

Bon-Bon sighed, rubbing her unicorn's back gently. She didn't come. Again. And while there was always an option of self-pleasuring, it was no longer satisfactory for her; not after she met Lyra.

Something had to be done...

And this, ladies and gentlecolts, if you still haven't found out, is the end of flashback. And the end of the chapter, too.

Step Two: Posting the Stamp

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step Two: Posting the Stamp

***

"No. Fucking. Way." Rainbow Dash groaned and shook her head. "I'm not taking the medicine."

"Rainbow! Behave!" Twilight gasped and blushed, throwing a glance at her cyan friend. "I'd rather you used the expression 'bucking' instead."

She's so... bold, she thought at the same time. So confident in herself... I wonder how bold she would be in bed... aaaand stopping right there, Twilight! You know better than to have sex before marriage! Or... well, whatever single-sex relationships are called.

For your information, ladies and gentlecolts, single-sex marriage in Equestria had been legalised for several months, but Twilight, being a bookworm she was, wasn't concerned about this particular law. Not she was concerned about anything but her studies. Nor... All right, I see it is high time I stepped aside and let the narration take its course. I wonder why nopony likes narrators?

"I've never been good at censorship," Rainbow replied with a wink.

Dammit, she so damn cute when she blushes like that, the pegasus noted not without a hint of arousal. No, no, no, stupid thoughts! Not at a time like this...

A polite cough interrupted the two ponies. They turned their heads towards the brown unicorn in a white robe, who was standing next to the sofa Rainbow Dash was lying on.

"I don't want to interrut your conversation, but you will have to take the medicine, Missis Dash," he said, throwing the pegasus a disapproving glance.

Twilight's eyes widened, while Rainbow Dash flushed in embarrassment.

"No, doctor, it's not like this! We're... friends," Twilight said, while Rainbow contemplated the pause between the last word not without admiration.

The stallion chuckled and shook his head.

"But of course you are! You are not the first couple to hide their feelings in public..." He rubbed his chin and, before either of the mares could protest, lifted the cup. "Still, the medicine is to be taken now."

With a frown, the cyan pegasus took down the medicine in one gulp. It tasted unusally... lavender, if such a word could describe taste. She licked her lips subconsciously, thinking about how real lavender would taste like...

"Delicious, huh? I enchated the medicine in such a way that it has the favourite taste of the patient," the doctor explained, while Rainbow Dash dug into the pillow to hide her blush. "And now, you need rest. I would advise you to go to sleep right now."

The brown pony took his hat and headed for the door. Just as he took his leave, Twilight levitated a pillow and a blanket next to the sofa. Seeing her friend's curious look, she explained, "I'm sleeping on the floor tonight. You're not to be moved, and..." She sighed. "...Well, I don't have a bed any more."

"What do you mean, 'don't have a bed'?" Rainbow wondered curiously.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Pyromaniacs," the unicorn replied solemnly. "Yay," she added with a soft chuckle.

"Oh, I see..." Rainbow Dash pondered for a moment. Was it safe to offer... Ah, screw it!

"Twilight, the sofa's big enough for two. You can sleep with me," she blurted out and quickly added, "Just sleep."

Twilight smiled and levitated her blanket on the sofa.

"Sure, why not? It will be like a sleepover, right?"

Right, apart from the fact I want to pounce you right now... and not in angry way, Rainbow Dash added mentally.

"Great!" Twilight clapped her hooves and lay next to the pegasus, way too close to Rainbow Dash's liking... or, to be completely honest, close enough to Rainbow Dash's liking.

***

"Oh, come on, Vinyl! I never thought you'd be so resistant..." Octavia cooed as she snuggled close to the visibly embarrassed (and, well, invisibly aroused) unicorn mare. "Come on and fuck me."

Vinyl's eyes widened as she tried to dig into the corner of her bed, across which the grey cellist was gracefully crawling.

"Um, Tavi, I think you really had too much drinks and-"

She was immediately silenced by a rough, yet very passionate kiss upon her muzzle. She closed her eyes instinctively and drowned in the overwhelming sensation of the taste of the mare lying on top of her, her tongue virtuosicly waltzing with her own in her mouth, her nose gently pressing into her cheek, her hoof sliding down...

"Whoa filly!" Vinyl gasped, fighting her way out of the kiss in spite of herself. "Don't you think we're going too fast?"

Octavia grinned slyly and proceeded with her initial plan, her hoof massaging Vinyl's belly in smooth round movements, making the unicorn pant heavily.

"Oh, Vinyl, don't tell me you don't like mares," Octavia whispered into the DJ's ear, taking a little nibble on it.

I don't usually like mares; I like *you*, Vinyl wanted to say, but any trail of clear thought was ripped apart as the grey hoof slid inside her inner folds, continuing the previous manoeuvres with increased passion.

The white unicorn moaned in delight and jerked her head, closing her eyes. Octavia took it as a good sign and started placing small kissed on Vinyl's neck, lowering gradually, finally reaching there.

The unicorn let out a loud wave of profanity, which, among other things, included a mentioning of the Princess of the Sun engaged in a intimate activity with Her royal sister, Princess of the Moon, and the aforementioned celesial bodies.

Rebelliously denying all laws of being drunk, such as hazed mind and lowered perception, the cellist easily found the clitoris and began sucking on it.

Being clopped and sucked on her sweet spot at the same time, Vinyl simply lost her mind, adding a few mentioning of the Princesses engaging in a three-way with the God of Chaos, Discord, to her already growing collection.

As Octavia bit on the clitoris, Vinyl's body began shaking in short spasms and she collapsed, her mind cleansed of thoughts due to the intense orgasm she had just experienced.

"Oh, I didn't know you were such a quick-timer, Vinyl~" Octavia mocked as she wiped her muzzle clean of Vinyl's juices. Using the unicorn's coat.

This turned the cellist on even more and the next few seconds of Vinyl coming round to her senses, were the longest seconds in her life.

"Just... wait... till you see..." Vinyl panted while she levitated a peculiar phallic-shaped device from under her bed. "My BASS DILDO!"

Octavia cast an unamused glance at the toy. "A... 'bass' dildo? What's the difference?" she wondered, expecting a very... detailed explanation.

The DJ smirked and brought the device closer to the cellist's muzzle. Not thinking much, Octavia took an experimental lick. It didn't taste differently from all the toys she'd tasted before. Unfortunately, toys were all she could use, given her state of being single. All she ever received were private "musical" sessions in her studio. And bedroom. And the bathroom. Sometimes in the kitchen... The library was a nice place as well...

...Don't ask me to continue that list, okay? I'm just a narrator, not a porn director.

So, Octavia wanted that fixed. Now. With this particular mare.

"So... what's the catch?" she asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible. Needless to say, she failed miserably at this task.

"Oh, you'll see..." Vinyl grinned and dove into another passionate kiss, massaging Octavia's shoulder with one hoof, while the other, the one with the 'bass dildo' in it, was rubbing the toy against the grey mare's legs, moving closer and closer to...

"Vinyl, wait a minute!" Octavia felt slightly embarrassed at what she had to confess. "You see... I'm a... virgin," she mumbled, her voice dropping to a whisper.

Fortunately, that didn't stop Vinyl. She leaned towards Octavia's ear and whispered, "Well, I know a way to fix it."

Feeling a lot more confident, Vinyl started to slide the toy into the grey mare ever so slowly, stopping every few seconds.

"J-just do it!" Octavia blurted out, not thinking clearly due to the combined effect of alcohol and excitement.

WIthout further hesitation, Vinyl showed the device into her with one stroke. Octavia yelped, first of unusual pain, replaced with an amaing sensation of being full.

"Feels good, huh? Just wait till I turn it," Vinyl said and pressed a button.

"Starting with the sub-bass..."

Octavia's mind reeled as low vibrations send her whole body to a whole new level of bliss.

The DJ pressed another button.

"Adding some wubs..."

The cellist felt her inner folds dance around in a very unladylike manner, outshining the previous pleasure with ease.

"Aaand dropping the bass."

Octavia yelled, almost jumping in bed, beating even Vinyl's colourful orgasm expressions.

She closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath.

"Vinyl, I... You..."

And with that, she drifted into blissful sleep, the white unicorn lovingly playing with her long black mane.

***

The silence was grave and sinister. Both Lyra and Bon-Bon knew what exactly they had to talk about but had no idea how to start talking about it. Finally, the mint unicorn accidentally dropped a spoon, which served as a signal to both of them.

"I can't reach orgasm any more!" both of them shouted in unison and looked at each other in surprise the next second.

"Wait... You too? I thought last night..." Bon-Bon began, but Lyra cut her short, waving a hoof dismissingly.

"Faking. I've got the same problem, Bonnie..." she said solemnly, shaking her head.

Bon-Bon sighed.

"Well, I still love you dearly, and I'll never leave you," the cream-coloured earth pony stated firmly.

"Neither will I, Bonnie," Lyra replied. "We're almost a family now..." she stopped, knowing she was stepping on a very dangerous ground: official relationships. Marriage.

Fortunately, Bon-Bon either didn't notice the last remark or pretended not to have noticed it.

"Even if we don't have sex, that's all right," she tried to assure her marefriend, as well as herself. "I still bear with you, after all." She chuckled. "Bear with your crazy ideas like humans, walking on two legs, dreaming of fingers..."

Lyra's eyes widened in sudden realization.

"Bon-Bon..." she said slowly. "You're a genius! I know exactly what we need!" she yelled victoriously and ran off.

The cream mare blinked a few times and sighed. Of all the mares in Equestria, she fell for this one...

Step Three: Finding the Post Office

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step Three: Finding the Post Office

***

"Mmm... Rainbow..."

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. In the few seconds that followed her unusual waking up, she managed to recollect the memories of the previous evening. The crash, the doctor, the sofa, Twilight...

"Rainbow... Not now..."

Twilight! Rainbow Dash slowly turned her head towards the source of muffled sound, and found a certain lavender unicorn smiling in her sleep, snuggling closely to her cyan friend. There... There was nothing wrong with it, Rainbow assured herself. Maybe Twilight was just dreaming of... rainbows? The ones that have a pot with gold at the end and stuff?

"Mmm... Rainbow, you're such a naughty filly..."

Okay, maybe not that kind of rainbows. Maybe Twilight was just having a dream about her. Nothing wrong with it, right? Ponies occasionally have those kinds of dreams, right? So, what's wrong with Twilight dreaming about her? After all, she was all-around awesome, and it would be strange for anypony's subconsciousness not to long after her.

Just as Rainbow finished processing that information and came to a satisfying conclusion, the lavender unicorn started sucking on her ear, not waking up in the process.

Okaaay... No matter how much Rainbow Dash enjoyed the activity, something had to be done before both mares would die of embarrassment. Or arousal. Or both.

"Twilight?" Rainbow tapped the unicorn's shoulder gently.

"Mmmff?" Twilight opened her eyes and saw herself nibbling on a cyan ear, belonging, no doubt, to a particular friend of hers.

And this, ladies and gentlecolts, is what we narrators call a scène muette, at least those of us who know a little French, or just pretend they do, like yours faithfully. So we shall leave out heroes for now, and explore how the very same morning affected our two musical ponies in Manehattan.

***

"My parents are going to kill me."

Octavia finally broke the silence, putting the desired glass of mineral water on the table. Vinyl looked at her curiously, taking a sip from a beer can.

"That's it? We spent the night together, you wake up with a terrible hangover and this is the first thing you say?" she wondered, a little offended.

The grey pony blushed and shook her head.

"Sorry, Vinyl. I mean... thank you." She looked at the white mare lovingly. "For the night and everything."

The DJ nodded and waved her hoof in the air.

"That's all right, filly. You were... well, passable, anyway." She grinned and looked at the cellist mischeviously, her red eyes unprotected by the purple shades.

Octavia facehoofed and sighed, her glance drifting from Vinyl's beautiful eyes to her neck, which still held signs of her, Octavia's, affection, and onwards to her curvy flank...

And stopping right here, Octavia! It's not like you have any chance of dating this mare, Octavia told herself sadly. Vinyl was too... good for her? The cellist's thoughts stopped dead in their track. The day before, she thought Vinyl to be not good enough, and now she was just too good? Where had all the common sense gone?

"So, Tavi..." Vinyl commanded Octavia's attention, eyeing her seriously. "What now?"

Octavia closed her eyes. Never in her life had she thought she would have to experience this. Still, sooner or later, this moment had to come. Now, she just had to gather all of her courage and...

"Vinyl, will you be my marefriend?"

Judging by the unexpressed shock on Vinyl's face, Octavia assumed that she had just gone too far: why in the wide world of Equestria would she think a single night meant so much? Just as a tear began crawling down the unicorn's cheeck, brushing her white fur, the cellist immediately felt an urge to apologise.

"Vinyl, I'm-"

"Of course I will, you silly pony!" Vinyl interrupted her, throwing her hooves around Octavia's neck. The feeling of innocent warmth outshined even the lust of the previous night, and Octavia simply lost herself in the moment, drawing Vinyl in a gentle, soft kiss.

As they finally let go of each other, Octavia looked at Vinyl lovingly and received a similar look from her... marefriend. The very word was so nice, so warm that Octavia simply wanted to run round and about, giggling and shouting, I have a marefriend! I have a marefriend!

"And you, Tavi? Will you be my- mffmfmfmff!" The DJ was immediately silenced by Octavia's kiss, which lasted a fair longer amount of time than the previous one. Vinyl was utterly shocked as she realised which amazing tricks Octavia's tongue could do, much like a professional dancer on the stage.

"I guess that answers your question?" Octavia asked with a sly grin as a very amazed Vinyl gasped for breath, blinking in awe.

"Y-yes," the DJ stammered, trying to regain her regular breathing pace. "Though..." She winked. "I think I may need a more... elaborate answer..." She smirked and licked Octavia's cheek.

The grey mare hummed in delight and nuzzled her marefriend affectionally. "Not before you have shower, darling," she whispered in the white mare's ear, making her blush involuntary.

"Yeah... sure, Tavi." Vinyl Scratch accepted her fate and trotted towards the bathroom, presenting her flank in a very inviting way. Octavia took a sip of water and smiled, a sudden idea striking her.

"How about I help you, Vinyl?" she shouted to her new marefriend, who had just opened the bathroom door.

A loud "Eeep" and an embarrassed nod were just the answer she needed.

***

Bon-Bon looked at the clock, tapping her hoof against the kitchen table impatiently. The clock was ticking, and time was running fast, despite a popular opinion that it crawls like a turtle. Speaking of time... Bon-Bon had not just been killing time. She had been violently strangling it, murdering it with every little activity she could think of.

Watering the plants for half an hour? Check.

Baking muffins? Two hours? Check.

Cleaning the whole house? Twice? Why not?

But right now, the cream-coloured mare was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for her marefriend to return. Just as she lost patience and stood up to give Lyra a call, the mint unicorn appeared at the doorway, holding the keys in her mouth, while in her telekinetic grip she was holding... a...

"What is this?" Bon-Bon demanded, eyeing the strange item with caution.

"Z hnd! Cl, rh?" Lyra replied enthusiastically, her vigour somewhat muffled by the barrier of the keys in her mouth. Spitting the aforementioned keys on the floor, she repeated, "It's a hand! Cool, right?"

Bon-Bon inspected the "hand" curiously. It sure looked like those "human hands" Lyra was talking about, and it had... what were they called? Fingers?

"Lyra, honey? Why do you need this?" she wondered, not without a hint of fear.

"Why we need this, you mean." Lyra grinned widely and motioned towards the kitchen table. "Lie on the table," she said in a commanding voice.

"What?" The earth pony blinked a few times but was punished by an audible spank incoming from the "hand" that Lyra was still levitating.

"Hey, Lyra! What do you think you're-"

Another spank. Bon-Bon instantly blushed at how she was supposed to be angry, but how much she was excited instead. For a moment, she considered not lying down, just to be "punished" a little more, but she was really excited (in different meanings of the word) as to what her marefriend had prepared for her. She was finally beginning to feel arousal, a feeling she had already buried.

Bon-Bon obediently lay on the table, facing the wooden surface, receiving another spank. She felt her tail being raised by Lyra's telekinesis and-

"Oh my Celestia!"

The fingers began roughly tickling Bon-Bon's inner folds, giving her incredible pleasure. Suddenly, one of the fingers penetrated her, making her shiver in delight. Another finger joined in the activity. She weakly turned her head, only to see Lyra sitting on the chair in her bizarre fashion, clopping furiously. Bon-Bon could clearly tell that her marefriend was certainly enjoying herself as well.

When the whole hand began stroking her inner folds with all might, in and out, in and out, she felt a wave of pleasure rip through her whole body, sending her into a powerful orgasm. Though, the stroking repeated for a few moments, while Lyra came as well, contributing to a wonderful aftertaste, if such a word can be used to describe the feeling that comes after the orgasm, sending one to a narcotic and contemplating serenity.

Sure, this was by far the fastest sex they ever had, but Bon-Bon really didn't care. Seeing her marefriend happy and, well, pleasured, as well as finally orgasming after such a long time was more than enough for her, for now.

"Wow," was all that Bon-Bon managed to say, panting and sweaty.

"Just..." Lyra jerked her head backwards, resting. "Just wait for what I've prepared for us tonight..."

Bon-Bon smiled. She was happy. Really, genuinely happy.

"Say, Bonnie..." She rolled over. "This hand of yours is amazing... What's it made from?"

"Human skin," Lyra replied, making the earth pony stare at her in fear.

The mint unicorn laughed, seeing her marefriend's dismay.

"Rubber," she cleared the confusion. "Got it from 'My Little Human' gift shop."

"They don't make couple discounts, do they?" Bon-Bon joked.

Lyra laughed light-heartedly, and that laughter was the sweetest music to her ears.

Step Four: Handing in the Package

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step Four: Handing in the Package

***

There are some occasions when narrators are allowed to use overused and cliche expressions freely. If you want a full list, you'd better see the Modern Equestrian Narrator's Rule Book. That's why I'm not ashamed to say that the silence in the library was thick enough to cut with a knife. And not just with an ordinary kitchen knife, the one used to cut meat and bread and what-not; this silence demanded the use of a machete.

Finally brandishing the metaphorical machete and thus breaking the silence, Twilight said, "I'm sorry."

Rainbow Dash groaned and let her head hit the surface of the table.

"Listen, Twi, I'm not angry with you or anything." She looked at the lavender unicorn, who looked somewhat upset and lost in thought. "I just want to know why were you dreaming about me."

When she said it, she meant it. Rainbow really wanted to know if she had any place in the unicorn's fantasies, and, maybe, just maybe, those fantasies could come- No, Rainbow, they can't, she stopped herself. Twilight didn't even like mares, not to mention sleeping - in the other meaning of the word - with one of her friends.

"Look, I don't know!" Twilight snapped and blushed. "Maybe you're a psycological projection of my inner subconscious longing towards you!" she yelled, stomping her hoof against the flooor.

Seeing Rainbow's dumbfounded expression, she explained, "Maybe I want to... well, sleep with you... Subconsciously!" she quickly added.

"We... slept together already..." the pegasus began carefully.

"Maybe I want to fuck you!" Twilight blurted out.

"Oh."

"Oh? All you can say is Oh?" Twilight demanded furiously, forgetting for a moment that it was she who put her friend in an embarrassing situation in the first place.

"No. I also want to say that I..." Rainbow gulped. "Kinda wanted to try that with you as well."

"Oh." Twilight blinked a few times, her anger vanishing, replaced by awe and... longing?

"Now you're just copying me!" Rainbow smirked, and Twilight laughed as well, all tension broken.

"Only... one thing, Twi."

"Yes?" The unicorn strained herself.

"Mind your language. I'd very much rather you used 'buck' instead," the cyan pegasus said in amocking tone.

"Oh, fuck you, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight exclaimed. "In a good way, though," she added. "Not the bad way."

"We'll see..." The pegasus grinned mischeviously, while a purple telekinetic field enveloped the door knob and turned it, sealing the door shut.

***

Octavia entered the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind her. Vinyl was already standing in the shower cubicle, turning the knobs with her telekinesis, warm water running down her spine, limbs and, of course, that gorgeous flank of hers. The earth pony envied the unicorn for a moment, seeing how easy everything was to do with a little bit of magic. Still, she was very much determined to show her marefriend how good she was with her hooves.

The cellist entered the shower cubicle as well, feeling the water splash across her body.

"Let me show you how we do it the earth pony way, darling," she whispered into Vinyl's ear as she began washing the DJ's mane, tossing it aside with her teeth - a gesture that Vinyl really seemed to enjoy.

Her hooves made their way to Vinyl's shoulders, washing and massaging them at the same time. Vinyl felt the tension fade away, standing still, obeying her marefriend's lead. Octavia couldn't help but kiss Vinyl in her sensitive spot on the neck, making the white pony moan blissfully.

"Starting with the double bass..." Octavia whispered, dropping her hooves to Vinyl's spine, working up her body with all the dedication and care she had. Vinyl purred gracefully, feeling arousal return to her once more.

"Adding the cello..."

While one hoof kept massaging Vinyl's back, the other one began tickiling her flank, drawing a delightful yelp from the white mare.

"Here comes the sequence..."

The hoof that was all ticklish some moments ago began rubbing Vinyl's flank quite roughly, too roughly for Octavia to feel a little embarrassed but roughly enough for the white mare to shiver in pleasure.

"Some staccato..."

Octavia began clopping Vinyl's inner folds, the hoof leaving the warm cave and entering again with each stroke. The DJ's back arched at an almost impossible angle, indistinct sounds leaving her mouth.

"And the crescendo."

The cellist fastened her pace and bit on Vinyl's ear. Hard.

Erupting in a hurricane of profanity and irrecognisable yelling, Vinyl came, almost collapsing to the floor, ripped from all the energy she had.

Octavia smirked triumphantly and licked her hoof, which held the juices of the unicorn mare. Not only did she feel glad that she made her marefriend come, there also was a feeling of achievement in play.

"Taaaaaaaaavi..." Vinyl moaned, leaning at the grey mare, her eyes closed in blissful rapture, her hooves embracing her wonderful cellist. Octavia returned the embrace, relaxing, sniffing her DJ's mane, which smelled... electric blue, if colours could describe smell, as well as outlook. Vinyl began rubbing Octavia's back clumsily, still exhausted after the powerful orgasm.

"Vinyl, you don't need to return the favour now," she whispered into the DJ's ear, nibbling it slightly - a gesture that turned her on a lot. "You're tired."

"Tavi..." The unicorn grinned and, suddenly, her horn lit with grey light. "I needn't tire myself when I have magic." The horn lit brighter and Octavia felt her legs being rubbed at all the sweet spots at the same time. She would've collapsed out of sheer pleasure, were it not for the fact that her legs were way stronger than of any other pony; after all, standing on two legs and holding a cello and playing was no easy feat.

The magical aura began slipping into Octavia's inner folds, massaging them from all possible (and impossible) angles. The grey mare's breathing pace fastened, and she began panting heavily.

Then, not stopping the previous actions, Vinyl formed a long phallic force field, which made its way into Octavia, stroking her in fast, rapid movements. Just as Octavia gasped for air, her eyes widening, Vinyl started rotating the magical dildo, making Octavia lose her sanity and start twisting and screaming in immense pleasure.

In a few fleeting moments, the grey mare literally collapsed from exhaustion, her body still twitching from the orgasm for a few seconds.

"That's how we do it the unicorn way." Vinyl grinned and kissed her marefriend on the forehead.

"Wow... What else can you do with your horn?" Octavia said, without much thinking, blushing upon vivifying images of what exactly Vinyl could do with that horn of hers.

"Oh, many, many things..." Vinyl replied slyly, blushing a little as well. "But right now, we need my magic for only one activity."

"And that is?"

"Washing ourselves, Tavi."

***

"Look, Bonnie, it will be fun!"

Lyra and Bon-Bon were sitting on the sofa in the living room, the blue TV screen greeting them with radiant glow.

"What in Equestria did I do to deserve this..." Bon-Bon mumbed, while Lyra pressed the button.

The tape started to roll and the screen erupted in bright colours.

My Little Human, My Little Human~

Aaaaah~

The cream-coloured mare looked at her marefriend unamusedly, but saw the mint unicorn to be completely involved in the on-screen action.

She sighed and tried to enjoy herself.

Now, there are times when narrators can skip entire scenes, playing with time and location of the heroes, feeling all bossy and supreme. This is exactly that one time. I'm most sure you won't find any pleasure in watching a show about those imaginary "humans". Also, I'm not sure that I'm allowed to use suh copyrighted information. So...

A few moments later...

"Wow! I really liked this one moment when that Clint Eastwood just went there and shoot 'em and -"

Lyra smiled, listening to the nonsense coming from her marefriend's mouth. She was so happy that Bon-Bon enjoyed My Little Human!

"But that Hitler one was awful! I mean, why kill the Jews?" Bon-Bon angrily stomped her hoof, drawing Lyra's attention.

"Yep, Hitler's a jerk," she agreed. "They added him to the show just to show that there's no difference between human races, after all," she explained. "There's a moral in each episode. Though..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Some ponies think that the white race is supreme."

Bon-Bon chuckled at such a stupid accusation.

"Surely you can't mean that! Even the president of that one country - what-was-it-called - is black!" She giggled but stopped, seeing how Lyra was lost in thought.

"Lyra?"

"So you say you liked Clint Eastwood, huh?" Lyra jumped up and beamed with a smile. "Wait for me here, Bonnie, I have an idea!"

Bon-Bon facehoofed as Lyra ran out of the room.

"Not again, dear Celestia, please..." she muttered but then remembered how great Lyra's last idea turned out. She pondered for a moment and looked at the ceiling. "Again, dear Celestia... please."

Step Five: Filling in the Papers

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step Five: Filling in the Papers

***

"So... How do we do it again?"

Rainbow's mouth fell agape. She blinked a few times and looked at the lavender unicorn, who was lying next to her in bed, in disbelief.

"You don't mean this is your first time... do you?" she asked, shocked and somewhat frightened. It was one thing to sleep with an experienced mare, and another thing to sleep with a virgin.

"Yes..." Twilight admitted, embarrassed. "Isn't it your first time too, though?" she added hopefully.

The cyan pegasus smirked, her boasting personality returning to her, outshining instable fear.

"Well, duh! Cherilee was my first teacher, pardon my pun," she began, "then came Roseluck, and Nurse Redheart - though, I'd call her Nurse Hotass - and Spitfire - well, I had to enrol in the Wonderbolts somehow - and Lyra and Bon-Bon - at the same time - and DJ PON-3, and Pinkie-"

"Pinkie?!" Twilight yelled in disbelief, already amazed by the vast list of her friend's partners. "As in, Pinkie Pie?"

Rainbow Dash nodded, and Twilight sighed, shaking her head.

"I... I think I'm no good for you then..." the lavender unicorn said solemnly.

The bitterness in her voice made Rainbow's heart ache, and, without much contemplation, the cyan pegasus leaned in and kissed the unicorn, who retuned the kiss clumsily, her tongue not knowing what to do. Rainbow's tongue took the lead and began exploring the unicorn's mouth. Strangely enough, the unicorn didn't taste lavender, but, damn it, she was delicious!

Finally, Twilight realised what they were doing and guided her tongue to wrestle with Rainbow's. Sure, she was no expert, but judging from how the pegasus' wings jerked up, she was doing well.

Rainbow Dash broke the kiss and began planting gentle kisses upon Twilight's body, from the neck to the legs, still avoiding her sweet spot, though. She leaned in and whispered in Twilight's ear, "Tell me if something feels bad..." She paused and nibbled on the ear slightly, making the lavender mare pant. "...or if something feels good."

With that, her hood slid down, massaging the insides of Twilight's legs. The unicorn released a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding and let the tension slip away, surrendering to the skilled pegasus' hoof, which was rubbing her and- oh!

"Eep!" Twilight squeaked as the cyan hoof entered the opening. Rainbow immediately withdrew, looking at her friend with concern.

"Anything wrong, Twi?" she asked with such care in her voice that it made the unicorn melt.

"Please... more..." Twilight managed to let out between pants and gasps for air.

The pegasus smirked and lowered her head, so that her face was facing Twilight's inner folds. She could see Twilight. She could smell Twilight. Now it was time to taste Twilight.

Lavender.

The only word that jumped in Rainbow's head as she began licking was lavender. It was as if the scent and the taste of that one medicine were multiplied; she was getting so high on Twilight that it frightened her. However, the feeling of fear left her the instant the unicorn's body began shaking. Rainbow immediately shoved her hoof into Twilight, knowing very well that the mare wouldn't feel pain from her defloration due to the coming orgasm.

Speaking of orgasms... Twilight lay on the bed, spent and exhausted, her head completely empty, her mind blank. All she could feel before falling asleep was the kiss on her cheek, performed by the most wonder pegasus in the world.

***

The two ponies stood in silence in the doorway, feeling awkward and uneasy. Both knew the moment had to come, but neither wanted it. Both wanted to prolong the moment.

"So... Until tomorrow then?" Octavia suggested, shifting from hoof to hoof. Come on, just stay with her! she scolded herself.

"Yeah..." Vinyl scratched the back of her head. Come on, just tell her to stay! she yelled at herself mentally. "You got my phone number, right?"

Octavia nodded, inspecting her hoof. A few moments of awkward silence followed.

"Vinyl, maybe you can come with me to my place?" she blurted out, blushing. Stupid! Stupid, Octavia! She surely has some other stuff to do than you! she thought, blushing again even deeper at her inner phrasing.

Vinyl sighed and smiled in relief.

"Of couse, Tavi!" she yelped enthusiastically and hugged the grey mare.

"Vinyl..." Octavia hissed, tapping her unicorn's shoulder. "Can't... Breathe..."

"Oh, sorry!" Vinyl blushed and let go of her marefriend.

"So... off we go?" Octavia suggested, her spirits raised.

Vinyl smiled and followed her cellist outside, listening to her chatter.

"-And I have a studio - oh, a very exquisite studio - and a wonderful, cosy living room, and a large, spacious bedroom with a king-sized bed and-"

The DJ smiled again in content. As they walked through the chilly streets of Manehattan, she felt warm and happy, walking side by side with the most wonderful unicorn in the world.

***

Bon-Bon sat in the living room, waiting for her marefriend to arrive. Lyra was certainly planning something, and the earth pony was extremely curious as to what exactly. Sure, Lyra's obsession with humans used to drive her Bon-Bon in the past but now she found it easy to bear with, especially with those... magical fingers of hers.

Finally, the mint unicorn entered the room.Bon-Bon glanced at her and immediately her jaw hit the floor. Lyra was standing on her hind legs, balancing against the door. She was wearing a brown deperado hat, leather boots, and had a colt strapped to her flank. Her sexy, curvy flank...

"Hey there, babe," Lyra said imposingly, trying not to drop the cigarette that was hanging in her mouth. Not being a smoker, it's needless to say that she failed and the paper cylinder fell to the floor, hopefully not lit, so it didn't burn the floor.

"Looking for some sexy time?" Lyra winked with a sly grin. "I'm done with shooting all the bad guys for today, so Old Clint is here to send you straight to heaven!"

Bon-Bon's reaction was certainly not what Lyra had expected. The cream-coloured mare erupted in laughter, falling to the floor, tears streaming from her eyes. Lyra tried to reach her marefriend, offended, but lost balance with the next step, falling on the floor. This made Bon-Bon laugh even harder, and soon Lyra joined in, realising how funny the whole situation was.

As their laughter receded, Lyra said, trying to sound offended, "I thought you said you liked Clint Eastwood!"

Bon-Bon giggled and pecked her marefriend on the cheek, shaking her head indulgently.

"Lyra, honey, I didn't mean it in that way," she said gently but, upon seeing the mint unicorn's disappointed face, quickly added, "Besides, you are far more sexy than any human..." She licked Lyra's ear and whispered, "...or pony."

Lyra smirked confidently. "Oh, I'll show you who is best human..."

Bon-Bon smiled and lay on her back, not getting from the floor. The Sun was setting, and its sleepy rays were peeking into the room through the window.

"Not now, honey," she said, and explained, "Not until you get off these boots of yours."

"Well, if it comes down only to this..." Lyra grinned and took off her boots telekinetically, reaching for the hat with her hoof.

"No, honey." Bon-Bon stopped the mare from tossing the desperado aside. "You can leave your hat on."

Lyra's eyes widened and Bon-Bon smiled, getting on top of the unicorn, happy to be with the most wonderful mare in the world.

Step Six: Paying for the Delivery

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step Six: Paying for the Delivery

***

Twilight woke up at night and rubbed her eyes. Rainbow Dash, the crash, the doctor, the confession, the amazing time they spent together... Maybe it was just a dream? Before Twilight coyld give in to such solemn thoughts, the gentle snoring by her side proved otherwise. Unable to contain her glee, the lavender unicorn leaned in and hugged the cyan pegasus, kissing her on the cheek. Though, she didn't estimate her vigour and woke Rainbow in the process.

The pegasus grunted and yawned, her eyes widening as Twilight's tongue entered her open mouth, dragging her into a passionate kiss, which she soon returned, dancing the dance of lust with Twilight's tongue. After a few moments, they broke the kiss and looked at each other warmly.

"Rainbow?" the unicorn called, snuggling close to the mare, warm and tranquil under the cyan wing.

"Mmm?" the pegasus replied, bathing in simple pleasure from the fact that she was near her... um... friend. Rainbow Dash's ears dropped a little at this realization. Friend. They were just friends. The pegasus felt an aching hollowness in her chest; an unusual longing to settle down with one mare, the mare she liked... with Twilight. Even though the lavender unicorn hadn't returned the sexual favour, Rainbow was ready to give up all side relationships, just to stay by her side.

"Just wanted to say that I like you," Twilight cooed and nuzzled the cyan pegasus lovingly, making Rainbow's heart take a leap.

"I like you too, Twilight," Rainbow Dash replied, kissing her... friend on the forehead, just below her horn. To her surprise, Twilight eeped and blushed furiously. Realising that she had just accessed a sweet spot, she kissed her again, this time ending with a lick from the bottom to the top of her horn. Twilight moaned and shifted, accidentally touching Rainbow's wings with her muzzle. The pegasus' wings immediately jerked up, which was a sign for Twilight to proceed.

While Twilight planted kisses upon the base of Rainbow's wings, massaging the feathers on the end in small round, almost ticklish movements, the pegasus began sucking on Twilight's horn, sending the unicorn to seventh, or even eighth heaven. Twilight's hoof went on massaging Rainbow's body, lowering gradually but quickly, until she was massaging the pegasus' inner folds from the outside. If Rainbow Dash didn't know better, she would have sworn that the unicorn was teasing her.

She quickened her pace, taking the whole horn in her mouth, the tip touching the back of her throat.

"Oh, fuck me, Rainbow!" Twilight yelled, forgetting all subordination, slamming her hoof into Rainbow's pussy, clopping her inexperiencedly, yet very enthusiastically. She didn't know that such roughness was only turning the pegasus on, but continued stroking her inner folds until she felt an intense pressure building inside her horn, her hoof slipping out of Rainbow, her whole body warm and limp.

The pegasus immediately began clopping, knowing her own body way better than anypony, biting on the base of Twilight's horn. Just as the unicorn screamed, reaching nirvana, she came as well, her liquid splashing on Twilight's belly. That was too much for the lavender mare to handle, and she erupted in a powerful orgasm, sending sparks of magical energy into Rainbow's mouth.

For a few moments, they just lay side by side, panting, trying to regain their breath. Finally, Twilight gasped and kissed Rainbow lovingly.

"Rainbow..." she whispered, hugging the cyan mare. "You are the best marefriend in the world."

Rainbow's mind reeled.

"Marefriend?" she asked in disbelief, not trusting her luck.

"Oh, sorry!" Twilight blushed in embarrassment. "I just thought that since we... No, I would perfectly understand if-"

She was silenced by a passionate kiss, her eyelids closing, her tongue relaxed and obedient to the pegasus' lead.

"Twilight..." Rainbow Dash shook her head as soon as the kiss ceased. "You are the best marefriend in the world."

Twilight purred and concealed her face in the pegasus' fur. Rainbow Dash sighed contently and drifted off to the blissful word of sleep, her marefriend by her side.

***

"That is your studio?!" Vinyl yelled in disbelief, eyeing the spacious room with wide eyes.

Octavia smirked, not without a hint of pride. "Well, yes, this is the studio of mine I've been talking about," she said, casting a hoof around.

Vinyl looked at all the precious instruments arranged at the walls, some of which she saw for the first time in her life. However, her gaze soon fell upon a very out-of-place item - a mixing table, one much more expensive and far better than hers.

"Why in Equestria would you, of all mares, have DJ equipment?" the white unicorn wondered, looking at her cellist curiously.

Octavia blushed a little and responded, "Well, I always try to get creative and innovative when it comes to music."

Seeing Vinyl grin, she hastily added, "Not that a single soul must know about it, though."

"Sure, Tavi," Vinyl agreed. "Your secret is safe with me..." She pondered for a moment. "...As long as we make some music together. Now."

"Sure! That's a great idea! Let me get my cello and-" Octavia's eyes widened in sudden realization. "Oh. Oh! That kind of music!" She blushed a little but soon her embarrassment was replaced by everpresent arousal, the one kind that all new relationships suffer from... or, to be more precise, benefit from.

"Well, you promised me to show how good you are with your horn and- EEP!" Octavia felt Vinyl's telekinetic field wrap around her, laying her on her back on the floor, the DJ crawling next to her with a sly grin.

"Would you like to start out slow..." she whipered into Octavia's ear as she lay on top of her. "...or would you like it rough?"

Octavia felt excitement fill her insides and cover her outsides, enveloping her in a cocoon.

"I would like it... rough..." she stammered, avoiding direct eye contact with her DJ.

"Oh, I can't hear you~" Vinyl said in a sing-song voice, nibbling on Octavia's ear.

"I said I would like it rough..." Octavia raised her voice a little, giving her best Fluttershy expression.

"I don't think you really want it..." Vinyl began clopping Octavia with one hoof and herself with another, skipping all the preludes, just giving in to the passion.

"I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME ROUGH!" the cellist screamed on top of her lungs, no longer able to hold her lust, and immediately was rewarded.

Vinyl lowered her head and pressed the tip of her horn against Octavia's pussy, charging herself with magical energy. The second her horn entered the grey mare's inner folds, Octavia truly experienced the real transcendence. Her whole world turned upside down, and downside up, and shook and danced and hovered. She felt slightly faint as Vinyl began roughly fucking her, not paying attention to the moans mixed with profanity that escaped the cellist's mouth every few seconds. The feeling of Vinyl's horn inside her, the feeling of being dominated, the feeling of sheer pleasure and bliss were way too much. Jerking her head backwards, she screamed and came all over Vinyl's face.

However, before she could feel embarrassed, the unicorn licked her juices from her muzzle, showing her marefriend that she very much enjoyed it.

"Now who's being a quick-timer?" she asked mockingly, devilish flames dancing in her eyes.

Octavia wanted to reply but she was way too exhausted to roll over, not to mention argue.

"Vinyl..." she exhaled, closing her eyes, bathing in pleasure. "I'm sorry but I don't think I can return the favour right now..." she said guiltily.

Vinyl just shrugged and waved her hoof. "Nah, it's okay. After all, we have all night ahead of us."

"Actually..." Octavia braced herself. "I was thinking that... maybe... you could move in with me?"

Seeing Vinyl's eyes widen to the size of saucers, she quickly retreated. "I mean, if I'm moving too fast for you..."

"Tavi," the DJ interrupted her mare. "I'll be living with you, with pleasure." She smiled, and Octavia returned the smile, happy that her unicorn will be with her all the time from now on.

"Say, Tavi..."

"Yes?"

"I totally hoofed your strings tonight, amirite?"

"That was the worst joke I've ever heard, Vinyl."

"Oh."

"And I still love it."

Step Seven: Leaving the Post Office

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Step Seven: Leaving the Post Office

***

Do you remember my telling you about those times when narrators can use their pathetic superpowers and change the scene and setting at their will? You were all attentive readers, weren't you? Or you just read it for the clop? ...You, ladies and gentlecolts, are a bunch of perverts.

Still, let me use my power and feel significant for a moment. I am transporting you away from Ponyville, and Manehattan, straight to the capital city of Equestria - Canterlot.

Off in the distance, where the flags flutter and royal guards march back and forth, trying to maintain the dying glory of Old Equestria, Princess Celestia stood on the balcony of Her Royal chamber, looking at Her sister's Moon shining in the sky like a beacon of warning to the weary... and wicked.

Something was off. Something definitely felt wrong. Very, very wrong. Something had changed. For the past few days, the deity had been noticing strange behaviour coming from her subjects. Happy pairs trotting up and down the streets, hugging each other, kissing each other, and... well, doing other things with each other. Surely the mores have changed, she told herself. Surely ponies were more open these days. But... It all looked like some kind of spell cast upon the ponies of Equestria, making them fall in love at once. And do everything that goes with it.

Her contemplation was interrupted by a winged shadow covering her, the alicorn behind her coughing politely. Celestia turned round and greeted her sister with a warm smile.

"Hello, Luna," she said, diverting her gaze from the blue alicorn and to the sky again. "Your Moon is espicially lovely tonight."

The younger sister blushed and began looking at her hoof, still giving way to her hang-ups. "Thank you sister." She paused and raised her head, gathering courage. "There... There is a reason for this."

"Oh, is there?" Celestia wondered, raising a brow.

"Yes, there is," Luna replied firmly.

The two sisters stood in silence for a while, both enjoying the night.

"I'm in love, Tia," Luna finally blurted out, addressing her sister in the manner she only addressed her when apologising or confessing.

"Oh." Celestia glanced at her sister and went back to her contemplation of scintillation of the stars.

"Oh?" Luna asked in disbelief.

"I said, 'Oh', sister, meaning I am quite surprised. With whom?" she wondered, finally fully addressing her attention towards the blue alicorn.

"I'll introduce them to you tomorrow, sister."

"Them?" The Sun Goddess staggered back in awe. "You mean there are two of them? ...More?"

The Princess of the Moon chuckled, shaking her head.

"No." She chuckled again. "No, no, no. There's only one - only one special somepony out there for me." She closed her eyes dreamily. "I just want her gender to be a surprise." She laughed. "After all, I'm an incorrigible trickster!" The blue hoof struck the air vicotiously.

Celestia snickered and shook her head gently.

"Luna, you do realise you have just given away her gender?"

The blue mare groaned and facehoofed, while the pristine Princess laughed light-heartedly.

"Well, anyway, you'll see her tomorrow."

With that, Luna took her leave, leaving Celestia to contemplate and muse.

She closed her eyes and concentrated on the power that she never really liked to use. However, now, something terrible was going down through the entire country, making ponies fall in love spontaneously, and she, as the ruler, had to stop it. Her horn lit up and a thousand visions rushed through her head - the visions of what her subjects were doing now. Some of those lasted longer than a few seconds.

"Oh, come on. Tavi, I'm sleeping on the left!" a white unicorn mare with a striking blue mane shouted, poking a grey earth pony mare with a hoof.

What were their names? Octavia, that she remembered. And... DJ PON-something?

The grey mare rolled on top of the unicorn, the large bed screeching below them.

"Vinyl, no matter how much I love you, you're a silly pony." She rubbed her nose against the unicorn's cheek. "You *are** sleeping on the left. It's the left side of the bed you're lying on."*

"Oh, right. I guess we've just been looking at it from different angles." The DJ rubbed the back of her head. "Well..." she suddenly grinned, making the grey mare blush, heat visibly rushing through her cheeks... and other body parts. "That's because I'm always on top."

Before the two mares could proceed to the obvious activities, the spell thankfully repaced this vision with another, making Celestia's eyes widenin surprise.

"This is science!"

"No fucking way, Twi! I love you but this... Simply NO!"

A particular cyan pegasus crossed her hooves, looking sternly at Celestia's prized student, who was for some reason holding a "Morph spells. Advanced level." in her magical grip, opened on the page where was written a clear depiction of a- oh...

"Come on, Rainbow, honey! It'll be fun!" the lavender unicorn tried to reason the cyan mare, moving closer to her and kissing her...

Oh, sweet Me! I mustn't be seeing this!

"Growing a dick and sticking it into me isn't fun..." Rainbow Dash mumbled, her demeanour somewhat softened by the kiss.

"Believe me, it *will** be. Besides, it'll last only a few hours." Twilight smiled and began planting kisses on the pegasus' neck, who squirmed in delight, her wings popping up almost immediately.*

By My beard! Away, away!

"I'll let you lick it," Twilight whispered in the pegasus' ear.

Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Celestia thanked Herself as the disturbing sequnce went away, replaced by something completely different.

"I'll do it riiiight - Just like the humans doooooo~" A mint green unicorn mare sang in the shower, while a cream-coloured earth pony mare rubbed her back with foam.

"So sing with uuuus - if you like humans toooo~" she joined it, washing her partner's shoulders, and back, and flank, and-

Aaaand moving on to the next one!

The Princess sighed in relief as she saw a room, two stallions sitting on a couch. Finally, something non-sexual...

"Caramel, Ah'll be on top t'night!"

What the...

"Oh, Brae~" the stallion said in a sing-song voice, nibbling on the light golden earth pony, chuckling. "You know very well you like it when I take you rough..." He grinned. "But I need to be on top to do that."

Celestia had had enough. With a gasp, she dove out of the spell-induced visions, her head aching in confusion and dismay. Apparently, all the ponies she'd seen for the last few days were more or less in love... even her sister, Luna! But there was no logical explanation for this whatsoever. Or was there?..

"Discord..." Celestia hissed, her eyes narrowing, and took off and flew into the darkened night.

Epilogue

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Epilogue

***

I was standing in the garden, enjoying the singing of the birds and eyeing the stone statues around me. I felt solemn in both meanings of the word; excited to be here, in Equestria, to see the Princess of the Sun herself, and sad, because I knew I couldn't stay for long. I can never stay too long in my imagination. I looked at the grass. It looked pale, almost transparent; this meant that right now my imagination was weakening. What I needed was action.

In a moment, a particular white alicorn teleported in front of me, in search for a certain spirit of chaos. She was looking for him because I wanted her to do so. And now she stopped and looked at me in surprise because I wanted her to do so. I smiled and waved my hand because I wanted myself to do so. And she came up to me because I wanted her to do so.

"Who are you?" she asked, eyeing me suspiciously. "We don't tolerate your kind around here." Her eyes were glaring daggers at me, and if those were real, I would have been seriously cut.

"I'm a writer," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "And I won't be here for long. I just wanted to see how my story would end." I took my pipe and began stuffing it with tobacco. I knew it would do no harm to nature, because I didn't want it to do so. I also knew it would do harm to my lungs, because I wanted it to do so.

"Beg your pardon? Your story?" Celestia looked at me as if I were a madman. Well, maybe I really was one.

"My story." I nodded. "I came into play a couple of days ago, but now I'm leaving. I shall not trouble Equestria any more." The smoke began pouring out of my pipe, vanishing it in the air at my command because I wanted to see Celestia's face.

"Are you sure you don't need medical attention?" she enquired, taking a step back.

I shook my head and clapped my hands. This was a show-off; still, I have to prove my point somehow. The grass around us turned blue, then red, then green again, vanished completely and immediately returned to its place.

Celestia's mouth fell agape. Her eyes widened. I smiled assuringly.

"See?" I said, making the pipe vanish with a movement of my hand. "And now, I think, it's time for the tale to end. Do you have any questions?" I wondered casually.

"Is this all... all of us... your fantasy?" she asked in disbelief, horror evident in her voice.

"No." I chuckled sadly and shook my head. "Oh no." I looked up to the sky, where the Sun had risen and was enveloping Equestria in a blanket of warm light.

I thought about Rainbow and Twilight. I closed my eyes and saw them laughing together, hugging each other tightly, neveer to let go of each other.

I thought about Vinyl and Octavia. I saw them arguing over some trifle, like the colour of a scarf or something. I saw them end the argument with a kiss, their love conquering any differences between them.

I thought about Lyra and Bon-Bon. I saw them sitting on the sofa, in Lyra's peculiar manner, watching a show of My Little Human, chewing on hayfries and laughing light-heartedly.

And then I felt a tear crawl down my cheek, not because I wanted it to do so, but simply because emotions aren't within our control.

"Your world is a creation of a writer far more powerful than I'll ever be." I opened my eyes. My vision was slightly blurred, but I could see everything; because I wanted myself to see everything. "But it's not fantasy. Equestria has become so independent and discrete that it is a world on its own now." I smiled through tears, feeling that it was time for me to leave.

"Then this... madness is not of your device?" She was obviously referring to the events of a few last days.

"No, nor is it a result of any writer's actions." I looked away, towards behind one of the statues. "There is a magic far more powerful than any fantasy - love." I paused. "You just seem to have forgotten about it."

I waved my hand at the statue. From behind of it appeared a brown earth pony in a tie, an hourglass as his cutie mark.

"Tia," he said with a smile. "I'm back."

As she ran towards him, forgetting that she had wings, or magic, I turned round and walked towards the exit of the park. I made myself invisble, disintegrated, because I wanted myself to do so. I passed the streets of Canterlot and saw Lyra and Bon-Bon walking along the streets, chatting. I left Canterlot in a matter of a few seconds - I bent space so that it would serve me exactly how I wanted. I appeared in Manehattan and saw Octavia and Vinyl sit in a cafe, embracing each other, a grey scarf enveloping the DJ's neck. She had persuaded the cellist, after all. Then I teleported to Ponyville, and looked through the window of the Sugarcube Corner. I saw Rainbow and Twilight talking about something to Pinkie, whose eyes widened and who began jumping all about the place happily. A 'Coming Out' party was ready, I mused.

I entered the EverFree Forest, walking along the silent paths, boughs cradling me, the grass beneath my feet softening the movement. I saw a familiar blue box. I entered it. I closed my eyes and I saw the whole picture of Equestria before my eyes, feeling like a director at a film studio. I closed the door and pressed the button.

Cut.

Author's notes

Whoops. Totally forgot about those. You see, each of my crappy multi-chapter stories should end with Author's notes or something. That's why, ladies and gentlecolts, you can see this chapter even though the story is marked complete. Don't worry, though: it will be a very short note.

To begin with, this story is not to be considered my 'comfort zone fic', so to speak. Sadfics? Comfort zone. Comedy? Comfort zone, baby! Shipfics?.. Erm... So, yeah. This is just a very, very, very poor attempt at writing a shipfic. For some reason (all the ponies in this town are crazy) some people actually enjoyed reading this.

Oh well, I'm such a sell-out. What once began as a cure for the Writer's Block (which still reigns over yours faithfully, by the way) turned out to be a foundation for future ideas. What's that mean? Expect another shipfic soon. Also, for your daily dose of ship (sounds like 'a dose of crack' to me), go read my story In Perfect Harmony. It's a huge improvement, compared to this story.

Also, once I reach 50 subs (one more subscriber), I'll be opening requests. So all of you people who tossed your ideas in the comments, this is your chance not for a single chapter, but a very full fic! Once I reach 50 subs, I'll make a hilarious funny passable blog post, explaining everything, encouraging you to ask your questions and bla bla bla.

So... We're good, I guess? Thanks for the love; even more thanks for the hate. Your hatemail was exquisite and made me shed a tear.

Peace.

~Josh, signing out (not really)

P.S. Realise the Package Was the Wrong One

An Absolutely Standard Shipfic

Post Scriptum

***

Luna took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on what news she was going to break to her sister. She looked at the timid yellow pegasus next to her and smiled reassuringly, making the mare let out a smile of her own.

"Don't worry, Fluttershy," Luna said as she patted her partner on the back with a wing. "I'm sure my sister will be accepting."

Fluttershy nodded, and the two made their way up the stairs. While they approached the royal chamber, Luna could her her sister... crying?!

"Oh, Doctor!"

The alicorn exhanched worried looks with her marefriend and quickened her pace.

"Yes, Doctor! That's what I need right now~!" Celestia (and it was totally she... her... um... she!) moaned from behind the closed door of her bedroom.

"She must be in pain!" Luna exclaimed. "She needs a doctor!"

"I-I-I've only cared for animals before..." Fluttershy whispered. "I'll go for a doctor."

As the yellow pegasus disappeared, Luna tried knocking at the door, but was met with a few irrecognisable yells.

By My Sister's Beard, she must be having a fever! Luna mused and, using her magic, threw the door wide open.

What she saw was... slightly disturbing, to say at last. She saw her sister, lying in bed, a blissful expression on her face, and a particular brown Time Pony mounting her in a very suggestive manner.

"Um..." The Doctor smiled sheepishly. "Hi, Luna!" He waved, not leaving Celestia's entrance. "Haven't seen you for ages - literally! I mean..."

Luna met his mumbling with an unamused expression.

The Doctor rubbed his chin.

"Chess?" he suggested.

The two royal sisters facehoofed in unison.

The End~